Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM @Slack)

Kenneth Berger coaches startup leaders on how to prevent burnout, advocate for their desired lifestyle, and make a meaningful impact on the world. He’s spent more than 20 years in the tech industry, is a former founder backed by top investors, and was the first product manager at Slack. Kenneth’s core mission is to help startup leaders change the world by learning to ask for what they want, living with integrity, and building genuine relationships even with the people they find most challenging. Currently he is writing a book, Ask for What You Want, in which he aims to share his actionable strategies for creating change in the world. In our conversation, we explore:
• Why asking for what you want is so impactful
• Three steps to effectively ask for what you want
• Challenges that arise when people struggle to ask for what they want
• Why hearing “no” is a normal part of the process
• The “dream behind the complaint” technique for uncovering desires
• Kenneth’s experience of being fired three times from Slack
• How embracing fear and discomfort is key to getting what you want
• Why discipline is overrated
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Find the transcript and references at: www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/as...
Where to find Kenneth Berger:
• X: / kberger
• Threads: www.threads.net/@kberger
• LinkedIn: / kberger
• Website: kberger.com/
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In this episode, we cover:
(00:00) Kenneth’s background
(04:31) The importance of asking for what you want
(06:36) Challenges that arise when people struggle to ask for what they want
(08:09) A personal example of failing to ask for what you want
(09:17) Signs this is a skill you need to work on
(10:49) How to get better at knowing what you want
(15:28) Why hearing “no” is a normal part of the process
(17:29) Getting a “yes” vs. a “hell yes”
(19:20) Step 1: Articulate what you want
(24:07) Doing an integrity check
(26:56) Step 2: Ask for what you want intentionally
(30:45) Understanding your influence
(34:48) Using complaints as inspiration
(36:24) Internal family systems
(38:00) Giving feedback
(41:24) Step 3: Accept the response
(45:22) Kenneth’s experience of being fired three times from Slack
(57:30) Advice on being the first PM at a company or startup
(01:04:58) Contrarian corner: anti-discipline
(01:05:52) Lightning round
Production and marketing by penname.co/. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email [e-mail].
Lenny may be an investor in the companies discussed.

[@leadgenjay]

Kenneth's insights on the power of asking are spot on. One advanced tactic for entrepreneurs is the "pre-mortem" strategy, where before making a big ask, you imagine the worst-case scenario. This helps to alleviate the fear of rejection and clarifies the risks involved, making you more confident and precise in your request.

[@cembayraktar9846]

The episode I didn't know I need to listen, Thanks!

[@othmangacem6925]

Great podcast, kind of links to Ray Dalio's tip in his book "Principles" saying: "I needed to replace the joy of being proven right with the joy of learning what is true”. To me it's applicable to the way meetings are run and the Boss - Employee relationship mentioned in this podcast

[@oldro4chyboy]

Great stuff! Thanks 🙏

[@hcubill]

I like your background change. New home? 😊

[@EricEnquar]

"Keep Asking, Searching, Knocking" (For everyone who asks receives. The one who searches finds. And to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.) Matthew 7:7