@@texan903there is a difference yes, but you can have very good and loving step parents and step children and there should never be a difference made between children.
If the husband insists on only leaving it to three of the kids and not her daughter, that’s his choice. Albeit unfortunate. But if I were her, I definitely wouldn’t move to the land and build on it. Let the land stay totally separate and they can build a new house on land somewhere else.
Ramsey did not really answer her question- this comments seem more in line with what she seemed to be asking - ie how to make it work and fit together moving forward the way husband wants the will
I was waiting for him to say do not build on that land not a chance. (Though right now the land is likely completely his but in the event she helps him build on it, it then because not a his asset but a marriage asset, so if he dies first she can do whatever she wants with the land)
The problem we have is because Most people always taught that " you only need a good job to become rich " . These billionaires are operating on a whole other playbook that many don't even know exists.
It is remarkable how much long term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.
The wisest thing that should be on everyone mind currently should be to invest in different streams of income that doesn't depend on government paycheck, especially with the current economic crisis around the world.
Even with the right technique and assets some investors would still make more than others. As an investor, you should've known that by now that nothing beats experience and that's final. Personally I had to reach out to a stock expert for guidance which is how I was able to grow my account close to $35k, withdraw my profit right before the correction and now I'm buying again.
She is 14 and we know what that is like. Also no one is asking the question of the baby daddy ie her father and what he is providing for his daughter and her legacy. Just saying.
You better have a will drawn up before you go. Because if you pass before your daughter is old enough to take of herself, that man has made it clear that aint his blood and he aint taking care of her.
she will need more than a will. she need to put things in a trust and make sure her daughter is the beneficiary of that particular item (like money she has in a taxable account). also if she has any paperwork/house that gives her husband the "right of survivorship" he gets to have the remaining say in what happens. this situation sucks
I think it’s more so, if they get a divorce and they never speak to him again. But if the mom passed. I feel the dad may take guardianship of her. Unless she wants to go with the mom’s family. Then he may not Leave anything. I heard a few stories of a man raising a step daughter from a child to a teenager. And then a few months later sdrer a divorce, the step daughter is calling the moms new man , “Dad”, and they forget the man that was there for them for 10+ years.
They said they'd split the financials. He just wants to keep some land for his sons. Which 30 acres in texas its probably no more than 100k. This is a stupid argument to blow up a family over.
@@dbearden3232 You recorrect about the land value not being much. Ten years ago I inherited 85 acres in far upstate New York. When I sold it, I cleared about $85,000. I am grateful for the money but it certainly is not enough to break up a family for. The Texas 30 acres when split among the boys will only be about $10,000 each. I say let the boys inherit their ancestral land
You know what’s funny, I inherited a Florida lot on a lake when my uncle passed away about 12 years ago. He left it to me because I was the oldest. I felt like my sisters were passed over in not being included in that land so I told the attorney to sell it and split the proceeds equally amongst all of us. If I remember, we each got about $8k. Greed is such a black spot on your soul. I never could have lived a peaceful life unless I shared equally with them.
Beautiful! You know what's important in life. Your uncle clearly entrusted the lot (and whatever you may do with it) to the right person. I can only imagine this caller's daughter and the feelings of betrayal she will have years from now when her brothers are much wealthier than her for no reason other than the man she thought valued her equally, didn't. It creates some sort of caste system in their family simply because she is not his biological daughter. I would feel a lot different about my husband and his beliefs and values in general for coming to such a cold-hearted & selfish conclusion.
This isn’t “greed”. This girl is not his daughter. She has a father. It is her mother’s and her father’s job to plan for her inheritance. If they don’t work together because they are no longer a romantic couple, that is THEIR failure.
@texasrodeogirl3814 You inferring it would have been greedy for you to keep the land, as your uncle wanted, is crazy. And by you saying that, you're basically accusing the man who gave you a nice inheritance of land, of facilitating greed. Instead of you keeping the land as he wanted, you sold it and now it's GONE. So are the 8K payouts by now. You didn't honor his wishes and now you claim some high moral ground. Meanwhile the value of that land is probably going to keep going up, long after the brat he mistakenly gave the land to has wasted the resources. There's a reason people choose to give a full piece of land to ONE person in the family. So it stays in the family.
@TheSecondWitness Man people don't understand Generational Wealth. I would have kept that land built on it with my sisters or just held on to it. You could have just added them to the deed as well.
Don't sell your house and don't build or develop his beloved land. Your daughter won't get anything of your hard earned money. But your stepson will. Just let it be an inheritance and land.
I agree. He can't live out his dream of living on the land without her financial help. I wouldn't invest one dollar in that land if my daughter is not included.
@@Ella-Bella2024 I agree. And don’t go live on it. Because if they live on it, she is going to have a strong emotional attachment to the place and it will be devastating to her when they die and she is the only kid who has no right to any of it.
@Ella-Bella2024 why? Stepdaughter is not a blood relative. Bio dad should be seeing to it that his child is taken care of. I guarantee you that he won't leave anything for his wife's children who are not his.
Blended families are a pain in the ass. With a 50% divorce rate, this is all very common. The big conversation about inheritance scenarios should come BEFORE you marry. If you’re not on the same page then stay single.
The 50% rate is not accurate in the way you think it is. It is 50% of all marriages not all people. For example, I have a co worker whose mom has been divorced 8 times. So if she gets grouped with 8 other couples who have never been divorced then the divorce rate along that group with be 50% even though she is the only one who has been divorced. The rate is still way to high, but if you follow a few simple steps including being on the same page with kids money and God you actually have a fairly low chance of getting divorced:)
My mom and her husband have a blended family I have two step Brothers his kids and my sister and I are my mom's kid. But I have a son the only grandson and he's getting everything and they are going over our heads 😂
Jade's point is spot on. They are not in their retirement years, have grown children, and getting married for the second time. That is when you would consider splitting assets differently. But not at this age and stage in life. So Dave is spot on too.
Dave has a point. This man wants his wife’s income to position his biological children with land upon the inheritance. However, he forgets he CHOSE to enter a blended family knowing that his step child would be a package deal with his wife. SO, if you don’t want to leave grandma’s land to her, that’s fine. However, if you’re going to use your wife’s income to build a home on property her daughter needs to have some sort of equivalent inheritance left to her. It would be different if she was a stay at home mom and he made a mill a year. He’s the bread winner and it’s his land. But he wants to use his wife’s income to build a dream and then shut her daughter out is wild. Get with a marriage counselor Forsure
@@Chet_24he has 3 kids with 2 different women. Sounds like quite the catch in the dating pool. He pretty much has zero chance at finding another wife if he decides to break this one off.
The guy wants the land to remain in the family and have it passed down through his family line but he has to understand there’s no guarantee his sons won’t just sell up the moment he dies.
‘S more about leaving a legacy, and it’s not a step-dad’s job to prepare a legacy. This woman needs to bark at the man who impregnated her with her daughter. However, with that said, if this woman is co-owner of their current home (and she may not be), and the profits of its sale (and her income) will be used to create a legacy for all of the children but her daughter, now she has a point. Easy solution is to simply tell her husband she will be taking a portion of the sale of the home and starting an investment for her daughter, and every month a portion of her paycheck will be put into this investment. This man is not responsible for his step-daughter’s inheritance. But the mother needs to lay out the FACTS with her husband instead of calling a radio show.
@@_2315_ then you have gifted them a poison chalice. My parents have sat in their inheritance that my siblings and me split their property. It’s untenable. All of us agree the second we inherit it it’s going on the market.
The unfairness of this is that he wants to use her money to grow this land. A land her daughter will have no rights to. The sons can have the land, but there's a need of a plan so the daughter is not in disadvantaged.
Yes, that's what I think is so unfair. He wants to sell the family home that he and his wife contributed to so the daughter will be short changed in the whole deal.
@@Choco-KatTheir 2 kids. Coz they have 4. But that's still unfair to her daughter. So basically this mother, if she's smart should start saving up an inheritance or trust fund for the daughter alone so that in future she is covered.
If he didn't want her children then he shouldn't have married her. Because if she got an inheritance, he would not like if she said that his sons are not allowed any.
You have a absolutely no idea what he would think if the situation was reversed lol. You literally made that up to justify your opinion of him. Do better.
@@feedandseed-fl3er I know because human behavior is very predictable. There is a reason why the FBI can find out what a person will even dress like based on predictable human behaviors. Everyone like to think they are special but we are all pretty much the same. That's why companies exploit that and make money off of us. Why do you think credit cards even exists? Logically it don't make sense to buy something you cant afford. But yet emotionally most people do it. Human behavior is very easy to predict once you know what to look for. Of course it takes someone with enough resources and intelligence to know that, something that you obviously are lacking
I can’t imagine the unspoken rejection that daughter faces in this family. This type of mindset transfers to the home and everyday decisions as well. He doesn’t want to raise another mans child and IT SHOWS, even if it remains largely unspoken. I was in a blended family and it sucked so I completely understand, but this girl will grow up with lots of shame and abandonment
If I was facing something like this, I would reduce the contributing amount to this land and his dreams and put the difference away for my daughter. I can understand his point, so he would have to understand mine.
@@csx6910 The child is 14. If that child’s father isn’t a part of her life, what should the mother do? Just do nothing for her daughter? Crazy. The mother is still responsible for her daughter whether or not the child’s father is a loser and so she should do something to help setup her daughter’s future. Plus I’m sure she thought she did choose better this time, yet here she is.
She’s not his daughter, she is his wife’s daughter with another man. As a wife and mother, I agree with his standpoint. That land was HIS family’s legacy - any legacy planning for this daughter needs to be between her mother and father. But I agree that if this caller has put money into the house they are planning on selling, and if she’ll be paying money into the new property - then yes, her money is going to bulk up HIS son’s legacy. Now they need to talk about making it fair for all the kids.
@@katiejon17Your desire to treat step children differently disgusts me. I was, and still am, treated differently because I’m the step child. I can’t begin to tell you how damaging it is. But you go on. I’m sure the daughter will get over it.
@@BlueDauntless Your resentment needs to be brought to your MOTHER and your FATHER. A step-parent is neither. And I never said anything about treating them poorly - but a step-parent is not responsible for doing what your MOTHER and FATHER should do. By blaming your step-parent, you are being cowardly and not going to the two people who actually owe you something - mom and dad.
@@BlueDauntlessStepchildren are treated differently because they ARE different. Otherwise, they would be biological or adopted. Connect with your blood and see to it that they look after you.
Perhaps in his old age, he will have nobody to care for him and his stepdaughter will refuse to help by saying "Get help from someone who is your bloodline."
These comments make me sad. The number of people who seem to think you shouldn't care for a stepchild as your own is disheartening. Why do you think the stigma of the evil step parent exists?? Because of all of you people. If you're not willing to take your new spouse's children in and love them and care for them as your own, then don't marry that person. Those kids deserve a step parent who will treat them as their own children, not as second best.
I think it's a primal instinct imbedded in us, our blood children are always first. Hypothetically if the house on fire and only time to save one, I guarantee the blood family comes first. I know some wonderful, loving step parents also, they deserve alot of credit.
@@pamforrester844 I agree about the primal instinct, but to an extent. By that logic, adopted children are never seen as equal to blood children in the eyes and hearts of parents. I definitely believe that some people have the ability to love equally, and some don't. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that; you can't force yourself to love. But if you know that you are a person who is not going to be able take a child in and love and care for it as if it were your own birth child, then you should never make the commitment to do so. By marrying someone with kids, you're making that commitment. Those kids have already had their world torn apart when their parents divorced/died, they don't deserve to be treated as second best by you for the rest of their lives as well. It's wrong to put them through that.
As someone who grew up in a blended family I feel this in my soul. You want to cause hate and resentment as these kids get older, this type of nonsense will make that happen! My situation. The youngest half sibling got money for college and a car plus insurance. Us older kids were told to figure it out. We’re not paying. That’s just one example. Now we’re all in our mid 40’s and 50’s we see each other on holidays just to be nice. When my mom and stepdad pass I doubt we’ll have much communication.
My sister adopted 2 children, another sister married a man with two sons, when my parents die, I want those kids who ARE family to get the same as my children. I don’t think he cares about the girl.
Listen, if you're not ready to treat a child as your own, don't marry someone with kids. I won't be surprised if the daughter will be the one yo care for him when he's old and weak as daughters stick around more than sons . She'll look at this man different when she hears this conversation. I wish her well
This is a fairytale mentality. Aside from the exceptions, step-parents are not cash-cows to other people’s children, and step-children don’t care for step-parents like they do their actual parents.
@@georgewagner7787 None of those factors means that step-dad needs to prepare a legacy for a step-child. Step-dad said (according to this woman) that all other inheritances would be split evenly - but not HIS family’s land. That is beyond reasonable. Mom can create an investment for her daughter. Funny thing though - this caller sure as heck never seemed to ficus in how SHE will be using HER money to create a legacy for HIS son with another woman. Funny how that works, huh?
Inheritance is separate property willed to an individual. As long as it's kept separate, it belongs to the person it was willed to. If he somehow muddies the situation by building community property on this land, it could lead to litigation down the line.
I agree, I think that Idea to move to the land is sooooooo dumb. But it may be a considerate thing todo as a compromise, the daughter gets the house on the land, the sons own the land? Idk. I definitely would get a lawyer involved asap.
In a marriage, as long as the spouse keeps the inheritance separate it remains theirs. The moment they begin to share it, it becomes marital property. If she moves on that land and they become divorced, she will get half of it. If the inheritance was money, the moment the spouse puts it in a joint bank account, it becomes marital property and the other spouse is entitled to half.
@@Ella-Bella2024If they sell their jointly owned house to build a new one on the land she is morally and legally entitled to part of the value of the house. If he only wants his sons to inherit then they don’t build out there. Simple solution.
My actual parents cut me out of their will because they said I was making more money than my brothers and didn’t need it. Then, they ran into financial trouble and asked for help so they could keep their house. I told them, why don’t you sell the house to cover your debts. It’s much more house than they need. But they said they wanted to pass it down to their kids. I told them, then why don’t you ask THEM for help. Harsh, I know, but fair is fair. They aren’t getting a dime from me until all their money is exhausted. Any medical or funeral costs will come out of their estate before it comes from me. Sorry but I have to financial protect my family in case something were to happen to me because they obviously aren’t.
What was their final response? You are spot on. I can’t believe they have the hubris to not leave you anything but come knocking for help. Total parasites.
@@SplashIt34 She said at about 2:08 through 2:36 that he wants to buy back more of the family land surrounding the inherited piece. If he does that, the purchased portion becomes marital property.
@@lhv569 33% of the land belong to the father that he bought back from the mother selling. Now that the father is dead the son gets the 33% of the land which he plans to split equally with his 3 boys. But he also plans to buy the remaining percentage with the wife. The remaining percentage sure should definitely be split among all kids for sure. But the 33% is not required because it was from his father to him and now from him to his 3 boys.
The end of Pearl S. Buck's book "The Good Earth" But one day he saw clearly for a little while. It was a day on which his two sons had come and after they had greeted him courteously they went out and they walked about the house on to the land. Now Wang Lung followed them silently, and they stood, and he came up to them slowly, and they did not hear the sound of his footsteps nor the sound of his staff on the soft earth, and Wang Lung heard his second son say in his mincing voice : 'This field we will sell and this one, and we will divide the money between us evenly. Your share I will borrow at good interest, for now with the rail-road straight through I can ship rice to the sea and I . . .' But the old man heard only these words, "sell the land," and he cried out and he could not keep his voice from break- ing and trembling with his anger : 'Now, evil, idle sons - sell the land?' - he choked and would have fallen, and they caught him and held him up, and he began to weep. Then they soothed him and they said, soothing him: 'No - no - we will never sell the land ' 'It is the end of a family - when they begin to sell the land,' he said brokenly.' 'Out of the land we came and into it we must go - and if you will hold your land you can live - no one can rob you of land ' And the old man let his scanty tears dry upon his cheeks and they made salty stains there. And he stooped and took up a handful of the soil and he held it and he muttered: 'If you sell the land, it is the end.' And his two sons held him, one on either side, each holding his arm, and he held tight in his hand the warm loose earth. And they soothed him and they said over and over, the elder son and the second son: 'Rest assured, our father, rest assured. The land is not to be sold.' But over the old man's head they looked at each other and smiled.
@pauljensen4773 Nope, husband is thinking with the thing between his legs, because he gave her two sons, plus he also has a full blooded son with another woman. He needs to realize what this message will/is sending to the stepdaughter. If he doesn't show her how a man should love and respect a woman by considering her an equal among the children, she'll go find that love somewhere else. Hopefully, when his wife calls him a butt and explains the need to equally accept all 4 children, he'll realize how stupid and childish he's being.
This is a common issue with blended families. My late father left money to me. I’m leaving it to my three adult children. I’m not leaving it to my three adult stepchildren because they never even knew my father. My three adult stepchildren received an inheritance from their late grandparents. I never expected them to share it with my children...and they didn’t. Which was ok! It gets confusing. 🤷♀️
Yeah the problem starts if they start using marital money to improve it, their whole house no less! That basically would make the property half hers and so the daughter should share in the inheritance.
I’m in this same boat as you. Plus, my husband refused to have a joint account or combine finances when we got married. I knew that he felt this way before we married because it had been discussed ad nauseam. He had trust issues with money because of his ex. I finally agreed and I never mentioned that my parents had money they would be leaving to me. His parents had nothing or never saved for retirement. So now I’m leaving everything to my own two sons, and maybe a small bit to my husband in the event I pass before he does.
The daughter should get a share in estate but not property. If parents die and are still together, stake in house and savings should go 1/4 to each kid. She has another parent. My insurance and retirement is set 1/2 to my husband, 1/4 to each of my biological children. Property I inherited will be split 50/50 between my children but primary residence and regular savings will be split 3 ways between my biological children and my stepson. My husband’s assets will be split 50% to me and the remaining 50% between all 3 kids and any land he inherits will be split 3 ways between kids. My stepson has a mother and maternal grandparents who he will inherit from. My husband and I agreed to this years ago before we even had children together.
You’re talking about money from a grandparent and this call is talking about money from herself and her husband… A husband who is helping to, in theory, raise the daughter. Apples to oranges.
well if he does not give any to the daughter do not give any money to help with the land. Just give money to the daughter when she passes and the boy's can have the land if he wants to keep it in his family.
Bingo. Never remarry without protecting the inheritance of the children that came before. This man feels entitled to this woman's money without any consideration for her daughter. He had no business getting with a woman who already had a child.
Since they are married, as soon as a house is built on that land, she will automatically have the right to half of it. She’s going to divorce him and take half. He’s stupid for marrying her and stupid for putting marital income on that land.
@@dialac1 He wants to use the funds from the sale of their JOINTLY owned home to invest in HIS inherited land. This woman has no legal right to HIS land, the deed is in HIS name alone as it was his inheritance. This is financial suicide for this woman! She should stay in her home where she has joint ownership. Let things stay as they are. If he wants to move to his inherited land or buy more bloodline land let him do so with HIS income. She is NOT part of HIS bloodline even if their twin sons are. This woman does not have to entangle herself with HIS inheritance. She should not contribute any financial anything to HIS inheritance. She already has a comfortable home and her income. She is good. Let this man handle his inheritance by himself and wait until those twins become adults to decide if they want to buy any extra bloodline land. Lady, stay where you are. The twins will decide for themselves when they grow up.
Split the home and land between the three boys (his blood line), and then compensate the daughter (from their 401k or other assets) for the 1/4 she lost out on. Or compensate her just for the value of the house that sits on the land and not the land itself.
We had a family Rifle that my grandfather gave to my father in which I was supposed to get after his passing. But it was then given to my stepsisters son, whom didn't even know my grandfather or my father's side of the family. I get what he is trying to say but the family's bloodline also feel hurt when that one family item is now gone forever.
Why to build a new house on a land that is already a motive of conflict. They should build in a different lot if they want to keep a healthy marriage and a relationship with the daughter.
The fact that he wants to use joint resources to develop and inhabit land that his wife's daughter won't inherit is completely insane. Either everything is "OURS" or it's not. Looks like he's choosing the latter
My mom had two girls when she remarried to my dad he never treated them like outcast. I never knew they were my step sisters until I was older but I didn’t care. My parents will is all five split every thing. If the guy doesn’t want to split the land with all kids then don’t use your wife to build a house on it because now it becomes the wife’s land as well and should be split evenly. My opinion. You can’t control everything from the grave and it won’t matter after that anyway
I have a theory as to why your family worked so well given it was a blended family (correct me if I'm off base). I think it worked because the stepparents MARRIED the entire family, they loved the entire family. That's rare though.
Unless your mom isn’t your biological mom, they aren’t your stepsisters. They’re your half sisters. You have the same mother. Totally different situation.
I have a similar experience. My parents treated all of us kids the same. I didn't care when I found out either. I love all of my siblings the same. There are no "step-children" in my family.
Don't bet on it. My dream since I was 22 has been to own land. Still can't afford it at 28, but I know lots of other people in their early 20s who want land.
@@Cyanopteryx they may want land, but where, in the next 45 years they will have moved for school, jobs, girl friends, wives and then had kids of their own. Will they uproot their families to go live on great grandma's farm at that point.
@@Cyanopteryx If you want land, you can get it right now. Go out into the middle of bumbfudge nowhere and by a tract of land for pennies on the dollar. Congratulations, you're a land owner. Land isn't what's expensive. Location is. And that's why these boys are going to immediately sell it. They probably won't want to live in the middle of bumbfudge nowhere.
I don't think Dave really dialed in on this one. This goober wants to use joint resources to develop non-joint land. That should've been the end of discussion, not prattling about hurt feelings and dirt and whatever
The "prattlling about hurt feelings etc" was trying to say >you have a husband with a heart problem & he isn't capable of loveing you like you love him.
Emotional response is don’t treat your kids differently. Practical response is that this is not an issue for 30 years. Realistic response is that it’s half yours in any divorce 10 years from now.
Get the land appraised before and after...any gains afterwards are split evenly. Otherwise keep the family and all costs independent of the land and allow the "inheritance" to somehow maintain it.
So the husband wants to take the community home and the community income and dump it all into his inherited property but keep that as his separate estate. It doesn't work that way when you co-mingle the assets
@@Ella-Bella2024 well he could also pull the stunt after getting everything shifted over to this inherited property of saying he wants to put it in the family trust he created he just needs her to sign off on it and sign any claims to the property away. Hell no unless she is co trustee and equal trustee.
I agree in general, but this may not be a “communal home”. When my husband moved in, I had owned my home for years. A few years later we moved - it was my house, my profits. I put all of the profit towards MY student loans (which was still beneficial to our debt-payoff). This woman doesn’t sound like she is skilled in stripping down the feelings and just getting to the facts. They she doesn’t just sit down with her husband, and the facts, is beyond me. If she does co-own the home, she can take a portion of the profits and set-up an investment for her daughter, then every payday put a little money into it. Better yet - she can work with her daughter’s FATHER to do this. Her husband is not responsible for building an inheritance to a kid who isn’t his (people get triggered by this and it’s because it hits too close to home, but it’s true).
My in laws as far as i know didn't leave anything for my hubby they just left it to older daughter. Got it out of his mothers mouth. She eanted me to inform him of that. Btw we're the only ones that have kids. My sweet wonderful sis in law split everything in half and gave kids some of there furniture and stuff. She felt it wasnt right what they did. Shes awesome 😎
all the children are under the same roof, getting fed the same food, and sharing a childhood but the one daughter out of four can’t inherent the same from the father as her three siblings? that isn’t right anyway you might spin it.
This is why people need to think twice before blending families. At the end of the day, most people are going to favor their own biological children over someone else's, even if they claim they "love" their stepchild. Getting premarital counseling is a gamechanger. If most people did this, the divorce rate wouldn't be as high. And conversations like this one would become less common.
I’m a wife and a mother, and if I were to ever remarry (not something that is likely), I’m not putting any effort into building a legacy for another woman’s child - unless I have Dave Ramsey level wealthy. This woman is clearly not skilled at just getting to the point. If she was a better communicator, she would have already laid out the facts and presented an easy solution: (if she co-owns the home) a portion of it’s sale is going to start an investment for her daughter, then she can continue to add a portion of her paycheck to her daughter’s investment. But 1) I didn’t hear this woman talking about how she was going to fund a legacy for her step-son (funny how that is always the case), and 2) this woman needs to address legacy with her daughter’s actual father.
A lot of different factors... do they have a relationship, is she disrespectful to him? Is the girl's father wealthy? how long have they been married? Its a lot to consider
It's not a lot to factor in. He's telling the wife to help contribute to that land but tells her the girl can't have anything the mom is investing in. It's unfair, plain and simple.
I couldn't disagree more. It's his family's property. If he wants to leave the land to his sons and his sons only, it's his right to do so. I'm actually pretty surprised anyone thinks this is unfair.
You are right if that were the case. However, you missed the key part in the conversation where she said he's asking her to financially contribute to building on that land too!! If she's contributing to that land, shouldn't some part of it belong to her and her daughter? He's wanting her to fund her step-son's future but he won't fund his step-daughter's future. Guy sounds illogical and selfish.
Unless his step-daughter's biological father is dead or completely out of the picture, the biological dad needs to provide most of her needs still, especially with child support. While it might be nice to leave his step-daughter something he doesn't really have to and should have no guilt with his decision.
What a hurtful thing to do to the daughter. She's going to feel rejected and worth less than her brothers once she finds out. Her brothers will probably feel that it's their fault she was left out. Seriously, family members that choose favorites are so selfish.
she IS worth less than her brothers. At least to the father and she should be fine with that honestly. Its not her dad. She has no claim and she shouldnt have. End of story.
If you are not in the financial market space right now, you are making a huge mistake. I understand that it could be due to ignorance but if you want to make your money work for you...prevent inflation
Simplest solution.. don't build on that land and buy an additional 11 acre lot to leave to the daughter and then let them share equally in the jointly held family residence wherever that may be.
I've been a step-daughter and I can’t imagine demanding my share of step-grandmom’s life savings! I'm in no way entitled! However, if the mom has been contributing for 40 years, I do think she should inherit that portion and that portion only! Anything over that is an extremely GENEROUS GIFT!
Maybe the girl will get another inheritance from her biological dad - so giving her land would almost give her a double inheritance. And the boys may not get that on their other side of the family. It’s important to remember these things always are half the story. Also the grandfather wanted to keep it in the bloodline. So the dad has a duty to carry out that wish also.
@@dnah02the caller’s stepson also has a biological mother who will leave him an inheritance. With your logic, the two stepchildren in this household should get less than the twin two year olds who share both parents in the home.
@@mnsohseven if that's the case it should work like that each biological parent should give a inheritance. Then we squash the little old piece of achers that's not that big of a thing according to Dave.
@@dnah02 with your logic the step mother should never contribute to her step son. Only the bio father and mother should only contribute. This is crazy. People really don’t understand biblical principals they are so selfish and just want to hurt innocent children because of their selfishness.
@@Shaladash many married folks don't follow the Bible any how. Many have kids from a previous boyfriend or girlfriend not husband or wife. Or they cheat, drink, smoke, ect. But yes step son ,step daughter is not your responsibility to clean after another man or woman's mess. Your not obligated. Now if you want to help ok that's your choice and we have free will to choose where our resources go. For me there will never be a step whatever I made sure to stay clear of that occupation when I was in my 20s.
I’m with the husband. The stepdaughter has a biological father and four biological grandparents and she’s got every right to inherit from them. The man’s sons will have no claim to that inheritance. Also, God forbid the man dies, the stepdaughter won’t have inheritance laws if he hadn’t formally adopted her.
The moral: Don’t be Captain Save-a-ho-aka: Dave Ramsey. Stepdad’s almost always get a raw deal. He’s trying to prevent this. We don’t know if the step daughter is disrespectful hellion. We don’t have his side of the story.
Something does not add up. She kept om saying ''my daughter''. Never once did she say ''our daughter. Who is not biologically his....''. If he raised her, why isn't she ''our daughter''. Even more strange, when asked ''does she live with you?'' The caller said ''currently'' implying that it has not always been so. I think she is not saying everything. The only mistake he made, going by her tale, was proprosing to build a house that the caller would help pay but never own. This is not about the daughter at all, I think.
Your.comment is spot on! There are details regarding “her” daughter she conveniently left out. Such as, the current role of the girl’s biological dad in her life and the probable inheritance she would have from him. I fault her husband’s decision on the inheritance based on this woman’ submissions, but we need to know her husband’ side of the story before drawing a conclusion.
She did that for clarity. At first she was talking about the kids as one group and then when she talked about the situation that is when she started saying my daughter. To make sure people could follow the storyline.
@@adebayoadeleye2244 Exactly! The way they handled this call bothered me so much. Maybe they haven't been married long. Maybe the girl's father is still in her life and will continue to take care of her financially. Maybe she'll be getting an inheritance from her father's side of the family. They made a lot of assumptions here, none of which may be true.
none of it matters. Its NOT his daughter. He doesnt have to give her shit, yet it seems he gave her a home and fed her for years and years. But thats not enough huh.. She needs 30% of everything when he dies too? Get the fuck out xD
It’s just dirt until it makes the daughter feel like she was never a part of the family equally. That’ll impact her mentality on relationships further down the road. I get that once you divorce once you are jaded about a “forever” marriage, but that’s part of committing to someone with children, especially underage children where you’ll take an active part of their lives.
I don't understand how she is 'underage'. She's a part of a different family. Her dad may be a nice guy, and her grandparents are not related to anyone else. I do get the sense that the daughter is out of the house and on her own or in college. It's difficult when your mom remarries and has toddlers and starts a new family. I thought the new marriage was only a few years in, so the step dad did not raise her. The mom seems guiltily projecting that her daughter will flop and need a place to come back to.
@@LadyAudi The mom answered evasively that the stepdaughter was there "currently" which could mean she's there right now but mostly lives with her actual dad idk.
Wrote my will recently. I inherited the family farm, much to the rage of my sisters. Directions say to sell the house; then I'm leaving everyone enough cash they could buy it (or put down a big down payment) if they want it. I'm not going to leave it "jointly" or to one person. Too much pain. Let them use the cash to decide priorities.
The daughter has her own father, if this woman got an inheritance, she doesn't have to leave anything to his son and probably wouldn't. So why should her husband be any different
Boom! I’m sure this man doesn’t know this and I’m sure she suggested they build on that land. She will divorce him once that house is built and take half of it
it litterally isnt lol. Every country has enheritance laws and not one of those laws include step children. There is no debate. The step daughter has ZERO claim to anything. End of story.
I don’t want to give my daughter any significant inheritance . Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I want her brothers to guard her until she finds a husband. Husband is right.
I would say this is why you need to work through many things before blending a family. It’s not the blending that’s the issue, but the lack of respecting all the members as one family.
It doesn't work if you're a very tribal person with strong attachment to bloodline like the caller's husband. If you're not willing to treat all of the children the same then don't bother. Personally, I don' thave a problem with his decision but he should've never married her in the first place or used her money to develop the land.
He wants to keep the land separate because it is an inheritance but he wants her basically to agree to cash out their community property and build a house on it. Then continue to contribute to adding value to the land and marriage. Inheritance usually belong tho the one person as long as don't co-mingle marrital funds. The laws varries by state. Also, I would never build a house on land that I did not own.
Thank God for my stepdad, who has always expressed that his 3 kids should split everything equally. He treated us so much as his own kids that people would argue with us about him being our stepdad. Get rid of the "step" and just fully claim the kid!
She is part of the family, Dave is right in this case. Relationships is far more important, it's just a piece of land. They are family. But Dave is wrong, very few stay married for 40 years, so they unlikely going to stay married that long especially if this is their second marriage. He can always update the will.
Agreed! And we don't know what will happen in the future. The land is certain, the divorce is almost 50% certain. Just let him have the land and let the daughter get what's left of the combined assets. I feel like this man was never going to treat ur daughter the same as his sons. BUT THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCUSSED B4 MARRIAGE!! And if u don't want to move to build on the land, then negotiate on that. But leave it alone. Don't let this thing bury ur marriage.
She's part of the family but she has her own father, she may not call the stepdad "Dad" and she may be inheriting from her actual dad. Now if that happens she'll be expected to SHARE her inheritance.
The 50% divorce rate states otherwise. This man is smart to protect his assets and leave it in the family bloodline. Dave lives in a fantasy world where divorce doesnt exist
That's exactly how Dave sets up his Will/ Trust Fund so only his bloodline inherits his wealth. He said that the other day on a call.. why is this situation different?
This dude knows what he is saying alright ….hes telling you your daughter is irrelevant,and while he is at it so are you! You are helping him set his kids up ……WOW!
Maybe because it doesn't come down to that. The issue is currently the family home is part of the daughter's estate if the parents die. He wants to take all that money and put it into property and then shut her out of it. So then he's effectively robbing her a part of her inheritance down the line. What he probably doesn't know is that mingling assets like that brings inherited property into the marital assets. All in all a bad idea. He should use some of his money to put a cheap little cabin there and they can go take vacations. Or he should give up on the idea of those 40 acres just passing on down his line. Chances are one of his kids will sell it anyway.
Half of current house belongs to the wife, as well as half of all of the assets that they own between them. But he wants to sell their current home and use their money build a new home and buy back land that her daughter will not see a penny from. If it was just the land it would be understandable.
Ok schonda. So if it's just a stupid piece of dirt that doesn't mean anything.... Should he buy the three kids Christmas gifts and not buy the daughter one? It's the same thing. Furthermore, why would these three boys want to share this land? I wouldn't want to argue about some little piece of land with two siblings. What do I get to do with my share of a piece of land jointly owned with two other people?
Because if the daughter finds out, then it’s more than just dirt. There’ll be some hurt feelings from a daughter who thought her “dad” loves everyone equally.
But he wants everything else to be community property, including putting a house on land FOR HIS KIDS. That means the wife's share gets split 4 ways (including his kids) but his share doesn't. Either they keep everything separate and each parent leaves theirs to their own kids, or they combine it and treat them all the same.
Fine. But his wife shouldn't contribute to that land financially by building it out over the next 30+ years only for her daughter to get squat. His land comingled with a house, etc. that they both contributed to financially is a problem. This is going to get really sticky down the road. A lot of litigation. Keep the damn land separate if he only wants it to go to 3 of the 4 kids. This is really going to put a wedge between the kids when they are adults and mom and dad are gone.
If the implication is that the kids should never sell this land so they can pass it down to their children, it's a financial burden more than an asset. (Unless it generates income somehow.)
Agreed. I'm not sure I want any of it even if I was one of his boys. And I certainly don't want to look my new sister in the face and explain it to her. What a bunch of weirdos.
If its isolated from everything else and essentially passing straight down from the grandparents, then I don't really see the issue. But if this knucklehead wants to use joint resources to build on and inhabit it for decades, then it absolutely has to include his stepchildren.
If he didnt adopt the girl why would he need to share his family's inheritance with her? Can't believe tough guy like Dave gets emotional and unreasonable.
I go with Dave on this but big picture, a loving person would find a way, make a way to ensure that no one is hurt in this, that no feelings are hurt in this, etc. So maybe they don't do it exactly as Dave suggest but I hold to what I said above. And fyi, that leaves most of you out because based on the comments, many of you are filled with nothing but hate, anger and bitterness!
@@rrrealitycheck The inheritance he'll be leaving to his sons will be funded with the wife's income as well, as the years go by so her daughter should also 100% be included in that inheritance. Were you dropped much a baby??
@@frankcb11 my train of thought was that they could appraise the value of the land and the stepdaughter could get 1/4 cash value of the land. We also haven’t factored in if the natural father is providing inheritance (or land/home) for the stepdaughter.
He's being very foolish and wrong as well. He dated her knowing full well that her daughter came with the deal. Cutting her out of this land and future house is cutting her out of the majority of future family wealth as it will likely be over 70% of his wealth when he passes away. So, she gets just 1/4 of this 30% or 7.5% of his total estate while brothers get 31% each. I'm betting this man expects his wife to split her estate equally among all four kids. This will only increase this disparity and bitterness within the family. In the meantime, the girl he's been raising for 3+ years suddenly finds out her stepdad considers her to be much less worthy than her brothers and that will mess her up. Add in the above lop sided splits and she'll never have good memories of this man.
I disagree slightly. If the land is this important to him and his family, it would make ense that he didn't care for the daughter (not bio kid) to have it! They don't even have the same last name... That's not his biological child! Where's the daughter's father, won't the daughter's bio father give her something? I think the wife is overthinking things bc at the end, they will split combined assets with all the kids. " The message is clear, daughter is not my biological child. I do not want non biological children having the same degree of power over an asset that is coming from MY FAMILY!" Makes perfect sense to me. The children are not equal to him, because they are not equal. In a divorce, this would be a mess to give land to the daughter. I agree, Let the boys have it. And if the boys want to give some to their sister, let it be that
@@LittleHatori Frankly, I agree. Considering that most of the time men outearn women, it is highly likely that the daughter will receive a decent share from her biological father, while at least the one boy from the previous marriage will not receive much from the mother's side. Mathematically it is highly probable that at least the one boy will be put at a disadvantage compared to the daughter if they split it evenly.
@@LittleHatori if they build a house on the land then the daughter should inherit part of the house. Her biological mother helped build it with her income. Also, don't assume the girl's biological father will give her anything.
@@NutTheft why do you assume the bio dad will give her anything? A lot of men get remarried and totally ignore children from the first marriage. If you don’t want that girl feeling hurt and ostracized, you just split it evenly. They are a family and that girl is being treated like an outsider. Not good
My grandpa had two step kids, and one blood son, my dad. When I was born, he called me "his only grandson" in front of one of my cousins. He never much liked me, and until recently I'd never heard this story, but I think it was a big part of why. He felt almost disowned by his grandpa in that moment. I can't even imagine. Don't do that to your kids. Once you've brought someone into your family, MAKE THEM PART OF YOUR FAMILY!
She mentioned their plan was to buy more of the adjoining land (of the original housestead that grandma used to own) and also building a house with her husband. If that was the case, why can’t they: 1. Wait to buy an adjoining block themselves and build their house on an adjoining block? 2. Keep the blocks separate Then the will could be written in a way, that leaves the inherited 33 acres to his kids, but the newly purchased block(s) including the house, that the wife has jointly contributed to, could be left the all children (including hers). Technically, if he was hard headed regarding “blood line” inheritance, then his oldest child (her stepson) would also not be an inheritor for her 50% portion of the estate she contributed to - only her daughter and the twins. Could also add, if he wanted the combined estate left to his bloodlines, that the stepdaughter was to be paid out by the remaining sibling for her portion of the estate - if the sibling wanted to carry on with his wishes. If they don’t wish to pay her out lump-sum, then the land they, as a couple bought and built a house on would have to be sold - leaving his kids the initial 33 acres, as inherited, without a house.
Dave’s gone a little woke in recent years. And he can say these stupid things because he’ll never have to stand behind them... his wife didn’t come with another man’s child, did she? Not a cent of Dave Ramsey’s wealth is going to another man’s child.
I think the number should be, 50% divide to 3 kids (mom's portion) and 50% divide to 3 kids (dad's portion). This means the daughter and step son gets 16.67% of all assets, each boy they have together gets 33.3%. The daughter also get the inheritance from her dad's side so does the step son from his mother's side.
Does the husband's suggestion mean that his older son should get a smaller share of the new house because he's not blood related to the wife? If not, then there's no reason why his step daughter should get less either. 🙄
actually easy math - 1/2 for each parent - the boy from previous relationship should then get 1/6, (1/3 of a half), and the other boys each (1/6 + 1/4) - from father, and then half of a mothers half. :D this sh. is crazy. what an awful pos this guy is. i bet he does nothing at home, and sees his money as his, hers as theirs. get out lady!
I have 4 kids.
Adopted one of them decades ago.
I forgot which one.
What a marvelous thing to say. Bless you.
That's beautiful!
There's a major difference between adoptive parents and step-parents. Kudos to you for your parenting.
Lol! 👍👍👍
@@texan903there is a difference yes, but you can have very good and loving step parents and step children and there should never be a difference made between children.
If the husband insists on only leaving it to three of the kids and not her daughter, that’s his choice. Albeit unfortunate. But if I were her, I definitely wouldn’t move to the land and build on it. Let the land stay totally separate and they can build a new house on land somewhere else.
That plus also buying back the parts of the land they currently don’t own. Those would all be marital assets.
I completely agree with that!
Ramsey did not really answer her question- this comments seem more in line with what she seemed to be asking - ie how to make it work and fit together moving forward the way husband wants the will
I think the husband is a stupid piece of dirt. It sounds like the girl is the scapegoat of the family.
I was waiting for him to say do not build on that land not a chance.
(Though right now the land is likely completely his but in the event she helps him build on it, it then because not a his asset but a marriage asset, so if he dies first she can do whatever she wants with the land)
I wonder how hubby would feel if the wife inherited something and left his first son out.
I would have no problem with that as inheritance is not a marital asset.
Simple, Mary. He’d feel relieved.
Dave Ramsey would be ok with it he’s a panderer
He would probably throw a hissy fit. The husband is either not aware of his stupidity or he's just a plain a hole for doing that to the step daughter
He would feel ok because it's the right thing to do!
The problem we have is because Most people always taught that " you only need a good job to become rich " . These billionaires are operating on a whole other playbook that many don't even know exists.
Money invested is far better than money saved , when you invest it gives you the opportunity to increase your financial worth.
It is remarkable how much long term
advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid,
instead of trying to be very intelligent.
The wisest thing that should be on everyone mind currently should be to invest in different streams of income that doesn't depend on government paycheck, especially with the current economic crisis around the world.
Many individuals report success in investing in stocks,fx, yet I continue to struggle.Can somebody help me out or advise me on what to do?
Even with the right technique and assets some investors would still make more than others. As an investor, you should've known that by now that nothing beats experience and that's final. Personally I had to reach out to a stock expert for guidance which is how I was able to grow my account close to $35k, withdraw my profit right before the correction and now I'm buying again.
At 36 this man has no idea what life may have in store for him. The stepdaughter may be the only one to care for him in the end.
Lol great logic 😂
Facts
And girls usually are
She is 14 and we know what that is like. Also no one is asking the question of the baby daddy ie her father and what he is providing for his daughter and her legacy. Just saying.
Lies.
You better have a will drawn up before you go. Because if you pass before your daughter is old enough to take of herself, that man has made it clear that aint his blood and he aint taking care of her.
she will need more than a will. she need to put things in a trust and make sure her daughter is the beneficiary of that particular item (like money she has in a taxable account). also if she has any paperwork/house that gives her husband the "right of survivorship" he gets to have the remaining say in what happens. this situation sucks
I think it’s more so, if they get a divorce and they never speak to him again. But if the mom passed. I feel the dad may take guardianship of her. Unless she wants to go with the mom’s family. Then he may not Leave anything.
I heard a few stories of a man raising a step daughter from a child to a teenager. And then a few months later sdrer a divorce, the step daughter is calling the moms new man , “Dad”, and they forget the man that was there for them for 10+ years.
The daughter might not like the step dad.
They said they'd split the financials. He just wants to keep some land for his sons. Which 30 acres in texas its probably no more than 100k. This is a stupid argument to blow up a family over.
@@dbearden3232 You recorrect about the land value not being much. Ten years ago I inherited 85 acres in far upstate New York. When I sold it, I cleared about $85,000. I am grateful for the money but it certainly is not enough to break up a family for. The Texas 30 acres when split among the boys will only be about $10,000 each. I say let the boys inherit their ancestral land
You know what’s funny, I inherited a Florida lot on a lake when my uncle passed away about 12 years ago. He left it to me because I was the oldest. I felt like my sisters were passed over in not being included in that land so I told the attorney to sell it and split the proceeds equally amongst all of us. If I remember, we each got about $8k. Greed is such a black spot on your soul. I never could have lived a peaceful life unless I shared equally with them.
Beautiful! You know what's important in life. Your uncle clearly entrusted the lot (and whatever you may do with it) to the right person.
I can only imagine this caller's daughter and the feelings of betrayal she will have years from now when her brothers are much wealthier than her for no reason other than the man she thought valued her equally, didn't. It creates some sort of caste system in their family simply because she is not his biological daughter.
I would feel a lot different about my husband and his beliefs and values in general for coming to such a cold-hearted & selfish conclusion.
This isn’t “greed”. This girl is not his daughter. She has a father. It is her mother’s and her father’s job to plan for her inheritance. If they don’t work together because they are no longer a romantic couple, that is THEIR failure.
@texasrodeogirl3814
You inferring it would have been greedy for you to keep the land, as your uncle wanted, is crazy. And by you saying that, you're basically accusing the man who gave you a nice inheritance of land, of facilitating greed. Instead of you keeping the land as he wanted, you sold it and now it's GONE. So are the 8K payouts by now. You didn't honor his wishes and now you claim some high moral ground. Meanwhile the value of that land is probably going to keep going up, long after the brat he mistakenly gave the land to has wasted the resources. There's a reason people choose to give a full piece of land to ONE person in the family. So it stays in the family.
Bless you.
@TheSecondWitness Man people don't understand Generational Wealth. I would have kept that land built on it with my sisters or just held on to it. You could have just added them to the deed as well.
Don't sell your house and don't build or develop his beloved land. Your daughter won't get anything of your hard earned money. But your stepson will. Just let it be an inheritance and land.
I agree. He can't live out his dream of living on the land without her financial help. I wouldn't invest one dollar in that land if my daughter is not included.
@@Ella-Bella2024 I agree. And don’t go live on it. Because if they live on it, she is going to have a strong emotional attachment to the place and it will be devastating to her when they die and she is the only kid who has no right to any of it.
@Ella-Bella2024 why? Stepdaughter is not a blood relative. Bio dad should be seeing to it that his child is taken care of. I guarantee you that he won't leave anything for his wife's children who are not his.
@@genxx2724they can buy her out.
Might as well divorce
Blended families are a pain in the ass. With a 50% divorce rate, this is all very common. The big conversation about inheritance scenarios should come BEFORE you marry. If you’re not on the same page then stay single.
The 50% rate is not accurate in the way you think it is. It is 50% of all marriages not all people. For example, I have a co worker whose mom has been divorced 8 times. So if she gets grouped with 8 other couples who have never been divorced then the divorce rate along that group with be 50% even though she is the only one who has been divorced. The rate is still way to high, but if you follow a few simple steps including being on the same page with kids money and God you actually have a fairly low chance of getting divorced:)
Blended marriages have a 70% divorce rate.
My mom and her husband have a blended family I have two step Brothers his kids and my sister and I are my mom's kid. But I have a son the only grandson and he's getting everything and they are going over our heads 😂
Actually it’s about 68% divorce rate for blended families.
This is a good conversation to have pre-blended marriage because this would make me want to divorce this cold-hearted douche bag.
Jade's point is spot on. They are not in their retirement years, have grown children, and getting married for the second time. That is when you would consider splitting assets differently. But not at this age and stage in life. So Dave is spot on too.
Dave has a point. This man wants his wife’s income to position his biological children with land upon the inheritance. However, he forgets he CHOSE to enter a blended family knowing that his step child would be a package deal with his wife.
SO, if you don’t want to leave grandma’s land to her, that’s fine. However, if you’re going to use your wife’s income to build a home on property her daughter needs to have some sort of equivalent inheritance left to her.
It would be different if she was a stay at home mom and he made a mill a year. He’s the bread winner and it’s his land. But he wants to use his wife’s income to build a dream and then shut her daughter out is wild. Get with a marriage counselor Forsure
The husband makes more. He shoulf just divorce her if she's going to make this more difficult than it needs to be.
@@Chet_24Hi incel...The husband majes 19k more NOT 50K more
@@Chet_24he has 3 kids with 2 different women. Sounds like quite the catch in the dating pool. He pretty much has zero chance at finding another wife if he decides to break this one off.
@@Chet_24The only one being difficult here seems to be the husband.
@@Chet_24makes more but most likely also pays more in child support so yeh. What a catch.
The guy wants the land to remain in the family and have it passed down through his family line but he has to understand there’s no guarantee his sons won’t just sell up the moment he dies.
It should be part of their will. No outsiders, only growth within the bloodline 😂
‘S more about leaving a legacy, and it’s not a step-dad’s job to prepare a legacy. This woman needs to bark at the man who impregnated her with her daughter. However, with that said, if this woman is co-owner of their current home (and she may not be), and the profits of its sale (and her income) will be used to create a legacy for all of the children but her daughter, now she has a point. Easy solution is to simply tell her husband she will be taking a portion of the sale of the home and starting an investment for her daughter, and every month a portion of her paycheck will be put into this investment. This man is not responsible for his step-daughter’s inheritance. But the mother needs to lay out the FACTS with her husband instead of calling a radio show.
He also doesn't understand that blood lines don't mean shit.
@@_2315_ then you have gifted them a poison chalice.
My parents have sat in their inheritance that my siblings and me split their property. It’s untenable. All of us agree the second we inherit it it’s going on the market.
Also, he should be using his funds if the stepdaughter is not being left any land
The unfairness of this is that he wants to use her money to grow this land. A land her daughter will have no rights to. The sons can have the land, but there's a need of a plan so the daughter is not in disadvantaged.
Her son with him benefits.
Daughters not his repsonsbikity thats what her dad is for.
Yes, that's what I think is so unfair. He wants to sell the family home that he and his wife contributed to so the daughter will be short changed in the whole deal.
@@Choco-KatTheir 2 kids. Coz they have 4.
But that's still unfair to her daughter. So basically this mother, if she's smart should start saving up an inheritance or trust fund for the daughter alone so that in future she is covered.
@@Tashas_Travels But she can't really do that without her husband's consent.
If he didn't want her children then he shouldn't have married her. Because if she got an inheritance, he would not like if she said that his sons are not allowed any.
You don’t know that.
@@ccubito I do
If the step dad hasn't adopted her, she's still not his. She has another side of the family, not just her mom's.
You have a absolutely no idea what he would think if the situation was reversed lol. You literally made that up to justify your opinion of him. Do better.
@@feedandseed-fl3er I know because human behavior is very predictable. There is a reason why the FBI can find out what a person will even dress like based on predictable human behaviors. Everyone like to think they are special but we are all pretty much the same. That's why companies exploit that and make money off of us. Why do you think credit cards even exists? Logically it don't make sense to buy something you cant afford. But yet emotionally most people do it. Human behavior is very easy to predict once you know what to look for. Of course it takes someone with enough resources and intelligence to know that, something that you obviously are lacking
I can’t imagine the unspoken rejection that daughter faces in this family. This type of mindset transfers to the home and everyday decisions as well. He doesn’t want to raise another mans child and IT SHOWS, even if it remains largely unspoken.
I was in a blended family and it sucked so I completely understand, but this girl will grow up with lots of shame and abandonment
If I was facing something like this, I would reduce the contributing amount to this land and his dreams and put the difference away for my daughter. I can understand his point, so he would have to understand mine.
Please understand that the smell of beef farts is sometimes a bit pleasant.
@@Kaktus965 Not as much as a busted colostomy bag, but thanks for your well-intended, useful, and relevant comment.
Yo baby-daddy should be looking after your daughter's future. Choose better.
@@csx6910 The child is 14. If that child’s father isn’t a part of her life, what should the mother do? Just do nothing for her daughter? Crazy. The mother is still responsible for her daughter whether or not the child’s father is a loser and so she should do something to help setup her daughter’s future. Plus I’m sure she thought she did choose better this time, yet here she is.
@@chaunie77pay no mind to the troll
He wants to build the land with marital funds. Daughter deserves a cut.
Even if the man, did so with just his money, it would still be considered martial funds.
She’s not his daughter, she is his wife’s daughter with another man. As a wife and mother, I agree with his standpoint. That land was HIS family’s legacy - any legacy planning for this daughter needs to be between her mother and father. But I agree that if this caller has put money into the house they are planning on selling, and if she’ll be paying money into the new property - then yes, her money is going to bulk up HIS son’s legacy. Now they need to talk about making it fair for all the kids.
@@katiejon17Your desire to treat step children differently disgusts me. I was, and still am, treated differently because I’m the step child. I can’t begin to tell you how damaging it is.
But you go on. I’m sure the daughter will get over it.
@@BlueDauntless Your resentment needs to be brought to your MOTHER and your FATHER. A step-parent is neither. And I never said anything about treating them poorly - but a step-parent is not responsible for doing what your MOTHER and FATHER should do. By blaming your step-parent, you are being cowardly and not going to the two people who actually owe you something - mom and dad.
@@BlueDauntlessStepchildren are treated differently because they ARE different. Otherwise, they would be biological or adopted. Connect with your blood and see to it that they look after you.
Perhaps in his old age, he will have nobody to care for him and his stepdaughter will refuse to help by saying "Get help from someone who is your bloodline."
I doubt the marriage will last
Sadly, she will probably be the one caring for him while his actual bloodline children won't! I've seen that happen!
All these probabilities.... Fact remains she has her own dad for that and won't share that inhereitence with her step brothers
Just because you have kids and wife doesn't mean they'll take care of you in old age or be there when you croak 😂😂
Yessss@@jeep19
These comments make me sad. The number of people who seem to think you shouldn't care for a stepchild as your own is disheartening. Why do you think the stigma of the evil step parent exists?? Because of all of you people. If you're not willing to take your new spouse's children in and love them and care for them as your own, then don't marry that person. Those kids deserve a step parent who will treat them as their own children, not as second best.
I think it's a primal instinct imbedded in us, our blood children are always first. Hypothetically if the house on fire and only time to save one, I guarantee the blood family comes first. I know some wonderful, loving step parents also, they deserve alot of credit.
@@pamforrester844 I agree about the primal instinct, but to an extent. By that logic, adopted children are never seen as equal to blood children in the eyes and hearts of parents. I definitely believe that some people have the ability to love equally, and some don't. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that; you can't force yourself to love. But if you know that you are a person who is not going to be able take a child in and love and care for it as if it were your own birth child, then you should never make the commitment to do so. By marrying someone with kids, you're making that commitment. Those kids have already had their world torn apart when their parents divorced/died, they don't deserve to be treated as second best by you for the rest of their lives as well. It's wrong to put them through that.
Where is the original father?
the very phrase "as your own" shows the point. They are NOT your own. You want people to live a fiction. But most people can't, even if they want to.
@@nikan7704 have you looked into the high rate of adoption failure? It's something like 20%.
As someone who grew up in a blended family I feel this in my soul. You want to cause hate and resentment as these kids get older, this type of nonsense will make that happen! My situation. The youngest half sibling got money for college and a car plus insurance. Us older kids were told to figure it out. We’re not paying. That’s just one example. Now we’re all in our mid 40’s and 50’s we see each other on holidays just to be nice. When my mom and stepdad pass I doubt we’ll have much communication.
This is just wrong im sorry you had to deal with that.
Sooo wrong what happened to you
My sister adopted 2 children, another sister married a man with two sons, when my parents die, I want those kids who ARE family to get the same as my children.
I don’t think he cares about the girl.
Listen, if you're not ready to treat a child as your own, don't marry someone with kids. I won't be surprised if the daughter will be the one yo care for him when he's old and weak as daughters stick around more than sons . She'll look at this man different when she hears this conversation. I wish her well
Do you have a link to prove this claim?
But then again she gets a inheritance from her real dad, and she gets from the stepdad? The other kids only get one inheritance.
This is a fairytale mentality. Aside from the exceptions, step-parents are not cash-cows to other people’s children, and step-children don’t care for step-parents like they do their actual parents.
Real dad may not be in the picture. May not have a job. May already be dead
@@georgewagner7787 None of those factors means that step-dad needs to prepare a legacy for a step-child. Step-dad said (according to this woman) that all other inheritances would be split evenly - but not HIS family’s land. That is beyond reasonable. Mom can create an investment for her daughter. Funny thing though - this caller sure as heck never seemed to ficus in how SHE will be using HER money to create a legacy for HIS son with another woman. Funny how that works, huh?
Inheritance is separate property willed to an individual. As long as it's kept separate, it belongs to the person it was willed to. If he somehow muddies the situation by building community property on this land, it could lead to litigation down the line.
I agree, I think that Idea to move to the land is sooooooo dumb. But it may be a considerate thing todo as a compromise, the daughter gets the house on the land, the sons own the land? Idk. I definitely would get a lawyer involved asap.
Depends on the state they are in. Commonwealths would have the inheritance as a marital asset.
In a marriage, as long as the spouse keeps the inheritance separate it remains theirs. The moment they begin to share it, it becomes marital property. If she moves on that land and they become divorced, she will get half of it. If the inheritance was money, the moment the spouse puts it in a joint bank account, it becomes marital property and the other spouse is entitled to half.
@@Ella-Bella2024If they sell their jointly owned house to build a new one on the land she is morally and legally entitled to part of the value of the house. If he only wants his sons to inherit then they don’t build out there. Simple solution.
Let the land sit.
My actual parents cut me out of their will because they said I was making more money than my brothers and didn’t need it. Then, they ran into financial trouble and asked for help so they could keep their house. I told them, why don’t you sell the house to cover your debts. It’s much more house than they need. But they said they wanted to pass it down to their kids. I told them, then why don’t you ask THEM for help. Harsh, I know, but fair is fair. They aren’t getting a dime from me until all their money is exhausted. Any medical or funeral costs will come out of their estate before it comes from me. Sorry but I have to financial protect my family in case something were to happen to me because they obviously aren’t.
What was their final response? You are spot on. I can’t believe they have the hubris to not leave you anything but come knocking for help. Total parasites.
Your parents are terrible and I would have done the same as you!!!’ Good for you. Seriously people suck.
wow....says a lot about his relationship and what he thinks of his daughter!!
That she isn’t really his daughter. Cold blooded.
its NOT his fucking daughter xD
Don’t you dare accept it ! He buys land with part of your money . Put your foot down.
That land is inherited not bought by him
@@SplashIt34 She said at about 2:08 through 2:36 that he wants to buy back more of the family land surrounding the inherited piece. If he does that, the purchased portion becomes marital property.
@@lhv569 33% of the land belong to the father that he bought back from the mother selling. Now that the father is dead the son gets the 33% of the land which he plans to split equally with his 3 boys. But he also plans to buy the remaining percentage with the wife. The remaining percentage sure should definitely be split among all kids for sure. But the 33% is not required because it was from his father to him and now from him to his 3 boys.
The end of Pearl S. Buck's book "The Good Earth"
But one day he saw clearly for a little while. It was a
day on which his two sons had come and after they had
greeted him courteously they went out and they walked
about the house on to the land. Now Wang Lung followed
them silently, and they stood, and he came up to them
slowly, and they did not hear the sound of his footsteps
nor the sound of his staff on the soft earth, and Wang
Lung heard his second son say in his mincing voice :
'This field we will sell and this one, and we will divide
the money between us evenly. Your share I will borrow
at good interest, for now with the rail-road straight through
I can ship rice to the sea and I . . .'
But the old man heard only these words, "sell the land,"
and he cried out and he could not keep his voice from break-
ing and trembling with his anger :
'Now, evil, idle sons - sell the land?' - he choked and
would have fallen, and they caught him and held him up,
and he began to weep.
Then they soothed him and they said, soothing him:
'No - no - we will never sell the land '
'It is the end of a family - when they begin to sell the
land,' he said brokenly.' 'Out of the land we came and into
it we must go - and if you will hold your land you can
live - no one can rob you of land '
And the old man let his scanty tears dry upon his cheeks
and they made salty stains there. And he stooped and took
up a handful of the soil and he held it and he muttered:
'If you sell the land, it is the end.'
And his two sons held him, one on either side, each
holding his arm, and he held tight in his hand the warm
loose earth. And they soothed him and they said over and
over, the elder son and the second son:
'Rest assured, our father, rest assured. The land is not
to be sold.'
But over the old man's head they looked at each other
and smiled.
@@lhv569 the moment they move on the inherited land it becomes marital property.
“For our children.” You mean his children..
Four
@pauljensen4773 Nope, husband is thinking with the thing between his legs, because he gave her two sons, plus he also has a full blooded son with another woman.
He needs to realize what this message will/is sending to the stepdaughter. If he doesn't show her how a man should love and respect a woman by considering her an equal among the children, she'll go find that love somewhere else.
Hopefully, when his wife calls him a butt and explains the need to equally accept all 4 children, he'll realize how stupid and childish he's being.
They have four kids. All together.
@@jwlsngold5026 so you use 4 and I use four. Why do you say "No" to me?
@@jwlsngold5026 it’s not his job to prepare a “legacy” for his wife’s daughter - that is HER father’s job,
And people wonder why I will never re-marry…
Bingo!!!! I have property my father gave me that I want to go to my daughter and grand daughter not someone else and their kids.
@@Choco-Katproperty is nothing but money in land.
It means nothing to me because I'm not owned by my possessions. I own them.
Hi f roles was reversed Dave be saying its women land now husbands step kids Dave caters to wemen
Yes, that's the reason....
You prefer being lonely? Weird flex.
I think there is nothing wrong with keeping the inheritance within his bloodline. The daughter will get inheritance from her biological father.
Exactly! I think people are missing that she has her own father who will give her an inheritance
@@prettytiffy06 Most people die with debt. There is no ''inheritance'' for 99.9% of peoople.
This is a common issue with blended families. My late father left money to me. I’m leaving it to my three adult children. I’m not leaving it to my three adult stepchildren because they never even knew my father. My three adult stepchildren received an inheritance from their late grandparents. I never expected them to share it with my children...and they didn’t. Which was ok! It gets confusing. 🤷♀️
Yeah the problem starts if they start using marital money to improve it, their whole house no less! That basically would make the property half hers and so the daughter should share in the inheritance.
I’m in this same boat as you. Plus, my husband refused to have a joint account or combine finances when we got married. I knew that he felt this way before we married because it had been discussed ad nauseam. He had trust issues with money because of his ex. I finally agreed and I never mentioned that my parents had money they would be leaving to me. His parents had nothing or never saved for retirement. So now I’m leaving everything to my own two sons, and maybe a small bit to my husband in the event I pass before he does.
The daughter should get a share in estate but not property. If parents die and are still together, stake in house and savings should go 1/4 to each kid. She has another parent. My insurance and retirement is set 1/2 to my husband, 1/4 to each of my biological children. Property I inherited will be split 50/50 between my children but primary residence and regular savings will be split 3 ways between my biological children and my stepson. My husband’s assets will be split 50% to me and the remaining 50% between all 3 kids and any land he inherits will be split 3 ways between kids. My stepson has a mother and maternal grandparents who he will inherit from. My husband and I agreed to this years ago before we even had children together.
You’re talking about money from a grandparent and this call is talking about money from herself and her husband… A husband who is helping to, in theory, raise the daughter. Apples to oranges.
well if he does not give any to the daughter do not give any money to help with the land. Just give money to the daughter when she passes and the boy's can have the land if he wants to keep it in his family.
Bingo. Never remarry without protecting the inheritance of the children that came before. This man feels entitled to this woman's money without any consideration for her daughter. He had no business getting with a woman who already had a child.
Since they are married, as soon as a house is built on that land, she will automatically have the right to half of it. She’s going to divorce him and take half. He’s stupid for marrying her and stupid for putting marital income on that land.
@@dialac1you don't know that & it is horrible to say that.
@@dialac1
He wants to use the funds from the sale of their JOINTLY owned home to invest in HIS inherited land. This woman has no legal right to HIS land, the deed is in HIS name alone as it was his inheritance. This is financial suicide for this woman! She should stay in her home where she has joint ownership. Let things stay as they are. If he wants to move to his inherited land or buy more bloodline land let him do so with HIS income. She is NOT part of HIS bloodline even if their twin sons are. This woman does not have to entangle herself with HIS inheritance. She should not contribute any financial anything to HIS inheritance. She already has a comfortable home and her income. She is good. Let this man handle his inheritance by himself and wait until those twins become adults to decide if they want to buy any extra bloodline land. Lady, stay where you are. The twins will decide for themselves when they grow up.
Split the home and land between the three boys (his blood line), and then compensate the daughter (from their 401k or other assets) for the 1/4 she lost out on. Or compensate her just for the value of the house that sits on the land and not the land itself.
This seems reasonable
Exactly
Agreed
This sounds very reasonable ngl
That was my first reaction too.
Here’s an easy solution… buy another 10 acres adjacent to the land and leave that to her.
Yep
I'm okay with that.
Perfect solution … all children should inherit equally … just as his wife cooks and cleans for his first son.
Not for him. He wants to buy the rest of the family land and give it to his sons.
How is that perfect? Who gets the house? That's where the money is going to be poured into.
We had a family Rifle that my grandfather gave to my father in which I was supposed to get after his passing. But it was then given to my stepsisters son, whom didn't even know my grandfather or my father's side of the family.
I get what he is trying to say but the family's bloodline also feel hurt when that one family item is now gone forever.
Was that not written in the will? That’s sad
Why to build a new house on a land that is already a motive of conflict. They should build in a different lot if they want to keep a healthy marriage and a relationship with the daughter.
Looks like you're headed for divorce #2
I can bet money on it. And she will get 15 acres after the divorce
Hope not. But that’s what the world is coming to. Oop! Problem…I guess divorce……
The fact that he wants to use joint resources to develop and inhabit land that his wife's daughter won't inherit is completely insane. Either everything is "OURS" or it's not. Looks like he's choosing the latter
@@dialac1 Actually not. Inherited property is not considered part of the marital assets.
Hell yeah put him on child support
My mom had two girls when she remarried to my dad he never treated them like outcast. I never knew they were my step sisters until I was older but I didn’t care. My parents will is all five split every thing. If the guy doesn’t want to split the land with all kids then don’t use your wife to build a house on it because now it becomes the wife’s land as well and should be split evenly. My opinion. You can’t control everything from the grave and it won’t matter after that anyway
That is awesome BUT I think your case is the exception not the rule. Typically, I don't think blended families work.
I have a theory as to why your family worked so well given it was a blended family (correct me if I'm off base). I think it worked because the stepparents MARRIED the entire family, they loved the entire family. That's rare though.
@GAFB1122 they typically don't, blended families have a divorce rate of roughly 78%
Unless your mom isn’t your biological mom, they aren’t your stepsisters. They’re your half sisters. You have the same mother. Totally different situation.
I have a similar experience. My parents treated all of us kids the same. I didn't care when I found out either. I love all of my siblings the same. There are no "step-children" in my family.
by the time the parents die, those 3 boys will be out on their own somewhere else and won't want the land, they will sell at first chance
Don't bet on it. My dream since I was 22 has been to own land. Still can't afford it at 28, but I know lots of other people in their early 20s who want land.
@@Cyanopteryx they may want land, but where, in the next 45 years they will have moved for school, jobs, girl friends, wives and then had kids of their own. Will they uproot their families to go live on great grandma's farm at that point.
@@Cyanopteryx If you want land, you can get it right now. Go out into the middle of bumbfudge nowhere and by a tract of land for pennies on the dollar. Congratulations, you're a land owner.
Land isn't what's expensive. Location is. And that's why these boys are going to immediately sell it. They probably won't want to live in the middle of bumbfudge nowhere.
I don't think Dave really dialed in on this one. This goober wants to use joint resources to develop non-joint land. That should've been the end of discussion, not prattling about hurt feelings and dirt and whatever
The "prattlling about hurt feelings etc" was trying to say >you have a husband with a heart problem & he isn't capable of loveing you like you love him.
Emotional response is don’t treat your kids differently. Practical response is that this is not an issue for 30 years. Realistic response is that it’s half yours in any divorce 10 years from now.
Get the land appraised before and after...any gains afterwards are split evenly. Otherwise keep the family and all costs independent of the land and allow the "inheritance" to somehow maintain it.
So the husband wants to take the community home and the community income and dump it all into his inherited property but keep that as his separate estate. It doesn't work that way when you co-mingle the assets
Exactly. He has no knowledge of the law.
@@Ella-Bella2024 well he could also pull the stunt after getting everything shifted over to this inherited property of saying he wants to put it in the family trust he created he just needs her to sign off on it and sign any claims to the property away. Hell no unless she is co trustee and equal trustee.
@@1JohnnyCruiser this guy's not smart enough to try that.
I agree in general, but this may not be a “communal home”. When my husband moved in, I had owned my home for years. A few years later we moved - it was my house, my profits. I put all of the profit towards MY student loans (which was still beneficial to our debt-payoff). This woman doesn’t sound like she is skilled in stripping down the feelings and just getting to the facts. They she doesn’t just sit down with her husband, and the facts, is beyond me. If she does co-own the home, she can take a portion of the profits and set-up an investment for her daughter, then every payday put a little money into it. Better yet - she can work with her daughter’s FATHER to do this. Her husband is not responsible for building an inheritance to a kid who isn’t his (people get triggered by this and it’s because it hits too close to home, but it’s true).
My in laws as far as i know didn't leave anything for my hubby they just left it to older daughter. Got it out of his mothers mouth. She eanted me to inform him of that. Btw we're the only ones that have kids. My sweet wonderful sis in law split everything in half and gave kids some of there furniture and stuff. She felt it wasnt right what they did. Shes awesome 😎
all the children are under the same roof, getting fed the same food, and sharing a childhood but the one daughter out of four can’t inherent the same from the father as her three siblings? that isn’t right anyway you might spin it.
This is why people need to think twice before blending families. At the end of the day, most people are going to favor their own biological children over someone else's, even if they claim they "love" their stepchild. Getting premarital counseling is a gamechanger. If most people did this, the divorce rate wouldn't be as high. And conversations like this one would become less common.
I’m a wife and a mother, and if I were to ever remarry (not something that is likely), I’m not putting any effort into building a legacy for another woman’s child - unless I have Dave Ramsey level wealthy. This woman is clearly not skilled at just getting to the point. If she was a better communicator, she would have already laid out the facts and presented an easy solution: (if she co-owns the home) a portion of it’s sale is going to start an investment for her daughter, then she can continue to add a portion of her paycheck to her daughter’s investment. But 1) I didn’t hear this woman talking about how she was going to fund a legacy for her step-son (funny how that is always the case), and 2) this woman needs to address legacy with her daughter’s actual father.
Yep
Wait until your children are grown before remarrying. That’s what I did
Don’t ever tell anyone what you inherit or what you put in your will.
A lot of different factors... do they have a relationship, is she disrespectful to him? Is the girl's father wealthy? how long have they been married? Its a lot to consider
Wonder all of those too….
It's not a lot to factor in. He's telling the wife to help contribute to that land but tells her the girl can't have anything the mom is investing in. It's unfair, plain and simple.
I couldn't disagree more. It's his family's property. If he wants to leave the land to his sons and his sons only, it's his right to do so. I'm actually pretty surprised anyone thinks this is unfair.
You are right if that were the case. However, you missed the key part in the conversation where she said he's asking her to financially contribute to building on that land too!! If she's contributing to that land, shouldn't some part of it belong to her and her daughter? He's wanting her to fund her step-son's future but he won't fund his step-daughter's future. Guy sounds illogical and selfish.
in a world of broken marriages, people tend to think men are responsible for whatever whoring behavior is in his wife's past. Gtfoh.
We are a blended family and from day one it's been equal for all three of our children.
I love our children too much to pit them against each other.
Unless his step-daughter's biological father is dead or completely out of the picture, the biological dad needs to provide most of her needs still, especially with child support. While it might be nice to leave his step-daughter something he doesn't really have to and should have no guilt with his decision.
What a hurtful thing to do to the daughter. She's going to feel rejected and worth less than her brothers once she finds out. Her brothers will probably feel that it's their fault she was left out. Seriously, family members that choose favorites are so selfish.
she IS worth less than her brothers. At least to the father and she should be fine with that honestly. Its not her dad. She has no claim and she shouldnt have. End of story.
If you are not in the financial market space right now, you are making a huge mistake. I understand that it could be due to ignorance but if you want to make your money work for you...prevent inflation
Do you have any idea of any good broker/trader I can start with that's trust worthy?
Jane Roy
My financial advisor , she’s a professional and has helped many become millionaires fr
My financial advisor , she’s a professional and has helped many become millionaires fr
LMAO 😂 I tried investing on trading crypto on my own, never got lucky on this shit
Simplest solution.. don't build on that land and buy an additional 11 acre lot to leave to the daughter and then let them share equally in the jointly held family residence wherever that may be.
I agree. However, if the Family residence is on either of those pieces of land, it is going to result in a conflict.
I've been a step-daughter and I can’t imagine demanding my share of step-grandmom’s life savings! I'm in no way entitled! However, if the mom has been contributing for 40 years, I do think she should inherit that portion and that portion only! Anything over that is an extremely GENEROUS GIFT!
Maybe the girl will get another inheritance from her biological dad - so giving her land would almost give her a double inheritance. And the boys may not get that on their other side of the family. It’s important to remember these things always are half the story.
Also the grandfather wanted to keep it in the bloodline. So the dad has a duty to carry out that wish also.
Blended family is a NO NO.
Marrying a sexist jerk is a NO NO.
It's not just stuff if it's been in the family for generations.
I feel bad for the daughter and the conversations she’s going to hear her whole life!! It could really hurt her emotionally!!!
The daughter has a biological father who can give her an inheritance
@@dnah02the caller’s stepson also has a biological mother who will leave him an inheritance. With your logic, the two stepchildren in this household should get less than the twin two year olds who share both parents in the home.
@@mnsohseven if that's the case it should work like that each biological parent should give a inheritance. Then we squash the little old piece of achers that's not that big of a thing according to Dave.
@@dnah02 with your logic the step mother should never contribute to her step son. Only the bio father and mother should only contribute. This is crazy. People really don’t understand biblical principals they are so selfish and just want to hurt innocent children because of their selfishness.
@@Shaladash many married folks don't follow the Bible any how. Many have kids from a previous boyfriend or girlfriend not husband or wife. Or they cheat, drink, smoke, ect. But yes step son ,step daughter is not your responsibility to clean after another man or woman's mess. Your not obligated. Now if you want to help ok that's your choice and we have free will to choose where our resources go. For me there will never be a step whatever I made sure to stay clear of that occupation when I was in my 20s.
I’m with the husband. The stepdaughter has a biological father and four biological grandparents and she’s got every right to inherit from them. The man’s sons will have no claim to that inheritance. Also, God forbid the man dies, the stepdaughter won’t have inheritance laws if he hadn’t formally adopted her.
The moral: Don’t be Captain Save-a-ho-aka: Dave Ramsey.
Stepdad’s almost always get a raw deal. He’s trying to prevent this.
We don’t know if the step daughter is disrespectful hellion. We don’t have his side of the story.
Something does not add up. She kept om saying ''my daughter''. Never once did she say ''our daughter. Who is not biologically his....''.
If he raised her, why isn't she ''our daughter''. Even more strange, when asked ''does she live with you?'' The caller said ''currently'' implying that it has not always been so.
I think she is not saying everything.
The only mistake he made, going by her tale, was proprosing to build a house that the caller would help pay but never own.
This is not about the daughter at all, I think.
Your.comment is spot on! There are details regarding “her” daughter she conveniently left out. Such as, the current role of the girl’s biological dad in her life and the probable inheritance she would have from him. I fault her husband’s decision on the inheritance based on this woman’ submissions, but we need to know her husband’ side of the story before drawing a conclusion.
She did that for clarity. At first she was talking about the kids as one group and then when she talked about the situation that is when she started saying my daughter. To make sure people could follow the storyline.
@@adebayoadeleye2244 Exactly! The way they handled this call bothered me so much. Maybe they haven't been married long. Maybe the girl's father is still in her life and will continue to take care of her financially. Maybe she'll be getting an inheritance from her father's side of the family. They made a lot of assumptions here, none of which may be true.
none of it matters. Its NOT his daughter. He doesnt have to give her shit, yet it seems he gave her a home and fed her for years and years. But thats not enough huh.. She needs 30% of everything when he dies too? Get the fuck out xD
It’s just dirt until it makes the daughter feel like she was never a part of the family equally. That’ll impact her mentality on relationships further down the road. I get that once you divorce once you are jaded about a “forever” marriage, but that’s part of committing to someone with children, especially underage children where you’ll take an active part of their lives.
Wrong
@@chuckhorus3228 thank you, I was really looking to be right in your book. But here we are. I’m not sure where to go from here now that I’m wrong.
I don't understand how she is 'underage'. She's a part of a different family. Her dad may be a nice guy, and her grandparents are not related to anyone else. I do get the sense that the daughter is out of the house and on her own or in college. It's difficult when your mom remarries and has toddlers and starts a new family. I thought the new marriage was only a few years in, so the step dad did not raise her. The mom seems guiltily projecting that her daughter will flop and need a place to come back to.
@@bernadette573 The daughter in question is 14. I guess you missed that. She is living with the entire family.
@@LadyAudi The mom answered evasively that the stepdaughter was there "currently" which could mean she's there right now but mostly lives with her actual dad idk.
Wrote my will recently. I inherited the family farm, much to the rage of my sisters.
Directions say to sell the house; then I'm leaving everyone enough cash they could buy it (or put down a big down payment) if they want it.
I'm not going to leave it "jointly" or to one person. Too much pain.
Let them use the cash to decide priorities.
The daughter has her own father, if this woman got an inheritance, she doesn't have to leave anything to his son and probably wouldn't. So why should her husband be any different
In California, 1/2 of all improvements to the husband's inherited land using joint money, including building a house on it, would belong to his wife.
As they should.
Boom! I’m sure this man doesn’t know this and I’m sure she suggested they build on that land. She will divorce him once that house is built and take half of it
Not if it goes to the sons
but then you' have to live in ca 😉... and i unfortunately do 😒
You didn't listen they are in Texas
This isn't about the kids. It's about two becoming one when they get married. If they have that figured out, the other decisions come more easily.
This is one reason of many to not get with somebody with kids from a previous relationship
it litterally isnt lol. Every country has enheritance laws and not one of those laws include step children. There is no debate. The step daughter has ZERO claim to anything. End of story.
Right or wrong decision, it is his to make !
I don’t want to give my daughter any significant inheritance . Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I want her brothers to guard her until she finds a husband. Husband is right.
This is why blended family is so bad!
I agree, i was in a blended family and it SUCKED! Definitely DO NOT DO IT unless you are extremely spiritually mature and very few of us are yet
I would say this is why you need to work through many things before blending a family.
It’s not the blending that’s the issue, but the lack of respecting all the members as one family.
@@lavenderkisses9461 respect ✊🏿
@@lavenderkisses9461 Yeah that’s a crock. Blending is for smoothies. Not families.
It doesn't work if you're a very tribal person with strong attachment to bloodline like the caller's husband. If you're not willing to treat all of the children the same then don't bother. Personally, I don' thave a problem with his decision but he should've never married her in the first place or used her money to develop the land.
It’s not difficult to give her at least 5 acers of the 30.. the sons can still inherit the bigger half if he wants. Bless them. Wish them well.
It’s just the whole idea that he’s treating her differently. That’s pretty disgusting. They should all be treated equally.
@@calvinconcepts Treating her differently than HIS OWN KIDS?? Are you people fucking high? Ofcourse its different. Idiots xD
Man the Cinderella comment blew her mind 😂
He wants to keep the land separate because it is an inheritance but he wants her basically to agree to cash out their community property and build a house on it. Then continue to contribute to adding value to the land and marriage. Inheritance usually belong tho the one person as long as don't co-mingle marrital funds. The laws varries by state.
Also, I would never build a house on land that I did not own.
Thank God for my stepdad, who has always expressed that his 3 kids should split everything equally. He treated us so much as his own kids that people would argue with us about him being our stepdad. Get rid of the "step" and just fully claim the kid!
She is part of the family, Dave is right in this case. Relationships is far more important, it's just a piece of land. They are family. But Dave is wrong, very few stay married for 40 years, so they unlikely going to stay married that long especially if this is their second marriage. He can always update the will.
Agreed! And we don't know what will happen in the future. The land is certain, the divorce is almost 50% certain. Just let him have the land and let the daughter get what's left of the combined assets. I feel like this man was never going to treat ur daughter the same as his sons. BUT THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCUSSED B4 MARRIAGE!! And if u don't want to move to build on the land, then negotiate on that. But leave it alone. Don't let this thing bury ur marriage.
She's part of the family but she has her own father, she may not call the stepdad "Dad" and she may be inheriting from her actual dad. Now if that happens she'll be expected to SHARE her inheritance.
@@bernadette573 Good points
@@LittleHatori I think it's ok to put in a will since that can be changed easily if a divorce were to happen. Good points.
The 50% divorce rate states otherwise. This man is smart to protect his assets and leave it in the family bloodline. Dave lives in a fantasy world where divorce doesnt exist
That's exactly how Dave sets up his Will/ Trust Fund so only his bloodline inherits his wealth. He said that the other day on a call.. why is this situation different?
Exactly
he is referring to children in law not step children though
Because Dave didn’t marry someone with kids already….
That is what I thought too. Sounded like Dave's will.
@@daspeed198still not bloodline.
I wouldn’t sell your house and build on the property. Leave the property empty.
This dude knows what he is saying alright ….hes telling you your daughter is irrelevant,and while he is at it so are you! You are helping him set his kids up ……WOW!
I've seen land and divorce and half siblings try to hash this out. It went very badly. It fractured their family forever.
I guess it all comes down to how the stepfather and stepdaughter get along with one another. The caller never mentions this
Maybe because it doesn't come down to that. The issue is currently the family home is part of the daughter's estate if the parents die. He wants to take all that money and put it into property and then shut her out of it. So then he's effectively robbing her a part of her inheritance down the line. What he probably doesn't know is that mingling assets like that brings inherited property into the marital assets. All in all a bad idea. He should use some of his money to put a cheap little cabin there and they can go take vacations. Or he should give up on the idea of those 40 acres just passing on down his line. Chances are one of his kids will sell it anyway.
If its just a stupid piece of dirt, then why is it a big deal if the husband doesnt include the daughter in the inheritance??
Honestly I don’t think most girls I know real even care much about a piece of land unless it has a house on it.
Half of current house belongs to the wife, as well as half of all of the assets that they own between them. But he wants to sell their current home and use their money build a new home and buy back land that her daughter will not see a penny from. If it was just the land it would be understandable.
$ MONEY $
Ok schonda.
So if it's just a stupid piece of dirt that doesn't mean anything.... Should he buy the three kids Christmas gifts and not buy the daughter one?
It's the same thing.
Furthermore, why would these three boys want to share this land? I wouldn't want to argue about some little piece of land with two siblings.
What do I get to do with my share of a piece of land jointly owned with two other people?
Because if the daughter finds out, then it’s more than just dirt. There’ll be some hurt feelings from a daughter who thought her “dad” loves everyone equally.
So impressed by this. How moral logical and good hearted. Great great.
Where is her biological dad? Will he leave her anything? How about the husband's ex? Will she leave her son anything? Complicated situation.
I feel the husband has the right to do whatever he wants with his inheritance.
But he wants everything else to be community property, including putting a house on land FOR HIS KIDS. That means the wife's share gets split 4 ways (including his kids) but his share doesn't. Either they keep everything separate and each parent leaves theirs to their own kids, or they combine it and treat them all the same.
I feel that your feelings don’t matter.
Fine. But his wife shouldn't contribute to that land financially by building it out over the next 30+ years only for her daughter to get squat. His land comingled with a house, etc. that they both contributed to financially is a problem. This is going to get really sticky down the road. A lot of litigation. Keep the damn land separate if he only wants it to go to 3 of the 4 kids. This is really going to put a wedge between the kids when they are adults and mom and dad are gone.
If the implication is that the kids should never sell this land so they can pass it down to their children, it's a financial burden more than an asset. (Unless it generates income somehow.)
Agreed.
I'm not sure I want any of it even if I was one of his boys.
And I certainly don't want to look my new sister in the face and explain it to her.
What a bunch of weirdos.
Yah, likely at least one of "the boys" won't want it. It will be a giant hassle.
If its isolated from everything else and essentially passing straight down from the grandparents, then I don't really see the issue. But if this knucklehead wants to use joint resources to build on and inhabit it for decades, then it absolutely has to include his stepchildren.
💯
If he didnt adopt the girl why would he need to share his family's inheritance with her? Can't believe tough guy like Dave gets emotional and unreasonable.
I go with Dave on this but big picture, a loving person would find a way, make a way to ensure that no one is hurt in this, that no feelings are hurt in this, etc. So maybe they don't do it exactly as Dave suggest but I hold to what I said above.
And fyi, that leaves most of you out because based on the comments, many of you are filled with nothing but hate, anger and bitterness!
It’s HIS inheritance. He can do whatever he wants with it.
Exactly
It's his inheritance that he's funding with half of HER money! Pay attention.
@@truth_teller571 Um, that's not how an inheritance works 🤣🤣🤣 Not sure if you understand what an inheritance is then 😂😂😂 Pay attention!
@@rrrealitycheck The inheritance he'll be leaving to his sons will be funded with the wife's income as well, as the years go by so her daughter should also 100% be included in that inheritance. Were you dropped much a baby??
I’m curious about the stepchild’s dad. For all we know, they’re close and he’s providing a land inheritance for her.
probably not.
Exactly
Hahah yeah I'm sure that's it 🙄
Dude are you listening to
Something else?
@@frankcb11 my train of thought was that they could appraise the value of the land and the stepdaughter could get 1/4 cash value of the land. We also haven’t factored in if the natural father is providing inheritance (or land/home) for the stepdaughter.
He's being very foolish and wrong as well. He dated her knowing full well that her daughter came with the deal. Cutting her out of this land and future house is cutting her out of the majority of future family wealth as it will likely be over 70% of his wealth when he passes away. So, she gets just 1/4 of this 30% or 7.5% of his total estate while brothers get 31% each.
I'm betting this man expects his wife to split her estate equally among all four kids. This will only increase this disparity and bitterness within the family.
In the meantime, the girl he's been raising for 3+ years suddenly finds out her stepdad considers her to be much less worthy than her brothers and that will mess her up. Add in the above lop sided splits and she'll never have good memories of this man.
Yep, I’d be back to being a single mom real quickly if those were the terms.
I disagree slightly. If the land is this important to him and his family, it would make ense that he didn't care for the daughter (not bio kid) to have it! They don't even have the same last name... That's not his biological child! Where's the daughter's father, won't the daughter's bio father give her something? I think the wife is overthinking things bc at the end, they will split combined assets with all the kids. " The message is clear, daughter is not my biological child. I do not want non biological children having the same degree of power over an asset that is coming from MY FAMILY!" Makes perfect sense to me.
The children are not equal to him, because they are not equal. In a divorce, this would be a mess to give land to the daughter. I agree, Let the boys have it. And if the boys want to give some to their sister, let it be that
@@LittleHatori Frankly, I agree. Considering that most of the time men outearn women, it is highly likely that the daughter will receive a decent share from her biological father, while at least the one boy from the previous marriage will not receive much from the mother's side.
Mathematically it is highly probable that at least the one boy will be put at a disadvantage compared to the daughter if they split it evenly.
@@LittleHatori if they build a house on the land then the daughter should inherit part of the house. Her biological mother helped build it with her income.
Also, don't assume the girl's biological father will give her anything.
@@NutTheft why do you assume the bio dad will give her anything? A lot of men get remarried and totally ignore children from the first marriage. If you don’t want that girl feeling hurt and ostracized, you just split it evenly. They are a family and that girl is being treated like an outsider. Not good
My grandpa had two step kids, and one blood son, my dad. When I was born, he called me "his only grandson" in front of one of my cousins. He never much liked me, and until recently I'd never heard this story, but I think it was a big part of why. He felt almost disowned by his grandpa in that moment. I can't even imagine. Don't do that to your kids. Once you've brought someone into your family, MAKE THEM PART OF YOUR FAMILY!
She mentioned their plan was to buy more of the adjoining land (of the original housestead that grandma used to own) and also building a house with her husband.
If that was the case, why can’t they:
1. Wait to buy an adjoining block themselves and build their house on an adjoining block?
2. Keep the blocks separate
Then the will could be written in a way, that leaves the inherited 33 acres to his kids, but the newly purchased block(s) including the house, that the wife has jointly contributed to, could be left the all children (including hers).
Technically, if he was hard headed regarding “blood line” inheritance, then his oldest child (her stepson) would also not be an inheritor for her 50% portion of the estate she contributed to - only her daughter and the twins.
Could also add, if he wanted the combined estate left to his bloodlines, that the stepdaughter was to be paid out by the remaining sibling for her portion of the estate - if the sibling wanted to carry on with his wishes. If they don’t wish to pay her out lump-sum, then the land they, as a couple bought and built a house on would have to be sold - leaving his kids the initial 33 acres, as inherited, without a house.
“He’s her daddy now” good lord do you know how hurtful that is toward men that have a child that has a stepfather
Right! Unless the daughter's biological father is dead or something, the husband shouldn't be trying to replace the biological father!
Or abusive or in jail or just a bad person 😂 @@LittleHatori
Blame the mother. She obviously had a pattern of choosing dysfunctional men
@@boston312 legs wide side to side woooooa
Dave’s gone a little woke in recent years. And he can say these stupid things because he’ll never have to stand behind them... his wife didn’t come with another man’s child, did she? Not a cent of Dave Ramsey’s wealth is going to another man’s child.
Good for this man being smart taking care of his sons.
💯
He shouldn't ask for her money to build anything tho
Stay away from single moms, gentlemen.
And single dads
@@Ирина-и8щ3м Single dads don't marry to be supported. Single moms....yeeeeeeeah.
With 50+% of marriages ending in divorce and 80% initiated by the female, I can understand his reasoning. But, it does create a divide.
I think the number should be, 50% divide to 3 kids (mom's portion) and 50% divide to 3 kids (dad's portion). This means the daughter and step son gets 16.67% of all assets, each boy they have together gets 33.3%. The daughter also get the inheritance from her dad's side so does the step son from his mother's side.
Her 50 should be for her three childre. Her step son gan get his part from his real mother. It would go to that point to be "fair".
Does the husband's suggestion mean that his older son should get a smaller share of the new house because he's not blood related to the wife? If not, then there's no reason why his step daughter should get less either. 🙄
Bingo. Does he value girls?
Good point.
actually easy math - 1/2 for each parent - the boy from previous relationship should then get 1/6, (1/3 of a half), and the other boys each (1/6 + 1/4) - from father, and then half of a mothers half. :D this sh. is crazy. what an awful pos this guy is. i bet he does nothing at home, and sees his money as his, hers as theirs. get out lady!
It's land in his family. Not stuff. Dave is wrong. The husband is not wrong. If she leaves, she can take his family land.
Sounds like the land is way more important than his family. That sounds like you agree.
@@jamisojo it's his family land. It's obviously important to him.