Lungile Matsuma It caught me off guard too, then I realized that some women do that when they're wearing heels that become too high for them when they sit down.
I'm sorry if we don't have kids we don't need to be friends. That's why if I am dating a guy I am not interested in meeting family and child until we are serious. I am not afraid to cut people off when we break up. None of my exes are my friends
When I break up with someone, I am DEAD to them and they're too. Kaput, le fin...THE END. No discussions. I am no longer responsible or obligated to maintain the "awkward friendship." Let's get real. Peace!
so true I always wanted to not if it's nessary because for some reason when you done with someone they will be like can we still be friends like seriously nooooo lol. acturally like this topic is very intresting👍✋
Not a good idea, my boyfriend was friends with his ex and I was okay with it, but he went behind my back and cheated. There friends for a reason. Never again will I accept that
Same. It happened to me. My now ex boyfriend is friends with his ex and I found out that they are having sex (friends with benefits). It hurts alot and I'm trying to heal now.
Girrlll bye, if your ex is coming In between your new relationship and you making it a rule for the new relationship. You deserve to be SINGLE and best friends with your ex.
Right..... Some girls are just delusional beyond logic..... Women have a long list of demand from their partners but men demand only one thing and that is loyalty and if she can't even give him that then she is not suitable for any relationship.
Facts! And I’m a dude. She knows she making it hard for him to find someone and she’s ok with that. And she isn’t going to be able to have a healthy successful relationship either in the future
That's what I'm talkin about somebody with some common sense cuz ain't no way anybody go deal with that she for the streets and if a dude on that type of time he for the streets just throw the whole dude in the trash can and the girl.
I want to ask, cause my bf insist that he need to be friend with his ex, cause they both has been start doing bussines together and the bussines give amazing profit for him, how do you think of this?
Nope, when we are done, we are done. No fake friendship, no hanging out, no relationship. There's nothing to relate to in this ship no more cuz the ship has sailed so bye.
For me the key is in what she (the lady who's friends with her ex) said - "we decided that whoever wants to come into our lives has to accept all of us". That is extremely dangerous as you and your ex have determined he outcome of any new man in your life. Like one of my friends once said - that's a crowded relationship.
People only remain friends with their EX because the love is still there and they don't want to go through the heartbreak of that person not being in their lives. I get it, but unfortunately we all have to experience heartbreak in our lives at some point. It's natural and helps you grow. But staying friends with an Ex is unhealthy and can lead to problems with your new significant other. Just learn your lesson and move on.
Regardless of why your ex stays around, they are not supposed to be. If you struggle with separation anxiety .. seek help. That’s what the conversation is about. Relationshipstuff101
That's the truth right there, and your first sentence said it best, because the love is still there. And you can't love someone new, if you're still loving someone old.
Jade Smith People are so weak, if I break up with someone why in the hell would I try and keep them in my life. That’s honestly the stupidest thing ever, I learned that if someone still has a “friendship” with their ex I need to immediately say goodbye. Maybe it was a good thing that I nearly died, got hospitalized and my gf broke up with me and ran back to her ex lol because I’ll never have that weak mentality.
My thing is, if we ever crossed the line of just "being friends" and am with someone, i cut you off completely..relationships have the their own issues i don't need someone who isn't a factor making my partner insecure..exes are a no no for me..
Anybody who says they're friends with their exes just keeping them on the back burner as a just-in-case person just in case they're lonely just in case they need somebody to talk to it's absolute Madness in my opinion so rude to do that to somebody it is what it is and it was what it was can't change that
There's being cordial with your ex and there's being friends and close friends at that....there's nothing wrong with seeing your ex somewhere and saying hi, how you doing? But we not gonna have any dinner dates, lunch dates, catch a movie dates, or come to my birthday party date for that matter....
@@Positivemindset723 me personally I'm not saying nothing I'm going to keep it moving like the relationship I'm going forward because when you start all that small talk that's when people try to squeeze their way in and I'm cool on that
I never feel the need to be friends with my Ex. You're my ex because you lied cheated and disrespected me. Friends dont disrespect each other. That's why we shouldn't be friends with our ex.
Couples break up for various reasons! If he cheated, lied, mistreated, etc, then I agree, why would you want to stay friends! But what if it was for more mundane reasons, and they decided that even though they respect, like each other, their relationship cannot proceed.. !?
My ex (married 28 years, 27 year old son at the time of divorce) said he hoped we could be friends after his infidelity. I told him friends don't treat each other the way he has treated me. That being said, I haven't seen him in about 3 years. I will only interact whenever there is a major milestone in our son's life. Other than that -no contact.
You should be friends or at least civil with your exes if there's a child involved. As a child of divorce I can't state that enough, how damaging it is when your parents talk about each other in a negative light after the split. That being said BEST FRIENDS? That's a little weird for me.
That’s a no for me. When I’m done I’m done. How can you start a new chapter when the last one is still open? It’s a no; I have enough friends. My aunt always told me you marry your best friend and once you marry my husband is my best friend...PERIOD. Hell when I’m done I don’t even keep your number. I want to be able to make my future partner feel exclusive and I don’t play the phone games. If that ex messaged me then it is literally the start of new string of messages. PERIOD
Steve spoke facts! I don't keep any "friendship" with my exes ever. Because I don't want to entertain the possibility of a new relationship because I'm not over my ex. And that's really all it is. When you want to stay freinds it's because you're nit over that person yet
I agreed, why would you need to stay friends. Makes no sense, cut it off and let him feel the lost. If he want the connection, he have to commit once more! Period
I was friends with my ex when we broke up and we ended up getting back together. We broke up again and this time we are not on speaking terms because we both know that being "friends" does NOT work out. There are way too many feelings involved, even if you both are able to realize you are not compatible, to remain friends. I think everyone at some point who is friends with their ex, is "hoping" that at some point, they will change their mind and get back with you. Once you break up and cut communication, that removes the possibility of "hooking up" or "getting back together" from happening. I think not being friends with an ex is very healthy in the process of being able to move on. You also get use to what life is like without them and I think if you are comfortable with them not being in your life then you should have no problem accepting that your ex does not want to be friends. It's only people who still have feelings for their ex who have trouble comprehending the concept of not being friends with your ex and how unhealthy that is. The only time I think being friends with your ex is good is if you share children together
You can still ‘get on well’ but you have to maintain a healthy distance if you had kids together. It shows the child that their parents share a clear respectful boundary, and stops hope in the child for them getting back together. It also makes room for both partners to grieve that relationship and gives them some space to meet new people. I disagree with being ‘friends’ with your ex. ‘Friendly’ yes, ‘warm’ but NOT friends. That tie is severed when you split. Anyone else agree/disagree?
Never, ever, EVER stay friends with your ex. It's toxic for both of you. I know it sounds harsh, but you need to forget about eachother. There are other people out there.
There's an old saying - Old fire stick easy to catch. Personally for me there's no such thing as exes being best friends. If we to be married i'm your best friend now.
But what if she doesn't tell you that and still being friends with them secretly. I mean you can never know who her ex is unless she tells you directly.
I think people are only friends with their exes if there is a possibility of getting back together or they miss the relationship in some way. People stay friends with exes to keep them on a string like if things don't work out with their partner or they are lonely they can easily contact them. For me if you are my ex, you will never hear from me or contact me again (unless kids are involved)
I don’t speak or even remain friends with none of my ex’s, whether we slept together or not, I have an ex we never slept together, and he wanted to remain friends but I just couldn’t, he was ultimately upset, but I don’t want you to think that I must still be apart of your life, and I have never been more happy if not being friends.I don’t want any memories, you go be happy, and let me go be happy. What exactly do we have to talk about why the relationship didn’t work, I’m sorry but that’s the past, and I’m looking to the future.
Or just not be “friends” with them.. most guys only mention the friend thing so they don’t burn bridges (for possible future hookups, or getting back together).
that means you never really got over them or you just bored and need some love and affection/attention. Anyway...i'd rather you meet someone new than to go back to them. Remember there are over 7 billion ppl. Remember why you guys broke up!!
There's a good chance if you're friends with your ex it can always turn into something sexual. Women like the attention even if she's not planning on something sexual it can build up & she can easily make an exception to allow it. I'm a female & I'm very much aware that wether he's married or not chances are he would have sex with me if I allowed it.
To me it is a respect issue. I will never have my past relationship hurt my future. If you and you ex are friends then they will respect the distance you need for your future relationships.
From a psychology point of view... *it's a bond. The stronger the bond, the harder it is to break.* so what makes a bond stronger? amount of time spent together/time together involving strong emotions like going through tough times and relying on each other to survive through it (you become each others 'safe place'). Connections can be positive or negative that's why people can be strongly 'attached' to abusive partners. Lastly and mainly *sex* yet another strong emotional act and memory shared together, the better it is the more you may be attached. Simply put if you are honest with yourself enough to admit that the sex was awesome and you miss it even a lil, then you can never be genuinely 'just friends'. The person that felt more attached will always be hopeful, even subconsciously.
I was cool and accepted the “friendship” my STBX husband had with his ex, especially since they share a son. 17 years in to my marriage, after I raised their son better than either of them, I found a secret phone number that my husband shares with his ex. It had a passcode to get into the voicemail box. I guessed the password on the first try, the year of my husband’s classic car. So, no. I won’t be cool with the next man having “friendship” with his ex.
I feel people often confuse acquaintances and friendship. I believe exs can be friendly with each other, like acquaintances if they happen to run into each other. But friendship is completely different. If you're still texting each other, and hanging out alone on a consistent basis someone is not over someone else. Like y'all don't want to let each other go, and it's disrespectful to your or his new partner. If there's still feelings, try to work it out and maybe get back together. If it's over for good than accept that it's over!
"We decided that whoever wants to be in a relationship with either of us has to accept all of us. Meaning: We are a family and you are a side piece. Never forget this. 😒
Steve said it all, a relationship may go bad, but usually, the guy will still be attracted to the lady especially if he still can be her friend, it means he really still is attracted, maybe not to have a relationship, but he is still attracted
That's exactly how Steve said it. He still wants something. That's why men try to keep a connection. Women just fall into the trap, and think it would be a shame not to keep a friend who knows you that well. Basically both are using each other, but also damaging their lives by bringing that confusion in. Been there, done that many times - never good.
Women will often keep an ex around as a friend because he is reliable and does things for her. There's a reason she keeps him around too. No onee gives you something for nothing.
Yes, my ex liked to stay in touch with exes, but he had no friends.... It was all he had as he was estranged from his grown up children. It reflected his self centredness and poor relationship skills
I don't understand how you can be friends with an ex. I HATE seeing my exes. I used to work at a job where my ex used to come in and I quit that job. I am cordial with them, saying Hi and smile back at them if I see them but NO I don't want to see you all happy in marriage with kids and here I am single. I am sad and miserable and I don't need an ex to bring me down more than I am on an emotional level
When having sex and creating that soul tides. Soul tides are hard to break which is why its so hard for her to leave him alone so basically she proving my point.
Familiar, residing, and past feelings will always come up with an ex. NEVER put yourself in a situation to make your current partner uncomfortable or feel disrespected.
it depends. it the dude was a cheater or something, then cut ties. if you just fell out of love, then why cut ties with someone good enough as a person to consider having a bond with in the 1st place?
they didn't consider in the discussion: who broke up with who, how long the relationship lasted, the reasons for the break-up, the geographic location of each ex, how the relationship started in the first place (could have been as friends first so is easy to be friends again), etc...
I know this is an old comment but I'll reply anyway...I don't think the factors you mention are actually relevant once two people have become sexually/romantically involved. You can't turn back the clock. Once you have taken a relationship to the next level and become lovers/partners you will never be 'just friends' again - you are now ex-lovers and that is a very different dynamic to bring into a new relationship and expect a new partner to accept. It is disingenuous to claim otherwise.
@@suzy1750 I agree. Before me and my ex dated, we were best friends but after taking things to the next level added a new dynamic so it's impossible to keep the dynamic where it once was as their best friend because sex and affection changed it, you can't get it back once its lost and I think everyone knows that subconsciously but tries to fight against it.
Woman always try so hard to stay friends after a break up but guys don't be like that. Either we want you back or want to have you for something else. We never stay friends with women just to be their friend.
My wife talks to my ex-fiancé WAY more than I do and the two of them get along. We have mutual friends, so we see each other in social situations and we're cool. We even went on a vacation with a group of friends and it was great. We all respected boundaries, and it was great. Would we ever be friends like we used to be? No, but it's nice that we all get along, because she's a great person.
I've stayed friends with exes and ot ruined my relationship. Unnecessary arguments and problems. Me and the exes still had feelings for each other. And I refused to cut off my ex for my relationship. It took alot of growth and understanding to know u can be cool with am ex from a distance. And I mean hi and bye when I sew them on the streets nothing else. I will never allow my relationship to be ruined again . Or make any person I'm dating feel uncomfortable.. No exes is a boundarie for me no exceptions.
i would not have an ex have dinner with my family. WHAT?! in front of your wife you'd bring someone you had sexual relations with? i feel like his current wife isn't okay with that. at least for me, i wouldn't be. Even if you don't have feelings for them i feel like that's just disrespectful.
I'm struggling with this for more than 3 years, I hope my partner is watching this. Being in contact and updating phone and addresses of your ex always is totally damaging and disrespect to your new partner.
Malcolm Parkins what’s the reason for wanting to be friends though? It may not be about wanting to sleep with an ex but if a relationship ends, why continue it in a different form? Don’t you feel it keeps both parties stuck and without any closure?
I agree I think it's okay to be friends with an ex. if the relationship did not work when dating/ married it doesn't mean it won't work as good friend. you might have a better Bond as friends just because you broke up doesn't mean you have to hate the person. it just simply means that your dating life was not equally yoked, but being friends works better for both parties. I believe everybody that comes in your life is for a reason and sometimes a season but I also believe that you should definitely be open and honest about that relationship with any new relationships. For a relationship to work there has to be communication and Trust.
Luxurious Interior Designs interesting viewpoint. So you’re saying hate or friendship are the only options? Can people go their separate ways and wish each other well? I would question any relationship I’m in if my partner felt the need to be friends with his exes. I’d say the issue is people struggling with ‘endings’. Also, usually one person thinks differently about the friendship than the other. For example, secretly hoping for reunification. I don’t understand why anyone would want to be friends unless you have children together
@@mariancounsellor you worded that perfectly that's what I'm talking about anybody who want to be friends with their exes or anybody they ever was sexually involved with I don't want to have anything with them anymore now we all been a fool before and went back a second time or two with the person we was with before but at some point that is dead it's time to move on you can't keep the past in the present when you trying to move forward with a new person it will never work I promise you I feel it's weird for a female that's cool with keeping a ex or a guy she was sexually involved with in her life amongst her new relationship that's like some poly/ swingers/ cuckold type s*** to me LOL
I want to try to be friends with my ex. Even though I'm in a new relationship with somebody else. And two even though my ex did hurt me. I want my ex to be there for me as a friend and be happy for me and my current partner I'm with now. I did ask a few people is it okay to be friends with your ex Well you're dating somebody else. I do like an apology from my ex for hurting me and try to remain friends with him.
Yes! If you don’t have children together, it is very creepy to keep that person in your life. Especially when the woman of the previous marriage has to get her nose up into you and her ex. She thinks she has to be involved in his new relationships, like she has judgement on anything going on. Also, people who WERE married are not BROTHERS & SISTERS now. There is a reason you are NOT together. MOVE ON!! Let that life go. This is a DEF “NO”!! If it is a co-parent situation; Baby Daddy or Baby Mama, by all means, yes. It’s necessary. If the man you are with has an ex, and he doesn’t have YOUR back, get rid of him. There is more going on than either of them will ever admit.
Depends on the breakup. Nothing wrong with being friends as long as the breakup is not that "bad" And the respect was not lost. Just because you break up does NOT always mean that you should totally stop communicating. Maturity. Not the age. But some friendships are worth saving. Case to case in every single one of us.
I have said this so many times. There is none thing wrong with being friends with your ex. I have been through a lot with mine and we remain friends not only for the kids but for our selves. While we in another relationship we respect each other. We talk about a lot of stuff, give each other advice, and help each other.
you don't do life backwards, you first become friends then have a relationship if things go right in the friendship chapter , but once you done ,it means done
Another idea to consider..people are saying if things ended amicably, why not stay friends? My question is are some people fearful of endings? All my relationships ended amicably but remaining friends and readjusting the relationship from a sexual one to a platonic one is almost like holding onto something? Why can’t people have good memories of a person but move on without them in their lives? I feel much more free, able to fully give to a new relationship, and healthier when there’s full closure after a relationship break up. You’re never fully free if your past is still in your present or future no matter what people think. The ex has seen you naked, knows your secrets, has a shared history with you, met your family etc. How can a new partner grow and flourish with you whilst there’s baggage?
This was very educative , every situation is different for sure as long as you always had respect for each other as a couple iam pretty sure the ex will respect you in your new relationship.& still be friends
People who CHOOSE to be friends with their previously LOVER are in denial. It's NOT an exception to the rule, it's only a matter of TIME before they become a statistic of the rule which is, you can not be friends with your previously lover.
I'm friends with my Exes but there's no seeing or hanging out... It shows we're not beefing each other and we've both accepted that we couldn't work out as partners.
nah me and my ex loved each other but when we broke up we just realized we were still too immature for a serious relationship and long-distance so we agreed to stay friends, now we are still the bestest of friends and we both moved on.
I agree there is nothing wrong with being friends with your EX, come on people... Some folks realize they are not good together in a relationship, but better off friends
Exactly.. I see my ex as extended family and people don't get it, but then again they haven't been there or are just not mature enough. When I got divorced I forgave him, forgave myself and moved on. I hold no anger, resentment nor desire for vengeance. Why wouldn't I have a good relationship with the father of my children for my children sake? Why should they go through a divorce from a parent? .. it might be strange for some people but it works for me.
Real Talk.... I agree with you too. Being friends with an ex is absolutely possible, especially when the break up was not brutal and haevily painful. I'm still friends with two exes of mine and we are just fine.
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The lady in green... her foot resting in the floor looks so uncomfortable 😣
Lungile Matsuma thank you ☺️ It’s been bothering me jeeeze girl pick yo foot up lmao 😂
Lungile Matsuma
It caught me off guard too, then I realized that some women do that when they're wearing heels that become too high for them when they sit down.
Lungile Matsuma her feet must've been killing her smh
Lungile Matsuma I bet that foot and leg both numb 😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Psychology says that exes who are still friends never really fell in love or they still can’t let go
For me you don't respect the person you are presently dating if you are best friends with your ex.
fish chicken this the path to a big drama also
Period!
Straight up
Totally agree 💯🙌👍
Facts. In directly you have separation anxiety
After we break up, I don’t know you. We have never met
Me too
Girrrrrl, I am with on your comment! 👏
You don't exist in my life anymore!😏
😂🤣😂 haha
🤣😂😅
Ontee Monaheng Periodttttttt‼️‼️‼️‼️👌🏾
Why continue to waste time with people who waste time?
The lady in green took the words right out my mouth💯
Chille Moss yes!
Mine too. I just feel that if we can be such good friends after we divorced , we should have been grown enough to be friends when we were married.
Period
Sameee
I agree if there are no kids then no
I'm sorry if we don't have kids we don't need to be friends. That's why if I am dating a guy I am not interested in meeting family and child until we are serious. I am not afraid to cut people off when we break up. None of my exes are my friends
nicky rosey Perfect response!
That's because you're a woman
nicky rosey yep i break up with mothers, father's cousins and kids too when we over. I feel like a dead beat potential ex step mama but oh well. 😂
When I break up with someone, I am DEAD to them and they're too. Kaput, le fin...THE END. No discussions. I am no longer responsible or obligated to maintain the "awkward friendship." Let's get real. Peace!
so true I always wanted to not if it's nessary because for some reason when you done with someone they will be like can we still be friends like seriously nooooo lol. acturally like this topic is very intresting👍✋
Not a good idea, my boyfriend was friends with his ex and I was okay with it, but he went behind my back and cheated. There friends for a reason. Never again will I accept that
Good for you
Some ppl learn the hard way.
Was he black?
William Switzner probably not bc black men don’t cheat
Same. It happened to me. My now ex boyfriend is friends with his ex and I found out that they are having sex (friends with benefits). It hurts alot and I'm trying to heal now.
Girrlll bye, if your ex is coming In between your new relationship and you making it a rule for the new relationship. You deserve to be SINGLE and best friends with your ex.
Yes. Say it girl! 😂
Right..... Some girls are just delusional beyond logic..... Women have a long list of demand from their partners but men demand only one thing and that is loyalty and if she can't even give him that then she is not suitable for any relationship.
Facts! And I’m a dude. She knows she making it hard for him to find someone and she’s ok with that. And she isn’t going to be able to have a healthy successful relationship either in the future
That's what I'm talkin about somebody with some common sense cuz ain't no way anybody go deal with that she for the streets and if a dude on that type of time he for the streets just throw the whole dude in the trash can and the girl.
Totally agree... It is so unfair on the new partner
Nope can’t date someone who is best friends with their ex.
Don't worry, no one is trying to date you
And nobody wants to date a worn out man whose best friend is his ex
Me neither!
@@rational_ilamos758 That was really rude. What was the purpose in saying that?
They always screw each other when they meet 🤣😂
I'm a dude and when it's over--IT'S OVER. No text, no calls, no facebook... nothing.
That’s me right there
I agree lol
You do you dude
In my Maury voice and that was not a lie
I want to ask, cause my bf insist that he need to be friend with his ex, cause they both has been start doing bussines together and the bussines give amazing profit for him, how do you think of this?
No, I will never be friends with anyone who broke my heart. You either get all of me or none of me, I know my worth.
Whay if you were the one who broke thiers.
We’ll said!
Bingo!
100% true.
Exes should stay exes, I agree when you break up you don’t need to stay friends or friendly 🙅🏾♀️ what’s the point
Nope, when we are done, we are done. No fake friendship, no hanging out, no relationship. There's nothing to relate to in this ship no more cuz the ship has sailed so bye.
Just NO!!! Move on! If we have kids then ok, other wise this space needs to be empty for my next.
Men who are friends with their EX's have to realise they are simply a "Plan B" in HER back pocket.
Drop her and for good.
staying friends with ur ex is like playing with fire. not a good idea.
Plus the dynamics have changed , if she’s the dumper and you want her back , your always going to be a beta boy
@@Amctothemoon Facts, and if you dumped her and then want her back it's the same thing.
For me the key is in what she (the lady who's friends with her ex) said - "we decided that whoever wants to come into our lives has to accept all of us". That is extremely dangerous as you and your ex have determined he outcome of any new man in your life. Like one of my friends once said - that's a crowded relationship.
ocubex yepp true true relationship work with 2 person fully committed not 3 not the ex that just all of a sudden want to stay friend
she sounds like they are in a relationship and she doesn't want to admit it
AGREED
No healthy relationship,ever needs a 3rd party around, UNLESS ,kids are involved
Nah, same goes for my female friends. If he does not want me to be friends with any of my friends, it's not happening.
People only remain friends with their EX because the love is still there and they don't want to go through the heartbreak of that person not being in their lives. I get it, but unfortunately we all have to experience heartbreak in our lives at some point. It's natural and helps you grow. But staying friends with an Ex is unhealthy and can lead to problems with your new significant other. Just learn your lesson and move on.
Regardless of why your ex stays around, they are not supposed to be. If you struggle with separation anxiety .. seek help. That’s what the conversation is about. Relationshipstuff101
@Round Robin Men do it to too. Usually one person is still in mourning so it can go either way.
That's the truth right there, and your first sentence said it best, because the love is still there. And you can't love someone new, if you're still loving someone old.
Jade Smith People are so weak, if I break up with someone why in the hell would I try and keep them in my life. That’s honestly the stupidest thing ever, I learned that if someone still has a “friendship” with their ex I need to immediately say goodbye. Maybe it was a good thing that I nearly died, got hospitalized and my gf broke up with me and ran back to her ex lol because I’ll never have that weak mentality.
Once i find out my ex got a new man i will cut ties myself.
My thing is, if we ever crossed the line of just "being friends" and am with someone, i cut you off completely..relationships have the their own issues i don't need someone who isn't a factor making my partner insecure..exes are a no no for me..
Anybody who says they're friends with their exes just keeping them on the back burner as a just-in-case person just in case they're lonely just in case they need somebody to talk to it's absolute Madness in my opinion so rude to do that to somebody it is what it is and it was what it was can't change that
There's being cordial with your ex and there's being friends and close friends at that....there's nothing wrong with seeing your ex somewhere and saying hi, how you doing? But we not gonna have any dinner dates, lunch dates, catch a movie dates, or come to my birthday party date for that matter....
everything start by a hi, how are you? and one day things will happen.... I am talking from experience
@@Positivemindset723 me personally I'm not saying nothing I'm going to keep it moving like the relationship I'm going forward because when you start all that small talk that's when people try to squeeze their way in and I'm cool on that
I never feel the need to be friends with my Ex. You're my ex because you lied cheated and disrespected me. Friends dont disrespect each other. That's why we shouldn't be friends with our ex.
Couples break up for various reasons! If he cheated, lied, mistreated, etc, then I agree, why would you want to stay friends! But what if it was for more mundane reasons, and they decided that even though they respect, like each other, their relationship cannot proceed.. !?
If a partner did not make a good spouse/boyfriend he will not be a good friend end of story
Ace Lee
Some women or girlfriends are not the best spouse or friends.
My ex (married 28 years, 27 year old son at the time of divorce) said he hoped we could be friends after his infidelity. I told him friends don't treat each other the way he has treated me. That being said, I haven't seen him in about 3 years. I will only interact whenever there is a major milestone in our son's life. Other than that -no contact.
mickyunit GOOD FOR YOU GIRL✊✊
shapi27 thank you!
You should be friends or at least civil with your exes if there's a child involved. As a child of divorce I can't state that enough, how damaging it is when your parents talk about each other in a negative light after the split. That being said BEST FRIENDS? That's a little weird for me.
Figs3 you can just not trash talk the other person without being friends
You’ll never be friends if you only fo it because you « have to » anyway
That’s a no for me. When I’m done I’m done. How can you start a new chapter when the last one is still open? It’s a no; I have enough friends. My aunt always told me you marry your best friend and once you marry my husband is my best friend...PERIOD. Hell when I’m done I don’t even keep your number. I want to be able to make my future partner feel exclusive and I don’t play the phone games. If that ex messaged me then it is literally the start of new string of messages. PERIOD
True
💯☝🏾
Steve spoke facts! I don't keep any "friendship" with my exes ever. Because I don't want to entertain the possibility of a new relationship because I'm not over my ex. And that's really all it is. When you want to stay freinds it's because you're nit over that person yet
@Round it's not immature it's a reality. You must really young. Or just had a different experience.
That’s garbage!
I agreed, why would you need to stay friends. Makes no sense, cut it off and let him feel the lost. If he want the connection, he have to commit once more! Period
I was friends with my ex when we broke up and we ended up getting back together. We broke up again and this time we are not on speaking terms because we both know that being "friends" does NOT work out. There are way too many feelings involved, even if you both are able to realize you are not compatible, to remain friends. I think everyone at some point who is friends with their ex, is "hoping" that at some point, they will change their mind and get back with you. Once you break up and cut communication, that removes the possibility of "hooking up" or "getting back together" from happening. I think not being friends with an ex is very healthy in the process of being able to move on. You also get use to what life is like without them and I think if you are comfortable with them not being in your life then you should have no problem accepting that your ex does not want to be friends. It's only people who still have feelings for their ex who have trouble comprehending the concept of not being friends with your ex and how unhealthy that is. The only time I think being friends with your ex is good is if you share children together
Xher Blood and then sometimes that can be hard too
Exactly
Well said!
Exactly 💯
You can still ‘get on well’ but you have to maintain a healthy distance if you had kids together. It shows the child that their parents share a clear respectful boundary, and stops hope in the child for them getting back together. It also makes room for both partners to grieve that relationship and gives them some space to meet new people. I disagree with being ‘friends’ with your ex. ‘Friendly’ yes, ‘warm’ but NOT friends. That tie is severed when you split. Anyone else agree/disagree?
Never, ever, EVER stay friends with your ex. It's toxic for both of you. I know it sounds harsh, but you need to forget about eachother. There are other people out there.
Very well put. Thank you
There's an old saying - Old fire stick easy to catch. Personally for me there's no such thing as exes being best friends. If we to be married i'm your best friend now.
🇯🇲 I see you lol talk to dem granny lol
If a woman wants to be friends with her ex, I’m out!! Walking. Steve is absolutely right on this.
But what if she doesn't tell you that and still being friends with them secretly. I mean you can never know who her ex is unless she tells you directly.
@@ayanokoji5594 True dat.
There is no need to stay friends with your ex.
I think people are only friends with their exes if there is a possibility of getting back together or they miss the relationship in some way. People stay friends with exes to keep them on a string like if things don't work out with their partner or they are lonely they can easily contact them. For me if you are my ex, you will never hear from me or contact me again (unless kids are involved)
I don’t speak or even remain friends with none of my ex’s, whether we slept together or not, I have an ex we never slept together, and he wanted to remain friends but I just couldn’t, he was ultimately upset, but I don’t want you to think that I must still be apart of your life, and I have never been more happy if not being friends.I don’t want any memories, you go be happy, and let me go be happy. What exactly do we have to talk about why the relationship didn’t work, I’m sorry but that’s the past, and I’m looking to the future.
I tried being friends with two of my ex’s and we ended up hooking up so I’ve now made it a point to not hook up with my ex’s.
La'Cori Netter Right! 🙄 But we live and learn, I stay far away and don't even try to build a friendship anymore 👌🏾
Or just not be “friends” with them.. most guys only mention the friend thing so they don’t burn bridges (for possible future hookups, or getting back together).
TSE but what do you do when you get over them then they pop back up. Now those old feelings come back and I kind of want a friendship
La'Cori Netter then just be with the person instead. Unless it's damaging you...
that means you never really got over them or you just bored and need some love and affection/attention. Anyway...i'd rather you meet someone new than to go back to them. Remember there are over 7 billion ppl. Remember why you guys broke up!!
When it's over, it's OVER!
There's a good chance if you're friends with your ex it can always turn into something sexual. Women like the attention even if she's not planning on something sexual it can build up & she can easily make an exception to allow it. I'm a female & I'm very much aware that wether he's married or not chances are he would have sex with me if I allowed it.
Thank you Lady. I don't understand why women don't get that.
Truth
To me it is a respect issue. I will never have my past relationship hurt my future. If you and you ex are friends then they will respect the distance you need for your future relationships.
Exactly!
👏🏽👏🏽
After we break up, my ex no longer has access to me, my life, NOTHING.
Honestly, the only reason I ever remained friends with exes was because on some level I still loved and cared for them and letting them go was hard.
From a psychology point of view... *it's a bond. The stronger the bond, the harder it is to break.* so what makes a bond stronger? amount of time spent together/time together involving strong emotions like going through tough times and relying on each other to survive through it (you become each others 'safe place'). Connections can be positive or negative that's why people can be strongly 'attached' to abusive partners. Lastly and mainly *sex* yet another strong emotional act and memory shared together, the better it is the more you may be attached. Simply put if you are honest with yourself enough to admit that the sex was awesome and you miss it even a lil, then you can never be genuinely 'just friends'. The person that felt more attached will always be hopeful, even subconsciously.
This is true!
Just be respectful of your new relationship. If your new partner is fine with it, cool. If not, respect that
I was cool and accepted the “friendship” my STBX husband had with his ex, especially since they share a son.
17 years in to my marriage, after I raised their son better than either of them, I found a secret phone number that my husband shares with his ex. It had a passcode to get into the voicemail box.
I guessed the password on the first try, the year of my husband’s classic car.
So, no. I won’t be cool with the next man having “friendship” with his ex.
I feel people often confuse acquaintances and friendship. I believe exs can be friendly with each other, like acquaintances if they happen to run into each other. But friendship is completely different. If you're still texting each other, and hanging out alone on a consistent basis someone is not over someone else. Like y'all don't want to let each other go, and it's disrespectful to your or his new partner. If there's still feelings, try to work it out and maybe get back together. If it's over for good than accept that it's over!
100% this. 👍
She said that she’s really good friends with him.. it’s not just an acquaintance where they barely talk or spend time with each other…
"We decided that whoever wants to be in a relationship with either of us has to accept all of us.
Meaning: We are a family and you are a side piece. Never forget this. 😒
Well said! Side peice is right. I don’t play side peice.
Steve said it all, a relationship may go bad, but usually, the guy will still be attracted to the lady especially if he still can be her friend, it means he really still is attracted, maybe not to have a relationship, but he is still attracted
Keri Hilson is Gorgeous. Golly!!!
That's exactly how Steve said it. He still wants something. That's why men try to keep a connection. Women just fall into the trap, and think it would be a shame not to keep a friend who knows you that well. Basically both are using each other, but also damaging their lives by bringing that confusion in.
Been there, done that many times - never good.
TheWiLdOne Daniela Exactly
Women will often keep an ex around as a friend because he is reliable and does things for her. There's a reason she keeps him around too. No onee gives you something for nothing.
Yes, my ex liked to stay in touch with exes, but he had no friends.... It was all he had as he was estranged from his grown up children. It reflected his self centredness and poor relationship skills
I don't understand how you can be friends with an ex. I HATE seeing my exes. I used to work at a job where my ex used to come in and I quit that job. I am cordial with them, saying Hi and smile back at them if I see them but NO I don't want to see you all happy in marriage with kids and here I am single. I am sad and miserable and I don't need an ex to bring me down more than I am on an emotional level
Aisha Abdi because you was with weirdos
because not all exes are bad people, especially if the break up was mutual
Beautiful Girl I don’t hate my exes but I agree with you that it’s a strange thing to wanna be friends with someone once the relationship has ended
this, I just refuse.
If you are ''friends'' with your ex while in a relationship you are disrespecting your spouse.....period....
#naive
#delusional
This is why I love Steve because he teaches us to really think 🤔
And he keeps it real
When having sex and creating that soul tides. Soul tides are hard to break which is why its so hard for her to leave him alone so basically she proving my point.
Yep, & she’s completely lying to herself when she keeps saying that she just values his friendship.
It's soul TIES (not tides); but you're absolutely right. It's so important who we choose to share our hearts and bodies with!
If a guy had a ex gf as a bestfriend your woman gone be furious
So soul ties have to involve sex?
You just hit the nail on the soulties is what the dealing point black
Familiar, residing, and past feelings will always come up with an ex. NEVER put yourself in a situation to make your current partner uncomfortable or feel disrespected.
Lady in green!!! Great question to the lady in pink. Why are they not still together? He must have REALLY not been satisfying her in the bedroom.
thrilla72 - It’s so hard to stay in a relationship where there is no “sexual energy.”
thrilla72 lol sometimes the truth comes out unintentionally. Yes if y’all are such great friends, what really is the tea?
it depends. it the dude was a cheater or something, then cut ties. if you just fell out of love, then why cut ties with someone good enough as a person to consider having a bond with in the 1st place?
Lady in the pink is toxic
That’s utter bollox
People fall out of love some grow apart if you base your relationship just on sex might as well go see a prostitute
they didn't consider in the discussion: who broke up with who, how long the relationship lasted, the reasons for the break-up, the geographic location of each ex, how the relationship started in the first place (could have been as friends first so is easy to be friends again), etc...
I know this is an old comment but I'll reply anyway...I don't think the factors you mention are actually relevant once two people have become sexually/romantically involved. You can't turn back the clock. Once you have taken a relationship to the next level and become lovers/partners you will never be 'just friends' again - you are now ex-lovers and that is a very different dynamic to bring into a new relationship and expect a new partner to accept. It is disingenuous to claim otherwise.
@@suzy1750 I agree. Before me and my ex dated, we were best friends but after taking things to the next level added a new dynamic so it's impossible to keep the dynamic where it once was as their best friend because sex and affection changed it, you can't get it back once its lost and I think everyone knows that subconsciously but tries to fight against it.
Woman always try so hard to stay friends after a break up but guys don't be like that. Either we want you back or want to have you for something else. We never stay friends with women just to be their friend.
My wife talks to my ex-fiancé WAY more than I do and the two of them get along. We have mutual friends, so we see each other in social situations and we're cool. We even went on a vacation with a group of friends and it was great. We all respected boundaries, and it was great. Would we ever be friends like we used to be? No, but it's nice that we all get along, because she's a great person.
The attraction stops when they do something or treat you a certain way for whatever period of time that makes that attraction stop.
I've stayed friends with exes and ot ruined my relationship. Unnecessary arguments and problems. Me and the exes still had feelings for each other. And I refused to cut off my ex for my relationship.
It took alot of growth and understanding to know u can be cool with am ex from a distance.
And I mean hi and bye when I sew them on the streets nothing else.
I will never allow my relationship to be ruined again .
Or make any person I'm dating feel uncomfortable..
No exes is a boundarie for me no exceptions.
Clean slate! No Ex...That's drama!
2:09 the way her foot is position makes me cringe! It looks broken XD
I had those Gucci shoes and they are literally 6 inches tall on 4-5 inch platform. You can't sit down without your knees being in your chest.
i would not have an ex have dinner with my family. WHAT?! in front of your wife you'd bring someone you had sexual relations with? i feel like his current wife isn't okay with that. at least for me, i wouldn't be. Even if you don't have feelings for them i feel like that's just disrespectful.
It’s ok to be civilized. But hanging out etc. not a good idea.
I'm struggling with this for more than 3 years, I hope my partner is watching this. Being in contact and updating phone and addresses of your ex always is totally damaging and disrespect to your new partner.
Yes the lady in green said everything I was thinking!!! Once the relationship is over byeeee don’t ever try to talk to me again
Steve shut all of them up and cut out all the bs and excuses
Of course you not steve. You did all your exes dirty.
You can't be friends with your ex....😂😂😂😂
He makes a good point. When do you stop being sexually attracted to someone?
Interesting topic... I guess I'm one of the few who can be friends with my ex and not try to sleep with them...
Malcolm Parkins what’s the reason for wanting to be friends though? It may not be about wanting to sleep with an ex but if a relationship ends, why continue it in a different form? Don’t you feel it keeps both parties stuck and without any closure?
Will you accept your woman to do the same?
I dated a man who was BFF with his ex for 9 months. It was a nightmare!!!
Done is done. It's over.
I agree I think it's okay to be friends with an ex. if the relationship did not work when dating/ married it doesn't mean it won't work as good friend. you might have a better Bond as friends just because you broke up doesn't mean you have to hate the person. it just simply means that your dating life was not equally yoked, but being friends works better for both parties. I believe everybody that comes in your life is for a reason and sometimes a season but I also believe that you should definitely be open and honest about that relationship with any new relationships. For a relationship to work there has to be communication and Trust.
Luxurious Interior Designs interesting viewpoint. So you’re saying hate or friendship are the only options? Can people go their separate ways and wish each other well? I would question any relationship I’m in if my partner felt the need to be friends with his exes. I’d say the issue is people struggling with ‘endings’. Also, usually one person thinks differently about the friendship than the other. For example, secretly hoping for reunification. I don’t understand why anyone would want to be friends unless you have children together
@@mariancounsellor you worded that perfectly that's what I'm talking about anybody who want to be friends with their exes or anybody they ever was sexually involved with I don't want to have anything with them anymore now we all been a fool before and went back a second time or two with the person we was with before but at some point that is dead it's time to move on you can't keep the past in the present when you trying to move forward with a new person it will never work I promise you I feel it's weird for a female that's cool with keeping a ex or a guy she was sexually involved with in her life amongst her new relationship that's like some poly/ swingers/ cuckold type s*** to me LOL
I want to try to be friends with my ex. Even though I'm in a new relationship with somebody else. And two even though my ex did hurt me. I want my ex to be there for me as a friend and be happy for me and my current partner I'm with now. I did ask a few people is it okay to be friends with your ex Well you're dating somebody else. I do like an apology from my ex for hurting me and try to remain friends with him.
Yes! If you don’t have children together, it is very creepy to keep that person in your life. Especially when the woman of the previous marriage has to get her nose up into you and her ex. She thinks she has to be involved in his new relationships, like she has judgement on anything going on. Also, people who WERE married are not BROTHERS & SISTERS now. There is a reason you are NOT together. MOVE ON!! Let that life go. This is a DEF “NO”!!
If it is a co-parent situation; Baby Daddy or Baby Mama, by all means, yes. It’s necessary. If the man you are with has an ex, and he doesn’t have YOUR back, get rid of him. There is more going on than either of them will ever admit.
Thanks steve harvey for making this clear for those who dont get it 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Be friends with whomever you choose
After we break up I break up with you, your mama!!! Lol love it!!!
Depends on the breakup.
Nothing wrong with being friends as long as the breakup is not that "bad"
And the respect was not lost.
Just because you break up does NOT always mean that you should totally stop communicating.
Maturity.
Not the age.
But some friendships are worth saving.
Case to case in every single one of us.
Oh oh no no no, don't be friends with your ex. It will put you in trouble, man,
You should not remain friends with your exes unless you have children together.
Thank you it’s usually girls who stay friends with their ex
Keri should fill in on the real and see if she’s a good fit
HannahEstherRuth yes I think she would be a good fit
Exactly keri hilson , is So real so far i , i'm watching cause of her lol!
I have said this so many times. There is none thing wrong with being friends with your ex. I have been through a lot with mine and we remain friends not only for the kids but for our selves. While we in another relationship we respect each other. We talk about a lot of stuff, give each other advice, and help each other.
My ex husband is my best friend and our kids love it; When one kind of love dies another kind of love must rise; forgiveness and friendship
Steve hit the nail on the head.
you don't do life backwards, you first become friends then have a relationship if things go right in the friendship chapter , but once you done ,it means done
Another idea to consider..people are saying if things ended amicably, why not stay friends? My question is are some people fearful of endings? All my relationships ended amicably but remaining friends and readjusting the relationship from a sexual one to a platonic one is almost like holding onto something? Why can’t people have good memories of a person but move on without them in their lives? I feel much more free, able to fully give to a new relationship, and healthier when there’s full closure after a relationship break up. You’re never fully free if your past is still in your present or future no matter what people think. The ex has seen you naked, knows your secrets, has a shared history with you, met your family etc. How can a new partner grow and flourish with you whilst there’s baggage?
That’s playing with fire! Not necessary bye-bye-bye! Don’t need that outside distraction!
This was very educative , every situation is different for sure as long as you always had respect for each other as a couple iam pretty sure the ex will respect you in your new relationship.& still be friends
People who CHOOSE to be friends with their previously LOVER are in denial. It's NOT an exception to the rule, it's only a matter of TIME before they become a statistic of the rule which is, you can not be friends with your previously lover.
You cannot be friends with exes because someone will always have “residual” feelings, and for me personally, I’m going to end up smashing again
I'm friends with my Exes but there's no seeing or hanging out... It shows we're not beefing each other and we've both accepted that we couldn't work out as partners.
Steve is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
Being Cordial and being "Best Friends" or even "Friends" are different and i'm out, and so should you.
Her ex is like her brother!! GX !! That's just sick !
No to exes. Non negotiable. Unless you have children together.
Perfectly said... that is 'playing with fire'.
nah me and my ex loved each other but when we broke up we just realized we were still too immature for a serious relationship and long-distance so we agreed to stay friends, now we are still the bestest of friends and we both moved on.
I can refer you to a man who helped me get my ex back in few days ago WhatsApp him now ..
+2348164734900⏯⏯⏯⏯ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.........
message him on WhatsApp
ex like your brother? best friend? girl bye!
the lady in the green reminded of something tamar Braxton would say loool
I agree there is nothing wrong with being friends with your EX, come on people... Some folks realize they are not good together in a relationship, but better off friends
Real Talk Wow, that means someone killed the attraction! Likely the man.
Exactly.. I see my ex as extended family and people don't get it, but then again they haven't been there or are just not mature enough. When I got divorced I forgave him, forgave myself and moved on. I hold no anger, resentment nor desire for vengeance. Why wouldn't I have a good relationship with the father of my children for my children sake? Why should they go through a divorce from a parent? .. it might be strange for some people but it works for me.
Mari M Forgave him? Did he cheat?
It’s just not healthy for your next relationship.. No one wants to be with someone who’s still involved with their ex, even if it’s just as friends.
Real Talk.... I agree with you too. Being friends with an ex is absolutely possible, especially when the break up was not brutal and haevily painful. I'm still friends with two exes of mine and we are just fine.