Obviously I can't confirm exactly what Neil means, but to me, "learn what you are" seems to be referring to the "someone" learning the darker parts of yourself you try to keep hidden. Neil writes a lot about depression, so it would make sense if it was a reference to that. I have a lot of anxiety, and for both anxiety and depression (or other mental illness) it's not uncommon for someone who initially seems supportive and loving to turn away after they see the ~real~/mentally ill you. To me, this line means that there is someone who will love you even after you reveal to them that you're mentally ill, which is something that a lot of us fear will never happen.
A Neil Holborn poem for me is like having a blanket wrapped round my ears, my brain. You are not alone in what you are feeling it says to me. And all of your thoughts can be so eloquently wrapped around you in words spoken from someone else’s lips a million miles away.
"You could choose not to but then where would you get really great sandwiches." Find beauty in life through the smallest of graces. But instead of saying it like that, he said it the way he said it. Neil knows the best words to strike a chord with his audience.
Neil's delivery continues to astound me. A breath in just the right place, a stammer, a pause. Always exactly as flawed as it needs to be. Because to call it flawless would be lying.
His poems always hurt but in that good-hurt, cathartic-hurt kind of way that feels almost like taking out an old diary and reading all of your old fears and failures and darkest moments for the first time in a long time. It feels almost like having someone know exactly what is going on and not hating you for it. It feels almost like getting to say these things out loud for yourself. Neil Hilborn, I'm sure you'll never see this comment. But your poetry speaks so deeply what so many of us ache to speak. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being brave enough to share these poems.
Neil you're honestly one of my favorite poets because I can seriously relate to everything you write. You're the reason I myself started writing poetry. I saw how well you expressed you're inner self and I gave it a shot. I am now the founder of the poetry club at my highschool and I'm always writing. I hope one day I get to meet you. That would be amazing. My dream is to one day get published by button. That would be the most amazing thing ever.
It's amazing to see someone perform pain instead of succumbing to it. If I ever get to meet Neil I'll either be in awe to be near such an inspiring mind or I'll somehow believe I've met the more successful version of myself. Keep it up. A lot of us count on your words.
God, I had to watch this twice because the first time I heard Neil's voice I sobbed. This is the first time I've listened to any of his work since my suicide attempt. It just felt like all of those feelings came rushing back because back then I was listening to Neil's videos over and over again to escape all the noise in my head.
I've been watching Neil Holborn since 2015. His honesty about his ups and downs are honestly the little spaces where I can be unapologetically as depressed as I feel and honest about my own journey. You sir are an inspiration. We love you, we support you. Please never stop
There's a fire somewhere down river Just a thin arm of gray reaching off the river flats I'd call it a smoke signal if I were the kind of white person who said that kind of shit. The Lake Street bridge always gives me vertigo The water probably isn't that far away You can sort of see the expressions of the people on the boats below you If you dropped a rock onto the sand, it wouldn't make too deep a hole, I guess I gotta go home now but I'm sitting outside my old home So, when does "home" emerge from just the place where I put all my stuff The new house is where I do all my living so I guess the old house is where I'm dead I've been saying all that so I don't have to say this: It's too easy to jump off a bridge or take some pills No, actually, you've gotta walk to the bridge so no one tows your mom's car. You gotta buy or steal the pills. Mostly, it's too easy to go without saying goodbye Yes there is a place where someone loves you before and after they learn what you are That place is called the world and if you wanna live, really the only option, you could choose not to, but where would you get really great sandwiches or listen to Springsteen with the windows down When you wanna cry you'll have to just not Yes, people will miss you, but you've wanted to kill yourself for a while You've heard that too much and it no longer means anything "Goodbye" isn't a strong enough word but "fuck off forever" isn't always what I mean Listen, if I joke about wanting to kill myself, that means I don't wanna do it Start worrying when I only talk about brunch and dog breeds Start worrying whenever you want to, really, I'm not your boss I don't know - I don't know why I ask my phone how to get home from here but I guess it's nice when someone else agrees with me The GPS says it'll take 3 minutes Home is where I most comfortably have my panic attacks When I get home, I get to stay there I get to sleep then I get to If I want to Do this all again
I've been a huge fan of you since I first saw you read "OCD" and your work always helps me through tough times. Please dont stop. Best wishes and all my love
I wish I had a reason for feeling the way I do. The brain is clay, but the mold is persistent, you said once. I'm scared I'll never stop feeling like that, but I'm also hesitant to know what life would be without those feelings. I guess I'm writing this because it really is nice to have someone else agree with me. Knowing feeling like this doesn't have to be with a reason.
I love how true and simple every words from his poets always. The emotion is deep, or maybe it's just me relating to his works. His works make me die a little inside.
I'm not sure I know what home is... But I like this place where I may sleep Lay dreaming, thinking of those boats, of those faces Maybe short time forget empty spaces .. see images in words crafted by artisan's hands Maybe find peace there Thank you for sharing your gifts Neil
Your poems. When I hear them or read them its the only time i truely relate to something/someone and I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad. But that's okay
Hey guys! I don't normally do this kind of thing (no, really), but I recently self published a book of poetry and I'm trying to get it out there. I can't compare myself to many of the button poetry authors, but if you go to my page and watch my book trailers to see if it might be something you like, I would be grateful! It's under "Five Years of Poems" If you do, thank you.
Overseen alot of people wondering about Neil's appearance.... Cumin guys any 1 who has been in his shoes knows the fluctuations in weight that occur with meds.
If you love this poem, support the artist! Read this and more in Neil's stunning new book, The Future: bit.ly/neilfuture
"there is a place where someone loves you both before and after they learn what you are" is exactly the sentence I needed to hear right now
What does this sentence mean? Especially the after?
Obviously I can't confirm exactly what Neil means, but to me, "learn what you are" seems to be referring to the "someone" learning the darker parts of yourself you try to keep hidden. Neil writes a lot about depression, so it would make sense if it was a reference to that. I have a lot of anxiety, and for both anxiety and depression (or other mental illness) it's not uncommon for someone who initially seems supportive and loving to turn away after they see the ~real~/mentally ill you. To me, this line means that there is someone who will love you even after you reveal to them that you're mentally ill, which is something that a lot of us fear will never happen.
0:57
I’m a simple man, I see Neil and I listen to it 27 times
Make sure to check out his new book! bit.ly/neilfuture
💯
“don’t worry when i joke about killing myself bc that’s when i won’t “”
A Neil Holborn poem for me is like having a blanket wrapped round my ears, my brain. You are not alone in what you are feeling it says to me. And all of your thoughts can be so eloquently wrapped around you in words spoken from someone else’s lips a million miles away.
Thank god for the internet
“Home is where I most comfortably have my panic attacks”
My fav
"You could choose not to but then where would you get really great sandwiches."
Find beauty in life through the smallest of graces. But instead of saying it like that, he said it the way he said it. Neil knows the best words to strike a chord with his audience.
"The new house is where I do all my living so I guess the old house is where I'm dead" ❤
Neil's delivery continues to astound me. A breath in just the right place, a stammer, a pause. Always exactly as flawed as it needs to be. Because to call it flawless would be lying.
my thoughts exactly. everytime I hear his voice I can feel just how human it is
His poems always hurt but in that good-hurt, cathartic-hurt kind of way that feels almost like taking out an old diary and reading all of your old fears and failures and darkest moments for the first time in a long time. It feels almost like having someone know exactly what is going on and not hating you for it. It feels almost like getting to say these things out loud for yourself. Neil Hilborn, I'm sure you'll never see this comment. But your poetry speaks so deeply what so many of us ache to speak. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being brave enough to share these poems.
Thankful for people like you who speak words so that people who live in silence can feel like they have a voice.
this is absolutely beautiful in the darkest way
Id love to see Neil live
Neil Hilborn is absolutely AMAZING!!! All of his poems relate to me and my life so much.
&& his voice....omg, I adore him! ☺️
Make sure to check out his book! bit.ly/neilfuture
He preformed this at my college a few weeks ago!!
So he formed it before forming it? Ohhhh, you mean he performed it. Sorry, just being a smart ass.
Ascetic Walker that’s exactly what I’m saying... he let us hear it while he was at my college before it was posted to Button
22burnsie - I was just messing with your misspelling of the word, "performed," mate. I know what you meant.
I always appreciate anything that comes from the mind of this dude
Neil is kek god
Neil you're honestly one of my favorite poets because I can seriously relate to everything you write. You're the reason I myself started writing poetry. I saw how well you expressed you're inner self and I gave it a shot. I am now the founder of the poetry club at my highschool and I'm always writing. I hope one day I get to meet you. That would be amazing. My dream is to one day get published by button. That would be the most amazing thing ever.
I love Neil hillborn, especially his poem " joey"
It's amazing to see someone perform pain instead of succumbing to it. If I ever get to meet Neil I'll either be in awe to be near such an inspiring mind or I'll somehow believe I've met the more successful version of myself. Keep it up. A lot of us count on your words.
Does anyone else cry at Neil’s poems? ❤️
God, I had to watch this twice because the first time I heard Neil's voice I sobbed. This is the first time I've listened to any of his work since my suicide attempt. It just felt like all of those feelings came rushing back because back then I was listening to Neil's videos over and over again to escape all the noise in my head.
I've been watching Neil Holborn since 2015. His honesty about his ups and downs are honestly the little spaces where I can be unapologetically as depressed as I feel and honest about my own journey. You sir are an inspiration. We love you, we support you. Please never stop
This kept me here. Thank you. I reached out so strangers hoping one would understand. You. Thank YOU. Neil.
There's a fire somewhere down river
Just a thin arm of gray reaching off the river flats
I'd call it a smoke signal if I were the kind of white person who said that kind of shit.
The Lake Street bridge always gives me vertigo
The water probably isn't that far away
You can sort of see the expressions of the people on the boats below you
If you dropped a rock onto the sand, it wouldn't make too deep a hole, I guess
I gotta go home now but I'm sitting outside my old home
So, when does "home" emerge from just the place where I put all my stuff
The new house is where I do all my living so I guess the old house is where I'm dead
I've been saying all that so I don't have to say this:
It's too easy to jump off a bridge or take some pills
No, actually, you've gotta walk to the bridge so no one tows your mom's car. You gotta buy or steal the pills.
Mostly, it's too easy to go without saying goodbye
Yes there is a place where someone loves you before and after they learn what you are
That place is called the world and if you wanna live, really the only option, you could choose not to, but where would you get really great sandwiches or listen to Springsteen with the windows down
When you wanna cry you'll have to just not
Yes, people will miss you, but you've wanted to kill yourself for a while
You've heard that too much and it no longer means anything
"Goodbye" isn't a strong enough word but "fuck off forever" isn't always what I mean
Listen, if I joke about wanting to kill myself, that means I don't wanna do it
Start worrying when I only talk about brunch and dog breeds
Start worrying whenever you want to, really, I'm not your boss
I don't know - I don't know why I ask my phone how to get home from here but I guess it's nice when someone else agrees with me
The GPS says it'll take 3 minutes
Home is where I most comfortably have my panic attacks
When I get home, I get to stay there
I get to sleep then I get to
If I want to
Do this all again
Thank you very much. 🤠✨
I was at this show and I just man I just love you. The emotions you put Into your work is so much and so special
What a coincidence that ten second after I start having a meltdown, I find this and feel a little better
I've been a huge fan of you since I first saw you read "OCD" and your work always helps me through tough times. Please dont stop. Best wishes and all my love
This is the only TH-cam channel that I don't watch on 2x speed.
so trueeee
Oh my gosh, same.
AH ANOTHER NERDFIGHTER! HELLO!!!
I don't think he's ever uttered a word I didn't feel in my core. Love him.
Neil Hilborn saved my life and for that I owe him everything
I was a mess today, mentally had a break down thank this channel for this beauty
This broke my heart. Every word just explains how I feel.
Had the honour of hearing this performed live. I get goosebumps every time.
I saw him preform this one live a few weeks ago. It's amazing how the energy in this poem has changed since then. Much more somber now.
Neil should have CD's !
he has one! it's called northbound.
he’s on Spotify!
Neil always comes through for me during the dark days. Today was no exception ❤️
keep up the good work in you
Sometimes, when I listen to Neil, I just want to give him a hug and say everything's okay, everything will get okay.
He gets it
Wow. Thank you. " if you want to, do it all again." Powerful ❤🕯
I saw a him perform about a month ago. I had a line from this poem stuck in my head today but I couldn't remember what it was from. Thanks
I adore Neil.
Thank you.
Thank you. Your poems mean more to me than you’ll even know
Neil is my absolute favorite and honestly I really needed this lately. Thank you for being so wonderful
“When I get home, I get to stay there; I get to sleep; then i get to, if I want to, do this all again.”
I love Neil Hilborn
I wish I had a reason for feeling the way I do. The brain is clay, but the mold is persistent, you said once. I'm scared I'll never stop feeling like that, but I'm also hesitant to know what life would be without those feelings.
I guess I'm writing this because it really is nice to have someone else agree with me. Knowing feeling like this doesn't have to be with a reason.
I love how true and simple every words from his poets always.
The emotion is deep, or maybe it's just me relating to his works. His works make me die a little inside.
Thank you ! Thank you so much . Thank you !
Neil is one of my favourite poets.
"Home is where I most comfortably have my panic attacks"...
Thank you for this..A reminder to keep going.
Damn, I love this guy. He is so crazy talented and I could listen to him for hours and hours ❤
Why is everything he does so amazing
i love neil more than anything-
Even now I still wish I could meet you. Your words makes sense and flow
im planning to off myself on sunday so im watching all my favourite poems to feel okay with it. this ones near the top of the list.
It’s been two years. I hope you chose to keep living, if only for the sandwiches. 💙
that was absouly breathtaking
Wow. Couldn’t have put it better.
i love this man
I'm not sure I know what home is...
But I like this place where I may sleep
Lay dreaming, thinking of those boats, of those faces
Maybe short time forget empty spaces .. see images in words crafted by artisan's hands
Maybe find peace there
Thank you for sharing your gifts Neil
"Mostly its too easy to go without saying goodbye"
As someone who’s been struggling to find purpose as of late, this really meant a lot, thank you... 😌
Home is where i most comfortably have my panic attacks
Thank you
Thank you is all I can say right now. 💜💔💜
I love this.
I love this!
He speaks my mind
Your poems. When I hear them or read them its the only time i truely relate to something/someone and I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad. But that's okay
I needed this more than said.
i needed that
does it really have people who love you before or after they learn who you are? you learn something new everyday
Wow... that was amazing.
My favorite person
OH MY GOD YES I LOVE HIM
"That place is called the world."
this is amazing.. thank you for this
I needed this. Thank you.
"when you want to cry, you'll have to just...not"
Now, that is fucking powerful
"Home is where I most comfortably have my panic attacks. When I get home, I get to stay there." Yeh..
Looks like someone accidentally hit the dislike button. Love the poem❤️
It's too easy to go without saying goodbye. 😧
I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT!
Wow
Goodbye isn’t a strong enough word but fuck off forever isn’t always what I mean
Why was the crowd so dead
He said he was sitting in front of his old house... His old house is the place he'd be dead...
this is fucking amazing ♡♡
Is this the same guy who did OCD, because he looks and sounds different
The Mexican Says yes it’s the same guy
He basically looks different in every video we just go with it
congrats on your marriage!!!
Teru WHAT!?
Nidhi Gupta he's engaged!
if i see neil i click
I'm sorry Anna.
Lucky to those who have a home. Cause I didn't.
“Yes people will miss you, but if you’ve wanted to kill yourself for a while you’ve heard that to much. And I no longer means anything” Wow. Just wow.
I hope I live past the first ten seconds
i don't know if i was what would love be but, i'm so alone in life
Hey guys! I don't normally do this kind of thing (no, really), but I recently self published a book of poetry and I'm trying to get it out there. I can't compare myself to many of the button poetry authors, but if you go to my page and watch my book trailers to see if it might be something you like, I would be grateful! It's under "Five Years of Poems" If you do, thank you.
Overseen alot of people wondering about Neil's appearance.... Cumin guys any 1 who has been in his shoes knows the fluctuations in weight that occur with meds.