Same. I can't even understand why young people think these situations are fun. Something terrible usually happens. I have seen healthy young people become permanently disabled at events that were supposed to be fun. There are a couple of places where I can go have a drink, and good conversation. I avoid these same places on the weekends. I have also come to realize that some people never grow up.
It's all about being seen, if they just wanted to get turnt up they'd stay home. You don't get the same validation from your peers. However, when you are with your buddies showing your ass off well that's pretty much what it's about.
I've had many, many great nights in pubs where I've met strangers and had a good time, specifically if I'm traveling. I'm American and I have family in Ireland, so I've spent time wandering there and some of my best memories come from these situations. I wouldn't have any time for bullies, though.
I've been bullied by two female bosses in my life, years ago. I found it very difficult to deal with. With a male boss you always had that understanding that I was a man and not a weak one...that was always there in the background. A woman in a position of authority over you is a different scenario altogether. For example, on one occasion, when after months of trying to please ( I know, wrong tactic...took a long time to figure out) I started to answer back and stand up to it. Immediately she went with the I don't feel safe around you routine and I feel threstened. In fact, it was the other way round - but it took the wind out of my sails. Of course , these type of women are manipulative and scheming...probably how they became the boss. Men I just found easier to deal with. I might add, the best boss I ever had was a woman. They are not all the same haha.
I'm also female and in a management position and I believe in letting people get on with their work, they'll come to me if they need something. If there's something complex with another dept, and it's an issue or from senior leadership, I'll deal with it. I think a good manager is an umbrella for crap from above and an advocate for everyone related/direct to them. Do you think the bully women are just crap managers who think they have to be aggressive to be a good manager, or do you think they are bully personalities? I've had some amazing female bosses that I've used as my guide and tried to be like. I've also suffered with antisocial people who would cause upset wherever they went to bolster themselves. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter.... If someone is using dynamics at work to further themselves, bolster their self esteem and not the actual work they're a problem.
@@allosaurusfragilis7782 You are absolutely correct. They are sadistic, cowardly and society protects them. No wonder men have walked away. That was their✡ plan.
And then tell you it's normal, they're just critiquing your work but it's not if they say the author is x, y and z... Or put you down or threaten you with lack of opportunity when you won't take on overtime/additional work. It's endemic.
Never underestimate a person by their size. I was driving down a country road about 50 years ago (I'm 71 now) and the truck in front of me was road raging a small guy on a motorcycle, running him almost off the road. The small guy stopped at a stop sign and got off his motorcycle. This guy was 5' 5"" on a good day and thin. The guy in the truck was a foot taller and twice the weight. He should have stayed in his truck. Short story, the small guy beat the bully into the ground, jumped back on his motorcycle and went about his business like nothing happened. The guy in the truck was knocked cold. It was like,I saw it but didn't believe my own eyes. Treat people the way you would want to be treated and generally you won't have any problems.
The Queen Bees are just vile. You do sometimes find them in libraries. They like to be in 2IC roles where they can rattle big bunches of keys and make everyone's life hell ;) . They're creepy in violent situations because they're always stirring the pot, while claiming to be peacemakers.
The Hollywood bully thing was always weird to me. The 'jocks' were largely really decent people when I was at school 20+ years ago. The bullies were almost always from bad homes in rough areas. None were particularly physically intimidating, but they'd attack the smallest and weakest people, in groups and sometimes with weapons. A significant number were also female, and they wouldn't tend to get into fights, but they'd spread rumours and get guys to attack people for them.
Thanks for making this. I deal with bullying in the workplace. It’s all a game. I’ve seen a few of the guys outside of the workplace and they act like my best friend. I’ve noticed a lot of people in the workplace get too attached to their titles. Which makes them weak. Which leads to bullying. I’ve always found it strange when a persons identity revolves around their job title.
The titles issue in the workplace is very real. People quickly become aloof and arrogant as they work their way upward. There is often a free pass for bullying and bad behaviour among the upper ranks. This creates an environment where lower level staff might feel uncomfortable about exerting normal confident rebuffs due to financial concerns (being made unemployed). If anyone works for such a company I would advise again that they do not take the easy option (to put up with it). Instead understand that your environment is toxic and out of your control. Smile, stay confident and seek a different job. Upon leaving offer a letter to the MD calling out the toxicity. Its a tough and scary move but the long term benefits on mental health are vast.
As a young lad had a buddy who was 6'4 but hadn't filled out yet. The amount of idiots who would try and start a problem with him was unreal. I think it stroked their ego to get one over on a big lad. He was a real nice guy and once he put on some timber he was left alone.
Love these. Almost all streetwise people act on instinct and can’t necessarily articulate themselves like you can. It’s a rarity… reminds me of Daniel Tammet - the autistic savant who can explain how he performs mental maths and solves impossible problems.
@@Alpha_blossomYou’ve missed the point hombre. It’s the articulation of thought processes and heuristics in dicey situations that the majority of streetwise people wouldn’t be able to explain, as they act on instinct. If I wanted to compliment the creator for just being articulate, I would have compared to Oscar Wilde or Winston Churchill.
It's funny you mention getting "felt up" by travellers as, now you mention it, I recall one did this to me when I worked in a builders merchant, (Covers, when it was on the Lewes road). Came in wanting me to load a bit extra on his van for a bit of cash in hand on the sly and giving my arm and shoulder a bit of a squeeze whilst he did so. Back then, being young and in great shape doing a very physical job he clearly got the impression that he didn't want to tangle with me as he squared up to my much leaner colleague in the yard instead once he learned we weren't going to play that game. Naturally I backed my mate and the fella actually said he had no problem with me but would x y & z my mate etc. Lucky for him he decided not to press his luck, which was good for him as, although quite lean, my mate was a practising taekwondo blackbelt - I think he'd have had better luck against me 😅
Yup. I had to take a gentleman that is probably my dad's age outside, and sort things out. It didn't become violent, but I thought that it might go that way. He was a military guy that was used to bossing people around. I simply explained that I don't put up with that type of behavior. We actually became good friends, and we still talk, although both of us have moved on from that job.
These are good insights. I would say I have never been seriously bullied, but I recognise a lot of what you are talking about. I used to work on building sites where one carpenter in particular used to like to throw his weight about, all in "good fun". I couldnt walk past him without him making a threatening gesture to see if I would flinch, or he would throw me on the floor, or pick me up and bear hug me until I seriously thought some ribs were going to give way. A "friendly little spar" would be him throwing punches to my body that I could feel a week later, all to show how much stronger he was I suppose. I realise from what you say, that my mistake was laughing along with it from the beginning, treating it like banter. One time I was walking down the high street in my nearby city and a guy jumped on me and threw me on the pavement, which scared me and several passers by, but then he picked me up, laughing merrily - same chippy. Don't get me wrong, I still liked the guy and I smile about it now, but I let him cross a line once and it progressed from there.
One of the best down to earth videos Re bullying. No fancy Psychology terms or academic jargon. Just nuggets of wisdom from real life experience. Brilliant.
I've worked all of my life in machine shops and they can be quite harsh environments. You have a load of blokes from working class backgrounds all vying to be Alpha and there are a lot of bullies You were absolutely correct in saying that the use of intelligent, language and the threat of humiliation can defuse a situation very quickly, I've done it for 41 years because I'm 5' 5"!
Worked with the mentally ill for over 10 years and all of the things you talk about are relevant and make sense. Unfortunately when situations unravel it can become difficult to stay focused and apply all the great ideas you propose. I'm not saying you're wrong (far from it you are bang on) it's just when emotions and circumstance play out it's REALLY difficult to stay framed. Great talk/video - lots of people could learn a lot from this.
I like that sentence: "Mate, get your f'ing hand off my arm" It starts with a soft friendly reference to the person, but follows up with explicitly defining the line.
This is the best breakdown on the subject I’ve seen. The old “all bullies are cowards and they’ll back down” bollocks, will get you a good hiding. This is good stuff that hopefully will save some folks from a life of misery and fear. 5’9? I thought you’d be… bigger!
In more corporate jobs the bullying is abuse of power. I think in such a case the only option if ignoring does not work is to be willing to lose the job or walk away. I had a middle manager start bullying me once. Eventuqlly intimidating me that he would talk to the GM about me. Gm happened to come in that afternoon. So i organised a meeting with the GM and the middle manager. In the meeting all i said to GM was, he wants to talk to you about my conduct and i want this meeting so i can hear what he says. I put him in the hot seat. He had nothing, my productivity was high, GM knew it. Middle manager got demoted. If he hadnt though, i would have walked. But i never said that, nor did i grass.
These security stories are your best content. You'll be invited onto podcasts soon enough I'm sure. Such fascinating insight into mainly male behaviour.
I'm 6'4" in good shape, I've always despised bullies as my younger brother is disabled. Some of the most unpleasant experiences have been with small, male librarians.
Same experience here. Im 6'7, former athlete and a fit 280lbs. I haven't been in a fight since there 5th grade. I have no need or desire to prove anything. But i can't count how many times guys in the 5'7 range have actively tried to fight me.
@@kirkmichaelsbackyardtunes It's... baffling. The best I can assume is that they imagine I'm looking down on them. Perhaps start carrying an idiot box? I'm 59, the last fight I had was 20 years ago. Best of luck, we can't shrink can we?👌
I’ve just come across your channel. What a lovely bloke. Great advice. Your “don’t let other blokes touch you” is great advice and so true I wish your channel the best & hope it grows
Good advice! I love pulling the unusual/unexpected tactic if I can come up with something good on the spot. It can even turn into a sort of performance art piece under the right circumstances and be a lot of fun, even for the bullies.
Just found your channel. Some really good videos. I think professional bouncers are one of the most overlooked jobs in terms of importance. Their mere presence keeps thousands of people safer on nights out and as is apparent from these videos when done well is an art form.
i always see bullies in social environments in the way you might see a bike outside a train station - you want to be the bike with 2 or 3 locks on it. it can still be robbed, but people go for an easy target. same thing applies with bullies - if someone wants to beat you up, they will. you just want to be a hard target so they go to someone else. noticed some behaviour i do in this video and didn't realise it was bad until i heard you put it like this. going to change based on this. i get very touchy/physical with people when drunk and its usually from a place of friendliness or trying to be socially loud/make friends (which is bad trait).
Yeah, same thing with muggers. Walk around looking withdrawn and nervous - you're a target. Walk around looking purposeful and aware of your surroundings and they'll pick an easier target.
The whole lets have a wrestle or a little spar thing has always been a good way to spot lads who im probably not aligned with.. don’t get me wrong its good fun with mates after a few drinks and that.. but with randoms at parties and other functions.. like you said it’s a total square up.. Here in Australia its “lets run straight”, two lads basically run at each other full pelt and whoever falls on impact is the loser😂 Nice vid..
Brilliant advice, especially having strong boundaries and keeping them, being a hard target will keep you safe from most problem people (excluding drug users, mental health nominals and cuntwombles with something to prove).
That white powder turns nice people into animals sometimes too. Especially with alcohol. All good advice there. Only found the channel today, so a bit late !
This is a great video thank you for posting this. You are spot on about much of this stuff, my old school buddy was a fighter just loved it boxing kick boxing weight lifting martial arts he would go out on Saturday night and stay sober acting meek and drunk in a tracksuit to hide his trained body and he would just wait until some bully and his mates started on him the outcome was a red pavement. He has calmed down now with age but the bully's were taught not to mess with the lone weak looking guy.
@@moorshound3243 It is nice to hear they were taught a lesson. Unfortunately they rarely change their habits. They just become more proficient at victim selection..
My mate had a drinking buddy who would do a similar thing ,Acting drunk ,provoking fights by bumping into people, spilling drinks but acting very very submissive and apologetic. Offering to buy another drink ( which he would ) However If people escalated the situation he literally said he got the Christmas morning feeling. He was stone cold sober and psychopathic.
Spot on, your insight is very valuable to almost anyone who comes across bullies. I would go as far to say I don't think I ever came across a better overview of the issue. The only thing I would add, coming from years of life experience surviving school and prison systems, is that in those types of environments, where you are interacting with bullies on a daily basis and you are a captive audience and potential victim, "don't play into their screenplay" unfortunately simply isn't an option. At one point or another you will find yourself in a situation where your avoiding tactics and boundaries setting will fail and you will be forced, either psychologically or by brute physical force, to engage and take your place in the pecking order. Usually you find yourself with several bad options presented. You can swallow your pride, submit, stay clear as much as you can and hope for mercy when you can't. Or you can join some pack, usually of the hyena variety, that offers protection but also makes you pay for it dearly in one way or another. You can be the crazy misfit who always takes on a fight and usually loses, but it earns you enough respect to be left alone. Boss level is when you are so exceptional that you can bully anyone and you use that dominance benevolently, to keep all the wannabe bullies in check. Also, you can snitch on the bullies to the authorities, which actually works great in the today's school system but not so much in prisons, at least it didn't last time I checked.
@@thatgearguy From your other videos, if I am not wrong, it sounds like you only spent some time in police custody but not in prisons. Probably wrong thing to say, but I almost wish you did some time, just to get us an ultimate prison survival guide video. :)
@@thatgearguy Well, you didn't miss much, prison boils down to time wasting for everyone included and learning how to play the game within the system rules. In the best case scenario, it is an opportunity for some personal growth and finding out what you're made of. On that note, your channel is made of some great content and hope it will grow to a scale where you don't have the time to waste on interacting with audience. :) All the best and keep it up.
Excellent insights - cheers. And your advice about dealing with the status-seeking bullies or 'pretend matey bollocks' also is similar, as appropriate, when teachers need to set boundaries with cocky show-offs in classrooms. (Of course, such gobsh*tes often end up as bullies by their mid-teenage years because they've been able to get away with so much in their school environments previously).
I worked construction / steel concrete / for 5 years in US. I’m only 5ft10inch and I wear baggy clothes but I do lift. Every time with a new company people test me and push me around, but only 1 time because I snap back quick. No problems ever after week 1 hah … totally agree 👍
That’s amazing ! I had exactly that experience with a new guy at work , he kept kind of squeezing my shoulder or something as he walked past in a kind of “ greeting” after a couple of times I’d had enough and the next time I told him not to put his hands on me , he made some lame excuse about me being in his way so I said “ we’ll ask me to move “ he immediately tried to regain the situation by saying “ it’s than me shoving you “ so I told him that was preferable to me punching him in the mouth ! Just as you say he went straight into being the victim and now is sickly nice to me 😂
Oh yeah. "The Dominator". 😅 That's definitely a character that you will see in the workplace. I usually just point out that they are trying to compensate for something. I actually start calling them "The Dominator". They are passively trying to well.... dominate you. They are usually insecure, and they will stop as soon as you call them out. Giving them the silly nickname "the Dominator" definitely gives you the edge in the relationship. Lol
Anyone who has worked behind the wall or been behind the wall will know that you never let an aggressor show dominance over you or intimidate you. You stop it fast else it becomes a much worse problem later.
I am most interested in this kind of talks since your ample experience as a doorman. Almost everything you mention about bullies sounds very familiar. Unfortunately in the city I lived in (Haarlem, The Netherlands) the bar scene was ridiculiously agressive. My small circle of friends weren't interested in the latest fashion nor impressed by the coolest guys around, and that made us a target for the insecure boys who tried to belong to a group. In short: during a full decade I had a lot of fights in the street. Almost every fight, better said: every-, was not provoqued by me. Most times the other just suddenly attacked completely out of the blue. Going out for a drink was always a dangerous event. But I just refused to get scared away. Even in school there was a lot of agression. There was some stabbing with knives too, in a few occasions. I got a knive in my leg one time. My strategy was to just avoid the bullies were possible. Ignore their insults. Walk away. But when I didn't see any way out, I completely fought with all the tunnelvision in the world to do as much damage as possible. It was the only way to let them know I was not the easiest target. I learned a lot about human behaviour those years, which was of great use when I later became the sound mixer of a rock band and we stood every night in another bar. So, long story, but very interesting all you say about it as a professional! Thanks for the video.
@@kayasper6081 I went to Haarlem once. We were in Amsterdam and a cabbie took us to Haarlem because my friend thought the red light would be cheaper. It was.. and rougher!!
Listening to your examples, I'm seeing this as an issue with authority. The bully believes they have a higher authority than their victim. That authority is given to them by someone above the bully in the power hierarchy. So, how to handle it? I would suggest where possible, the victim does not waste time attempting to placate the bully, but builds a connection with the person above the bully in the power hierarchy. The higher up the hierarchy the better. Then when the bully tries their play, the victim can throw in the connection they have with the top dog above them. The British movies "If" and "Scum" have good examples of bullying in them. But the funniest example of dealing with bullying is in the old movie "How Green Is My Valley" when the boxer in the village deals with the school teacher by showing his boxing skills in front of the pupils.
What got me out of troubles twice is not to act like a victim. I'm only 5 feet but I'm lucky I have 8 brothers and that gave me plenty of experience at not putting up with their BS Yes I was the youngest of 8 brothers and 4 sister...catholic family.
What you say at the start about not entering into the dialogue or dance worked for me many times. Every time infact. Someone would start something verbal ( in a bar or club) and i would just ignore it. Even if pushed, even if my drink got spilled, even if pushed off a chair. Just ignore it. My theory was, that its like when cats fight. There is a build up kind of dance that happens first, and not entering that sequence worked for me. Its like they would look stupid if they hit me if i wasnt playing along. No glory to be had. Unlike you, i would often keep my back turned. And only one time did it not work. And that was the only time my beef was with a woman. I think the game just does not work with women. Different rules. I turned my back and ignored the interaction, only to be smashed over the head with an unfinished vodka bottle. A few seconds later my legs buckled imvoluntarily and i ended up with a free ambo trip and staples.
Had wierd a situation one Sunday afternoon around 3 years ago. I was waiting for a bus to take me into the city centre. Young guy aged early 20s - 30 years old walks from the direction of a pub towards the bus stop. Was hoping he'd walk past but came right up to me right into my personal space. I stood my ground and didn't step back. Guy then asks me for £10 or £20 because he needs to get a taxi from the nearby Aldi and if he cannot get this taxi he'd be "f**ked” . I replied back in a slightly sarcastic tone "I'm so sorry to hear that" . The cheeky sod was dressed in nicer clothes than I was. Realising that he wasn't going to get any money from me peaceably he then hugged me which took me by surprise at that moment. He then walked off. I tried to mentally process what had happened for the rest of the day. Dawned on me that he was perhaps a traveller testing me out as explained in this video . I'm far from an Alpha male so I counted my lucky stars not to get a beating after my cocky retort.
Love your videos! I'm 6'2" 12 stone (lanky streak of piss😂) never had trouble. Dont know what it is, seem to get nothing but handshakes and fist bumps in the finest of establishments 😂😂😂 Never had trouble, and when I have they backed down before anything kicked off. All in the grey matter and how you talk 😂 I dont look for trouble at all ever, but I guess there's always an easier target perceptively.
6:59 because these bullies are cowards in their hearts, it takes many of them together to have one pair of balls, when you catch them alone its not that they like you its just they know the fighting field just leveled out one on one and bullies are cowards that's why they run their mouths only with their boys around them and they know you're alone
A myth but I like the the sentiment. There may be some truth that the sycophantic followers are cowards. I have seen plenty of tough bullies who are willing to take plenty of pain.
Solid knowledge as always I would say 2 things , never turn your back only takes 0.3 seconds for s person to strike you. 2 the people grabbing you is seeing your level of fighting skills because violence is distance control, if they know they can get close then they can do a cheap shot and ko you then they look the big man. Because you're done. Question tho bullying in that work environment where you have to work with other Alpha men wondering your thoughts on navigating that situation
I discuss the work situation in the video. Set the rules for the game on the outset. Do not allow people to push you into a submissive status. Saying no or cutting off unwanted chat are vital skills.
Roger that, you ever seen it on a door team with high level skilled fighters because i think when it comes down to it with alpha men its king of the jungle who is the best fighter in large Alpha male environments work , army , prison etc. Very intresting @thatgearguy
more explanation would be helpful on the ways humor can work for you in keeping bullies away. Examples. Good work, thanks! I always watch your full episodes.
Bullies tend to pick on people who are weaker than themselves, or they percieve to be weaker than them. This tend's to go for the more physical type of bully, often meat heads. Then there's the work place bully, could be a man or woman, sometimes a lower level manager trying to climb the greasy pole. They will bully anyone who is a threat to them, often Narcisistic so have insecurities as well. They also use people to do their bidding, more commonly known as "Flying Monkey's" and they will also take part in the phsycological onslaught. At 64 years young, I have encountered both types of Bully, the worse I find personally speaking are the work place bully, as they can covertly bully you, gaslight you, and use their position to demoralize you. In other words it's more tactical as well as insidious.Physical bullies more often or not are cowards, not to say that they can not handle themselves, but they will not take on someone who has a renowned reputation as being tough. or has the ability or strength to overpower them.
Sad video of a big kid doing that in a mall where he gets caught in the neck by another kids knife ,bled out and died. Tragedy for everyone ,murdered over a turf war in a mall .
This is a great video and I completely agree with what you're saying, however, I will say that as a woman I had to get used to being the villain and having people cut me off once I (respectfully) cut them down and/or they did not get what they wanted from me. Rarely (for a woman) do situations resort to physical violence (although I have had that happen with men), but once I politely and quietly shut someone down, even if it's respectful and polite, they want absolutely nothing to do with me. I think this is why so many women play "nice". It's a defense mechanism from being isolated and ostracized. Also, I will say I've never been a bouncer so I cannot speak to how that would be for a woman in that situation.
@@thatgearguy I thrive on my own as well and you are correct. It does keep the "bad" people away from you. However, it's very isolating and (in my experience), few women do it. Someone who feels threatened by you will (potentially) come after you and I've had this happen a few times. I have no regrets but I've also had to push back pretty hard. I realize it's not easy for either sex, but I think it can be particularly rough on women. Thanks again for the video.
Hi, what you have said is spot on. I have been the Manager of various nightclubs and pubs for 25 years. A book called mediations on violence by Rory miller describes scripting and the monkey dance.
The bully's keen instinct for behaviors tracks for 4/5 of a population. Just a few percent will be in the fray intellectually, with another few percent having a solid enough grasp of the matters to successfully explain to the remaining of the top 1/5. The 4/5 below mostly don't ever clearly understand matters, but have instead by necessity very well developed instincts for how the crowd reacts and moves. It seems daunting having to get >50% of people onboard intellectually, and it would be. But it's never necessary for a pendulum to start swinging.
In my experiences the biggest problem with bullies is not the physical side but how they get into your mind a destroy your self confidence
They are attacking trauma everyone gets from life.
Now I'm a bit older, I find it astonishing that anyone wants to go and drink in large groups of strangers where stuff like this happens.
Same. I can't even understand why young people think these situations are fun.
Something terrible usually happens.
I have seen healthy young people become permanently disabled at events that were supposed to be fun.
There are a couple of places where I can go have a drink, and good conversation.
I avoid these same places on the weekends.
I have also come to realize that some people never grow up.
My situation entirely. How nuts I was as a youngster. I was very fortunate
It's all about being seen, if they just wanted to get turnt up they'd stay home. You don't get the same validation from your peers. However, when you are with your buddies showing your ass off well that's pretty much what it's about.
When you are young and there is fight I you then you will go to these places, this is why sports for young men is so important.
I've had many, many great nights in pubs where I've met strangers and had a good time, specifically if I'm traveling. I'm American and I have family in Ireland, so I've spent time wandering there and some of my best memories come from these situations. I wouldn't have any time for bullies, though.
Most bullying I’ve seen in the workplace has been psychological.
I've been bullied by two female bosses in my life, years ago. I found it very difficult to deal with. With a male boss you always had that understanding that I was a man and not a weak one...that was always there in the background. A woman in a position of authority over you is a different scenario altogether.
For example, on one occasion, when after months of trying to please ( I know, wrong tactic...took a long time to figure out) I started to answer back and stand up to it. Immediately she went with the I don't feel safe around you routine and I feel threstened. In fact, it was the other way round - but it took the wind out of my sails. Of course , these type of women are manipulative and scheming...probably how they became the boss.
Men I just found easier to deal with. I might add, the best boss I ever had was a woman. They are not all the same haha.
@@allosaurusfragilis7782 I actually came here to say "women". 😅
That has been my experience as well.
I hate to agree, I've encountered two bully male bosses, but many female.
I'm also female and in a management position and I believe in letting people get on with their work, they'll come to me if they need something. If there's something complex with another dept, and it's an issue or from senior leadership, I'll deal with it. I think a good manager is an umbrella for crap from above and an advocate for everyone related/direct to them.
Do you think the bully women are just crap managers who think they have to be aggressive to be a good manager, or do you think they are bully personalities?
I've had some amazing female bosses that I've used as my guide and tried to be like.
I've also suffered with antisocial people who would cause upset wherever they went to bolster themselves.
I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter.... If someone is using dynamics at work to further themselves, bolster their self esteem and not the actual work they're a problem.
@@allosaurusfragilis7782 You are absolutely correct. They are sadistic, cowardly and society protects them. No wonder men have walked away. That was their✡ plan.
The crushing hand shake is a classic
My uncle alwayz did that..
There's a balance between a firm handshake and a hand crush, I've had to learn, thankfully not the hard way 😅
Theres plenty of bullies in academia etc, they wont kick your head in but theyll undermine and humiliate you constantly
Not wrong there
Sounds like my old boss
And then tell you it's normal, they're just critiquing your work but it's not if they say the author is x, y and z... Or put you down or threaten you with lack of opportunity when you won't take on overtime/additional work. It's endemic.
Never underestimate a person by their size. I was driving down a country road about 50 years ago (I'm 71 now) and the truck in front of me was road raging a small guy on a motorcycle, running him almost off the road. The small guy stopped at a stop sign and got off his motorcycle. This guy was 5' 5"" on a good day and thin. The guy in the truck was a foot taller and twice the weight. He should have stayed in his truck. Short story, the small guy beat the bully into the ground, jumped back on his motorcycle and went about his business like nothing happened. The guy in the truck was knocked cold. It was like,I saw it but didn't believe my own eyes. Treat people the way you would want to be treated and generally you won't have any problems.
I've met small guys who have incredible punching power and big guys that couldn't knock down a child with his punch
Lol "you don't normally find them around a library" -- such a great comment.
I dunno though. I have been harassed in my own home by people who have humanities degrees and such.
@@simhthmss psychos can have degrees :)) but even otherwise normal people can be out of control when drunk and surrounded by other drunks.
From experience, remaining calm and refusing to engage with a bully is a sure fire way to make a bully lose interest and switch targets.
Or in my experience send the message your a inanimate kicking bag. Stop waiting for a peace that will never come.
I spent 40yr on the doors... and love the way you can't talk shit!
.....keep nailing it!! ❤
Thanks bud. 40yrs! Damn!!
Love your films pal some of the worst bullies I've ever met were female.
The Queen Bees are just vile. You do sometimes find them in libraries. They like to be in 2IC roles where they can rattle big bunches of keys and make everyone's life hell ;) . They're creepy in violent situations because they're always stirring the pot, while claiming to be peacemakers.
The Hollywood bully thing was always weird to me. The 'jocks' were largely really decent people when I was at school 20+ years ago. The bullies were almost always from bad homes in rough areas. None were particularly physically intimidating, but they'd attack the smallest and weakest people, in groups and sometimes with weapons.
A significant number were also female, and they wouldn't tend to get into fights, but they'd spread rumours and get guys to attack people for them.
Thanks for making this. I deal with bullying in the workplace. It’s all a game. I’ve seen a few of the guys outside of the workplace and they act like my best friend. I’ve noticed a lot of people in the workplace get too attached to their titles. Which makes them weak. Which leads to bullying. I’ve always found it strange when a persons identity revolves around their job title.
The titles issue in the workplace is very real. People quickly become aloof and arrogant as they work their way upward. There is often a free pass for bullying and bad behaviour among the upper ranks. This creates an environment where lower level staff might feel uncomfortable about exerting normal confident rebuffs due to financial concerns (being made unemployed). If anyone works for such a company I would advise again that they do not take the easy option (to put up with it). Instead understand that your environment is toxic and out of your control. Smile, stay confident and seek a different job. Upon leaving offer a letter to the MD calling out the toxicity. Its a tough and scary move but the long term benefits on mental health are vast.
As a young lad had a buddy who was 6'4 but hadn't filled out yet. The amount of idiots who would try and start a problem with him was unreal. I think it stroked their ego to get one over on a big lad. He was a real nice guy and once he put on some timber he was left alone.
Love these. Almost all streetwise people act on instinct and can’t necessarily articulate themselves like you can. It’s a rarity… reminds me of Daniel Tammet - the autistic savant who can explain how he performs mental maths and solves impossible problems.
So close to a compliment right up until the end there LOL
@@ben10hanson ill take it!
@@ben10hansonlmfao you beat me to it, what a weird way to compliment someone for being articulate
@@Alpha_blossomYou’ve missed the point hombre. It’s the articulation of thought processes and heuristics in dicey situations that the majority of streetwise people wouldn’t be able to explain, as they act on instinct. If I wanted to compliment the creator for just being articulate, I would have compared to Oscar Wilde or Winston Churchill.
Security is a real art when done well.
It's funny you mention getting "felt up" by travellers as, now you mention it, I recall one did this to me when I worked in a builders merchant, (Covers, when it was on the Lewes road). Came in wanting me to load a bit extra on his van for a bit of cash in hand on the sly and giving my arm and shoulder a bit of a squeeze whilst he did so. Back then, being young and in great shape doing a very physical job he clearly got the impression that he didn't want to tangle with me as he squared up to my much leaner colleague in the yard instead once he learned we weren't going to play that game. Naturally I backed my mate and the fella actually said he had no problem with me but would x y & z my mate etc.
Lucky for him he decided not to press his luck, which was good for him as, although quite lean, my mate was a practising taekwondo blackbelt - I think he'd have had better luck against me 😅
you seem a very humble wise man with a lifetime of seeing the human species in all its colours
Believe it or not, some bullies, particularly in the workplace, don't even realise that they are bullying people until it's pointed out to them.
@@johnvale295 100% and that is an easy fix!
Yup. I had to take a gentleman that is probably my dad's age outside, and sort things out. It didn't become violent, but I thought that it might go that way. He was a military guy that was used to bossing people around.
I simply explained that I don't put up with that type of behavior.
We actually became good friends, and we still talk, although both of us have moved on from that job.
They know
These are good insights. I would say I have never been seriously bullied, but I recognise a lot of what you are talking about. I used to work on building sites where one carpenter in particular used to like to throw his weight about, all in "good fun". I couldnt walk past him without him making a threatening gesture to see if I would flinch, or he would throw me on the floor, or pick me up and bear hug me until I seriously thought some ribs were going to give way. A "friendly little spar" would be him throwing punches to my body that I could feel a week later, all to show how much stronger he was I suppose. I realise from what you say, that my mistake was laughing along with it from the beginning, treating it like banter. One time I was walking down the high street in my nearby city and a guy jumped on me and threw me on the pavement, which scared me and several passers by, but then he picked me up, laughing merrily - same chippy. Don't get me wrong, I still liked the guy and I smile about it now, but I let him cross a line once and it progressed from there.
Thx for sharing and summarises exactly the issue discussed.
One of the best down to earth videos Re bullying. No fancy Psychology terms or academic jargon. Just nuggets of wisdom from real life experience. Brilliant.
Thankyou!
I've worked all of my life in machine shops and they can be quite harsh environments.
You have a load of blokes from working class backgrounds all vying to be Alpha and there are a lot of bullies
You were absolutely correct in saying that the use of intelligent, language and the threat of humiliation can defuse a situation very quickly, I've done it for 41 years because I'm 5' 5"!
Worked with the mentally ill for over 10 years and all of the things you talk about are relevant and make sense. Unfortunately when situations unravel it can become difficult to stay focused and apply all the great ideas you propose. I'm not saying you're wrong (far from it you are bang on) it's just when emotions and circumstance play out it's REALLY difficult to stay framed. Great talk/video - lots of people could learn a lot from this.
Absolutely. Advice is easy to give but sometimes difficult to act on.
He does explain the game of bullying very well though.
Always love your perspective. Very balanced practical and clear.
I like that sentence: "Mate, get your f'ing hand off my arm"
It starts with a soft friendly reference to the person, but follows up with explicitly defining the line.
I really do not enjoy uninvited touching!
This is the best breakdown on the subject I’ve seen.
The old “all bullies are cowards and they’ll back down” bollocks, will get you a good hiding.
This is good stuff that hopefully will save some folks from a life of misery and fear.
5’9? I thought you’d be… bigger!
Im a shorty!
Tyson - 5'10?
@@thatgearguy 1" less than Tyson
In more corporate jobs the bullying is abuse of power. I think in such a case the only option if ignoring does not work is to be willing to lose the job or walk away. I had a middle manager start bullying me once. Eventuqlly intimidating me that he would talk to the GM about me. Gm happened to come in that afternoon. So i organised a meeting with the GM and the middle manager.
In the meeting all i said to GM was, he wants to talk to you about my conduct and i want this meeting so i can hear what he says.
I put him in the hot seat. He had nothing, my productivity was high, GM knew it. Middle manager got demoted. If he hadnt though, i would have walked. But i never said that, nor did i grass.
Setting boundaries... A lot of this is setting boundaries.
Excellent video.
These security stories are your best content. You'll be invited onto podcasts soon enough I'm sure. Such fascinating insight into mainly male behaviour.
Thank you bud!
Bullying (in adulthood) left me with crippling anxiety. I hate it.
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately we will never eradicate bullying. But we can change ourselves to become resistant to it..
Good luck mate. I hope you're on your way up.
I'm 6'4" in good shape, I've always despised bullies as my younger brother is disabled. Some of the most unpleasant experiences have been with small, male librarians.
Same experience here. Im 6'7, former athlete and a fit 280lbs. I haven't been in a fight since there 5th grade. I have no need or desire to prove anything. But i can't count how many times guys in the 5'7 range have actively tried to fight me.
@@kirkmichaelsbackyardtunes It's... baffling. The best I can assume is that they imagine I'm looking down on them. Perhaps start carrying an idiot box?
I'm 59, the last fight I had was 20 years ago.
Best of luck, we can't shrink can we?👌
I’ve just come across your channel. What a lovely bloke. Great advice. Your “don’t let other blokes touch you” is great advice and so true
I wish your channel the best & hope it grows
Thanks and welcome!
Good advice! I love pulling the unusual/unexpected tactic if I can come up with something good on the spot. It can even turn into a sort of performance art piece under the right circumstances and be a lot of fun, even for the bullies.
Just found your channel. Some really good videos. I think professional bouncers are one of the most overlooked jobs in terms of importance. Their mere presence keeps thousands of people safer on nights out and as is apparent from these videos when done well is an art form.
Welcome aboard!
Don’t know how I stumbled onto your videos but I really like your stories. Subscribed!
Thanks for sharing your experiences, which hopefully will help others deal with awkward situations.
Another great no-nonsense video delivered in an easy to understand way. Keep em coming!
Much appreciated!
Brilliant observations on the male psychology. Fascinating stuff. Thank you for sharing! 😀👍🏆
Glad you enjoyed it!
i always see bullies in social environments in the way you might see a bike outside a train station - you want to be the bike with 2 or 3 locks on it. it can still be robbed, but people go for an easy target. same thing applies with bullies - if someone wants to beat you up, they will. you just want to be a hard target so they go to someone else.
noticed some behaviour i do in this video and didn't realise it was bad until i heard you put it like this. going to change based on this. i get very touchy/physical with people when drunk and its usually from a place of friendliness or trying to be socially loud/make friends (which is bad trait).
Yeah, same thing with muggers.
Walk around looking withdrawn and nervous - you're a target. Walk around looking purposeful and aware of your surroundings and they'll pick an easier target.
Good on you mate. We can always do better & the only person we actually have some control over is ourselves.
Never thought psychology would play such a massive role
Excellent! Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
The whole lets have a wrestle or a little spar thing has always been a good way to spot lads who im probably not aligned with.. don’t get me wrong its good fun with mates after a few drinks and that.. but with randoms at parties and other functions.. like you said it’s a total square up..
Here in Australia its “lets run straight”, two lads basically run at each other full pelt and whoever falls on impact is the loser😂
Nice vid..
Good solid hard-earned wisdom you’ve got there.
Love your content, came for the security stories and now you've got me going to the gym 5 days a week! Cheers from Canada!
Ha! Awesome!!!
You take me back bud and I can totally relate you are so correct and spot on with these videos ...All the best
Thanks, you too!
Wish someone told me this 20 years ago. Nice upload, thnx!
There is so many differant forms of bullying evan singling out a person for no reason and acting hostile for no reason is bullying.
@paulcooper. That’s pretty much the definition of bullying. IMO.
Wise advice as usual.
Brilliant advice, especially having strong boundaries and keeping them, being a hard target will keep you safe from most problem people (excluding drug users, mental health nominals and cuntwombles with something to prove).
Great stuff man, thanks for your videos!!!
That white powder turns nice people into animals sometimes too. Especially with alcohol. All good advice there. Only found the channel today, so a bit late !
Agreed. The dandruff of satan rarely makes things better..
Great video Gerars.Glad you are out here helping people keep safe. From Doncaster wishing you good luck and more future success. Thanks
Thanks 👍
This is a great video thank you for posting this.
You are spot on about much of this stuff, my old school buddy was a fighter just loved it boxing kick boxing weight lifting martial arts he would go out on Saturday night and stay sober acting meek and drunk in a tracksuit to hide his trained body and he would just wait until some bully and his mates started on him the outcome was a red pavement. He has calmed down now with age but the bully's were taught not to mess with the lone weak looking guy.
@@moorshound3243 It is nice to hear they were taught a lesson. Unfortunately they rarely change their habits. They just become more proficient at victim selection..
My mate had a drinking buddy who would do a similar thing ,Acting drunk ,provoking fights by bumping into people, spilling drinks but acting very very submissive and apologetic. Offering to buy another drink ( which he would ) However If people escalated the situation he literally said he got the Christmas morning feeling. He was stone cold sober and psychopathic.
Spot on, your insight is very valuable to almost anyone who comes across bullies. I would go as far to say I don't think I ever came across a better overview of the issue. The only thing I would add, coming from years of life experience surviving school and prison systems, is that in those types of environments, where you are interacting with bullies on a daily basis and you are a captive audience and potential victim, "don't play into their screenplay" unfortunately simply isn't an option. At one point or another you will find yourself in a situation where your avoiding tactics and boundaries setting will fail and you will be forced, either psychologically or by brute physical force, to engage and take your place in the pecking order. Usually you find yourself with several bad options presented. You can swallow your pride, submit, stay clear as much as you can and hope for mercy when you can't. Or you can join some pack, usually of the hyena variety, that offers protection but also makes you pay for it dearly in one way or another. You can be the crazy misfit who always takes on a fight and usually loses, but it earns you enough respect to be left alone. Boss level is when you are so exceptional that you can bully anyone and you use that dominance benevolently, to keep all the wannabe bullies in check. Also, you can snitch on the bullies to the authorities, which actually works great in the today's school system but not so much in prisons, at least it didn't last time I checked.
Agree, prison system would be a different ball game.
@@thatgearguy From your other videos, if I am not wrong, it sounds like you only spent some time in police custody but not in prisons. Probably wrong thing to say, but I almost wish you did some time, just to get us an ultimate prison survival guide video. :)
@@JaarmanD Yes I spent many nights in the cells but that was it. A free blue tracksuit and a long walk home!
@@thatgearguy Well, you didn't miss much, prison boils down to time wasting for everyone included and learning how to play the game within the system rules. In the best case scenario, it is an opportunity for some personal growth and finding out what you're made of. On that note, your channel is made of some great content and hope it will grow to a scale where you don't have the time to waste on interacting with audience. :) All the best and keep it up.
Great stuff to take on board here mate, thanks. She's not going to know how to deal with me when she gets home.
Well explained, cheers
Excellent insights - cheers.
And your advice about dealing with the status-seeking bullies or 'pretend matey bollocks' also is similar, as appropriate, when teachers need to set boundaries with cocky show-offs in classrooms. (Of course, such gobsh*tes often end up as bullies by their mid-teenage years because they've been able to get away with so much in their school environments previously).
This is probably my favorite video of yours.
Thankyou!
Awesome content...keep it coming.
There are no bullies like short guys who are with a group of big guys
Great video mate!
Thank you!
It was a great service to me thank you so much great content.
A pleasure!
Great advice!
I worked construction / steel concrete / for 5 years in US. I’m only 5ft10inch and I wear baggy clothes but I do lift. Every time with a new company people test me and push me around, but only 1 time because I snap back quick. No problems ever after week 1 hah … totally agree 👍
That’s amazing ! I had exactly that experience with a new guy at work , he kept kind of squeezing my shoulder or something as he walked past in a kind of “ greeting” after a couple of times I’d had enough and the next time I told him not to put his hands on me , he made some lame excuse about me being in his way so I said “ we’ll ask me to move “ he immediately tried to regain the situation by saying “ it’s than me shoving you “ so I told him that was preferable to me punching him in the mouth ! Just as you say he went straight into being the victim and now is sickly nice to me 😂
Oh yeah. "The Dominator". 😅 That's definitely a character that you will see in the workplace.
I usually just point out that they are trying to compensate for something. I actually start calling them "The Dominator". They are passively trying to well.... dominate you. They are usually insecure, and they will stop as soon as you call them out. Giving them the silly nickname "the Dominator" definitely gives you the edge in the relationship. Lol
Anyone who has worked behind the wall or been behind the wall will know that you never let an aggressor show dominance over you or intimidate you. You stop it fast else it becomes a much worse problem later.
I am most interested in this kind of talks since your ample experience as a doorman. Almost everything you mention about bullies sounds very familiar.
Unfortunately in the city I lived in (Haarlem, The Netherlands) the bar scene was ridiculiously agressive. My small circle of friends weren't interested in the latest fashion nor impressed by the coolest guys around, and that made us a target for the insecure boys who tried to belong to a group. In short: during a full decade I had a lot of fights in the street. Almost every fight, better said: every-, was not provoqued by me. Most times the other just suddenly attacked completely out of the blue. Going out for a drink was always a dangerous event. But I just refused to get scared away. Even in school there was a lot of agression. There was some stabbing with knives too, in a few occasions. I got a knive in my leg one time.
My strategy was to just avoid the bullies were possible. Ignore their insults. Walk away. But when I didn't see any way out, I completely fought with all the tunnelvision in the world to do as much damage as possible. It was the only way to let them know I was not the easiest target. I learned a lot about human behaviour those years, which was of great use when I later became the sound mixer of a rock band and we stood every night in another bar.
So, long story, but very interesting all you say about it as a professional!
Thanks for the video.
@@kayasper6081 I went to Haarlem once. We were in Amsterdam and a cabbie took us to Haarlem because my friend thought the red light would be cheaper. It was.. and rougher!!
@@thatgearguy Cool that you have been there!
I like the thumbnail of younger you, interesting to see.
Still drinking black coffee but I dont have the smooth skin anymore!!
Thanks! My eye-opening book: Rory Miller: meditations on violence,. A must read...
Listening to your examples, I'm seeing this as an issue with authority. The bully believes they have a higher authority than their victim. That authority is given to them by someone above the bully in the power hierarchy. So, how to handle it? I would suggest where possible, the victim does not waste time attempting to placate the bully, but builds a connection with the person above the bully in the power hierarchy. The higher up the hierarchy the better. Then when the bully tries their play, the victim can throw in the connection they have with the top dog above them.
The British movies "If" and "Scum" have good examples of bullying in them. But the funniest example of dealing with bullying is in the old movie "How Green Is My Valley" when the boxer in the village deals with the school teacher by showing his boxing skills in front of the pupils.
What got me out of troubles twice is not to act like a victim. I'm only 5 feet but I'm lucky I have 8 brothers and that gave me plenty of experience at not putting up with their BS
Yes I was the youngest of 8 brothers and 4 sister...catholic family.
Good advice as usual.. you don't half remind me of a guy I used to know from Aldershot
What you say at the start about not entering into the dialogue or dance worked for me many times. Every time infact. Someone would start something verbal ( in a bar or club) and i would just ignore it. Even if pushed, even if my drink got spilled, even if pushed off a chair. Just ignore it. My theory was, that its like when cats fight. There is a build up kind of dance that happens first, and not entering that sequence worked for me. Its like they would look stupid if they hit me if i wasnt playing along. No glory to be had.
Unlike you, i would often keep my back turned. And only one time did it not work. And that was the only time my beef was with a woman. I think the game just does not work with women. Different rules. I turned my back and ignored the interaction, only to be smashed over the head with an unfinished vodka bottle. A few seconds later my legs buckled imvoluntarily and i ended up with a free ambo trip and staples.
Good video man
Had wierd a situation one Sunday afternoon around 3 years ago. I was waiting for a bus to take me into the city centre. Young guy aged early 20s - 30 years old walks from the direction of a pub towards the bus stop. Was hoping he'd walk past but came right up to me right into my personal space. I stood my ground and didn't step back. Guy then asks me for £10 or £20 because he needs to get a taxi from the nearby Aldi and if he cannot get this taxi he'd be "f**ked” . I replied back in a slightly sarcastic tone "I'm so sorry to hear that" . The cheeky sod was dressed in nicer clothes than I was.
Realising that he wasn't going to get any money from me peaceably he then hugged me which took me by surprise at that moment. He then walked off. I tried to mentally process what had happened for the rest of the day. Dawned on me that he was perhaps a traveller testing me out as explained in this video . I'm far from an Alpha male so I counted my lucky stars not to get a beating after my cocky retort.
Love your videos! I'm 6'2" 12 stone (lanky streak of piss😂) never had trouble. Dont know what it is, seem to get nothing but handshakes and fist bumps in the finest of establishments 😂😂😂 Never had trouble, and when I have they backed down before anything kicked off. All in the grey matter and how you talk 😂 I dont look for trouble at all ever, but I guess there's always an easier target perceptively.
6:59 because these bullies are cowards in their hearts, it takes many of them together to have one pair of balls, when you catch them alone its not that they like you its just they know the fighting field just leveled out one on one and bullies are cowards that's why they run their mouths only with their boys around them and they know you're alone
A myth but I like the the sentiment. There may be some truth that the sycophantic followers are cowards. I have seen plenty of tough bullies who are willing to take plenty of pain.
@@thatgearguy those are the ones you put in the hospital for months to send them all the message get gone stay gone
Solid knowledge as always I would say 2 things , never turn your back only takes 0.3 seconds for s person to strike you. 2 the people grabbing you is seeing your level of fighting skills because violence is distance control, if they know they can get close then they can do a cheap shot and ko you then they look the big man. Because you're done. Question tho bullying in that work environment where you have to work with other Alpha men wondering your thoughts on navigating that situation
I discuss the work situation in the video. Set the rules for the game on the outset. Do not allow people to push you into a submissive status. Saying no or cutting off unwanted chat are vital skills.
Roger that, you ever seen it on a door team with high level skilled fighters because i think when it comes down to it with alpha men its king of the jungle who is the best fighter in large Alpha male environments work , army , prison etc. Very intresting @thatgearguy
That little guy was nuts 😳
Valuable info - thanks for sharing 👍
A pleasure!
This is gold, hope you keep making videos.
Thanks, will do!
A bully that you don't let in your club might burn your house down? I will show you straight to the VIP room sir...
Brilliant content good and true con from Ireland 🇮🇪
more explanation would be helpful on the ways humor can work for you in keeping bullies away. Examples. Good work, thanks! I always watch your full episodes.
But then I would have to be funny and I am old and grumpy now!
Bullies tend to pick on people who are weaker than themselves, or they percieve to be weaker than them. This tend's to go for the more physical type of bully, often meat heads. Then there's the work place bully, could be a man or woman, sometimes a lower level manager trying to climb the greasy pole. They will bully anyone who is a threat to them, often Narcisistic so have insecurities as well. They also use people to do their bidding, more commonly known as "Flying Monkey's" and they will also take part in the phsycological onslaught. At 64 years young, I have encountered both types of Bully, the worse I find personally speaking are the work place bully, as they can covertly bully you, gaslight you, and use their position to demoralize you. In other words it's more tactical as well as insidious.Physical bullies more often or not are cowards, not to say that they can not handle themselves, but they will not take on someone who has a renowned reputation as being tough. or has the ability or strength to overpower them.
I'm writing a story with a bouncer character cause your stories are so informative.
That is great to hear! I look forward to reading it!!
I was an emotional bully until I met her. Now I am the man without bones. I am jelly without her love.
Nice bars!
I knew a bodybuilder bulky who used to chest people. One time thevreaction was a lively knee in the groin. He behaved after that.
Sad video of a big kid doing that in a mall where he gets caught in the neck by another kids knife ,bled out and died. Tragedy for everyone ,murdered over a turf war in a mall .
You should do street fight/altercation reactions and talk through mistakes made and how you would handle the situation.
Superb
Good stuff
This is a great video and I completely agree with what you're saying, however, I will say that as a woman I had to get used to being the villain and having people cut me off once I (respectfully) cut them down and/or they did not get what they wanted from me. Rarely (for a woman) do situations resort to physical violence (although I have had that happen with men), but once I politely and quietly shut someone down, even if it's respectful and polite, they want absolutely nothing to do with me. I think this is why so many women play "nice". It's a defense mechanism from being isolated and ostracized. Also, I will say I've never been a bouncer so I cannot speak to how that would be for a woman in that situation.
Interesting point. I see that as a good thing. I actively try to filter bad characters away from me. I also thrive on my own.
@@thatgearguy I thrive on my own as well and you are correct. It does keep the "bad" people away from you. However, it's very isolating and (in my experience), few women do it. Someone who feels threatened by you will (potentially) come after you and I've had this happen a few times. I have no regrets but I've also had to push back pretty hard. I realize it's not easy for either sex, but I think it can be particularly rough on women. Thanks again for the video.
I've been bullied before by tough guys the problem is when you start beating them up
5 or 6 of the bullies pals pull you off
In the real world fights are rarely fair or 1v1. That must always be considered before you enter into one.
Hi, what you have said is spot on. I have been the Manager of various nightclubs and pubs for 25 years. A book called mediations on violence by Rory miller describes scripting and the monkey dance.
Remember love always wins. Great podcast Great advice and great life knowledge thank you 🙏
I wish love did always win. Unfortunately psychology usually wins and sometimes violence..
Security Stories, AKA brilliant life advice. Thanks 😊
Youre describing my father. He thinks hes a turkey.
Some bullying types are highly machavelian and indeed are highly successful in life
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?
The bully's keen instinct for behaviors tracks for 4/5 of a population. Just a few percent will be in the fray intellectually, with another few percent having a solid enough grasp of the matters to successfully explain to the remaining of the top 1/5. The 4/5 below mostly don't ever clearly understand matters, but have instead by necessity very well developed instincts for how the crowd reacts and moves.
It seems daunting having to get >50% of people onboard intellectually, and it would be. But it's never necessary for a pendulum to start swinging.
Letting strangers in your house can be a prob, don't let them into your mind)
Very interesting
Real good quality content. :^)
Glad you think so!