Your not supposed to have any sexual desire period in christan belief Lust is one of the seven deadly sins afterall But in my own belief Is that sexual desire is inherently natural as humans have a evolutionary deposition towards it wanting to reproduce and just plain it feels good
I live in central Europe and American christianity is still so strange to me. Way too literal and constrictive. I actually for the longest time thought christianity shown in the US media was satirical/exaggerated on purpose. I'm happy for you two to have found your way out of that.
There is much bigotry within the american Christians. I am athiest and i see constant calls and support for genocide of LGBTQ people coming from white Christians
@@morgan.hasara While in the US evangelical christians are the largest religious group, in Germany most christians are protestant or roman catholic. There are some strict people but over all most believing people don't blame others for their choices and don't take the bible by word. Purity culture also isn't as big here as in the US, in fact, it's hardly ever heard of. The most faithfull people I know are just normal guys, that attend church regularly and pray before meals. Many others are baptised and recieved communion or confirmation and kind of believe in some kind of godly/ supranatural creature, but their faith has only a minor impact on their lifes. After the most recent incidences around denying child molestation and their backwards opinions in the catholic church many people aren't that fond of the church anymore and millions left in the past few years.
It was so cute how Taylor asked “do I have any personal habits that might annoy others?” And Drew chimes in, “you hiccup REALLY loudly.” That was so pure. I wish that were my annoying habit lol
This sent me- it reminded me of an old friend whose hiccups were really big and loud. The first time I heard it I thought she’d been stabbed or something; it sounded like she was sharply inhaling while simultaneously gasping and screaming. She’d also laugh on an inhale- like inside-out laughter.
There’s a cute version and an upsetting version, I like cooking (and I’m very good at it) so making my partner their favorite foods is a sweet thing I can do. I’m not a religious fundamentalist who believes not cooking for my partner all the time would be sinful though
I agree with Drew about being much less obsessed with porn after deconverting. I used to watch/read a ton of yaoi, porn, and fanfiction. Even informational videos or books from school about sex and reproduction I dove head first into. I was fantizing all the time about it, and writing my own little pervy stories. I often felt guilty, and tried to stop whenever I got spooked about hell... but eventually I went right back to it anyway. It was only when I deconverted and started having sex and experimenting did I stop being so obsessed by it. Sex isn't this mystical magical thing anymore. Now that I'm so regularly satisified physically and mentally sexually, I don't asorb as much porn/eroctica nearly as much as I used to.
Yea i agree being deprived n wait till marrige. Made me so s*x craved. I still watch p'rn n want s*x. But not crazily i can go as long as i want without n im fine. Im okay if i died a virgin for all i care lmao. My life is not worth only marrige husband n baby no more. So i good lol
Don't feel guilty if you ever have the desire to jump back into creating or viewing that stuff. It's creativity regardless of the bad reputation it gets from malicious people.
Images of strangers having sex does nothing for me... but once, after I got sucked down a Catholic Twitter rabbit hole where everyone was talking about "breaking the chains of masturbation and pornography," I suddenly became intent on looking up porn. (I have thought OCD, so any ideology to do with moral purity can instantly indoctrinate that part of my brain.) I think we have an inherent drive to test out/rebel against prohibitions that feel unfair or illogical.
The stuff about movies is hilarious. As an atheist, my mom felt exactly the opposite about R-rated movies: violence was not okay, nudity was fine. It’s just so weird that Christian parents seem to feel the exact opposite way.
Yeah! Anything that wasn’t very bloody or overtly sexual was fine in my mom’s book. I always tended to forget the nudity in a lot of my favorite movies from growing up, because it’s just bodies, so I go to watch them with friends later on and they all get shocked because mostly they didn’t grow up with an attitude of “so what? We all have bodies.” Oh. But my mom was chill with that despite being very much a Conservative Christian.
I love how genuine you two are. A lot of christian couples have this sort of? fake sweetness to them? especially on camera. But the dynamic between you both feels very real and easy. If I find a partner outside of the church one day, I hope we have a relationship like this.
The Christian marriage advice couples that are big on TH-cam feel very fake and have very cruel comments for each other that are just… shocking. I’ve said awful things to people but it’s unintentional and I try to correct and avoid that once hearing it hurt them, but they just don’t seem to recognize it as hurting one another… it’s strange to me because I do know some normal and healthy couples and my parents… well they’re honest to a point they couldn’t even be fake sweet to each other.
This might be a reach but GD are from San Antonio which is a VERY Mexican city. I feel like maybe they were trying to find out if they would need to add spice to their food 😅
Drew’s answer to the favorite book question reminded me of a guy I dated in college who told me “I think reading fiction is a waste of time.” I was an English major 🤣
Even as a brainwashed Christian in a cult-like environment, I was so angry that I was the lesser sex for not having a penis. I'm an afab trans person and it was honestly traumatizing to have an identity I didn't resonate with forced upon me along with being told that that identity was lesser than the one I felt like I was. If all that makes sense. I'm so glad I'm out of that environment.
I'm a trans man but was raised in a secular household. I can't imagine how hard it was for you in a hard-core Christian environment; I could barely handle it and I was in a progressive and open-minded family. Glad you're out of there. Stay safe. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
I didn't grow up in Christianity, but under a very patriarchal abusive father who trafficked me, and I feel this so much. It was hard because my brain latched onto that bit of TERF ideology where they insist afab trans people are just trying to escape their misogynist oppression, and used that to gaslight me. It finally clicked that I've also been abused and attacked for being queer, and it feels completely different. It made me feel that as a queer person I'm not safe or valued, but it didn't have that insult-to-injury quality of pinning me to a false identity.
23:12 Just a note that raw lentils can cause serious digestive issues. I'd recommend cooking the lentils to break down the lectin in them and prevent toxic reactions.
Yeah, I spent the whole rest of the video trying to imagine digesting raw lentils. Drew, please cook your lentils. If you want them crunchy, you could dry them out in the oven after boiling them, like the roasted chickpeas that have become a popular snack lately. I love me some lentils, but that lectin does need to be broken down by cooking.
But I think canned lentils are already cooked though? Not sure if he meant dry lentils or not. I mean, after hearing he eats cinnamon sticks idk if him eating dry, raw lentils is too strange 😆
@@Hope00Love omfg I just started the video so I guess I haven’t gotten to that part yet, but you’re telling me this man just EATS cinnamon sticks!? Terrifying.
Being alone with someone of the opposite sex is giving me such flashbacks to Mike Pence. So many people pointed out that for a man in his position to refuse to be in a room with a woman was inherently going to leave women out of opportunities to be heard, to advance themselves, or to have any kind of power or influence. I guess Pence didn't see that as a problem. Also, this rule makes very little sense if either partner is bi. If the goal is to avoid cheating (and you can't just trust your partner not to cheat?), then theoretically you couldn't trust a bi person not to cheat with someone of the same gender either. But I'm sure bi people don't even exist in Girl Defined's world, so this point wouldn't even occur to them.
Yeah, bi people and bi men specifically have met a unique sort of discrimination historically. It’s interesting if you look into it (interesting and terrible :D)
As a bi person whenever i hear "men and women cant be friends" i wonder how they think bi/ pan people live. Are we not meant to have any friends? Most lesbians/ gay men are friends with other lesbians/ gay men too.
Yes! As a bi person who was once a fundamentalist Christian this is why it was always so confusing to me. At the time I didn’t realize I was bi though.
1:03:00 That was the biggest culture shock once I left Christianity was the music. I was only listening to music by Christian artists and I was extra cringe cuz I was into the Christian metal, hip hop, rock. It was odd for sure. I viewed music as a tool that was only to be used for worship, so secular musicians worshiped everything to my former mind. I’m still a metal head but finding out all of the music that’s out there is so huge for me.
I don't have much parasocial attachment to you as individuals, but I'm kind of invested in your marriage, lol 😅 It's just really cool that you married as Christians, but your compatibility was so strong that even though you changed a lot over the years after marrying young, you grew in the same direction. & the fact that it took you a bit longer to become an atheist makes it seem more organic & authentic, & not just the result of spousal influence/pressure (altho your religious family may disagree 😛)
It really speaks to the level of communication they must have had to work through such huge changes. I am always so happy when people are in happy healthy relationships. ❤
9:38 this, I’m a Christian but I’m not focusing on being super religious anymore and I’ve recently had a dude ask if he can pray for me when I was heading to my car. I said no but the guy persisted and I awkwardly agree. Now that I’m not going to church or focusing on “following the rules” I see how that makes people who aren’t Christian feel really uncomfortable and how pushy it is.
Something like that happened to my friend a few days ago. This guy is following him on his college canpus at like 11pm at night talking to him about God making him really uncomfortable. Then he asks if he can pray for my friend as he is walking away. He reluctantly agrees to get him to leave him alone and the guy starts praying extremely loudly yelling his name "Please GOD help ANDREW to see the light!" He was mortified.
Yeah, it's annoying at best and scary at worst. I've been an atheist my whole life, but was raised in Hawaii where bringing up religion with someone you don't know is considered (at least back in the 90s) pretty rude. There are so many different cultures and faiths crammed together on one little island. So you respect boundaries, because there is a decent chance that the person you just met doesn't have the same beliefs as you. Then I moved to Virginia when I was 13 and WHOA. It was all Christian, everywhere, in your face, all of the time. I learned from a friend to just start saying I was Jewish because that was the only boundary Christians wouldn't cross. Most Christians wouldn't try to convert a Jew. If I was honest and said I was an atheist I could look forward to a hot cup of instant sermon.
I've heard a number of researchers and therapists who specialize in cultic/high-control groups say that one of the best indicators of a group's control level, is how people in the community react when a member starts to pull back or leaves the space/belief system. If you ever find yourself in a place where you still connect with the faith in some way, but want out of the social/power dynamics.... the Episcopalian, Lutheran, United Methodist, and unprogrammed Quaker denominations are officially accepting and affirming of LGBTQ people and partnerships, and their churches are less likely to have a culture of tight restrictions, mutual surveillance, enforced belief, etc. Still gotta give each individual church a thorough vibe check, but it can be a place to start.
Thanks for explaining the Christian-specific questions. I'm an atheist that was raised in a secular household so a lot of these aspects of evangelical Christian culture are still foreign to me. My parents did teach my brother and I about various religions, especially Christianity, but their reason was because it comes up a lot in history and literature. So it helps to know what the text is referring to, whether outright or through metaphor. I actually thought that the Christian Bible was just another set of mythology that no one believed anymore; it's just the stories of cultures of the past. My parents had to sit me down when I was about 8 and explain that most people in the world believe in some type of deity when they realized that I thought church was a sort of book club that also did ceremonial reenactments.
I grew up Hindu, but genuinely thought that people only pretended to believe in god, because for me it was never real. It wasn't until I was 16 and talking to a Christian guy that the penny dropped and I realised that people *actually* genuinely believed. It blew my mind 😂
random note but when Drew said he literally vibrates with anxiety when he needs to sleep I finally understood how to voice a huge part of my experience as a person in words. i've always felt that way about sleep and never understood the appeal of laying in bed... also, I would watch a whole series of videos with y'all together! ❤❤❤
I'm guessing that you, like me, get night terrors. I've been in a slump for a month where I'm getting them every day. I used to have that panic before sleep, but I have managed to work through it. It is possible to rewrite your neural connections to replace that anxiety with calm bracing for what you know will happen. I'm not a doctor, but what worked for me is only laying down to sleep when my body feels tired, and relying on distractions before sleep to help my brain relax. Laying on the bed during the day can help if your mind is anxious around your bed. The biggest thing is to remind myself that dreams are not real, they cannot hurt me, and they often pick at my biggest insecurities. I am not a bad person for anything i do in a dream, or for anything I was forced to do in the past. They will go away one day, and i have to hold onto the hope that tomorrow will be that day. The more i repeat this to myself, the easier it gets and eventually it starts happening without you thinking about it. There are also mild sedatives you can take to help drop the anxiety before sleep, but again, not a doctor.
@@PrincessDalathiel hey thank you for bringing this up! I had night terrors in highschool along with other things going on in my life and I barely slept then. But now it's more of a resistance to losing time due to sleep than it is being scared of my dreams. i'm so sorry you experience them though, it is seriously distressing when you're supposed to be getting restorative rest... i'm glad you've been able to find something that helps 🥹 I might do the thing where you're just laying on my bed during the day as that can trigger weird anxiety. maybe exposure will help, haha!
@@danielelliott95 THIS! This is exactly what I think Drew was getting at. as a new atheist (only been a year), i've adopted a weird sort of existential nihilism and obsess strongly over the fact that we have a finite amount of time on earth to do things we want. I also have mild OCD so there's that... my mind races so much when trying to sleep that id just rather avoid it...
The whole authority thing Drew went into is entirely relatable. I don't want to be a leader or be in total charge of anything, but if someone signs up for a leadership position (like manager or something higher up) I have expectations and will ask and address why those "simple leader" expectations aren't being met. Managers either love me or hate me. Some even hate me because of those questions, but then love me because I will take initiative to play the leader role if that role is not being met without being labeled as such. XD Respect authority, but hate it too. It's weird.
For me, it’s similar-maybe even the same, but I apparently think of it differently than you or Drew do. I don’t want to be in charge, and I often don’t want others to be in charge. I’m challenging the _concept_ of hierarchy and questioning whether this is a situation where _anybody_ should be in charge, not necessarily questioning whether that specific person should be in charge and definitely not asserting that I should be in charge. But I’ve found that most people don’t really understand non-hierarchical social structures, so they unconsciously create them-they slot everyone into “leader” and “follower” roles, and while a given person can be a leader in one context and follower in another, you can’t ever be _neither_ . These are the folks who, IME, try to make me the “leader” when I’m just trying to do my own thing. Another not-insignificant portion of the populace is very uncomfortable without social hierarchies. They don’t just unconsciously fall into them; they insist on creating and reinforcing them. For them, even more than the previous group, challenging authority _must_ be about asserting your own authority, and if you claim otherwise it’s just to deceive them as part of your power play. There is no such thing as autonomy, only command. [the only way not to have someone else telling you what to do is by climbing the ranks until you’re the person doing the telling.] But most often what I’m trying to do when I question authority isn’t change whose in charge; it’s trying to eliminate both the “leader” and “follower” social roles from the situation. And while this might’ve been originally just marching to my own drummer, plus a questioning nature and a bit of defiance, it’s been reinforced by experience: the best-run places I’ve worked were organized like co-ops, and the most inviting and functional spaces I’ve been in were run by consensus. And many of the worst organizations and workplaces I’ve encountered were very hierarchical. I’ve actually mollified a bit and am now much more accepting of hierarchical social structures, but I still need to be convinced that a specific group/organization/task needs a hierarchy and default to preferring consensus and co-equals.
I'm a Christian. Though I'd still consider myself as "deconstructing". I enjoy these videos because while you no longer believe it doesn't feel like you're insulting people for believing. It's crazy how much my opinions have changed as I got older and started interpreting the bible differently. Ideas like purity culture and women being in charge are different now than they were even a year ago.
I really enjoy your dynamic together. The way you talk to each other, even the way you look at each other when the other one talks makes me feel like you love and respect each other so much. Love that. Also: Before this video I thought Taylor was really cool. Now that I know about her taste in music I think she is really, really, reaaally cool.
The last couple of weeks have been great. The LDS church have had young guys walking up and down the street trying to talk to people about Jesus. I'm very tall so every time I pass one of them I ask them for a high five for Jesus. It's hilarious how hard they try to slap my hand. If they only knew I was an atheist and 6'5" lol.
I was terrified of watching anything above PG because of how I was raised. The first time I watched a PG-13 movie on purpose, I was 17. The first time I watched an R-rated movie without feeling like I was branding my soul, I was 36 (I'd watched a scant handful before that, but always felt bad about it later). Even now at 39, 1.5 years into official deconversion, when I deliberately watch R-rated movies as a therapeutic f*** you to my fundie past, I sometimes get anxiety attacks on the "tame" ones, because my brain can't process the fact that they're not concentrated packages of evil, but instead just movies made for adults. Growing up, "Adult Content," "Mature Audiences" and "Viewer Discretion Advised" weren't literal descriptions. Rather, they were euphemisms for "soul-branding concentrated evil." Worse, I was a self-righteous ass about it to my Christian friends (and even wife) who "sullied themselves" by watching R-rated movies. Because I never got permission from my parents to watch them, my brain just couldn't make the leap to doing it until I actually left my faith behind entirely.
I remember being a little kid and seeing “Viewer Discretion is Advised” on lots of stuff that I would turn the TV off or go to bed when it came on, just because it was boring.
Drew rollerblades?? That's so cool! Didn't know he was part of the gang. Also you guys are so cute together. I'm binge watching your videos and when you talked about the pillow fort you built.... So so cute.
My current response to the public swimming question is that not everyone has access to a private pool or swimming area, so public beaches and pools are a social good for anyone who wants to swim or learn how. I know they probably meant something about bathing suits but I don't really care.
The moment you said The Handmaids Tale I was like 😩😩😩😩😩. The book and show is soooo goood. I’m 19 now, but it was the show, the book, and the discovery of all these various religious and Athiest TH-cam channels(including both of your channels) that really kickstarted my interest in religion and the way I was raised and my exploring of my conversion therapy trauma since I was 14-15. I’m obsesseddddd with that universe today. And it really has introduced me to so many real life counterparts of the book/show that I didn’t know happened in real life. It’s basically a window into our world and history in many ways.
In the STIPO (a clinical/psychiatric interview used to diagnose/conceptualize personality disorders) there is a question at the end that asks, "have you lied at any point through out this interview?" ... the motivations for people who say "yes" can be quite interesting...
The food question, to me, makes sense. Feeding people is a way that I show love and I want to make sure that I’m going to make something they enjoy (also that won’t kill them if they have allergies). I always appreciate when people ask me about preferences/allergies because it’s thoughtful….aaaaand because avocado will destroy me. Thank you for the video! You two consistently provide well balanced and well thought out arguments.
I think it comes from the why they're likely asking. I have met some very fundamentalist people who are very judgemental of alternative diets, not liking meat, etcetcetc...and go into a lecture about liberal vegans blahblahblah. So if you're just seeing if you're compatible or aware on that front that's no issue 😅 just be wary that some people are trying to find a crusade in other people, especially those who might be 'outsiders'.
I love the content with the two of you so much!!! And I love getting a window into a culture I've never been part of without having to actually sit through bigotry lol
You guys remind me so much of me and my partner. It’s actually kind of comforting how similar some of your personalities and experiences are to ours. It’s just nice to know we aren’t alone, appreciate you both!
As to the whole "Leave and Cleave" thing - I remember when I worked for a hospitality ministry (in Ireland) and the couple leading it had their grown children come stay for a month (from Australia). The couple's daughter-in-law was pregnant and had a 1 year old baby and of course their son wasn't doing much of the parenting. The DIL was super lonely, and overwhelmed, and felt like a fish out of water and was ringing her mother back in Australia "too much" according to her mother-in-law. She was bitching about it to me when we were in the kitchen and said that "Cath needed to leave behind her mother and cleave to her husband more" (her husband was pressuring her to leave Australia permanently and maybe move to Ireland or the UK for his job opportunities). I thought "Cath" was entitled to her feelings and to talk with her own mother, and not wanting to move several thousand miles away with 2 small babies under 2 actually wasn't crazy, especially since her husband wasn't exactly doing much of the parenting. Anyway, I pointed out that the Bible verse actually says that a MAN must leave his family and cleave to his wife (and not go running to mama to back him up every time his wife disagreed with him)...I can't remember her response now (it was 22 years ago), but I don't think she enjoyed me pointing that out to her, lol! It is a mad verse, when you think about the context of the time that it was written in, since most family units were not only multi-generational, but also included servants and probably cousins and large extended families. I wonder if it means not to physically leave, so much as to emotionally turn to your partner more than to rely on your parents? But ultimately, no one person can be everything for you, and we need a number of people in our lives for support and emotional health.
The question about food preferences is honestly one of the best questions, because it could lead to a discussion along those lines. I've met quite a few vegetarians and vegans for whom their partners' dietary preferences were very important. While I was vegetarian, I dated two people who refused to date anyone who ate meat.
This is really fascinating. Im only partway through it but I feel as if what gets pushed is very dependent on location/denomination. I left the church around 17 but up until that point I was there 2-4 times per week (which is honestly a lot even in Christian circles). I grew up First United Methodist. Honestly, we never discussed gender roles. Half of the pastors were women and we even had a black female pastor in our very very white small Ohio town. Being a help meet or submitting is not really a part of Methodist dogma, but its interesting that other things were WAY bigger deals. It was important to go on missions EVERY YEAR, personal witnessing was vital, it was pushed heavily that you have not just an accountability group but specifically a buddy and if you were younger also an older mentor who you met with regularly even after confirmation. Methodists are for the most part still against alcohol as well since they were huge in the Temperance movement. Many people still choose juice over wine at communion and I've actually been to Methodist churches who don't serve wine at all 🙃 Also, the town I grew up in had a few Jehovah's Witness temples and we had very consistent sermons on how to convert them and how they were explicitly NOT Christian. For some reason that was a huge point of contention in my church. But even though church left a lot of negativity behind, I am at least glad that my church was never overtly sexist.
The question about being part of a small group is so cult-y. Basically: you must be a part of a group of people who will know all your darkest secrets and will guilt you if you try to leave.
How do people survive that kind of humiliation, like being shunned out or everyone being hostile towards you just because you did something that the group does not approve of. Its so suffocating to live like that
"Well, I personally don't struggle with thoughts about sex or masturbation, homosexuality, pornography, erotica, or x-rated videos - I just succeed at those things." hahahaha
I am a new follower of both of you and I just love you guys!!!! I love hearing you guys are vegan for ethical reasons. Your relationship seems awesome and solid! ❤
I shared these questions with my wife who grew up in a Catholic home but never really believed. It was interesting to hear her answers since I grew up as a very strong believer in a church that was part of the Southern Baptist Convention.
A few years ago, I attended the funeral of a close friend's dad, which was an intense situation for me because my own dad passed the year before. After speaking to my friend and paying my respects to the family, I really needed to sit and decompress before going back inside for the traditional Southern goodbye (we make two rounds before actually leaving lol). An older gentleman sat on the bench next to me, which was fine at first when he gave me a polite nod and sat in silence. He proceeded to strike up a conversation, which was sort of fine until he pulled out a tract while asking me about the condition of my immortal soul. He was like a vulture swooping down with righteous fervor upon someone having a vulnerable moment. I wish I could say I put him in his place, but I merely nodded politely while I finished my cigarette and took the tract. I did crumple the tract and toss it into the ash bucket with my cigarette butt, so I guess that was something. I absolutely hate when christians try to "witness" to random strangers. The worst part imo is that the majority of them don't give two shits about your immortal soul, they only want to " stand before the father with a clear conscience". At least that's how my dad explained it to me when I begged him to leave me alone. Fucking hypocrites, the lot of them
I’m in Nicaragua which gets lots of dishonest North American missionaries. A small group approached me and I asked if the visit was religious. No, no, one said, “We just want to meet other Americans.” And after some polite exchanges, the pamphlets came out. Nope, go away. They also approached a retired British nurse. “We want to meet the other Americans in town.” “I’m British,” she said and closed the door.
As an autistic person who is extremely picky and eats very very simple foods, i am happy to hear that at least one other person in this world eats simple foods too!
The funniest thing about the vegetarian question is that I grew up seventh day Adventist and vegetarian-ism is part of the doctrine.. so like your potential partner would be more godly for being vegetarian than not... It's wild.
That's wild to me, grew up in a Baptist church (believed in the flood, young earth, seven day creation, etc) and not eating meat was intensely frowned upon. I think the idea was that refusing to was being ungrateful for what God gave us ("dominion over animals") and, knowing what I know now about my former church, probably because it was sometimes associated with liberalism. Going on 2 years being vegetarian, by the way. Lol
I like how these questions show that you two basically are still the same people, whether you're christian or not. So many things have not changed about you, you just view them in a different light.
Hmm, interesting... When I was a christian I also would say that I'm manipulative sometimes, also out of self defence, in similar context to what Drew said (except I was always taller that people around me), but also in regards to hiding my sexuality (I was in denial, and in the same time was begging god to "fix" me...). Also, I can't lie too, but not in a way Taylor can't - it's like my brain has a blue screen of death when I try to lie. I can get physically ill if I try too hard to lie. That's also a reason why I was manipulative sometimes, lie as a self defense was never an option for me. It was so frustrating and damaging to my psyche when someone accused me of lieing, and usually it would be a devoted christian...
Are you a workaholic or would you consider yourself slothful? Yes and yes. I work 40+ hours a week, in four 10 hour days. But on my days off, I'm quite the slugabed, lounging around, cuddling with my kitties, and watching TH-cam videos. At least, currently, I'm painting some Dungeons & Dragons miniatures while watching this video.
I will say this much... If you were a progressive Christian dating another Christian, some of these questions might be good to ask to find out if your potential life partner is actually more regressive than you think. It's not just a way to suss out if your potential partner is a dirty progressive.
Yeah. I grew up United Methodist and these questions are wild and would have been wild to me back then. I wore bikinis to church events and never had weird swimming rules. But it would have saved me a couple years to ask my first boyfriend these questions. Despite attending the same church he had a lot of beliefs in line with girl defined.
I assume the food question was primarily because it's the wife's "duty" to cook for her husband, so she needs to make sure she can cook the things he likes. I can also see it as somewhat of a compatibility issue, since having completely different food preferences can make it hard to share meals with someone. And yeah, they would definitely look down on a vegetarian.
Which would have been a bit of a problem for me with my lack of culinary experience. Hubs was the more experienced individual in the household initially (both as a vegan and a former short order Cook during his college days). He's taught me so much and now if one of the kids prefers to cook with me I can handle it most of the time, but occasionally I say something is outside my expertise and say that you need to cook with dad if you wa t something experimental or unique.
Hi, both of you together, or each of you on your own, should maybe make a really quick 5-minute video on favorite music and groups. I for one would really enjoy it! 😊 ♥️
When I was an evangelical (JW) I honestly really bought into the importance for respect for authority. At the same time we were taught that human rule was never gonna be good, with man dominating man and all that, so there was some internal conflict there. Now, I'm philosophically anarchist and if I am to rebel against something I want it to be for a good reason and worth the potential repercussions, compared to before where it was all "be obedient and let God sort it out".
The funniest part of this video to me is that it says "Athiest couple" and I saw two women smiling next to eachother in the thumbnail, so I was just like "Oh, that must be a lesbian couple, right? This should be interesting, to see what these lesbian athiests have to say about a religious quiz." Needless to say, this is a bit different from what I expected in a lot of ways...
You and Drew reminded me a lot of me and my partner when you talked about authority-the pairing of someone who actively dislikes and challenges authority and someone who is skeptical and questioning of authority while not wanting to get into trouble is quite distinctive.
Thanks for creating this video and sharing. I’m thrilled to hear that you’re both in to horror movies! I was raised very conservative/Christian and horror content was a big no-go. I didn’t discover that my genuine self really enjoys that genre until I was in my early 30’s, though it was a slow journey overcoming the feeling that I was watching something evil or dirty, rather than mentally stimulating and often a deep story.
I have a visceral negative reaction to horror movies, and it's wild to think that if I were immersed in conservative Christianity, I would probably think that was proof of their demonic nature (when it's just that I feel other people/character's feelings too strongly in my own body, so feeling a bunch of upsetting things is upsetting).
I didn't know Drew got bullied for a long time. That's not nice. People should never bully others, it hurts them. I think Drew deserves to be successful because I think he is smart.
Drew is literally me. Like every answer about his personality is the same. it is annoying sometimes being less energetic and focused until its the time I have to go to bed and then at that point I dread wasting that energy and time sleeping. So I sleep very little. And tbh I do great. People just dont believe me when I say I cant go to bed until at least midnight lol
It's interesting for me to see some of the answers you and Drew give reveal these social and cultural backgrounds from those fundamentalist religious groups. For instance, how you had this traveling pastor who was female and how that made a but ruckus in your church, but she got the gig in the first place, so clearly that highly sexist attitude wasn't dominant throughout the specific religious group you belonged to. Not knowing the exact tradition you belonged to ("missionary kid" isn't specific-many faiths have missionaries), it makes these answers like a game of Clue, with your interesting specific answers being small hints about what shape your childhood took. I really like it, and find myself comparing it to my Salt Lake City, UT, Mormon upbringing. Thanks for this; it's a really great way to approach the real ways religious social structures can affect our perspectives and to reflect on how you've grown since you've changed your beliefs. Also, Drew: your resistance against authority is DEEPLY familiar to me. It's what drove my quest for answers, that it became easily obvious that authority figures had no valid reason to be the authority. That power dynamic of Authority not really knowing what they're doing, and yet utterly unwilling to hear suggestions or feedback because it undermines their false sense of control, that was pretty much all of my church. That whole segment about authority, and your side remarks about manipulation and being bullied (and rejecting that tendency), make me feel completely seen.
I adore symphonic metal. My favorite is Within Temptation. Also, if my partner had any problems with me being alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex, that would be a HUGE problem, because I am a massage therapist, and my whole job involves being alone in a room with a naked person. And sometimes, that naked person has different reproductive organs than I do.
Really interesting… speaking about the rule regarding not being alone with the opposite sex: my dad was a worship pastor and his rule was never be behind a closed door/shades or ride in a car alone with a woman because of the “appearance of evil” that can cause gossiping and assumptions. Still not a valid reason to not help someone while working in a ministry, but it’s not all centered around lack of self-control alone.
I am like Drew when it comes to leadership. I desperately want someone else to lead a group project or meeting, even a friendship gathering. But somehow, someway, I end up leading something in spite of trying to avoid it at all costs. It's just, well, something has to get done and I end up ensuring that happens. lol
This is probably so stupid but I'm going to share it anyway: I put this video on and walked away, listening but not watching. I heard a voice that sounded familiar and so I looked at the video and was like holy shit! Is that Drew? As in Genetically Modified Skeptic, Drew? So I tried to look it up and the search result populated Genetically Modified Salmon... I did eventually find out that yes you are married to Drew from GMS 😂 That's awesome! I love both your channels so this is great!
in school we were always taught that there is no such thing as a dumb or "bad" questions.... but oh boy, this list does highlight at least one way in which a question can be enormously dumb. It is dumb, if it already presupposes an answer in the question. Not only is that dishonest, but also does it ensure there's no actual discussion and nothing to be learned.....
Oh, the Christian "complementarian" gender roles has blown my husband's mind as that movement had become more vocal and gotten a foothold in our extended family. He read something that told women not to make more money than her husband if "you must work outside the home." His response, "that's dumb. How fragile is my ego if I demand that you make less than you're worth to make me feel manly?"
The food question makes some sense if you think in terms not of right/wrong answers, but rather of compatibility (and ignore the fact that you should know the answer long before considering marriage). If a vegan lives with a person committed to the carnivore diet, will they have to prepare double meals all the time? What if somebody with a severe peanut allergy lives with a person whose favorite foods are peanuts and peanut butter? Jack Sprat and his wife probably had to go through a lot of discussion and compromise before they became the nursery rhyme.
1:45 tbh i think being "obsessed" is never a good thing. But as long as you don't neglect your responsibilities, your own needs, and your other social relationships, it's absolutely valid to be enthusiastic about boys, girls, or anyone else you're interested in! :)
Yea I think the specific criteria for what qualifies as "obsessed" are important. What I'd consider typical teen level interest in [whatever gender you're attracted too], the Girl Defined folks would probably consider unhealthy and unacceptable obsession
Today I learned that I’m scarily similar to Drew. I’m a little shook. Adhd out the ass. Bullied for being effeminate. Don’t want to be a leader but will openly challenge authority I don’t see as valid. Even down to my partner being more masculine and our gender roles are kinda swapped. The list goes on. Wtf.
I ALWAYS believed that "spiritual gifts" were merely talents that were innate or naturally cultivated by life in general. So therefore even non religious people have innate gifts of value to the world at large.
First time to your channel. I’ve been watching drew for awhile. Guess I’ve got some binge watching/listening to do. You 2 appear to be a great couple and many should aspire to be as kind and get along as well as the 2 of you.
Suggestion: the pink light is a bit harsh in this video. The brightness level gave your hubby a spooky look. Could it be a bit softer next time? It was just a bit distracting. Love you guys.
As a kid who grew up with parents barely scraping by.. one of whom WORKED FOR THE CHURCH.. it made me pretty angry that we tithed, actually. I definitely didn't see the reason for it and never did so once I was an adult earning my own money.
My partner's dad lives in a rotted-out house with a sawdust floor and no hot water, and he has been tithing 15% of his income for over 30 years :( My chill episcopalian church will not LET poor members tithe.... they will very kindly and tactfully tell you that you already contribute xyz and that's more than enough, keep the money for survival.
Wow, now *THIS* video was already scary enough, but it needing to be reuploaded and losing the views it already had, has most certainly made it even more worthy of Halloween! Also, bonus fact: by some definitions, Halloween is actually a four day holiday. This is because October 30th is Mischief Night, Halloween actually gets it origin from the Festival of Sowen, which started on October 31st and continued onto November 1st, and November 2nd is The Day of The Dead.
I grew up in the south east and i can relate to being turned off by veggies. So many mushy slimy musty dishes. Im learning how to cook veggies now in a different way.
i was a bully for about 1 year of high school, my main target stood up to me at track practice and i thank him for it. he was a good colleague through the rest of highschooll and kinda my understudy in that we did alot of the same stuff academically and he was 1 year down
My cousin has had a long list of requirements like this for a potential husband, she's searched through churches in Australasia, South America and North America and is still single in her 50s. With all the questions where do you leave room for what you're looking for?
Thank you everyone who let us know lentils are toxic uncooked! No need to comment more about that. He’ll no longer be doing that 😂
Oh sh1t! Thanks for the heads up
Baked canned chickpeas make a good substitute- crunchy!
Not me thinking the "he" referred to Puggles before the video cleared it up, lol. 😅🤣
This is news to me
You really should introduce the word "tradthot" into your vocab.
It'll make it waaaaaaay quicker/easiler to explain who "Girl Defined" are.
Her: Don't be obsessed with boys.
Me: Okay... (is a lesbian)
Her: Not like that!
I just did what you told me to 😉
Instructions unclear.
Instructions unclear, my female friends turned into incels
They react the same way about asexuals 😂
Your not supposed to have any sexual desire period in christan belief
Lust is one of the seven deadly sins afterall
But in my own belief
Is that sexual desire is inherently natural as humans have a evolutionary deposition towards it wanting to reproduce and just plain it feels good
I live in central Europe and American christianity is still so strange to me. Way too literal and constrictive. I actually for the longest time thought christianity shown in the US media was satirical/exaggerated on purpose. I'm happy for you two to have found your way out of that.
The puritanical Christians immigrated from Europe to America.
There is much bigotry within the american Christians. I am athiest and i see constant calls and support for genocide of LGBTQ people coming from white Christians
What is Christianity like in cental Europe? I'm genuinely curious to see the differences, being that I live in the US.😊
@@morgan.hasara While in the US evangelical christians are the largest religious group, in Germany most christians are protestant or roman catholic. There are some strict people but over all most believing people don't blame others for their choices and don't take the bible by word. Purity culture also isn't as big here as in the US, in fact, it's hardly ever heard of. The most faithfull people I know are just normal guys, that attend church regularly and pray before meals. Many others are baptised and recieved communion or confirmation and kind of believe in some kind of godly/ supranatural creature, but their faith has only a minor impact on their lifes. After the most recent incidences around denying child molestation and their backwards opinions in the catholic church many people aren't that fond of the church anymore and millions left in the past few years.
@@proserpina4448 the extreme Christians of Europe immigrated to the US making Europe better
It was so cute how Taylor asked “do I have any personal habits that might annoy others?” And Drew chimes in, “you hiccup REALLY loudly.” That was so pure. I wish that were my annoying habit lol
This sent me- it reminded me of an old friend whose hiccups were really big and loud. The first time I heard it I thought she’d been stabbed or something; it sounded like she was sharply inhaling while simultaneously gasping and screaming.
She’d also laugh on an inhale- like inside-out laughter.
I hiccup like that! It makes my husband very concerned when I suddenly sound like I got stabbed.
I make similar sounds too :D It's not even hiccup, just random sounds. My boyfriend then imitates me just like Drew did
No
Girl defined stands for every rule that caused trauma in my life.
I love how the more these videos are made the more we realize Drew is actually just a goblin
I love this comment 😂😂
Ive known ever since his Ark Encounter memes 🤣
Please explain this
I honestly believe that asking about the food preferences is so that she’s prepared to cook him his favorite meals 😬
yikes…
ah i didnt even realize
So sad
There’s a cute version and an upsetting version, I like cooking (and I’m very good at it) so making my partner their favorite foods is a sweet thing I can do. I’m not a religious fundamentalist who believes not cooking for my partner all the time would be sinful though
This is unfortunately also the reasoning I was thinking of!
I agree with Drew about being much less obsessed with porn after deconverting. I used to watch/read a ton of yaoi, porn, and fanfiction. Even informational videos or books from school about sex and reproduction I dove head first into. I was fantizing all the time about it, and writing my own little pervy stories. I often felt guilty, and tried to stop whenever I got spooked about hell... but eventually I went right back to it anyway.
It was only when I deconverted and started having sex and experimenting did I stop being so obsessed by it. Sex isn't this mystical magical thing anymore. Now that I'm so regularly satisified physically and mentally sexually, I don't asorb as much porn/eroctica nearly as much as I used to.
Yea i agree being deprived n wait till marrige. Made me so s*x craved. I still watch p'rn n want s*x. But not crazily i can go as long as i want without n im fine. Im okay if i died a virgin for all i care lmao. My life is not worth only marrige husband n baby no more. So i good lol
More than deconverting that could simply be you growing up. It's quite normal to be more "obsessed" with sex at a younger age
I was never religious, but I definitely became less obsessed with sex after I started having it.
Don't feel guilty if you ever have the desire to jump back into creating or viewing that stuff. It's creativity regardless of the bad reputation it gets from malicious people.
Images of strangers having sex does nothing for me... but once, after I got sucked down a Catholic Twitter rabbit hole where everyone was talking about "breaking the chains of masturbation and pornography," I suddenly became intent on looking up porn. (I have thought OCD, so any ideology to do with moral purity can instantly indoctrinate that part of my brain.) I think we have an inherent drive to test out/rebel against prohibitions that feel unfair or illogical.
The stuff about movies is hilarious. As an atheist, my mom felt exactly the opposite about R-rated movies: violence was not okay, nudity was fine. It’s just so weird that Christian parents seem to feel the exact opposite way.
Yeah! Anything that wasn’t very bloody or overtly sexual was fine in my mom’s book. I always tended to forget the nudity in a lot of my favorite movies from growing up, because it’s just bodies, so I go to watch them with friends later on and they all get shocked because mostly they didn’t grow up with an attitude of “so what? We all have bodies.” Oh. But my mom was chill with that despite being very much a Conservative Christian.
"What does cleave mean to you?"
Me: Nothing until you add "age" to the end.
Man of Culture, I see
I love how genuine you two are. A lot of christian couples have this sort of? fake sweetness to them? especially on camera. But the dynamic between you both feels very real and easy. If I find a partner outside of the church one day, I hope we have a relationship like this.
god thats so true. the fakeness is so disturbing
The fake sweetness in public is to make up for the evil in private
The Christian marriage advice couples that are big on TH-cam feel very fake and have very cruel comments for each other that are just… shocking. I’ve said awful things to people but it’s unintentional and I try to correct and avoid that once hearing it hurt them, but they just don’t seem to recognize it as hurting one another… it’s strange to me because I do know some normal and healthy couples and my parents… well they’re honest to a point they couldn’t even be fake sweet to each other.
The diet/food question may have been from the idea of: can, I, as your wife, cook what you like.
That's what I thought too.
Gross
This might be a reach but GD are from San Antonio which is a VERY Mexican city. I feel like maybe they were trying to find out if they would need to add spice to their food 😅
@@TheOtherBoobJustDroppedTHEY’RE FROM MY CITY?????
@@bigpooper4156 my condolences
Drew’s answer to the favorite book question reminded me of a guy I dated in college who told me “I think reading fiction is a waste of time.” I was an English major 🤣
Always makes me think of the movie sideways
Even as a brainwashed Christian in a cult-like environment, I was so angry that I was the lesser sex for not having a penis. I'm an afab trans person and it was honestly traumatizing to have an identity I didn't resonate with forced upon me along with being told that that identity was lesser than the one I felt like I was. If all that makes sense. I'm so glad I'm out of that environment.
I had the same experience (I wouldn’t say I was in a cult, but otherwise the same)
I'm a trans man but was raised in a secular household. I can't imagine how hard it was for you in a hard-core Christian environment; I could barely handle it and I was in a progressive and open-minded family.
Glad you're out of there. Stay safe. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@@austin.luther Thanks, I really appreciate it. I'm slowly recovering and now that I'm on my own, I'm finding my identity. I've never been happier.
I didn't grow up in Christianity, but under a very patriarchal abusive father who trafficked me, and I feel this so much. It was hard because my brain latched onto that bit of TERF ideology where they insist afab trans people are just trying to escape their misogynist oppression, and used that to gaslight me. It finally clicked that I've also been abused and attacked for being queer, and it feels completely different. It made me feel that as a queer person I'm not safe or valued, but it didn't have that insult-to-injury quality of pinning me to a false identity.
So much cognitive dissonance from the stupid manchildren with no idea what they're doing and yet are in charge somehow
23:12 Just a note that raw lentils can cause serious digestive issues. I'd recommend cooking the lentils to break down the lectin in them and prevent toxic reactions.
Yeah, I spent the whole rest of the video trying to imagine digesting raw lentils. Drew, please cook your lentils. If you want them crunchy, you could dry them out in the oven after boiling them, like the roasted chickpeas that have become a popular snack lately. I love me some lentils, but that lectin does need to be broken down by cooking.
But I think canned lentils are already cooked though? Not sure if he meant dry lentils or not. I mean, after hearing he eats cinnamon sticks idk if him eating dry, raw lentils is too strange 😆
@@Hope00Love omfg I just started the video so I guess I haven’t gotten to that part yet, but you’re telling me this man just EATS cinnamon sticks!? Terrifying.
Being alone with someone of the opposite sex is giving me such flashbacks to Mike Pence. So many people pointed out that for a man in his position to refuse to be in a room with a woman was inherently going to leave women out of opportunities to be heard, to advance themselves, or to have any kind of power or influence. I guess Pence didn't see that as a problem.
Also, this rule makes very little sense if either partner is bi. If the goal is to avoid cheating (and you can't just trust your partner not to cheat?), then theoretically you couldn't trust a bi person not to cheat with someone of the same gender either. But I'm sure bi people don't even exist in Girl Defined's world, so this point wouldn't even occur to them.
Yeah, bi people and bi men specifically have met a unique sort of discrimination historically. It’s interesting if you look into it (interesting and terrible :D)
I always thought this too
As a bi person whenever i hear "men and women cant be friends" i wonder how they think bi/ pan people live. Are we not meant to have any friends? Most lesbians/ gay men are friends with other lesbians/ gay men too.
Yes! As a bi person who was once a fundamentalist Christian this is why it was always so confusing to me. At the time I didn’t realize I was bi though.
1:03:00 That was the biggest culture shock once I left Christianity was the music. I was only listening to music by Christian artists and I was extra cringe cuz I was into the Christian metal, hip hop, rock. It was odd for sure. I viewed music as a tool that was only to be used for worship, so secular musicians worshiped everything to my former mind. I’m still a metal head but finding out all of the music that’s out there is so huge for me.
I don't have much parasocial attachment to you as individuals, but I'm kind of invested in your marriage, lol 😅 It's just really cool that you married as Christians, but your compatibility was so strong that even though you changed a lot over the years after marrying young, you grew in the same direction. & the fact that it took you a bit longer to become an atheist makes it seem more organic & authentic, & not just the result of spousal influence/pressure (altho your religious family may disagree 😛)
yes i agree! i really admire and look up to them as a couple
Definitely not a J Warner Wallace, converting because of his spouse situation.
It really speaks to the level of communication they must have had to work through such huge changes. I am always so happy when people are in happy healthy relationships. ❤
It's so interesting!!! I am invested too XD
9:38 this, I’m a Christian but I’m not focusing on being super religious anymore and I’ve recently had a dude ask if he can pray for me when I was heading to my car. I said no but the guy persisted and I awkwardly agree. Now that I’m not going to church or focusing on “following the rules” I see how that makes people who aren’t Christian feel really uncomfortable and how pushy it is.
Something like that happened to my friend a few days ago. This guy is following him on his college canpus at like 11pm at night talking to him about God making him really uncomfortable. Then he asks if he can pray for my friend as he is walking away. He reluctantly agrees to get him to leave him alone and the guy starts praying extremely loudly yelling his name "Please GOD help ANDREW to see the light!" He was mortified.
Yeah, it's annoying at best and scary at worst. I've been an atheist my whole life, but was raised in Hawaii where bringing up religion with someone you don't know is considered (at least back in the 90s) pretty rude. There are so many different cultures and faiths crammed together on one little island. So you respect boundaries, because there is a decent chance that the person you just met doesn't have the same beliefs as you.
Then I moved to Virginia when I was 13 and WHOA. It was all Christian, everywhere, in your face, all of the time. I learned from a friend to just start saying I was Jewish because that was the only boundary Christians wouldn't cross. Most Christians wouldn't try to convert a Jew. If I was honest and said I was an atheist I could look forward to a hot cup of instant sermon.
I wonder sometimes that what if this trick is actually used by some predators just to approach a person and cause them harm
I've heard a number of researchers and therapists who specialize in cultic/high-control groups say that one of the best indicators of a group's control level, is how people in the community react when a member starts to pull back or leaves the space/belief system.
If you ever find yourself in a place where you still connect with the faith in some way, but want out of the social/power dynamics.... the Episcopalian, Lutheran, United Methodist, and unprogrammed Quaker denominations are officially accepting and affirming of LGBTQ people and partnerships, and their churches are less likely to have a culture of tight restrictions, mutual surveillance, enforced belief, etc. Still gotta give each individual church a thorough vibe check, but it can be a place to start.
“I personally don’t struggle with these topics, I just exceed at those things.” I choked on my food, thanks 😂😂😂
Thanks for explaining the Christian-specific questions. I'm an atheist that was raised in a secular household so a lot of these aspects of evangelical Christian culture are still foreign to me.
My parents did teach my brother and I about various religions, especially Christianity, but their reason was because it comes up a lot in history and literature. So it helps to know what the text is referring to, whether outright or through metaphor.
I actually thought that the Christian Bible was just another set of mythology that no one believed anymore; it's just the stories of cultures of the past. My parents had to sit me down when I was about 8 and explain that most people in the world believe in some type of deity when they realized that I thought church was a sort of book club that also did ceremonial reenactments.
Oh the bliss of not growing up with religious trauma, I’m so happy you experienced that. Looking forward to more kiddos being raised that way.
“Book Club that also did ceremonial re-enactments” makes church sound REALLY fun actually
I grew up Hindu, but genuinely thought that people only pretended to believe in god, because for me it was never real. It wasn't until I was 16 and talking to a Christian guy that the penny dropped and I realised that people *actually* genuinely believed. It blew my mind 😂
Since this is a repost, let me just tell you, love your channel, you and Drew are an adorable couple
random note but when Drew said he literally vibrates with anxiety when he needs to sleep I finally understood how to voice a huge part of my experience as a person in words. i've always felt that way about sleep and never understood the appeal of laying in bed... also, I would watch a whole series of videos with y'all together! ❤❤❤
I'm guessing that you, like me, get night terrors. I've been in a slump for a month where I'm getting them every day.
I used to have that panic before sleep, but I have managed to work through it. It is possible to rewrite your neural connections to replace that anxiety with calm bracing for what you know will happen.
I'm not a doctor, but what worked for me is only laying down to sleep when my body feels tired, and relying on distractions before sleep to help my brain relax. Laying on the bed during the day can help if your mind is anxious around your bed. The biggest thing is to remind myself that dreams are not real, they cannot hurt me, and they often pick at my biggest insecurities. I am not a bad person for anything i do in a dream, or for anything I was forced to do in the past. They will go away one day, and i have to hold onto the hope that tomorrow will be that day. The more i repeat this to myself, the easier it gets and eventually it starts happening without you thinking about it.
There are also mild sedatives you can take to help drop the anxiety before sleep, but again, not a doctor.
It’s weird but I hate going to bed. It feels like I’m missing out on valuable time. Lol
@@PrincessDalathiel hey thank you for bringing this up! I had night terrors in highschool along with other things going on in my life and I barely slept then. But now it's more of a resistance to losing time due to sleep than it is being scared of my dreams. i'm so sorry you experience them though, it is seriously distressing when you're supposed to be getting restorative rest... i'm glad you've been able to find something that helps 🥹
I might do the thing where you're just laying on my bed during the day as that can trigger weird anxiety. maybe exposure will help, haha!
@@danielelliott95 THIS! This is exactly what I think Drew was getting at. as a new atheist (only been a year), i've adopted a weird sort of existential nihilism and obsess strongly over the fact that we have a finite amount of time on earth to do things we want. I also have mild OCD so there's that... my mind races so much when trying to sleep that id just rather avoid it...
The whole authority thing Drew went into is entirely relatable. I don't want to be a leader or be in total charge of anything, but if someone signs up for a leadership position (like manager or something higher up) I have expectations and will ask and address why those "simple leader" expectations aren't being met.
Managers either love me or hate me. Some even hate me because of those questions, but then love me because I will take initiative to play the leader role if that role is not being met without being labeled as such.
XD
Respect authority, but hate it too. It's weird.
For me, it’s similar-maybe even the same, but I apparently think of it differently than you or Drew do.
I don’t want to be in charge, and I often don’t want others to be in charge. I’m challenging the _concept_ of hierarchy and questioning whether this is a situation where _anybody_ should be in charge, not necessarily questioning whether that specific person should be in charge and definitely not asserting that I should be in charge.
But I’ve found that most people don’t really understand non-hierarchical social structures, so they unconsciously create them-they slot everyone into “leader” and “follower” roles, and while a given person can be a leader in one context and follower in another, you can’t ever be _neither_ . These are the folks who, IME, try to make me the “leader” when I’m just trying to do my own thing.
Another not-insignificant portion of the populace is very uncomfortable without social hierarchies. They don’t just unconsciously fall into them; they insist on creating and reinforcing them. For them, even more than the previous group, challenging authority _must_ be about asserting your own authority, and if you claim otherwise it’s just to deceive them as part of your power play. There is no such thing as autonomy, only command. [the only way not to have someone else telling you what to do is by climbing the ranks until you’re the person doing the telling.]
But most often what I’m trying to do when I question authority isn’t change whose in charge; it’s trying to eliminate both the “leader” and “follower” social roles from the situation.
And while this might’ve been originally just marching to my own drummer, plus a questioning nature and a bit of defiance, it’s been reinforced by experience: the best-run places I’ve worked were organized like co-ops, and the most inviting and functional spaces I’ve been in were run by consensus. And many of the worst organizations and workplaces I’ve encountered were very hierarchical. I’ve actually mollified a bit and am now much more accepting of hierarchical social structures, but I still need to be convinced that a specific group/organization/task needs a hierarchy and default to preferring consensus and co-equals.
Authority ≠ Leadership
I think we're frequently expected not to have this viewpoint.
My wife and I followed along with your video and the questions. It was really illuminating how far we've both come after leaving christianity.
Many years ago I had to take a pre-employment test. One of the questions was, “Mark, are you honest?” Yes, the computer put my name in the question.
Love your separate channels, but I really enjoy seeing the two of you together. Good job!
I'm a Christian. Though I'd still consider myself as "deconstructing". I enjoy these videos because while you no longer believe it doesn't feel like you're insulting people for believing. It's crazy how much my opinions have changed as I got older and started interpreting the bible differently.
Ideas like purity culture and women being in charge are different now than they were even a year ago.
I really enjoy your dynamic together. The way you talk to each other, even the way you look at each other when the other one talks makes me feel like you love and respect each other so much. Love that.
Also: Before this video I thought Taylor was really cool. Now that I know about her taste in music I think she is really, really, reaaally cool.
The last couple of weeks have been great. The LDS church have had young guys walking up and down the street trying to talk to people about Jesus. I'm very tall so every time I pass one of them I ask them for a high five for Jesus. It's hilarious how hard they try to slap my hand. If they only knew I was an atheist and 6'5" lol.
Lol what this is the funniest/best story I've read all day 😅
Yo! Same size! Let's meet on the same level xD
Im sure it might’ve made those kids day, my younger cousin is out on a mission doing stuff like that and Im always worried about him 😢
You're hilarious
@@CastiellaXIV This guy is low key making fun of the LDS missionaries
I was terrified of watching anything above PG because of how I was raised. The first time I watched a PG-13 movie on purpose, I was 17. The first time I watched an R-rated movie without feeling like I was branding my soul, I was 36 (I'd watched a scant handful before that, but always felt bad about it later). Even now at 39, 1.5 years into official deconversion, when I deliberately watch R-rated movies as a therapeutic f*** you to my fundie past, I sometimes get anxiety attacks on the "tame" ones, because my brain can't process the fact that they're not concentrated packages of evil, but instead just movies made for adults.
Growing up, "Adult Content," "Mature Audiences" and "Viewer Discretion Advised" weren't literal descriptions. Rather, they were euphemisms for "soul-branding concentrated evil." Worse, I was a self-righteous ass about it to my Christian friends (and even wife) who "sullied themselves" by watching R-rated movies. Because I never got permission from my parents to watch them, my brain just couldn't make the leap to doing it until I actually left my faith behind entirely.
I remember being a little kid and seeing “Viewer Discretion is Advised” on lots of stuff that I would turn the TV off or go to bed when it came on, just because it was boring.
Drew rollerblades?? That's so cool! Didn't know he was part of the gang.
Also you guys are so cute together. I'm binge watching your videos and when you talked about the pillow fort you built.... So so cute.
Thank you 💕
My current response to the public swimming question is that not everyone has access to a private pool or swimming area, so public beaches and pools are a social good for anyone who wants to swim or learn how.
I know they probably meant something about bathing suits but I don't really care.
I’m just learning that my two fav youtubers are vegan 😍 I didn’t think I could like you any more than I already did ❤❤
The moment you said The Handmaids Tale I was like 😩😩😩😩😩. The book and show is soooo goood. I’m 19 now, but it was the show, the book, and the discovery of all these various religious and Athiest TH-cam channels(including both of your channels) that really kickstarted my interest in religion and the way I was raised and my exploring of my conversion therapy trauma since I was 14-15. I’m obsesseddddd with that universe today. And it really has introduced me to so many real life counterparts of the book/show that I didn’t know happened in real life. It’s basically a window into our world and history in many ways.
In the STIPO (a clinical/psychiatric interview used to diagnose/conceptualize personality disorders) there is a question at the end that asks, "have you lied at any point through out this interview?" ... the motivations for people who say "yes" can be quite interesting...
The food question, to me, makes sense. Feeding people is a way that I show love and I want to make sure that I’m going to make something they enjoy (also that won’t kill them if they have allergies). I always appreciate when people ask me about preferences/allergies because it’s thoughtful….aaaaand because avocado will destroy me.
Thank you for the video! You two consistently provide well balanced and well thought out arguments.
I think it comes from the why they're likely asking.
I have met some very fundamentalist people who are very judgemental of alternative diets, not liking meat, etcetcetc...and go into a lecture about liberal vegans blahblahblah. So if you're just seeing if you're compatible or aware on that front that's no issue 😅 just be wary that some people are trying to find a crusade in other people, especially those who might be 'outsiders'.
The Drew chewing on cinnamon sticks KILLED ME 😂
I love the content with the two of you so much!!! And I love getting a window into a culture I've never been part of without having to actually sit through bigotry lol
You guys remind me so much of me and my partner. It’s actually kind of comforting how similar some of your personalities and experiences are to ours. It’s just nice to know we aren’t alone, appreciate you both!
As to the whole "Leave and Cleave" thing - I remember when I worked for a hospitality ministry (in Ireland) and the couple leading it had their grown children come stay for a month (from Australia). The couple's daughter-in-law was pregnant and had a 1 year old baby and of course their son wasn't doing much of the parenting. The DIL was super lonely, and overwhelmed, and felt like a fish out of water and was ringing her mother back in Australia "too much" according to her mother-in-law. She was bitching about it to me when we were in the kitchen and said that "Cath needed to leave behind her mother and cleave to her husband more" (her husband was pressuring her to leave Australia permanently and maybe move to Ireland or the UK for his job opportunities). I thought "Cath" was entitled to her feelings and to talk with her own mother, and not wanting to move several thousand miles away with 2 small babies under 2 actually wasn't crazy, especially since her husband wasn't exactly doing much of the parenting. Anyway, I pointed out that the Bible verse actually says that a MAN must leave his family and cleave to his wife (and not go running to mama to back him up every time his wife disagreed with him)...I can't remember her response now (it was 22 years ago), but I don't think she enjoyed me pointing that out to her, lol!
It is a mad verse, when you think about the context of the time that it was written in, since most family units were not only multi-generational, but also included servants and probably cousins and large extended families. I wonder if it means not to physically leave, so much as to emotionally turn to your partner more than to rely on your parents? But ultimately, no one person can be everything for you, and we need a number of people in our lives for support and emotional health.
The question about food preferences is honestly one of the best questions, because it could lead to a discussion along those lines. I've met quite a few vegetarians and vegans for whom their partners' dietary preferences were very important. While I was vegetarian, I dated two people who refused to date anyone who ate meat.
Hey, this Drew guy is pretty cool. He should start his own TH-cam channel!
Totally! Got some untapped potential over here!
I find this couple very agreeable. They respect one another and have honesty and integrity. Bless you both.
“are you sleep patterns irregular?” well you see… i have narcolepsy, so-
This is really fascinating. Im only partway through it but I feel as if what gets pushed is very dependent on location/denomination. I left the church around 17 but up until that point I was there 2-4 times per week (which is honestly a lot even in Christian circles). I grew up First United Methodist. Honestly, we never discussed gender roles. Half of the pastors were women and we even had a black female pastor in our very very white small Ohio town. Being a help meet or submitting is not really a part of Methodist dogma, but its interesting that other things were WAY bigger deals. It was important to go on missions EVERY YEAR, personal witnessing was vital, it was pushed heavily that you have not just an accountability group but specifically a buddy and if you were younger also an older mentor who you met with regularly even after confirmation. Methodists are for the most part still against alcohol as well since they were huge in the Temperance movement. Many people still choose juice over wine at communion and I've actually been to Methodist churches who don't serve wine at all 🙃 Also, the town I grew up in had a few Jehovah's Witness temples and we had very consistent sermons on how to convert them and how they were explicitly NOT Christian. For some reason that was a huge point of contention in my church. But even though church left a lot of negativity behind, I am at least glad that my church was never overtly sexist.
The question about being part of a small group is so cult-y. Basically: you must be a part of a group of people who will know all your darkest secrets and will guilt you if you try to leave.
How do people survive that kind of humiliation, like being shunned out or everyone being hostile towards you just because you did something that the group does not approve of. Its so suffocating to live like that
Yea exactly. A more impersonal group can't implement the same type of insidious emotional control
"Well, I personally don't struggle with thoughts about sex or masturbation, homosexuality, pornography, erotica, or x-rated videos - I just succeed at those things." hahahaha
I am a new follower of both of you and I just love you guys!!!! I love hearing you guys are vegan for ethical reasons. Your relationship seems awesome and solid! ❤
I shared these questions with my wife who grew up in a Catholic home but never really believed. It was interesting to hear her answers since I grew up as a very strong believer in a church that was part of the Southern Baptist Convention.
A few years ago, I attended the funeral of a close friend's dad, which was an intense situation for me because my own dad passed the year before. After speaking to my friend and paying my respects to the family, I really needed to sit and decompress before going back inside for the traditional Southern goodbye (we make two rounds before actually leaving lol). An older gentleman sat on the bench next to me, which was fine at first when he gave me a polite nod and sat in silence. He proceeded to strike up a conversation, which was sort of fine until he pulled out a tract while asking me about the condition of my immortal soul. He was like a vulture swooping down with righteous fervor upon someone having a vulnerable moment. I wish I could say I put him in his place, but I merely nodded politely while I finished my cigarette and took the tract. I did crumple the tract and toss it into the ash bucket with my cigarette butt, so I guess that was something.
I absolutely hate when christians try to "witness" to random strangers. The worst part imo is that the majority of them don't give two shits about your immortal soul, they only want to " stand before the father with a clear conscience". At least that's how my dad explained it to me when I begged him to leave me alone. Fucking hypocrites, the lot of them
I'm sorry that you experienced that. I hope you're doing well now.
(Also, feel you on the southern goodbye. It takes so much effort.)
I’m in Nicaragua which gets lots of dishonest North American missionaries. A small group approached me and I asked if the visit was religious. No, no, one said, “We just want to meet other Americans.” And after some polite exchanges, the pamphlets came out. Nope, go away. They also approached a retired British nurse. “We want to meet the other Americans in town.” “I’m British,” she said and closed the door.
Great answer from Drew re: being alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex. 👍
Love seeing you guys together answering all these questions. It’s so fun
As an autistic person who is extremely picky and eats very very simple foods, i am happy to hear that at least one other person in this world eats simple foods too!
The funniest thing about the vegetarian question is that I grew up seventh day Adventist and vegetarian-ism is part of the doctrine.. so like your potential partner would be more godly for being vegetarian than not... It's wild.
That's wild to me, grew up in a Baptist church (believed in the flood, young earth, seven day creation, etc) and not eating meat was intensely frowned upon. I think the idea was that refusing to was being ungrateful for what God gave us ("dominion over animals") and, knowing what I know now about my former church, probably because it was sometimes associated with liberalism.
Going on 2 years being vegetarian, by the way. Lol
I like how these questions show that you two basically are still the same people, whether you're christian or not. So many things have not changed about you, you just view them in a different light.
And here I was thinking there'd be 20ish questions, but 136?! Ridiculous
Hmm, interesting... When I was a christian I also would say that I'm manipulative sometimes, also out of self defence, in similar context to what Drew said (except I was always taller that people around me), but also in regards to hiding my sexuality (I was in denial, and in the same time was begging god to "fix" me...). Also, I can't lie too, but not in a way Taylor can't - it's like my brain has a blue screen of death when I try to lie. I can get physically ill if I try too hard to lie. That's also a reason why I was manipulative sometimes, lie as a self defense was never an option for me. It was so frustrating and damaging to my psyche when someone accused me of lieing, and usually it would be a devoted christian...
21:00. Food dislikes question.. "ladies make sure you are cooking the food your man likes"
This is Taylor and Drew's world, we're just living in it
Are you a workaholic or would you consider yourself slothful?
Yes and yes.
I work 40+ hours a week, in four 10 hour days. But on my days off, I'm quite the slugabed, lounging around, cuddling with my kitties, and watching TH-cam videos.
At least, currently, I'm painting some Dungeons & Dragons miniatures while watching this video.
Really enjoying your unscripted content lately, Taylor! Have learned a lot from both of your channels over the past few years. Thank you both♥️
I will say this much... If you were a progressive Christian dating another Christian, some of these questions might be good to ask to find out if your potential life partner is actually more regressive than you think. It's not just a way to suss out if your potential partner is a dirty progressive.
Yeah. I grew up United Methodist and these questions are wild and would have been wild to me back then. I wore bikinis to church events and never had weird swimming rules. But it would have saved me a couple years to ask my first boyfriend these questions. Despite attending the same church he had a lot of beliefs in line with girl defined.
I assume the food question was primarily because it's the wife's "duty" to cook for her husband, so she needs to make sure she can cook the things he likes. I can also see it as somewhat of a compatibility issue, since having completely different food preferences can make it hard to share meals with someone. And yeah, they would definitely look down on a vegetarian.
Which would have been a bit of a problem for me with my lack of culinary experience. Hubs was the more experienced individual in the household initially (both as a vegan and a former short order Cook during his college days). He's taught me so much and now if one of the kids prefers to cook with me I can handle it most of the time, but occasionally I say something is outside my expertise and say that you need to cook with dad if you wa t something experimental or unique.
Hi, both of you together, or each of you on your own, should maybe make a really quick 5-minute video on favorite music and groups. I for one would really enjoy it! 😊 ♥️
1:00:00 making kids/teens cover their eyes during nudity scenes is suuuuuuuuuuuuuurely gonna deter their curiosity. /s
When I was an evangelical (JW) I honestly really bought into the importance for respect for authority. At the same time we were taught that human rule was never gonna be good, with man dominating man and all that, so there was some internal conflict there.
Now, I'm philosophically anarchist and if I am to rebel against something I want it to be for a good reason and worth the potential repercussions, compared to before where it was all "be obedient and let God sort it out".
The funniest part of this video to me is that it says "Athiest couple" and I saw two women smiling next to eachother in the thumbnail, so I was just like "Oh, that must be a lesbian couple, right? This should be interesting, to see what these lesbian athiests have to say about a religious quiz."
Needless to say, this is a bit different from what I expected in a lot of ways...
Striving to have a relationship on this level eventually
Great show. Important stuff. Your an awsome couple.TA.
You and Drew reminded me a lot of me and my partner when you talked about authority-the pairing of someone who actively dislikes and challenges authority and someone who is skeptical and questioning of authority while not wanting to get into trouble is quite distinctive.
Thanks for creating this video and sharing. I’m thrilled to hear that you’re both in to horror movies! I was raised very conservative/Christian and horror content was a big no-go. I didn’t discover that my genuine self really enjoys that genre until I was in my early 30’s, though it was a slow journey overcoming the feeling that I was watching something evil or dirty, rather than mentally stimulating and often a deep story.
Even as an ex christian, I still don't like horror movies. Gore isn't my thing, but I have made exceptions.
I have a visceral negative reaction to horror movies, and it's wild to think that if I were immersed in conservative Christianity, I would probably think that was proof of their demonic nature (when it's just that I feel other people/character's feelings too strongly in my own body, so feeling a bunch of upsetting things is upsetting).
I didn't know Drew got bullied for a long time. That's not nice. People should never bully others, it hurts them. I think Drew deserves to be successful because I think he is smart.
Drew is literally me. Like every answer about his personality is the same. it is annoying sometimes being less energetic and focused until its the time I have to go to bed and then at that point I dread wasting that energy and time sleeping. So I sleep very little. And tbh I do great. People just dont believe me when I say I cant go to bed until at least midnight lol
It's interesting for me to see some of the answers you and Drew give reveal these social and cultural backgrounds from those fundamentalist religious groups. For instance, how you had this traveling pastor who was female and how that made a but ruckus in your church, but she got the gig in the first place, so clearly that highly sexist attitude wasn't dominant throughout the specific religious group you belonged to. Not knowing the exact tradition you belonged to ("missionary kid" isn't specific-many faiths have missionaries), it makes these answers like a game of Clue, with your interesting specific answers being small hints about what shape your childhood took. I really like it, and find myself comparing it to my Salt Lake City, UT, Mormon upbringing. Thanks for this; it's a really great way to approach the real ways religious social structures can affect our perspectives and to reflect on how you've grown since you've changed your beliefs.
Also, Drew: your resistance against authority is DEEPLY familiar to me. It's what drove my quest for answers, that it became easily obvious that authority figures had no valid reason to be the authority. That power dynamic of Authority not really knowing what they're doing, and yet utterly unwilling to hear suggestions or feedback because it undermines their false sense of control, that was pretty much all of my church. That whole segment about authority, and your side remarks about manipulation and being bullied (and rejecting that tendency), make me feel completely seen.
I love this video bc I love seeing how you guys see each other and hearing you compliment each other. so sweet❤
I adore symphonic metal. My favorite is Within Temptation.
Also, if my partner had any problems with me being alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex, that would be a HUGE problem, because I am a massage therapist, and my whole job involves being alone in a room with a naked person. And sometimes, that naked person has different reproductive organs than I do.
Really interesting… speaking about the rule regarding not being alone with the opposite sex: my dad was a worship pastor and his rule was never be behind a closed door/shades or ride in a car alone with a woman because of the “appearance of evil” that can cause gossiping and assumptions. Still not a valid reason to not help someone while working in a ministry, but it’s not all centered around lack of self-control alone.
Girl Defined: possibly the most toxic Christianity I've ever seen (with the possible exception of Hillsong).
I am like Drew when it comes to leadership. I desperately want someone else to lead a group project or meeting, even a friendship gathering. But somehow, someway, I end up leading something in spite of trying to avoid it at all costs. It's just, well, something has to get done and I end up ensuring that happens. lol
This is probably so stupid but I'm going to share it anyway:
I put this video on and walked away, listening but not watching. I heard a voice that sounded familiar and so I looked at the video and was like holy shit! Is that Drew? As in Genetically Modified Skeptic, Drew? So I tried to look it up and the search result populated Genetically Modified Salmon...
I did eventually find out that yes you are married to Drew from GMS 😂
That's awesome! I love both your channels so this is great!
in school we were always taught that there is no such thing as a dumb or "bad" questions.... but oh boy, this list does highlight at least one way in which a question can be enormously dumb. It is dumb, if it already presupposes an answer in the question. Not only is that dishonest, but also does it ensure there's no actual discussion and nothing to be learned.....
They're called 'leading questions' and yeah, they suck
Omgawd!!! I'm on a background player binge of y'alls content and just discovered you guys are "h3 Family"! Another reason to love you.
Drew and I literally have the same problem with always being put into leadership roles. And I seem to function better at night.
Oh, the Christian "complementarian" gender roles has blown my husband's mind as that movement had become more vocal and gotten a foothold in our extended family. He read something that told women not to make more money than her husband if "you must work outside the home."
His response, "that's dumb. How fragile is my ego if I demand that you make less than you're worth to make me feel manly?"
The food question makes some sense if you think in terms not of right/wrong answers, but rather of compatibility (and ignore the fact that you should know the answer long before considering marriage). If a vegan lives with a person committed to the carnivore diet, will they have to prepare double meals all the time? What if somebody with a severe peanut allergy lives with a person whose favorite foods are peanuts and peanut butter? Jack Sprat and his wife probably had to go through a lot of discussion and compromise before they became the nursery rhyme.
1:45 tbh i think being "obsessed" is never a good thing. But as long as you don't neglect your responsibilities, your own needs, and your other social relationships, it's absolutely valid to be enthusiastic about boys, girls, or anyone else you're interested in! :)
Yea I think the specific criteria for what qualifies as "obsessed" are important. What I'd consider typical teen level interest in [whatever gender you're attracted too], the Girl Defined folks would probably consider unhealthy and unacceptable obsession
I agree
Today I learned that I’m scarily similar to Drew. I’m a little shook. Adhd out the ass. Bullied for being effeminate. Don’t want to be a leader but will openly challenge authority I don’t see as valid. Even down to my partner being more masculine and our gender roles are kinda swapped. The list goes on. Wtf.
Sleep inversion is a real thing. My teen has the same tendency to be more nocturnal than diurnal. It causes some issues with school but we manage.
I ALWAYS believed that "spiritual gifts" were merely talents that were innate or naturally cultivated by life in general. So therefore even non religious people have innate gifts of value to the world at large.
First time to your channel. I’ve been watching drew for awhile. Guess I’ve got some binge watching/listening to do. You 2 appear to be a great couple and many should aspire to be as kind and get along as well as the 2 of you.
You look so good together! I know you aren't a new couple, but this type of conversation it's hard to find, be well!
Suggestion: the pink light is a bit harsh in this video. The brightness level gave your hubby a spooky look. Could it be a bit softer next time? It was just a bit distracting. Love you guys.
As a kid who grew up with parents barely scraping by.. one of whom WORKED FOR THE CHURCH.. it made me pretty angry that we tithed, actually. I definitely didn't see the reason for it and never did so once I was an adult earning my own money.
My partner's dad lives in a rotted-out house with a sawdust floor and no hot water, and he has been tithing 15% of his income for over 30 years :( My chill episcopalian church will not LET poor members tithe.... they will very kindly and tactfully tell you that you already contribute xyz and that's more than enough, keep the money for survival.
I'm going to guess the "leave and cleave" question is to weed out people who return to their parents - as a dig on boomerang children
Wow, now *THIS* video was already scary enough, but it needing to be reuploaded and losing the views it already had, has most certainly made it even more worthy of Halloween!
Also, bonus fact: by some definitions, Halloween is actually a four day holiday. This is because October 30th is Mischief Night, Halloween actually gets it origin from the Festival of Sowen, which started on October 31st and continued onto November 1st, and November 2nd is The Day of The Dead.
Why was it a re-upload? Was it taken down?
you mean I have an excuse to make the spooky season last a bit longer?! thanks!
I grew up in the south east and i can relate to being turned off by veggies. So many mushy slimy musty dishes. Im learning how to cook veggies now in a different way.
This is excellent. You two are so great :) keep up the great work ❤️
i was a bully for about 1 year of high school, my main target stood up to me at track practice and i thank him for it. he was a good colleague through the rest of highschooll and kinda my understudy in that we did alot of the same stuff academically and he was 1 year down
My cousin has had a long list of requirements like this for a potential husband, she's searched through churches in Australasia, South America and North America and is still single in her 50s. With all the questions where do you leave room for what you're looking for?
Apparently they think all girls should look for the same kind of christian man