Totally agree with this video! I did have high, “old fashioned”, standards and I now have an amazing Christian man, married 23 years. Of course our marriage isn’t perfect, but compared to people who didn’t apply this type of advice, it totally shows! There’s a reason “old fashioned” works is because it’s been proven to be correct over and over again.
I dated and married a fine, upstanding Christian man, too. He turned out to be a closet sociopath who lied, cheated, and abused me while maintaining his well-crafted public façade. Now all religion is a deal breaker for me. Old fashioned doesn't always work as planned.
LiveLaughLove I’m so sorry that happened to you! Unfortunately there are people that exist that can always say they are something, when they are not. A true Christian exudes the love of Christ to others. He obviously wasn’t one or he wouldn’t have done all those horrible things to you. Christ never acted like that. I truly hope you find peace and happiness with a man that cherishes and loves you unconditionally.
Yes!!! I love this! I'm 29 and I've never been married, no children and I'm a Christian so I'm holding out for the best! 🙌🏼❤️🤗 Thank you Tracy for all the great content!!! ❤️
I’m 39 and I have not yet been married, but deeply desire to be. I have learned some of these things the hard way. Thank you so much for validating my standards....it’s tough out here.
Thank you! I’m 32 and couldn’t agree more with your tips! Ladies we must know our worth, place ourselves on a pedestal and set boundaries. Above all, respect yourself and don’t tolerate any type of low level behavior.
Some comments and red flags I'd like to add: If he doesn't walk at your pace, then he doesn't respect your femininity. I cringe when I see couples in public where the man is plodding ahead of her like she's his annoying little sister that wants to tag along. Also, if things are getting serious, try to get in a situation with him that might cause frustration. His ability to stay calm at rush hour or untangling string lights will speak volumes about his basic nature. And lastly, when a man agrees with everything I say, it feels disingenuous. Make sure that he is solid in his convictions and beliefs. A wishy washy man or one that goes along with the crowd will most likely never have your back when the chips are down. Great video! You are always so wise Tracy!
LOVE THESE WISE WORDS!!! Thank you for sharing! I will definitely be adding you contribution to my Instagram Stories - hopefully sometime over the weekend, as I believe I already used up my clips for today.
What an EXCELLENT video! Sums up everything I’ve been following for the past 15 yrs. I’m almost 52 & still waiting. You see, I compromised many of these things in my 20s & sadly my marriage ended in divorce. I have made peace with being single & would rather stay single than compromise any of these points. I believe God will reward me for keeping my integrity and standards high. I also have peace that if God decides I should remain single the rest of my life, that’s just fine. My identity doesn’t come thru a relationship with a man. Only the man up above. 😊
I found mine, and we are getting married in December ❤ I loved these tips, because they really were the standards I had when I met my fiancé and I cannot agree more! One thing I would love to add on is that what you allow, will continue. I think a lot of young women (I say that but, here I am, 21, typing this😂) go into relationships thinking they can change someone, or "fix" someone, when that extends our control outside of our reach. Bless you, Tracy. Wishing well for you!
Tracy , thank you for this video. I just turned 62 and have been divorced for a year and a half from a man I was married to for 42 years. Yes, we married very young and I did not know what to look for in a man. Now that I’m single , I have given myself some time first to think about what I want in life . My four children are grown and doing wonderfully well and I have the sweetest grandson. I am now ready to start dating, and I haven’t had a date with someone other than my ex since I was 17. I’m a little apprehensive and a bit nervous and I don’t know where to start. I just know that I realize now that I AM a high caliber lady and I expect high caliber treatment from a man... and vice versa. Respect and kindness are huge with me. Love your videos !
Outstanding,valuable advice,Tracy! I waited for my Prince Charming for 31years..he passed away 2 years ago,but was the epitome of a perfect Southern Gentleman,and I am forever grateful to have been his wife. Ladies, NEVER compromise your values!!
100%! I've never been interested in going to bars and clubs. We went to coffee shops, community theater, the zoo, community events, seasonal events, the art museum.
Thank you for these tips. I think the problem is we see someone’s good sides and potential and with our enthusiasm in potential take the risk of meeting someone halfway and eventually realize they never matched our kindness and generosity. I was broken up with at the beginning of quarantine and am still dealing with the loss but it’s so true- he was never a high caliber person, I was just by his side bc I knew he had it in him to be one...
I'm sharing this video with not only with my daughters but with friends. It's just so helpful an eye opening, like every woman should listen to it ...thank you
As a 31 year old girl who spent my 20’s in a great relationship but broke it off amicably, this was exactly the genuine handbook I needed to navigate the sort of like minded person I want in my life going forward on dates. Thank you very, very much Tracy ❤️
I do not come from a good family, therefore I could easily be written off as a lower caliber person. However, I don't see myself that way. I choose to live in a better way than my family does.
Thats the important thing. You recognize your family does not define you. Keep up the great work and positive attitude - that, my friend is High Caliber and Quality. God Bless! Happy Thanksgiving!
I totally agree with this, esp the part about high quality seeks high quality. Women, don’t be afraid to set high standards. Also, it’s a mindset, you have to be open for it, I truly believe that’s what helped me. My boyfriend and I were both open and ready to find each other. 🤗 Don’t lose hope and good luck!! ❤️
My weigh in is for all of us to remember it goes both ways! These rules apply to us too! No complaining on dates, be genuine, be courteous, and be in the moment, and enjoy your time!
I agree with everything you have said. At the same time, we dont choose where we are coming from. My family was very dysfunctional and i Havnt been lucky to have great parental figures, but it is certainly not my fault. I made sure to build a good life and becoming a nice and responsible person. I keep myself away from the drama.
I will definitely pass this video and wise advice to the young ladies in my life. Hopefully they choose wisely and put themselves first. I think self esteem has a lot to do with your choice in all relationships. Ladies, be strong, be bold, use your voice, listen to your head and gut. Not all that shines is gold! Beautiful blouse. Thanks for the great video.🌻
Thank you for this profound guidance. I'm very protective over my space and these situations make perfect sense. I appreciate the time you took to layout these tips to save us time and energy 🙏🏾⚘
Hi Tracy Thank you for this video, you touch on so many red flags that I should have picked up on. I'm so glad to know what I shouldn't settle for. Thanks again...
Love this channel, divorced relocated and going back to work after 23 years as a homemaker , thank you Tracy ! A lot of stuff I know but just need to have reaffirmed to bring it into the front of my consciousness
Thank you Tracy! I love how confidently you share your advice and standards, and also say if it's not for me, it isn't. I found your video applies not only as dating tips, but life tips as well. I will hold my standards high. Thank you again.
I think the family standard is a bit harsh because you don’t get to choose your family. I personally come from a family where it's complicated but I consider myself to be a person with integrity, level headed and having several other great qualities. I wouldn't want to be judged for certain members of my family and the choices that they make that has got nothing to do with me.
I have a toxic family, some I don’t speak to at all and whomever comes into my life would question it. I know I have gotten my life together, went through therapy. Eat right and exercise etc. You would not think a person such as myself would have such toxicity. I limit interaction and am self aware of my background. So hopefully he is understanding. I can’t choose my family.
Thank you for sharing! You are correct, you cannot choose you family, but you can choose YOU! Sounds like you did the inner work to do that. Very admirable! Keep up the great work!
You're doing a great job being the best you can be and focusing on what you can control 💕 The most important thing a man can do is respect your boundaries, and that includes boundaries with family. If he doesn't do that, it's best to keep it moving. Just know that you deserve the best 💕
Omg!! I wish I would've been taught this.. I've dated every bad thing guy you named and had to learn this on my own.. REALLY wish I could've avoided them to begin with.. This is much needed for the younger generation.. Love it!
I appreciate you making this video ♥️ I have a sister who informed me that I will be alone forever because of my standards?? I feel very strongly that her statement was done out of meanness and her own insecurities. I am worthy and deserving of a gentleman of caliber⚘✔ I am very happy being single and I'm willing to take my time to find the man that I am worthy and deserving of. Thank you for confirming the way I feel. I have the right to set my standards accordingly! You are so precious and beautiful. I am grateful to you for speaking your truth💛
Hello Tracy, I just saw your video and I loved it. I just watched your video and couldn't agree more. I'm old school too. I always look at the way a man treats his mother or any female in his family. If they show respect for the ladies, more than likely he'll show respect fir me. Thanks for the great tips. 🙏💕☺👍😊
I love these. I am looking for a high quality man and I was starting to think maybe I'm too picky or prudish even, but this video was confirmation. Thank you.
Very good tips to navigate the dating world should I ever meet someone I would be impressed with. I'm 74 and have never been married. Looking back, I can see where I could have applied some of these tips but didn't. I have a comment about the standard that he should focus the conversation more on the lady. While I do agree with the reasoning behind it I would also be on high alert if the guy asks too many questions about my past relationships, my childhood, and other areas where there would be trauma. I've learned too much about narcissists and how they use sensitive information about people in order to hook them in. We all love to talk about ourselves, and I feel we should be wary not to fall into a trap that could get us hooked to the wrong people.
Hi Tracy, it has been a while since watching a video. Excellent advice you gave. I'm 56 and still single. I've been praying for a Christian husband for over 30 years, but I am grateful that all the guys I met so far I did not marry. I spent about 20 years going to singles groups which only produced only a handful of dates. The "Christian" guys I met during this time did not want to go out with me because I am overweight. Yes that is right. I wasn't thin enough for their standards. Well, I had enough of that. I was in a CAT fishing scam relationship back in April. I really was broken hearted because the guy said he was a high caliber man and a Christian but found out it was a scam. I still believe in marriage but I decided to stop trying to find someone until I am done with school and focus on myself. I am an educated women in the process of obtaining a doctorate. Now I am really looking for a HIGH caliber life and a guy to go with it, Lord willing!
Another great video! Thanks Tracy! ❤️ I personally do feel differently when it comes to payment. If a man has asked me out to dinner I see it as his offer to pay, but if I arrange the date or its mutual - especially if they have travelled further than me to attend the date, I always offered to pay my share. Sometimes it was declined (in a long term relationship now so it's been a while) but I have been told that even offering is so appreciated. I think everyone has their own opinions and neither is wrong - just wanted to put another opinion out there ☺️❤️
Related to the negotiables and non-negotiables: a way I think of it is "can I live with this for the rest of my life". I do not assume the person will change. For example, if they're not as tidy as I am now, I assume they never will be. I have decided that I can live with someone who is less tidy. It's slightly annoying sometimes, but I can be happy in a relationship despite a few dirty dishes. I cannot have a happy relationship with someone who is unkind, does not take responsibility for themselves or mismanages money. Something I also think about beyond the first date is "what is the intention behind this action". Again taking the dishes in the sink as an example: is he leaving them there because he expects someone else will take care of them, or does he leave them there because it just doesn't register as untidy to him, and he will eventually take care of them? The former would be a red flag for me because it demonstrates a lack of responsibility, whereas the latter is just matter of opinion/taste. I can live with a difference in opinion/taste, I cannot live with a lack of responsibility.
Not everybody is lucky to have an “exemplary family” This is sad and very judgmental. No one gets to chose with family to have. So if you’re a person of great character DESPITE your family and chose to stay away from them, this is a red flag? Feels unfair.
Sounds like you took the message I delivered wrong. Makes complete sense that you would see the message as judgmental, based off the fact that you took the message the way that you did. I hope you find a shift in how you see yourself as a person vs. the lens through your family. Your family has nothing to do with whether you are 'exemplary' or not. That trait will be owned by you, solely. A mindset shift could be life changing and open many doors for you - including a High Caliber and Quality Man, if that is what you choose. Good Luck!
Very true. I nightly disagree with that part of the video To be honest, I would never date someone who judged me because I came from a dysfunctiinal family. 100% that's not a person of good character and definitely not someone I'd want to spend time with. Someone who's that judgmental will be an absolute nightmare to be with in a relationship.
Love this- found the vid based on your Instagram stories. Didn't watch when it came out in June because I was in a relationship. Now as a single, I can see that if I would have watched the video prior to the first date with the boy (not man) then I wouldn't be in the heartbreak I am in now! Take the advice of Tracy! Love her!
@@TracyHensel Made my Day! Thank you! Keep up the great content. I watch all your videos at 28, now single and starting a new life over again (in relationship, careers and mindset) and you are by far a huge influence in my life! Would love to meet you/ be coached by you someday!
Love this video, I wish I had this wisdom when I was younger. I’m just going to keep on working on raising my own value (which is already quite high), so I attract the man I’m happy to share my life with.
Thank you Heidi! I did not have the wisdom that I have today. I am lucky that I found a man that checked off MOST of the boxes that I would have today. But, my husband of 28 years also taught me what I would NOT tolerate the second time around. Thankfully after 26 years of marriage he realized he better make a radical change in a certain area if he wants to live his best life. God Bless!
A great, informative video. I talk with ladies and girlfriends of any age who are in a relationship with a divorced man who shares custody with kids. My advice to these ladies...the Mother of those children will always and forever be a part of this picture. Get used to it or get out of it. The children’s Mother may be a wonderful person who contributes well to society. On the other hand, she may be low quality. Figure it out early on.
I have a first date this weekend and from our conversations so far he seems like a rare catch compared to other men these days! Haven’t been on a date in a while because I have “old school” values so I’m watching your videos for a little boost!☺️
I love this video!!!! I'd really like to know your list with the non negotiables and negotiables from when you were dating, so that to get an idea of which things should be included.
These are my main dating rules as well - especially the non-negotiables, looking at how he is treating waitstaff / salespeople / anyone doing a job for him and talking too much and / or whining about exes, people whom he dated or wanted to date. To that last point, I would add that is such a turn-off if he is trying to compliment me by dissing other women - I consider myself a classy woman who does not need other women to be brought down to feel good about herself, it makes me feel the opposite. I also look out for how they react or think about topics that are either cardinal about my life or near and dear to my heart. I would never date someone who find my hobbies stupid or for snobs etc. (I don't care if they are not that interested, but they should respectful about it), I would never continue seeing someone who have really different opinions than mine about certain topics (like people who say that depression does not exist and people who claim to be depressed are just lazy). It is also a red flag if they allude to the fact that they would like to change things about me, for me to be more attractive for them (in a longer relationship it is a different issue and could definitely be up to discussion). I expect only those people to want to date me who like me the way I am. I would also steer away from men who would expect me to sit in their car or visit him at his flat / who would want to come up to mine after or during the first date - first of all, I am not that kind, secondly, these days it is really dangerous. I would also steer away from men who would shower me with crazy expensive gifts in the first period of seeing each other - he either has problems presenting his feelings in another way (which is going to be an issue with me, because I appreciate nice words and quality time together more) or worse, he wants me to feel that I owe something to him. Unfortunately I had an acquaintance who got into a relationship like this, and they guy got really possessive of her and always told her that since he spent so much money on her, he is entitled to control her in every way (she was lucky her family was quite powerful and had connections with the help of which she could be saved from the relationship without the guy harrassing her). I would double think about accepting a date invitation from someone from a place like a club or a bar, because that environment might not attract the best type of people for a romantic relationship, unless they have shown signs otherwise. I also don't like when a man is desperate... it is a red flag is he is already talking about our future marriage and kids on a first date, no matter how old he or the woman he is wooing is. It makes it seem like marriage is more important to him than who he would marry. Also, if he asks way too personal and taboo questions on the first date, or just generally does not manners.
My red flag might come across as superficial to some. I could not get into a serious relationship with someone who hasn’t saved money, even if it’s only a few grand. Mainly because I’m saver and my parents taught me how to save. I do not want to have to fully fund a partner unless I love my job and they’re at home raising our children or have someone living out my pocket. People have laughed at me about this, but they’re now in financial chaos!
Yes, I am always dressed wearing a dress etc. I am entertaining and have a positive attitude. My recent date despite my due diligence was interesting. Leaving word with whom I was dating with my friends. And also on my fridge with whom I was with. Despite this, we were in a classy beautiful restaurant finishing lunch, when a woman approached the table. She introduced herself as his long time girlfriend. Imagine. He was “single” on FB, I did a criminal background check, met him on Bumble, had two video chats prior and there you have it.
For #5: A couple of months ago I was out to eat with my mom. At the next table, there was a couple on a date. While we were eating, the man on the date started talking to his girlfriend/wife about his actual wife and was badmouthing her! That was when I realized he was on a date with his mistress!
I love old school. Too bad I didn’t follow this when I was young. I married a bad boy when I was 18, 50 years ago. It lasted for a year and had a daughter from that marriage. Second husband was a kind Christian man but he was also a cheater. Somehow I ignored signs. Had 2 kids with him. The third was a charm although many issues with adult children from our previous marriages that are sad. We stay strong and supportive of each other but it’s a lot of baggage and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m 67 now and have many regrets but I can’t go back and change it. I pray that young women listen to your advice. The good thing is that I found the Lord who gives me strength and perseverance. I’m sad and happy at the same time but I’m still standing.
And THAT is your testimony. Thanks for sharing Sandram, it's refreshing to know that in the real world, things don't always end up as expected and that is okay!! ♥️
I love how unapologetic you are in saying there are certain things you want or don’t. I feel like we as women of a certain age are taught to be more “accommodating” and not listen to our internal intuition or advocate for what we want.
Great advice, where were you Tracey when I was dating...alot of things you were talking about effected me in my relationship..so I suffered...some things you talked about were positive..to late now I know. I wish I didn't settle for the red flags. I held on to the positive things not the negative...but they all pretty much have to be positive don't they:
How comes you went into a blind date with your husband?Were you determined to find the PERFECT ONE at the age of 18 or so while knowing the kind of standards you desired? After how long time were you married ?
I don't like the idea of putting myself out there at 62? Please make more videos on finding Mr. Right!! It's time for me, I've been alone for 7 years. I'm like out of touch socially..and I'm re-vamping my life🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I agree with you everything you said, is a red flag. I've been there and have done that... These men who text their body parts are just interested in sex not in a relationship and by doing that they are disrespecting you... Is that the kind of man you want in your life? I have a question Tracy I when on a date recently, haven't seen him in 22 yrs I knew his wife we were not friends just acquaintances she was my best friend's best friend. As we were about to be seated at the restaurant, I am not sure why he said, I never want to get married again. I didn't respond I act as if I didn't even hear him. I know he has been married for 20 yrs and lost his wife to breast cancer. I just don't understand what made him say that. I am not looking for a relationship I just wanted to be a friend. What do you think about what he said?
Hi Sylvia, I would not read into his comment too much. He lost his wife to breast cancer and that had to be very difficult. He may still be holding onto negative energy and that could provoked his comment. Also, there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to remarry. If money is involved and there are children, remarrying would be a huge consideration, as in doing so could change the financial dynamics. For example, if my husband were to pass, there would be some big stakes I would consider before remarrying, as I would want to protect me and my daughters financial future - the one me and my husband worked so hard for. I hope this helps you see through a different lens.
Another amazing video. Mid 50 here and I haven’t dated once since the end of my long term relationship. That would be six years ago. Thankfully for COVID I could put it off longer. But I believe I’m ready to get out there now and meet a high quality man. I have high standards and there is no wiggle room for anything less. At this age I find it difficult to meet men. Is it appropriate to ask for a mans phone number if you think he’s interested? Or, wait for them to ask? Maybe a future video for ladies in my position ? Thank you in advance
Totally agree with this video! I did have high, “old fashioned”, standards and I now have an amazing Christian man, married 23 years. Of course our marriage isn’t perfect, but compared to people who didn’t apply this type of advice, it totally shows! There’s a reason “old fashioned” works is because it’s been proven to be correct over and over again.
I dated and married a fine, upstanding Christian man, too. He turned out to be a closet sociopath who lied, cheated, and abused me while maintaining his well-crafted public façade. Now all religion is a deal breaker for me. Old fashioned doesn't always work as planned.
LiveLaughLove I’m so sorry that happened to you! Unfortunately there are people that exist that can always say they are something, when they are not.
A true Christian exudes the love of Christ to others. He obviously wasn’t one or he wouldn’t have done all those horrible things to you. Christ never acted like that. I truly hope you find peace and happiness with a man that cherishes and loves you unconditionally.
Yes!!! I love this! I'm 29 and I've never been married, no children and I'm a Christian so I'm holding out for the best! 🙌🏼❤️🤗
Thank you Tracy for all the great content!!! ❤️
"I may be old school, that's okay. I get to be." Love that Tracy!🥰😍
I’m 39 and I have not yet been married, but deeply desire to be. I have learned some of these things the hard way. Thank you so much for validating my standards....it’s tough out here.
Don't rule out online dating Amanda! Also practice the Law of Attraction. Your circumstances will transform. ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you! I’m 32 and couldn’t agree more with your tips! Ladies we must know our worth, place ourselves on a pedestal and set boundaries. Above all, respect yourself and don’t tolerate any type of low level behavior.
Being cheap is a deal breaker, huge red flag for me. Thank you very much for the videos
Some comments and red flags I'd like to add:
If he doesn't walk at your pace, then he doesn't respect your femininity. I cringe when I see couples in public where the man is plodding ahead of her like she's his annoying little sister that wants to tag along.
Also, if things are getting serious, try to get in a situation with him that might cause frustration. His ability to stay calm at rush hour or untangling string lights will speak volumes about his basic nature.
And lastly, when a man agrees with everything I say, it feels disingenuous. Make sure that he is solid in his convictions and beliefs. A wishy washy man or one that goes along with the crowd will most likely never have your back when the chips are down.
Great video! You are always so wise Tracy!
LOVE THESE WISE WORDS!!! Thank you for sharing! I will definitely be adding you contribution to my Instagram Stories - hopefully sometime over the weekend, as I believe I already used up my clips for today.
@@TracyHensel Terrific I'll look out for that! ❤️
Lool it's funny you said 'annoying little sister' 😂😂 my brother used to do that to me all the time 😩
Spot on!
What an EXCELLENT video! Sums up everything I’ve been following for the past 15 yrs. I’m almost 52 & still waiting. You see, I compromised many of these things in my 20s & sadly my marriage ended in divorce. I have made peace with being single & would rather stay single than compromise any of these points. I believe God will reward me for keeping my integrity and standards high. I also have peace that if God decides I should remain single the rest of my life, that’s just fine. My identity doesn’t come thru a relationship with a man. Only the man up above. 😊
What a great message! Thank you for sharing, Shelly!
Tracy Hensel You’re welcome. P.S. Your blouse looks so lovely with your complexion & hair!
Amen!
I found mine, and we are getting married in December ❤ I loved these tips, because they really were the standards I had when I met my fiancé and I cannot agree more! One thing I would love to add on is that what you allow, will continue. I think a lot of young women (I say that but, here I am, 21, typing this😂) go into relationships thinking they can change someone, or "fix" someone, when that extends our control outside of our reach. Bless you, Tracy. Wishing well for you!
Wise words. Thanks for sharing!
@CaterpillarToButterfly Thank you so much!❤
@Sofia Dizon Thank you!❤
👏🏾👏🏾🥰
Congrats to both of you 🎶❤🎶⚘
Tracy , thank you for this video. I just turned 62 and have been divorced for a year and a half from a man I was married to for 42 years. Yes, we married very young and I did not know what to look for in a man. Now that I’m single , I have given myself some time first to think about what I want in life . My four children are grown and doing wonderfully well and I have the sweetest grandson. I am now ready to start dating, and I haven’t had a date with someone other than my ex since I was 17. I’m a little apprehensive and a bit nervous and I don’t know where to start. I just know that I realize now that I AM a high caliber lady and I expect high caliber treatment from a man... and vice versa. Respect and kindness are huge with me. Love your videos !
Beautiful message! Thank you for sharing!
GOOD LUCK
Outstanding,valuable advice,Tracy! I waited for my Prince Charming for 31years..he passed away 2 years ago,but was the epitome of a perfect Southern Gentleman,and I am forever grateful to have been his wife. Ladies, NEVER compromise your values!!
Hi Dylan! Great message! Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss. Love that you savor the GREAT MAN he was! God Bless!
100%! I've never been interested in going to bars and clubs. We went to coffee shops, community theater, the zoo, community events, seasonal events, the art museum.
"Only you can decide your what your standards are...". Thanks Tracy, great informative video. Boosts a lady's confidence.
A lady that is not only beautiful but has wisdom too.
Thank you for these tips. I think the problem is we see someone’s good sides and potential and with our enthusiasm in potential take the risk of meeting someone halfway and eventually realize they never matched our kindness and generosity. I was broken up with at the beginning of quarantine and am still dealing with the loss but it’s so true- he was never a high caliber person, I was just by his side bc I knew he had it in him to be one...
I just love you in floral print!
I'm sharing this video with not only with my daughters but with friends. It's just so helpful an eye opening, like every woman should listen to it ...thank you
As a 31 year old girl who spent my 20’s in a great relationship but broke it off amicably, this was exactly the genuine handbook I needed to navigate the sort of like minded person I want in my life going forward on dates. Thank you very, very much Tracy ❤️
I do not come from a good family, therefore I could easily be written off as a lower caliber person. However, I don't see myself that way. I choose to live in a better way than my family does.
Thats the important thing. You recognize your family does not define you. Keep up the great work and positive attitude - that, my friend is High Caliber and Quality. God Bless! Happy Thanksgiving!
Great video and beautiful blouse.
I totally agree with this, esp the part about high quality seeks high quality. Women, don’t be afraid to set high standards. Also, it’s a mindset, you have to be open for it, I truly believe that’s what helped me. My boyfriend and I were both open and ready to find each other. 🤗 Don’t lose hope and good luck!! ❤️
This was great! And the rules never would change!
My weigh in is for all of us to remember it goes both ways! These rules apply to us too! No complaining on dates, be genuine, be courteous, and be in the moment, and enjoy your time!
Thanks for the reiteration!
Thats the content we most wantttt
I agree with everything you have said. At the same time, we dont choose where we are coming from. My family was very dysfunctional and i Havnt been lucky to have great parental figures, but it is certainly not my fault. I made sure to build a good life and becoming a nice and responsible person. I keep myself away from the drama.
Keep up the great work!
I will definitely pass this video and wise advice to the young ladies in my life. Hopefully they choose wisely and put themselves first. I think self esteem has a lot to do with your choice in all relationships. Ladies, be strong, be bold, use your voice, listen to your head and gut. Not all that shines is gold! Beautiful blouse. Thanks for the great video.🌻
Your tips are precious!
Thank you for this profound guidance. I'm very protective over my space and these situations make perfect sense. I appreciate the time you took to layout these tips to save us time and energy 🙏🏾⚘
Hi Tracy
Thank you for this video, you touch on so many red flags that I should have picked up on. I'm so glad to know what I shouldn't settle for.
Thanks again...
Love this channel, divorced relocated and going back to work after 23 years as a homemaker , thank you Tracy ! A lot of stuff I know but just need to have reaffirmed to bring it into the front of my consciousness
Thank you Tracy! I love how confidently you share your advice and standards, and also say if it's not for me, it isn't. I found your video applies not only as dating tips, but life tips as well. I will hold my standards high. Thank you again.
No apology! I needed to find this page. Thank you for having high standards.
I 💗 you Tracy. I was chuckling so many times because you’re so blunt (and I love it) but I agree, we get to choose. 😊
I think the family standard is a bit harsh because you don’t get to choose your family. I personally come from a family where it's complicated but I consider myself to be a person with integrity, level headed and having several other great qualities. I wouldn't want to be judged for certain members of my family and the choices that they make that has got nothing to do with me.
I have a toxic family, some I don’t speak to at all and whomever comes into my life would question it. I know I have gotten my life together, went through therapy. Eat right and exercise etc. You would not think a person such as myself would have such toxicity. I limit interaction and am self aware of my background. So hopefully he is understanding. I can’t choose my family.
Thank you for sharing! You are correct, you cannot choose you family, but you can choose YOU! Sounds like you did the inner work to do that. Very admirable! Keep up the great work!
You're doing a great job being the best you can be and focusing on what you can control 💕 The most important thing a man can do is respect your boundaries, and that includes boundaries with family. If he doesn't do that, it's best to keep it moving. Just know that you deserve the best 💕
Omg!! I wish I would've been taught this.. I've dated every bad thing guy you named and had to learn this on my own.. REALLY wish I could've avoided them to begin with.. This is much needed for the younger generation.. Love it!
You are totally right!
Wonderful tips, really of high caliber !! Thank you…
Spot on!
Hi Tracy, enjoyed this video. Its important to me that a significant other get along with friends and family and has a gentle demeanor about them..
absolutely love this. So many women need to hear these things that will make a huge difference!!! thank you!
I appreciate you making this video ♥️ I have a sister who informed me that I will be alone forever because of my standards?? I feel very strongly that her statement was done out of meanness and her own insecurities. I am worthy and deserving of a gentleman of caliber⚘✔ I am very happy being single and I'm willing to take my time to find the man that I am worthy and deserving of. Thank you for confirming the way I feel. I have the right to set my standards accordingly! You are so precious and beautiful. I am grateful to you for speaking your truth💛
Love your hair like that Tracy!
Happy Friday Everyone
Hello Tracy, I just saw your video and I loved it. I just watched your video and couldn't agree more. I'm old school too. I always look at the way a man treats his mother or any female in his family. If they show respect for the ladies, more than likely he'll show respect fir me. Thanks for the great tips. 🙏💕☺👍😊
I love these. I am looking for a high quality man and I was starting to think maybe I'm too picky or prudish even, but this video was confirmation. Thank you.
Very good tips to navigate the dating world should I ever meet someone I would be impressed with. I'm 74 and have never been married. Looking back, I can see where I could have applied some of these tips but didn't. I have a comment about the standard that he should focus the conversation more on the lady. While I do agree with the reasoning behind it I would also be on high alert if the guy asks too many questions about my past relationships, my childhood, and other areas where there would be trauma. I've learned too much about narcissists and how they use sensitive information about people in order to hook them in. We all love to talk about ourselves, and I feel we should be wary not to fall into a trap that could get us hooked to the wrong people.
Hi Tracy, it has been a while since watching a video. Excellent advice you gave. I'm 56 and still single. I've been praying for a Christian husband for over 30 years, but I am grateful that all the guys I met so far I did not marry. I spent about 20 years going to singles groups which only produced only a handful of dates. The "Christian" guys I met during this time did not want to go out with me because I am overweight. Yes that is right. I wasn't thin enough for their standards. Well, I had enough of that. I was in a CAT fishing scam relationship back in April. I really was broken hearted because the guy said he was a high caliber man and a Christian but found out it was a scam. I still believe in marriage but I decided to stop trying to find someone until I am done with school and focus on myself. I am an educated women in the process of obtaining a doctorate. Now I am really looking for a HIGH caliber life and a guy to go with it, Lord willing!
Thanks for sharing, Kelly! Love that you are keeping your standards high. Good Luck!
Thank you, Tracy! I've followed you for quite a while and I am so grateful for you ❤️ You're truly an inspiring woman and have helped me so much.
Thank you so much Tracy!!! I'm with you on all of these points!!
This video was so needed. I have goosebumps. Thank you for your guidance.
Another great video! Thanks Tracy! ❤️ I personally do feel differently when it comes to payment. If a man has asked me out to dinner I see it as his offer to pay, but if I arrange the date or its mutual - especially if they have travelled further than me to attend the date, I always offered to pay my share. Sometimes it was declined (in a long term relationship now so it's been a while) but I have been told that even offering is so appreciated.
I think everyone has their own opinions and neither is wrong - just wanted to put another opinion out there ☺️❤️
Dear Tracy. Agree 100%. Thank you for another wonderful video!
Related to the negotiables and non-negotiables: a way I think of it is "can I live with this for the rest of my life". I do not assume the person will change. For example, if they're not as tidy as I am now, I assume they never will be. I have decided that I can live with someone who is less tidy. It's slightly annoying sometimes, but I can be happy in a relationship despite a few dirty dishes. I cannot have a happy relationship with someone who is unkind, does not take responsibility for themselves or mismanages money.
Something I also think about beyond the first date is "what is the intention behind this action". Again taking the dishes in the sink as an example: is he leaving them there because he expects someone else will take care of them, or does he leave them there because it just doesn't register as untidy to him, and he will eventually take care of them? The former would be a red flag for me because it demonstrates a lack of responsibility, whereas the latter is just matter of opinion/taste. I can live with a difference in opinion/taste, I cannot live with a lack of responsibility.
Love this. Thank you for sharing. I may talk about this on my Instagram Stories.
You are so classy! Your daughters are lucky! This a great video.
Spot on. Loved this video.
Great video, 100% agree with you!!
Not everybody is lucky to have an “exemplary family” This is sad and very judgmental. No one gets to chose with family to have. So if you’re a person of great character DESPITE your family and chose to stay away from them, this is a red flag? Feels unfair.
Sounds like you took the message I delivered wrong. Makes complete sense that you would see the message as judgmental, based off the fact that you took the message the way that you did.
I hope you find a shift in how you see yourself as a person vs. the lens through your family. Your family has nothing to do with whether you are 'exemplary' or not. That trait will be owned by you, solely. A mindset shift could be life changing and open many doors for you - including a High Caliber and Quality Man, if that is what you choose. Good Luck!
Very true. I nightly disagree with that part of the video To be honest, I would never date someone who judged me because I came from a dysfunctiinal family. 100% that's not a person of good character and definitely not someone I'd want to spend time with. Someone who's that judgmental will be an absolute nightmare to be with in a relationship.
Great video, totally agree!!
Please make more of these videos! Love this advice!
Love this- found the vid based on your Instagram stories. Didn't watch when it came out in June because I was in a relationship. Now as a single, I can see that if I would have watched the video prior to the first date with the boy (not man) then I wouldn't be in the heartbreak I am in now! Take the advice of Tracy! Love her!
Tank you Molly! I appreciate the feedback on the video. I think you will really like my Story addition today! Have a Blessed Thursday!
@@TracyHensel Made my Day! Thank you! Keep up the great content. I watch all your videos at 28, now single and starting a new life over again (in relationship, careers and mindset) and you are by far a huge influence in my life! Would love to meet you/ be coached by you someday!
Great Video Tracy
Thank you! Also love the darker hair.
gorgeous gorgeous Gorgeous Tracy! Love 💗 the blouse as well...
Well said! Thank you again for insightful video!
Wow
What you say here its all my conditions for getting the right man.
Btw new sub here!😉
I love this one I am keeping it as a go to and keeping notes to improve myself and my self worth. This one is definitely going on my play list. ♥️
Love this video, I wish I had this wisdom when I was younger. I’m just going to keep on working on raising my own value (which is already quite high), so I attract the man I’m happy to share my life with.
Thank you Heidi! I did not have the wisdom that I have today. I am lucky that I found a man that checked off MOST of the boxes that I would have today. But, my husband of 28 years also taught me what I would NOT tolerate the second time around. Thankfully after 26 years of marriage he realized he better make a radical change in a certain area if he wants to live his best life.
God Bless!
A great, informative video. I talk with ladies and girlfriends of any age who are in a relationship with a divorced man who shares custody with kids. My advice to these ladies...the Mother of those children will always and forever be a part of this picture. Get used to it or get out of it. The children’s Mother may be a wonderful person who contributes well to society. On the other hand, she may be low quality. Figure it out early on.
Thanks for sharing! So many can relate to what you are saying.
I have a first date this weekend and from our conversations so far he seems like a rare catch compared to other men these days! Haven’t been on a date in a while because I have “old school” values so I’m watching your videos for a little boost!☺️
Really needed this video 🙏🏼
Tracy ma'am I love your all videos. And this video makes me feel confident.
Thank you so much. ❤
I love this video!!!! I'd really like to know your list with the non negotiables and negotiables from when you were dating, so that to get an idea of which things should be included.
My favourite Tracy quote so far “ you set your standards too high..... “ - “ Yes I can see why you would say that “ 😆😆😆
These are my main dating rules as well - especially the non-negotiables, looking at how he is treating waitstaff / salespeople / anyone doing a job for him and talking too much and / or whining about exes, people whom he dated or wanted to date. To that last point, I would add that is such a turn-off if he is trying to compliment me by dissing other women - I consider myself a classy woman who does not need other women to be brought down to feel good about herself, it makes me feel the opposite. I also look out for how they react or think about topics that are either cardinal about my life or near and dear to my heart. I would never date someone who find my hobbies stupid or for snobs etc. (I don't care if they are not that interested, but they should respectful about it), I would never continue seeing someone who have really different opinions than mine about certain topics (like people who say that depression does not exist and people who claim to be depressed are just lazy). It is also a red flag if they allude to the fact that they would like to change things about me, for me to be more attractive for them (in a longer relationship it is a different issue and could definitely be up to discussion). I expect only those people to want to date me who like me the way I am.
I would also steer away from men who would expect me to sit in their car or visit him at his flat / who would want to come up to mine after or during the first date - first of all, I am not that kind, secondly, these days it is really dangerous.
I would also steer away from men who would shower me with crazy expensive gifts in the first period of seeing each other - he either has problems presenting his feelings in another way (which is going to be an issue with me, because I appreciate nice words and quality time together more) or worse, he wants me to feel that I owe something to him. Unfortunately I had an acquaintance who got into a relationship like this, and they guy got really possessive of her and always told her that since he spent so much money on her, he is entitled to control her in every way (she was lucky her family was quite powerful and had connections with the help of which she could be saved from the relationship without the guy harrassing her).
I would double think about accepting a date invitation from someone from a place like a club or a bar, because that environment might not attract the best type of people for a romantic relationship, unless they have shown signs otherwise.
I also don't like when a man is desperate... it is a red flag is he is already talking about our future marriage and kids on a first date, no matter how old he or the woman he is wooing is. It makes it seem like marriage is more important to him than who he would marry.
Also, if he asks way too personal and taboo questions on the first date, or just generally does not manners.
My red flag might come across as superficial to some. I could not get into a serious relationship with someone who hasn’t saved money, even if it’s only a few grand. Mainly because I’m saver and my parents taught me how to save. I do not want to have to fully fund a partner unless I love my job and they’re at home raising our children or have someone living out my pocket.
People have laughed at me about this, but they’re now in financial chaos!
Thank you so much for this video. I always love watching your videos. You are truly inspiring. 😊
Hello Tracy. Thank you very much for this informative video ♥️
Yes, I am always dressed wearing a dress etc. I am entertaining and have a positive attitude. My recent date despite my due diligence was interesting. Leaving word with whom I was dating with my friends. And also on my fridge with whom I was with. Despite this, we were in a classy beautiful restaurant finishing lunch, when a woman approached the table. She introduced herself as his long time girlfriend. Imagine. He was “single” on FB, I did a criminal background check, met him on Bumble, had two video chats prior and there you have it.
I hope you will be doing more classes on zoom. I can’t make the one for today. I can’t wait to see what the next topic will be!!! 😊
Thank you! Plenty of food for thought :)
Facts 💯
For #5: A couple of months ago I was out to eat with my mom. At the next table, there was a couple on a date. While we were eating, the man on the date started talking to his girlfriend/wife about his actual wife and was badmouthing her! That was when I realized he was on a date with his mistress!
I love old school. Too bad I didn’t follow this when I was young. I married a bad boy when I was 18, 50 years ago. It lasted for a year and had a daughter from that marriage. Second husband was a kind Christian man but he was also a cheater. Somehow I ignored signs. Had 2 kids with him. The third was a charm although many issues with adult children from our previous marriages that are sad. We stay strong and supportive of each other but it’s a lot of baggage and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m 67 now and have many regrets but I can’t go back and change it. I pray that young women listen to your advice. The good thing is that I found the Lord who gives me strength and perseverance. I’m sad and happy at the same time but I’m still standing.
Thanks for sharing. What a wonderful testament to finding faith in God to persevere and stand strong in his honor. Great message!
Tracy Hensel thank you!
And THAT is your testimony. Thanks for sharing Sandram, it's refreshing to know that in the real world, things don't always end up as expected and that is okay!! ♥️
On another subject... I love your top! It illuminates your face, you look very nice -as always-.
Thank you! I appreciate it!
I'm so sorry I missed your Zoom call. I would love to find out more about the single women's kit
Love it. Most women had no guidance, this is important stuff.
Thank you Tracy you're so great 👍👍👍🙏
Awesome advice as usual! Do you any books? Or recommend any good reads?
I love how unapologetic you are in saying there are certain things you want or don’t. I feel like we as women of a certain age are taught to be more “accommodating” and not listen to our internal intuition or advocate for what we want.
Great advice, where were you Tracey when I was dating...alot of things you were talking about effected me in my relationship..so I suffered...some things you talked about were positive..to late now I know. I wish I didn't settle for the red flags. I held on to the positive things not the negative...but they all pretty much have to be positive don't they:
You look beautiful!
Thank you!
Ask God for His guidance and wait for His perfect match.
Definitely
100%. He is our Creator and knows the best for each one of us.
Seriously ladies? Not asking yourself what inner work you should be doing in order to get there is not helpful at all.
And that’s nothing BUT the truth.
How comes you went into a blind date with your husband?Were you determined to find the PERFECT ONE at the age of 18 or so while knowing the kind of standards you desired? After how long time were you married ?
I don't like the idea of putting myself out there at 62? Please make more videos on finding Mr. Right!! It's time for me, I've been alone for 7 years. I'm like out of touch socially..and I'm re-vamping my life🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I offered to pay on the second date. Kind of wish I didn't now.. I agree with everything.
Excellent video! I wish I saw this about 28 yrs ago. Lol.
Lol, I love your daughter in the background.
I agree with you everything you said, is a red flag. I've been there and have done that...
These men who text their body parts are just interested in sex not in a relationship and by doing that they are disrespecting you... Is that the kind of man you want in your life?
I have a question Tracy I when on a date recently, haven't seen him in 22 yrs I knew his wife we were not friends just acquaintances she was my best friend's best friend. As we were about to be seated at the restaurant, I am not sure why he said, I never want to get married again. I didn't respond I act as if I didn't even hear him. I know he has been married for 20 yrs and lost his wife to breast cancer. I just don't understand what made him say that. I am not looking for a relationship I just wanted to be a friend. What do you think about what he said?
Hi Sylvia, I would not read into his comment too much. He lost his wife to breast cancer and that had to be very difficult. He may still be holding onto negative energy and that could provoked his comment. Also, there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to remarry. If money is involved and there are children, remarrying would be a huge consideration, as in doing so could change the financial dynamics. For example, if my husband were to pass, there would be some big stakes I would consider before remarrying, as I would want to protect me and my daughters financial future - the one me and my husband worked so hard for. I hope this helps you see through a different lens.
Another amazing video. Mid 50 here and I haven’t dated once since the end of my long term relationship. That would be six years ago. Thankfully for COVID I could put it off longer. But I believe I’m ready to get out there now and meet a high quality man. I have high standards and there is no wiggle room for anything less. At this age I find it difficult to meet men. Is it appropriate to ask for a mans phone number if you think he’s interested? Or, wait for them to ask? Maybe a future video for ladies in my position ? Thank you in advance
Thank you. Yes. I think it's perfectly fine to ask for a number at your stage of life.