Ok, here it goes, probably a lot of you, having God in your lives, will disapprove of what I am going to say, but I hope it's ok to express my opinion anyway. I started watching Emma's videos a few months ago and I really like her content, she is relatable, kind, speaks a language we understand, clear and very informative, just great, really. But, as an atheist, I sometimes find it difficult when she 'weaves' God into her content. I understand that for her and for many of you God is important, and I respect that, but I just sometimes wish that she left this out from these educational videos, because for me, not believing in any God, pscychology and religion are not a match made in Heaven (pun intended). I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same... I sometimes even thought that I will not watch her videos, but her content is too good too miss out on, so I guess I just have to put up with the religious bits every now and then for now. Until it becomes too much and will be more and more brought into her content. But I hope that will not happen. There. I said it.
@jparkerwillis I was looking for content on therapy and psychology, that's how I came across her great videos. A lot of the topics in psychology are backed by science and for me, science is the way. Of course I don't expect to share everyone the same perspective, I think this is very clear from my message, and you saying I should go 'somewhere else' is neither helpful nor constructive. I will go 'somewhere else' if I find that I cannot put up with the God talk anymore. My point was what @M ariana also shares and understands that therapy and psychology should be inclusive and when such personal and subjective views such as religion are brought into the picture, it can make those people uneasy who don't share this personal view. Science applies to everyone, religion does not. And though therapy in a real life situation is tailor-made, i.e. the therapist and patient will work out whether they can work together or not, based on their views, etc., on YT this cannot be accomplished. The only thing to do on YT is to watch someone's content or not, as you so helpfully point that out to me...thank you so much for this advice, I never thought of it before! :)
Lol, I had exactly the same, but it came to my mind that it possibly is a smart way to gain more christian (US) subscribers (If God is in it, everything else must be “true/good”). And the US must be a large part of her target audience. My advice for video editting: “ when in doubt, cut is out”😎
@@wiepkjedegroot AAAA, that could make sense! I have not thought about that! Yeah, I am from Europe and I know how big religion is in the US, so it could be a strategic move on her part.
@Sarah Rose Firstly, I am glad you also find Emma's videos helpful, I do too. And I agree it's not only educational, but that she connects with people because she is kind and relatable. However, such blanket statements that 'often it is the atheistic people who kill themselves, rarely believing people' leads nowhere. Where do you even get your numbers for it? And would that be a decisive thing to consider when choosing religion over non-religion? And yes, I think religion should be a 'choice' that is made at a later stage in a person's life (when they are hopefully emotionally and intellectually mature enough) and not as a kid. Your statement also suggests that it is better to be religious because then it is less likely that an individual commits suicide. Nothing is that simple.
@@mariana5814 Yeah, I knew I would 'open a can of worms'! My intention was not to convince anyone of my views, it was merely about expressing how I would appreciate more if content related to therapy and psychology coming from a professional therapist would not bring in such personal views as religion. Still, I think what Emma does is great, nevertheless.
You’re inherent worth isn’t based off what you accomplish but people will treat you like it is. Of course that will affect how u see urself because it’s a type of constant reinforcement
I agree with this. Even if you do not let your self esteem be affected by your accomplishments, the people around you will definitely push into it. And trying to not be overwhelmed by them is going to be another struggle.
This video was exactly what I needed. I've been struggling with how to measure my self-worth in a more compassionate way. I kept thinking it was building self-esteem or achieving my goals. After watching this video I realized being true to myself isn't about checking things off a bucket list. I will only believe in myself when I keep the promise to stay true to the values that are most important to me. Thank you so much for making and sharing this video.
Growing up my mom always pushed my sister and I to always look our best and was very judgmental about how we looked going out of the house. It led my sister and I to only focus on our looks like focusing on our makeup and clothing. After moving out and starting college I felt lost in myself because I realized my whole identity had been focused on my appearance and I didn’t know anything about myself to talk about with new friends. i heard on tiktok “your looks are the least interesting thing about you” and that really stuck with me. At 22 now, I spend way less time infront of the mirror trying to look my best for others and more time enjoying my life and values.
This helped a lot since my therapist was asking me to do so much homework on being grateful and she really was content with my progress although all of my gratitude included one or more of these false sources of self esteem. I always did feel something was missing and it just felt like I'm deluding myself, this video has helped me see things from a different perspective. Thank you very much!
I find your videos to be a mental health "gold mine". Words can't express how much of a blessing your channel is. I've been sharing your videos with loved ones I care about and it's such a nice way to introduce healthy therapy. Thank you so much for your gentleness, kindness, light and advice. It's helping so many of us. 🤍
Hey mate ; I’m from the uk fighting drug addiction to lyrica (devils drug) , and I’m an atheist too but I have to bloody well pray to God to help me with the withdrawal symptoms , Americans are so much better than us when it comes to talking about their feelings
I've used an app called Wysa on and off, and it had a reframing CBT exercise I found really helpful. I've seen similar elsewhere, where you state the thought and the emotions you feel and identify the thinking distortions etc, but what I really liked was that it asked for the positive intent behind the thought... watching these videos, I realise that it was essentially reconnecting the user with their values, because inevitably the positive intent behind a sad thought would be wanting to be kind, wanting to be brave, wanting to be happy... or the positive intent behind an angry thought would be wanting justice, fairness or equality. I think recognising the wonky way that our less helpful thoughts and actions are trying to accomplish our values can help us reframe and think about better ways to act and think. Thanks so much for all that you do. These videos have really helped me accept my emotions and adopt an attitude of growth and self-compassion. I think being willing to see my emotions as having something to teach me even when they're difficult is helping me grow, and focusing on values makes life feel more full of meaning and purpose.
I remember going through a Changeways course years ago. At the end they gave us all some certificate congratulating us on completing it, and I just stood looking at the piece of paper saying there was no reason for it. I felt uncomfortable and uneasy finally taking it to not rock the boat and stuffed it away with the rest of the material I kept in case I wanted to go over something else later on. I'd like to think I'm a very genuine and honest person, and I dislike the over celebration of finishing minor things. And simply attending a course and exercising the material in my life doesn't qualify for some achievement. With that said, I also recognize I finished a course a month ago and equally felt uneasy with family congratulating me about it. That reminds me of a saying: Half a truth is a whole lie. Depression is a half truth. You only see the negative in you and much of that is real. Do deny that gets into dangerous territory. The problem is, in keeping with that saying, is that it discounts the whole picture. A depressed person has a skewed viewpoint, and that viewpoint effectively blinds them to the world. They only see the bad and can actively discount the good. That is a reason I'm wary of the self-esteem talk. If always harping on your flaws and failures is unhealthy, then to me, I can only see things equally as dangerous as constantly patting yourself on the back about your strengths and successes.
For some reason, I know this to be true. "Depression is a half truth." When I'm not depressed, I see a lot more, and it's good stuff I actually really like. I became depressed and lost when my wife blew our family up and filed for divorce after 35 years of marriage. I see this is very common with the new modern women now days so I need to look for the other truth that is somewhere outside of family life.
Thank you for sharing this breakdown of sources of self-esteem. I have been living in line with my values consistently and it has proven to be difficult regarding how it puts me squarely outside the norm of behavior. Not only am I a misfit in society at large and around peers, family and co-workers but alot of people view me as "thinking I'm better than they are". It doesn't matter that there is no truth to this because I cannot change the way others view me and the way I live and my steadfast alignment with my values. I don't make excuses and it isn't an easy way to live as it is, but to endure the culture difference is so much harder. I hope you can share a video with advise on coping with this in the future. Thanks again Emma and best wishes to you and all 🙂
I appreciate this so much, as a recently graduated MFT student I recognized the need for me to do self of the therapist work and this video and your channel is a beautiful part of that journey. I shared this video because I know I am not the only person that will benefit from it. Thank you
Thank you for allowing yourself to be so very vulnerable in front of your audience❤️. I am going through some very rough times myself, and I am not even sure how to process my emotions on the daily, let alone, allow myself to be that vulnerable in front of anyone. I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. I’m praying for you💜. Thanks again🙃
I have been depressed on and off medications for the last two years. And have been watching your videos to help myself. It really puts a lot of perspective on everything. But this video which i kept skipping thinking my self esteem is okay or too bad to recover proved to be a bomb. I have been doing all of the last 3 things that damage self esteem.
Thank you! I just came across your videos today and subscribed! I normally can't get through videos because I get bored.. Your videos are truly powerful and to the point! God has given you a wonderful gift! I am so thankful for your choice to serve in this way! May He bless you richly for these videos! God bless, Christine
this video is so eye opening I'm going to have to watch it several times. I just want to thank you for your videos. They have been helping more than any other content I've watched on youtube. I have seen change in my behaviour already.
May god continue to bless you and your practice! Thank you for helping me heal and learn about myself more and more. Coming out of a relationship and grueling the passing away of my mom. Your wisdom and channel has blessed me in so many ways! Thank you!!!!!
I always put my self worth on achievements and comparison. Then, when I saw someone on my "lower level" get improvements and achievement I failed to get, my self worth was crushed. I cry for several days, until tired of crying. Thank you for the video, it really help me basing my self worth properly ❤
"So living with your values doesn't mean to live with perfection and never messing up. But it means too make your goal your progress" made most sense to me. Wanna follow!!
Emma your videos are fantastic. I too am an atheist, and what tends to bother me about faith (social impact considerations) is the tendency to stop relying on oneself and the dismissal of science over other constructs of belief. You clearly do NOT do this. I appreciate that you give a heads up when something you mention doesn’t currently have a research backing. This lets me trust that you care about research, and you respect other people’s desire for truth and confirmation, and that everything else you’re teaching is backed by research. Seeing that also alleviates any anxiety there might have been during comments you have about faith. I trust (and hear) that you aren’t leading any faithful listeners into those bothersome zones. Thank you.
Bc of your channel, I learned that absolutely everything I need to make myself better is already inherently in me. Im not lost, I just need realization.
If you were raised in a home with invalidation, abuse, criticism and lack of love then you become your own worst critic. It’s what causes CPTSD. Your super ego replays negative comments from your childhood on a loop. I can tell by your point of you that you were not raised in a home with narcissism, alcoholism or abuse. People who have been abused don’t honor themselves and become codependent. Accepting yourself and being kind to yourself is necessary for healing yourself. Your video about accepting our emotions rather than pushing them away actually helped cure my CPTSD. Thank you.
Personally I found being nice to myself and actively boosting my self esteem from positive self talk was a game changer after decades of external criticism and abuse. Thinking of myself as beautiful and accomplished in my 50s when I was convinced otherwise in my 20s and 30s really helped and was massively calming and stopped my externally imprinted crippling and paralysing self doubt and self discounting. It didn’t equate to destructive perfectionism of comparison you describe, it was just allowing myself to see myself as an equal to others, instead of believing the hype that I was inherently inferior and worthless. It’s a constant battle to remind myself I’m actually ok, and I do it with all the methods you have said are harmful. I’m interested how much you think it’s the way I’m doing it or whether it’s because of my starting point and context. My values on the other hand were problematic, as I valued loyalty, connection, understanding and selflessness, but I was in an abusive circumstance, so it kept me in the situation where I was being devalued as a human being. When I stepped away from those values somewhat I was able to see they were not virtues and promoted and enabled toxicity and harm. It took me a decade to learn to speak nicely to myself, to see my worth by not discounting my accomplishments and to question my values and reconsider them when they had allowed so much harm to be perpetrated upon me.
This video is helping me feel whole again. I had a nasty break up. Before this relationship I had a strong sense of self-worth and had worked on this for a long time. I held true to myself for years in this relationship. It was actually a wonderful relationship. Until it wasn’t. I addressed the fact my ex didn’t seem to have much for self worth towards the end. He didn’t like this or the fact I found out about some of the cheating that happened. Since then, I haven’t felt the same and I feel like I lost touch with everything that made me myself, which was integrity honesty and proud for all of the right reasons. I feel like my values failed me. We had kids together and I just lost everything. There was no way I could stop this warpath against me that he went on either. I felt like there was no point in being any of the ways I was because it wasn’t appreciated and didn’t keep the things I held close to me around. I lost the ability to really move on and connect with others after this. I’m usually great at moving on. It’s been 2 years, and I still feel low from time to time. More often than I should. I’ve made a lot of friends and have become more successful because I realized the world didn’t care about my values, and a lot of people just want to see my exterior artist persona, since I’m an artist. But I feel more disconnected than ever. I suppose there’s no better time to start in again than now. It’s harsh realizing that you can be torn away from yourself for some undefined time period. When you gain the energy to build again I think it’s just a stones throw away.
THANK YOU! I have had so much advice like the 'stand at the mirror and call yourself beautiful every morning' for self-esteem 'help' which doesn't hold with my values. So when that 'help' kept failing I internalized that to my list of 'I failed again' ...If it works for some people that's great but I watched this video literally I'm saying "YEEESSS"..."I know right" LOL
Hello Emma thanks for your excellent explanation. Competition unfortunately starts after birth. So much is expected of children and it often ends in disappointment. Some sports people who won gold at the Olympics in the past were found to have cheated. We respected these people back then, but the real winners were the people who stayed honest. Competition often leads to a feeling of inferiority.
I love your videos so much, they are helping me understanding myself better. Everytime you mention spirituality though, especially when you call it "the ultimate source of worth" - I am feeling like this is a very personal thing, that not everybody sees the same way. I am not religious. I feel phrazing it like this diminishes the wonderful things you said before. I am still the happiest person that you made these valuable contents that are among the most impactful I have ever seen. Thank you for it!
I know that for many people- when I bring up spirituality they feel uncomfortable, or bothered or one person said it made her feel more depressed. That’s certainly not my intention. I’m glad that even though we may see some aspects differently you were able to get some benefit from the video. I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone, and on the other hand-spirituality is a big part of my worldview so I include that perspective in a way that I would hope doesn’t feel pushy.
@@TherapyinaNutshell yes we want to hear what you believe in ....nd spirituality is so helpful..if would be great if u make one full video on prayer and how can we take more benefit from it mentally :)
Thank you for REMINDING US WE ALL HAVE EQUAL INHERITED VALUE AS FREE PERSONS EARTH WIDE.. WE NEED TO REMIND MORE Individuals with DEPRESSION. FEARS. ANXIETY IMBALANCES, LONELY PERSONS GRIEVING LOSSES & isolation fears, IMAGINARY FRIENDS on Facebook entertainment. Stop insecure lonely poor me substance abusing individuals to RETHINK their LOGICAL SENSE & SELF-RESPECT, SELF-CONTROLLED VALUES, "ask self what do i VALUE " "What kind of TREATMENT BEHAVIORS do i VALUE in myself & OTHERS in daily LIFE!!!💝??" THINK. PONDER. (Make a LIST. Make some changes/CONCURRING GOOD SENSE manners, WHOLESOME CLEANED UP LANGUAGES SPOKEN WITH PEERS FRIENDS NEIGHBORS. VALUABLE/good CONDUCT" RESPECT & DIGNIFY EVERYONE & things with gratitude" Make OUR LIVES FEEL BETTER!!!👍 NO MORE HARMING OUR SELVES & OTHERS". 👌👌👌👌💛💛 friends!
I think it reaches a point in life as you become more self aware you realize our worth is not really self esteem. I have felt this way for sometime now
I've been feeling this way lately since graduating college. Long story short - I studied film and tv with hopes of getting a job in this field. Unfortunately between moving and the pandemic, I found myself struggling to be able to apply what I studied and be able to grow. After two years of working in retail, I began to get the feeling that I wasn't cut for a job in the real because in part, I wasn't getting jobs that I felt would be practical to what I wanted. Currently, I am enrolled in studying a certificate in Front-End Web Development but I still am running into the same problems that I had with my original major. I just feel more uncertain that I may not feel like there is a lot for me to get out of this field I am currently embarking on. I hope I am wrong but I don't want to make myself comfortable in thinking otherwise.
I struggle with my relationship with God, I've seen what God can do when I go to church. I'm currently looking for a new church to attend due to my church being further away now. One of the meetings God told me to "be bold" when the pastor did a demonstration through a tug of war, I found myself putting my hand up to volunteer, normally I'd sink into my seat and think "no way" and also was told to "receive" . I have decided I'm not going to be a perfectionist anymore, a couple of things I did recently like changing bed sheets, I put the clean duvet cover over quilt and it didn't look perfect but thought well that will do, also dinner the other evening, I cooked a roast the roast potatoes came out tasting disgusting due to something that happened with my oven (long story) but rather than doing my usual headless chicken act, I boiled some more potatoes and had mash instead. I love the way I can change my way of thinking rather than panic
Thank you for your video. It's so helpful. I always try to get approvals from my mother. She is always so strict to me, which makes me feel frustrated all the time. I will give up getting approvals from her now and just act on my values. Thank you!
I’m in a career field where most get their identity and self esteem from the job. The success comes very early, and comparison is the norm. It is devastating when all of this fades, or is ripped from underneath us like a rug. Our suicide rate is high. I was one of the lucky ones who’s rug was torn mid-career, and found an eternal source before I plunged into depression. My hope is secure, and my identity is not from this world.
Thanks a ton from the bottom of my heart. Your content is pure gold! Keep up your good work. This will be really helpful to people like me. I am learning a lot from her. I could instantly connect and I learnt something beautiful after 21 years in my life which I was searching for a long time. Lots of love and God give you more grace to do your good work.
Wow, that video was breath-taking, really gave me a new perspective on how I should see myself. Thank you so much!!! I will share this to my family 😊😌❤️
Caroline Myss said this, “when you think about what to be grateful for, don’t base it on material things. Say thank you simply because you are. Just because you are.” Choose to live an integrity life and be grateful for simply being who you are, warts and all.
Affirmations . We see ourselves as ? Feeling good. False esteem. Fail to rise in esteem. Popular? Not a solid solution flawed. It's up to us to judge ourselves. Comparison. Not solid, easy to fall into anxiety. Self judgement. Achievements. Like going down the road but thinking your in the next town. Taking your own esteem. Perfectionism. Failure is not to be feared. The door to success. Positivity, respect, integrity, determination. Resilience. Personal character .
Thank you very much. Can i just say how i like how you talk? Like how genuine and not loud you are unlike the others and making it seem you are talking to me alone. Thank u
Wow that was a great quote I can relate to it, I believed in jesus christ and iv experienced the light within my heart of hearts and mind and spirit. But I also have paranoid schizophrenia and have just desperate faith that God is going to get me out of this nightmare into the promise land of love joy peace patience humility etc. I love what you said about experiencing the progress to the goal, then just the goal itself. Whenever I make goals a lot of the times I do them thinking I'll be fulfilled once there accomplished but never realising the need for relationships with others on the progress to the goals iv set out.
I appreciate your religious comments. I get tired of psychology always avoiding the spiritual side of human beings. I’m glad you are comfortable with bringing in your religious feelings. Religion is science. Just a science others don’t know about.
I agree with everything in the video but for me, standing in front of the mirror and telling myself words of affirmation has been essential in my healing. I come from an abusive household and in my childhood and youth i have been insulted by my father on a daily basis for over 20 years, I've been called a bitch, an inferior being, nothing more than a dog, etc. Now telling myself that i am worthy and beautiful is helping me immensely
Good work, Mcadams! I am from Brazil I recommended your video to many of my friends. There are subtitles to Portuguese. I love your videos, thank you. ❤
I'm almost 70 years old and have tried all of the false ways to self-esteem when I was young, coming out of trauma and abuse. I haven't believed in self-esteem as even a possibility for 40 years now, and that has been such a relief. I have God-esteem instead. Since Jesus loves me, who am I to tell Him He's wrong? I hear a lot too about reparenting an inner child. God is my heavenly Father - no matter how old I get.
I believe that everyone needs to read the book "The Search for Significance" by Robert McGee. I have facilitated several study groups based around this book in my lifetime. Sounds like you have embraced McGee and his God centered approach to self esteem!
Hello ma'am, your videos are really great. I feel like I am getting the right guidance to direct my thoughts and emotions towards being better in life. Thank you so much. Keep making such videos so that I and other people can benefit from your knowledge.
Hey Emma, thanks for the great insights:)! What do you think of identifying as a "learner" as a source if self esteem? You also keep a locus of control and focus on the process/growth. Maybe you can even subsume being in line with values under being a learner. What are your thoughts on this ?
I try to teach people that No one ever reaches 100% esteem or really any self work. To try for 100% actually causes low self esteem because it is an unrealistic goal, so sets you up for failure. I tell people to be average. Aim for 70% self esteem to be considered as optimal. If you drop below what You consider 50% that is the time to redirect your focus into major esteem building. Otherwise keep it as a side project that you would consider pebbles or sand in your self work goals
How can we differentiate between reaching out to a higher power and reaching out to ourselves? Could we say that we are just connecting with ourselves, that we are reaching out to our ability inside us to be loving and compassionate towards ourselves?
Getting to KNOW the inner person is a part of being made WHOLE. COMPLETE. ABLE TO LEARN & KEEP LEARNING IS A LIFE GIVING POWER through out LIFE!!!💝. Learning VALUES. Changing & EXCHANGING VALUES with your NEIGHBORS, peers earth wide. Peace & HARMONY every day!!😃
God is unchanging, whereas we're changing. If you're out of balance, what is more helpful: to try to hold onto yourself (if that is even possible), or to hold onto something stable like a solid pillar? Similarly, when we're lacking in something we won't be able to find what we lack in ourselves, we must reach out to that which is never lacking and then bring it back. God is ever good, ever perfect, he's the stable source of life we should lean onto.
True it's not good to base your self esteem on any particular thing that people tell you, and rely on that. But to build core self esteem it does actually help to give yourself positive validation, including based on real-world things like your qualities and what effect you have on people. Those are all valid ways to build your subconscious foundation of self esteem. So I think there is part of the message in this video that is harmful, because you are discouraging people from doing something that would be beneficial to them. The nuance you are trying to give is don't base your conscious sense of self-worth on comparing yourself to other people. And that is a good point, just not complete.
Ok, here it goes, probably a lot of you, having God in your lives, will disapprove of what I am going to say, but I hope it's ok to express my opinion anyway. I started watching Emma's videos a few months ago and I really like her content, she is relatable, kind, speaks a language we understand, clear and very informative, just great, really. But, as an atheist, I sometimes find it difficult when she 'weaves' God into her content. I understand that for her and for many of you God is important, and I respect that, but I just sometimes wish that she left this out from these educational videos, because for me, not believing in any God, pscychology and religion are not a match made in Heaven (pun intended). I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same... I sometimes even thought that I will not watch her videos, but her content is too good too miss out on, so I guess I just have to put up with the religious bits every now and then for now. Until it becomes too much and will be more and more brought into her content. But I hope that will not happen. There. I said it.
@jparkerwillis I was looking for content on therapy and psychology, that's how I came across her great videos. A lot of the topics in psychology are backed by science and for me, science is the way. Of course I don't expect to share everyone the same perspective, I think this is very clear from my message, and you saying I should go 'somewhere else' is neither helpful nor constructive. I will go 'somewhere else' if I find that I cannot put up with the God talk anymore. My point was what @M ariana also shares and understands that therapy and psychology should be inclusive and when such personal and subjective views such as religion are brought into the picture, it can make those people uneasy who don't share this personal view. Science applies to everyone, religion does not. And though therapy in a real life situation is tailor-made, i.e. the therapist and patient will work out whether they can work together or not, based on their views, etc., on YT this cannot be accomplished. The only thing to do on YT is to watch someone's content or not, as you so helpfully point that out to me...thank you so much for this advice, I never thought of it before! :)
Lol, I had exactly the same, but it came to my mind that it possibly is a smart way to gain more christian (US) subscribers (If God is in it, everything else must be “true/good”). And the US must be a large part of her target audience. My advice for video editting: “ when in doubt, cut is out”😎
@@wiepkjedegroot AAAA, that could make sense! I have not thought about that! Yeah, I am from Europe and I know how big religion is in the US, so it could be a strategic move on her part.
@Sarah Rose Firstly, I am glad you also find Emma's videos helpful, I do too. And I agree it's not only educational, but that she connects with people because she is kind and relatable.
However, such blanket statements that 'often it is the atheistic people who kill themselves, rarely believing people' leads nowhere. Where do you even get your numbers for it? And would that be a decisive thing to consider when choosing religion over non-religion? And yes, I think religion should be a 'choice' that is made at a later stage in a person's life (when they are hopefully emotionally and intellectually mature enough) and not as a kid. Your statement also suggests that it is better to be religious because then it is less likely that an individual commits suicide. Nothing is that simple.
@@mariana5814 Yeah, I knew I would 'open a can of worms'! My intention was not to convince anyone of my views, it was merely about expressing how I would appreciate more if content related to therapy and psychology coming from a professional therapist would not bring in such personal views as religion. Still, I think what Emma does is great, nevertheless.
"How you treat yourself
Is how you treat your kids
Its how they treat others"
The way you deliver this advice feels so calm and delivered with so much kindness that it sticks.
Paulami Ray no doubtttt
So true
You’re inherent worth isn’t based off what you accomplish but people will treat you like it is. Of course that will affect how u see urself because it’s a type of constant reinforcement
I agree with this. Even if you do not let your self esteem be affected by your accomplishments, the people around you will definitely push into it. And trying to not be overwhelmed by them is going to be another struggle.
This video was exactly what I needed. I've been struggling with how to measure my self-worth in a more compassionate way. I kept thinking it was building self-esteem or achieving my goals. After watching this video I realized being true to myself isn't about checking things off a bucket list. I will only believe in myself when I keep the promise to stay true to the values that are most important to me. Thank you so much for making and sharing this video.
Growing up my mom always pushed my sister and I to always look our best and was very judgmental about how we looked going out of the house. It led my sister and I to only focus on our looks like focusing on our makeup and clothing. After moving out and starting college I felt lost in myself because I realized my whole identity had been focused on my appearance and I didn’t know anything about myself to talk about with new friends. i heard on tiktok “your looks are the least interesting thing about you” and that really stuck with me. At 22 now, I spend way less time infront of the mirror trying to look my best for others and more time enjoying my life and values.
This helped a lot since my therapist was asking me to do so much homework on being grateful and she really was content with my progress although all of my gratitude included one or more of these false sources of self esteem.
I always did feel something was missing and it just felt like I'm deluding myself, this video has helped me see things from a different perspective. Thank you very much!
I think this may be one of the most important videos you've done! I'm definitely going to share this with my family and friends. Thanks Emma!
I find your videos to be a mental health "gold mine". Words can't express how much of a blessing your channel is. I've been sharing your videos with loved ones I care about and it's such a nice way to introduce healthy therapy. Thank you so much for your gentleness, kindness, light and advice. It's helping so many of us. 🤍
You’ve given me more insight than my own therapist. 😖
Thank you.
Feeling this very much lol. I like my therapist, but she rarely, if ever, talked about this sort of way to raise self-esteem.
Hey mate ; I’m from the uk fighting drug addiction to lyrica (devils drug) , and I’m an atheist too but I have to bloody well pray to God to help me with the withdrawal symptoms , Americans are so much better than us when it comes to talking about their feelings
I've used an app called Wysa on and off, and it had a reframing CBT exercise I found really helpful. I've seen similar elsewhere, where you state the thought and the emotions you feel and identify the thinking distortions etc, but what I really liked was that it asked for the positive intent behind the thought... watching these videos, I realise that it was essentially reconnecting the user with their values, because inevitably the positive intent behind a sad thought would be wanting to be kind, wanting to be brave, wanting to be happy... or the positive intent behind an angry thought would be wanting justice, fairness or equality.
I think recognising the wonky way that our less helpful thoughts and actions are trying to accomplish our values can help us reframe and think about better ways to act and think.
Thanks so much for all that you do. These videos have really helped me accept my emotions and adopt an attitude of growth and self-compassion. I think being willing to see my emotions as having something to teach me even when they're difficult is helping me grow, and focusing on values makes life feel more full of meaning and purpose.
I remember going through a Changeways course years ago. At the end they gave us all some certificate congratulating us on completing it, and I just stood looking at the piece of paper saying there was no reason for it. I felt uncomfortable and uneasy finally taking it to not rock the boat and stuffed it away with the rest of the material I kept in case I wanted to go over something else later on.
I'd like to think I'm a very genuine and honest person, and I dislike the over celebration of finishing minor things. And simply attending a course and exercising the material in my life doesn't qualify for some achievement. With that said, I also recognize I finished a course a month ago and equally felt uneasy with family congratulating me about it.
That reminds me of a saying: Half a truth is a whole lie.
Depression is a half truth. You only see the negative in you and much of that is real. Do deny that gets into dangerous territory. The problem is, in keeping with that saying, is that it discounts the whole picture. A depressed person has a skewed viewpoint, and that viewpoint effectively blinds them to the world. They only see the bad and can actively discount the good.
That is a reason I'm wary of the self-esteem talk. If always harping on your flaws and failures is unhealthy, then to me, I can only see things equally as dangerous as constantly patting yourself on the back about your strengths and successes.
For some reason, I know this to be true. "Depression is a half truth." When I'm not depressed, I see a lot more, and it's good stuff I actually really like. I became depressed and lost when my wife blew our family up and filed for divorce after 35 years of marriage. I see this is very common with the new modern women now days so I need to look for the other truth that is somewhere outside of family life.
Thank you for sharing this breakdown of sources of self-esteem. I have been living in line with my values consistently and it has proven to be difficult regarding how it puts me squarely outside the norm of behavior. Not only am I a misfit in society at large and around peers, family and co-workers but alot of people view me as "thinking I'm better than they are". It doesn't matter that there is no truth to this because I cannot change the way others view me and the way I live and my steadfast alignment with my values. I don't make excuses and it isn't an easy way to live as it is, but to endure the culture difference is so much harder. I hope you can share a video with advise on coping with this in the future. Thanks again Emma and best wishes to you and all 🙂
I appreciate this so much, as a recently graduated MFT student I recognized the need for me to do self of the therapist work and this video and your channel is a beautiful part of that journey. I shared this video because I know I am not the only person that will benefit from it. Thank you
Thank you for allowing yourself to be so very vulnerable in front of your audience❤️. I am going through some very rough times myself, and I am not even sure how to process my emotions on the daily, let alone, allow myself to be that vulnerable in front of anyone. I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. I’m praying for you💜. Thanks again🙃
I have been depressed on and off medications for the last two years. And have been watching your videos to help myself. It really puts a lot of perspective on everything. But this video which i kept skipping thinking my self esteem is okay or too bad to recover proved to be a bomb. I have been doing all of the last 3 things that damage self esteem.
Positive connections seem to lift me up. Finding them is another story.
Hey stranger, you wrote a nice and poignant comment. It will be easy for you to find a good friend for that positive connection. ☺️
story of my life!! ( I feel a severe lack of "positive connections" !)
Thank you! I just came across your videos today and subscribed! I normally can't get through videos because I get bored.. Your videos are truly powerful and to the point! God has given you a wonderful gift! I am so thankful for your choice to serve in this way! May He bless you richly for these videos! God bless, Christine
this video is so eye opening I'm going to have to watch it several times. I just want to thank you for your videos. They have been helping more than any other content I've watched on youtube. I have seen change in my behaviour already.
May god continue to bless you and your practice! Thank you for helping me heal and learn about myself more and more. Coming out of a relationship and grueling the passing away of my mom. Your wisdom and channel has blessed me in so many ways! Thank you!!!!!
This video is precious and what social media doenst want you to know
That is so precious. Thanks a lot. The final shot is the talk to a, our, higher power. Sincerely from Germany.
The HIGHEST POWER IS BEST!😃 THE ONLY ONE THAT CREATED ALL THINGS WE SEE & EXPERIENCE EVERY DAY OF OUR LIFE!!!💝 "IS THE ALMIGHTY ONE"
I always put my self worth on achievements and comparison. Then, when I saw someone on my "lower level" get improvements and achievement I failed to get, my self worth was crushed. I cry for several days, until tired of crying. Thank you for the video, it really help me basing my self worth properly ❤
This is proving so healing for me and thank you for bringing God into this after all no greater love exists
Sorry to hear your loss. Great you still found a way to help others through this. This really spoke to me. Hello from the UK.
You are a God sent gift. Thankyou for everything
Ditto
"So living with your values doesn't mean to live with perfection and never messing up. But it means too make your goal your progress"
made most sense to me. Wanna follow!!
Emma your videos are fantastic. I too am an atheist, and what tends to bother me about faith (social impact considerations) is the tendency to stop relying on oneself and the dismissal of science over other constructs of belief. You clearly do NOT do this. I appreciate that you give a heads up when something you mention doesn’t currently have a research backing. This lets me trust that you care about research, and you respect other people’s desire for truth and confirmation, and that everything else you’re teaching is backed by research. Seeing that also alleviates any anxiety there might have been during comments you have about faith. I trust (and hear) that you aren’t leading any faithful listeners into those bothersome zones. Thank you.
Bc of your channel, I learned that absolutely everything I need to make myself better is already inherently in me. Im not lost, I just need realization.
The values part really resonated. Very powerful
If you were raised in a home with invalidation, abuse, criticism and lack of love then you become your own worst critic. It’s what causes CPTSD. Your super ego replays negative comments from your childhood on a loop. I can tell by your point of you that you were not raised in a home with narcissism, alcoholism or abuse. People who have been abused don’t honor themselves and become codependent. Accepting yourself and being kind to yourself is necessary for healing yourself. Your video about accepting our emotions rather than pushing them away actually helped cure my CPTSD. Thank you.
Personally I found being nice to myself and actively boosting my self esteem from positive self talk was a game changer after decades of external criticism and abuse. Thinking of myself as beautiful and accomplished in my 50s when I was convinced otherwise in my 20s and 30s really helped and was massively calming and stopped my externally imprinted crippling and paralysing self doubt and self discounting. It didn’t equate to destructive perfectionism of comparison you describe, it was just allowing myself to see myself as an equal to others, instead of believing the hype that I was inherently inferior and worthless. It’s a constant battle to remind myself I’m actually ok, and I do it with all the methods you have said are harmful. I’m interested how much you think it’s the way I’m doing it or whether it’s because of my starting point and context. My values on the other hand were problematic, as I valued loyalty, connection, understanding and selflessness, but I was in an abusive circumstance, so it kept me in the situation where I was being devalued as a human being. When I stepped away from those values somewhat I was able to see they were not virtues and promoted and enabled toxicity and harm. It took me a decade to learn to speak nicely to myself, to see my worth by not discounting my accomplishments and to question my values and reconsider them when they had allowed so much harm to be perpetrated upon me.
This video is helping me feel whole again. I had a nasty break up. Before this relationship I had a strong sense of self-worth and had worked on this for a long time. I held true to myself for years in this relationship. It was actually a wonderful relationship. Until it wasn’t. I addressed the fact my ex didn’t seem to have much for self worth towards the end. He didn’t like this or the fact I found out about some of the cheating that happened. Since then, I haven’t felt the same and I feel like I lost touch with everything that made me myself, which was integrity honesty and proud for all of the right reasons. I feel like my values failed me. We had kids together and I just lost everything. There was no way I could stop this warpath against me that he went on either. I felt like there was no point in being any of the ways I was because it wasn’t appreciated and didn’t keep the things I held close to me around. I lost the ability to really move on and connect with others after this. I’m usually great at moving on. It’s been 2 years, and I still feel low from time to time. More often than I should. I’ve made a lot of friends and have become more successful because I realized the world didn’t care about my values, and a lot of people just want to see my exterior artist persona, since I’m an artist. But I feel more disconnected than ever. I suppose there’s no better time to start in again than now. It’s harsh realizing that you can be torn away from yourself for some undefined time period. When you gain the energy to build again I think it’s just a stones throw away.
THANK YOU! I have had so much advice like the 'stand at the mirror and call yourself beautiful every morning' for self-esteem 'help' which doesn't hold with my values. So when that 'help' kept failing I internalized that to my list of 'I failed again' ...If it works for some people that's great but I watched this video literally I'm saying "YEEESSS"..."I know right" LOL
Thank you very much - what a wonderful perspective on this. Has helped me a lot 🙏
Hello Emma thanks for your excellent explanation. Competition unfortunately starts after birth. So much is expected of children and it often ends in disappointment. Some sports people who won gold at the Olympics in the past were found to have cheated. We respected these people back then, but the real winners were the people who stayed honest. Competition often leads to a feeling of inferiority.
Beautifully put ! Keep uploading your work.We cant give you anything in return but pray for you and your family.💜
So much compassion comes across in this video, it is very healing to see your lovely personality 👌
I love your videos so much, they are helping me understanding myself better. Everytime you mention spirituality though, especially when you call it "the ultimate source of worth" - I am feeling like this is a very personal thing, that not everybody sees the same way. I am not religious. I feel phrazing it like this diminishes the wonderful things you said before. I am still the happiest person that you made these valuable contents that are among the most impactful I have ever seen. Thank you for it!
I know that for many people- when I bring up spirituality they feel uncomfortable, or bothered or one person said it made her feel more depressed. That’s certainly not my intention. I’m glad that even though we may see some aspects differently you were able to get some benefit from the video. I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone, and on the other hand-spirituality is a big part of my worldview so I include that perspective in a way that I would hope doesn’t feel pushy.
@@TherapyinaNutshell yes we want to hear what you believe in ....nd spirituality is so helpful..if would be great if u make one full video on prayer and how can we take more
benefit from it mentally :)
Thank you, Emma for your videos. As one who struggles with MDD and has been in isolation lately, your videos are mental nourishment for me.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today.
Thank you for REMINDING US WE ALL HAVE EQUAL INHERITED VALUE AS FREE PERSONS EARTH WIDE.. WE NEED TO REMIND MORE Individuals with DEPRESSION. FEARS. ANXIETY IMBALANCES, LONELY PERSONS GRIEVING LOSSES & isolation fears, IMAGINARY FRIENDS on Facebook entertainment.
Stop insecure lonely poor me substance abusing individuals to RETHINK their LOGICAL SENSE & SELF-RESPECT, SELF-CONTROLLED VALUES, "ask self what do i VALUE "
"What kind of TREATMENT BEHAVIORS do i VALUE in myself & OTHERS in daily LIFE!!!💝??" THINK. PONDER. (Make a LIST. Make some changes/CONCURRING GOOD SENSE manners, WHOLESOME CLEANED UP LANGUAGES SPOKEN WITH PEERS FRIENDS NEIGHBORS. VALUABLE/good CONDUCT" RESPECT & DIGNIFY EVERYONE & things with gratitude" Make OUR LIVES FEEL BETTER!!!👍 NO MORE HARMING OUR SELVES & OTHERS". 👌👌👌👌💛💛 friends!
I think it reaches a point in life as you become more self aware you realize our worth is not really self esteem. I have felt this way for sometime now
I've been feeling this way lately since graduating college. Long story short - I studied film and tv with hopes of getting a job in this field. Unfortunately between moving and the pandemic, I found myself struggling to be able to apply what I studied and be able to grow. After two years of working in retail, I began to get the feeling that I wasn't cut for a job in the real because in part, I wasn't getting jobs that I felt would be practical to what I wanted. Currently, I am enrolled in studying a certificate in Front-End Web Development but I still am running into the same problems that I had with my original major. I just feel more uncertain that I may not feel like there is a lot for me to get out of this field I am currently embarking on. I hope I am wrong but I don't want to make myself comfortable in thinking otherwise.
Thank you for this video. I have been feeling a little lost lately and this has reminded me what is important
I struggle with my relationship with God, I've seen what God can do when I go to church. I'm currently looking for a new church to attend due to my church being further away now. One of the meetings God told me to "be bold" when the pastor did a demonstration through a tug of war, I found myself putting my hand up to volunteer, normally I'd sink into my seat and think "no way" and also was told to "receive" . I have decided I'm not going to be a perfectionist anymore, a couple of things I did recently like changing bed sheets, I put the clean duvet cover over quilt and it didn't look perfect but thought well that will do, also dinner the other evening, I cooked a roast the roast potatoes came out tasting disgusting due to something that happened with my oven (long story) but rather than doing my usual headless chicken act, I boiled some more potatoes and had mash instead. I love the way I can change my way of thinking rather than panic
Thank you for your video. It's so helpful. I always try to get approvals from my mother. She is always so strict to me, which makes me feel frustrated all the time. I will give up getting approvals from her now and just act on my values. Thank you!
I love your videos. So educational and easy to understand. Thanks
Thank you for this. Having granddaughters in today's instagram world and more, this is right on time
F this hits right where I needed it to. My self esteem and purpose are fragile rn but this is a North Star.
I’m in a career field where most get their identity and self esteem from the job. The success comes very early, and comparison is the norm. It is devastating when all of this fades, or is ripped from underneath us like a rug. Our suicide rate is high. I was one of the lucky ones who’s rug was torn mid-career, and found an eternal source before I plunged into depression. My hope is secure, and my identity is not from this world.
Wow so much truth. I like your channel you are just real. I’m sure I will listen again to this. We need to give ourselves grace. Thanks for sharing
Thanks a ton from the bottom of my heart. Your content is pure gold! Keep up your good work. This will be really helpful to people like me. I am learning a lot from her. I could instantly connect and I learnt something beautiful after 21 years in my life which I was searching for a long time. Lots of love and God give you more grace to do your good work.
Wow, that video was breath-taking, really gave me a new perspective on how I should see myself. Thank you so much!!!
I will share this to my family 😊😌❤️
Caroline Myss said this, “when you think about what to be grateful for, don’t base it on material things. Say thank you simply because you are. Just because you are.” Choose to live an integrity life and be grateful for simply being who you are, warts and all.
Affirmations . We see ourselves as ? Feeling good. False esteem. Fail to rise in esteem. Popular? Not a solid solution flawed. It's up to us to judge ourselves. Comparison. Not solid, easy to fall into anxiety. Self judgement. Achievements. Like going down the road but thinking your in the next town. Taking your own esteem. Perfectionism. Failure is not to be feared. The door to success. Positivity, respect, integrity, determination. Resilience. Personal character .
lovvedddd that you brought God into it. "whoever looses their lives will find it"
Thank you very much. Can i just say how i like how you talk? Like how genuine and not loud you are unlike the others and making it seem you are talking to me alone. Thank u
Thanks Emma. You're really helping many of us to get better. Will try putting many things you said into practice. God bless you and your family 🙏.
Valuing RESPECTFUL SUPPORTIVE NEIGHBORS. FEELS 👍 GOOD!
❤️you changed my life kind lady. Your the greatest
Wow that was a great quote I can relate to it, I believed in jesus christ and iv experienced the light within my heart of hearts and mind and spirit. But I also have paranoid schizophrenia and have just desperate faith that God is going to get me out of this nightmare into the promise land of love joy peace patience humility etc. I love what you said about experiencing the progress to the goal, then just the goal itself. Whenever I make goals a lot of the times I do them thinking I'll be fulfilled once there accomplished but never realising the need for relationships with others on the progress to the goals iv set out.
OMGOSHHH!! I love all your videos, but this is the BEST yet! You speack with such wisdom and grace! Thank you !
I appreciate your religious comments. I get tired of psychology always avoiding the spiritual side of human beings. I’m glad you are comfortable with bringing in your religious feelings. Religion is science. Just a science others don’t know about.
This was perfect!!! Thank you💜
Thank you Emma, your videos are extremely helpful.. you have no idea how many lives you impact!
Thank you, this has just saved my self esteem to healthy self esteem.
Excellent description of the importance of values.
This is absolutely brilliant! Thank you
I think it is important to love yourself . You must love yourself if others are to love you.
Great insights Emma.
what an amazing word!!!! that everyone has a divine goodness
I agree with everything in the video but for me, standing in front of the mirror and telling myself words of affirmation has been essential in my healing. I come from an abusive household and in my childhood and youth i have been insulted by my father on a daily basis for over 20 years, I've been called a bitch, an inferior being, nothing more than a dog, etc. Now telling myself that i am worthy and beautiful is helping me immensely
U should Do a TED talk 🧡
Good work, Mcadams! I am from Brazil I recommended your video to many of my friends. There are subtitles to Portuguese. I love your videos, thank you. ❤
LET THIS MESSAGE SINK IN EVERYBODY... THIS IS A GOOD ONE!!!
I'm almost 70 years old and have tried all of the false ways to self-esteem when I was young, coming out of trauma and abuse. I haven't believed in self-esteem as even a possibility for 40 years now, and that has been such a relief. I have God-esteem instead. Since Jesus loves me, who am I to tell Him He's wrong? I hear a lot too about reparenting an inner child. God is my heavenly Father - no matter how old I get.
Your kids are so lucky to have you! Beautiful content, beautiful person ~! 💛🌼
I believe that everyone needs to read the book "The Search for Significance" by Robert McGee. I have facilitated several study groups based around this book in my lifetime. Sounds like you have embraced McGee and his God centered approach to self esteem!
Thank you 😊!
Love this and needed this so much, thank you!!!
Great advice,values are everything!!
Well done Emma! Your style is so genuine that it resonate with me every single time. Thank you!! 🙏
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
I typically evaluate myself how my dog sees me 🐕
Thankyou for explaining this topic so eloquently 💗 This is a perfect video for those times when you need reminding of what truly matters in life 😊🌈
Great lesson. Though the “valuing appearance is false” part was conflicted with the Just for Men hair color ad plopped in the middle.
😆
Hello ma'am, your videos are really great. I feel like I am getting the right guidance to direct my thoughts and emotions towards being better in life. Thank you so much. Keep making such videos so that I and other people can benefit from your knowledge.
So blessed to hear this very inspiring talk! Would definitely share this 😍. Keep up the good work ma'am ❤️🙏
Love your approach and honesty Emma.
Thank you for creating these videos.
Right on! This gave me goosebumps. Thank you!
This was a revelation. Thank you
Hey Emma, thanks for the great insights:)! What do you think of identifying as a "learner" as a source if self esteem? You also keep a locus of control and focus on the process/growth. Maybe you can even subsume being in line with values under being a learner. What are your thoughts on this ?
That video was amazing. So well written and inspiring. Thank you.
I try to teach people that No one ever reaches 100% esteem or really any self work. To try for 100% actually causes low self esteem because it is an unrealistic goal, so sets you up for failure. I tell people to be average. Aim for 70% self esteem to be considered as optimal. If you drop below what You consider 50% that is the time to redirect your focus into major esteem building. Otherwise keep it as a side project that you would consider pebbles or sand in your self work goals
How can we differentiate between reaching out to a higher power and reaching out to ourselves? Could we say that we are just connecting with ourselves, that we are reaching out to our ability inside us to be loving and compassionate towards ourselves?
Getting to KNOW the inner person is a part of being made WHOLE. COMPLETE. ABLE TO LEARN & KEEP LEARNING IS A LIFE GIVING POWER through out LIFE!!!💝. Learning VALUES. Changing & EXCHANGING VALUES with your NEIGHBORS, peers earth wide. Peace & HARMONY every day!!😃
God is unchanging, whereas we're changing. If you're out of balance, what is more helpful: to try to hold onto yourself (if that is even possible), or to hold onto something stable like a solid pillar? Similarly, when we're lacking in something we won't be able to find what we lack in ourselves, we must reach out to that which is never lacking and then bring it back. God is ever good, ever perfect, he's the stable source of life we should lean onto.
I love your videos Emma, and the way you present them. Thank you 💐
True it's not good to base your self esteem on any particular thing that people tell you, and rely on that. But to build core self esteem it does actually help to give yourself positive validation, including based on real-world things like your qualities and what effect you have on people. Those are all valid ways to build your subconscious foundation of self esteem.
So I think there is part of the message in this video that is harmful, because you are discouraging people from doing something that would be beneficial to them.
The nuance you are trying to give is don't base your conscious sense of self-worth on comparing yourself to other people. And that is a good point, just not complete.
Informative but not decisive - I love that idea!