I love George RR Martin’s strict technique of utilizing one character’s POV per chapter, makes the story feel more immersive and is a great tool to keep the reader turning pages
This was something I loved about Gibson’s Count Zero. 3 different stories from the perspective of 3 different characters all kind of come together and intermingle in these really cool unexpected ways. I’d really recommend reading the Sprawl trilogy, so damn good!
I'm much better about head hopping now, though while making the newbie writer mistakes, I accidentally noticed that head hopping is good drafting tool to an extent. I tend to be drawn to multi POV stories. Sometimes, I'm unsure which POV would be best for the scene. Doing the first draft of the scene with unashamed head hopping allows me note down fast what each character is feeling. Later, when I have decided which POV I want to use, I can take the time and decide which nonPOV emotions stay hidden, which I want to convey through action etc.
First, congratulations on hitting number one! That's huge. As for head hopping, I think this is where excessive reading has given me an advantage. Everytime I have seen it in books that aren't an omniscient narrator, it pulls me out of the story. I've DNFd books that did it consistently. As a result, I'm lucky enough to say I never have. Not because "I just know" but because it annoys me so much. Lol
Switching to the father's POV after the phone is handed to him is a lot like how they edit film. Very natural way to cut to the reverse angle. I never noticed it before. I'm excited to try to utilize that little move. I know in 'Consider This' Chuck says to cut your fiction like they cut movies and television. It's good advice!
I’m comin back for you Brandon! Subscriber here. Ok so after a lot of research, I’ve discovered that what I’m doing is just cinematic POV, and doesn’t count as headhopping as I don’t actually go into the head of the other POV. I think your viewers desperately need this clarification/video topic
I had no idea what head hopping was at first. Thanks for explaining it thoroughly. I assumed when I saw the title, that it was about stories that forgot about their characters and don't mention them again until the end, I hate when writers do that, lol. By the time they reappear, I'm like "who?".
Hahaha I just got roasted by one of my beta-readers for doing what you described. That's how I know I need to cut and combine some characters. Thanks for watching!
Thanks for explaining when head-hopping is valid. I'm learning to write, and Omniscient POV is my natural style, but I get so many people throwing up their hands and telling me not to head-hop. Your explanation has given me more confidence to take critique with a pinch of salt.
This is an area I'm actually really good--I think! Dune drove me crazy at first with the headhopping, but once I got used to it, it was just a different style. But I like to write 3rd person limited, so NO headhopping, and in fact, you can get really creative with which POV you choose for which scene to reveal the right information in the right way to build tension and suspense. Sometimes, I write a scene, and then later end up changing the POV because of how it flows through the story. Thanks! Keep on writing!
Just got my manuscript back from the line editor. There were a few instances of head hopping. I see clearly how this happened and will fix them. Thanks.
I never read t"Dune", but what I got from the audible book, strucked me as head hopping, from time to time. But the author deos it so well, and we really switch the POV, so we got this multiview of different interests and motivations, that the politics and all that happens feel entangled in each other, we got a real grasp of the influence of each character to the main-plot and he managed to make it even better while he switches back an forth.
Possibly the first writing advice video I've seen on omniscience that doesn't reference Dune. [Refreshing.] [Sorry if I leave inane comments on your videos. I like them and want to promote them with the algorithm, but it's often late and I've run out of pithy for the day.]
I read an example of head hopping that was brilliant. The writer talked about hearing a scream in a grocery store, going to investigate, and seeing a woman talking loudly on a cell phone. He went on to describe her physical appearance and began to include details that only the woman herself could know. He posed the question, how could he know all this. He knew because she was shouting the details in public into the cell phone.
I use it sometimes. Big battles, when I want to show the reader POVs from characters we've never seen before and I'll headhop between a number of them, and during intimate scenes so the reader can get both sides.
In my point of view, Agatha Christie was the best when it came to head hopping. In some of her novels, each of the potential murderers from those stories get their own little chapter or their own scene. So, often, even before the murder happens, you get to learn about the characters' life and psychology. It makes her stories quite immersive because then, you, as the reader, get a fairer chance to try and find the murderer by yourself. One example is "Death on the Nile" or "The Mystery of the Blue Train".
I really appreciate your approach to this. I have been, as respectfully as I can, balking at the prescription that head-hopping is a cardinal sin. To be fair, when it's done poorly it can truly ruin otherwise good writing, but it is a mistake to categorically dismiss it when it can be used well. That is what you've done here, shown us how to do it right when just about anyone else would tell us it's flat out wrong. Thank you for that.
Thank you! I really didn't notice the headhopping in the Salem's Lot example tho. Instead, it looks as if the perspective character (in each paragraph) is the only one with internal feelings while the the other (non-perspective characters) are being observed and explained by the narrator, neutrally. This is good stuff and I love this topic.
Thanks! In the example, the parts I highlighted in green were characters' internal thoughts/feelings/sensations. Since the perspective jumps between three difference characters within a single scene, that fits the definition of head-hopping
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty I see. Its the fact that they all occur within one scene. I had viwed the different paragraphs as being multiple scenes. Thanks for clearing that up.
No problem. I'd consider "The search for the boys" to be a single scene, although I can see why you might view each paragraph as its own scene in terms of goal-conflict-disaster.
Yes, congrats! And thanks for this video, it arrived at the perfect time as my book club was getting ready to discuss Salem's Lot where your "good head hopping" sample derived. =D
One of my favorite things to do in writing is to have a couple points of view that I change between in different scenes/chapters and then make them all somewhat unreliable narrators. I really love drafting with head hopping then slowly pairing down the other heads to gather what the POV character DOESN’T know and misinterprets/assumes. Sometimes I actually like “head hopping” in the sense that the characters assume what the others are thinking. It’s not usually (at least completely) accurate. I think this makes head hopping one of the few writing problems I don’t struggle with, simply because POV is such an important part of everything that I write that I’m always aware of it. Now if only I could be that good about everything else!
Ready? I've written SO much of my story so far that I'm concerned I have head hopped by mistake somewhere....and his stomach tightened. Maybe you can talk about the perils of barfing out a story too fast and techniques to prevent the never-ending re-write? BTW, I've read your books and I'm surprised you're paying it forward, at least in some part. It's been exceedingly helpful. Thanks!
I was writing a novel when I was much younger, not really knowing any rules like this. I freely head-hopped around as it suited me, not realizing how bad this looked. But there was one scene in particular that I keep thinking of, where I jumped back and forth between two characters each paragraph. At the time I was very proud of that scene; it clearly showed how each character misinterpreted the other. But today I keep wondering how well that scene actually came out; I want to re-read it now that I know better, but I'm also very afraid to do so.
I try to limit it in scenes, but sometimes it is useful to have multiple POVs playing out in a dialogue, (through tag lines), especially at a key transition point in the story, such as when the characters meet for the first time and are taking the measure of each other. Another place where it can work effectively is in an emotional scene between two characters when both are awash in feelings. Otherwise, I try to keep head hopping restricted to individual chapters.
I've got a section in my story where I need to do some head-hopping, but I'm really struggling how to make it work without destroying the narrative. It's several chapters in, and I've always kept the story in the head of one character per scene, although usually relying more on external descriptions than internal thoughts/observations. In this one scene, I need to keep it from the POV of the main character, as there are sections where she has minor flashbacks to earlier events. I also need to end the scene from her POV because her recall a specific event in the last lines of the scene is a segue into the next scene which goes back in time to describe that scene in full (which was previously given only a short synopsis.) But about 3/4 through the scene I need to be in the head of the man she is talking to. He has a brief internal debate about how he needs to treat the MC. I can't describe this from the MC's POV because she is too emotionally distraught to notice any details of the man having an internal conflict. I currently try to "fade" the head-hopping by breaking it between paragraphs that are generic without any distinct POV. But this still may betray the trust of the reader because there is an assumption of voice. For a reason I can't put my finger on, I feel like I make the first head-hop a little more gradual because the section leads with "Brandis stared at the child for a moment," which seems to help make the transition softer somehow. But the transition back to the MC's POV is still jarring, and I can't figure out what I need to make the transition something that the reader will follow.
Yeah, it happens a lot if I'm writing a story with a bigger cast of characters, mutliple rewrites and more than two POVs. It's mostly minor mistakes, luckily, and I normally catch them when I'm revising.
Great video as always. Covered all of my questions related to head hopping. I am enjoying Bad Parts and will leave a review when I am done. Another potential video topic. I just watched one of your old videos regarding mood and emotion and thought about how you could do a video that focuses more on how to effectively make the reader emotional. I thought that your first chapter of Bad Parts does a good job at eliciting emotions from the reader. Mac's thoughts regarding his regrets and unfulfilled desires in life made me feel a pull of emotion. In a video on emotion, maybe you could go through some effective things or techniques that work for you. For example I read once that pets like dogs and cats in stories can make readers connect and feel something. I wonder if you could come up with other good examples of things that people have attachments to in real life. Thank you!
Thrilled to hear you're enjoying BP! I'll think about doing another emotion video. It sounds like you want some practical tips for manipulating the reader emotionally (I don't mean "manipulating" in a bad way--that's what fiction writers are supposed to do). Let me know if there is anything else specific you'd like to see in that video.
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty Makes sense thanks for the clarification about manipulating. For the video I think it may be hard to select certain passages that elicit emotion from us TH-cam viewers because I find that manipulating a reader’s emotions is a broader effort. For example I recently read Tom Godwin’s short story “The Cold Equations,” and the tears came towards the end of the story when the build up finally surprises you. However, in a potential video you could cover an example that follows the careful construction of an emotional payoff by selecting key passages that build off one another? Just an idea. I found the example that you used in one of your “How to do Backstory” videos to be emotional. The example where the construction manager thinks about home and how he can’t stop construction. I think that sample is a good piece of writing to use in an emotion video. I have been putting dogs and cats into my stories which seems to make people sad/happy but what other animals or objects or concepts make people feel something? One thing I specifically would be curious about is how does a writer make an unusual/odd/unconventional narrator likable? In the video maybe you can talk about how readers can become connected to narrators that are opposites. The reason why I think an emotion video would be good is because I’ve been reading a lot of short stories in literary magazines lately. Many of these stories are detailed and well written but lack a strong emotional component. I am intrigued by all the settings and different story elements that these authors are good at writing but I am rarely emotionally moved. Sorry that is a lot, but I thought I might brainstorm some ideas for the video. I can elaborate on the stuff I said more if you have questions.
I wasn't aware there was a term for that. Probably because I write mostly for visual media such as graphic novel / games. Do you think it's also an issue in these media ? On graphic novels, even if you follow a MC, you can have thought bubbles for other characters. But it's not confusing. For games it dépends what rules you'll use for your dialog boxes.
With visual mediums, it jumps out more, so you're more likely to correct it. Also, internal thoughts/narration are less common in graphic novels and games.
Right now I'm writing a fantasy story where I hop between the heads of the two main characters. The way I'm doing it is in theory simple to catch onto. Character A felt like this. "This is Character A talking to Character B." Character A said with this tone of voice, feeling this from what he said. "Of course, this is just an example, so I'm not writing full paragraphs." Character A clarified. Character A saw how Character B reacted. Character B felt like this, which reflected on his action. "I hope the idea goes through from just two paragraphs." Character B agreed. Although he couldn't help but to wonder if it was enough.
I can honestly say I've never slipped into this. I do have a character who can read any thought anyone has, but I have no intention as of yet to make this a POV character. Knowing all she knows because of her ability would probably be even harder than pure omniscient, cause it would be 1st person. I have entertained the possibility of doing interludes in 2nd person, I wonder what you think of that? I've never read a book that used 2nd person much, probably because it's bloody hard!
For the most part, I stick to one POV, the dominate POV, for a scene. Not always the MC's POV, often the character who either has the most at stake in the scene, or has the most awareness of the situation. I have on occasion inadvertently head-hopped, usually because the scene called for it. It's so easy when you're already in the flow. Making the choice of, "do I split the scene and fill in the blanks on both sides, or do I cut one and write in the missing part of the other," is tough. When I do keep a head-hop, what I do to accommodate it, is I add a gap with a centered marker like... ~ * ~ This way the reader unconsciously knows that something has happened, and gives them a moment to naturally reset. I also like to make use of POV for info-dump purposes. Sometimes the MC doesn't have the necessary lore to give a full picture of what they're getting into. Or in the case of one of my characters, she's a genetically modified sub-species of human, which has developed their own culture by necessity; so from her perspective, she's normal, but from a main-species upper-class housewife's perspective, she's a far cry from.
I didn't know it was head-hopping but I do it a lot in the first half of my story, Kid Trauma, because what Sam Feifer doesn't know is that he _is_ telepathic.
In my writng ive found head hopping at the end of a chapter after a dramatic monent. Such as someone who saw the character whose head we were currently in die or we think they did
I heard great things about "Cry, the Beloved Country," so I read it. Several passages were so thin on dialogue tags, I could not tell who was saying what. Often, statements seemed out of place, entirely disjointed from what came before and what came after. I decided I would not write that way at all. There are times when head hopping seems important, if body language, ticks, and tells cannot convey an important detail. Yet, I do not think it is necessarily wrong (as some say), so long as the writer makes the hop clear. Paragraph breaks, italic text, even tags. Yada-yada, she thought. If a writer can create a planet, vehicle to get there, talking animals, dancing teapots, the only reason head-hopping can be bad is if the hops are unclear. imho
I think the Death Note anime uses head hopping flawlessly. The show is after all, when you break it down to the core, a deadly mental game of cat and mouse between two literal geniuses. The audience is almost REQUIRED to know what the two main characters are thinking and feeling in every scene.
Oh. OK. One can use Head Hopping when it’s an Omniscient POV, like in the TV show “Desperate Housewives”. The narrator was the ghost of the dead housewife from the first episode.
I am wanting to write a journal entry story of a group of friends surviving an attack of a monster. I've written one person's story but I do not want to write out 4 more of the same story with different opinions. Would it be best if I interjected chapters with the others entrees with cut downs? Or would it be best to keep the one and then let another friend take on the next story of them slowly turning into monsters?
my book HAS to have head hopping because there are two protagonists who keep having conflicts internally and externally while also taking in what's happening to them
Most American authors say never head hop. Yet I read many British mystery authors who do so frequently in their stories. However, the tale is told from third person omniscient POV, so there is an expectation that not only one POV can potentially be explored in a scene-if it’s clear whose head we’re in. But I definitely agree that it should not be used in the first person POV (with the exception of an unreliable narrator going crazy, but it should be established fairly soon that this is the case).
I quickly clicked on this when it showed up in my YT feed. I’m working on a five book series with five main, equally-important characters. And agents, beta readers, etc, keep telling me Don’t use 3rd person omniscient. Only have one main character. Don’t head hop. Separate POV via chapters or separate sections if you’re not going to listen. And on and on. I relented and retorted the first book and I did that… mostly. (Separated by chapter/section… MOSTLY.) But I did not and will not do that for books 2-5. it hamstrings me and keeps me from telling the story how I need to tell it. I need to head hop. Especially with some action-packed scenes I have in the subsequent 4 books (there was a limited reason it worked for the first book). Any thoughts or advice? (And like you said a paid beta reader who is also an author told me that you just CAN’T do 3rd person omniscient unless you master it but I have re-re-re-re-read all my books, edited many times, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job of it.)
yes I will intentionally use head hopping, the main character is a telepath, and he know everthing. No seriously I need to edit my writing now, thanks for the video.
What about, talking bout a non pov character thoughts without seeming like ur in their head and without using weak words like: probably, maybe, possibly, seems? •Need more vids on discussing events in a story without a POV character being there, too
Body language is your best bet. The Jack example shows how you can use visual cues to signal that sort of thing. Treat your non-POV characters like opponents at a poker table. I could do a video on body language one of these days if you're interested.
So I've just recently been told that my project has a lot of head hopping in it, and that its more or less a bad thing. I've tried to take the omniscient narrator approach without any previous experience doing so, but I don't know what to do from here. If I change to a first or third person limited, then I have to cut a huge chunk of the book, and change several other parts. I'd be practically writing the entire thing over from scratch, and that’s a lot of time wasted
Can someone answer this for me please. Example, I have a character walk into a bar, he sees people drinking etc etc, purely from his POV. Then a few paragraphs, explaining the bar, probably telling instead of showing. Then it hops into the POV of the bartender who is watching the man who just entered. Is that an acceptable usage of head hopping?
How is a character noticing the actions or emotions of someone considered head hopping? In your example, the character simply noticed his friend was nervous, but the story did not switch to the friend’s 1st person pov. Can you explain further?
i actually enjoy not doing head hopping especially in horror as it makes you wonder what's going on. i don't want to read it was staring at me like baked beans in a full British meal. i want to read it stood lurking in the shadow barely visible, or was it my imagination running wild?
No, I don't think I unintentionally head hop. But, I am planning on writing a third person omniscient POV story with a first person POV narrator character! That's the plan, at least.
I like the first bad example, but not as an example of what not to do. I think it's great -- as long as you clearly establish the narrator's basis for attributing the thought to the QB. It works as an illustration, because it's so clear that the narrator is not relating what he observed at the time. But that's precisely what makes it available as something _else_ that the narrator says. Is he cynical about society, having bought the idea that divorce is rampant, and the marriages that do last only do so because people feel trapped in them? (Maybe his character arc will involve overcoming that cynicism.) If so, why? Did someone dupe him into this belief about society? (Maybe he'll extricate himself from that unhealthy relationship, or maybe he'll learn a new way of relating to the person without believing everything they say.) Or is he insecure about his own marriage, and projecting that onto the QB? Maybe he's just casually snarky about people. Maybe he's dealing with the trauma of his parents' bitter divorce. A writing teacher could use the example as the prompt for an assignment.
I hope I don't head-hop unintentionally, because I hate those "what [whoever] didn't know was..."Drives me mad🤬. I did however, use it deliberately in a short story I wrote about a dementia patient and their caregiver. I was trying to evoke the confusion in their mind.
I have never faced this problem in my life. Do you know why? Because I never wrote in the first person. I absolutely HATE first-person narrative because it assumes that the character lived through his story and wrote it down sometime later. But at the same time, most of these stories end like this: "And then I died." Either the character became unable to think, write, was left alone in the void, etc. That is, he could not write down his history. And even if he could, he would have done it completely another way. Suppose a person experienced some nightmarish or tragic event, he would start the story close to the very essence, there would not be these stupid idiotic details, how he woke up in the morning, what slippers he wore, how he fried eggs, whom he called. Have you seen interviews with people who survived a fire or a shark attack? They start right at the core. The first person is a huge HUGE mistake of all world literature. It should not be used at all, except in the most exceptional and justified cases. The author must be the author, his place in the book is always to be a narrator, an omniscient voice.
Really? Using Stephen King as an example of _good_ writing is like pointing out that Hitler was nice to kids. The example wasn't even to that level though. That was some of the worst writing I have had the misfortune of being subjected to in a long time. Cramming an hour's worth of actions into a few paragraphs is something a grade-schooler does. Or Stephen King. But I repeat myself.
One possible way of head-hopping is if a character or characters have the ability to read the minds of other characters, which would be another example of Omniscient POV which would not be necessarily limited to the third person. Certainly, if such a world existed, Trump would find it difficult to live there as he only knows to lie as a way of life. Maybe there is a novel there. But then he would sue the author out of spite even if he knew he would lose the case. He would lose because everyone knows he constantly lies even without the ability to read his mind. What a horrible thought, reading his mind. It doesn't bear thinking!
I love George RR Martin’s strict technique of utilizing one character’s POV per chapter, makes the story feel more immersive and is a great tool to keep the reader turning pages
Totally agree. I love when it's clearly defined from the start whose POV we're getting
This was something I loved about Gibson’s Count Zero. 3 different stories from the perspective of 3 different characters all kind of come together and intermingle in these really cool unexpected ways. I’d really recommend reading the Sprawl trilogy, so damn good!
I'm much better about head hopping now, though while making the newbie writer mistakes, I accidentally noticed that head hopping is good drafting tool to an extent.
I tend to be drawn to multi POV stories. Sometimes, I'm unsure which POV would be best for the scene. Doing the first draft of the scene with unashamed head hopping allows me note down fast what each character is feeling. Later, when I have decided which POV I want to use, I can take the time and decide which nonPOV emotions stay hidden, which I want to convey through action etc.
That's GREAT point. As long as you recognize head-hopping and keep it out of your final drafts, it can be a useful tool to use while finding the story
First, congratulations on hitting number one! That's huge.
As for head hopping, I think this is where excessive reading has given me an advantage. Everytime I have seen it in books that aren't an omniscient narrator, it pulls me out of the story. I've DNFd books that did it consistently.
As a result, I'm lucky enough to say I never have. Not because "I just know" but because it annoys me so much. Lol
Thanks! And HH always throws me off when I do beta-reading for other writers. Creeps into a ton of raw drafts
Switching to the father's POV after the phone is handed to him is a lot like how they edit film. Very natural way to cut to the reverse angle. I never noticed it before. I'm excited to try to utilize that little move. I know in 'Consider This' Chuck says to cut your fiction like they cut movies and television. It's good advice!
Great example of how film influences printed writing in a good way
I’m comin back for you Brandon! Subscriber here. Ok so after a lot of research, I’ve discovered that what I’m doing is just cinematic POV, and doesn’t count as headhopping as I don’t actually go into the head of the other POV. I think your viewers desperately need this clarification/video topic
Very good point!
I had no idea what head hopping was at first. Thanks for explaining it thoroughly.
I assumed when I saw the title, that it was about stories that forgot about their characters and don't mention them again until the end, I hate when writers do that, lol. By the time they reappear, I'm like "who?".
Hahaha I just got roasted by one of my beta-readers for doing what you described. That's how I know I need to cut and combine some characters. Thanks for watching!
Thanks for explaining when head-hopping is valid. I'm learning to write, and Omniscient POV is my natural style, but I get so many people throwing up their hands and telling me not to head-hop. Your explanation has given me more confidence to take critique with a pinch of salt.
This is an area I'm actually really good--I think! Dune drove me crazy at first with the headhopping, but once I got used to it, it was just a different style. But I like to write 3rd person limited, so NO headhopping, and in fact, you can get really creative with which POV you choose for which scene to reveal the right information in the right way to build tension and suspense. Sometimes, I write a scene, and then later end up changing the POV because of how it flows through the story.
Thanks! Keep on writing!
Just got my manuscript back from the line editor. There were a few instances of head hopping. I see clearly how this happened and will fix them. Thanks.
Thanks so much for going into POV changes in Omniscient POV. Most people only seem to discuss 3rd Person Limited. Thanks!
No problem!
I never read t"Dune", but what I got from the audible book, strucked me as head hopping, from time to time. But the author deos it so well, and we really switch the POV, so we got this multiview of different interests and motivations, that the politics and all that happens feel entangled in each other, we got a real grasp of the influence of each character to the main-plot and he managed to make it even better while he switches back an forth.
Do you ever unintentionally use head-hopping in your writing? Let us know!
i dont think i can do that with a comic lmao. unless you count exxadurated expressions
It could potentially happen if your comic has a narrator
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty i guess so, it would be offputting to have a narrator in my style of comic lol
There was a lot of this in the first Dune book.
Been ages since I read it, but that sounds right
Possibly the first writing advice video I've seen on omniscience that doesn't reference Dune. [Refreshing.]
[Sorry if I leave inane comments on your videos. I like them and want to promote them with the algorithm, but it's often late and I've run out of pithy for the day.]
I read an example of head hopping that was brilliant. The writer talked about hearing a scream in a grocery store, going to investigate, and seeing a woman talking loudly on a cell phone. He went on to describe her physical appearance and began to include details that only the woman herself could know. He posed the question, how could he know all this. He knew because she was shouting the details in public into the cell phone.
I use it sometimes. Big battles, when I want to show the reader POVs from characters we've never seen before and I'll headhop between a number of them, and during intimate scenes so the reader can get both sides.
In my point of view, Agatha Christie was the best when it came to head hopping. In some of her novels, each of the potential murderers from those stories get their own little chapter or their own scene. So, often, even before the murder happens, you get to learn about the characters' life and psychology. It makes her stories quite immersive because then, you, as the reader, get a fairer chance to try and find the murderer by yourself. One example is "Death on the Nile" or "The Mystery of the Blue Train".
I just have to be pedantic here. "Death on the Nile" and "The Mystery of the Blue Train" are two examples, not one. LOL
I really appreciate your approach to this. I have been, as respectfully as I can, balking at the prescription that head-hopping is a cardinal sin. To be fair, when it's done poorly it can truly ruin otherwise good writing, but it is a mistake to categorically dismiss it when it can be used well. That is what you've done here, shown us how to do it right when just about anyone else would tell us it's flat out wrong. Thank you for that.
I never can hold myself when Boromir dies. Always in tears.
Thank you!
I really didn't notice the headhopping in the Salem's Lot example tho. Instead, it looks as if the perspective character (in each paragraph) is the only one with internal feelings while the the other (non-perspective characters) are being observed and explained by the narrator, neutrally.
This is good stuff and I love this topic.
Thanks! In the example, the parts I highlighted in green were characters' internal thoughts/feelings/sensations. Since the perspective jumps between three difference characters within a single scene, that fits the definition of head-hopping
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty I see. Its the fact that they all occur within one scene. I had viwed the different paragraphs as being multiple scenes.
Thanks for clearing that up.
No problem. I'd consider "The search for the boys" to be a single scene, although I can see why you might view each paragraph as its own scene in terms of goal-conflict-disaster.
I just ordered Entry Wounds on paperpack. Looking forward to reading! :D
Thank you so much! Hope you love it. Please leave a brief Amazon review when you finsh--reviews are a huge help
You're amazing dude. Thank you
Thanks for watching!
Oh good thing I never thought about doing this lol. I am doing character swaps on chapter changes,
Bad Parts sounds awesome 😁
Yes, congrats! And thanks for this video, it arrived at the perfect time as my book club was getting ready to discuss Salem's Lot where your "good head hopping" sample derived. =D
Awesome. How did your book club like Salem’s Lot?
One of my favorite things to do in writing is to have a couple points of view that I change between in different scenes/chapters and then make them all somewhat unreliable narrators.
I really love drafting with head hopping then slowly pairing down the other heads to gather what the POV character DOESN’T know and misinterprets/assumes. Sometimes I actually like “head hopping” in the sense that the characters assume what the others are thinking. It’s not usually (at least completely) accurate.
I think this makes head hopping one of the few writing problems I don’t struggle with, simply because POV is such an important part of everything that I write that I’m always aware of it. Now if only I could be that good about everything else!
Ready? I've written SO much of my story so far that I'm concerned I have head hopped by mistake somewhere....and his stomach tightened. Maybe you can talk about the perils of barfing out a story too fast and techniques to prevent the never-ending re-write?
BTW, I've read your books and I'm surprised you're paying it forward, at least in some part. It's been exceedingly helpful. Thanks!
I was writing a novel when I was much younger, not really knowing any rules like this. I freely head-hopped around as it suited me, not realizing how bad this looked.
But there was one scene in particular that I keep thinking of, where I jumped back and forth between two characters each paragraph. At the time I was very proud of that scene; it clearly showed how each character misinterpreted the other. But today I keep wondering how well that scene actually came out; I want to re-read it now that I know better, but I'm also very afraid to do so.
I try to limit it in scenes, but sometimes it is useful to have multiple POVs playing out in a dialogue, (through tag lines), especially at a key transition point in the story, such as when the characters meet for the first time and are taking the measure of each other. Another place where it can work effectively is in an emotional scene between two characters when both are awash in feelings. Otherwise, I try to keep head hopping restricted to individual chapters.
I've got a section in my story where I need to do some head-hopping, but I'm really struggling how to make it work without destroying the narrative.
It's several chapters in, and I've always kept the story in the head of one character per scene, although usually relying more on external descriptions than internal thoughts/observations. In this one scene, I need to keep it from the POV of the main character, as there are sections where she has minor flashbacks to earlier events. I also need to end the scene from her POV because her recall a specific event in the last lines of the scene is a segue into the next scene which goes back in time to describe that scene in full (which was previously given only a short synopsis.) But about 3/4 through the scene I need to be in the head of the man she is talking to. He has a brief internal debate about how he needs to treat the MC. I can't describe this from the MC's POV because she is too emotionally distraught to notice any details of the man having an internal conflict.
I currently try to "fade" the head-hopping by breaking it between paragraphs that are generic without any distinct POV. But this still may betray the trust of the reader because there is an assumption of voice. For a reason I can't put my finger on, I feel like I make the first head-hop a little more gradual because the section leads with "Brandis stared at the child for a moment," which seems to help make the transition softer somehow. But the transition back to the MC's POV is still jarring, and I can't figure out what I need to make the transition something that the reader will follow.
Yeah, it happens a lot if I'm writing a story with a bigger cast of characters, mutliple rewrites and more than two POVs. It's mostly minor mistakes, luckily, and I normally catch them when I'm revising.
Great video as always. Covered all of my questions related to head hopping. I am enjoying Bad Parts and will leave a review when I am done.
Another potential video topic. I just watched one of your old videos regarding mood and emotion and thought about how you could do a video that focuses more on how to effectively make the reader emotional. I thought that your first chapter of Bad Parts does a good job at eliciting emotions from the reader. Mac's thoughts regarding his regrets and unfulfilled desires in life made me feel a pull of emotion. In a video on emotion, maybe you could go through some effective things or techniques that work for you. For example I read once that pets like dogs and cats in stories can make readers connect and feel something. I wonder if you could come up with other good examples of things that people have attachments to in real life.
Thank you!
Thrilled to hear you're enjoying BP!
I'll think about doing another emotion video. It sounds like you want some practical tips for manipulating the reader emotionally (I don't mean "manipulating" in a bad way--that's what fiction writers are supposed to do). Let me know if there is anything else specific you'd like to see in that video.
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty Makes sense thanks for the clarification about manipulating. For the video I think it may be hard to select certain passages that elicit emotion from us TH-cam viewers because I find that manipulating a reader’s emotions is a broader effort. For example I recently read Tom Godwin’s short story “The Cold Equations,” and the tears came towards the end of the story when the build up finally surprises you. However, in a potential video you could cover an example that follows the careful construction of an emotional payoff by selecting key passages that build off one another? Just an idea. I found the example that you used in one of your “How to do Backstory” videos to be emotional. The example where the construction manager thinks about home and how he can’t stop construction. I think that sample is a good piece of writing to use in an emotion video. I have been putting dogs and cats into my stories which seems to make people sad/happy but what other animals or objects or concepts make people feel something? One thing I specifically would be curious about is how does a writer make an unusual/odd/unconventional narrator likable? In the video maybe you can talk about how readers can become connected to narrators that are opposites.
The reason why I think an emotion video would be good is because I’ve been reading a lot of short stories in literary magazines lately. Many of these stories are detailed and well written but lack a strong emotional component. I am intrigued by all the settings and different story elements that these authors are good at writing but I am rarely emotionally moved.
Sorry that is a lot, but I thought I might brainstorm some ideas for the video. I can elaborate on the stuff I said more if you have questions.
@@aidanalberts4554 Thanks for all this! Cleared up for what you meant
I wasn't aware there was a term for that. Probably because I write mostly for visual media such as graphic novel / games. Do you think it's also an issue in these media ? On graphic novels, even if you follow a MC, you can have thought bubbles for other characters. But it's not confusing. For games it dépends what rules you'll use for your dialog boxes.
With visual mediums, it jumps out more, so you're more likely to correct it.
Also, internal thoughts/narration are less common in graphic novels and games.
Right now I'm writing a fantasy story where I hop between the heads of the two main characters. The way I'm doing it is in theory simple to catch onto.
Character A felt like this.
"This is Character A talking to Character B." Character A said with this tone of voice, feeling this from what he said.
"Of course, this is just an example, so I'm not writing full paragraphs." Character A clarified. Character A saw how Character B reacted.
Character B felt like this, which reflected on his action.
"I hope the idea goes through from just two paragraphs." Character B agreed. Although he couldn't help but to wonder if it was enough.
Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good handle on it
Yes and it makes for a week scene. Looking at setting up separate chapters with title of ech person whose point of view the chapter will be from
Best of luck!
I can honestly say I've never slipped into this. I do have a character who can read any thought anyone has, but I have no intention as of yet to make this a POV character. Knowing all she knows because of her ability would probably be even harder than pure omniscient, cause it would be 1st person.
I have entertained the possibility of doing interludes in 2nd person, I wonder what you think of that? I've never read a book that used 2nd person much, probably because it's bloody hard!
For the most part, I stick to one POV, the dominate POV, for a scene. Not always the MC's POV, often the character who either has the most at stake in the scene, or has the most awareness of the situation.
I have on occasion inadvertently head-hopped, usually because the scene called for it. It's so easy when you're already in the flow. Making the choice of, "do I split the scene and fill in the blanks on both sides, or do I cut one and write in the missing part of the other," is tough. When I do keep a head-hop, what I do to accommodate it, is I add a gap with a centered marker like...
~ * ~
This way the reader unconsciously knows that something has happened, and gives them a moment to naturally reset.
I also like to make use of POV for info-dump purposes. Sometimes the MC doesn't have the necessary lore to give a full picture of what they're getting into. Or in the case of one of my characters, she's a genetically modified sub-species of human, which has developed their own culture by necessity; so from her perspective, she's normal, but from a main-species upper-class housewife's perspective, she's a far cry from.
Bruh the Patrick Mahomes wondering if his wife still loved him killed me. Lol
I didn't know it was head-hopping but I do it a lot in the first half of my story, Kid Trauma, because what Sam Feifer doesn't know is that he _is_ telepathic.
In my writng ive found head hopping at the end of a chapter after a dramatic monent. Such as someone who saw the character whose head we were currently in die or we think they did
I heard great things about "Cry, the Beloved Country," so I read it. Several passages were so thin on dialogue tags, I could not tell who was saying what. Often, statements seemed out of place, entirely disjointed from what came before and what came after. I decided I would not write that way at all. There are times when head hopping seems important, if body language, ticks, and tells cannot convey an important detail. Yet, I do not think it is necessarily wrong (as some say), so long as the writer makes the hop clear. Paragraph breaks, italic text, even tags. Yada-yada, she thought. If a writer can create a planet, vehicle to get there, talking animals, dancing teapots, the only reason head-hopping can be bad is if the hops are unclear. imho
Best head hopping I've seen was in Larry McMurtrys lonesome dove
Dune is another book which does head hopping really well.
I listened to the audiobook a decade ago. Really need to sit down with that actually text of that one someday.
I think the Death Note anime uses head hopping flawlessly. The show is after all, when you break it down to the core, a deadly mental game of cat and mouse between two literal geniuses. The audience is almost REQUIRED to know what the two main characters are thinking and feeling in every scene.
Oh. OK. One can use Head Hopping when it’s an Omniscient POV, like in the TV show “Desperate Housewives”. The narrator was the ghost of the dead housewife from the first episode.
I am wanting to write a journal entry story of a group of friends surviving an attack of a monster. I've written one person's story but I do not want to write out 4 more of the same story with different opinions. Would it be best if I interjected chapters with the others entrees with cut downs?
Or would it be best to keep the one and then let another friend take on the next story of them slowly turning into monsters?
In Joe Abercrombie's books he head hops from POV to POV he does paragraph breaks though it's close third
my book HAS to have head hopping because there are two protagonists who keep having conflicts internally and externally while also taking in what's happening to them
Most American authors say never head hop. Yet I read many British mystery authors who do so frequently in their stories. However, the tale is told from third person omniscient POV, so there is an expectation that not only one POV can potentially be explored in a scene-if it’s clear whose head we’re in. But I definitely agree that it should not be used in the first person POV (with the exception of an unreliable narrator going crazy, but it should be established fairly soon that this is the case).
I quickly clicked on this when it showed up in my YT feed. I’m working on a five book series with five main, equally-important characters. And agents, beta readers, etc, keep telling me Don’t use 3rd person omniscient. Only have one main character. Don’t head hop. Separate POV via chapters or separate sections if you’re not going to listen. And on and on. I relented and retorted the first book and I did that… mostly. (Separated by chapter/section… MOSTLY.) But I did not and will not do that for books 2-5. it hamstrings me and keeps me from telling the story how I need to tell it. I need to head hop. Especially with some action-packed scenes I have in the subsequent 4 books (there was a limited reason it worked for the first book). Any thoughts or advice? (And like you said a paid beta reader who is also an author told me that you just CAN’T do 3rd person omniscient unless you master it but I have re-re-re-re-read all my books, edited many times, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job of it.)
yes I will intentionally use head hopping, the main character is a telepath, and he know everthing. No seriously I need to edit my writing now, thanks for the video.
I guess I do a bit of head-hopping, of sorts, in my stories. But the main character is an empath, so it's kind of required.
What about, talking bout a non pov character thoughts without seeming like ur in their head and without using weak words like: probably, maybe, possibly, seems?
•Need more vids on discussing events in a story without a POV character being there, too
Body language is your best bet. The Jack example shows how you can use visual cues to signal that sort of thing. Treat your non-POV characters like opponents at a poker table.
I could do a video on body language one of these days if you're interested.
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty I would be very interested, thank you
So if its after a paragraph break in third person limited, its not head hopping??
So I've just recently been told that my project has a lot of head hopping in it, and that its more or less a bad thing. I've tried to take the omniscient narrator approach without any previous experience doing so, but I don't know what to do from here. If I change to a first or third person limited, then I have to cut a huge chunk of the book, and change several other parts. I'd be practically writing the entire thing over from scratch, and that’s a lot of time wasted
Can someone answer this for me please.
Example, I have a character walk into a bar, he sees people drinking etc etc, purely from his POV. Then a few paragraphs, explaining the bar, probably telling instead of showing. Then it hops into the POV of the bartender who is watching the man who just entered. Is that an acceptable usage of head hopping?
How is a character noticing the actions or emotions of someone considered head hopping? In your example, the character simply noticed his friend was nervous, but the story did not switch to the friend’s 1st person pov. Can you explain further?
i actually enjoy not doing head hopping especially in horror as it makes you wonder what's going on.
i don't want to read it was staring at me like baked beans in a full British meal. i want to read it stood lurking in the shadow barely visible, or was it my imagination running wild?
Yeah, limiting to a single perspective can build a strong sense of dread/tension
No, I don't think I unintentionally head hop.
But, I am planning on writing a third person omniscient POV story with a first person POV narrator character! That's the plan, at least.
I like the first bad example, but not as an example of what not to do. I think it's great -- as long as you clearly establish the narrator's basis for attributing the thought to the QB. It works as an illustration, because it's so clear that the narrator is not relating what he observed at the time. But that's precisely what makes it available as something _else_ that the narrator says. Is he cynical about society, having bought the idea that divorce is rampant, and the marriages that do last only do so because people feel trapped in them? (Maybe his character arc will involve overcoming that cynicism.) If so, why? Did someone dupe him into this belief about society? (Maybe he'll extricate himself from that unhealthy relationship, or maybe he'll learn a new way of relating to the person without believing everything they say.) Or is he insecure about his own marriage, and projecting that onto the QB? Maybe he's just casually snarky about people. Maybe he's dealing with the trauma of his parents' bitter divorce.
A writing teacher could use the example as the prompt for an assignment.
"this is the only time when head-hopping is acceptable"
Counterpoint: telepaths.
I find it hard to write a chapter without switching point of view. I do it with paragraph breaks or dialogue tags.
What if I desperately need to head hop in just one small portion of a scene. Just one scene 😭
I hope I don't head-hop unintentionally, because I hate those "what [whoever] didn't know was..."Drives me mad🤬.
I did however, use it deliberately in a short story I wrote about a dementia patient and their caregiver. I was trying to evoke the confusion in their mind.
This just isn't really an issue for me. Rarely, I'll realize "Oh, wait. The POV character wouldn't know that."
You're lucky you have a good grip on it--a lot of writers don't
I have never faced this problem in my life. Do you know why? Because I never wrote in the first person. I absolutely HATE first-person narrative because it assumes that the character lived through his story and wrote it down sometime later. But at the same time, most of these stories end like this: "And then I died." Either the character became unable to think, write, was left alone in the void, etc. That is, he could not write down his history. And even if he could, he would have done it completely another way. Suppose a person experienced some nightmarish or tragic event, he would start the story close to the very essence, there would not be these stupid idiotic details, how he woke up in the morning, what slippers he wore, how he fried eggs, whom he called. Have you seen interviews with people who survived a fire or a shark attack? They start right at the core. The first person is a huge HUGE mistake of all world literature. It should not be used at all, except in the most exceptional and justified cases. The author must be the author, his place in the book is always to be a narrator, an omniscient voice.
Really? Using Stephen King as an example of _good_ writing is like pointing out that Hitler was nice to kids. The example wasn't even to that level though. That was some of the worst writing I have had the misfortune of being subjected to in a long time. Cramming an hour's worth of actions into a few paragraphs is something a grade-schooler does. Or Stephen King. But I repeat myself.
One possible way of head-hopping is if a character or characters have the ability to read the minds of other characters, which would be another example of Omniscient POV which would not be necessarily limited to the third person. Certainly, if such a world existed, Trump would find it difficult to live there as he only knows to lie as a way of life. Maybe there is a novel there. But then he would sue the author out of spite even if he knew he would lose the case. He would lose because everyone knows he constantly lies even without the ability to read his mind. What a horrible thought, reading his mind. It doesn't bear thinking!