if you take one thing away from this video, it's to not be annoying on facebook 😂 no but in all serious . . . it's scary to open up like this on the internet, however. i'm so so grateful to have such a positive and supportive space on the internet, thank you my friends 🥺💚✨
ps: this is very unrelated, but i know some of you said you'd be interested in hearing about my research project at UCL so i filmed a video all about it on ByHollyG 😉🧬 th-cam.com/video/s8ZUm3BRp10/w-d-xo.html
I was afraid of intimacy and broken heart before as well. However, when you meet someone who is interested in sharing his life with you and listening to you, you will find it natural to share your thoughts and daily life with him. And when you like him enough, you will just want to be official with him and be in a relationship with him. So, no need to worry about it Holly :) But most importantly, you are lovable for sure! You are unique and I bet you have so many good qualities! I struggle with self-love too and am still struggling with it but I now always remind myself that I am lovable :)
for some people but not everyone, I don't want to 'share my daily life ' with anyone ever, yes I might like to date someone but only if I didn't have to see them everyday, as I like my independence and being alone to do my own thing. I also like living alone, I don't want to ever live with someone, even people I was in love with I wouldn't to live with them. I am pretty introverted, anti social, quite person, that likes being alone most of the time (apart from my 5 cats ahah)
I relate so much with the “no one can/will love me” like there’s this voice in my head that’s saying “no one can truly choose you”. And it’s such a bad thing to say to yourself, but I it gets better with working on self love and recognizing the good things in yourself. Thanks for this talks Holly 💖
i feel the same way, and even though i really have been working on myself, i still can't shift these thoughts 😔 but as you said, it all takes time ✨ thank you valentina 💚
It's so importent to work on loving yourself before a relationship.. There are bad people out there how will use you, when you don't stand up for yourself. 😔
i felt like this too but now im working on myself, im doing workout and letting my hair grow, im feeling very handsom, maybe in months i will look at the mirror and say WOOW WHAT A HOT GUY kakkakakakaka
I can definitely relate to this. I thought about it constantly when I was a teenager (which landed me in an abusive relationship that lasted for more than two years). Nowadays it often crosses my mind (especially when I'm in a bad place emotionally) but not as frequently nor deeply as when I was younger. I've come to realize that while yes, it's extremely important to work on loving ourselves everyday, just as we are, in all our forms and expressions, other people normally don't see us or judge us as harshly as we criticize ourselves. We're our own worst judges, and I believe we should show ourselves the same kindness and compassion we feel towards someone we love. I guess it does take time and is an ongoing effort. I'd even say most people struggle with this ideas to a certain extent. But I'm sure you and Holly and everyone reading this is worthy of all the love in the world and lots of people would choose you as friends and partners. It may sound cheesy, but the most important thing is loving and accepting ourselves. It's hard, but it's a process and it does get easier! Let's not fight those feelings of being unlovable but accept them as what they are, feelings and perceptions, not a reflection of reality.
@@frizzyhairedgirl olha só uma br, pior que é vdd, eu me achava muito feio, nem pensava q alguma menina poderia querer namorar cmg, até q o fato de eu tentar falar com meninas me faz perceber q eu tenho chances tlgd kk isso é mto besta mas da pra dar um jeito
Your videos on this topic always give me so much comfort and make me almost sigh with relief that I’m not alone in feeling/thinking this way about relationships. I’m terrified and self-conscious when thinking about being intimate with guys and have therefore never been in a relationship at the age of 23, but hearing you share your own thoughts about this makes me realise that I shouldn’t be ashamed of being more on the hesitant side in regards to a relationship and when I’m ready I’ll find a guy I care about deeply. I think anyone would be lucky to have us as partners Holly and they will be someone that accepts us for us, quirkiness and all!😅 All the love to you for helping people in this area of their lives, I know it’s helped me immensely ❤️
that's literally why i film these videos! for others to not feel alone, and then i also feel less isolated when i hear you guys share your thoughts and experiences too -💚 as you said, please don't be ashamed of it and don't change yourself for anyone! just go at your own pace and we'll find our own paths in our own time 😊✨
I don’t usually comment on TH-cam videos, but I relate to your videos a lot. I am also a 23 and have never been a relationship. I see how happy my friends are in relationships and I would even consider myself a romantic person. But I find it so hard to be able to put myself out there. My idea of relationships my entire life has been you either date until you’re married or until you breakup, which is why the idea of getting into a relationship scares me. I’ve been moving away from this philosophy though these past few years by just focusing on myself and not forcing anything.
No worries Holly... Even I have been single my whole life....I m 24 .. But never felt the need to be with someone..Maybe bcoz of my introvert nature and career priorities. I used to think me being an only child is the basic reason.. But after listening to you.. I feel it can be anyone.. Lots of love ❤
I love your honest chats! I'm 21 and also have zero experience when it comes to relationships / anything sexual. Usually I'm fine with that and I know things will happen for me some day, but just last night I was in a situation again where I started feeling extremely insecure. Whenever people around me start to discuss relationships, sex and hookups I feel like I should be able to join the conversation. I always get into my head about this and convince myself that everyone thinks I'm a freak, even though so far everyone has always been super nice and supportive and understanding. Like many people I'm scared to be vulnerable and don't want to get hurt. I'm also a huge introvert and love being alone so I don't really get close with people.
I was bullied and never “popular” in school so I had the same thoughts as this, why would anyone even want to talk to me as friends or romantically sort of thing. But when I went travelling I realised I wasn’t ugly or boring like I thought and I built up confidence slowly. It mad how schools/ kids in school and cliques can impact like this. It’s totally untrue though! Trust is a thing I struggle with, having been through traumatic events too so I understand on that level too. I would say not forcing things is key but also not being afraid to talk to someone etc if you really feel a pull to do so. I’ve watched your videos for absolutely years and there’s not one boring thing about you, you’re so engaging and funny and intelligent. You got this x
this is so relatable it hurts. It's good you're sorting this things now that you're 23, I?m 30 and only now I'm starting to open up and trying to understand why I feel like nobody can love me and not someone else. I think it's a very low self esteem issue, not feeling enough :( for even the worse people lol
It takes a lot of courage to share such a personal topic, Holly! Instead of "Why me?", maybe you should think of "Why not me?". You are a lovely girl who deserves to be loved by a nice man. It will come.
I totally agree. Also, PLEASE do not say you're not good enough. If someone loves a person. he would love her because of her current character. Therefore, he knows already that this person is perfect or at least good for him. Yes things might change along the road, but this does not mean the person is not good enough. It means WE are not suitable for each other. Thanks for the great videos !
Sweetie I wasn’t in my first proper relationship until I was nearly 27! Teenage/Uni dating drama is overrated. Just focus on you and when you’re not expecting it someone fab will come into your life. The best relationships are slow burners I find. My partner is my 2nd proper boyfriend and we’re in it for the LT x
You literally just described exactly how I've always felt about relationships. I love that you dont seem bothered by being single at 23. I'm 22 and have always been single too so we're in the same boat! Thanks for sharing holly!
Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s not something I have ever seen anyone talk so openly about, and it’s exactly how I feel! Glad to know I’m not alone ❤️
This video is speaking to me. I'm 20 almost 21 and I have never really felt like I wanted to date or anything like that. I feel the same when you said "Why would someone love me". Very relatable Girl.
Yes to all the amazing podcasts out there! And Holly, can totally relate to so many parts; I’ve had HA for most of my teenage years until the age of 20. At that point I was also afraid of intimacy, but had just “re-awakened” so went on dates and met a guy who was so lovely. We kissed but then lockdown came and he ghosted, long story short, he was not the guy I hoped he was (he reappeared just this month funnily enough!). Similarly on the level of not feeling worthy I doubted myself even more and being almost 21, I seriously felt behind. BUT then I met the guy that 1+ years on is still mine, we click on too many levels. There have been many times at first where I doubted how this incredible guy could love ME of all people but he came through time and time again. Love takes trust and vulnerability… the fact you share so much of this stuff online, heck someone amazing will come your way when you least expect it! Please do not lose trust because of previous bad experiences, there are so many good people out there (very much easier said than done). As a girl who did not have faith / still struggles, the most rewarding things have come when all the cards have been laid bare.
I felt the same way Holly. What I was doing and what many people do is the relationship equivalent of ‘run before you can walk’. Try to find a good friend first and go from there. We tend to ask questions that aren’t relevant YET because we try and jump a few steps ahead. Always enjoy the process. If you don’t find it develop into a relationship you might have got yourself a new good friend. Who knows where this life will take us. It’s exciting isn’t it? I truly admire you’re courage Holly ♥️🌻☀️
For anyone that might be nervous about becoming emotionally/physically intimate with another person, the best thing you can do is get used to being intimate with yourself first. Put so much love into yourself, explore the intricacies of your own body and figure out what you enjoy, have those difficult conversations with yourself that help you figure out what your values and desires are. Having a loving relationship with yourself is the first step in to having a loving relationship with someone else. Then if you find the right person, the work you put into yourself and your bond together is so worth it :)
two minutes in and I am so proud and happy that you're being open and honest about what you're going through. Thank you for sharing Edit: Would also love a biology video on the subject!
Same feeling at the age of 22. No relationships before and fear is in deep mind. Feeling inconfident when meeting good boys, and feel confident when I do other things. I am now trying to adjust my mind. Hoping everything be better gradually.
Feeling as if I'm going around under an invisibility cloak... Described my life. I used to say my superpower was being invisible, because even at home people usually got scared if I entered a room because my footsteps are so light you don't hear me walking around. You can imagine how I was regarding social aspects of life. I think it's really precious that you're going through this right now, at a time you probably know yourself better. Going through this stuff during your teens is just adding insult to injury; your hormones are already making you hella unstable and amplifying your emotions, you don't need to deal with fear of not being romantically interesting on top of it all. Keep taking care of yourself and take your time. You're worthy of love in all of its forms and I know some rando on the internet telling you that is not at all convincing, but romantic relationships don't follow a mold. You don't need to be a certain kind of person to be "loveable" in a romantic way. There's all kinds of people with all kinds of different interests and different relationship dynamics; you'll get there when (and if) it makes sense to you.
You honestly look much younger than 23! Thanks for sharing your story I think a lot of girls would appreciate feeling heard on the internet. Eventhough I didn’t have that disorder I can definitely relate to being that tiny fish in the sea not knowing what to do because personally I’ve never had been in a relationship and I’m 16. I have had crushes though but I feel like I have external more personal reasons why I’ve chosen not to date anyone yet witch is fair and one of them is studying and getting my career on track like you said. Hope you find someone when your ready and I wish you best of luck with it And also I love your videos and how open and honest you are about. I have a bit of a fear about intimacy as well and I’m so glad you talked about this I feel like I’m so alone as well with that. Eventually I’ll probably get into a relationship but there’s a lot of fears about dating especially at a young age. In the wise words of Olivia Rodrigo It’s brutal out here
I relate so much to your fears with love. I have never been in a relationship or had my first kiss and I'm 25. I would love to have a boyfriend one day but I'm not that person who go out and search for love, I'm not that desperate haha. I'm also scared of being close to another person and I'm also someone who is too private (even with the most simple things) and I both need and enjoy being alone.
I see myself so much in this video. Lately I’ve been healing from sexual abuse, and seeing someone voice my thoughts, even if they’re for a different reason, just made me feel so much better about my journey. Thank you Holly.
Oh Holly, this was the best video ever. I was in need of this conversation. Just like you, I have never had a relationship (I'm almost 23) and I don't trust people. I also don't believe anyone will love me and am scared of breakups and everything. But I think with time we learn! And so I hope. Sending love xx
Well, I'm 21 and never had a relationship. At some point that caused me some self doubt and I was desperately trying to find someone but now I am content with how it is and I'm sure that what is meant to be is going to happen eventually. My friends and my cats are my companions and that is enough for me right now. That being said, I did have crushes in the past (and my interactions with them were very meme worthy lol), and did get my heart broken a few times by crushes and friends alike. Heartbreak hurts and is terrifying and I grew up to be very independent so intimacy is something I had to learn first. So nah, you're not weird or unworthy of love, you're perfectly human
hi holly 🤍 thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. i completely understand what you mean when you say you feel like no one will love you. it’s something that i struggle with as well. you’re such an amazing soul and what is meant for you, will find you. sending you lots of love 🤍🤍🤍
I feel like I’ve been on the exact same journey as you haha I have had health issues which has impacted my hormones so I never felt the desire for relationships until this year when I got that sorted out. And also last year I went on a solo road trip across America / started therapy and both of those things helped me grow and realize my fears of relationships, intimacy, and being vulnerable. I’ve grown a lot since then and I actually just got into a relationship and I’m seeing how it’s not as scary as I thought it was. Therapy definitely helps, especially just helping you to open up, but also it’s important to find someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe emotionally. If you don’t feel that way, or can’t see yourself feeling that way, then maybe it’s not the right person. I also met him in person through work and I agree that that’s the way to go, especially for people like us who are uncomfortable with this. I got to know him and be around him in a low key work setting before we went out and those small moments without pressure helped me feel more comfortable going out with him. I think you’re on the right path to figuring out what you want and what you need, and I promise you it gets easier and less terrifying!! Would definitely suggest therapy though to anyone else who has struggled like this! It truly has helped so much
I am also in H.A. recovery and I totally relate with no interest in relationships. Now after listening to this I'm really excited to recover and experience these new things!!! Fingers crossed🤞!
Wow Holly thank you so much for being so open about this... being 23 and having struggled with severe eating disorders since 2012 I can totally relate. I also have never been in a relationship. I date but everytime somebody comes close to me I snap and run because of the exact thing you said (being scared as hell when it comes to intimacy). I think it's really important to talk about this so thank you for this honest and amazing video! You are doing great and I am sure things will work out amazing for you. Take your time ♥️ lots of love from Germany 💓
I understand what you mean. Am currently 23 as well, never been in a relationship. My studies are my priorities and I love being single. But the things you have said, I too have thought about them. It gets scary at times but I try not to think about them too much. I would have loved to your friend back in high school or even now. You are a nice person Holly , down to earth and caring. Weirdness is part of my personality and so I hope you love and embrace that part of you. You are a great inspiration Holly and I look up to you. You are like a sister 👭🏻 figure and I relate to you in so many ways.
Thank you so much for sharing this and addressing this topic!!💜 I can relate to so many things you said in this video. I'm 22 and have also never been in a relationship and for a long time I never felt the need to be with someone :) I am so glad to hear your thoughts on this and to know that I am not alone... Lots of love
@@maneskinnnnn7190 Obviously there’s no obligation to, but people who are in committed relationships in later life are more contented and fulfilled in life than those who aren’t. Also for women especially, that maternal instinct can hit hard during your thirties. I swore I never wanted kids for years and that I had no maternal instinct and that the people who said it would come were wrong. But turns out they were right. Totally on board with the idea that we shouldn’t rush into a relationship for the sake of it though. That never ends well
@@ohwellwhateverr LOL at this whole comment, first of all that’s not true lol most married couples I know with kids are miserable, in a marriage where you are basically just friends with benefits most of the time without the benefits staying together just because society tells you that’s what we have to do, looking after a load of screaming brats, doing everything for them, no time for yourself or to focus on your goals, Being a miserable housewife. Whereas the unmarried childless people I know are the happiest, living their lives to the fullest, focusing on themselves and their goals having romantic relationships not long term ones where you just stay together cos you have kids and there is barely even an attraction anymore. Humans aren’t biologically made to mate for life. And lol no, I’m in my 30s and I don’t want kids, I have no desire to spend my life looking after some screaming brats just cos society tells me to. I prefer to live my life to the fullest, not spend it as a miserable housewife.
I’m a super quiet person and don’t have a whole lot of friends but I somehow manage to have a boyfriend for 4 years and I have a lot I could say. In a relationship your always growing closer together and it’s not an instant trust. Even now me and my partner are still growing more comfortable and sharer more and more vulnerable stuff and I think that will continue for a long time. If you find someone who is confident they can help guide you through any fears and insecurities and if you find someone who’s also nervous then you can both learn together. There’s really no loser. I would never go out looking for a relationship but instead invest time in things you enjoy and look for finding like minded people and then it just happens. You should be so happy though it’s amazing you’ve made it to this point and its only going to get better. Just remember that you will believe that everyone around you deserves love and the same should go for you. well done on your bravery!
Aahh I just loved this video. Thank you thank you for sharing so much!! I really related with the last thing you said that you just cannot believe that someone will love you and choose you. I have been single for 20 years now and I just can't ever think that a person would choose to spend a lot of time with me. This also has an effect on my friendships as well where I most of the time feel that people invite me to things just because they think they have to and not because they want to. I know/hope that that's not true but I still can't get it out of my head. Thanks for sharing and making us feel "normal"!!
I relate to you so much Holly. I feel like someone just spoke my mind. 🥺 There's just so much emotions bottled up inside of me and the very thoughts of sharing those with someone scares me so much. I'm 23 and all of my cousins, siblings, and some friends who are younger than me are engaged already or in a relationship. I feel like I need to catch up with them or I'm lagging behind in this field, I'm Wasting my Youth. All this thoughts exhaust me.
you don't have to ever get married or be in a relationship. and spending your youth in relationships with men who just hurt you and break your heart IS wasting your youth.
ahh no no no!!! please don't feel behind or anything like that! you need to be happy with where you are right now and follow your own 'journey' . . . as cheesy as that sounds! i'm really happy with where i am right now, as i said, and i want you to feel the same! just enjoy life and be yourself 💚✨ it's easier said than done, i know all too well, but trust me everything will be ok!
I definitely feel the same imposters syndrome (i think) of feeling like you’re not worthy of someone’s love if that makes sense ... like I don’t like let myself feel something easily for someone cause I get scared of being let down and I always feel like I’m punching (both personality and looks). Thank you for sharing this Holly i think I speak for a lot of people when I say this is so relatable and raw abs will help so many young and older people 😌
You don't always need dating apps. Joining chat forums and chatting with others on a topic you love can lead to a friendship or more. At least on a forum or a chat room you are sharing your similar interests with others who are passionate about the same thing.
I'm in a very similar situation as a boy and same age, never cared for a realationship and didn't notice girls before now, mostly because I didn't have time. I guess this is as good of a place to ask as any, what should I do? Should I try to pursue it or should I just wait until some girls is interesting in me? I am totally clueless...
20, never had a proper relationship, had some dates and flings but otherwise nothing and still working on self love and finally enjoying being single, thank you for this video❤️ Also ps: what are those podcasts you mentioned listening to? (Edit)
This is such an important video, I'm glad you felt comfortable to have this talk. On a different note, you were in the same show as Tom Holland :o nuts
I really feel you. I am so similar to you. I have never communicated with opposite-sex guys and never have an opposite-sex friend neither. I am now lusting for a loving relationship, but it's so hard for me to find one that has a similar worldview as what I have. Similarly, I do not know how to deal with and make friends with others. I am not confident enough... I do not believe the mouth of those men. I am afraid of being betrayed by those guys. You know some stories I have heard from are miserable for me. Loving is so hard, how can we believe others love us as we love him?
Holly, I never thought I'd see the day I'd be in a relationship in my 20s I was having fun and living my life till I started talking to this guy who I've known since school! I was kinda scared to be in a relationship and the commitment to but I'm am so glad I said yes to being with him he has made me so so happy and always makes you laugh hormones are the most craziest things. I hope whatever your future holds you'll be happy and safe with the person your with ❤ x
Hi Holly! Thank you so much for this video! It was hard for me to watch this video because I felt like I was the one opening up. It helps to know I'm not the only one feeling like this 🌝❤
I think this is actually really important to talk about. People may be thinking they are asexual or that something is ‘wrong with them’ when they are actually experiencing hormonal dysfunction for whatever reason
Hey holly, I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand how you used to feel. When I was 20ish I was convinced I would never want a relationship and saw it mainly as a bad thing. But once you find the one (yes yes very cliché) you'll realize they do not expect you to change. They fit into your life naturally. Also about the online dating some advice: 1) online you just make a slecetion of people based on asking them questions you find important. For instance I asked all my marches to name three good and three bad characteristics of themselves. The once who couldn't name 1 or more then one bad characteristic would not make it to more deep convo ;). 2) try to be purpusfull in the conversations you have, ask about their vaules and goals for the furure in a playfull way. This way you can see if you are heading in the same direction and if you would be interested in getting to know them more. 3) leave the real intense getting to know eachother for once you meet them in real life. Often people romantisize online dating but the reality is you only know if your a true match once you meet. Do not expect to meet the one right away, there will be some missers and that is OKAY. We are not living a fairytale you are allowed to make mistakes. 4) do not feel forced to talk about things you are not yet comfortable with. When they get upset about that they are not the one.
THIS. T.H.I.S!! Omg I think you’ve summed up my fears so elequently. Somehow feeling as if you’re never gonna be enough for someone to stick around. Why are we like that?
Thanks for this video ♡ I am 24 and I've never been in a relationship as well. Thanks to be so open about it. Can you please share the podcasts you've been listen to?
my boyfriend is tall, muscular and vegan. he actually turned me vegan. first thing he served me when we met was a smoothie bowl and was i like 'omg this is so healthy and yummy'
Holly, this video is great! I think sooo many girls and women can relate to every- or something you said. So many of us have asked ourselves "why should anybody love ME?" It's good to hear that from somebody that you know has just so many things about themselves that others could fall in love with. It's so good to hear that others feel so scared of relationships, too. It's also so important to understand how much hormones influence our feelings, and our whole personality (I think). So - thank you very much for this video. I am in a happy relationship now, but have felt and thought amost all those things that you mentioned before.
Oh Holly. Well done for opening up snd being honest. I’m 42 and have always been single snd so much if what you said in this video rinds true for me too. It is life, you’re right, but it’s ok that you feel the way you do. Take each day as it comes. Don’t rush. If it’s meant to be it will happen. I met a guy online last year - were still talking everyday but haven’t met yet for various reasons. I’m pretty sure he’s ‘the one’ but how can I say that if we’ve never met face to face?! Baby steps. You got this! x
I realte so much in the words you're saying in this video. Thank you for speaking out loud, this is very courageous! Lots of love and support through this "journey", we're in this together ahah
OMG ! I've never seen someone who thinks exactly like me. I'm totally relate to you Holly. Thanks for sharing this stuff. Talk about socially awkwardness if you can plz.
I think you are actually really open,doing all these chats about quite intimate subjects.Some guy will definitely like you for yourself,although be careful not to overshare when you do meet someone.
For a long time I struggled with... if I am good enough for people .and "why me" thoughts...this..is..painful and at times creates self doubt. You are amazing ❤ .
Just felt inspired to say, Trust yourself holly!! .. love and have confidence in the quirky intelligent feminine self that you are… you don’t need to impress these guys.. just try and calm your self expectations and let go of controlling any outcome.. be casual and relaxed… I pretend with guys like they are already a close friend I’ve had for a while and it helps me to chill out with them and just take it easy. 🙏♥️ I’ve loved following your channel since your Cambridge days! X
OMG that question "why me?" is what I always thought about too! Like there is SO MANY pretty girls out there, why would it be me? My friend says it's easy, once you get into a relationship...but I feel like trusting someone who's gonna know everything about you is scary, because I always think about the worst...break up, cheating, etc... Ugh well life is life! We can't avoid it 🤷♀️🥴 I totally understand you Holly!
My uncle, 60, never had any intimate relationship in his life(including friendship), but he's still a happy person with his hobbies and freedom. No big deal, really.
Generally on dating apps people just exchange a few messages to see if you have similar interests etc and then meet up in person fairly quickly for exactly the reasons you said. Don’t write them off: after the first couple of dates it literally doesn’t matter whether you met that person on an app or in real life because you have to get to know them from scratch either way
omg you're so brave for putting it out on the internet 🥺 but yes so relatable arent we all afraid of first times especially with it comes on this topic (and more specifically when we are so used to just school stuff, family and self, but then sometimes when emotions hit us big time we just want to have someone that.,u know)
I'm glad your body is fine now. As for the anxiousness, this awkwardness is going to "mature" with time, trust me. It doesn't mean you'll become an extrovert, but you're going to get better at acting relaxed around people of the opposite sex. :) Why not invest in social life, first? For example join a class or a club to meet people with similar interests without feeling too self conscious about being open to relationships (I joined a Japanese class and met lots of nerds, boys and girls, with the same interest in anime/manga and we had lots of fun). For socially awkward people like me, it's easier to begin to get close to somebody as a friend, right?
I have been in a few situationships and a serious relationship of 6 years in which I got engaged. However, I've been single for at least half a year and I have never felt better. I don't need someone in my life to accomplish my goals and the future I want, nor do I want someone to be in there. I want to live alone with my animals and do the things I want to do. I have figured out that no one really fits into this picture at all. I've tried it all and I'll never say never, BUT I have finally figured out my labels and I'm so incredibly happy to have found myself finally. 😄
This makes so much sence! When I got my period I was so amazed by all the boys but then I kind of stopped getting it, I had it maybe 4 times a year and I was focusing on school and volleyball, then, when I was on an exchange year i stopped feeling the pressure of society that I need to be perfect, got my period back and I was attracted to this one guy so much, but I never said anything because I knew I had to leave one day. It was almost a year ago and I still think about him.
I know universe sent me this video, I've been feeling the last couple of months in an extremely anxious and depressed state (I know beause i went back to therapy and well is diagnosed now) like anyone could ever truly love me beacause of me or fall in love with me, like I will be forever by my own and don't know how to handle, and I'm tired of "it will come in time when you are prepared" but it's so hard to stick to that eventhough I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
Hollyyyy, yooo yes yes yes. I feel you, don't worry, everything will come natural when it'll come, just make sure you know what you want from a relationship, how you want the other person to treat you, what you think is important for you and what you look for is that someone. Just live life, it's not that bad and crazy as you might think. sending love and support😍
I am currently 21 (about to be 22 in 2 months 😅)... and I have never had a serious relationship or even my first kiss... And till now I have never felt weird about it as I am pretty ambitious and work-driven and I have never really had that amount of time and energy to invest in anyone. I love the idea of being in love but I also have this fear of being heartbroken again in life and that scares me to the core. Of course I am open to love and I believe in love ut I will never force it just to show the society that I have a boyfriend or a serious relationship.. I feel it's okay to be yourself and only get into these things when it feels right 💯❤🤗
I am still single as 23 years old, and I like boys. The girls are dating me and dropping out. Dislike me, the match and cross button dislike me. I am a positive person and open. Thanks, and see you next video.
Sooo relatable Im 25 going to be 26 in 5 months and havent been in a relationship all my life. it doesn’t help that i’ve been in an all girls school since i was a child so my interactions w guys are minimal 🤣so now i’m super shy 💀
As a fellow not sharer, this must have been so hard for u and u are SO brave to put it out there. But the truth is that what u said is what most of us fear. U are SO WORTHY OF LOVE and 100% there's someone out there for you. You have here thousands of people that like you by only knowing a bit of you, imagine how someone would love you if they knew all of you :) It might me hard to find the one, ngl its brutal out here, but I'm sure the future awaits some great things for u Thanks for sharing, love u always :)
Holly, thank you for sharing! I feel the same sometimes. I've never dated properly. Because for some strange reason, i attract people who use me and my energy. But I often feel like I can't possibly share my life and all that is dear to we with others. Its hard getting out of that mental state. But i'm working on myself, and I've learnt so much about my self over the last 2 years. I've gotten to see what I like, and what my 'type' actually is! Always know that you ARE worth love and loving!!
Holly, I relate to how you've felt so much when you say you can't imagine anyone really loving you. I have tourette's and ever since I was a kid I felt not good enough and decided pretty young that no one could ever love me. I've lived my whole life with that mindset, never been on a date in my life, and let me say what a horrible mistaken way to live that has been! If you read this, Holly, I really hope you keep an open mind to the idea of someone loving you for you. I know the fear of not being good enough, but don't listen to those lies, they're just not true! I've watched you for a long time and you are the most talented, fun, amazing person! I've got no doubts you'll find guys out there who are specifically attracted to you! I wish all the best for you, and when the time comes and you find someone special, I hope you have the confidence to put yourself out there!
I saw this comment on your previous video that said to start cook with Holly series where you try cooking vegan meals from various cuisines and talk about veganism. Also if you ever plan to do something like this try Indian cuisine. There are so many delicious recipies and almost all of them are vegan!!
My situation isn't the same as yours but it's similar in ways and this made me feel better/less alone. So thank you for that. This is a personal question but I'm wondering if you've ever tried therapy or counselling not for any of the struggles you've been through but just as a way to talk and get your feelings out and be able to hear advice or a response from somebody rather than sitting and ruminating on the same things. I know making videos helps you but I wanted to make the suggestion just incase because it might be something you wanted to try
14:10 this is literally me, I've just moved to a new place to study and here I feel soooo inferior to everyone.. Like I can't even say a word to any boy because they're too superior to me and no one even wants to talk to me. I feel like I wanna die...
I'm sure don't mean to imply otherwise but I think it's HUGELY important to be clear (especially given you've talked about asexuality before) that despite you having this particular experience, asexual and aromantic orientations are still very real, and not just hormone deficiencies or lack of libido!!💜
this is SO true and thank you for the reminder that we all needed to hear!! (sorry for missing this in the video 🤦🏻♀️) what i've been through has definitely been a big mix of things, but as you said, the cause of these feelings are hugely varied!
It’s her personal story? And she didn’t say anything to demean others experiences so why does she have to clarify every single thing in order to make you feel better? “Hi, I know that this is your video and your intimate journey but your personal story does not validate mine so could you rectify that?”
@@cass465 But I wasn't attacking Holly for not addressing it, I wasn't even saying it was a mistake not to?? I only made a polite comment because I wouldn't want anyone to come away think asexuality is just a hormone deficiency? In previous videos Holly has stated that she used to be asexual - hence why I thought it even relevant to bring up - her experience changing how she identifies is obviously totally fine, and she has no obligation to talk about any of these topics. Given that there are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality, I just thought a clarification could be helpful (and she agreed!)!
I resonate so much with everything you said - I feel like we’re the same person 😭 also 23, struggled with body image and self esteem all my life, terrified of intimacy/everything a relationship comes with.. thanks so much for being so vulnerable and making the rest of us in a similar boat feel not completely alone.
Hey holly i would highly recommend you checking out the More To Life Self-Esteem course! So beneficial especially considering how you are feeling maybe give it a research? Xx
Im 22 and am still kinda scared of the (physical and emotional) intimacy that comes with a relationship too. But when you meet someone you have that chemistry with, it feels right. In that moment i didnt question the intimate moment i was sharing with him.
Holly, you should not be worried about being single. I have been single all my life. It is not always easy to find Mr. Right because a guy might fancy you, but you do not fancy him or you might like him, but he does not like you. Relationships can be difficult.
Holly ... you are not weird. You are certainly unique. In your drive, intelligence, ambition, commitment, and for sure discipline. But you are not weird. Also ... don’t try to figure out love. Love is not explicable. That’s what’s so amazing about it when you find it. And you will. Just be patient!!
I don't think there is anything wrong with being weird because some people think I am weird and if people have a problem with my weirdness it's there problem because I don't really care if people think I am weird or if people think I am not. We are unique in different ways and if people can't handle your uniqueness they have a problem.
@@roseam14 I wasn't accusing you of saying there was anything wrong with being weird ( meaning mysterious, bizarre and unique meaning without equal, the only one of it's kind). If it was coming across that way that was me being bizarre ( in other words being weird and it's part of my uniqueness).
if you take one thing away from this video, it's to not be annoying on facebook 😂 no but in all serious . . . it's scary to open up like this on the internet, however. i'm so so grateful to have such a positive and supportive space on the internet, thank you my friends 🥺💚✨
ps: this is very unrelated, but i know some of you said you'd be interested in hearing about my research project at UCL so i filmed a video all about it on ByHollyG 😉🧬 th-cam.com/video/s8ZUm3BRp10/w-d-xo.html
We demand safety of Bangladeshi Hindus.✊
#SaveBangladeshiHindu
#SaveHinduTemples
#SaveHumanRights
#SaveHindu #Hindu
#savehindufestivals
#StopCommunalAttack
#SaveBangladeshiHindus
#BangladeshiHinduWantSafety
#WeDemandSafety
#WeDemandJustice
#SaveHindus #BewareHindu #SaveHinduBoys #SaveHinduGirls #SanatanaDharma #BlackdayDurgaPuja2021
#PleaseStandWithHindus
@@HollyGabrielle what are some of the podcasts you reccomend on this topic? thank you!
Holly: "I'm quite stranger" character
Also Holly: the most relatable person.
I was afraid of intimacy and broken heart before as well. However, when you meet someone who is interested in sharing his life with you and listening to you, you will find it natural to share your thoughts and daily life with him. And when you like him enough, you will just want to be official with him and be in a relationship with him. So, no need to worry about it Holly :) But most importantly, you are lovable for sure! You are unique and I bet you have so many good qualities! I struggle with self-love too and am still struggling with it but I now always remind myself that I am lovable :)
this is so kind, honestly thank you so much 🥺💚✨
for some people but not everyone, I don't want to 'share my daily life ' with anyone ever, yes I might like to date someone but only if I didn't have to see them everyday, as I like my independence and being alone to do my own thing. I also like living alone, I don't want to ever live with someone, even people I was in love with I wouldn't to live with them. I am pretty introverted, anti social, quite person, that likes being alone most of the time (apart from my 5 cats ahah)
@@HollyGabrielle We demand safety of Bangladeshi Hindus.✊
#SaveBangladeshiHindu
#SaveHinduTemples
#SaveHumanRights
#SaveHindu #Hindu
#savehindufestivals
#StopCommunalAttack
#SaveBangladeshiHindus
#BangladeshiHinduWantSafety
#WeDemandSafety
#WeDemandJustice
#SaveHindus #BewareHindu #SaveHinduBoys #SaveHinduGirls #SanatanaDharma #BlackdayDurgaPuja2021
#PleaseStandWithHindus
I relate so much with the “no one can/will love me” like there’s this voice in my head that’s saying “no one can truly choose you”. And it’s such a bad thing to say to yourself, but I it gets better with working on self love and recognizing the good things in yourself. Thanks for this talks Holly 💖
i feel the same way, and even though i really have been working on myself, i still can't shift these thoughts 😔 but as you said, it all takes time ✨ thank you valentina 💚
It's so importent to work on loving yourself before a relationship.. There are bad people out there how will use you, when you don't stand up for yourself. 😔
i felt like this too but now im working on myself, im doing workout and letting my hair grow, im feeling very handsom, maybe in months i will look at the mirror and say WOOW WHAT A HOT GUY kakkakakakaka
I can definitely relate to this. I thought about it constantly when I was a teenager (which landed me in an abusive relationship that lasted for more than two years). Nowadays it often crosses my mind (especially when I'm in a bad place emotionally) but not as frequently nor deeply as when I was younger. I've come to realize that while yes, it's extremely important to work on loving ourselves everyday, just as we are, in all our forms and expressions, other people normally don't see us or judge us as harshly as we criticize ourselves. We're our own worst judges, and I believe we should show ourselves the same kindness and compassion we feel towards someone we love. I guess it does take time and is an ongoing effort. I'd even say most people struggle with this ideas to a certain extent.
But I'm sure you and Holly and everyone reading this is worthy of all the love in the world and lots of people would choose you as friends and partners. It may sound cheesy, but the most important thing is loving and accepting ourselves. It's hard, but it's a process and it does get easier! Let's not fight those feelings of being unlovable but accept them as what they are, feelings and perceptions, not a reflection of reality.
@@frizzyhairedgirl olha só uma br, pior que é vdd, eu me achava muito feio, nem pensava q alguma menina poderia querer namorar cmg, até q o fato de eu tentar falar com meninas me faz perceber q eu tenho chances tlgd kk isso é mto besta mas da pra dar um jeito
Your videos on this topic always give me so much comfort and make me almost sigh with relief that I’m not alone in feeling/thinking this way about relationships. I’m terrified and self-conscious when thinking about being intimate with guys and have therefore never been in a relationship at the age of 23, but hearing you share your own thoughts about this makes me realise that I shouldn’t be ashamed of being more on the hesitant side in regards to a relationship and when I’m ready I’ll find a guy I care about deeply. I think anyone would be lucky to have us as partners Holly and they will be someone that accepts us for us, quirkiness and all!😅
All the love to you for helping people in this area of their lives, I know it’s helped me immensely ❤️
that's literally why i film these videos! for others to not feel alone, and then i also feel less isolated when i hear you guys share your thoughts and experiences too -💚 as you said, please don't be ashamed of it and don't change yourself for anyone! just go at your own pace and we'll find our own paths in our own time 😊✨
I don’t usually comment on TH-cam videos, but I relate to your videos a lot. I am also a 23 and have never been a relationship. I see how happy my friends are in relationships and I would even consider myself a romantic person. But I find it so hard to be able to put myself out there. My idea of relationships my entire life has been you either date until you’re married or until you breakup, which is why the idea of getting into a relationship scares me. I’ve been moving away from this philosophy though these past few years by just focusing on myself and not forcing anything.
I feel this
No worries Holly... Even I have been single my whole life....I m 24 .. But never felt the need to be with someone..Maybe bcoz of my introvert nature and career priorities. I used to think me being an only child is the basic reason.. But after listening to you.. I feel it can be anyone.. Lots of love ❤
i'm so glad you could relate to this video, and i know everything in life will fall into place for you! most importantly, just be yourself 😊💚
I totally relate to this. I feel the same way currently and I'm 24!
I love your honest chats! I'm 21 and also have zero experience when it comes to relationships / anything sexual. Usually I'm fine with that and I know things will happen for me some day, but just last night I was in a situation again where I started feeling extremely insecure. Whenever people around me start to discuss relationships, sex and hookups I feel like I should be able to join the conversation. I always get into my head about this and convince myself that everyone thinks I'm a freak, even though so far everyone has always been super nice and supportive and understanding.
Like many people I'm scared to be vulnerable and don't want to get hurt. I'm also a huge introvert and love being alone so I don't really get close with people.
I was bullied and never “popular” in school so I had the same thoughts as this, why would anyone even want to talk to me as friends or romantically sort of thing. But when I went travelling I realised I wasn’t ugly or boring like I thought and I built up confidence slowly. It mad how schools/ kids in school and cliques can impact like this. It’s totally untrue though! Trust is a thing I struggle with, having been through traumatic events too so I understand on that level too. I would say not forcing things is key but also not being afraid to talk to someone etc if you really feel a pull to do so. I’ve watched your videos for absolutely years and there’s not one boring thing about you, you’re so engaging and funny and intelligent. You got this x
this is so relatable it hurts. It's good you're sorting this things now that you're 23, I?m 30 and only now I'm starting to open up and trying to understand why I feel like nobody can love me and not someone else. I think it's a very low self esteem issue, not feeling enough :( for even the worse people lol
It takes a lot of courage to share such a personal topic, Holly! Instead of "Why me?", maybe you should think of "Why not me?". You are a lovely girl who deserves to be loved by a nice man. It will come.
ah this is such a refreshing perspective, thank you po! 🥺💚
I totally agree. Also, PLEASE do not say you're not good enough. If someone loves a person. he would love her because of her current character. Therefore, he knows already that this person is perfect or at least good for him. Yes things might change along the road, but this does not mean the person is not good enough. It means WE are not suitable for each other.
Thanks for the great videos !
Sweetie I wasn’t in my first proper relationship until I was nearly 27! Teenage/Uni dating drama is overrated. Just focus on you and when you’re not expecting it someone fab will come into your life. The best relationships are slow burners I find. My partner is my 2nd proper boyfriend and we’re in it for the LT x
You literally just described exactly how I've always felt about relationships. I love that you dont seem bothered by being single at 23. I'm 22 and have always been single too so we're in the same boat! Thanks for sharing holly!
Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s not something I have ever seen anyone talk so openly about, and it’s exactly how I feel! Glad to know I’m not alone ❤️
you're definitely not alone, hannah ✨
This video is speaking to me. I'm 20 almost 21 and I have never really felt like I wanted to date or anything like that. I feel the same when you said "Why would someone love me". Very relatable Girl.
Yes to all the amazing podcasts out there! And Holly, can totally relate to so many parts; I’ve had HA for most of my teenage years until the age of 20. At that point I was also afraid of intimacy, but had just “re-awakened” so went on dates and met a guy who was so lovely. We kissed but then lockdown came and he ghosted, long story short, he was not the guy I hoped he was (he reappeared just this month funnily enough!). Similarly on the level of not feeling worthy I doubted myself even more and being almost 21, I seriously felt behind. BUT then I met the guy that 1+ years on is still mine, we click on too many levels. There have been many times at first where I doubted how this incredible guy could love ME of all people but he came through time and time again.
Love takes trust and vulnerability… the fact you share so much of this stuff online, heck someone amazing will come your way when you least expect it! Please do not lose trust because of previous bad experiences, there are so many good people out there (very much easier said than done). As a girl who did not have faith / still struggles, the most rewarding things have come when all the cards have been laid bare.
Thank you for this ♥️
I felt the same way Holly. What I was doing and what many people do is the relationship equivalent of ‘run before you can walk’. Try to find a good friend first and go from there. We tend to ask questions that aren’t relevant YET because we try and jump a few steps ahead. Always enjoy the process. If you don’t find it develop into a relationship you might have got yourself a new good friend. Who knows where this life will take us. It’s exciting isn’t it? I truly admire you’re courage Holly ♥️🌻☀️
For anyone that might be nervous about becoming emotionally/physically intimate with another person, the best thing you can do is get used to being intimate with yourself first. Put so much love into yourself, explore the intricacies of your own body and figure out what you enjoy, have those difficult conversations with yourself that help you figure out what your values and desires are. Having a loving relationship with yourself is the first step in to having a loving relationship with someone else. Then if you find the right person, the work you put into yourself and your bond together is so worth it :)
so true :)
Holly:- why should someone love me?
My mind:- ' Everyone deserves love !'
So ya that's the reason...
that's so kind and very true, thank you ✨
@@HollyGabrielle Anytime ❤️😊
two minutes in and I am so proud and happy that you're being open and honest about what you're going through.
Thank you for sharing
Edit: Would also love a biology video on the subject!
no worries at all 😊 and woo i'll definitely plan a byhollyg video all about this stuff 🙌🏻
Thank you for talking about this Holly. Ive been on antidepressants since forever and its massively affected my hormones/drive. It can really suck.
Same feeling at the age of 22. No relationships before and fear is in deep mind. Feeling inconfident when meeting good boys, and feel confident when I do other things. I am now trying to adjust my mind. Hoping everything be better gradually.
It's ok Holly to feel like this ,everything happens at the right time and in the least expected situations.❤️
This video is so different and unique. I just love it sm, much love to you holly💚
returning the love 💚
Feeling as if I'm going around under an invisibility cloak... Described my life. I used to say my superpower was being invisible, because even at home people usually got scared if I entered a room because my footsteps are so light you don't hear me walking around. You can imagine how I was regarding social aspects of life.
I think it's really precious that you're going through this right now, at a time you probably know yourself better. Going through this stuff during your teens is just adding insult to injury; your hormones are already making you hella unstable and amplifying your emotions, you don't need to deal with fear of not being romantically interesting on top of it all.
Keep taking care of yourself and take your time. You're worthy of love in all of its forms and I know some rando on the internet telling you that is not at all convincing, but romantic relationships don't follow a mold. You don't need to be a certain kind of person to be "loveable" in a romantic way. There's all kinds of people with all kinds of different interests and different relationship dynamics; you'll get there when (and if) it makes sense to you.
You honestly look much younger than 23! Thanks for sharing your story I think a lot of girls would appreciate feeling heard on the internet. Eventhough I didn’t have that disorder I can definitely relate to being that tiny fish in the sea not knowing what to do because personally I’ve never had been in a relationship and I’m 16. I have had crushes though but I feel like I have external more personal reasons why I’ve chosen not to date anyone yet witch is fair and one of them is studying and getting my career on track like you said. Hope you find someone when your ready and I wish you best of luck with it And also I love your videos and how open and honest you are about. I have a bit of a fear about intimacy as well and I’m so glad you talked about this I feel like I’m so alone as well with that. Eventually I’ll probably get into a relationship but there’s a lot of fears about dating especially at a young age. In the wise words of Olivia Rodrigo It’s brutal out here
I relate so much to your fears with love. I have never been in a relationship or had my first kiss and I'm 25. I would love to have a boyfriend one day but I'm not that person who go out and search for love, I'm not that desperate haha. I'm also scared of being close to another person and I'm also someone who is too private (even with the most simple things) and I both need and enjoy being alone.
Are you me?
I see myself so much in this video. Lately I’ve been healing from sexual abuse, and seeing someone voice my thoughts, even if they’re for a different reason, just made me feel so much better about my journey. Thank you Holly.
Oh Holly, this was the best video ever. I was in need of this conversation. Just like you, I have never had a relationship (I'm almost 23) and I don't trust people. I also don't believe anyone will love me and am scared of breakups and everything. But I think with time we learn! And so I hope. Sending love xx
Well, I'm 21 and never had a relationship. At some point that caused me some self doubt and I was desperately trying to find someone but now I am content with how it is and I'm sure that what is meant to be is going to happen eventually. My friends and my cats are my companions and that is enough for me right now. That being said, I did have crushes in the past (and my interactions with them were very meme worthy lol), and did get my heart broken a few times by crushes and friends alike. Heartbreak hurts and is terrifying and I grew up to be very independent so intimacy is something I had to learn first. So nah, you're not weird or unworthy of love, you're perfectly human
hi holly 🤍
thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. i completely understand what you mean when you say you feel like no one will love you. it’s something that i struggle with as well. you’re such an amazing soul and what is meant for you, will find you. sending you lots of love 🤍🤍🤍
I feel like I’ve been on the exact same journey as you haha I have had health issues which has impacted my hormones so I never felt the desire for relationships until this year when I got that sorted out. And also last year I went on a solo road trip across America / started therapy and both of those things helped me grow and realize my fears of relationships, intimacy, and being vulnerable. I’ve grown a lot since then and I actually just got into a relationship and I’m seeing how it’s not as scary as I thought it was. Therapy definitely helps, especially just helping you to open up, but also it’s important to find someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe emotionally. If you don’t feel that way, or can’t see yourself feeling that way, then maybe it’s not the right person. I also met him in person through work and I agree that that’s the way to go, especially for people like us who are uncomfortable with this. I got to know him and be around him in a low key work setting before we went out and those small moments without pressure helped me feel more comfortable going out with him. I think you’re on the right path to figuring out what you want and what you need, and I promise you it gets easier and less terrifying!! Would definitely suggest therapy though to anyone else who has struggled like this! It truly has helped so much
I am also in H.A. recovery and I totally relate with no interest in relationships. Now after listening to this I'm really excited to recover and experience these new things!!!
Fingers crossed🤞!
Thanks for sharing your precious experiences! I’m single too and I enjoy this kind of situation!
Wow Holly thank you so much for being so open about this... being 23 and having struggled with severe eating disorders since 2012 I can totally relate. I also have never been in a relationship. I date but everytime somebody comes close to me I snap and run because of the exact thing you said (being scared as hell when it comes to intimacy). I think it's really important to talk about this so thank you for this honest and amazing video! You are doing great and I am sure things will work out amazing for you. Take your time ♥️ lots of love from Germany 💓
I understand what you mean. Am currently 23 as well, never been in a relationship. My studies are my priorities and I love being single. But the things you have said, I too have thought about them. It gets scary at times but I try not to think about them too much. I would have loved to your friend back in high school or even now. You are a nice person Holly , down to earth and caring. Weirdness is part of my personality and so I hope you love and embrace that part of you. You are a great inspiration Holly and I look up to you. You are like a sister 👭🏻 figure and I relate to you in so many ways.
Thank you so much for sharing this and addressing this topic!!💜 I can relate to so many things you said in this video. I'm 22 and have also never been in a relationship and for a long time I never felt the need to be with someone :) I am so glad to hear your thoughts on this and to know that I am not alone... Lots of love
If u r in india 😂😂😂 having no relationship till 23 or even marriage is absolutely fine.... No pressure at all
@@nithya2015 yes I Indian parents would be so proud of Holly for this
I have news, you don't have to get married ever
We demand safety of Bangladeshi Hindus.✊
#SaveBangladeshiHindu
#SaveHinduTemples
#SaveHumanRights
#SaveHindu #Hindu
#savehindufestivals
#StopCommunalAttack
#SaveBangladeshiHindus
#BangladeshiHinduWantSafety
#WeDemandSafety
#WeDemandJustice
#SaveHindus #BewareHindu #SaveHinduBoys #SaveHinduGirls #SanatanaDharma #BlackdayDurgaPuja2021
#PleaseStandWithHindus
@@maneskinnnnn7190 Obviously there’s no obligation to, but people who are in committed relationships in later life are more contented and fulfilled in life than those who aren’t. Also for women especially, that maternal instinct can hit hard during your thirties. I swore I never wanted kids for years and that I had no maternal instinct and that the people who said it would come were wrong. But turns out they were right.
Totally on board with the idea that we shouldn’t rush into a relationship for the sake of it though. That never ends well
@@ohwellwhateverr LOL at this whole comment, first of all that’s not true lol most married couples I know with kids are miserable, in a marriage where you are basically just friends with benefits most of the time without the benefits staying together just because society tells you that’s what we have to do, looking after a load of screaming brats, doing everything for them, no time for yourself or to focus on your goals,
Being a miserable housewife. Whereas the unmarried childless people I know are the happiest, living their lives to the fullest, focusing on themselves and their goals having romantic relationships not long term ones where you just stay together cos you have kids and there is barely even an attraction anymore. Humans aren’t biologically made to mate for life. And lol no, I’m in my 30s and I don’t want kids, I have no desire to spend my life looking after some screaming brats just cos society tells me to. I prefer to live my life to the fullest, not spend it as a miserable housewife.
I’m a super quiet person and don’t have a whole lot of friends but I somehow manage to have a boyfriend for 4 years and I have a lot I could say. In a relationship your always growing closer together and it’s not an instant trust. Even now me and my partner are still growing more comfortable and sharer more and more vulnerable stuff and I think that will continue for a long time. If you find someone who is confident they can help guide you through any fears and insecurities and if you find someone who’s also nervous then you can both learn together. There’s really no loser. I would never go out looking for a relationship but instead invest time in things you enjoy and look for finding like minded people and then it just happens. You should be so happy though it’s amazing you’ve made it to this point and its only going to get better. Just remember that you will believe that everyone around you deserves love and the same should go for you.
well done on your bravery!
Aahh I just loved this video. Thank you thank you for sharing so much!! I really related with the last thing you said that you just cannot believe that someone will love you and choose you. I have been single for 20 years now and I just can't ever think that a person would choose to spend a lot of time with me. This also has an effect on my friendships as well where I most of the time feel that people invite me to things just because they think they have to and not because they want to. I know/hope that that's not true but I still can't get it out of my head. Thanks for sharing and making us feel "normal"!!
I relate to you so much Holly. I feel like someone just spoke my mind. 🥺
There's just so much emotions bottled up inside of me and the very thoughts of sharing those with someone scares me so much.
I'm 23 and all of my cousins, siblings, and some friends who are younger than me are engaged already or in a relationship. I feel like I need to catch up with them or I'm lagging behind in this field, I'm Wasting my Youth. All this thoughts exhaust me.
You're not wasting your youth. Life is not about all romantic relationships don't worry 💜
@@yiagsit3770 thank you. You're right💜
you don't have to ever get married or be in a relationship. and spending your youth in relationships with men who just hurt you and break your heart IS wasting your youth.
ahh no no no!!! please don't feel behind or anything like that! you need to be happy with where you are right now and follow your own 'journey' . . . as cheesy as that sounds! i'm really happy with where i am right now, as i said, and i want you to feel the same! just enjoy life and be yourself 💚✨ it's easier said than done, i know all too well, but trust me everything will be ok!
@@HollyGabrielle thank you so much for your kind words Holly. I really appreciate it❤️🌸
I definitely feel the same imposters syndrome (i think) of feeling like you’re not worthy of someone’s love if that makes sense ... like I don’t like let myself feel something easily for someone cause I get scared of being let down and I always feel like I’m punching (both personality and looks). Thank you for sharing this Holly i think I speak for a lot of people when I say this is so relatable and raw abs will help so many young and older people 😌
miss Holly goes from talking about something serious to kissing her pillow and the most chaotic story about boys ever. like damn ok go off
You don't always need dating apps. Joining chat forums and chatting with others on a topic you love can lead to a friendship or more. At least on a forum or a chat room you are sharing your similar interests with others who are passionate about the same thing.
I'm in a very similar situation as a boy and same age, never cared for a realationship and didn't notice girls before now, mostly because I didn't have time. I guess this is as good of a place to ask as any, what should I do? Should I try to pursue it or should I just wait until some girls is interesting in me? I am totally clueless...
Just talk to them like you usually socialize for a while then maybe flirt. In the time you talk you might figure out what you guys have in common
20, never had a proper relationship, had some dates and flings but otherwise nothing and still working on self love and finally enjoying being single, thank you for this video❤️
Also ps: what are those podcasts you mentioned listening to? (Edit)
This is such an important video, I'm glad you felt comfortable to have this talk.
On a different note, you were in the same show as Tom Holland :o nuts
I really feel you. I am so similar to you. I have never communicated with opposite-sex guys and never have an opposite-sex friend neither. I am now lusting for a loving relationship, but it's so hard for me to find one that has a similar worldview as what I have. Similarly, I do not know how to deal with and make friends with others. I am not confident enough... I do not believe the mouth of those men. I am afraid of being betrayed by those guys. You know some stories I have heard from are miserable for me. Loving is so hard, how can we believe others love us as we love him?
Holly, I never thought I'd see the day I'd be in a relationship in my 20s I was having fun and living my life till I started talking to this guy who I've known since school! I was kinda scared to be in a relationship and the commitment to but I'm am so glad I said yes to being with him he has made me so so happy and always makes you laugh hormones are the most craziest things. I hope whatever your future holds you'll be happy and safe with the person your with ❤ x
Hi Holly! Thank you so much for this video! It was hard for me to watch this video because I felt like I was the one opening up. It helps to know I'm not the only one feeling like this 🌝❤
I think this is actually really important to talk about. People may be thinking they are asexual or that something is ‘wrong with them’ when they are actually experiencing hormonal dysfunction for whatever reason
I appreciate your honesty and courage. Your not alone in this ocean of emotions. And I am not alone too. Thanks to you I realized that.
Hey holly,
I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand how you used to feel. When I was 20ish I was convinced I would never want a relationship and saw it mainly as a bad thing. But once you find the one (yes yes very cliché) you'll realize they do not expect you to change. They fit into your life naturally. Also about the online dating some advice:
1) online you just make a slecetion of people based on asking them questions you find important. For instance I asked all my marches to name three good and three bad characteristics of themselves. The once who couldn't name 1 or more then one bad characteristic would not make it to more deep convo ;).
2) try to be purpusfull in the conversations you have, ask about their vaules and goals for the furure in a playfull way. This way you can see if you are heading in the same direction and if you would be interested in getting to know them more.
3) leave the real intense getting to know eachother for once you meet them in real life. Often people romantisize online dating but the reality is you only know if your a true match once you meet. Do not expect to meet the one right away, there will be some missers and that is OKAY. We are not living a fairytale you are allowed to make mistakes.
4) do not feel forced to talk about things you are not yet comfortable with. When they get upset about that they are not the one.
THIS. T.H.I.S!! Omg I think you’ve summed up my fears so elequently. Somehow feeling as if you’re never gonna be enough for someone to stick around. Why are we like that?
Thanks for this video ♡ I am 24 and I've never been in a relationship as well. Thanks to be so open about it. Can you please share the podcasts you've been listen to?
I envy you. Cause heartbreak is brutal! Literally hurts like hell. Physical pain, everywhere!
so, is it better to have loved and lost than have never loved at all?
my boyfriend is tall, muscular and vegan. he actually turned me vegan. first thing he served me when we met was a smoothie bowl and was i like 'omg this is so healthy and yummy'
Holly, this video is great! I think sooo many girls and women can relate to every- or something you said. So many of us have asked ourselves "why should anybody love ME?" It's good to hear that from somebody that you know has just so many things about themselves that others could fall in love with. It's so good to hear that others feel so scared of relationships, too. It's also so important to understand how much hormones influence our feelings, and our whole personality (I think). So - thank you very much for this video. I am in a happy relationship now, but have felt and thought amost all those things that you mentioned before.
Oh Holly. Well done for opening up snd being honest. I’m 42 and have always been single snd so much if what you said in this video rinds true for me too.
It is life, you’re right, but it’s ok that you feel the way you do. Take each day as it comes. Don’t rush. If it’s meant to be it will happen.
I met a guy online last year - were still talking everyday but haven’t met yet for various reasons. I’m pretty sure he’s ‘the one’ but how can I say that if we’ve never met face to face?! Baby steps. You got this! x
I realte so much in the words you're saying in this video. Thank you for speaking out loud, this is very courageous! Lots of love and support through this "journey", we're in this together ahah
OMG ! I've never seen someone who thinks exactly like me. I'm totally relate to you Holly. Thanks for sharing this stuff.
Talk about socially awkwardness if you can plz.
Thank you for being so vulnerable, i relate so much with you!
I think you are actually really open,doing all these chats about quite intimate subjects.Some guy will definitely like you for yourself,although be careful not to overshare when you do meet someone.
i think the most important the relationship you have is with yourself and being single gives you the chance to nurture and care for that relationship
For a long time I struggled with... if I am good enough for people .and "why me" thoughts...this..is..painful and at times creates self doubt.
You are amazing ❤ .
Just felt inspired to say, Trust yourself holly!! .. love and have confidence in the quirky intelligent feminine self that you are… you don’t need to impress these guys.. just try and calm your self expectations and let go of controlling any outcome.. be casual and relaxed… I pretend with guys like they are already a close friend I’ve had for a while and it helps me to chill out with them and just take it easy. 🙏♥️ I’ve loved following your channel since your Cambridge days! X
OMG that question "why me?" is what I always thought about too! Like there is SO MANY pretty girls out there, why would it be me? My friend says it's easy, once you get into a relationship...but I feel like trusting someone who's gonna know everything about you is scary, because I always think about the worst...break up, cheating, etc... Ugh well life is life! We can't avoid it
🤷♀️🥴 I totally understand you Holly!
My uncle, 60, never had any intimate relationship in his life(including friendship), but he's still a happy person with his hobbies and freedom. No big deal, really.
I don't think we should stress. But I do. We are here for ourselves and come in by ourselves to the world
Love how open you are about these topics!
Generally on dating apps people just exchange a few messages to see if you have similar interests etc and then meet up in person fairly quickly for exactly the reasons you said. Don’t write them off: after the first couple of dates it literally doesn’t matter whether you met that person on an app or in real life because you have to get to know them from scratch either way
omg you're so brave for putting it out on the internet 🥺 but yes so relatable arent we all afraid of first times especially with it comes on this topic (and more specifically when we are so used to just school stuff, family and self, but then sometimes when emotions hit us big time we just want to have someone that.,u know)
Hi Holly! Could you share some of the podcasts you are talking about in this video??
I am single too I have changed a lot as well I love to meet new people too I am having my second dose soon I hope we can get through this as well
Can you share a link to the podcasts you listen regarding girls or relationships (that you mentioned in the video) Holly ?
I'm glad your body is fine now. As for the anxiousness, this awkwardness is going to "mature" with time, trust me. It doesn't mean you'll become an extrovert, but you're going to get better at acting relaxed around people of the opposite sex. :) Why not invest in social life, first? For example join a class or a club to meet people with similar interests without feeling too self conscious about being open to relationships (I joined a Japanese class and met lots of nerds, boys and girls, with the same interest in anime/manga and we had lots of fun). For socially awkward people like me, it's easier to begin to get close to somebody as a friend, right?
I have been in a few situationships and a serious relationship of 6 years in which I got engaged. However, I've been single for at least half a year and I have never felt better. I don't need someone in my life to accomplish my goals and the future I want, nor do I want someone to be in there. I want to live alone with my animals and do the things I want to do. I have figured out that no one really fits into this picture at all. I've tried it all and I'll never say never, BUT I have finally figured out my labels and I'm so incredibly happy to have found myself finally. 😄
This makes so much sence! When I got my period I was so amazed by all the boys but then I kind of stopped getting it, I had it maybe 4 times a year and I was focusing on school and volleyball, then, when I was on an exchange year i stopped feeling the pressure of society that I need to be perfect, got my period back and I was attracted to this one guy so much, but I never said anything because I knew I had to leave one day. It was almost a year ago and I still think about him.
"I can't imagining opening up to someone online....." - while opening up to a CAMERA :D :D
I know universe sent me this video, I've been feeling the last couple of months in an extremely anxious and depressed state (I know beause i went back to therapy and well is diagnosed now) like anyone could ever truly love me beacause of me or fall in love with me, like I will be forever by my own and don't know how to handle, and I'm tired of "it will come in time when you are prepared" but it's so hard to stick to that eventhough I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
I always love your these kinda videos, where you just talk and tell your views
Hollyyyy, yooo yes yes yes. I feel you, don't worry, everything will come natural when it'll come, just make sure you know what you want from a relationship, how you want the other person to treat you, what you think is important for you and what you look for is that someone. Just live life, it's not that bad and crazy as you might think. sending love and support😍
I am currently 21 (about to be 22 in 2 months 😅)... and I have never had a serious relationship or even my first kiss... And till now I have never felt weird about it as I am pretty ambitious and work-driven and I have never really had that amount of time and energy to invest in anyone. I love the idea of being in love but I also have this fear of being heartbroken again in life and that scares me to the core. Of course I am open to love and I believe in love ut I will never force it just to show the society that I have a boyfriend or a serious relationship.. I feel it's okay to be yourself and only get into these things when it feels right 💯❤🤗
I am still single as 23 years old, and I like boys. The girls are dating me and dropping out. Dislike me, the match and cross button dislike me. I am a positive person and open. Thanks, and see you next video.
Sooo relatable Im 25 going to be 26 in 5 months and havent been in a relationship all my life. it doesn’t help that i’ve been in an all girls school since i was a child so my interactions w guys are minimal 🤣so now i’m super shy 💀
As a fellow not sharer, this must have been so hard for u and u are SO brave to put it out there. But the truth is that what u said is what most of us fear. U are SO WORTHY OF LOVE and 100% there's someone out there for you. You have here thousands of people that like you by only knowing a bit of you, imagine how someone would love you if they knew all of you :)
It might me hard to find the one, ngl its brutal out here, but I'm sure the future awaits some great things for u
Thanks for sharing, love u always :)
Holly, thank you for sharing! I feel the same sometimes. I've never dated properly. Because for some strange reason, i attract people who use me and my energy. But I often feel like I can't possibly share my life and all that is dear to we with others. Its hard getting out of that mental state. But i'm working on myself, and I've learnt so much about my self over the last 2 years. I've gotten to see what I like, and what my 'type' actually is! Always know that you ARE worth love and loving!!
Holly, I relate to how you've felt so much when you say you can't imagine anyone really loving you. I have tourette's and ever since I was a kid I felt not good enough and decided pretty young that no one could ever love me. I've lived my whole life with that mindset, never been on a date in my life, and let me say what a horrible mistaken way to live that has been!
If you read this, Holly, I really hope you keep an open mind to the idea of someone loving you for you. I know the fear of not being good enough, but don't listen to those lies, they're just not true! I've watched you for a long time and you are the most talented, fun, amazing person! I've got no doubts you'll find guys out there who are specifically attracted to you!
I wish all the best for you, and when the time comes and you find someone special, I hope you have the confidence to put yourself out there!
Don't be afraid. Intimacy will come natural. You'll share what you'll NEED to share. No pressure 🤍
Thank you so much for sharing this, it's like my inner dialogue, but more coherent. 😊
I saw this comment on your previous video that said to start cook with Holly series where you try cooking vegan meals from various cuisines and talk about veganism.
Also if you ever plan to do something like this try Indian cuisine. There are so many delicious recipies and almost all of them are vegan!!
My situation isn't the same as yours but it's similar in ways and this made me feel better/less alone. So thank you for that. This is a personal question but I'm wondering if you've ever tried therapy or counselling not for any of the struggles you've been through but just as a way to talk and get your feelings out and be able to hear advice or a response from somebody rather than sitting and ruminating on the same things. I know making videos helps you but I wanted to make the suggestion just incase because it might be something you wanted to try
14:10 this is literally me, I've just moved to a new place to study and here I feel soooo inferior to everyone.. Like I can't even say a word to any boy because they're too superior to me and no one even wants to talk to me. I feel like I wanna die...
I can feel you
Update: I feel soooo comfortable here now and I even got together with my crush for a month lol.
I'm sure don't mean to imply otherwise but I think it's HUGELY important to be clear (especially given you've talked about asexuality before) that despite you having this particular experience, asexual and aromantic orientations are still very real, and not just hormone deficiencies or lack of libido!!💜
this is SO true and thank you for the reminder that we all needed to hear!! (sorry for missing this in the video 🤦🏻♀️) what i've been through has definitely been a big mix of things, but as you said, the cause of these feelings are hugely varied!
It’s her personal story? And she didn’t say anything to demean others experiences so why does she have to clarify every single thing in order to make you feel better? “Hi, I know that this is your video and your intimate journey but your personal story does not validate mine so could you rectify that?”
@@cass465 But I wasn't attacking Holly for not addressing it, I wasn't even saying it was a mistake not to?? I only made a polite comment because I wouldn't want anyone to come away think asexuality is just a hormone deficiency? In previous videos Holly has stated that she used to be asexual - hence why I thought it even relevant to bring up - her experience changing how she identifies is obviously totally fine, and she has no obligation to talk about any of these topics. Given that there are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality, I just thought a clarification could be helpful (and she agreed!)!
More power to you Holly. Very related video it was. You're a beautiful person!
I resonate so much with everything you said - I feel like we’re the same person 😭 also 23, struggled with body image and self esteem all my life, terrified of intimacy/everything a relationship comes with.. thanks so much for being so vulnerable and making the rest of us in a similar boat feel not completely alone.
Hey holly i would highly recommend you checking out the More To Life Self-Esteem course! So beneficial especially considering how you are feeling maybe give it a research? Xx
Im 22 and am still kinda scared of the (physical and emotional) intimacy that comes with a relationship too. But when you meet someone you have that chemistry with, it feels right. In that moment i didnt question the intimate moment i was sharing with him.
Holly, you should not be worried about being single. I have been single all my life. It is not always easy to find Mr. Right because a guy might fancy you, but you do not fancy him or you might like him, but he does not like you. Relationships can be difficult.
Holly ... you are not weird. You are certainly unique. In your drive, intelligence, ambition, commitment, and for sure discipline. But you are not weird. Also ... don’t try to figure out love. Love is not explicable. That’s what’s so amazing about it when you find it. And you will. Just be patient!!
I don't think there is anything wrong with being weird because some people think I am weird and if people have a problem with my weirdness it's there problem because I don't really care if people think I am weird or if people think I am not. We are unique in different ways and if people can't handle your uniqueness they have a problem.
I never said there was anything wrong with being weird. 🤷🏻♀️ Unique is not the same as weird. Look it up in the dictionary ...
@@roseam14 I wasn't accusing you of saying there was anything wrong with being weird ( meaning mysterious, bizarre and unique meaning without equal, the only one of it's kind). If it was coming across that way that was me being bizarre ( in other words being weird and it's part of my uniqueness).