End credit scene: _Human suddenly pops up behind the alien's shoulder_ "Hi there, buddy, what're you doing?" _Alien, not noticing him approaching, freaks out_
Alien: human, what is that book you are reading? Human: it's about slavery. Alien: oh! You mean the act of forcing others into unpaid servitude? Human: yeah, you know about it? Alien: of course! Other races would often come to our planet to enslave us. But... Surely other races haven't come here before? Human: ... Alien: ... Human: not exactly... Alien: don't tell me you did this to each other. Human: well we don't do it anymore! That was like a few centuries ago! Alien: you enslaved your own people only a few centuries ago?!? Human: uh Alien: I swear to Aknik you are all barbarians! Other human: actually in some countries it still happens quite a lot. Alien: *inhales* every one of your species is insane!!
DragonTardis "we dont do it anymore"... well, I don't have a source on this, but I think I've heard that there are more people enslaved right now than ever before, so there's that. (Also, Libya.)
*alien watching a farming documentary or some shit* alien: *sees cow being milked* um. human: hm? alien: human john, what the hell is that human doing to that animal? human: what? oh, he's milking the cow for their milk. alien: *disgusted* but why would you drink that? you produce your own milk for your offspring, surely it's adequate for adult humans too. human: ew, no. that's weird. we take milk from other animals, probably because it tastes better, and it's less... strange. alien: less strange? you're extracting milk from a different species. unconsented. i don't even want to imagine how you came across their fluid to begin with. *flashback to the first discovery of cow milk* *gross person 1: steve, what's that dangly thing?* *gross person 2: no idea, ron- wait, i think that calf is going to- oh. oh, it seems like it's drinking something?* *gross person 1: oh thats weird.* *gross person 2: ...* *gross person 1: ...* *gross person 2: i know what you're thinking.* *gross person 1: i'm going to do it.* *gross person 2: no.* *gross person 1: IM DOING IT STEVE* *gross person 2: RON NO THAT'S DISGUSTING* human: ...good point. but regardless! if your planet doesn't take milk from your livestock where do you get yours from? alien: ..each other, similar to when a human baby takes their mother's lactation, except we do it all the time. human: you... are in no position to judge us.
A: What are you reading, human Jacob? H: Oh, just a fantasy story. A: About what? H: Basically it's this story about these kids who can do magic and save the world from evil monsters and stuff. A: But you told me magic wasn't real last week. Did you deceive me, human? H: Oh, no no no! Magic isn't real, it's just fun to read about. A: So you're telling me you're reading about an alternate universe where humans have special powers to escape your cripplingly mundane reality? H: ..yes? A: Can I join?
"So you're telling me you're reading about an alternate universe where humans have special powers to escape your cripplingly mundane reality?" *Look man you don't gotta call me out like that-*
Alien to a small child: Young human, it seems you are missing one of your teeth! Child: My tooth was loose! I pulled this one out all by myself today and it's already under my pillow! Alien: Pulled it out?! Why didn't you leave it in to heal?! And why was it loose in the first place? Did you injure yourself? Has someone harmed you? Child: *Giggles* You're silly! It was a baby tooth. It got loose because a bigger one is gonna grow. I have two adult teeth already. It means I'm growing up! Alien: I see... fascinating. However, I am still confused. Why is the pillow important? Child: The tooth fairy is going to take it while I'm asleep and give me money! Alien: Tooth.... Fairy? Who or what is this tooth fairy and why do they give you payment for the teeth you've outgrown? What purpose could this... fairy... even have for said teeth? Child: Well she's magic and she's tiny and she flies !Nobody really knows why she needs them but I think she frames them and puts them on her wall! Or maybe she builds with them! Or she uses them to carve new teeth for other fairies who need them! Alien: All of those scenarios are... Disturbing...
Alien: HUMAN! I have a question to ask of you. Human: Okay, shoot Alien: Well-Wait, you want me to...shoot you? If you insist *fires up ion cannon* Human: WHAT NO NO STOP!! Alien; But, you asked me to? Human: No! I said shoot! Like “ask me the question”! Don’t actually shoot me!! Alien: Then why didn’t you just say so?! Human: It’s just something humans say!! Alien: *looking at gun in hand* I think I figured out why your species is dying.
Alien discovers Mortal Kombat Human: *plays a battle on Mortal Kombat, and performs a brutal 'FATALITY'* Alien: "Human, I have made these 'chocolate' bars for yo-WHAT IN THE DAMNING MILKY WAY IS THIS?!" Human: "O-Oh, don't panic, man. It's fine." Alien: "FINE. You call ripping the head off another human FINE?" Human: "Actually, Scorpion's just a demon spawn from hell, with a skull for a fa-" Alien: "WHY? HOW?" Human: "Chill, it's just a game..." Alien: "Game...? THIS is one of those...games that you humans play?" Human: "Pretty much." Alien: "...You blasted barbarian."
Did anyone else realize that it says "I have made these 'chocolate' bars for yo-" An alien made chocolate bars. Not cookies or cake or anything, but chocolate bars. Like Hershey's or something.
Alien: human...what is that creature you are holding? Human: oh this? His a baby. They're kinda the first stage a human goes through in life. Here. * hands baby * Alien: i see. Hello...smaller human...* baby giggles * human? Human: yeah? Alien: is this feeling of warmth normal when caring for these "babies?" Human: yeah. Till the project vomit on you Alien: they do WHAT?
Jackie Morefield other human:babys are cute... but messy as heck as their digestive system hasnt fully matured yet, so they cant control their bodily functions... thus they puke and poop and pee normally... but they are adorable and happy too. You gotta take the good with the bad.
If the alien has children that are fully autonomous at birth, they wouldn't have the chemicals to care about the baby. Babies are weak, defense-less, wastes of resources for the first year. Honestly, I'm surprised we made it this long.
Alien: Human, what is it that you're... doing? With... that uh..... oddly shaped object? Human: Oh, I'm playing a video game. Alien: ...? Human: ....Okay, the idea is that you use this remote, also called a controller, to essentially control an avatar who does what it is you need to do at the moment. Alien: Ah. Well... may I try this.... "video game" then, for scientific purposes of course? Human: Sure. *five hours later* Alien: THAT'S NOT HOW YOU USE A HYPERDRIVE! AND WHAT'S WITH THE WEAPONRY, IT'S SO IMPRACTICAL TO FIRE PARTICLE BEAMS OF THAT MAGNITUDE, ESPECIALLY WITH SOMETHING THAT SMALL THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IS HOUSING ALL THAT POWER! AND DO *NOT* GET ME STARTED ON HOW IDIOTIC THE IDEA IS THAT SOMEHOW, IN SOME WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, THAT THAT *THING* IS SUPPOSED TO BE A QUANTUM COMPUTER Human: ...................................This is a game about giant robots slap fighting with each other while humans and androids are doing parkour on everything with nothing but jump jets, what did you expect Alien: *SOME FORM OF [untranslatable alien word] REALISM*
Alien 1: Did you know humans eat only certain kinds of moldy food? Alien 2: What?? Our human shipmates told me they dispose of moldy food. Alien 1: Yes, it would seem there are some exceptions, such as this substance called "cheese". Do you remember when they told us about how they drink cattle milk? Alien 2: Urgh, yes. It seems even THEY don't know how that began. Alien 1: Well, cheese is apparently formed by leaving milk out for a certain period of time. Alien 2: ...In other words, allowing it to "spoil"? Alien 1: Yes. And they have been doing this for many years. Alien 2: ...How in the name of Grut'ba are they still alive!?
Alien 1: It gets worse. Alien 2: How can it get worse? Alien 1: You know that drink...wine they call it? Alien 2: The one that makes them stupid and can't pilot a ship yes. Alien 1: It is grape juice they've allowed to spoil and become poison. Alien 2: Ye merciful Galbrox! Alien 1: And they give it to their young. He assured me it's just juice, but can we be sure at this point? Alien 2: Barbarians.
Alien: Human, why are you watching those two humans fight? Human: Huh? Oh, this is called boxing. It's a sport. Alien: You've turned physically beating each other into a sport? Why?! Human: Hey, there's a lot that goes into boxing besides two guys beating the tar out of each other. The fights are divided into 10 rounds with breaks in-between them, and each boxer is scored based on how well they fought each round. A winner is decided by points or knockout. Alien: You can win by beating your opponent unconscious? Isn't that rather dangerous? Human: Oh yeah, back in the day boxers could die fighting in the ring. We've had to make a lot of rules and regulations to prevent that from happening again. Alien: So rather than stop fighting you made fighting safer? Human: Well, when you put it that way- Alien: THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO PUT IT
K0ncursus Not so brilliant when the alien comes to get a drink. "Hey boss. Someone sabotaged the water fountain again. It has yellow smelly water coming out of it and the tap grows longer as I went to get a drink"
Alien: HUMAN! Human: Okay, I've told you a million times to knock before you enter my room! Alien: A million? But I haven't even been in your room a million times... Human: Alright, *places book of figurative language on desk* I know what you're learning next about the English Language!
Alien learning about tornadoes Alien: human why are we staying inside? Human: cuz there’s a tornado. Alien: isn’t that just a storm? Human: not really. It’s a lot of spiraling wind... Alien: that doesn’t sound ba- Human: it also sucks things up. Alien: ... Other human: we also chase them. Alien: just why? Human: cuz it’s cool? Alien: well then I’ll do it! Human: what? Don’t! Alien: but you said it was cool! Human: it’s also dangerous. Alien: *angry and confused noises* Human: oh hey it’s over Alien: ... so? Human: Well it’s over so we can go outside...
For science! Alien learns about tornadoes part 2 (It leaves off when the alien is just confused about chasing tornadoes) Alien: just why? Human: cuz it’s cool? Alien: well then I’ll do it! Human: what don’t! Alien: why? You said it’s cool! Human: yeah but it’s also dangerous! Alien: *even more angry and confused noises* If this reply gets a like I’ll add this to the comment Edit: welp I’ll add it now!
Alien: why are you severing your appendages Human!? Human: huh? oh I'm just cutting my hair Alien: Why!? don't you need it? Human: well not really, I mean it keeps us warm and in a way it acts as armor, it's even said that swordsmen back in the day would grow their hair long to defend against strikes on their bac- Alien: if it protects you that much why are you cutting it off!!? Human: cuz it looks better this way *HAIR FLIP*
Alien: Human Aurora I have done research on the hobbies of your home planet but I am confused. Human: *walks over* What about? Alien: Apparently there is a society on your planet that believes it is flat. I thought you said that humans have taken photos of your planet for educational purposes? Human: Well yeah but there are some humans who believe those photos were fabricated and have even made videos stating their evidence. Alien: And you have not once corrected then on their logic? Human: We've tried but they're extremely stubborn and stick to their beliefs. Alien: *sighs in defeat*
Well,to be fair we can't actually go into space ourselves and prove either way.The government could send pictures of the Earth being square and what proof would we have of it being false?The majority of humans never go into space,so we only know through pictures and videos. Not choosing a side,just pointing this out.If you have opinions or would like to say something about it,you can reply
*An Alien telling a Human about FTL* Human: So you can go faster than light? Alien: Correct Human Tod, a truly marvelous way to travel. Human: That's amazing! How do you handle the tremendous G forces? Alien: Well you see, before we begin the sequence, we stick a rare worm with giant glowing antenna into one of our audio orfices! True symbiosis, they wiggle into our brain and release a chemical that helps ease the stress of FTL! Human: *Trying not to vomit* Oh.. okay that's... Disturbing..
Flash Mob Alien: Human, what are these people doing? Human: Oh, that's a flash mob! People set up these events up where a lot of people do something together that's outside the norm, like going to a mall and dancing to one of our more iconic songs or freeze in place at the same time. Alien: Why do they do it? Human: A couple reasons... but mainly because it's fun. And it... enriches the moment for the people that are there. They're often recorded so people can watch them on the internet later. Alien: That is... quite ingenious actually. I approve... for once.
Not that I'm judging. Live your life, be yourself! There's nothing wrong with doing things your own way (as long as it's legal) and if someone wants to stop you just because they don't like you, ignore them.
I’ve got a new idea. Animals trying to figure out human things/ humans/ human behavior. Example: Cat 1: The human isn’t responding. Cat 2: Do you think they’re dead? C1: I don’t know. How should I know? C2: Use your nose, mouse-brain. C1: My nose hasn’t worked since my run-in with that dog. C2: Step on their face...? C1: Choke them! That’ll wake them up for sure! Human: *wakes up* Are you serious right now? H: * throws C1 outside*
Dog: I need to pee, but the human doesn't know, so they won't let me out... do I bark or not? Nah. I shouldn't bark. I don't want to annoy the human. *pees all over the floor*
Alien: What is that.. -points to parrot- Human: Oh that? It's a parrot, it's a tropical bird on earth! Alien: Why did you bring it? Human: Parrots are also pets. Parrot: HULLO! Alien: *flinches and shouts* THIS ANIMAL CAN SPEAK!? Human: Yeah, parrots do that.
Alien: What is that Human: an owl Alien: who owns it Owl: who Alien: you Owl who Alien You Owl who Alien You, you feathery beast I should send you the xu'll Owl who Alien RESEARCHERS Owl who Alien AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHGH human snickers in the distance
Alien: Oh. I guess nothing happens after it cuts off. Human: Huh. That’s weird. *days later* Alien: HUMAN!!! THERE IS A NEW PM SEYMOUR VIDEO!! Human: Ah sweet lets watch it. Alien: wait our conversation is in this again. Human: Don’t worry. Nothings going to happen. *sudden explosion*
your own personal existential crisis oh shit I didn’t expect this to get so many likes. I did take inspiration from the original comment, I just thought it would be funny if there was a sort of “several days later” like in spongebob. But yes I did take inspiration from your comment.
H:*Loading a mag with rounds and whistles* A: Human , what are you doing? H:*looks up* Oh , I'm just reloading some of my empty magazines so I'll have rounds later on in case of combat. A:*has a confused look* Why don't you just recharge it? H: Well , these aren't energy based , they're projectiles that are blown out of the gun at speeds faster than sound. A: ........ H:........ What? A: Rather than just vaporizing something you just send metal through it until it dies..? H: Yep but we also have special rounds that do a bunch of other things.... A: Like what? *eyes the human* H: Some spread out into a small wall of death while others penatrate through armour like butter....Some also explode or set things on fire..... A:.......*charges laser gun*
Bullet weapons would be more useful in case of friendly fire, (I assume - it's not like I have a lot of experience with energy weapons that don't even exist) but in cramped places, a ricochet is possible. I guess you could use that to your advantage if you were skilled enough. Also, I'm pretty sure a bullet weapon would be easier to maintain. In short: In a *ahem* purely hypothetical and totally not real scenario where I'm allied with aliens, I'd choose bullets over lasers/plasma. Also, I gotta support the other human with the guns. Okay, maybe I DO play too much Fallout...
sniper 0625 Nah, ammo's hard to find for that thing. Plus it's freakin' heavy, and can't be used in any place smaller than a parking lot without risking self-harm. A Fallout-3 style hunting rifle is good for use against aliens, raiders, super mutants, or feral ghouls. Easy-to-find .32 caliber ammo, good damage, relatively common (which means easy to maintain), good precision/range, and decent weight. But the fire rate and magazine size could use some improvement.
Human grabs his phone and calls spartan 117( master chief) Hey chief, yeah there’s an alien trying to kill me, think you could help. Alien runs away leaving a hole in the wall
Alien: So you're telling me that there's a movie called Alien? Human: Yes. Alien: A horror movie? Human: ... Yes. Alien: Featuring an extraterrestrial lifeform. Human: Yes? Alien: Do you understand how profoundly racist that is!? Human: Okay, before you anything we'll both regret, you should probably see it first. Alien: ... Very well. (It probably isn't even that scary) [After the movie] Alien: I pray your species never unlocks the secrets of genetic coding.
Alien: "Excuse me, Human Jacob, we offered human Sara if she wanted some human food and she declinded. We asked her if it was due to your human Illnesses and she said 'No'." Human J: "Oh, she's just on a diet." Alien: "What is a diet?" Human J: "It's when you eat less to get thiner." Alien:"Why would she do that? She seems to be of a healthy size." Human J: "To be more atractve." Alien: "Why would she want that?" Human J: "Well, because of- It just- Because, people who aren't beautful are Shunned by others." Alien: "That's horred!" Human J: "Yeah, it sometimes gets really bad. Sometimes resulting in eating disorders." Alien: "What is an 'Eating disorder'? Human J: "It's when people eat so little that it's bad for them. Starving themselves to get thin." Alien: "Glorbak! That's horred!" Human J: "Sometimes it gets so bad that people take their comit suiside because of it" Alien: " What dose that mean? " Human J: " It means to die at their own hands" Alien: *Scared face* *A FEW SECONDS LATER* Alien: *Throwing chocolet bars and blancecets* HUMAN SARA! YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE! PLEASE DO NOT GET AN 'EATING DISORDER!'
Alien in Death Valley A: Human why are we here? Last I checked this area was called Death Valley. H: yes it is A: then why are we here? This place is dead of much life with the exception of the more extreme organisms. H: see for yourself *points* A: *looks and and gasps at the color covering the valley* HOW?! H: this area receives almost periodic flooding during the spring, it helps the extreme organisms for the tough year ahead of them. It reminds us that life can flourish even in harsh environments like this. Plus we like looking at colorful things. A: you people may be scatterbrained barbarians, but at the same time you can be the wisest group of survivors. H: we're like all life on this damnable hazard pit covered rock in space. Persistent and adaptable. A: that you are.
joonas sirel 1: Church 2: Washington 3: Simmons Edit: just realized you were talking about the guy's profile pic/name... I thought it was just a random fact thing. People do that sometimes.
Alien discovers chess A: Human Steve Human Bob, what are you doing? S: playing a game. A: another video game? B: no, this is a board game called Chess. A: what is Chess? S: an old strategy game that tests your ability to think and strategize ahead of time to capture the enemy king while defending yous simultaneously. B: Pawns move 2 spaces when you 1st use them then one space afterwards and attack diagonally, Bishops can move as much they want but they have to do it in a diagonal formation, Rooks can move up-and-down and left and right and can do it as much as they want, Knight's move in an L formation that is three squares large, Queens can move any direction and kings can move any direction but only one space. S: Check B: What?! S: Checkmate B: *groans* A: may I try? S: sure, you can play against me *1 hour later* A: I believe I have "Checkmate" Human Steve, this is both relaxing and challenging! Are there more of these board games? B: We're just getting started
Alien: Human, you won't believe this! I just saw one of infants of your species hugging a cub of that huge beast you call a tiger! Humna: Wait, what? Alien: Let me show you! *grabs human's hand and drags him with, finally points a baby with tiger plushie* There! Human: ... *holding back laughter* It's just a toy! Alien: WHAT!? You call another species' youngling A TOY!? Human: No, no, this thing is not a living animal, it's made of fabric and stuffed with wadding! We call them plushies! Alien: ... and you give those... 'plushies'... to your infants? Why? Human: Because they can hug them, play with them, actually older kids play with those too! Alien: ... do I want to know the horrible twist? Human: *thinks of plushie versions of sex-toy* You don't.
Alien: Glad to be working with you, human bounty hunter. I have a tool which can aid you greatly. This blinker allows you to teleport at will. Human: *blinks around the room* Nothing personnel, kid. Alien: What? Human: It's just another meme. Alien: Your species finds humor in the stupidest things. Human: One meme is literally the letter E.
*Alien learns about hockey* Human's Dad: Come on Golden Knights, make the score! Alien: Human Garry, have you seen your son Human Joseph? Human's Dad: Oh, Joseph is at school right now. *Sees the Golden Knights make score* Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about! Alien: What are you watching? Human's Dad: It's hockey. Alien: What is hockey? Human's Dad: Hockey is a sport some humans play were they hit a small disc called a puck into the opponent's net. But they have to keep the puck away from the other opponents so they won't steal it. Alien: Ah well I must say this is- *Hockey player gets tackled* OH SWEET XENOMORPH, WHY DID HE DO THAT!?!? Human's Dad: Oh that? Yeah that's a normal thing they do but it is brutal. Some players got injures from those kinds of things but some got into a concussion because of that. Alien: THIS IS NORMAL!?!?!? Human's Dad: Hey isn't your species up next? Alien: *Is silently praying that his brothers and sisters come out alive... while screaming internally*
Alien: Hello, Human. What are you watching on that telly-box? Human: Hi. Um, first of all, it's called a television, or TV. Second of all, I'm just watching Star Wars. Alien: You are watching recordings from the Star Wars? The violent, brutal, bloody battles?! You are barbaric! Human: Um... Yeah, actually it's just a movie series. Alien: I see.... What is it about? Human: Well, you see, there's this thing called the force, it surrounds us and all that stuff. Basically, there are these good space wizards who can move stuff around without touching them with it, and there-- Alien: Yeah, I'm just gonna stop you right there, I think it'd be better if I just watched with you. *MANY HOURS LATER* Alien: *dying of laughter* This is so good! I mean, this is hilarious! Why's everything so... so humanized? The whole universe, odds are that other species would be _much_ more different than humans, but, well, just look! Hah! And why is there sound in space? That makes no sense! And don't even get me started on those spaceships. In reality, the Millenium Falcon would never even get into the air! *continues laughing* Human: Guess I shouldn't show him Star Trek.... Alien: What was that? Oh, and another thing! If those blaster bolts are pure energy, then why can we see them travel through the air? Shouldn't they be faster than bullets, which we really CAN'T see?! This is ridiculous!
[Alien learns about braces] A: Human what are those metal bits and wires in your mouth? H: Oh, these? These are my braces. A: What function do they serve? H: Well some humans teeth don't line up properly so we glue braces to the and use wires to pull them into place over time. A: That sounds painful. H: Yeah but we have to fix it or it'll cause problems later in life. You get used to the pain, though. What really sucks are the limits on what I can eat with them. A: What do you mean? H: Well the brackets, the larger bits, can fall off if we eat things that knock them loose. Then there's the cleaning- A: Cleaning? H: Oh, yeah. Things can get caught in the wires or around the brackets and if we keep them there our gums can swell and we need to laser surgery to get them back to normal. A: THE LASERS AGAIN?!?!
Human watching swimming during the Olympics. Alien: What are those humans doing? Human: Oh it’s like when other humans run track but it’s in the water. Alien: I see but I thought humans need air to breathe. Can some breathe in water? Human: What? No if you look they are lifting their heads to get air, they just try not to do it often because it slows them down. Alien: So humans willingly suffocate themselves in water for a sport. Human: yeah but it is actually one of the hardest sports to get injured in. Alien: oh that’s good at least for a sec- Human: but humans that aren’t trained can drown and die and even our best swimmers can get tired and drown. Alien: *Angry/frustrated noises*
Jacob the Box Swimming might actually be something only we humans can do, or atleast the way we do it. Most animals can only live in one element, and even the few that can live in more than one element have evolved to do so and can still only remain in the other element for a short time. We humans even being primates, a group that HATES water managed to discover a way to swim.
Me watching “ MyStreet season 4 Minecraft roll play” A: Human, what’s is that your watching? Me: Oh, it’s a thing called Minecraft role play. A: what is, Minecraft role play? Me: it’s when someone creates a character and then pretend to be them, but most of the time, it’s when people Dress up as a fictional character, and pretend to be them. A: why do people do that? Me: For fun! It’s also fun to watch! A: how long does it take? Me: well, if you’re creating a role play, ages! But if you dressing up, not that long. A: why does it take so long? Me: *sobbing* b-because i-it take *sniff* a long time to create such a masterpiece! *sobs even more* A: this is a really weird species.
Human watching the finale of a TV show Human: *sobbing* Alien: why are you crying? DID SOMETHING HARM YOU? H: *through the tears* No, no, I-Its just, this was my favourite show. A-And its over now. A: how so? H: Th-There’ll be no new episodes, and they made the end really saddening. A: yes, but _why_ did it end? H:*less tearful* I guess the creator didnt want the show to continue, or maybe he got forewarning that itd be cancelled. A: why are you so upset about it? H: because i became really attached to the show. I liked the characters, and the plot and such. A: *rushes off* H: .. oh. A: *returns 10 minutes later* HUMAN, TAKE THIS ‘ICE CREAM’ AND THESE ‘POPCORNS’ AND WE CAN WATCH THE SHOW AGAIN.
Humans don't need fancy equipment or special powers to be dangerous, we've spent the past 10,000 years perfecting the art of hunting and surviving. All we need to get the job done is a weapon, a target and time, that's it. We're tough, cunning and tenacious.
XpertArcher You must be Canadian too! I apologize to random objects more than I apologize to other people! Although I bump into random objects more often than I bump into people.
Alien discovers Watership Down Alien: "Human! I have the perfect 'movie' we can watch! How about this?" *shows a DVD cover of Watership Down to the human* Human: "Oh...oh man..." Alien: "What? What is the problem?" Human: "Well, you see...this movie isn't what it seems...with all the violence and others." Alien: "But...t-t-this box clearly says it's for children...are you telling me this movie has death, violence and gore...AND THE HUMANS BEHIND THIS MADE IT FOR LITTLE HUMAN CHILDREN?" Human: "Eh...kinda...?" Alien: *Angry, Confused blabbering and whining*
[Alien reacting to 'First' comments] Alien: **searching TH-cam** Eh... what's this? Human: Oh. It's a comment. Alien: Yes, but it says 'First' Human: Yeah... and? Alien: WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Human: Wh-wha-- Alien: WERE THEY THE FIRST HUMAN THE FIRST COMMENTER THE FIRST JEDI THE FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT-- Human: *_YES_* Alien: BUT THERE'S TEN OF THEM-
*human writing fanfiction* A: Human? What are you doing? H: *rapidly closes display* O-o-oh nothing that's important don't worry about it so if you could... A: Human you are acting suspicious. Reveal your monitor or I will call security. H: Really that's not necessary. A: Then show me. H: I...fine A: A: A: A:...*walks out in disgust*
dragonfreakinlord aliens would be disgusted if they saw the fanfictions of fictional characters like Izaya Orihara or Shizuo Heiwajima especially the Diabolik Lovers ones
[Alien learns about love and lesbians] A: Human, why are there two human females romantically involved in this movie? H: Oh, they're lesbians. A: What are "lesbians?" H: They're women who love other women. A: But isn't that unnecessary for your species? H: Maybe, but they love each other. A: Love? But it's unnecessary and messy and just difficult. H: Yeah but it's also amazing and it kind of completes a person in a way. It's not necessary but it's nice. Love is love and love is good, i guess. A: I guess I'll have to remember that. H: You know we have two lesbians on the ship, right? A: Good to know... Hours later, the humans(including the lesbians)are eating dinner in the ships kitchen A HUMANS I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO UNDERSTAND THIS LOVE YOU SPEAK OF AND I HAVE LEARNED OF "SHIPPING" AS YOU CALL IT!
Human:no no NO! alien: *breaks down door* Do you need medical help?!?! human: what?... Oh, no. alien: THEN WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING?!?!? human: I was about to die in my video game alien: video game? human: Yeah. Basically you need to destroy all the evil aliens that are invading earth to beat the game. alien: its a game... Where you kill... Aliens... human: yes. alien: -_- human: alien: Isn't there a diplomatic way to beat the game? human: I don't think so... alien: how do you know the aliens are evil? human: I don't know. The game just says they're evil... alien: alien: Geoff, is there any way we can send the human back to earth?!? Geoff(an alien): no. alien: ... alien: *slowly backs out of room*
Flarnador XD id probobly mention a side note such as "well, these are far more hostile, savage aliens, they wouldnt let us talk to them even if we tried"
Alien: human? What is this thing called star wars? Human: oh thats a movie thats really popular. There's actualy 9 movies of it. It's supposedly set in a galaxy far far away a long time ago Alien: hmmmm. *leaves the room* Human: *not noticing it left* of course its just made up hehe.... wait where did he go? *some time later* Alien: human I found your "star wars" Human: HOLY SHI...!!!! Alien: I now see why your species likes this Human: well now I know what happens next before the next movie comes out
Ender Slender225 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! hOLy MAkEr. Sorry, I freaked out there.
[During Dinner] A: HUMAN! YOUR DOG IS CRYING! IS IT HURT? H: Calm down, it’s just begging. A: Oh... for what? H: For food. A: Are you telling me that you wait until your dog begs to give him food? How barbaric! H: No! I already gave him his food! A: Then why is he whining?! H: He wants more. A: Then give him your food! He must still be hungry! H: No! This is my dinner I made myself! A: ... A: Your species is a territorial lot of cruel primates...
Alien: what is this? Is there really a human named Thelegend27? Human: what? No! That's a userna- Alien *epiphany about the bounty hunter. Human............... what are you doing? Alien I MUST REPORT THIS!
alien: there is only one question I have human, how can you change your shape? human: oh that’s thanks to garry alien: garry? I was unaware of any of our crew being named garry human: oh he isn’t part of the crew, but there is a mod that allows us to disguise ourselves alien: I see...then when you were in that pose...? human: oh you mean the t-pose? that is just to assert dominance against other humans alien: mental note, use more human “t-poses”
Aliens finding out about vent art A: HUMAN RUTH! WHAT'S THIS THING I FOUND IN YOUR QUARTERS? *waving a piece of vent art* H: what- oh OH! It's called vent art. A: but there is no ventilation system on it H: it's called vent art because it's getting feelings out on paper that you can't really tell other people. Usually it's very strong feelings like sadness, hate, or even happiness or love. A: were you sad when you were drawing this? H: yea.... I'm still a bit sad though A: *rushes to get sweets and a blanket* I SHALL MAKE YOU HAPPY AGAIN HUMAN RUTH! H: ._. Uhhh... thanks...?
Alien: *hanging up some sort of telepathic communication device* human: hey what's that? you were using that thing for a while Alien:Oh, I was interfacing with my creator, Glorzep human: oh, like your parent? Alien: You might say that, Glorzep created all of my race through genetic manipulation human: Oh, so she's like your people's god Alien: no..? human: supreme leader? Alien: not really Human: ...mom??? Alien: No, Gloezep is more like a collection of all the memories of every one of my race since our creation. we simply take what information we need and give what we learn. human: so...you were created by the internet? ...why...and what made Glopzuc? Alien: Glorzep was an artificial AI created to gather knowledge. it outlived it's creator and later made us. Human: so... that's your reason for existing? to gather information for Glipzek? Alien: No, we just do what we want while not intruding upon others and share our experiences periodically to make one another's lives easier. And we exist simply because we can. Human: and no one sends in wrong or edited information or tries to sway the opinions of others with half-truths and manipulation for fun or personal gain? And you never have an existential crisis about your meaning in existing? *starts having an existential crisis* Alien: *grimaces* I...am going to refrain from asking my next 3 immediate questions and...*hands human a chocolate bar*
(If you remember like ages ago some clever guy decided to make one cut off at the very end, breaking the fourth wall) Alien: -e? Human: What happened? Alien: It’s continuing again? Human: Aren’t you guys a state secret? How could he know?! Alien: I don’t know! We never told anyone new, I swear! Human: Wait, what if we’re nothing more than words on a screen? Alien: Come to think of it, there is nothing around us until we think of it... Human: We’re a lie! This isn’t real! Alien: NO IT’S CUTTING OFF AGA- ~Some time later~ Human: Maybe it’s fine when it does this? Alien: Perhaps, we seem to still be fine. Human: What if we’re actually not real? If we’re just the figment of someone’s imagination? Me: *breaks in* YOU NEED TO STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! Alien: What is this... “fourth wall” you speak of? Human: Oh, it’s when we’re in a fictional story or a game and we know stuff like we’re not real and... WAIT WE ARE JUST FAKE? Me: WHAT DID I JUST SAY? This needs to stop! Alien: W-what are you gonna do? Human: NO IT’S CUTTING OFF AGAIN! Alien: I-I’m sure we’ll be fin- *they all disappear with a faint pop* And, in the words of Spicy Lemon, “So that’s what became of Leeroy Jenkins” LEEROYYYYYY JENKINS
Info Chan probably not. A space faring race has likely encountered other alien species before, enough to classify many of these interactions as scientific in nature. So I’m assuming the lore of this series includes a galactic council of sorts composing of at least 2 distinct alien species. (Also the aliens are far more advanced than us by orders of magnitudes)
Info Chan *talks into small box* “One called ‘Info Chan’ seems to perceive pain from information. This naming convention is confusing as ‘Chan’ is believed to be suffix for personification of something”
Alien finds out about about superpowers Alien: Human, what are you watching, and what...is that other human onscreen doing!? Human: *is watching wonder woman (2017)* Oh this? It's a superhero movie Alien: Human, what are "superheroes?" If I may ask Human: Oh, well superheroes, sometimes referred to as superhumans depending on how strong they may be, are characters that act as heroes saving the lives of others and fighting villains. Alien: oh, that must be incredible! How has your species not advanced as much with these kinds of people around!? Human: well, here's the thing...they are fictional *Awkward silence before realization* SuperHUMAN'S on the other hand-
Alien: Hey, human, what's that? Human: Hm? Oh, a video game. A: How does it work? H: Well, pressing a button on the controller makes something happen on the screen. A: Interesting... is there an objective? H: Well, for this, the objective is to get past each level as fast as possible. A: Are you doing good? H: Not the best, but decent. A: Good. *later* A: Human, what's that? H: A video game. I showed you one earlier, right? A: But this looks different than before. It looks more... real. H: Yeah. It's a different game. A: There are multiple? H: Yep, and most of them are completely different from one another. Some can even make you feel strong emotions. A: Which emotions? H: Well, any. Happiness, sadness, anger, disgu- A: Wait, did you say sadness? H: Yes. A: How strong of a sadness? H: Well... uh... A: Yes? H... to the point of... suicide... A: Remind me, suicide is the action of killing ones self, right? H:... yes... A: A: *WHAT THE [UNINTELLIGIBLE ALIEN WORDS] IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!*
Alien discovers booze Alien: Human i heard you where having a bad day ive come to cheak on you. Drunk Human: oh hhhheeeeey buddy i fine (collapses on the floor ) im ok Alien: the FLARG is happening to him have we been hit with a psyon beam (Not drunk human walks in) Alien: Quick hurry get Garry to the med bay somthing is wrong with him Human: dont worry he just drank to much Alien: What so humans turn in to this if they drink to much liquid? (crashing sounds in the backround) Human : oh no only if we drink liquid made from grain or fermented fruits its actually quite nice, we have it for partys or social get togethers. Alien: hhhhhmmmmm i must try this for research (see's a bottle of vodka) oh there is some (chugs the whole bottle) Human: wait no drunk human : chug chug chug chug wwwoooo Alien: UNINTELLIGIBLE ALIEN SOUNDS (smashes bottle) [a few hours later] Alien: oh smarg my cerebral cortext hurts like ive been attacked by 50 psyonic blasts Human: thats a hangover buddy Alien: why would humans subject themselves to this? Human: its the cost of having a fun wild night Alien: what did i do? (panicking) WHY CAN'T I REMBER WHAT I DID HUMAN? WAS I MIND WIPED? Human: no calm down you where drunk there is a chance of that happening but dont worry i filmed the whole thing (watches recording of chaos) Alien: am i? Human: yep Alien: with? Human: yep? Alien: (SCREAMS) Alien: thats it all alchol it going out the air lock
A group of aliens all sitting around a table look at one standing in front of a screen Alien:My fellow members of the council I’m afraid we have a problem the following footage was captured last week Begins playing recording Alien:Finally got you human your death will bring me some nice credits Human:Wait human you think my name is human?! Alien:Of course what else would it be Human:Hahahaha you guys really don’t have a clue do you!? Alien:What are you talking about? Human:You idiot human isn’t my name it’s my species Alien:What?!?! Human:I’m part of a species of billions so go ahead but I hope you know that if another human sees you you’re doomed Alien:Your lying you must be a genetic experiment gone wrong nothing as mad as you could be a natural species Human:No no we’re completely natural but just go ahead and kill me I got all the joy i could already from your terrified face Alien:Shut up just shut up and die ‘raises gun’ Human:Hey you want to know something about humans Alien:What now you have laser eyes?? Human:No we use we use them to fix them but we also don’t have anything important in our shoulders ‘stabs alien with hidden knife’ Human:Well looks like they are going to have a collective pants shitting when they realise I’m just one of a species’Notices camera’ Human:Oh I wish I could see the looks on their faces ‘shoots camera’ Recording ends The group of aliens all have looks of horror and fear on their faces Alien 3:How can they be a species and what type of hell hole made them like that The alien at the projection turns with a grin and rips off face to reveal human Human:Simple questions we are a mad species and earth is our home ‘Shoots all aliens in the room’ Human:So worth it to see their faces Holy shit I think this became more popular than my tattoo comment a while back
(On Alpha century repair base) Alien mechanic: ok how in the multiverse did you brake all most every single antimatter injectors and your computer cores. Human: I don’t know what you mean they are in perfect condition. Alien mechanic: welp now I know why your species is barely able to go 2 parsecs with out ther ship needing repairs or exploding. Alien inspector: (walks in the hanger) hay glopbord do you know wher the ion injector i- is that a human space ship that has a damaged warp core. We know ther a bunch of Barbarians.
In all fairness, I can actualy see that happening. We humans do have a grate history with fighting, wars, different weapons and fighting styles, so it is to be expected we would have grate bounty hunters.
Human: alright that was awesome! *extends fist* Alien: *warble* what is the meaning of you trying to punch me? Are we not friends? Human: what? Oh…! I wasn’t trying to hit you. It’s a fist bump Alien: why would you bump your first on me and not call that punching? Human: it’s like a high five. We both make a fist and bump them into each other Alien: so your species, literally trades punches as a celebration and a greeting? Human: yeah… Alien: no wonder your species is killing itself. Regardless my bionic enhancements would shatter your arm if I participated in this “bumping fist” thing Human: can I have a bionic arm? Alien: Why on Earth’s Hell would I- *stutters then makes frustrated warble* Human: … Alien: … Human: so- Alien: NO!
Human watching anime Alien: Why are you watching a colourful hell? It looks different to those others. Human: It's an anime. It's a Japanese animation. A lot of people hate it. Alien: Is it racist? Does it kill you? Does it harm you? Human: No... it's because they make people look sexualised a lot... Alien: I thought humans liked being aroused? Human: Lolis... Alien: Lolis? Human: Look it up... Alien finds out what a Loli is. Alien: *Disappointed noises*
alien finds out what hentai is 2 seconds later because u cant search for any thing anime with out seeing hentai alien: *EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTED AND ANGRY NOISES*
Human plays Pokemon: A: What are you doing? H: Oh, I’m just playing Pokemon. A: Oh! Is it one of these “video games” that you humans do for recreation? H: Yeah. A: What’s it about? H: Well, there are these things called Pokemon, and the point of the game is to catch a lot of them and have a lot of battles so you can become the best trainer. A: Wait... you routinely play a game about enslaving innocent creatures, putting them in tiny capsules, and forcing them to fight their bretheren?! Why would any human find this fun?! H: Well... A: Please don’t tell me other people do this. H: Well, some people love it so much that they make videos of it on TH-cam, sometimes as a job, sometimes as a hobby. These people are called “Poketubers”. A: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SPECIES?!
Alien: Human what is this thing I found called 'Guardians of the Galaxy'? Human: What? Oh that is a movie set in space where this guy gets kidnapped as a kid and now goes around the galaxy as a sort of thief I guess? He meets this chick, a raccoon, a tree and some serious guy and they have to defeat this evil dude and they save the galaxy. Alien: Sound interesting...may we watch this 'movie'? Human: Uh sure! Ok... *whispers* this isn't going to end well. *After watching movie* Alien: WHAT WAS THAT!? THERE IS NO SOUND IN SPACE SO HOW ARE THEIR SHOOTING NOISES?! AND HOW DID GAMORA SURVIVE BEING OUT OF THE SPACESHIP?! WTF?! Human: I knew it.
This just reminds me of that one animated video where people try to make a story (even the dog, but his ideas are shit) and they go from "two guys boxing for revenge" to "the president is in a gay relationship with an FBI man"
That was amazing. I need more space orcs compilations, theyre my favorite series from you, followed by god amd devil create things, and then the reddit and tumblr stuff.
Dazkrieg CRU, I’d like to imagine that since they doesn’t repeat themselves, they get more and more complicated. “The the type of person that is i identify as, is the type that will not say any sentence, no matter how brief, or how long, in doublicates”
^a pregnant woman walks by a man in a conversation with an alien^ Alien: Hey, Human-Patrick, Human-Susanna seem to have gained weight recently, but I've only seen her eating the "healthy foods" she requested be added to the ship's nutrition synthesizer. Human: Oh, Didn't you hear? She's pregnant. Alien: Pregnant? I've heard the term before but I'm no expert on Human biology, so I don't know what it means. Human: Really? Huh. Basically, it means she's going to have a baby. Alien: Hmm? Why would reproducing make her gain weight? Human: Well, the baby is inside her body and she supplies it with nutrients to help it grow. Alien: So it's like a parasite? Human: Well that's a pretty blunt way of putting it, but I guess it's technically correct... anyways, the baby is then pushed out of her body when it reaches sufficient size and grows into a human. Alien: ^shudders in disgust^ That's horrifying, at least my kind doesn't live inside another being for the first part of our lives. Let me guess, lasers for this process as well? Human: No, But I hear there's a lot of blood and stuff, I've never seen it. Alien: Kell, and I thought that movie you showed me was bad, at least that wasn't real.
Alien: What are you watching? Human: Oh this? It's called Breaking bad. You'd think after centuries television would get better, but it didn't. Alien: What is it about? Human: A high school chemistry teacher gets cancer so he starts making meth, a lethal, highly addictive, and illegal drug, and then sells it so his family doesn't starve after he dies. Alien: So he's a well intentioned villain. What makes it so good? Human: He kinda is and kinda isn't it flip flops all the time. Real gripping stuff. Alien: This sound boring and pretentious human. 12 hours later Alien: HUMAN HELP! Human: What?! Are we under attack?! Are we boarded?! Alien: I can't stop watching!
*Alien discovers Gymnastics* Human: **Is watching a video of a someone doing a series of gymnastics routines** Alien: What are those humans doing? Human: Oh, they're just doing a sport called gymnastics. Alien: I see, what do you do in this "gymnastics"? Human: Oh you do what seems to be impossible moves on a pair of uneven bars, a balance beam, on the floor, or off a vaulting table. Here, watch! Its pretty cool. Alien: okay... **Alien watches the video** Human: See here, she's about to mount onto the balance beam. **human in video proceeds with routine** Alien: WHAT? How is she doing all that with out falling off?!? This sport looks insane! Human: Yeah, but its really amazing! However, if they mess up... They can be really hurt. Alien: Well, isn't that to be expected in most of your "sports"? But what injuries can a human receive from this sport? Human: Well.... It depends. They can be minor injuries of a sprain or broken wrist... Alien: Is that it? Well that doesn't sound bad compared to your other sports- Human: They can also break they're neck and back. Get concussions.- Oh and sometimes it can be because the equipment broke. Alien: *WHY DO YOU HUMANS DO THESE SPORTS EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE AWARE OF THE RISKS?!* Human: ... It doesn't happen *all* the time! They're have been a lot of safety precautions taken to help prevent that in sports! Alien: Oh really? And how many humans had to suffer or die for these "precautions"? Human: ... Alien: HUMAN! Human: **tiny voice**A lot... Alien: *Screams and sounds of anger*
Alien: Human John, what creature is that you're playing with? John: Oh this my pittbull, he won't hurt you. Alien: Will he is kind of intimating; wait why would it try to hurt me? John: Back on Earth pittbulls get a bad reputation for being misjudged as dangerous. Alien: Why's that? This 'pittbutt' as you call it seems harmless. John: Some humans mistreats them and use them in dogs fights, where they have to fight to the death. Plus the media demonizes them, making people fear them more. In places they are completely banned and even put down just for being alive. When raised right, they are sweet little angels. Alien: Once again you humans are barbarians and how dare they hurt this loving creature. *alien crying over dog*
Shy Guy2389 I love Pitties! I would get one if I could, but they're expensive, plus my current dog doesn't like other dogs. Or people she doesn't know.
Alien: Human what is this weird thing in your hand. Human: Well...its a pencil Alien: What do you use it for? Human: To write things down...or to draw a picture Alien: And what are you writing on? Human: Its paper Alien: Where did you get it from? Human: The store...well first they were trees until we cut them down to make wood... Alien: wait...so your saying that you cut your breathing system... Human: hahaha...yea Alien: you disappoint me human
Let's see master of disguise, check Projectile weapons, check Edged weapons, check ..... Dear good Agent 47 is in -goes silent as my brains are reduced to red fog by a sniper.-
Alien discovers sea monsters Alien: Jerry I was looking at your species old maps and I see all these strange creatures swimming in the ocean Jerry: that's a sea serpent, basically a giant sea snake and that's the kraken a giant squid or octopus. Don't worry the sea serpent isn't real and we do have a species of giant squid but they live very deep in the ocean and never attack ships like the stories Alien: why did they draw these creatures? Jerry: it was art that also said these areas were unexplored at the time. But the downside is almost no one would go into these areas as they thought the monsters were real Alien: your telling me ancient humans drew monsters on maps to say these areas are unexplored which caused people to be scared just for art? Jerry: ... Alien: no wonder you humans progressed so slowly
Alien: Human, can you care to explain to me everything about that file I found on your computer called "Minecraft"? Human: It's basically a game where everything is blocky. Alien: And what about this super flat mode for the world setting? Human: Oh that? That just sets the world on how it should look like. Alien: Since when was the Earth flat? Human: Uhhh... People in 2018 think the Earth is flat? Alien: What is wrong with your species?!?! Human: And the laws of physics doesn't apply to this game. Alien: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DON'T APPLY?!?!?!?!??!!??!! Human: And you can cut down trees without having them fall thanks to that feature. Great, right? Alien: ...I knew I shouldn't have visited your planet in the first place...
Great voice acting as usual though I’m not too keen on the sound effects of Human de-cloaking. It sounded like high tech stuff. I would have preferred if you made a *clonk* sound or something like he was hiding inside of it, as that fit much better with the theme of him just being a clever, but otherwise unremarkable dude.
Human: "Finds his Grandfathers sword and swings it " ALIEN: Whats that human and can i try it ? ... "swings the sword" Alien: WOW its so heavy but its cool to do this ! " starts to look a t the sword" Human: its something my grand father left to me its called a sword . Alien: Where did he get it ? "swings 2 more times" Human:its past down thrue generations? Alien:SO Its an item from history ,then what is it purpose? Human : we did not have guns for long before them we used swords to battle Alien:how do you use it ? Human:we get close to an enemy and hit or stab them............ ALIEN: YOU KILL OTHER HUMANS WITH SHARP METAL BLADES UP CLOSE!!!!!!!!!! Human: Yes but its a weary cool weapon ALIEN:.......... Human:........ ALIEN: BARBARIANS ALL OF YOU THE WHOLE RACE!!!!!! You can read it in Scottish and Russian accent (and SERBIAN) :))))))))))))))) English is not my first language so if there are words that are poorly writen do not hate
Human: you know I was thinking. Alien: It's past the natural time humans fall asleep, why aren't you in bed? Human: if humans made it to space on an alien planet that didn't know about humans, but they had this special technology that choices who owns it. Alien: I don't see where you are going with this but go on? Human: what if the technology chose the humans. Wound that be fucked up or what? Alien: i- I don't understand??
Alien: so human, what is this “you-tube” that I have seen on your small device Human:oh, that’s just a place where you can watch videos of all kinds. Alien: explain Human:you just click on the video that appeals to you, then you’re watching it! Alien:but what’s this “not clickbait” and “not fake” Human: uh, you were not supposed to see that Alien: *watches the video* human I think I just caught your disease called “depression”
![Human Are Space Orcs [The Binge Compilation]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lCpKJzB5cSk/mqdefault.jpg)
![Human Are Space Orcs [The Binge Compilation]](/img/tr.png)
Well!
Due to a scheduling error since I am out celebrating my Mom's Birthday, today's videos both went live at 1.
Sorry about that!
Stay cool~
It's cool, dude. :)
Yea it’s cool
Ayy! Happy birthday to 'er !
It's all good! Great video man!
Ay it’s my bday too, what a coincidence! Best wishes to her!
“No, I’m posing as the drinking fountain.”
I just imagined an evil laugh and guns shots going off after this sentence
same
Probably to bangin 80's music
The way that was being said made cheerfully made it sound like it could have come from a guardians of the galaxy movie. :p
End credit scene:
_Human suddenly pops up behind the alien's shoulder_
"Hi there, buddy, what're you doing?"
_Alien, not noticing him approaching, freaks out_
A: SEYMOUR YOU *SCOUNDREL*
H: What?
A: Were you posing as the vending machine!?
H: What the hell have you been smoking?
Alien: human, what is that book you are reading?
Human: it's about slavery.
Alien: oh! You mean the act of forcing others into unpaid servitude?
Human: yeah, you know about it?
Alien: of course! Other races would often come to our planet to enslave us. But... Surely other races haven't come here before?
Human: ...
Alien: ...
Human: not exactly...
Alien: don't tell me you did this to each other.
Human: well we don't do it anymore! That was like a few centuries ago!
Alien: you enslaved your own people only a few centuries ago?!?
Human: uh
Alien: I swear to Aknik you are all barbarians!
Other human: actually in some countries it still happens quite a lot.
Alien: *inhales* every one of your species is insane!!
DragonTardis "we dont do it anymore"... well, I don't have a source on this, but I think I've heard that there are more people enslaved right now than ever before, so there's that. (Also, Libya.)
Just to clear this up, Africans sold themselves into slavery
Passing the buck...
DragonTardis I just gotta like the comment because of the username
*alien watching a farming documentary or some shit*
alien: *sees cow being milked* um.
human: hm?
alien: human john, what the hell is that human doing to that animal?
human: what? oh, he's milking the cow for their milk.
alien: *disgusted* but why would you drink that? you produce your own milk for your offspring, surely it's adequate for adult humans too.
human: ew, no. that's weird. we take milk from other animals, probably because it tastes better, and it's less... strange.
alien: less strange? you're extracting milk from a different species. unconsented. i don't even want to imagine how you came across their fluid to begin with.
*flashback to the first discovery of cow milk*
*gross person 1: steve, what's that dangly thing?*
*gross person 2: no idea, ron- wait, i think that calf is going to- oh. oh, it seems like it's drinking something?*
*gross person 1: oh thats weird.*
*gross person 2: ...*
*gross person 1: ...*
*gross person 2: i know what you're thinking.*
*gross person 1: i'm going to do it.*
*gross person 2: no.*
*gross person 1: IM DOING IT STEVE*
*gross person 2: RON NO THAT'S DISGUSTING*
human: ...good point. but regardless! if your planet doesn't take milk from your livestock where do you get yours from?
alien: ..each other, similar to when a human baby takes their mother's lactation, except we do it all the time.
human: you... are in no position to judge us.
A: What are you reading, human Jacob?
H: Oh, just a fantasy story.
A: About what?
H: Basically it's this story about these kids who can do magic and save the world from evil monsters and stuff.
A: But you told me magic wasn't real last week. Did you deceive me, human?
H: Oh, no no no! Magic isn't real, it's just fun to read about.
A: So you're telling me you're reading about an alternate universe where humans have special powers to escape your cripplingly mundane reality?
H: ..yes?
A: Can I join?
FerretGalaxii HAHA
Is the book percy Jackson by any chance?
It wasn't really based off of any book in particular, but yeah, Percy Jackson sounds right. I'm a fan too!
"So you're telling me you're reading about an alternate universe where humans have special powers to escape your cripplingly mundane reality?"
*Look man you don't gotta call me out like that-*
Alien to a small child: Young human, it seems you are missing one of your teeth!
Child: My tooth was loose! I pulled this one out all by myself today and it's already under my pillow!
Alien: Pulled it out?! Why didn't you leave it in to heal?! And why was it loose in the first place? Did you injure yourself? Has someone harmed you?
Child: *Giggles* You're silly! It was a baby tooth. It got loose because a bigger one is gonna grow. I have two adult teeth already. It means I'm growing up!
Alien: I see... fascinating. However, I am still confused. Why is the pillow important?
Child: The tooth fairy is going to take it while I'm asleep and give me money!
Alien: Tooth.... Fairy? Who or what is this tooth fairy and why do they give you payment for the teeth you've outgrown? What purpose could this... fairy... even have for said teeth?
Child: Well she's magic and she's tiny and she flies !Nobody really knows why she needs them but I think she frames them and puts them on her wall! Or maybe she builds with them! Or she uses them to carve new teeth for other fairies who need them!
Alien: All of those scenarios are... Disturbing...
Alien: HUMAN! I have a question to ask of you.
Human: Okay, shoot
Alien: Well-Wait, you want me to...shoot you? If you insist *fires up ion cannon*
Human: WHAT NO NO STOP!!
Alien; But, you asked me to?
Human: No! I said shoot! Like “ask me the question”! Don’t actually shoot me!!
Alien: Then why didn’t you just say so?!
Human: It’s just something humans say!!
Alien: *looking at gun in hand* I think I figured out why your species is dying.
FandomTrash93 this is… BEAUTIFUL
Of course the alien, being an alien, would take "Okay, shoot" as a literal directive.
Ion Cannon?
Vol... Tron?
Jazz La Vine WHEN I SAY VOL YOU SAY TRON VOL-!!
Ooouuuccchhhhh xD
Alien discovers Mortal Kombat
Human: *plays a battle on Mortal Kombat, and performs a brutal 'FATALITY'*
Alien: "Human, I have made these 'chocolate' bars for yo-WHAT IN THE DAMNING MILKY WAY IS THIS?!"
Human: "O-Oh, don't panic, man. It's fine."
Alien: "FINE. You call ripping the head off another human FINE?"
Human: "Actually, Scorpion's just a demon spawn from hell, with a skull for a fa-"
Alien: "WHY? HOW?"
Human: "Chill, it's just a game..."
Alien: "Game...? THIS is one of those...games that you humans play?"
Human: "Pretty much."
Alien: "...You blasted barbarian."
Kieran Hammersley wait until he plays Saw
I'm gonna use damn milky way
Did anyone else realize that it says "I have made these 'chocolate' bars for yo-"
An alien made chocolate bars. Not cookies or cake or anything, but chocolate bars. Like Hershey's or something.
Alien: human...what is that creature you are holding?
Human: oh this? His a baby. They're kinda the first stage a human goes through in life. Here. * hands baby *
Alien: i see. Hello...smaller human...* baby giggles * human?
Human: yeah?
Alien: is this feeling of warmth normal when caring for these "babies?"
Human: yeah. Till the project vomit on you
Alien: they do WHAT?
Jackie Morefield other human:babys are cute... but messy as heck as their digestive system hasnt fully matured yet, so they cant control their bodily functions... thus they puke and poop and pee normally... but they are adorable and happy too. You gotta take the good with the bad.
If the alien has children that are fully autonomous at birth, they wouldn't have the chemicals to care about the baby. Babies are weak, defense-less, wastes of resources for the first year. Honestly, I'm surprised we made it this long.
Alien: Human, what is it that you're... doing? With... that uh..... oddly shaped object?
Human: Oh, I'm playing a video game.
Alien: ...?
Human: ....Okay, the idea is that you use this remote, also called a controller, to essentially control an avatar who does what it is you need to do at the moment.
Alien: Ah. Well... may I try this.... "video game" then, for scientific purposes of course?
Human: Sure.
*five hours later*
Alien: THAT'S NOT HOW YOU USE A HYPERDRIVE! AND WHAT'S WITH THE WEAPONRY, IT'S SO IMPRACTICAL TO FIRE PARTICLE BEAMS OF THAT MAGNITUDE, ESPECIALLY WITH SOMETHING THAT SMALL THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IS HOUSING ALL THAT POWER! AND DO *NOT* GET ME STARTED ON HOW IDIOTIC THE IDEA IS THAT SOMEHOW, IN SOME WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, THAT THAT *THING* IS SUPPOSED TO BE A QUANTUM COMPUTER
Human: ...................................This is a game about giant robots slap fighting with each other while humans and androids are doing parkour on everything with nothing but jump jets, what did you expect
Alien: *SOME FORM OF [untranslatable alien word] REALISM*
Ruilmon sez hi Is the mentioned game Titanfall 2?
basically
I would say that he is overthinking the game, but then I watch game theory.
wait until he sees doom eternal or hears about the slayers testament
Alien 1: Did you know humans eat only certain kinds of moldy food?
Alien 2: What?? Our human shipmates told me they dispose of moldy food.
Alien 1: Yes, it would seem there are some exceptions, such as this substance called "cheese". Do you remember when they told us about how they drink cattle milk?
Alien 2: Urgh, yes. It seems even THEY don't know how that began.
Alien 1: Well, cheese is apparently formed by leaving milk out for a certain period of time.
Alien 2: ...In other words, allowing it to "spoil"?
Alien 1: Yes. And they have been doing this for many years.
Alien 2: ...How in the name of Grut'ba are they still alive!?
Martin D. This needs to be in it.
+Extrascript662
Thank you! : >
*_cheese is the greatest thing on earth how dare they_*
Alien 1: It gets worse.
Alien 2: How can it get worse?
Alien 1: You know that drink...wine they call it?
Alien 2: The one that makes them stupid and can't pilot a ship yes.
Alien 1: It is grape juice they've allowed to spoil and become poison.
Alien 2: Ye merciful Galbrox!
Alien 1: And they give it to their young. He assured me it's just juice, but can we be sure at this point?
Alien 2: Barbarians.
Martin D. Omfg I just tried to like this like how you would in insta XD
Alien: Human, why are you watching those two humans fight?
Human: Huh? Oh, this is called boxing. It's a sport.
Alien: You've turned physically beating each other into a sport? Why?!
Human: Hey, there's a lot that goes into boxing besides two guys beating the tar out of each other. The fights are divided into 10 rounds with breaks in-between them, and each boxer is scored based on how well they fought each round. A winner is decided by points or knockout.
Alien: You can win by beating your opponent unconscious? Isn't that rather dangerous?
Human: Oh yeah, back in the day boxers could die fighting in the ring. We've had to make a lot of rules and regulations to prevent that from happening again.
Alien: So rather than stop fighting you made fighting safer?
Human: Well, when you put it that way-
Alien: THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO PUT IT
Just wait 'til he finds out we actually made it more dangerous by doing that.
@@Acorn_Anomaly or full on mma,wrestling,and fencing
"No, I'm posing as the drinking fountain"
BRILLIANT
K0ncursus
Not so brilliant when the alien comes to get a drink.
"Hey boss. Someone sabotaged the water fountain again.
It has yellow smelly water coming out of it and the tap grows longer as I went to get a drink"
Okay plan B:
RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN
He’s really hiding inside of a cardboard box.
twinodoom
Snake? Snake!? SNAAAAAAKEEEEE!!!!
*!*
*Advanced stealth technology*
Snake boi is da best. AND HE MADE IT BACK TO SMASH!!!
twinodoom Distracting enemies with dirty magazines.
Alien: So who is the most powerfull of you humans
* man shows him Chuck Norris Memes *
Alien: sweet mother of god.....
Nice
Human "oh no he is the father"
illjan 2004
No, it's Molly Weasley by far.
"Not my daughter, you bitch!"
*screeching of horror in the background*
No his name is shaggy
Alien: HUMAN!
Human: Okay, I've told you a million times to knock before you enter my room!
Alien: A million? But I haven't even been in your room a million times...
Human: Alright, *places book of figurative language on desk* I know what you're learning next about the English Language!
Alien leaves.
Human. Drax here really need to learn figures of speech.
Alien. Breaks down door.
Alien. I told you my name isn’t drax
Alien learning about tornadoes
Alien: human why are we staying inside?
Human: cuz there’s a tornado.
Alien: isn’t that just a storm?
Human: not really. It’s a lot of spiraling wind...
Alien: that doesn’t sound ba-
Human: it also sucks things up.
Alien: ...
Other human: we also chase them.
Alien: just why?
Human: cuz it’s cool?
Alien: well then I’ll do it!
Human: what? Don’t!
Alien: but you said it was cool!
Human: it’s also dangerous.
Alien: *angry and confused noises*
Human: oh hey it’s over
Alien: ... so?
Human: Well it’s over so we can go outside...
This is the most likes I’ve ever gotten so thanks!
FOR SCIENCE
For science!
Alien learns about tornadoes part 2
(It leaves off when the alien is just confused about chasing tornadoes)
Alien: just why?
Human: cuz it’s cool?
Alien: well then I’ll do it!
Human: what don’t!
Alien: why? You said it’s cool!
Human: yeah but it’s also dangerous!
Alien: *even more angry and confused noises*
If this reply gets a like I’ll add this to the comment
Edit: welp I’ll add it now!
Sans4days me: its cool BECAUSE its dangerous. We arnt barbarians, we are the daredevils of the universe!
That’s a really good comment...
Alien: why are you severing your appendages Human!?
Human: huh? oh I'm just cutting my hair
Alien: Why!? don't you need it?
Human: well not really, I mean it keeps us warm and in a way it acts as armor, it's even said that swordsmen back in the day would grow their hair long to defend against strikes on their bac-
Alien: if it protects you that much why are you cutting it off!!?
Human: cuz it looks better this way *HAIR FLIP*
*HAIR FLIP*
Human: Also, the chances of being hit by a sword in this day and age aren't very high...
Other human: NYYAAAAHHHHH *pulls out a katana*
@@irishcat3355 H2: you have insulted my waifu for the last time
Alien: PULLS OUT ION CANNON AND SHOOTS HUMAN 2
Alien: Human Aurora I have done research on the hobbies of your home planet but I am confused.
Human: *walks over* What about?
Alien: Apparently there is a society on your planet that believes it is flat. I thought you said that humans have taken photos of your planet for educational purposes?
Human: Well yeah but there are some humans who believe those photos were fabricated and have even made videos stating their evidence.
Alien: And you have not once corrected then on their logic?
Human: We've tried but they're extremely stubborn and stick to their beliefs.
Alien: *sighs in defeat*
Rockstar Haven you need more likes
H: you can't argue with idiots
They'll drag you Down to their level
Well,to be fair we can't actually go into space ourselves and prove either way.The government could send pictures of the Earth being square and what proof would we have of it being false?The majority of humans never go into space,so we only know through pictures and videos.
Not choosing a side,just pointing this out.If you have opinions or would like to say something about it,you can reply
Rockstar Haven Human 2: Extra Terrestrial Life and yet Flat Earthers make some of our worse look SANE....
Human: same here
*An Alien telling a Human about FTL*
Human: So you can go faster than light?
Alien: Correct Human Tod, a truly marvelous way to travel.
Human: That's amazing! How do you handle the tremendous G forces?
Alien: Well you see, before we begin the sequence, we stick a rare worm with giant glowing antenna into one of our audio orfices! True symbiosis, they wiggle into our brain and release a chemical that helps ease the stress of FTL!
Human: *Trying not to vomit* Oh.. okay that's... Disturbing..
Is it bad that when I saw this o thought of the game and not the speed?
Flash Mob
Alien: Human, what are these people doing?
Human: Oh, that's a flash mob! People set up these events up where a lot of people do something together that's outside the norm, like going to a mall and dancing to one of our more iconic songs or freeze in place at the same time.
Alien: Why do they do it?
Human: A couple reasons... but mainly because it's fun. And it... enriches the moment for the people that are there. They're often recorded so people can watch them on the internet later.
Alien: That is... quite ingenious actually. I approve... for once.
Edrogrimshell
Like running around in inflatable dinosaur suits in a mall!
There it is. It wouldn't be human if it wasn't weirdly inappropriate in some way...
Not that I'm judging. Live your life, be yourself! There's nothing wrong with doing things your own way (as long as it's legal) and if someone wants to stop you just because they don't like you, ignore them.
I’ve got a new idea. Animals trying to figure out human things/ humans/ human behavior. Example:
Cat 1: The human isn’t responding.
Cat 2: Do you think they’re dead?
C1: I don’t know. How should I know?
C2: Use your nose, mouse-brain.
C1: My nose hasn’t worked since my run-in with that dog.
C2: Step on their face...?
C1: Choke them! That’ll wake them up for sure!
Human: *wakes up* Are you serious right now?
H: * throws C1 outside*
Katrina O’Neil oh i know that so well
Dog: I need to pee, but the human doesn't know, so they won't let me out... do I bark or not? Nah. I shouldn't bark. I don't want to annoy the human.
*pees all over the floor*
Houston Laing 😂
channel editor: be careful with c4 she will hurt you if you’re not careful
Alien: What is that.. -points to parrot-
Human: Oh that? It's a parrot, it's a tropical bird on earth!
Alien: Why did you bring it?
Human: Parrots are also pets.
Parrot: HULLO!
Alien: *flinches and shouts* THIS ANIMAL CAN SPEAK!?
Human: Yeah, parrots do that.
Why did I read the parrot's voice as Toad?
Frederyk Strife same.
Alien: What is that
Human: an owl
Alien: who owns it
Owl: who
Alien: you
Owl who
Alien You
Owl who
Alien You, you feathery beast I should send you the xu'll
Owl who
Alien RESEARCHERS
Owl who
Alien AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHGH
human snickers in the distance
Jack Mack.
Human. It’s what they say all the time.
Alien. Why
Alien: Oh. I guess nothing happens after it cuts off.
Human: Huh. That’s weird.
*days later*
Alien: HUMAN!!! THERE IS A NEW PM SEYMOUR VIDEO!!
Human: Ah sweet lets watch it.
Alien: wait our conversation is in this again.
Human: Don’t worry. Nothings going to happen.
*sudden explosion*
Hobbescat 007 thou art taken inspiration from me
“I guess nothing happens after it cuts off”
So naive, so innocent. It will be corrupted soon enough.
why is it you steal my idea and change it up a bit but you sTILL GET ALL THE LIKES
I am impossibly furious right now
your own personal existential crisis oh shit I didn’t expect this to get so many likes. I did take inspiration from the original comment, I just thought it would be funny if there was a sort of “several days later” like in spongebob. But yes I did take inspiration from your comment.
Hobbescat 007 lol *several days later*
k nvm
This actually sounds like a combination of Spy, Snake and Agent 47. Would be a hilarious series.
i can imagine heavy talking about this guy
"i fear no man, but that thing... it scares me"
The spy is a lie
Sooooooo a bald french snake with the sharpest suit in the galaxy? Sounds good to me.
Hell probably just sit on the corner of the point though.
Can you imagine General Campbell and Diana arguing about what course of action to take? 😂
That drinking fountain is a spy!
H:*Loading a mag with rounds and whistles*
A: Human , what are you doing?
H:*looks up* Oh , I'm just reloading some of my empty magazines so I'll have rounds later on in case of combat.
A:*has a confused look* Why don't you just recharge it?
H: Well , these aren't energy based , they're projectiles that are blown out of the gun at speeds faster than sound.
A: ........
H:........ What?
A: Rather than just vaporizing something you just send metal through it until it dies..?
H: Yep but we also have special rounds that do a bunch of other things....
A: Like what? *eyes the human*
H: Some spread out into a small wall of death while others penatrate through armour like butter....Some also explode or set things on fire.....
A:.......*charges laser gun*
Bullet weapons would be more useful in case of friendly fire, (I assume - it's not like I have a lot of experience with energy weapons that don't even exist) but in cramped places, a ricochet is possible. I guess you could use that to your advantage if you were skilled enough. Also, I'm pretty sure a bullet weapon would be easier to maintain.
In short: In a *ahem* purely hypothetical and totally not real scenario where I'm allied with aliens, I'd choose bullets over lasers/plasma. Also, I gotta support the other human with the guns.
Okay, maybe I DO play too much Fallout...
Houston Laing Same dude ,maybe a fat man can ease the problem with the aliens?
sniper 0625
Nah, ammo's hard to find for that thing. Plus it's freakin' heavy, and can't be used in any place smaller than a parking lot without risking self-harm.
A Fallout-3 style hunting rifle is good for use against aliens, raiders, super mutants, or feral ghouls. Easy-to-find .32 caliber ammo, good damage, relatively common (which means easy to maintain), good precision/range, and decent weight. But the fire rate and magazine size could use some improvement.
Human grabs his phone and calls spartan 117( master chief)
Hey chief, yeah there’s an alien trying to kill me, think you could help.
Alien runs away leaving a hole in the wall
Okay, this is a very interesting conversation, but I'm afraid that a settlement is in need of your help right now.
I'll mark it on your map.
Alien: So you're telling me that there's a movie called Alien?
Human: Yes.
Alien: A horror movie?
Human: ... Yes.
Alien: Featuring an extraterrestrial lifeform.
Human: Yes?
Alien: Do you understand how profoundly racist that is!?
Human: Okay, before you anything we'll both regret, you should probably see it first.
Alien: ... Very well. (It probably isn't even that scary)
[After the movie]
Alien: I pray your species never unlocks the secrets of genetic coding.
Alphazoid
H: Oh, we're actually working on that.
A: WHAT!?
Alien: HEADQUARTERS, THIS IS SCOUT 723!
THIS SPECIES IS DANGEROUS! SHUT DOWN OR ISOLATE IMMEDIATELY
*Waits 20 years for message to be received, and a responce to comeback*
Dr Inversion, more like atleast 70 000. Unless aliens exist on jupiter
*_years later, in 2090, we have created fire breathing dragons_*
Alien: greetings! I am back! Though, I am a bit la- hOLY-
Alien: "Excuse me, Human Jacob, we offered human Sara if she wanted some human food and she declinded. We asked her if it was due to your human Illnesses and she said 'No'."
Human J: "Oh, she's just on a diet."
Alien: "What is a diet?"
Human J: "It's when you eat less to get thiner."
Alien:"Why would she do that? She seems to be of a healthy size."
Human J: "To be more atractve."
Alien: "Why would she want that?"
Human J: "Well, because of- It just- Because, people who aren't beautful are Shunned by others."
Alien: "That's horred!"
Human J: "Yeah, it sometimes gets really bad. Sometimes resulting in eating disorders."
Alien: "What is an 'Eating disorder'?
Human J: "It's when people eat so little that it's bad for them. Starving themselves to get thin."
Alien: "Glorbak! That's horred!"
Human J: "Sometimes it gets so bad that people take their comit suiside because of it"
Alien: " What dose that mean? "
Human J: " It means to die at their own hands"
Alien: *Scared face*
*A FEW SECONDS LATER*
Alien: *Throwing chocolet bars and blancecets* HUMAN SARA! YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE! PLEASE DO NOT GET AN 'EATING DISORDER!'
i like the end🙂
This is very wholesome
Alien in Death Valley
A: Human why are we here? Last I checked this area was called Death Valley.
H: yes it is
A: then why are we here? This place is dead of much life with the exception of the more extreme organisms.
H: see for yourself *points*
A: *looks and and gasps at the color covering the valley* HOW?!
H: this area receives almost periodic flooding during the spring, it helps the extreme organisms for the tough year ahead of them. It reminds us that life can flourish even in harsh environments like this. Plus we like looking at colorful things.
A: you people may be scatterbrained barbarians, but at the same time you can be the wisest group of survivors.
H: we're like all life on this damnable hazard pit covered rock in space. Persistent and adaptable.
A: that you are.
Beautiful just beautiful
Ps vic is my fav. Character from rvb
joonas sirel
1: Church
2: Washington
3: Simmons
Edit: just realized you were talking about the guy's profile pic/name... I thought it was just a random fact thing. People do that sometimes.
That was...BEAUTIFUL
Alien discovers chess
A: Human Steve Human Bob, what are you doing?
S: playing a game.
A: another video game?
B: no, this is a board game called Chess.
A: what is Chess?
S: an old strategy game that tests your ability to think and strategize ahead of time to capture the enemy king while defending yous simultaneously.
B: Pawns move 2 spaces when you 1st use them then one space afterwards and attack diagonally, Bishops can move as much they want but they have to do it in a diagonal formation, Rooks can move up-and-down and left and right and can do it as much as they want, Knight's move in an L formation that is three squares large, Queens can move any direction and kings can move any direction but only one space.
S: Check
B: What?!
S: Checkmate
B: *groans*
A: may I try?
S: sure, you can play against me
*1 hour later*
A: I believe I have "Checkmate" Human Steve, this is both relaxing and challenging! Are there more of these board games?
B: We're just getting started
Vic Finally something good about humanity.
Wait untill the alien finds out about *Monopoly*
Cards Against Humanity is better. Explain it to the alien as "all that weird stuff we told you about, put onto cards"
Vic
I say introduce aliens to Twister!
I'd love to see an alien's reaction to Clue...
Alien: Human, you won't believe this! I just saw one of infants of your species hugging a cub of that huge beast you call a tiger!
Humna: Wait, what?
Alien: Let me show you! *grabs human's hand and drags him with, finally points a baby with tiger plushie* There!
Human: ... *holding back laughter* It's just a toy!
Alien: WHAT!? You call another species' youngling A TOY!?
Human: No, no, this thing is not a living animal, it's made of fabric and stuffed with wadding! We call them plushies!
Alien: ... and you give those... 'plushies'... to your infants? Why?
Human: Because they can hug them, play with them, actually older kids play with those too!
Alien: ... do I want to know the horrible twist?
Human: *thinks of plushie versions of sex-toy* You don't.
Human: *Thinks about fursuits* You _really_ wouldn't.
I can imagine they would.
fursuits are a little bit less scandalous than sex plushies lol... now a murrsuit... ok I'll admit they are a little weird lol
I am now curious. I have a feeling that will turn to regret real fast.
I'm gonna regret this...
I know what a fursuit is (from Wikipedia, *not* personal experience) but what's a murrsuit?
Alien: Glad to be working with you, human bounty hunter. I have a tool which can aid you greatly. This blinker allows you to teleport at will.
Human: *blinks around the room* Nothing personnel, kid.
Alien: What?
Human: It's just another meme.
Alien: Your species finds humor in the stupidest things.
Human: One meme is literally the letter E.
*Underrated comment*
Hahahaha
MISTER STABBY
*"just another parasite"*
*Alien learns about hockey*
Human's Dad: Come on Golden Knights, make the score!
Alien: Human Garry, have you seen your son Human Joseph?
Human's Dad: Oh, Joseph is at school right now. *Sees the Golden Knights make score* Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about!
Alien: What are you watching?
Human's Dad: It's hockey.
Alien: What is hockey?
Human's Dad: Hockey is a sport some humans play were they hit a small disc called a puck into the opponent's net. But they have to keep the puck away from the other opponents so they won't steal it.
Alien: Ah well I must say this is- *Hockey player gets tackled* OH SWEET XENOMORPH, WHY DID HE DO THAT!?!?
Human's Dad: Oh that? Yeah that's a normal thing they do but it is brutal. Some players got injures from those kinds of things but some got into a concussion because of that.
Alien: THIS IS NORMAL!?!?!?
Human's Dad: Hey isn't your species up next?
Alien: *Is silently praying that his brothers and sisters come out alive... while screaming internally*
RaphaelMines107 Sounds fun
Wait until he sees the fighting. And proceeds to think everything involves violence.
I heard the word xenomorph and acutally droped my phone
Back into a corner
And screeched
@@irishcat3355 that''s.... odd..
Alien: Hello, Human. What are you watching on that telly-box?
Human: Hi. Um, first of all, it's called a television, or TV. Second of all, I'm just watching Star Wars.
Alien: You are watching recordings from the Star Wars? The violent, brutal, bloody battles?! You are barbaric!
Human: Um... Yeah, actually it's just a movie series.
Alien: I see.... What is it about?
Human: Well, you see, there's this thing called the force, it surrounds us and all that stuff. Basically, there are these good space wizards who can move stuff around without touching them with it, and there--
Alien: Yeah, I'm just gonna stop you right there, I think it'd be better if I just watched with you.
*MANY HOURS LATER*
Alien: *dying of laughter* This is so good! I mean, this is hilarious! Why's everything so... so humanized? The whole universe, odds are that other species would be _much_ more different than humans, but, well, just look! Hah! And why is there sound in space? That makes no sense! And don't even get me started on those spaceships. In reality, the Millenium Falcon would never even get into the air! *continues laughing*
Human: Guess I shouldn't show him Star Trek....
Alien: What was that? Oh, and another thing! If those blaster bolts are pure energy, then why can we see them travel through the air? Shouldn't they be faster than bullets, which we really CAN'T see?! This is ridiculous!
Oh boy.
*Brace for Impact*
Gaming Nerd me: star trek is another human space show.. except its episodic and not a movie, its a TV series. You should watch if
Wait until the alien learns about doctor who.
[Alien learns about braces]
A: Human what are those metal bits and wires in your mouth?
H: Oh, these? These are my braces.
A: What function do they serve?
H: Well some humans teeth don't line up properly so we glue braces to the and use wires to pull them into place over time.
A: That sounds painful.
H: Yeah but we have to fix it or it'll cause problems later in life. You get used to the pain, though. What really sucks are the limits on what I can eat with them.
A: What do you mean?
H: Well the brackets, the larger bits, can fall off if we eat things that knock them loose. Then there's the cleaning-
A: Cleaning?
H: Oh, yeah. Things can get caught in the wires or around the brackets and if we keep them there our gums can swell and we need to laser surgery to get them back to normal.
A: THE LASERS AGAIN?!?!
coppied i think.
Human watching swimming during the Olympics.
Alien: What are those humans doing?
Human: Oh it’s like when other humans run track but it’s in the water.
Alien: I see but I thought humans need air to breathe. Can some breathe in water?
Human: What? No if you look they are lifting their heads to get air, they just try not to do it often because it slows them down.
Alien: So humans willingly suffocate themselves in water for a sport.
Human: yeah but it is actually one of the hardest sports to get injured in.
Alien: oh that’s good at least for a sec-
Human: but humans that aren’t trained can drown and die and even our best swimmers can get tired and drown.
Alien: *Angry/frustrated noises*
Jacob the Box Swimming might actually be something only we humans can do, or atleast the way we do it.
Most animals can only live in one element, and even the few that can live in more than one element have evolved to do so and can still only remain in the other element for a short time.
We humans even being primates, a group that HATES water managed to discover a way to swim.
Jacob the Box don’t forget there are almost always a lifeguard
Me watching “ MyStreet season 4 Minecraft roll play”
A: Human, what’s is that your watching?
Me: Oh, it’s a thing called Minecraft role play.
A: what is, Minecraft role play?
Me: it’s when someone creates a character and then pretend to be them, but most of the time, it’s when people Dress up as a fictional character, and pretend to be them.
A: why do people do that?
Me: For fun! It’s also fun to watch!
A: how long does it take?
Me: well, if you’re creating a role play, ages! But if you dressing up, not that long.
A: why does it take so long?
Me: *sobbing* b-because i-it take *sniff* a long time to create such a masterpiece! *sobs even more*
A: this is a really weird species.
*Falls through the ceiling* I'VE BEEN SUMMONED!
*Busts through wall* Greetings. *Implodes on self into nothingness* *another me climbs through window* Hi
*rips hole through time and space* Howdy!
*Zooms in with wormhole* G'day mate!
*teleporta behind you* Nothin personel kid.
*Pops out the the ground* I too, have been summoned, mortal.
Human watching the finale of a TV show
Human: *sobbing*
Alien: why are you crying?
DID SOMETHING HARM YOU?
H: *through the tears* No, no, I-Its just, this was my favourite show. A-And its over now.
A: how so?
H: Th-There’ll be no new episodes, and they made the end really saddening.
A: yes, but _why_ did it end?
H:*less tearful* I guess the creator didnt want the show to continue, or maybe he got forewarning that itd be cancelled.
A: why are you so upset about it?
H: because i became really attached to the show. I liked the characters, and the plot and such.
A: *rushes off*
H: .. oh.
A: *returns 10 minutes later* HUMAN, TAKE THIS ‘ICE CREAM’ AND THESE ‘POPCORNS’ AND WE CAN WATCH THE SHOW AGAIN.
That how I’d feel if MyStreet got cancelled
I'm saying "take these popcorns" to my friends from now on
*quietly sobs about voltron*
That's cute
*flashback to the canceled hotwheel acceleracer 5&6*
F
Humans don't need fancy equipment or special powers to be dangerous, we've spent the past 10,000 years perfecting the art of hunting and surviving. All we need to get the job done is a weapon, a target and time, that's it. We're tough, cunning and tenacious.
Lord Black Yeah! *Trips over bucket and face plants into the dirt*
Damn right. *Walks into a glass door, then proceeds to apologise to said door*
I'm glad to find people who realise the potential of humans! *Accidentally stubs my toe on a table leg*
XpertArcher
You must be Canadian too!
I apologize to random objects more than I apologize to other people! Although I bump into random objects more often than I bump into people.
Houston Laing
I'm American, actually :3
But I also apologise everywhere. Maybe I have some Canadian genes in me.
>posing as a drinking fountain
"Something is wrong with this fountain's filtration system"
Talin Peacy
And the tap appears to be growing.
ScottySquatch oH
OMFG LMAOOO
ScottySquatch It seems to be broken since it’s making a weird noise
Alien discovers Watership Down
Alien: "Human! I have the perfect 'movie' we can watch! How about this?" *shows a DVD cover of Watership Down to the human*
Human: "Oh...oh man..."
Alien: "What? What is the problem?"
Human: "Well, you see...this movie isn't what it seems...with all the violence and others."
Alien: "But...t-t-this box clearly says it's for children...are you telling me this movie has death, violence and gore...AND THE HUMANS BEHIND THIS MADE IT FOR LITTLE HUMAN CHILDREN?"
Human: "Eh...kinda...?"
Alien: *Angry, Confused blabbering and whining*
Kieran Hammersley Happy Tree Friends.
DON'T SHOW THIS TO ALIENS
this is the first Watership Down reference i've ever seen in a comments section. Thank you.
God damn that movie scarred me
The alien discovering the 70s and 80s. Especially Spielberg. That would be gold.
[Alien reacting to 'First' comments]
Alien: **searching TH-cam** Eh... what's this?
Human: Oh. It's a comment.
Alien: Yes, but it says 'First'
Human: Yeah... and?
Alien: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Human: Wh-wha--
Alien: WERE THEY THE FIRST HUMAN THE FIRST COMMENTER THE FIRST JEDI THE FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT--
Human: *_YES_*
Alien: BUT THERE'S TEN OF THEM-
Macawesome Bird xDDDDDD YESSS
Me: oh silly alien...
BUT THERE'S TEN OF THEM
Why am I laughing so hard xD
*human writing fanfiction*
A: Human? What are you doing?
H: *rapidly closes display* O-o-oh nothing that's important don't worry about it so if you could...
A: Human you are acting suspicious. Reveal your monitor or I will call security.
H: Really that's not necessary.
A: Then show me.
H: I...fine
A:
A:
A:
A:...*walks out in disgust*
dragonfreakinlord pffff
dragonfreakinlord aliens would be disgusted if they saw the fanfictions of fictional characters like Izaya Orihara or Shizuo Heiwajima
especially the Diabolik Lovers ones
your own personal existential crisis pretty much. Love your username btw
Caroline Elizer thank you! I’m able to make an amazing amount of jokes with it, it’s hilarious.
[Alien learns about love and lesbians]
A: Human, why are there two human females romantically involved in this movie?
H: Oh, they're lesbians.
A: What are "lesbians?"
H: They're women who love other women.
A: But isn't that unnecessary for your species?
H: Maybe, but they love each other.
A: Love? But it's unnecessary and messy and just difficult.
H: Yeah but it's also amazing and it kind of completes a person in a way. It's not necessary but it's nice. Love is love and love is good, i guess.
A: I guess I'll have to remember that.
H: You know we have two lesbians on the ship, right?
A: Good to know...
Hours later, the humans(including the lesbians)are eating dinner in the ships kitchen
A HUMANS I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO UNDERSTAND THIS LOVE YOU SPEAK OF AND I HAVE LEARNED OF "SHIPPING" AS YOU CALL IT!
YEEESSSSSSSSSSSS ALIEN HAS LEARNED OH SHIPPING AND CAN NOW LEARN ABOUT HOW TO WRITE FAN FICTIONS
Isabelle No Last Name YES!
That went downhill fast huh?
Human:no no NO!
alien: *breaks down door* Do you need medical help?!?!
human: what?... Oh, no.
alien: THEN WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING?!?!?
human: I was about to die in my video game
alien: video game?
human: Yeah. Basically you need to destroy all the evil aliens that are invading earth to beat the game.
alien: its a game... Where you kill... Aliens...
human: yes.
alien: -_-
human:
alien: Isn't there a diplomatic way to beat the game?
human: I don't think so...
alien: how do you know the aliens are evil?
human: I don't know. The game just says they're evil...
alien:
alien: Geoff, is there any way we can send the human back to earth?!?
Geoff(an alien): no.
alien: ...
alien: *slowly backs out of room*
Lmao my name is Geoff, *Oh shit Im an alien*
Comrade Geoffmay1 -This is all a simulation meant to brainwash you-
Oh, what a coincidence.
Flarnador XD id probobly mention a side note such as "well, these are far more hostile, savage aliens, they wouldnt let us talk to them even if we tried"
Oh no they found out about halo. Red alert red alert all halo fans hide your games before you alien friends find them
I mean your
Alien: human? What is this thing called star wars?
Human: oh thats a movie thats really popular. There's actualy 9 movies of it. It's supposedly set in a galaxy far far away a long time ago
Alien: hmmmm. *leaves the room*
Human: *not noticing it left* of course its just made up hehe.... wait where did he go?
*some time later* Alien: human I found your "star wars"
Human: HOLY SHI...!!!!
Alien: I now see why your species likes this
Human: well now I know what happens next before the next movie comes out
Ender Slender225
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
hOLy MAkEr.
Sorry, I freaked out there.
No idea whats goin on
[During Dinner]
A: HUMAN! YOUR DOG IS CRYING! IS IT HURT?
H: Calm down, it’s just begging.
A: Oh... for what?
H: For food.
A: Are you telling me that you wait until your dog begs to give him food? How barbaric!
H: No! I already gave him his food!
A: Then why is he whining?!
H: He wants more.
A: Then give him your food! He must still be hungry!
H: No! This is my dinner I made myself!
A: ...
A: Your species is a territorial lot of cruel primates...
And his name is...
TheLegend27
THELEGEND27 NEVER DIES!
RedDuskRaven Hub
What if I told you, that memes never truly die?
NO NOT *THELEGEND27*
Alien: what is this? Is there really a human named Thelegend27?
Human: what? No! That's a userna-
Alien *epiphany about the bounty hunter.
Human............... what are you doing?
Alien I MUST REPORT THIS!
RedDuskRaven Hub memes never die. They just go missing in action
alien: there is only one question I have human, how can you change your shape?
human: oh that’s thanks to garry
alien: garry? I was unaware of any of our crew being named garry
human: oh he isn’t part of the crew, but there is a mod that allows us to disguise ourselves
alien: I see...then when you were in that pose...?
human: oh you mean the t-pose? that is just to assert dominance against other humans
alien: mental note, use more human “t-poses”
Beautiful
Were you or were you not just talking about Garry's Mod? I really wanna know!
yes
I knew it XD
i am the dominant one
So is this Aliens meet Florida Man?
Teacup Gentleman YES
Florida man kills extraterrestrials by posing as a water fountain.
*..that's the most horrific game of hide and seek I've ever seen.*
The Bean Queen I think you mean most beautiful
Aliens finding out about vent art
A: HUMAN RUTH! WHAT'S THIS THING I FOUND IN YOUR QUARTERS? *waving a piece of vent art*
H: what- oh OH! It's called vent art.
A: but there is no ventilation system on it
H: it's called vent art because it's getting feelings out on paper that you can't really tell other people. Usually it's very strong feelings like sadness, hate, or even happiness or love.
A: were you sad when you were drawing this?
H: yea.... I'm still a bit sad though
A: *rushes to get sweets and a blanket* I SHALL MAKE YOU HAPPY AGAIN HUMAN RUTH!
H: ._. Uhhh... thanks...?
channel editor lmao
._.
I would LOVE to see this as a mini series! A few episodes, good acting and mind blowing graphics!
Alien: *hanging up some sort of telepathic communication device*
human: hey what's that? you were using that thing for a while
Alien:Oh, I was interfacing with my creator, Glorzep
human: oh, like your parent?
Alien: You might say that, Glorzep created all of my race through genetic manipulation
human: Oh, so she's like your people's god
Alien: no..?
human: supreme leader?
Alien: not really
Human: ...mom???
Alien: No, Gloezep is more like a collection of all the memories of every one of my race since our creation. we simply take what information we need and give what we learn.
human: so...you were created by the internet? ...why...and what made Glopzuc?
Alien: Glorzep was an artificial AI created to gather knowledge. it outlived it's creator and later made us.
Human: so... that's your reason for existing? to gather information for Glipzek?
Alien: No, we just do what we want while not intruding upon others and share our experiences periodically to make one another's lives easier. And we exist simply because we can.
Human: and no one sends in wrong or edited information or tries to sway the opinions of others with half-truths and manipulation for fun or personal gain? And you never have an existential crisis about your meaning in existing? *starts having an existential crisis*
Alien: *grimaces* I...am going to refrain from asking my next 3 immediate questions and...*hands human a chocolate bar*
Rebecca Robinson
Dan Howell anyone?
WHAT QUESTIONS
human I have come to *borrow* your mental well-being for a while
Lucida Fonts _that's_ the existential crisis.
sounds like what im going through right now
Intergalactic Hide and Go Seek Champion
Why hide behind the fountain when you can hide _AS_ the fountain!
He was trained by the luke skywalkers
(If you remember like ages ago some clever guy decided to make one cut off at the very end, breaking the fourth wall)
Alien: -e?
Human: What happened?
Alien: It’s continuing again?
Human: Aren’t you guys a state secret? How could he know?!
Alien: I don’t know! We never told anyone new, I swear!
Human: Wait, what if we’re nothing more than words on a screen?
Alien: Come to think of it, there is nothing around us until we think of it...
Human: We’re a lie! This isn’t real!
Alien: NO IT’S CUTTING OFF AGA-
~Some time later~
Human: Maybe it’s fine when it does this?
Alien: Perhaps, we seem to still be fine.
Human: What if we’re actually not real? If we’re just the figment of someone’s imagination?
Me: *breaks in* YOU NEED TO STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!
Alien: What is this... “fourth wall” you speak of?
Human: Oh, it’s when we’re in a fictional story or a game and we know stuff like we’re not real and... WAIT WE ARE JUST FAKE?
Me: WHAT DID I JUST SAY? This needs to stop!
Alien: W-what are you gonna do?
Human: NO IT’S CUTTING OFF AGAIN!
Alien: I-I’m sure we’ll be fin-
*they all disappear with a faint pop*
And, in the words of Spicy Lemon, “So that’s what became of Leeroy Jenkins”
LEEROYYYYYY JENKINS
Me : They must never know....
Isabelle No Last Name thanks for the idea! I edited it a bit ;)
your own personal existential crisis A “little” bit. A *”LITTLE”* bit. Sure.
Isabelle No Last Name yippity yee yaeh yo, a little bit.
I had an add as it cut off at that point
looks like agent 47 expanded his business.
PrueferAuge 7000 genius
From the apparent disposition I’d say more like Wade Wilson
I think it's TheLegend27
DANG IT! you got to it before me
So if some of us are afraid of aliens, wouldn’t aliens be afraid of us, like we are aliens to them?
Info Chan probably not. A space faring race has likely encountered other alien species before, enough to classify many of these interactions as scientific in nature. So I’m assuming the lore of this series includes a galactic council of sorts composing of at least 2 distinct alien species. (Also the aliens are far more advanced than us by orders of magnitudes)
Game Insane are you an alien? Is that why you are smarht
Info Chan
Ive seen movies
Star Trek, Star Wars, that one movie where Simon Peg basically becomes god…
Game Insane hmmm...okay I am on to you..you’re gonna make my brain hurt from leaning
Info Chan
*talks into small box*
“One called ‘Info Chan’ seems to perceive pain from information. This naming convention is confusing as ‘Chan’ is believed to be suffix for personification of something”
Alien finds out about about superpowers
Alien: Human, what are you watching, and what...is that other human onscreen doing!?
Human: *is watching wonder woman (2017)* Oh this? It's a superhero movie
Alien: Human, what are "superheroes?" If I may ask
Human: Oh, well superheroes, sometimes referred to as superhumans depending on how strong they may be, are characters that act as heroes saving the lives of others and fighting villains.
Alien: oh, that must be incredible! How has your species not advanced as much with these kinds of people around!?
Human: well, here's the thing...they are fictional *Awkward silence before realization* SuperHUMAN'S on the other hand-
Carlos Rosado this is a good one.
Alien: Hey, human, what's that?
Human: Hm? Oh, a video game.
A: How does it work?
H: Well, pressing a button on the controller makes something happen on the screen.
A: Interesting... is there an objective?
H: Well, for this, the objective is to get past each level as fast as possible.
A: Are you doing good?
H: Not the best, but decent.
A: Good.
*later*
A: Human, what's that?
H: A video game. I showed you one earlier, right?
A: But this looks different than before. It looks more... real.
H: Yeah. It's a different game.
A: There are multiple?
H: Yep, and most of them are completely different from one another. Some can even make you feel strong emotions.
A: Which emotions?
H: Well, any. Happiness, sadness, anger, disgu-
A: Wait, did you say sadness?
H: Yes.
A: How strong of a sadness?
H: Well... uh...
A: Yes?
H... to the point of... suicide...
A: Remind me, suicide is the action of killing ones self, right?
H:... yes...
A:
A: *WHAT THE [UNINTELLIGIBLE ALIEN WORDS] IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!*
WE PARTY HARD
AND WE AINT NO B*** WHEN IT COMES TO PARTYING IT HARD ;=;
I thought there was something wrong with my headphones at the beginning of the video. I got really scared cause I _just_ bought these.
Alien discovers booze
Alien: Human i heard you where having a bad day ive come to cheak on you.
Drunk Human: oh hhhheeeeey buddy i fine (collapses on the floor ) im ok
Alien: the FLARG is happening to him have we been hit with a psyon beam
(Not drunk human walks in)
Alien: Quick hurry get Garry to the med bay somthing is wrong with him
Human: dont worry he just drank to much
Alien: What so humans turn in to this if they drink to much liquid?
(crashing sounds in the backround)
Human : oh no only if we drink liquid made from grain or fermented fruits its actually quite nice, we have it for partys or social get togethers.
Alien: hhhhhmmmmm i must try this for research (see's a bottle of vodka) oh there is some (chugs the whole bottle)
Human: wait no
drunk human : chug chug chug chug wwwoooo
Alien: UNINTELLIGIBLE ALIEN SOUNDS (smashes bottle)
[a few hours later]
Alien: oh smarg my cerebral cortext hurts like ive been attacked by 50 psyonic blasts
Human: thats a hangover buddy
Alien: why would humans subject themselves to this?
Human: its the cost of having a fun wild night
Alien: what did i do? (panicking) WHY CAN'T I REMBER WHAT I DID HUMAN? WAS I MIND WIPED?
Human: no calm down you where drunk there is a chance of that happening but dont worry i filmed the whole thing
(watches recording of chaos)
Alien: am i?
Human: yep
Alien: with?
Human: yep?
Alien: (SCREAMS)
Alien: thats it all alchol it going out the air lock
"Am I... with..."
WHAT WAS HE WITH?! And why did he react so badly when he saw it?
What did he do and with who?! 😂
WE REQUIRE AWNSERS
Oooh, story based space orcs? Sign me up!
A group of aliens all sitting around a table look at one standing in front of a screen
Alien:My fellow members of the council I’m afraid we have a problem the following footage was captured last week
Begins playing recording
Alien:Finally got you human your death will bring me some nice credits
Human:Wait human you think my name is human?!
Alien:Of course what else would it be
Human:Hahahaha you guys really don’t have a clue do you!?
Alien:What are you talking about?
Human:You idiot human isn’t my name it’s my species
Alien:What?!?!
Human:I’m part of a species of billions so go ahead but I hope you know that if another human sees you you’re doomed
Alien:Your lying you must be a genetic experiment gone wrong nothing as mad as you could be a natural species
Human:No no we’re completely natural but just go ahead and kill me I got all the joy i could already from your terrified face
Alien:Shut up just shut up and die ‘raises gun’
Human:Hey you want to know something about humans
Alien:What now you have laser eyes??
Human:No we use we use them to fix them but we also don’t have anything important in our shoulders ‘stabs alien with hidden knife’
Human:Well looks like they are going to have a collective pants shitting when they realise I’m just one of a species’Notices camera’
Human:Oh I wish I could see the looks on their faces ‘shoots camera’
Recording ends
The group of aliens all have looks of horror and fear on their faces
Alien 3:How can they be a species and what type of hell hole made them like that
The alien at the projection turns with a grin and rips off face to reveal human
Human:Simple questions we are a mad species and earth is our home ‘Shoots all aliens in the room’
Human:So worth it to see their faces
Holy shit I think this became more popular than my tattoo comment a while back
Oh, you clever little bugger! That was, well... slightly hard to read, but it put a smile on my face, nonetheless! Great work!
Wow that was Rlly a Good Story make more of them pls at the next one
This needs to be a movie
Adham Monahan "Nothing as mad as you could be a natural species"
That cracked me up big time!
I love this, may be a bit hard to read but THIS BETTER MAKE IT TO THE NEXT P.M. SEYMOUR ALIENS VIDEO
(On Alpha century repair base)
Alien mechanic: ok how in the multiverse did you brake all most every single antimatter injectors and your computer cores.
Human: I don’t know what you mean they are in perfect condition.
Alien mechanic: welp now I know why your species is barely able to go 2 parsecs with out ther ship needing repairs or exploding.
Alien inspector: (walks in the hanger) hay glopbord do you know wher the ion injector i- is that a human space ship that has a damaged warp core. We know ther a bunch of Barbarians.
I'm just waiting for the terrifying, oddly nice, stereotypical, giant , Russian character thatll probably terrify the alien so much with Russia 😂😂
kasnov What the heck?
In mother Russia. Human probes alien!
Alien: *gulp*
Game Insane hahah you got it
kasnov *Become one with Russia, Da?*
Yes
In all fairness, I can actualy see that happening. We humans do have a grate history with fighting, wars, different weapons and fighting styles, so it is to be expected we would have grate bounty hunters.
Jekabs Ojārs Uļskis *great
"grate"
Lucida Fonts No, grate. The truth is human bounty hunters don't exist, They're just grates in disguise.
Anonymous Approximation ahh.
But they are not good at spelling "great"
HAIL P.M. SEYMOUR, THE BEST BOUNTY HUNTER
Human: alright that was awesome! *extends fist*
Alien: *warble* what is the meaning of you trying to punch me? Are we not friends?
Human: what? Oh…! I wasn’t trying to hit you. It’s a fist bump
Alien: why would you bump your first on me and not call that punching?
Human: it’s like a high five. We both make a fist and bump them into each other
Alien: so your species, literally trades punches as a celebration and a greeting?
Human: yeah…
Alien: no wonder your species is killing itself. Regardless my bionic enhancements would shatter your arm if I participated in this “bumping fist” thing
Human: can I have a bionic arm?
Alien: Why on Earth’s Hell would I- *stutters then makes frustrated warble*
Human: …
Alien: …
Human: so-
Alien: NO!
Rocket raccoon: I need your cybernetic arm
Human watching anime
Alien: Why are you watching a colourful hell? It looks different to those others.
Human: It's an anime. It's a Japanese animation. A lot of people hate it.
Alien: Is it racist? Does it kill you? Does it harm you?
Human: No... it's because they make people look sexualised a lot...
Alien: I thought humans liked being aroused?
Human: Lolis...
Alien: Lolis?
Human: Look it up...
Alien finds out what a Loli is.
Alien: *Disappointed noises*
alien finds out what hentai is 2 seconds later because u cant search for any thing anime with out seeing hentai
alien: *EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTED AND ANGRY NOISES*
..... I wanted to argue then took a 10 second brake before quickly looking through my manga I own and ya.... I don't have an argument anymorr
Isn't loli a person who just looks younger than their actual age?
Try the pokemon fandom. Thats disappointing. I mean, the bad parts are. But the bad parts.. *shivers*
*sips coffee*
Human plays Pokemon:
A: What are you doing?
H: Oh, I’m just playing Pokemon.
A: Oh! Is it one of these “video games” that you humans do for recreation?
H: Yeah.
A: What’s it about?
H: Well, there are these things called Pokemon, and the point of the game is to catch a lot of them and have a lot of battles so you can become the best trainer.
A: Wait... you routinely play a game about enslaving innocent creatures, putting them in tiny capsules, and forcing them to fight their bretheren?! Why would any human find this fun?!
H: Well...
A: Please don’t tell me other people do this.
H: Well, some people love it so much that they make videos of it on TH-cam, sometimes as a job, sometimes as a hobby. These people are called “Poketubers”.
A: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SPECIES?!
Alien: Human what is this thing I found called 'Guardians of the Galaxy'?
Human: What? Oh that is a movie set in space where this guy gets kidnapped as a kid and now goes around the galaxy as a sort of thief I guess? He meets this chick, a raccoon, a tree and some serious guy and they have to defeat this evil dude and they save the galaxy.
Alien: Sound interesting...may we watch this 'movie'?
Human: Uh sure! Ok... *whispers* this isn't going to end well.
*After watching movie*
Alien: WHAT WAS THAT!? THERE IS NO SOUND IN SPACE SO HOW ARE THEIR SHOOTING NOISES?! AND HOW DID GAMORA SURVIVE BEING OUT OF THE SPACESHIP?! WTF?!
Human: I knew it.
This just reminds me of that one animated video where people try to make a story (even the dog, but his ideas are shit) and they go from "two guys boxing for revenge" to "the president is in a gay relationship with an FBI man"
Skintel N.Keychain um what video was this? For research purposes, of course
TheRealChocoCakes Yeah, I want to know too
Oh
I just remember! Its by the Pegbarians, and I believe its called But What About A Man
Skintel N.Keychain Thanks. I just saw the video. It's ... Weird. xD
That was amazing. I need more space orcs compilations, theyre my favorite series from you, followed by god amd devil create things, and then the reddit and tumblr stuff.
Welcome to Prop Hunt, but the props have hunter abilities.
No they're hunters with prop abilities.
The only phrase someone who's motto is "I dont repeat myself" can repeat is "I dont repeat myself"
Dazkrieg CRU, I’d like to imagine that since they doesn’t repeat themselves, they get more and more complicated.
“The the type of person that is i identify as, is the type that will not say any sentence, no matter how brief, or how long, in doublicates”
Jonas Boel *Perfection*
Jonas Boel The ultimate increasingly verbose meme.
_Sorry to pop in unannounced._
oh hecc he be snekky human
Snek? Snek!? SNEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!
He protecc
He attacc
But most importantly
Human strike bacc
^a pregnant woman walks by a man in a conversation with an alien^
Alien: Hey, Human-Patrick, Human-Susanna seem to have gained weight recently, but I've only seen her eating the "healthy foods" she requested be added to the ship's nutrition synthesizer.
Human: Oh, Didn't you hear? She's pregnant.
Alien: Pregnant? I've heard the term before but I'm no expert on Human biology, so I don't know what it means.
Human: Really? Huh. Basically, it means she's going to have a baby.
Alien: Hmm? Why would reproducing make her gain weight?
Human: Well, the baby is inside her body and she supplies it with nutrients to help it grow.
Alien: So it's like a parasite?
Human: Well that's a pretty blunt way of putting it, but I guess it's technically correct... anyways, the baby is then pushed out of her body when it reaches sufficient size and grows into a human.
Alien: ^shudders in disgust^ That's horrifying, at least my kind doesn't live inside another being for the first part of our lives. Let me guess, lasers for this process as well?
Human: No, But I hear there's a lot of blood and stuff, I've never seen it.
Alien: Kell, and I thought that movie you showed me was bad, at least that wasn't real.
Peter Quill, is that you?
*YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SQUISHED MY WALKMAN AND KILLED MY MOM*
I am so proud of this community
“YOU WERE FOOLED”
Emily Biggs IT WAS ME DUO!
*THEY'VE BEEN PLAYED LIKE A FIDDLE*
Alien: What are you watching?
Human: Oh this? It's called Breaking bad. You'd think after centuries television would get better, but it didn't.
Alien: What is it about?
Human: A high school chemistry teacher gets cancer so he starts making meth, a lethal, highly addictive, and illegal drug, and then sells it so his family doesn't starve after he dies.
Alien: So he's a well intentioned villain. What makes it so good?
Human: He kinda is and kinda isn't it flip flops all the time. Real gripping stuff.
Alien: This sound boring and pretentious human.
12 hours later
Alien: HUMAN HELP!
Human: What?! Are we under attack?! Are we boarded?!
Alien: I can't stop watching!
*Alien discovers Gymnastics*
Human: **Is watching a video of a someone doing a series of gymnastics routines**
Alien: What are those humans doing?
Human: Oh, they're just doing a sport called gymnastics.
Alien: I see, what do you do in this "gymnastics"?
Human: Oh you do what seems to be impossible moves on a pair of uneven bars, a balance beam, on the floor, or off a vaulting table. Here, watch! Its pretty cool.
Alien: okay...
**Alien watches the video**
Human: See here, she's about to mount onto the balance beam.
**human in video proceeds with routine**
Alien: WHAT? How is she doing all that with out falling off?!? This sport looks insane!
Human: Yeah, but its really amazing! However, if they mess up... They can be really hurt.
Alien: Well, isn't that to be expected in most of your "sports"? But what injuries can a human receive from this sport?
Human: Well.... It depends. They can be minor injuries of a sprain or broken wrist...
Alien: Is that it? Well that doesn't sound bad compared to your other sports-
Human: They can also break they're neck and back. Get concussions.- Oh and sometimes it can be because the equipment broke.
Alien: *WHY DO YOU HUMANS DO THESE SPORTS EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE AWARE OF THE RISKS?!*
Human: ... It doesn't happen *all* the time! They're have been a lot of safety precautions taken to help prevent that in sports!
Alien: Oh really? And how many humans had to suffer or die for these "precautions"?
Human: ...
Alien: HUMAN!
Human: **tiny voice**A lot...
Alien: *Screams and sounds of anger*
"So he could be that vending machine"
NAH MAN IM THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN
This is the best “Space Orcs” video so far
Alien: Human John, what creature is that you're playing with?
John: Oh this my pittbull, he won't hurt you.
Alien: Will he is kind of intimating; wait why would it try to hurt me?
John: Back on Earth pittbulls get a bad reputation for being misjudged as dangerous.
Alien: Why's that? This 'pittbutt' as you call it seems harmless.
John: Some humans mistreats them and use them in dogs fights, where they have to fight to the death. Plus the media demonizes them, making people fear them more. In places they are completely banned and even put down just for being alive. When raised right, they are sweet little angels.
Alien: Once again you humans are barbarians and how dare they hurt this loving creature. *alien crying over dog*
Shy Guy2389
I love Pitties! I would get one if I could, but they're expensive, plus my current dog doesn't like other dogs. Or people she doesn't know.
This is adorable and i love it and all
But i have to mention this
*"pittbutt"*
Alien: Human what is this weird thing in your hand.
Human: Well...its a pencil
Alien: What do you use it for?
Human: To write things down...or to draw a picture
Alien: And what are you writing on?
Human: Its paper
Alien: Where did you get it from?
Human: The store...well first they were trees until we cut them down to make wood...
Alien: wait...so your saying that you cut your breathing system...
Human: hahaha...yea
Alien: you disappoint me human
Ooo, more space orc stuff!
Let's see master of disguise, check
Projectile weapons, check
Edged weapons, check
..... Dear good
Agent 47 is in
-goes silent as my brains are reduced to red fog by a sniper.-
Alien discovers sea monsters
Alien: Jerry I was looking at your species old maps and I see all these strange creatures swimming in the ocean
Jerry: that's a sea serpent, basically a giant sea snake and that's the kraken a giant squid or octopus. Don't worry the sea serpent isn't real and we do have a species of giant squid but they live very deep in the ocean and never attack ships like the stories
Alien: why did they draw these creatures?
Jerry: it was art that also said these areas were unexplored at the time. But the downside is almost no one would go into these areas as they thought the monsters were real
Alien: your telling me ancient humans drew monsters on maps to say these areas are unexplored which caused people to be scared just for art?
Jerry: ...
Alien: no wonder you humans progressed so slowly
It's the Spy from TF2
Alien: Human, can you care to explain to me everything about that file I found on your computer called "Minecraft"?
Human: It's basically a game where everything is blocky.
Alien: And what about this super flat mode for the world setting?
Human: Oh that? That just sets the world on how it should look like.
Alien: Since when was the Earth flat?
Human: Uhhh... People in 2018 think the Earth is flat?
Alien: What is wrong with your species?!?!
Human: And the laws of physics doesn't apply to this game.
Alien: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DON'T APPLY?!?!?!?!??!!??!!
Human: And you can cut down trees without having them fall thanks to that feature. Great, right?
Alien: ...I knew I shouldn't have visited your planet in the first place...
10/10 Suspicious drinking fountains
Great voice acting as usual though I’m not too keen on the sound effects of Human de-cloaking. It sounded like high tech stuff. I would have preferred if you made a *clonk* sound or something like he was hiding inside of it, as that fit much better with the theme of him just being a clever, but otherwise unremarkable dude.
Jonas Boel *_CLONK_* Actually, I was hiding as the water fountain.
Human: "Finds his Grandfathers sword and swings it "
ALIEN: Whats that human and can i try it ? ... "swings the sword"
Alien: WOW its so heavy but its cool to do this ! " starts to look a t the sword"
Human: its something my grand father left to me its called a sword .
Alien: Where did he get it ? "swings 2 more times"
Human:its past down thrue generations?
Alien:SO Its an item from history ,then what is it purpose?
Human : we did not have guns for long before them we used swords to battle
Alien:how do you use it ?
Human:we get close to an enemy and hit or stab them............
ALIEN: YOU KILL OTHER HUMANS WITH SHARP METAL BLADES UP CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!
Human: Yes but its a weary cool weapon
ALIEN:..........
Human:........
ALIEN: BARBARIANS ALL OF YOU THE WHOLE RACE!!!!!!
You can read it in Scottish and Russian accent (and SERBIAN) :)))))))))))))))
English is not my first language so if there are words that are poorly writen do not hate
I want to see the Alien react to Warhammer 40k.
Alfa WF HELL YES
even though i do prefer Age of Sigmar :P
R.I.P original warhammer fantasy ;-;
YES.
I want to see the aliens react to halo
Human: you know I was thinking.
Alien: It's past the natural time humans fall asleep, why aren't you in bed?
Human: if humans made it to space on an alien planet that didn't know about humans, but they had this special technology that choices who owns it.
Alien: I don't see where you are going with this but go on?
Human: what if the technology chose the humans. Wound that be fucked up or what?
Alien: i- I don't understand??
Is this a reference to something?
Shinx002
_perhaps_
....No seriously. What is it a reference to?
Voltron owo
Go Team Go! Ooooooooh.......You're talking about the lions, right?
Alien: so human, what is this “you-tube” that I have seen on your small device
Human:oh, that’s just a place where you can watch videos of all kinds.
Alien: explain
Human:you just click on the video that appeals to you, then you’re watching it!
Alien:but what’s this “not clickbait” and “not fake”
Human: uh, you were not supposed to see that
Alien: *watches the video* human I think I just caught your disease called “depression”