Men will out of nowhere be the perfect communicator when they want someone or something. If something benefits them, they'll find a way to communicate lol
That’s why so many marriages/relationships don’t work! It’s crazy how people can’t open up and communicate with the person they are with, but they can communicate with other women or other men.🙄
@ I’ll be one to say it’s very rude and is disrespectful to do this. No I’m not a pick me but there are women who do this wack crap and it’s very immature rude and disrespectful. It’s one of my pet peeves which is why I don’t do it. I will straight up tell a man it’s not gonna work or I’m not interested before I just immaturely ghost you. I say that to say you dodged a bullet if any woman is doing this. Keep it moving cause she not worth the time
@ it means move on Sir.😬 While it is immature....it also shows how little meaning you have to her because typically women tell you exactly how she feels or how done she is even KNOWING that man dont give a damn smh
If he cares about you, he will want to make things work and make sure you feel included, appreciated and valued. So he will communicate and express what he wants, likes or dislikes in a respectful manner. He will also want to discuss and mend things, not let you stay upset. If he doesn't care, he will leave you filling up the blank spaces, wondering what you did wrong, he will ghost, be snappy, refuse to stay for quality time together, he will just take what he needs without giving back. A man's will to communicate and make sure everything is clear and good, shows how important you are to him.
Refusing to communicate is a dealbreaker for me. Dealt with this in the past and my ex used it to manipulate me. Their is no relationship or respect without dealing with issues and communication. If he refuses to deal with issues it’s because he doesn’t care. Believe what he shows you, not what he tells you. This is why I utilize my TH-cam channel to talk about relationships and self-love. Thanks Tony for another great video.
@@productofaprayingmom thank you for this! Real life scenarios from real people is something to learn from. a smart person learns from their mistakes but a wise person learns from others’ mistakes. nonetheless, he balances both content perfectly!
It’s hard to communicate with a person who overtalks you, belittle you and praise themselves, And eventually start an argument. Sometimes silence is Golden.
OMG Tony you hit it on the head. My husband of 18 years go on silent treatments for weeks at a time. I’m so fed up I asked for a divorce he needs to talk with you as a man so that he can understand how to communicate. I feel so sorry for these poor women who are going through the same thing. It’s. A shame that we are worth far more than rubies, but these men treat us like we a cubic zirconias. We have to stop allowing them to treat us like this period.
Tony DO NOT PLAY about soccer game etiquette, LOL! It makes me laugh every time he mentions it, but on a serious note I love how you allow your wife to be herself and you don't try to stifle her. Nothing better than being able to be yourself.
I’m glad this man giving men some game. Let’s be real, there’s a lack of men out here giving men solid advice with all the toxic male advice around and women already get a bunch of good advice. I’m here for it.
This was a big problem my ex would get silent, don't wanna talk, or literally run away outside or in his car. The man needs to stop saying a simple conversation is an argument. But I do understand why though because majority of them know it's something they did and they know their wrong and resort to silence or running because they don't know how to come up out the mess they have made.
Everything to men is an argument lol ... I tell them to f off .. just because am your woman it doesn't mean I have to accept and agree to every stupid thing or thought he has !!!! If he wants that he can cross over to the other color women.
@@misselle1430 Trying to help a man in that way of telling him things to help becomes your trying to be controlling or they simply don't listen because it's coming from you. An ego thing
I don't have a Man in my life but I'm listening to this and taking it in so I can get a understanding I listen to your videos over and over and also let my Man friends listen thank you Tony Gaskins🖤
When you talked about the silent treatment, I thought of my dad. Starting when I was a little girl, my dad used to give us/his family the silent treatment for days up to a week when he'd get mad about certain things. Funny thing is, we had no clue what even happened lol! He'd just go silent. Imagine the confusion of your father not talking to you as a child and you don't know why. My dad also had a very bad temper. Bad combo.
@@vernita0216 Thank you 💖 Things happen. And a lot of parents have unresolved issues and potential traumas from their upbringing. So, when they don't deal with their issues and also don't "grow up", they put that on their children unintentionally.
Wow, that is nearly unbelievable... What the babies do though?? I'm glad to see that you seem to have grown past the damage something like that can cause. Much love. 🥰
My husband of 11 years asked me for a divorce while I was battling a life threatening illness and never communicated he was unhappy, his needs weren’t being met, etc. Sure we had our issues as all relationships do, but I was always honest about mine while he acted like nothing bothered him. Yet he had a bulleted list all of a sudden, some things that didn’t even make sense. Within the week of the separation he was hanging out with a female colleague and and 4 months later found out they were in a full blown relationship. We’ve been separated for 10 months now and I’m devastated. Communication is SO important. I don’t understand why or how someone can bottle up for that long and be so passive, and then leave to start over on a clean slate and not even think of the damage it causes their partner. We have a son together too :(
That's awful. He was giving you the silent treatment while he was pursuing what HE REALLY WANTED, and it wasn't you. It's a hard pill to swallow especially being that you were sick and that's the time when you would think you guys should've been bonding more. Sounds like he checked out a long time ago and u were the only one left in the dark or not notice? I mean wasn't their any sudden changes with him? Sometimes the signs/red flags are there but we just ignore them unfortunately.
@@jcollins5962 He lost my trust over the years. Dishonesty and lying about finances, inappropriately texting female coworkers. Everytime we’d have a serious convo, he would shut down with the silent treatment. When I caught him in those texting acts, I attempted to leave and even gave him the door too, but he cried, begged and pleaded for me to stay. Said he was gonna be the man I deserved. I was too weak bc I wanted to believe the other representative he showed me (being a great dad, helping with chores, etc.). It was hard to put these 2 men together. I became hot/cold emotionally bc of the texting and lack of trust. He didn’t do what was necessary to earn my trust before breaking it again. I always welcomed dialogue, even recommended counseling, but he reputed. In the end, he acted like it was my fault he couldn’t communicate and said he resented me for resenting him and said he likes this new girl bc she’s more “passive” and he’ll probably have an easier time communicating with her. Worst part is he said she knew he asked me for a divorce while sick. I don’t understand some people bc I couldn’t even fathom doing this to someone OR getting involved with someone who did this to someone. It’s morally wrong.
There are men who are too immature to handle an adult conversation, so they hide behind a silent façade, feeling sorry for themselves, childishly ruminating how to get what they want with the least amount of resistance. They find another "victim" who sympathizes with their imagined , if not, exaggerated dilemma. They then turn against you, effectively dismissing you for having the audacity to do what they view as 'criticizing' their inflated ego. This is most likely a form of narcissism. If so, believe me, he will do the exact same thing to this new "supply".
I love when Tony’s like “He’s not you husband!” I literally hear it in my head from now on when something goes awry. 🤣 Need this merch 😂 Thank you Tony for the work you do! God Bless!
This is my biggest pet peeve after growing in life. When a man chooses not to communicate the way he used to, its not going to work. I give them the opportunity and when he conveniently ignore a text or all of a sudden has nothing to say, its a wrap.
@ Many ghost because they say they don't even wanna hear the insult of an excuse ur gonna provide and don't was a be convinced back into it with u cause ur not what they need but we are the biggest empaths
It can be emotional manipulation. Maybe he was taught not to communicate or the partner made it difficult for him to talk to him. Either way it goes to show that he needs to work on those internal issues and trauma before he get into a relationship.
You are giving such awesome advice. A lot of males don't understand how to communicate effectively or honestly, so when they're hurting it's a guessing game as to what's wrong. I really hate that.
As beings with life...we desire communication and other peer interaction. Silent treatments only drive the other person elsewhere to seek emotional fulfillment. I see the silent treatment as a deal breaker.
Cry all you want if it makes you feel better. But know that no matter what there is always hope. Feel your feelings. Don't try to suppress them. Feeling is healing. You will be fine. May God watch over you.
I've done the same thing too sister. It took me awhile to stop crying. It hurt so much that I was very mean to people around me but noone knew what I was feeling. I needed to be alone to heal and it was God's grace that I'm here alive. Prayers 🤲
You are so correct in relationships wether it be friends or a certain kind of relationship I feel that they should say how they TRULLY feel & Me also. No need or time for games. I never been one to play games. No matter what the situation is I want to know if their your person is intentional w/me or just wants to be friends only. I don’t want to put out masculine energy & at the same time I don’t feel I should just lay back in my feminine energy & be like whatever when something is concerning me & I’m trying to discern the situation that’s going on. Thx again Mr. Tony Gaskins for your soon real advice that I seem to most always agree with. Much love to you, wifey & family! You da best! Have a great evening.😊
Tony - Greatly appreciate this topic today. Its exactly where I'm at in a 9 month relationship...emotions on both sides are very serious...he's taking things to a different level BUT my personality wants more DESCRIPTIVE CONVERSATION! Plus, we are of two different races. I want to be sure nothing is lost or taken for granted! Your Topic today CONFIRMS MY LEGITMATE CONCERNS! God Bless! I'll Be Watching! ❤
Thank you for shouting out Uncle Reece in your previous video. I’ve been binge watching his channel. He is the truth!! I also ran across that music video(Bold) 🎧🙌🏾🙏🏾
@@____all.is.vanity No one ever wins when you both play games. It’ll just start a endless cycle of going no where, off and on and unnecessary heartache. If you want something serious it’s best to not except that behavior and show by example if it happens again you’re done for good.
20 years of marriage and this is how my husband treats me. He shuts down. He is truly the worse communicator I know. He has always been this way and will never change. His daughter is the same way. I just want to move OUT!
I understand my man is the type where I have to pull things out of him he will never be the one to address our issues he sweeps everything under the rug and I hate that I like to talk things out
@@hoooyea163 seriously! And vet these men better. Ask questions, pay attention to the flags in the beginning. They don’t change, only progress and worsen
I m living with a man, my spouse, for past 18 yrs, who hardly talks, shares anything with me. I can't really share here today what all I learnt, understood n came to a stage in life...in short, jst to go away. Bcz communication is the most important key for any relationship, when that fails n fades, everything goes..
How do we know if it’s misunderstanding or he doesn’t care? For example, if a woman expresses herself sweetly, and the guy thinks he is not doing anything wrong but he’s still not quite giving you what you need correctly? Does he not care or is it misunderstanding?
klickingkay asmr I used to wonder this too. I would finish by asking, do you understand. After hearing that answer, I just watch and see...cause I know understanding isn't the problem.
Nothing worse than someone giving you the silent treatment and acting as though you can read their mind and they legitimately take there thoughts as resolving the issue without saying a word. 🤯
Tony can you address this in the dating aspect especially with the phones and people not responding or returning calls at all or just being flat out rude and responding hours and even a day or days later and then gaslighting you as if they are o so busy. Like why do men do this? I cut men off that do this and majority of them play this cat and mice game that I’m just over it
You just have to weed them out. If you are spiritual you have pray for discernment to help you notice those types. Bottom line is that they are immature and selfish.
@@Mindful.Movement.01 Hey. Several. Dating 25 and up; Why do men ghost, How to mirror a man; Why do men go silent are a few. If u search youtube- tony gaskins "dating" or relationships or ghosting you will find several. Btw you're doing the right thing by cutting off these grown boys that play games. Don't waste your time. Set your boundaries and standards and keep them. 😊
Leader vs Dictator The meaning is imperative of these words bc most people actions are dictating than leading. The average new relationship is seen thru 🌹 colored glasses that the 🚩 are being unnoticed. Women fulfilling a fantasy & men aiming for leverage.
I just feel like as men especially black men they were not taught how to be expressive bc it's frowned upon. Expression in the household wasn't a thing
This is a good question because a lot of men that ain't right in their hearts got this bad. Always manipulating and playing head games its sad knowing they have a problem with in themselves. But wanna breakhearts all they lives. It's scary
Take care of yourself. All feelings are valid. It's ok to feel heartbroken. Everything will pass. Nothing is permanent. God is in control of everything. Let go. Everything will be fine.
Accept things and try your hardest to move forward. Looking back won’t heal your pain but choosing to not be a victim any longer will strengthen you to fully choose yourself this time and every time going forward. You’re worth it all!!! Remind yourself of that everyday in your healing process. ♥️♥️😃😃
We’re here for you! This will indeed pass but it’s okay to not be okay. Heartbreak is apart of life and as much as it sucks, we’re gonna have to deal with it at some point. Love and blessings 💕
You can’t relinquish your decision then get mad when you don’t agree with the decision that was made especially if you were asked for your decision. Can’t have it both ways!
Wow my dude im dating for 5 months ghosted me for two wks he is grieving so im sensitive to him but i also feel angry that he disappeared with no warning and im not relevant enough for him to tell me that what he needs even if its space i want stability with him but how if he shuts down like this my bday is in 6 days im not sure if he will even show i needed to hear this
@@mirandaholley9797 thanks for this. I will also be looking for it . Ifeoma I would say you deserve better but idk your entire situation but it sounds like he may not be genuine like the other lady just said
Get out now! You have not invested much time and he is already showing he's not that interested. A man that really wants you CANNOT stay away from you! A genuine man will not allow for confusion but rather conformation. Dont be like me 4 1/2 later walking away bc of passive aggressive, immature, nonchalant, selfishness behavior that I thought would stop. Believe him when he shows you his truth and who he is. Don't let those empty, surface level words trap you. Be Blessed.
@@npayne7776 The truth is I already know this b/c i just came out of a 15 yr relationship where a man could not stay away from me. I am new to the dating world and I do not want to invest on experiences that are only causing me more damage. Nothing in life is perfect. I will still try and live with no regrets, rather I like to pay attn to teaching moments.
What is a healthy amount of talking on the phone with a man even though everyone works full time etc. Is a few times a week too much? I had people that did it a few times a day (little check ins) but they proved to be counterfit.. So.. Idk I like little chats and check ins.. Doesn't have to be forever...
leading is not based on the gender, it's based on personality so yes in some households the man is the head but in others the woman is the head, thats the situation in 2021
On the taxes I'm HOH. The struggle to understand and fall into your god-ordained role as a woman when you have been taking care of yourself for so long smh 💯
I can not deal with someone,as an grown adult,who is not able to communicate. Like how old are you hun?grow up or get out my way I don’t play this type of games. Being mad and wanting to take few minutes or hours to get you shit together is one thing;giving “silent traitement”for DAYSSS is another whole level of disrespect and childishness it’s a big NO!men /women, friends/family members doesn’t matter get it together don’t disturb my peace of mind. I can be wrong it’s not the point, let’s talk about it, I will be please to apology and to work on whatever you can not tolerate, nobody is perfect. But I allow NOBODY to do that, to treat me like that since I’am a grown woman point blank period. If you are my man and you tried it well deuces boy✌🏽. This silence will be forever.
Don’t be coming in here talking bout you wish you had this or that. Be direct, say what you want and stop using that reverse psychology. I will definitely be saying this to my child when older lol
I just said this to a man a week or two who called on Sunday saying, “Man it would have been nice to see you and spend the weekend with each other.” I’m like, sir, you’ve never mentioned making plans at all so don’t put this “missed opportunity” on me because it’s manipulative. Just ask me out! People are just so afraid of rejection.
I am hurting a lot , I feel like I loved him like nobody else ,that’s why I can’t let go .nobody else to talk to me ? I kept asking him questions to get closure ,but he doesn’t explain why he didn’t value me .Yes I broke up with him a couple of times ,but that should not be an issue . I’m in so much pain I can’t study properly.Any word would be good 🥺🥺🥺.
JUST LET HIM GO!! DO EVERYTHING IN POWER TO FORGET HIM, IF LOVED YOU HE WOULD EXPLAIN, HE WOULD BE THERE.....YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM A COUPLE OF TIMES? THAT'S A SIGN!! BE HAPPY FOR YOU!! EVERYDAY!! CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT SMILE, PRAY, ENJOY LIFE!! HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!!! FOCUS ON YOU AND LOVE WILL FIND YOUR WAY, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND YOUNG!! IT'S BETTER NOW TO BE DONE WITH WASTING YOUR TIME THAN LATER. PLEASE FOCUS ON YOU AND BE HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! FORGET ABOUT CLOSURE!! GO AHEAD WITH YOUR LIFE AND BE HAPPY. DON'T BE SAD WHEN HE IS SMILING🤦♀️ BE HAAAPPYYYY!! GET CLOSE TO God, it's the only way. Move FORWARD!! ⏩
Thank you for taking your time to respond 🌸 will sure do , I know there are a lot of things that don’t make sense in this world ,it’s just that when you are going through it ,it always seems like the worst thing ever ,wondering if the pain and tears will ever stop .🤍 I will lean on God like I always knew how to 🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@lolahpearl6679 I wonder the same about the pain,but I also know that it's my body responding to the pain and that I cannot stay in that phase, I have to move on for me and my 4 children!! It hurts tremendously, I'm up most of the time but I also go down, but I'm doing my healing listening to Tony, keeping busy, I exercise wich helps a great deal!! And so I feel better and look better😃 I'm always buying a few new shoes and clothes for me! Yess girrlll and I move forward, if I feel like crying I do, but I don't let it consume me, because he is out there living his life and I won't crazy and miserable over someone like that no sire!!! I'm for me and my kids!! Continue!!!💪🤗
And we are beautiful and young!! 8 months past and I found someone!! I wasn't looking for anything and he was even 10 yrs younger than me🙈 nothing happened because I know my red flags now, but you see, you keep going and focus on you and you never know😃😉🤭
Don't stop your life for someone that doesn't care because he definitely isn't stopping his. Like Tony says if he was yours he wouldn't make u feel bad like you're feeling. Stop stop stop and Focus On You...get your head back in the study game and your heart will follow. Scream it out I'm God's daughter and I deserve better!! God's got me!! Moving ON to my Blessings!!
@ see my response to you on a previous comment. No one should be ghosting anyone. It’s rude disrespectful and immature . If she does that then just move on sweetie. She isn’t worth the time.
What bothers me about how most men communicate is that when they do some stupid shit, they want you to pretend nothing happened. And they expect you to behave normally as you did prior to the offense. They want to reap the benefits of a healthy relationship but refuse to put in the work.
If I were you, I wouldn't, men do not sit down and listen to "stuff" they are not paying attention to.... I would learn from the video and then persuade him about the topic, and see if he will apply....
Hello TG, how are you? I Pry all is .amazingly well with you and your family.. TG Communication is killing our marriage Please Help TG please help us. We're remarried for 7 months, after being divorce 7 years. We need help or maybe I need help. Thank you TG
Men will out of nowhere be the perfect communicator when they want someone or something. If something benefits them, they'll find a way to communicate lol
Factz.
Yessss
So true Sis
Playing stupid is a power move to get u to devalue yourself
@@blessed74God Facts!
That’s why so many marriages/relationships don’t work! It’s crazy how people can’t open up and communicate with the person they are with, but they can communicate with other women or other men.🙄
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
@ I’ll be one to say it’s very rude and is disrespectful to do this. No I’m not a pick me but there are women who do this wack crap and it’s very immature rude and disrespectful. It’s one of my pet peeves which is why I don’t do it. I will straight up tell a man it’s not gonna work or I’m not interested before I just immaturely ghost you. I say that to say you dodged a bullet if any woman is doing this. Keep it moving cause she not worth the time
@ it means move on Sir.😬 While it is immature....it also shows how little meaning you have to her because typically women tell you exactly how she feels or how done she is even KNOWING that man dont give a damn smh
🚮
I an not going to lie, I was one of those people my husband had a hard time communicating with me when we got into a relationship
If he cares about you, he will want to make things work and make sure you feel included, appreciated and valued. So he will communicate and express what he wants, likes or dislikes in a respectful manner. He will also want to discuss and mend things, not let you stay upset. If he doesn't care, he will leave you filling up the blank spaces, wondering what you did wrong, he will ghost, be snappy, refuse to stay for quality time together, he will just take what he needs without giving back. A man's will to communicate and make sure everything is clear and good, shows how important you are to him.
AMEN! SO TRULY RIGHT! YES INDEED! ENOUGH SAID! THATS IT! JUNE2021
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏♥️♥️♥️♥️
Exactly!!!! Man or woman who care will be able to do anything to make their partner feel loved and secure
@@Capricorn-mt1ke AMEN! SO TRULY RIGHT! YES INDEED! ENOUGH SAID! THATS IT! JUNE 2021
@@micheleprice9771 Thank you so much, i appreciate it & God Bless you !
“Your relationship is a place where you can get free training…on expressing yourself.” TG
AMEN! SO TRULY RIGHT! YES INDEED! ENOUGH SAID! THATS IT! JUNE 2021
Refusing to communicate is a dealbreaker for me. Dealt with this in the past and my ex used it to manipulate me. Their is no relationship or respect without dealing with issues and communication. If he refuses to deal with issues it’s because he doesn’t care. Believe what he shows you, not what he tells you. This is why I utilize my TH-cam channel to talk about relationships and self-love. Thanks Tony for another great video.
That was my question ...how can u communicate with someone who loves control and stone wall you ..
@@rosezarco9185 you don’t, you leave. Who needs a constant push and pull. Until he comes correct, you don’t come.
I honestly love the more generic topics that come to your mind versus the emails
me too!!!
The emails are a reminder of what’s out there. When you’re not out there you seem to forget.
100%
Me too!!
@@productofaprayingmom thank you for this! Real life scenarios from real people is something to learn from. a smart person learns from their mistakes but a wise person learns from others’ mistakes. nonetheless, he balances both content perfectly!
It’s hard to communicate with a person who overtalks you, belittle you and praise themselves, And eventually start an argument. Sometimes silence is Golden.
and walking away to never return - golden too.... Hope my message finds you today better than 2 yrs ago when you wrote the comment. Be blessed, sis
Nobody tells the TRUTH like Tony Gaskins.
"If you aint cool down after 24hrs you need therapy"
Lollllllll
He is SPEAKING LITERAL FACTS!!!!!!!!!!
OMG Tony you hit it on the head. My husband of 18 years go on silent treatments for weeks at a time. I’m so fed up I asked for a divorce he needs to talk with you as a man so that he can understand how to communicate. I feel so sorry for these poor women who are going through the same thing. It’s. A shame that we are worth far more than rubies, but these men treat us like we a cubic zirconias. We have to stop allowing them to treat us like this period.
Basically if you about games and foolishness keep moving period!!
Tony DO NOT PLAY about soccer game etiquette, LOL! It makes me laugh every time he mentions it, but on a serious note I love how you allow your wife to be herself and you don't try to stifle her. Nothing better than being able to be yourself.
I’m glad this man giving men some game. Let’s be real, there’s a lack of men out here giving men solid advice with all the toxic male advice around and women already get a bunch of good advice. I’m here for it.
This was a big problem my ex would get silent, don't wanna talk, or literally run away outside or in his car. The man needs to stop saying a simple conversation is an argument. But I do understand why though because majority of them know it's something they did and they know their wrong and resort to silence or running because they don't know how to come up out the mess they have made.
Everything to men is an argument lol ... I tell them to f off .. just because am your woman it doesn't mean I have to accept and agree to every stupid thing or thought he has !!!! If he wants that he can cross over to the other color women.
@@misselle1430 Trying to help a man in that way of telling him things to help becomes your trying to be controlling or they simply don't listen because it's coming from you. An ego thing
I don't have a Man in my life but I'm listening to this and taking it in so I can get a understanding I listen to your videos over and over and also let my Man friends listen thank you Tony Gaskins🖤
Tony u are Heaven sent! This has been a major problem for me. How can I expect u to lead when u can't even express yourself🔥
When you talked about the silent treatment, I thought of my dad. Starting when I was a little girl, my dad used to give us/his family the silent treatment for days up to a week when he'd get mad about certain things. Funny thing is, we had no clue what even happened lol! He'd just go silent.
Imagine the confusion of your father not talking to you as a child and you don't know why. My dad also had a very bad temper. Bad combo.
Wow... So sorry you has to experience that.
@@vernita0216 Thank you 💖 Things happen. And a lot of parents have unresolved issues and potential traumas from their upbringing. So, when they don't deal with their issues and also don't "grow up", they put that on their children unintentionally.
@@dancerdancer313 Yoy are absolutely correct... Blessings!!!!
Wow, that is nearly unbelievable... What the babies do though?? I'm glad to see that you seem to have grown past the damage something like that can cause. Much love. 🥰
@@pinkishdiamondz 🙏🏽💖✌🏽😄
Mature adults that want to continue to share the same space in a relationship needs to have this conversation.
Facts! I can't understand how men function like this. Communication is very important in a relationship.
Yes! Be direct! Bless you and your family, Tony. Thanks for all you do.
My husband of 11 years asked me for a divorce while I was battling a life threatening illness and never communicated he was unhappy, his needs weren’t being met, etc. Sure we had our issues as all relationships do, but I was always honest about mine while he acted like nothing bothered him. Yet he had a bulleted list all of a sudden, some things that didn’t even make sense. Within the week of the separation he was hanging out with a female colleague and and 4 months later found out they were in a full blown relationship. We’ve been separated for 10 months now and I’m devastated. Communication is SO important. I don’t understand why or how someone can bottle up for that long and be so passive, and then leave to start over on a clean slate and not even think of the damage it causes their partner. We have a son together too :(
That's awful. He was giving you the silent treatment while he was pursuing what HE REALLY WANTED, and it wasn't you. It's a hard pill to swallow especially being that you were sick and that's the time when you would think you guys should've been bonding more. Sounds like he checked out a long time ago and u were the only one left in the dark or not notice? I mean wasn't their any sudden changes with him? Sometimes the signs/red flags are there but we just ignore them unfortunately.
@@jcollins5962 He lost my trust over the years. Dishonesty and lying about finances, inappropriately texting female coworkers. Everytime we’d have a serious convo, he would shut down with the silent treatment. When I caught him in those texting acts, I attempted to leave and even gave him the door too, but he cried, begged and pleaded for me to stay. Said he was gonna be the man I deserved. I was too weak bc I wanted to believe the other representative he showed me (being a great dad, helping with chores, etc.). It was hard to put these 2 men together. I became hot/cold emotionally bc of the texting and lack of trust. He didn’t do what was necessary to earn my trust before breaking it again. I always welcomed dialogue, even recommended counseling, but he reputed. In the end, he acted like it was my fault he couldn’t communicate and said he resented me for resenting him and said he likes this new girl bc she’s more “passive” and he’ll probably have an easier time communicating with her. Worst part is he said she knew he asked me for a divorce while sick. I don’t understand some people bc I couldn’t even fathom doing this to someone OR getting involved with someone who did this to someone. It’s morally wrong.
There are men who are too immature to handle an adult conversation, so they hide behind a silent façade, feeling sorry for themselves, childishly ruminating how to get what they want with the least amount of resistance. They find another "victim" who sympathizes with their imagined , if not, exaggerated dilemma. They then turn against you, effectively dismissing you for having the audacity to do what they view as 'criticizing' their inflated ego. This is most likely a form of narcissism. If so, believe me, he will do the exact same thing to this new "supply".
@@vegigirl7440 So try!
True!
I love when Tony’s like “He’s not you husband!” I literally hear it in my head from now on when something goes awry. 🤣 Need this merch 😂 Thank you Tony for the work you do! God Bless!
I’m at work listening to old videos and this pop up !!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 Thank you in advance Tony
Same here sis!
was listening to music put it on pause lol
All of this!! I couldn’t get him to talk shut down and ghosted.
Love that he quoted Stephen Covey.
This is my biggest pet peeve after growing in life. When a man chooses not to communicate the way he used to, its not going to work. I give them the opportunity and when he conveniently ignore a text or all of a sudden has nothing to say, its a wrap.
Yeah, it's over at that point. 💯💯💯
This was an excellent topic I hope men really take this and use it
I can’t stand when a man shuts down. I wii not tolerate this childish behavior
Amen. But want to open back up when he wants some sex. No sir
@ Many ghost because they say they don't even wanna hear the insult of an excuse ur gonna provide and don't was a be convinced back into it with u cause ur not what they need but we are the biggest empaths
Amen
It can be emotional manipulation. Maybe he was taught not to communicate or the partner made it difficult for him to talk to him. Either way it goes to show that he needs to work on those internal issues and trauma before he get into a relationship.
@@sphinxkitty4951 Lawd!!!
This video was right on time
Thank YOU. Finally! Talk to these MEN. Stop broking down and not communicating with the woman you want. Time to do better balck community
Tony I feel you. I really love all types of music, but not big on clubs. Dancing is refreshing its like aerobics so your wife enjoys it. Blessings.
You are giving such awesome advice. A lot of males don't understand how to communicate effectively or honestly, so when they're hurting it's a guessing game as to what's wrong. I really hate that.
Happy Tuesday blessed tribe
As beings with life...we desire communication and other peer interaction. Silent treatments only drive the other person elsewhere to seek emotional fulfillment. I see the silent treatment as a deal breaker.
Tonyyyyyyyyyyyy 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Hallejuh and Amen. I’ve been saying this for so long.
So relatable!!’ This really helps. I shared the video with my guy!!! I pray he listens to it and gets something from the video as I did.
Just what my husband need to here!
I've been crying for 4 days
Cry all you want if it makes you feel better. But know that no matter what there is always hope. Feel your feelings. Don't try to suppress them. Feeling is healing. You will be fine. May God watch over you.
Awww stay strong sister. You beautiful and deserve so much love ❤️
Your not alone . stay strong
Its healthy to let it all out...let it go and give it to God.
Trust His hand to see a change in your circumstances...
I've done the same thing too sister. It took me awhile to stop crying. It hurt so much that I was very mean to people around me but noone knew what I was feeling. I needed to be alone to heal and it was God's grace that I'm here alive. Prayers 🤲
You are so correct in relationships wether it be friends or a certain kind of relationship I feel that they should say how they TRULLY feel & Me also. No need or time for games. I never been one to play games. No matter what the situation is I want to know if their your person is intentional w/me or just wants to be friends only. I don’t want to put out masculine energy & at the same time I don’t feel I should just lay back in my feminine energy & be like whatever when something is concerning me & I’m trying to discern the situation that’s going on. Thx again Mr. Tony Gaskins for your soon real advice that I seem to most always agree with. Much love to you, wifey & family! You da best! Have a great evening.😊
Tony - Greatly appreciate this topic today. Its exactly where I'm at in a 9 month relationship...emotions on both sides are very serious...he's taking things to a different level BUT my personality wants more DESCRIPTIVE CONVERSATION! Plus, we are of two different races. I want to be sure nothing is lost or taken for granted! Your Topic today CONFIRMS MY LEGITMATE CONCERNS! God Bless! I'll Be Watching! ❤
Thank you for shouting out Uncle Reece in your previous video. I’ve been binge watching his channel. He is the truth!! I also ran across that music video(Bold) 🎧🙌🏾🙏🏾
It’s all about honest transparent communication, and compromise based on equity and not equality.
I’m so glad you just spoke on this 🙏🏾🙏🏾 Thank you!
I’m so thankful you Mr Gaskins! I learned so much about men and how to deal with them through your videos .
Amen 🙏🏾 Amen
Thanks for your wisdom!
Second time watching this and you just uploaded🥴🔥
Thank you so much for all of your advice, Tony!
Thank you, Tony. I look forward to getting this wisdom and insight.
Is it like a new trend to just disappear for days/weeks when you upset/mad at your partner?
It appears so! It’s a dangerous field to be out here dating as a woman.
It's not new but cuz of the way we communicate now, it is more apparent. Never bite into it. If mf ignores u for a day, ignore him for 3!
@@____all.is.vanity No one ever wins when you both play games. It’ll just start a endless cycle of going no where, off and on and unnecessary heartache. If you want something serious it’s best to not except that behavior and show by example if it happens again you’re done for good.
20 years of marriage and this is how my husband treats me. He shuts down. He is truly the worse communicator I know. He has always been this way and will never change. His daughter is the same way. I just want to move OUT!
I understand my man is the type where I have to pull things out of him he will never be the one to address our issues he sweeps everything under the rug and I hate that I like to talk things out
Ladies please pick better men
@@hoooyea163 seriously! And vet these men better. Ask questions, pay attention to the flags in the beginning. They don’t change, only progress and worsen
Wouldn't be no 20 years for me sorry you're going thru this queen
Thank you Tony for this topic today. It's full of good information and knowledge.
Listening.
Very great topic tony having my afternoon smoothie before gym time. Thanks 4 motivation daily
TONY THANK U SO MUCH I NEEDED TO SEE THIS,CONFIRMATION AND INSPIRATIONAL STAY BLESSED 🙌 🙏 ❤
Good lesson
Thank you Tony. This is good info. I'm learning.
I m living with a man, my spouse, for past 18 yrs, who hardly talks, shares anything with me. I can't really share here today what all I learnt, understood n came to a stage in life...in short, jst to go away. Bcz communication is the most important key for any relationship, when that fails n fades, everything goes..
Thank you for sharing this.
I love the emails & random advice! 🖤
How do we know if it’s misunderstanding or he doesn’t care? For example, if a woman expresses herself sweetly, and the guy thinks he is not doing anything wrong but he’s still not quite giving you what you need correctly? Does he not care or is it misunderstanding?
klickingkay asmr I used to wonder this too. I would finish by asking, do you understand. After hearing that answer, I just watch and see...cause I know understanding isn't the problem.
@@angelam.1416 I love ur answer. They're arrogant n deceptive
@@blessed74God Immature and selfish
@@npayne7776 Got that right
If he would've care, he would give you a straight answer and don't leave you all confused 😕.... He just doesn't care 🤷♀️
Nothing worse than someone giving you the silent treatment and acting as though you can read their mind and they legitimately take there thoughts as resolving the issue without saying a word. 🤯
Deceptive!
Tony can you address this in the dating aspect especially with the phones and people not responding or returning calls at all or just being flat out rude and responding hours and even a day or days later and then gaslighting you as if they are o so busy. Like why do men do this? I cut men off that do this and majority of them play this cat and mice game that I’m just over it
You just have to weed them out. If you are spiritual you have pray for discernment to help you notice those types. Bottom line is that they are immature and selfish.
Tony has a few videos on ghosting and not chasing a man that speak to this. He has dating videos too based on age group.
@@rxgirl9609 I think you right because he made one recently and I forgot about that one but are there other videos he has on this topic?
@@Mindful.Movement.01 Hey. Several. Dating 25 and up; Why do men ghost, How to mirror a man; Why do men go silent are a few. If u search youtube- tony gaskins "dating" or relationships or ghosting you will find several. Btw you're doing the right thing by cutting off these grown boys that play games. Don't waste your time. Set your boundaries and standards and keep them. 😊
Leader vs Dictator
The meaning is imperative of these words bc most people actions are dictating than leading. The average new relationship is seen thru 🌹 colored glasses that the 🚩 are being unnoticed. Women fulfilling a fantasy & men aiming for leverage.
Whooooweee!!!!!
Amen
I just feel like as men especially black men they were not taught how to be expressive bc it's frowned upon. Expression in the household wasn't a thing
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ on point Tony❤️❤️
How do you communicate with a person that have a personality disorder ?? With out all the manipulating words and crazy making ???
This is a good question because a lot of men that ain't right in their hearts got this bad. Always manipulating and playing head games its sad knowing they have a problem with in themselves. But wanna breakhearts all they lives. It's scary
You leave.
Don't expect your spouse to read your mind...
Communicate your feelings.
First comment ! Ayeeee bout to listen
This is the main reason my relationship just ended. COMMUNICATION. SHUTTING DOWN LEAVING FOR DAYS/ WEEKS.
I need someone who can talk to me I'm heartbroken right now
Take care of yourself. All feelings are valid. It's ok to feel heartbroken. Everything will pass. Nothing is permanent. God is in control of everything. Let go. Everything will be fine.
I will gladly talk to you and see how i can help you out, just let me know !
Accept things and try your hardest to move forward. Looking back won’t heal your pain but choosing to not be a victim any longer will strengthen you to fully choose yourself this time and every time going forward. You’re worth it all!!! Remind yourself of that everyday in your healing process. ♥️♥️😃😃
We’re here for you! This will indeed pass but it’s okay to not be okay. Heartbreak is apart of life and as much as it sucks, we’re gonna have to deal with it at some point. Love and blessings 💕
@J-squad J-squad I'm here if you still want to talk. I'm here for you.
How do I submit a question?
You can’t relinquish your decision then get mad when you don’t agree with the decision that was made especially if you were asked for your decision. Can’t have it both ways!
Present 💜
Oops, A few typos so I hope y’all can understand though them. ☯️✌🏽
You ain't gone wonder how I feel cause imma tell you...okkkkk!!!
Wow my dude im dating for 5 months ghosted me for two wks he is grieving so im sensitive to him but i also feel angry that he disappeared with no warning and im not relevant enough for him to tell me that what he needs even if its space i want stability with him but how if he shuts down like this my bday is in 6 days im not sure if he will even show i needed to hear this
Tony has a video and has spoken on men who ghost when grieving. The man is likely not genuine.
@@mirandaholley9797 thank you i will look for it
@@mirandaholley9797 thanks for this. I will also be looking for it . Ifeoma I would say you deserve better but idk your entire situation but it sounds like he may not be genuine like the other lady just said
Get out now! You have not invested much time and he is already showing he's not that interested. A man that really wants you CANNOT stay away from you! A genuine man will not allow for confusion but rather conformation. Dont be like me 4 1/2 later walking away bc of passive aggressive, immature, nonchalant, selfishness behavior that I thought would stop. Believe him when he shows you his truth and who he is. Don't let those empty, surface level words trap you. Be Blessed.
@@npayne7776 The truth is I already know this b/c i just came out of a 15 yr relationship where a man could not stay away from me. I am new to the dating world and I do not want to invest on experiences that are only causing me more damage. Nothing in life is perfect. I will still try and live with no regrets, rather I like to pay attn to teaching moments.
Men/women who can't communicate are tough to be around.
PERIODDDDD
What is a healthy amount of talking on the phone with a man even though everyone works full time etc. Is a few times a week too much? I had people that did it a few times a day (little check ins) but they proved to be counterfit.. So.. Idk I like little chats and check ins.. Doesn't have to be forever...
My child father would do that to me and shut me out and be passively aggressive towards me and hold crap in.
LMAO we was at the club and it was terrible 😂
leading is not based on the gender, it's based on personality so yes in some households the man is the head but in others the woman is the head, thats the situation in 2021
On the taxes I'm HOH.
The struggle to understand and fall into your god-ordained role as a woman when you have been taking care of yourself for so long smh 💯
Exactly
I can not deal with someone,as an grown adult,who is not able to communicate. Like how old are you hun?grow up or get out my way I don’t play this type of games. Being mad and wanting to take few minutes or hours to get you shit together is one thing;giving “silent traitement”for DAYSSS is another whole level of disrespect and childishness it’s a big NO!men /women, friends/family members doesn’t matter get it together don’t disturb my peace of mind. I can be wrong it’s not the point, let’s talk about it, I will be please to apology and to work on whatever you can not tolerate, nobody is perfect. But I allow NOBODY to do that, to treat me like that since I’am a grown woman point blank period. If you are my man and you tried it well deuces boy✌🏽. This silence will be forever.
Don’t be coming in here talking bout you wish you had this or that. Be direct, say what you want and stop using that reverse psychology. I will definitely be saying this to my child when older lol
I just said this to a man a week or two who called on Sunday saying, “Man it would have been nice to see you and spend the weekend with each other.” I’m like, sir, you’ve never mentioned making plans at all so don’t put this “missed opportunity” on me because it’s manipulative. Just ask me out! People are just so afraid of rejection.
👨🏾💬👩🏾Huh...Ok!
🤭🥰👍🏾
I am hurting a lot , I feel like I loved him like nobody else ,that’s why I can’t let go .nobody else to talk to me ? I kept asking him questions to get closure ,but he doesn’t explain why he didn’t value me .Yes I broke up with him a couple of times ,but that should not be an issue . I’m in so much pain I can’t study properly.Any word would be good 🥺🥺🥺.
JUST LET HIM GO!! DO EVERYTHING IN POWER TO FORGET HIM, IF LOVED YOU HE WOULD EXPLAIN, HE WOULD BE THERE.....YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM A COUPLE OF TIMES? THAT'S A SIGN!! BE HAPPY FOR YOU!! EVERYDAY!! CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT SMILE, PRAY, ENJOY LIFE!! HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!!! FOCUS ON YOU AND LOVE WILL FIND YOUR WAY, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND YOUNG!! IT'S BETTER NOW TO BE DONE WITH WASTING YOUR TIME THAN LATER. PLEASE FOCUS ON YOU AND BE HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! FORGET ABOUT CLOSURE!! GO AHEAD WITH YOUR LIFE AND BE HAPPY. DON'T BE SAD WHEN HE IS SMILING🤦♀️ BE HAAAPPYYYY!! GET CLOSE TO God, it's the only way. Move FORWARD!! ⏩
Thank you for taking your time to respond 🌸 will sure do , I know there are a lot of things that don’t make sense in this world ,it’s just that when you are going through it ,it always seems like the worst thing ever ,wondering if the pain and tears will ever stop .🤍 I will lean on God like I always knew how to 🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@lolahpearl6679 I wonder the same about the pain,but I also know that it's my body responding to the pain and that I cannot stay in that phase, I have to move on for me and my 4 children!! It hurts tremendously, I'm up most of the time but I also go down, but I'm doing my healing listening to Tony, keeping busy, I exercise wich helps a great deal!! And so I feel better and look better😃 I'm always buying a few new shoes and clothes for me! Yess girrlll and I move forward, if I feel like crying I do, but I don't let it consume me, because he is out there living his life and I won't crazy and miserable over someone like that no sire!!! I'm for me and my kids!! Continue!!!💪🤗
And we are beautiful and young!! 8 months past and I found someone!! I wasn't looking for anything and he was even 10 yrs younger than me🙈 nothing happened because I know my red flags now, but you see, you keep going and focus on you and you never know😃😉🤭
Don't stop your life for someone that doesn't care because he definitely isn't stopping his. Like Tony says if he was yours he wouldn't make u feel bad like you're feeling. Stop stop stop and Focus On You...get your head back in the study game and your heart will follow. Scream it out I'm God's daughter and I deserve better!! God's got me!! Moving ON to my Blessings!!
Don’t seem love exist any more😞
@ see my response to you on a previous comment. No one should be ghosting anyone. It’s rude disrespectful and immature . If she does that then just move on sweetie. She isn’t worth the time.
@@heyyashleyyy2669 So true! We are all imperfect human beings. We’re all a work in progress
What bothers me about how most men communicate is that when they do some stupid shit, they want you to pretend nothing happened. And they expect you to behave normally as you did prior to the offense. They want to reap the benefits of a healthy relationship but refuse to put in the work.
B
✨✨
I need to send this video to my husband. Smh
Send it from an anonymous account
If I were you, I wouldn't, men do not sit down and listen to "stuff" they are not paying attention to.... I would learn from the video and then persuade him about the topic, and see if he will apply....
Hello TG, how are you? I Pry all is .amazingly well with you and your family.. TG Communication is killing our marriage Please Help TG please help us. We're remarried for 7 months, after being divorce 7 years. We need help or maybe I need help. Thank you TG
My badge is incorrect and I can't change. Any suggestions?
Contact TH-cam
@@npayne7776 ok, thanks.
Confirmation my marriage is over.
?