What is Avoidant Personality Disorder?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Even talking to a cashier or getting instructions from my boss is so intense I find it hard to remember what I was told, or what was said.
Hence the reason I'm unemployed and use self-service when shopping
Same! I thought maybe i had adhd or something because if my boss would tell me something i would completely forget by the time I'd get to my desk but I realized that the intense worry and anxiety i feel while approaching them numbs my mind to taking in information. Its like fight or flight.
Wow, Ive had that happen to me too.
@@poshpageboy8417 Me too! Especially in my studies, I understand everything during the lecture but once I'm out I forget like 80% of it and it even happens that I ask very stupid questions that I knew their aswers
@@keepinitkawaii Freeze is another one. Got Pete Walker's book "From surviving to thriving", on Complex PTSD. It's the freeze chapter that led me here to find out about avoidant types, it's like I'm just freezing, not moving, stuck at home. I do take my dog out however, all the time, the highlight of my day. And yes, intense anxiety stops my brain from absorbing stuff as well, that is why I could never win an argument, or become a debater. But the brain works fine, when in non-challenging situations, it's frustrating. Especially for my bank account.
I hate people because they make you feel bad about having a problem instead of helping you to overcome your problem
This how my best friend always tell me
Insightful people,with empathy don't do that.
We just have to find BETTER people and cut the "Shitty people" out of our lives.
Include a circle of people you would want to be more like, for starters. Social support is necessary!
I feel this so much. This is prolly why I’m not getting better at what I love doing. I let problems like this get to me that I just keep thinking about it over and over.
@@j_freed --@ freed: Good point! We all need to walk away from those who are too judgmental because the blame game is not productive...We have all suffered childhood trauma not only because of the inadvertent mistakes our parents made but because of our childhood misunderstanding of events and admonishments...but we do not all become hurtful to others with our knee jerk judgments. Those who would control us (the government) love to see us at each other's throats like a bunch of billiard balls careening off each other....over the most minute of differences. And it is disgusting to me to see how willing the Establishment is to name every human emotion a psychic disease. The whole psychological/psychiatric Profession has become weaponized. Look at what their arsenal of drugs are doing to this culture.
"I don't hate [people], I just feel better when they're not around." Charles Bukowski.
I’m pretty sure I have this. I’m not only worried that they may not like me, but I worry that they may actually like me and then I would have to deal with a relationship.
Same
I think that if they like me, and if they show actual interest in being around me, that once they get to know me more they will I realise how terrible I am and they won't like me.
Omg thats me too! I thought that that symptom i felt alone in
LeviJM omg😩u have described my life
Yes! Same.
This is so me. I spend 2 minutes in what feels like 2 hours of personal torment rehearsing how I'm going to say "Here" when a professor is doing roll call. I feel like everyone I pass is whispering about me. Even going to the store is so scary because of this. It's not as bad when I know I'm only dealing with people I'll probably never see again.
+Blackbyrd I'm with you, I know how you feel. I'm 40 and have dealt with this my entire life.
Baby this is more like paranoid and grandiose personality syndromes not quite avoidant one
+Blackbyrd This happened to me all through college. Feels great to finally relate!
Pray for you to get over it soon
+جابر محمد there is no getting over AvPD it's a lifelong personality disorder.
I have AVPD, I’m 25, I’m living with my mother that I believe is the root of all my problems, her neglect made me this way, I’m trying my hardest to overcome my dependency on her and try to get away from her and start my own life
Vtmb2 coming 2020 Imagine being 35 and still live with my mom lol, my mom is also the root of my problems, she lies to me and bullies me all the time, I was called beaver by half the school because of my teeth, in 3rd grade this gay kid abused me making me french kiss him and touching my private parts, i'm a guy, I have 3 narcissitic aunts and a cousin who bully me my whole life, and my dad never pays attention to me or talks to me, and i'm abandoned at my house all day, I have border
line personality disorder, and avoidant personality disorder, I never go outside, only in my room?! ... 😀 🔥
@@rvfjone almost the same... Never leaving my bed
Most mothers are definitely overrated
I agree
i think AvD appears thanks to childhood emotional neglect or humilliation so yes, run away from your mum as soon as possible!
29, and same. Though, I'm not diagnosed.
I love how you talk in; ''us, we're'' and etc. makes it definitely more personal and real. Thanks Kati.
I notice that as well.
Me too
Yes it's a psychological trick to retain viewers.
Most therapists do it.
I recently discovered that I have this. It's hell on Earth but it's oddly comforting to put a name to this Hell. I've never been comfortable around strangers or even coworkers and everyone thinks I'm "weird" or "a bitch" even though I'm extremely nice and consider myself very hard-working. I struggle to not get choked up when someone asks me "how I am" and whatnot. I avoid the break room at work (and avoided lunch at school when I was younger,) every day because I was afraid someone would ask me "how I was." I always wanted to say "You don't want to know." I shake my foot frantically and fake-laugh and pray they'll leave before I have an anxiety attack. These disorders are real and they prevent so many good people from fully living their lives.
I can relate to what your dealing with. I've always been a nice person and a hard worker, but I was always afraid of getting close to people. I relied on my silliness to make people laugh so they would want to have serious conversations with me. I have one friend who doesn't know she really doesn't know ME. I'm very alone and isolated and it's a hard life to live.
oh my god!!! Someone else has this too! Yes, I had been almost to the point of throwing up in fear, just going to work and knowing the other employees would ask 'how are you' when I got there. And I just want to scream, can we change this question??? I don't want to be reminded how I am coz I want to go away.
the thing about how it feels oddly comforting to put a name on it , i can relate SO much. bc i thought it was just me , just my personality and i had to live with it. knowing i'm not the only one and it's not normal to feel this way made me feel a bit lighter tbh
this sounds like mee....
Help :(
I feel so comfortable when it’s just me myself and I...I created my own lil world in my head and when humans come around me sometimes I just get so aggravated...I know I have a problem because people’s presence just annoy me for no reason and I would just like for them to stay tf away from me...It jus seems like everyone is the same...Either only care about themselves,annoying,or negative...it’s sad when you are like me and rarely feel any desire to interact with others cause u defenitly will feel left out of EVERYTHING..
^ this
I feel you so much !!!
Same !
Stay strong my brother we are the same if you ever need to talk shoot me a email
You're like most artist, in isolate we create wonders.
I have this. In therapy I was given the reasons why. Growing in a single parent house,my mother has NPD and is high on the spectrum. One night stands, partying, name brand clothes, money and her friends were the most important things to her. I had to stay in my room all the time, my things weren't allowed outside my room. When we did interact it was just her yelling at me and blaming for everything wrong with her life. If I spoke to ppl I was belittled and mocked. When I got into the real world I had no skills to deal with it and ppl don't want to hear about your fucked up childhood. So I did what I knew. I locked myself away. I want a life, I just don't have the skills or security to do so. How do you express your emotions when you were taught to not have any?
dierjran your story saddens me. Im so sorry you had to go through that and still have to deal with its side effects. Without professional help, I suppose the only thing we can do is to push ourselves out of our shells. You’re in my prayers. I hope you are able to break free from the chains of this disorder. God bless ❤️
I don't know, I didn't even have it half that bad but it's still hard. Hoping therapy will help
Knowing the cause doesn’t always give us the remedy. The way out is to slowly improve yourself. Find ways to interact with others. Perhaps, you could find a friend. I understand how you feel much more than you may know.
dierjran, you nailed it! I grew up in a drug house...you don't see anything, hear anything and if you value you safety you don't say anything. Everything was just swept under the carpet. How do you even begin to express, let alone identify, your emotions when you were never allowed to have them.
DBT therapy is a start. The goal is to improve your yourself generally and learn how to love yourself and others specifically. Given your level of sensitivity, it will be difficult. Please try! Don’t give up on yourself. We need you.
being bullied and told your a weird will do this too you :(
DeMarco Doe
Pretty much. That was my highschool experience, though I managed to curb some of this through rewiring my mind. Still can't feel comfortable alone in public and hate meeting new people.
DeMarco Doe same. i have been bullied pretty much my whole life, and now i am left with AvPD and isolating myself. left with scars. might as well just die...
I feel your pain, bc its mine too
This is sooooooo true, I swear I was normal in 7th grade, just a little shy every now and then but completely normal. But getting bullied a lot in 8th grade really affected my confidence. The bullying was much less severe from 9th-12th grade, but that one year of my life (8th grade) had a huge impact. As well as the emotional neglect I had growing up as a child in my family. My family are weird, they never really showed me affection. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever told my parents I love them or vice versa. This has made it hard for me to form intimate relationships with women, or show feelings to people now as a 22 year old man.
I agree with this. Although I never really got bullied I've dealt with rejection ever since middle school up to high school. Now because of that I always think there's something wrong with me so I push people away
I avoid people because they have shown me their true colors.
So what are people’s true colors? Consider that people need people. Your job in life is to find the right people for you. Check out Blind Melon’s No Rain on youtube. That is what the little girl bumblebee is trying to do. This journey is called life.
Have you talked to all people?
OOF.
I feel u.....
My relatives are already a enigma. They changed a little bit but they are have same tendencies and also they have moved on blank page at same time. I dont know what to think about them honestly. I specificly avoid them due to cause past mad and dumb things again and I already forgot what were they anyway.
This has been me my entire life I never knew what I had was actually a disorder I always thought it was social anxiety or just shyness. But after hearing this it sounds like me exactly every single point has resonated with me. I’ve gotten better at social stuff but struggle with new environments still. I’m so happy to know I’m not the only one. I don’t want to let my perceived thoughts get in the way of my life.
Same here. but i think you can have both social anxiety and avoidant personalty disorder.
@@crapcrap1786 In Poland it's called exactly that - Anxious-Avoidant Personality Disorder.
@@crapcrap1786 what is that second thing?
@@M.Đ-z4u if you meant social anxiety it's like avoidant personalty disorder in which you would feel anxious in social situation and in result avoid them. But the thing is with social anxiety that you don't view yourself as inferior you may have low self esteem but you don't view yourself as inferior..and you do fear embarrassmemt, judgment, rejection and mistakes that could possibly happen in social situation but you are kinda aware that the fear is exaggerated..... Where as in APD you view yourself as inferior and shamefull and you think its better if your loved ones didnt know you. or you doubt if they love you hence why you would avoid them+ with APD you are not necessarily that afraid of people s judgment bcuz you think it's expected and deserve it.... Hope that was helpful!
@@crapcrap1786 i dont know.i avoid people like.i have fear that someone will tell something bad to me or .i fell like im inferior to anybady im worthless.but im worthless i lost my job becouse im antisocial becouse of anxiety
I almost feel like I can’t connect with people because I don’t even feel like I’m here. Does that make sense? Not because I care what they’ll think about me.
you are the subject which is by definition not an object. not being an object you have no shape or form or colour, you are basically no-thing. so I think your intuition is right. you could check out people like Jean Klein, Douglas Harding, Rupert Spira, Francis Lucille, Peter Ralston.
@@NI-un8wr the world doesn’t revolve around one person so no they aren’t ‘the subject’
That is dissociation.
Yes makes sense.
If you had parents that didn't treated you like an outsider or favored another sibling over you can cause these feelings too.
How do I call a psychologist to make an appointment and get professionally diagnosed when just calling my friend is terrifying?
Baby steps. Call, then if u get nervous, just say, "oops, wrong number". Then, next time write down what you want to say, like "ask about what one needs for an appmt.". Then the 3rd time, use the info u previously learned, to make an appointment. Simply say "may I make an appointment?" Generally, a 1st appointment, is simply to fill out paperwork, such as name, address, reason for visit, insurance info. etc. It requires going out of comfort zones, and mustering up some bravery, and facing fears and overcoming them. A visit to the place b4 calling or making an appointment, may help, if new places cause anxiety. Don't care what people think! I took awhile to figure that out. It's them, who maybe making a judgement, and that's a flaw in them, NOT you! It's human nature, to form opinions, based on what a person sees. I think we're all guilty of forming unflattering opinions sometimes, like "What IS that person doing?" "Why can't moms control their kids better?" "Sheesh, that guy has a lot of tattoos. I wonder if he's a biker', etc.
Theres a bunch of places online u can use.
Maybe just text-based online or phone therapy at first could be easier?
I have AVPD and making or answering calls is terrifying. Friends and family don't understand, they think it's to get out of situations. The last thing we need is someone making fun out us.
@@sdw_taylor738 That really sucks. I feel ya. OF COURSE you want to barricade yourself from the world so you can't advance in the world. people are so clueless. seems I have a couple of mental health issues and goddamn i hate how people try to force me to do shit. freshly divorced in a fresh new hell and family telling me to get a job etc. i've had my own cousins basically fat shaming me, or telling me what bad choices i've made over the years etc. again. And these are people who actually go to protests, and help immigrants! They care more for strangers than family. Very few actually try to help or understand.
Im 22 and i always avoid people.I always feel like going from work to home eating and watching series and doing notting more.
^
You just described my life but I'm still 21. I wish I could get over my fears and have people in my life
still i do feel where you come from
You kids aren't missing as much as you might think
Most people aren't worth knowing
I literally have no friends 😔
L I feel like I should say something or do something... but I don’t know what. I can’t, for some reason, not reply... I feel like a damaged extrovert tbh.
Edit: not trying to make it about me, to clarify, I just want to help.
Thinking Machine: thanks... I don’t know what to do myself. I wouldn’t even know how to make friends. I feel so socially awkward and underdeveloped and just so boring like who would actually want to be friends with me 😕 I guess I’m just meant to be a loner...
Well then let's be friends 😉
@Housewife Hawaii I am an infp. What can I do
Same! No social life sucks ):
This is me, spending 10 years mastering the art of avoiding. This screws me over with gaining new skills or connections or keeping old ones, which doesn't seem to be the case for shyness or social anxiety. I'm coping it now with public speaking, like Toastmasters, but it'll take a while, as an adult, to learn. The 40 Year Old Virgin, with more awkward
Sounds like your talking about me,can really relate
How is social anxiety different from this? It seems to me the same thing just they renamed it
Are you still going to Toastmaster ? How are you feeling nowadays?
dmfighter
i
People aren't worth it anyway.
Therapy, is massively expensive. Can you imagine someone with this disorder, trying to hold down a job? So, if they can't, they end up homeless, and even more ostracized. Childhood trauma, and bullying DEFINITELY cause this. Also add in other psyche disorders, or disabilities, and it's no quality of life at all. For me, being alone, is a safe place. I can't read people well, and every "friend" in adulthood, used me for their own gain, so, I don't bother with "friends" at all. If I'm alone, no one can judge me or betray me. I have nothing to make me uncomfortable. I even go to self check out, to avoid a person asking "How are you?" & practically demanding an empty answer of "fine". I'm not "fine" & haven't been forever basically, so having to say I'm "fine", just rubs in that I'm not "fine", so it's like having to lie all the time. So, self checkouts offer peace from that. Also imagine rejection, after rejection, all through the years of childhood, adulthood & beyond. Bullying, is 100x times worse than people think. It causes disorders like this one, paranoia, depression, low self esteem, and so much more, simply because we are rejected and or ostracized by others. It's come to the point, that all I want for Christmas, or my birthday, is kindness. But, if someone IS kind to me, even that upsets me, because it's so rare, shocking & unexpected, so it opens the floodgates of pent up emotion, and then because I get upset at a kindness, which baffles people, they tend to back away, which is seen as rejection. So, it's a vicious circle. Also, some people with this disorder trust no one at all, and often family members also alienate people with this, because they don't understand it, or what triggers it, and so they see the person as too messed up to bother with. They don't understand, that the presence of ANYONE, makes people with this disorder incredibly nervous. If someone just "pops" over, it can send someone with this disorder fleeing because it forces a social situation on the person. The person afflicted, is often told "you're an adult, so act like one". Just because people are adults, doesn't mean they morph into a "normal" person, instantly. This disorder, is often a lifetime sentence, that is not easily escaped.
I hate being asked how are you by the shop worker too, everyone has to say theyre good even if they arent, thats the code , but self check outs annoy me as never seem to work and then I get more anxious because i have to ask for help with that
Shael Strata Oh man how I can relate. I suffered a childhood trauma of divorce and bullying at the same exact time. The bullying was so bad no one would talk to me and make fun of me in front of me. I was the outcast. As a result, I learned I couldn’t trust people (including my parents who crushed my whole world thinking we were a perfect happy family and then what seemed like pulling the rug from under me out of the blue) and I developed extremely low self esteem. Mind you, I’m an introvert and sensitive to begin with, so these traumas really done me in. From there, as I entered high school, I made poor relationship choices. In desperation, I clung onto boyfriend after boyfriend who were no good. I got betrayed time after time by so-called friends straight into my adult years. Eventually I became so isolated I neglected family and have virtually no friends. Now in my early thirties I’m starting to develop some type of esteem... first in my abilities career-wise over the course of some years and now kicking my ex to the curb now knowing I do deserve better. Im not quite healed, but I feel a change coming. I don’t consider myself normal. I have a fear of people because I’m not confident in openly being myself in front of others / to others. I never know what to say or even how to have a relationship with anyone other than a lover who would only take advantage of my kindness and big heart. But I want to try. I know why I am the way I am. But I can’t let it define the rest of my existence. I deserve happiness. I love hard and I deserve love back, in all forms. It’s sad that I’ve wasted so much time. I feel so underdeveloped. Like you, I can’t read people by any means. Im not good at making conversation, hell, I can’t even seem to start one. I fear people will judge me. My disorder isn’t as bad as others not being able to leave the house or make a phone call....but it is something that holds me back. Im learning to push myself out of my shell. Sometimes I say stupid things that I dwell on afterwards but then I say oh well and carry on. It’s not easy but I’m just goin to force myself to have a different mindset. To be more positive. To think more highly of myself... which is hard because that is the last thing I want people to think of me. But I’m learning people need to be confident in themselves. It doesn’t mean you have to be full of yourself. Anyway... I’ve rambled on far too long. I wish you well on your journey. I pray that you’ll push, because I’m sure going to try. It’s only a life sentence if we accept it. God bless ❤️
Yeah it's dread, not fear that I feel... I dread being in social interactions because I already know how it will turn out... bad... this describes me to "T", but I think that I have a more severe case. I have a lot of personal conflict internally--I crave to have meaningful personal relationships with others but at the same time I hate for anyone to get close to me. I am also not a talkative person and it feels like you have to entertain someone 27/7 with the gift of gab to keep them as a friend. I get tired of talking after a few sentences...so they find me boring and tire of being around me.
So, what if you kind of are inferior, what if you are at the very bottom of the dominance hierarchies? What if most of your interactions with people really do make you feel sad? What if these things have nothing to do with perception, but everything to do with reality? Why would you put yourself through that? Being lonely is bad, but so is constantly putting yourself in a situation that makes you feel bad. I almost always come away with regret. I think it's evolution at work in my case.
Yea, some people genuinely get treated like shit no matter what, and for those people avoidance is a survival strategy, not a mental illness. It's probably a combination of both in my case.
I completely understand where you are coming from. Since I decided to make a few changes to my life and stop trying to be "normal" I've been so much happier.
What were those changes, if I may ask?
xde345 I started doing what I want to do instead of what is expected of me.
I cut negative people out of my life.
Stopped seeing myself as someone who needs to be fixed.
And probably the most important one;
Stopped trying to be someone I'm not and focused on being the best version of myself.
Forgot one, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and try to remember things could be worst.
I think that's the disorder speaking. No offense. I feel the same way at times, but I think that it just comes with the territory.
That totally describes me and I feel I am making things much worse because I can sense people getting mad at me because I avoid talking to them but I can't help it. I can't stand this situation anymore
Just recently became aware this was a condition when I did a personality disorder test and got like 90%+ Avoidant on it.
I just always thought this was how I was and there was nothing I could do about it. Made an appointment to see a therapist. I'm really tired of feeling like this.
Congrats on seeking help! Wondering how it went? I am going to as well...
I fear rejection everywhere. Sometimes I even get paranoid that any time a group of people are talking and any of them dislike me at all, they'll end up straight-up talking about how shitty I am.
But the weird thing is, when I'm actually directly, obviously, and possibly severely rejected, I just think "what an asshole" and move on 99% of the time. I'm afraid more of the imaginary rejections than the actual rejections.
And it's also the assumption that such a large percentage of people will reject me enough that I could never actually have any real kind of connection. It's some "forever alone" kind of stuff where you can't tell yourself "even if no one at school likes me, I could just go to a meetup for some of my interests!" because you don't believe it. No one will ever truly accept you.
I had this really terrible. Until 13, I feel really tired BCS of this so I prepare my mental from 9 years old until 13 to crush whoever talk shit about me. So.. it's really happen. I hit many people every day and I hit with all my might training how to punch so hard. Surprisingly they bcm my friend but I ignore them. And then I have many of them bcm my friend and I feel so fucking weird about this situation. Until my age 20, my fucking trauma bcm worst . I can't even face people eye to eye. I feel very tired about this. BCS of that, I imagine all of them are lamb. I observed them very hard. BCS I can't punch people at the age 18+ (might go jail BCS that). The people that I unlike will get observed by me so I can fucking kill or hurt them without evidence. This is all BCS I so fucking tired bcm like this. With my stress for whole years I will fucking focus to find opportunity even it'll take few years. I feel so fucking tired. I don't care anything. I'm tired of this. If I talk they fucking talk in my back..if I mute they still fucking talk my back. I know this is all BCS trauma from me at 8 years old. If anyone in my place they will suicide by that day. I act so thought but inside it's very hurt and make me paranoid. Imagine for over 4 years in my childhood 1 school bully my mental even the teacher. The teacher always assault me BCS they jealous my rich family that time and if I go home I always get beat up by dad and sibling. Everyday I go school ...after school my mouth will bleeding BCS my very stress and controll anger. I swear this happen. From me 5 years old I'm full of respect and try to be the toughest man in the earth and I get this test by a god? I will use all my might,money brain, strength to perish fucking people like this. I'm SORRY😁
I have AVPD. I've been in the military for 17 years and just diagnosed 5 years ago when I was on my last leg. I got married and things started to go down hill very fast....anyways that's my life. I'd would suggest everyone who has AVPD to watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's a anime series made by a director who has AVPD for people like us. Another series is welcome to the NHK a dark comidy about the more extreme AVPD in japan. In Japan they have people so avoidant that they can't even leave there house in fear of being hurt. The char. stay true to there disabilities to the bitter end. I learned a lot about myself. I really disliked the main character I wasn't sure why and it felt weird to have this emotional reaction to him...later I found out his character was AVPD type C....same as me....what does that say about me now? Not only the main characters have issues either the main characters care taker has borderline Personality disorder the father is all sorts of messed up and so on. The director doesn't try to change anyone into something they aren't and I thank him for that. By the end you will know the director is AVPD and suffers from depression just like you and me but he still keeps going. We will never be heroes like in the movies and that's OK each time you get your ass out of bed and face your fear there is a victory to be had.
how are u now?
Chris Testerman I will check thanks for sharing
TheFlamingShark has a blind reaction viewing to Evangeion including the End of Evangelion on his youtube channel if you want to watch it without downloading it via torrent. Other then that enjoy.
I still struggle plus my wife has BPD.....which causes major issues also I'm still coming to terms with the BPD it's depressing plus I've got to watch out for myself.
wow I have seen both the series and I was just going to post about these 2 series on here. Is this a coincidence?
I have AVPD (self diagnosed), I'm 32. I've been trying to make efforts to get over it in the past year but it's honestly really hard. I don't care all that much about making friends, I feel fine being with my brother, sister and parents for emotional support. It's getting a girlfriend that's killing me. I've never had one. The lack of experience is giving me a terribly low self esteem sexually and in a relationship. And I can't get experience if I don't start seeing girls. It's a vicious cycle, The fear is preventing me from getting a girlfriend, but I need a girlfriend to get over my fear of a relationship...
I made a few attempts at getting a girlfriend this year but I have yet to ask a girl out. The most I was able to do was go see one at her work place as she's a barmaid. Everything I did to get her to notice/like me took a ridiculous amount of effort as I had to work through a huge amount of stress and anxiety. I spent 45mins inside my house with my coat on unable to move before I went to see her the first time. Then I got her to like me enough that she was literally begging me to kiss her but I just ran off on her and now she wants nothing to do with me... I guess that was my limit. At least I learned some things out of this experience.
I'm getting over my approach anxiety and speaking to girls is getting a lot easier, but the whole idea of getting into a relationship with someone is making me want to run the hell away. For some reason, I'm more afraid that things are gonna work out than being rejected. If things work out, I'm gonna have to live up to her expectations and I don't have the confidence that I can do that. So what I tell myself is "Why bother if she's just gonna dump me in a month or 2 and leave me miserable"
I'm sorry but- if you're self diagnosed you don't really get to claim that you have it tbh.
@@copycat7657 Untrue.
I'm by far, not an expert, but perhaps try going on outings with other people, to the same place. Once I took a bus with others, to a flower show. If you're all going to the same event, then you already have something in common. Then, at the event, you can go your own way & look at things. Then, on the way back, you can discuss the event, if you want. Alternatively, maybe make something to sell, then you can talk about the item. Just baby steps, might help. As far as dating goes, it IS really hard, but it's easier, if you can interact with people doing the same thing already. Maybe volunteer for a beach clean up. You can have as much or little interaction as you want, but get some kudos, when the clean up is done, and someone simply says "thank you for coming today everyone! We really made a difference today didn't we? In the scenario, where the person was looking t a pretty girl, and she noticed & smiled at the person, try saying something generic, like "it's a beautiful day today isn't it?". That's a start. She acknowledges you, by looking & smiling at you, and you acknowledge her, by speaking to her. After saying it's a beautiful day, you could volunteer more info,, such as..."I like to come here often, because it's so serene". That opens the door for her to respond. If she doesn't that's ok. If she leaves, wish her a wonderful day. It's simply being amiable., with no expectations. Amiableness, has kind of left society these days. Another way to talk to people in a relaxed way, is to own and walk a very cute dog. Cute dogs & cute babies, are conversation starters. Also being part of a group based on a common ground, like Star Trek fans, role playing, animal activism, volunteering, etc. I really wish there were more outing busses, like they have for the elderly, for the general public, then people could go apple picking, see a play, or film screening, go see fireworks, flower or car show, museum, etc. Eons ago, there used to be social clubs. There aren't many these days.
Same. Except when I try to have a conversation with a girl I like, I say really dumb stuff and they think I'm weird or just very boring and then they avoid me. Fml
i wrote a really long comment but then i deleted it because i got scared...
hehh... yeah... bye
i've done this a at least 100 times
Oh my god. Literally this. I posted a comment earlier and just came back to delete it because I thought it sounded dumb.
You sound like me
Akash Suryawanshi are you saying you have avoidant personality disorder?
Tom DeLonge This happends to me all the time
I used to be myself and I had a ton of close friends that I loved so much, and everything was so easy because I just acted like my true self. Then I moved to a different state when I was 10 yo and it became a lot harder to make friends/ppl would always tell me to shut up or make fun of me. Ever since then I've completely shut myself off in fear of getting judged, but even though I have known this whole time that I must have a problem, I could never detect it. Then yesterday I got high and coincidentally ran into a group of "friends." I think my state of mind let me see everything for what it is, and I realized that they look at me super judgmentally. My past trauma is definitely not as crazy as a lot of these comments, but my situation is so weird and complicated. I don't live in my room, I go out and do stuff pretty often. And I still talk to people, but not as my true self. I think that I block out my real personality and try to replace it with the personalities of the people around me. I think I might do this bc it's easier to get judged when you aren't being yourself than when you are.. then when I ran into those kids yesterday and saw how they judged me I realized that no matter what I act like I'm going to get judged regardless. I just wish that knowing that would be enough to switch on my true self but somehow it's impossible for me to do that.
When talking to people and you don't know what to say and you want to say something, talk about how your body feels, like if it's hot or cold or how the breeze feels good. This helps with small talk sometimes.
Being the skape goat in a disfuntional family and dealing with alot of emotional and mental abuse , was the cause of mine , the nicer I try to be to people the meaner they are towards me , cut contact with most of my abusive family , yes it's lonely but don't have to wonder where and when the next hateful crap is going to come out of their vicious mouths. I've simply given up on relationships except for my two grown children and four grand children. I go for a WK at times without talking to another person , I wouldn't wish this way of life on anyone , it's an awful way to have to live.
Many of those who have a fear of being ridiculed and rejected are conditioned to be avoidant because of past relentless ridicule and rejection. It's no different that being electrocuted and then avoiding situations that leave you exposed to being electrocuted.
I’ve always hated being judged, even when I was tiny, I was so scared of people’s opinions, and I stayed away from them.
I am an anti social hermit that only mingles if I have to. Sometimes avoiding certain people is better than going to prison for murder.
Sometimes?
Be a sheepdog not a wolf. A wolf kills the sheep, a sheepdog never kills the sheep. At the same time, very few sheep like the sheepdog. But, at least you can sleep at night.
Bro, some people don't understand that you stay away or keep em away for THEIR safety. Most people are counting on someone elses goodness to not murder them when they cross lines, or they cross lines without ever thinking how close to death they really got
I am so angry with my parents that they physically and phychologically abused me. My mother used me as a therapist, because she didn't trust my father or her friends. She always told me that I couldn't trust my friends - and she would always interpret unpleasant situations negatively and giving her way to anxious world view to me...
This video makes me feel like someone understands me for the first time.
AVPD is a learned pattern of thought. Many of us have learned it from being around the wrong kind of people. Or worse, it may be the way WE OURSELVES JUDGE OTHERS, and in turn we expect that others around us will judge us in the exact same way that we judge people. ( judge not less you be judged.) The best way to change that learned pattern of thinking is to get involved with people who are less critical, and avoid the type of people from our past who are overly critical. And if is caused by our own hyper critical way of thinking, we need to learn to be more sympathetic and compassionate to others. And then we may become less critical of ourselves.
It's not that I don't like people. I'm just happier when they aren't around........ Barfly
Being around people requires a lot of energy. I need a lot of alone time to recharge.
Then you're probably just a introvert
Right! Being around people takes a certain amount of attention that I don't feel like giving
funny, i evn avoid my family at home too now...
i started recording, documenting my journey intending to liberate from AvPD, if anyone wants to check out the vids, join, just be as a community talking abt it, i’d love to connect thru this 🙏🏼🤍
Was diagnosed in October 2018 while in the psychiatric hospital. Feels good watching this vid and seeing the comments. Feels like I'm not alone for once
I have the opposite reason for avoiding people. I'm afraid they will like me and I have to keep interacting with them, and to keep up my end of the social contract (I'm not joking).
Vass Gergely So late but SAME!
Me too, it’s still part of this disorder though from what I have experienced
The comments are proof that social media isn't making us feel more connected or unified, there's other studies that prove this.
I totally I understand that if we have avpd we need to get help. I want help...but 8 cant afford it. I tried to get help...couldn't afford it. It interesting how money comes before the well being of others.
You’re amazing! As a Medical&Psychiatric Social Worker, I’m learning so much from you. 💫
welp, looks like I can add YET ANOTHER disorder to my list of problems lol
Your logo at the beginning of your video is about the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
In the workplace I agree with what you said and in personal life mostly accurate. These symptoms have destroyed my life. The CBT, I've tried years ago and it helps but never to the point I felt functional on my own in public such as local bars and very outgoing people.
i found out about AvPD last night, and i immediately felt so relieved and almost happy because i finally had a name for it. everything i read about it just fit.
Sometimes I just want to hide forever.
Push them away or keep at arms length... Most common for avoidants to do & very heart wrenching for the person being vulnerable
Watching videos like this and going to therapy make me feel like I'm sane and can accept my problems and open up to people about them. Then I remember why I told myself not to in the first place, always... Harrumph.
I have had TMS due to lifelong anxiety and depression, after trying meds for many years that didn’t work. Sadly the TMS did not work either. It felt like my last hope for a change that could help me live a normal life. I’m a 30 year old female living at home. I have earned a degree, but was never able to work a steady job due to severe social anxiety and body image issues. I’ve spent nearly ten years in bed and I have given up. I’ve tried therapists and other routes. Don’t know if there is anything left to do. I was diagnosed with AVpD over ten years ago, but the diagnosis fluctuates from that, to severe social anxiety, to bipolar disorder,to just severe depression or an eating disorder.
It hurts to watch other live their day to day lives and still be stuck in my childhood bedroom in a daydream I can’t escape.
I was married 40 years, widowed now. Worked most of my adult life. I just don't like people.
Mostly they scare me.
What can they possibly do for a person who avoids things? Because they will avoid the help that a therapist or psych person would offer them. Avoidance is the name of the game.
What's the difference between APD amd Social Anxiety Disorder?
basically AVPD is a stronger form and tends to last longer throughout someone's life
one is a personality disorder- the other is an anxiety disorder... A personality disorder is more ingrained into your being and behaviour... where as an anxiety disorder is usually that if you put someone in a social situation, they are more likely to feel really anxious and have panic attacks so avoid it... where as the former avoids it without needing to have the panic attacks to make them not want to go...
so probably the behaviour being reinforced by different things...
+Catherine Mitchell but they are very similar still... Like they both experience anxiety and the treatment is very similar too, in their core aren't they both about fearing rejection and feeling inadequate?
fourteen yes indeed, they are very, very similar. Yet a personality disorder is something that gets diagnosed in adulthood, when the personality is fully formed, in a personality that is not properly formed (thus it's called "personality disorder"). An anxiety disorder is something that comes during a period of stress and is not rooted in the personality (yet, anyway). I hope that makes sense
social anxiety is much more specific. like when someone has real problems with shopping. but has no problem at all going to work. where the APD's problems are in pretty much every aspect of their lives. and they feel like its a part of them. sorry for bad english
Wow....this explains a lot. People at work have said that I'm super quiet too 😫🤦♀️
Thank you, I realized I was a bit asocial when I was trying to join communities to play a game and I was afraid of being embarrassed so thank you for this.
I've been diagnosed with this during two psych evaluations. I've missed out so much in life because of this.
at the end of the day, we are rejecting our selves by rejecting others. the question is not are they good enough for us but are we good enough for them. we are don,t look to the past to hold your hand look to the present and know this is you belong.
I have avoidance disorder because of neglect by my mum, and chronic bullying at school. Just don't like people it's sad as I always felt different because of my childhood.
It is the loneliest, debilitating and painful existence you can imagine. It is trauma from trauma where your only "friends" are the ones living rent free in your own head.
It's good you tell us to evaluate professionally, because for some of us all these criteria are really self-descriptive! 😳
I think I have this, but I can’t talk to anybody about it. I’m too afraid too talk to anybody about my feelings or just talk.. I’m too afraid too go see a professional. I just live isolated and sometimes cry when I have to be around people and feel uncomfortable. My mom don’t understand when I try to tell her that I can’t do things and just leave me alone because she is tired of me (I think..)
I got trauma cause of my friends in class when I was childhood and my family
Even I told and share my experience being bullied yeah they didn't care and they're mad with me when childhood and they're always angry and critic at me even beat me when I'm in small mistake. Now Idk, I can't share this problem to other people sometimes in my room alone I was crying without expression/flat face. And I want to make friend too but they avoided me ,everyday i always Try that way greeting them esktrovert persons make conversation and no respond like they said in their mind "you better go away" . I feel better share my disorder that Ive been through in my life with youtube comment section and god even idk know how the god respond but I feel god want to hear my story and see me from afar and feel better about that. Since that I feel like I want to avoid everyone but at same time I want to make friend to
Breath Of West Borneo how’s your life now
I really do feel more lonely when I am around people. The sensitivity to rejection is too much for me where I'm noticing too much in other people.
Truthfully, I just prefer to be alone. I find that I immediately get exhausted in the company of others. When I go out to run errands, I am always kind. I will talk to people and strike a conversation, and when that moment is over, I want it to stay over. I don't want to exchange numbers, get together for coffee or dinner, or anything. I think many of us are hit with some level of trauma at varying points in our journey of life. I will be damned if someone calls this a disorder. It's just another label that makes people question themselves. love yourself and who gives a F what anyone has to say. What I have learned is that you must live your life in the way it honors you- it will not be an easy journey, but once you realize you have the power to say I like this, I don't like this- you are free. What anyone thinks doesn't matter because they ultimately don't have to deal with the impact of how the choices that do/don't serve you make you feel. I am finally at a place, at 36 where I don't care- because I had to do more work to undo the damage of people making me think how I was- wasn't in their way- normal. I am kind. I am smart, I am helpful and I draw the line, now.
I don't like how everything is reduced to a label of 'disorder'. This can tend to cause people to think they have a clinical condition that can't really be healed.. This APD could better be described as having insecurity issues in certain areas..rather than the label of disorder.
If it makes it to where a person cannot function its a disorder.
Yay - 7/7. At least I know I'm not the only one and there's a name for this. I literally purposely do things to avoid talking to anyone such as me never once eating in my school cafeteria but in one of my classrooms and doing something to pretend like I'm not just "alone".
Having a job like mine, which is a hotel receptionist, I believe has helped me not completely recluse myself from all of humanity. If I didn’t work with people I don’t think I’d talk to anyone lol it also helps me with small talk and saying no to people when I have to
I avoid talking to people unless I'm with my partner now. I follow him around in social situations as I don't want to interact with people unless he is there and don't like trying to interact with people that we both know unless he is there.
Depression is one thing that needs treating but if you feel you shouldn't be around people and don't feel comfortable than those are your instincts and shouldn't be changed. Being around other people that aren't your family can be dangerous. There's no reason to encourage people to be social and engage with strangers. I wish I had avoided people more to be honest and not put my trust into others.
GhostBlade At times, my instincts have been spot on about people. We can't get along with everyone, and some people might be dangerous to be around. I'm talkative and outgoing, but sometimes I just draw the line, and need to be alone. When I was a teenager, some kids that were known to get high, came by my car at night at a restaurant. They were begging me to follow them up into the mountains at night. I declined their offer and went home. The next day, I had found out they got into fights and ended up in the hospital. One of the kids said, the driver was driving drunk and almost went over a cliff. Was I ever glad I didn't go up into a winding road at night.
I honestly avoid people that I feel that I would be inferior to them
I haven't been for a haircut in years, I just haven't been able to summon the courage to face the assault of small talk and interrogating questions. Avoidant personality disorder and a bad 'do'
When I worked with people as a psychologist and counsellor, I really enjoyed building relationships, collaborating with people and making a difference.
However, within the social sphere I am fairly avoidant (sub clinical) and get very caught up in my self-doubt story.
The older I get (now 55) the more avoidant I get. I'm turning into a grumpy old lady! Just can't be bothered with others (including family) much of the time and am becoming increasingly solitary. Works for me at the moment, though and when it stops working, I'll do something about it.
this doesn't sound like a disorder. This sounds smart and aware.
Well these smarts wreak havoc on your life. Luckily it's one of the easiest PDs to cure.
I was born feeling I do not belong in this world. I cannot converse normally with people. Even if I like a person, I would not be able to hold a conversation that long because I like if they know me, they reject who I am.
Same
I definitely avoid people and I do it with confidence. Whatever you are, do it boldly. Sometimes it's not you that's broken.
I try to ignore people, I over think everything. I try to be very sensitive, I want to be accepted by everyone. I am so scared people will judge me
I think there's a lot of stigma with the word "disorder", as if it implies there is something very wrong with you and you should set yourself apart from others, because your "SO DIFFERENT." "Professionals" love to classify and categorize these attributes, partly attempting to make them legitimate to justify their occupation and high salary. Sure, it's a way teach students/interested parties about these behaviors in an organized manner, but take their seriousness/permanency with a grain of salt.
Everyone has troubles, and a lot of it is stemmed from irrational thinking, which can easily be righted with the right direction. What I'm trying to get at is don't be too quick to classify yourself as having something that, just because it says so in a thick, "official" book, is so bad and irreversible and/or even legitimate. Get second opinions, find out the core of what's really bothering you (bullied growing up? Unsure of who you are?), take time to meditate, figure out what destructive forces can be trimmed from your life, and don't be afraid to act on it.
Peace.
I definitely agree with you but often for someone who struggles with any type of mental dilemma the main is that you often feel "nuts" without a proper diagnosis. It just feels as if you are running in circles. It frees us of the burden that says we can NEVER be okay.
Its like being really sick with a bad stomach ache after taking medicine and then realizing "Oh okay - I just need to make sure I eat before I take it." It is kind of that idea.
Does that make sense?
As an HSP I have found it difficult to tell if I'm sensing that people around me just don't like me or if I'm projecting my own self hatred on to them.
Omg this is me!!!!!! 😮 I didn’t even know it had a name.
diagnosed and in a full-time therapy thingy for 9 months, No matter how much therapy or tools you gets I don't think you can fully really cure or heal from it just learn to deal with it :p
I have been diagnosed with avpd since 12 years now with on top of that chronical depression and social anxiety disorder. But I've had it in development since childhood. I have been in therapy for more then 20 years on and off. For me the thought patterns that I tought myself are laying so deep that even cbt is not helping me and even exposure therapy and many more. And those thought patterns are just so draining. The focus is now to live with it the best possible way. I am home almost 90% of my life. And sort of gave up hope that any therapy will ever help me to improve. When it is in your personality, it will never really go away because you don't know any other way. But you can maybe manage it a bit more with the help of therapy.
Oh, I'm good - I always self-diagnose. I self-medicate as well.
I had to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years about a month ago. It really sounded like she has this. She shows no emotion, affection, or imtimacy. Always avoided serious topics about issues in the relationship. And never interacted with my friends or even hers in public. Just sat there silent. I felt more alone than if I were actually single. I am still so frustrated and thrown off my that relationship.
I thought I was just an introvert... I might have this disorder tho lmao cool "you need to have at least 4" I identified with all of them so...
🤣🤣 same I didn't even know this was a disorder but I got 100% on every she said
This has to be true for men thinking of whether to go talk to that girl etc.
Avoidance is just easier than trying to guess what one thing you could possibly say that would make her interested.
Yeah. I think I know a guy like this. I stopped hanging out with him on last year, and I stopped conversing with him on the phone a little while ago. Because I felt like it wasn't going anywhere, and it was a waste of time. It's very painful.
Peoples usually misunderstood introvertness and shyness but... they clearly dont know that specific person just avoiding them for some reason
Maybe because of some imperfections or just dont trust to them to speak comfortable.
Sometimes I chose words to explain something without being to manipulative or getting judged or tagged by them.
Please please make an updated video on this i have it and learn best from you
What's the difference between this and social anxiety?
I have this but it's not so much about fear for me. I come from a single parent home and my mother was very much a NPD mother. When I started going out with ppl I had no sense of myself, I would feel so out of place. So, I didn't say anything to anyone. All of my mother's negative words would play in my head. Also my mother didn't interact with me coming up, I would stay in my room to protect myself from her attacks. Isolation is my normal and has always served as refuge. The only thing I really miss is regular sex. Outside of that I am fine.
I have no friends, i have also lost the hability to talk coherently. Its been years living in quarantine for me. i have been very dissapointed by people and very hurt, that why I have this thing :(
It’s basically Pink Floyd THE WALL
“mother did it need to be so high”??
I'm a person that would be classified as "black race". I tend to stay home and be by myself due to the anti-blackness around me. Do you think racism should be considered in the diagnosis of people like myself?
Remember, folks, if you find that you feel you have this 'disorder', rest assured that there is somebody out there who will be happy to make a profit from your despair.
#askKati? What if you are also avoiding family and friends- no longer wish to burden them?
I can't even really socialize with my family. I've hugged my mother of my own accord once when I was 18. At the moment I'm trying to build up a new friendship with a colleague and we meet each other pretty much every sunday and it is mostly great but somehow there are so many moments where it's just awkward between us because I don't know on what level of intimacy we are on or what I am supposed to say. I am trying to think more about what I can give others during a conversation instead of fearing what I could lose but it's really difficult.
Most ppl seem to just say any old rubbish tbh lol , theres a girl I know whos so great with people has many many friends and talks to anyone and is so outgoing ect but her speech is very difficult to understand most of the time, her mum is the same, her friends also dont understand what shes saying half the time, but they just nod or pretend they do lol so I dont think it matters much what you say specifically, just seem happy while talking to them an can let them talk mostly , thats my problem too though well I let other ppl talk mostly as my brain is often empty of things to say
Pretty much me. I’m pretty sure what I experienced as a child growing up was emotional neglect. I never had that close feelings with my parents when I was growing up. And I feel like that definitely is a cause for my personality disorders.
@@lapislemontart Me too
When avoiding people, I feel like I have control over myself. Nobody can be rude to me, nobody can hurt me when I'm on my own. When I'm at a place where other people can judge me and make assumptions about me, I feel like they're more in control over me than I am
I agree with everything except feeling people have more control over me than myself
It sounds like you struggle with more than just AVPD. Possibly borderline and narracistic personality disorder. Trying to be in control at all times.
@@codybarron2049 I started going to a therapist and got diagnosed with social anxiety. I'm just really scared of people, that's all. It already got a lot better too :)
It is no sign of mental health to be well-adjusted to a thoroughly sick society .
@@jowlorenz9555 yesss!
I firmly believe early childhood trauma and bullying contributes to AVPD.
100% yes. I'm proof of it.
100%! Childhood trauma causes the child/adult to avoid situations to protect themselves from the pain they once experienced and were unable to process.
Combine it with continued bullying and rejection in adulthood, then you have it for life.
you must have had narcisisstic reptillian parents
@@humblewonder3260 Narcissistic, maybe. Reptilian? I think I'm the alien in this world.
I feel like an alien in a human suit desperately trying to emulate normal behavior and conversation but only estranging others more at every turn. I constantly say things that don’t make sense. My life is boring and empty and pathetic and I need to constantly hide it from the world. No one must know how I actually live; what I’m actually like.
Still feel the same way?
You are super enlightened. And you are right not all of us are human. We are having a human experience.
you just described my whole life in four sentences
Yep that's it, boring, empty and pathetic. I'm 26 and I still got no where in life, shit jobs, where I live is shit, never had a girlfriend ( cause I feel I don't want one and I don't like meeting new people), feeling anxiety when I leave the house doesn't fucking go away, I don't know how many times I went to the supermarket by myself and I still feel anxious everytime, depression, foggy brain. Its hell
Yep that's my life
This is me in a nutshell. Always been a loner/lone wolf type. I want to have friends and a significant other but it just isn't going to happen.
Don’t be a wolf. Be a sheepdog. The difference between a wolf and a sheepdog is the sheepdog protects the sheep, and the wolf kills the sheep. The sheep may never love you, but you should be able to sleep at night. And, who knows, maybe some day a female sheep dog will find you attractive. Good luck from another sheepdog.
I feel the same way! I do better alone! I live alone and I'm in my own little world! I tried to make friends but it always fails! I'm too weird to have friends! Lol Loner life is soo peaceful and nice!
Avoidants are the lone wolves, whether they want to be or not. It just is.
Nice bike brother
Same
I feel like schools should teach about this so people understand why others act weird instead of jumping to the conclusion of “she’s a bitch”
🙌🏼