Ross is brilliant, he saved my life after choosing one narc after another because of my codependent nature. I am recovered now and owe it this wonderful intelligent selfless man. ❤️
Yes, I've seen that trauma leakage and it broke ME actually and I remained in toxic relationship. Damn. If you are empathetic person, this is hard as hell.
I have witnessed trauma leakage and it's heartbreaking to watch. However, do not be fooled! The toxic person does not care about you in any meaningful way and you can't help them. Just leave! 🏃🏾♀️💨
I didn't see any leakage of a frightened little child with the narc that I had the misfortune to have in my life. Thank God! I only experienced slick con-artistry and vicious rage.
My father was a psychologist in the 70s and 80s. He made the mistake of trying to help a psychopath. Huge mistake on his part. I wont go in to details, but he barely escaped with his life. He learned that same lesson, that day, psychologists have to be extremely cautious when dealing with potentially dangerous cluster b types, most especially psychopaths, and also, malignant narcissist types. ps: I live in Chicago, and maybe 8 years ago, I was on a train going to or from O'Hare airport, I forget, and I saw you sitting in the same train car, lol. I was so happy to see you in person but I didn't say hi because you had your suitcase and it looked like you were tired from travelling or preparing to travel and I didn't want to pester you, but it was cool to see in in public! I have been watching your videos for years, you are fantastic... thank you for all the help you give to so many people, the world needs more people like you, sir.
I think that is a really interesting point for us types who think that we are helping the narc by encouraging them to understand themselves more, to push them to be self aware is actually dangerous for the narc, that they must remain unconscious of their trauma because it was too severe. It's so devastatingly sad. The narc and us.
This content was very informative and supportive of my current situation. I’m seeing firsthand how the desperate narcissist will DO ANYTHING to keep me from leaving. And then the “storm” hit. Thank goodness he left town (very dramatically) becuz I’m afraid my empathy of wanting to hold the crying baby MIGHT have kicked in. Which would have triggered remorse becuz I know the pattern here… I’m leaving. For good. This IS the last time. I’m going to heal my SLD.
yes I was exactly in this situation where I felt sorry, but I still decided not to give into it. That was so difficult, but it was very worthwhile in retrospective.
Have watched so many videos on covert narcissism but your information on healing and self love deficit disorder is truly insightful and different and helps me come to terms with what I must do to preserve me. I do feel so sorry for his trauma but having been in a relationship with him for 34 years, I know i am powerless to help him and must preserve myself. sooo hard, coming to terms with who they really are and what they do to you, when all you do is love them.
I left mine after 32 years. Financially I’m still figuring it out. Plus instantly had 2 parents need me medically for 7 years and counting right after. I’m still waiting for my time in the sun! I hope you can find your spots of sunshine!
New sub here ty just found your channel. Very impressed love how u straight to the point. So weird Iife n the people in it just got discarded for 4th time in 5 yrs n I let him live with me all these yrs after the discards believing he will change. Believing his future faking n it was the same be ok for a day or to n then back to devaluing me n then just leaves me. jealousy envious being he was. Nothing ever good enough. Trying to manage this trauma bond n its sad
Thank u Ross. Yes I have had to try to be strong to not get drawn into the drama .Counseling is difficult work. You explain it simple clear, consice example
I can hardly wait for your book to become available. I have some knowledge of psychology, and I'm certain that your treatment program is tailor-made to fit my life-long torment! Thank You so very much...My gut (I'm learning to listen to it more) tells me you're on track!
Thank you. This video explains why the school administrators harrassed me about taking my child out of their school because they were making her stand outside in a courtyard while it was snowing. I explained why I was pulling her out, and all they could say was I was "rude." LOL! Core shame. They still haven't admitted that what they did was wrong. And I know now they NEVER will.
Well, my ex just discarded me and went onto the next woman. He told me in a text “ I don’t want the divorce.” When I told him I was filing for a divorce. What about narcissists that are created because they are spoiled rotten like my ex was? He is an only child in his mid-50s now, spoiled by his overindulging, mother and father. I understand that’s abuse also. Still to this day, he can do no wrong in his mother‘s eyes, even though she knows that he is a disgusting and rotten human being.
Yes, mine was spoiled rotten and coddled as well. I do understand that it is detrimental to a child to spoil them. But to call it trauma…? I struggle with that lol. Trauma is what the SLD goes through all our lives.
@@mtc-j9iit’s abuse because the parenting prevents the child from becoming their own person, and does not teach reality. It instead teaches them to live in fantasy as a perfect child. When separation and individuation doesn’t occur the child doesn’t develop one’s own identity
@@mtc-j9i I didn’t say his parents traumatized him I said that he’s spoiled and his wealthy parents never made him take accountability and they overindulged him because he is their only child. When he got into trouble as a 13 year old for breaking into a school and stealing things he blamed his friends and so did his parents.) He has been in and out of jail since just after high school. I understand that parents are biased with their kids but I’ve never been treated so poorly. I tried to help him and took him back so many times but his parents treated me like I was the problem. I tried to stage an intervention for his illicit drug use and his mom told him to tell me to stop bothering her with ‘our marriage problems’ (which he never told me was a part of his history.) He is a pathological liar, serial cheater, and a master manipulator. When I met him, I thought I had won the lottery in men, as my adult son said, “He is the most charming and charismatic man I’ve ever met.” He is…unfortunately, we all found out it was just a mask. 💔 It broke my heart.
Will order the next book! Chronic loneliness is my biggest block (I’m an only child too). The have my own children, a grandchild, and am recently divorced - it’s a hard place to be in my 60s - all this uncertainty. Ross, if you read this, which class do your recommend to help with the loneliness? It’s my last stubborn remnant to knock out (for childhood trauma from an emotionally abusive dad). Even though I can be high achieving, I can change lanes at the 9th hour from fear of failure (classic trauma symptom, I know 😅).
My wife would be me , tell me she hates me and then the next day ask why I loved her and beg me to never leave her. I also made a lot of mistakes. I now look back and wish I did things differently. Maybe we could have figured out our marriage and saved it . I realize I do love her , even if she does not know what love is :. She associates love with money .
It’s been a few days since I went to one of your workshops. The year was 2016. You’re the first person who brought into focus that we had a narcissistic personality disorder in the White House. I truly appreciate the awareness you provided. You are still easy to understand and have grown as a therapist and educator. Thank you for your work.❤
Many people in politics and at high executive positions are narcissistic/psychopathic. Those are the people who run major companies, governments... the world.
@@wallymarcel1 Biden is slaughtering children and families who have no defense.. He's a psychopath, I think. I think most in our government are narcissistic and psychopathic.
Here we go, are you a psychiatrist? Are you aware of the term flying monkeys? Smear campaigns? I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your sense of reality. I’m worried you are gaslighting yourself and not seeing reality and where the true hatred and rage come from.
We quarrelled in the park and I left cause I couldn’t stand arguing. When I calmed down and came back home she has packed all her things and left. Moved out and left the country. Did I misdiagnose her? No trauma leakage - she made a choice and left. Maybe it is me who was toxic & egoistic in certain aspects and she just finally decided to leave? Apart from that it was a red flag we could never have any constructive conversation and her emotional reactions were on a very immature and self-paralysing level…that’s why I thought (and given her childhood) she is an NPD (covert)…but a thought that it was my fault too does not leave me and I feel sad about the breakup (now less frequent than before but still watching NPD videos from time to time to find a closure).
I’ve been working on my recovery as an sld for some time. My narcissistic spouse has a definite personality disorder and is exactly like you describe. I am so afraid to leave even though I pray for any kind of end to this madness. I wish I could just disappear
Ross, I have healed my codependency, but pls help me learn how to help the children that we have. I am separated now....(I have been in a mariadge with a narc).
Is this what happens for someone with a dissociative disorder during recovery? This brought complete peace, comfort, and validation for about a minute until more questions, confusion, and dread came flooding in. Either this can occur outside of narcissism, resembles the outcome of a trauma cascade/dark night of the soul, OR im the most empathic, respectful, self-aware narcissist there is...
If we overstructure things, it takes long to see anything other than the structures and we don't see things in plain sight. Just looking at what causes all the 'disorders'. Is there much a difference? It's often just the choice of 'exit strategy' that differs.
Would a child feel responsible for his mother coming down with a deadly health issue during her pregnancy with the child? If so, could this cause why they cannot feel empathy for the weak, hurt or ill? I'm wondering how common this is for those with mothers with compromised health and if it happens have you ever seen someone heal from it?
I'm now in that stage where I don't get engaged. I'm observing and I no longer have any attachment to him. I'm in the final stages of leaving... but the anger I feel for the wrong doings I've put up with for 40 years and his inability to own them, is so hard to manage. Is there anything I can do to help lift the anger?
I teaching style daunting terrifying pointing me in mix of what working how discarded damaged I am .. to protect thyself from the narc due to type of laps setoffs rending me in worsening jeopardy , you are so unlike any teaching rendering an alarm of survivors that need to hear ... Just the maturity painsaking overtake plethora of tech styles please send me terms sbl l whatever they were. Thanks so much
Ross is brilliant, he saved my life after choosing one narc after another because of my codependent nature. I am recovered now and owe it this wonderful intelligent selfless man. ❤️
Did you take his classes? I loved The Human Magnet Syndrome. It’s the #1 book I recommend
How long did it take you to recover
We are beaten down all of our lives... No wonder why we are the way we are.
Yes, I've seen that trauma leakage and it broke ME actually and I remained in toxic relationship. Damn. If you are empathetic person, this is hard as hell.
I have witnessed trauma leakage and it's heartbreaking to watch. However, do not be fooled! The toxic person does not care about you in any meaningful way and you can't help them. Just leave! 🏃🏾♀️💨
I didn't see any leakage of a frightened little child with the narc that I had the misfortune to have in my life. Thank God! I only experienced slick con-artistry and vicious rage.
My father was a psychologist in the 70s and 80s. He made the mistake of trying to help a psychopath. Huge mistake on his part. I wont go in to details, but he barely escaped with his life. He learned that same lesson, that day, psychologists have to be extremely cautious when dealing with potentially dangerous cluster b types, most especially psychopaths, and also, malignant narcissist types.
ps: I live in Chicago, and maybe 8 years ago, I was on a train going to or from O'Hare airport, I forget, and I saw you sitting in the same train car, lol. I was so happy to see you in person but I didn't say hi because you had your suitcase and it looked like you were tired from travelling or preparing to travel and I didn't want to pester you, but it was cool to see in in public!
I have been watching your videos for years, you are fantastic... thank you for all the help you give to so many people, the world needs more people like you, sir.
I think that is a really interesting point for us types who think that we are helping the narc by encouraging them to understand themselves more, to push them to be self aware is actually dangerous for the narc, that they must remain unconscious of their trauma because it was too severe. It's so devastatingly sad. The narc and us.
Thank you for your service and dedication to this community.
This content was very informative and supportive of my current situation. I’m seeing firsthand how the desperate narcissist will DO ANYTHING to keep me from leaving. And then the “storm” hit. Thank goodness he left town (very dramatically) becuz I’m afraid my empathy of wanting to hold the crying baby MIGHT have kicked in. Which would have triggered remorse becuz I know the pattern here… I’m leaving. For good. This IS the last time. I’m going to heal my SLD.
yes I was exactly in this situation where I felt sorry, but I still decided not to give into it. That was so difficult, but it was very worthwhile in retrospective.
Have watched so many videos on covert narcissism but your information on healing and self love deficit disorder is truly insightful and different and helps me come to terms with what I must do to preserve me. I do feel so sorry for his trauma but having been in a relationship with him for 34 years, I know i am powerless to help him and must preserve myself. sooo hard, coming to terms with who they really are and what they do to you, when all you do is love them.
I left mine after 32 years. Financially I’m still figuring it out. Plus instantly had 2 parents need me medically for 7 years and counting right after.
I’m still waiting for my time in the sun! I hope you can find your spots of sunshine!
Still waiting from mine too and feeling so frustrated.Sometimes God feels as vindictive as they are!
New sub here ty just found your channel. Very impressed love how u straight to the point. So weird Iife n the people in it just got discarded for 4th time in 5 yrs n I let him live with me all these yrs after the discards believing he will change. Believing his future faking n it was the same be ok for a day or to n then back to devaluing me n then just leaves me. jealousy envious being he was. Nothing ever good enough. Trying to manage this trauma bond n its sad
Thank you for explaining that. The leakage makes sense.
thank you for sharing your journey and experience and thoughts
My pleasure!
Thank u Ross. Yes I have had to try to be strong to not get drawn into the drama .Counseling is difficult work. You explain it simple clear, consice example
I can hardly wait for your book to become available. I have some knowledge of psychology, and I'm certain that your treatment program is tailor-made to fit my life-long torment!
Thank You so very much...My gut (I'm learning to listen to it more) tells me you're on track!
Thank you for your support. The book is out. Here is a direct link on Amazon: a.co/d/2j6Jt6y
Thank you. This video explains why the school administrators harrassed me about taking my child out of their school because they were making her stand outside in a courtyard while it was snowing. I explained why I was pulling her out, and all they could say was I was "rude." LOL! Core shame. They still haven't admitted that what they did was wrong. And I know now they NEVER will.
Well, my ex just discarded me and went onto the next woman. He told me in a text “ I don’t want the divorce.” When I told him I was filing for a divorce. What about narcissists that are created because they are spoiled rotten like my ex was? He is an only child in his mid-50s now, spoiled by his overindulging, mother and father. I understand that’s abuse also. Still to this day, he can do no wrong in his mother‘s eyes, even though she knows that he is a disgusting and rotten human being.
Yes, mine was spoiled rotten and coddled as well. I do understand that it is detrimental to a child to spoil them. But to call it trauma…? I struggle with that lol. Trauma is what the SLD goes through all our lives.
@@mtc-j9iit’s abuse because the parenting prevents the child from becoming their own person, and does not teach reality. It instead teaches them to live in fantasy as a perfect child. When separation and individuation doesn’t occur the child doesn’t develop one’s own identity
@@mtc-j9i I didn’t say his parents traumatized him I said that he’s spoiled and his wealthy parents never made him take accountability and they overindulged him because he is their only child. When he got into trouble as a 13 year old for breaking into a school and stealing things he blamed his friends and so did his parents.) He has been in and out of jail since just after high school. I understand that parents are biased with their kids but I’ve never been treated so poorly. I tried to help him and took him back so many times but his parents treated me like I was the problem. I tried to stage an intervention for his illicit drug use and his mom told him to tell me to stop bothering her with ‘our marriage problems’ (which he never told me was a part of his history.) He is a pathological liar, serial cheater, and a master manipulator. When I met him, I thought I had won the lottery in men, as my adult son said, “He is the most charming and charismatic man I’ve ever met.” He is…unfortunately, we all found out it was just a mask. 💔 It broke my heart.
Hello and good morning @Ross 🌞🌿🌷🌿🪻
Will order the next book!
Chronic loneliness is my biggest block (I’m an only child too). The have my own children, a grandchild, and am recently divorced - it’s a hard place to be in my 60s - all this uncertainty.
Ross, if you read this, which class do your recommend to help with the loneliness? It’s my last stubborn remnant to knock out (for childhood trauma from an emotionally abusive dad).
Even though I can be high achieving, I can change lanes at the 9th hour from fear of failure (classic trauma symptom, I know 😅).
Thank you for your support. The book is out. Here is a direct link on Amazon: a.co/d/2j6Jt6y
My wife would be me , tell me she hates me and then the next day ask why I loved her and beg me to never leave her. I also made a lot of mistakes. I now look back and wish I did things differently. Maybe we could have figured out our marriage and saved it . I realize I do love her , even if she does not know what love is :. She associates love with money .
It’s been a few days since I went to one of your workshops. The year was 2016. You’re the first person who brought into focus that we had a narcissistic personality disorder in the White House. I truly appreciate the awareness you provided. You are still easy to understand and have grown as a therapist and educator. Thank you for your work.❤
Many people in politics and at high executive positions are narcissistic/psychopathic. Those are the people who run major companies, governments... the world.
And now we have an “As If” personality disorder in the White House. Things are really working out well.
@@wallymarcel1 Biden is slaughtering children and families who have no defense.. He's a psychopath, I think. I think most in our government are narcissistic and psychopathic.
Here we go, are you a psychiatrist? Are you aware of the term flying monkeys? Smear campaigns?
I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your sense of reality. I’m worried you are gaslighting yourself and not seeing reality and where the true hatred and rage come from.
It's reasonable to note the tendency for narcs to be in politics and in the limelight be it business or entertainment.
Read your Magnet book doc. Amazing.
We quarrelled in the park and I left cause I couldn’t stand arguing. When I calmed down and came back home she has packed all her things and left. Moved out and left the country. Did I misdiagnose her? No trauma leakage - she made a choice and left. Maybe it is me who was toxic & egoistic in certain aspects and she just finally decided to leave? Apart from that it was a red flag we could never have any constructive conversation and her emotional reactions were on a very immature and self-paralysing level…that’s why I thought (and given her childhood) she is an NPD (covert)…but a thought that it was my fault too does not leave me and I feel sad about the breakup (now less frequent than before but still watching NPD videos from time to time to find a closure).
Epic
❤
I’ve been working on my recovery as an sld for some time. My narcissistic spouse has a definite personality disorder and is exactly like you describe. I am so afraid to leave even though I pray for any kind of end to this madness. I wish I could just disappear
Looking forward of the book sir
Thank you for your support. The book is out. Here is a direct link on Amazon: a.co/d/2j6Jt6y
Ross, I have healed my codependency, but pls help me learn how to help the children that we have. I am separated now....(I have been in a mariadge with a narc).
Yes the guilt from staying and wasting their childhoods, is hindering my own healing 😵💫
Is this what happens for someone with a dissociative disorder during recovery?
This brought complete peace, comfort, and validation for about a minute until more questions, confusion, and dread came flooding in. Either this can occur outside of narcissism, resembles the outcome of a trauma cascade/dark night of the soul, OR im the most empathic, respectful, self-aware narcissist there is...
If we overstructure things, it takes long to see anything other than the structures and we don't see things in plain sight.
Just looking at what causes all the 'disorders'. Is there much a difference? It's often just the choice of 'exit strategy' that differs.
Would a child feel responsible for his mother coming down with a deadly health issue during her pregnancy with the child?
If so, could this cause why they cannot feel empathy for the weak, hurt or ill?
I'm wondering how common this is for those with mothers with compromised health and if it happens have you ever seen someone heal from it?
ALL FACTS!!!😇😇😇-Xclusyph Icon
I'm now in that stage where I don't get engaged. I'm observing and I no longer have any attachment to him. I'm in the final stages of leaving... but the anger I feel for the wrong doings I've put up with for 40 years and his inability to own them, is so hard to manage. Is there anything I can do to help lift the anger?
You can’t heal that until you leave. For now it is your fuel.
35 here. Its tough, but we have to cut our losses. Acceptance. I struggle too, the injustice sends me into anger I have never felt in my life.
I teaching style daunting terrifying pointing me in mix of what working how discarded damaged I am .. to protect thyself from the narc due to type of laps setoffs rending me in worsening jeopardy , you are so unlike any teaching rendering an alarm of survivors that need to hear ... Just the maturity painsaking overtake plethora of tech styles please send me terms sbl l whatever they were. Thanks so much
🫶🏻 Good afternoon
good night