Love you guys but OOF that take on the second story with the girl in college who found out her boyfriend cheated is SO BAD. Girl, if you’re reading this, LEAVE. If he didn’t tell you, I guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s done this. This is just the first time he was caught. I know this relationship may feel super special, but you’re so young and have so much more to experience. There are lots of other guys and relationships to be had. Don’t let yourself get stuck in one where you are more committed than your partner. And don’t let yourself get talked into an open relationship (as Jerry suggested) if that’s not what you want. If you pretend it’s what you want just to save the relationship, you’re just going to hurt yourself. It’s tough to break up with a college boyfriend during your last year (believe me, I’ve done it), but it’s worth it. You deserve more.
If a cheater is only honest because they were caught, it doesn't make it any better. He broke a boundary, and now knows she will forgive and forget he will probably break more. Hope she leaves
I love Jerry, but the whole “all bets are off until we’re married thing” is bologna. If you’re in a committed, agreed upon monogamous relationship, BE FAITHFUL. If you don’t want that, SAY THAT. There are plenty of people out there who will stay casual or even do the open/poly thing. I absolutely hate when Jerry says that 😅. Also, (In my opinion) being “best friends” with someone doesn’t mean you should give them a pass for cheating. Idk, I don’t agree with that even a little bit. I’m not that way. Cheating is an automatic break up and never speak to them again for me.
Same, and I commented a similar thing. I’m in my mid 20’s and getting married next year. Just cause I’m in my 20’s doesn’t make my relationship less like he said cause of “being young” and “things happen at that age”. I agree. Absolutely NO excuse for cheating it’s just gross and disgusting 🤢 ❤
Yes!!! When I'm committed, I'm committed. I'm not going to be less serious about my relationship because I don't have a piece of paper from the government legally binding us. Dating around is completely different than being in a monogamous relationship. If I'm openly dating multiple people, I'm not in a relationship with any of them and it will be clear to everyone involved that it is not yet a committed relationship.
Also, for the second story, GIRL LEAVE HIM!!!! More than likely, he wouldn’t have admitted to anything if you hadn’t caught him. If he was who you thought he was, he wouldn’t have cheated.
For me, cheating is always ALWAYS a deal breaker. It took me years to realize that I will make myself miserable overthinking the situation. And it’s so important to know yourself when it comes to this. Because you can make yourself sick sitting and thinking. Some people may be able to work through it, and that may be a level of maturity I am not yet at and hope I never will be.
The last story was my write in! And wow I'm moved to tears. That advice lifted such a heavy weight off my shoulders. You both just know exactly what to say and consider all the possibilities. Thank you so so much for everything.
I think Jerry might be projecting a little bit in the second story. Just because you might be okay with it doesn't mean others think the same. You definitely don't have to be married to be committed and not cheat or wonder. The guy came clean because he was caught and he did the bare minimum and confessed. Sometimes people cheat because there are problems in the relationship and sometimes people cheat for nothing at all. Either way its wrong if you both consented to be in a single relationship.
Sometimes being best friends with an SO isn’t enough or means anything. My ex and I were best friends for years, we knew each other like the back of our hands. But that still didn’t stop him from hurting me over and over again. I held on to him for so long because I thought he’ll change but he never did.
For the story with A and B, I think that attraction to other people, even while you're in a relationship, is completely normal. But love is a choice you make, and if you want to be with A, then keep on choosing to love him. Your feelings for B will likely dissipate soon. Just keep reminding yourself that if you want to be with A, then B is not an option, he's just someone you're attracted too. You've got this, and don't force yourself into a relationship if you're not 100% ready for one ❤️ its okay to not be ready
So it’s normal to be attracted to others like actually want them or are you saying it’s normal to find people attractive? Cause I feel like being attracted to someone is the next step to actually wanting them which in my eyes, is cheating
Their relationship is so dang sweet. Like two really great, genuine guys on their own but together and knowing how fraught so many folks relationships are with their partner’s parents it’s pretty special to see.
Oh my Jerry, you are a stud! I see this show really growing right along side your lovely daughter and son-in-law's pod. Always sending only positive energy.
I love Jerry so much but the phrase “all bets are off until you say I do” no! Monogamy IS NORMAL, don’t go after someone else’s, boyfriend/fiancé etc. I’m 23 and will be getting married next year. Don’t invalidate someone’s relationship cause they’re in their 20’s that’s just the whole “you’re young and immature, go have fun and have lots of sex with lots of different people”. I’ve had sex (consenting) with one person and that man is going to be my husband.
Also for the record , I am not ok with cheating. lying in any form is against integrity. And I am a full believer in integrity, there is no compromise in it. Like I said I’ll explain all bets are off statement later as I have to write it when I’m traveling tonight and I’ll post it
To the story with the FWB/crush who found someone else, the advice I would give from someone who has been a similar situation: Don't plant yourself on the back burner. Do not emotionally designate yourself to someone who is unavailable, who has expressed that they are not romantically interested in you. If you think you cannot be friends with this person without wanting more, then you need to put some space between each other. Hoping for more can be sweet, but at a certain point you are not treating this person as a friend, but as a perpetual anticipated love interest. Romance-zoning, if you will. It's not a healthy way to be. Space may also help you find love for another -more available- person, or even love for time with yourself. I hope that didn't come off as too harsh. But making imaginary contracts in your heart won't garner you real prizes. Also, with the role reversed, if a man who I thought was my friend was secretly hoping for my relationship to fail so that they could swoop in and get with me, I'd be majorly creeped out.
Thanks! That was my write in, as a sorta update, since he’s also my landlord he has decided to move into the downstairs unit making things mega awkward for me 😅 I think I need to try and get out of my lease to get away from him, wish me luck lol
For the first story - Jerry, the fiance had already said when talking about the hypothetical situation that he wouldn't want to know. She was 21 when that happened, she hasn't said she is prone to cheating and a situation like the one that happened never came up again. I think this is more about her being unsure and wanting herself to feel better rather than honouring what her partner would or wouldn't want to know.
Even if its just her own guilt eating her up and her motive is entirely selfish, she still needs to tell him because it's going to eat at her and could ruin their relationship from her side. If she didn't feel guilty and he didn't want to know, alright don't tell him. But she feels guilty and it's only going get worse.
The "friends with benefits" one kinda kills me. Girl messed it up when she slept with him. His respect for you changed when the deed happened. She's the girl he wanted to sleep with, even though she knew she wanted more. There is no being friends after that. He used you, even if was and is nice to you.
But story number 2 did lie… he was caught in a lie. He only fessed up once she found out from the other party and had proof. He also was talking to her in advance, it wasn’t a mistake in the moment.
Im not sympathetic to any of these lol For example, the girl saying shes been in love with this man and wants to confess while her long time friend is in a new relationship? Don't touch what is not yours. If he didn't confess earlier and chose every other girl, most likely he doesn't like you. AND HES IN A RELATIONSHIP. I feel like she was living a fanatasy of being in a relationship with her friend.
Agreed on all sides. If he felt strongly about her, he would've said something. He straight up told her that he wanted to stay single while they were FWB, didn't reciprocate any flirting, and then told her that he wanted to pursue another woman... he's not interested. You aren't stupid for having feelings for him, but it's time to move on.
The story at 49:54…. She just sounds really emotionally immature and I really really don’t mean to be rude but a little boy crazy. She is young, she may not know exactly what she wants yet and that’s perfectly okay! Sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too, but if you have feelings for B you have to cut off the friendship until you get over it or decide what you truly want, and tell your boyfriend A you both need to pump the brakes a little bit. Don’t hurt people because you yourself are lost and trying to figure yourself out. It is totally okay to have feelings for two people but you need to acknowledge then you have some things you need to work through on your own
I love this podcast but, the whole cheating takes are killing me. The second guy didn't come clean to his girlfriend. She found out and then confronted him. Sure maybe he said he felt bad, but not bad enough to come clean himself.
Well I just wanted to say that Jerry is very "modern" in is view of relationships. It is just an opinion and advice. In my country we often say that "if advice was worth something we would sell it and not give it away" . With this what I'm trying to say is: Every advice we give is wrapped in our own existence, perspective, experiences. That is why Jerry gives his view, that is debated with Justin or Morgan (Holly is very quiet) and they too give their advice. Those views are not final, people asking for them wont probably use it like a script. This helps us to debate ideias in our own mind. I know Jerry probably doesn't need an advocate but I'm seeing some comments that I would like to refute, so this is me doing it. We can't "ask" for advice and then throw shade to someone for doing it.
I do really hope some of you have used better help and not just take sponsorships blindly!! There is so much about better help that sounds really bad and is not good for your mental health and whole thing sounds more like information fishing and selling operation than mental health app.. do your research before signing up! I would never do that, after reading and seeing videos about better help!!
I believe for the last story. It’s unfair to A. I would suggest therapy, maybe she’s been around infidelity in her childhood or has friends that partake in it. But I understand loving your boyfriend and then you get content and look elsewhere. Tbh you have to stop hanging out with B until you’re over it and if you truly love your partner and want to be with them, then tell them the truth. Tell them you have this issue. But don’t expect them to wait around while you play the field. You’re starting your relationship with a lie. He will find out eventually.
I wanna start by saying I love this podcast & I respect Jerry very much. I do have to disagree with his first advice of the episode. If she tells her partner about the emotional cheating & kiss that happened 5-6 years ago, she would just be doing it to clear HER conscious & that isn't fair. He specifically said that he would not want to know & it would taint the relationship in some way. It would be selfish. She didn't have sex with him, I think she should 100% keep it to herself. I will say this though, even if she did sleep with him hypothetically & he still said years ago "if it was a one off thing then don't tell me" or something along those lines then do not tell him.
First story; discuss the option of polyamory first. And now that the other person is out of your life and gone and you’ve moved on, I really don’t think you need to bring it up. It was a random drunken kiss. If he is going to take it as a big deal then let him be blissfully ignorant.
I said this to someone else but it was more than just a kiss. She said in her write in it was a “textbook emotional affair”. I realize a lot of people blow that kind of thing off but a stoned kiss is one thing, frankly the thing I’d be much more likely to forgive, and an emotional affair with someone she was close to and spent a lot of time with is something else. And to me that would be a much bigger deal. I suspect that’s a big part of the issue there. It wasn’t just a kiss.
I don't know if it's my traumas talking, but I hated every single one of the stories and the fact that they said that because they're young it's okay to cheat, to forgive cheating. I didn't like this episode at all.😢😐
Love you guys but OOF that take on the second story with the girl in college who found out her boyfriend cheated is SO BAD. Girl, if you’re reading this, LEAVE. If he didn’t tell you, I guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s done this. This is just the first time he was caught. I know this relationship may feel super special, but you’re so young and have so much more to experience. There are lots of other guys and relationships to be had. Don’t let yourself get stuck in one where you are more committed than your partner. And don’t let yourself get talked into an open relationship (as Jerry suggested) if that’s not what you want. If you pretend it’s what you want just to save the relationship, you’re just going to hurt yourself. It’s tough to break up with a college boyfriend during your last year (believe me, I’ve done it), but it’s worth it. You deserve more.
100% agree
My thoughts exactly. He WILL do this again.
I agree. Some of the takes on this episode were just not it.
Also it was WEEKS of lying and hiding things and still never coming clean.
Yes !!
If a cheater is only honest because they were caught, it doesn't make it any better. He broke a boundary, and now knows she will forgive and forget he will probably break more. Hope she leaves
I love Jerry, but the whole “all bets are off until we’re married thing” is bologna. If you’re in a committed, agreed upon monogamous relationship, BE FAITHFUL. If you don’t want that, SAY THAT. There are plenty of people out there who will stay casual or even do the open/poly thing.
I absolutely hate when Jerry says that 😅. Also, (In my opinion) being “best friends” with someone doesn’t mean you should give them a pass for cheating.
Idk, I don’t agree with that even a little bit. I’m not that way. Cheating is an automatic break up and never speak to them again for me.
Same, and I commented a similar thing. I’m in my mid 20’s and getting married next year. Just cause I’m in my 20’s doesn’t make my relationship less like he said cause of “being young” and “things happen at that age”. I agree. Absolutely NO excuse for cheating it’s just gross and disgusting 🤢 ❤
Agree!!
@@BubbleB0TI couldn’t agree more!
Yes!!! When I'm committed, I'm committed. I'm not going to be less serious about my relationship because I don't have a piece of paper from the government legally binding us.
Dating around is completely different than being in a monogamous relationship. If I'm openly dating multiple people, I'm not in a relationship with any of them and it will be clear to everyone involved that it is not yet a committed relationship.
Also, for the second story, GIRL LEAVE HIM!!!! More than likely, he wouldn’t have admitted to anything if you hadn’t caught him.
If he was who you thought he was, he wouldn’t have cheated.
For me, cheating is always ALWAYS a deal breaker. It took me years to realize that I will make myself miserable overthinking the situation. And it’s so important to know yourself when it comes to this. Because you can make yourself sick sitting and thinking. Some people may be able to work through it, and that may be a level of maturity I am not yet at and hope I never will be.
The last story was my write in! And wow I'm moved to tears. That advice lifted such a heavy weight off my shoulders. You both just know exactly what to say and consider all the possibilities. Thank you so so much for everything.
I think Jerry might be projecting a little bit in the second story. Just because you might be okay with it doesn't mean others think the same. You definitely don't have to be married to be committed and not cheat or wonder. The guy came clean because he was caught and he did the bare minimum and confessed. Sometimes people cheat because there are problems in the relationship and sometimes people cheat for nothing at all. Either way its wrong if you both consented to be in a single relationship.
Sometimes being best friends with an SO isn’t enough or means anything. My ex and I were best friends for years, we knew each other like the back of our hands. But that still didn’t stop him from hurting me over and over again. I held on to him for so long because I thought he’ll change but he never did.
This. Having a soul connection with someone doesn’t erase the wounds they have.
For the story with A and B, I think that attraction to other people, even while you're in a relationship, is completely normal. But love is a choice you make, and if you want to be with A, then keep on choosing to love him. Your feelings for B will likely dissipate soon. Just keep reminding yourself that if you want to be with A, then B is not an option, he's just someone you're attracted too. You've got this, and don't force yourself into a relationship if you're not 100% ready for one ❤️ its okay to not be ready
Yes, exactly!
So it’s normal to be attracted to others like actually want them or are you saying it’s normal to find people attractive? Cause I feel like being attracted to someone is the next step to actually wanting them which in my eyes, is cheating
the more time justin spends with jerry, the more he sounds like him and i think thats absolutely adorable
Their relationship is so dang sweet. Like two really great, genuine guys on their own but together and knowing how fraught so many folks relationships are with their partner’s parents it’s pretty special to see.
I would LOVE an episode of updates people have sent in!
me, my insomnia, jerry, justin, holly and fam, perfect!
Oh my Jerry, you are a stud! I see this show really growing right along side your lovely daughter and son-in-law's pod. Always sending only positive energy.
I love Jerry so much but the phrase “all bets are off until you say I do” no! Monogamy IS NORMAL, don’t go after someone else’s, boyfriend/fiancé etc. I’m 23 and will be getting married next year. Don’t invalidate someone’s relationship cause they’re in their 20’s that’s just the whole “you’re young and immature, go have fun and have lots of sex with lots of different people”. I’ve had sex (consenting) with one person and that man is going to be my husband.
I just saw this, as I’m on a plane about to take off.. I will respond and define my thought on this statement. .. Dad/Jerry.
Also for the record , I am not ok with cheating. lying in any form is against integrity. And I am a full believer in integrity, there is no compromise in it. Like I said I’ll explain all bets are off statement later as I have to write it when I’m traveling tonight and I’ll post it
To the story with the FWB/crush who found someone else, the advice I would give from someone who has been a similar situation: Don't plant yourself on the back burner. Do not emotionally designate yourself to someone who is unavailable, who has expressed that they are not romantically interested in you.
If you think you cannot be friends with this person without wanting more, then you need to put some space between each other. Hoping for more can be sweet, but at a certain point you are not treating this person as a friend, but as a perpetual anticipated love interest. Romance-zoning, if you will. It's not a healthy way to be.
Space may also help you find love for another -more available- person, or even love for time with yourself.
I hope that didn't come off as too harsh. But making imaginary contracts in your heart won't garner you real prizes.
Also, with the role reversed, if a man who I thought was my friend was secretly hoping for my relationship to fail so that they could swoop in and get with me, I'd be majorly creeped out.
Thanks! That was my write in, as a sorta update, since he’s also my landlord he has decided to move into the downstairs unit making things mega awkward for me 😅 I think I need to try and get out of my lease to get away from him, wish me luck lol
For the first story - Jerry, the fiance had already said when talking about the hypothetical situation that he wouldn't want to know. She was 21 when that happened, she hasn't said she is prone to cheating and a situation like the one that happened never came up again. I think this is more about her being unsure and wanting herself to feel better rather than honouring what her partner would or wouldn't want to know.
Even if its just her own guilt eating her up and her motive is entirely selfish, she still needs to tell him because it's going to eat at her and could ruin their relationship from her side. If she didn't feel guilty and he didn't want to know, alright don't tell him. But she feels guilty and it's only going get worse.
I feel like with story 1, op is trying to convince themselves/us that it’s okay not to tell their partner with their “reasoning”.
The "friends with benefits" one kinda kills me.
Girl messed it up when she slept with him. His respect for you changed when the deed happened. She's the girl he wanted to sleep with, even though she knew she wanted more. There is no being friends after that. He used you, even if was and is nice to you.
abt the 1st story: i just think op should show her bf this story, because this is the most honest she could be
But story number 2 did lie… he was caught in a lie. He only fessed up once she found out from the other party and had proof. He also was talking to her in advance, it wasn’t a mistake in the moment.
Im not sympathetic to any of these lol For example, the girl saying shes been in love with this man and wants to confess while her long time friend is in a new relationship? Don't touch what is not yours. If he didn't confess earlier and chose every other girl, most likely he doesn't like you. AND HES IN A RELATIONSHIP. I feel like she was living a fanatasy of being in a relationship with her friend.
Agreed on all sides. If he felt strongly about her, he would've said something. He straight up told her that he wanted to stay single while they were FWB, didn't reciprocate any flirting, and then told her that he wanted to pursue another woman... he's not interested. You aren't stupid for having feelings for him, but it's time to move on.
The story at 49:54…. She just sounds really emotionally immature and I really really don’t mean to be rude but a little boy crazy. She is young, she may not know exactly what she wants yet and that’s perfectly okay! Sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too, but if you have feelings for B you have to cut off the friendship until you get over it or decide what you truly want, and tell your boyfriend A you both need to pump the brakes a little bit. Don’t hurt people because you yourself are lost and trying to figure yourself out. It is totally okay to have feelings for two people but you need to acknowledge then you have some things you need to work through on your own
“Cruising the streets of Milwaukee” lol. - Dells Local.
JUSTIN’S SHIRT!!!!!!!!!🔥🔥🔥
We need an updates episode 😁
Thank you for another great episode 👏🏻
I love this podcast but, the whole cheating takes are killing me. The second guy didn't come clean to his girlfriend. She found out and then confronted him. Sure maybe he said he felt bad, but not bad enough to come clean himself.
Well I just wanted to say that Jerry is very "modern" in is view of relationships. It is just an opinion and advice. In my country we often say that "if advice was worth something we would sell it and not give it away" . With this what I'm trying to say is: Every advice we give is wrapped in our own existence, perspective, experiences. That is why Jerry gives his view, that is debated with Justin or Morgan (Holly is very quiet) and they too give their advice. Those views are not final, people asking for them wont probably use it like a script. This helps us to debate ideias in our own mind. I know Jerry probably doesn't need an advocate but I'm seeing some comments that I would like to refute, so this is me doing it. We can't "ask" for advice and then throw shade to someone for doing it.
OMG 😭 I thought Justin’s shirt said “women ain’t shit” but I had to do a double take because that’s just not him!! Lol
I think it’s Drew Afualos brand❤
I do really hope some of you have used better help and not just take sponsorships blindly!! There is so much about better help that sounds really bad and is not good for your mental health and whole thing sounds more like information fishing and selling operation than mental health app.. do your research before signing up! I would never do that, after reading and seeing videos about better help!!
Coming in clutch on my graveyard shift 😭
Please stop doing Ads for better help… 😮
I didn’t have my glasses on at first so I thought Justin’s shirt said “women eat shit” and I was so confused bc that’s not like him at all
Idk I feel like “anything is fair game until you say I do” is an interesting take from someone whose never been married…
love that i’ve only ever been this early after i moved to japan 😂
I believe for the last story. It’s unfair to A. I would suggest therapy, maybe she’s been around infidelity in her childhood or has friends that partake in it. But I understand loving your boyfriend and then you get content and look elsewhere. Tbh you have to stop hanging out with B until you’re over it and if you truly love your partner and want to be with them, then tell them the truth. Tell them you have this issue. But don’t expect them to wait around while you play the field. You’re starting your relationship with a lie. He will find out eventually.
Wondering where to write in, I need advice!!
Love Holly!
It's cuz us doesn't do the date format correctly
YEAAHHHH JERRY💪💪💪💪💪
Super early this time! Your podcast along with THT makes for great listening when working on papers 🫶🏼
Story number to really reminded me that the end of the day dad is really just a man
Heyyyy, MKE 🫶🏻❤😂
People still use Yik Yak?
I’m confused on the 2028 - but a month away
Love you guys but you both gave terrible advice with 2&3 😬
I wanna start by saying I love this podcast & I respect Jerry very much.
I do have to disagree with his first advice of the episode.
If she tells her partner about the emotional cheating & kiss that happened 5-6 years ago, she would just be doing it to clear HER conscious & that isn't fair. He specifically said that he would not want to know & it would taint the relationship in some way. It would be selfish.
She didn't have sex with him, I think she should 100% keep it to herself. I will say this though, even if she did sleep with him hypothetically & he still said years ago "if it was a one off thing then don't tell me" or something along those lines then do not tell him.
Some of the worst advice Jerry has given is in this episode
First story; discuss the option of polyamory first. And now that the other person is out of your life and gone and you’ve moved on, I really don’t think you need to bring it up. It was a random drunken kiss. If he is going to take it as a big deal then let him be blissfully ignorant.
I said this to someone else but it was more than just a kiss. She said in her write in it was a “textbook emotional affair”. I realize a lot of people blow that kind of thing off but a stoned kiss is one thing, frankly the thing I’d be much more likely to forgive, and an emotional affair with someone she was close to and spent a lot of time with is something else. And to me that would be a much bigger deal. I suspect that’s a big part of the issue there. It wasn’t just a kiss.
I don't know if it's my traumas talking, but I hated every single one of the stories and the fact that they said that because they're young it's okay to cheat, to forgive cheating. I didn't like this episode at all.😢😐