autistic's reaction to mark rober's video
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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I remember a doctor deciding whether to do lifesaving surgery on my unborn twins. She was wondering if they might be born with learning disabilities and was saying it wouldn't be worth going through with the surgery if they were disabled. We fought for the surgery and my girls are now healthy (and wonderfully autistic) but the abelism was disgusting and I've never forgotten that moment.
Holy crap. That’s unreal… I’m so sorry.
Why would it be wrong to have a change at not having disabled /neurodivergent children ?
@@hectorcanizales5900 the comment was saying that the doctor was suggesting that the daughters weren’t worthy of having medical care because they’re disabled
@@XxNekoMoonxX but they weren't disabled at the time. Their disability could have been prevented. As far as I can tell from the comment, the twins were going to be born probably mentally disabled if they had the surgery. I don't see anything wrong with not wanting that surgery in order to prevent mental disability. But yeah, I guess if the doctor were to refuse it then there'd be an issue.
@@hectorcanizales5900 As the original commenter said, it was a lifesaving surgery. Either the twins would've died, or they could live with learning disabilities. It's gross that the doctor even implied that the kids wouldn't be worth saving if they weren't going to be born neurotypical. The only option for them to survive was for them to risk having learning disabilities. That shouldn't be a deterrent for a lifesaving surgery.
when he listed all the things his son would "never" do... just about broke my heart. "he'll never cure cancer," not with that attitude! grow up and accept your son for who he is- autistic! he's autistic, his needs are not special, and he can do what he wants with his life, provided he's given the support he needs!
I’m sure that Mark will support his son in everything he wants to do, but he’s just being realistic about his limitations and saying that he will love and support him no matter what. To be loved unconditionally in spite of your shortcomings is better than being loved with the expectations that you will overcome them… because if you don’t overcome them, you lose your value. He’s just saying that his son is valuable just being who he is without unrealistic expectations.
My son may never be able to live on his own (he might, but he’s 12 right now and it’s hard to say), but my parents are in complete denial and think he will just “grow out of it”. I don’t want them to have those expectations and be disappointed in him when he needs care for the rest of his life. I don’t care either way. I think it will be great if he can move out on his own and I think it will be great if he just moved into our in-law suite and I still need to help with daily care. I enjoy his company and love him with all my heart. But my parents expect this to be a phase or something. They think I just need to do a better job parenting. I do have struggles because of my son, but my biggest struggles are that my parents don’t understand and they don’t think that a grandson of theirs could be autistic. I’m also on the spectrum and they completely deny it.
Yeah this "special needs" is so idiotic
disabled people don't have special needs, they have the same needs as everyone else;
food, drinks, security, love
they just have problems getting their needs met themselves, even as adults
I get what you're saying, but the vast majority of parents can safely say their child will never cure cancer so I don't think he's putting his son down.
But you're right, he's autistic not brain-dead
@@lucygoosie7726 that’s realistic for ANYONE!!
@@lucygoosie7726 That's totally different. You are ok with doing whatever is best for your child and accommodating their needs. You hope that they can live on their own if that is what they desire but do not deny or invalid that your child may need help at various times (or forever) with daily things. Mark on the other hand said his son will NEVER do certain things. Time after time research has shown that when we have low expectations of others they will underperform. It's very consistent. We all need set high expectations that every child is able of anything. What is important is to do that while also being aware that the child has needs unique to them that could last their entire life. This isn't exclusive to disabled people either. All people need certain things.
You’re so inspiring. I’m a father to a 3 year old recently diagnosed with autism and listening to your experiences and perspectives is extremely insightful and helpful. What resinated most strongly in this video is when you said, “Autism will never be as hard on you as it is on your autistic child.” This is such an important fact to remember in our day to day ups and downs. Keep up the great work and thank you for being unapologetically you.
I love how your response to your kid's diagnosis was to seek out the views of us autistic people. Hope you and your son are having a great day :)
The kid finally being given a basketball and effortlessly sinking difficult shots just gets to me. It's kind of a strong metaphor for the social model of disability. It wasn't a lack of skill preventing him from playing basketball, it was the environment. They assumed he couldn't do something, but it turned out, given some accommodations he was actually very good at it.
Absolutely. He was perfectly able to do 3-pointers the whole time and they only let him play for 4 minutes at the very end of his time there. And they celebrated that? What the hell? I'd be fuious af. He should have been the head of the team the whole time, clearly (Idk basketball so I'm using loose terms here). How many of those kids could even do one per game? I certainly remember the boys in my school years playing basketball and they were mostly pretty shit. He goes over there and sinks in 3-pointers like a boss. And he wasn't on the court the whole season? Why? How?
Right lol ppl need to curb their ableism!
hearing that story pissed me off so bad. My immediate thought was 'so you benched your best player the whole season?' absolute fuckwits
I was thinking the same thing. Like why did they never let him play? Even if he couldn't play a whole game he clearly was skilled enough to do pointers at least. It's so frustrating.
I litterally started screaming at my TV when I saw this part. That kid was obviously very good at basketball. He should have been on the team. I think it's so sad that he could have led the team to victory for that many years and he was basically reduced to a disabled mascot. He sank 3 pointers!!!
He should have been let to play, even if he couldn't do a whole game, he still deserved the chance. He finally got a few minutes to show his worth and it's during his last game. I'm also not good with body language, but the other kids on the team seem shocked that he was good.
It’s pretty shocking how often people talk about neurodivergent people in the same way they’d talk about their pets. There’s almost a romanticization there too-they’re like “oh, would that life could be so simple”-the exact same wistful tone people use to talk about the halcyon days of childhood. You just never hear people talking like that about people they view as neurotypical.
It’s very infantilizing and ignorant, I agree.
@@gluehfunke1547 as an autistic person I can guarantee you that we're not offended that people with lower IQ are called neurodivergent, stop speaking in our behalf if you're not one of us. What's offensive though, is using the term Asperger like you just did in your comment, as it perpetuate the use of functioning-labels (which is extremely ableist). And not only that, the term is associated with nazism, (I'm not gonna dive too deep into this you do the research if you want to), so you might want to reconsider what words you use and be more careful with the terms u choose. have a good day.
@@gluehfunke1547 So use your words and don't just use labels. Neurodivergence is just one piece of a person if they are
@@soph5976 I totally agree. A person is made up of so many things. This need to label everything we are and accumulate them is very unhealthy. And the 'aspergers' label drives me nuts! Gotta glorify those nazis and their finding functions for people instead of killing them. I'm Jewish so I get that part too well. It's also just one part of me and doesn't tell my whole story.
@@gluehfunke1547 I’m not offended either. Low IQ it’s not part of autism but people with autism can have a low I Q. In other words, you don’t need to have low IQ to meet the criteria. The author of this video has repeatedly mentioned that autistic people are all different (it’s a spectrum) some of us, like me, with ADHD as well. I think what we all want is create awareness, not confuse people. Regardless of IQ levels and or the amount of symptoms presented, everyone on the spectrum communicates, just different than neurotypicals.
It’s definitely weird that mark limits his son. My son is autistic (I honestly prolly am too) and loves putting perfectly sized objects into perfectly sized holes that he finds around the house. My first thought was “wow he would be a great hair transplant surgeon because his dexterity is amazing” lol
Very good thinking! That’s so creative !
This made me giggle because that honestly sounds _really fun..._ the satisfaction when something fits perfectly in something else is just absolutely peak 😍
@@DaniCal1forn1a right? Satisfying as hell 😂👍🏽
Yeah, I remember practicing putting random objects into holes in my second day of transplant school!
I think you people don't realize there's different levels of autism. Like this girl for instance is not on the extreme
I also think that the sensory overload part was done well! Maybe a trigger warning would’ve been handy, but that’s what life is like for me. That could help my husband and children understand why I shut down in situations like that because they have no clue at all.
True, I think it was a great audio explanation of the feeling but trigger warning would've been good.
I have generalized anxiety disorder, and the sensory overload got to me, too.
I have multiple mental disorders and it made me start stimming
I feel like a warning would have been good to have, but I didn't mind that it was in the video. I have SPD and even though my sensory issues aren't exactly like how it was in the video, I want to know how other peoples experiences are
Im sensitive to noise, it *was* kind of similar to what i go through.
The thing about the letters not being “literary masterpieces” is such a typical thing for how disabled children are always treated differently. Like, with neurotypical kids they are just allowed to have quirks and interests and to write goofy letters if they feel like it. With autistic kids everything is pathologized, hobbies become “restrictive obsessive interests” and everything they do is obsessively measured and compared to the normative milestones they should be hitting at their age. It’s no longer enough that they drew a picture or write a nice letter, it has to be analyzed for what it says about their development, etc. Disabled kids are also just kids, not scientific specimen to be observed and studied at all times. 🙄
Yeah I agree. Personally I interpreted him saying “It’s not a literary masterpiece” as “He’s a 12 year old kid not some weird being that just wants to write it’s not exceptionally good (or bad)”. Like, it wasn’t trying to show that his son was “dumb” for being autistic (I don’t agree with that at all to be clear)m it was trying to show that he’s a normal kid.
This one right here hit me hard.
@@sonjasocks I had the same interpretation. I wouldn’t describe any twelve year old’s writing as “a literary masterpiece” but that’s to be expected. At that age kids are still learning and refining their skills. And Mark’s point was that his son didn’t need to write at that high of a level to make other’s happy with his letters
To be honest I felt the opposite - jokingly saying that something a child did is not a masterpiece is a thing you can say about every child. He didn't mean "this is obviously not literary masterpiece, because he's autistic", but rather "this is obviously not literary masterpiece, because he's a kid".
This moment felt like Mark was treating his son like any other child more than anything in his video
@@wojciechniemirski1782 I agree. I certainly understand and will not dismiss anyone else's feelings on the matter but I did not get the feeling that Mark was attributing that to his autism.
I remember, last year, a friend from high school told me that he wished he were autistic because of our “special abilities.” I, as an autistic person, went on a rant telling him that being autistic is NOT a fantastical thing. I listed off all the disadvantages an autistic person has to deal with, including personal issues and societal issues.
I told him to just be himself and love himself as he is. I’m glad I was able to help him feel better, as he was feeling down at the time, but the fact that he said that really ground my gears.
“Focusing on the best parts of our son” gave me chills in the worst way. YOU CAN’T SEPARATE THE HUMAN FROM THE AUTISM. I AM AUTISTIC. I AM NEVER NOT AUTISTIC. I don’t have moments of being “normal.” I may be hiding/masking, but it’s still there. Saying what he said sounds like he thinks autism is a monster taking over his son so they only focus on the moments when the monster isn’t there. Which makes no sense
Neurotypicals really believe that when we're acting like them it means we're "normal" for however long we're doing it. But it will never mean that. I wish I could figure out how to convey this to NTs in ways that they would actually UNDERSTAND for once.
Have you seen people with autism freak out? Have you had your eye poked during one of these freak outs? Have you seen stuff get broken?
Sorry, that person should probably feel humiliated if people say that. Everyone involved is embarrassed. I don’t want people to have to see that my friends with autism don’t want it. The people I have worked with don’t want others to see it either.
We can’t act like disabilities are fun or like non of it should be hidden. Have you seen a non verbal person piss themselves in middle of a place?
I just think it’s weird that we act like all disability behavior is like easy to deal with or that we have to show all of it. Now personally I hate how we treat all people with disabilities like they can’t fo anything. I have got non verbals to speak, I have gotten people who could barely do math to do math on their own, and I have gotten people to do things they never thought.
But guess what some aspects of disabilities aren’t meant to be public. We don’t need to share everything.
Also a lot of people with disabilities are super uncomfortable sharing that they have it. Even tho I think eveyone with disabilities needs to learn to advocate for themselves.
Sorry this was weird and probably upsetting.
@@frostedsilver yeah it’s funny. I try telling this to all l neurotypicals that it’s their job to empathize. But they never listen to me. I am like “these people you are talking about are super capable. You said they couldn’t do this and I just made them do this. So act like they are adults or people or smart and they will succeed.
I know this isn’t the way I’m supposed to think and I wish it wasn’t the way I do think, but it honestly does feel like autism is a monster taking over my brain, except the monster is always there and always growing. Y’all are so wonderfully positive about it, but I can’t do that, not when my autism is destroying my friendships, isolating me, taking away my creativity and all I ever wanted to be.
@@fredhasopinions I don’t know you so this is just a guess, but it sounds like there could be some comorbidities there. Like anxiety, depression, ocd, sensory processing disorder, etc. Getting medication for my anxiety helped tremendously because it was my anxiety holding me back, not the autism.
I think we all just sound positive because we’ve learned ways to make ourselves more comfortable. For example, I know that I much prefer to be alone or only go out with certain people or in certain situations, so I’ve stopped letting people guilt me into doing something I know I won’t enjoy. I’ve found hobbies that I like and I keep them to myself so I have a safe place and activity when I need it.
Also being as transparent as possible to the people I’m around about the things I struggle with helps a lot too. Then they know when to give me space or when to include me and whatever.
I find that a lot of the part of feeling like it’s a monster can come from the way other people treat you when they find out you’re autistic. It sucks, but a lot of people don’t understand it at all and refuse to try. Also, you say your autism is isolating you, but maybe it’s you isolating yourself because you think you have to. Autism doesn’t do that on its own. It’s not a separate thing. It’s literally the way our brains are designed. It’s often the other things that make us feel that way. Like my anxiety and depression. I think it’s just easier to blame autism because it’s so misunderstood. But it typically is an umbrella over a bunch of other mental health struggles that can be worked on if you allow yourself to really figure them out
It makes me so upset how he completely dismissed his son’s potential to achieve things and reduces him to a source of inspiration and entertainment for neurotypicals. Disgusting
right? He's 12 years old! How the hell do you know what he is and isn't going to achieve?
I think he j was trynna say that he has a good affect on his surroundings
You’re misinterpreting what he said. There are certain things his son won’t be able to achieve, but he still leaves a positive impact on the world. It’s kinda like who a paraplegic will never be able to be an Olympic runner but they can achieve other things that their body is capable of. It’s not a negative.
@@siennahartle9069 how do you know he won't be able to achieve them? A lot of autistic people where great scientists.
That’s what I thought and that was the vibe I was getting from him when he stated all of that
That dude is going to hold his kid back. I have autism and my parents didn't know until I was in my 30s and have a Masters degree. *It was definitely a good thing that they didn't know. They would have held me back too.* My son has autism too; which is awesome because we understand each other so well. He loves science, math, and learning. I can't wait to see what his special interests are throughout his life. I want to follow his journey and see what tools I can provide for him that I never got as a kid. He doesn't need to follow in my footsteps, by any means. I can't wait to see what he decides to do. The world is his to explore.
I agree. I'm also autistic but undiagnosed. I have a friend who was diagnosed at 3 and his parents constantly held him back. He's 25 and his mom constantly tells him where he can drive and they have control of his finances and bills. He got $25,000 in a settlement in a car accident and he only got $1,500 for himself, giving the rest to his mom for chiropractor bills and for a vacation. It's up to him to give his mom money but $20,000 sounds like a lot for the vacation they're planning, and if it's going into a savings account for him he should at least be told about it since it's his money. They still claim him on his taxes even when he said he wanted to claim himself.
@@abbymaddox7616 that sucks 😢. That definitely sounds like financial abuse. Maybe he should look into the laws…
Colleen actually pulled out of the fundraiser I believe. Not excusing her actions at all but I think she dropped out when she found out who the fundraiser was supporting.
Yeah most of the TH-cam community who were supposed to be involved pulled out
What 6-part series is she talking about??
yeah a fan informed Colleen what it was supporting and she pulled out and apologized
@@nostalgiical9644 I guess I missed that stuff. Though, I'm not very active on social media or youtube, so I'm not really surprised that I have no idea what's being referred to.
While that’s great I think it’s still more for show considering her comment on the other video
imagine growing up and realizing that this is what your parent thought of you when you were a child.
Sadly, that is reality for many autistic people.
Disgusting!
to the retirement home
I would be so sad and disappointed in them
Y'all are babies and you misinterpreted what he said
I'm glad you pointed out that being non-vocal doesn't mean that someone can't understand you. People assumed I was either hard of hearing or lacked intelligence when I was non-vocal but I actually understood everything and half of my tantrums and outbursts were because I was trying to communicate in my own way. I'm so glad your channel exists because I feel like I'm not alone in this.
Absolutely! I was speaking to a little autistic boy who was wearing a Spider-Man jacket and I told him that Spider-Man was my favourite too and was since I was about his age (he looked about 6 or so.) And that I really was enjoying the mash up with Iron Man in the new Marvel films and he jumped up and down in an obvious display of fandom solidarity and excitement that someone was talking to him about a subject he loved. So I started talking about his jacket and how I would have absolutely been so happy to have a jacket like that when I was little...and his mum or whatnot (not sure the relationship) turned to me and said, "oh, you don't have to speak to him...he's autistic!" And I looked up, like..."yeah? AND?" Then she added, "He's *non-verbal* (yeah, I suspected that already, lady...and?)" And then she said..."he doesn't understand what you are saying to him." Commence inner eye roll. The little kid sure bloody well seemed to understand what I was saying. His face lit up with a huge smile when I told him I was a Spider-Man fan too and the little bit I got to share with him probably because he is likely starved for positive interactions if his own mum/nanny/whoever she was...doesn't even talk to him, ffs.
Of COURSE he understands what I am saying! And of course he was excited...since he was being treated like an object and I was talking to him like I would any other little kid (none of that baby talk, high pitched nonsense either!)
(For the record, I am autistic. But I am not non verbal...obviously as I was speaking to the little boy. :) But based on that alone this woman assumed that I was neurotypical, perhaps, or else I bet she wouldn't have linked autism to a lack of awareness and understanding. Makes me so angry.)
i’m autistic and didn’t realize what he said was harmful on first viewing. now looking back, it seems like in an attempt to “protect” his kid, he is inadvertently putting him down and belittling him. i think his heart is in the right place, but that’s no excuse for speaking this way about somebody. i was diagnosed late and didn’t experience as much babying which is why i think my perception was that the video was positive. thank you for helping me understand your point of view, this was a good lesson for me to learn.
Same here reading these comments have taught me a lot about what he was saying and it not being that good
I found it upsetting that the things he said in the video; avoiding the word disabled, and using phrases like super power is something that didn't alarm me. Not because I was expecting it but because that's exactly what I heard teachers say in school
Yeah. Didnt realize it was bad until this video
As an autistic girl I completely understand when you said you can’t even say the right thing. Whenever I get angry or frustrated I can’t form simple sentences out of what’s happening in my head. It’s really frustrating
That is me all the time
I’m the same and it’s probably the aspect of my autism that I struggle with the most
say "fuck you go die"
always worked for me
"Oh BuT hE hAs An AuTiStIc ChIlD, He KnOwS wHaT hE's TaLkInG aBoUt!" I've heard so many people say this and i wish i could have explained it as well as you did
Yeah, I mean why couldn’t actual autistics have a platform to speak of their experiences? They’re the ones living through it, not everyone else.
@@popkick8350 Because as this woman expresses over and over, autism is a spectrum. For some reason she fails to realize that she's extremely high functioning and is not at all comparable to someone who is not able to speak, express themselves properly, need constant care etc. It's like comparing one dollar to a million dollars. Yeah, it's all money, but it's not really the fuckin' same, is it. I've heard her in other videos getting annoyed that people refer to autism as "high functioning" and "low functioning" and claims "we're all just autistic."
I'm sure someone who is literally not able to lead a normal life because of their autism looks at this girl and thinks "we're the same, you and I"
This girls a moron and her take on this video is garbage. She's smug as hell and is absolutely trying to speak for all autistic people.
The sensory overload even made me very uncomfortable, I’m not autistic, I have adhd and omg that was not fun lol
Omg same i also have adhd. It made me start having tics i was so overstimulated. Usually im able to control them a little bit but that was WAY TOO MUCH.
Same, I'm already at the end of my rope for the day and I had to pause that in the middle to turn the sound down because I was starting to tic. I can't believe he would put that in his video without warning, what if his son watches it?
My mom told me that ADHD is suspected to be on the spectrum. I don’t think it’s been made definite, but some doctors think it is.
She told me this because I have ADHD and she worked with autistic people.
@@MalaikaHaywood I have a lot of symptoms in common with my autistic sister, but I've also always been good at understanding emotions in others and myself and properly displaying the emotions I feel which is one of the main things with autism, so I don't know.
Adding on to the part about parents deciding to abort a child just because of a disability: What if the child was disabled, but the parents didn't find out until later in the child's life? I would hope that the parents wouldn't abandon their child for that reason. That's why I'm uncomfortable with people using the baby's disability as their only excuse.
It's probably better to abort a child than to abandon it after it's born
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
aborting a kid because you can't afford having one, aborting a kid because you don't want to have one in general is your choice. woman should have that choice. now, aborting a kid because of your ableist beliefs is the problem here. some people still see disabled people as constantly sufferers, as less than human. that part isn't nice :/
ps. i used "you" here in terms of society, not you in particular
@@heatherdewald3168 I agree, like while yes, God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, that doesn't mean he just decided to give you a child with autism because he was bored or he thought you would do a better job at it than someone else, it's just something that happens sometimes, and honestly there are trash parents to children with autism as well, you just happen to be a good parent but, you could just as easily be a bad one, it has nothing to do with the child
@@sami1503 let's be real, raising a disabled child can and is more difficult, and I bet you many people just aren't ready or able to raise a disabled child, in which case abortion is probably better for both the parents and the kid in question.
Something that’s also frustrating about this is sometimes autistic people become really good at something, not because they are autistic, but because they worked really hard and put in the hours. Yeah, autism could play a part in them becoming good at something, but usually it’s hard work that does everything else. I’m not an awesome composer because I’m autistic, I’m an awesome composer (who still has a lot to learn) who has put hours into my craft. My work is special because of the time I put into it, not because I’m autistic.
Thank you for your content. It’s the most honest commentary I’ve ever heard regarding autism and how much farther we need to come as a society in making the world more accessible to everyone. This is the beginning of my journey in learning about what an autistic adult thinks about terms like “special needs” and so forth. I just want to thank you for your candid and honest opinion about ABA therapy. And touching a child during ABA therapy. I think what you are doing is very insightful and important. Thanks again.
He didn't even say "we focus on the good", he said his son's MOM does a great job with that
Ikr it sounds like he doesn't even try to help him acomodate
That statement was really.... bad all around. Not only was it immensily disrespectfull to his son and all autistic people by extension, but it's also crazy sexist, because it perpetuates the idea that a woman can/will love their child so much, she will be able to overcome/overlook "the bad parts", while a father either can't or is at least not expected to do so.
The only reason his son won't go to mars is because his dad is holding him back.
I feel like I’m being held back sometimes and I hate it so much.
F a c t s
What if his son has co-occuring conditions such as sensory processing disorder or maybe even an intellectual disability? Just the sensory issues might prevent him from going to Mars. 20-30% of autistics have an intellectual disability, with another 20-25% having borderline intellectual disability with an IQ of 71-85.
@@yoyogirl116 well then that should be mentioned. It's not.
@@yoyogirl116 it doesn't matter. His Dad should be encouraging him, helping him reach his goals. He should be there for him. Intellectual disability or not, he should be treated as human, as not a burden. He is his FATHER, he should be supporting his child. But he's ableist in thinking he won't be good enough as anyone else. That's fucking disturbing. Mark is just wrong.
The fact he just said my son will never be able to do "this" or "that" or wont be the first one to do "this" is quite infuriating. I mean this whole video was infuriating but damn that part really pissed me off. Well with that attitude and you always limiting him he may not be able to do all those things because he doesn't know he has the ability to. THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER CHILD/HUMAN!! If you are constantly telling a child that they cannot or will not be able to do something then they are going to believe that and not put effort into those things. Even if he isn't physically speaking those words to his child, children are very intuitive and can very much tell when people don't believe in them. This was a really good video Paige. I love most of your videos I have seen so far but this one really stood out to me and should be seen by everyone in my opinion! I love how your sarcastic comments and your humor. I feel like our personalities are very similar lol
100%!!!!
It reminds me of a study done years ago (before ethics were really introduced/followed) where a teacher was told that certain students were not good at math ("late bloomers") and couldn't learn and that others were really smart... based on nothing - no tests or anything (they would randomly choose which kids). The kids who were called "late bloomers" did significantly worse than their peers (again - they were never actually tested prior to this study and there were no actual reasons to expect they wouldn't do as well/or better as their peers) and the "gifted" students did (obviously) better. Also, (if remembered correctly), those "late bloomers" also had poorer self esteem across the board and many ended up dropping out! It has been proven that students TREATED like "late bloomers" became "late bloomers" and vice versa based off of how their were treated and viewed by their teachers. The same can be said about parents...
Even beyond his son, he's perpetuating the idea that accommodations for autistics are special or unreasonable, which is why so many autistic people can't get those jobs; not because they are incapable, but because the neurotypical-focused environment renders them so.
The way he spoke about autism and his son really bothers me. He talks as if we arent people.....
This guy misses the fact the MIT is filled with the neurodiverse scientists solving the world's biggest problems and studying space.
As someone who is Autistic I totally understand the frustration at feeling like neurotypical people don't want to listen to us or have us around. Like I was only recently diagnosed and my own father hasn't even talked to me about the diagnosis or what it means. Every time I try to bring it up he deflects the subject onto something else and it just makes me feel unwanted even though I know he loves me.
Same here. Diagnosed at five, and my mother never actually told me I was autistic in so many words. I had therapy for a few years with the doctor who diagnosed me, had to do PT and wear braces on my legs at night because I didn’t walk “normally”, had stress toys at school and was told my flapping hands were disruptive and to not do it, had meetings with the guidance counselor while the other kids did silent reading that I didn’t realize were because I was autistic until I was older - I just thought I got to do fun art projects and puzzles without questioning why, and only was told by her in my teens when I read thinking in pictures and connected the dots. My dad still denies that I’m neurodivergent when I’ve tried to bring the subject up, and furthermore thinks I shouldn’t be on any medication because he listens to joe rogan esque tough love “discipline” type “motivational speakers” who assert that medication is a crutch for weak willed people, in spite of the fact I was also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression at age 12 and improved with medication. The thing is, I know he loves me, and I know my mom loves me. Our separate relationships are fractured in different ways for different reasons, but the fact that she just. didn’t explicitly tell me I was autistic until I finally brought it up myself? And that my dad still denies it? It’s at the point where it’s honestly less upsetting for me and more just a little baffling. They divorced when I was still a kid, but considering I was diagnosed at such a young age and my mother was the one to take me to all therapy appointments I truly wonder how exactly *those* conversations went with him being so adamant that I’m neurotypical.
I get what you are saying. My daughter has Down syndrome and people are always talking about how special or happy or spiritual people with down syndrome are. When she was born everyone told me how she was going to make my me so happy and that my other children are going to learn so much about loving people with “special needs.” I get so much inspiration porn I’m my social media inbox it makes me sick. I felt really uncomfortable when I watched mark rober’s video about his son.
Thank you for being you- your advocacy is genuinely appreciated
Hi, my son is almost 3 and has just been diagnosed with autism. He is mostly non verbal and has some food sensitivity as far as not eating any food besides puréed pouches and drinks pediasure and water. We are starting Food/speech, OT, early intervention education and the Dr that diagnosed him is recommending ABA therapy also. So first I want to say how thankful I am to you for posting these videos. I’ve been trying to collect as much information from actual autistic people that share their experiences and what has helped and hasn’t helped for them. My fear as a Mom is that in trying to help my son the therapy will harm his own development or try to change him. I want him to just be himself. I love everything about him. I do worry about the more challenging aspects of some of his behaviors, I know he feels safe with me to express himself. He bites me and headbuts or hits and I know he’s communicating in those moments the way he knows how. I guess my question for you would be have you had experience with that when you were growing up? Does anyone have experience or a recommendation of ways that help with that? I am new to this and just hoping to educate myself and be the best Mom I can be for him. From what I’ve heard and read about ABA I don’t agree with the methodology at all. So I won’t be going that route but the other therapies seem to be helpful for children. I also feel overwhelmed myself with the amount of therapy he will be doing and don’t want it to be too much on him. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you so much!
As a verbal autistic, I definitely don't have any authority to speak on this matter, so I just wanted to say you are incredible and an inspiration to me as someone dreaming of being a parent one day. Good on you for doing your proper research and staying away from ABA!
The only thing I can recommend, or just point you in the direction of, is AAC, which is Augmentative and Alternative Communication solutions. I'm sure there are lots of good resources on them around, even Paige mentioned them here in this video briefly, so I hope there are some good, knowledgable therapists out there who can help your son get started with those solutions for communication.
And perhaps on a more personal note, don't think it's too late for your son to communicate through speech. I only spoke my first words when I was about 2.5 years old. My Autism was completely missed, and I was only diagnosed at age 21, but my mother always just kept talking to me, in two languages even, since our family is bilingual. I'm very verbal nowadays, I only get non-verbal when I'm experiencing a shutdown.
I believe you're doing everything in your power and even beyond that to do best by your son, thank you for sharing your story and I wish you and your son the very very best!
The thing that I hate about those "autism simulators" is that it's not even accurate. They just make thing's louder but that's not what it's like at all. It's not that I can't block things out I can do that fine. Like my computer fan is going but it doesn't bother me because I can focus on my stream of thought, same with the sound of my typing, and my mild tinnitus. I can push things to the background. The problem is that certain sounds hurt me. I feel them in my bones and in the back of my throat. Like for three days they've been running an air compressor inside the main building of my college and the "EEEEEEE" sound drills into my brain. It's not that it's particularly loud even. It's actually relatively quiet compared to other sounds. But it's the damn pitch of it. There's like two frequencies fighting with each other and then I'll press the elevator call button and for a few seconds a third tone cuts in and like for a second I just blue screen!
Tbf I think the "autism simulators" depict being overstimulated pretty well (in my experiences anyways) like it'll be impossible to get it fully accurate visually or whatever but all of the sounds going on at once was pretty spot on for how I feel if I'm somewhere like a shopping centre and i get overstimulated
This has been so hard to watch, but so important. Thanks for putting your real, live reaction to this. I'm somewhere on the ND spectrum but I will admit, if I watched that video I would have cringed a bit at it, but I definitely wouldn't have seen how harmful it was to the extent you did. It only reminds me, that me, someone who's literally neuro-divergent and takes time to be considerate, has a lot more to learn.
Exactly what I wanted to say but in more beautiful and precise words!
@@annoo3895 I second this >< very much agree! Also, Mark's video in the beginning didn't seem 'that bad' (me being ND but not autistic), but then he went on and it just went further downhill every minute O__O wowie
I'm autistic, and I don't have a "special ability" or "superpower". My life is far from simple, in fact, I'd wager it's more complicated than most neurotypicals I know. I am not a five year old. I am not "special needs". I am not a toy to be played with, I am not a burden to society, I am not less than neurotypicals, and I am not unable to function in society because I'm autistic. My brain is different than yours, and it affects every single area of my life. But that doesn't mean I can't do just as much, if not more than, you. If society would just care to adjust a little bit.
I hate it when he uplifts his son in the video, and tears him down the next second. Like he compliments his sons drawings, but insults his handwriting a second later. OIDJSKJDHKSSHB I hate this dude
Pls, someone tell this man, IM DIAGNOSED AUTISTIC AND IM LITERALLY A SPACE EXPERT, I’m so dang obsessed with it that I know much more about it then most people I know, I’m also an all A student, patient, and I’m pretty smart otherwise aswell, yes I have some… UNPLEASANT, things, I’m smart, and I’m glad to be autistic BECAUSE I LEARNED TO EMBRACE IT(YOU DONT HAVE TO EMBRACE IT)
Yeah mate, just looked at your page and there is no way a space expert would be posting videos of two crisp packets in a box
@@MondoMovieGaming Ah yes, space experts, known for their aversion to packets of crisps displayed in a video format on the internet.
@@MondoMovieGamingI’m not gonna start an argument with someone who doesn’t know me irl soo
@@technicolourmyles 😆😆😆
I literally had to take my headphones off when there was all of those sounds. I couldn’t deal with it at all
i love the 'what the fuck' energy during this entire reaction. same
Imagine being told by your parents that your superpower is making other people happy. Wow.
“He might not be able to do this and that….” Why thank you. That’s all I need to hear, that I can’t do anything productive.
I'm on the autism spectrum (I have Asperger's), and when I watched the video I thought he did a pretty good job. It's easier for us on the spectrum to understand, because we live some of the same things. We don't have to wonder or guess what it's really like. And Mark's audience is huge, so he knows a lot of people with very little info about autism are going to watch. And, realistically yes, his audience is mostly neurotypicals. For a parent of a tween, I think his tone was mostly fairly appropriate. He maybe looked down on folks on the spectrum, too much, or patronized too much. I agree he can improve in that area.
I also think folks with mild autism, Asperger's, etc., should understand that is not totally the same, having Asperger's, as someone who has autism to the level of being non-verbal often. It is more of a communication barrier, and the more of your time you need to spend managing the stress and overwhelmedness, the more that cuts into the logistics of accomplishing things. Which should be understood and worked with by neurotypicals, but let's be real, it's not automatic or easy, it's stressful and hard for them. So yeah, it can be hard for neurotypicals to understand and hard for them to know what to do, and it does take patience and positivity from them, like how Mark is being in this video. It is hard to be positive about something frustrating that you don't intuitively understand, so a little "inspiration porn" or whatever can soothe over some of the rougher feelings. It doesn't 100% of the time mean that the person won't try to properly understand. (It's a yellow flag for me, but I will give the benefit of the doubt if the person engages in other more-meaningful ways beyond "inspiration porn" content.) Being a parent is hard, period, and you need some pick-me-up energy sometimes to get through. I think Mark is trying to be encouraging so those people who watch don't get frustrated and be more positive. Neurotypicals do have a hard time understanding, and I don't blame them. I don't understand conditions I don't have either.
Overall, I think Mark's video had a way above-average amount of accurate content about Autism, that was pretty digestible to most people. It might be wrong in some ways, but he did his best that he could at that time. He could still learn and do better, but I would be willing to believe he's watching comments on it and might be learning some of those things now. (That said, I value your video, and takes like yours, because otherwise he might not hear that he is being too patronizing and belittling, whereas he could maybe emphasize how normal autistic people are after all.)
But WHY should we have to accomodate NTs?? Why should we be infantilised and made "less-than", just so that NTs can better accept us? Why in the world do we have to be inspirational to them or have some sort of "superpower", just to make us valid? Why can't we just simply exist, without having to accommodate to the NTs, without having to mask our autistic traits, just so that it's easier for them? We are neurodivergent. Our brains are wired differently and therefore we cannot be held to their standards - and that is okay. Why can't we just accept that not everybody is the same and that diversity isn't always a bad thing? Without fetishising it, of course..
@@bjrtjansdottir9159 I agree he could ease up on the saccharine sweetness and the "he'll never do x." He's coming to this as a parent first and foremost, and doing the outreach and activism as a non-expert and as a side project. I think for his first go he did okay, so long as he's listening to the criticisms.
Parents are famously annoying for being too sweet and patronizing toward their children. I hope he can learn to treat those on the spectrum, especially those who are older than his kid's age and who aren't literally his kid, with a bit more maturity and respect for their capabilities, without the mixed message of "he won't ever do x" or being too patronizingly complimentary about what he does do. (For him as a parent, the abundant capacity to show love with those crayon drawings is probably hitting him right in the feels in a big way. I can't expect him to be totally objective and impartial about his own kid, honestly. It's kind of dopey to call that a superpower, but he probably feels that it is, sincerely. Although I will say: It's awkward and a bit inappropriate to extend that parental attitude to everyone on the autism spectrum. And he will need to learn to recognize harder achievements his son will want to accomplish, and support him in those, and fully expect/believe in/encourage his son to achieve them. It's not all love and snuggles being a parent, you do have to push your kid to grow and improve sometimes. Or be there for them through the "growing pains" of becoming more mature and capable. Being too patronizing for too long can definitely hold a person back.)
And as a final note, just as neurotypicals have to reach to understand us, we should reach to understand them. It's gotta be a mutual thing for it to be fair.
Did I think his video was perfect? No. He can improve from here. Do I think we need to bend over backward to accomodate neurotypicals all the time? Nope. But I do think we should extend to them the consideration for differences that we expect them to extend to us. (I'll say it again, it's gotta be mutual.)
Best to you.
@@MrSmitheroons well said!
Well said!
I totally disagree with you and I think you have misunderstood Marc's good intentions. I'm so glad Marc made this video, especially the part about hearing so many sounds at once. As an autistic person myself, I have struggled to explain how I'm affected by noise and the difficulties I have concentrating on a conversation. Marc's example shows EXACTLY what I go through and it been an absolute godsend to help others understand what I am dealing with.
theres plently of reacreations of overstimulation on the internet you dont have to cling to marks shitty one . the road to hell is paved with good intentions
Thank you. People tell me how impressed they are of my strength and that I cope having “special needs kids”. But my life isn’t hard because of my kids and their autism and ADHD. It’s tough because of how society is built; Schools, work, money, health care, all the boxes we need to fit into… so many things, and people, make life so much harder than it would need to be. And no, when we live our lives at home in a way where we can function and strive and feel good and grow and nourish our health and our interests and… life is good. It’s when we need to step outside and interact with the world, and understand all the hidden cues and codes and adapt to non autistic people, then it’s getting harder. Every autistic person is different, but we tend to understand each other better anyway. So, how do I “cope”? In some ways I don’t. The financial struggle is harder than anything else. But in some ways I just live my life the way I know how to. Because, as you all probably know, an autistic child often has at least one autistic parent. So, I have both Aspergers and ADHD. And my children are two separate human beings in their own right and not objects of mine. Is that how neurotypichal view their neurotypichal children? As if they have a purpose to fulfill for their parents? Or is it only a way to view us that are born with disabilities? I too was offered the “chance” to screen my youngest in case I wanted to abort her. I declined the screening.
9:30 what the fuck. Why would he do that. What was the purpose of that. I understand if he wanted to try to make neurotypical people understand the sensory overload (?) but he DIDN'T GIVE A WARNING. the first time I watched Mark's video I watched it with a group of friends. I was the only autistic one. They all sat there just kind of watching and I broke down crying and I almost had an anxiety attack. They still didn't understand how I felt obviously. Because they don't feel that way. They don't get the same feelings from it. They just hear noises. so WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT.
I puked when that part of the video played, my ears genuinely hurt from all that and I had to take a break from the video. I think the point was a demonstration but I don’t think he understands sensory overload enough to know that doesn’t make sense
"now i am pro choice but..." NOPE, you are not pro choice if you put in a "but". People are free to do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies without you judging them. End of story.
14:07 "Any other way we like to divide ourselves" spoke like a true privileged person.
I mean of course he is already crap for everything else, but this just said a lot.
I've worked with children with autism and this channel has helped me so much on getting to know them--like actually getting to know them. I have been absolutely clueless when it comes to the spectrum. So thank you for educating.
Basically “we just focus on the best parts of our son” = “we break him into separate parts and ignore/throw away what we don’t prefer”.
Its really surprising to me that he'll does all these crazy cool experiments but also thinks his son could never so something spectacular one day
Putting sensory overload in a video about autism is like creating a video about deaf people and not including closed captioning. What was he thinking? You can't market inclusion when the advertisement is incompatible with the same people you say you're trying to bring into the fold.
"His Mom has always..." Excuse me, what does Mark do? He's talking about everything his wife does to make sure their son is happy or whatever, but doesn't even mention what he does for his son.
You are preaching nothing but the truth!!! This is why I opted out of the genetic testing!! I wanted my babies no matter what!
Paige I am sorry you had to watch this video a 2nd time...that seemed incredibly painful for you. Your words are so powerful. I feel horrible that you had to suffer by watching it while I was able to focus on your words and expressions which shielded me a lot from Mark's video. That isn't fair to you but you had already suffered by the time I saw your suffering so the only thing I can do is support your channel and learn from your experience. Thank you for all you do.
All i her that man say “ my son Will Never “ ergo.. he does’t believe his son Will be able to do anything 👏🏻.. what a understanding and Great dad “sarkasm” 🙌🏻
@kidindacardboardmask
18 seconds ago
24:45 “I am really thankful I didn’t have a Miranda-Sings phase in my youth…”
Well that aged like fine wine 😎
It's very clear that he still loves his kid. So even if the outrage and confusion don't change his mind, his kid could in the long run. As he grows up and expresses how he sees and interacts with the world, I think Mark will eventually get it. Or just call me a stupid optimist. Intent kind of still matters to me. He clearly thinks he is doing good. So there is still a possibility to convey to him a better mindset
I still can’t believe I originally supported mark when he uploaded this, as an autistic person I am ashamed of myself. Definitely gonna spend some time doing more research and educating myself
same here. I watched it back when it dropped and it hit kinda close to home (partially because I have the same ability as a child in that video to tell what day of the week a certain date was). I also didn’t think of myself as “autistic” back then (despite being diagnosed) because I wasn’t as educated and thought of autism as something much more severe than it is. I saw Mark’s video, said “ayy that’s neat” and never thought about it again until Paige dropped this video and I started seeing the problems with what Mark was saying about his child. The man does seem to love his son very much but clearly has a lot of work to do if he really wants to help the autistic community.
When I first saw Mark's video I saw nothing wrong with it, and that shows how bad we are as a society, but there's always time to learn and change, I hope he sees this video and start changing the way he sees his son and disabilities in general.
I also have a lot to change that's why I follow you because I want to learn more and change my attitude in subjects like this.
i really hate how he implies autistic people cant get phds.
Diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult, I feel very alone...I don't have "special powers" and don't feel special at all...your channel is my only source of support.
Look up the history of Hans Asperger and what he did, dear. He was a nazi. :((
It's giving "I'm a super mom because I have an autistic son"
Unrelated but I love your eyelash wall stickers 😌
I always wonder if Paige made them with the cricut sitting on the desk 🤔 so cute!
The kid in the basketball game scored how many and wasn't freaking on the actual team?! Unless he chose not to (cool) or something physical preventing him? (no, not society this time)
Although I agree with a lot of what you say, I also wonder if you are both on the same page but going different ways about it. A lot of what he said sounded to me like someone trying to say “stop expecting my son to have super powers, his super power is his humanity”. Also, his appeal to a nurotypical audience would seemingly be advantageous for getting the world (which has a high proportion of nurotypicals) to care about neurodivergent issues. Lastly, I don’t agree with aborting Fetusses based upon autism either - but what I take from the research is less that people “want autistic people gone” and more that people want to decrease suffering.
I completely agree with you,as a autistic myself who deals with sensory processing and burnouts and shutting down very easily.
I isolate myself from people as it's just too much.I just can't near people.i use ACC to communicate,I struggle just too much
Watching this video was tough for me. I only made it halfway through because I recognised a lot of the difficulties in my life looking at all the different aspects that are explored.
The video being reviewed reminded me of my childhood and how auquard it was, and the review of the video reminds me of the struggles I have in my life right now.
Being autistic is difficult. Being autistic and interacting with others is also tough for everyone involved.
I can't say how I feel about this video because it would take me hours to unpack my thoughts and feelings. Also, my review would be many times longer than the video, and I think my review would not be worth my time, and no one would read it.
This was a very thaught provoking video. I hope you feel less anxiety. I understand your frustration.
Thank you for the time, effort,and personal sacrifice, you gave to make this video.
I hope you find life more enjoyable and less of a struggle ❤.
I think the "combination of sounds" part is fine to communicate to NTs a bit of the experience. But there definitely would have been a warning if he actually understood or cared about the autistics that might watch it too... because many will just to check the vibe/whats being told to NTs. He didn't pass my check
Ironic that Miranda sings attended that event, now with what’s happened.
"The letters certainly aren't any literary masterpiece."
Okay??? Neither is your video???
"They may never cure some horrible disease."
OKAY??? You probably won't either??? What is your point???
This was a really good video. I watched his video before and liked it, because it was so emotional and I honestly thought I was doing something „good“ somehow, with watching a neurotypical father talking about his autistic son. I hadn’t thought about a lot of things he said and the way he said those things so your video opened my eyes and taught me a lot. I’m gonna try to start educating myself more about disabled people, so this won’t happen again and my mind starts to break away from this stupid pidgin-hole thinking!
I love your videos btw!
(I am sure for me as a neurotypical woman there is a lack of sensitivity about this topic so I really hope I didn’t write too much or offend anyone- that was definitely not my intention!)
13:35 when mark said that sentence I FUCKING DIED BRO
Thank you!!! I remember watching this video a year ago and getting so mad. You said exactly what I was thinking.
He definitely did not think about how this could negatively affect other autistics. MARK STOP!!!
Sorryyy. Ill try better next time ❤
At the end of the day, his video helped raise over 3 minion dollars…
@@tobyallen5224yeah 3 million dollars to a horrible charity. Next for autism is a horrible charity or autism, nobody on their board is even autistic, and they constantly support aba therapy and curing autism
As a neurodivergent scientists the whole "disabled people won't get a PhD, cure cancer blah blah blah..." Makes me so mad. So many of us go into science, because it reflects our special interest and we find comfort and a purpose in doing research. Like how about making the academic environment more accessible instead of going on about how we won't achieve anything!
Yep, I’m neurotypical and very comfortable with the fact that there are many neurodivergent people who are smarter and more educated than me and 100% more likely to “cure cancer” than my English major self. 😂 Plus, as an artsy/creative type, I hate the idea that *anybody’s* worth can be measured in their ability to contribute accomplishments like curing cancer to society. So every time he said stuff like that, I was screaming internally.
I would argue that many, if not most, scientists and engineers I’ve known in my careers (in aerospace and chemistry) are on the autism spectrum, whether or not they’ve been diagnosed
@@RahRahSisBoom13 oh yeah totally agree. I'm a biomedical scientist and so many people I work with aren't neurotypical.
@@RahRahSisBoom13 really? That makes me feel relieved as a possible autistic person interested in these things. I was watching another video by an autistic creator who had lots of trouble keeping a job and I often worry that I might have trouble getting and keeping a job because of things like executive dysfunction and limited people skills. It doesn't help that my dad has told me multiple times he thinks I'll be a failure because of my autistic traits. I'm worried that I'll be a failure because I don't live in a society that caters to me and that my dad is right about me.
But you do realize he was talking about his son specifically and not about the whole community. He never even said what you are claiming here. I get that he made mistakes but it's not okay to put words hin his mouth either.
Recently I saw a disability rights activist speak, he said something like: "when I talk about what disables me, I don't mean my body, my brain or my voice, what disables me is the way that I'm treated by other people, by society." This video shows a big example of this problem in this Mark guy. His kid might achieve a lot given the right accomodations!
Not to mention they're not putting any expectations on their child, which will likely result in the impressionable boy living up to their preconceived notions of his ability or "functionality" as they would phrase it. Equating him to a burlap sack of sand merely weighing them down, but no worries... the sack is colorful and has a smile on it, so all is well.
That's called the social model of disability, where the focus is on figuring out what support you need. (As opposed to the medical model of disability, where any deviation from the norm is a problem to be fixed.) It's really helpful in a lot of ways, and I especially like the distinction between what impairs you and what disables you. As an autistic person, I have a lot of impairments, things my brain doesn't do well (or at all). But what disables me--prevents me from participating in life and society as fully as I wish to--is mostly the way society treats autistic people (and everyone else who's different).
@@andrewhazelwood698 You are drawing a lot of conclusions about this family from a five minute video and a 25 minute reaction to it. You have no idea what expectations they have, and none whatsoever about what supports they are using to help him achieve.
I used to dream that with all the right accommodations, all the right supports, I could somehow nullify the impact of my daughter's autism and Down syndrome. If I just believed enough, saw her as able enough. And she taught me differently. The fact is for many of our kids, there are limitations. To accept them, to see the beauty in and around them, is not a problem. Unless you have walked this journey as a parent you can never understand the daily, hourly puzzle of both encouraging their best, while accepting who they are. This "Mark guy" is doing all right. He has my respect, as one parent to another.
@@catherineyoung3889 "Unless you have walked this journey as a parent you can never understand..." yes, we can, there are some autistic people out there in this comment section saying that what this "Mark guy" said in his video is, well, bullshit. Who else would understand and have the right to say something about it other than autistics? No one else can, not even neurotypical parents who do nothing other than infantilise their own children.
If you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will grow up it's entire life believing it's stupid.
- Albert Einstein
I'm a fan of Einstein too!
Correction: "everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it's stupid"
If you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, then the mudskipper is the smartest fish.
Einstein was suspected to be an autistic man!!
"Every quote on the internet is true." - Abraham Lincoln
Who wants to tell this guy that my dad, who is suspected to be autistic, works in a lab to cure lung cancer
I'm suspected to be autistic and I'm soon to be Pharmacy doctor.
Also I'm fluent in three different languages .
What the hell does he mean we can't have phds ???!!!!
@@ahmedyahia3475 👏👏👏
I was diagnosed with autism (technically Asp*rger's, but I don't refer to myself as that anymore), and not only can I speak two languages fluently, I have played violin for almost 7 years and now am playing bass, which btw am learning pretty quickly, and I also can draw. So screw you, Mark Rober.
@@annee.p9885 yeah we can do just as much if not more than neurotypical people. And if we don’t want to, that’s totally fine too. We are put in a world not meant for us so no matter how dumb mark rober will make us sound, I don’t see him dealing with any of the same shit we have too
Also I am very new to the autism community so sorry if I said something that isn’t correctly worded
I have to agree, It annoys me when influencers and the public in general calls disabled or autistic people "special" to make themselves look good.
It reminds me of how the mode minority trope has harmed Asian Americans by placing unrealistic expectations on them. The minute they fail to meet those expectations, they suddenly aren’t seen as desirable.
It has nothing to do with making yourself look good. It's just polite. Depending on intonation and how you say it of course.
@@danika9411yeah I agree
@@danika9411 What's polite depends on how the other side feels, otherwise you're only doing it to make yourself feel better.
We are different not special but I do have physical disability
If that kid was able to sink 3 three-point shots, why was he not allowed to play on the team?
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Exactly.
I was thinking the same thing.
That’s what I was saying at that part too 😩 like so you’re telling me he single handedly won the game for the team ? So then why the hell wasn’t he playing for all four years ?
I WAS SO MAD AT THIS QUESTION
Hey, just a little critic here. Better help has been exposed for not being properly regulated and not having properly trained psychologists. Basically of being an scam. It looks like a great resource before you dig up, so no shade.
But I have to say, great, great videos! I have an autistic friend and you are teaching me how to understand him better and empathize with certain struggles that I don't deal with so keep it up!
critique* oops
and I do talk to him about this kinda shit tho, I'm just not going to attack him with questions everyday so yeah thank you hahha
Yeah, this kinda irked me to be honest, like no shade to Paige, I love her videos and I consider that her input greatly helps our community but oh my god, if you gonna accuse someone of not researching into autism and autism speaks (like she did with mark, d'amilio and other celebrities) while promoting betterhelp, sorry but that's hypocrisy.
@@AngelStarHealer yes seriously
@@AngelStarHealer This
Was at a dad's coworker house. All the four kids were on the Spectrum. The oldest was unable to speak and only scream and squeak. What shocked me was they told me that he was actually able to communicate in Sign Language but they stopped it because they didn't want him to be too dependent on it. I'm sorry do you want to be able to talk with your kid or just struggle because you don't want learn a new language and make him take minutes to figure out he wants something to drink.
What the actual fuck
Wow, what bastards for stifling his only form of communication
Omg, how dare he depend on a language to communicate with others. (sarcasm)
The absolute mental gymnastics with that one. Wow. Just wow.
Wow lol that is really messed up.
'Only scream or squeak' is a bit inaccurate though. I had a wonderful conversation with a largely nonverbal autistic young girl who had so many different tones of screams and squeaks that were really eloquent, especially when combined with her eloquent hand gestures and postures. We managed to make a meal together, eat, pack up the dishes all the while having a good conversation about what the meal was like and what the rules in the house are...and she was the one telling me, since I was the one visiting her house. We just need to learn to listen
His son might be able to invent a cure to a disease or do something else whatever the heck he wants to, but might _not_ when he sees his dad said he can't.
Exactly what I was thinking. He keeps saying that he won't be doing this and that cuz he "can't", but doesn't realize he, Mark would probably be the reason why.
mark literally worked with nasa and then turned round and said his son would never be the first person on mars. like the kid literally has an in and his own dad is dismissing him cos he's autistic.
Nah bro
Exactly. I always tell my son he can do anything he wants, it’s so important to believe in your children especially if they’re autistic, it’s not hard to encourage and support them, it might be harder to do certain things but it doesn’t mean they CAN’T, help them succeed not fail..
EXACTLY!! That part really, really, bothered me. I really wish more people would realize that us (autistics) are actually incredibly intelligent. We might not be able to do everything neurotypical people can but they most certainly can’t do all the things we can do! In my opinion the autistic Albert Einstein couldn’t have done what he had done if he was a neurotypical.
I remember when my brother was diagnosed with Autism and many other mental disabilities, so many people asked my mom “oh how did you take the news?” “How as that change been on you? Are you going to try and get him help to cure it?” And at this time it was at the peak of “vaccines cause autism” but my mom always replied with “he’s the same son I’ve always had. He’s no different than he was yesterday and won’t be different now that he has this label. I’m just grateful I know so that way I can help him where he needs it and teach others when they don’t understand him.” I don’t think I’ll ever forget her saying those words to so many people and almost all still not getting what she meant
thank you for sharing that, the correct and only response
I too get asked that a lot. But it never came as a surprise to me, I could see it from the beginning, and when I myself got diagnosed years later, I realized why I had known so early on that they weren’t like the other kids. :-)
How's your brother doing now?
Please go watch hbomberguy's video on autism anti vaccines. It I..
Fuck man it shocked me beyond anything I nearly puked after watching it it made me physically sick
❤
I’d like to put this out here that Autistic people are capable of anything. Just because they may require accommodations doesn’t mean their achievements aren’t their own. I’m allistic and I have a lot of autistic friends who are the most successful people I know. They’re top of their class, they’re kind, they have bad days, they’re people just like the rest of us. As a person who doesn’t have autism, it’s important for me to watch your videos. I love what you do and thank you for using your voice.
Hell even they could be a navy seal if the military did not disqualify people just for having it. (Not saying servere cases of it or any other serious ailment should be allowed to serve)
Can we talk about how that kid should have been on the team the whole time if he can sink 6 incredible shots in a single game?? What's that about?
The first thought that came to my mind
And mine 🏀. He should deffo be playing in some team at least.
Look up the video. He sank the shots because the kids on the other team let him, not because he is a competitive basketball player.
@@leftmikerightmike idk about you, but you could put me in front of a basketball hoop with zero opponents and i could throw that ball 10 times and not make it in even once , standing still, as close as possible. he was making it in from the 3 point line ??
yeha i dont know anything about basket ball but i was like thats GOOD THO!!??
"I hate that I have to keep convincing people that I deserve to live."
Those words hit me hardest. First of all because this is a thought/feeling that I experience as well, not that I'm autistic, but dealing with depression and likely ADHD-I and some other stuff (trying to get an assessment soon). Second of all, that one line seemed to sum up your pain so well... not saying that makes me 'know' what it's like to be autistic, and I'm certainly not pitying, I'm sure you wouldn't want that either < oh well...
This video (and your channel as a whole) is such good education for me as I have lots to learn about autism and other brains different from mine, so thank you!
Keep up the good work! Let's all do our best to make this world into a place where every single human feels like they deserve to be in it
Hey Paige,
This is a very late comment, but I also thought this was an appropriate place to share this.
To preface this, I am an Autistic/ADHD woman who wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. Even though I wasn’t diagnosed until later on, the symptoms of both greatly affected me throughout my childhood. I would experience movements that I do to self-soothe.
Ten years ago when I was 14, my mom wanted to go on a whale watching tour in Santa Barbara. It so happened that Colleen Ballinger and GloZell were also on that boat. They were filming and my dumbass was standing in their way without knowing. I noticed I was in their way and felt really uncomfortable. I straightened up and went into one of my strange chin on shoulder movements I do to self-soothe.
Fast forward a year, a few of the girls in my ballet class are really big MirandaSings/Colleen Ballinger fans and came across one of her videos. It is a video of her going whale watching with another TH-camr. In the video, they feature a “girl seeing the camera and posing”. That girl is me being very uncomfortable with a camera pointing at me.
To be fair, it really does look like I am posing, and I do look a lot older than I am. I don’t think they were trying to make fun of autism or anything, but it was so uncomfortable, and as a teenager I thought my privacy had been violated. There were so many comments about the “clueless posing girl”. Although these comments didn’t necessarily hurt my feelings, they made me so uncomfortable and like I had so many eyes on me without me intending to. I hated that. It is not that I dislike attention. I love performing, and have done several shows where I love performing for people. I just never wanted to have adults showcase my discomfort to the world as me trying to pose.
Also I used to be a model and know how to pose. No self respecting model is going to pose looking like they are trying to scratch their chin on their shoulder :)
Sorry for the long comment, I love your content and it’s calming to know I wasn’t the only one who has experienced discomfort with this creator!
Also, I would like to keep anonymous, so if you happen to know me irl for some reason, pretend like you never saw it. Most people in my life do not known about my diagnosis because I hate how a lot of people infantilize autism, and I am afraid if I let them know I have it, they will take me even less seriously than they already do.
Thank you so much for your content. It has helped me with my journey and self-acceptance.
That must’ve been horrible. Even if the intention may not have been to be exploitative, the result was exploitative in a way.
I believe if anyone is going to film you or photograph you and make it public, they need to get your consent in writing for them to use your image
I wish you all the happiness in the world ❤
When parents say because of autism my kid will never “go to Harvard” “be the first person to do this...” “of cure cancer” etc & etc. It sounded like autism is ruining the parents chances on pushing their dreams on to their kids. That sounds like stage parenting but much worse.
very good observation! it's like, neither did you? so what? you wouldn't say about a neurotypical child that 'they won't be the brightest, bestest, strongest people ever but we love them anyway.
It's not because of Autism. It's because of Neurotypicals that their son might not. But definitely NOT because of Autism.
@ The Huntress Danni
THANK YOU. It’s neruotypical people who refuse to give us opportunities and look down on us because we’re different
Also like....how tf do they know their kid won't go on to do any of that stuff? Autistic people can do those things. NTs just hold us back and then say "welp see they just can't do the things we can"
Its really annoying. It makes it sound like we can't do anything because of being autistic. We're still capable. I'm planning on becoming a writer in the future :)
He talks about autistic people like we're a separate species. We are humans omfg, this is so upsetting. I'm literally nauseous.
He said he was scared to put this video online.
From all these abusive sarcastic comments, I can see why.
Grow up.
@@jennifervictore5471 they aren't being sarcastic, they are being truthful. He did not talk to other people with autism on this, he went to the first organisation that actually tries to 'fix' them
I mean I sort of feel that way sometimes but that's only because of stuff like this video.
If you haven’t read a history book recently, or even just the news, let me give you an update: that is how most people talk about other people - like they aren’t people!
I kinda like that part. Humans are trash. Being somewhat different from them gave me hope.
On the whole abortion thing: There's a big difference between not wanting a kid, and wanting a kid but deciding that the kid you're getting is wrong.
This.
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👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Yes, this explains it so well!
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The thing that bothered me the most was when he said "My son may not be able to do (put list here)" My first thought was... yeah because you continue to tell him and everyone around you that he will never be able to. Just the same as a "normal" person, if you tell your kid all the time that they can't do something... they won't.
I'm having this exact issue with someone else right now... I don't want to get into details because this is a public forum, but basically I know an autistic teenager who has been told his entire life that he's incapable of even basic things. Every moment of his day is highly controlled, he still has parental locks on his tablet at age 18, he wasn't allowed to have a phone until he was 17 because he "might do something inappropriate", he was never taught how to do many things because his mom assumed he couldn't handle it. Yeah, he might make mistakes, but so does literally everyone. It's just when you're autistic, people now have a tendency to view all your mistakes through that lens, instead of thinking it's a normal thing to go through.
He’s a kid, almost no people write literary masterpieces. Why is he putting down his kid?
Right? He's ignoring that 99% of neurotypical people also won't do those things. Why does he insist on making a point of MY SON WILL NEVER DO X AND Y AND Z?
I think he was trying to dispel the savant myth in a palatable way for the most general of audiences.
LIKE NO 12 YEAR OLD WILL WRITE A MASTERPEICE THEIR A PRETEEN LIKE STOP PUTTING YOUR CHILD DOWN HES YOUR CHILD????
He was making the point that his son writing these notes is special not because they are literary masterpieces, but because the time and care he puts in getting to know others and the effort he makes to show them.
@@leftmikerightmike I agree with u
hello friends! thank you for clicking on this video. I just wanted to say that I by no means wish to "cancel" Mark, or anything like that. he was trying to do something good, as every parent is, for their child, and I appreciate his kindness. however, sometimes you don't always do the right things, and life isn't about being perfect- but learning and accepting new information as we go to make better choices. so this is in no way a personal attack on Mark, but moreso my opinion as an autistic person in this situation, who is directly affected by things like this. I'm thankful I can voice my opinions to you all and have people care, so that we can do better in the future and learn together!
**and again, we are not a monolith and I'm sure other auties feel differently, too, so I in no way mean to speak for all of us!
this all happened about a month ago, so the fundraiser and things are all over now. some celebrities dropped out, the charity changed their mission statement (but released a thing saying they DO partner with autism $peaks and they DO support ABA therapy, so cool), and the charity was not changed. I just hope we can all learn from this situation to support individuals rather than companies, and to listen to the group affected always. thanks for watching!
My brother has autism
Hi, I love you so much! Stay strong ❤️
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TH-cam says you posted this comment 1 day ago When this was uploaded 20 mins ago. Im acrually confused.
@@patthemat5745 I think it’s because the video was a scheduled post, so she wrote a comment yesterday and then posted the video today :))
It's so weird how he makes a point of how not all autistics have "special abilities" but goes on to essentially create a "special ability" for his son. Coloring in a paper and writing a note is a kind thing to do but it is something that a lot of children do, neural typical and atypical alike.
Also, the sport section thing reminds me, my highschool once had an assembly where they had all of the kids in the "special ed" kids play basketball while everyone else sat in the bleachers and watched. It felt incredibly exploitative.
That also deeply irritated me. I think it might have been him being like "not all autistic people are math geniuses" but showing that there's something they have a "special focus on". Which is still disgusting and wrong. If he wanted to educate people on who his son is, he should have let his son speak for himself and introduced him like he would have if his son was neurotypical. But let's be real here, if his son was neurotypical he probably would have been apart of his channel a long time ago and we wouldn't be here 😕
yup, we have a basketball team made up of entirely autistic people in my high school. i’m only now realizing how horrible that is.
@@PaytonsPaws you're assuming his son has the communication skills to do that. His son could be non verbal. I don't recall him saying anything in the videos.
As an autistic person, I’ve always found the whole “autism is a superpower” thing to be very… cringy.
@@traviscollura2440 same here
Venting a bit
Neurodivergence being something of a burden really hits home with me. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 5. I was superrrrr hyper when I was younger (I have since mellowed out) and my ADHD was never really dealt with or talked about. My mom claimed the psychiatrist said that it would "go away" once I was older (when in reality, my hyperactivity just mellowed) and so I was treated like a normal kid, which sounds nice on the surface, but in reality, it sucked. Behavior I couldn't control because of my ADHD was punished and I was treated like a bad kid for those symptoms. Not listening/paying attention was a note on all my report cards. I find I always need longer to learn something, and when I didn't learn at the same speed as others, I was always called stupid or dumb. Stupid, dumb, the r slur were names I was called constantly as a kid (by my own mother).
Recently, my sister pointed out how hard my mom was on me about my grades and stuff when I was a kid, more than my other siblings. My mom's reply was "you have no idea what it's like to raise a child with ADHD" which was a knife in the fucking gut.
Moral of this story: don't blame your neurotypical child's behavior on them. Help them cope and relieve they're symptoms, of course. But don't act like they're a "bad kid" for something they can't control
"Just because an autistic person is non-vocal doesn't mean they don't know what you're saying." Yes. I'm autistic as well, and it's common for me to respond with a nod, shake of the head, or a smile or frown. I often get a strange look, as though the other person is waiting for me to say more, but what's really going on is that they said everything perfectly, and I'm acknowledging that. Why do neurotypicals feel the need to make people talk and talk and talk?
It’s what they know and have been taught to expect in social situations. We are taught how to communicate verbally with each other and this is one thing they were likely taught. Societal “norms” and the expectations that everyone responds similarly is unfortunately something that most often must be challenged through our experiences. As frustrating as it is, most of what I personally have experienced has been ignorance rather than anything with true malicious intent. Wanting verbal validation within a conversation isn’t reserved for Neurotypicals. Many people with ADD and who are autistic need it as well because social cues are often hard to read which can than lead to a break down in that communication. I, myself, really need this to keep a conversation going but I understand that it isn’t always possible.
Oh darling.. welcome to the real world that you will constantly fail to understand. The rules are set.. you either play by them or isolate... like I do.. and I am not autistic. Pretty sick of the nonsense out there. So I have a small group of people and I am fine. It probably shouldn’t be like this but “”””””normal”””” people are a pain in the ass.
Exactly! Like I can’t make myself speak sometimes, so instead of saying hi I’ll make eye contact, smile and wave and ppl act like I’m being so rude, even when they know I’m quiet as default, when I’m literally trying my best. 🤦🏿
because talking is how we communicate? i understand some people process things differently, but we did not invent language to uh, not talk and talk and talk. its not weird you know. its pretty standard. its why we made millions of fucking words. to use them.
@@aleclorian7329 it was a rhetorical question. Why are you so angry about people venting about their communication problems
The way he addresses the viewer as "You and I" in opposition to "people with autism", shows that he immediately assumes the viewer is not autistic. The fact that it does not even OCCUR to him that the viewer could be autistic tells a lot
For real. It felt like being an undercover agent. Ah, yes..."You and I"...I, of course being a neurotypical...I couldn't possibly be autistic...**Puts on sunglasses**
I honestly didn't care about that, in my humble and personal opinion. It kinda made it a bit more accessible and persuasive to neurotypicals who might be anti-autism or scared by it or something :) just my opinion, don't hate me!
@Lizzie Coldrick I’d feel similar if videos and messages like that weren’t a dime a dozen.
@@e.a.coldrick The thing is is that kind of language re-enforces the othering they've got going on in their head. Someone who is anti autism is going to walk away from that video *still* viewing autistic people as something different than """normal""" people. I get where you're coming from, but from my experience in order to break down those bigoted walls you need to start with all the ways you're similar.
@@theviewer6889 I totally understand, and I think your point was very well put! Maybe it's just me but I quite like feeling 'special' and 'different' hehehe ;)
"The letters aren't a literary masterpiece"
Yes, a child wrote them. What, are you grading him on performance like an English Teacher, or ... ? Why does it matter? Furthermore, that's just not how you treat creations made by YOUR child. It doesn't matter if it's not good by your adult standards, it's good enough, and the fact that it was made by YOUR child should give it special meaning, anyway.
He's literally saying that for other people. You just don't. That's not ... It doesn't work that way.
@@Navi405 yes
Idk he is 12. Neurodivergents would be able to write a full essay at that age, so I think that is what he means
@@huskylover8167 nah, I think he’s j exaggerating it to get the point across. Like “yeah, Scarlet won’t cure cancer or anything, but she has a great impact on her community”
He wasn't saying that to "grade" or even critique the letters. Just to send across his point, which is that the content of the letters isn't what makes his son's value. He clearly loves his son dearly, it's very inappropriate of complete strangers like us to psychoanalyse the intents behind his every word like that and make him sound like a terrible dad.
" just because they can't speak doesn't mean they know nothing!" Love this
I also hated how he kept saying "Them" and "Us". Why don't people see other people as equals? like WTF
It’s so messed up
Just clear signs he did not think to include autistic people as part of his audience. I am autistic. I was a subscriber to him until this. Nothing about us without us.
I hate that