Hair Hierarchy: The Kind of People Each Style Attracts.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- #texturism #4chair
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venmo: @mayowasworld
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Music : "Love so Good"
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When black guys say they like natural hair girls they generally mean a mixed race hair type or loose curls
So sad
@Senora Cheapee … No lies too
Nah I like natural hair but Ik what you mean
Yep.
Preach
My experience:
•Straight/relaxed long hair as a kid: "pretty little girl!"
•Damaged relaxed hair in middle school: "your hair just doesn't lay down" "what's wrong with your hair?" "You look like a boy"
•Beginning to grow out 4c hair: "you look like a boy" I felt very insecure about looking like a boy at this point but refused to keep straightened hair.
•Box braids & twists through 10th grade: "you're so cute " "nice hairstyle" "is that all your hair?" That last one confused me because I wanted to say ma'am, you can't see the knot at the start of the braid?😂
• Stretched twist & braid outs: "✊🏽" A lot of compliments from friends
•Shrunken 4c wash n go: *crickets*🦗(meaning I felt ignored or like people avoided talking to me) "you look like a boy" "when you doing your hair?"(comments from family) Although I get noticeably less compliments on this style the ones I did get were from friends & Black women not much older.
•Headwrap: "Okay Badu!" & people assuming you carry incense around & drink green smoothies everyday, also: Beautiful mocha African queeeeen
•Now living in an mostly palm colored🤚🏻 area I just get stared at when I wear my hair out. I can't wait to get to waist length tho, the fro is getting even bigger.
lol! this sums it up perfectly!!
OKAY FRO!!! 💖
Wow your transitional stages are so amazing!!
As a 4z Gyrl I understand the journey.
I just don’t have 3-5 year patience to grow my hair to my waist 😂
And “Becky” in the office cuts her hair in January and it’s back down to her shoulders in June 😂
The cost and journey of beauty ❤
Fr because tell me why when I was in school and I wore head wraps for a month because I honestly didn’t want to do my hair and finally wore my natural hair my teacher said “I thought you wore head wraps for a religious reason”. And if that wasn’t bad she then said “you can’t wear head wraps anymore since it wasn’t for a religious reason and it was unprofessional”. Oh and she was black but from the Caribbean so that might explain it.
@@mayowasworld Love your videos! 😅💖
As an African woman I can confidently say some of the the biggest texturists I’ve encountered are older African women. I had a friend whose mother refused to go out in public with her when she was rocking her TWA.
As someone who is an avid wig collector, you hit the nail on the head. Different hairstyles attract different experiences. I notice that when I wear my blonde hair, the attention I get from men is almost uncomfortable.
I sometimes don’t like wearing my natural curls out because for some reason or another people want to treat black women like pets and touch us without consent.
Guys what is TWA
@@sakuraesther6309 teenie weenie afro, basically like if a women did a big chop
girl wear your natural curls just don’t let people touch on your hair, set boundaries luv.
That’s assaulting under the Crown Act. Press charges.
ive seen quite a few comments similar to yours about being touched unconsentually. I think having our hair in its natural form is so infantilized that people think its ok to touch, similar to how its normalized to cross the boundaries of children. smh thanks for writing this
Hate to say it but the only race of men where my desirability changed based on my hair was black men. They have the most trauma and negative attitudes towards our hair. My husband is a white passing latino and my hair wasn't even a variable in the equation to him. The state of my hair has never felt so irrelevant than when I'm around non-black men. I'm also lighter skinned, which also turned me off to black guys because they fetishize my complexion. I'm not interested in that, or being on some weird hierarchy. My husband's entire family is way lighter than me so my being "light skinned" in the black community doesn't come with any benefits. It's an amazing experience for your features to just not be judged on the daily.
The extent to which I do not deal with men who change with the wind or my hairstyle ... thank you for the confirmation of what I also have experienced.
They hate when black women say this but this is 1000% true. And they know it. A black girl on twitter talked about how she was able to attract white guys with her NATURAL TYPE 4 hair (she didn’t mention black men at all) and if you saw the way black men talked about her. Hit dogs will holler. Our race is the only one who does this shit. just look at the amount of videos on TH-cam of black men talking about “lightskin vs darkskin women” it’s fcking embarrassing.
@@williamcaldwell5772 boo fucking hoo oh my god I swear whenever black women talk about this you see types like you coming in to dismiss the feelings and the way women have been treated about their hair because 1 black woman told you about your hair in high school you now get free reign to shit on women of your own race. Sounding goofy “reap what they’ve sown” there’s plenty, PLENTY of black women who did not bully people about their hair yet they still have to navigate a texturist society including their own for something that is COMPLETELY natural. So what exactly is women like that reaping? Let me guess. Because of this, your preference is also white women? Having black hair is not really a problem for black men now so much as it is for black women. Hair is linked with femininity. no other race does this shit I swear. You will never catch another race of man saying this shit. Lmfao.
True. Never had an issue with any men with accepting my hair accept for men of color. I've had arguments and judgements and didn't feel I should answer to anyone about it simply because we had the same color skin especially a man who didn't suffer that judgement. Never had any man Asian, White, Latino or otherwise ever question nor care about my locs other than it being just a part of my style.
Your assessment is on point. I am black and my husband is Australian. I noticed up until early 2000's when I was natural, but flat ironed my hair every week, I got lots of attention from black men. When I stopped straightening my hair, I got no dates or attention from black men at all! Years went by and I was waiting on my black king and he never showed up. I finally realized I had to work with the audience I had, which was many races except black men. My hair has never been an issue with my husband. He understands the care for my locs and respects the hair care regimen.
Length discrimination is a thing in the black community. If you have kinky long hair ppl think it's better than short kinky hair.
very true. I can see the difference even now with freeform locs
People are so ignorant 😑😑😑😑
Well yeah long hair is beautiful in every race
I believe majority of men prefer long hair as it is a sign of fertility.
this is for any race not just black people
I wore my 4c twa on campus today at my WorkStudy.
Whew the stares were intense. But in this heat I don’t care.
Some people would even snicker and laugh especially from people of color, but at this point I’m not changing my hair for them.
I love that for you! Don’t change for anyone hun.🫂🫂🫂
I've noticed people tend to be more hostile towards women with short hair, especially if it's curly/afro. I got a lot of curious, sometimes angry stares. This caused such trauma in my 20s that I started doing extreme hairstyles, went thru a rebel phase. I eventually shaved the sides of my head, dyed it crazy colors & became alternative all around. By then I didn't care who was looking. When my natural hair started growing past my shoulders (it hangs more), people seem to be a bit more friendly (not all the time) but they compliment it or just all around seem to treat you more normal. Seriously, we live in such a vain society.
When u said ‘angry stares’ i felt that. Lmao like get some hobbies😊
Because short hair is seen as more masculine ESPECIALLY if it’s type 4 and MORE ESPECIALLY if it’s on dark skinned black women. 🫤
Girl IS giving fem, I'm confused? I never thought about the locs as masculine, but maybe because I used to all types of women having them. I'm tired of black women being denied femininity, whatever the reason. It's nice hearing your experience with locs and all your hair journeys. Thank you for sharing!
(edit: >-< to clarify, I was confused on why other queer folks weren't seeing fem cause of the hairstyle)
She is talking about the general way people see Locs... C'mon now
when I say I'm giving fem, I meant like I believe I am perceived as a feminine presenting person but because locs are mascualinzed by a lot of people they sometimes read me differently
Honestly I hesitated to wear faux locs because I can’t wrap my head around having the same hairstyle as a man. I think that’s why goddess locs, maverick locs, locs with curls, etc became so popular
Locs are beautiful though, to each her own🥰
@@APTTMHYforever I’m not a fan of freeform locs. I love sister locs and the ones with curls in them aka butterfly locs.
I’ve heard a fool say black women with short 4b texture looked like men. They associate it with manly and unattractive. It’s disgusting and sad.
I have to admit, that my Mother has 3A (Yes she is ADOS), and growing up was a nightmare for me because I am 4b-4c. So people would see my Mom, and they would make fun of me "What happened to you?" "You're Mom has pretty hair, why does yours look like that?" So, I have done everything under the sun not to have nappy hair, and I fight every day not to be a texturist. I went natural in an attempt to love my hair (Sometimes it works, sometimes meh) But I am fat, so I am already dealing with fatphobia so for me going "Free Form" is not an option. I am not strong enough for the vitriol I get for fatness, I can't pull off free form. (Please no one judge me, this is my truth and I judge no one on how they wish to live their lives)
I completely get where you’re coming from… maybe work on some self love and self care with weight loss included in that, and our hair is beautiful so I pray during your journey you find confidence in the truth of that ❤
Poor you! This world sucks! I’m not fat, but I’ve seen on the Internet how fat phobic people can be… so I understand that it must be hard for you!!! I can only tell you to love yourself but this is not a button and probably even harder when society doesn’t see you in a good light! But honestly, I think attitude counts. So whether ur not feeling it, fake it (maybe you will end up loving urself more despite society). I think people with natural hair rocks! Such a shame we are seen in a negative light sometimes. And not only ppl from other races but from our own race….. Anyway, I hope your experiences get better and there is a point when you can enjoy every part of life, whether that is wearing your natural hair, wearing whatever you want… ❤❤
I completely understand where you’re coming from
Thank you for sharing. Because body type is a huge factor!!! Most of these loc hair crushes are thin.
What’s ADOS?
This video dropped at just the right time. I wore my hair out in my natural afro at work this week (I normally have box braids). A colleague said they love it and it makes me look like a "naughty little girl". I wasn't sure how to take the comment!
When I rocked my TWA last year a patient patted my head and told me it "felt like a tennis ball". My cousin also referred to it as "microphone head" and said he found that style very unattractive on black women.
I love wearing my natural hair but hate that I have to brace myself for all the foolishness when I choose to embrace it!
Awww! Naughty little girl made me laugh out loud. A lot of people are stupid and hopeless but not all
Omg
This is the first time I've audibly screamed at a comment 🤣 naughty little girl? I'm logging out, see you tomorrow 😂😂
Not your cousin and a patient giving you their unsolicited opinions! I understand your struggle girl! I'm the darkest female in my immediate family and my hair gets tangled easily if not properly moisturized. When I overheard my grandmother call me the ugly one with bad hair to my mom I was devastated! It be your own family sometimes.
Not surprised about your cousin… it be our own people (male or female)… I notice yt ppl love looking at and touching our natural hair
Black men and old school black women be like “get a relaxer or weave”🥴🙄🤦🏽♀️
I remember unintentionally getting a big chop before my senior year in high school and dyed it red white boys were coming out the wood word calling me beautiful, pretty, lovely…they were just gassing my head up, I wish I wasn’t so pro black back then, I could have got myself a cute white boy😂🤦🏿♀️
I never wore locs but I think sister locs are definitely 'perceived' as the right type of locs for women, and if the person has an 'elegant' style, then it 'looks' more feminine
Traditional manicured locs too. Most people do not even know sisterlocs are locks until they say it is. I like the look of traditional manicured locs on women
I could make a mini series on how my skintone, body, sexuality and mannerisms are filtered through hairstyling. I know it's not me; I'm autistic & have maintained a pretty consistent sense of self. But by golly do our people need to release the shackles of self bondage + judgement on our own women. It's dangerous that hairstyling can affect the families we create, the jobs we can hold, the care we recieve and it's horrible that its still perpetrated within so many marginalized communities.
Oh cool I'm autistic too!
This!!!
Can you elaborate on the first sentence? That sounds extremely interesting but I don’t fully understand what you mean
Although I wear weave myself I have noticed how colorist the “conscious,” community can be, mainly the men. These “blackity black,” only & “deep,” men still had eyes for those women who fit more of a euro beauty standard.
hotep types love them some self-serving blackness!
They just cant shake it lol
Lol, listen to what they say BUT WATCH what they do. those types be compensating for something.
Those are the same that “coincidentally” always date light-skinned black/biracial women.
There has been occasions in which hoteps had practically screamed at my biracial cousin for identifying as a biracial woman. My cousin’s features are more aligned with her white father, so I found it interesting that she needed to only identify as being black, according to those men.
“Like no girl, I eat meat and I’m stiff” 😅
Thank you for talking about this! There is 100% a hierarchy! Just like when talking about colorism within the Black community. I’m glad more people are talking about this and doing the work to unlearn anti-Blackness and misogynoir within hair.
I can say within Muslim communities, looser/straighter hair types are more valued, even when you wear hijab. Like if you have braids or locs & they’re visible through the fabric of your scarf, people will comment inherently anti-black rhetoric stating that your hairstyle shouldn’t be visible and it’s like umm you can’t really hide braids from showing under your scarf. So I’m essence they’re saying you need to have straight/straightened hair styles…less visibly Black hairstyle. Smh.
yessss, I've heard this before. anti blackness is so global and effects every facet, its sad that there never seems to be escapes even within communities that can also marginalized. smh
Meanwhile I always envied women who wear a hijab… I’m christian but love dressing modest and would love to wear my hair covered without being disrespectful to the Muslim faith
@@APTTMHYforever Christian women veil too, I don’t think any Muslim would be offended if you chose to veil
Coming from a Muslim background myself, Ofc!
@@APTTMHYforever I agree! There’s so many different ways to wear hijab too! I’ve seen so many different beautiful styles, especially in West Africa 💕
It took me years to grow my 4a natural long hair. My hair is bra strap length but it shrinks to my shoulders. I had relaxed hair most of my life until I did the big chop. My hair use to be shoulder length, thin, and damaged. I didn’t want long hair until I did the big chop and was SHAMED for having short hair. It was mostly black people who shamed me and they assumed I couldn’t grow my hair when I chose to cut my hair. Anytime I got into an argument with a black person, they were quick to call me bald headed and one black man even compared me to Side Show Bob. After that, I did my research and spent years learning what products and routine works for my hair. Now my hair is long and I do like having long hair but to be honest I grew my hair long because I was bullied when I had short hair and I felt insecure and ashamed about it.
Gosh! Your story just tells me how awful ppl can be! That’s sad. I like really long hair (I think because it never gonna show since my hair is coily, cuz if it showed I would never let my hair be that long LOL) or really short hair but I don’t have a particular have a reason to why I like both. The only reason I haven’t cut it it’s because curly hair usually grows slower and I can’t make the hair grow longer if being bald/ having sort hair doesn’t suit me (I don’t have money either to buy wigs if I end up not liking being bald LOL). I would wear my natural hair but it tangles a lot and I hate tangles… but I’m sure people would looked at me like why is this person not in a psych-ward. Like ITS MY HAIR AND I WEAR IT LIKE I WANT TO. But because of prejudice, I would probably have gotten bully in school or now pressure to change it/straighten it. I hate people. And I also hate when ppl compliment my hair, cuz most of the time they do it it’s when it looks less curly… more proof of texturism (so I hate when ppl say that that doesn’t exists).
I had a "FRIEND" that would always call me a fucking baldy (pinche pelona) in Spanish as a joke. I also had another "FRIEND" that said my hair without product made me look like Side Show Bob. Fuck those people and their rude comments! We are beautiful no matter what our hair looks like
@@anikaevanson6578 FR!! We are!! And that was so fucking rude! My mom only complements my hair when it looks less curly so when it looks kinky/coily she’s like what did you do to your hair it needs moisture… it’s so annoying. 1) my hair it’s naturally dry so why fight it?!! 2) I didn’t do anything u are just used to seeing it after a braid out. 3) sometimes it’s moisturized it’s just that because it’s curly U don’t like it. Just say so. All this leads me to the her comments saying “ black woman need to not be ashamed of their hair” and I’m like “with ppl like you ma’m no thank you”. Cuz she’s the first one to comment it needs hydration. And even if she didn’t comment on that it’s ok as long as it’s not her children…. She’s so weird. I love her, but her hair comments drive me nuts…. My dad too say always says what a beautiful hair to me an my sister, then he only praises me, for having less curly hair than my sister (like if that was some kind of reward, I was born like this same as my sister, so don’t do it is not an achievement, plus if you are trying to complement us do it equally) Like what’s what with people???
@@SARAVANDEGIRL It's the back handed compliments for me. 🥲
@@anikaevanson6578 luckily you no longer have those kind of "friends".
Even as a man I feel a huge difference in how I'm treated. I've been growing my hair since 2020. I usually will do a wash-n-go and finger curls, but if I don't have time or I'm feeling lazy I just rock an afro. I feel like I get complimented more when my hair is done. People are friendlier. Strangers wanna talk to me more. It's across the board black, white, poc, etc.
Hmmm this
Yeah! I think the standards are different for men and women. I recently wore Cornrows and ppl treat me differently, but for good. Which it was a surprise. But I wore them for a short period of time, my hair looked long, I ’m not considered fat nor dark, etc I’m sure it would have been different if we change one of those variables (and I honestly think it was luck, cuz when I was young I had other experiences LOL)
Ps: also the area when one lives matter.
Sorry I know this is off topic but is that a drawing or filtered portrait in your pfp?
True. Some styles look unkempt
@@ineedhoez Like in the thumbnail. I call it the ran away slave look.
I live in Africa , and the last time I wore Bantu knots out , I had to come back home to comb out my hair because of the negative comments I got. Also , the other time I wore my Afro out to class and my lecturer asked me if I looked in the mirror before coming . The texturism over here is on another level . The only styles that most people accepts from us naturals are buns and puffs . You are considered dirty and lazy when your hair is in its natural state especially when you have 4c hair .
That’s insane because men here in US make it seem like only black American women hate their hair or face difficulties with it.
@@daniella8400 No Honey , it’s worse here in my part of Africa . I always take motivation and inspirations from Black American women with regards to my hair , because over here you will get very little encouragement.
@@anetteanamoaba879 that’s horrible but not surprising. A lot of Africans who move to US are very colorist and only date white men or women. One from told me that they feel their children have a better chance at life if they’re “mixed”.
@@anetteanamoaba879 I’m curious but feel free not to answer, what part of Africa do you live in?
@@emersyn444 Ghana
100% facts. When my hair is in long protective styles most everybody loves it. Now that i'm dreaded up people just gawk at me. When my hair was relaxed it was too short to be top tier desirable.
I’ve been bald, had long natural dreadlocks and everything in between. I have many stories about the way I’ve been treated based on my hairstyles. When I had locs I remember grabbing a piece of chicken at my office potluck and the sister behind me acted like she was appalled. “You eat chicken? I thought you were spiritual and vegan” she said. Mind you I never told anyone that and I’m sure I wasn’t giving off those vibes. With half a wing in my mouth, I said “Sis who told you that, please pass the ham”. I think she almost died. Also, I used to get comments all the time about how clean my locs were.If anyone reading this is guilty of saying this to people please stop because it is not a compliment. It’s like wtf! Do you expect them to be dirty.? Folks are a shady mess.
yup!! also with freeform locs I feel a pressure that I can't have a single thing in my locs because people automatically assume its going to be dirty. these backhanded compliments are so shitty.
Pass the ham!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
when i lived in italy i had box braids a lot and people loved them (i think because of the length i dunno) but i was in northern italy and it was soooo windy there so when i took my braids out i mostly had a slicked back bun but i’m me so i wore bows or scrunchies to match my outfits. but my white classmates kept begging me to let my hair out because they wanted to touch it it was so annoying. also when i had braids i had A LOT of questions of if i asked my hair. they were so confused that i was offended by this question. personally i do wash my hair with protective styles and touch up my braids. people turned up their noses at me like i was a ball of dirt and it made me feel so isolated especially since i was usually the only black person. i also wanted to say you’re so beautiful inside and out 🥺 your entire vibe is amazing and i love your eye makeup and butterfly clips 💗
Intersectionality is 100% the thing we need to talk about more. As a lighter completion black lady who also has natural hair I definitely notice this. Black men who "love that I'm natural" also make comments about my complexion... so I wonder how they would perceive me if I was dark brown-skinned like my mother. She has a totally different experience than I do.
Me Personally a few years ago and I think for a lot of people, they feel confronted with their own insecurities when they see the hair of people who choose not to assimilate into the “norm”.
It challenges them in a way that forces them to struggle mentally with things they haven’t unpacked yet. Kinda like cognitive dissonance. They know they are black (or non black) but don’t want to be reminded that they are black (or of what actual black hair looks like)
For example in Highschool I wore micro braids. This black Jamaican American boy said I should always wear microbraids. Looking back he genuinely could have liked the style but I believe he struggled with the thoughts he had towards what his mom naturally looked like. Aesthetically it was probably easier for him to be reminded less of his blackness or my blackness.
People who have strong preferences sometimes never really ask themselves WHY they have those preferences or where those preferences come from or if it’s rooted in learned self-hating deep down.
Wearing weave or wigs to me now is a form of delusion like wearing a mask to hid the real you. It could be positive if you use them as you would a head covering or negative because it’s use is rooted in shame.
How can you truly love yourself deep deep down if it requires SO MUCH manipulation to get yourself to a “loveable” or “acceptable” state.
Some times people confuse “taking pride in your appearance” with being desperate to do whatever it takes to be accepted by others.
I’ll admit that I prefer my natural hair stretched. I am afraid of ripping my hair out during a detangling session if I let it “do what it wants”. I also ask myself if less tangles are the real reason I like my hair stretched. I already know I probably have some very deep rooted beliefs that I haven’t unpacked as to why I’m afraid of letting my hair “do what it wants”. I’m just glad I’m at a place where I can actually ask myself that, rather then being so “put off” by someone else’s freedom.
This right here.. well said
Amen!!!! You are preaching. Reminds me of one day my auntie saw me with my Afro and she goes “You like it like that” And I said yes I love it. She gave me a stank face; she was rocking an Afro too and made that comment!
I think a lot of us internalized the messages we’ve received.
Yes I definitely think it’s the WHY that never gets talked about. People think they’re just born with certain “preferences” as if those very things haven’t been put on a pedestal for hundreds of years before their birth (fair skin, silky straight hair, etc). As a child I literally told myself and my family I gotta get me a white man so my kids hair isn’t bad like mine. It’s sad because that isn’t even always the case. Still though my mom and I didn’t recognize the internalized hatred even out of the mouth of a child.
This was so deep and so true. The anti blackness within the community has to stop
When I went natural in Uni, I had a short fro that I pushed back with those accessories, plus being super thin a double zero. I wore baby doll dresses, pattern leather Mary Janes & crop tops. Wh i t e guys came out of the woods, from under cars, down from trees. I always had dates and was treated like a baddie. Great experience.
Once my ultra thick 4C hair began growing out and I could blow it out and hot comb it, the b l a c k guys came around and I married my husband.
I still have my abuelitas hot comb it’s made out of steel. So you’re correct as always.
Not from under cars 😂
You should have gone white
@@tropicalstormxox9444 doesn't matter. Best man wins. Maybe she got a rare good one. Educated, humble, good job, non trauma bonding, spiritual and giving. If she didn't she will find out soon...statistically speaking
@@NoName-sp5dp Yikes @ a rare good one. That’s another conversation for another day.
@@NoName-sp5dp a rare good one who only got with her when she straightened her hair…? Idk if I’d called that good. Unless I misunderstood. But I’m sorry but I could never. Imagine you getting with a texturist and you happen to have a female child with natural hair. How will he see her as beautiful with her natural texture? That’s one thing I could not do. Get with a colourist/texturist guy.
You're right about the masculization of short locs. I see the brothers wearing their locs in styles that wouldn't be seen as "feminine" on sisters. As least, I don't see most selecting women who would wear these styles. Yet they'll complain that we hate ourselves for not letting liking our natural hair. There is a hierarchy for locs.
In Malawi it's standard for men to shave their heads. This way women's hair looks more feminine in comparison. Men with styles look very effeminate to me.
I think all short hair styles are attributed masculinity. If hair doesn't flow it is deemed masculine in western culture. We live in a culture of conformity and enforced beauty standards. Most ppl are superficial. We all have a decision to make about our appearance; a choice to conform or not care. I get more attention and better treatment with long hair, I think all women do. This doesn't stop me from shaving my head when I feel like it. If ppl don't like me "oh well."
I can def confirm the feeling of being somehow more privileged AND less privileged when you have locs. I have long manicured locs and I noticed that I am more favored but only by certain types of people. I def attract the type of men that are looking for their “Nubian-goddess-queen” or I attract white fem lesbians who see me as a stem or even a stud. The latter is disorienting bc everything about me screams fem. I guess me being tall and dark skin contributes to the unfeminizing/ungendering.
yuppppp!!!! the locs somehow become masclinzed! smh
Wow this is so interesting. For me as a tall dark skin stem, I notice that certain hairstyles I like, I often see on light skin stems/studs, but on me it makes me feel too far leaning towards masculine for me to be comfortable or feel like I have the balance I like. It’s interesting how light skin masc lesbians are able to maintain their femininity, practically no matter what they do. In a way, no matter how masc a light skin person is a perception of inherent femininity will always remain, but for a darker skinned person their masculinity is more readily perceived and legitimised.
@@simsthre4078 I identify with your comment so much. I’m always self conscious about looking fem enough especially on days when I’m just bumming around my neighborhood, running errands. I feel like I can’t just go out in jeans and a T-shirt without the risk of misconception. I envy white and light skinned women, who have the freedom to go out in casual cloths without a full face of makeup and still have their perception of femininity still in tact.
Yes the balance. Its literally a scale where everything on you & that you exude adds up on either the feminine or masculine side & whichever has the most points is how you will be percieved. W darkskin when its soft like glass skin type you get less of that masculine connotation.
I love 4C hair, iconic. To me it looks good in all styles and lengths. Usually thick and lush. Love your hair girl!
Just a reference in popular culture Doja Cat who is very vocal about her state of mind said this out loud, even though she is biracial she still doesn't have the "desirable" natual hair texture. I can't tell you the amount of red pill content creatures that say she's having a mental breakdown. I think she's just tired of people giving unsolicited opinions about her appearance.
edit: 😅 total freudian slip creator - creature
I saw a guy's video about her needing jesus because she was lost
And to prove his point, he compared 2 photos, one with a lace front and one with her short hair...
@@vmfjae1180 I sadly know exactly what you’re talking about 🤦♀️
I do think she needs therapy bc she’s going through some shit, I don’t know about the red pill opinions(I avoid channels ran by black men)
@@AntiHAES Right. Some videos have stupid reasons and I roll my eyes and move on. We cut our hair and all of a sudden it’s a mental problem 🙄 It made sense to me that she’d do that since all she wears is wigs as a performer. I think even Beyoncé keeps her hair short the few times it’s been shown.
I feel like my natural hair keeps the male gaze and exudes femininity but it tends to attract stâlkers. I wore my natural 4c in blown out Afro style and this white guy subtly followed me home on his bike. As I was walking up to the door he said you are so gorgeous and sped off lol😂 💕right before that a slightly older man in his car rolled down his windows to offer me a “ride😳”. Another guy at the airport begged me for my number when my 4c hair was in a ponytail and didn’t stop following me until I said yes. Another time I wore my natural hair in puffs in the middle of the woods (at our cottage) talking on the phone. I hadn’t noticed that a car parked on the street to watch me. When I looked up, it sped off. I didn’t even think my hair was good that day. I know this may sound strange but I truly think hair is sacred and when my Muslim friend first showed me her hair and told me that only family members and girl friends were allowed to see it, I no longer felt that wearing protective styles and extensions all the time were a bad thing because it’s protecting me from much more.
“i eat meat and im stiff” really resonated w me bc why do people equate having locs to being spiritual or think im here to align their chakras and cast spells??
I think it’s due to rastafari culture. They eat ‘ital’ (no salt, spices etc) and also tend to be vegan. I’m pretty sure that’s where it came from.
@@ayemad i completely get that but it’s such a Strong assumption to make. a lot of us are just here to experiment w our hair and figure out what works and looks best for us. but that does makes sense thank you
"align their chakras and cast spells?" LMAO.
But yeah, it's the really strong association with Rastafarianism. I can't think of another hair style that has such a strong association to a group/religion.
Can I tell you my experience as a child? And adult. This was in the 50s. My father's family would come to visit us. They lived out of town. They looked like White people. We were all Black. They would say, "Where are the children? My mother would line us up in front of them. They seem to love the ones that were of a light complexion. Then they would look at me and say," Thank God she got this (good-hair) because she is so dark! I remember other relatives, calling me ugly! So I never felt pretty. As time went on and my hair got longer n longer and people would say, " My you are so dark with that pretty hair"or good hair! That made me feel worse. I just wanted to be accepted as me. But I learned to not care how people see me. I like me, I'm good. Thank you
Regarding hair, I think women (maybe even men) are "viewed" as more attractive when they have a longer hair that frames the face...whether you're rocking locs, straight, natural, braids... Length matters the most
Yes, I think it's length rather than texture or even style. I don't think it's length for men, but having thick natural hair (of all races) and no bald spots.
@@toomuchinformation it's a bit of both. Short straight hair is not treated the same as long coily hair
And Marilyn Monroe was still seen as one of the most feminine woman in American history... and her hair was short too, no one looked at her like she unhealthy or less womanly. Just a thought 🥲
You absolutely bodied this content. Everything you said in this video is a true assessment of how society views short, kinky hair. I first went natural at 18 and I got the most hate from my family. To be transparent some of my immediate family like my mom, aunties and uncle and my grandma rest her soul all have loosely curly hair. My uncle went in on me about my hair and my grandma stood up for me, which was surprising but needed. I’m sick of people acting like people with kinky hair are unkept and ugly. I have microlocs now and rock them proudly!! Btw my 11 yr old daughter loves your makeup, and she also has locs.
aww im glad you grandma stood up for you, sometimes I've noticed that older generations can be accepting and understanding that we are just wanting to be ourselves. and tell your daughter I said thank you!!
As a teenager I dreamed of having short hair, cuz i wanted to be alternative, modern, ''not like other girls''.
What stopped me was one hairstylist: "girl imma tell you the truth, not everything is for everybody, short straight hair on white girls is a statement of beauty, confidence, modernity and superiority, on black girls is just tolerable, and you? poor thing, with that kinky head of yours you'll NOT get the attention you want".
I heard that only once, but it was traumatic.
Whitey sure did a number on black folk since slavery.✌️
It only bothered you because you believed it to be so already. She just confirmed. Please read the book the 4 agreements. Lol I literally just read that yesterday. That’s why I commented. I’m working on it too. Not taking anything that anyone else say personal. I’m a work in progress.
Well that sucks.
WHATS UP PEOPLE !!!???
@@noxhedge401 HELL YEAH!
I’m so grateful for this video! As a woman who changes protective styles monthly, I enjoy the feel of wearing different looks. However, I’ve always felt uneasy about meeting new people with said styles in, because I realize they maybe drawn to me for some feature that isn’t really mine… hard to explain, but it feels in some ways deceitful? Then I’m in a weird spot when I take my weave off and unveil hair no one expected (4C)
omg yesss I used to feel like this often! I remember worrying that someone wouldn't like me for my 'true self' / 'true hair' because it was changing often.
I’m 5’9 with a nice body and I have a nice face. When I was my skinniest, and I had a twa I was praised the most!!! That is when I’m personally the most beautiful. That’s just my experience. I have 4c hair.
No offense True….But the way you described yourself, People probably thought you were a model…If you are a strikingly beautiful black woman with 4C hair people think you’re a model…People say the same thing about my niece…She is a beautiful short fro woman with a confident walk…People lose their minds…Especially white people…The other day we walked past a black barber shop with a large front window…Brothers actually stepped outside, yelling “Stop queen, look at her man!”…My niece is smart and humble which makes her even more beautiful…I love her with all of my heart…
I'm tall and skinny also and when I had short natural hair I got lots of compliments cause people taught I was a model. So size also plays a factor.
...girl you are also skinny. People think you're a high fashion model with no hair. That's not the same as most black women that are not size 0-4
The butterfly clips are so pretty in your locs!!!💙💗
Great commentary as usual. I have locs myself. When people ask how do you wash it, I'm convinced they are under the impression that you can't get to your scalp because the hair is so thick.
The eye shadow is fire. Nice and clean. Reminds me of this colorful tool to draw that I use to want when I was little . I gotta find the name LOVE ITT
I remember that toooool! You are spot on! Thanks for that memory, Yah bless 💜💜✨
Your dreads are perfect
Speaking for myself (but I'm sure other black women experience this too) I can say that with my natural hair, it's *almost always* non black men that approach me/compliment my beauty.
She got that from "Coming to America," when they ask Eddie Murphy at the barbershop what does he use on his hair, and he says, "Just juices and berries."
I just looked up the meaning of your name and it fits so well. You definitely bring joy 😍😍😍
I just had an uncomfortable hair moment today when some dumb old German woman masculinized me because of my hairstyle. I have locs with both sides of my head shaved. Hairstyle has nothing to do with gender. Awhile back when I was trying to look "professional" to get jobs, I would wear a wig occasionally. I would immediately attract more attention from black men. It's disturbing and they were definitely not the type of men I would ever consider dating.
yeah its a mindfu*k, I also had that happen to me in Germany with my locs too smh. im sorry that happened
Why would you shave the sides of your head? That's defintely masculine.
@@AnastasiaLUVSU Lol. No it isn't. If it is, explain how it is. No hairstyle is inherently feminine or masculine. Cultures attach arbitrary traits to different things that aren't attached to physical sex.
This!!! People pretend that hair hierarchy doesn't exist even in Nigeria. I am constantly looked down on people because my hair is in twists 10 months out of 12 in a year. Then there's the people who tell me to wear more loose styles so i look more 'mature'. When i introduce myself as a curator at some art exhibitions, I can literally feel the thoughts in their hearts and the disbelief and it does mess with my confidence.
But WE MOOOVVEEEE!
What you said about the relating locs with spirituality is so on pointtt! 😂 It reminded me of the crazy stalker guy at Bogobiri. They are crazy
chiamaka! and its sad because your hair in this twists is actually the best/heathiest condition for your hair to be in but people would rather you sacrifice the health just to show 'beauty' and its ridiculous.
LOL!!!! I FORGOT THIS MEMORY. when he asked me if I was a witch but he seemed interested still lmaooo
A straight pixie cut is wayyyyy more acceptable than a twa like on Nia Long or Hale Berry, If they wore that same length but in a kinky state they wouldn’t have been seen as beautiful. Kinky hair isn’t celebrated until it is heavy and long. My hair is a loose curl and no one compliments my hair until it is waist length, even curly hair girls are expected to press our hair and it is not a covered look until it is very long. When I cut my hair in a bob I truly understood how many advantages my long hair gave me. My long hair gives me racial ambiguity and I never would’ve known about that privilege if I didn’t experience short hair. I live in a white community and with my short hair people always assumed I was a home cleaner or the nanny. Now that my hair is grown out men and women are treating me with more softness and respect. It’s hard to explain but it is very real, when my hair is long I get so much more respect and no one asks me rude questions. I look more like a belong in their world.
The Brillo pad comment hit me when I was 13 and started going natural told my mom no more to perming and I would be doing my hair myself! I have had soooo many styles but I do get a lot of respect having free form locs yet def when my locs would shrink in my mom would be like oh you look masc today haha right now I have pink free form locs which just happened not even 5 hours ago love your videos you’re so perfect to me and have been such inspiration to my own loc journey much love divine one! Thanks for hitting the nail on this one!
Anti-blackness and internalised self hatred are at the core of this. It takes a deep level of unlearning to overcome these things. Most people won't even acknowledge that they have these issues. We have a very long way to go.
very true!
Most people (black people) will not acknowledge they have these issues because, let’s be honest, a lot of black people do not see this as a bad thing. Or even, as an issue at all. A lot of things said and perpetuated by people in our community are taken in stride. We’ve still got grown men telling young black boys that they should go for snowbunnies/ Asian women because of how much nicer they are than black women. You think other races be encouraging their kids to go for a black girl because of how good they are? Nope. Black moms calling their little girl’s hair “hard” (for those in the Caribbean) or even just “n***a hair” (said by family etc) It’s tiring.
I think homeless BM and their unintentional free form locks has people thinking male, dirty, b l a c k, homeless.
In NYC they’re all over sleeping on the trains, the ground etc.
Same in San Francisco. Unfortunately, the majority of BM in San Francisco that I have seen were homeless...
It’s the same In Detroit, Chicago, Maryland any major urban City.
I got many nasty comments when I started my locs with like 2 inches of hair. Even my own family screwed their face up. Now my locs are almost waist length and people praise it. People don't like short 4c hair unless it's extremely manicured. I took a real professional risk starting locs in 20!0. I literally could have lost my job. 🤦🏽♀️. I will say men have run down the street to praise me as a goddess for having locs....it's respectful but they don't see you as someone they can ask for your phone number. When my hair was permed, men definitely would ask for my number
When I first went natural, I had short hair. For a while, I kept it short, like a caesar cut. I loved not having to be bothered with it, but at the same time, I noticed that I went overkill with the femme side of me. People that really liked it weren’t black. I think I was the one that thought I looked masculine. Is it just me, or does it feel like people look for reasons to label us as more masculine than other women?
Your channel is always so fucking refreshing.
The whole manicured locs thing is a topic on its own. You know that ticktock video that says "today I can have my hair looking all basic..." and then we see a lady who has locs that hasn't been retwisted in a while, and then when the part of "proper hotness", is said, her locs is transformed to manicured locs, I find that offensive to people who freeform.
yup!! thats hella content as well and they dont even think about what kind of messaging that sends
My hair is 4b. My hair has been relaxed, natural, & Ive had locs for four years. I get treated pretty much the same no matter what style that I wear my hair. I just walk out my house with my head held high.
I get more attention when I have colorful box braids, faux locs and long weaves that pass my back. I noticed I get more compliments from WM or WW only when I have my hair styled a certain way they really love certain hairstyles and different braids styles. 😅 . 😮😮 😅 but as soon as I’m natural with my little Afro puff or twist out the only compliments I get is from the natural hair sista”s. As much as I do love getting compliments and wearing certain hairstyles to please others and myself .., it just be overwhelming. The older I get the less I care of what people think of me and now I’m on my starter Loc journey and I never been soo happy and free 😅😮😂🎉❤
aww im happy you've decided to start your journey!
This is so true. I wore straight or loose curly weaves for years. I work in corporate America and when I came back from vacation with braids I was told by people I worked with for years and thought of as friends that they did not like my hair. I shortly after that did a big chop amd wore my hair natural and people stopped talking to me. Since being natural I am basically ignored. Dispite this I would never go back to wearing weaves however. I love being free
When I first cut my hair to be my natural self my dad literally said ..” you’re not African “
Emotional damage to the fullest
Whoa....
That is so ugly.
@qb4312 I’m sorry you had to go through that . ignorance 🙄
What are you doing?!!!! Every time you post , you are just glowing. And the hair has everything to do with it. Love it.
Locs are definitely masculinized. People think stud and locs go hand in hand.
Right lol this lady was hitting on me and said I was a fine stud.....I said maam... ma'am... married to a man with 2 kids I'm not gay..smh 😂
Bruh this pissed me off so much when a white lesbian said I looked more feminine after I cut my locs and got some braids. I was like wtf. Nothing wrong with masc presenting but im definitely not. So I was like okay…this must be a stereotype ?
I loveeeeeeee fems with locs omg im growing them i hate how it’s masculinized
Happy to see someone talking about this! I have looser curls so I can't relate to the topic but I've been trying to explain to my biracial mother who also has loose curls the privilege that comes with having 3c hair. This really inspires me to discuss the differences in experiences between people with kinkier textures and people with looser textures. Would love to make a response video to yours that supports what you're saying because I've definitely been treated differently from other Black women who have tighter curls. Someone even told me once that I didn't have "Black hair" because they associate "Black hair" with kinkier textures. It's definitely texturism and I would love to help amplify other Black women's voices who experience texturism
When I have straight hair, (weave) every guy under the Sun will try to get with me. When I have my nappy hair out, depending, usually white guys will not try to get with me, but those are the ones who will give me the most compliments.
I had 360waves back in high school and everyone loved my hair back then. I would often catch people staring at my head in amazement, it was crazy. Then I had freeform locs for a little over 2 years, and the level of push-back I received was unbelievable. My parents, siblings, uncles, damn near everyone absolutely hated my hair. I received the most push-back from black people of the older generations.
I've since cut those locs and I"m currently a few months into my third journey, hoping I last a bit longer this time around. Even if I cut my current set of locs, I have a feeling I'll keep coming back for more.
I feel like I’ve kind of internalized peoples reactions to my hair to the point where I feel the most “done up” when my hair is straight and I get literal ANXIETY whenever I have to leave the house with my natural hair. It’s so hard for your confidence to stay high when everyone is looking at you as if you were an alien. It f-ing sucks
yup I remember that feeling so vividly, its really difficult and people are forcing you to keep your head high and act positive when you kno on the inside youre feeling something different
@@mayowasworld 1000%. I’ve been working on not caring what others think & 2 feel secure in myself though therapy. One of the few times where I’ve felt relief in my appearance is when I do things that don’t completely focus on my appearance.
And focusing on the idea that my appearance only makes a small percentage of who I truly am, helps.
I’ve been finding comfort in discovering more positive aspects of my personality through doing things like volunteering, giving into my creativity, and working.
I hope to get to a point where I am fully secure in myself and don’t care about other peoples reactions to how I look or act... besides a lot of people are just projecting anyway 😂
But yeah, thanks for responding. Been watching you for a while and you’re videos are always so thought provoking. It feels nice to share the same views & experiences with the people I watch on TH-cam. Thanks for sharing ♥️
Thank you for filling my timeline with something more positive than the Takeoff story.
I feel like this applies to the white community as well (maybe not to the extent but still). I have a friend who has very curly frizzy blonde hair. The kids in school were bullying her everyday calling her a poodle or tumble weed. Then when she was 16 years old, one day she straightened her hair. She went from being bullied to being seen as beautiful overnight. I myself have straight hair but I'm a brunette. One time I bleached my hair blonde and people that never payed me attention all of a sudden wanted to talk to me. There definitely is hair hyrarchy and most people approach you just because you fit into their narrow type.
I think it all plays into the same white supremacist shit, you know what I mean? The idea of having straight, blonde hair as some kind of expectation of what a "white woman" should look like, in opposition to anything that makes you look less white/ethnic.
Yeah, I noticed this in the white community when I was growing up...Chrissy vs Janet on Three's Company, Farrah Fawcett vs the other Charlie's Angels, the Pamela Anderson's, Marilyn Monroe's, there's actresses who got more acting roles & became more popular when they dyed their hair blonde, the 'blondes have more fun' rhetoric. It's sad, and it still goes on to this day, but maybe it's not as bad.
Well this is a disease the black community adopted from the white community via colonialism. It's everwhere now. But
We deserve to be comfortable in our hair and skin.
Love your content, great video! I chopped my hair off about a month ago for health reasons and have been fighting the temptation to get a wig or fight through a "protective style" that will actually just break my hair off. I am rocking my TWA with pride and I refuse to turn back. I am going to make it work with every outfit and occasion 🤗
I wore a weave once. never again. I look a hot mess with a perm. my hair is too fine for straight looks. I did yarn twists a few times.
Most of the time I wear my kinky 4c hair with a bit of kink (Bantu knot outs) men of all types and ethnicity approach me. I have a "don't give a damn" vibe with a rhythm in my walk and a shine in my eye. racism is real. self hate is real. it's all unfair and debilitating.
but it's mostly how you carry yourself. how you move in the world. my mom says I don't walk I glide. love your body, your presence. men will gravitate to you and not know why.
study those Pam Grier movies or anything from the 70s. that 70s vibe we had then was irresistible ...all shades of skin and texture of hair was immaculate. our black is still beautiful. we just forgot.
Other -isms play into texturism as well, colorism and feature-ism.
With my natural short 4c hair (but because I'm lighter skinned, tall, and slim) I usually get the "woke" "hotep" brothers to approach me.
They would say they want a natural "sister" but in MY mind, they just desire a black woman that still fits eurocentric /desirability tropes but in proximity to afro-centric features. Cause I would notice my darker skin, or plus size women female friends literally have the same hair type as me and they would be deemed "unattractive" or "not my type" and i just couldnt fuck with that.
Even with locs, the light skin girls that look like lisa bonet and zoe kravits (with their looser/soft locs) were praised and seemed more soft and feminine but a dark skin girl with locs, not the same. It was sooo annoying!!!
🎯
You're such a breath of fresh air.💕💕
‘I eat meat and I’m stiff’ ~ that’s what she said 😁😌 This channel is the best
Straight hair is definitely a mixed bag. I have 3b/c to 4a hair and my mom always compliments me on how “good” my hair is. God love her, she means no harm that is just how she was raised during her time (she was born in the 50s for reference) but when someone comments that it makes me uncomfortable.
I have a different experience. I have type 4 natural hair and when I big chopped, my hair was so short that my scalp was visible. I was very self conscious about leaving the house when I initially cut my hair but when I said I have never experienced more compliments from such a diverse group of people…. Never! I wear mostly weave now - long and kinky straight, I wear faux locs as well and nothing compares to the reaction I receive when I wear my natural hair. I believe there are more factors that play into this than hair… I believe location, overall appearance, confidence, etc plays more into this than hair itself. Just my experience
As always you're my favorite person to tackle texturism! I love that you emphasize on how length really impacts the perception too as this is often not mentioned. I would say that length actually disproportionately affects the kinkier the hair is. A 3b girlie with short hair will still be seen as cute but a short 4c girlie? Hell when my 4c hair was short my father which never got involved in anything related beauty would advice me to shave it! They really hate to see this short 4c strands.
I had my hair relaxed since I was in kindergarten! When I was 18 I finally did the big chop. I was so happy, my hair was finally thriving until I got a job at a “Walk On’s” restaurant in Texas.
Immediately they stated we couldn’t have braids, wear our hair up, and our hair was supposed to be glamorous every day. I cannot make this up!! We were sitting in the orientation and this girl with gorgeous goddess braids that she had just got done was like whatttt… and they literally pushed this girl to get her braids that she had just got done taken out. Our first day she came back with a wig. So I had just gotten comfortable with my little fro and they pretty much pressured me to get weave again. All this is so true. Folks over there acted a whole lot different when I came back with long straight hair.
I feel it all affects our chances of being in long term romantic relationships. Nowadays it feels like I have to appear in this performative, Eurocentric beauty standard to make them higher but I’m too lazy for that.
Even with protective styles, I feel it has to be “feminine” to be received better but I gave up on that a year ago.
Like why can’t I be seen as such just because I’m a woman?
It’s mad lame. The fact that our desirability can change from 100 to none because of our natural selves.
Not only that is time consuming and expensive to keep up with but it’s unhealthy physically which is why I just stop trying altogether.
My hair and skin health is way more important than whether someone finds me beautiful or not or trying to prove that I could be.
I wish I could be as brave as you… a man that I dated years ago was like “all of that” meaning wigs/weaves, long nails, etc is not who you really are. He was absolutely right!
He ended up having issues though so we didn’t work out😂 but he was the first high earner, established educated black man (other than my father) who saw beyond the eurocentric hairstyles
@@APTTMHYforever trust me, it’s been a slow progress lol I wish there was a lot more that truly was attracted to our natural selves. You can still do it!
I think radical feminism has helped me see myself without the overall male gaze or Eurocentric perspective.
Like basically how would I show up without those patriarchal influences and I go from there. I struggle subconsciously sometimes but when I do, I remind myself that my health and my well being matters more than those I want validation from.
Take your time!
If it affects us being in long-term relationships, that’s a problem. The odds are already stacked against black women because of the least married statistics. It is human nature to want to create families and continue their gene pool. In order to do that, we must appeal to our preferred gender.
When you think about it, almost all women drastically alter themselves in some way. Women get perms for curly hair, relaxers for straight hair, tans, waxing, makeup, nails, and to the extremes; surgery.
Women with naturally straight, but very frizzy hair does not wear it like that. They use serums to make it look sleek. Some kinky haired women stretch their hair into styles and wear braids. Some men may feel a woman is lazy or not take pride in her appearance if she just rolls out of bed and not do anything to her hair.
@@daydream2609 definitely, it is human to do those things to attract the opposite sex. I just feel these standards forced us into an ultimatum of either doing those things most likely at our own expense and increase the chances of attracting a partner or not conform to that Eurocentric or patriarchal standard of femininity and possibly be invisible when men aren’t held to it and can be as they are without it affecting their chances. . Yes it’s human nature to want to do these things but it doesn’t hurt to challenge why these specific things appeal to them and why does it affect our livelihoods more than our other counterparts.
Im not talking about basic grooming, just why is much required of us aesthetically to a point where it becomes physically unhealthy to be seen as human and as love interests.
Of course, we shouldn’t roll out of bed and just walk out of the door but we should be able to show up in things that are just as comfortable as it’s flattering while also true to ourselves.
What’s really human nature and what are the parts we are socialized to find attractive? Because we are told all of it is biology to discourage questioning that.
Same here sis my focus is inner work
I have had the same experience with my freeform locs. Espically in the work pace doing a front desk security job where it wasn't allowed, but I was like hey until the fire me up still going to continue rocking my short freeform locs. But I definitely did have people call my hair nappy or say your hair isn't going to grow into long locs because like you said most people can't understand or see the end result when it comes to short freeform locs. 5 years in and it's at length of yours and I get so much compliments, more so from strangers on the street then my own family/friends. Not to say I need any validation but the good ones I still appreciate nontheless. And one question I still get asked is, what do you plan to do with your hair? Continue to grow it. This isn't a hairstyle to me it's a lifestyle. My hair will forever continue to grow with me until I pass on from this earthly realm. Great video btw it's been a while watching your videos, hope to run into you one day if you still live out in the A.
You look very beautiful today - love how pretty and full your hair looks too! xxx
thank you!
I remember back in school having the majority of the black boys saying that they didn't like my hair as it needed to be done (permed) because natural was just "not done". Especially at the short phase and oddly enough most of the questions and judgment were from men of color. Trust me if I had a dollar for every time anyone man, woman or child alluded to my hair being dirty I'd be rich. How do I wash it? I always ask well how do you wash yours? And when they answer I'd say "wow me too" 🙄 now everyone wants to touch it and see what it feel like. Now come on is it dirty or clean enough u just can't resist?? Make ya mind up lol
Omo black women dey see shege o. I saw a girl very dark skin with natural straight hair (yeah it's quite common with fulani)..the way people were touching her like she wasn't even a human being. The disturbing thing is they were all black people. It was scary.
I didn't know this was a conversation that needed to be had, I change my hair a lot and the treatment IS different. I just didn't see it being directly attributed to how my hair is at that time I just saw it as me trying a different look. Being a black dark skinned girl in South Africa is a struggle on its own, there is a hierarchy according to hair yes but only when you decide to cut your hair or do dreads does it fully come to light. The questions are crazy but it just wasn't clicking to me that it was my hair that added another layer to the surface.
When I first started my natural hair journey I cut my relaxed hair completely off. I only had about an inch left. Guys would just look at me like 👀.
I think you look most beautiful with your freeform locs.
NAPPY 😍🤩 HAIR 😍🤩 ROCKS!🤩😍
Huge difference in how strangers treat you depending on how you're wearing your hair. You can run into someone that was rude towards you while wearing hair one way. Same person months later not recognizing you will become a whole different person with a different style.
You can get the worst or best customer service at same place base on showing up with certain hair also weight is a huge factor plus type of clothes you're wearing. And people wonder why ladies stress so much over their appearance the smallest change can make or breck you.
"No girl, I eat meat and I'm stiff." I just started cracking up. I love your energy girl you are direct and hilarious! 🥰💖
There are a bunch of actors with TWA's who work a lot in film and TV. Short afros ARE pretty much accepted because they've been around since the 60's, compared to twists, braids, and other protective styles.
They might be accepted in the entertainment industry or for actors but not outside of that. I've cut my hair off 5 times in my life. Twice with a relaxer and three times natural. Safe to say I got so much love with the pixie cut, from strangers to family. Now if we're talking about the twa, the only people that liked it were my immediate family and my best friend. My dad would tell me I looked just like my mom during the 70's, I loved hearing that. But as soon as I stepped outside, I would get called Sir, or people thought I was a lesbian. I once had someone tell me that I should stay inside with my hair that way. TWA's are only accepted if you have a certain type of hair or "look".
I used to be in entertainment and a lot of the reason short twa’s are favoured is because hairstylists pretty much don’t know how to work with long kinky hair. I was literally told to get a wig or go short. I got a wig but no longer in the industry so wear my hair natural most times.
So the model/ actor girlies are either weaved up or TWAs very rare to see big haired black women on TV. The only unambiguously black actress who wears natural/ natural adjacent hairstyles I can think of is Issa Rae. And that might be because she’s also producing the work. Let me know if other examples!
I totally get the confidence thing. People always complimented my hair for being thick, but it used to be such a big deal when I wore it straight. To the point where I was looking for a ways to make it straighter than straight for life! If I use product to contain the poof, I have loose curls in front, but it's a bit kinky in the back. When I buzz cut it, I started putting so much effort into dressing and acting feminine. I got box braids once and loved the convenience of it so much, I decided to loc. I brushed my locs out last year and felt like Samson with a haircut - when my locs got long I felt more confident than ever and having to deal with my loose hair again after that just wasn't the same. I don't wanna call it the ugly stage, but that first year is so awkward and I'm so glad to be past it! Last time I tried to make my locs as straight as possible and this time I did the parting myself and am giving them more free reign. It's a very slow process, but I'm gradually getting more comfortable with letting my hair be itself.
To mention this your channel is definitely what made me embrace free forms and try them for myself I think it has been mostly an interesting experience my hair doesn't get complimented as much as it used to I'm content with that but I feel stability in my hair having it in a short free form very coily state there are times I look at it and it feels beautiful and defined in its own way. My mom has mentioned the whole what are you going to do with your hair thing. I have yet to receive some negative ones but I know they are out there for sure. But there was this one white woman from Dollar tree who saw my hair with pins in it and she said my greasy hair could never and I noticed at that moment people like when we don't all look the same. Once again thank you for your channel and kind words and setting the stage for embracing free forms for me it's one of the best things I have done for myself.
Also I got misgendered intentionally and unintentionally so I relate to that a lot.
The short kinky hair association with childhood is true.
“I eat meat and I’m stiff” 😂 I’ve had some similar experiences with my hair. I cut my locs off when I was like 12 after having them for 3 years because I couldn’t take the antiblackness I was experiencing (didn’t unpack that until many years later.) More recently it’s been light skin friends with straightened or loose curly hair asking if I’m going to “do something” to my hair. And my texture is like 4a/b which I consider somewhat manageable with the right technique and products.
Mayowa aside from being brilliant, you're one of the most beautiful and sparkly people ive seen on this Godforsaken platform. from your striking eyes and gorgeous features to your stunning hair to your accessories, the makeup and colours you choose to wear and just your whole vibe!! thank you for the content you create and i look fwd to being more financially stable so i can support your patreon and pay you for your work!
I am glad you are talking about this topic. You spoke of EVERY hairstyle that a Black femme goes through and has. The grace you gave and the language you used throughout the video, you are a gem💎💎💎. I have read comments online, and people talk about Black women's hair without nuances or grace. I wear kinky straight or water wave wigs and my natural 4c+ hair, and I have received various comments similar to the hierarchy you described.
aww thank you for writing this! this makes me feel good, im happy you connected with this and the language. and yeah I try to be understanding because I've been there and know a lot of what we do is for survival
So mesmerized by your eye makeup, it looks like a second set of peering eyes and I’m obsessed with it
I definitely got more attention with box braids, head wraps, or just really stretched hair with a braid out pattern. The men that like natural girlies love saying you look like Erykah Badu but they usually prefer long stretched 4c hair & loose curls. I haven't had straight hair as an adult because I think it looks weird on me.
I always look forward to hearing your perspective on things because usually it’s spot on. The natural beauty, grace, femininity and hard truth with which you “unpack” is so needed in this world. And I thank you. I know it’s not easy but I believe you are a revolutionary, a beacon of light for all the little black girls to hear amongst this abusive noise so readily available. And us big ones too lol. Ty!❤
I can definitely say that I agree. The way I was treated with straight hair by men and just the outside in general was completely different than when I had my fro or even braids.
And one of the reasons I decided on locs was cos I was tired of constantly feeling like I needed to manipulate my natural hair. Lots and lots of people tried to dissuade me from going natural and getting locs. Yes, it was something I needed to grapple with and the idea that we as black women change our hair regularly, we are known for it.
Getting locs was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself. No regrets and I don’t ever see myself without locs.
I also like that my grid isn’t completely perfect. (No shade to the “crispy part” girlies) but I love that my grid isn’t super neat and perfect and I love that when my hair grows out. I wait 2 months… sometimes longer before getting my hair retied. I love having the ability to love my hair exactly how and where it is. Locs truly were freedom for me.
I agree with you!! and im laughing at the crispy part girlies!! LMAOOO and our journeys is similar as to why we went to locs because changing so much is exhausting. thanks for writing this
The infantilization of short kinky hair is soo true!!!!!!!!! its ridiculous !!!!!
I had this man approach me in Walmart asking me if I want the number to his loc stylist! I was like no … I didn’t know if it was shady or genuine bc we were having a convo about locs (his were manicured, mine weren’t)
You’re absolutely right all throughout college I wore my natural hair. I had a TWA, and I swear to God all day long I was a Nubian Queen, but I had to let them know no, sir I am not. I am a commoner.😂
lmaoo!! I am a peasant!
@@mayowasworld haha 😂
I'm Jamaican, living in Jamaica. I have locs. If I go three washes without a retwist it looks semi freeformed. When I'm ready to go out or I'm at work I'm asked what am I'm going to do with my hair. I'm like, it's already done😂.