This song was how I felt when I was younger. It took me quite a while to get where I am today. But now it's only a couple of days here and there when I think, "I'm trying to be happy." Depression is like a charming monster always trying to trick you into letting it in. But it's a worthwhile battle to fight against it. Because that monster lies, always. And it lies to make you feel unworthy. Once you realize your worth and know you're a special person, it's easier to shut that monster out. I hope that Lily knows her worth. She's an amazingly talented singer, songwriter, voice actor, content creator, and musician, among other things. And her value is immeasurable.
Lily’s comfi beats have helped me whenever I need them. Whether sad or cheerful they’re always comfy🙂 That paper makes me think it might be a bittersweet song though
@RunawayLittlePrince I listen to her songs not because she makes the song interesting by being in it, Lily's songs can stand alone even if people don't know her
@RunawayLittlePrince I actually found lily bc of her music. It was really calming to listen to at night and studying, then I started getting into her irl videos and gaming streams!
For those who want to sing along 🎶 Here is your mic 🎤 ''I want to stay inside forever In that worn out yellow sweater The warmth I used to feel is still there Heavy signs like clouds, surround me Why do they feel so lonely? I can't pretend to care I'm trying to be happy I'm trying to find a way in this unrelenting world Where I promised that I would stay I'll figure it out then you'll see I'm everything I ever claimed to be Smile through the dark, to the sky, laugh away Never thought I'd put my phone down Suffocating in a bubble, who's wearing the crown? Everyone's looking for the next big thing While I'm still so lost in a closing ring of faces The shameless (a sad mess) constantly walking an endless Road to the moon, to the stars And they hope to God you get far An eternity's too long to stay on the stage When will I turn the next page? Let me stay inside forever In that worn out yellow sweater When will the colors fade? This pretty, pretty palette of dull shades What's the definition of a good friend? It's hard to tell in this mad race to the end Can I live so unafraid? I'm trying to be happy I'm trying to find a way in this unrelenting world Where I promised that I would stay I'll figure it out then you'll see I'm everything I ever claimed to be Smile through the dark, to the sky, laugh away I'm trying to be happy (happy happy... ) ''
Is it offensive to an artist to say that I prefer one song over another? or that I don't like one song very much? I think this song is great! I wasn't as big of a fan of "not too late" it seemed a little too on the nose imho. Dreamy Night continues to be my favourite for the time being, Last Cup of Coffee is a close second. hopefully you continue to put out amazing music that you are proud of and I will find a new favourite.
Personally i don't think it should be offensive to prefer one song to another. Everyone has preferences and will gather different meanings from their view of the art. I'm pretty sure that's one of the greatest things about art is being able to find your own preference/meaning from one single item. On top of that you aren't being rude about it either. To me it's opposite for me. I much prefer "not too late" over "happy" because not too late hold much more relevance to my personal life. Happy is a good song but it just doesn't trigger my emotions as much.
@@Nanoqtran exactly this, our personal experiences influence our taste and opinions! art is subjective, and that should be celebrated, not taken as offensive
I agree. Dreamy night is definitely top for me and it would be hard for lily to do better than that. I like last cup of coffee but I literally cannot listen to it without beginning to cry, it kind of just reminds me that it’s gonna be over one day.
cried for the first time in months after starting antidepressants. this song was strong enough to fight a literal drug to make me feel better lily has helped me push through middle school, high school, and college and helped me escape my hellhole of life. seeing her still trapped while she helped me escape is so bittersweet Her league parody "I'm quitting league" was one of the earliest songs that still hold my emotions of the past while this one is horrifically nostalgic of the times where I felt hopeless. I hope you escape as I have Lily. ❤❤
This is an oddly specific detail to focus on, but I LOVE THOSE VOCAL HARMONIES!!!!!! Lily has clearly figured out her own style, and those harmonies have appeared in pretty much every song since Dreamy Night, and they sound so great! I’m pretty sure I’m hearing minor thirds above the melody, and I have no idea if that’s a common harmony to use in vocals, but it adds so much to Lily’s music!!! Tbh, I feel like the core of Lily’s sound is the harmonies and chords she uses, and I love it!!
THE SONG IS AMAZING!!!!!! I love how all of lily's songs have deep meanings, but are sung w such a soft voice. I can't wait for the next drop, but until then, this will be on repeat!
I’ve been watching lily for like 3-4 years now and I wanted to say, I play her music and drift into another dimension, and she is one of the only streamers I watch, thank you so much for doing what you do and making your music and making your TH-cam videos and streaming❤️
Premiere: So excited for this, already listed to this at Spotify and TH-cam music (idk why it's already released their but) really enjoy the song. It makes me feel a mix of sad and comfy vibes that gave shivers to my heart
I'm going through hell right now, going to a bone marrow biopsy in like 30 minutes I'll have time to listen to this on the way I'm really emotional and scared about it lily I love your music it has helped me a lot during hard times Love everyone in this community Edit: I am out the procedure it wasn't that bad just now it's about waiting for the results, thank you for the support, it means more than I can say. Edit 2. No malignancies found, thanks everyone again so much. 💜
Just a heads up that if they do another bone marrow aspiration in the same spot later on (I had to as a leukemia patient) please be mindful that it hurts a lot more when a spot is re-accessed. I had a really bad time when they did it to me because I let my guard down.
The highly anticipated release! Your videos have brought me a lot if happiness and entertainment. I am just, of course, an internet stranger but from one human to another I hope you are happy.
I will use this song to cheer up a person that I really cares about. I care about her so much. She has been through a lot, and is feeling the loneliness of this world tonight. We are very far apart geologically. I wish she can feel my warmth when listening to this song.
Cant wait to be sad again, last song was amazing but made sad as hell, guessing this'll be the same ;) Jokes aside super proud of lily for how far she's come, she truly talented!
I remember losing my mind in June because I heard this song in a video and was trying to figure out why I couldn't find the TH-cam version of it after constantly googling "Lilypichu Heavy sighs like clouds surround me why do they feel so lonely I can't pretend to care I'm trying to be happy", I'm glad to see it's finally here!
man i’m realizing what makes this piece so amazing. It’s all of the background noise and synths it’s incredible. Her voice carried with the flow makes it gives you the jitters. Jeez Lily what a masterpiece.
Lilypichu is genuinely in her music. It’s great that she’s also a streamer because she can release music when she feels ready to do so. I love her music, it’s so relatable and comfy. Her music conveys her honesty. ❤️
This song gives me chills! The bassline during the chorus is incredible and Lily's singing and compositions are always so emotional. 10/10 from a metalhead!
Came across this song a couple days ago. I've been going through some rough times and listening to this a lot. Not everybody understands having to try this hard to be happy, so this resonates with me. But the song and the visuals make me feel hopeful that my trying can pay off.
I heard part of this song at the end of one of her intros. I tried to find it and when I couldn't I assumed I had to wait. I waited for 8 months... I forgot all about it honestly until I saw her concert video. I can't stop replaying it. It's such a good song. 10/10
When I heard the song, I knew it was gonna be stuck on my head and now it is 😩 the lyrics, the rap,, its everything!! thank u for making another masterpiece queen 🥺💗💗
the composition on this was incredible; every time the bassline would swell i'd feel chills move from my head down my entire body. absolutely fantastic work.
I've been following you for 10 years, Lily. The transformation you've gone through as a human being is wonderful and gives me hope. Keep on fighting the good fight.
There's a lot of lyrical complexity to this one. Like you would expect the message to be simple, but it's not at all in a really, really good way. Beautiful song, and the animations are great too!
I am not exaggerating when I say that play this song after every huge exam I take. It instantly lifts up my mood after bombing an organic chemistry test. Thank you, Lily ❤😊
Oh gosh. This is my in the start of the year trying to be happy (tho you will probably see me in my worst state in november) even with my depression. Great song, great draws, great voice.
I’ve been listening to this since release, but just now I really thought about the lyrics and imagined them and… it drove me to tears. Thank you lily, this song is truly beautiful 💜
OMG, LILY!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST!! I'm a grown man myself, but your music and wibe just hugs my soul! Thank you SO much for your work! Keep following your Dreams! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ More comments = more love for Lily!
Geebus, Lily! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! AAGGHHHHH!!! Every single second in this MV gives me intense chills! Will definitely go to your concert if you have one here in the ass weather i mean Philippines.
been struggling these past few weeks and this really encapsulates how i’ve been coping with what i’ve been going through, i can already tell that this will be my new comfort song that will constantly be on loop 🤍 thank you lily
putting this song on LOOP dear god it's so good!! everyone who worked on this did such a great job!! now i can finally sing the entire song whenever i hear it in an outro
All her songs have been the soundtrack to my life, excited to see all she has planned in the future and so proud of all she has done so far. She deserves all this hype and so much more
Ironically this song truly makes me feel like we should "relish" in our dark emotions besides happiness so hard. A lot of us are trying to be happy, and cannot do it easily for different reasons, some of us can't help feeling sad, depressed, or are facing hardships keeping us from it. But that's okay. We will all be alright, we are all walking on this journey together. Thank you Lily for helping us stay comfy through these inevitable moments and walking along with us! ⭐
I've been doing really bad and horrible things towards other people for 2 years now and I want to be better but I always went back listening to your music would always calm me and help me to stop myself from saying things that could hurt other people it makes me think about myself and how I would feel and oddly what I want to do and be I'm still very young only 13 and I'm fully disgusted with myself and believe I can do better Thank You.
![Selen Tatsuki SONG - "T0xiC" | Kiyoriiku [NIJISANJI EN]](/img/n.gif)
She wasn't joking when she said she turns her depression into songs... and damn she's good at it. Banger song like always. Worth all the wait
Like how Michael turns crackhead energy into code.
Indeed
This song was how I felt when I was younger. It took me quite a while to get where I am today. But now it's only a couple of days here and there when I think, "I'm trying to be happy." Depression is like a charming monster always trying to trick you into letting it in. But it's a worthwhile battle to fight against it. Because that monster lies, always. And it lies to make you feel unworthy. Once you realize your worth and know you're a special person, it's easier to shut that monster out.
I hope that Lily knows her worth. She's an amazingly talented singer, songwriter, voice actor, content creator, and musician, among other things. And her value is immeasurable.
@@LK-3000 ;-;
@@comfibeats :}
THE SONG THE LYRICS THE MV ANIMATION CHEFS KISSES
Are you that asian guy who streams
WOOOOOO ATSUUUUUUQKTRDXC
ATSU
Ayy genshun guy
Atsu?!
Lily’s comfi beats have helped me whenever I need them. Whether sad or cheerful they’re always comfy🙂 That paper makes me think it might be a bittersweet song though
SAMW
same
realism
I saw the paper smile mask in the image and knew this song was for me.
Lily hasn't dropped a single bad song imo. it's crazy
i haven’t hit a single nae nae
@RunawayLittlePrince I listen to her songs not because she makes the song interesting by being in it, Lily's songs can stand alone even if people don't know her
@RunawayLittlePrince i’ve never watched any of lily’s content and i love all her music 🙂
@RunawayLittlePrince I actually found lily bc of her music. It was really calming to listen to at night and studying, then I started getting into her irl videos and gaming streams!
@@emnersonn dang that's devastating
❤❤❤❤ this song is so beautiful
hi wondy
true
i think wondy singing this song would fit so perfect and be so beautiful too✨
yes
hi wondy
For those who want to sing along 🎶
Here is your mic 🎤
''I want to stay inside forever
In that worn out yellow sweater
The warmth I used to feel is still there
Heavy signs like clouds, surround me
Why do they feel so lonely?
I can't pretend to care
I'm trying to be happy
I'm trying to find a way in this unrelenting world
Where I promised that I would stay
I'll figure it out then you'll see
I'm everything I ever claimed to be
Smile through the dark, to the sky, laugh away
Never thought I'd put my phone down
Suffocating in a bubble, who's wearing the crown?
Everyone's looking for the next big thing
While I'm still so lost in a closing ring of faces
The shameless (a sad mess) constantly walking an endless
Road to the moon, to the stars
And they hope to God you get far
An eternity's too long to stay on the stage
When will I turn the next page?
Let me stay inside forever
In that worn out yellow sweater
When will the colors fade?
This pretty, pretty palette of dull shades
What's the definition of a good friend?
It's hard to tell in this mad race to the end
Can I live so unafraid?
I'm trying to be happy
I'm trying to find a way in this unrelenting world
Where I promised that I would stay
I'll figure it out then you'll see
I'm everything I ever claimed to be
Smile through the dark, to the sky, laugh away
I'm trying to be happy (happy happy... ) ''
thank you :]
@@shun-4884 ^
as an aussie dude with a fairly deep voice, i couldn't sound any more different to lily, but thank you anyways XD
Ty
Thanks
This song and "Breathe" are the ones I relate to the most, thanks Lily 🥲
where is breathe.
@@kanasanjm on the lilypi2 channel
@don't be surprised I am not clicking that suspicious ass link
@@kanasanjm it's not released yet! She played it at her concert, you can just look it up on yt
@@kanasanjm it's on the lilypi2 channel, titled "du du dudu du du du"
Here's the link: th-cam.com/video/V3ef2nSl-cA/w-d-xo.html :)
Is it offensive to an artist to say that I prefer one song over another? or that I don't like one song very much? I think this song is great! I wasn't as big of a fan of "not too late" it seemed a little too on the nose imho. Dreamy Night continues to be my favourite for the time being, Last Cup of Coffee is a close second. hopefully you continue to put out amazing music that you are proud of and I will find a new favourite.
Personally i don't think it should be offensive to prefer one song to another. Everyone has preferences and will gather different meanings from their view of the art. I'm pretty sure that's one of the greatest things about art is being able to find your own preference/meaning from one single item. On top of that you aren't being rude about it either.
To me it's opposite for me. I much prefer "not too late" over "happy" because not too late hold much more relevance to my personal life. Happy is a good song but it just doesn't trigger my emotions as much.
@@Nanoqtran exactly this, our personal experiences influence our taste and opinions! art is subjective, and that should be celebrated, not taken as offensive
I agree. Dreamy night is definitely top for me and it would be hard for lily to do better than that. I like last cup of coffee but I literally cannot listen to it without beginning to cry, it kind of just reminds me that it’s gonna be over one day.
It should be fine like something has to be best and something has to be the worse just by design
I actually wish Not Too Late was longer like this song was T_T
cried for the first time in months after starting antidepressants. this song was strong enough to fight a literal drug to make me feel better
lily has helped me push through middle school, high school, and college and helped me escape my hellhole of life. seeing her still trapped while she helped me escape is so bittersweet
Her league parody "I'm quitting league" was one of the earliest songs that still hold my emotions of the past while this one is horrifically nostalgic of the times where I felt hopeless. I hope you escape as I have Lily. ❤❤
This is an oddly specific detail to focus on, but I LOVE THOSE VOCAL HARMONIES!!!!!! Lily has clearly figured out her own style, and those harmonies have appeared in pretty much every song since Dreamy Night, and they sound so great! I’m pretty sure I’m hearing minor thirds above the melody, and I have no idea if that’s a common harmony to use in vocals, but it adds so much to Lily’s music!!! Tbh, I feel like the core of Lily’s sound is the harmonies and chords she uses, and I love it!!
THE SONG IS AMAZING!!!!!! I love how all of lily's songs have deep meanings, but are sung w such a soft voice. I can't wait for the next drop, but until then, this will be on repeat!
I’ve been watching lily for like 3-4 years now and I wanted to say, I play her music and drift into another dimension, and she is one of the only streamers I watch, thank you so much for doing what you do and making your music and making your TH-cam videos and streaming❤️
It is already on spotify and youtube music, but I am looking forward to the video.
Premiere:
So excited for this, already listed to this at Spotify and TH-cam music (idk why it's already released their but) really enjoy the song. It makes me feel a mix of sad and comfy vibes that gave shivers to my heart
I'm going through hell right now, going to a bone marrow biopsy in like 30 minutes I'll have time to listen to this on the way
I'm really emotional and scared about it lily I love your music it has helped me a lot during hard times
Love everyone in this community
Edit: I am out the procedure it wasn't that bad just now it's about waiting for the results, thank you for the support, it means more than I can say.
Edit 2. No malignancies found, thanks everyone again so much. 💜
I'm just a stranger in the internet but I hope you can be strong! I hope you stay strong and fight!
I hope everything goes alright for you
You can do it!
I hope you're well! Glad to know it wasn't as bad. Sending lots of love and care your way~ ^^
Just a heads up that if they do another bone marrow aspiration in the same spot later on (I had to as a leukemia patient) please be mindful that it hurts a lot more when a spot is re-accessed. I had a really bad time when they did it to me because I let my guard down.
heard a segment of this song multiple times on lily's recent outros, and im super hyped for it! definetly sounds like a bop, can't wait :)
The highly anticipated release! Your videos have brought me a lot if happiness and entertainment. I am just, of course, an internet stranger but from one human to another I hope you are happy.
I will use this song to cheer up a person that I really cares about. I care about her so much. She has been through a lot, and is feeling the loneliness of this world tonight. We are very far apart geologically. I wish she can feel my warmth when listening to this song.
Cant wait to be sad again, last song was amazing but made sad as hell, guessing this'll be the same ;)
Jokes aside super proud of lily for how far she's come, she truly talented!
Don't worry this one is more of a lofi mixed with sad lyrics so it's actually sad in a happy way when I heard it
The visuals on this are STELLAR.
alongside how great the music is you have a certified JAM. Fantastic work!
2:29 this chord got me so hard, and I can’t explain why. Thank you for being such an inspiration, musically and other wise. Love from Canada❤️
Gotta say everything about this is amazing, the tune, Lily's voice, the lyrics, and the art, sm love for this 🌸💖
THE ART AND EDITING ARE IMMACULATE
Hearing this just makes me want to give Lily a hug. The lyrics just reflect my emotional state perfectly. Great song
I remember losing my mind in June because I heard this song in a video and was trying to figure out why I couldn't find the TH-cam version of it after constantly googling "Lilypichu Heavy sighs like clouds surround me why do they feel so lonely I can't pretend to care I'm trying to be happy", I'm glad to see it's finally here!
SAMEEE
SAME
man i’m realizing what makes this piece so amazing. It’s all of the background noise and synths it’s incredible. Her voice carried with the flow makes it gives you the jitters. Jeez Lily what a masterpiece.
Lilypichu is genuinely in her music. It’s great that she’s also a streamer because she can release music when she feels ready to do so. I love her music, it’s so relatable and comfy. Her music conveys her honesty. ❤️
This song gives me chills! The bassline during the chorus is incredible and Lily's singing and compositions are always so emotional. 10/10 from a metalhead!
UWEHHH CONGRATS ON 1M!!!
Came across this song a couple days ago. I've been going through some rough times and listening to this a lot. Not everybody understands having to try this hard to be happy, so this resonates with me. But the song and the visuals make me feel hopeful that my trying can pay off.
I heard part of this song at the end of one of her intros. I tried to find it and when I couldn't I assumed I had to wait. I waited for 8 months... I forgot all about it honestly until I saw her concert video. I can't stop replaying it. It's such a good song. 10/10
this song hits so hard
The art looks so magical & comfy. Lily’s singing is so dreamy too-
When I heard the song, I knew it was gonna be stuck on my head and now it is 😩 the lyrics, the rap,, its everything!! thank u for making another masterpiece queen 🥺💗💗
Dude, this song is actually so good. It's my favorite from her so far and it's such a vibe.
the composition on this was incredible; every time the bassline would swell i'd feel chills move from my head down my entire body. absolutely fantastic work.
I’ve cried while listening to this a handful of times
The melody is so catchy!! But also the visuals are so pretty! Love the art style! 🌸
her music is to comfi
I've been following you for 10 years, Lily.
The transformation you've gone through as a human being is wonderful and gives me hope.
Keep on fighting the good fight.
There's a lot of lyrical complexity to this one. Like you would expect the message to be simple, but it's not at all in a really, really good way. Beautiful song, and the animations are great too!
It is so comforting to have music to relate to. Thank you as always!
I play this song in my head whenever I'm feeling anxious. It reminds me that I'm not alone and there's others who feel like me.
I am not exaggerating when I say that play this song after every huge exam I take. It instantly lifts up my mood after bombing an organic chemistry test. Thank you, Lily ❤😊
The fact I can always save these to my playlists before I hear them, knowing their already going to be good, just proves she's an amazing singer
HAPPY
999k ALMOST THERE!!
This still rocks
lily is so good, hasn't drop a single bad song. i feel like that farha sarasin guy is on every song i listen now
Lily releases are always so HYPE!!
coming back to this over and over
Straight fuego
your music videos have such good color palettes, i changed my whole desktop theme and background because it looks so comfy
Honestly this is as good or even better than Dreamy Night so it’s pretty damn good.
SONG OF THE YEAR
Oh gosh. This is my in the start of the year trying to be happy (tho you will probably see me in my worst state in november) even with my depression. Great song, great draws, great voice.
I’ve been listening to this since release, but just now I really thought about the lyrics and imagined them and… it drove me to tears. Thank you lily, this song is truly beautiful 💜
god, this is so unbelievably good. I think this is my new favorite song of yours. It honestly made my eyes sting a bit, I held back my tears tho!
This song always hits me. Because I feel it every day.
It's been weeks and I can't stop listening to it whenever I have a chance, what have you done to me miss pichu?!
lily's songs really calms me down always
"I'm trying to be happy"
Lily doesn't miss.
it's crazy how many people come back to this video everyday, this video is legendary!
this song came out at the perfect time for me, life kinda sucks rn and I'm just tryna be happy
(But how could you make me wait 18 hours 😭😭)
i love this bubbly beat. the notes feel like they're popping. great song as always~
She was born to be a composer!
NO BC THE YELLOW SWEATER PART WAS TOO ACCURATE I LOVE THIS TOO MUCH
OMG, LILY!!!!
YOU ARE THE BEST!!
I'm a grown man myself, but your music and wibe just hugs my soul!
Thank you SO much for your work! Keep following your Dreams!
♥♥♥♥♥♥
More comments = more love for Lily!
New favorite song this beat goes insane with lily’s voice
I'm so mad I didn't listen to this sooner >^
The animation for this song is so gosh darn pretty!!!
this could honestly fit as an anime song.
Omg that rap gave me lifeee
FAVORITE TH-cam MUSIC CREATOR!!!11!!1
"im trying to be happy" and "I'm everything i claimed to be" hits me so personally it hurts :
I haven't been able to stop listening to this song I love it so much 😭
The lyrics honestly hit close to home for me. I relate to this so much.
But great job Lily!! This is another great song
WE HECKIN LOVE COMFI BEATS 💕
I've completely lost track of how many times I've listened to this
Geebus, Lily! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! AAGGHHHHH!!! Every single second in this MV gives me intense chills! Will definitely go to your concert if you have one here in the ass weather i mean Philippines.
This song is so relatable. Lily keeps on dropping bangers
This sounds so lovely❤️😍🥰🎶🎵
Everything about this and her recent songs 😍
Just realized Farhan produced this song, damn that guy is cracked. He’s also produced a bunch of hololive songs!
been struggling these past few weeks and this really encapsulates how i’ve been coping with what i’ve been going through, i can already tell that this will be my new comfort song that will constantly be on loop 🤍 thank you lily
Waited since I heard this as the outro I can confirm totally worth the wait
The animation 🥵🥵🥵. Clean
putting this song on LOOP dear god it's so good!! everyone who worked on this did such a great job!! now i can finally sing the entire song whenever i hear it in an outro
All her songs have been the soundtrack to my life, excited to see all she has planned in the future and so proud of all she has done so far. She deserves all this hype and so much more
Ironically this song truly makes me feel like we should "relish" in our dark emotions besides happiness so hard. A lot of us are trying to be happy, and cannot do it easily for different reasons, some of us can't help feeling sad, depressed, or are facing hardships keeping us from it. But that's okay. We will all be alright, we are all walking on this journey together. Thank you Lily for helping us stay comfy through these inevitable moments and walking along with us! ⭐
The song I listen to when the homies aren't around
By far one of my favorites, you never miss lily!
“I’m trying to be happy”
that hit me so hard
これは言葉の吹雪のようなものです!
Is this Lily's official music channel?
Yes, it is!
I'm here from a long time and I'm so proud and happy of how far she got , you are amazing lily u really look up to you 💕
I've been doing really bad and horrible things towards other people for 2 years now and I want to be better but I always went back
listening to your music would always calm me and help me to stop myself from saying things that could hurt other people
it makes me think about myself and how I would feel and oddly what I want to do and be
I'm still very young only 13 and I'm fully disgusted with myself and believe I can do better
Thank You.
I can do better and I will and so can any of you possibly reading this its never to late to turn it all around
The art style is so cute❤️❤️❤️
I'm very positive that Lilypichu will be huge someday. This songs will capture the hearts of many, adore her creativity and praise Temmie and davinky
This song got me through some very lonely years, and i can finally say im happy now