"raise a black man and parent little black girls." What do you mean by that? I think you need to have some discord with Black Women, because us being to most collegiate decorated demographic and fastest growing group on entrepreneurs is not a byproduct of us being 'parented', but rather aged by our community and outside communities at an early age and we are taught from an early age men are very fickle and unreliable (at least Black men, unfortunately.) I think you should listen to talking point of Chrissie or Chloe_, or even Kim (For Harriet) to see we didn't get the better end of the stick. ❤
I appreciate your question genuinely. Because the purview of this video was black men & masculinity I didn’t have the opportunity to go in depth about black women or their adultification. What I intended to do was create a visual in the mind of the viewer that doesn’t negate the adultification of black little girls, specifically within the familial context, but explains it’s dichotomy. Black folk are adultifying black girls by hyper-sexualizing them & the failure of providing a reciprocal kind of support, on part of black men, definitely pushes black women into a specific kind of independence. But conversely many black parents are often raising black girls to be wives before they can even walk. And so in my view, there is a large portion of black parents grooming black girls into a life of adultified childhood, if you will, because of the expectation of unrequited submission associated with wifehoood. To view life & do life under the guise of a man. A life where all final decisions are ultimately made not in compromise, but by the “man of the house”. To be marriageable and desirable in a white supremacist patriarchal society are deemed a women’s greatest accomplishments. And in a community, the black community, where black women are given less access to those things, the burden of being submissive enough, docile enough, and agreeable enough is impressed upon black girls at a much larger scale and younger age. I think there is something infantilizing about raising a female child to be perpetually submissive in adulthood & to construct their adult life around another adult. Where is the fullness of autonomy & agency in cis-het black womanhood if that is the parental rearing, you know? I absolutely want to do a video on this in the future including the perspectives and research of black women, so they can give their take. But that is just my analysis atp. I’m open to learning more & I looove Kim! Also, I love deeply & engage constantly with black women. Black women friends, family, mentors, and scholarship. Again thank you so much for the question. ❤
I just want to offer the possibility that black girls are actually parentized. In one of your examples there is a very young black girl tasked with the care of a toddler she is too young to even hold. That’s the reality for us. We’re also are considered more culpable for our behavior. Because boys will be boys. And this extends to our own abuse. The behavior we see of black men is not typical of a people forced to grow up to fast. It is however, typical of people who are emotionally stunted and neglected. After all they are the ones vacating the households. I agree that this is due to the conditions you outlined very well in your video. It’s not because they’re given adult responsibility. That’s what happens to black girls.
this is what i was gonna say; malcom x didn’t say what he said about black women for no reason. the saying i’ve always heard was that “black women raise their daughters & coddle their sons”. men are always given a slap on the wrist with sayings like “boys will be boys” or “boys are irrational because of their hormones”. meanwhile women are faced with being solely responsible for their actions & are always be expected to make the best decisions because we’re the “more mature” ones and being a black woman just elevates that expectation.
@Blackpill PB yes. if a black woman has a child out of wedlock she will be shunned way more than the black man she had the child with. when something bad happens to black men, black women rally up behind them even in the most extreme or undeserving situations yet black women are not given that same grace & support unless they have an innocent image. women are also extremely hard on their daughters & passive with their sons ,and men focus more on keeping their daughters in line than their sons in general because policing your daughters is considered protecting them instead of just raising the sons to be better collectively.
One need only look at the outcome. The collective of bm are not showing up in the world as people who grew up with too much responsibility. It’s just not true.
My dad is a pretty masculine man, but he also valued expressing yourself productively and valued my choices as an individual. I'm always going to be grateful to him for that.
Black people don't get to be children at all, it's SICK. I saw a news story not long ago where the anchor had to apologize the next day because she referred to a 10-year-old boy as a MAN. TEN. 😡
And that’s nobody’s fault but black ppl. The same black ppl who call little black girls fast and grown. That’s an in house problem and y’all have to start actually working together to be the change you wanna see. Instead of just talking so much shit with the woe is me.
@@Pjhnsn. Since it's clear that you're not Black (and therefore REALLY should just sit back and either LISTEN whilst ShuttingTFU or STFU and head out, but I digress), then I can only assume that you're here to introduce into the discussion how your predatory, undercooked, unseasoned ancestors are ACTUALLY the ones to blame for this, seeing as how they were the ones who had children as young as FIVE YEARS OLD working in their fields, and girls as young as TWELVE bearing their mixed gRAPE babies who worked in the house. Don't come over here with your "pull yourselves up by your boot straps", palm-colored BS unless you're going to be ALL THE WAY HONEST. If you cannot, I assume you know where the door is, toots.
So true. I'm a woman myself but I internally groan when my mother starts a sentence with that phrase. Honestly my younger brother doesn't enjoy it either. We just both internally sigh when it happens.
I definitely understand black boys aren't raised to be black boys AT ALL, as a black woman I feel like (especially in single mother households) we are raised to be black girls up until around the age of puberty, then we stop being "raised" and begin being treated as women that our mother's are jealous of. We immediately go from being seen as a smart, adorable and amazing little girl to being shamed for having the confidence they instilled in us ("You must think you're all that..."). Us being raised whole and happy into adulthood and finding happiness that they feel they lost access too because of our existence is not something that they want us to have. This is how they raise black "mean girls". Mom is often the first black woman you feel you're in an unspoken competition with and it never goes away.
I remember seeing this post where someone said something like parents give up when their kid turns 11 or 12. I felt so alone when I got to middle school. Every issue I had with teasing from girls or harassment from boys was brushed off by my mom. If I told her someone called me ugly she'd say, "Well do you think you're ugly?" And 12 year old me was confused, so I would just shrug because how am I going to think I'm beautiful if you can't even say it or show it? Then, (also in middle school) there was a Black female assistant principal who I told about being followed around and grabbed by a boy & she told me to just ignore it & acted like I was bothering her. Long story short, I had to start hitting and shoving boys & luckily I had a best friend who could fight & did not play about her friends. It's hard to explain, but some parents are not really present after 11, like they want the school to do all the raising. As for the school staff, I know managing 1,500 kids is exhausting but that AP I ran to in the hallway for help when I was 13 couldn't have cared less so a lot of us are just on our own and are lucky if a teacher can help, as busy & underpaid as they are.
Also, for me, I didn't have the confidence. I was quiet, awkward, & made good grades so I never thought anyone was jealous of anything but me being a lil smart & getting a sticker for it lol. Then I got to high school and had box braids for the first time and finally felt cute & my teacher said I looked pretty, so I said thank you and another light skin Black girl said "she think she all that" and laughed with her friend. I thought to myself, huh? Are we expected to not take compliments? And now that I'm 24 my mom has no problem insulting me either🙃(telling me I look like a street walker & that my butt sticks out too much)
I still can’t wrap my head around a parent being jealous of a child or competing with their child but once you see it you can’t unsee it. It’s seems wrong in the same way canabalism and incest is wrong
As a Black queer man, who is built like a teddy bear, born between Aries and Pisces (Mar 21), presents masculine, is sensitive as fuck, is artistic and musically inclined (makes beats and draws stuff), collects dolls called "action figures," joined the military to "become a real man" (to serve his father's interests), fell on his face, realized he had to come out in his mid 20s, loves Hip-Hop/R&B from 60s to now, and is currently his mid 30s trying to deal in a "community" of fellow queer folk who are silent and cold as fuck to black queer men like me who don't work it like Billy Porter, doesn't force straight men to question their sexuality like Prince, doesn't Ru Paul's presence or money, and doesn't look like any of the beautiful black brothas in "The Skinny," and is just...a guy...I wanna say one thing to you. *You SAID that shit. Thank you two times...Nah, THREE times.* But another thing, you'll always win with me when you got James Baldwin on your wall. I'll say it till I die: We wouldn't have 2Pac without Langston Hughes and James Baldwin. Stay woke, stay strong, stay beautiful, continue to spread love, and keep your pockets full of dollars, even if you've only got $5 to your name.✊🏽
Fem guys are the marker of our kind because you masculine guys can hide if you choose to. You don’t bear the mark. You’re also the most desired within our community.
As a woman, it's made me sad to see other women complaining about the zesty man thing. Especially because many of them are also frustrated with how BW are treated in society and within our community. I'm like: hon, that's patriarchy. If we disparage men for being "zesty" then we also uphold the very thing that causes us harm. I don't think too many people are ready to have the conversation about what patriarchy really is and what it looks like to undo it.
This topic is a bit of a strange one for me. I'm a young black man who grew up in a single parent household with my mom as a provider. I never had the opportunity to learn what a man was supposed to be, but at the same time, I was never forced to step up as the man of the house because my mom (bless her) worked her ass off so that I wouldn't have to. But growing up, I never found myself interested in normative masculine things, like sports, cars, exercise. So it kind of alienated me from the boys growing up. I was drawn to the girls because of their constant community and expression, but I didn't want to immerse myself in feminine centered things either. I've grown up accepting that I am a man, and now I'm much more accepting of doing things like painting my nails and putting on some extra accessories, but I still feel like in some way I failed masculinity? I hope that makes sense. It's a bit difficult getting my thoughts out on this topic. Thank you for taking the time to discuss it.
This makes perfect sense. You didn't fail masculinity for not upholding the same self hurtful mysoginistic version most boys are unfortunately taught. You seem to be in a path towards finding masculinity that Will fullfill you while not harming others, especially women. Keep growing and stay well.
I feel your comment on so many levels seeing as how our circumstances are so similar. I also find myself battling with my own identity and how I express it even though I understand how I feel. I still, (like literally minutes ago) find myself feeling like I'm oscillating between my masculinity and femininity, and feel the need to lean into my masculinity to compensate for the fact that I'm not super masculine. I'm okay with the fact that I'm androgynous, but I still have this subconscious urge to "defeminize" myself at times. It's a bit of a challenge to apply my own self confident mindset to my life, I guess with time and practice it'll feel more natural and I'll be able to not be so in my head constantly. 😌
@Blackpill PB He didn’t fail at all! He is choosing his own path and that’s what masculinity is really about believe it or not. He is making a way for himself because the men that were supposed to be there just didn’t!
I'll be ready to save it to my "TV cue" playlist, watch it in the car on the way to or from class, rewatch it for context after I get home, and cast it from my laptop to my TV, and watch it again while I'm doing homework (or working on a customer's order) in my headphones, so I can catch everything I missed. Come on wit it.
For the past few years, I have been trying to uhh…define my masculinity. I’ve always been gentle and very much in-tune with my own emotions. Ever since I was a kid. And because of that, I’ve always thought I “wasn’t a man” or not “manly” because of that. I never thought I was gay because of it but I always othered myself because I wasn’t like my father or my homeboys. That said, I’ve been moving into my masculinity being defined solely and only by me. Very much gentle and soft, but physically strong and supportive of all people. So. I appreciate this topic.
Thank you so much for speaking on these points, I’m a straight black man, dark skin at that. I grew up in the hood. But I’m an actor, artist, soft spoken. I always considered myself outside the norm of most black boys growing up around me and because of that I always had to prove my masculinity. This put me in a really dark place growing up, I was fighting a lot, would think of cutting my life short. It was bad. I tried changing myself so many times. But I realize this is who I am and not I’m alone there so many different sides to being a black man. I love myself today . MOST IMPORTANTLY I also realized half of if not all the things I was questioned for would never be an issue if was white or even light skinned.
Near the beginning you pointed out that cis-het men today are still doing the work and taking the responsibilities of their fathers & grandfathers but are no longer receiving the rewards/benefits associated with that. You are the first non cis-het man I'm aware of to acknowledge that as a fact and not label it as 'men complaining ..... again'. Pretty important, IMO.
Can I just ask, genuinely, what ‘work’ are cis-het men doing currently? What ‘work’ were they doing previously? I am assuming the benefits are surrounding the unpaid labour of cis-het women? Thanks in advance.
I’m manifesting you and Kimberly Foster to one day have a discussion together. You two’s brains are astonishing and I’m truly impressed at how intellectual and intelligent you both are. Amazing.
what I don’t understand is why can’t men do anything without people making it a big deal as soon as a man does something that’s not as manly or masculine it’s almost like taboo or something. It either leads to him getting picked on or even worse I just feel like people need to let men be themselves without making everything such a problem
I agree with everything you said. This was really insightful and amazing work. However, I will say that black girls are adultified as children as well. It definitely looks different in black girls and black boys as far as treatment, but black girls do not get to have a childhood either. Little black girls get referred to as "fast" and "grown" in childhood for just existing. There are a lot of assumptions that black girls, and black children in general are doing things that adults do at a young age already. These assumptions come from family and the outside world, even medical professionals that assume young black girls are sexually active or doing drugs as children. There is no protection or innocence given to black girls either. There's not a lot of comfort or support that should be given. Black girls get shamed for their bodies as children and are hyper sexualized and hyper masculinized as well. When a black girl is vulnerable you hear, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about," too. Or when a black girl advocates for herself she is angry, sassy, or has an attitude or is trying to be grown. I think this is really important to keep in mind. There are also some black mothers that give more grace to their sons than they do their daughters. Not to mention, black daughters have to take on the role of being a caregiver to their brothers depending on the household. Girlhood Interrupted speaks a lot on how black girls are adultified. There is a series adultification bias when it comes to black girls and black boys, black children in general. We really need to dismantle white supremacy and break away from the patriarchy as a whole. I think that you really do a good job at analyzing blackness and gender. I feel like the experiences of black boys should not be overlooked, it definitely should be talked about more. I think this is why the movie Moonlight really has a special place in my heart. I feel like it's one of the only movies that really shows the reality of how it is for a black boy being raised to be a black man. I can't wait to see more from you!
I wasn’t alive in the 70s and 80s, but I wanna know how black masculinity was enforced back then in the era of Prince, Rick James, or even Earth Wind & Fire. Did you see how those guys dressed? Yet the conversations over confining black masculinity to an ever smaller scope of expression seem to be louder than ever today in the 2020s… 🤔
Oh those were the EXCEPTIONS, we can’t forget they were being bashed too! It was bad then too! But it appears we need more of that in the modern world to confront these issues! Thank God for Lil Nas! But he can’t do it alone!😭
@@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024 were they though? For example, people might think it’s ‘zesty’ to wear flare jeans but EVERYONE wore flare jeans in the 70s. It was the norm. So it makes me wonder when that cultural shift happened. 🤔
I'm an 80s baby. It was pretty much enforced the way it always has been, with the same narrow idea. Prince (and artists like him) didn't do much to change that in my experience in the black community.
I have 3 sons by 3 different women and 2 of them ended up being gay and i never ever made them feel any different for being who they are . I love my sons .
You are ridiculous. Clearly proud of being an absent dad and turning three women into single mothers. And then running here to seek points for doing the bare minimum. Pathetic. You are pathetic.
@@wiswc Darling calm the fuck down and you guys are the freaks making up non-existent genders. Outside of religion you can clearly see the downfall of society ever since the government allowed this lgbtq delusion? No wonder why Boomers say the early 1900's were better they aint have to deal with this nonsense and weirdos trynna invent new genders so DARLING stfu
Heh I disagree. If you’re binary that’s different and you’d identify with being a man or woman. What about people that are trans? They don’t match their sex and identify as a man or woman. At some point you either identify as a man, woman or non-binary. Not acknowledging our differences I think is naive and not likely to happen. No matter the society and its expectations, our differences eventually show and most identify with that. Just watch young children play together. The younger they are the less influence of who they should be. They play and interact differently.
@@ambersummer2685 I never said there aren't inherent differences between men and women but none of those are reason enough for people to define themselves with their sex , a man can do almost anything a woman can do, a woman can do almost anything a man can do, in almost all situations trying to put limits around the behavior of people based on sex is at best weird and unnecessary and at worst extremely harmful and sexist. Being trans or binary isn't something I understand, but I do understand that any identity that comes from sex is mostly the result of bigots forcing people to act in certain ways based on sex, it's mostly not natural.
What do you think about the saying that as single Black moms we raise our daughters and love our sons? Especially in this context. I do agree with you. When you talked about the mom getting on the sons level at 3 asking him if he’s a baby or big boy. Yep I did that too. My son is 25. Looking back that was horrible and the beginning of his indoctrination. I didn’t raise him to be the man of the house just because of my own upbringing and trying to break that particular thing. But I did adultify him to a point. Now I need to go have a conversation with him. Thanks for your content!
Sassy. And yes, you were spitting on this one. It's really hard to describe, but there'a definitely a "time warp" somewhere for black youth. I feel like it's around... 10-ish to 18 is kinda all treated as if you're an adult. Which I guess *is* something that happens in many communities, and to many individuals because of, for example, extenuating circumstances, but with black folks there's definitely an imposition of that idea on us, both within and without. A lot of it is material conditions, if you've been or been in community with someone who's lived in an area with a good amount of gang activity, that shit is not a game. If you can walk upright, write your name, and aren't under 5'0", you aren't exempt. If you don't "adult" up and mind your fucking bussiness and/or get with program, the consequences are dire. There's no space for petty shit, or at least it isn't so petty any more. And a lot of it is kinda this... imposed archetype? Like if I ask you to think of 5 words that you'd associate with "black teen" and "black adult", they are almost certainly not the same that you'd say for "teen" and "adult", and chances are they're similar to each other. Why is that? And that's something that's likely more common in people who don't have community with us, and that impacts decisions and even policy in many cases. It's a lot for sure.
I kinda wish you did touch on A$AP Rocky, but I may have to check out the pateron so see if he is included. I feel like how Rocky has presented himself it does mirror a lot of what you said about Drake, but he doesn’t really croon or sing in his music. I just keep thinking about how often he called himself a “pretty boy”. But I guess an even better comparison to Drake maybe Tyler the Creator, but he was always seen as a “weirdo” and “white” in a lot of mainstream convos. As always, you’ve left me a lot to think about!
Being trans and dating other trans people (called t4t) makes you realize most of this stuff doesn’t really matter as much as some people make it out to. I’m a young woman and I do stereotypically “masculine” stuff like lift weights. My boyfriend likes stereotypically “feminine” stuff like baking. He lives his emotions very intensely and on the spot, whereas I’m a little slower and more analytical. Yet none of that calls into question either of our identities or our roles. I’m not gonna stop being a woman just cuz I lift more than him, he’s not gonna stop being a man just cuz he shows his emotions more than me. If your girl is strong, provides for you, she’s a protector, etc stereotypes, enjoy it, that’s awesome! If your man is pretty, sensitive, or other stereotype, great, there’s a lot to cherish there. Neither is an attack on your identity. It’s just a little different than the narrow mould you may have grown up with.
1:37 in annnd subscribe. Glad lil bill recommended you cus I really wanted to hear intellectual discourse from a queer black person as a queer dark skin black man myself. Best of luck to you! 🖤 EDIT: video was great and you’re the cutest!, respectfully
Already made a comment but here's another one. They actually did a study where they had a bunch of kids sitting at a table. All of different ethnic groups, boys and girls and they had them all just doing stuff and they told people to come in. Watch the children and look for misconduct and the used eye tracking technology to see you where they were focusing and almost all of them, including the black people were focusing on the little black boy 😢. You know what else is wild to me. Black people celebrate Prince and that was the most androgynous heterosexual male I had ever seen in my life. Literally the first time I saw Prince was in a movie that he had and the man literally had on heels and a shimmery Gotti outfit talking about how much he loves girls. This was in the '90s. The movie I had of his was on VHS. I don't remember the name of it but the whole movie was all about Prince. I remember one of the scenes he was in an alleyway, but the thing I remember the most is that he was a heterosexual man wearing heels. But I didn't think he was gay and it didn't make him unattractive to me. I still thought he was very much so attractive. It didn't make him any less of a man. I didn't think he was a girl or was trying to be a girl. He was just a man who was a musician who was different from other men around him in heels.. and I had that movie in the '90s and it could have been set in the '80s. It could have been from the eighties. I don't know I was a child. I was under 10 years old when I saw this movie
Thank you for sharing, thank you for bringing things to the forefront and thank you for your love. I’ve been quiet these past few videos bc I be listening while I’m at work. But I wanted to pop in and tell you I love you! 💕
Just gonna address the elephant in the room that this is pretty much perpetuated by homophobic black women on the internet, sorry. If you have emotions you're "sassy" "got a little sweetness to it" or "in your soft black man era"
Homophobic black women may contribute but to make it sound like they are the primary perpetrator of this is straight up bullshit. Black men do this PLENTY on their own. Don't try and pin this on black women.
@@anarchoyeasty3908 oh bw are definitely the biggest perpetrators at this point. Y’all will literally have gay friends then turn around and call bm gay for doing anything you don’t deem traditional masculine. Seethe
This is insightful and I’m not here to discredit this AT ALL. However, this narrative is primarily perpetuated by black men towards other black men. The black women you are referring to are not berating men or calling them “sassy” becaue of them “acting gay” or presenting themselves as traditionally feminine, it’s more so them saying that modern men don’t want to be providers or protectors anymore. I also think it is associated with how men constantly spew misogyny towards women on the internet. The aforementioned acts are “sassy” not painting nails, using lgbt+ slang, etc. Those things are villanized by other men. Now, two things can be true at once and I do think there is homophobia laced in some of these women’s talking points (just not most of them). Again, this is just what I’ve seen; I do not want to invalidate your experience at all. ❤❤
@@mariyahwells1234I've seen plenty of women call men sassy for just having emotions and being called "sassy" just because you don't want to conform to gender roles is stupid too
Could Tupac be the medium between Drake and Biggie?? Still shows the “traditional” views of masculinity with some of his lyrics, lack of motherly love that forced him to “get it on his own” but has that softness through his poetry, photo shoots, etc that could be seen as on the “sassy” side in todays time. Maybe he could’ve been a transition factor leading to the Drake’s of today.
Cool video, but I challenge you to make a video on the adultification on black girls on the other end of the spectrum. Your experience is valid but as a black qoman with a brother myself, and an absent father, my brother was coddled and justified and sympathized, and my sisters and I were meant to raise him. And I know other girls like me share my story. Take that 12 year old girl you saw for instance with her brother, ask why a 12 year old little girl was left alone to handle a screaming 3 year old. Where were their parents? She WAS the parent. Most black little girls are forced to raise their little brothers, or serve him like the man of the house. Not saying your video is wrong, but that pendulum swings sis, and it swings HARD. much love boo 🫰🏾
You are delightful and insightful. Funny and informative. You have a new subscriber and I hope you alllll of the success. I doubt the algorithm brought me here? So it must have been colormind. Incredible stuff. Hearing "you do not have to be your father" for the first time in the year I'll be turning 36 really opened my eyes. No wonder I have such a hard time defining masculinity, I've never felt "worthy" of identifying with it, and now the only "masculine" things I see encompass negative traits I don't want to emulate, especially now that I have a daughter. I can't wait to learn more from you my friend
I get what you’re saying about the light skin softness but I think that’s very new and specific to this generation because Gen X had darker skinned loverboys like Gerald Levert, Usher, RKelly (yuck). And low key I feel like Drake and even Chris Brown got inspiration from Usher. But yeah Drake capitalized the most from it.
I think grace is deserved. IMO the issue with the sassy pant brigade is their own vitriol in the POV that is often shown toward their true desires. The LGBT don't shake up the room too much, it's always the hidden figures causing chaos. I'm sure a large part of this is the experience to mis-education pipeline caused by patriarchy leading many women & men of the LGBT to WANT to learn + understand more. Whereas many men tend to float off of talking points, etc.
I love Herby's videos he broke this video down beautifully and I love the fact that he honed in on black boys experience in education and the world vs women.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 this title FORCED me to click IMMEDJIATLEE! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ...they're SO sassy! While leaving no room for us to be feminine...but shame us for NOT being feminine. 🙄
@@MISSMADISONMEDIA 🙄 yes, I did watch the video, and I'm not "applying" anything, and I don't have to for what I said to be any more correct....and he actually did touch on this subject in the video, just a little. This exchange probably could've gone differently, had you not come at me sideways. Not every misunderstanding requires a jackass response.
I think that when we speak on black masculinity, black women should be left out of it because there’s always a gap between what people (even other black folks) see as our experience vs. what our experience actually is. I agree with almost every point made in this video, but to imply that black women are granted grace where black men aren’t is….interesting. Especially considering that every time I turn around there is a man calling a black woman masculine to try and employ masculinity on her. Again, great analysis but please don’t speak on groups of peoples experiences you know nothing about ❤❤❤
Men and women are not alien to each other. Women know a lot about the male experience and men know a lot about the female experience. We all exist on the same Earth. Hell, humanity knows about planets we’ve never been to, we definitely know about the people we live with.
@@Yes-bn6yy but there is a vast difference in experiences between these two groups, therefore, it can be difficult for one group to properly represent the mindset of the other. To avoid insensitivity and confusion, it’s best to only speak on your own lives experiences. IMO
@@mariyahwells1234 while it’s good not to speak for other people, limiting discussion to only yourself is a great way to hamper mutual understanding between groups. The differences are not that vast and that mindset just continues this gendered tribalism
@@Yes-bn6yy I don’t think we should limit discussion, but we also shouldn’t speak for others. Herby was stating their opinion as fact as if they can speak for women as a whole.
@@mariyahwells1234 ok that’s fair. However, there’s a difference between saying your observations and speaking for an entire population. People unfortunately do that for men all the time to the extent that what they say has become accepted as the “truth”, when you’d be surprised that most men think very very similar to women and that they’re not some aliens incapable of understanding the same people that they live their everyday lives with.
From my observations of cis gendered men, to say that a black man "puts on" an act of hyper-mascilinity is so remiss of how melanin is associated with genetic dominance and how that has been under attack from the founding years of this country until this current day by the system of white supremacy.
Great Video! Ik this was specifically about blackness but I truly believe as a person that comes from a Jamaican background, Biggies issues also stemmed from that survival mentality from Jamaica, the Caribbean and slavery which also had the same mentality it maybe better if I was dead. Which also is still in black American history. Just manifests in different ways
14:37 - I’ve frequently joked that I wound up non-binary on account of wanting to do a good job meeting the social expectations placed on both men and women, but it’s more true than folks might think. You pick up on at least some of the socialization for all genders growing up, so the one(s) you internalize may matter just as much as the one you were raised in.
White English woman. I know the proverb "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", I can't even remember the first time I heard that, but I've definitely known it since childhood. I'm interested to know where it originated from now, but I'm gonna finish this video first. So therefore I might forget to Google it. But nevermind!
I’m straight not LGBTQ, so maybe my perspective is not tolerated here but I don’t think masculinity is part of any White patriarchy, it is natural. Look at Native American communities or even natives in African countries and you’ll notice a common family dynamic where the man is the protector of the family and the community, while the woman is the keeper and nurturer of the community and the family. This is in general, across the world. I think WE in the US are the anomaly with our different style of households, largely fueled by having the highest rate of imprisoned fathers in the world. Bottom line - there seems to be a family dynamic that has always existed across time and space that is counter to what is being preached here.
Have you ever read “The Man-Not: Race, Class, Genre, And the Dilemmas of black manhood.” By Tommy J. Curry? Would have been a great source to use for this video..
In my experience men who don’t conform to traditional masculinity have no interest in ending patriarchy or treating women and girls like people or whatever, they just want a rebrand!!! I can’t speak to black manhood since I’m not black (I’m here to learn because my partner is American and I know it’s important to understand and respect African American culture in order to be a good visitor when we go there) but that’s my experience in general, it’s been true in both countries I’ve lived in and in every group of people I’ve interacted with, the exceptions are few and far between. Also multiplexity is such a good word! Like it’s not just complex, there’s multiple complexities. Literally perfect
![กี่หมื่นฟ้า | Your Sky Series EP.1 [1/4]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vLGjxFL6U_I/mqdefault.jpg)
"raise a black man and parent little black girls." What do you mean by that? I think you need to have some discord with Black Women, because us being to most collegiate decorated demographic and fastest growing group on entrepreneurs is not a byproduct of us being 'parented', but rather aged by our community and outside communities at an early age and we are taught from an early age men are very fickle and unreliable (at least Black men, unfortunately.) I think you should listen to talking point of Chrissie or Chloe_, or even Kim (For Harriet) to see we didn't get the better end of the stick. ❤
I appreciate your question genuinely. Because the purview of this video was black men & masculinity I didn’t have the opportunity to go in depth about black women or their adultification. What I intended to do was create a visual in the mind of the viewer that doesn’t negate the adultification of black little girls, specifically within the familial context, but explains it’s dichotomy. Black folk are adultifying black girls by hyper-sexualizing them & the failure of providing a reciprocal kind of support, on part of black men, definitely pushes black women into a specific kind of independence. But conversely many black parents are often raising black girls to be wives before they can even walk. And so in my view, there is a large portion of black parents grooming black girls into a life of adultified childhood, if you will, because of the expectation of unrequited submission associated with wifehoood. To view life & do life under the guise of a man. A life where all final decisions are ultimately made not in compromise, but by the “man of the house”. To be marriageable and desirable in a white supremacist patriarchal society are deemed a women’s greatest accomplishments. And in a community, the black community, where black women are given less access to those things, the burden of being submissive enough, docile enough, and agreeable enough is impressed upon black girls at a much larger scale and younger age. I think there is something infantilizing about raising a female child to be perpetually submissive in adulthood & to construct their adult life around another adult. Where is the fullness of autonomy & agency in cis-het black womanhood if that is the parental rearing, you know? I absolutely want to do a video on this in the future including the perspectives and research of black women, so they can give their take. But that is just my analysis atp. I’m open to learning more & I looove Kim! Also, I love deeply & engage constantly with black women. Black women friends, family, mentors, and scholarship. Again thank you so much for the question. ❤
I just want to offer the possibility that black girls are actually parentized. In one of your examples there is a very young black girl tasked with the care of a toddler she is too young to even hold. That’s the reality for us. We’re also are considered more culpable for our behavior. Because boys will be boys. And this extends to our own abuse. The behavior we see of black men is not typical of a people forced to grow up to fast. It is however, typical of people who are emotionally stunted and neglected. After all they are the ones vacating the households. I agree that this is due to the conditions you outlined very well in your video. It’s not because they’re given adult responsibility. That’s what happens to black girls.
this is what i was gonna say; malcom x didn’t say what he said about black women for no reason. the saying i’ve always heard was that “black women raise their daughters & coddle their sons”. men are always given a slap on the wrist with sayings like “boys will be boys” or “boys are irrational because of their hormones”. meanwhile women are faced with being solely responsible for their actions & are always be expected to make the best decisions because we’re the “more mature” ones and being a black woman just elevates that expectation.
@Blackpill PB yes. if a black woman has a child out of wedlock she will be shunned way more than the black man she had the child with. when something bad happens to black men, black women rally up behind them even in the most extreme or undeserving situations yet black women are not given that same grace & support unless they have an innocent image. women are also extremely hard on their daughters & passive with their sons ,and men focus more on keeping their daughters in line than their sons in general because policing your daughters is considered protecting them instead of just raising the sons to be better collectively.
One need only look at the outcome. The collective of bm are not showing up in the world as people who grew up with too much responsibility. It’s just not true.
My dad is a pretty masculine man, but he also valued expressing yourself productively and valued my choices as an individual. I'm always going to be grateful to him for that.
Being you and not giving a fuck is one of the manliest things a man can do.
What about ll cool j ....he was the sassy for that part
Es❤a
Hey I enjoyed ur video 😂
Black people don't get to be children at all, it's SICK. I saw a news story not long ago where the anchor had to apologize the next day because she referred to a 10-year-old boy as a MAN.
TEN. 😡
And that’s nobody’s fault but black ppl. The same black ppl who call little black girls fast and grown. That’s an in house problem and y’all have to start actually working together to be the change you wanna see. Instead of just talking so much shit with the woe is me.
@@Pjhnsn. whoever you are keep comments yourself . Mr. Sassy
@@Pjhnsn. it’s an in house problem, yes, but it didn’t start in OUR HOUSE. Or rather our houses are often built with oppressor’s tools.
@@Pjhnsn. Since it's clear that you're not Black (and therefore REALLY should just sit back and either LISTEN whilst ShuttingTFU or STFU and head out, but I digress), then I can only assume that you're here to introduce into the discussion how your predatory, undercooked, unseasoned ancestors are ACTUALLY the ones to blame for this, seeing as how they were the ones who had children as young as FIVE YEARS OLD working in their fields, and girls as young as TWELVE bearing their mixed gRAPE babies who worked in the house.
Don't come over here with your "pull yourselves up by your boot straps", palm-colored BS unless you're going to be ALL THE WAY HONEST.
If you cannot, I assume you know where the door is, toots.
@@brib6046 Say that one more time.
If you ever hear a woman say “a real man” it’s bouta be some foolishness coming after it.
Agreed they’re delusional
Clap back with a "real woman " see the melt down
So true. I'm a woman myself but I internally groan when my mother starts a sentence with that phrase. Honestly my younger brother doesn't enjoy it either. We just both internally sigh when it happens.
I definitely understand black boys aren't raised to be black boys AT ALL, as a black woman I feel like (especially in single mother households) we are raised to be black girls up until around the age of puberty, then we stop being "raised" and begin being treated as women that our mother's are jealous of. We immediately go from being seen as a smart, adorable and amazing little girl to being shamed for having the confidence they instilled in us ("You must think you're all that..."). Us being raised whole and happy into adulthood and finding happiness that they feel they lost access too because of our existence is not something that they want us to have. This is how they raise black "mean girls". Mom is often the first black woman you feel you're in an unspoken competition with and it never goes away.
I remember seeing this post where someone said something like parents give up when their kid turns 11 or 12. I felt so alone when I got to middle school. Every issue I had with teasing from girls or harassment from boys was brushed off by my mom. If I told her someone called me ugly she'd say, "Well do you think you're ugly?" And 12 year old me was confused, so I would just shrug because how am I going to think I'm beautiful if you can't even say it or show it?
Then, (also in middle school) there was a Black female assistant principal who I told about being followed around and grabbed by a boy & she told me to just ignore it & acted like I was bothering her. Long story short, I had to start hitting and shoving boys & luckily I had a best friend who could fight & did not play about her friends. It's hard to explain, but some parents are not really present after 11, like they want the school to do all the raising. As for the school staff, I know managing 1,500 kids is exhausting but that AP I ran to in the hallway for help when I was 13 couldn't have cared less so a lot of us are just on our own and are lucky if a teacher can help, as busy & underpaid as they are.
Also, for me, I didn't have the confidence. I was quiet, awkward, & made good grades so I never thought anyone was jealous of anything but me being a lil smart & getting a sticker for it lol. Then I got to high school and had box braids for the first time and finally felt cute & my teacher said I looked pretty, so I said thank you and another light skin Black girl said "she think she all that" and laughed with her friend. I thought to myself, huh? Are we expected to not take compliments? And now that I'm 24 my mom has no problem insulting me either🙃(telling me I look like a street walker & that my butt sticks out too much)
Reminds me of the movie Precious
Whew, this a WORD 🙌🏽💯
I still can’t wrap my head around a parent being jealous of a child or competing with their child but once you see it you can’t unsee it. It’s seems wrong in the same way canabalism and incest is wrong
As a Black queer man, who is built like a teddy bear, born between Aries and Pisces (Mar 21), presents masculine, is sensitive as fuck, is artistic and musically inclined (makes beats and draws stuff), collects dolls called "action figures," joined the military to "become a real man" (to serve his father's interests), fell on his face, realized he had to come out in his mid 20s, loves Hip-Hop/R&B from 60s to now, and is currently his mid 30s trying to deal in a "community" of fellow queer folk who are silent and cold as fuck to black queer men like me who don't work it like Billy Porter, doesn't force straight men to question their sexuality like Prince, doesn't Ru Paul's presence or money, and doesn't look like any of the beautiful black brothas in "The Skinny," and is just...a guy...I wanna say one thing to you.
*You SAID that shit. Thank you two times...Nah, THREE times.*
But another thing, you'll always win with me when you got James Baldwin on your wall. I'll say it till I die: We wouldn't have 2Pac without Langston Hughes and James Baldwin.
Stay woke, stay strong, stay beautiful, continue to spread love, and keep your pockets full of dollars, even if you've only got $5 to your name.✊🏽
thank you to x
I love 60s r&b 😊
Fem guys are the marker of our kind because you masculine guys can hide if you choose to. You don’t bear the mark. You’re also the most desired within our community.
Loved this comment. Keep ya head up my beautiful black brother.
Much 💗
Navigating like a pro 💙🙌🏾
As a woman, it's made me sad to see other women complaining about the zesty man thing. Especially because many of them are also frustrated with how BW are treated in society and within our community. I'm like: hon, that's patriarchy. If we disparage men for being "zesty" then we also uphold the very thing that causes us harm.
I don't think too many people are ready to have the conversation about what patriarchy really is and what it looks like to undo it.
This topic is a bit of a strange one for me.
I'm a young black man who grew up in a single parent household with my mom as a provider. I never had the opportunity to learn what a man was supposed to be, but at the same time, I was never forced to step up as the man of the house because my mom (bless her) worked her ass off so that I wouldn't have to. But growing up, I never found myself interested in normative masculine things, like sports, cars, exercise. So it kind of alienated me from the boys growing up. I was drawn to the girls because of their constant community and expression, but I didn't want to immerse myself in feminine centered things either. I've grown up accepting that I am a man, and now I'm much more accepting of doing things like painting my nails and putting on some extra accessories, but I still feel like in some way I failed masculinity?
I hope that makes sense. It's a bit difficult getting my thoughts out on this topic.
Thank you for taking the time to discuss it.
This makes perfect sense. You didn't fail masculinity for not upholding the same self hurtful mysoginistic version most boys are unfortunately taught. You seem to be in a path towards finding masculinity that Will fullfill you while not harming others, especially women. Keep growing and stay well.
I feel your comment on so many levels seeing as how our circumstances are so similar. I also find myself battling with my own identity and how I express it even though I understand how I feel. I still, (like literally minutes ago) find myself feeling like I'm oscillating between my masculinity and femininity, and feel the need to lean into my masculinity to compensate for the fact that I'm not super masculine. I'm okay with the fact that I'm androgynous, but I still have this subconscious urge to "defeminize" myself at times. It's a bit of a challenge to apply my own self confident mindset to my life, I guess with time and practice it'll feel more natural and I'll be able to not be so in my head constantly. 😌
@@LuwdaLivraria That was a great answer to his question. I couldn't have said it better myself
@@tristanclewis I felt this deeply!
@Blackpill PB He didn’t fail at all! He is choosing his own path and that’s what masculinity is really about believe it or not. He is making a way for himself because the men that were supposed to be there just didn’t!
I'm literally writing this script now
I can't wait 😊😊
Dope af! Great minds lol. Can’t wait to watch yours!!!
I'll be ready to save it to my "TV cue" playlist, watch it in the car on the way to or from class, rewatch it for context after I get home, and cast it from my laptop to my TV, and watch it again while I'm doing homework (or working on a customer's order) in my headphones, so I can catch everything I missed. Come on wit it.
For the past few years, I have been trying to uhh…define my masculinity. I’ve always been gentle and very much in-tune with my own emotions. Ever since I was a kid. And because of that, I’ve always thought I “wasn’t a man” or not “manly” because of that. I never thought I was gay because of it but I always othered myself because I wasn’t like my father or my homeboys.
That said, I’ve been moving into my masculinity being defined solely and only by me. Very much gentle and soft, but physically strong and supportive of all people. So. I appreciate this topic.
I could definitely appreciate a man like you.
You should look into the term HIGH SENSITIVE PERSON I resonate with what you’re saying a lot as a woman ❤
Highly**
@@biancalord488 I appreciate that!
@@TantineLapoze thank you for this!
Thank you so much for speaking on these points, I’m a straight black man, dark skin at that. I grew up in the hood. But I’m an actor, artist, soft spoken. I always considered myself outside the norm of most black boys growing up around me and because of that I always had to prove my masculinity. This put me in a really dark place growing up, I was fighting a lot, would think of cutting my life short. It was bad. I tried changing myself so many times. But I realize this is who I am and not I’m alone there so many different sides to being a black man. I love myself today . MOST IMPORTANTLY I also realized half of if not all the things I was questioned for would never be an issue if was white or even light skinned.
This was a great analysis on Black male masculinity. I am screaming at Madame Aubrey 😂 you ain’t right for that! So glad I found your channel!!
Still not understanding why grown men feel they are important enough to tell another grown man how to act or dress that’s weirdo behavior 🤣🤣
Fr creepy asf
Near the beginning you pointed out that cis-het men today are still doing the work and taking the responsibilities of their fathers & grandfathers but are no longer receiving the rewards/benefits associated with that.
You are the first non cis-het man I'm aware of to acknowledge that as a fact and not label it as 'men complaining ..... again'. Pretty important, IMO.
Frrr
Can I just ask, genuinely, what ‘work’ are cis-het men doing currently? What ‘work’ were they doing previously?
I am assuming the benefits are surrounding the unpaid labour of cis-het women?
Thanks in advance.
I’m manifesting you and Kimberly Foster to one day have a discussion together. You two’s brains are astonishing and I’m truly impressed at how intellectual and intelligent you both are. Amazing.
Kimberly is legendary!
Oooh and Joulzey too!! 😍😍
THIS IS WHAT WE NEED
@@jumpdumppyy wait!!!
🙌🏿 , that’s who he reminded me off. The commentary, the intellect, the captivation… it’s off the charts.
what I don’t understand is why can’t men do anything without people making it a big deal as soon as a man does something that’s not as manly or masculine it’s almost like taboo or something. It either leads to him getting picked on or even worse I just feel like people need to let men be themselves without making everything such a problem
I agree with everything you said. This was really insightful and amazing work. However, I will say that black girls are adultified as children as well. It definitely looks different in black girls and black boys as far as treatment, but black girls do not get to have a childhood either. Little black girls get referred to as "fast" and "grown" in childhood for just existing. There are a lot of assumptions that black girls, and black children in general are doing things that adults do at a young age already. These assumptions come from family and the outside world, even medical professionals that assume young black girls are sexually active or doing drugs as children. There is no protection or innocence given to black girls either. There's not a lot of comfort or support that should be given. Black girls get shamed for their bodies as children and are hyper sexualized and hyper masculinized as well. When a black girl is vulnerable you hear, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about," too. Or when a black girl advocates for herself she is angry, sassy, or has an attitude or is trying to be grown. I think this is really important to keep in mind. There are also some black mothers that give more grace to their sons than they do their daughters. Not to mention, black daughters have to take on the role of being a caregiver to their brothers depending on the household. Girlhood Interrupted speaks a lot on how black girls are adultified. There is a series adultification bias when it comes to black girls and black boys, black children in general. We really need to dismantle white supremacy and break away from the patriarchy as a whole. I think that you really do a good job at analyzing blackness and gender. I feel like the experiences of black boys should not be overlooked, it definitely should be talked about more. I think this is why the movie Moonlight really has a special place in my heart. I feel like it's one of the only movies that really shows the reality of how it is for a black boy being raised to be a black man. I can't wait to see more from you!
Moonlight is one of the greatest movies of all time, incredible portrayal of having childhood stolen
They’re referred to as being fast and grown because they’re being fast and grown
I wasn’t alive in the 70s and 80s, but I wanna know how black masculinity was enforced back then in the era of Prince, Rick James, or even Earth Wind & Fire. Did you see how those guys dressed? Yet the conversations over confining black masculinity to an ever smaller scope of expression seem to be louder than ever today in the 2020s… 🤔
Oh those were the EXCEPTIONS, we can’t forget they were being bashed too! It was bad then too! But it appears we need more of that in the modern world to confront these issues! Thank God for Lil Nas! But he can’t do it alone!😭
@@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024 were they though? For example, people might think it’s ‘zesty’ to wear flare jeans but EVERYONE wore flare jeans in the 70s. It was the norm. So it makes me wonder when that cultural shift happened. 🤔
Yeah i get suprised with Prince. He looks and seems very zesty and yet he isnt called that. Its weird
@@fartunyep4501he is a pedo.
I'm an 80s baby. It was pretty much enforced the way it always has been, with the same narrow idea. Prince (and artists like him) didn't do much to change that in my experience in the black community.
YOU ATE WITH THIS ONE !
Omg, thank you sm 🙏🏿 ♥️
The fact this got me all the way together and I ended up having therapy 20 minutes after I was done watching. What great day haha.
I have 3 sons by 3 different women and 2 of them ended up being gay and i never ever made them feel any different for being who they are . I love my sons .
You are ridiculous. Clearly proud of being an absent dad and turning three women into single mothers. And then running here to seek points for doing the bare minimum. Pathetic. You are pathetic.
When will people understand that "being a man" or "being a woman" is not an identity, it doesn't define you, it is just your sex
Keep telling your self that darling
@@godrules3596 I will, because it's the truth and I dare you to say anything about it you religious freak.
And I'm not your "darling"
@@wiswc Darling calm the fuck down and you guys are the freaks making up non-existent genders. Outside of religion you can clearly see the downfall of society ever since the government allowed this lgbtq delusion? No wonder why Boomers say the early 1900's were better they aint have to deal with this nonsense and weirdos trynna invent new genders so DARLING stfu
Heh I disagree. If you’re binary that’s different and you’d identify with being a man or woman. What about people that are trans? They don’t match their sex and identify as a man or woman. At some point you either identify as a man, woman or non-binary. Not acknowledging our differences I think is naive and not likely to happen.
No matter the society and its expectations, our differences eventually show and most identify with that. Just watch young children play together. The younger they are the less influence of who they should be. They play and interact differently.
@@ambersummer2685 I never said there aren't inherent differences between men and women but none of those are reason enough for people to define themselves with their sex , a man can do almost anything a woman can do, a woman can do almost anything a man can do, in almost all situations trying to put limits around the behavior of people based on sex is at best weird and unnecessary and at worst extremely harmful and sexist.
Being trans or binary isn't something I understand, but I do understand that any identity that comes from sex is mostly the result of bigots forcing people to act in certain ways based on sex, it's mostly not natural.
What do you think about the saying that as single Black moms we raise our daughters and love our sons? Especially in this context. I do agree with you. When you talked about the mom getting on the sons level at 3 asking him if he’s a baby or big boy. Yep I did that too. My son is 25. Looking back that was horrible and the beginning of his indoctrination. I didn’t raise him to be the man of the house just because of my own upbringing and trying to break that particular thing. But I did adultify him to a point. Now I need to go have a conversation with him. Thanks for your content!
Sassy.
And yes, you were spitting on this one. It's really hard to describe, but there'a definitely a "time warp" somewhere for black youth.
I feel like it's around... 10-ish to 18 is kinda all treated as if you're an adult. Which I guess *is* something that happens in many communities, and to many individuals because of, for example, extenuating circumstances, but with black folks there's definitely an imposition of that idea on us, both within and without.
A lot of it is material conditions, if you've been or been in community with someone who's lived in an area with a good amount of gang activity, that shit is not a game. If you can walk upright, write your name, and aren't under 5'0", you aren't exempt. If you don't "adult" up and mind your fucking bussiness and/or get with program, the consequences are dire. There's no space for petty shit, or at least it isn't so petty any more.
And a lot of it is kinda this... imposed archetype? Like if I ask you to think of 5 words that you'd associate with "black teen" and "black adult", they are almost certainly not the same that you'd say for "teen" and "adult", and chances are they're similar to each other. Why is that? And that's something that's likely more common in people who don't have community with us, and that impacts decisions and even policy in many cases.
It's a lot for sure.
I feel so honored to be here before you're famous.
I'm hooked on your content.. I love the way you articulate issues
This was truly an ascended video. You really did your thing with this one.
I kinda wish you did touch on A$AP Rocky, but I may have to check out the pateron so see if he is included. I feel like how Rocky has presented himself it does mirror a lot of what you said about Drake, but he doesn’t really croon or sing in his music. I just keep thinking about how often he called himself a “pretty boy”. But I guess an even better comparison to Drake maybe Tyler the Creator, but he was always seen as a “weirdo” and “white” in a lot of mainstream convos.
As always, you’ve left me a lot to think about!
Being trans and dating other trans people (called t4t) makes you realize most of this stuff doesn’t really matter as much as some people make it out to.
I’m a young woman and I do stereotypically “masculine” stuff like lift weights. My boyfriend likes stereotypically “feminine” stuff like baking. He lives his emotions very intensely and on the spot, whereas I’m a little slower and more analytical.
Yet none of that calls into question either of our identities or our roles. I’m not gonna stop being a woman just cuz I lift more than him, he’s not gonna stop being a man just cuz he shows his emotions more than me.
If your girl is strong, provides for you, she’s a protector, etc stereotypes, enjoy it, that’s awesome! If your man is pretty, sensitive, or other stereotype, great, there’s a lot to cherish there. Neither is an attack on your identity. It’s just a little different than the narrow mould you may have grown up with.
Man I forgot to comment when I finished the video! My mistake. Loved the video and loved your vibe. Sent this way by Lil Bill. ❤️❤️
Damn, public school teachers should be required to watch this
Oh he’s spilling 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you Maddie 😇♥️
Now I'm super curious about how Andre 3000's Love Below era would have been recieved if social media was where it was now.
😂😂😂😂 “Basically niggas wasn’t showing up, niggas was NOT showing up”☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
1:37 in annnd subscribe. Glad lil bill recommended you cus I really wanted to hear intellectual discourse from a queer black person as a queer dark skin black man myself. Best of luck to you! 🖤
EDIT: video was great and you’re the cutest!, respectfully
Been watching your videos these past few weeks! Happy to consume think pieces from a different viewpoint. Love you down! 🫶🏾💐
this has to be one of my favorite video essays ever. i’ve rewatched this so many times. great video!!
Already made a comment but here's another one. They actually did a study where they had a bunch of kids sitting at a table. All of different ethnic groups, boys and girls and they had them all just doing stuff and they told people to come in. Watch the children and look for misconduct and the used eye tracking technology to see you where they were focusing and almost all of them, including the black people were focusing on the little black boy 😢.
You know what else is wild to me. Black people celebrate Prince and that was the most androgynous heterosexual male I had ever seen in my life. Literally the first time I saw Prince was in a movie that he had and the man literally had on heels and a shimmery Gotti outfit talking about how much he loves girls. This was in the '90s. The movie I had of his was on VHS. I don't remember the name of it but the whole movie was all about Prince. I remember one of the scenes he was in an alleyway, but the thing I remember the most is that he was a heterosexual man wearing heels.
But I didn't think he was gay and it didn't make him unattractive to me. I still thought he was very much so attractive. It didn't make him any less of a man. I didn't think he was a girl or was trying to be a girl. He was just a man who was a musician who was different from other men around him in heels.. and I had that movie in the '90s and it could have been set in the '80s. It could have been from the eighties. I don't know I was a child. I was under 10 years old when I saw this movie
Just dropping in hear to say you are one of my favorite channels, glad I ran into your content!
they’re not rejecting patriarchy they are simply picking and choosing
Thank you for sharing, thank you for bringing things to the forefront and thank you for your love.
I’ve been quiet these past few videos bc I be listening while I’m at work. But I wanted to pop in and tell you I love you! 💕
NEPHEW did his big one on this 👏🏾👏🏾
Throughout your video, I kept going back to Moonlight. Great video, great movie.
Aw man, I got even more work to do than I thought😭. You doing the Lord's work, kinfolk!
Thank you for talking about this 🥺
I have never really thought about patriarchy with the context of race before ..
Just gonna address the elephant in the room that this is pretty much perpetuated by homophobic black women on the internet, sorry. If you have emotions you're "sassy" "got a little sweetness to it" or "in your soft black man era"
Homophobic black women may contribute but to make it sound like they are the primary perpetrator of this is straight up bullshit. Black men do this PLENTY on their own. Don't try and pin this on black women.
@@anarchoyeasty3908 oh bw are definitely the biggest perpetrators at this point. Y’all will literally have gay friends then turn around and call bm gay for doing anything you don’t deem traditional masculine. Seethe
This is insightful and I’m not here to discredit this AT ALL. However, this narrative is primarily perpetuated by black men towards other black men. The black women you are referring to are not berating men or calling them “sassy” becaue of them “acting gay” or presenting themselves as traditionally feminine, it’s more so them saying that modern men don’t want to be providers or protectors anymore. I also think it is associated with how men constantly spew misogyny towards women on the internet. The aforementioned acts are “sassy” not painting nails, using lgbt+ slang, etc. Those things are villanized by other men. Now, two things can be true at once and I do think there is homophobia laced in some of these women’s talking points (just not most of them). Again, this is just what I’ve seen; I do not want to invalidate your experience at all. ❤❤
@@mariyahwells1234I've seen plenty of women call men sassy for just having emotions and being called "sassy" just because you don't want to conform to gender roles is stupid too
When you said madam Aubrey I’m in literal tears😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Sassy!
And this is hands down one of my favorite video essays this year. Keep up the great work I cannot wait for more videos!
Could Tupac be the medium between Drake and Biggie?? Still shows the “traditional” views of masculinity with some of his lyrics, lack of motherly love that forced him to “get it on his own” but has that softness through his poetry, photo shoots, etc that could be seen as on the “sassy” side in todays time. Maybe he could’ve been a transition factor leading to the Drake’s of today.
I literally can't wait for all the content you drop. love your channel herby xx💜
You gobbled on this one 😮💨
Refreshing perspective that is very thoroughly and creatively flushed out. You're the future ❤
I liked playing with Barbies as a kid as well as I had a massive mini car collection as a kid as well
Cool video, but I challenge you to make a video on the adultification on black girls on the other end of the spectrum. Your experience is valid but as a black qoman with a brother myself, and an absent father, my brother was coddled and justified and sympathized, and my sisters and I were meant to raise him. And I know other girls like me share my story. Take that 12 year old girl you saw for instance with her brother, ask why a 12 year old little girl was left alone to handle a screaming 3 year old. Where were their parents? She WAS the parent. Most black little girls are forced to raise their little brothers, or serve him like the man of the house. Not saying your video is wrong, but that pendulum swings sis, and it swings HARD. much love boo 🫰🏾
You know, I've never thought of "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" as a black phrase, but I've never heard a non-black person say it 😂
Oooooweeeee sweet baby you opened my eyes at 14:08 breaking down the rush to manhood for our little black boys 😢
You are delightful and insightful. Funny and informative. You have a new subscriber and I hope you alllll of the success. I doubt the algorithm brought me here? So it must have been colormind. Incredible stuff. Hearing "you do not have to be your father" for the first time in the year I'll be turning 36 really opened my eyes. No wonder I have such a hard time defining masculinity, I've never felt "worthy" of identifying with it, and now the only "masculine" things I see encompass negative traits I don't want to emulate, especially now that I have a daughter. I can't wait to learn more from you my friend
10:04 “Googley-eyed demographic” 💀💀
I get what you’re saying about the light skin softness but I think that’s very new and specific to this generation because Gen X had darker skinned loverboys like Gerald Levert, Usher, RKelly (yuck). And low key I feel like Drake and even Chris Brown got inspiration from Usher. But yeah Drake capitalized the most from it.
Your brain sis! It amazes me!
Subscribed, i saw this in my recommended so this may be ur new hit vid
The v neck sweater tho!!!!!!! Gorgeous!
Ok just came from your A-MAYZing segment on Khadija’s channel.
New sub. Love, love, love.
Last thing: When you said "The road to hell...", I finished it, in my best Undertaker voice, at 1 in the am. 🤣
I think grace is deserved. IMO the issue with the sassy pant brigade is their own vitriol in the POV that is often shown toward their true desires. The LGBT don't shake up the room too much, it's always the hidden figures causing chaos. I'm sure a large part of this is the experience to mis-education pipeline caused by patriarchy leading many women & men of the LGBT to WANT to learn + understand more. Whereas many men tend to float off of talking points, etc.
I love Herby's videos he broke this video down beautifully and I love the fact that he honed in on black boys experience in education and the world vs women.
this video is a gem
On your point about how your tone determines how emotionally available you can be and still be attractive. Where does D’Angelo come into it?
That second "your doing great sweetie" took me out 😂😂😂
Not hoochie daddy’s… that’s a new one for elmo😂😂😂😅😅
😂😂😂😂😂😂 this title FORCED me to click IMMEDJIATLEE! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
...they're SO sassy! While leaving no room for us to be feminine...but shame us for NOT being feminine. 🙄
calling men "sassy" is a femphobic microaggression just like if someone called a blk woman "angry"
step aside CARRIER ... just another jealous black woman.
You’re still applying gender roles… Did you watch the video? This isn’t about men’s need to be *more* masculine 😳
@@MISSMADISONMEDIA 🙄 yes, I did watch the video, and I'm not "applying" anything, and I don't have to for what I said to be any more correct....and he actually did touch on this subject in the video, just a little.
This exchange probably could've gone differently, had you not come at me sideways. Not every misunderstanding requires a jackass response.
@@TheSamanthaEdit ??? Girl what??? She barely even said anything, why are you being so defensive?? 😅
He not wrong you can't be fat black and dark in this society. ❤
I think that when we speak on black masculinity, black women should be left out of it because there’s always a gap between what people (even other black folks) see as our experience vs. what our experience actually is. I agree with almost every point made in this video, but to imply that black women are granted grace where black men aren’t is….interesting. Especially considering that every time I turn around there is a man calling a black woman masculine to try and employ masculinity on her. Again, great analysis but please don’t speak on groups of peoples experiences you know nothing about ❤❤❤
Men and women are not alien to each other. Women know a lot about the male experience and men know a lot about the female experience. We all exist on the same Earth. Hell, humanity knows about planets we’ve never been to, we definitely know about the people we live with.
@@Yes-bn6yy but there is a vast difference in experiences between these two groups, therefore, it can be difficult for one group to properly represent the mindset of the other. To avoid insensitivity and confusion, it’s best to only speak on your own lives experiences. IMO
@@mariyahwells1234 while it’s good not to speak for other people, limiting discussion to only yourself is a great way to hamper mutual understanding between groups. The differences are not that vast and that mindset just continues this gendered tribalism
@@Yes-bn6yy I don’t think we should limit discussion, but we also shouldn’t speak for others. Herby was stating their opinion as fact as if they can speak for women as a whole.
@@mariyahwells1234 ok that’s fair. However, there’s a difference between saying your observations and speaking for an entire population. People unfortunately do that for men all the time to the extent that what they say has become accepted as the “truth”, when you’d be surprised that most men think very very similar to women and that they’re not some aliens incapable of understanding the same people that they live their everyday lives with.
30 secs in and SLAPPED TF OUTTAH THAT SUBSCRIBE BUTTON
I thought the "road to hell" quote was from Shakespeare, turns out it's not but it did turn up in the '68 filmed version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thank you so much for making this amazing video!
more content like this please!
Being a member of the LGBT community is not always synonymous with being s3xually abused or violated by someone.
From my observations of cis gendered men, to say that a black man "puts on" an act of hyper-mascilinity is so remiss of how melanin is associated with genetic dominance and how that has been under attack from the founding years of this country until this current day by the system of white supremacy.
I can’t wait to get home and get into this! 😂😂😂
I love those glasses on you 😍
i love your vids! this is such an important conversation ❤
I love this! Wish you would have tied Lil Nas X into this discussion.
I disagree in the black community black mothers RAISE their daughters and LOVE their sons
Great Video! Ik this was specifically about blackness but I truly believe as a person that comes from a Jamaican background, Biggies issues also stemmed from that survival mentality from Jamaica, the Caribbean and slavery which also had the same mentality it maybe better if I was dead. Which also is still in black American history. Just manifests in different ways
That opening 😂 You so damn funny
Tamir Rice. Poor child. I’ll never forget his name.
Sassy. Your mind is just 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾🫦
Wow BRILLIANT 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
You are beautiful! Your face is so pretty
14:37 - I’ve frequently joked that I wound up non-binary on account of wanting to do a good job meeting the social expectations placed on both men and women, but it’s more true than folks might think. You pick up on at least some of the socialization for all genders growing up, so the one(s) you internalize may matter just as much as the one you were raised in.
raise a black man and parent a black girl whoa
White English woman. I know the proverb "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", I can't even remember the first time I heard that, but I've definitely known it since childhood.
I'm interested to know where it originated from now, but I'm gonna finish this video first. So therefore I might forget to Google it. But nevermind!
herby, could you do a piece of analysis on the heart part 5, kendrick lamar?
I’m straight not LGBTQ, so maybe my perspective is not tolerated here but I don’t think masculinity is part of any White patriarchy, it is natural. Look at Native American communities or even natives in African countries and you’ll notice a common family dynamic where the man is the protector of the family and the community, while the woman is the keeper and nurturer of the community and the family. This is in general, across the world. I think WE in the US are the anomaly with our different style of households, largely fueled by having the highest rate of imprisoned fathers in the world. Bottom line - there seems to be a family dynamic that has always existed across time and space that is counter to what is being preached here.
0:24 😂😂😂
Have you ever read “The Man-Not: Race, Class, Genre, And the Dilemmas of black manhood.” By Tommy J. Curry? Would have been a great source to use for this video..
I’m waiting for your review on Chloe’s new album babe.
Damn, this was great.
In my experience men who don’t conform to traditional masculinity have no interest in ending patriarchy or treating women and girls like people or whatever, they just want a rebrand!!! I can’t speak to black manhood since I’m not black (I’m here to learn because my partner is American and I know it’s important to understand and respect African American culture in order to be a good visitor when we go there) but that’s my experience in general, it’s been true in both countries I’ve lived in and in every group of people I’ve interacted with, the exceptions are few and far between.
Also multiplexity is such a good word! Like it’s not just complex, there’s multiple complexities. Literally perfect