It’s going on 4 years my now 17 year old hasn’t spoken to me. Her father won’t coparent or speak to me either. All bc I told her no. I’m not sure how to move on. I don’t know know how.
Thank you! I only get to see my 3 year old daughter only a few times a year cause her mom lives in another county. So during my visits I try hard to always give her lots of affection an attention but the older she’s been getting the more she’s been rejecting me an growing more distant with video chatting her every week.. surly enough there’s other kids around her who deeply appreciate me an love me unconditionally so it kinda throws my head in a loop.
I’m starting to stop caring, it’s been 4yrs of silent treatment and mean remarks. I’m tired, I’ve given her 20yrs of my life where she was the centre of my world. If that hasn’t worked enough to convince her I’m not jumping through hoops only to be disrespected anyway. Life goes on, children leave and turn against you, shit happens. Things will fall into place once she’s left uni and enters the real world.
As A Father I'm dealing with Rejection from my 4 yr old daughter..Sadly I don't spend much time with her because of Me nd her mother's issues with each other. I try not to get to caught with my feelings but her mother uses our daughter as a pawn when we have disagreements or if I don't answer the phone she says I won't get my daughter ever again..Now I'm seeing it's effecting my daughter's and I Relationship 😥
When parents are split, it can be a very difficult situation. I encourage you to use mirroring and other connection techniques to continue to build a relationship with your daughter and foster you connection. It will work wonders, even if you have limited lists with her. Perhaps you can take steps to seek a more formal separation agreement which gives you consistent visits with her.
Sad as it is for me to say, I feel like black parents just don’t ever think this deeply about parenting. Most of the blk parents I know would have lashed out and hit the kid for rejecting them, or gotten “even” in some other way. It’s such a sad contrast to the approach this therapist advocates. They give the impression that they literally resent their kids for costing time and money.
All 3 of my kids are in their 20s. Years of this, I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to live through it! I need to find a way to numb myself before I kill myself! I have tried so much and so hard! Your tips haven't worked for me, I have tried though!!!!
Hi Christine. I am so sorry to hear that ur also going through this. My daughter is 28 and chose her dad and his side of the family and his materialism over me. What hurts the most are the weeks and weeks of silence, her not responding to my messages and then eventually responding by saying Oh, Iv just been so busy!". I cant do it either anymore. Im just going to stop being available and mirror her behaviour but it hurts. Being a mom, then a single mom was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I worked myself into burnout but provided luxuries and so many things to reward her for being the "good" child. None of it made an ounce of difference. To see her now, is to haul out my wallet to treat her to lunch or buy her something. Iv given her incredible jewellery because I love her, not to gain her affection. She has a wealthy boyfriend and her "mother in law" spoils her. In contrast, Im on disability. I thought we had a great relationship while she was growing up. I think the money changed it. Something I would like to guess we have in common is low self esteem. Always giving live to try to receive it. This has a negative and opposite effect. We are gentle people but have allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of for love of our children. My advice to me and you is, live your life and disregard them. Theyll come running if they need you but even then, live for you, not for them. Let them be your second priority and pray. 🙏
Grown children in there 40's no longer talk to me maybe a text. They very rarely say I love you. I have 4 grand kids i only know 2. The other 2 i really don't know them sad
I am one of these people, she cries about it, but I just don't feel connected.. I just feel a constant malevolence. I don't know why but I just don't love her
I don't know why, but my daughter is a huge disappointment to me. She just doesn't care about me. Idk why. I can die tomorrow, and she wouldn't care. She might be a sociopath or narcissist. Even her mother has wondered about that.
It happens. People can accept that 1% of the population is a sociopath. They accept that statistics. But if you ever say "that person who goaded me and gaslighted me with a smirk" then their assumption is you were weak/you attract abusers/you are a terrible parent. Well who knows,maybe, I can't be bothered protecting my reputation but I have a chubb lock on the door. I'm glad he"s safe (with family) but when you are genuinely more worried about yr safety than yr "reputation" then yeh, chubb lock the door.
What about adult? “I’ll never add you to FB bc I don’t want to hurt your feelings” “I post my highlights” she only posts about her dads side and never ever not once has posted us. She went to his house at 15 he wouldn’t let her come home. I was so scared of him I didn’t fight. 10 years later here we are. Barely any relationship and barely shows up for events. I am not ok. I wish something would take me out. That’s how deep this pain is. I’ve always put my kids first. I was abused by her narcissistic father. People ask me why she never posts about us, why she doesn’t come around very often. I feel like a failure. Even though I know in my heart I’m not a bad parent/person. But when this is happening it’s hard. She is 25 still lives with him and praises him and his wife. Cuts pics of me off if she posts to her social media. You may not understand and say it’s just social media but she’s telling the world I don’t even exist. And people make comments to me. So it does matter. Among other things.
I really feel your pain. It sucks. My 13 yr old's father died and she hates me. Nothing I do is good enough. We barely survive being poor. I found a note under her pillow that read " I hate my mom so much, I wish my dad were still here" it paralyzed me and depresses me to no end. I do the best I can. It's a terrible feeling. My heart is with you ❤🙏
This is a really good video but as a mum watching this where I’m the one rejected, I actually feel even worse about myself and the situation as you keep referring to the rejection being the dad and not the mum. I know it’s more common for the child to reject the dad, but I was hoping for some comfort that my situation isn’t that uncommon. 😢 xx
I feel as if my 2 year old son hates me. He loves dad. So much he doesn't hug or kiss me but will him. I have to ask a billion times to get it. I dont wanna force it but idk wtf to do. I wish this was talked about. I feel u gurl. I do. With me, its been his whole damn life, granted only 2 years but it feels like a million
I'm a single mum and my teenager son just wound down all communication with me around 13. Over the last 4 years he has become more and more intimidating. My son lives with my brother now and I'm glad he's safe, but he hates me. I reached out and got a tirade of names in response, but no explanation for WHY I'm a b I t c h. Ykwim? OK, so you hate me son, but why? I got blocked 😮. 🚫 Maybe one day he will see the value in having a mother.
Same here at the moment. My 2.5 year old daughter throws tantrums and yells at me not to come near her and she wants only her dad to do everything for her, even as simple as giving a glass of water.. really breaks my heart!
I missed about 8 months with my son in his first year due to a separation and then divorce. I’ve had 50% physical custody of him for a little over a year and he barely has started saying he loves me back, and very rarely. I appreciate the advice. I sacrificed a lot to be with him and sometimes he makes me feel like it would have been better for him if I hadn’t tried. It makes me feel better to know other people go through this and that there are solutions I can explore.
Father of an only child, has a *STRONG* pull to mommy. I have never heard "I love you daddy" always "I don't like daddy" "I hate daddy" "I want daddy out of here" We've left water parks and a night halloween event at a zoo because of her lousy treatment of me, I try to interact, she screams and cries,
Noone tells you how f***ing painful parenting can be. My feelings are hurt, im hurting for my husband and I'm really tempted to do some reverse psychology and reject back. But that hurts even more. It's bs. I can't hate her no matter how mean she is.
부모와 자식관계는 서로 믿을수있고 진정성있는 관계를 기본으로 보지만,어떤 가족은 아이앞에서 한쪽부모, 특히 더 착한부모의 모자람을 강조하고 비난하는 가족환경에서 어린 자녀를 성장 시킬수있다.. 어른들도 건강하지못한 정서로 아이를 키우면 그 아이는 매우 편협한 상태로 성장할 확률이 매우 크다. 참으로 잘못된 안타까운 상황이다. 잘목된을 알아차리고 경계를 세워 어린 자녀일수록 잘 보살펴야… 잠깐의 건강한 사춘기라면 부모의 진정성때문에 스스로 곧 바로 잡는다.아이를 믿어라.
Hearing u say whats needed to have been done at 4:00, makes me cringe inside, yet i get it. I suffered rejection from every single human walking this earth, and after leaving a dv marriage, trying to make better decisions for my son, id give him to my foster parents for 3-4 days, and I often ask myself what really led me to eventually giving up the care of "i dont ever want to take my eyes off of him" to him becoming adopted by them...i remembered today how my son would begin to reject me often, and how i would mentally emotionally and thru my behavior at age 19, handle that. It was enough to trying to be a good parent and not do what my mother did, but tryna do better get over a dv relationship, be on my own for the first time, his rejection would not sit well w me, and for anyone that rejected me i would get far away from them as possible, as i also did him💔
my 2 yr old daughter hates me idk why i havent mistreated her or been mean just one day she came over and doesnt want me near her too the point she screams ... i guess i reaaly am a bad dad
My 7 month old daughter is not connected to me 😢 she doesn’t care if I am around and she almost all the time prefers her daddy or nanny over me. Any suggestions? 🙁
Its a little different when your not with the other parent and the teen chooses not to come home for weeks on end, no calls or texts. What do i do in this situation as he wont even talk to me? Im being nutral and open with my communication already but his dad is perpetually the soft "buddy buddy" parent to our 13yo. He different witg our eldest daughter and much stricter with her 😢
I know this seems obvious to some mothers. But because I have not had custody of my daughter for so long, I really don't know what I should do. She has been living in this home for about four years. And she wants to be with me, but she also wants to stay in this house. I am at a loss of words
Please help me... I am trying to get custody back of my daughter, who lives with her grandparents, and I also live with them. I have filed for custody of my daughter back, and when I told my daughter that we might not be living here the rest of her life, she got upset and she asked me why we can't live here forever and ever. I told her that Mommy wants to eventually get married and have a life outside of this one house. She does not want to leave this house. Im not sure if I should just let her stay here and I go move on or if I have to force her to come with me. I literally don't know what to do
That is really difficult to handle, Roland. When ever you get the chance, try to meet him at his level and engage in what he wants to talk about, as best you can. Mirror, mirror, mirror. Ease any pressure on him to visit with you. Giving him space and being there for him is the best way to repair and start the process of visiting, The more you push him in to it, the harder he will resist.
Good question! I too have C-PTSD from lifelong covert abuse by both of my parents and now that my son who I love with all my heart and soul is treating me the way he saw them treat me. My heart is so broken and I feel so powerless and easily go into depression from all of this and I’m on medication already but I end up feeling so defeated and rejected by my one and only precious child that I’m suffering so much. Anxiety and fear fills my heart for him because I’m his one and only true ally and backbone.
Well in my case it's in reverse. I am 31 and my sister 44. My sister has a 21 year old daughter that she rejects as her daughter. No idea why it's probably because my sister was dumped by her ex boyfriend when he found out she was pregnant. My sister started to hate more my niece after she discovered she started using drugs at age 15. Now she totally rejects her. I began taking care of her properly when I turned 18 when she was 8. I been raising my own niece for 13 years. But she always has missed the warmth of her mother. My niece fell in depression at age 17 and attempted three times to suicide. Now she's currently studying medicine at Columbia University In New York City. She has been diagnosed with depression and Aspergers Syndrome. Currently my niece lives with my girlfriends apartment and my girl and me has been taking care of her for the last two years. Meanwhile my sister lives with me. My girlfriend has been a very very very good help for my niece. I never seen my niece smile so much before. It makes me cry sometimes.
It’s going on 4 years my now 17 year old hasn’t spoken to me. Her father won’t coparent or speak to me either. All bc I told her no. I’m not sure how to move on. I don’t know know how.
Sounds like my situation “no” and all of a sudden your not their parent anymore
Same. 3 years now...and turning 18 soon. 😥
My kids only bother with me when they need something
Same here, so I changed my #.
Yes,ridiculous!But at 7O Ishut up.If they contact me fine.Need a compass to start over
@@Comet42great,what about when we get old and can’t take of bills.Do I trust a lawyer with bank transactions?It is terrifying
Thank you! I only get to see my 3 year old daughter only a few times a year cause her mom lives in another county. So during my visits I try hard to always give her lots of affection an attention but the older she’s been getting the more she’s been rejecting me an growing more distant with video chatting her every week.. surly enough there’s other kids around her who deeply appreciate me an love me unconditionally so it kinda throws my head in a loop.
I’m starting to stop caring, it’s been 4yrs of silent treatment and mean remarks. I’m tired, I’ve given her 20yrs of my life where she was the centre of my world. If that hasn’t worked enough to convince her I’m not jumping through hoops only to be disrespected anyway. Life goes on, children leave and turn against you, shit happens. Things will fall into place once she’s left uni and enters the real world.
You sound selfish and toxic …no wonder your kid left
I am silent,if they contact me fine.Need a new life
I love them ..but they rejected me..
Me too,new trend worldwide
What would you suggest for single parents?
As A Father I'm dealing with Rejection from my 4 yr old daughter..Sadly I don't spend much time with her because of Me nd her mother's issues with each other. I try not to get to caught with my feelings but her mother uses our daughter as a pawn when we have disagreements or if I don't answer the phone she says I won't get my daughter ever again..Now I'm seeing it's effecting my daughter's and I Relationship 😥
When parents are split, it can be a very difficult situation. I encourage you to use mirroring and other connection techniques to continue to build a relationship with your daughter and foster you connection. It will work wonders, even if you have limited lists with her. Perhaps you can take steps to seek a more formal separation agreement which gives you consistent visits with her.
My 3 year old daughter prefers her dad over me. She always pushes me away. I am always breaking down every night because of it. Help. :(
Gone better??
Sad as it is for me to say, I feel like black parents just don’t ever think this deeply about parenting. Most of the blk parents I know would have lashed out and hit the kid for rejecting them, or gotten “even” in some other way. It’s such a sad contrast to the approach this therapist advocates. They give the impression that they literally resent their kids for costing time and money.
I’m experiencing this now with my 2 and half years toddler, and my heart is broken 💔
Would you apply this to step parents? Or any advice for them?
It hurts not to even get a phone call, finally realized I did a good job with sons off to their lives.My adult children seem bored with me😂😂😂
I lost my daughter over 3 years ago because I made her do her schoolwork during COVID.
Thank you...
All 3 of my kids are in their 20s. Years of this, I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to live through it! I need to find a way to numb myself before I kill myself! I have tried so much and so hard! Your tips haven't worked for me, I have tried though!!!!
Hi Christine. I am so sorry to hear that ur also going through this. My daughter is 28 and chose her dad and his side of the family and his materialism over me. What hurts the most are the weeks and weeks of silence, her not responding to my messages and then eventually responding by saying Oh, Iv just been so busy!". I cant do it either anymore. Im just going to stop being available and mirror her behaviour but it hurts. Being a mom, then a single mom was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I worked myself into burnout but provided luxuries and so many things to reward her for being the "good" child. None of it made an ounce of difference. To see her now, is to haul out my wallet to treat her to lunch or buy her something. Iv given her incredible jewellery because I love her, not to gain her affection. She has a wealthy boyfriend and her "mother in law" spoils her. In contrast, Im on disability. I thought we had a great relationship while she was growing up. I think the money changed it. Something I would like to guess we have in common is low self esteem. Always giving live to try to receive it. This has a negative and opposite effect. We are gentle people but have allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of for love of our children. My advice to me and you is, live your life and disregard them. Theyll come running if they need you but even then, live for you, not for them. Let them be your second priority and pray. 🙏
All love to you. It hurts so much, I know. Things will get better, you'll see. Sending you good vibes. 🙏🏼❤☀️
All three?
Has anything improved?
Grown children in there 40's no longer talk to me maybe a text. They very rarely say I love you. I have 4 grand kids i only know 2. The other 2 i really don't know them sad
I am one of these people, she cries about it, but I just don't feel connected.. I just feel a constant malevolence. I don't know why but I just don't love her
Who else IS the child rejecting one parent
Right here
Can I get in contact with you?
Hi. The best way to get in touch is to reach out to Rebecca at info@connectedparenting.com - she can help coordinate support that is works for you.
You might want to buy a. Microphone
I don't know why, but my daughter is a huge disappointment to me. She just doesn't care about me. Idk why. I can die tomorrow, and she wouldn't care. She might be a sociopath or narcissist. Even her mother has wondered about that.
It happens. People can accept that 1% of the population is a sociopath. They accept that statistics. But if you ever say "that person who goaded me and gaslighted me with a smirk" then their assumption is you were weak/you attract abusers/you are a terrible parent. Well who knows,maybe, I can't be bothered protecting my reputation but I have a chubb lock on the door. I'm glad he"s safe (with family) but when you are genuinely more worried about yr safety than yr "reputation" then yeh, chubb lock the door.
What about with a month old?? He feels more secure with his dad 💔
What about adult? “I’ll never add you to FB bc I don’t want to hurt your feelings” “I post my highlights” she only posts about her dads side and never ever not once has posted us. She went to his house at 15 he wouldn’t let her come home. I was so scared of him I didn’t fight. 10 years later here we are. Barely any relationship and barely shows up for events. I am not ok. I wish something would take me out. That’s how deep this pain is. I’ve always put my kids first. I was abused by her narcissistic father. People ask me why she never posts about us, why she doesn’t come around very often. I feel like a failure. Even though I know in my heart I’m not a bad parent/person. But when this is happening it’s hard. She is 25 still lives with him and praises him and his wife. Cuts pics of me off if she posts to her social media. You may not understand and say it’s just social media but she’s telling the world I don’t even exist. And people make comments to me. So it does matter. Among other things.
I really feel your pain. It sucks. My 13 yr old's father died and she hates me. Nothing I do is good enough. We barely survive being poor. I found a note under her pillow that read " I hate my mom so much, I wish my dad were still here" it paralyzed me and depresses me to no end. I do the best I can. It's a terrible feeling. My heart is with you ❤🙏
@@dcg31free Ouch. I'm sorry. I know the feels. Sorry
This is a really good video but as a mum watching this where I’m the one rejected, I actually feel even worse about myself and the situation as you keep referring to the rejection being the dad and not the mum. I know it’s more common for the child to reject the dad, but I was hoping for some comfort that my situation isn’t that uncommon. 😢 xx
It’s not uncommon. My youngest rejects me often. I’m a non custodial parent. I pray you find comfort.
I feel as if my 2 year old son hates me. He loves dad. So much he doesn't hug or kiss me but will him. I have to ask a billion times to get it. I dont wanna force it but idk wtf to do. I wish this was talked about. I feel u gurl. I do. With me, its been his whole damn life, granted only 2 years but it feels like a million
I'm a single mum and my teenager son just wound down all communication with me around 13. Over the last 4 years he has become more and more intimidating. My son lives with my brother now and I'm glad he's safe, but he hates me. I reached out and got a tirade of names in response, but no explanation for WHY I'm a b I t c h. Ykwim? OK, so you hate me son, but why? I got blocked 😮. 🚫
Maybe one day he will see the value in having a mother.
Exactly
Same here at the moment. My 2.5 year old daughter throws tantrums and yells at me not to come near her and she wants only her dad to do everything for her, even as simple as giving a glass of water.. really breaks my heart!
I missed about 8 months with my son in his first year due to a separation and then divorce. I’ve had 50% physical custody of him for a little over a year and he barely has started saying he loves me back, and very rarely.
I appreciate the advice. I sacrificed a lot to be with him and sometimes he makes me feel like it would have been better for him if I hadn’t tried. It makes me feel better to know other people go through this and that there are solutions I can explore.
This is a good video. We are beginning with TBRI for reactive attachment disorder, but it is soooo painful to be the rejected parent!
Connect before correct is part of TBRI.
Father of an only child, has a *STRONG* pull to mommy. I have never heard "I love you daddy" always "I don't like daddy" "I hate daddy" "I want daddy out of here" We've left water parks and a night halloween event at a zoo because of her lousy treatment of me, I try to interact, she screams and cries,
I’m sorry brother. Nothing in life hurts more then that. You are not alone!
That’s more painful then getting shot by a gun.
I have no purpose in life without my kids, 22,24. I’ve made mistakes but good things too. They don’t care.
I hope you will find things that bring you joy.
You being there gives them big comfort, even if they don't show it.
Can't tell you how vital it is that you made this video, thank you so much, truly
Noone tells you how f***ing painful parenting can be. My feelings are hurt, im hurting for my husband and I'm really tempted to do some reverse psychology and reject back. But that hurts even more. It's bs. I can't hate her no matter how mean she is.
Parental alienation…help!
Really brought a light on my mistakes as a dad,thank you
부모와 자식관계는 서로 믿을수있고 진정성있는 관계를 기본으로 보지만,어떤 가족은 아이앞에서 한쪽부모, 특히 더 착한부모의 모자람을 강조하고 비난하는 가족환경에서 어린 자녀를 성장 시킬수있다.. 어른들도 건강하지못한 정서로 아이를 키우면 그 아이는 매우 편협한 상태로 성장할 확률이 매우 크다. 참으로 잘못된 안타까운 상황이다. 잘목된을 알아차리고 경계를 세워 어린 자녀일수록 잘 보살펴야…
잠깐의 건강한 사춘기라면 부모의 진정성때문에 스스로 곧 바로 잡는다.아이를 믿어라.
Hearing u say whats needed to have been done at 4:00, makes me cringe inside, yet i get it. I suffered rejection from every single human walking this earth, and after leaving a dv marriage, trying to make better decisions for my son, id give him to my foster parents for 3-4 days, and I often ask myself what really led me to eventually giving up the care of "i dont ever want to take my eyes off of him" to him becoming adopted by them...i remembered today how my son would begin to reject me often, and how i would mentally emotionally and thru my behavior at age 19, handle that. It was enough to trying to be a good parent and not do what my mother did, but tryna do better get over a dv relationship, be on my own for the first time, his rejection would not sit well w me, and for anyone that rejected me i would get far away from them as possible, as i also did him💔
You are not alone we are going through the same thing.
my 2 yr old daughter hates me idk why i havent mistreated her or been mean just one day she came over and doesnt want me near her too the point she screams ... i guess i reaaly am a bad dad
My 7 month old daughter is not connected to me 😢 she doesn’t care if I am around and she almost all the time prefers her daddy or nanny over me. Any suggestions? 🙁
going through the same
Its a little different when your not with the other parent and the teen chooses not to come home for weeks on end, no calls or texts. What do i do in this situation as he wont even talk to me? Im being nutral and open with my communication already but his dad is perpetually the soft "buddy buddy" parent to our 13yo. He different witg our eldest daughter and much stricter with her 😢
My nephews..my sister's sons treat me like i don't exist. I feel enraged by that so to cope i had to cut myself off from them.
I know this seems obvious to some mothers. But because I have not had custody of my daughter for so long, I really don't know what I should do. She has been living in this home for about four years. And she wants to be with me, but she also wants to stay in this house. I am at a loss of words
Cant hear even with volume all the way up.
Please help me... I am trying to get custody back of my daughter, who lives with her grandparents, and I also live with them. I have filed for custody of my daughter back, and when I told my daughter that we might not be living here the rest of her life, she got upset and she asked me why we can't live here forever and ever. I told her that Mommy wants to eventually get married and have a life outside of this one house. She does not want to leave this house. Im not sure if I should just let her stay here and I go move on or if I have to force her to come with me. I literally don't know what to do
Please message me at rachel12lauzon@icloud.com
This is literally the hardest thing EVER FOR ME
My wife and I are divorcing and we have two boys. My 12 year old son has chosen not to do visitation with me anymore. It has been about 4 months…
That is really difficult to handle, Roland. When ever you get the chance, try to meet him at his level and engage in what he wants to talk about, as best you can. Mirror, mirror, mirror. Ease any pressure on him to visit with you. Giving him space and being there for him is the best way to repair and start the process of visiting, The more you push him in to it, the harder he will resist.
@@connectedparenting1621 Hopefully I will get the chance to talk with him before his mom moves him out of state. Thanks!
Thank you.
What about parents with CPTSD experiencing this....
Good question! I too have C-PTSD from lifelong covert abuse by both of my parents and now that my son who I love with all my heart and soul is treating me the way he saw them treat me. My heart is so broken and I feel so powerless and easily go into depression from all of this and I’m on medication already but I end up feeling so defeated and rejected by my one and only precious child that I’m suffering so much. Anxiety and fear fills my heart for him because I’m his one and only true ally and backbone.
Wow. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so very much.
Well in my case it's in reverse. I am 31 and my sister 44. My sister has a 21 year old daughter that she rejects as her daughter. No idea why it's probably because my sister was dumped by her ex boyfriend when he found out she was pregnant. My sister started to hate more my niece after she discovered she started using drugs at age 15. Now she totally rejects her. I began taking care of her properly when I turned 18 when she was 8. I been raising my own niece for 13 years. But she always has missed the warmth of her mother. My niece fell in depression at age 17 and attempted three times to suicide. Now she's currently studying medicine at Columbia University In New York City. She has been diagnosed with depression and Aspergers Syndrome. Currently my niece lives with my girlfriends apartment and my girl and me has been taking care of her for the last two years. Meanwhile my sister lives with me. My girlfriend has been a very very very good help for my niece. I never seen my niece smile so much before. It makes me cry sometimes.