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Hey I love to get your offer I'm married to a covert narcissist and we argue all the time or did agree on thing etc so I need all the help I can get do I stay in a marriage or get out I have had 3 people to tell me she will wind up killing me in time and I know I'm scard sometimes when I go to sleep couse I sleep so heavy and I have Sleep disorder sometimes I know when she get up and other times I don't here her at all 😢😢can I please please get some help on what I really need to do.
My ex lied just to lie. I never understood why he would choose lies over truth. It was actually a game to him. The lying began early in our marriage. I was too trusting, the perfect target for a Covert Narcissist. I hung on for 47 years. Not because I was stupid but because I was trusting and hoped he would change. Sadly, I’ve recently heard from a woman I knew in the past and she also fell for his lies. Ugh. I’m SO glad God brought me the man of my dreams to me. We have been married over five years now and I know what a truly loving marriage is all about. Never give up hope!
@@marjet2228 Making impossible promises are a glaring red flag if you can keep in the state of mind to spot them. Future faking is a big one too ... spinning an idyllic vision of your life with them, when none of it will come to pass.
This is only part of it...everyone slips once in a while, including if they are the target of a narc. They are tired, and begin bail on plans, or think I will cancel once... to keep him happy, keep the peace. I just like to caution, this sign is only one...and on its own, doesn't mean someone is a narc, abuser.
@@cathycoryell2351 Very true and thanks for adding this. Everyone can display narcissistic behavior sometimes. That doesn't make them a narc. It is the continuous, recurring patter of abuse that is the indicator.
I was in therapy contemplating divorce. Back then I didn't know what a narcissist was but i knew this relationship was just "off." My therapist told me she had never given the advice she was about to give me as her job in counseling was to try and save marriages. She told me to run. I did. Moved out of state. Never looked back. There was a lot of shame on my part for feeling so stupid. I couldn't even talk about it to my family. The gaslighting, the lies, my low self esteem, the total chaos of it all. It broke me for a long time. But getting far away and not engaging with him was the smartest thing I ever done.
My therapist called me at home and told me she was afraid for my safety, for me to leave asap. I didn’t listen right away, and it got dangerous…I’m lucky I got out alive. I am different now, I listen to red flags.
I have been in a similar situation, my Narcissist is the father of my children. I got away, and I'm happy you did too!! And be proud you did!! All the best❤️🇳🇿🇬🇧
Oh my god that makes me nuts. My husband does this all the time we been separated for almost 2 years and the longer I’m away from him the stronger I get! He would constantly tells me it’s none of my business and his words NEVER match his actions! He tries to tell me I’m a freak because I hold him accountable for his words never matching his actions. He acts like a wounded victim now gas lighting asshole
In three sentences he will say something with the first is absolute, then a cut down, then the opposite thing as the first sentence is a fact. It's like the cutdown is then ignored when I bring it to his attention that two opposing things can't be true, but it's just to make confusion in me so the cut down is all that sticks. It's terribly abusive. I am not able to make sense of anything at all that he says. He rants for hours with mostly cut downs after he's built his anger from being confusing with interspersed cut downs to straight cut downs that don't stop then if I interject anything he rages and then screams he's a victim, very loudly. Over and over nearly everyday. It's psychotic.
@@maryjperry132 oh honey I'm right there with you!! Or have been. It's intentional to confuse us and distract us from telling them how wrong they are. We can not fix them or change them. No matter what we say or what we show. The only thing we can do is change how we respond to them and to leave them. Sadly it's easier said than done but if I can unsnarl myself from him and then actually we all can. I'm here if you need an outlet! Anytime my friend! Be blessed and safe please!! Love light peace and kindness to all of us! Self love empowers us
A red flag that I ignored a LONG time ago. I was in college and I met this guy. We started hanging out. I had a car and he did not. He asked if he could borrow my car keys to put his books in my car and he would give them back after his next class. I said okay. When he gave me the keys back, he told me that he borrowed my car to drive home and he came back. His home was a half hour away. I was young and I didn't want to be petty, so I let it go. He turned out to be very abusive, and looking back, that was one of the first tests to see if I would tolerate him taking advantage of me. Of course I never should have given him the keys, but I should have dumped him right them.
Oh so similar for me too. I had no idea it was a test to see if I'd let them get away with it. Getting called selfish or ungiving is just fine with me. I learned to NEVER give to people I do not know and trust.
Narcs are also creatures of patterns, constantly repeating their game strategies, so always look for repetitive behavior that your gut instincts are telling you are off, and yes definitely words that don't match actions is a huge red flag.
I would say to him whenever he started talking and repeating his game was "here we go again, script and dialogue" walk away and tell him that it's the same thing different day. It only made him mad and start an argument with the same script and dialogue with no logic at all.
I have the weird ability of seeing patters in EVERYTHING . I guess it's a thing, to some degree it gives the ability to predict outcomes. I Swear dealing with 2 Narcs (mother & sister) I am barely sane! I swear I KNOW what they're thinking before they do! 🙈🙉🙊
Sally-your description of a narcisist totally describes my wife to a tee! Ive been racking my brain, searching personality disorders for 15 years trying to figure out what is going on. Thank you so much for your comment. You have helped me tremendously.
@@andrewstowe4313 Yes but the difference between you and a narcissist, is that a narcissist can’t, won’t, and will never acknowledge or admit it! Hypocrisy is an indicator, and inability to see it in oneself and LEARN from it is the hallmark of the disorder.
so true.... my ex made me feel terrible for having 2 marriages behind me. After i moved in with him, i found a photo album with him and a bride at the altar... he didnt even flinch when i asked him about it... he had always maintained he was only married once! so he had married twice (like me) and made me feel like a failure
Seriously it's definitely devastating, but I was fooled 4 , 42.5 years and have 3 AMAZING NON NARCISSISTIC CHILDREN FROM THE Creep, I AM ONLY 9 WEEKS OUT AND HEALING IS WORTH IT....I thought lots of it was me, but that's bcaz i believed in TRUE LOVE😂😂😂😂😂He's still trying 2 get my goat, but I TURNED MY OFF SWITCH "ON" AND HE continues to not let me have my stuff, but I just gave it all to God and I being smart and staying ahead of the dummy. May U ride 2 the occasion and realize U deserve better and U R MORE VALUABLE THAN U WILL EVER GET FROM THE NARCISSISTIC....these videos definitely help 🎉🎉🎉 Unconditional LOVE in Ur healing journey, ive become a liquid crystal healer on my love journey ❤
And explaining theirselves, say,”you’ve got to understand!” I immediately said, “I don’t have to understand anything!” He went mute. And of course went into blame, accusing. Anything but explaining theirselves bc he knew he’d have to lie and I could find holes in it. After that I was doomed. Constant accusations not true and gaslighting. To keep me on my toes.Attack before they attack you tactics. This is when I knew they did something they shouldn’t have. Stopped engaging. He’s perplexed. I’m waiting for him to disappear. But they need someone to supply them. He’s burnt his bridges.? No one there. He even got catfished. LOL!
In my experience , I can tell when a narcissist is lying is when they say " I don't know what you are talking about " this is a dead give away , I ended up finding out later that I was right every single time !
I dont know what you are talking about. I know that phrase, its been said often and I know it to mean that they dont want to know or hear what you' re talking about because they are in the process of pretending it doesnt exist, never happened, etc. Its how they see an escape from responsibility or accountability.
@@variniaspartacus5860 yes - they practice blatant dishonesty. And they cant be right - unless someone else is apparently wrong 😂 and they know that so well they fully lie to pretend they are right 😂😂😂😂
Thank you for this! I had assumptions about a month back but his response was exactly that... I said, how fo you not know.... yea... I should have known I was right but like always I gave him the benefit of the doubt... I feel sooooo stupid thinking back now
Agree. All I need is 1 red flag. Walls go up immediately...and they know it cuz my face is a tell. My tone is a tell. I prefer they know I caught them early. Saves time.
@ElizabethSanto22I tend to agree, but there comes a time in every relationship, when your opponent lays their best card down. Once they play it, they have done their worst. Parental approval is nice, but if they haven't demonstrated it, they aren't going to. They already played their best card. Not having the support of a parent won't define you... as long as you stand firm in what you know to be right and true.
@ElizabethSanto22 Or brothers. I should've picked up on, but didn't understand the verbal and emotional abuse, but, thought it had something to do with Trump.
@@RebeccaZungEsq I know people say narcissists never share anything about themselves and that they project blame, so I wanted to share my partial experience with a family member of mine, not to cast blame but to show my insight of what has happened. My parents are parental narcissists. My brother is a narcissist. My brother has blamed me many times and my parents always chose to believe him. I am a guy with an intellectually neurodivergent disability and I have a soft voice. It feels like people around me take advantage of me and act like I am dumb for some reason or another and people like to play dumb about it.(0:25) 3:12 (I would tell people about my family or History) but I would prefer to forget about my family completely and move on. The only person I would trust to some degree is my dad as I understand concepts of trust and exchange of personal value. My parents most likely have talked about me behind my back most of my life and made decisions for me based on my own perceived disability even to the Courts in order to run my life (I have never accepted the fact people think they get to run my life including the Court system) My family chose to ignore the warning signs my brother would put out on me. I could easily be labelled as being a narcissist because I could be seen as blaming him (as many narcissists do that) although what I am saying is true. I do have disability, but I am intelligent because many famous people have disabilities much like my own Self. I have been blamed my Self by my own parents based on how I reacted to my own brother based on his mean behavior towards me (many other channels explain how the narcissists try to induce reactions from other people to make those same people look like they are the problem/issue) I have lived on my own for over 3 years now in my own apartment and I see my family for who they actually are which made me try to understand how my life ended up the way it did. It has been tough finding out they weren't as supportive as I thought they should be. I had to really deeply think back visually on the family dynamic and memories to see the reality of why I was treated the way I was being treated. They (my family) kept blaming past history on me and assuming I hadn't changed at all as a person because of what past therapist service people had told them about how they thought I was as a person from when I was younger. I need to Restore my Civil Rights because they (my narcissistic family) caused that issue for me as well (The Courts think they can take Rights away from disadvantaged people) I am trying to live a life where I can get married or have a Girlfriend like everyone else and feel equal to my spouse or future Girlfriend without feeling like I have less Rights as a person than they do, have the same opportunities and experiences without a higher authority or person thinking they can dictate my life. So that's where I am at currently in my own life. I am trying to be the Architect of my own life and I do have a vision for my ideal life as well as a high level of awareness. If I start my own family someday, I will build them up to be their best and help them be happy unlike my parents did for me. I want to make sure people have a higher level of awareness of the narcissists in society that think they are the Architects of other people's lives. I don't want anyone to go through the same amount of pain and suffering that I had to endure as a person. The abuse from narcissists makes it feel as if a person has gone through an emotional battle zone without ever having stepped on a battlefield. I had to find others I cared about to boost my drive in life to be better and get over the depression I felt. One time my narcissistic brother told me he wished I would --- myself, that's how I knew he was trying to make me feel bad on purpose and he didn't want to see me alive. He tried making me feel as bad as he could but I always knew there was a reason he was doing it. I don't even care or focus on my narcissist because there are people in my community that I care about and would rather get to know (people that I love or care about) The narcissist tries to ruin a person's self-image and reputation from what I learned from my own observations of how I was treated in my own life. People often times may assume that how a victimized person 'reacts' to a narcissist can be misconstrued as the victimized person "being the narcissist" because of how "they react" to the Narcissist's own behavior. Some people who get victimized by narcissists go through Government institutions and have medications forced on them and become Gaslighted or convinced into thinking they have behavioral issues or problems by the same people that are supposed to help them. These institutions convince people they need to medicate when in fact they could have been a victim of narcissistic abuse. I am worried and seriously concerned that tons of people may not actually understand or comprehend how widespread the issue of Narcissistic Abuse may actually be. I try my best to explain and spread knowledge on this issue but there is only so much a single person like me can do to spread the wisdom on the topic as I would get burnt out trying to explain this information on every forum every single day of the week and I want to feel average without becoming tired. I relay this information in the hopes that it helps (everyone) gain an even greater understanding of really bad Narcissistic dynamics. Maybe our Societal dynamics can improve with the wisdom I provide, that is at least my hope for the Future of Society and beyond. I believe everyone needs others that care about them in their own lives, let's not stick around Narcissists that drag us down to their level and hurt our public relations.
Or you could ask so and so if you don't believe me! That's a great one right there! Same stuff ! People telling the truth will never say something like that! They don't need a cross reference! Lol!
My husband always said this. He actually didn't care whatvi believed. Never tried to convince me or even tried to defend himself. I left for good 5 weeks ago. Wasted 6 years of my life on that parasite.
As my grandfather taught me. HONOR, INTEGRITY, ETHICS, MORAL and VALUES. If you have non of these, you ARE NOTHING! You will never find these qualities in a NARCISSIST. My X husband, now DEAD, lied every time his lips moved.
When I was divorcing my husband, I printed out a little piece of paper that I taped to the bathroom mirror. It said YOU CAN DO THIS STRAIGHTEN UP, SMILE FOCUS AND BREATHE YOU CAN DO THIS. I still carry that piece of paper in my wallet 20 years later.
Withholding information about themselves is NOT a guarantee that you have found a person who lacks integrity. Sometimes what you have found is a tired soul who learned the hard way that opening up about themselves is really bad idea. Your pain and suffering should never be someone else's entertainment.
I agree. Toxic people will throw your past in your face or hold things against you- my favorite is taking things out of context and creating a whole new story/history with it. That they then tell other people. And if you try and do damage control or correct it, YOU look like the liar. I've just learned not to tell people anything until I KNOW they are "safe" to confide in. And that definitely doesn't make me the toxic one LoL
I agree I've had people use what I told them to manipulate me or shame me so I learned not to be emotionally vulnerable with people which really messes up my ability to really connect with people..I also have big trust issues but I'm working on them
My Husband of 17 years still doesn’t know all my past because he will throw it back in my face …😢It’s so sad that you can’t just talk to them as your best friend 😢…You always have to watch what you say to them😢
@jackieo5287 I'm so sorry, babe. I know that struggle and it sucks. Been with mine for 15 years and also can't tell him anything. Learned the hard way with the things I did disclose in the beginning. Which are still thrown in my face to this day. Have you also noticed you start to keep the things you do now a secret too, even though you're not even doing anything wrong .... these "men" suck!!
@@MissAmazings can definitely be hard to know when someone is truly safe to confide in.. especially disappointing when they turn out not to be.. still, I've found it immensely helpful to gently remind myself that whatever anyone thinks of me is *none of my business.. : )
I think that's what they want. They want you to shut down. the surveillance they're doing is illegal already. But it's really nothing you're doing that they can use against you. You be you and let them see you happy
I'm so sorry. I've done the same. It's sad being with someone you can't share the most innerworkingd of your mind and life with because they'll sabotage you and use the information against you for verbal and emotional abuse.
00:42 🚩 *Watch for integrity; it's a key indicator when dealing with narcissists.* 02:45 🕵️♂️ *Notice red flags early; dishonesty or lack of transparency could be signs of trouble.* 03:50 🚧 *Focus on actions over words; inconsistency is a common trait among narcissists.* 05:13 🔄 *Pay attention to behavioral inconsistencies and contradictions in their stories.* 06:07 😡 *Emotional responses may be disproportionate or inappropriate, indicating manipulation.* 07:01 🤔 *Look for gaps in logic or flawed reasoning in their explanations.* 07:30 🎯 *Watch out for blame-shifting tactics to avoid accountability.* 07:44 🌀 *Be aware of gaslighting techniques to make you doubt your reality.* 08:13 🛡️ *Maintain emotional balance and boundaries when dealing with narcissists.* 09:06 📝 *Document everything in real-time to protect yourself from manipulation.*
Agree ! They abused you, blame shift, and when I pointed out, what they did, they said " You did not consider the effect of your words and actions you on the other person" , yet they took Zero accountability for their actions, and all I did was point out a list of 5 things that they had done in the last month what was horrific behaviour towards you as a person. Including accusing me multiple time of cheating on them with a person that does not even exist, in front of other people. Leaving me feel dazed and wondering what the ? When you are innocent, and you can prove it, and they still are accusing you, you start to wonder if you are loosing your sanity ! In addition to the lies and abuse that they do towards you, and then deny that ever happened in front of everyone else. - Absolutely Sickening Behaviour ! TOXIC !
RUN, GET OUT NOW and be done with it! They will never change and you can’t fix it, it seems to get worse the longer the relationship lasts. Also, when a narcissist accuses you of cheating, they are usually cheating themselves and why go through all that?! It’s NOT worth it!! Please stay safe, good luck to you and Godspeed! 🙏❤️
Lies of omission are one of their specialties.They give you just enough info to be believable until you start thinking about what they have just told you. Always trust you gut,if it doesn't make sense it isn't true.
This is the thing. Colleagues at work will repeatedly just take what the narcissist says as the truth, even if the narcissists actions right at that moment are saying otherwise. I was going crazy seeing it happen and the other colleague just walks away and then praises the narcissist soon after for their honesty and good nature. and I'll be thinking "you've just seen them say what they would do while actually doing the opposite right in front of you and you didn't even spot it. How can you be so closed off to spotting these contradictions."
It's because all they're seeing is the love bombing. Build boundaries from the narcissistic personality and your work colleagues who get along with the narcissistic person (Ie flying monkeys) and concentrate on doing your job. Eventually with time, they'll slip up. In the meantime, make sure you're part of a working union (if you're not already) who can give you advice on the situation and if it's affecting your health, stay in touch with your doctor.
I’m praying a for sale sign goes up next door. Today. They were sprucing up all weekend and have done improvements in last weeks. I’m so hopeful. I can almost forgive her attempt to spray lawnmower discharge on me while I worked in my garden yesterday. Almost. Please Lord get her away from us.
Agree 1000%!!! My narc ex wanted to take a 3-day cruise but we didn't end up booking in time. I later found a 1-day cruise that we booked. On the DAY OF he was pissy and in a bad mood and in a huff yelled that I know he gets Seasick, why would I book a cruise?? He knew he was busted when I reminded him the cruise idea was HIS from the start!! Opened my eyes forever! 😮
sounds familiar. they came up with ideas and then when i said one of their ideas went wrong they said they never told me that but i had that shit screenshotted and showed it to them which of course led them to calling me paranoid and asking me if I were on the spectrum (as if that's an insult) then later on telling me "i'm paranoid and on the spectrum, that's the reason I do these things, I don't know how to do better, I never mean any harm!" wow they really think we don't see it, huh? they'll do ANYTHING to avoid accountability.
If you realize you are with a narcissist, "DO NOT WALK, RUN" as fast as you can to a professional counselor or doctor. The narcissist has been very busy telling your family or friends you are crazy in order to break down your support group. In addition, you no longer have any self confidence in yourself to be able to leave them. It took me ten years and giving up everything I had or had earned to get my freedom, but it was worth it.
Anytime ANYONE uses the phrase "trust me", "believe me", "honestly" or any other variation on this theme when addressing me, my trust level goes from wherever it might have once been to ZERO, and it stays there. If you have to tell me you're being honest, it's because you're actually feeding me a line of bull crap. Instead, show me verifiable honesty, and let me draw my own conclusions.
I have experienced people who do all of what you are talking about. What I went through was a wake up call for boundaries. There are narcissists and then there are people who learned their behavior who need help. None of us are perfect but there narcissistic abuse of a narcissist can be found in their consistent actions and what they say. People aren't perfect and some things are not always as they appear so people should be careful not to be so quick to label someone who is not narcissistic. Because often times there are real problems that can appear narcissistic when they are not.
Some people struggles to change because they are not aligned, that doesn't mean they are narcissist. It can also be just a lack of willingness. Narcissist struggles with failures, they never at fault, they will always turn it and ''proof'' that you are the one at fault, including putting words in your mouth that you never said or distort the facts at their advantage and to put you down.
Agree. They always have a way of saying the right thing because they just make it up. They don’t care if it’s a lie or not. You are what you do. Not what you say you’re going to do. Truer words have never been spoken when talking about these evil people.
It’s also fair to say the ones who leave those narc relationships also struggle to follow through due to being exhausted and hyper independent because the narc never follows through
Being an empath that has witnessed a narcissist doing something that they immediately deny is debilitating. I have never fought something more soul crushing than the emotions inside my body when someone I love is in 'lie until you die' mode over something that they saw me witness them doing. What really rang my bell is when I was cornered into believing that it was all in my head and that I must need psychological help. Using my own insight against me in one of the worst gaslighting events of my life was a real eye opener to the indifference of narcissism. Not only did I not see what I saw, I was supposed to put my mind in prison for everyone to see that I am not sane enough to accuse anyone of anything that I 'saw'. Using the love of an empath to make them question their own sanity must feel very empowering. This is how a sigma empath is unleashed. I can smell your lie now.
That was the final straw for me with my sister. She tried every trick in the book to get me to back down when she was nasty to me. I refused. It was the most awful argument I ever had in my life. I got off the phone in tears and thought I am dealing with a narcissist. I'm so done.
Yes. I used his tactics on him. Did not go well. A demon comes out. Nothing physical( he knows that wouldn’t go well) but they don’t like the indifference back at them. Or to say ooooh, don’t like it? I got silence treatment. But that didn’t work bc I enjoyed it. A day later started using love bombing as if nothing happened. Of course wants intimacy. That only worked twice. Then I said , you have to act like you like me, indefinitely. Never gonna happen.
My ex just threatened to tell the detective on a case where I was arrested after he assaulted me (I defended myself)… to press charges when I broke up with him. So much deflection, gaslighting… even shared how his therapist was 100% against me.
Whenever someone says, "My therapist says," I am immediately suspicious. I'm a therapist, and I've bumped into this a few times. Typically I find out when a parent checks in. "Junior says that you said ..." Um, no. I didn't. The person may very well be passing on something that a therapist said, but where abusers and the truth are concerned, pictures or it didn't happen.
I have lived the same b.s. Our therapist was on his side from the beginning. All it took was a little charm from the narc. Until the last time, the cops always took his side too. It's so frustrating
So sad my grandaughter is a narc, she learned it from her Mom, who learned it from her mother. 3 generations 😢. Don’t get to be a part of my great grandson’s life because I confront them.
Growing around narcissism, you learn the behavior but you don’t have the unfeeling heart so you end up doing/saying things you regret all of the time. 💔
In business, it is best in the long run to assume everyone is a narcissist looking out for their own self-interest. It may not seem that way when you are talking about a few thousand dollars. But add a few zeros to end of that number and presto! Game changes and not always in the way you want. So be prepared for that and don’t waste your emotional energy moralizing about it. For personal relationships we would hope for better. But divorce statistics might suggest otherwise.
Agree. For me, one of the telltale signs he's either lying or refusing to take accountability, is the consistent avoiding talking about the facts. Common phrases are 'here we go again' and 'oh god you're difficult' and 'that's just what you say'. He just doesn't respond to the details at hand, ever. He changes the narrative and gaslights me when I stick to my guns or walks away. When I spoke to him about his swearing at me or not standing up for me when his mother had been very cruel towards me (she demonstrates heavy covert narcicistic traits as does he), his standard response was, is 'now you're picking a fight, don't be so difficult or sensitive'. In terms of emotional response, he common reaction is extremely cold, not explosive Yes sometimes he loses it. And does purposely verbally abuse me if I don't do what he wants. I have been trying to divorce him for 5 years and am exhausted. He literally tells me he hopes I drop dead soon. But I will not give up
First of all, I am so proud of you, it takes great courage to leave a narcissist but you can do it! You have to be SUPER SNEAKY now to survive what you are about to do (I don’t know if you have children or not but when you escape, get full custody)! Do these things BEFORE you leave and do NOT tell ANYONE! If he gets wind of what you’re planning, you might be in danger. 1. Get a divorce lawyer, have him draw up papers spelling out exactly what you want down to a T, see above regarding children. Serve your soon-to-be ex AFTER you’ve moved out! 2. Get a P.O. Box so you can get your own mail. He won’t be able to trace you by your address with a P.O.Box. 3. Open a bank account and start putting as much as you can into it. You’re going to need money to survive. Write checks for your groceries and make the amount $10-$50 bucks more than the total and put the money in your account asap. Siphon money from wherever you can, whenever you can without drawing attention to it or getting caught and ALWAYS put the “extra” in your account right when you get it so you don’t spend it! I hope this is helpful for you. I hope you stay safe until you get out of the situation. God Bless you! ❤️🙏
Or "you're not going to believe me anyhow so it's pointless to have this conversation." Which, to be fair, is true. He's lied to me so much I make it a practice not to believe him. So he's right... And yet, whose fault is that? That's what I asked him when he said it... trying to make it my fault for not believing him. It was funny, he had no answer for that.
Meet people where they are and know what they are. Understand that they are damaged, and don’t know that they are . Accept them as they are or walk away.
My narc brother would love bomb then explode over nothing. I went nc then he texted me a long cryptic note saying he missed me. I wrote back the very worst thing I could imagine saying to him: “I forgive you.” With in incredible ego I knew that was the biggest insult to him. Hasn’t bothered me since.
@@knightofcups4733 Not always true. I use these phrases because of the culture I come from. However, my ex saw them as red flags because he was projecting.
I call them the 2 percenters group. You bring up an issue , they give you 2 % to the good for a short period to get you off their back. Then back to the same modality.
In my experience, the next time any woman accuses me of cheating, I'm out. I don't cheat, so I know I'm not guilty. Every single time in the past, it was them projecting their cheating onto me
My npd sister would always use the phrase "Well I just thought that..." And it was used in a way that she has established credibility with people and therefore anything she thinks is true. "I just thought that you will give me the money" means "you will give me the money". The "I just thought that" part is not remembered.
I was with a narc for a couple years and I saw the red flags, early, but I thought I could overcome a lot of it and resolve any problems. I was crazy attracted to her, which just made it even harder to let go. These videos have been a big help. Thanks
Narcissism is overplayed. It's deeper. Contradictions becauce their world view is itself contradicting. Or worse, they don't even have one or care to know.
Yes i have noticed this too with Narcissism. Inconsistent behavior and they reveal themselves through their talking.. just listen. Even to their lifestyles and inappropriate behavior.
Im 35 years old and I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Also surrounded by them all my life. Ive learned all these tactics and games they play. All facts, your spot on.
lol. There really are good lawyers out there. It’s just that they’re difficult to find when you think you really need one. Like dentists, doctors, veterinarians, plumbers…..I wish it was different but reviews and personal recommendations are important
I would hesitate to use the example of seeing a councilor only a few times, and then stopping as being indicative of a narcist. Finding the councilor who is right for you may be a very personal journey, one that could take years. You may want someone who can help you separate out what you could control and what you could not control in the situation, and how to deal with it wisely.
Yes I told the narc my mother died, his reply, " what'd did you expect, she was old". End of conversation. Avoided calling me, until he was sure funeral was all done. He wonders why we stopped dating years ago. I got his number fast.
I wonder if that narcissist that was copying you was doing it because they don't really know who they are. They actually take on somebody else to become like. If it's one thing I found out is that a narcissist has no clue who they really are. And they will kind of copy or mimic other people that they admire or think are worth something and are acquiring something, so they will begin to copy or mimic that person. They become somebody different almost regularly. At home they are one type and when they're with others they are somebody and if they watched a movie at the theater they become somebody in the movie when they walk out of the theater it's as if they have no idea who they really are.
I used to use "my friends" a lot when talking. My narcissistic apparently was jealous that I had many friends, so in mimicing me, she started to call even acquaintances "my friends", which was seriously quite funny 🤣🤣
Boy you got that right! He currently believes he's cowboy; he's never worked a cow in his life, but one trip to Wyoming and all of a sudden, he's Buffalo Bill. Watching him shape shift is wild to see.
What would be a narcissist’s reaction if you were to ask them for written proof? To make a very long story short, my narcissist was wanting money, I agreed to help if I could see the written proof about their situation. Their response was we’re supposed to trust each other’s words without proof, my word is my proof. This went on for a few months then one day my narc just said give me money or else then blocked me.
@@catherinemuller3277 Healthy people do prove things to each other to gain trust. What blows my mind is how narcs think that they are so much smarter than everyone else. Especially extremely hot women, they think they can get anything out of anyone. Jokes on them because looks fade but their cold hearted nature does not.
I'm a 76 year old man. I thought I'd seen it all, including narcissistic people, but I was scammed recently by a very effective narcissist. She had documents to support everything she said, so I ignored my spine-tingling signs... to my regret. I had sent emails to check on a couple of key documents she had submitted and found they were totally forged... including a college diploma. I lost some money, but was able to pull out of the scam by showing her what I'd found. She's in another country, so I doubt I can get my money back, let alone have the cops go after her. But I'll announce who she (said she) is in several key places to perhaps expose her to potential victims. Like you and your partner, I go over the history of our interaction, and canNOT figure out how she got past my strong defenses and got me to shell out some hard cash. Maybe I'm still naive in some ways. Maybe that's a good thing!
@@LiveHappy76My sympathies and empathies. There's no telling, but I suspect a ring of some kind due to the quality of the forged documents. So far, the dating site has not removed "her." In retrospect, I doubt she lived in the town she cited, and certainly didn't go to Manila for the docs. She never would show me a selfie near either town's landmarks. I spoke to her on video chat, so I know a woman was involved, and that her pix were of her, but with a beauty filter. But her accent was most likely E. European, not Filipino... not African, either. Hope you weren't financially hit any harder than I was. My main hit was to my self-esteem.
@@KutWrite Some similar details, some different. Key for me is the fraud tells you what you want to hear = how they hook you. I actually had 2 rounds with my fraudster; had stopped contact and she reached back to me. I had phone calls and text chat. She always claimed internet service problems and technical problems for never having video chat. I "paid" for her to buy a webcam...lol.... I STILL am desperate to find a woman TRULY committed to BOTH God and her husband, NEVER to give up on or walk away from either. I was foolish for love, wiser now. Lost $3200 over about 2 years when I never made more than $10/hour (was 2007-2008). God bless you, friend!
I need to not react and learn not to get emotional.. as I do I get annoyed and react back but need to try and talk calmly or not at all as I can’t believe the disrespectful things that are said that isn’t true
Today I broke up with my girlfriend she was lying so much she was in love with another man too she said it was over between him and her but she kept on seeing him so I told her I was done
I agree i just broke up with one this week she couldn't accept it that I decided to move on .she just start to post things like an ambitious women must have a supportive partner or no partner at all
This one is easy. If the person is conscious an awake, that person is a liar. Trust nobody. Neve allow yourself to trust anybody. I learned the hard way that I require no companionship with the way most people have become today.
I can relate. Most people I've met have very little integrity. But I don't want to fall in to the trap of presuming everyone is toxic either. I really hate when others presume things about me, or jump to conclusions. I don't want to be a hypocrite by doing this myself. But I totally get it. I'm pretty much a happy hermit.
I have to say “THANK YOU “ I’ve watched a hundred videos with similar themes and yours actually makes sense !! So basic but I’ve been in the habit of ignoring red flags in relationships. That is huge.
100%. Especially his family and my mom. They totally justify it...I am the problem for having a problem with his lying and deceit, and gaslighting, and etc.
Everything you said I had experienced with my ex. So much inconsistency and hypocrisy. He would lie again and again and then accuse me : "The problem is you don't believe me/trust me" ??!!
Mine was hiding the woman he was living with, then was proud of himself for being the one to tell me "before anyone else did." I couldn't believe it. He then told me she was just a roommate but always had excuses as to why I couldn't go to his house. Sadly, she was the one who put up with his behavior.
I had to laugh (in agreement) when I heard you say the word is "integrity." Something my mom tells me all the time only she has, and I very much don't and neither does anyone else in the world... apparently. lol. You're so correct!
Yep, It was too late for me.. by the time I started to learn about narcs my ex wife had already displayed all of the traits. Complete liar that hid mountains of things and tried to confuse me at every turn. What a coward
Every time he got stressed or upset, he threw a tantrum and took it out on me. Then say sorry and then do it again. He would ask me to cover a bill of his and say he was going to pay me back, which he never did. And if I brought it up then he would gaslight. Now that we have separated, he is playing the victim and said I only wanted his money when I am the one who lost money. The big 3 that opened my eyes was gas lighting/emotional abuse, liar, and inconsistency.
I had similar experience, I let my guard down ,I ignored my gut feeling and red flags and paid the price,silent treatment, triangulation and smear campaigns
Do you want to know more about narcissists and how to respond to them? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here: icanslay.com
I'll see you all there!
@@RebeccaZungEsq could use the free paper about what you are talking about
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂
Sweetheart people who are, don't need to advertise their acomplishments.
Hey I love to get your offer I'm married to a covert narcissist and we argue all the time or did agree on thing etc so I need all the help I can get do I stay in a marriage or get out I have had 3 people to tell me she will wind up killing me in time and I know I'm scard sometimes when I go to sleep couse I sleep so heavy and I have Sleep disorder sometimes I know when she get up and other times I don't here her at all 😢😢can I please please get some help on what I really need to do.
In my experience, the best way to tell a narcissist is lying is to see their lips move.
I say the same thing all the time.
Exactly! You dont need to write a "best seller" to know this is true
At first this comment irritated me. Like it was flippant. But its true.
That's what I say!
My ex lied just to lie. I never understood why he would choose lies over truth. It was actually a game to him. The lying began early in our marriage. I was too trusting, the perfect target for a Covert Narcissist. I hung on for 47 years. Not because I was stupid but because I was trusting and hoped he would change. Sadly, I’ve recently heard from a woman I knew in the past and she also fell for his lies. Ugh. I’m SO glad God brought me the man of my dreams to me. We have been married over five years now and I know what a truly loving marriage is all about. Never give up hope!
Actions not matching words is one of the best indicators of a toxic person. Sometimes it takes months to see it clearly, but it never fails.
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Like making impossible promises.
@@marjet2228 Making impossible promises are a glaring red flag if you can keep in the state of mind to spot them. Future faking is a big one too ... spinning an idyllic vision of your life with them, when none of it will come to pass.
This is only part of it...everyone slips once in a while, including if they are the target of a narc. They are tired, and begin bail on plans, or think I will cancel once... to keep him happy, keep the peace. I just like to caution, this sign is only one...and on its own, doesn't mean someone is a narc, abuser.
@@cathycoryell2351 Very true and thanks for adding this. Everyone can display narcissistic behavior sometimes. That doesn't make them a narc. It is the continuous, recurring patter of abuse that is the indicator.
I was in therapy contemplating divorce. Back then I didn't know what a narcissist was but i knew this relationship was just "off." My therapist told me she had never given the advice she was about to give me as her job in counseling was to try and save marriages. She told me to run. I did. Moved out of state. Never looked back. There was a lot of shame on my part for feeling so stupid. I couldn't even talk about it to my family. The gaslighting, the lies, my low self esteem, the total chaos of it all. It broke me for a long time. But getting far away and not engaging with him was the smartest thing I ever done.
Awesome therapist! It's improving now, but many still wouldn't recognise the signs.
My therapist called me at home and told me she was afraid for my safety, for me to leave asap. I didn’t listen right away, and it got dangerous…I’m lucky I got out alive. I am different now, I listen to red flags.
I got the same advice from a therapist. I didn’t listen immediately but eventually I acted on it and had a terrible time getting away from him.
I have been in a similar situation, my Narcissist is the father of my children. I got away, and I'm happy you did too!! And be proud you did!! All the best❤️🇳🇿🇬🇧
@@jowarren1111 Thank you and all the same to you too!
A common behaviour; "Lying and denying the lie during the conversation".
Oh my god that makes me nuts. My husband does this all the time we been separated for almost 2 years and the longer I’m away from him the stronger I get! He would constantly tells me it’s none of my business and his words NEVER match his actions! He tries to tell me I’m a freak because I hold him accountable for his words never matching his actions. He acts like a wounded victim now gas lighting asshole
They exaggerate EVERYTHING and blend stories
Yes! And gaslighting in general, trying to make you think you're losing your mind
In three sentences he will say something with the first is absolute, then a cut down, then the opposite thing as the first sentence is a fact. It's like the cutdown is then ignored when I bring it to his attention that two opposing things can't be true, but it's just to make confusion in me so the cut down is all that sticks. It's terribly abusive. I am not able to make sense of anything at all that he says. He rants for hours with mostly cut downs after he's built his anger from being confusing with interspersed cut downs to straight cut downs that don't stop then if I interject anything he rages and then screams he's a victim, very loudly. Over and over nearly everyday. It's psychotic.
@@maryjperry132 oh honey I'm right there with you!! Or have been. It's intentional to confuse us and distract us from telling them how wrong they are. We can not fix them or change them. No matter what we say or what we show. The only thing we can do is change how we respond to them and to leave them. Sadly it's easier said than done but if I can unsnarl myself from him and then actually we all can. I'm here if you need an outlet! Anytime my friend! Be blessed and safe please!!
Love light peace and kindness to all of us! Self love empowers us
They become very defensive when you confront them and they constantly try their hardest to take control
A red flag that I ignored a LONG time ago. I was in college and I met this guy. We started hanging out. I had a car and he did not. He asked if he could borrow my car keys to put his books in my car and he would give them back after his next class. I said okay. When he gave me the keys back, he told me that he borrowed my car to drive home and he came back. His home was a half hour away. I was young and I didn't want to be petty, so I let it go. He turned out to be very abusive, and looking back, that was one of the first tests to see if I would tolerate him taking advantage of me. Of course I never should have given him the keys, but I should have dumped him right them.
I had one steal my keys... and copy them.
A "what's yours is mine" attitude is a big indicator.
and if you asked him now why he did it, he'd say because you were dumb enough to give him the keys
You live and learn. But more important - sharing your experience helps to educate other possible victims.
Oh so similar for me too. I had no idea it was a test to see if I'd let them get away with it. Getting called selfish or ungiving is just fine with me. I learned to NEVER give to people I do not know and trust.
Narcs are also creatures of patterns, constantly repeating their game strategies, so always look for repetitive behavior that your gut instincts are telling you are off, and yes definitely words that don't match actions is a huge red flag.
Exactly after a while you can see them coming from a mile away , and you know not to step into their traps .
I would say to him whenever he started talking and repeating his game was "here we go again, script and dialogue" walk away and tell him that it's the same thing different day. It only made him mad and start an argument with the same script and dialogue with no logic at all.
I have the weird ability of seeing patters in EVERYTHING . I guess it's a thing, to some degree it gives the ability to predict outcomes. I Swear dealing with 2 Narcs (mother & sister) I am barely sane! I swear I KNOW what they're thinking before they do! 🙈🙉🙊
Narcissist get caught lieing they deny everything and place the blame on you for their actions and behavior. They never apologize.
Yes they blame you for catching them in their lie. You TRIED to do it!!!
Sally-your description of a narcisist totally describes my wife to a tee! Ive been racking my brain, searching personality disorders for 15 years trying to figure out what is going on. Thank you so much for your comment. You have helped me tremendously.
So true!! Never apologize
@@sallyjones9222 what’s an apology? Frustrating
Never ever
Hypocrisy is the biggest indicator for me.
Check this out - slaythenarc.com Keep slaying!
That’s been my experience also - you can count on a narcissist being a FLAMING hypocrite!
I've never met a single person who isn't a hypocrite (yes, obviously myself included).
@@andrewstowe4313 Yes but the difference between you and a narcissist, is that a narcissist can’t, won’t, and will never acknowledge or admit it! Hypocrisy is an indicator, and inability to see it in oneself and LEARN from it is the hallmark of the disorder.
so true.... my ex made me feel terrible for having 2 marriages behind me. After i moved in with him, i found a photo album with him and a bride at the altar... he didnt even flinch when i asked him about it... he had always maintained he was only married once! so he had married twice (like me) and made me feel like a failure
I’m mad at myself for not listening to my gut and ignoring ALL the red flags!!!!
Move on…the only way to learn is making mistakes…learn from it…or watching other people…
@@taylerrenee9710 it’s not a problem with you, it’s a problem with them. Never forget that.
@@taylerrenee9710 Not your fault! They are good at picking normal loving people to manipulate! It is all them, not your fault!
Seriously it's definitely devastating, but I was fooled 4 , 42.5 years and have 3 AMAZING NON NARCISSISTIC CHILDREN FROM THE Creep, I AM ONLY 9 WEEKS OUT AND HEALING IS WORTH IT....I thought lots of it was me, but that's bcaz i believed in TRUE LOVE😂😂😂😂😂He's still trying 2 get my goat, but I TURNED MY OFF SWITCH "ON" AND HE continues to not let me have my stuff, but I just gave it all to God and I being smart and staying ahead of the dummy. May U ride 2 the occasion and realize U deserve better and U R MORE VALUABLE THAN U WILL EVER GET FROM THE NARCISSISTIC....these videos definitely help 🎉🎉🎉 Unconditional LOVE in Ur healing journey, ive become a liquid crystal healer on my love journey ❤
Me too, I feel devastated 💔
When narcissist wants to spread their false rumors, or interrogate your freinds, it always starts off "I'm so worried about them".
Ding ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.! Yup!!
The people they say that to will realize it's bullshit eventually.
100%. "Concern" for you is weaponized.
And explaining theirselves, say,”you’ve got to understand!” I immediately said, “I don’t have to understand anything!” He went mute. And of course went into blame, accusing. Anything but explaining theirselves bc he knew he’d have to lie and I could find holes in it. After that I was doomed. Constant accusations not true and gaslighting. To keep me on my toes.Attack before they attack you tactics. This is when I knew they did something they shouldn’t have. Stopped engaging. He’s perplexed. I’m waiting for him to disappear. But they need someone to supply them. He’s burnt his bridges.? No one there. He even got catfished. LOL!
A red flag is when they are confronted with something they did, they never apologize, however, they always have an excuse ready and blame you.
Hmmm I had one that flat out apologized and straight up repeat whatever she did wrong
Exactly. I gave up on my narc dad. I deserve a better father!
That's my mom and sister and why I never listen to excuses from anyone.
Agreed i have noticed that myself with a few people around me including family and some who i thought had my best interest.
Always!!!
Agree! The worst is when they try to get you to lose your own integrity.
For extra support, check this out - slaythenarc.com Keep slaying!
I still have to agree with that
In my experience , I can tell when a narcissist is lying is when they say " I don't know what you are talking about " this is a dead give away , I ended up finding out later that I was right every single time !
I dont know what you are talking about. I know that phrase, its been said often and I know it to mean that they dont want to know or hear what you' re talking about because they are in the process of pretending it doesnt exist, never happened, etc. Its how they see an escape from responsibility or accountability.
Or they say,I NEVER SAID THAT! I NEVER DONE THAT! ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!! but when the truth is revealed IT'S ALL TRUE
@@variniaspartacus5860 yes - they practice blatant dishonesty. And they cant be right - unless someone else is apparently wrong 😂 and they know that so well they fully lie to pretend they are right 😂😂😂😂
Thank you for this! I had assumptions about a month back but his response was exactly that... I said, how fo you not know.... yea... I should have known I was right but like always I gave him the benefit of the doubt... I feel sooooo stupid thinking back now
Ditto with my narc too. They are all cut from the same cloth
Agree. All I need is 1 red flag. Walls go up immediately...and they know it cuz my face is a tell. My tone is a tell. I prefer they know I caught them early. Saves time.
Smart Peggy!
@ElizabethSanto22I tend to agree, but there comes a time in every relationship, when your opponent lays their best card down. Once they play it, they have done their worst. Parental approval is nice, but if they haven't demonstrated it, they aren't going to. They already played their best card. Not having the support of a parent won't define you... as long as you stand firm in what you know to be right and true.
@ElizabethSanto22 Or brothers. I should've picked up on, but didn't understand the verbal and emotional abuse, but, thought it had something to do with Trump.
The Worst is when they use their Health Condition as an Excuse for their Actions.
Prolific liars and never take accountability!
Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - slaythenarc.com
Secrets are one of the hallmarks of a narc,They go paper less with bank statement especially if your married.
So True! I dealt with one and in his mind he was never wrong and everyone else was the problem
NEVER
@@RebeccaZungEsq
I know people say narcissists never share anything about themselves and that they project blame, so I wanted to share my partial experience with a family member of mine, not to cast blame but to show my insight of what has happened.
My parents are parental narcissists. My brother is a narcissist. My brother has blamed me many times and my parents always chose to believe him. I am a guy with an intellectually neurodivergent disability and I have a soft voice. It feels like people around me take advantage of me and act like I am dumb for some reason or another and people like to play dumb about it.(0:25)
3:12 (I would tell people about my family or History) but I would prefer to forget about my family completely and move on. The only person I would trust to some degree is my dad as I understand concepts of trust and exchange of personal value. My parents most likely have talked about me behind my back most of my life and made decisions for me based on my own perceived disability even to the Courts in order to run my life (I have never accepted the fact people think they get to run my life including the Court system)
My family chose to ignore the warning signs my brother would put out on me. I could easily be labelled as being a narcissist because I could be seen as blaming him (as many narcissists do that) although what I am saying is true. I do have disability, but I am intelligent because many famous people have disabilities much like my own Self. I have been blamed my Self by my own parents based on how I reacted to my own brother based on his mean behavior towards me (many other channels explain how the narcissists try to induce reactions from other people to make those same people look like they are the problem/issue)
I have lived on my own for over 3 years now in my own apartment and I see my family for who they actually are which made me try to understand how my life ended up the way it did. It has been tough finding out they weren't as supportive as I thought they should be. I had to really deeply think back visually on the family dynamic and memories to see the reality of why I was treated the way I was being treated. They (my family) kept blaming past history on me and assuming I hadn't changed at all as a person because of what past therapist service people had told them about how they thought I was as a person from when I was younger.
I need to Restore my Civil Rights because they (my narcissistic family) caused that issue for me as well (The Courts think they can take Rights away from disadvantaged people) I am trying to live a life where I can get married or have a Girlfriend like everyone else and feel equal to my spouse or future Girlfriend without feeling like I have less Rights as a person than they do, have the same opportunities and experiences without a higher authority or person thinking they can dictate my life. So that's where I am at currently in my own life. I am trying to be the Architect of my own life and I do have a vision for my ideal life as well as a high level of awareness.
If I start my own family someday, I will build them up to be their best and help them be happy unlike my parents did for me. I want to make sure people have a higher level of awareness of the narcissists in society that think they are the Architects of other people's lives. I don't want anyone to go through the same amount of pain and suffering that I had to endure as a person.
The abuse from narcissists makes it feel as if a person has gone through an emotional battle zone without ever having stepped on a battlefield. I had to find others I cared about to boost my drive in life to be better and get over the depression I felt.
One time my narcissistic brother told me he wished I would --- myself, that's how I knew he was trying to make me feel bad on purpose and he didn't want to see me alive. He tried making me feel as bad as he could but I always knew there was a reason he was doing it. I don't even care or focus on my narcissist because there are people in my community that I care about and would rather get to know (people that I love or care about)
The narcissist tries to ruin a person's self-image and reputation from what I learned from my own observations of how I was treated in my own life.
People often times may assume that how a victimized person 'reacts' to a narcissist can be misconstrued as the victimized person "being the narcissist" because of how "they react" to the Narcissist's own behavior.
Some people who get victimized by narcissists go through Government institutions and have medications forced on them and become Gaslighted or convinced into thinking they have behavioral issues or problems by the same people that are supposed to help them.
These institutions convince people they need to medicate when in fact they could have been a victim of narcissistic abuse.
I am worried and seriously concerned that tons of people may not actually understand or comprehend how widespread the issue of Narcissistic Abuse may actually be. I try my best to explain and spread knowledge on this issue but there is only so much a single person like me can do to spread the wisdom on the topic as I would get burnt out trying to explain this information on every forum every single day of the week and I want to feel average without becoming tired. I relay this information in the hopes that it helps (everyone) gain an even greater understanding of really bad Narcissistic dynamics. Maybe our Societal dynamics can improve with the wisdom I provide, that is at least my hope for the Future of Society and beyond.
I believe everyone needs others that care about them in their own lives, let's not stick around Narcissists that drag us down to their level and hurt our public relations.
My ex would always say, "whatever. believe what you want you believe"
100 percent 👏
Or you could ask so and so if you don't believe me! That's a great one right there! Same stuff ! People telling the truth will never say something like that! They don't need a cross reference! Lol!
My husband says this all the time. Even when I show him the evidence of him lying.
My husband always said this. He actually didn't care whatvi believed. Never tried to convince me or even tried to defend himself. I left for good 5 weeks ago. Wasted 6 years of my life on that parasite.
@@jennlebreton9332
Absolutely! Same exact thing!
As my grandfather taught me. HONOR, INTEGRITY, ETHICS, MORAL and VALUES. If you have non of these, you ARE NOTHING! You will never find these qualities in a NARCISSIST. My X husband, now DEAD, lied every time his lips moved.
When I was divorcing my husband, I printed out a little piece of paper that I taped to the bathroom mirror. It said YOU CAN DO THIS
STRAIGHTEN UP, SMILE
FOCUS AND BREATHE
YOU CAN DO THIS. I still carry that piece of paper in my wallet 20 years later.
How did things turn out for you....I was married 20 years and now alone 15 years....I can't find anyone trustworthy.....
Might try this because I’ve been having a hard time leaving my partner due to her being a narc and other mental issues as well.
Just filed🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Withholding information about themselves is NOT a guarantee that you have found a person who lacks integrity. Sometimes what you have found is a tired soul who learned the hard way that opening up about themselves is really bad idea. Your pain and suffering should never be someone else's entertainment.
I agree. Toxic people will throw your past in your face or hold things against you- my favorite is taking things out of context and creating a whole new story/history with it. That they then tell other people. And if you try and do damage control or correct it, YOU look like the liar. I've just learned not to tell people anything until I KNOW they are "safe" to confide in. And that definitely doesn't make me the toxic one LoL
I agree I've had people use what I told them to manipulate me or shame me so I learned not to be emotionally vulnerable with people which really messes up my ability to really connect with people..I also have big trust issues but I'm working on them
My Husband of 17 years still doesn’t know all my past because he will throw it back in my face …😢It’s so sad that you can’t just talk to them as your best friend 😢…You always have to watch what you say to them😢
@jackieo5287 I'm so sorry, babe. I know that struggle and it sucks. Been with mine for 15 years and also can't tell him anything. Learned the hard way with the things I did disclose in the beginning. Which are still thrown in my face to this day. Have you also noticed you start to keep the things you do now a secret too, even though you're not even doing anything wrong .... these "men" suck!!
@@MissAmazings can definitely be hard to know when someone is truly safe to confide in.. especially disappointing when they turn out not to be.. still, I've found it immensely helpful to gently remind myself that whatever anyone thinks of me is *none of my business.. : )
Being targeted by a narcissist I became completely silent about my private life.
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
you’re not the only one
I think that's what they want. They want you to shut down. the surveillance they're doing is illegal already. But it's really nothing you're doing that they can use against you.
You be you and let them see you happy
Yes, I can relate to this!!.
I'm so sorry. I've done the same. It's sad being with someone you can't share the most innerworkingd of your mind and life with because they'll sabotage you and use the information against you for verbal and emotional abuse.
Consistent chaos is what I call it
They're breathing is how you know. It's their life's ambition to lie. They lie til they die. They are ruthless and truthless.
For extra support, check this out - slaythenarc.com Keep slaying!
So true!
Amen
00:42 🚩 *Watch for integrity; it's a key indicator when dealing with narcissists.*
02:45 🕵️♂️ *Notice red flags early; dishonesty or lack of transparency could be signs of trouble.*
03:50 🚧 *Focus on actions over words; inconsistency is a common trait among narcissists.*
05:13 🔄 *Pay attention to behavioral inconsistencies and contradictions in their stories.*
06:07 😡 *Emotional responses may be disproportionate or inappropriate, indicating manipulation.*
07:01 🤔 *Look for gaps in logic or flawed reasoning in their explanations.*
07:30 🎯 *Watch out for blame-shifting tactics to avoid accountability.*
07:44 🌀 *Be aware of gaslighting techniques to make you doubt your reality.*
08:13 🛡️ *Maintain emotional balance and boundaries when dealing with narcissists.*
09:06 📝 *Document everything in real-time to protect yourself from manipulation.*
Thank you 👍
Ty so much! 💐
Sounds like most of our politicians…
Agree ! They abused you, blame shift, and when I pointed out, what they did, they said " You did not consider the effect of your words and actions you on the other person" , yet they took Zero accountability for their actions, and all I did was point out a list of 5 things that they had done in the last month what was horrific behaviour towards you as a person. Including accusing me multiple time of cheating on them with a person that does not even exist, in front of other people. Leaving me feel dazed and wondering what the ?
When you are innocent, and you can prove it, and they still are accusing you, you start to wonder if you are loosing your sanity !
In addition to the lies and abuse that they do towards you, and then deny that ever happened in front of everyone else. - Absolutely Sickening Behaviour ! TOXIC !
RUN, GET OUT NOW and be done with it! They will never change and you can’t fix it, it seems to get worse the longer the relationship lasts. Also, when a narcissist accuses you of cheating, they are usually cheating themselves and why go through all that?! It’s NOT worth it!! Please stay safe, good luck to you and Godspeed! 🙏❤️
Lies of omission are one of their specialties.They give you just enough info to be believable until you start thinking about what they have just told you.
Always trust you gut,if it doesn't make sense it isn't true.
This is the thing. Colleagues at work will repeatedly just take what the narcissist says as the truth, even if the narcissists actions right at that moment are saying otherwise. I was going crazy seeing it happen and the other colleague just walks away and then praises the narcissist soon after for their honesty and good nature. and I'll be thinking "you've just seen them say what they would do while actually doing the opposite right in front of you and you didn't even spot it. How can you be so closed off to spotting these contradictions."
It's because all they're seeing is the love bombing.
Build boundaries from the narcissistic personality and your work colleagues who get along with the narcissistic person (Ie flying monkeys) and concentrate on doing your job.
Eventually with time, they'll slip up.
In the meantime, make sure you're part of a working union (if you're not already) who can give you advice on the situation and if it's affecting your health, stay in touch with your doctor.
I build boundaries by walking or holding up my hand or going silent, but then I have a bad attitude
I’m praying a for sale sign goes up next door. Today. They were sprucing up all weekend and have done improvements in last weeks. I’m so hopeful. I can almost forgive her attempt to spray lawnmower discharge on me while I worked in my garden yesterday. Almost. Please Lord get her away from us.
Agree 1000%!!! My narc ex wanted to take a 3-day cruise but we didn't end up booking in time. I later found a 1-day cruise that we booked. On the DAY OF he was pissy and in a bad mood and in a huff yelled that I know he gets Seasick, why would I book a cruise?? He knew he was busted when I reminded him the cruise idea was HIS from the start!! Opened my eyes forever! 😮
Oh lord.
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What the heck???
Wouldn’t he be afraid that you’d think he was insane?
sounds familiar. they came up with ideas and then when i said one of their ideas went wrong they said they never told me that but i had that shit screenshotted and showed it to them which of course led them to calling me paranoid and asking me if I were on the spectrum (as if that's an insult) then later on telling me "i'm paranoid and on the spectrum, that's the reason I do these things, I don't know how to do better, I never mean any harm!" wow they really think we don't see it, huh? they'll do ANYTHING to avoid accountability.
Typical
How to know if a narcissist is lying: If they are doing ANY of the following:
a) Talking
b) Not Talking
c) Breathing
d) Not Breathing
🤣 True though!
Amen to that.
😂
Yes !! 😂😂😂
I prefer #4 - not breathing.....
If you realize you are with a narcissist, "DO NOT WALK, RUN" as fast as you can to a professional counselor or doctor. The narcissist has been very busy telling your family or friends you are crazy in order to break down your support group. In addition, you no longer have any self confidence in yourself to be able to leave them. It took me ten years and giving up everything I had or had earned to get my freedom, but it was worth it.
Anytime ANYONE uses the phrase "trust me", "believe me", "honestly" or any other variation on this theme when addressing me, my trust level goes from wherever it might have once been to ZERO, and it stays there.
If you have to tell me you're being honest, it's because you're actually feeding me a line of bull crap. Instead, show me verifiable honesty, and let me draw my own conclusions.
Once a person is caught in a lie, EVERYTHING they saw is subject.
boy, is that the Truth!
I have experienced people who do all of what you are talking about. What I went through was a wake up call for boundaries. There are narcissists and then there are people who learned their behavior who need help. None of us are perfect but there narcissistic abuse of a narcissist can be found in their consistent actions and what they say. People aren't perfect and some things are not always as they appear so people should be careful not to be so quick to label someone who is not narcissistic. Because often times there are real problems that can appear narcissistic when they are not.
Some people struggles to change because they are not aligned, that doesn't mean they are narcissist. It can also be just a lack of willingness. Narcissist struggles with failures, they never at fault, they will always turn it and ''proof'' that you are the one at fault, including putting words in your mouth that you never said or distort the facts at their advantage and to put you down.
Agree.
They always have a way of saying the right thing because they just make it up. They don’t care if it’s a lie or not.
You are what you do. Not what you say you’re going to do.
Truer words have never been spoken when talking about these evil people.
You, a few others saved mine and my two daughters lives! I love you completely.
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Me too💕so grateful
It’s also fair to say the ones who leave those narc relationships also struggle to follow through due to being exhausted and hyper independent because the narc never follows through
Very well said.
Being an empath that has witnessed a narcissist doing something that they immediately deny is debilitating. I have never fought something more soul crushing than the emotions inside my body when someone I love is in 'lie until you die' mode over something that they saw me witness them doing. What really rang my bell is when I was cornered into believing that it was all in my head and that I must need psychological help. Using my own insight against me in one of the worst gaslighting events of my life was a real eye opener to the indifference of narcissism. Not only did I not see what I saw, I was supposed to put my mind in prison for everyone to see that I am not sane enough to accuse anyone of anything that I 'saw'. Using the love of an empath to make them question their own sanity must feel very empowering. This is how a sigma empath is unleashed. I can smell your lie now.
That was the final straw for me with my sister. She tried every trick in the book to get me to back down when she was nasty to me. I refused. It was the most awful argument I ever had in my life. I got off the phone in tears and thought I am dealing with a narcissist. I'm so done.
Yes. I used his tactics on him. Did not go well. A demon comes out. Nothing physical( he knows that wouldn’t go well) but they don’t like the indifference back at them. Or to say ooooh, don’t like it? I got silence treatment. But that didn’t work bc I enjoyed it. A day later started using love bombing as if nothing happened. Of course wants intimacy. That only worked twice. Then I said , you have to act like you like me, indefinitely. Never gonna happen.
@@HaveAGreatDay54 just be glad you are away from them...
Don't beat yourself up.
You were in love!!
I strongly agree!!! Nothing adds up with narcissist!!!
My ex just threatened to tell the detective on a case where I was arrested after he assaulted me (I defended myself)… to press charges when I broke up with him.
So much deflection, gaslighting… even shared how his therapist was 100% against me.
Whenever someone says, "My therapist says," I am immediately suspicious. I'm a therapist, and I've bumped into this a few times. Typically I find out when a parent checks in. "Junior says that you said ..." Um, no. I didn't.
The person may very well be passing on something that a therapist said, but where abusers and the truth are concerned, pictures or it didn't happen.
Whats the one word?
I have lived the same b.s. Our therapist was on his side from the beginning. All it took was a little charm from the narc. Until the last time, the cops always took his side too. It's so frustrating
So sad my grandaughter is a narc, she learned it from her Mom, who learned it from her mother. 3 generations 😢. Don’t get to be a part of my great grandson’s life because I confront them.
meh.
they open their mouth, that is enough for me!
once you know, you know.
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and once you know, you go.
BIG FACT!!!
Growing around narcissism, you learn the behavior but you don’t have the unfeeling heart so you end up doing/saying things you regret all of the time. 💔
Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - slaythenarc.com
😢 yes, therapy helps unlearn, heal and discover who you really are 🥹
In business, it is best in the long run to assume everyone is a narcissist looking out for their own self-interest. It may not seem that way when you are talking about a few thousand dollars. But add a few zeros to end of that number and presto! Game changes and not always in the way you want. So be prepared for that and don’t waste your emotional energy moralizing about it. For personal relationships we would hope for better. But divorce statistics might suggest otherwise.
WHEN THEIR LIPS ARE MOVING 😎🎸
I agree. But thats vague. Theyre master manipulators. And they hide so well
💯!!!😂😂😂😂
I AGREE! WHENEVER THEY OPEN THEIR MOUTH AND LIPS ARE MOVING, AT THAT POINT!!!!!!
Perfect answer! I’m jealous that I didn’t think of it!!
😅🤣😂🤪
Agree. For me, one of the telltale signs he's either lying or refusing to take accountability, is the consistent avoiding talking about the facts. Common phrases are 'here we go again' and 'oh god you're difficult' and 'that's just what you say'. He just doesn't respond to the details at hand, ever. He changes the narrative and gaslights me when I stick to my guns or walks away. When I spoke to him about his swearing at me or not standing up for me when his mother had been very cruel towards me (she demonstrates heavy covert narcicistic traits as does he), his standard response was, is 'now you're picking a fight, don't be so difficult or sensitive'. In terms of emotional response, he common reaction is extremely cold, not explosive Yes sometimes he loses it. And does purposely verbally abuse me if I don't do what he wants. I have been trying to divorce him for 5 years and am exhausted. He literally tells me he hopes I drop dead soon. But I will not give up
First of all, I am so proud of you, it takes great courage to leave a narcissist but you can do it! You have to be SUPER SNEAKY now to survive what you are about to do (I don’t know if you have children or not but when you escape, get full custody)! Do these things BEFORE you leave and do NOT tell ANYONE! If he gets wind of what you’re planning, you might be in danger.
1. Get a divorce lawyer, have him draw up papers spelling out exactly what you want down to a T, see above regarding children. Serve your soon-to-be ex AFTER you’ve moved out!
2. Get a P.O. Box so you can get your own mail. He won’t be able to trace you by your address with a P.O.Box.
3. Open a bank account and start putting as much as you can into it.
You’re going to need money to survive. Write checks for your groceries and make the amount $10-$50 bucks more than the total and put the money in your account asap. Siphon money from wherever you can, whenever you can without drawing attention to it or getting caught and ALWAYS put the “extra” in your account right when you get it so you don’t spend it!
I hope this is helpful for you. I hope you stay safe until you get out of the situation. God Bless you! ❤️🙏
@@jeriwoodrow5855 Thank you so much for the detailed response. It is very informative and kind. God bless you ❤️
Or "you're not going to believe me anyhow so it's pointless to have this conversation." Which, to be fair, is true. He's lied to me so much I make it a practice not to believe him. So he's right... And yet, whose fault is that? That's what I asked him when he said it... trying to make it my fault for not believing him. It was funny, he had no answer for that.
Meet people where they are and know what they are. Understand that they are damaged, and don’t know that they are . Accept them as they are or walk away.
My narc brother would love bomb then explode over nothing. I went nc then he texted me a long cryptic note saying he missed me. I wrote back the very worst thing I could imagine saying to him: “I forgive you.” With in incredible ego I knew that was the biggest insult to him. Hasn’t bothered me since.
Agree. The small details matter when they are inconsistent, along with grandiose bad luck or bad things...always everyone else's fault.
Narcissist lie, but they change the rules to accommodate themselves.
I'm always suspicious when anyone says trust me.
Or “to be honest”
“I swear to God”, or their children.
These people will sacrifice anything, and anyone, to get away with their behavior.
@@knightofcups4733 Not always true. I use these phrases because of the culture I come from. However, my ex saw them as red flags because he was projecting.
I call them the 2 percenters group. You bring up an issue , they give you 2 % to the good for a short period to get you off their back. Then back to the same modality.
Totally agree dealt with this then when you call them out they deflect it back on you and make excuses just to start a conflict
Agree! My girlfriend was the biggest liar and she gaslighted even though I had tracked her to her ex boyfriends house
In my experience, the next time any woman accuses me of cheating, I'm out. I don't cheat, so I know I'm not guilty. Every single time in the past, it was them projecting their cheating onto me
I tracked my x wife to several of her mystery men. She was a nymphomainiac. 22 years. I definitely kniw how you feel!
Damn
My npd sister would always use the phrase "Well I just thought that..." And it was used in a way that she has established credibility with people and therefore anything she thinks is true.
"I just thought that you will give me the money" means "you will give me the money". The "I just thought that" part is not remembered.
Might have to say, Well, you thought wrong. ".
I was with a narc for a couple years and I saw the red flags, early, but I thought I could overcome a lot of it and resolve any problems. I was crazy attracted to her, which just made it even harder to let go. These videos have been a big help. Thanks
If there only topic of conversation is about someone else, victim mentality, no personal responsibility! Great video Rebecca!
Narcissism is overplayed. It's deeper. Contradictions becauce their world view is itself contradicting. Or worse, they don't even have one or care to know.
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Yes i have noticed this too with Narcissism. Inconsistent behavior and they reveal themselves through their talking.. just listen. Even to their lifestyles and inappropriate behavior.
Absolutely.
Im 35 years old and I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Also surrounded by them all my life. Ive learned all these tactics and games they play. All facts, your spot on.
As soon as I hear the word " But..." I red flag!!
AGREE!!! Total blame shifting & gaslighting & devaluation & verbal, financial & physical abuse.
Thank you for brilliant advice. The lack of integrity is a powerful indicator of something not being right.
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But you must recognize when someone doesn't have integrity. That's called discernment.
Without the Holy Spirit, you're not going to have discernment.
A lawyer telling us about integrity. Just, wow!
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lol. There really are good lawyers out there. It’s just that they’re difficult to find when you think you really need one. Like dentists, doctors, veterinarians, plumbers…..I wish it was different but reviews and personal recommendations are important
@@kelleywyskiel3478 ummm…Where?
I had a fantastic lawyer represent me in Reno, Nv. He has integrity and proved it several years in a row.
A lawyer joke on a lawyer's video. Just, wow!
I would hesitate to use the example of seeing a councilor only a few times, and then stopping as being indicative of a narcist. Finding the councilor who is right for you may be a very personal journey, one that could take years. You may want someone who can help you separate out what you could control and what you could not control in the situation, and how to deal with it wisely.
Oh man, this is absolutely and totally 100% accurate when dealing with a lying narcissist. Ridiculously accurate. Good video.
When I told my narc bf my cousin passed away he only said " oh no" n that was it n changed the subject knowing I was clearly upset!
Yes I told the narc my mother died, his reply, " what'd did you expect, she was old". End of conversation. Avoided calling me, until he was sure funeral was all done. He wonders why we stopped dating years ago. I got his number fast.
I wonder if that narcissist that was copying you was doing it because they don't really know who they are. They actually take on somebody else to become like. If it's one thing I found out is that a narcissist has no clue who they really are. And they will kind of copy or mimic other people that they admire or think are worth something and are acquiring something, so they will begin to copy or mimic that person. They become somebody different almost regularly. At home they are one type and when they're with others they are somebody and if they watched a movie at the theater they become somebody in the movie when they walk out of the theater it's as if they have no idea who they really are.
I used to use "my friends" a lot when talking. My narcissistic apparently was jealous that I had many friends, so in mimicing me, she started to call even acquaintances "my friends", which was seriously quite funny 🤣🤣
Boy you got that right! He currently believes he's cowboy; he's never worked a cow in his life, but one trip to Wyoming and all of a sudden, he's Buffalo Bill. Watching him shape shift is wild to see.
What would be a narcissist’s reaction if you were to ask them for written proof? To make a very long story short, my narcissist was wanting money, I agreed to help if I could see the written proof about their situation. Their response was we’re supposed to trust each other’s words without proof, my word is my proof. This went on for a few months then one day my narc just said give me money or else then blocked me.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@catherinemuller3277 Healthy people do prove things to each other to gain trust. What blows my mind is how narcs think that they are so much smarter than everyone else. Especially extremely hot women, they think they can get anything out of anyone. Jokes on them because looks fade but their cold hearted nature does not.
I think the common pattern is that the words don’t match the actions
Being with a narcissist is an upward confusing mind f-k you can not win
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I'm a 76 year old man. I thought I'd seen it all, including narcissistic people, but I was scammed recently by a very effective narcissist. She had documents to support everything she said, so I ignored my spine-tingling signs... to my regret. I had sent emails to check on a couple of key documents she had submitted and found they were totally forged... including a college diploma.
I lost some money, but was able to pull out of the scam by showing her what I'd found.
She's in another country, so I doubt I can get my money back, let alone have the cops go after her. But I'll announce who she (said she) is in several key places to perhaps expose her to potential victims.
Like you and your partner, I go over the history of our interaction, and canNOT figure out how she got past my strong defenses and got me to shell out some hard cash.
Maybe I'm still naive in some ways. Maybe that's a good thing!
Any chance "she" is from Nigeria? I fell victim to a romance scam RING in Nigeria.
@@LiveHappy76My sympathies and empathies.
There's no telling, but I suspect a ring of some kind due to the quality of the forged documents. So far, the dating site has not removed "her."
In retrospect, I doubt she lived in the town she cited, and certainly didn't go to Manila for the docs. She never would show me a selfie near either town's landmarks.
I spoke to her on video chat, so I know a woman was involved, and that her pix were of her, but with a beauty filter. But her accent was most likely E. European, not Filipino... not African, either.
Hope you weren't financially hit any harder than I was. My main hit was to my self-esteem.
YOU WERE THINKING WITH YOUR SMALL HEAD ...NOT YOUR BRAIN
@@Artsylady2030: Feel better now? Maybe do your superior dance?
@@KutWrite Some similar details, some different. Key for me is the fraud tells you what you want to hear = how they hook you. I actually had 2 rounds with my fraudster; had stopped contact and she reached back to me. I had phone calls and text chat. She always claimed internet service problems and technical problems for never having video chat. I "paid" for her to buy a webcam...lol.... I STILL am desperate to find a woman TRULY committed to BOTH God and her husband, NEVER to give up on or walk away from either. I was foolish for love, wiser now. Lost $3200 over about 2 years when I never made more than $10/hour (was 2007-2008).
God bless you, friend!
I need to not react and learn not to get emotional.. as I do I get annoyed and react back but need to try and talk calmly or not at all as I can’t believe the disrespectful things that are said that isn’t true
Today I broke up with my girlfriend she was lying so much she was in love with another man too she said it was over between him and her but she kept on seeing him so I told her I was done
Glenn....
KEEP MOVING FORWARD....AND....
DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!
Ooooh this is a great list. Thank you so much for making their evasiveness much more clearer to understand.
I agree i just broke up with one this week she couldn't accept it that I decided to move on .she just start to post things like an ambitious women must have a supportive partner or no partner at all
😂😂😂
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Wow you hit the nail on the head. Im dealing with this now. I was let down. Its disheartening but not surprising.
This one is easy. If the person is conscious an awake, that person is a liar. Trust nobody. Neve allow yourself to trust anybody. I learned the hard way that I require no companionship with the way most people have become today.
I can relate. Most people I've met have very little integrity. But I don't want to fall in to the trap of presuming everyone is toxic either. I really hate when others presume things about me, or jump to conclusions. I don't want to be a hypocrite by doing this myself. But I totally get it. I'm pretty much a happy hermit.
I have to say “THANK YOU “
I’ve watched a hundred videos with similar themes and yours actually makes sense !!
So basic but I’ve been in the habit of ignoring red flags in relationships.
That is huge.
If I complain about his behavior, I get from others "well, that's just the way he is"
Stop "complaining."Give just the facts--expose him. Then, say "IYOU can put with this kind of behavior, but I don't have to, and I won''t."
Yes my mom used to say that…Oh all men are selfish that’s just how they are
100%. Especially his family and my mom. They totally justify it...I am the problem for having a problem with his lying and deceit, and gaslighting, and etc.
Everything you said I had experienced with my ex. So much inconsistency and hypocrisy. He would lie again and again and then accuse me : "The problem is you don't believe me/trust me" ??!!
AGREE! Thanks for your helpful videos!
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Observe versus Absorb. Got it! Thank you, Rebecca.
Mine was hiding the woman he was living with, then was proud of himself for being the one to tell me "before anyone else did." I couldn't believe it. He then told me she was just a roommate but always had excuses as to why I couldn't go to his house. Sadly, she was the one who put up with his behavior.
I had to laugh (in agreement) when I heard you say the word is "integrity." Something my mom tells me all the time only she has, and I very much don't and neither does anyone else in the world... apparently. lol. You're so correct!
you know when a narc is lying, their mouth opens
I have noticed that when they talk they don't finish a sentence and jump into another topic has anyone noticed this in a narc
Oh, yes.
Refuse the gaslight attempt and they melt down and run away. Can't handle being challenged or exposed.
Immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Ms Zung :) but yeah, I don't like when people steal my ideas.
Yep, It was too late for me.. by the time I started to learn about narcs my ex wife had already displayed all of the traits. Complete liar that hid mountains of things and tried to confuse me at every turn. What a coward
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Every time he got stressed or upset, he threw a tantrum and took it out on me. Then say sorry and then do it again. He would ask me to cover a bill of his and say he was going to pay me back, which he never did. And if I brought it up then he would gaslight. Now that we have separated, he is playing the victim and said I only wanted his money when I am the one who lost money. The big 3 that opened my eyes was gas lighting/emotional abuse, liar, and inconsistency.
He has never said the word "sorry" in 20 years.
What is the one word?
Integrity
I was with one for 35 years and she was a great gaslighter.
One word (talking) that's how you know their lying!!
My mother always said " actions speak louder than words "... it's taken some 50 years to figure this out! Ty!!
Mine Called Me Trouble He Never Admitted When He Was In Thee Wrong He Always Blamed Me When He Was Wrong !!
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You are SO spot on! Share your channel all the time. Huge!!
Thank you..hope you could join me in my FREE masterclass 😊
>>> slaythenarc.com
My former husband, a narcissist, lierally doen't know what the word "integrity" means. He asked me to explained it! It was a start. .
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I had similar experience, I let my guard down ,I ignored my gut feeling and red flags and paid the price,silent treatment, triangulation and smear campaigns