Sister-In-Law Wants to Move In With Us (How Do I Tell Her No?)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- Sister-In-Law Wants to Move In With Us (How Do I Tell Her No?)
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I notice how she is worried that the sister in law will get hurt living on her own, yet she was hurt living with the other family.
My sister in law moved in in order for us to support a transition she was going thru. She found a job and saving up money, etc. By week 25 she decided to want to permanently stay. The next day she was told “no” and she needed to move on. By week 26 she found an apartment and moved out. People say I was mean. And my belief is that my wife and kid come above everybody else and bringing in a different dynamic to the house - even if it were any of my siblings - would end in issues. Set boundaries and expectations and have outsiders understand that they are welcome but there are boundaries that must not be breached, but respected. I guess I am old guy (47) at this point. 😕
At the end of this situation, you are the victor for putting your family first.
I agree. An same when something happen to u an ur wife an u need help expect the same
I did it to my Mom.
She needs to say no so she can have confidence in herself. That is priceless
Family is a rock and hard place. We don’t want to see them homeless yet we can’t shoulder their burden forever.
She doesnt have an Inlaw problem, she has a husband problem
She needs to tell the hubby "me or them, who is the priority?"
And that won't go well so and she already knows that. It's already not going well. She's probably going to have to move on.
Family there all time, wife an husband look at divorce rate plus if ur a man she takes house half ur stuff . Lol ur family will need to help u
@@johniii8147u have no idea what you’re talking about
That's fine as long as she's prepared for the possibility the answer is "them".
Shouldn't HAVE to ask him that
Elsa, I went through something similar with my 1st husband (from Mexico), I gave him a choice (to put me before his family) and he ignored me. It was the hardest, scariest decision to leave the 18 yr marriage but he was never going to change. You are 5 yrs in with no end in sight, it’s ok to want a better life.
Yeah 5 years in, it's probably better to move on. She' not going to change him. But who knows the financial situation if she has many options.
I don’t understand some men’s ego.
I mean we all have egos but it’s so much harder for some men to prioritize their family before their ego. Seems like they just want to use their wife and kids to feed their ego. He don’t love them. It’s sad because the wife was willing to serve her husband, but got no love in return. These men will say it’s a duty as a son, but it’s only for their selfishness.
It’s ok to be selfish, but only at your own cost, not your wife and kids.
@@NoneYa-pg6dk this was the best explanation. My ex was like this. Everything was about his origin family and to hell with me and the kids. When I left him, he just married a woman with kids. It’s all for ego
I’m from a West African household, and they more or less have the same belief. That being said, I told my family, once they made the decision to come here, they literally have no choice but to get over some of those “traditions “. The mindset is crippling. What if she doesn’t find a husband? Will she be third wheeling all your life?
She won’t be the first or only Columbian woman living on her own in America. She needs to toughen up and get it together.
I am from west Africa too, age 23. We used to live together as a family with my brother and her wife. But with the kids growing up, we needed more space, so my sister and I took an apartment. Now my two sisters and I live together in a house. Financial is it convenient because we all contribute to the house and food. Benefits are we get to safe a lot of money and build houses in back home. Disadvantage is that it take courage, respect and boundaries to deal family members and they don’t always want young ones telling them they are not welcome in some part of my life. I feel for Elisa, because sometimes the sisters are not always respectful towards the wife. My brother dealt with so much with my older sister and his wife, I was 17 and they were always fighting in front of me and the kids.
Hahahah.... I hear you. From West Africa too. Benin to be specific and I don't do that sh*t. It's like: "Listen, this is not home. Things are different here. you have got to adapt. I can help you but I cannot support you. Adults live on their own. Period." Also, in the US things are soooo very different that when we don't set boundaries family can get us in deep trouble really fast so....
My family is from the Caribbean. My siblings, cousins and myself are first generation Americans. Our parents try to get us to stay at home until marriage. It's a good idea but family was too nosy and kept trying to control our lives. All of us kids have moved out. My family hates it but oh well! At least my cousins and siblings had the freedom to date and marry who they wanted. If they stayed at home that wouldn't happen.
@@sunniermoon selfish.
As a Cuban American. I sympathize with this woman. Thanks for the empathy John
As a Greek woman, I too sympathize with this woman.
You don't tell your SIL anything. YOUR SPOUSE DOES. And if your spouse is incapable of that, you have bigger problems than your SIL. You married a child.
She has much bigger problems in her marriage than the sis. That was pretty obvious. May the wife should be out looking for a place to live.
@@johniii8147 no kidding. Maybe living with a child husband that puts other family members first over his wife, is not the way to go.
They should pay for a plane ticket to send her back to Columbia to her parents. Problem solved.
Her husband is putting bandaids over pipes that are on the brink of bursting.The longer they wait to address everything mentioned, the worst the problems are going to get.
Very well put!
Take her in and get her married off. What were they doing wasting time for five years? On the other hand, the woman chose to move to the U.S., and here we live independently. If she wants to live with family, she can return to Colombia.
Well said. Im latina myself and I agree. Keeping cultural traditions is ok to some degree, but she is just bouncing around in relatives' houses with no plan of moving out anytime soon. If she is not even close to marriage after that long then her grace period is over and she must move on with her life in America. I'm not saying she should get married just to have a place to live, it is fine for her to be still single, but that is no longer your burden to bear. If you worry about her then maybe check on her, introduce her to trusted friends, maybe help her find a roomate if she cant afford to be on her own and wants some company. But enough is enough, you already helped her, she is not your child and you should not have to provide for her anymore.
Bingo
I may get heat for this, but as someone who is married to a Brazilian I can say that Brazilian and South Americans are great at putting their family ahead of everyone including spouses. Gaslighting also is a thing in many families (not all). They are great at ganging up on you and make you feel totally in the wrong and terrible. Cut that toxic culture and behavior out of your life. I wouldn’t be surprised if he threatens divorce.
Agreed.
Right? Asians too. They say family first. But what about your own little family? 🤦🏻♀️
Anyways, that doesn’t mean I 💯 agree with American culture either. Sometimes, they be cutting off their family and don’t give a crap without trying.
I think it’ll be great to see family practice both cultures, but then it be causing a tug a war.
Married to Brazilian too, but am Italian Canadian and this mentality is pervasive in most Catholic countries but there has to be boundaries 😊
SIL is not a child. She can rent a room from a female homeowner. Cheap and safe.
That is what I think too !
I'm from Colombia, and girl, She's in the US, time to assimilate. That's bullshit. You know how many people used the "we are family" excuse for literally everything? This aint the 1950s anymore. Get your own place. =I We dont break cycles of emotional and financial abuse until someone says "not today ma'am". Boundaries are super important. Set the tone for them. And if your husband is not on board, time to get a new husband. (One that shares in your same beliefs thank you very much)
I experienced this firsthand where he put his mom, sister, brothers, pretty much his whole family before our girls and I. He's now the ex. FYI I am also from a Latino culture.
@@Austenfan177 Just depends on a specific family and that can definitely be influenced by culture.
And you’re a single mother congratulations
@@johniii8147 People need to stop citing culture for everything. It can also be dysfunction or enmeshed families. If you love your family to that point don’t get married and have kids.
@@Tragedy59 being a single mother is not a failure lol
Better than her allowing those children to keep being treated as less-than. She is giving her children and strong role-model, so they know they have worth and so they never allow somebody else to treat them the way he treated them. She is breaking the cycle.
Get Columbian lady roommates for her so that she can be more independent.
Exactly what I was thinking. Then she isn't alone, can afford the rent, and gets to practice being more independent.
Honey, you aint't living in Columbia...
I think if you have a written agreement, and a good exit plan it isn’t as bad. So if she were to agree to stay 6 months and pay $X amount toward the house hold it would be helpful. If she needed to go to school for 2 years to get a better opportunity for work that could be a good thing too. Or she could take the time to find some good roommates so that she wouldn’t have to live alone. But a written exit plan is a must when someone moves in.
I'm from Colombia as well an it's not true that a woman can't leave her house before getting married. It's not true at all. I have a couple of female cousins, and they live by themselves and they are not married yet. My girlfriend is 21 and she lives by herself too.
YES, it’s not just culture which people say but also how some families operate. People like this who put their family of origin first shouldn’t get married unless it’s another person like that.
It think this marriage isn't going to work and I think the caller knows that. That's the real issue here.
A lot of women live on their own and are successful and fine. SIL needs to get a better job, get her own place and stop mooching off of others.
It depends on the people involved. My wife's brother and sister live with us. We are all older. They are the nicest people in the world, very considerate, helpful, and fair. They can stay with us until the cows come home. My own sister is a difficult person and we don't get along. If she asked if she could move in, I would tell her, sorry, no way.
Yep, just depends on the people and living situation and preferences. I would never want other people living with us on a long term basis, but that's just me. Also helps to have a big house.
@L Cam Yup, it would suck if we were forced to do it. Her brother and sister are very helpful and considerate. They buy more than their share of the food and they chip in for utilities. They aren't costing us anything. Her sister does a lot of the household chores, it makes life easier for my wife. He brother works 60 hours a week, so he is either working or sleeping. I like to watch basketball with him when he has time. We go to church with them, we are all members of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest. We have taken them with us on vacation, it was a blast. We are planning to take a cruise with them later this year. I feel fortunate having them here, we are stronger together. We watch out for each other. Part of the secret to our success is the house is big enough to have room for each of us to have alone time when we need it.
You did 5 years. It is someone else's turn. If not she can go home and live with her mom and Dad. She calls you names and expects to live with you.
Sorry but the SIL keeps bouncing around from house to house and she plans to do that till she “marries”? That is crazy… some ppl really are ok meddling in someone else’s house and that is not fair. I am Peruvian, first generation here and my family has helped people by moving in with us but literally, just for a month or two and that was made clear beforehand. I even moved with my sister when I came to the US and I could not wait to get out of her apartment, I was 21, and I wanted independence asap. Now I would only help a sibling in case of emergency but my relatives know, I have a husband and children, they must come first. Best wishes to you Elsa, your husband has to put you as priority.
Codependent family will never understand
It's so baffling how some cultures the man will indeed put his mom or sister before his wife... HAHAHA. That kind of stuff cracks me up.
Women do the same lol
I think she won't do anything and the SIL is now there and her resentment ia building. I don't think anything will change.
That is why I got American friends moved to an American church and got Americanized I am a happy man and stayed away from all the family drama.
Simply tell her no. I just spent all week helping my cousins wife move out of her mother in laws condo, she was living with her MIL while her husband/MILs son is working in China. I wouldn’t live with my own SIL either. In laws and peace of mind don’t mix.
The problem is the husband is being a little brat about it and not acknowledging what his wife wants and needs. I don't have high hopes for this marriage. Hopefully the caller figures out quickly if this is going to a marriage for her before it only get's more complicated with kids etc. Sometimes you have to cut your losses quick and move on.
Send sister back to Columbia! Her parents should be made responsible for her not brother who has his own family!
This is why the emergency fund is so important, $1000 to get her into an apt with a deposit and you’re a great family member and you can wash your hands of it.
My wealthiest friend lives in a 4M apartment in NYC. She tells me that you can throw money at problems. Sometimes. I believe her.
@@Cathy-xi8cb no that's just called enabling that's wrong and it's hurtful.
Emergency fund is important but you missed the boat on this. Even if she had a lot of money, her culture says not to move until you're married😨
@@Cathy-xi8cb That's the truth! That's why money=freedom to me. I don't have a lot, but I'm 60 now, and I have more than I used to. I can pretty much take care of anything that comes up, so in that regard, money is freeing. I can relax a little now.
Here in America, adults are expected to support themselves. Take the SIL in, temporarily, with the understanding that she goes to school to better her employment opportunities and moves out upon graduation. Then, she's so busy working and going to school that you never see her around the house.
You don't want her in the house that long. I't more a month or two until she figures a another living arrangement.
LOL I love your logic xD that being said here is a better idea; take her in and help her apply for jobs... with the army! It will help her get a job and she'll be gone for training and out of your hair and might just get her act together upon completion lol
This seems helpful.
That should be a NO. You might have her as a guest for some days… but moving in is a different story. She will cause problems.
Brilliant advice Dr Delony…absolutely on point . Elsa should be no. 1 at the table not no. 50. It’s a tough lesson in knowing your worth and believing in your own value. But if Elsa can do this, she will be happier and fulfilled in the long run, trust me I know 🙏🙏
Yes, Elsa will be happy, the husband will also be happy. Right now, he's likely floundering as well but just not showing it.
Sounds like the husband is gaslighting her
Yep, that's what it's called and that's never a sign of healthy relationship or person. I think that's really the hart of this issue here. John was subteling saying that with she's gonna have to have that "hard" talk and probably move on. Rip the bandaid off
Bullseye.
It’s sad that I didn’t see it with my marriage either. It is very traumatizing. My husband never directly hurt me or put me down. He don’t have to say it, but I know there’s nothing I can do about his “need” to make his family happy. He’s an enabler to them.
It is also my responsibility to put up the boundaries so he can’t cross it. Each time his family calls for money, he’s been figuring it out on his own. It’s hard to watch him give most of his fun money to them, but that’s him.
We’re a lot happier now.
But it’s when irresponsible families who end up losing everything that makes it hard. You can’t let them live on the streets, but you know they have bad behavior and it’s a burden because they have distorted views and are codependent. Yet you’re called a bad guy when you tell them to get it together. Advices goes in one ear and out the other.
The woman also has to think "why would I wanna be back and forth, might as well be on my own"
If she can't make it in the US after five years, she needs to move back with her parents in Columbia. Something is off. She could have a college degree by now, at no cost to her (cost to me).
No way would she move in. I’d die on that hill. She can get roommates and will figure it out.
"Is he going to be happy knowing his wife is not, if he's getting what he wants?" YES! Some people are just like that, especially if culturally thats how he's been raised to believe is ok.
The husband needs to deal with the man sexually harassing the sister. The husband needs to set boundaries that the sister only stays with them for a few months and a plan to get her on her own feet.
She needs to get roommates. She a grown woman, time to grow up lady😒
This is Hispanic families, take her in because others would do it for you. It's the same with us Italians. You'll be ostracized for not taking her in especially in this situation. Your husband is right. Maybe you should take her in for 30 days and help her get some female roommates to move out permanently with. How could he not take in his own sister? This is impossible to recover from.
The only part for me is them not confronting the abuser which is also family, that needs to be dealt with.
I love your perspective. In Black Communities this would be a “no”, which is unfortunate.
I agree 100 percent with what you said. It seems like there will be more marital problems if he doesn’t take his sister in .
But she lived with them for 5 years already?
I agree with helping her find her own way and the 30 day period. She already had a 5 year grace period if it didnt work out with her at home before it wont work out again so she definitely needs to set a timeframe for this or else she will be there forever... I am also latina for context, but moving to canada as a teen my dad always said that "we are now in a new country and we must embrace the culture that accepted us". We still keep traditions at home, but there has to be a balance. It is fine for her to live with parents until she is married, she is their responsibility until she finds a man. She chose to leave their house for America so dont put that weight on the siblings forever now, you can only help someone for so long
This is definitely a mixed feeling. You want to help but you know you can’t help because the core problem is the sister’s behavior that you can’t control. Not saying it’s her fault that she got assaulted, that needs to be taken care of on its own, but life goes on, so the sister needs to figure it out on her own.
The caller used the word “sexually harassed”, John said “sexually assaulted”; which is it?
It's possible neither may be true. The caller doesn't seem to know anything about it.
@@b.1162 it's possible it's both.
It's possible it's both or neither. John asked the right question that your husband has not confronted his beloved sisters abuser? Could well be she just wants to move out so making that up.
This whole thing might be solved by dealing with the person doing the harassment.
If it's actually occurring. That wasn't really clear.
Exactly! Here's a thought; confront the SILs husband, she might leave him entirely or at least separate for some time and then the sisters can live together! It really would solve the whole thing...
@@Austenfan177 thats a good point too, the sister could very well be lying, but I doubt she was even paying rent at all?(Unless it was mentioned and I missed it) Because at least in my culture, when you take care of your parents or have unmarried kids they just live there, though they are expected to help with upkeep and chores in the household...
@@Austenfan177 ah ok, so I did miss that, but I wouldnt be surprised if she wasnt helping out the caller either...
Sometimes you have to chose, your culture or your happiness. Sometimes there is no in between because that's just the way it is. You will be deemed selfish, bad, and might even be excluded. No joke. Just reality in some culture. Yes. I am from that kind of culture too.
I can read your name. 😂
Yes, the more I learn about mental health the more I notice how toxic our culture can be. It’s pretty extreme to say the least. I love how we are evolving and many people are taking a step to break the cycle, but it is hard seeing the culture die as well. But in the end it’ll be for the better.
What about her getting a roommate and then moves out of her present arrangement?
Maybe they could help her find a roommate
Unless they have a house that is gigantic and they would rarely bump into each other...Protecting their marriage is vastly more important. Improvise other solutions, but the answer is "NAHHHHH."
LIving with family is not currently protecting her. In fact she is more vulnerable. And John's right, she does have the option to go back to Columbia and live with her parents (unless there is a factor we don't know about). He's also right about how some people from cultures where lots of family live together really enjoy having more privacy when the experience it. I have had a couple friends mention how they loved having their own bedroom, etc.
She moved 5 years ago, I think she’s illegal because in 5 years even if she was working the the lowest paying job she should have enough savings to get a place even with a roommate. But if she’s in school or have kids that might be different story.
😐
And why would you assume she's illegal? More likely low skilled so doesn't have a lot of job options that pay a living wage. An no, you can't assume she should have enough savings if she is low wage. There is nothing left to save. Everything you can do to make it to the next paycheck.
@@johniii8147 this women has never lived on her own and their was no mention or her having kids or supporting anyone. She lives with family members no mention of her helping out with bills. In 5 years she should have enough saved to be able to get a place with a roommate. How much does a spare room cost???
@@johniii8147 because many of them are
I have a friend in a similar situation. They bought a duplex and rent to the sister in law at a loss. The tenant in the other half of the duplex pays higher rent and my friends break even on the duplex. They get upset when I tell them they are nuts. They are not responsible for the sister in law.
Just say NO. Tell your hubby he is weak and he can live with you (his wife) or live with his sister. You put up with this for 5 years and that's it. Call your husband names. Don't care about mother in law, father in law, Or any in law. Have SIL over for dinner. Visit with her but NEVER allow any in law to live with you.
Why defining the relationships and boundaries are so important. You at least have an idea of how to handle things. Even in the case of something beyond our control such as death you have some kind of plan in a sense.
@@flamingmonferno Yes those conversations are so important.
So your recommendation is to have her send her marriage into a downward spiral? Obviously, dude is going to care for his sister's well being if they can't come to a reasonable resolution.
Bruh millions of women live on their own , and having a husband doesnt mean you are impervious to sexual assault
Totally understand. Hope the SIL gets her own place. Been there.
There should be a law banning in-laws from EVER living with a married couple. Any adult man who allows this is a coward.
Give him back to his family and leave if he puts them before you.
So......SIL didn't even have enough respect to ask her, only her husband, as if she doesn't count.
Ugh, my everyday life. I feel for Elsa. Such a hard thing to deal with.
Still struggling here, but what helped me is all the life coach I found on YT. I learned that I am with him because I choose to love him not because I need him to fill up whatever it is that is empty, but that doesn’t mean he gets what he wants. I give him what I can. If he’s asking too much, it’s a him problem and he’s going to have to find another solution. I can’t be involved. I suggested he find a side hustle to support his “duties” to his family. I was over it. And you know what, he can leave if he’s not happy. I love him but I’m tired of trying to win him over. So he make his decision. It’ll suck, but at least I still have myself, because losing myself was hell and I don’t want to go back there again. You have to learn to accept that your husband is not your protector, you are , and it’s ok. If he chooses you, he’ll come home. Let him get a reality check as well.
Just a hunch, but if the lights are turned on, everyone is truly honest, there may well be some intractable problems here. I think she’s terrified of having on honest real conversation because the or what, I think, may blow things up.
Yep this is far more a marital issue rather than sis. This is just bringing things to a head that have already been going on.
Should have all stayed in Columbia. This chain migration stuff needs to stop. I’m very soured on immigrants in general
*o
I have an Eastern European culture and I HATE how entitled and overbearing the culture is.
God should be part of this conversation.
I know the answer to this one!!!! “No, Nope, No way, Nada, Oh Hell No.
What about getting a place with an attached apartment? Is that possible?
I have a single son who has his own place, we can marry the sister with my son and problem solved, everyone will be happier.
How do you tell her no? Like this : “No.”.
Notice how easy it is for people to use tradition, family responsibility, obligation, culture when it allows a total moocher to have their own way. And easily live off another person’s labor. If tradition and culture were so important to the SIL she should have married at 22 like the old-fashioned culture promotes. It works for her to be helpless and frail when living off of family benefits her. She had 5-6 years to find a husband. But that would put the responsibility into her own hands.
I don't understand it. People move to this country and refuse to assimilate to the culture. 🙄
Bahahaha! Americans don't adapt when they travel to other places, but expect folks to change for them. Dude, use your brain. One doesn't change everything about them when they move elsewhere. Relax.
This is a good reason why so many people don't have any money is because they no longer work together to help each other
This woman doesn't even work enough to have an apartment. That's just lazy and pathetic.
The husband doesn't have courage
I have a different approach: Just ghost her:)
Tell your husband that you are moving out and he can live with his sister. Or better yet, tell him to get an apartment with his sister.
Wife says " she moves in , I'm moving out" you choose hubby?
🤣 if it was that easy.
My husband gave me this ultimatum, I was young and naive and apologized. He’s more passive with me now, but hey, bills are paid. We still love each other, but should definitely avoid the topic about his family. It never ends well.
You know she let her move in.
Is the sister-in-law in physical danger? There are programs here to help victims of violence.
Exactly shes in charge of her life if she doing something dangerous unsafe thats her responsibility
@@isay207 Sometimes people are so traumatized they need a gentle push to get help. I hope this lady is supported by prayer and love.
FYI John, I bet a third of people in OKC are from Texas 😒
Houston didn't do so good in Game 6 without their garbage cans... :-)
She needs to go to her parents....
OKC is a heck of a lot better than Austin.
Family first
Nope!!!
I FEEL I FEEL I FEEL.......🤔🤫🙄
Easily... NO.
Just say no
Shes stressed BIG people pleasure smh. Just say no.
Her husband's wants her back? 🤔🤔🤔
Great advice
Of course she will never be able to afford the rent on her own if you continue to let her live with you.
You don't live in Columbia!
She needs to find a husband and move on. She’s 26, she’s getting old. Either that or go back home to Columbia
Move her in and start a dating campaign immediately for her!
Call a matchmaker and arrange a marriage!
This is going to end in a three way they will destroy all of them
Great advice Delany, can she move in with you when they divorce?
Dam you women in the comments are wild. I think her husband is in the right. You give her a set amount of time say a month or two and as soon as thats up she has to go. Write a contract. Either sister goes or wifey goes.
Caller should try marrying a white dude. People of color arent for her if she cant stand her not being the absolute and only center of a mans life.
But you I think what you meant to say is She needs to date people with healthy boundaries. Do not date men who are in emotionally incestuous relationships with their parents.
Agree. I come from a family oriented culture too. We don't treat family like that.. we just don't.
I think the wife doesn’t trust the husband to abide his words. Especially if he has never shown her he’ll speak up to protect his family.
I’m just projecting, because my husband likes to be the peacemaker and that’s how he wants me to be. I’m always encouraging him that some battles are worth fighting especially when everyone is asking us to do more than we can.
A lot of times I’ve proven him wrong that’s why he trust me with financial decisions.
Sorry John. We love you, but that shirt is not it. Makes you look like you're about to lead us on a safari tour.
I'm sorry she is gonna have to have her move in with them again because if not they will never hear the end of it and if she isn't a terrible roommate then relax. If she is a cute girl it shouldn't be hard to marry her off.
Why isn't she already married at 28 years old? She should have found a beta-male American to marry as her first priority when she arrived here. Didn't happen; could it be that sister is very unattractive? There's no mention of a boyfriend or even dating someone during these five years; very strange. This couple will be stuck with sister into retirement years if she is allowed to move back in.
I agree with you !
For God sake... Seriously grow some balls woman....
Boundaries are important but our obsession with them is killing our sense of family and community in this world. I'm surprised at how totally offended people are at the thought of taking in family for a time. Not saying the caller is wrong but unless SIL is genuinely destructive (doesn't sound like it, she's just run into bad times), why not look on the bright side? Have her pay a low rent. If u have a kid, let her babysit. If not, then have her pull her weight another way.
Marriages are liable to problems regardless. So if the caller ever found herself alone again, maybe even hitting bottom, wouldn't she want the same kind of help & support? I mean, is family merely performative now, something we do on Thanksgiving & Christmas for pics on social media? Or are we actually going to show up when the real stuff hits (addiction, financial, psychological, etc.)? Why has the idea of sometimes putting others before ourselves become so despised? It's scary.
Now this is complicated stuff but the caller isn't automatically right just because..
Put a dog house in the backyard and get a leash/collar with your sister-in-law's name on it
Take her in… this is your culture. If you don’t agree with this cultural aspect of your relationship leave… Your husband shouldn’t have to change his cultural values.
@j4Rose no, it's not. She knows he values taking care of his family. If you don't agree leave him. It's really that simple.
I bet she would love too, but her emotions is all mixed up.
I hope you don’t have double standards either. Imagine your spouse leave you just because you both can’t come to an agreement.
If she continues to harass her husband, and disparage his old world values for financial responsibility for family, which she knew when she married him, then she may soon find herself living independently.
if she does end up in a divorce at least she don’t have to take care of a child-man anymore.
She got nothing to lose.