@@josesantana770 not necessarily. The government doesnt get involved in picking womens boyfriends. But the government does get involved in how much maintianance she will get.
@@squelette0 "some men lie"...lol, everybody lies. Did you hear about the recent study that over 50% of women have a "back-up guy" while in a relationship? They are always looking for the "next best thing".
@@squelette0 So do women. This doesn't mean you should complain on social media, in a non-anonymous setting. It's up to you to avoid manipulative signs, especially if you claim to be intelligent.
yeah, and in TX I see them in the courts, on TV, etc. crying their eyes out, doing the victim song, women don't take ownership for choosing bad partners ever
With all due respect, you can't change what women are attracted to. They're not attracted to us. They don't want us. Frankly, we don't want to feel like we're just being picked out of charity. We deserve to be wanted naturally. We deserve to be appreciated, and telling women to choose us will just make it charity. Now, this woman who likes nice guys or rather good men is unique. But she'll never get other women to modify their tastes. And convincing women to choose nice men will just make them feel like they're settling, and they're still not going to appreciate us. So I appreciate the sentiment, but maybe women should just stay the course and date whatever they are attracted to and just leave good nice men to their own devices and continue to leave them alone. So, just let these women who have been dating bad boys and jerks continue their practices. Because let's face it, those women don't measure up and don't deserve a good man at this point. Now, there's a pragmatic element to this. A woman who has been dating bad boys and jerks has been damaged too much to be with a good man. I don't say this out of nowhere. I married a woman who had been with bad guys and so on, and she simply couldn't appreciate me and ultimately cheated with a guy who hit her. They go back to what they're comfortable with, so she'll only hurt the good man. What we need to do is facilitate good women and good men finding each other. They're the only ones who deserve each other, and they are the only ones who deserve to be happy. The women who choose bad men are exactly where they should be and get exactly what they deserve.
I totally agree with your comment, but I must by cynical in today's environment. How do you know this "nice guy" searching woman in unique? Women say these kinds of things all the time to get attention and validation from the "nice guy" simps. Many times they even get money and friend zone help provided they know them in real life. If this Tik Tok woman ever gets into a real relationship, I'm doubting it is with the "nice guy". What she says and what she may do are two different things.
@pace1195 fair enough.. but advising women to start dating nice good men will ultimately just hurt those men these damaged women go for. Don't try to force a square peg through a round hole. These women don't deserve good men and good men deserve better.
True. I have yet to find women who are more attracted to nice guys. They might have even chosen the good guy for marriage/relationshiop but I agree that attraction is a completely different story
With all due respect, I'm not sure how you can make such sweeping claims about an entire sex based on your personal or others experience. I feel sorry that youve experienced heartbreak or whatever else it is, but you sound very lost and blinded by your prejudices of women. Please take care ❤
Exactly lol I don't care anymore. They chose men who treat them like shit then come back to me asking for forgiveness. I'm 28 I'm not trying to play stupid ass games like a fckin 12 YR old
@johnsampson6387 They are drawn to bad boys - the confidence, the swagger, the boldness - to them this looks like strong masculinity - until the truth comes out - the controlling behaviors and the abuse - all are symptoms of underlying weakness and insecurity.
As someone who is 6 ft tall, trust me man, its not tall enough, lol. I have come to learn that. The guy has to be OVER 6ft. Every time im in public and I see an attractive girl, 10 times out of 10, with out fail she is ALWAYS with a guy who is 6"2 or more. EVERY TIME! I even asked my sister in-law, and she said, "yeah...6ft is short."
I love how we assume these women don’t deserve their choices. Like I’m sure all these poor women don’t also cheat, or emotionally abuse or manipulate anyone. They definitely never make short term decisions either. Leave the nice guys alone.
I'm a nice guy, but I don't allow myself to be disrespected, pushed around or ill-used. When I was in my 20s, I got tired of watching the @$$holes "get the girls". I started treating women poorly, played mind games, etc. I was surprised to find that I, too, started "getting the girls". 'Not going to lie. I had lots of fun. But I disliked who I became, so I went back to being me, a nice guy. I also realized I needed to find a higher quality of woman. After a few more years, I met the woman I would marry. Next year we celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. Being a nice guy is a good thing. Being a push-over, not standing for something, and allowing yourself to be disrespected are not attractive qualities to any woman. Being the kind of person others look up to AND nice are things good women respond to (aka a good man). The hardest part is finding someone you click with in this day of swiping and HR rules about workplace interaction
You are how you act. You are weak. And your actions prove you are not and never were the nice guy. Nice guys do not change they just.......are. so sorry to break it to ya. You are what is described as the bad boy. Cause nothing would get me to act how you do.
That just means you are not a push-over, which is important. Key takeaways: Have your own standards and don't put someone on a pedestal, and not self-defining as "nice guy" when stating your qualities. I call that being a Self-Aware Individual. People throw around all these terms, "nice guy" meant "push over" at some juncture.
@@SD-mi2vc - ...only if you have what they want, (good looks, money etc etc etc) if you don't then you are S.O.L... and it is always contingent on those attributes being there.
It kind of blows my mind that women have all these requirements but fail to have a requirement that he isn't the type of guy that will break your fucking arm or knock you out when he's in a bad mood. Seems important to me but what do i know!
And that my friend, is because women don’t really like nice guys, good men, whatever you call it. Of course their logical part of the brain says that they should like good men, but the conscious mind can’t override a millennia of biology. Even if you’re Brad Pitt in his prime, it won’t be long before she gets bored of you because you are too good. You bring no drama and you find solutions to problems. The only difference with some women is that some of them weren’t with too many men so it’s easier for them to block their instincts and can stay with the boring guy for longer. They tolerate him better.
Honest and kind. Many men just want to have fun with hot girls and then they later regret the bad experience and also add a layer to all this: STD's that can range from a nuisance to life and death situations.
I heavily disagree. We shouldn't let the word "nice" be usurped because of some bad apples. Being nice is a good thing and it doesn't have to be associated with the wrong people.
And they will not get a lady in return. They will think "good, now I'm set for life, he'll never leave me", so now they're secure enough to pursue their fantasies with the bad boys they've really wanted all along. Good women are those who can hide that side of themselves better.
If you are doing something nice in order to get something, you are not being nice, you are being manipulative. If you wish to do something nice for someone, it is wrong to expect something back in return.
@@user-og6hl6lv7p That's not true in this case. We are kind and respectful because that is what one is supposed to do. We expect that same niceness and respect back to us, else it's unhealthy to keep that bad egg around who doesn't know how to behave and show respect. It is not wrong to expect someone to show you the same kindness and respect that you show them. A "nice" guy will tell you whatever you want to hear, a good man will have personal boundaries and a set of principles that he will politely enforce and uphold. Good men expect ladies. If you're not a lady, and instead act like a strumpet, then expect to be cast aside. Happily married for 10 years to a wonderful lady.
@@IndieGamerMonkey Well I mean kind of. But I'll show you decency and kindness because that's who I am, it's how I was raised. And I'd hope that you return respect but I wouldn't call it an expectation. Just know that if you don't treat me with respect I won't continue to associate with you. To say that I expect respect in return seems to imply that if you don't respect me I will treat you badly in return. It's more just that I won't accompany you at all
@samstromberg5593 were saying the same thing except where you inferred an expectation where there isn't one. It's simply: show me common decency, or I won't associate with you at all.
@@dcarvalho6144 Courtney Ryan married for money. She should have been married to someone similar to Gabriel Soto--an international soap star from Mexico. July 2024. USA
Problem is most don't come to this realization until later twenties early thirties and maybe after a child or two and then expect the nice guy / good man to be there for them (might want to rethink that)
women perceive nice guys as weak, needy, and don't excite them, many great women CHOOSE abusive, violent, and dangerous men over nice guys --seen this so many times in criminal court cases
Two things I'll add : 1) Feminism pushes "strong" and "independent" with women saying they don't need men. But they also want and expect men to still have traditional traits like chivalry and planning/paying. So men aren't getting traditional benefits from women that made gender roles an equal trade-off in the past. 2) Once dating became online based with various apps and IG, it conditioned women to be visually selective because it was all based on pics only. Combine that with a sex driven society, their main focus upfront is who they want to sleep with the most.
only problem that most women are feeders in mbti so they fail at being strong in men eyes. some men perfer ration women because they just easy to get along with them.
I had a conversation with a girl I was working with and asked her about it out of curiosity. She said basically that girls like the idea of a nice guy, but it's not the same as wanting it. She also told me that bad boy types get attraction from girls wanting to "fix" em and "take care" of em, I thought it was really interesting what she'd said.
That’s usually a trauma thing, and or lacking a male role model for the last part majority of the time. Doesn’t mean their super screwed up, but they have a warped perception of dating
One girl I took out on a first date said something along the lines of "nice guys get upset too easily, can be easily controlled and manipulated, and that truly isn't attractive to women that's why I will never date one". I was kinda put off dating after that experience.
Everybody looks still looking for the top boss Alpha dude who's doing the manipulation and controlling and doing the exploiting exploitation essentially these women want some kind of Slave Master
No one respect a sucker who can be control and manipulated. Would you give your uterus and fertility to someone like that? What would your kids think when they see their father is being manipulated? I don't blame her.
I don't try to be nice guy. I strive to be a good (gentle) man. Being nice is an act in the moment. Being is good "person" is what you are. PS: Love the content Courtney. Keep up the positivity
The yellow shirt girl looks like she is in the epiphany stage, wherein after years of being with players and attractive men who wouldn't take her seriously, she's now interested in nice guys because at her age of 25+ nice guy = secure guy. Don't fall for it, women say one thing but do another.
Being a nice guy is a curse and a disease. They say that after all the destruction is done. At the end of the day, the nice guys don't get anything! By the time women finally come around, it's way too late!!! Just like women, we lose interest too and if its not that moment, you can forget about the whole thing. I will be nice to a point where you will not bother me and i will not bother you. Most importantly, 99.99% i dont meet your requirements.
Women dont want Nice guys, but they need Nice guys... when they get old, get dumped by Chad, and need help with the kids. But yeah, Nice guys will always finish Last, and bad Boys will finish on her face.
Lots of women are single because of this (not giving nice guys a chance). And they have only themselves to blame. She is absolutely right. I think the women she's describing (women who won't date nice guys) equate nice to boring, weak, and not adventurous.
Those 304s should stay away from good men...only thing they can achieve is changing that good men into monster by cheating, lying and at the end stealing more than half of what he worked his life for...
I was always the nice guy. I experienced plenty of rejection and was ghosted so many times. I eventually married someone I knew growing up that I reconnected with at our 20 year high school reunion. It was her 2nd marriage and my first. She had a 9 year old. Being a stepdad was a challenge, but as he grew up, we became the best of friends until he killed himself in a motorcycle accident at age 21. I still grieve that loss more than 20 years later. Weʻve been married 33 years now and still keep asking ourselves how we got so lucky. The key to life-long joy is gratitude.
@johnsampson6387 When I say likes you as you are I say that assuming you are showering and other basic things of life which most guys are at least I hope.
@@jackwalker1822lol you are right, it is Hard af, but Nice guys and bad Boys are in the same position on this situation. The majority of men must have something to women even look at them.
This just seems like a more digestible alternative to what “nice guy’s” have known for years now; they finish last, and it’s their turn now. The conversation has changed… The question isn’t whether women should or shouldn’t date a nice guy; the question is whether these good men should or shouldn’t entertain these women as legitimate partners in a relationship…..
"Who you choose to settle with is a reflection of you". 100 percent agreed. It's why we need to heal our past traumas. Else the cycle continues. Trauma bonding and familiarity are strong biological levers. It just feels safer, even if it's not, because it gives a false sense of comfort due to it's familiarity. It's why some keepp going into endless strings of abusive relationships. Stop dating, step back, seek help to work through the past and build a healthy support network. It's better to be alone than with an abusive partner.
The girlfriend I have is actually my Wife... And my Wife is my Girlfriend. Same person. She tells me she loves me more deeply than she's ever loved before, and the genuine "realness" of the relationship we have causes her an immense contentment, serenity and satisfaction... I do feel that same way about Her. We've known each other for over 35 years, since childhood, and the relationship we have with each other is comparable to the finest of aged Wines... Fun, relaxing, edifying, light-hearted, mentally nourishing, somewhat whimsical, and more importantly REAL. I thank God every day for this.
The key is in your last sentence. With God, all things are possible! Only he is able to take 2 flawed people (no offense, we all are), and make it the beautiful, fulfilling marriage you describe. Absolutely awesome, I'm very happy for you both.I thank God also!
It's both a pleasant surprise and relief to hear you use the same words I use in regards to "nice guy" versus "gentleman". The simplest way I would differentiate the two would be that the gentleman is emotionally self-reliant while the nice guy relies on others for feedback and support. One of the sad ironies is that a fair amount of nice guys became that way because they either grew up in toxic or non-nuturing environments. "Niceness" became a tool for them to curry favor with others so they could get the things they needed outside the home that weren't being provided inside the home. Not saying women should lower their standards for that, just saying that we as men need to realize that life sucks sometimes, but we have a duty to better ourselves FOR ourselves. That's how one can become a gentleman instead of an incel. A gentleman saw the unfairness in his life and chose to overcome it, conquer it, take control of their destiny without losing their inner brightness. An incel saw it and chose to embrace and submit to it. "Nothing can change and nothing ever will change. I am screwed. The world is a cruel place. Women are cruel." We can't control everything. But we should use what control we have to make ourselves better. That's how one evolves from a "nice guy" to a gentleman. A good sense of humor also helps. 😉
Hey Courtney, just wanted to say that your videos were really helpful when I was dating. I would not be married to my wife without your amazing advice. Thank you!!
Don't be a nice guy, be a good guy. A guy who's good to others, but equally to himself. Don't put anyone on a pedestal. They are your equals, no matter how hot you perceive them to be.
@@oemj7147 No, because a nice guy in popular culture is someone who only cares about what being nice to other people might get him. He's selfish rather than selfless.
@@chriselectric1116 Relax, that's the complete opposite, and also too extreme of a position. You can be courteous and friendly to other people. But you must do it because those are your values, not because you're trying to look good or get something done.
We’re still at peak narcissism, materialism and hedonism. The veneer is starting to peel off, but it’s still the norm. As a behavior therapist (I work at kid’s hospital, mostly kids with mental health/behavioral concerns), before someone changes their behavior, you see an “extinction burst”. For instance, a dog used to getting a treat each time he shakes a paw. If you stop giving a treat, the dog will go fully extra in trying to shake a paw, over the top, before they accept the new reality. That’s the extinction burst. Why would women change their behavior now? We all see what’s on the horizon, more financial instability (likely a worse crash coming that anything since 1930s), more political instability, and our social institutions (families, marriages, relationships, communities, schools, churches) have never been in worse shape. The single women (and some of the “successful” dudes) will continue living their best life until things really get rough. And even then, some extinction bursts, women trying one last time to get that top dude. Then, after the new reality can’t be ignored, they will come to the nice guys. The big question is: which women will the nice guys accept? I think there will be be “much weeping and gnashing of teeth”. Certainly not easy to hold compassion for single women (who make up the majority of consumer debt) when we see how most of them are moving. Meanwhile, most single dudes are living simply, frugally. The times ahead will be rough. But if I had to bet on it, I think single men will be more prepared for it. I don’t wish suffering on anyone. But I also won’t waste my time trying to explain these simple logical deductions to people unwilling to see it.
I used to be the 'nice guy' and had my share of challenges because of it. However, being kind is an important part of who I am, and I've embraced it. Through my past experiences, I've learned and grown, and I've found someone who appreciates my kindness as much as I appreciate her. If being a nice guy is part of your nature, that's great, just remember to stay aware and not be taken advantage of. And always have faith that there are plenty of women out there who appreciate kindness in a person.
I'm 32 and never had a girlfriend before. Attractive, in shape, decent job, family oriented, outdoorsy etc and women dont give me the time of day. Probably because im 5'7 and black. I also get referred to as the nice guy a lot. Damn shame we live in a day and age where genuinely good men are passed on and being kind is turnoff lol. Not a pushover or people pleaser nice guy, but just not being a dickhead.
Take it from a former “nice guy”…NEVER be the nice guy. You can be a good man but never be a nice guy. Women aren’t attracted to that. When they say they are, it’s because they either need a break from the toxicity and drama of the guys they are actually attracted to and will eventually go back to when she gets bored with you. Or she’s almost at that the wall and none of guys she’s gotten ran through by so far have committed. So she settles.
Yeah genes are genes and women are still in the polymorphisms to select for strong, intimidating, and fuck boy traits. Those are the men who reproduced for 1000s of years while the opposite trait men didn’t find mates so thus were eliminated from the gene pool. It may go away in a few thousand years for these “asshole preferred” genes to change polytypes due to environmental changes such as not needing the primal men abilities. But for the mean time, do not listen to what women want in a man lol they will lie to you
Attraction is subjective so idk why so many are barking up that tree. Secondly, having good character makes all the difference, such as being a gentleman! We have got to stop conflating what's nice, kind, and gentleman like. Lastly, we all need to stop crying, pissin, and moaning online that the person we chose turned out to have sucked. Choose better for God sakes and social media is NOT YOUR DIARY!
@@dang75790 if I don't have a plethora of friends because I'm speaking the truth, good riddance! I'd be hated for being real than be loved for being fake
Attraction is subjective to guys, not women... Some guys may find someone's 5/10 and actual 8/10 etc.. This is true even for guys who have lots of options. When women are picky, it's quite obvious to even men when a guy will meet their looks requirement because he will be stand out good looking
I know a man who makes $70K a year in construction and can't get a date. I legit cannot figure it out. He is sweet, fit, loyal and kind. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and is an overall great fella. Oh but he is 5'8" and not rich. Sad state of affairs in the west. I think a man like him would have no issues in another country.
It could be a class thing too. I'm a tradesman and unfortunately a lot of my fellow tradies don't dress very well, don't groom themselves well, use lots of profanity around women and children etc etc. It's one thing to make good money working construction, it's another thing to carry yourself like you'll own the company someday.
I'm worth almost a million, have 60K retirement income, quit dating at 46, it was too disappointing and frustrating, looks, age, wealth matter most to women
Please don’t “force yourself to choose a nice/good guy” as if you’re settling and doing them a favor. You will be doing the complete opposite and will likely make a good guy miserable thinking how he’s too predictable and you want drama/passion. Instead, heal yourself to the point where you have a complete mindset change and you are yearning for that type of man
Finally someone said the right thing to do as a women in this situation, although a lot of them won’t because that requires accountability, and for some reason it’s hard for them
never met a girl who wants a nice guy, it's a put down phrase, now 68 -- learned this the hard way. yrs. ago a female caller to Tom Leykis said "we don't sleep with the nice guys, they don't excite us" women once they meet you put you in the lover box or friend box, nice guys go to the friend box
Its not genuine desire when it needs to be like this after shes ran through and desperate. You cant negotiate desire. Being a woman like her backup plan is poison to a mans heart. A mans love is valuable.
Not to mention they will never love or find the nice guy attractive, she is just lying so she doesn't have to raise her kids alone or be left bitter with a bunch of cats. Just bitter with a guy who thinks she loves him when she really doesn't.
“Who you choose to be around is a reflection of you”. Wonderful point, Courtney! I would like to modify it a bit and say that it’s a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
There is a difference between a good man and a "nice" man. Most women cant seem to tell the difference between a bad boy and a confident man based on 20 years of observing them.
Yes. But a lot of women aren’t actually interested in a good man. A good man has boundaries. So he is going to hold a woman to a standard of behavior around him, instead of being shamed into letting her do whatever she wants. If she doesn’t live up to that standard, he will leave her. Also good men have a zone of peace and quiet that surrounds him…and he’s consistent. He says what he means. Means what he says and honors his word and his commitments. He is predictable. Damaged women cannot tolerate that. (Boring!!). Because they rely on chaos and drama to distract them from their inner demons. Being a good man will bring those demons to the surface…and she won’t have anyone or anything else to blame them on. So she runs back to the toxic guys who will give her that emotional roller coaster. “I may be going through hell, but at least it’s my hell. The streets are familiar and I know them all by name.” --Anonymous
@@kennethsmith6367 I think they can tell the difference between the nice guy and the bad boy. It's the bad boy and confident man that they seem to get confused. A confident man speaks up when he needs to. A "bad boy" is brash, uninhibited, and loud to try to puff himself up. "A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A moron speaks because he HAS to say something"
@@aaronburdon221 I’ve watched women date men that are obvious “bad” boys from the moment I met them and then be amazed at their character after years of marriage. I’ve also seen women trying to get a-hole characteristics out of “nice” guy’s. Just to be surprised and disappointed, when that guy calmly and rationally solves the problems presented. Hence why I actually think women are looking for wallet, attraction and the ability of the men to tolerate her presence in that order.
Great video! Be good, not nice! Good people are inherently nice but nice people aren't always good. Being nice might seem like a good thing, but there are times when people use it as a mask, hiding their true selves. On the other hand, being a good person involves inner authenticity and a desire to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy.
From my experience as a former couch potato that only played video games girls never gave me the time of day. All I had to do to fix that was start taking care of myself with diet and exercise, be nice with hobbies and interests outside of work, and got off dating apps. I made these small changes that took a bit of time, but it definitely helped my dating life. Not all girls want that 6 foot chad with millions on the bank. There are definitely women out there with reasonable expectations it just takes a little effort and patience, and I can definitely attest my patience and effort was definitely rewarded. Hopefully my testimony helps my struggling brothers out there.
I have been rejected by women since some of them think I am "too nice." Wanted to add that the ones who said that to me have either been divorced or an engagement that ended bitterly. Fast forward, I am better off without them. Two of them are alcoholics, and one is a "tart." They are not pleasant to be around (due to anger issues). To top it off, they all ended up with me that fell short of their expectations, while I have done much traveling, enjoying life, and am financially stable. All I can say is that I have the last laugh and laughing all the way to the bank. In the meantime, Karma has come and affected them.
I get the 'too nice' rejection too, nice enough to be asked to do boyfriend tasks but not get the boyfriend benefits. They don't like it when you're suddenly too busy and don't get me started on the 'why are all the men I date arseholes?' The common denominator is them and their taste in men.
The problem guys have with women saying they “want a nice guy” is what women say they want, but actually responds to never aligns. And that’s why guys now tend to pay attention to their actions rather than words.
I appreciate you adding the perspective at the end that women often choose the wrong men because they have issues that need to be addressed. It takes maturity and self awareness to fully accept someone treating you well. This goes for men too... if you go into a relationship only thinking about what the other person can do for you rather than how you can enhance each others lives, you're going to have issues. I'm 43 and newly divorced and I can say now that that when I was younger I simply lacked the confidence, maturity, and self awareness to make good dating decisions. I felt equally as uncomfortable with abuse as I did with being treated well. With that said, the one thing I would add to this video for perspective is that the "nice guy" or the "gentleman" is sometimes a facade. People are simply not always what they portray themselves to be, and often we don't find this out until it's too late or we are so invested/committed that it's difficult to make a decision to exit the relationship. The man I married by all appearances seems to be a very nice guy and total gentleman to most people. But behind closed doors he was a nightmare to live with. The verbal and emotional abuse slowly escalated over time but because the outside world didn't see this side of him I felt trapped and as though no one would believe me. I appealed to him in countless ways to get him to treat me better and to grow as a person because I believed he was capable. I even owned up to my own insecurities and sensitivities because I recognized that I was not perfect and had room to grow as well. But the situation became so unbearbale. My fears were founded though...most people continue to believe he is a great guy and I have been painted as the villain for leaving him. So anyway, it's not always about picking the "bad boy", loving the drama, etc... sometimes people just simply are not what they portray themselves to be. Even the language of some men in these comments proclaiming to be "the good guy" is quite shocking because just reading what they write tells a very different story. Men are just as guilty of choosing women for the wrong reasons and then acting shocked when it doesn't turn out so well. I'm no expert but I'd tell both men AND women that the first thing you have to do to be ready for a relationship is to stop generalizing men/women based on your own bad experience. Own up to your choices and how YOU could have done better and simply have confidence in what you have to offer. The right person will see that and appreciate the emotional work you put into being a better partner and human being.
One thing my dad told me was be good but not nice, your being nice to get along with everyone, be good but not a hole and don’t be afraid of confrontation when necessary, that doesn’t mean get into street fights and risk your life getting stabbed or shot.
Here's what usually happens: Women don't make the move, so they wait for the inevitable train of guys looking for only one thing to do it first. The obvious result results. Nice guys aren't trying to get with every women they meet. They probably haven't perfected "the move". If you want something great, you have to make an effort yourself ladies.
Hey Courtney . . . I’ve watched about a dozen of your videos and I have to say your advice to men,(and women) is exemplary! It’s extremely refreshing to hear your positive take on improving your relationships with others. And what matters most ie; your heart and your character. So many women I know have chosen men based on external factors rather than character quality and they ultimately end up disappointed and disheartened. Keep up the great job you are doing, Courtney. You are truly contributing to helping people improve their relationships as well as their external and internal qualities. The world is a better place because of your efforts! . . . Paul
On dating apps. I look for the important stats first. Do you want kids? Do you smoke? Drink? Religious? Too many people chase looks first. Fitness seems to be everything today.
I do agree with you on how we need to look deeper than just what’s on the surface of a person. That being said, fitness should be important to a degree, especially given how morbid obesity is out of control and someone who exhibits a healthy body is biologically attractive.
Yeah, back when I used dating sites before and after the pandemic hit (just wanted to try some out but it still doesn't beat meeting people IRL), I cared more about whether people smoked or drank alcohol (and how frequently) than about what they looked like. I still have my preferences in terms of appearance but what people do define them as a person more than how attractive they appear.
@@eikichionizuka2206 I mean, in all fairness, it is possible to do so. But, overall, people are better off meeting others in person for a variety of reasons.
The saying goes: Nice guy's finish last. As a nice (older)guy i can confirm this and changing my ways accordingly. They say they like a nice guy, if he meets the height, looks, money! They always leave that part out. But those guys have all the option and don't have to commit to get the box. So they don't. As 5,6" male its rough out here.(EU) If they want a traditional guy? But are they traditional in return? No, high body count, not following a man's lead. When we set boundaries, we are called insecure. They want their cake and eat it too. Sexy picture on IG, have a backup plan, always looking to upgrade, girls night out etc. I do like you trying to bring positive, but what they say vs what they do are 2 different things.
As a man, it’s tough to say what women should or should not do because I am not one myself. That being said, it’s undoubtedly discouraging to hear women respond to guys that, we as guys, know right away are toxic and opportunistic. It encourages is guys to be a**holes even if we aren’t for the sake of getting attention from girls. Maturing is realizing women will never fill any hole we have on the inside. As men, we have to do that ourselves
Yes, girls, go after the 'Nice Guy' - but before you're used up, run through by half the city and looking for someone to fund your retirement and blame for your past sh*tty choices!!
I realize that in my own personal life that I chose poorly... I dated people who had weak moral, emotional, and intelectual strength. But as a Man, that was not entirely my fault. Every woman I ever persued a meaningfull relationship with (my history of poor choices) were NOT people I chose because I was shallow and only looking at the phisical; they were my ONLY option. The hurtfull of all my exes was a woman I broke up with four times... and if ANYONE else would have gone on a date with me so I could have moved on I wouldn't have taken her back. It's still my fault, but I see it in so many younger men that I work with. Men who "swipe right" on every single profile in a dating app, "likeing" hundreds of profiles a day, just to get less than ten matches a week of women to message. Nice Guy, Tall Guy, High Value Guy... Whatever, the dating system is strangling itself. Yes I picked my exes, yes I dated them, yes I broke up with them, and yes... I took them back. But I didn't have any options... and now I'm old.
Being 5.8. I can tell you none of it matters. Height is too much of a road block these days. You can be as nice as you like, but trust me there is no getting past the height barrier.
@@jimbo4187 I mean, yes, to attract those kinds of women, but the kind of person who'd think in this kind of way is entirely unattractive to me, how could I form a genuine connection to such a shallow person? I mean, all I'm saying is don't expect to find "the one" when you act in a way that attracts... not the right women.
@@KytexEdits I get what you’re saying man, but we can’t deny as men what we’re attracted to. There’s a reason why Transformers Megan Fox was such a star and why Bond girls are always fine asf. That’s who we all want, and I get that not every man will get them. But if you’re not physically attractive, you can make more money to compensate. Of course, eventually you’ll settle but you’d take a Megan Fox every time if u could.
Been saying this for years now!! Plenty of good guys out here that would love you and take care and not cheat but they're belittled every day by modern women and looked at as weak.
@@michaelsix9684 It's my nature to weed out the women that have that view. Most of my relationships have been with women who don't equate "nice" with "weak", and most of those were healthy relationships.
@MeidoInHebun ?????????? Yeah really lol. A good portion of women don't have this girl or Courtney's mentality sadly, especially where I live which is NYC so yeah lol
Courtney your videos really help me, my girlfriend of 2 years just dumped me and I'm really going through it right now. I don't understand why some girls manipulate and squeeze dry nice guys my ex never communicated properly about her feelings or what she wanted to work on until she was ready to leave and just left. The whole time she was acting normal and happy and willing to work on things but she just had a hidden agenda I didn't know about, why as a nice guy when I wear my heart on my sleeve do people just use me for their own pleasure not really appreciate and value me as the person I am.
Interesting and enlightening. It is always wise to look at the 'heart' of a person, common beliefs, values, goals and interests, temperament, which is reflected in how the person speaks, and treats others, how they treat animals, their sensitivity, consistency of behaviour, who they associate with. Keep up the great work, Courtney. I appreciate your analytical skills.
HUGE difference between nice vs kind. NEVER be the nice guy, they force themselves to be that way, they are women pleasers, they are hopeless. A man who is kind is so because he was raised right, he respects but doesnt let people walk over him, he knows his limits and boundaries. A nice guy can be a snake, but a kind man is honest. Simps try to be nice guys and fail
This. Being the nice guy can be just a mask, cover up to the true self that's manipulative, violent. Women look for kind and the genuinely good guys not those who are nice just because they want something in return from women. Some of the smarter women are not falling for the nice guys because of this (and a lot are deciding being single is so much better).
11/10 video Courtney. I really hope we can replace Nice Guy with Gentleman Kind Man Great Man Good Man High Quality Man It was through realising that "Nice Men" aren't what women want that I started my self-improvement journey. Took a while to find what women want and that you can still be good/kind/great/a Gentleman. As ever, thank you, Courtney, much appreciated.
I like that the original video included the whole available thing. That's a big thing these days. People aren't available when they should be and vice versa. I was friends with a woman who was with a guy that abused her and was an alcoholic and had used meth. We were both very into one another and compatible on so many levels, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the guy and I couldn't watch her waste any more time with him. In the end, it's probably for the best since people that go through relationships like that often get freaked out by someone that doesn't treat them poorly.
The difference between a truly good man versus the internet "nice guy" is while both can be kind when things go their way, the "nice guy" drops the act when things don't go their way while a good man continues to treat others and themselves with kindness and respect.
Some people can’t take that to mean a doormat who allows people to disrespect them and sets no boundaries. You can be a good guy and immediately shut down any non sense and walk away
No, it is NOT ! There is a huge difference between the typical 'nice guys' and the good man, which you obviously have not learned - take it from someone with over fifty years of experience !
She definitely has the strong virtuous men confused with the nice guys because nice guys do play games just like bad boys do, they will manipulate to get what they want Even though nice guys don't get what they want, and they both see women as objects. This woman needs to quit labeling the strong virtuous man as a nice guy because he is a good man, not a doormat
@@JACQUEZ23 if you don't understand why then you will learn with more life experience but it's mainly because nice guys and victims don't get things done
Thanks for explaining your distinction between "nice guy" and "gentleman" - I had always viewed the two terms as being more or less synonymous. I like to think I have always been a gentleman (and have often had women say that to me) but will now be careful to avoid the negative "nice guy" traits!
As a 6'4" single father, I know that there's a decent amount of women who are attracted to me. But when they find out that I'm not into drama, they walk...or I do when I realize they're all about the drama. I have only known a handful of women who aren't seeking attention or starting drama, being willing to burn their lives to the ground so they can play the victim. I'm a nice guy, not looking for sex, but a committed marital relationships. I'm not wasting my time with these Jr High, mean girl games. Not when my kids rely on my ability to provide for them.
The one thing that always bothered me when people describe “nice guys” is that “they expect something in return”. And honestly I don’t get why this seemingly normal part of human behaviour is portrayed as something negative. We have dopamine systems in our brain that reward expecting something nice to happen and motivate us to make it real. We had rules of etiquette that nicely codified certain interactions, where politeness could be met with indifference, but it still was a polite one. I would 100% agree if the accent was put on how “nice guys” handle interactions that went wrong, but come on - expecting outcomes is a part of human brain and psyche, as well as hoping for the good outcome.
95% of women don't want a good nice guy man. Look at what happened to Kaka's relationship. And if women want a nice guy, they want him to at least be over 6 ft still.
@@michaelsix9684Stats for marriages say otherwise, I can understand your first or second boyfriend being a bad boy or a bad person, your learning that’s fine especially if you had no one to teach you.
@@ronmexico8383 You're right about that, but women do learn. Most just aren't getting married young anymore, so they're able to figure it out without becoming a statistic. Not even sure it's so much about figuring it out, as it is simply maturing, but whatever - as they get older, somewhere it dawns on them that knuckle sandwiches don't taste so good anymore.
"Who you choose in a relationship. Is a reflection of you." That's clearly what most women should reflect on n think about! Thank you, for saying that..most men are good. It's totally the women who have changed.
I also think some women see a man being kind, and associate said kindness as being weak, where they see a bad boy, those women tend to mistake his personality as being strong, exuding confidence, and expressing the potential to be a strong leader who will protect her. They often fail to truly understand why the word “Bad” is in the “Bad Boy” title.
Shes projecting. Shes not attracted to nice shes attracted to bad bc she herself is bad but no one wants to admit they are bad so they just accuse nice guys as being secretly evil
I’m actually 6’6” with blue eyes and a good job. The only time I’ve had girls interested in me is when I’m bantering with another guy and the girl just happens to be listening in… and I’m harsh with my banter. So the more of a jerk I am, the more girls like me, but I just can’t do that to girls by default.
I’m a gentleman and every single relationship I’ve been in they’ve left me saying I’m too attached because I want to do stuff with them and check in on them seeing how things are going. I’d say I’m a decently looking guy, I have a nice car, I’m in good shape, I have my future set up pretty well, I enjoy doing most things so it’s super easy for me to bond with a woman, and I’m open to trying new things to learn more. Anyways, I’ll leave it there, hopefully we’ll all find the right one.
I once took pride in being a nice person until it became stigmatized for men. I then feared being too nice to women, worried they'd reject or belittle me. Now, I'm unsure how to act. Hearing this perspective is somewhat refreshing.
Don’t be nice be a good person. Be selfish in romance and expect that nobody owes you anything, always help others in need or those whom assisted you before, NEVER help those who wrong you or don’t respect you. SET BOUNDARIES I cannot stress this enough, I’m in a relationship, and I’ve set boundaries like not staying out all night unless staying for a sleepover, no clubbing without the other partner there etc, relationships are about compromise and sacrifice at their very core, are you willing to do that if not stay single. You need tochange your mindset about being worried, your putting these women on a pedestal, calm down and interact with them like their normal people, don’t care what others think especially if their strangers, only those you trust and care about. Lastly go to more social events and or places and speak to one stranger every 2 days, preferably 1 day, whether it be man or woman. This will help with fearmongering and will get you more comfortable in talking
Short + gentleman = sweet I find it odd how relationships have nothing to do with feelings or love anymore, if a girl is serious about a relationship it’s all about the highest stats you can get, not about how or who the guy actually is
It's really that not black and white though.. Some women are all about money, some women are all about looks, some women are all about personality as long as the guy is on their looks level. I don't count the women who are all about wanting a man with a bad boy image because no man truly wants a ghetto ratchet woman as a long term partner
I would only clarify one point: The Internet did not create the concept of a nice guy that no woman wants, nor did the saying "Nice guys finish last" originate online. What the Internet did was create a forum in which women learned to articulate, to each other and to men, what they had actually meant for all those years when they spoke of not wanting to be with "nice guys". I think half of the problem is with the word "nice", which is such an imprecise word that it's meaningless, and the other half is that a lot of what makes a man the sort of "nice guy" that women don't want are impressions and clues that most women didn't consciously recognize, much less know how to explain. Thanks to the plethora of online information on this topic, anyone can now quickly find out that emotionally healthy women don't want men who *seem* nice, but are actually clingy to the point of being creepy, appear to lack self-respect and boundaries, and get upset when their every gesture isn't reciprocated, all of which makes their niceness look like it's just an act. That's quite a lot to say, so it's understandable that it needs a shorthand, but maybe the fix for the confusion is to call it something other than "nice guy". Maybe call them "velcro guys" because they're hard to pry off, or "smother brothers" because they make you feel smothered?
This is by far the best youtube channel for anything dating and relationship related. As a guy in his late 20's who considers himself to be a gentleman, I appreciate this type of content. Awesome video Courtney!
O I know what is happening. No matter how you call it - nice guys or kind men or gentlemen - men like that try to be accommodative to other people. To make their life easier. And thats seen as weakness. The guy ask her choose the restaurant coz he dont care and tries to make her happy - she starts feeling like he is weak, undeceive, can't lead and expects her to make the decisions lol.
Good Girls want nice guys but the definition of a nice guy is different for everyone. Most nice guys are too nice and doesn’t get the girl excited or challenging enough
Biological attraction stems from survival which, when evolved thousands of years ago, was binary af, basically you picked to attract the man who had the guts to do what needed to be done no matter what? Great because that gave you the best chances of survival that you likely could get, so, mostly, that's why it never really changed for most women, as far as we know, biological traits and this strong, don't change for no good reason and a nice guy is the exact opposite of that reason. The nice guy is a red flag, a vulnerability in woman's perception, for many reasons. Ain't no sane and wise man gonna waste their time trying to change thousands of years of evolution, just because a woman (almost any woman), can think, consciously the "good guy" traits that she ideally would like a man to have alongside with the ones that she also lusciously wants, assertiveness, risk and opportunity seeker, exert an impression of confidence and competence by fact of their presence alone even to that shallow degree yes, it doesn't mean that she will go 100% the opposite way just because of that. Some, extreme minority of women will actually like and go for the nice guy, but they are the exception to the rule, and they extremely rare, again, no sane and wise man is gonna stay 3000000 days, fishing on a seemingly empty lake.
You are very right about how if a woman dates a bad guy, that’s not someone you’d want to be with. Yes, it’s frustrating if you’re nice to girl and she goes with someone bad instead. But as you say, that’s a reflection of her, and indicates she’s not someone you need. On a side note, you have a very soothing and heartwarming voice.
@@CourtneyRyan people should be whoever they want to be. People get who ever is attracted to them. You had to throw gentlemen in there people don't have to be gentlemen to empress women if that is what your implying . Your misandry. You like to group men and women in to categories. Why does it have to the man to be chivalrous. I know women who are chivalrous. They open doors. They pay for dates. You have a narrow mind that is not mature enough to understand. That human biengs got different characteristics that define who they are. But you think in this bubble. Men have to do this. And women have to do that. Human bieng are complex creatures irs very hard to group people in to categories. Women can have same characteristics as men. So group up. And stop giving cryptic messages about men should be gentlemen. Your not fooling me. Grow up
@@CourtneyRyan men and women are pretty much the same. Same capabilities, same rights. Same opportunities. But you and the interest are trying to push a narrative that man and women are having problems. In the real world men and women get along. I love women. But I respect myself first. In the real world I haven't seen disrespectful women. You know why because I cold approach like a man. I got the dating apps. Quit porn. Got results. Period
The "Nice relationship with their parents" always makes me feel bad. My mom was 19 and living on the street when she had me, she's bipolar and passed me around to random "friends" and unfamiliar relatives throughout my childhood. So we're not close now and it took me 30 years to accept that it didn't happen that way because there was something wrong with me - and I know my (lack of a) relationship with my mom was an absolutely factor in the biggest heartbreak of my life. In some ways she was right - she was from a loving family and the reality is I don't really know what it means to be a part of any family at all - but I felt so powerless even though I knew I wasn't one of those me-first types of dudes; and of course predictably she'd go off and date these personal trainers and DJs and some 48 year old executive who always left her unhappy but were more traditional in terms of, they came from nice families and would probably have nice lives themselves as adults.
![SAFEPLANET - ดาวเคราะห์ [ THE PLANET ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4X1XL3I_k3c/mqdefault.jpg)
“…a lot of the women who get online and complain about the men that that they’ve dated…you picked them”. Boom! Truth bombs just dropped!
Sadly also applies to divorced men lamenting their fortune.
@@josesantana770 not necessarily. The government doesnt get involved in picking womens boyfriends. But the government does get involved in how much maintianance she will get.
@@squelette0 "some men lie"...lol, everybody lies. Did you hear about the recent study that over 50% of women have a "back-up guy" while in a relationship? They are always looking for the "next best thing".
@@squelette0 So do women. This doesn't mean you should complain on social media, in a non-anonymous setting. It's up to you to avoid manipulative signs, especially if you claim to be intelligent.
yeah, and in TX I see them in the courts, on TV, etc. crying their eyes out, doing the victim song, women don't take ownership for choosing bad partners ever
With all due respect, you can't change what women are attracted to. They're not attracted to us. They don't want us. Frankly, we don't want to feel like we're just being picked out of charity. We deserve to be wanted naturally. We deserve to be appreciated, and telling women to choose us will just make it charity.
Now, this woman who likes nice guys or rather good men is unique. But she'll never get other women to modify their tastes. And convincing women to choose nice men will just make them feel like they're settling, and they're still not going to appreciate us. So I appreciate the sentiment, but maybe women should just stay the course and date whatever they are attracted to and just leave good nice men to their own devices and continue to leave them alone.
So, just let these women who have been dating bad boys and jerks continue their practices. Because let's face it, those women don't measure up and don't deserve a good man at this point.
Now, there's a pragmatic element to this. A woman who has been dating bad boys and jerks has been damaged too much to be with a good man.
I don't say this out of nowhere. I married a woman who had been with bad guys and so on, and she simply couldn't appreciate me and ultimately cheated with a guy who hit her. They go back to what they're comfortable with, so she'll only hurt the good man.
What we need to do is facilitate good women and good men finding each other. They're the only ones who deserve each other, and they are the only ones who deserve to be happy. The women who choose bad men are exactly where they should be and get exactly what they deserve.
I totally agree with your comment, but I must by cynical in today's environment.
How do you know this "nice guy" searching woman in unique?
Women say these kinds of things all the time to get attention and validation from the "nice guy" simps. Many times they even get money and friend zone help provided they know them in real life.
If this Tik Tok woman ever gets into a real relationship, I'm doubting it is with the "nice guy". What she says and what she may do are two different things.
@pace1195 fair enough.. but advising women to start dating nice good men will ultimately just hurt those men these damaged women go for. Don't try to force a square peg through a round hole. These women don't deserve good men and good men deserve better.
Exactly
True. I have yet to find women who are more attracted to nice guys. They might have even chosen the good guy for marriage/relationshiop but I agree that attraction is a completely different story
With all due respect, I'm not sure how you can make such sweeping claims about an entire sex based on your personal or others experience. I feel sorry that youve experienced heartbreak or whatever else it is, but you sound very lost and blinded by your prejudices of women. Please take care ❤
getting online and complaining about a dude THEY chose will always throw me for a loop.
Exactly lol I don't care anymore. They chose men who treat them like shit then come back to me asking for forgiveness. I'm 28 I'm not trying to play stupid ass games like a fckin 12 YR old
I just laugh, and sometime on their face they are the problem
Just like the host of the channel she seems ran thru and complains about bad boys
Well I don't think they really choose guys, I think its pretty instinctual. This type of advice will fall and deaf ears.
@johnsampson6387 They are drawn to bad boys - the confidence, the swagger, the boldness - to them this looks like strong masculinity - until the truth comes out - the controlling behaviors and the abuse - all are symptoms of underlying weakness and insecurity.
Just be a nice guy...who's 6ft tall with a high paying job, a six pack and a full head of hair, and you're golden.
As someone who is 6 ft tall, trust me man, its not tall enough, lol. I have come to learn that. The guy has to be OVER 6ft. Every time im in public and I see an attractive girl, 10 times out of 10, with out fail she is ALWAYS with a guy who is 6"2 or more. EVERY TIME! I even asked my sister in-law, and she said, "yeah...6ft is short."
Hate to break it to you guys…I’m 6’4”, make about $200k a year, am in great shape, and have all my hair…and dating is STILL hard.
@no_regerts5176 the rest of us regular guys are cooked
@@davidgutierrez7016 so many 5’9” 5’10” dudes be claiming 6ft. Same with guys who claim 6’2” are really 6’0”
@@no_regerts5176 I'm 5'11 and make 90k a year. Dating is easy.
I love how we assume these women don’t deserve their choices. Like I’m sure all these poor women don’t also cheat, or emotionally abuse or manipulate anyone. They definitely never make short term decisions either. Leave the nice guys alone.
When a girl doesn't "choose the nice guy" because he's "too nice", the nice guy wins. She failed his test.
I'm a nice guy, but I don't allow myself to be disrespected, pushed around or ill-used. When I was in my 20s, I got tired of watching the @$$holes "get the girls". I started treating women poorly, played mind games, etc. I was surprised to find that I, too, started "getting the girls". 'Not going to lie. I had lots of fun. But I disliked who I became, so I went back to being me, a nice guy. I also realized I needed to find a higher quality of woman. After a few more years, I met the woman I would marry. Next year we celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. Being a nice guy is a good thing. Being a push-over, not standing for something, and allowing yourself to be disrespected are not attractive qualities to any woman. Being the kind of person others look up to AND nice are things good women respond to (aka a good man). The hardest part is finding someone you click with in this day of swiping and HR rules about workplace interaction
That's awesome for you, BUT dating is way different today than 30-40 years ago.
@@Andrew--S COmputers and social media have ruined it all, plus political correctness and feminism of the worst kind.
You are how you act. You are weak. And your actions prove you are not and never were the nice guy. Nice guys do not change they just.......are. so sorry to break it to ya. You are what is described as the bad boy. Cause nothing would get me to act how you do.
That just means you are not a push-over, which is important. Key takeaways: Have your own standards and don't put someone on a pedestal, and not self-defining as "nice guy" when stating your qualities. I call that being a Self-Aware Individual. People throw around all these terms, "nice guy" meant "push over" at some juncture.
@@Andrew--S Yes, I did reference that at the very end. I agree. I'm glad I'm not single today
Reciprocity is the only thing that matters. Anything else fizzles out
That requires things like loyalty and duty. Women dont have features in their programming
Absolutely!!👌👍👍
@@SD-mi2vc - ...only if you have what they want, (good looks, money etc etc etc) if you don't then you are S.O.L... and it is always contingent on those attributes being there.
@@hycron1234 nope with that they still look to replace
@@SD-mi2vcas if men are known for their 'loyalty' 😂😂😂
It kind of blows my mind that women have all these requirements but fail to have a requirement that he isn't the type of guy that will break your fucking arm or knock you out when he's in a bad mood. Seems important to me but what do i know!
And that my friend, is because women don’t really like nice guys, good men, whatever you call it.
Of course their logical part of the brain says that they should like good men, but the conscious mind can’t override a millennia of biology.
Even if you’re Brad Pitt in his prime, it won’t be long before she gets bored of you because you are too good. You bring no drama and you find solutions to problems.
The only difference with some women is that some of them weren’t with too many men so it’s easier for them to block their instincts and can stay with the boring guy for longer. They tolerate him better.
women like to be abused so they can score oppression points and tell a new #metoo story.
@@atwajesper9434 Damn dude, who hurt you....
Watch your language!
@@IwilleatmyhattoyouDon’t be so cheeky and disrespectful!
"Kind" is the word you are looking for.
Honest and kind. Many men just want to have fun with hot girls and then they later regret the bad experience and also add a layer to all this: STD's that can range from a nuisance to life and death situations.
I would say "good men." Seems like society has already created the term.
Kindness doesn't get you any action.
I heavily disagree. We shouldn't let the word "nice" be usurped because of some bad apples. Being nice is a good thing and it doesn't have to be associated with the wrong people.
Exactly @@g.n.s.153 - no. Be nice, be a nice person. And anyone who doesn't like it including the terminology is part of the problem
It is not true that a gentleman does not expect anything in return. They expect a lady in return .
And they will not get a lady in return. They will think "good, now I'm set for life, he'll never leave me", so now they're secure enough to pursue their fantasies with the bad boys they've really wanted all along. Good women are those who can hide that side of themselves better.
If you are doing something nice in order to get something, you are not being nice, you are being manipulative. If you wish to do something nice for someone, it is wrong to expect something back in return.
@@user-og6hl6lv7p That's not true in this case. We are kind and respectful because that is what one is supposed to do. We expect that same niceness and respect back to us, else it's unhealthy to keep that bad egg around who doesn't know how to behave and show respect.
It is not wrong to expect someone to show you the same kindness and respect that you show them. A "nice" guy will tell you whatever you want to hear, a good man will have personal boundaries and a set of principles that he will politely enforce and uphold.
Good men expect ladies. If you're not a lady, and instead act like a strumpet, then expect to be cast aside.
Happily married for 10 years to a wonderful lady.
@@IndieGamerMonkey Well I mean kind of. But
I'll show you decency and kindness because that's who I am, it's how I was raised. And I'd hope that you return respect but I wouldn't call it an expectation. Just know that if you don't treat me with respect I won't continue to associate with you. To say that I expect respect in return seems to imply that if you don't respect me I will treat you badly in return. It's more just that I won't accompany you at all
@samstromberg5593 were saying the same thing except where you inferred an expectation where there isn't one. It's simply: show me common decency, or I won't associate with you at all.
“Date a woman who is a reflection of you”
A mirror then.
That would be Great but not everyone has reflection of themselves in opposite gender
opposites attract
💯💯
@@dcarvalho6144 Courtney Ryan married for money. She should have been married to someone similar to Gabriel Soto--an international soap star from Mexico. July 2024. USA
Problem is most don't come to this realization until later twenties early thirties and maybe after a child or two and then expect the nice guy / good man to be there for them (might want to rethink that)
after their ho phase, and maybe become a single mom, they wake up and look for a nice guy to be an ATM
The good men will either be with good women, OR they will be single and NOT looking.
@@taras3702 Which is how things are supposed to be
8:54
@@harrylong4941 Single mothers don’t want a “nice guy,” they want a garbage man… someone to take their trash and clean up their mess.
women perceive nice guys as weak, needy, and don't excite them, many great women CHOOSE abusive, violent, and dangerous men over nice guys --seen this so many times in criminal court cases
Great women choose bad men? Really? You mean naive, stupid and/or lack of self-esteem type women? Uh, yes.
This. Many women confuse kindness with weakness, and cruelty for strength.
@@kellygreenii exactly, they often make bad choices because of it
And when they get away from men like that, let's hope the nice guys they turned down are still available and still want them.
They mistake the feeling of being possessed with being protected.
Two things I'll add :
1) Feminism pushes "strong" and "independent" with women saying they don't need men. But they also want and expect men to still have traditional traits like chivalry and planning/paying. So men aren't getting traditional benefits from women that made gender roles an equal trade-off in the past.
2) Once dating became online based with various apps and IG, it conditioned women to be visually selective because it was all based on pics only. Combine that with a sex driven society, their main focus upfront is who they want to sleep with the most.
only problem that most women are feeders in mbti so they fail at being strong in men eyes. some men perfer ration women because they just easy to get along with them.
HOW DO YOU KNOW LIKE THE TASTE, WITHOUT TRYING THE LIFESTYLE. WAKE UP WOMEN. SHOW US YOUR SKILLS AND WE WILL BE GOOD TOGETHER.
I had a conversation with a girl I was working with and asked her about it out of curiosity. She said basically that girls like the idea of a nice guy, but it's not the same as wanting it. She also told me that bad boy types get attraction from girls wanting to "fix" em and "take care" of em, I thought it was really interesting what she'd said.
That’s usually a trauma thing, and or lacking a male role model for the last part majority of the time. Doesn’t mean their super screwed up, but they have a warped perception of dating
I think there's already a study that was done on this. Beauty and the Beast trope.
It's much simplier than that: Nice guy = low T male (ie runt of the little) Bad boy = high T guy. Where T = testosterone, tall.
Even men know that Bad Boys don't want to be fixed.
@@MichaelNolen Perhaps. But it's like how we know that eating too much junk food is bad for us, but we do it anyway.
One girl I took out on a first date said something along the lines of "nice guys get upset too easily, can be easily controlled and manipulated, and that truly isn't attractive to women that's why I will never date one". I was kinda put off dating after that experience.
Damn
Everybody looks still looking for the top boss Alpha dude who's doing the manipulation and controlling and doing the exploiting exploitation essentially these women want some kind of Slave Master
Red flags parade. She showed you who she is.
Be grateful. She showed you EXACTLY who she is before you got too invested in her, and you got away from her as you should have.
No one respect a sucker who can be control and manipulated. Would you give your uterus and fertility to someone like that? What would your kids think when they see their father is being manipulated? I don't blame her.
I don't try to be nice guy. I strive to be a good (gentle) man. Being nice is an act in the moment. Being is good "person" is what you are.
PS: Love the content Courtney. Keep up the positivity
yes, a "kind man". Or gentleman.
Same, I'm kind man
That’s the same thing.. 😒
Yup. "Nice guy" is not what people think. It sounds good but nice guys are generally weak.
@@LionRafale I’m pretty sure that’s what the girl was trying to say. A guy that won’t treat a girl like $h!z.
The yellow shirt girl looks like she is in the epiphany stage, wherein after years of being with players and attractive men who wouldn't take her seriously, she's now interested in nice guys because at her age of 25+ nice guy = secure guy. Don't fall for it, women say one thing but do another.
Being a nice guy is a curse and a disease. They say that after all the destruction is done. At the end of the day, the nice guys don't get anything! By the time women finally come around, it's way too late!!! Just like women, we lose interest too and if its not that moment, you can forget about the whole thing. I will be nice to a point where you will not bother me and i will not bother you. Most importantly, 99.99% i dont meet your requirements.
Women dont want Nice guys, but they need Nice guys... when they get old, get dumped by Chad, and need help with the kids.
But yeah, Nice guys will always finish Last, and bad Boys will finish on her face.
Lots of women are single because of this (not giving nice guys a chance). And they have only themselves to blame. She is absolutely right. I think the women she's describing (women who won't date nice guys) equate nice to boring, weak, and not adventurous.
Those 304s should stay away from good men...only thing they can achieve is changing that good men into monster by cheating, lying and at the end stealing more than half of what he worked his life for...
I was always the nice guy. I experienced plenty of rejection and was ghosted so many times. I eventually married someone I knew growing up that I reconnected with at our 20 year high school reunion. It was her 2nd marriage and my first. She had a 9 year old. Being a stepdad was a challenge, but as he grew up, we became the best of friends until he killed himself in a motorcycle accident at age 21. I still grieve that loss more than 20 years later. Weʻve been married 33 years now and still keep asking ourselves how we got so lucky. The key to life-long joy is gratitude.
Guys just stay away from women who dont like a guy to be nice. They are exposing their toxic hearts. Find someone who likes you as you are.
Good luck with that
@johnsampson6387 When I say likes you as you are I say that assuming you are showering and other basic things of life which most guys are at least I hope.
@@jackwalker1822lol you are right, it is Hard af, but Nice guys and bad Boys are in the same position on this situation. The majority of men must have something to women even look at them.
100% truth, boys should not come back crying later trying to wife those types lmao.
@johnsampson6387Dude, you don’t shower regularly?
Woa, never thought of it that way, who you choose to be with is a reflection of you. Everything makes sense now. This alone is gold.
This just seems like a more digestible alternative to what “nice guy’s” have known for years now; they finish last, and it’s their turn now.
The conversation has changed…
The question isn’t whether women should or shouldn’t date a nice guy; the question is whether these good men should or shouldn’t entertain these women as legitimate partners in a relationship…..
"Who you choose to settle with is a reflection of you". 100 percent agreed. It's why we need to heal our past traumas. Else the cycle continues. Trauma bonding and familiarity are strong biological levers. It just feels safer, even if it's not, because it gives a false sense of comfort due to it's familiarity. It's why some keepp going into endless strings of abusive relationships. Stop dating, step back, seek help to work through the past and build a healthy support network. It's better to be alone than with an abusive partner.
The girlfriend I have is actually my Wife... And my Wife is my Girlfriend. Same person.
She tells me she loves me more deeply than she's ever loved before, and the genuine "realness" of the relationship we have causes her an immense contentment, serenity and satisfaction... I do feel that same way about Her.
We've known each other for over 35 years, since childhood, and the relationship we have with each other is comparable to the finest of aged Wines... Fun, relaxing, edifying, light-hearted, mentally nourishing, somewhat whimsical, and more importantly REAL.
I thank God every day for this.
Now that is a real relationship! I salute you for that!
The key is in your last sentence. With God, all things are possible! Only he is able to take 2 flawed people (no offense, we all are), and make it the beautiful, fulfilling marriage you describe. Absolutely awesome, I'm very happy for you both.I thank God also!
It's both a pleasant surprise and relief to hear you use the same words I use in regards to "nice guy" versus "gentleman".
The simplest way I would differentiate the two would be that the gentleman is emotionally self-reliant while the nice guy relies on others for feedback and support.
One of the sad ironies is that a fair amount of nice guys became that way because they either grew up in toxic or non-nuturing environments. "Niceness" became a tool for them to curry favor with others so they could get the things they needed outside the home that weren't being provided inside the home.
Not saying women should lower their standards for that, just saying that we as men need to realize that life sucks sometimes, but we have a duty to better ourselves FOR ourselves.
That's how one can become a gentleman instead of an incel. A gentleman saw the unfairness in his life and chose to overcome it, conquer it, take control of their destiny without losing their inner brightness. An incel saw it and chose to embrace and submit to it. "Nothing can change and nothing ever will change. I am screwed. The world is a cruel place. Women are cruel."
We can't control everything. But we should use what control we have to make ourselves better.
That's how one evolves from a "nice guy" to a gentleman.
A good sense of humor also helps. 😉
Hey Courtney, just wanted to say that your videos were really helpful when I was dating. I would not be married to my wife without your amazing advice. Thank you!!
Oh my goodness this just made my day. Thank you so much, congrats on your marriage! ❤️
Don't be a nice guy, be a good guy. A guy who's good to others, but equally to himself. Don't put anyone on a pedestal. They are your equals, no matter how hot you perceive them to be.
That's the same as saying don't be a good guy, be a good guy..
YOU DO YOUR THINGS IN LIFE, IF THEY WANT TO BE AROUND, THEY MUST EARN IT.....
@@oemj7147 No, because a nice guy in popular culture is someone who only cares about what being nice to other people might get him. He's selfish rather than selfless.
@@chriselectric1116 Relax, that's the complete opposite, and also too extreme of a position. You can be courteous and friendly to other people. But you must do it because those are your values, not because you're trying to look good or get something done.
Yes women do not like nice guys. They love good guys like a gentlemen.
We’re still at peak narcissism, materialism and hedonism. The veneer is starting to peel off, but it’s still the norm.
As a behavior therapist (I work at kid’s hospital, mostly kids with mental health/behavioral concerns), before someone changes their behavior, you see an “extinction burst”.
For instance, a dog used to getting a treat each time he shakes a paw. If you stop giving a treat, the dog will go fully extra in trying to shake a paw, over the top, before they accept the new reality. That’s the extinction burst.
Why would women change their behavior now? We all see what’s on the horizon, more financial instability (likely a worse crash coming that anything since 1930s), more political instability, and our social institutions (families, marriages, relationships, communities, schools, churches) have never been in worse shape.
The single women (and some of the “successful” dudes) will continue living their best life until things really get rough. And even then, some extinction bursts, women trying one last time to get that top dude.
Then, after the new reality can’t be ignored, they will come to the nice guys. The big question is: which women will the nice guys accept?
I think there will be be “much weeping and gnashing of teeth”. Certainly not easy to hold compassion for single women (who make up the majority of consumer debt) when we see how most of them are moving. Meanwhile, most single dudes are living simply, frugally. The times ahead will be rough. But if I had to bet on it, I think single men will be more prepared for it.
I don’t wish suffering on anyone. But I also won’t waste my time trying to explain these simple logical deductions to people unwilling to see it.
I used to be the 'nice guy' and had my share of challenges because of it. However, being kind is an important part of who I am, and I've embraced it. Through my past experiences, I've learned and grown, and I've found someone who appreciates my kindness as much as I appreciate her. If being a nice guy is part of your nature, that's great, just remember to stay aware and not be taken advantage of. And always have faith that there are plenty of women out there who appreciate kindness in a person.
I'm a kind man and a gentleman. That's how my mother raised me. It would be nice to find the right one. But I'm starting to give up
I'm 32 and never had a girlfriend before. Attractive, in shape, decent job, family oriented, outdoorsy etc and women dont give me the time of day. Probably because im 5'7 and black. I also get referred to as the nice guy a lot.
Damn shame we live in a day and age where genuinely good men are passed on and being kind is turnoff lol. Not a pushover or people pleaser nice guy, but just not being a dickhead.
Get your passport
"Nice guys" = Tall, muscular, blonde white guys who's in white collar jobs making at least $300k/year who's into 10 different hobbies.
Bingo
You could always date within your race. Bws notoriously hate White men.
im cooked
Im none of those things and I've gotten with plenty of women
@@joshuaortiz2031 Lol, were they actually attractive or did they look like lizzo?
Take it from a former “nice guy”…NEVER be the nice guy. You can be a good man but never be a nice guy. Women aren’t attracted to that. When they say they are, it’s because they either need a break from the toxicity and drama of the guys they are actually attracted to and will eventually go back to when she gets bored with you. Or she’s almost at that the wall and none of guys she’s gotten ran through by so far have committed. So she settles.
Yes, they are basically looking for free therapy sessions
Yep the difference is a good man is nice when it's appropriate but is assertive and will confront when it's necessary.
Don’t be a good man, be good at being a man
100% TRUE
Yeah genes are genes and women are still in the polymorphisms to select for strong, intimidating, and fuck boy traits. Those are the men who reproduced for 1000s of years while the opposite trait men didn’t find mates so thus were eliminated from the gene pool. It may go away in a few thousand years for these “asshole preferred” genes to change polytypes due to environmental changes such as not needing the primal men abilities. But for the mean time, do not listen to what women want in a man lol they will lie to you
Attraction is subjective so idk why so many are barking up that tree. Secondly, having good character makes all the difference, such as being a gentleman! We have got to stop conflating what's nice, kind, and gentleman like. Lastly, we all need to stop crying, pissin, and moaning online that the person we chose turned out to have sucked. Choose better for God sakes and social media is NOT YOUR DIARY!
😂 I agree. You won't make many friends with that comment on here.
@@dang75790 if I don't have a plethora of friends because I'm speaking the truth, good riddance! I'd be hated for being real than be loved for being fake
@@squelette0 I can assure you that young men face the same pressures (parental pressure, misinformation, etc.) that young women do.
Attraction is subjective to guys, not women... Some guys may find someone's 5/10 and actual 8/10 etc.. This is true even for guys who have lots of options. When women are picky, it's quite obvious to even men when a guy will meet their looks requirement because he will be stand out good looking
I know a man who makes $70K a year in construction and can't get a date. I legit cannot figure it out. He is sweet, fit, loyal and kind. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and is an overall great fella. Oh but he is 5'8" and not rich. Sad state of affairs in the west. I think a man like him would have no issues in another country.
He probably doesn't know how to flirt either, apparently that's the only way a girl/woman will like you.
It could be a class thing too. I'm a tradesman and unfortunately a lot of my fellow tradies don't dress very well, don't groom themselves well, use lots of profanity around women and children etc etc. It's one thing to make good money working construction, it's another thing to carry yourself like you'll own the company someday.
I'm worth almost a million, have 60K retirement income, quit dating at 46, it was too disappointing and frustrating, looks, age, wealth matter most to women
women look down on blue collar men and the trades, if he wants a partner, tell him to get a passport and go overseas, he will score very fast
women don't look for kindness, character, decency in men, they want the studs and bad boys until they get hurt badly
Please don’t “force yourself to choose a nice/good guy” as if you’re settling and doing them a favor. You will be doing the complete opposite and will likely make a good guy miserable thinking how he’s too predictable and you want drama/passion. Instead, heal yourself to the point where you have a complete mindset change and you are yearning for that type of man
FACTS
Enough said
Finally someone said the right thing to do as a women in this situation, although a lot of them won’t because that requires accountability, and for some reason it’s hard for them
never met a girl who wants a nice guy, it's a put down phrase, now 68 -- learned this the hard way. yrs. ago a female caller to Tom Leykis said "we don't sleep with the nice guys, they don't excite us" women once they meet you put you in the lover box or friend box, nice guys go to the friend box
I too learned from Leykis 101. Tom Leykis is like the father I never had.
Telling women to choose the nice guy is pointless after they have been ran through by Chad and Tyrone .....
exactly
Where have you seen this before?
Its not genuine desire when it needs to be like this after shes ran through and desperate.
You cant negotiate desire. Being a woman like her backup plan is poison to a mans heart. A mans love is valuable.
Not to mention they will never love or find the nice guy attractive, she is just lying so she doesn't have to raise her kids alone or be left bitter with a bunch of cats. Just bitter with a guy who thinks she loves him when she really doesn't.
Assuming women have been 'ran through' by men you think are lesser than you. Gee...wonder why you haven't found anyone yet?
“Who you choose to be around is a reflection of you”. Wonderful point, Courtney! I would like to modify it a bit and say that it’s a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
There is a difference between a good man and a "nice" man. Most women cant seem to tell the difference between a bad boy and a confident man based on 20 years of observing them.
Yes. But a lot of women aren’t actually interested in a good man. A good man has boundaries. So he is going to hold a woman to a standard of behavior around him, instead of being shamed into letting her do whatever she wants. If she doesn’t live up to that standard, he will leave her.
Also good men have a zone of peace and quiet that surrounds him…and he’s consistent. He says what he means. Means what he says and honors his word and his commitments. He is predictable.
Damaged women cannot tolerate that. (Boring!!). Because they rely on chaos and drama to distract them from their inner demons. Being a good man will bring those demons to the surface…and she won’t have anyone or anything else to blame them on. So she runs back to the toxic guys who will give her that emotional roller coaster.
“I may be going through hell, but at least it’s my hell. The streets are familiar and I know them all by name.”
--Anonymous
Within 53 years of experience I also don’t believe they can actually tell the difference between “nice” guy’s and “bad” boys either.
@@kennethsmith6367 I think they can tell the difference between the nice guy and the bad boy. It's the bad boy and confident man that they seem to get confused. A confident man speaks up when he needs to. A "bad boy" is brash, uninhibited, and loud to try to puff himself up. "A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A moron speaks because he HAS to say something"
@@aaronburdon221 I’ve watched women date men that are obvious “bad” boys from the moment I met them and then be amazed at their character after years of marriage.
I’ve also seen women trying to get a-hole characteristics out of “nice” guy’s. Just to be surprised and disappointed, when that guy calmly and rationally solves the problems presented.
Hence why I actually think women are looking for wallet, attraction and the ability of the men to tolerate her presence in that order.
@@kennethsmith6367 Most women are terrible at vetting the character of men they are attracted to.
Great video!
Be good, not nice!
Good people are inherently nice but nice people aren't always good.
Being nice might seem like a good thing, but there are times when people use it as a mask, hiding their true selves. On the other hand, being a good person involves inner authenticity and a desire to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy.
From my experience as a former couch potato that only played video games girls never gave me the time of day. All I had to do to fix that was start taking care of myself with diet and exercise, be nice with hobbies and interests outside of work, and got off dating apps. I made these small changes that took a bit of time, but it definitely helped my dating life. Not all girls want that 6 foot chad with millions on the bank. There are definitely women out there with reasonable expectations it just takes a little effort and patience, and I can definitely attest my patience and effort was definitely rewarded. Hopefully my testimony helps my struggling brothers out there.
I have been rejected by women since some of them think I am "too nice."
Wanted to add that the ones who said that to me have either been divorced or an engagement that ended bitterly.
Fast forward, I am better off without them. Two of them are alcoholics, and one is a "tart." They are not pleasant to be around (due to anger issues). To top it off, they all ended up with me that fell short of their expectations, while I have done much traveling, enjoying life, and am financially stable.
All I can say is that I have the last laugh and laughing all the way to the bank.
In the meantime, Karma has come and affected them.
I get the 'too nice' rejection too, nice enough to be asked to do boyfriend tasks but not get the boyfriend benefits. They don't like it when you're suddenly too busy and don't get me started on the 'why are all the men I date arseholes?' The common denominator is them and their taste in men.
we love it, you won, seen your story many times
How exactly did they define "too nice"?
@@herewardcuthbertHow exactly did they define "too nice"?
@@GCY1 Not using profane language, not being raunchy, not being obnoxious during a conversation, opening the door for them.
The problem guys have with women saying they “want a nice guy” is what women say they want, but actually responds to never aligns. And that’s why guys now tend to pay attention to their actions rather than words.
The girl in the TikTok literally said it, if you’re a nice guy you have to be SUPER HOT or it doesn’t matter.
Yup: "And for all the girls watching this video, I promise there are guys out there who are super-nice and also super-hot"
@@MeidoInHebun Women are into looks. They are not going to date Bozo the Clown. July 2024, USA
@johnsampson6387 That's my point, they don't want nice guys, they want hot guys to be nice to them.
Good men and gentlemen. Exactly. Both are still "nice" but describes these men much better. They are a dying breed. But, so are true "Ladies".
I appreciate you adding the perspective at the end that women often choose the wrong men because they have issues that need to be addressed. It takes maturity and self awareness to fully accept someone treating you well. This goes for men too... if you go into a relationship only thinking about what the other person can do for you rather than how you can enhance each others lives, you're going to have issues. I'm 43 and newly divorced and I can say now that that when I was younger I simply lacked the confidence, maturity, and self awareness to make good dating decisions. I felt equally as uncomfortable with abuse as I did with being treated well. With that said, the one thing I would add to this video for perspective is that the "nice guy" or the "gentleman" is sometimes a facade. People are simply not always what they portray themselves to be, and often we don't find this out until it's too late or we are so invested/committed that it's difficult to make a decision to exit the relationship. The man I married by all appearances seems to be a very nice guy and total gentleman to most people. But behind closed doors he was a nightmare to live with. The verbal and emotional abuse slowly escalated over time but because the outside world didn't see this side of him I felt trapped and as though no one would believe me. I appealed to him in countless ways to get him to treat me better and to grow as a person because I believed he was capable. I even owned up to my own insecurities and sensitivities because I recognized that I was not perfect and had room to grow as well. But the situation became so unbearbale. My fears were founded though...most people continue to believe he is a great guy and I have been painted as the villain for leaving him. So anyway, it's not always about picking the "bad boy", loving the drama, etc... sometimes people just simply are not what they portray themselves to be. Even the language of some men in these comments proclaiming to be "the good guy" is quite shocking because just reading what they write tells a very different story. Men are just as guilty of choosing women for the wrong reasons and then acting shocked when it doesn't turn out so well. I'm no expert but I'd tell both men AND women that the first thing you have to do to be ready for a relationship is to stop generalizing men/women based on your own bad experience. Own up to your choices and how YOU could have done better and simply have confidence in what you have to offer. The right person will see that and appreciate the emotional work you put into being a better partner and human being.
Every girl friend I ever had when they used the phrase “Youre such a nice guy”, I knew the relationship was over.
One thing my dad told me was be good but not nice, your being nice to get along with everyone, be good but not a hole and don’t be afraid of confrontation when necessary, that doesn’t mean get into street fights and risk your life getting stabbed or shot.
Dang. She just described me except I also have my financials in order too. 😂
Dating again in 2024 isn’t fun. 😢
My philosophy is don't be any nicer or more respectful to her than she is to you.
Here's what usually happens: Women don't make the move, so they wait for the inevitable train of guys looking for only one thing to do it first.
The obvious result results.
Nice guys aren't trying to get with every women they meet. They probably haven't perfected "the move". If you want something great, you have to make an effort yourself ladies.
Hey Courtney . . . I’ve watched about a dozen of your videos and I have to say your advice to men,(and women) is exemplary! It’s extremely refreshing to hear your positive take on improving your relationships with others. And what matters most ie; your heart and your character. So many women I know have chosen men based on external factors rather than character quality and they ultimately end up disappointed and disheartened.
Keep up the great job you are doing, Courtney. You are truly contributing to helping people improve their relationships as well as their external and internal qualities. The world is a better place because of your efforts!
. . . Paul
On dating apps. I look for the important stats first. Do you want kids? Do you smoke? Drink? Religious? Too many people chase looks first. Fitness seems to be everything today.
I do agree with you on how we need to look deeper than just what’s on the surface of a person. That being said, fitness should be important to a degree, especially given how morbid obesity is out of control and someone who exhibits a healthy body is biologically attractive.
Yeah, back when I used dating sites before and after the pandemic hit (just wanted to try some out but it still doesn't beat meeting people IRL), I cared more about whether people smoked or drank alcohol (and how frequently) than about what they looked like. I still have my preferences in terms of appearance but what people do define them as a person more than how attractive they appear.
Bro is looking for a serious relationship on dating apps 💀
@@eikichionizuka2206 I mean, in all fairness, it is possible to do so. But, overall, people are better off meeting others in person for a variety of reasons.
@@j.m.9047 yeah possible but not that probable , better going through life with probabilities.
The saying goes: Nice guy's finish last. As a nice (older)guy i can confirm this and changing my ways accordingly. They say they like a nice guy, if he meets the height, looks, money! They always leave that part out. But those guys have all the option and don't have to commit to get the box. So they don't. As 5,6" male its rough out here.(EU)
If they want a traditional guy? But are they traditional in return? No, high body count, not following a man's lead. When we set boundaries, we are called insecure. They want their cake and eat it too. Sexy picture on IG, have a backup plan, always looking to upgrade, girls night out etc. I do like you trying to bring positive, but what they say vs what they do are 2 different things.
As a man, it’s tough to say what women should or should not do because I am not one myself.
That being said, it’s undoubtedly discouraging to hear women respond to guys that, we as guys, know right away are toxic and opportunistic. It encourages is guys to be a**holes even if we aren’t for the sake of getting attention from girls.
Maturing is realizing women will never fill any hole we have on the inside. As men, we have to do that ourselves
Yes, girls, go after the 'Nice Guy' - but before you're used up, run through by half the city and looking for someone to fund your retirement and blame for your past sh*tty choices!!
I realize that in my own personal life that I chose poorly... I dated people who had weak moral, emotional, and intelectual strength.
But as a Man, that was not entirely my fault. Every woman I ever persued a meaningfull relationship with (my history of poor choices) were NOT people I chose because I was shallow and only looking at the phisical; they were my ONLY option. The hurtfull of all my exes was a woman I broke up with four times... and if ANYONE else would have gone on a date with me so I could have moved on I wouldn't have taken her back.
It's still my fault, but I see it in so many younger men that I work with. Men who "swipe right" on every single profile in a dating app, "likeing" hundreds of profiles a day, just to get less than ten matches a week of women to message.
Nice Guy, Tall Guy, High Value Guy... Whatever, the dating system is strangling itself. Yes I picked my exes, yes I dated them, yes I broke up with them, and yes... I took them back. But I didn't have any options... and now I'm old.
Being 5.8. I can tell you none of it matters. Height is too much of a road block these days. You can be as nice as you like, but trust me there is no getting past the height barrier.
You gotta make more money if you’re 5’8”. The less physically attractive you are, the more money you gotta make. Sucks but that’s just the way it is.
@@jimbo4187 So really they are GOLDIGGERS !!
@@jimbo4187 I mean, yes, to attract those kinds of women, but the kind of person who'd think in this kind of way is entirely unattractive to me, how could I form a genuine connection to such a shallow person? I mean, all I'm saying is don't expect to find "the one" when you act in a way that attracts... not the right women.
@@KytexEdits I get what you’re saying man, but we can’t deny as men what we’re attracted to. There’s a reason why Transformers Megan Fox was such a star and why Bond girls are always fine asf. That’s who we all want, and I get that not every man will get them. But if you’re not physically attractive, you can make more money to compensate. Of course, eventually you’ll settle but you’d take a Megan Fox every time if u could.
@@jimbo4187 only ugly losers have to lead with their wallet to get anywhere. Any relationship you have also wont even be real
Been saying this for years now!! Plenty of good guys out here that would love you and take care and not cheat but they're belittled every day by modern women and looked at as weak.
it's their nature, and we can't change it, you must learn to work around it
@@michaelsix9684 It's my nature to weed out the women that have that view. Most of my relationships have been with women who don't equate "nice" with "weak", and most of those were healthy relationships.
Finally a smart girl that knows the drill. If only all women had this girl's mentality.
Really? "And for all the girls watching this video, I promise there are guys out there who are super-nice and also super-hot"
@MeidoInHebun ?????????? Yeah really lol. A good portion of women don't have this girl or Courtney's mentality sadly, especially where I live which is NYC so yeah lol
Courtney your videos really help me, my girlfriend of 2 years just dumped me and I'm really going through it right now. I don't understand why some girls manipulate and squeeze dry nice guys my ex never communicated properly about her feelings or what she wanted to work on until she was ready to leave and just left. The whole time she was acting normal and happy and willing to work on things but she just had a hidden agenda I didn't know about, why as a nice guy when I wear my heart on my sleeve do people just use me for their own pleasure not really appreciate and value me as the person I am.
Interesting and enlightening. It is always wise to look at the 'heart' of a person, common beliefs, values, goals and interests, temperament, which is reflected in how the person speaks, and treats others, how they treat animals, their sensitivity, consistency of behaviour, who they associate with. Keep up the great work, Courtney. I appreciate your analytical skills.
HUGE difference between nice vs kind. NEVER be the nice guy, they force themselves to be that way, they are women pleasers, they are hopeless. A man who is kind is so because he was raised right, he respects but doesnt let people walk over him, he knows his limits and boundaries. A nice guy can be a snake, but a kind man is honest. Simps try to be nice guys and fail
This. Being the nice guy can be just a mask, cover up to the true self that's manipulative, violent. Women look for kind and the genuinely good guys not those who are nice just because they want something in return from women.
Some of the smarter women are not falling for the nice guys because of this (and a lot are deciding being single is so much better).
Thats not a nice guy , that is a man of value. Be a man of VALUE
11/10 video Courtney. I really hope we can replace Nice Guy with
Gentleman
Kind Man
Great Man
Good Man
High Quality Man
It was through realising that "Nice Men" aren't what women want that I started my self-improvement journey. Took a while to find what women want and that you can still be good/kind/great/a Gentleman.
As ever, thank you, Courtney, much appreciated.
People need to go out into the world. Having seen the worst, l’m convinced that kindness is all that matters.
I like that the original video included the whole available thing. That's a big thing these days. People aren't available when they should be and vice versa. I was friends with a woman who was with a guy that abused her and was an alcoholic and had used meth. We were both very into one another and compatible on so many levels, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the guy and I couldn't watch her waste any more time with him. In the end, it's probably for the best since people that go through relationships like that often get freaked out by someone that doesn't treat them poorly.
The difference between a truly good man versus the internet "nice guy" is while both can be kind when things go their way, the "nice guy" drops the act when things don't go their way while a good man continues to treat others and themselves with kindness and respect.
Some people can’t take that to mean a doormat who allows people to disrespect them and sets no boundaries. You can be a good guy and immediately shut down any non sense and walk away
FACTS and I know this because I been that nice guy because I stand up for myself and don't allow women to push me around
I can second it. Was like dozens of times like this, dudes who play 'nice guys' and then open up like a total assholes is an issue.
Good man is the same thing as nice guy
No, it is NOT ! There is a huge difference between the typical 'nice guys' and the good man, which you obviously have not learned - take it from someone with over fifty years of experience !
Forget the mean people, and say goodbye to the nice people. Be reasonable, and chase the people which share your beliefs and goals.
Most will do that once they are 72 years of age. July 2024. USA
Good men > bad boys > nice guys
Just like
Victors > oppressors > victims
She definitely has the strong virtuous men confused with the nice guys because nice guys do play games just like bad boys do, they will manipulate to get what they want Even though nice guys don't get what they want, and they both see women as objects. This woman needs to quit labeling the strong virtuous man as a nice guy because he is a good man, not a doormat
Cap
@@JACQUEZ23 🤦
@@LatimusChadimus ok
@@JACQUEZ23 if you don't understand why then you will learn with more life experience but it's mainly because nice guys and victims don't get things done
Thanks for explaining your distinction between "nice guy" and "gentleman" - I had always viewed the two terms as being more or less synonymous. I like to think I have always been a gentleman (and have often had women say that to me) but will now be careful to avoid the negative "nice guy" traits!
As a 6'4" single father, I know that there's a decent amount of women who are attracted to me. But when they find out that I'm not into drama, they walk...or I do when I realize they're all about the drama.
I have only known a handful of women who aren't seeking attention or starting drama, being willing to burn their lives to the ground so they can play the victim.
I'm a nice guy, not looking for sex, but a committed marital relationships. I'm not wasting my time with these Jr High, mean girl games. Not when my kids rely on my ability to provide for them.
The one thing that always bothered me when people describe “nice guys” is that “they expect something in return”. And honestly I don’t get why this seemingly normal part of human behaviour is portrayed as something negative. We have dopamine systems in our brain that reward expecting something nice to happen and motivate us to make it real. We had rules of etiquette that nicely codified certain interactions, where politeness could be met with indifference, but it still was a polite one. I would 100% agree if the accent was put on how “nice guys” handle interactions that went wrong, but come on - expecting outcomes is a part of human brain and psyche, as well as hoping for the good outcome.
95% of women don't want a good nice guy man. Look at what happened to Kaka's relationship. And if women want a nice guy, they want him to at least be over 6 ft still.
"And for all the girls watching this video, I promise there are guys out there who are super-nice and also super-hot"
We like but we also like when they lead and tells us what to do, and is very sexual...
The majority of the good married women I have known are almost always with a good man.
sometimes it takes one or two marriages to get there, there is a learning curve here
@@michaelsix9684 Divorce rates go up after the first marriage. No learning curve.
@@ronmexico8383 for some people there is, but it's rare, after dating a few divorced women, I learned they were too risky to pursue
@@michaelsix9684Stats for marriages say otherwise, I can understand your first or second boyfriend being a bad boy or a bad person, your learning that’s fine especially if you had no one to teach you.
@@ronmexico8383
You're right about that, but women do learn. Most just aren't getting married young anymore, so they're able to figure it out without becoming a statistic. Not even sure it's so much about figuring it out, as it is simply maturing, but whatever - as they get older, somewhere it dawns on them that knuckle sandwiches don't taste so good anymore.
That lady knocked it out of the park as you have in your videos so many times God bless
"Who you choose in a relationship. Is a reflection of you." That's clearly what most women should reflect on n think about! Thank you, for saying that..most men are good. It's totally the women who have changed.
Some women see a nice guy not being genuine, have a motive, and being deceitful. Where they see the bad boy is what you see is what you get.
Which is crazy
I also think some women see a man being kind, and associate said kindness as being weak, where they see a bad boy, those women tend to mistake his personality as being strong, exuding confidence, and expressing the potential to be a strong leader who will protect her. They often fail to truly understand why the word “Bad” is in the “Bad Boy” title.
Gangsters pretend to put on the charm to act like their nice to manipulate women they're predators .
@@lucidjamesofficial but you can tell the difference between a genuine nice guy and someone who is putting on a front
Shes projecting. Shes not attracted to nice shes attracted to bad bc she herself is bad but no one wants to admit they are bad so they just accuse nice guys as being secretly evil
That’s the way we were brought up I respect women and trust in the heart
They want hot nice guys
😂😂😂,it all a lies
Yeah 6,5 nice guys
"And for all the girls watching this video, I promise there are guys out there who are super-nice and also super-hot"
I’m actually 6’6” with blue eyes and a good job.
The only time I’ve had girls interested in me is when I’m bantering with another guy and the girl just happens to be listening in… and I’m harsh with my banter.
So the more of a jerk I am, the more girls like me, but I just can’t do that to girls by default.
I’m a gentleman and every single relationship I’ve been in they’ve left me saying I’m too attached because I want to do stuff with them and check in on them seeing how things are going. I’d say I’m a decently looking guy, I have a nice car, I’m in good shape, I have my future set up pretty well, I enjoy doing most things so it’s super easy for me to bond with a woman, and I’m open to trying new things to learn more. Anyways, I’ll leave it there, hopefully we’ll all find the right one.
I once took pride in being a nice person until it became stigmatized for men. I then feared being too nice to women, worried they'd reject or belittle me. Now, I'm unsure how to act. Hearing this perspective is somewhat refreshing.
Don’t be nice be a good person. Be selfish in romance and expect that nobody owes you anything, always help others in need or those whom assisted you before, NEVER help those who wrong you or don’t respect you. SET BOUNDARIES I cannot stress this enough, I’m in a relationship, and I’ve set boundaries like not staying out all night unless staying for a sleepover, no clubbing without the other partner there etc, relationships are about compromise and sacrifice at their very core, are you willing to do that if not stay single. You need tochange your mindset about being worried, your putting these women on a pedestal, calm down and interact with them like their normal people, don’t care what others think especially if their strangers, only those you trust and care about. Lastly go to more social events and or places and speak to one stranger every 2 days, preferably 1 day, whether it be man or woman. This will help with fearmongering and will get you more comfortable in talking
Short + gentleman = sweet
I find it odd how relationships have nothing to do with feelings or love anymore, if a girl is serious about a relationship it’s all about the highest stats you can get, not about how or who the guy actually is
It's really that not black and white though.. Some women are all about money, some women are all about looks, some women are all about personality as long as the guy is on their looks level. I don't count the women who are all about wanting a man with a bad boy image because no man truly wants a ghetto ratchet woman as a long term partner
I would only clarify one point: The Internet did not create the concept of a nice guy that no woman wants, nor did the saying "Nice guys finish last" originate online. What the Internet did was create a forum in which women learned to articulate, to each other and to men, what they had actually meant for all those years when they spoke of not wanting to be with "nice guys". I think half of the problem is with the word "nice", which is such an imprecise word that it's meaningless, and the other half is that a lot of what makes a man the sort of "nice guy" that women don't want are impressions and clues that most women didn't consciously recognize, much less know how to explain. Thanks to the plethora of online information on this topic, anyone can now quickly find out that emotionally healthy women don't want men who *seem* nice, but are actually clingy to the point of being creepy, appear to lack self-respect and boundaries, and get upset when their every gesture isn't reciprocated, all of which makes their niceness look like it's just an act. That's quite a lot to say, so it's understandable that it needs a shorthand, but maybe the fix for the confusion is to call it something other than "nice guy". Maybe call them "velcro guys" because they're hard to pry off, or "smother brothers" because they make you feel smothered?
"Pick me" guys
@@mar4kl All women want the same thing, all the time: More.
This is by far the best youtube channel for anything dating and relationship related. As a guy in his late 20's who considers himself to be a gentleman, I appreciate this type of content. Awesome video Courtney!
This is refreshing to hear that I can just be myself and that there are good women out there. Thanks.
O I know what is happening. No matter how you call it - nice guys or kind men or gentlemen - men like that try to be accommodative to other people. To make their life easier. And thats seen as weakness. The guy ask her choose the restaurant coz he dont care and tries to make her happy - she starts feeling like he is weak, undeceive, can't lead and expects her to make the decisions lol.
I wonder if that young lady understands how attractive HER attitude is. Mature, practical, realistic, sensible, etc, etc.
Good Girls want nice guys but the definition of a nice guy is different for everyone. Most nice guys are too nice and doesn’t get the girl excited or challenging enough
And that's why most of them will wind up lonely old and with 100 million cats !!!
Biological attraction stems from survival which, when evolved thousands of years ago, was binary af, basically you picked to attract the man who had the guts to do what needed to be done no matter what?
Great because that gave you the best chances of survival that you likely could get, so, mostly, that's why it never really changed for most women, as far as we know, biological traits and this strong, don't change for no good reason and a nice guy is the exact opposite of that reason.
The nice guy is a red flag, a vulnerability in woman's perception, for many reasons.
Ain't no sane and wise man gonna waste their time trying to change thousands of years of evolution, just because a woman (almost any woman), can think, consciously the "good guy" traits that she ideally would like a man to have alongside with the ones that she also lusciously wants, assertiveness, risk and opportunity seeker, exert an impression of confidence and competence by fact of their presence alone even to that shallow degree yes, it doesn't mean that she will go 100% the opposite way just because of that.
Some, extreme minority of women will actually like and go for the nice guy, but they are the exception to the rule, and they extremely rare, again, no sane and wise man is gonna stay 3000000 days, fishing on a seemingly empty lake.
You are very right about how if a woman dates a bad guy, that’s not someone you’d want to be with. Yes, it’s frustrating if you’re nice to girl and she goes with someone bad instead. But as you say, that’s a reflection of her, and indicates she’s not someone you need. On a side note, you have a very soothing and heartwarming voice.
And Courtney has surpassed the funny face counter from the last video with 16 funny faces.
We really need that funny face counter in the corner
😂😂😂
@@CourtneyRyan people should be whoever they want to be. People get who ever is attracted to them. You had to throw gentlemen in there people don't have to be gentlemen to empress women if that is what your implying . Your misandry. You like to group men and women in to categories. Why does it have to the man to be chivalrous. I know women who are chivalrous. They open doors. They pay for dates. You have a narrow mind that is not mature enough to understand. That human biengs got different characteristics that define who they are. But you think in this bubble. Men have to do this. And women have to do that. Human bieng are complex creatures irs very hard to group people in to categories. Women can have same characteristics as men. So group up. And stop giving cryptic messages about men should be gentlemen. Your not fooling me. Grow up
@@CourtneyRyan men and women are pretty much the same. Same capabilities, same rights. Same opportunities. But you and the interest are trying to push a narrative that man and women are having problems. In the real world men and women get along. I love women. But I respect myself first. In the real world I haven't seen disrespectful women. You know why because I cold approach like a man. I got the dating apps. Quit porn. Got results. Period
Relationships that last the longest are when Men and women are both Clingy.
Marry a nice person if you are a nice person, but marry another mean person if you are a mean person.
What ppl should not confuse with being 'nice' is being 'not masculine' or 'shy'. Most women like nice men.
The "Nice relationship with their parents" always makes me feel bad. My mom was 19 and living on the street when she had me, she's bipolar and passed me around to random "friends" and unfamiliar relatives throughout my childhood. So we're not close now and it took me 30 years to accept that it didn't happen that way because there was something wrong with me - and I know my (lack of a) relationship with my mom was an absolutely factor in the biggest heartbreak of my life. In some ways she was right - she was from a loving family and the reality is I don't really know what it means to be a part of any family at all - but I felt so powerless even though I knew I wasn't one of those me-first types of dudes; and of course predictably she'd go off and date these personal trainers and DJs and some 48 year old executive who always left her unhappy but were more traditional in terms of, they came from nice families and would probably have nice lives themselves as adults.