Alzheimer's Caregiver Roundtable Series: Section 4d - Navigating Nursing Home Decisions

In this video of the Alzheimer's Caregiver Roundtable Series, caregivers discuss the emotional challenges of placing a loved one in a nursing home. Learn how they manage feelings of guilt, maintain their loved ones' comfort, and find peace in making difficult decisions.
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Transcript:
I think my most difficult conversation would be telling my mom why she had to be in a nursing home versus staying at home with me. She knows I have a room for her when she visits, but when she asks, "Why can't I come home with you?" it breaks my heart. It's like, "Mom, I have to work," or "Mom, I have a husband and a job."
The first week or two was hard because I felt that guilt-like, what have I done? I've taken away her independence, robbed her of her humanity. But as time went on, my mind eased, knowing that my mental health was better and I could really concentrate on the good things for her.
That was hard in the beginning when I put her in the nursing home. The first day, when I took her, she said, "You're not going to just drop me off, are you?" I said, "Mother, absolutely not." So for two weeks, I was there every day, every day, every day. They said, "Claudia, you don't have to come here every day." And I said, "Yes, I do. I need to know that my mother is secure, comfortable, and not frightened when I leave."
You mentioned the guilt feeling, and that has been my biggest problem. I still have guilt about him being in the home and feel like I should be taking care of him. But I keep telling myself, if I hadn't put my mother in assisted living and she'd fallen down the stairs or wandered outside and gotten hurt, how much more guilt would I feel then?
You need to remember that your loved one is in a safe place. When you feel that guilt, think of it that way. Having that feeling that you can't leave them alone, that you can't leave the house-it was taking our lives away. They're like a child, only you can't just pick this child up, dress them, and put them in the bathroom. You physically can't do that because they're not a 20-pound child. They're a 180-pound adult that you'll need assistance with.
If you ever have to make that decision where it's just too much for you, you first have to come to the serenity that it's the right decision-to take care of him in the best way. It may come to a point where you can't lift him or turn him as often as needed. Whatever that time is, you need to find enough peace to do it for him and ultimately for you too.
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