I love when two opinionated and dominant women can come together, disagree but be respectful of each others different viewpoints. But also show each love, respect and friendship
Women actually have that ability. When do you ever see women on podcasts arguing and disrespecting each other? Women tend to be respectful and practice emotional intelligence by default. It’s not something we have to try and force.
I fw slumflower more and more the older I get, she makes a lot of sense, she's very very smart.. I think people don't like her talking about certain things because they don't think she deserves certain experiences because they don't deem her to be conventionally attractive, but that's why I like her even more because she proves you don't have to be. What a G
As a young disobedient deviant (Slumflower fan), this conversation is extremely useful for talking with my friends who have more of Zeze’s mindset in a productive manner.
why are you stealing my comments? Zeze's hair always looks so pretty and feminine. Braids are so elegant a feminine. Somehow mostly Caribbean men co-opted them, but this hairstyle it's giving West African princess. It's giving bridal hair. Soooo gorgeous.
I loved this interview!!! I’ve been following Chidera Eggerue for months. I got her book and workbook- educating myself and expanding my knowledge these days. I find her mentality so encouraging and empowering. This is coming from a “pick-me” with abandonment issues. I look forward to my evolution. ❤
I find it strange how there are several comments saying what Chiddy does in regards to dating is wrong/makes her a bad person. Im sure a lot of yall arent super familiar with her content, but from what ive heard, shes not hurting anyone. She dates men and moves at their paces (i.e. doesnt have expectations about "where things will go"). Shes open about her desires from them and is proactive about getting her needs met. She is firm on her boundaries. Its really sad to me that people really think that caring so deeply about your life and your happiness that you are untolerating of anything less than what you truly desire, is selfish and cruel?
I like that zeze was intelligently & respectfully challenging all chiddy’s beliefs that seemed too good to be true, while chiddy just explained it all in a way that makes perfect sense.
Slumflower operates out of pure reality, she's not holding out "hope" for a fairytale. In one way it's bleak, in another more important way, it's empowering
its not really empowering at all it leads to a lifetime of dealing with men that shouldnt even be in the same proximity morality wise as her but she will allow them due to money.
If she wanted a man she would’ve got one 😂🎉❤ I married at 24 you make choices in life for me mine were good not everyone thinks like me and that’s okay but I put my future and family first. I have sisters who didn’t hold out “hope” they’re almost 50 and single and no kids 🤦🏽♀️
The slumflower is not in fairytale land anymore. The thing is, Men will sing a song they wrote and have desperate women sing along for generations.. but women like the slum flower stopped singing, paid attention to the lyrics and said NOPE!.. " I'll curate my own song then..and the men that want to , should sing along to mine instead".
This well-conducted interview resonates!! Just because there's a vulva down there, does not mean anyone is entitled to my energy and time. Claiming sexual pleasure for oneself is the start to recognizing that we are each already whole and loved IN OURSELVES. This is radical in societies where we're taught that we don't deserve to feel loved, empowered, nor whole, except temporarily when [moving goalpost] is achieved. It can feel scarier to cultivate love for yourself than have another person "provide" that love and validation.
i want my sister to read some lenin, marx, stuart hall, web dubois, sankara, angela davis, or bell hooks, but she always stops at money and gender and I’d wish she’d take race and class into her brilliant analysis too because i really love her a lot. i just can’t f*ck with the all the neoliberalism that falls short of giving viable solutions other than “make money, take money, money money money“
My favourite question. “So when you have a son, what are you going to tell him?? She answered correctly. My son must be a provider, who can provide for himself & any woman. There’s nothing wrong with providing for a woman, who is capable of also providing for herself & who even help the man, with her sense, to provide even more for them both. Zeze. She’s giving you the formula for life as a woman. Love is definitely necessary. But love comes from the respect of a man that can provide. How are you even falling in love with someone after a certain age, that cannot provide?? Life isn’t a Disney movie.
@@leahaax6210 Why is that wild. A man that makes sure his wife & children are financially well . Is a man to love & respect. That is not his only attributes. So what do you look for?? A man who will run away from his responsibility as a father & husband & provider?? 🤣 you women are giving men the reason to not be men.
ZeZe giving ABSOLUTE GODDESS with this hairstyle and glowing skin WOW 😍 And a really enjoyable conversation to watch I laughed out loud several times and had agreements on both sides, this was a great, insightful and very intriguing interview 🎉
@@Zezemillz1 Zeze, you have the prettiest hair. I will die shouting about how Zeze ALWAYS has immaculate, delicate, feminine, pretty, exquisite, chic, stylish hair. I don't even think you realise how beautiful your hair is, and how perfectly is suits you. Weave is not your best hairstyle, braids make you a solid 10/10.
I find the host's reactions really bizarre and quite shocking. I seriously think this is because of the economic environment a lot of black women in the UK are in. I live in Asia, and it is the NORM for expat spouses (coming from the UK, US, all over) to have husbands who cover everything. There is nuance but a loving man who understands and operates out of reality, will put assets in his wife's name, help her set up a business so she can work for herself, have full-time help. People are reacting to the bluntness of what Chidera is saying but it is completely normal. The men in corporate in Asia are puffed up re what international schools their kids go to and how well-dressed and well-cared for their wives are. There are lots of other issues, don't get me wrong, and there is a lot of ego (obviously), but it's so frustrating to see women asking her if this is "toxic." How strange to judge a woman for only allowing feelings to develop for a man who treats her well. Interestingly, the couples in Asia I see who start to have issues with this norm, who start to put more financial pressure on the woman to contribute, are black...go figure.
@@QueenOfTheCoastit’s not “pick me”, it’s “one of the many many women who have been conditioned to expect less than the bare minimum”. Speaking from experience, as a very young woman, I have been told that the bare minimum (wanting a nice, attractive man who respects me) is unrealistic. Both of these women have “dire” views about men and dating men. It’s just, in my opinion, one woman believes it’s too late, it’s a lost cause, it’s bewildering, to expect more than the bare minimum. The problem is men, not Zeze.
I don't see many cishet men out here educating themselves and practicing to carry the emotional/psychic load that is, by default, placed on their female partners. This would be an entirely different story if such was expected of male partners, but that isn't the case. Slumflower has asked men to make up for ways in which they're lacking; some men can't even see whether hurt has been done, nor that trust itself is not owed, but *earned*.
I don't know if some of these women think they'll live forever, but men for sure as hell know they won't. This is why they go out and sleep with as many women as possible and seek pleasure in ever aspect of their lives. They know that life is short. Women should also proceed as if life is short and stop giving all their time to men.
I think people forget Slumflower is an Igbo babe and in Nigerian culture, we’re the most pampered. They’re are a million and one memes about Igbo women brides prices and how we don’t accept love without money so my girl is just staying true to her and her ancestors routes
Everything Slumflower says is pretty much in line with sprinkle sprinkle woman and at first the rhetoric sounds like an attack of some sort but I genuinely do think there is merit in women setting much higher standards for themselves. Love unfortunately doesn’t pay the bills and men have been getting away with the bare minimum for yearsssss. I went on two dates with a guy and both time I financially contributed and he felt it was okay to ask me to help him warm his bed. I said why you never took me on a date. If I’m pulling out my card then it wasn’t a date, it was a meeting. I said I wanted to be spoilt, shopping and travelling as part of that package, never heard from him again 😂😂😂 but it’s okay for me to warm his bed but he couldn’t cough up a trip to Saint Tropez. Ever since I recalibrated my mind on men, I do realise before you even begin to entertain the idea you have to go in to either play or be played. I’d rather be the former than the latter. I feel no ways of ignoring blocking, walking out on a date, saying no thank you. I use to tolerate such bull crap in order to appear agreeable and honestly I just don’t have the energy for that level of politeness anymore. Its not about being a bitch it’s about having standards and women nowadays have really dropped the ball to the point where now sex is somewhat on the table from date 1 🤯🤯🤯 with zero effort 🙃🙃🙃 Welp it won’t be me.
Sounds like you really know how to pick em😂😂. You’ll most likely lose in the end. That game has been tried with the prettiest of the pretty and most of them lose. Gl tho
I'm not for gatekeeping sex if I'd like to have it, and sex isn't a currency that's devalued when we print too much 😂BUT I feel you. The type of man you described feels entitled to your body, time, vulnerability, yet couldn't communicate, "Apologies, this doesn't work for me. Good day.". It's literally SO EASY to treat someone like a human being!! That's how you know he's out of pocket.
this was an incredibly confusing listen & not very convincing to me slumflower has an illusion of herself of being this tough boss babe & at the same time is dependent on a man providing for her & buying her property & a lifestyle or paying for her hmrc tax bill that’s not a grown woman, that’s childlike behaviour & at the same time “subjugating” white men through dom play, but whoever pays, plays the tune, so the power dynamic isn’t as in her favour as she claims fetishisation, sexualisation & objectification aren’t the same thing, & just because it’s being done doesn’t make it right - also very childlike thinking i hear a lot of control, fear of rejection & abandonment issues & i felt a lot of compassion for her younger self when she spoke about 19 yo chidere which she didn’t show that part of herself which still resides in her & that was concerning more of us definitely need to be more strategic in how we play the game of love & protect ourselves better - i’m not entirely certain her approach is the healthiest way to go about it though but to each their own - i’m personally just not buying her strategy of black women achieving greater self love & self protection being sold here & i don’t have to
i’m also curious to know if she’s a dom to black men & her thoughts on that experience someone in the comments alluded to daddy issues, which most of us with insecure attachments (she mentions struggling with anxious attachment) all have - i see her trying to resolve this, i’m just not convinced her approach, ironically enough, is the most self loving way to go about it just my two cents - i pray healing for all of us including myself! 😭
Did you even watch the video? No one's trying to convince you to do anything. It's your life. You can be a boss babe & still be taken care of by YOUR man..Who told you, you can only have one? She said her preference was black men but she goes where she's honored.. Work on your listening skills Lauryn.
@@SA-su7kq You need to think this through. Who wants a woman who relies on a man for everything? A man wants a woman with a “wife-material” mindset, as well as a business mindset-someone who earns her own money and is self-sufficient. Relying on a man for everything is like relying on your dad; it gives him control over you because he provides everything, like food and shelter. What kind of life is that? That’s the life of a child, someone who hasn’t developed an adult mentality yet. So, SA-SU, think carefully before you start talking.
This is the mentality of Caribbean women vs west African/ arab/ Russian women. Caribbean women are used to men being the prize and not expected to provide. Its why a lot of Caribbean millennial women on social media get so upset when they see other women expecting/ demanding more.
It's true, I'm Jamaican but my mentality is more like African, Russian and Arab women that's why all of my friends are from those demographics😂. I don't bother even sharing my dating life with my family because they always give pick me advice
@@psychologistinthemaking6541 but is that common? It's not really about an individual, their point is more collective, so obviously there would be outliers. That's the theory anyways. But would be interesting to hear from you, is that common? And what were you specifically taught that was different/shown that was different example-wise (like the women in your family for example)🤔
Why does she keep using examples of nonsense men to justify her nonsense ways. She’s just as nonsensical as the men she complains about, let’s have it right.
She’s a disgusting, gas lighting misandrist who is only here to create chaos and confusion. A bitter women who acts like everything bad that’s happened to her came from men. Misandrist need to be called out more … absolute losers, the lot of them
Slumflower is actually very male centred and money-centred. If every answer you give starts with “well men don’t / do…” you are male centred in an unhealthy way. I really wish ZeZe shared more about the merits of her perspective, as a fellow balanced babe. I see where Slumflower is coming from but disagree with so much of what she says because I have a totally different experience of the world and totally different examples of womanhood and morality that are working for me and have worked for my women elders. ZeZe did a great job of listening, but it would have been great for her to actually stand on her views and talk about why they’ve worked for her (even if they have downsides). No one can completely avoid pain or getting hurt in this world, and men can be trash. The world is unjustly skewed in their favour. But there are also a lot of good guys in the world. More than that, I’d rather not compromise myself because I’m worried about playing a zero sum game. That’s why I feel like rather than spending your time trying to learn how to play this very convoluted game as women, build a strong sense of self, an unshakeable moral compass and integrity, and BUILD YOUR BAG. Love deeply, but have sense, be mindful (and yes, strategic), but also learn to get comfortable with the idea that ending up along is better than ending up with the wrong guy. It’s 2024. The fact that you can build personal wealth and community, and access things like fertility treatments should mean that you don’t have to play these mind games. It should make you more at ease in the dating world. It should mean you have more time than your mothers to be discerning. It should mean you’re not so desperate or jaded or cynical.
I really do hear what youre saying, and I think her words get taken out of context if you arent familiar with her work. Shes said multiple times in other podcasts and whatnot that she is 100% okay ending up alone, she has a fulfilling life outside of men, and only when she DOES choose to date, she expects it to be a mutually beneficial experience. Especially in a world where almost every woman has been abused in some way by men, where femicide exists, where men feel entitled to womens bodys and sexualizing them and oppressing us. Im glad that you have had good experiences dating/womanhood (genuine comment, not sarcastic) AND that is not the reality for a lot of women. Her work centers on helping women who have conditioned themselves to believe they do not deserve the things they want from dating men, they dont deserve respect and genuine love without expectation for sex, and UNTIL you receive what you want (whatever that means to you), you do not owe a man anything.
So interesting. Looooved this. I think ta Chiddi actually gets off so much from teasing and that's why she can stay so consistent. Maybe she even likes more teasing than actually having sex. And for Zeze was so interesting when she tried to explain the difference between prostitution and marriage and actually was describing a prostitution where you serve so much more than just sex and therefore should receive so much more. Ir actually sounded so much like a big prostitution ahahha. Also in that moment thought it was ignorant to think that prostitution is only a sexual/pleasure transaction without a relationship, where I have watched interviews of Doms and subs and they've been working together for years and have actually developed such an interesting/profound relationship Another reflection I had was when Zeze said that the thought was what mattered and was nice. I thought well, the bar is low, because if someone its going to make dinner for you and just gives you bread, you would be disappointed, the same with bad/chesp flowers or anything really, if its not considering your taste and putting effort, is it really enough that it was done or do we want it well done?
This was a great watch! 😅 Personally, I think both ladies are more healed as opposed to traumatised, they just know what they want and refuse to be doormats in a society that prefers some women to be quiet little doormats. No, please!
I think she is listening. She's probably in shock as she would never do half of what the other lady would do 😂But, I understand the closed off body language
I have no idea why the algorithm recommended this to me. It’s bizarre and the comments are severely problematic. Concerning yourself over someone’s choices how they navigate things for themselves…. It’s giving triggered projection. Casting insults and declaring yourself better is wild. Very ugly behaviour.
There’s millions of men on this planet. The ones she’s hyper focused on are the only ones she thinks exist.(all men) she’s literally creating her own reality based on what she’s expectant of whilst being blind to the other literal 100000s of men who are actually genuinely genuine
Lmao yall are naive, the same men responsible for 99% of SA, murder, CSA and femicide? And the "nice" ones exploit your domestic labour and stress you out such that women disproportionately suffer with autoimmune issues?
According to a 2011 survey, 50% of men said they would leave a partner who gained weight, compared to 20% of women. This suggests that men are more likely to consider a woman's weight when evaluating a relationship. A 2009 study found that women with cancer were six times more likely to be divorced or separated than men with cancer. The divorce rate was 21% for women and 3% for men Multiple sclerosis A study found that women were more likely to be abandoned by their partners than men with multiple sclerosis How often do men leave their wives when they get sick? More than one in five men leave their wives if they are diagnosed with a serious illness.22 Feb 2024
@@justiceforthe3972 and what’s the likelihood of a woman meeting a millionaire??? cancer is on the rise, as well as thyroid disorders . A woman black women has more chance dealing with an illness then meet a millionaire. More reality and less delusions please. Just saying
Slumflower lady is so hardened and expresses from dark experiences with men. Shes got alot to unpack within herself and this is so sad, so many women like this end up lonely and bitter. She articulates like she has it all figured out but inside is a little girl seeking approval. Would like to know what her relationship with her father is (was) like. Your life cant be based around comparing to and be-littling men. ZeZe is so much composed, softer and ladylike. The two contrasts are very interesting to see. Great content!
@@Maxine-s2wI don’t see anything she’s doing or saying as “education” more like fear mongering, victimisation and trauma dumping … she just sounds smart because of a few quotables and her ability to articulate. She’s still bat shit crazy
ZeZe may look and sound more ladylike compared to her guest but she sucks to the base 🍆best believe and she swings both ways too. Nothing wrong with these proclivities, I'm just saying.
Justifying bad behaviour because of the bad behaviour of others just means you are excusing your own bad behaviour. The projection here is unreal. This woman is not mentally mature.
Doesn't she care about her safety meeting all these freaky men. I get what she's saying, but she's glamorising prostitution. Nothing glamorous about selling yourself. Stand your ground when dating, yes, but women also need to draw the line at selling themselves.
The people who disagree with you the most or the people who you seemingly clash with more, are surprisingly actually your people.. Is something I got from this interview.
adaptability key i hear it she playing the game and seeing things for what they are but at what point do we dismantle a shitty system and start pushing for inner work and compatibility seeking . Holding all parties to a higher standard rather than shitting in the pool ourselves
1:15:16 in al the periods of abstinence I have lived, it was never intentional. It happened. But it happened ultimately because my soul wants to know Itself deeply and that requires periods of solitude. And it builds the capacity not to fall into the attraction lust trap. It’s a trap because it does more harm than good. When you can walk away I believe you have more choices. When it controls you, you won’t ever have choice.
I swear Zeze’s hair is the most beautiful hairstyle I’ve seen on a woman.
That’s actually art.
"You need to train yourself to have the ick for men that can't do anything for you". The Slumflower is truly eloquent.
This!
Eloquent. 😂
It sounds like she’s men and sees them as objects
Eloquent?😂😂
I love when two opinionated and dominant women can come together, disagree but be respectful of each others different viewpoints. But also show each love, respect and friendship
@OyinA01 LOL ''dominant women''....😅
And both are perpetually single with high body counts
Women actually have that ability. When do you ever see women on podcasts arguing and disrespecting each other? Women tend to be respectful and practice emotional intelligence by default. It’s not something we have to try and force.
@@onlineonlineaccount2368 also single and not a man in sight. They can’t dominate anything, just annoy
The day women as a collective will understand who men are is the day that we will truly free
Some of you don't even know yourselves
„IN THE EYES OF GOD WE ARE THE SAME, IN THE EYES OF HUMANS WE ARE NOT“ !!! this is the one deepest key in all of these conversations
I fw slumflower more and more the older I get, she makes a lot of sense, she's very very smart.. I think people don't like her talking about certain things because they don't think she deserves certain experiences because they don't deem her to be conventionally attractive, but that's why I like her even more because she proves you don't have to be. What a G
she’s so attractive wdym
But she’s also hot AF 🤣🤣🤣 that’s why they stay mad. She doesn’t play by societies rules and putting women up on game. Just an amazing woman 😍😍😍
she is super hot
did we even watch the same video ??? she’s so gorgeous
As a young disobedient deviant (Slumflower fan), this conversation is extremely useful for talking with my friends who have more of Zeze’s mindset in a productive manner.
I agree
Side note: zeze’s hair looks soo regal.
1000%
Yes she looks amazing and so elegant
Stop lying 😉
@@Mind-youbusiness find a better job than being a hater
why are you stealing my comments? Zeze's hair always looks so pretty and feminine. Braids are so elegant a feminine. Somehow mostly Caribbean men co-opted them, but this hairstyle it's giving West African princess. It's giving bridal hair. Soooo gorgeous.
I loved this interview!!! I’ve been following Chidera Eggerue for months. I got her book and workbook- educating myself and expanding my knowledge these days. I find her mentality so encouraging and empowering. This is coming from a “pick-me” with abandonment issues. I look forward to my evolution. ❤
“You have to train yourself to have the ick for men who cannot do anything for your life” GIRL!!!
Spoken like a real brokie
Real shit
Older disobedient of Slumflowers learnings here, and she has saved me! Can't ever look back and can't get enough.
What did you learn
alone forever
I find it strange how there are several comments saying what Chiddy does in regards to dating is wrong/makes her a bad person. Im sure a lot of yall arent super familiar with her content, but from what ive heard, shes not hurting anyone. She dates men and moves at their paces (i.e. doesnt have expectations about "where things will go"). Shes open about her desires from them and is proactive about getting her needs met. She is firm on her boundaries. Its really sad to me that people really think that caring so deeply about your life and your happiness that you are untolerating of anything less than what you truly desire, is selfish and cruel?
WHEN CHIDDY SPEAKS IM SAT!!
Literally same ❤❤
I like that zeze was intelligently & respectfully challenging all chiddy’s beliefs that seemed too good to be true, while chiddy just explained it all in a way that makes perfect sense.
This❤
Slumflower operates out of pure reality, she's not holding out "hope" for a fairytale. In one way it's bleak, in another more important way, it's empowering
Lmao
its not really empowering at all it leads to a lifetime of dealing with men that shouldnt even be in the same proximity morality wise as her but she will allow them due to money.
That's why I love her, we love a smart woman
If she wanted a man she would’ve got one 😂🎉❤ I married at 24 you make choices in life for me mine were good not everyone thinks like me and that’s okay but I put my future and family first. I have sisters who didn’t hold out “hope” they’re almost 50 and single and no kids 🤦🏽♀️
🎯
The slumflower is not in fairytale land anymore. The thing is, Men will sing a song they wrote and have desperate women sing along for generations.. but women like the slum flower stopped singing, paid attention to the lyrics and said NOPE!.. " I'll curate my own song then..and the men that want to , should sing along to mine instead".
@Izzybalogun President General of Men's Congress Union all over the world (MCU) .. I hail you😂
This this this!
Yesss! Exactly 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾I really resonate with her sentiments a lot.
@@catchabbie Asin ehn she needs that hailing... giving pick me, choose me, love me 😂😂
very well said
This well-conducted interview resonates!! Just because there's a vulva down there, does not mean anyone is entitled to my energy and time. Claiming sexual pleasure for oneself is the start to recognizing that we are each already whole and loved IN OURSELVES. This is radical in societies where we're taught that we don't deserve to feel loved, empowered, nor whole, except temporarily when [moving goalpost] is achieved. It can feel scarier to cultivate love for yourself than have another person "provide" that love and validation.
Love me some Slumflower 🥰😍
Please take her advice ladies! Its only to benefit you as a women, especially if you plan to deal with men.
As a woman, to be triggered by anything slumflower says, is concerning. That girl is literally on your team 😅
i want my sister to read some lenin, marx, stuart hall, web dubois, sankara, angela davis, or bell hooks, but she always stops at money and gender and I’d wish she’d take race and class into her brilliant analysis too because i really love her a lot. i just can’t f*ck with the all the neoliberalism that falls short of giving viable solutions other than “make money, take money, money money money“
@feels1510
So your ok being seen as prostitute if you are in a happy consenting marriage? 🤡Even people you admire are not above criticism.
🎯🎯🎯
it’s not sex work because you can’t walk up to your wife and say I’ll pay you 20 bucks to have sex with me😂😂
@@Blackpanda89 Ironically there are a LOT of sexless marriage. 😭😭
“Write essays on why I’m amazing “ is Wild 😂
Came for chiddy, stayed for the great convo. Thank you for this gift!
My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing…..my beautiful ladies thank you and wish you all success and happiness.such inspiration…..lots love 💕
My favourite question. “So when you have a son, what are you going to tell him?? She answered correctly. My son must be a provider, who can provide for himself & any woman. There’s nothing wrong with providing for a woman, who is capable of also providing for herself & who even help the man, with her sense, to provide even more for them both. Zeze. She’s giving you the formula for life as a woman. Love is definitely necessary. But love comes from the respect of a man that can provide. How are you even falling in love with someone after a certain age, that cannot provide?? Life isn’t a Disney movie.
Wtf love comes from the respect of a man that can provide.. wild
@@leahaax6210 Why is that wild. A man that makes sure his wife & children are financially well . Is a man to love & respect. That is not his only attributes. So what do you look for?? A man who will run away from his responsibility as a father & husband & provider?? 🤣 you women are giving men the reason to not be men.
Nigerian Woman Final Boss 😂😂 I respect her honesty though
ZeZe giving ABSOLUTE GODDESS with this hairstyle and glowing skin WOW 😍 And a really enjoyable conversation to watch I laughed out loud several times and had agreements on both sides, this was a great, insightful and very intriguing interview 🎉
Glad you enjoyed it!
@@Zezemillz1 Zeze, you have the prettiest hair. I will die shouting about how Zeze ALWAYS has immaculate, delicate, feminine, pretty, exquisite, chic, stylish hair. I don't even think you realise how beautiful your hair is, and how perfectly is suits you. Weave is not your best hairstyle, braids make you a solid 10/10.
@@Zezemillz1what skincare you use babe?
I find the host's reactions really bizarre and quite shocking. I seriously think this is because of the economic environment a lot of black women in the UK are in. I live in Asia, and it is the NORM for expat spouses (coming from the UK, US, all over) to have husbands who cover everything. There is nuance but a loving man who understands and operates out of reality, will put assets in his wife's name, help her set up a business so she can work for herself, have full-time help. People are reacting to the bluntness of what Chidera is saying but it is completely normal. The men in corporate in Asia are puffed up re what international schools their kids go to and how well-dressed and well-cared for their wives are. There are lots of other issues, don't get me wrong, and there is a lot of ego (obviously), but it's so frustrating to see women asking her if this is "toxic." How strange to judge a woman for only allowing feelings to develop for a man who treats her well. Interestingly, the couples in Asia I see who start to have issues with this norm, who start to put more financial pressure on the woman to contribute, are black...go figure.
same, she gives major pick-me
Shows how very low the bar has been set
@@QueenOfTheCoastit’s not “pick me”, it’s “one of the many many women who have been conditioned to expect less than the bare minimum”. Speaking from experience, as a very young woman, I have been told that the bare minimum (wanting a nice, attractive man who respects me) is unrealistic. Both of these women have “dire” views about men and dating men. It’s just, in my opinion, one woman believes it’s too late, it’s a lost cause, it’s bewildering, to expect more than the bare minimum. The problem is men, not Zeze.
I don't see many cishet men out here educating themselves and practicing to carry the emotional/psychic load that is, by default, placed on their female partners. This would be an entirely different story if such was expected of male partners, but that isn't the case. Slumflower has asked men to make up for ways in which they're lacking; some men can't even see whether hurt has been done, nor that trust itself is not owed, but *earned*.
I don't know if some of these women think they'll live forever, but men for sure as hell know they won't. This is why they go out and sleep with as many women as possible and seek pleasure in ever aspect of their lives. They know that life is short. Women should also proceed as if life is short and stop giving all their time to men.
Slumflower is such a troll, I love it 😂
I think people forget Slumflower is an Igbo babe and in Nigerian culture, we’re the most pampered. They’re are a million and one memes about Igbo women brides prices and how we don’t accept love without money so my girl is just staying true to her and her ancestors routes
Here early, feel this convo is going to be a good one
hahah can't wait to hear this!! saving this for when I'm in bed tonight & can fully focus.😂🩷
Thoroughly enjoyed this conversation! Well done, ladies.
I can’t wait! They don’t Normally think alike so I’m here to enjoy the ride! My girl slumflower😍
To learn a new skill is hard but to unlearn a lifetime of people(men) pleasing is UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!
Literally in my notes “men don’t deserve things because they want to have it” amen
Also Slumflower is Nigerian and this is the culture, so lots of people may not understand
Facts!!
For money anything goes in Nigerian Culture
I loved this so much, can we get a part 2?!!!❤🎉
Some of us are living in a harsh world, so we must grow in a way to protect ourselves.
Everything Slumflower says is pretty much in line with sprinkle sprinkle woman and at first the rhetoric sounds like an attack of some sort but I genuinely do think there is merit in women setting much higher standards for themselves. Love unfortunately doesn’t pay the bills and men have been getting away with the bare minimum for yearsssss. I went on two dates with a guy and both time I financially contributed and he felt it was okay to ask me to help him warm his bed. I said why you never took me on a date. If I’m pulling out my card then it wasn’t a date, it was a meeting. I said I wanted to be spoilt, shopping and travelling as part of that package, never heard from him again 😂😂😂 but it’s okay for me to warm his bed but he couldn’t cough up a trip to Saint Tropez. Ever since I recalibrated my mind on men, I do realise before you even begin to entertain the idea you have to go in to either play or be played. I’d rather be the former than the latter. I feel no ways of ignoring blocking, walking out on a date, saying no thank you. I use to tolerate such bull crap in order to appear agreeable and honestly I just don’t have the energy for that level of politeness anymore. Its not about being a bitch it’s about having standards and women nowadays have really dropped the ball to the point where now sex is somewhat on the table from date 1 🤯🤯🤯 with zero effort 🙃🙃🙃
Welp it won’t be me.
@@psat21 This is my exact energy. I learnt the hard way.
Sounds like you really know how to pick em😂😂. You’ll most likely lose in the end. That game has been tried with the prettiest of the pretty and most of them lose. Gl tho
I'm not for gatekeeping sex if I'd like to have it, and sex isn't a currency that's devalued when we print too much 😂BUT I feel you. The type of man you described feels entitled to your body, time, vulnerability, yet couldn't communicate, "Apologies, this doesn't work for me. Good day.". It's literally SO EASY to treat someone like a human being!! That's how you know he's out of pocket.
this was an incredibly confusing listen & not very convincing to me
slumflower has an illusion of herself of being this tough boss babe & at the same time is dependent on a man providing for her & buying her property & a lifestyle or paying for her hmrc tax bill
that’s not a grown woman, that’s childlike behaviour
& at the same time “subjugating” white men through dom play, but whoever pays, plays the tune, so the power dynamic isn’t as in her favour as she claims
fetishisation, sexualisation & objectification aren’t the same thing, & just because it’s being done doesn’t make it right - also very childlike thinking
i hear a lot of control, fear of rejection & abandonment issues & i felt a lot of compassion for her younger self when she spoke about 19 yo chidere which she didn’t show that part of herself which still resides in her & that was concerning
more of us definitely need to be more strategic in how we play the game of love & protect ourselves better - i’m not entirely certain her approach is the healthiest way to go about it though
but to each their own - i’m personally just not buying her strategy of black women achieving greater self love & self protection being sold here & i don’t have to
i’m also curious to know if she’s a dom to black men & her thoughts on that experience
someone in the comments alluded to daddy issues, which most of us with insecure attachments (she mentions struggling with anxious attachment) all have - i see her trying to resolve this, i’m just not convinced her approach, ironically enough, is the most self loving way to go about it
just my two cents - i pray healing for all of us including myself! 😭
Did you even watch the video?
No one's trying to convince you to do anything. It's your life.
You can be a boss babe & still be taken care of by YOUR man..Who told you, you can only have one?
She said her preference was black men but she goes where she's honored..
Work on your listening skills Lauryn.
Best comment here👍🏿
@@SA-su7kq You need to think this through. Who wants a woman who relies on a man for everything? A man wants a woman with a “wife-material” mindset, as well as a business mindset-someone who earns her own money and is self-sufficient. Relying on a man for everything is like relying on your dad; it gives him control over you because he provides everything, like food and shelter. What kind of life is that? That’s the life of a child, someone who hasn’t developed an adult mentality yet. So, SA-SU, think carefully before you start talking.
@@SA-su7kqshe was promoting white men only on insta don’t chat
The way Chidera speaks is absolutely lovely and sophisticated. u know what?whatever u say is law and I declare your slave.Queen!
This conversation came at the right time for me 🧡
1:03:58 - “I don’t want to be in a situation where a man feels comfortable to talk outside of his neck to me!” 🔥
Bring it!!!!
In other words.. If he’s passing London Bridge Station. The flowers can accompany a better gift 😂😂😂😂FUNNY!!
I love this in its entirety y’all have to link up again 🫶🏽✨
Loved this! love us fire signs the energy! the conversation🔥🔥
What a lovely conversation. Queen Slum came and did her thing and I loved their back and forth.
This episode 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🔥🔥 thank yoouuu
This is the mentality of Caribbean women vs west African/ arab/ Russian women. Caribbean women are used to men being the prize and not expected to provide. Its why a lot of Caribbean millennial women on social media get so upset when they see other women expecting/ demanding more.
It's true, I'm Jamaican but my mentality is more like African, Russian and Arab women that's why all of my friends are from those demographics😂. I don't bother even sharing my dating life with my family because they always give pick me advice
Not this Caribbean woman! No ma'am. But even though I learnt the hard way, I've taught my daughter better.
@@Coco-uk9tvaww😭 wish you never went through that💕🫶🏾 but we live and learn!
I'm from a West Indian family and none of us were raised to view men as the prize. I am also married and a child of married parents 🤷🏾♀️
@@psychologistinthemaking6541 but is that common? It's not really about an individual, their point is more collective, so obviously there would be outliers. That's the theory anyways. But would be interesting to hear from you, is that common? And what were you specifically taught that was different/shown that was different example-wise (like the women in your family for example)🤔
Once God saved me, all this scheming and plotting stopped. It's peaceful over here 😇
Amen
Exactly!
Amen to this comment
is it really peaceful to be letting a man mooch off of you girl….when he’s more advantaged in society
She’s saying exactly what she wants & I see nothing wrong.
Social media is doing a number on you women because all you’re doing is bringing baggage to a relationship
@@ChicagoBullrc Hi. What baggage??
it’s not sex work because you can’t walk up to your wife and say I’ll pay you 20 bucks to have sex with me😂😂
@@MrsBalfour2U if you agree with slumflower definitely have baggage from your past relationships
@@ChicagoBullrc Expecting a man you are in a relationship with to be a provider, means you have baggage?? 🤣
Why does she keep using examples of nonsense men to justify her nonsense ways.
She’s just as nonsensical as the men she complains about, let’s have it right.
Makes sense but still I feel like some men really need this type of treatment 😅
Unclear to herself what she wants…😅
She needs to heal from her trauma from men instead of advertising her mental issues
She’s a disgusting, gas lighting misandrist who is only here to create chaos and confusion. A bitter women who acts like everything bad that’s happened to her came from men. Misandrist need to be called out more … absolute losers, the lot of them
Some men are a bit weird and just need to be dealt with.😂
Slumflower is actually very male centred and money-centred. If every answer you give starts with “well men don’t / do…” you are male centred in an unhealthy way.
I really wish ZeZe shared more about the merits of her perspective, as a fellow balanced babe. I see where Slumflower is coming from but disagree with so much of what she says because I have a totally different experience of the world and totally different examples of womanhood and morality that are working for me and have worked for my women elders.
ZeZe did a great job of listening, but it would have been great for her to actually stand on her views and talk about why they’ve worked for her (even if they have downsides). No one can completely avoid pain or getting hurt in this world, and men can be trash. The world is unjustly skewed in their favour. But there are also a lot of good guys in the world. More than that, I’d rather not compromise myself because I’m worried about playing a zero sum game.
That’s why I feel like rather than spending your time trying to learn how to play this very convoluted game as women, build a strong sense of self, an unshakeable moral compass and integrity, and BUILD YOUR BAG. Love deeply, but have sense, be mindful (and yes, strategic), but also learn to get comfortable with the idea that ending up along is better than ending up with the wrong guy. It’s 2024. The fact that you can build personal wealth and community, and access things like fertility treatments should mean that you don’t have to play these mind games. It should make you more at ease in the dating world. It should mean you have more time than your mothers to be discerning. It should mean you’re not so desperate or jaded or cynical.
I really do hear what youre saying, and I think her words get taken out of context if you arent familiar with her work. Shes said multiple times in other podcasts and whatnot that she is 100% okay ending up alone, she has a fulfilling life outside of men, and only when she DOES choose to date, she expects it to be a mutually beneficial experience. Especially in a world where almost every woman has been abused in some way by men, where femicide exists, where men feel entitled to womens bodys and sexualizing them and oppressing us. Im glad that you have had good experiences dating/womanhood (genuine comment, not sarcastic) AND that is not the reality for a lot of women. Her work centers on helping women who have conditioned themselves to believe they do not deserve the things they want from dating men, they dont deserve respect and genuine love without expectation for sex, and UNTIL you receive what you want (whatever that means to you), you do not owe a man anything.
@@aminazebra you women are such cringebags.
The topic is about men. What is she supposed to say?
Cringe
Love this interview 🙌🏿
Absolutely love these two women 🔥
I enjoyed EVERY second of this podcast! ❤❤❤❤😂😂😂BRILLIANT WORK LADIES
slumflower fan since 2021 ish, her podcast is one of a few that helped me in my healing journey as a woman in a patriarchal world.
Zeze has an anxious attachment style.
Zeze is looking amazing😍😍😍😍, proper here for it!
Loved this conversation! 🔥👏🏼❤️
This Podcast was so Good! I understood where she was coming from with this conversation.😊
So interesting. Looooved this. I think ta Chiddi actually gets off so much from teasing and that's why she can stay so consistent. Maybe she even likes more teasing than actually having sex.
And for Zeze was so interesting when she tried to explain the difference between prostitution and marriage and actually was describing a prostitution where you serve so much more than just sex and therefore should receive so much more. Ir actually sounded so much like a big prostitution ahahha.
Also in that moment thought it was ignorant to think that prostitution is only a sexual/pleasure transaction without a relationship, where I have watched interviews of Doms and subs and they've been working together for years and have actually developed such an interesting/profound relationship
Another reflection I had was when Zeze said that the thought was what mattered and was nice. I thought well, the bar is low, because if someone its going to make dinner for you and just gives you bread, you would be disappointed, the same with bad/chesp flowers or anything really, if its not considering your taste and putting effort, is it really enough that it was done or do we want it well done?
“Diverse workforce” 😅 The hand movement as if it is her universe & live in it!!
Haha. What she said about her mom & the meat shop is hilarious 😅
“I DEFINITELY DJ!” CHIDI- WE ARE OBSESSED WITH YOU !!!! 😂😂
1:27:04 Girl! I did that one time…. I ALMOST DIED!!*Kat William voice* 10/10
I can't with "the dark part of the documentary" when referring to successful women in popular culture. I had to laugh... SO TRUE.
I Slumflower! Her podcast is so good!
I really enjoyed this chat. So many interesting topics brought up.
This was a great watch! 😅
Personally,
I think both ladies are more healed as opposed to traumatised, they just know what they want and refuse to be doormats in a society that prefers some women to be quiet little doormats. No, please!
this is like when MLK and X met up and realized they were really on the same side...with much more in common than once thought. We love to see it.
but in this case. these two gave no value lol
@@femiolotu6482 to you.
Great conversation ladies ❤💪🏾 loved this!
"ITS THE THOUGHT"
"What are you thinking?!"
CHIDDY 😂😂😂😂
Going to sign up to this lady Sumflowers socials 👏
I need to watch this once a week!
love slum flowee/chidera she's such a conversationalist !
Anyone else get secretly excited when they get a like from zezeeee 😂❤🎉 such a sweetie and soooo likable
I love this for BOTH of yous because I RESPECT the he'll outta both of yous even when I don't agree with your opinions 💚💚💚
Zee zee's closed armed body language the whole way through was rather telling. Sis, listen to what she's saying and learn something priceless.
I think she is listening. She's probably in shock as she would never do half of what the other lady would do 😂But, I understand the closed off body language
I have no idea why the algorithm recommended this to me. It’s bizarre and the comments are severely problematic. Concerning yourself over someone’s choices how they navigate things for themselves…. It’s giving triggered projection. Casting insults and declaring yourself better is wild. Very ugly behaviour.
There’s millions of men on this planet. The ones she’s hyper focused on are the only ones she thinks exist.(all men) she’s literally creating her own reality based on what she’s expectant of whilst being blind to the other literal 100000s of men who are actually genuinely genuine
Lmao yall are naive, the same men responsible for 99% of SA, murder, CSA and femicide? And the "nice" ones exploit your domestic labour and stress you out such that women disproportionately suffer with autoimmune issues?
Facts, she seemingly entertains poor quality men if her opinion of them is so low.
Go and find those 100,000s and present them to us😩
What ?
@Izzybalogun dey play
According to a 2011 survey, 50% of men said they would leave a partner who gained weight, compared to 20% of women. This suggests that men are more likely to consider a woman's weight when evaluating a relationship.
A 2009 study found that women with cancer were six times more likely to be divorced or separated than men with cancer. The divorce rate was 21% for women and 3% for men
Multiple sclerosis
A study found that women were more likely to be abandoned by their partners than men with multiple sclerosis
How often do men leave their wives when they get sick?
More than one in five men leave their wives if they are diagnosed with a serious illness.22 Feb 2024
And the majority of women would leave a man if they found a millionaire. Just saying
@@justiceforthe3972 and what’s the likelihood of a woman meeting a millionaire??? cancer is on the rise, as well as thyroid disorders . A woman black women has more chance dealing with an illness then meet a millionaire. More reality and less delusions please. Just saying
Such a powerful combo, this + madame joyce would b a HIT episode❤
I love Slumflower ❤
Slumflower lady is so hardened and expresses from dark experiences with men. Shes got alot to unpack within herself and this is so sad, so many women like this end up lonely and bitter. She articulates like she has it all figured out but inside is a little girl seeking approval. Would like to know what her relationship with her father is (was) like. Your life cant be based around comparing to and be-littling men.
ZeZe is so much composed, softer and ladylike. The two contrasts are very interesting to see. Great content!
She’s hurting inside this narrative she creates is comical only exists in her mind
I can almost guarantee you if she got desperate she could pick up any man. Allow her to educate women; different perspectives and opinions are okay!
@@Maxine-s2wI don’t see anything she’s doing or saying as “education” more like fear mongering, victimisation and trauma dumping … she just sounds smart because of a few quotables and her ability to articulate. She’s still bat shit crazy
@@miccheck6478 she literally is a best selling author and speaks at Oxford University. You literally are haters 😂
ZeZe may look and sound more ladylike compared to her guest but she sucks to the base 🍆best believe and she swings both ways too. Nothing wrong with these proclivities, I'm just saying.
I love Slumflower , I have both of her books 😍
Love the set so pretty with the blue and white 🩵
Justifying bad behaviour because of the bad behaviour of others just means you are excusing your own bad behaviour. The projection here is unreal. This woman is not mentally mature.
She's most definitely mentally mature and intelligent. Having standards is not "bad behaviour".
She skipped right over 42:48 😂 Men do not operate on “she will be beautiful later” 😆
Zeze: you are tough
Chidera: so are you
Zeze: NO
Zeze yes you are tough😂❤
Normally women dont want to be tough, better go and drink some milk.. they both tough around women haaha
Doesn't she care about her safety meeting all these freaky men. I get what she's saying, but she's glamorising prostitution. Nothing glamorous about selling yourself. Stand your ground when dating, yes, but women also need to draw the line at selling themselves.
We need another episode!!
The people who disagree with you the most or the people who you seemingly clash with more, are surprisingly actually your people.. Is something I got from this interview.
Imagine listening to someone like this 😂😂😂😂
4:39 ZEZE, THE HAIR.! GIVE DEETS EXPEDITIOUSLY 😊😊😊
adaptability key i hear it she playing the game and seeing things for what they are but at what point do we dismantle a shitty system and start pushing for inner work and compatibility seeking . Holding all parties to a higher standard rather than shitting in the pool ourselves
We don't, this is real life.
LOVE IT!!!! 💯
24:00 sooo true…. Amy Winehouse was a perfect example of that 😢
And Whitney Houston and many more!
1:15:16 in al the periods of abstinence I have lived, it was never intentional. It happened. But it happened ultimately because my soul wants to know Itself deeply and that requires periods of solitude. And it builds the capacity not to fall into the attraction lust trap. It’s a trap because it does more harm than good. When you can walk away I believe you have more choices. When it controls you, you won’t ever have choice.
3:30 THE SLUMFLOWER’S LAUGH IS VERY SIGNATURE - ITS GIVING IRREPLACEABLE AND LEGENDARY STATUS 🎉 4:24
5:20 @THESLUMFLOWERPOD HAT 🔥🔥🔥
I loveeee Chidera ❤️🥰 shes amazing.
Chidiiiii you look amazing as always ❤❤