Hamza, got some advice for you. I'm 9 years into a relationship, been with the girl since i was 15 so.. You gotta focus on yourself and she has to do the same, only this balance works, nothin else. If she is too clingy or has no hobbies of her own, you will find her unatractive and get into bad habits of your own. Same goes flipped upside down. Balcance and once again balance, find the girl that can manage by herself just fine, but you being together just works and adds to the positive experience
One thing I try to do to avoid falling off my self improvement when I get into new relationships, cause that's a problem I've had to deal with a lot before, is making that clear as a part of my identity really early on. With my newest relationship, some of the first dates we went on were hikes. When we'd talk, I'd occasionally tell her about my goals. The first night I slept over at her place, we stayed up and all, but I told her I'd be waking up and heading out to the gym at 5 AM regardless. In my experience, communicating all that and setting those expectations, even when I really, really didn't feel like it and didn't want to, would give me something to hold myself to. She'd like that I'm working on my goals, and she'd like that my self improvement is such a large part of who I am. That, in turn, encourages me to actually keep to my word, even when all I want to do is order out and cuddle with her, because that's nice and all, but having your girl compliment you on your discipline and really feeling like a man with her is a whole 'nother level. We've been together for a few months now, and I actually feel even more motivated to stay on the self improvement path when I think of her, because when she puts her head on my chest and compliments me on my discipline or I can pick her up when we make out and she says it turns her on how strong I am, I just feel golden.
“The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.”
Massive respect for owning your mistakes in your past relationships. It’s been a pleasure watching you grow as a person. The ultimate delayed gratification.
The key to balancing self improvement and relationships is just that.... balance. 1. Accept that in the early stages of the relationship, your self improvement will be a lower priority. Don't panic. It's temporary...1 month at the most. This is the point where you are getting to know this person and see if they value the things that you do. Eventually you'll bring up the fact that you are into this lifestyle and she'll support you ....or she won't. You want the former. 2. Plan out your dates ahead of time. Now that you've established that you are into self improvement and that she supports you. Find a clean way to schedule "dates" into your life. Plan your dates to be on your cheat day for example. If one of you is staying the night, establish that you're not going to be sleeping in etc. Sometimes you may go out 'spontaneously", but plan in advance. Pack a meal prep beforehand. At this point she knows you take your health and diet seriously and will understand. TLDR. Let your partner know the parts of your life that are important to YOU and make sure she's on board. If not, move on.
Regarding not getting “comfortable” in relationships and losing yourself: *love is a “with” not a “for”.* Two people who love each other hold hands and face the world together, not turn away from the world and face each other. If a person is taking you away from the world, you aren’t compatible. A “perfect” relationship is one in which you both *enhance* each other’s worth and goals. That’s loving another person for who they truly are at their best. Relational “adaptation” and “compromise” are mostly bullshit lies to keep unhappy marriages together and society pushing forward (just like learning to accept your shitty job is necessary to keep people working them). Anyone can change themselves in the name of love, which is the heart of toxic relationships. Love loves real humans in who they are; romance loves preconceived dreams and tries to force human beings into them.
I’d say in regards to breaking through that complacency, a few things. 1) plan everything. You make the plans, you pay, you support. It keeps the right frame. 2) being apart of a high caliber group of people like through a club or professional or military association or fraternity like the masons or worship group helps a ton just in regards to having some you time and reminds you to be the best you can be 3) doing fit/active/healthy things together and saving the late night fried feast and movies for special occasions 4) asleep early, up early. No way around it. If she’s sleeping, just quietly slip out. Bonus points if you cook her a healthy breakfast and leave it before getting to work. It has a bunch of benefits like being endearing when you’re sleeping and she’s watching TV or reading and being super attractive and admirable when she wakes up and you’re gone doing your thing but still showing you care.
I’m in a relationship right now, have been for just over 2 years, living together for 1 year. I am the same as you in that I let my self improvement slip in relationships, and this relationship is one I wasn’t willing to let go of but I still have goals, so I had to figure it out. I’ve found that it’s a long process of slow change. For me, step 1 was that I had to overcome trust issues and realize that even though I’m not spending every moment with her, that doesn’t mean she’s gonna go find that attention elsewhere. I found it works the opposite, she’s more excited to hang out with me when I do give her that attention. When we moved in I made sure it was a 2 bedroom place so I had my own space, and I stick to a very rigid schedule. At the beginning of the relationship I did fall off my routine and put on 50lbs of fat which I’m now in the process of losing, but that also made me find a new reason for keeping myself fit and striving for more. That reason used to be to get girls, the new reason is to be the best that this girl could imagine. It’s a mindset change, and it’s definitely slow and internal. Tough, but worth it
I was with a girl that was really really strict with her routine, back then I was not really into a routine at all. I would go to bed whenever i wanted (usually really late) I would not workout, id eat whatever and for a long time I thought our relationship was cool and it was all fine until the last few months. Looking back I remember things like her buying me a calendar, trying to urge me to read more books, suggesting that we cook new meals and that I try veganism. years later I am basically her, im the one with the strict routine, if annoys me to a point where people are exactly like I was , especially when it comes to planning stuff to do. And personally I think the only real solution to this is to make it clear from the start that you are a very strict routine person, because if they cant respect it then it wont work.. But you have to also ask yourself can you respect that they arent...? There has to be a balance of interests I think, not in terms of what you do, but just how you live life. The same way you would look for traits you prefer in a partner, also look for traits that potentially can crash and burn together.
So your lifestyle basically transformed, after being in a relationship because of her? but it contradicts with the red flag Hamza said, don't fcous on trying to change the person in relationship
@@CestTriggerFilmsUnorro She didnt really change me, it was 2 years after I became the more routine person. She had a tremendous amount of red flags, she wasnt a saint. The routine of things was one of the positive things about her that she tried to push, but she tried to push alot of negative aswell. The point I was trying to make was more , that even if that relationship was extremely toxic and horrible in hindsight, I can also take away alot of positive things from it thinking back, to improve and learn individually, but also for future relationships.
I’ve been in my current relationship for over a year and what I’ve realized is that you can do both while not letting your goals behind. Since the start of the month I’ve been reorganizing everything in my routine etc in order to still stick to my habits even when I’m with her. We see each other on weekends almost every week but i didn’t change much in my routine and habits, I still wake up and go to bed roughly at the same time, then I carry on with my main daily habits while still making a bit more room in my day to enjoy my time with her. For example, I use the 5 days of the week to focus 100% on my training (BJJ), and I’m planning to start weightlifting this month (also during those 5 days) so I can get some quality rest while I’m with her. A very important factor is communication, she knows how much all this is important to me because we communicate a lot, which made this process easier and it also improved our relationship. You don’t have to give up on what makes you happy and great, learn how to be more flexible without letting yourself slip out and see how much you can do to create an harmony between the time spent alone and with your partner Much love Louis
Bro holy shit, my name is Louis as well, and I also train 5 days a week at BJJ and I do weightlifting, and this is the extract thing I’ve done in my relationship. This is kinda crazy. Small world I guess
10:36 I’ve never been in a long term relationship, but I’ve done a lot of philosophy, and I think I have something to say. Incorporate your goals into the relationship. It’ll probably make things a bit easier.
I am in a relationship. And yes in my last relationship a couple years ago I was a clingy little bitch and lost SO much progress especially on my body. Today I'm in great shape, focused on my goals, while also being in a healthy relationship. 1. Pick the right girl. One that understands your self improvement, goals, and beliefs. 2. Accept she won't always be the best for your goals and you need to be a man and take action by yourself at times. 3. Don't be afraid to take time AWAY from her. This is good for your goals and mental health but also good for her attraction towards you when she sees your attention is hard to earn.
I’ve noticed with me and a lot of men our past trumas heavily reflect on our relationship I think self-reflection is needed we us to improve this which I’m glad I’m see that
Traumas and Attachment Styles too that’s the one I’m researching most right now. Even if you healed your unhealthy attachment style if you’re in relationship with someone of the opposite style it will eventually bring it out in you. Always be able to see the bigger picture and let go of anything that’s unhealthy.
I had this problem for years. Especially when I went to university after high school. For me the solution was separate schedules. Making sure that the girl DEFINITELY has her own life OUTSIDE of the relationship. I pushed her to go be with friends, to try new things without me. It ended up building immense trust between us. For myself then it was just about training the muscle of respecting the relationship when the girl wasn’t around. If I was at the gym, holding myself accountable before I answered the dreaded, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Because from the outside in nobody ever saw me with her. But I knew I was with her. As far as staying consistent with my goals it was about putting myself in a mental headspace that when me and my girl got back home at the end of the day, I had something positive to tell her about my it. What gains I made, what knowledge I accrued. What skills I worked on. Then it was like having another person working on them with me as far as critiquing my work ethic. What could’ve have been done better etc. Hope this helps somebody.
For the mistake #4, I used to do this a lot, and I finally came to the conclusion that it also depends on the girl. The one I'm now with for example is making me study so hard, like I've never studied so hard ever before. Same thing with her, we both push each other to do better everyday.
I dont know why...I can relate to u in every mistake. I am a jeffrey.......but am going to be the best adonis ever!!! Thanks a lot hamza. I started improving before your videos...but didnt know the right path. You are showing me and millions of guys the right path. YOU WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL MAN> So am I. Thank you
Keep on top of your health/ fitness when in a relationship • Cook meals together instead of going out for food • Train first before meeting, or hang out on rest days •Active dates like hiking, swimming Work •extra hours on days you dont see her to front load progress for the week Thoughts?
I've never fell off self-improvement when entering a relationship, and I think the reason is that I'm doing the self-improvement, say gym, business etc. for my own gain & future. I think that's the biggest thing I'd recommend anyone struggling with sticking to self-improvement once in a relationship, keep doing it for yourself, realize the freedom it gives you in this world, don't do it just for her nor to get her.
Thankfully, i got lucky to have the best girl. She supports me on my self improvement journey. For the last 6 months, I have been slipping with my self improvement. Today, She told me that I was not being the man that I wanted to be. She was telling me that she should not hold me back because she would feel sad for me. Now, I learned my lesson. Thankfully, she is supportive. I am a clingy person by the way, where I want to spend all my time with her.
My answer to the question of balancing your routines and relationships: find a girl that pushes you to be better. Maybe, someone that's really supportive of your self-improvement journey or someone that WANTS to self-improve WITH you. People should not only be compatible with each other, but also make each other BETTER
I remember in my last serious relationship I had bad oneitis. She even gave me the opportunity to try to end it. There was a period of 2 weeks where we would see each other where she strongly hinted we should break up but I kept hanging on, talking to someone who is already moved on. No more oneitis. Take care of yourself and you will live in abundance.
Honestly the only thing that works for me as far as getting too distracted/comfortable in a relationship is just finding a girl who reminds me of my goals and my accomplishments. Like you mention all the time, a relationship should add to your growth rather than feed off of it
Okay so I’ve been on both sides so in the beginning I was solely more focused on my goals and not giving my girl actual attention I always built her mind by complimenting her and actual caring when we did spend time I just spent more time doing other things that didn’t bring actual value most of the time. After switching and being more present I started to lack in goals I learned that in a relation ship having the same goals is the ultimate thing that helps but honestly you have to promote your girl to have her own goals and vice versa this helps you be okay with sacrificing more time with eachother and value unf the time spent together more and makes you see more value in eachother it’s like going away for a period of time building yourself and then coming back and being able to show your partner your growth new experiences or knowledge this increases the relationship value but in turn makes the sacrifices more interesting because in return the reward is better. That’s my take anyways. But have your own goals and promote your partner to achieve theirs
10:30 I recently got into a relationship and found myself slightly changing and I'm unable to focus 100% on goals as usual I found the best way is to spend a couple minutes listening to music and then get back to your goals, whenever you get distracted and want to text ,call or see her (remember this comes from a place of neediness which is unattractive) Limit yourself to a certain amount of time a day to her, don't be too rigid tho, the distance creates attraction. I found this strategy to work best so far
When you were mentioning self improvement and then how you do that in a relationship, I think balance. Balance is what you need for everyday life if you want to achieve what you want. Balance what is the most important things for self improvement and stick with that no matter if you're in a relationship or not. That is the things that attracted a girl in the first place. You will have to sacrifice things when you come into a relationship, that is just how it works. And you cannot do everything right when just on self improvement itself, you are not going to do every little thing that will upgrade your life. So when you get into a relationship, spend time with that girl and treat her well, but don't let that come above your core values and goals. The things you NEED to do in order to self improve. What is it that is more important at the end of the day, that will make your life better, and in the long run or short term. You may meet the 'love of your life' but she likes you for who you are, and if you stop doing the things that make you the person you are, then the attraction will fade. Just someone voicing their opinion. Hamza would love to hear your opinion on this.
If you want to be in a relationship with her and want to keep your self improvement goals, you gotta let her know and see if you can respect those goals that you have and maybe she will hop in a path transforms her to better person making both the guy and the girl improve from eachother and their selfs
How to get in a relationship and not get comfortable: Hamza. I have never commented on a video of yours. I’m 27. Older than most of you guys but I have experience. I watched personal development content for years to no avail. My life was in shambles even before I graduated high school. I have had 4 girlfriend since I was 18 and have only been single for about 1 year collectively in my adult life. I love hard, but I fall harder. I love to a point where my woman consumes my thoughts, feelings & emotions, I am in sales and I would find myself thinking about our future life together or the next time I could see here when I had money to be made sitting right in front of me. This worsened my procrastination, I had always been depressed but that turned into worse thoughts. Anxiety riddled me. I chewed my nails to the cuticle. I was chasing hedonistic tendencies💊🍁. self medicating. Swiping mindlessly. I even had a child with a lesbian who broke my heart😂💔 (I love being a dad) She saw how I pretty much instantly took my foot off the gas when we had first tried to have a relationship regardless of her sexuality (weird situation ik) but in that trial she taught me how to TRICK MYSELF. A valuable tool. Positive brainwashing. For my natty partial simps out there… listen. Let’s say you wake up next to the girl you’re in love with or together with. That moment every morning is a silent test from her. Roll out of bed (girls will say “nooo come back🥺. The best things to say is, I’ll be right back I have work to do.) she will be attracted to this promise. Take a leak or whatever you gotta Do. And then just walk... Walk for just 3 minutes even. No phone, Just walk. Let the sun touch your skin. Hell, bring your phone but you can only listen to Hamza😂 now this is the most important step: Talk to yourself. Talk to that little Jeffery inside your skull and tell him how today is going to go. Tell him how grateful you are for your woman and how attracted she will be towards you because of your discipline and hard work. It’s critical to not skip the 1st step in the morning routine even if that’s all you do. After that if you go back to lay in bed with your girl for a bit, fine. Because you set the intention for the day by yourself, for yourself. I have correlated the relationships that failed with me skipping this important step in the morning routine. The first step. No matter how tired, how cozy you are. Alarm or not. Do it. 5 min a day for potentially 50 years with the love of your life. “If you don’t sacrifice for what you love. What you love becomes the sacrifice.” I have never come across anyone who I have felt more directly similar to than bathrobe man. I started watching his content early this year. I can say I am transforming and I can’t wait to show you my video on how you and your community and changed my life. I am dialed. I don’t have it all figured out. Not here to preach. I just know that I TOTALLY give up naturally in relationships and it’s the biggest thing I need to fix. It’s a war every day against your inner Jeffery. I feel a lot of love and I have read the comments at my lowest points, and my highest. I’m speaking to you all and you men are life changers🗣️👊
Remeber be always the man your woman was attracted to in the FIRST PLACE. So extrem wichtig Leute!! Don‘t get comfortable and keep improving, but be authentic. So many men try to be someone they simply ain‘t... Starkes Video! Grüße aus Österreich!
In terms of keeping up with goals when you get into a new relationship, you need to be with someone who values your goals just as much (or maybe even more) than you do. My girlfriend goes to the gym and drags me with her, she makes sure I study (we are in university), makes sure I eat properly and sleep, and so on. I do the same for her. We want to reach our goals together.
For those who read this. The first mistake hit hard for me. I dated a girl for 11months. She was my everything and I truly thought that I loved her. However I was so obsessed with her because she was my first girlfriend, I inadvertently pushed away all of my friends just to spend more time with her. When we broke up I quickly realized that I had nobody. I worked hard to earn the trust and respect back from my peers. I made a vow to never do that again and I am eternally grateful for the love that my peers had shown me. I now am on a greater path and I couldn’t be more proud and confident for the man that I am soon to become!
I've been one of those people that tend to make my world revolve around my partner, did it twice in the past actually. I guess the biggest difference between my past and my current one would be that she understands that I have goals and other responsibilities to attend to aside from her. So it's easier to balance things out when she's supporting me and reminding me of my goals from time-to-time, especially when I tend to falter in my discipline at times when I spend time with her.
Definitely can relate to sacrificing my own goals/habits for girls I’m in relationships with. Feels like their energy and habits rub off on me. I feel like it comes from me maybe not being as on my shit as I thought I was? Like still having some dependency on the relationship/girl? Ive been in self dev stuff for 3 years now, but that core shit is hard to shake in relationships.
to mistake Nr 4 - just focus on your goals, but take the time to forget about it while you are with your girl - communicate the time when you are 100% there for the relationship. If it's about eating too much while you are together or spending nonsense money, just look for a girl that respects your plan or even better a girl that is disciplined like you. The best girl i could get is doing sport, has hobbies and works, she has her own world like me and we are literally "together" on the weekends, but then we are aware of it or truly together. Perfect fine and very balanced and harmonic. I love her so much for being on earth
It's all about healthy, clear communication. I'm the type to get too comfortable, and when I realized that I sat down with my girl and told her about my goals and how much i wanted to achieve them, and i wanted to find a way to make it work with our relationship- at first she didn't really understand and thought i wanted to spend less time with her, but after planning our schedules and stuff we found a nice balance. later, after seeing what it had changed for me she also got on the dopamine detox thing and we're now both improving ourselves and each other. I wouldn't say i 'started' our self-improvement but i did bring it up. she made us both quit weed and binge eating, i made us both get off social media and she even got a flip phone :D I think the key in all this is partnership, we're not just bf/gf- we're comrades, brothers in arms, we're each other's mirror. This isn't even any 'soulmate' type doodoo, you have to communicate your goals to eachother find a way to support them. Work on your communication skills asap as this will improve your life in every way.
This is good, thank you I realised I was seeing my girlfriend too much and getting too comfortable and instead of just gradually seeing her less to remain mysterious I just told her, I wanted to spend more time by myself and my friends. And I thought I did it wrong, but this reassures me, instead of just pretending I’m busy to not speak to her and keep her wanting me I’m actually going to be busy and she will know it and she will miss me
Don’t make the mistake of throwing away an actual great relationship because of your hubris. I broke up with a girl who had no major flaws, was unquestionably loyal (so rare in both men and women), very honest, not into the degenerate scene, and stunning. I was extremely arrogant and felt like I could do better because I got into a much better college and I was way too comfortable. Ever new girl I met didn’t compare. They were either into the party scene too much, had overinflated egos (ironic lol), weren’t polite, or their personality didn’t interest me. There was always something missing and I realized I threw away something I may never get again. I will admit I got extremely lucky and she took me back. This experience helped me realize how not to get too comfortable in my relationship. So I kept doing self improvement and working to better the relationship as to not get comfortable again. Side note: going to the gym is definitely easier when you’re single. The external motivation is so much more prevalent. In a relationship, self improvement requires a lot of intrinsic motivation
i was the same type of woman to my ex but he recently left me saying being single is what he needs right now for his goals. i was never a burden to him, always loved and supported his goals so i’m not sure why he doesn't want me anymore
How I stay Disciplined and Motivated is thinking and visualising who I was when she first met me the, good habits I was doing, the way I carry myself etc, I love my girl to bits she's genuinely made me a better guy today Im only 18 but my life journey up to here made me mature asf, I think it's good to just see yourself as a whole and then the relationship as a whole and think of your value in the relationship as a person cus we are men and the point of self-improving is to get to our highest value point in the world and in the people we love
relate to this so hard, after the third relationship I had ended I'm seeing these reflections more and need to grow and self improve from these mistakes!
I've struggled with my self improvement in a relationship before, and so for this new one I've gotten into , I've kinda of told her about my goals my purpose and the things that I have to do , and she's been super understanding and supportive of this, even waking up together with me , keeping me on track , those sorts of things. So I would say the best is to to talk it out and see if she listens , if she doesn't you still have to do it anyway , but that means that you have to sort of force it in . And if she really loves you then she will accommodate that
why i value your channel over other self improvement channels is because you can admit your flaws/problems. You act cocky in certain fields but you also reveal and get vulnerable in some parts. I think that's why I feel some type of friendship through watching these vids, because we get to know you from different angles
The main reason I workout and am into self improvement is due to the release of them happy chemicals. It makes me extremely happy and proud to see me succeed every day being better than the last one. Once I get in a relationship however, the person becomes what produces them happy chemicals in my brain. I had a really bad case of Onesie and stopped exercising altogether for a while, which made me feel even more shit. My greatest advice would be to not stop your goals, maybe try and include that person into them. If you are into fitness try and get a partner that is into fitness, if you are into watching certain kind of movies, get someone that watches the same movies. That way not only do you keep releasing happy chemicals, now you release even more! But that’s only my advice and don’t really have that much of experience (am only 19)
Hey Hamza, pretty small chance that you are gonna read this at all but my way for being on the track of self improvement whilst being in a relationship is kinda simple but I dont know if its even healthy to think that way I was in a relationship being guilty of the first mistake you called out in your video but that drive made me improve myself, focus on my studies and made me drop 25 kg and becoming a gym rat. This was because I wanted to be the very best version of myself, I didn't want to give her the possibility to take the time to admire other good looking dudes and with that drive I signed up to the gym and wanted to become the most perfect version of myself that I can be, so I dont have the possibility to blame it on myself later if she left. Unfortunately we broke up a couple months ago and of course I grieved but I never lost my track of becoming the best version myself in that time. Hope this might help you, anyways keep it up king Edit: Im in a relationship again now but the thing I found out is the same you preach all the time, If you really like that girl and dont want to lose her, you have to really focus on yourself and drive yourself to do it because nothing is more unattractive than doing nothing all the time or slacking on your morals and ethics, the girl I found now respects my gym habits and loves me for it, even though she teases me a bit with tracking my calories and macros, she still supports me and cooks healthy foods for example trying everything to support me on my journey on becoming the best me.
Life is always about sacrifice The struggle for balance is real, wether you spend time on yourself or with the girl. I think we should see the once in a lifetime opportunity to have a fantastic moment with this unique person as we grow with that and as we make memories that are priceless. After those dates you can go back and tell the girl that you are bussy. You dont have to see each other every day 24/7
i am simping for my girl alot, but it doesn't hinder my goals nor my progress. she also wants me to succeed gives me space and she is clingy and I love it, but she is never in the way if I'm having plans with friends or family. Even we are going out to party with friends we don''t want to be the clingy cringe couple and spend time with the people there and have fun until we head home alone. She isn't my everything but she is truly important and a important part of my world I wanna introduce to her even more and so does she. we both have goals in life and dreams which requires long distance for some time, but the trust between us is stronger than any person I've been with so Im not stressing at all. actually I'm just having fun and glad shes having fun and so is she, cause i would never waste a night of "fun" for a high quality woman who encourages my progress
Thank you Hamza I needed this video. I have oneitis and I want to let go of it. I feel like I am slowly I’m leveling up from your videos and learning everyday
It’s more of a self talk, I’ve also found it useful to let her know as well that my goals are first and she’s welcome to come along on the uprising of successful man if not she’s also allowed to leave. To this day my best relationship was with the girl that I let her know from the jump how I want and continue to do things for me.
OMG this particular description of Jeffery is exactly like my friend that I cut off recently. I am now experiencing the happiest period of my life and on self improvement. Thanks for the content, hamza
Before my last relationship I started something like a phase of self improvement (only concentrating on studies and going to the gym) but then I got into it and I got comfortable and started skipping the gym, not studying, staying up late. After the breakup tho I concentrated even more on self improvement and I promised myself that I will never let anyone else in my life be more important than my self improvement even if I have to get rid of that person.
Hell yeah. I’m doing well, just started a new book called solitude by Anthony Storr. So far really loving the book, it perfect for what I need to be reading at this point in my life. So far it talks about the importance of being long and being comfortable while being alone. Also how some of the most creative work ever produced was done being alone. It also ties in the relation between mother and child. I’m only chapter 3, but reading it has brought some clarity about my childhood
For me and my girlfriend, we always talk about our goals and we discuss how we're going to meet them. I'm in the military, and doing a masters degree, she has a part time job and is doing her undergrad. We prioritise being the best versions of each other, we sacrifice certain comforts with each other in order to meet our goals. Investing in each other, encouraging one another, and checking up on each other is all very important!
I really needed this. I'm going through my first breakup rn and in attempts of fixing it, i made it worse. Still going through my Oneitis lmao, it suck, but this really helped.
I'm really happy there is a lot of alternative men's help stuff from you and Cole. I recommend everyone stay away from the red pill. Some advice is sound but trust me it can also ruin your relationships with a good girl..and that's what happened to me also
Hamza you're awesome fam, keep up the great content. I loved this video and it spoke to me personally, I def struggle with that balance and I most certainly can't go back to the blue pill. Nobody ever really talks about how to be present and trust and have a good time with girls when you know female nature and your focus is mainly self-improvement bc your betamale simp life put you behind in life lol. It's like being a recovered alcoholic and trying to learn how to be a social and casual drinker.
i mean as a teen i can't say much i have been watching hamza for 2 months and I'm so happy even tho i have been in only one release sip i can't find balance in self improvement and your girl its hard.
The thing I've found for not getting comfortable is to realign that competitive mindset, not for you or her or the guys coming into her view everyday. But for your future self it's the self love that makes you a better loving and compassionate man. By being kind to yourself you will naturally be kinder to the people closest to you and vice versa. So you have to frame it that you are going to care enough about your future self that you are able to care for those around you which in turn sets your future self to be exponentially happier.
The sparkling in his eyes when he talks about the girl is so adorable and its not "not manly" My girlfriend keeps telling me I have them too and Im proud
i noticed that in myself, being comfortable in a relationship is pretty hard to stop you are literally in a position where you like someone but see so much potential in your own journey
I've been with my woman Aless for the last 8 months, and I've gone through a few cycles where I have been far more goal oriented then to far more relationship oriented and vice versa. Me and her have been chatting as of recent about even having a family eventually, when circumstances permit, sooner or later. I wholly relate to what you were discussing in the video, saying that it's hard to balance the two. One piece of advice that my older friend Justin gave to me when I first got into this relationship was to be kind and generous with my affection to her, very much so parroting what you were saying Hamza. However, that can get to the point where it takes up far too much time during the day, so much so that it becomes wholly unreasonable. However, one thing that i have found that has worked for me is the practice of full day retreats when they are needed. What I mean by this is the practice of long periods of the day fasting, meditation on your goals, the reading of literatures as well as journaling. I find that this serves as a reset kind of day and it gets me reoriented and makes my goals and work far more clear, making their path easier to walk on.
This is the best video about relationships that you've made. A lot of the time when you make those videos you seem confused and torn between the red pill way of getting bitches and the way you want a relationship. In this one i feel like you finally found what you want in a relationship and i hope you get it man. You really helped me even though i'm already 26. I always felt like i was stuck being a teenager forever. I've never been in a relationship before because that way i won't have to change much in my life. Some of your videos helped me grow as a man and take more responsibility. Of course there are days sometimes even weeks where i don't do much because i've lived this way for such a long time. I always work out though. But i'm finally seeing results and changes that i always wanted. I don't always agree with you but you always try to be honest and i respect that. I might just be some nobody but thank you man.
Related to this one hard, Hamza. Especially the part about wishing you could just give a girl a day where you offer them the love they deserved in a relationship. I'm friends with my ex again now but I truly wish I could just give her that love. Pains my heart when I think about how cold I was with her. I'm happy to see you changing and realising these things. Onwards and upwards!
I've been on self improvement for a while and it made a decent effect on my life. Recently I discovered this channel and it added oil to fire. Seriously! Uncomfortable situations became comfortable because I could not stand siting in my home not facing any challenges.
Thank you Hamza as this video give us the wisdom to improve and avoid the mistakes you have made. Always grateful for helping us bois grow without too much pain and hardship.
With what you were talking about at 11:00 I usually remind myself that achieving those goals will make me a better person in the relationship and that it will really only take a inch to make a mile in the relationship (metaphorically speaking)
It's insane how much I relate to this,specially the controlling thing. You just think that you are doing the right thing by helping her and sharing your 'wisdom' but as long as she does not see it as you see it, she will just get annoyed by you trying to force your vision on her.
“Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall
gain easily what others have
labored hard for” - Socrates
Legit
That's Hamza's entire channel's point, only videos instead of writings.
IMO thats correct to some degree but some things you have to experience for your self
sick quote
“Beware of unearned wisdom” - Carl Jung
Hamza, got some advice for you.
I'm 9 years into a relationship, been with the girl since i was 15 so..
You gotta focus on yourself and she has to do the same, only this balance works, nothin else.
If she is too clingy or has no hobbies of her own, you will find her unatractive and get into bad habits of your own.
Same goes flipped upside down.
Balcance and once again balance, find the girl that can manage by herself just fine, but you being together just works and adds to the positive experience
w comment
Underrated comment. I agree, @Hamza pin this!
Welp, i fucked up this one lmao
9 years since 15 that's anime plot right there lmao
Jokes aside I hope you're enjoying life and especially your relationship
Cool but you can't force other people to better themselves, so idk what your advice was.
One thing I try to do to avoid falling off my self improvement when I get into new relationships, cause that's a problem I've had to deal with a lot before, is making that clear as a part of my identity really early on. With my newest relationship, some of the first dates we went on were hikes. When we'd talk, I'd occasionally tell her about my goals. The first night I slept over at her place, we stayed up and all, but I told her I'd be waking up and heading out to the gym at 5 AM regardless. In my experience, communicating all that and setting those expectations, even when I really, really didn't feel like it and didn't want to, would give me something to hold myself to. She'd like that I'm working on my goals, and she'd like that my self improvement is such a large part of who I am. That, in turn, encourages me to actually keep to my word, even when all I want to do is order out and cuddle with her, because that's nice and all, but having your girl compliment you on your discipline and really feeling like a man with her is a whole 'nother level. We've been together for a few months now, and I actually feel even more motivated to stay on the self improvement path when I think of her, because when she puts her head on my chest and compliments me on my discipline or I can pick her up when we make out and she says it turns her on how strong I am, I just feel golden.
Living the dream
This is the answer I was looking for. Very nicely articulated.
Amazing. Communication is key. Can you outline your self-improvement journey?
Great tip! Stay winning bro, hopefully she’s the one
Adonis Detected
“The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.”
And to keep on the street even when a big truck may hit you off it.
Massive respect for owning your mistakes in your past relationships. It’s been a pleasure watching you grow as a person. The ultimate delayed gratification.
fuck yeah
agreed, don't get it twisted tho. Hamza is very much like the other "PUA RP" content creators.
@@snowfrosty1 what does PUA RP mean?
@@bartomiejszyszka6965 pick up artist red pill. Not sure I agree with that comment though.
The key to balancing self improvement and relationships is just that.... balance.
1. Accept that in the early stages of the relationship, your self improvement will be a lower priority. Don't panic. It's temporary...1 month at the most. This is the point where you are getting to know this person and see if they value the things that you do. Eventually you'll bring up the fact that you are into this lifestyle and she'll support you ....or she won't. You want the former.
2. Plan out your dates ahead of time. Now that you've established that you are into self improvement and that she supports you. Find a clean way to schedule "dates" into your life. Plan your dates to be on your cheat day for example. If one of you is staying the night, establish that you're not going to be sleeping in etc.
Sometimes you may go out 'spontaneously", but plan in advance. Pack a meal prep beforehand. At this point she knows you take your health and diet seriously and will understand.
TLDR. Let your partner know the parts of your life that are important to YOU and make sure she's on board. If not, move on.
Experience speaking here
Regarding not getting “comfortable” in relationships and losing yourself: *love is a “with” not a “for”.* Two people who love each other hold hands and face the world together, not turn away from the world and face each other. If a person is taking you away from the world, you aren’t compatible. A “perfect” relationship is one in which you both *enhance* each other’s worth and goals. That’s loving another person for who they truly are at their best. Relational “adaptation” and “compromise” are mostly bullshit lies to keep unhappy marriages together and society pushing forward (just like learning to accept your shitty job is necessary to keep people working them). Anyone can change themselves in the name of love, which is the heart of toxic relationships. Love loves real humans in who they are; romance loves preconceived dreams and tries to force human beings into them.
Love is a noun?
You’re 100% right.
Damn that was kinda fire
I’d say in regards to breaking through that complacency, a few things.
1) plan everything. You make the plans, you pay, you support. It keeps the right frame.
2) being apart of a high caliber group of people like through a club or professional or military association or fraternity like the masons or worship group helps a ton just in regards to having some you time and reminds you to be the best you can be
3) doing fit/active/healthy things together and saving the late night fried feast and movies for special occasions
4) asleep early, up early. No way around it. If she’s sleeping, just quietly slip out. Bonus points if you cook her a healthy breakfast and leave it before getting to work. It has a bunch of benefits like being endearing when you’re sleeping and she’s watching TV or reading and being super attractive and admirable when she wakes up and you’re gone doing your thing but still showing you care.
You know its a good day when Hamza uploads a 12 minute video
dude you will love the "hamza unfiltered" channel if you don't know it already.
@@DeeptalkDosis Dw bro watched it all 🤩
I’m in a relationship right now, have been for just over 2 years, living together for 1 year. I am the same as you in that I let my self improvement slip in relationships, and this relationship is one I wasn’t willing to let go of but I still have goals, so I had to figure it out. I’ve found that it’s a long process of slow change. For me, step 1 was that I had to overcome trust issues and realize that even though I’m not spending every moment with her, that doesn’t mean she’s gonna go find that attention elsewhere. I found it works the opposite, she’s more excited to hang out with me when I do give her that attention. When we moved in I made sure it was a 2 bedroom place so I had my own space, and I stick to a very rigid schedule. At the beginning of the relationship I did fall off my routine and put on 50lbs of fat which I’m now in the process of losing, but that also made me find a new reason for keeping myself fit and striving for more. That reason used to be to get girls, the new reason is to be the best that this girl could imagine. It’s a mindset change, and it’s definitely slow and internal. Tough, but worth it
I was with a girl that was really really strict with her routine, back then I was not really into a routine at all. I would go to bed whenever i wanted (usually really late) I would not workout, id eat whatever and for a long time I thought our relationship was cool and it was all fine until the last few months. Looking back I remember things like her buying me a calendar, trying to urge me to read more books, suggesting that we cook new meals and that I try veganism.
years later I am basically her, im the one with the strict routine, if annoys me to a point where people are exactly like I was , especially when it comes to planning stuff to do.
And personally I think the only real solution to this is to make it clear from the start that you are a very strict routine person, because if they cant respect it then it wont work.. But you have to also ask yourself can you respect that they arent...? There has to be a balance of interests I think, not in terms of what you do, but just how you live life.
The same way you would look for traits you prefer in a partner, also look for traits that potentially can crash and burn together.
w comment
So your lifestyle basically transformed, after being in a relationship because of her? but it contradicts with the red flag Hamza said, don't fcous on trying to change the person in relationship
@@CestTriggerFilmsUnorro She didnt really change me, it was 2 years after I became the more routine person. She had a tremendous amount of red flags, she wasnt a saint. The routine of things was one of the positive things about her that she tried to push, but she tried to push alot of negative aswell.
The point I was trying to make was more , that even if that relationship was extremely toxic and horrible in hindsight, I can also take away alot of positive things from it thinking back, to improve and learn individually, but also for future relationships.
W
@@CestTriggerFilmsUnorro you must be a young lad
I’ve been in my current relationship for over a year and what I’ve realized is that you can do both while not letting your goals behind.
Since the start of the month I’ve been reorganizing everything in my routine etc in order to still stick to my habits even when I’m with her.
We see each other on weekends almost every week but i didn’t change much in my routine and habits, I still wake up and go to bed roughly at the same time, then I carry on with my main daily habits while still making a bit more room in my day to enjoy my time with her.
For example, I use the 5 days of the week to focus 100% on my training (BJJ), and I’m planning to start weightlifting this month (also during those 5 days) so I can get some quality rest while I’m with her.
A very important factor is communication, she knows how much all this is important to me because we communicate a lot, which made this process easier and it also improved our relationship.
You don’t have to give up on what makes you happy and great, learn how to be more flexible without letting yourself slip out and see how much you can do to create an harmony between the time spent alone and with your partner
Much love
Louis
Bro holy shit, my name is Louis as well, and I also train 5 days a week at BJJ and I do weightlifting, and this is the extract thing I’ve done in my relationship. This is kinda crazy. Small world I guess
@@philswift7015 that’s crazy Phil 😳
10:36
I’ve never been in a long term relationship, but I’ve done a lot of philosophy, and I think I have something to say. Incorporate your goals into the relationship. It’ll probably make things a bit easier.
“We do not remember days, we remember moments.”
I am in a relationship. And yes in my last relationship a couple years ago I was a clingy little bitch and lost SO much progress especially on my body. Today I'm in great shape, focused on my goals, while also being in a healthy relationship. 1. Pick the right girl. One that understands your self improvement, goals, and beliefs.
2. Accept she won't always be the best for your goals and you need to be a man and take action by yourself at times.
3. Don't be afraid to take time AWAY from her. This is good for your goals and mental health but also good for her attraction towards you when she sees your attention is hard to earn.
I’ve noticed with me and a lot of men our past trumas heavily reflect on our relationship I think self-reflection is needed we us to improve this which I’m glad I’m see that
Traumas and Attachment Styles too that’s the one I’m researching most right now. Even if you healed your unhealthy attachment style if you’re in relationship with someone of the opposite style it will eventually bring it out in you. Always be able to see the bigger picture and let go of anything that’s unhealthy.
I had this problem for years. Especially when I went to university after high school. For me the solution was separate schedules. Making sure that the girl DEFINITELY has her own life OUTSIDE of the relationship. I pushed her to go be with friends, to try new things without me. It ended up building immense trust between us. For myself then it was just about training the muscle of respecting the relationship when the girl wasn’t around. If I was at the gym, holding myself accountable before I answered the dreaded, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Because from the outside in nobody ever saw me with her. But I knew I was with her.
As far as staying consistent with my goals it was about putting myself in a mental headspace that when me and my girl got back home at the end of the day, I had something positive to tell her about my it. What gains I made, what knowledge I accrued. What skills I worked on. Then it was like having another person working on them with me as far as critiquing my work ethic. What could’ve have been done better etc.
Hope this helps somebody.
1)Oneidis
2)cold and distant
3)too controlling
4)ignoring red flag
5)slipping your self improvement goals
Bless up
For the mistake #4, I used to do this a lot, and I finally came to the conclusion that it also depends on the girl. The one I'm now with for example is making me study so hard, like I've never studied so hard ever before. Same thing with her, we both push each other to do better everyday.
The unscripted part was honestly really heartwarming, brother. I am happy you got to express it to us.
I dont know why...I can relate to u in every mistake. I am a jeffrey.......but am going to be the best adonis ever!!! Thanks a lot hamza. I started improving before your videos...but didnt know the right path. You are showing me and millions of guys the right path. YOU WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL MAN> So am I. Thank you
Keep on top of your health/ fitness when in a relationship
• Cook meals together instead of going out for food
• Train first before meeting, or hang out on rest days
•Active dates like hiking, swimming
Work
•extra hours on days you dont see her to front load progress for the week
Thoughts?
Word. Although working extra hours doesn't come along with health often
This video was SOOOO relatable. Literally every relationship you’ve had I’ve had 😭😭 now I don’t feel like a total screw up! Thanks 🙏🏾
I've never fell off self-improvement when entering a relationship, and I think the reason is that I'm doing the self-improvement, say gym, business etc. for my own gain & future. I think that's the biggest thing I'd recommend anyone struggling with sticking to self-improvement once in a relationship, keep doing it for yourself, realize the freedom it gives you in this world, don't do it just for her nor to get her.
Thankfully, i got lucky to have the best girl. She supports me on my self improvement journey. For the last 6 months, I have been slipping with my self improvement. Today, She told me that I was not being the man that I wanted to be. She was telling me that she should not hold me back because she would feel sad for me. Now, I learned my lesson. Thankfully, she is supportive. I am a clingy person by the way, where I want to spend all my time with her.
My answer to the question of balancing your routines and relationships: find a girl that pushes you to be better. Maybe, someone that's really supportive of your self-improvement journey or someone that WANTS to self-improve WITH you. People should not only be compatible with each other, but also make each other BETTER
I remember in my last serious relationship I had bad oneitis. She even gave me the opportunity to try to end it. There was a period of 2 weeks where we would see each other where she strongly hinted we should break up but I kept hanging on, talking to someone who is already moved on.
No more oneitis. Take care of yourself and you will live in abundance.
Honestly the only thing that works for me as far as getting too distracted/comfortable in a relationship is just finding a girl who reminds me of my goals and my accomplishments. Like you mention all the time, a relationship should add to your growth rather than feed off of it
Okay so I’ve been on both sides so in the beginning I was solely more focused on my goals and not giving my girl actual attention I always built her mind by complimenting her and actual caring when we did spend time I just spent more time doing other things that didn’t bring actual value most of the time. After switching and being more present I started to lack in goals I learned that in a relation ship having the same goals is the ultimate thing that helps but honestly you have to promote your girl to have her own goals and vice versa this helps you be okay with sacrificing more time with eachother and value unf the time spent together more and makes you see more value in eachother it’s like going away for a period of time building yourself and then coming back and being able to show your partner your growth new experiences or knowledge this increases the relationship value but in turn makes the sacrifices more interesting because in return the reward is better. That’s my take anyways. But have your own goals and promote your partner to achieve theirs
10:30 I recently got into a relationship and found myself slightly changing and I'm unable to focus 100% on goals as usual
I found the best way is to spend a couple minutes listening to music and then get back to your goals, whenever you get distracted and want to text ,call or see her (remember this comes from a place of neediness which is unattractive)
Limit yourself to a certain amount of time a day to her, don't be too rigid tho, the distance creates attraction. I found this strategy to work best so far
At 7:57 is the thing that I needed to hear the most right now. Thank you man !
When you were mentioning self improvement and then how you do that in a relationship, I think balance. Balance is what you need for everyday life if you want to achieve what you want. Balance what is the most important things for self improvement and stick with that no matter if you're in a relationship or not. That is the things that attracted a girl in the first place. You will have to sacrifice things when you come into a relationship, that is just how it works. And you cannot do everything right when just on self improvement itself, you are not going to do every little thing that will upgrade your life. So when you get into a relationship, spend time with that girl and treat her well, but don't let that come above your core values and goals. The things you NEED to do in order to self improve. What is it that is more important at the end of the day, that will make your life better, and in the long run or short term. You may meet the 'love of your life' but she likes you for who you are, and if you stop doing the things that make you the person you are, then the attraction will fade. Just someone voicing their opinion. Hamza would love to hear your opinion on this.
If you want to be in a relationship with her and want to keep your self improvement goals, you gotta let her know and see if you can respect those goals that you have and maybe she will hop in a path transforms her to better person making both the guy and the girl improve from eachother and their selfs
How to get in a relationship and not get comfortable: Hamza. I have never commented on a video of yours. I’m 27. Older than most of you guys but I have experience. I watched personal development content for years to no avail. My life was in shambles even before I graduated high school. I have had 4 girlfriend since I was 18 and have only been single for about 1 year collectively in my adult life.
I love hard, but I fall harder. I love to a point where my woman consumes my thoughts, feelings & emotions, I am in sales and I would find myself thinking about our future life together or the next time I could see here when I had money to be made sitting right in front of me. This worsened my procrastination, I had always been depressed but that turned into worse thoughts. Anxiety riddled me. I chewed my nails to the cuticle.
I was chasing hedonistic tendencies💊🍁. self medicating. Swiping mindlessly. I even had a child with a lesbian who broke my heart😂💔 (I love being a dad)
She saw how I pretty much instantly took my foot off the gas when we had first tried to have a relationship regardless of her sexuality (weird situation ik) but in that trial she taught me how to TRICK MYSELF.
A valuable tool. Positive brainwashing.
For my natty partial simps out there… listen.
Let’s say you wake up next to the girl you’re in love with or together with. That moment every morning is a silent test from her.
Roll out of bed (girls will say “nooo come back🥺. The best things to say is, I’ll be right back I have work to do.) she will be attracted to this promise.
Take a leak or whatever you gotta Do. And then just walk... Walk for just 3 minutes even. No phone, Just walk. Let the sun touch your skin. Hell, bring your phone but you can only listen to Hamza😂
now this is the most important step: Talk to yourself.
Talk to that little Jeffery inside your skull and tell him how today is going to go. Tell him how grateful you are for your woman and how attracted she will be towards you because of your discipline and hard work.
It’s critical to not skip the 1st step in the morning routine even if that’s all you do.
After that if you go back to lay in bed with your girl for a bit, fine. Because you set the intention for the day by yourself, for yourself.
I have correlated the relationships that failed with me skipping this important step in the morning routine. The first step.
No matter how tired, how cozy you are. Alarm or not. Do it. 5 min a day for potentially 50 years with the love of your life.
“If you don’t sacrifice for what you love. What you love becomes the sacrifice.”
I have never come across anyone who I have felt more directly similar to than bathrobe man. I started watching his content early this year. I can say I am transforming and I can’t wait to show you my video on how you and your community and changed my life. I am dialed.
I don’t have it all figured out. Not here to preach. I just know that I TOTALLY give up naturally in relationships and it’s the biggest thing I need to fix. It’s a war every day against your inner Jeffery. I feel a lot of love and I have read the comments at my lowest points, and my highest. I’m speaking to you all and you men are life changers🗣️👊
Fuck yeah 🔥
Remeber be always the man your woman was attracted to in the FIRST PLACE.
So extrem wichtig Leute!!
Don‘t get comfortable and keep improving, but be authentic. So many men try to be someone they simply ain‘t...
Starkes Video! Grüße aus Österreich!
👌🏻
In terms of keeping up with goals when you get into a new relationship, you need to be with someone who values your goals just as much (or maybe even more) than you do. My girlfriend goes to the gym and drags me with her, she makes sure I study (we are in university), makes sure I eat properly and sleep, and so on. I do the same for her. We want to reach our goals together.
adonis detected
adonis detected
For those who read this. The first mistake hit hard for me. I dated a girl for 11months. She was my everything and I truly thought that I loved her. However I was so obsessed with her because she was my first girlfriend, I inadvertently pushed away all of my friends just to spend more time with her. When we broke up I quickly realized that I had nobody. I worked hard to earn the trust and respect back from my peers. I made a vow to never do that again and I am eternally grateful for the love that my peers had shown me. I now am on a greater path and I couldn’t be more proud and confident for the man that I am soon to become!
10:41 If they accept your rules/frame and want to be a part of your life. If you have the same priorities. And don't live together.
I've been one of those people that tend to make my world revolve around my partner, did it twice in the past actually. I guess the biggest difference between my past and my current one would be that she understands that I have goals and other responsibilities to attend to aside from her. So it's easier to balance things out when she's supporting me and reminding me of my goals from time-to-time, especially when I tend to falter in my discipline at times when I spend time with her.
Definitely can relate to sacrificing my own goals/habits for girls I’m in relationships with. Feels like their energy and habits rub off on me. I feel like it comes from me maybe not being as on my shit as I thought I was? Like still having some dependency on the relationship/girl? Ive been in self dev stuff for 3 years now, but that core shit is hard to shake in relationships.
to mistake Nr 4 - just focus on your goals, but take the time to forget about it while you are with your girl - communicate the time when you are 100% there for the relationship. If it's about eating too much while you are together or spending nonsense money, just look for a girl that respects your plan or even better a girl that is disciplined like you. The best girl i could get is doing sport, has hobbies and works, she has her own world like me and we are literally "together" on the weekends, but then we are aware of it or truly together. Perfect fine and very balanced and harmonic. I love her so much for being on earth
that first one on oneitis really hits hard. i watched this in jan 2022 before i was in a serious relationship. such a great video
She even levelled up your RuneScape character for you.
That’s something man.
It's all about healthy, clear communication.
I'm the type to get too comfortable, and when I realized that I sat down with my girl and told her about my goals and how much i wanted to achieve them, and i wanted to find a way to make it work with our relationship-
at first she didn't really understand and thought i wanted to spend less time with her, but after planning our schedules and stuff we found a nice balance. later, after seeing what it had changed for me she also got on the dopamine detox thing and we're now both improving ourselves and each other.
I wouldn't say i 'started' our self-improvement but i did bring it up. she made us both quit weed and binge eating, i made us both get off social media and she even got a flip phone :D
I think the key in all this is partnership, we're not just bf/gf- we're comrades, brothers in arms, we're each other's mirror. This isn't even any 'soulmate' type doodoo, you have to communicate your goals to eachother find a way to support them.
Work on your communication skills asap as this will improve your life in every way.
This is good, thank you I realised I was seeing my girlfriend too much and getting too comfortable and instead of just gradually seeing her less to remain mysterious I just told her, I wanted to spend more time by myself and my friends. And I thought I did it wrong, but this reassures me, instead of just pretending I’m busy to not speak to her and keep her wanting me I’m actually going to be busy and she will know it and she will miss me
Don’t make the mistake of throwing away an actual great relationship because of your hubris. I broke up with a girl who had no major flaws, was unquestionably loyal (so rare in both men and women), very honest, not into the degenerate scene, and stunning. I was extremely arrogant and felt like I could do better because I got into a much better college and I was way too comfortable. Ever new girl I met didn’t compare. They were either into the party scene too much, had overinflated egos (ironic lol), weren’t polite, or their personality didn’t interest me. There was always something missing and I realized I threw away something I may never get again.
I will admit I got extremely lucky and she took me back. This experience helped me realize how not to get too comfortable in my relationship. So I kept doing self improvement and working to better the relationship as to not get comfortable again.
Side note: going to the gym is definitely easier when you’re single. The external motivation is so much more prevalent. In a relationship, self improvement requires a lot of intrinsic motivation
Damn, I know we were just talking about oneitis and whatnot but don't fuck this up again. She seems like one hell of a girl.
@@reformedzoomer thanks Obama I will try not to
Don't fuck this again dude. Girls like this must be protected and loved. Wish for you guys happiness, stay on your grind
i was the same type of woman to my ex but he recently left me saying being single is what he needs right now for his goals. i was never a burden to him, always loved and supported his goals so i’m not sure why he doesn't want me anymore
Such a good high quality video
How I stay Disciplined and Motivated is thinking and visualising who I was when she first met me the, good habits I was doing, the way I carry myself etc, I love my girl to bits she's genuinely made me a better guy today Im only 18 but my life journey up to here made me mature asf, I think it's good to just see yourself as a whole and then the relationship as a whole and think of your value in the relationship as a person cus we are men and the point of self-improving is to get to our highest value point in the world and in the people we love
relate to this so hard, after the third relationship I had ended I'm seeing these reflections more and need to grow and self improve from these mistakes!
5:50 *such feels, many sadness*
Dude the second mistake is soo relatable, glad I realised that. Hope you and her get back together
I've struggled with my self improvement in a relationship before, and so for this new one I've gotten into , I've kinda of told her about my goals my purpose and the things that I have to do , and she's been super understanding and supportive of this, even waking up together with me , keeping me on track , those sorts of things. So I would say the best is to to talk it out and see if she listens , if she doesn't you still have to do it anyway , but that means that you have to sort of force it in . And if she really loves you then she will accommodate that
why i value your channel over other self improvement channels is because you can admit your flaws/problems. You act cocky in certain fields but you also reveal and get vulnerable in some parts. I think that's why I feel some type of friendship through watching these vids, because we get to know you from different angles
Hamzas advice is the best advice ive come across on youtube, no red pill bullshit nor black pill just brotherly advice.
6:14 i respect it poor you
0:32 you will not get away with this hamza. I cannot believe that im gonna have to personally get involved you let him go immediately!
Love bro, you give real advice to people
Tell the girl about ur goals, have her help u with it, keep u on track when ur with her. She is there for u
The main reason I workout and am into self improvement is due to the release of them happy chemicals. It makes me extremely happy and proud to see me succeed every day being better than the last one.
Once I get in a relationship however, the person becomes what produces them happy chemicals in my brain. I had a really bad case of Onesie and stopped exercising altogether for a while, which made me feel even more shit.
My greatest advice would be to not stop your goals, maybe try and include that person into them. If you are into fitness try and get a partner that is into fitness, if you are into watching certain kind of movies, get someone that watches the same movies. That way not only do you keep releasing happy chemicals, now you release even more!
But that’s only my advice and don’t really have that much of experience (am only 19)
Hey Hamza, pretty small chance that you are gonna read this at all but my way for being on the track of self improvement whilst being in a relationship is kinda simple but I dont know if its even healthy to think that way
I was in a relationship being guilty of the first mistake you called out in your video but that drive made me improve myself, focus on my studies and made me drop 25 kg and becoming a gym rat. This was because I wanted to be the very best version of myself, I didn't want to give her the possibility to take the time to admire other good looking dudes and with that drive I signed up to the gym and wanted to become the most perfect version of myself that I can be, so I dont have the possibility to blame it on myself later if she left. Unfortunately we broke up a couple months ago and of course I grieved but I never lost my track of becoming the best version myself in that time.
Hope this might help you, anyways keep it up king
Edit: Im in a relationship again now but the thing I found out is the same you preach all the time, If you really like that girl and dont want to lose her, you have to really focus on yourself and drive yourself to do it because nothing is more unattractive than doing nothing all the time or slacking on your morals and ethics, the girl I found now respects my gym habits and loves me for it, even though she teases me a bit with tracking my calories and macros, she still supports me and cooks healthy foods for example trying everything to support me on my journey on becoming the best me.
5:18 I know that feeling, it's painful but the growth is incredible
I just love how you say Adoniiiiiis. it never gets old.
bro u gotta make a wall paper of that quote "put in the hard work especially when u dont feel like it",
hits me everytime bro
Life is always about sacrifice
The struggle for balance is real, wether you spend time on yourself or with the girl. I think we should see the once in a lifetime opportunity to have a fantastic moment with this unique person as we grow with that and as we make memories that are priceless. After those dates you can go back and tell the girl that you are bussy. You dont have to see each other every day 24/7
I have missed you man
reason why I am subscribed to Hamza because he's saying his experiences, mistakes, victories. It is truly inspiring to listen to someone like you
i am simping for my girl alot, but it doesn't hinder my goals nor my progress. she also wants me to succeed gives me space and she is clingy and I love it, but she is never in the way if I'm having plans with friends or family. Even we are going out to party with friends we don''t want to be the clingy cringe couple and spend time with the people there and have fun until we head home alone. She isn't my everything but she is truly important and a important part of my world I wanna introduce to her even more and so does she. we both have goals in life and dreams which requires long distance for some time, but the trust between us is stronger than any person I've been with so Im not stressing at all. actually I'm just having fun and glad shes having fun and so is she, cause i would never waste a night of "fun" for a high quality woman who encourages my progress
Boys don't forget the Step 0:
get into a relationship.
I forgor 💀
I forgor also
I forgor 💀
I forgor 💀
I forgor 💀
Thank you Hamza I needed this video. I have oneitis and I want to let go of it. I feel like I am slowly I’m leveling up from your videos and learning everyday
I put myself on a schedule thanks to u man!
It’s more of a self talk, I’ve also found it useful to let her know as well that my goals are first and she’s welcome to come along on the uprising of successful man if not she’s also allowed to leave. To this day my best relationship was with the girl that I let her know from the jump how I want and continue to do things for me.
OMG this particular description of Jeffery is exactly like my friend that I cut off recently. I am now experiencing the happiest period of my life and on self improvement. Thanks for the content, hamza
Before my last relationship I started something like a phase of self improvement (only concentrating on studies and going to the gym) but then I got into it and I got comfortable and started skipping the gym, not studying, staying up late. After the breakup tho I concentrated even more on self improvement and I promised myself that I will never let anyone else in my life be more important than my self improvement even if I have to get rid of that person.
Hamza is the only self development TH-cam who talks about relationships and stuff big up. He really understood important it is
Hell yeah. I’m doing well, just started a new book called solitude by Anthony Storr. So far really loving the book, it perfect for what I need to be reading at this point in my life. So far it talks about the importance of being long and being comfortable while being alone. Also how some of the most creative work ever produced was done being alone. It also ties in the relation between mother and child. I’m only chapter 3, but reading it has brought some clarity about my childhood
For me and my girlfriend, we always talk about our goals and we discuss how we're going to meet them.
I'm in the military, and doing a masters degree, she has a part time job and is doing her undergrad. We prioritise being the best versions of each other, we sacrifice certain comforts with each other in order to meet our goals. Investing in each other, encouraging one another, and checking up on each other is all very important!
I really needed this. I'm going through my first breakup rn and in attempts of fixing it, i made it worse. Still going through my Oneitis lmao, it suck, but this really helped.
I'm really happy there is a lot of alternative men's help stuff from you and Cole. I recommend everyone stay away from the red pill. Some advice is sound but trust me it can also ruin your relationships with a good girl..and that's what happened to me also
What beautiful advice brother. Srsly 🤝
that hoodie looks mad cozy
We all have lost a good woman who really did love us, but that is just part of growing
Love her like she’s irreplaceable but love yourself like she is
Hamza you're awesome fam, keep up the great content. I loved this video and it spoke to me personally, I def struggle with that balance and I most certainly can't go back to the blue pill. Nobody ever really talks about how to be present and trust and have a good time with girls when you know female nature and your focus is mainly self-improvement bc your betamale simp life put you behind in life lol. It's like being a recovered alcoholic and trying to learn how to be a social and casual drinker.
i mean as a teen i can't say much i have been watching hamza for 2 months and I'm so happy even tho i have been in only one release sip i can't find balance in self improvement and your girl its hard.
the way this man describes how his life used to be is like him looking directly into my life.
The thing I've found for not getting comfortable is to realign that competitive mindset, not for you or her or the guys coming into her view everyday. But for your future self it's the self love that makes you a better loving and compassionate man. By being kind to yourself you will naturally be kinder to the people closest to you and vice versa. So you have to frame it that you are going to care enough about your future self that you are able to care for those around you which in turn sets your future self to be exponentially happier.
The sparkling in his eyes when he talks about the girl is so adorable and its not "not manly"
My girlfriend keeps telling me I have them too and Im proud
i noticed that in myself, being comfortable in a relationship is pretty hard to stop you are literally in a position where you like someone but see so much potential in your own journey
The one who truly loves you is the one who makes you better, who support you and make your life easier, and that's how you should love
I've been with my woman Aless for the last 8 months, and I've gone through a few cycles where I have been far more goal oriented then to far more relationship oriented and vice versa. Me and her have been chatting as of recent about even having a family eventually, when circumstances permit, sooner or later. I wholly relate to what you were discussing in the video, saying that it's hard to balance the two. One piece of advice that my older friend Justin gave to me when I first got into this relationship was to be kind and generous with my affection to her, very much so parroting what you were saying Hamza. However, that can get to the point where it takes up far too much time during the day, so much so that it becomes wholly unreasonable. However, one thing that i have found that has worked for me is the practice of full day retreats when they are needed. What I mean by this is the practice of long periods of the day fasting, meditation on your goals, the reading of literatures as well as journaling. I find that this serves as a reset kind of day and it gets me reoriented and makes my goals and work far more clear, making their path easier to walk on.
point 3.1 is a realization for me, Thank you.
This is the best video about relationships that you've made.
A lot of the time when you make those videos you seem confused and torn between the red pill way of getting bitches and the way you want a relationship.
In this one i feel like you finally found what you want in a relationship and i hope you get it man.
You really helped me even though i'm already 26. I always felt like i was stuck being a teenager forever. I've never been in a relationship before because that way i won't have to change much in my life.
Some of your videos helped me grow as a man and take more responsibility.
Of course there are days sometimes even weeks where i don't do much because i've lived this way for such a long time. I always work out though.
But i'm finally seeing results and changes that i always wanted.
I don't always agree with you but you always try to be honest and i respect that.
I might just be some nobody but thank you man.
SUBSTANCE OVER SH!T...if we can't do the work to enjoy ourselves , how can we ever attract relationships and expect them to enjoy us!?
Related to this one hard, Hamza. Especially the part about wishing you could just give a girl a day where you offer them the love they deserved in a relationship. I'm friends with my ex again now but I truly wish I could just give her that love. Pains my heart when I think about how cold I was with her. I'm happy to see you changing and realising these things. Onwards and upwards!
A wise man learns from other's mistakes. Thanks Hamza for sharing your mistakes with us.
The way you integrate the "leveling up" is genius and really works!
Hamza you need to make a video on group friendships in university... Looking for a group of friends you spend most time with
I've been on self improvement for a while and it made a decent effect on my life. Recently I discovered this channel and it added oil to fire. Seriously! Uncomfortable situations became comfortable because I could not stand siting in my home not facing any challenges.
Thank you Hamza as this video give us the wisdom to improve and avoid the mistakes you have made. Always grateful for helping us bois grow without too much pain and hardship.
With what you were talking about at 11:00 I usually remind myself that achieving those goals will make me a better person in the relationship and that it will really only take a inch to make a mile in the relationship (metaphorically speaking)
It's insane how much I relate to this,specially the controlling thing. You just think that you are doing the right thing by helping her and sharing your 'wisdom' but as long as she does not see it as you see it, she will just get annoyed by you trying to force your vision on her.