Everytime my kids and I get along, my spouse tries to divide them from me. We have been married almost 19 years in April, and at 16 when I met him ( he was 19) I new nothing of narcissistic people- I hate that. If I new then what I know now, I would have Never let him gaslight me into coming back when I left him for 3yrs. I left before our first child was born I was 17, and he made up some story prior to our relationship that he was married but it was over. I believed him cause I was still a kid, he was 19. Once he got me, and then got me pregnant, flagged me like a badge of honor and then ghosted me. I had no idea that being an emotional wreck is what he wanted, which is why he fed off the attention of me crying and begging him back. Then something clicked- and I left with my daughter to live with my grandmother in a different city. Once he heard me say no to his advances for the first time the love bombing and begging began. I said " Hell no!" For 3 years. After those 3 yrs I let him back in, biggest mistake of my damn life. All of a sudden he didn't want me hanging out with friends and family, by way of acting sick everytime they invited us or, being anti-social when they came around. He wanted my body to change out of jealousy so, he intentionally impregnated me again, and again when my sec child was only six months old. Then the cheating started, I acted crazy and then we made up, I extended forgiveness, and that lead down a chain of hellish events. He cheated when we where pastoring, and many more times throughout this almost 20 year marriage, acts like a child when I try to leave, gets jealous if I want to exercise or walk to heal my epilepsy- that was also caused by stressing with him. I have lost nursing jobs due to sleep deprivation throughout the years; always wants sex to keep me exhausted, won't let me concentrate on my school work. He will catch an attitude if I talk about wanting to feel better and needing his support. Acts childish everytime I try to stop smoking cigarettes, got made when I stopped smoking Marijuana (cause he cabt use it to control me no more) and even goes as far to start arguments or stress me out right after i come out of a seizure, as if he is trying to kill me. Like he did today. I think he is trying to quietly kill me by using my illness as a tool. Today I made up my mind that his toxic bs ends or we end. 24 yrs is a long time to genuinely love someone who only pretends to genuinely love you back. He even tries to ruin my singing voice by starting arguments that generate screaming and then hoarseness. I 1million percent think I'm married to a narcissist, and I have had it. He must of forgotten how strong I am and how resilient I was when I went no contact the first time I left, I am about to glady remind him. Only this time, I'm intentionally burning the bridge, so he can't walk back over it. Praise God my kids see his toxic bs and me and my kids are close despite his efforts. His mother just past and I was the only there for him cause she was my momma too, he would even get jelious if I was caring for her on her death bed ( I mean dude turned out to be weird during this marriage) but I see know it's because they can't "Not" be jealous jealous of everyone else. Demons show up in the form of people, and I am beyond ready for my life to shift.
I keep having dreams of him cheating, repeat dreams, different women. His mother told me in a dream, that one is using him for money- and strange enough eveytime he gets paid, he is broke before the week is out. No grocery help, housing sully for the family- that's all on me I'm seeing. I want to know what these dreams mean, and why. I have been nothing but kind to this man, but I am learning you can't be kind to demonic spirits on people. I've have learned a lot, and I think it's starting to scare his ego, 16 to 40 is a long time of gaining wisdom and he has me all the way messed up. But the anger is real because I just landed a job at Advent Porter Hospital- now he's worried I'll meet a doctor. This man is ill.
Everytime my kids and I get along, my spouse tries to divide them from me. We have been married almost 19 years in April, and at 16 when I met him ( he was 19) I new nothing of narcissistic people- I hate that. If I new then what I know now, I would have Never let him gaslight me into coming back when I left him for 3yrs. I left before our first child was born I was 17, and he made up some story prior to our relationship that he was married but it was over. I believed him cause I was still a kid, he was 19. Once he got me, and then got me pregnant, flagged me like a badge of honor and then ghosted me. I had no idea that being an emotional wreck is what he wanted, which is why he fed off the attention of me crying and begging him back. Then something clicked- and I left with my daughter to live with my grandmother in a different city. Once he heard me say no to his advances for the first time the love bombing and begging began. I said " Hell no!" For 3 years. After those 3 yrs I let him back in, biggest mistake of my damn life. All of a sudden he didn't want me hanging out with friends and family, by way of acting sick everytime they invited us or, being anti-social when they came around. He wanted my body to change out of jealousy so, he intentionally impregnated me again, and again when my sec child was only six months old. Then the cheating started, I acted crazy and then we made up, I extended forgiveness, and that lead down a chain of hellish events. He cheated when we where pastoring, and many more times throughout this almost 20 year marriage, acts like a child when I try to leave, gets jealous if I want to exercise or walk to heal my epilepsy- that was also caused by stressing with him. I have lost nursing jobs due to sleep deprivation throughout the years; always wants sex to keep me exhausted, won't let me concentrate on my school work. He will catch an attitude if I talk about wanting to feel better and needing his support. Acts childish everytime I try to stop smoking cigarettes, got made when I stopped smoking Marijuana (cause he cabt use it to control me no more) and even goes as far to start arguments or stress me out right after i come out of a seizure, as if he is trying to kill me. Like he did today. I think he is trying to quietly kill me by using my illness as a tool. Today I made up my mind that his toxic bs ends or we end. 24 yrs is a long time to genuinely love someone who only pretends to genuinely love you back. He even tries to ruin my singing voice by starting arguments that generate screaming and then hoarseness. I 1million percent think I'm married to a narcissist, and I have had it. He must of forgotten how strong I am and how resilient I was when I went no contact the first time I left, I am about to glady remind him. Only this time, I'm intentionally burning the bridge, so he can't walk back over it. Praise God my kids see his toxic bs and me and my kids are close despite his efforts. His mother just past and I was the only there for him cause she was my momma too, he would even get jelious if I was caring for her on her death bed ( I mean dude turned out to be weird during this marriage) but I see know it's because they can't "Not" be jealous jealous of everyone else. Demons show up in the form of people, and I am beyond ready for my life to shift.
I keep having dreams of him cheating, repeat dreams, different women. His mother told me in a dream, that one is using him for money- and strange enough eveytime he gets paid, he is broke before the week is out. No grocery help, housing sully for the family- that's all on me I'm seeing. I want to know what these dreams mean, and why. I have been nothing but kind to this man, but I am learning you can't be kind to demonic spirits on people. I've have learned a lot, and I think it's starting to scare his ego, 16 to 40 is a long time of gaining wisdom and he has me all the way messed up. But the anger is real because I just landed a job at Advent Porter Hospital- now he's worried I'll meet a doctor. This man is ill.