Your fear that the narcissist will REPLACE you
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I had a fear of being replaced and ultimately I WAS "REPLACED" and you know what...I'm ok 🙂
Not that large of a loss, right? Not really. Not in the end. Wishing you well.
💯✔✔✔
❤️
Congrats :)
Just found out about my replacement after years of fear around this.
After believing I was irreplaceable in his life, and then seeing how easily not only I was replaced, but he had been seeing other women the whole time he was seeing me and hid me from everyone. Soulmate wasn’t in my vocabulary until he put it there by calling me his. I have a hard time trusting myself now to know anymore what is genuine and what is not. That is where the real devastation is for me. It was so real for me, and it sent me into a tailspin that I really haven’t come out of yet.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Praying for strength to get wisdom and self love
You WILL come out of it--just don't rush into another relationship and ruin what might be the real thing but got sabotaged because of the baggage from the previous toxic relationship.
@@wolfgangk1 yessss I agree with you 💪🏾 🙏🏾time to focus on self
Sweetheart...know that you are Loved and are Beloved.
Same.. I can SO relate to you!! It's been devastating to feel like you cannot even trust YOURSELF! I'm just now seeing that EVERY man ( and several friends) I'm tried to love in a committed relationship has been a Narc... It all stems from my narc Mother. I'm terrified of people and now know that I'm going to have to stay away from people until I heal and get help to break MY codependency and empathic patterns, to stop being a narc magnet and repulse them hopefully!!
it's because we're always afraid they may change for their new person
Yes. We do and do and do and give and give and give and never measure up. Nothing ever makes them happy long enough. To know your replaced by someone who could be your own daughter is heartbreaking. When I think of it my whole body reacts on a similar level to when I found out. Heart races, trembling, sometimes that start of a panicky attack where your hearing goes off wack and you feel a little dizzy. I've yet to read the book but have it on my to do list ...the body keeps the score. How true it is. I have guilt for what mine has gone thru, it makes me sick to think about it, but I can't live like this any longer. The daily misery and brokenness is so hard to bear. 3 decades you give your all, you have your dream, you know things are not right but somehow you keep plugging along and hoping every day. But then you see what you can't unsee (this knowledge of info about npd) and nothing is invisible or excusable any longer. I feel crushed and grief like none other. At times I don't think they even have an emotional bone in their body, except when it's to screw with our minds
So true
Yes! You're so right!
Only they dont 🤭
@@gallevran yeah which is a relief to me xD
At first I was jealous. But by now I'm sure she's being left on read for 6+ hours a day and being told what not to wear, so I dont care anymore.
what to wear, how to do your hair, what to eat, when to eat, when to go to bed, how to sleep in the bed ...
Yep exactly
Your narc sounds like mine
"left on read for 6 hours"? try two months mate... i only WISH he'd answer in 6 hours!!! 😆
I can be replaced. He has already told me , I’m not all that. Replace me ! Sooner the better. I’ll help you pack...
When He left me...I cleaned the car washed and ironed his clothes and wished him well.
@@cymbolichuman433 i helped moved what tiny bit of stuff he had over my place, changed his address, and made sure there was no reason for him to come back over.. when he did come back over to see me, i didn’t answer the door and blocked his calls with a spam filter..
I tried to talk to my ex-narc. I asked him why he was treating me so badly. He told me that I was nothing special. That woke me up, and I told him to get out. I said "we are done". That was the end of my nightmare!
@@FlowerGrl20 I was told to take my kids and get out almost weekly the last years
Amen! Help them pack. At that point you should no longer care.
I was hoping he would find a replacement...and he did....they just got divorced.......
That’s perfect. I mean actually it probably didn’t feel funny to anyone involved but it’s so predictable. At least you’re free.
Dr Ramani you have saved me n constantly help me getting better
same with me.. everytime I get depressed she comes and make me feel good.
Me too.
It’s like she already speaks what my soul tries to express!! She wakes up my subconscious and gets me thinking for the better. So amazing.
I ALMOST spent $69.99 today, to get a Spy app --for his phone.
Then, I caught myself, and said WHY...
Do I REALLY GAF??.... The gaslighting, the cruelty, the (probable) cheating, the fact that he Rarely goes out of his way to spend any quality- time with Me....(unless he's horny).
Why do I care?
I actually Don't.
So "Bye bye bye"..loser-boy
Same here. Was dating a Navy cdr who just ghosted me after I told him I liked him and wrote to him about my feelings for him. It wasn’t what he wanted so he just left. Now I know he was vulnerable narcissist and understand emotionally unavailable. He’s meeting g more people now in a new city. During pandemic I was his stop gap. Terrible behavior. He actually takes care of his family so well. But they can shed you in a heart beat. He was meeting all kinds of new people. Twists your mind these people. So please stop, value yourself. You are okay by yourself. Actually more than okay.
The narcissist in my workplace, the Sr. Director of Info Sys, already has replaced me. The replacement arrives o. 25jan2021. I am so relieved. I already have a new job position waiting on me. I have a brighter, healthier future. I have you to thank Dr. Ramani for teaching me about narcissism and strategies to deal with it... I know that I will be able to heal soon.
@Veegee333 many kindest thanks. As an aside, I did go through all the stuff Dr. Ramani talks about, love bombing, gaslighting, devalue and discard. If I had not started watching her videos, I would have never figured out what was going on.
Congrats on your new job! 🥳
@@justinalee7306 many thanks😃😃😃
Being replaced is usually a good thing, they’re now someone else’s problem. It’s like selling a second hand car to someone with lots of hidden defects that won’t become apparent to the new owner until it’s too late. Take the money and run.
Hahahaha! Great analogy!
Even tho your analogy is funny, there is no selling happening. Its more like someone else steal your bad defective car. You invested a lot in it and could have get at least a little money by selling the car, but u have no car cuz it was stolen from you. So you lost your investment and also lost your hope and possibility to get at least something back. There really cant be talk about selling, grabbing money and run. Its only a loss. No money.
@@DZ-jz8bj True, but some cars are so bad you need to pay someone to take them away and out of your life.
I think replacement anxiety goes deeper than just being replaced. If, for example, you’re in a narcissistic relationship and the narc replaces you, they get to “go off into the sunset” with the new supply (repeating the same dysfunctional patterns, of course), and you are alone to face yourself for what happened.
Most people don’t want to face themselves, but that is the only way to get to the elusive goal of “being authentic.” Being authentic requires a deep dive into one’s strengths and weaknesses-both perceived strengths and weaknesses can lure in narcs and the wrong people. They can also entice the right people-it’s about selection choices, personal boundaries, understanding yourself, and even forgiving oneself and letting go of the narc.
People want to be authentic, but they fear authentic people and the path to authenticity. As someone who has taken the often lonely authentic path, I personally believe people fear if they were truly themselves, they would be rejected-so they reject themselves first in the hopes of gaining others’ approval, setting themselves up for a lifetime of miserable relationships.
Realizing the decision that truly faced me, I took the road less traveled by, and it has made all the difference.
Yea, I can definitely say that it was only when I started to do a deep dive into my issues that I started to realize what fears and weaknesses I had and how they were contributing to my situation. The whole thing really sucks but I am happy that I've at least started that journey and I hope that by facing these fears and working on these issues, it will help me now and also keep me from falling for this type of stuff in the future.
I just took a screen grab of this comment. I love your take on the concurrent desire for and fear of being one’s authentic self as a driving force behind fear of rejection/replacement. Brilliant contribution, and thank you!
@@80islandia I’m sincerely glad I could help 😊
They are also afraid to face the reality of what happened to them because they fear that it will mean something horrible about reality itself. Trauma creates stories for us in our minds, and the most painful part about abuse is that we come to believe those stories. Looking back at the things that happened, it’s important to look very closely at the underlying beliefs that we adopted from those situations and to question them very intently.
@@Fuzballoffur I would agree with that. There is research coming out about something called “moral injury” which is an injury of a person’s conscience and values from a perceived moral transgression. So a soldier in battle or a victim of assault can witness things so incomprehensibly wrong to them which in itself is traumatic. These are tough things to reconcile...you can’t go back to the way things were before, but you have to resolve the trauma somehow if you want to have any semblance of a normal life. People often cope in dysfunctional ways, which is why a good therapist is so important in straightening people’s thought patterns out.
After a life of "I can't live without you," he remarried weeks after our divorce was finalized. I smiled and congratulated them to their faces (he was shocked by this. He had sworn the family to silence so he could enjoy springing this on me in his own time, saying he didn't want me to be "hurt"...yeah, right). I kept all semblance of social niceties, got in my car to drive home, and burst out laughing. What a relief. The replacement grief came later, admittedly, but the initial reaction was RELIEF.
I know this comment was two years ago.. but I’m sorry you had to go through that. How are you now? I’m in the midst of the no contact. And pregnant smh. do you talk to any of his family or have you completely cut ties?
A narc replacing you is a great opportunity especially if you where strong enough to leave them. Now you don't have to be bothered with hoovering and on top of that tremendous growth occurs after leaving a narc relationship. It's like be unlocked and set free.
The horrid thing is when parents used the concept of replacement to hold their kids in line
Yes, I understand that so very well. It is the driving force behind my replacement fears. This sets kids up to go into narcissistically abusive relationships.
Yes, all narcissists do the same crap, they are very predictable when you understand them!
True, the boys next door only 7 and act just there narcissistic dad. The mom is so afraid says he'll change
The golden, scapegoat & invisible child is a form of replacement. If you don't please me or come up to my standard....... you're not my child, you're trash to be thrown aside. Worthless.
@TH-cam Vivo It wasn't an imagined or perceived fear. It was reality. Belonging is part of a person's identity. Take away that & you become a hungry ghost.
Been there many times and it is painful when you valued the other person.
The relief comes only when we understand that users find you of no use to them when you stop being used. It is got nothing to do with you but everything to do with them.
As soon as you disengage and go no contact they don’t bother with you. But if you keep up with replying and engaging... then they will continue forever. That in itself says it all.
Ignore until death.
There is always that fear that we are/were the issue and the narc will live happily ever after with the new supply. Its a long healing process
It's my fear too
But the fact is that they can't live happily with anyone ever.
I just want to say that I learned so much from this channel that even if I don't want to notice narcissistic patterns in peoples behavior it is not possible anymore :) this is really helpful, thank you doctor Ramani, this helps me to choose really quickly the right persons for friendships, relationships, and so on and not to lose time, because lost time is what I regret the most from my past relationship
This is what affected me too "loss of time"... however, everything I've been through has educated me to who I am today.. Wishing you the best in 2021.. ❤
@@sophieh9387 thank you I wish you all the best as well :) yes, you are 100 percent right, it is not only a loss of time but a lesson and it definitely played an important part in sculpting the self I am today. But the brain is a tricky organ, sometimes I forgot this and say to myself that if I had another chance to use my time it will be never for such a person. Better alone and doing the things that I love :) And then I remember that healing is not a linear process. I guess it is ups and downs ups and downs.
So well said.. once you've been taught to see by Dr. Ramani,you can't unsee anymore
He throws that at me too that I need therapy and he doesn’t have to take this from me. That I am broken, damaged and psychologically need help.
That's what my daughters did to me. No therapy no relationship, period. So, they've taken away 6 grandchildren from me and blocked me on all social media.
Therapy is good ...pretty much everyone on Earth needs psychological deep dives. ☺️
@@cathygail9204 Physician heal thyself. Can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. A person has to want to sort their OWN ISSUES first, not everyone else's. There's none so blind as those who cannot see.
They replace way before you even feel the discard… its heartbreaking
Only because of that fear we try to do everything we can to stay with them until we decide to leave
Bingo.
Dr. Ramani, the work you do is so impactful. Your delivery and real life perspective really helps make the information easier to digest. I appreciate you! Thank you!
Yes yes yes. I was only an object to them anyway. The new people don’t yet know that they are only the newest toy.
I used to be so very afraid of being replaced. Then, when I was on my own I would self-care, exercise, diet, getting rid of toxic people, clothes, make-up, enjoying a long bath with a glass of wine, going into town and being me. I'd look and feel good and would attract admirers. Because I had the scars of emotional abuse in my head I was very wary of the signs of Narcissism. I enjoyed the flirting but had the confidence to say NO. What I realised was that I didn't have to feel afraid of my replacement. I was beautiful and decent and kind and living in my own right. This feeling gets better each day, and even though I'm alone this feeling keeps me company, until one day my equal comes along. And until then I will live my life feeling beautiful because I have a good heart. 🍒
In the long run, you should be so lucky to be rid of the narcissist, even though being discarded is a blow to one’s ego/emotions/sense of worth.
Be thankful you got out (in whatever guise that takes), be free in body & mind and do the work to heal.
Wishing Dr. Ramani and all who are watching well this weekend
Thank you, I needed to hear this. 💝
You too. X
Thank you for everything you are doing to educate us about these relationships.
For me... my fear is the new person will waken the good, kind thoughtful man I had glimpses of in the years I had with my partner, will be brought to the front and he will be a changed man. perhaps its failure on my part that I dread. I know I will regret then and think even more than I do now..." what if I had done this? What if i was more of that..." then he was this lovely man all along and I brought out the worst in him!
That held me back for years and kept me there along with my love for him.
Now we have gone our separate ways and I do wonder /worry/torture myself at times the
thought patterns around this.
But one thing I need to remember is how my body has felt or been since leaving. The stress of the relationship was taking its toll on my health and now half of that has disappeared.
So, surely if a relationship is good then my body wouldn't be in such a state , would it? X
I am totally with you on this one. Exactly how I feel too
Holy hell!! Your comment is exactly the reason why I left. My health was in jeopardy. If I stay...it would destroy me. If I left...it still hurts but at least I heal and move on. If it was a good relationship then why did I feel so unhealthy? My body was telling me it was gonna end badly if I stay. All I know...I made a choice to leave and save myself even though I miss her and the good times. It's sad, she moved onto new supply and making new memories, even after telling me she would remain alone. Constant LIES and contradictions.
They have a replacement from day 1, they just surch in their harem garage...
I deeply wish I was replaced because I’m actually experiencing the opposite. I’m thirty two years old and my narcissistic husband is fifty two. I’ve expressed to him numerous times that I am unhappy and I want a divorce. He response to me is that I can’t abandon him because I am a good person. He doesn’t want to leave and I feel trapped, suffocated, and confused. He says we can work on our traumas and issues together but I honestly want to be free. I had an extremely traumatic childhood and I’ve been gaslighted all my life. I can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is not. I feel forever lost in this fog that I helped create.
Oh God.... Pack my bags I'm going on a guilt trip!
If you are that serious about it,stop doing what is preventing you, you will get better in time.
Your intuition is right. His feelings are his responsibility. They try to alter your reality. I have dealt with a "nice" Covert narcissist. Its manipulation. Good luck.
@Barbara Yep! Apparently, I selfishly "abandoned" my family because I woke up one day out of the clear blue and decided that I simply didn't want to be a wife or mother (my chilren were both adults by then) any longer. Ugh.
Hope you found the strength to leave. You owe him nothing.
You don’t know how much these videos are helping me.theray can’t come quick enough.
She had already found a replacement (replacements) before the discard! I no longer fear! I have pity!
Omg! This video is everything I was looking for! Staying in the toxic relationship just because I couldn't handle the fear of a replacement! I thought I am crazy but I get it! Based on my childhood it totally makes sense! Thank you sooooo much Dr. Ramani!🙏🙏🙏
Of course you are being replaced! That is the game that the Narc plays!!! Use that as an opportunity to make your escape plan! While they are not intersected in you, get your belongings together, get a job, find a source of online support and therapy, and make your exit plan! Use their lack of attention on you as your opportunity to get yourself out of that relationship! Make a plan, and take steps! Even if they are small steps, they build into larger actions!!!! Take care of you! Focus on you!!!!
I don't know if it's karmic universe stuff happening, but all these videos are happening just as I need them. Thank you Dr. R! You have been in my for almost a year now! 💜
So True !
Is this also about that deep hurt that you are not 'good enough' and you want to prove that you are 'worthy' of your position in a job or relationship?
Not a nice feeling if they 'replace ' you at work with somebody that is far less competent/qualified; but just one of their buddies!
But then you realize that the whole place was toxic and it is just better to go get fresh new air somewhere else.
Don't listen to others' devaluing you!
Believe in yourself and go find people who will appreciate you!
But this takes the guts to make a break !!
Last night I found myself praying he would meet someone and decide to leave.
I completely understand that! Mine has gone, but I'm hoping he'll find a new 'love' so he won't try to return.
Thanks for helping me to understand this. After I split up with my narc ex, even though it was my decision, I was devastated by how quickly she found someone new (before I had even moved out), and was really torn up about it. That confused the hell out of me...why was I so upset about her being with someone new when I knew we were no good together? She even called me out on it at one point and I felt incredibly guilty. At least I now understand why that was the case.
This 1000x.
Thank you so so much for this video♡
I hope you'll make more covering this particular topic.
What kills me is he moved on within 3 weeks and this relationship look so much better,healthier. Like it's not love bombing/future faking. He is gentle, affectionate in public and suddenly money is not an issue(he pays her everything, and all I wanted for was thing to be split 50/50, fairly). It's eating me inside. I can't get out of my head trying to figure out what I did wrong not to deserve love and caring...
I hope you feel better now. It looks better but it's all appearance. He treated her as bad if not worse i'm sure. Be relieved.
I swear the new videos particularly are meant for me. This is exactly what is being used against me. And I almost felt so badly about it to the point where I felt like going back but I've been watching your videos and journaling and staying strong. My biggest fear is how I'm going to take care of myself financially. I'm terrified but I'm placing my trust in God. Cus there's no way I'm gunna let him destroy my soul!
Matthew 6:33🙏💜💜💜🌹
Joke was on him. My replacement played him for the fool he is and I'm not even jealous of her. I saw thru her day one. Have at it Sister! I hope she destroys everything he destroyed in me ten fold. Lesson still not learned. Good riddence.
I just discovered today that he’s cheating. I’m still in shock. He doesn’t know I know. Not sure if I want to confront him or just disappear and leave him wondering. Dear Lord, please give me courage. Thank you for your videos. You have helped me so much. ❤️
Did you leave?
I have gone thru it. You are a genius Dr Ramani . You have no idea how much you are helping me and others like me. May you be always blessed. ❤ I feel free now. Less rumination now.
Dr. Ramani I am a psychiatry resident getting out of a long relationship with another physician who I’ve only recently come to accept is a serious covert narcissist. Your library of YT videos is helping me SO MUCH right now to stick with my decision to break up and not go running back. Thank you!!!
Wow! Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I thought I was crazy for feeling like this - replaced. It hurts like hell. I am doing much better. A person can survive this bullsh&$t. I am 8 months in not even seeing my past. I think about her less and less everyday. My goal is to be smarter when it comes to any future relationships, romantic or otherwise…Religious indoctrination and loyalty I had for the religion/group I found was a direct correlation to why I stayed TOO damned long.
I am not fearing to be replaced, I am fearing maybe he`s coming back.
I believe you've nailed it on the head, I stayed longer than I should because one last do love him to the core but secondly is because fear of being replaced by someone better. I stayed too long but now I've left because I realised I need to love myself more
If someone else ends up with a narcissist that is trying to replace you, you should be relieved for yourself but should also understand that the new person May have some things in their life they need to work on to have been able to be attracted to a narcissist.
So for me In the past I felt sad but then relieved because I don't have to deal with the narcissist anymore. And now I feel like it's very unfortunate for the new person and wish them the best after hopefully ending a relationship with the narcissist. And yes move on with my life and Continue on with Healing.
This is exactly what kept me avoiding filing for divorce for years, even though I was seeing the relationship was completely destroyed. Knowing he was a narcissist, and I, feeling shuttered because he was going to be with someone else, and maybe could be a nice, loving husband.
Thank you endlessly Dr. Ramani.
Fear the narcissist will replace me? No fear at all, I will be glad to give the narc's new supply my spot because it frees me after 30+ years of going through her toxic crap.
I know this is not part of this video 🙏🏾 I was Hoover this week through social media and here come the anxiety 😳😥 What I did NOT RESPOND AND HELD MY BREATH FOR ABOUT 5 seconds and release slow then I block the narc. and did another deep breath held for 5 seconds and release I was calm and my nerves was back to normal 🙏🏾. Just wanted to share 🙏🏾 The narc always looking out for self SO look out for yourself and start loving 🥰 yourself
Remember whenever and however they hoover they want to see if you are still dumb enough to fall for their crap! I look at it from a humorous standpoint instead of an emotional, it works! The block method means you're being selective and not just anyone is welcomed in your circle.
Well done!!!
@@s.miller8250 Thank you 🙏🏾 for your respond
Hey Dr Ramani, I just wanted to let you know that you’ve been a huge part of my life for almost a year now, through discovering that I was experiencing narcissistic abuse and getting into therapy, to leaving him and getting a restraining order so he’s forced to leave me alone. Thank you for being such a wonderful light and inspiration, I couldn’t have done it without you.
You can’t be replaced. You were special and that’s why they chose you. They lost the best thing they were ever gonna have. My narcissist wife left me and got dumped by a guy with one arm. I thought it was hilarious I wasn’t even mad when I found out
Since I'm their youngest daughter - I doubt that very much Dr Ramani. Nobody can replace me. I'm a diamond. This is one of the many reasons I will never give myself up for anyone ie get married and have children. I can trust no one but myself in this evil planet in which the storm is worsening by the day. I would like to die.
Once again Dr Ramani , you hit the nail on the head.
I don't fear of being replaced. I desire it. I long for the day she finds another Supply, and I can get far away.
For the second time in our relationship the minute I went no contact and really meant it my ex narc simply started a relationship with her new supply and not a single one of our closest friends knew about it until I told them where to search. Cant believe I was the only person around my circle who couldnt see she wass batshit nuts. Whatever bussiness shes in I pity the replacement. Hes gonna learn some tough things
I am so thankful that Dr. Ramani has brought this video on this subject. It hit home for how I have felt among other things. I don't feel like I am stupid for having these feelings. My parents were fairly normal and were married 65 years when my father passed away in 2014. I was never exposed to the revolving door relationships. Thank you Dr. Ramani you have really helped me through your video series.
Dr. Ramani, is it possible that a huge amount of sadness and grief can lead to a heart disease?
I have been replaced not just by the narcissist, but every one around. Basically abandoned. At this point I just want to love myself so I won't seek outside validation
Yes it does. Happened to me. I think it’s because all the non stop anxiety. I wish you get well.
TAKE CARE OR URSELF AND UR MENTAL EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL AND SPIRTUAL HEALTH PLEASE.....BLESSINGS
I want to leave but a child is involved..... I feel like my light is slowly going out. Thanks for this content as it’s helping to cope.
Last year time like this i never thought i will be in a position to say this, but .. “I am so grateful that narcissist discarded and forced divorce on me! I would still be on that horrific circle or dead by now! “🙌🏻
This just happened to me! Right in front of my face I was replaced! It hurts how do you put out of your mind? Thank you for the helpful information!
Mam u always pick the right pressed nerve and try to heal it , u r doing an absolute wonderful job, there is no book or something which could tell me how to deal with narc but ur video enlightens with the technicality and that is where one is empowered
U r so near yet u are so far , I m glad I meet u everyday
Thanks for knowing all my fears and addressing them here. You and your team are angels 😇
no fear. She already replaced me with an older guy!
This is good Dr. Ramani, it wasn't until I had come to terms with the possibilities that could come from leaving that I could let go. I made sure to accept so many outcomes in my mind before I let go. That way when I finally left I was already at peace, I was ok with whomever would "take my place" it didn't concern me anymore, and I also reminded my brain that the narc was seeing other ppl anyway so it's no big deal.....I finally took that trash to the dumpster
I’m waiting for the new person to start copping the shit I did. But what kept me there was the extreme effort I put in (which he didn’t) and I didn’t want that to go to waste. I felt like I fought so hard for our relationship n gave so many chances for so long, that I didn’t wanna just give up n have all my time, my effort, my hard work, my surviving the worst to go to waste.
Obviously, it went to waste 🤷♀️
I was bothered a lot by how i was treated like absolute trash when she promised we would always be family. I wanted her to go and be with someone else and she used 'family' against me and then took it away just like that. That's what hurt me the most at the time.
Edit: we know that we are not replaceable. We are each unique and wonderful, and we have feelings and the ability to love that they will never have. WE are the ones left standing tall. We can't forget that.
I don’t know Dr RAmani , what my life was without you , you always explain things exactly how they happened , thank you so much 😊
How are you always on point .? ..it’s like they all act the same way . I was replaced with someone I honestly didn’t understand why he went for her . Thanks to your channel , 5 months NC
Thank you so much for this video. :) :) I've been struggling for a long time, it's really liberating to find out what it was all about and move on.
Words can't describe how much your videos have helped me. I just want to say thank you, truly, thank you.
Being replaced was what has really got under my skin. Pointing out issues I had about things i sensed going on behind my back and being told I had trust issues.
My ex and her new supply were doing what they was doing then I was pushed out the front door while he slipped in through the back.
I'm happy to be out of the relationship but not how it was done with total disregard for me
It’s easy to be replaced because I’ve never been valued
Can you PLEASE go further into this concept of “replacement anxiety” when you get a chance? I think this would be so helpful. I can’t find anything on the internet about it. Thank you for the consideration, Dr. Ramani. Your videos have helped me so much 🩵
Oh Dr. Ramani, you are bang on the money with this one. I was replaced with someone that just had more money. I have lots of money but didn't want to commit to all his dumb "business" ideas ie MLM type stuff or buying lingerie from China and marking it up and selling it as quality. He said he wanted "to give me the wedding of my dreams" but I learned to my cost already the partnership is so much more important than a showy wedding. He lost his ardour for me the more I resisted any financial entanglement. i dodged a bullet.
This is exactly why I got hoovered several times. He will go back online dating right after every discard like eager to get new supply, make me jealous, doing the triangulation, etc. Over time, he realized it worked in his favor, it is a way of manipulation, by making me fearful of losing him and being replaced. Sadly for him I finally left after a terrifying rage, and I am glad I am out of a very toxic, damaging relationship. Now I'm in the healing journey and your videos are incredibly supportive and helpful, thank you Dr. Ramani❤
I was replaced and its the best thing he ever did for me. He def downgraded from me as she looked very plain.
Nobody’s appearance should be a point around which you can score points and insult others
@Random Person Thanks sweetie! Where's your picture?? Old lonely bald man i bet! Troll off!
@@revolution9oh9 I really don't care that person is a troll. My picture is tiny so you can't see what i look like.
I remember waking up one morning Dr Ramani about 6 months later after my discard & some of the dust had settle hearing some sweet birds chirping by my window and realizing the betrayal was a blessing. That person did me a favor. It was such a relief to have my bed all to myself without the constant sleep deprivation tactics, arguments and constant crazy making. It was no longer a chaotic monkey and circus show for me to perform in. I laid there in bed and was thankful despite the pain. The narcissist is no longer my problem and I am SURE at some point the new fuel source will realize it too because I did at one point too. I thought omg what have I got myself into, it’s ALL a bunch of lies these Narcs tell us. True freedom is cutting them off entirely or even if you were discarded by them...we CAN be free. Let them go & learn from the mistakes. Thank you Dr.
I love your videos!! Fear of being replaced has always kept me stuck in this relationship..... Now he is at the point where he cares so little about me that he knows I know about his other girlfriends...he told me I have to calm down and be ok with it.. that as long as he doesn't sleep over their house and comes home to me, that he's doing nothing wrong. I get to watch him get dressed up every Sunday, put on cologne and go see his girlfriend. When I confront him, I'm told to shut my mouth and stop looking for trouble. I keep comparing myself to the latest girlfriend because she speaks his language and is successful. He has actual conversation with these other women.... I am bossed around like I'm an employee: "get this, do that, go here for me, etc" Everyone tells me to stop doing things for him but no one is in my shoes and understands. I am utterly and undeniablly stuck....... I have tried several times to kick him out but he won't leave so I have to leave and I can't find a place I can afford, but I have hope that God will come through for me. It bothers me that in addition to these women always getting the better version than I got, everyone around thinks he's the most wonderful person...... No one knows the hell I live with every day.
They don’t change. Ever. The new person gets the same treatment you got.
Excellent Mam, you are giving great information and helping humanity, i pray to God you get everything in your life and you grow to the highest in your life.
I just consider being replaced a gift now.
Forgiving myself for having to do all the investigative work of all the hearts he broke was the first step to discarding the discarder. As I white knuckle on painful anniversaries, forgiving the jealousy* I felt was first.
Oh, this resonated deeply. In my healing, I have come to realize he betrayed me because I betrayed myself when I believed the terrible things he said about me and kept tolerating bad treatment.
I need to work on the jealousy thing. Thank you for this!
You are so welcome. ♡
You are so smart and describe these relationships so eloquently. Wish I could talk to you. I lived in this relationship for 10yrs. You also describe my childhood dynamics. Everything you say is right on.
I cannot than you enough for this video. Bless you.
For years I have prayed that he would find someone else! One roll in the hay and she would toss him out!
I actually use to fear this. Now that I have left, I hope that she can find the happiness she seeks. If that be with another person, I will be happy for her.
Thank you for this video. Glad to know this feeling is normal and many others experience it not just me. This is 100 percent true and exactly why I stayed. It’s torture!! But videos like this and obtaining so much knowledge is what is getting me through.
By the point I was replaced, he did upgrade because by that time, my confidence and esteem was very low. I changed and became empty and he found someone much more energetic, vibrant, slimmer etc. So sometimes they can replace you for seemingly better.
I agree they have fresh supply. Ofcourse they would they don't know him yet. The supply starts to become stale for the narc when you start demanding the realistic things from them for the relationship such as, emotional intimacy, vulnerability, reciprocity, help around the house, planning on shopping days and cleaning days etc. That's when you will start to see it dwindle.
My soon to be ex narc said straight up, she was admiring me, giving me attention, asking about my day and work, etc etc me, me, me, and me. I said to him, that was me too remember before I figured you who you was
Replacement neurosis is real. Thank you @DoctorRamani for labeling this. Especially when coupled with fear of abandonment replacement neurosis gets intensified!
I blocked him on social Media. Then I took back control over my check.
Sometimes it's like you're watching my life... thank you so much for these videos Dr. Ramani.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 10 months no contact.
That's what my wife did,she was married living with husband, she met me and told me the marriage was over, BUT it was only over when she found me, she started a relationship with me, 2 months later she waited for him to go to work and moved out all her stuff and left him high and dry,so we got a place together relationship was amazing, 3 months later i found out she was cheating on me, i was heart broken, i had no idea this is who she was, i gave her a second chance, and found out she was cheating again, she deny everything to this day, it really hurts to know that this is just who they are, if i don't make it right by kissing her ass,we don't have a relationship
Interesting video! Perfect timing too, finding the topic so relatable at present. Having someone to guide you through these experiences and feelings with such insight and support is such a blessing/gift! Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤️
Ive been replaced poor woman has no idea ....Still no one warned me and i'll just be the psycho ex anyway
I would feel aprry for that person. It was horrible living with him. I walked out..move to another town 150 km away..
Ges what? The narc begged to come visit ant painted my house..did all handyman jobs. When he became nasty...I asked him to leave. Peace at last
I stayed in fear he would replace me with a friend because he was so inappropriate with boundaries. He had wondering eyes like crazy and would even smirk at other women. I hate I didn’t leave him sooner because I was ultimately replaced… with a friend and got her pregnant.
I always joked about how she would abandoned us and in the end she did in the worst of ways. She can keep her replacement because I know what God has destined for me didn’t require her being in my life.
struggling with this right now! feel like im the narcissist sometimes for not being able to let go and holding on all the time so that im not replaced. This video was so relatable
If they find happiness else where, I'm ok with that.
I'm terrified that if it's not me they'll harm someone else. I know they've moved on, I'm just hoping the new person is stronger than I was and leaves sooner.
Oh wow I've had some confusion about my motives but I think you nailed it! I mean, life and emotions are really complicated but I feel this is a big peice I haven't been able to get to yet so thank you.