Another example. The classic. When a women says “oh it would be nice to eat sometime” To say “yeah I am really hungry also - let’s go to that pizza place” And her reply is “I don’t like pizza” - nothing else “Ok let’s go to the burger then” “No i don’t like burger” When this continue I find it hard to keep the neutral emotional tone that is good to make her feel secure. It often escalate that the guy gets more irritating and more dominant and either blow up with “but where the hell do you want to eat then?” Or it might be “well I can’t think of anything else to eat. Either we decide or something or we won’t eat at all.” And the girl gets angry and feels the guy is controlling her and it ends up with either eating and her being in a bad mood and the guy angry and confused - wtf she was the one who really wanted to eat , I solved the situation now we are eating and I still feel like the bad guy. Or both will go home to sulk or be so angry that they go separate ways for some hours.
I think it’s very true. What I find problematic is the scenarios where she is partly is charge “like we are going to my mother tomorrow” - masculine. But you don’t get any more info. And if you ask her what time. Masculine question. And she reply feminine “sometime in the afternoon” - feminine. As a man you get stressed. You want clear control. But you can’t really step into your power. If you demand clarity her - it can get stressed for her. But if you don’t get the info you get stressed. When I as a man lead - by myself or by such invitation form here you talk about in the clip - it’s easier to handle vs situations where she initiates / leads but still is so vague What is your recommendation for such?
First you can take back your "power" by replacing "you get stressed", by I get stressed. This way you take ownership for your personal feelings. Then look into why you are using the words "control" and "demand". That gives you an outline of your connection to the feminine. When demanding or controling, there is a part present that doesn't feel in his power. Get help on healing that, preferably with someone who knows about inner child work. Also watching these video's by Lorin can be a big help😘🙏
@@ZANAHEALING I did use “you” to make this a more open scenario directed to people watching the video. To make it more value for those with similar issues. Same with the words control and demand (need) you want a situation under control. And to have that something you need things to happen. Again it’s to have it clear for others reading this. Replacing those with softer words would make it more unclear imo :) Thanks for the advice. maybe I was unclear. I am looking for advice on my how to handle such situation together with my partner. It’s not about my ownership here. It’s about how to solve something together. If I own all my feelings and the end outcome still is not ideal due to the other person I need advice how to act and express myself outwards towards the other person. That is what I wanted suggestion about really. Still thanks for your advice on my inner actions.
Why these stereotypes? We can take turns in leading and undecisiveness. I as a man can really value if my girl books a restaurant, movie or whatever if she feels like it (as a surprise or after checking with me). You don't need to frame specific behavior as masculine or feminine, it's just human and dynamic. You're just making men insecure, because they think they are not behaving masculine enough. Just be nice, be interested and interesting, listen and speak, don't judge, care. Whatever your gender.
Insightful! Will keep this in mind going forward
Another example.
The classic. When a women says “oh it would be nice to eat sometime”
To say “yeah I am really hungry also - let’s go to that pizza place”
And her reply is “I don’t like pizza” - nothing else
“Ok let’s go to the burger then”
“No i don’t like burger”
When this continue I find it hard to keep the neutral emotional tone that is good to make her feel secure. It often escalate that the guy gets more irritating and more dominant and either blow up with “but where the hell do you want to eat then?”
Or it might be “well I can’t think of anything else to eat. Either we decide or something or we won’t eat at all.”
And the girl gets angry and feels the guy is controlling her and it ends up with either eating and her being in a bad mood and the guy angry and confused - wtf she was the one who really wanted to eat , I solved the situation now we are eating and I still feel like the bad guy.
Or both will go home to sulk or be so angry that they go separate ways for some hours.
I think it’s very true.
What I find problematic is the scenarios where she is partly is charge “like we are going to my mother tomorrow” - masculine.
But you don’t get any more info. And if you ask her what time. Masculine question. And she reply feminine “sometime in the afternoon” - feminine.
As a man you get stressed. You want clear control. But you can’t really step into your power. If you demand clarity her - it can get stressed for her. But if you don’t get the info you get stressed.
When I as a man lead - by myself or by such invitation form here you talk about in the clip - it’s easier to handle vs situations where she initiates / leads but still is so vague
What is your recommendation for such?
First you can take back your "power" by replacing "you get stressed", by I get stressed. This way you take ownership for your personal feelings. Then look into why you are using the words "control" and "demand". That gives you an outline of your connection to the feminine. When demanding or controling, there is a part present that doesn't feel in his power. Get help on healing that, preferably with someone who knows about inner child work. Also watching these video's by Lorin can be a big help😘🙏
@@ZANAHEALING I did use “you” to make this a more open scenario directed to people watching the video. To make it more value for those with similar issues.
Same with the words control and demand (need) you want a situation under control. And to have that something you need things to happen. Again it’s to have it clear for others reading this. Replacing those with softer words would make it more unclear imo :)
Thanks for the advice. maybe I was unclear. I am looking for advice on my how to handle such situation together with my partner. It’s not about my ownership here. It’s about how to solve something together. If I own all my feelings and the end outcome still is not ideal due to the other person I need advice how to act and express myself outwards towards the other person. That is what I wanted suggestion about really.
Still thanks for your advice on my inner actions.
She is asking for a DISCUSSION about where to go. An equal discussion between partners. She is not asking you to decide for her.
Why these stereotypes? We can take turns in leading and undecisiveness. I as a man can really value if my girl books a restaurant, movie or whatever if she feels like it (as a surprise or after checking with me).
You don't need to frame specific behavior as masculine or feminine, it's just human and dynamic.
You're just making men insecure, because they think they are not behaving masculine enough. Just be nice, be interested and interesting, listen and speak, don't judge, care. Whatever your gender.
Maybe 🤔 😅