Just incase anyone panics, not everyone realises they're one upping when sharing trauma. Sometimes we are just trying to connect and don't mean to. And that's okay when it's unintentional. What she's describing is something more so malicious than unintentional and they're very different beasts.
This happens so much more often than you think. I don’t think she’s a girl girl for not knowing this. Like how could you not? [Using her lingo to make a point.]
I feel seeeeeen. I’m not trying to be a meanie, I just hear something and tell a story of how I had a similar experience. In my brain I’m letting them know that I understand and they can keep telling me about it and I will support. But I have been told I seem like I’m trying to make it seem like I have it worse T-T. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut and nod along if it’s not someone I’m close close with who know my brain is goofy.
Okay this. I would try to mention a similar experience to show that I understand because I went through something similar. I don’t want to one-up, I want to make you feel less alone.
Yeah, like I have ADHD and I'll tell people related bad things that have happened to me because 1) my brain is constantly playing connect the dots and trying to link any new information to anything it can so it's gearing up to go "wow that's just like such and such" whether I want it to or not and 2) I'm trying to explain that I understand what you're going through and that you aren't alone without it sounding hollow and insincere - like I'm CITING MY SOURCES HERE. I can understand if it's dismissing someone's trauma by saying that they shouldn't complain, but people should be careful with assuming negative things about, y'know, common neurodivergent symptoms.
@@moonbunny24yea this is me. I'm trying to learn to hold back the urge to share my similar experiences in certain situations to not come off as too rude.
When she is hateful to lesbians &/or bi women. Yet she'll be sweet and polite to gay guys just to use them for hair/makeup/beauty & skincare advice not even being a real friend to him. But after finding out a lesbian or bi woman is in the friend group & out them to everyone else, call them gross & creepy, or accuse them of being a pervert. That's still homophobic but lesbian specific. I've dealt with it & I had to cut out 6 friends not just one.
Or she knows ur a bi/lesbian woman and calls/invites you to hang out but only if she can get something/needs something from you, im bi and I had to cut out my whole friend group bcs they would intentionally plan/leave me out of activities while I'm literally right there with them and just invite me when they need/want something from me, to give more context, I take care of ppls pets if they need to go overseas/work/vacation but can't bring their pets with themselves and I do custom chokers, at first it wasn't a problem but after some time I started to see how they were just using me(Im bad with social ques it took me quite a while 💀
PREACH!!! There are so many girls that want a gay best friend (of course in the high-fem stereotypical way) but would say the nastiest things to bi men or just gay masc men. Don't even get me started about lesbians and bisexual woman, just like you said 🤦🏻♀️
Well honestly it's kind of relatively fresh that happened almost two years ago and I'm sure I will meet the right people, I don't want to rush those things, it took me some time to process and heal, and to learn to be alone and enjoy my own company/ to love my self, social anxiety is still here I'm still working on that bcs i want to have genuine friendships and I won't let social anxiety take that experience away from me✨@@rebel_chylde🌈🪻
The last one made me feel really bad about myself. I have adhd and autism, sharing similar stories is how i show that i am interested and that i can relate, i never intended to hurt anyone
dw, most people don't mind if you relate to something that happens to them. just don't be like "oh your grandma's sick? well my grandma died last week" because that can sound like you're trying to undermine their experiences because yours are 'worse.' if you want to relate, say something like "im sorry your grandma is sick, my grandma died last week, so i know how it feels" and let them have the floor. try not to take over the conversation and let them share what they need to.
sometimes i feel so bad because someone will be venting to me and i’ll be like “yeah i get it, _____ happened to me, i know it sucks” to be nice and try to make them realise i understand what they’re going through then later i realise it might’ve sounded like i was tryna one-up them 😭
I don’t think that counts as “one upping” that’s more of you trying to connect with similar experiences. One upping would be more like “you don’t even have it that bad. That’s because of so and so that happened to me” or “it’s not that bad” or even “other people have it worse so I don’t know why you’re complaining.”
@@fishoutofwater-flop-flopfl7171 yeah i know but when your talking about something sensitive and they then talk about their situation it can seem like one-upping, especially when your being vulnerable:))
That last one made me feel so validated, I've come across so many girls that always would try to come up with something god awful whenever you talk about trauma, so demoralizing...
Fr my bestfriend ones up random ass trauma I say for now apparent reason and when I tell another trusted friend about it she always butts in and tells her story but only when I tell someone new
The trauma one is hard for me. When I share my own experiences it's not to "one up" a person. It's too say, "i know what you're going through. This effing sucks."
She probably already knows that but she is talking about another pacific group of people when saying "Bestie" and already explain those types of people in the video and how she feels about them. Edit: This is probably the most likes and attention i got from a comment.
okay I get that but some people say that to make *everyone* like them like she will go around saying omggg bestie you look so cutee or omggg bestie you are so perfect and then she will talk bad about that very person to you as SOON as they leave.
I just wanna give a little reminder that trying to one up trauma and replying with a similar experience to try and relate/give comfort is not the same thing. A lot of autistic/nd people do the second thing to try and better relate to the other person (for some it can help with empathizing) or to give some comfort to the other person by showing them that they aren’t alone. It isn’t trying to make everything about themselves
@@Jypapi7my personal opinion is call whoever your bestie or pookie just make sure your actual like "best best friends" know that they are your "best best friend"
So the one upping this i got accused of once. I have severe adhd and it's how we process information. We aren't one upping but more like trying to express our understanding of the situation. Once i was accused of it, it made me self reflect hard and pull away from everyone. It broke me a little because the person who said that to me was a close friend that i did everything for. I was always there for them, and it hurt hearing that. I learned how to mask better but made a conscious effort to befriend people who also have adhd because its easier to be myself with them instead of having to mask all the time to be polite. Idk i agree with everything but the one upping thing because what you may consider one upping someone could consider it as getting closer or vibing. It's more about intentions behind the act than the act itself.
I couldn’t have worded this better, I’m in the same boat. I was in a friend group where I was the only person who was neurodivergent (also severe ADHD) I was just trying to show them that I understand and that I care about what they are saying! I’m trying to explain my story to show them they aren’t alone and if they ever need someone who understands to talk to they can talk to me. There were multiple times where they accused me of trying to belittle them to get all the attention. It does hurt a lot because it’s not my intention and I tried to explain that and they didn’t get it. Nowadays I just mimic what everyone else is saying to avoid conflict!
I didn't see your comment, I just commented something similar. This is exactly it. It's our way of saying hey I understand what you're going through actually, I not only feel sympathy for you, I feel true empathy because I've been through something similar. Like you said, this is exactly why my entire circle of friends now is people who are neurodivergent, or actually understand what I'm doing. I do not want to have to mask in front of anyone ever again.
@Elinaaaaaaaaaaaa yes! It's easier for me to be friends with other adhd people now because when we are talking, we bounce off of each other. Idk I got tired of always masking.
A lot of abusive relationships involve being isolated from friends, being convinced by your partner that everyone else is against you or bad for you, or not having independence from your partner, so if it seems like someone you know is suddenly not talking to anyone but their partner and isnt seen without them, check in on them
Well, my friend blocked everyone for her boyfriend, we tried to convince her. But well she didn't listen and moved towns. So... Hopefully, she stays well is all I can hope.
@@whosslivv of course, Im just saying that it looks very similar from the outside and you should always look out for your friends and make sure they are safe physically and emotionally
ex👏🏻act👏🏻ly👏🏻 Also if you’re deep into an abusive relationship it can get to a point where you’re not PERMITED to go anywhere without them and it’s not like they say “you can’t do that you have to listen to me” but they can be sooooo brilliant at making you believe that good and loving partner would never make their loved one feel left behind by going anywhere by yourself. It’s really f-ing scary
I just wanted to note, of course there are people who do try to one up people. But neurodivergent people, when we're relating to people, we will sometimes say a similar story of what we've gone through, in an effort to relate to you. It's our way of saying hey I understand what you're going through, I've been through the same exact thing. Of course there will be people who try to one-up you, but it's not always that if somebody is sharing a similar experience.
My “friend” dropped all of us the second she got a boyfriend. And the funny thing? We where friends with him before they dated, in-fact I was the one who introduced them. I felt really used. I even asked him if she was mad at me and he had no idea why she dropped me. She would ask me where “my friends where” if I wanted to hang out with them, she’d point out things about my physically appearance in front of our guy friends, (not like calling me names, but like pointing out my chin or my acne Or my lips) And what’s worse? She started making “that’s so gay” jokes Un-ironically to my face to make herself seem like “one of the boys” despite the fact I had been open with her about struggling with my sexuality for over a year. Don’t get me wrong I can handle a joke, but she’d make really stereotypical and hurtful jokes that went past dumb humour and genuinely felt homophobic.
Hey, I'm really sorry that happened to you.. You really don't deserve that. Saying stuff like "That's so gay" r whatever to seem like 'the boys' isn't really... Look, I know plenty of guys who are silly like what you'd think of when one says 'the boys', but they don't say stuff like that. Being gay is not bad. It's not humour, it's just weird to say 'that's so gay' - that's what we've been taught at least. I'd say just try to distance yourself from them for now, okay? I had a racist friend who'd make comments like "that's so [enter my ethnicity] of you." that hurt, it definitely did, especially because she knows how insecure I'm of my ethnicity. After I started to distance myself from her, I felt better. I still check up on her time-to-time because she has told me very person things and I don't want her to feel like I just left and might spread that information (I would never.. But for me if I am very close to someone, I tell them very personal things, and then we drift apart.. It makes me nervous and scared.. I don't want anyone to feel like that that's why I check up on her) but I'm much better now. Try to surround yourself with better people, okay? Everything will be alright (if you're sad about how things have changed, then I totally understand that too.. Unfortunately, there's not much one can do about that so I'd just say accept and continue living the best life you possibly can.) Much love, (whatever my username is I forgot)
A tip to the neurodivergent people here as a fellow ND: don't be afraid to straight up telling the person "hey, I say this not to one up you but to show that I understand and care, but if you don't like that tell me and I'll stop". 99% of the time it works, because either they understand and won't be too upset, or they'll tell you not to say anything or what they want from you. We can't learn if others don't show, and others won't show if we don't ask/explain. It might sound weird and childish, but that's just how it works.
I do call a lot of people my “besties” or best friends but that’s because I have like so many small friend groups. There’s my swiftie friends, my childhood friends, my school friends, and my irl friend + an internet bsf. Overall seems like a lot but probably around 10, and I’m close to very few. I do however hold grudges, so if you do me dirty (or any of my friends) you best believe I’m blocking and dropping that person 😭
Not everyone of those matching my ex best friend 😭 when we met I noticed that she was only friends with guys and for some reason had no girlfriends, when I asked her about it she said she only gets along with guys because girls are “too much drama,” (Before meeting her. I had friends that were majority women that acted nothing like her so I assumed this was like the opposite personality of the girls that that I was used to and this it was perfectly normal…I WAS SO WRONG.) I soon learned why she was only friends with guys and it wasn’t because girls were too much drama, they just didn’t have the right equipment for sampling. 🤷🏽♀️ The way she would speak about other women when guys were around The things she would do to embarrass women to make herself look better in the eyes of a man. Even though it wasn’t my business after a year or 2 of her dining and whining over 7-8 guys I told her that she should stop the things she’s doing because she might end up getting really hurt and she should try focusing on herself because of the multiple times she’d called me crying over scumbags…and she told me “Are you serious? This is the reason why I’m only friends with guys.” And never spoke to me again. At first, I didn’t understand what she meant by that but overtime I thought over our last conversations and it was me giving her advice on a healthy relationships/focusing on herself instead of guys and her calling me a hater/lonely.
I told an old friend I was going to probably die from a disease I got from my mom that she died of (I was in grade 6-7) She made a joke and laughed and walked away. I still have the disease but i am still currently alive, Scotia if your reading this, I hope you’ve became a better person.
It really just depends on what kind of person it is if they're one-upping you or if they're trying to relate to you in some way, I will try to relate to someone by also showing that I am going through the same thing as them and sometimes it can seem like one upping someone
My best friend whom I believed was my soulmate ghosted me because she got into a relationship and apparently her girlfriend has something against me. She showed signs before that she would just dump me as she got insanely mad at me as I didn't approve of one of her crushes: "You are my best friend how can you be so cruel and ruin it for me by not giving your approval!" Mind you her crush back then literally ignored her existence and lied to her and none of her friends liked him. Well if her relationship ends one day there is no coming back. Doors are closed
Yeah you DEFINITELY deserve better friends, they both suck and if you were friends before the relationship and she dropped you for a girlfriend then she clearly doesn't care enough about you. And when the relationship ends she'll probably come crawling back and blame her partner for her choosing to drop you
Not a friend but a relative often told me that I should cut my hair, when I was younger my cousin once cut off my hair (waist length) all the way up to my ears. Because a child had done it my hair looked very choppy and rough and I had to go to a hair salon to cut it even shorter to make sure the hair grew out evenly. One of my relatives knew this and they knew I hated getting a haircut ever since so they would always threaten me with one. I was sick of it so I decided to get one, and they didn’t believe me at first but I got it cut short and while I liked my haircut they kept on telling me it looked bad. I was pleasantly surprised when I told them I was being complimented by others and the look of shock on their face was hilarious
Just to clear things up, one upping isn’t always bad. Its common in neurodivergent people as we want to comfort or relate to someone by sharing a similar experience. I feel like while these videos are helpful they tend to only apply to neurotypical people and make neurodivergent people who mean well look bad. (Ofc neurodivergent people can be bad ppl too, this is just a broad statement)
I disagree in the sense that when neurodivergent people do what you're saying their not trying to one up though they're just trying to bond. Umless you are intentionally trying to compete with the other person you're not will ome upping.
I was talking to this girl about how it was wrong to make fun of disabled people in a group chat (which she was doing) and she ended up hating me and bullying me after that for embarrassing her. I told my best friend who was in charge of the group chat and she just laughed it off and said she’s actually super sweet what are you talking about it? So I left 🤷🏻♀️
Neurodivergents unite on that last one We don’t do it to try to “one up” your trauma. We think that by bringing something similar that has happened to us you’ll feel like you’re not alone. A lot of neurodivergent people have a hard time comforting others or being in that kind of social situation. Personally sometimes I start making jokes, it’s just my way to cope with things and I tend to think that other people will appreciate it as much as I do. Trying to work on that but yeah, who relates?
My old best friend was basically my therapist because she was the only person I trusted, I told her how my dad’s emotionally abusive, my mother always screams at us, I’m being bullied and so on and she tried to one up me and said, “Well at least you didn’t grow up in a toxic family where you have chores 🙄” like um… girl? Are you okay?
The “well, they didn’t bully me, so…” is too true. I told my (ex) friend that she shouldn’t be friends with this girl I fought a lot with, but when she had a little beef with somebody, I was expected to drop everything I had with them. Anyways now the girl I fought with a lot of and I are besties, because we both share a hatred for this “friend.”
My so called best friend did this to me with my abusive ex. She was fully on the hate train with me until we both moved back to the city and they hung out once and she was like "sorry i dont hate them anymore" and later had a threesome with them on my birthday in our house
The last one Is so real like I have these two friends and one of them was talking to us because she has an eating disorder and it’s a really bad case. and I feel so bad for her anyway, she was talking to us about it right and then my other friend was like my dad hit me with the belt like OK?🤨girl show some empathy
I’m a dude but I’m an aromantic dude and that one about dropping all your friends for a partner is SO FUCKING TRUE. If you get a partner and you stop talking to me I’ll block you on everything
my friend had started crushing on this guy a year ago and i kid you not she almost always started talking about him. i don't know a thing about relationships and i alos feel like somewhere on aro spectrum so it felt super uncomfortable and tbh i felt betrayed because she'd never ask about me and she'd start hanging out with him much more, talking about him and generally we now spend less time together. and I'm not even talking about the fact that i have some family issues and I would vent about it in my blog and she'd never ever reach out to me even though I'd always try to listen to her. sigh. i hate it all.
my best friend i feel tries to one up my trauma. idk if it’s intentional or if it’s just her trying to show she relates but i don’t vibe with it. i’m planning on talking with her about it but im nervous tbh
especially because our experiences in life in the past and currently are so different. like it feels insulting to have her one up my trauma and then in the same day talk about how happy she is and how much she loves herself and all that while i’m drowning
Sending you hugs, I kind of understand and whatever ur going through isn't easy and honestly that's so self centered of her , my honest advice is for you to focus on yourself and getting better/dealing with whatever you're going through and talking with her ab it, but she will always find a way to make it about herself probably. And her talking about how much she loves herself/happy she is in the same day when u told her ur struggles is just not genuine especially when she knows ur drowning, I think she is maybe mirroring you,not trying to relate to similar experiences or trauma, but I don't know her so take what I said with a grain of salt
"i know you're just trying to relate to what I'm struggling with, but it's hard for me to feel heard unless I can speak my situation. To be honest it just feels to me that I am not being truly listened to when different topics are talked about inbetween me talking about my struggles. Again I appreciate how helpful you are for me in this situation, and I would still love to continue to seek your shoulder to confide about stuff that is hard for me"
Is she neurodivergent? She might just be trying to relate to you. It's often how neurodivergent people relate. It is our way of showing, not only do we our way of showing, not only do we fell sympathy for you, but we feel empathy too as we have gone through something similar. It just depends on how she's doing it. Lake is she starting it in a way where she's like oh I've had the same thing happen to me, or I went through something similar, or is she actually saying the words, oh well it was so much worse for me when XYZ situation occurred. She's saying that XYZ situation was worse for her, then that is one upping. Also, when it comes to trauma people can present differently, some people present very happy, and can have ups and downs. Especially if she has a comorbid condition, which is often the case with people who have adhd, if she happens to have adhd.
i seem like i’m accidently one-upping people sometimes, even though i’m not so here’s what i would reccomend you say to her because i understand feeling like that sucks 🫶🏼🫶🏼 so smth along the lines of “so you know when i was talking about _________ to you, it was something really personal and when you talked about ________ it made me feels like you didn’t really care and tried to shift everything on to you, i don’t know if you meant to but please don’t do it again. it made me feel horrible”
a girl I was best friends with for 10 years bestied up with a girl that had been nonstop bullying and harassing me for months.. told me that "I just don't understand her. shes actually been through a lot!" kinda broke my heart ngl. Was 9 years ago but still haven't let it go
i feel bad lol, i kinda bring my bf anywhere bc he helps with my bad anxiety, not to say my friends don’t yet they’re really loud and fun and filled with energy.. and sometimes that overstimulation gets to me and i need him.. 😭😭😭
I call everyone my bestie even those who do me wrong or my friends wrong, not actually “bestie” but I am still a friend A person might have done you wrong, ok. Forgiveness is freeing and i will stay with you through the whole thing and separate myself from that person but at the end of the day everyone needs a friend and some people get along with different people. It's a matter of maturity and knowing who's in the right and wrong
Only thing i do is call people bestie LMAO ill die on that grave its like sister to me and i call everyone that 😂 its the queer in me fr i call men and women thatt
my favorite person on earth calls everyone bestie, but that’s because she really is besties with most everyone. she is incredible sweet and makes everyone feel special ❤❤❤
here’s the difference between one upping and relating for anyone that’s freaking out:) i have a friend i’ve been friends w for YRS and i told her abt my SA experience w my boyfriend at the time and i only told her and one other cousin and this was her response “yeah i understand that.. i lost my best friend of ten yrs and it was rlly hard.. honestly i think best friend breakups are worse than relationship breakups. also remember that time i got jumped? (shes a HUGE liar) i felt hands all over me it was much worse than sexual assault. a few weeks ago me and my friend were sharing our very similar experiences w SA and when i told her abt mine she responded like this. “oh my word that’s horrible (her SAers name) was like that too.. i’m so sorry you had to go through that you didnt deserve that” if you’re worried abt one upping someone’s trauma you probably didnt bc these type of ppl aren’t always self aware
The bestie one might not be true for a lot of people but it is for me, last year i got harrassed for 4 weeks by girls that were one year younger than me and they kept calling me their bestie and it was really disgusting, i dont know how to explain it but its worse than what i said
Tbh, I have one up people before, some on purpose, but most of them was an accident. Like we could be talking and they just say about one time they experienced something bad and got trauma from it and I just say like something nice and then talk about my only trauma story that someone people could think it is worse then theirs, but it depends. And sometimes they get mad at me and I don’t understand. I just stand/sit there confused and then later on get insecure so I don’t really talk about it that much anymore when someone tells me about their trauma story, and now I know why they looked at me weird or something and I didn’t even mean it. And also those time I meant it was get back on that one girl who thought she was better and even started lying to get attention and even get mad and say something super dramatic, and after you just want to jump off a cliff.
i call everyone my bestie but not if they're bullies and when someone is venting to me, i tell them my experiences too and it's not because im trying to one-up them, i js want them to know that they're not alone.
One of my friends called my ex (at the time my bf) her “bestie” they don’t go to school together, and they barely even talk at youth, I quickly pulled her aside at told her that he was mine, she hasn’t called him that since
I actually had a friend who ignored me to be with her girlfriend. I tried talking to them about it but they kept ignoring me and saying that I was just jealous and being controlling. After I was almost late to class because I was walking with them, I stopped walking with them. They dropped me the next day
Once I was in a shooting, so I called my friend in a panic and she said oh my gosh it’s so bad I’ve had such a bad day too. My dad got a fireworks thrown at him(it was a firecracker)😒😒 like girl stop trying to one up me geez! I was literally just running for my life
Guys I have questions 🙏 1) so, I’m friends with two friend groups that don’t like each other, no one was bullied, there was js arguments and their relationships were toxic, and they all fell out besides me, I stayed with both of them, since I was not involved in the arguments and there’s wasn’t this horrible bad blood between all the people. No one has said anything abt me being friends with the other and they don’t seem to care. Is that okay? Or should I only be friends with one side? And 2) I’m in 8th grade so i understand relationships and I’m fine with them but my best friend got in a relationship earlier this year or late last year (I can’t remember). She had a boyfriend in 7th too, and he was my friend so it was all cool until she totally ghosted me and our other best friend, now don’t get me wrong she still talked to us, but she didn’t sit by us in class, or lunch, and rarely texted us, that annoyed us so we stepped away from trying to get her attention. Later they broke up and ofc we were by her side but she’s doing the same thing this year, but worse. She never replies to my messages but every time I see her, she’s texting her boyfriend. She also allowed him to have her instagram, which idc, but apparently he checks her messages, which again idc. But, I send her reels and I ask why she hasn’t seen them/replied and she says it’s cause he looks at them and so now there’s no notification that I sent her anything. I told her that made me uncomfortable, cause that means he can look at all of them(which we have talked abt private stuff before) and I told her that he shouldn’t be doing that and if she could tell him to stop, and apparently she “talked” to him, idk if I believe that tho, cause even today she said he does it. I deleted the recent reels I sent her and I’m not planning on sending her any, unless she breaks up with him or he logs out. And what’s worse is that she doesn’t have his, I found that weird but she trusts him…so that’s that. They also make everyone uncomfortable, in school (especially at lunch) they are always up on each other, kissing, hugging, etc. it’s honestly just gross. I mean there was even this one time at a dance they just sat at a table making out and hugging, while I was right. there… I mean even teachers saw, they have 0 shame. I even tried to do stuff with her and she didnt get up, but as soon as he wanted to get up she did, listen I love her but she js a total doormat and pushes away the people she “loves”. Idk it just makes me so mad. I don’t know if I’m over reacting, am I?
1. You should stay friends with both. The "dont be friends with them" thing is only valid if youre best friends with the person. If theyre just friends and you like and want to stay friends with both sides, you shouldnt drop one or the other. Even if anyone says anything, theres no valid reason for you to drop the others unless they did something rlly bad or bullied your other friends. If theres nothing like that, then you should keep being friends with both if you want 2. Tbh with people like that, even if you lay out the cons in their relationship very clearly in front of them, they still wont care. Your friend will probably say "oh i know its bad but i love him so its fine" as if hes not literally invading her privacy and boundaries that she is too scared to uphold. If you dont know the whole situation, you shouldnt interfere too much. Her bf might be holding something against her, or maybe she is just too blind to see the red flags. I know people that kinda ghost others for their boyfriends, one of my friends included, but theyre not that bad. But to me it seems like your friend is with the guy purely bc the guy wants to be possessive and have someone to make out with all the time. If shes flat out ghosting you (especially if youre a close friend of hers) then theres not much you can do except distance yourself from her until she realizes or breaks up with her bf. And i have to be straightforward here, but in all honesty if you have other good friends, you should just drop her. Someone who only sees you when she loses her (boy)friend and proceeds to ghost you afterwards isnt worth stressing over. Also she said she never saw any notifcs from you, but she knows her bf checks her msgs so she should know that even if u sent a msg, it wouldn't appear. She still doesnt check ur chat tho, which just shows she doesnt think and care about you. Mightve been a bit excessive but id be glad if i helped in some way
man, the friends i had that were friends with my bully said the same thing. "well they were nice to me" and everytime my bully would bully me, they wouldnt do anything and just stand by. it kind of hurt because no one at the time stood up for me. #stopbullying
Im autistic and I've learned to make sure any time someone vents to me and i wanna respond w a story (to show i get where they're coming from ykyk) i leave out just enough detail to soften the edges a bit and stay short enough to be background for whatever i say to comfort them, Honestly it feels a bit strange in the beginning but people usually prefer it so im happy putting in a little extra work to be supportive
That last one hit me hard bc my uncle is currently losing a cancer battle and i was telling one of my “friends” that and she was like “yeah my grandma died bc of cancer” and i just had to walk away crying bc i was shook
I have this one friend that I kind of have to be friends with because she has had some really bad friends in the past (her best friend constantly tells her how ugly she is even though she is pretty and gets mad that she has other friends than her). She hasn’t ever had really good friends and I’m not very close with her because I don’t see her very often, but she is friends with this one girl who is nice to her, but has spread multiple rumors about me and my close friend group. We told her about the rumors,but when she confronted the girl about it she said we were lying. I don’t blame her because she is closer with the other girl and thinks she can trust her more, but I just need help in how to handle the situation.
That last one hit hard- I’m an oversharer and when I try to relate by saying I’ve been through something similar people always assume I’m tryna turn the convo onto me- dude no, I just want you to know you’re not alone in feeling that😭😭😭😭
I just wanna say to everyone that if your way of relating and understanding someone is through telling them your problems, you aren't doing anything wrong. the way she said it is that if someone was venting and you purposefully try to one-up them or say something like "oh, well this happened to me so your vent is worthless, mine is more important" (or anything like that) then that is rude, and just straight up mean. But if someone is venting and you help them by saying a similar expierence of yours then that is kind cause you are reassuring that person and letting them know that you understand what they are going through and you will always be there for them. Sometimes people might mistake it for you trying to one-up them but as long as you and your close friends know that you are being kind then that's all that matters.
Hear me out, what if im friends with amazing people so they all have earned the title of ‘bestie’ 😭 Also what if my friends were the ones who abandoned me after I got a boyfriend because they ASSUMED I didn’t want anything to do with them. Oh and also rejected all efforts I made to hang out with only them
I came to school in 3rd grade the week after my grandma and uncle died a day apart. I tell my “best friend” because I’m really sad and she says, “that’s nothing, both my dogs died in the same month last year.” Like I get we were 3rd graders but like… 😭😭
I say everyone is my bestie cause we'll I only had two friends and they both complimented me with their personalities perfectly and honestly together they made me laugh and feel happy.
Girl i literally hate when i tell my friend about my bad skin and THEN she's like "well i have good skin , i don't even try." And not comfort me or even give advice like is this toxic or what?
I had a friend that got a boyfriend and she told her boyfriend my crush, her boyfriend then went on and kept saying he would tell my crush that i liked him but he never would. When i would tell her to make him stop she would hit me with the "i can't control him, he is his own person" my crush ended up knowing that i like him 💀
My best friend was bullied by this one girl and one of my best friends other really close friends started being friends with the one who bullied her i was so damn mad MY BEST FRIEND STAYED FRIENDS WITH HER i was so close to stealing my besties phone and calling to tell her tf off
A red flag in a girl is sharing a bunch of details you dont like about girls on the internet and make them feel insecure, like i get it, some of these make sense but like sometimes people like 'call everyone bestie' as a subconscious thing, like just tryna be nice?? No hate, i get your points just like, no ones perfect, and if they make a mistake they make a mistake 🤷♀️ i believe in forgiveness 🫶🌈
just know that these are just her OPINIONS the 1st and last one can be different for everyone u don’t have to get all worried abt what she’s saying and what she THINKS is right
Omg that last one, most of my friends know this about me- when someone tells me about their trama and experiences, i will ABSOLUTELY be there for them. And sometimes if I relate to the trauma, I will say “hey i relate, I understand where your coming from” and thats it i wont talk about my experiences. One time i told a girl who i was comforting that i understand the feeling of dealing with abusive siblings and she was like “Oh, well did your brother throw you out a window??” No. But he has thrown me at a wall. Regardless, Im fine with relating to pain, but when you undermine… damn. Goodbye
I was droppes by my one friend in highschool after i got bf. It was maybe 4 months into the relationship and she stopped being mt friend. We had sleep overs and everything, i brought her coffee every Friday. I started to include bringing my bf a coffee (along with hers) and she got really jelous. She told me she hopes my relationship was worth it and broke it off. I'm now engaged to that highschool bf and we're in college
Just incase anyone panics, not everyone realises they're one upping when sharing trauma. Sometimes we are just trying to connect and don't mean to. And that's okay when it's unintentional. What she's describing is something more so malicious than unintentional and they're very different beasts.
Ty for explaining
This happens so much more often than you think. I don’t think she’s a girl girl for not knowing this. Like how could you not? [Using her lingo to make a point.]
I feel seeeeeen. I’m not trying to be a meanie, I just hear something and tell a story of how I had a similar experience. In my brain I’m letting them know that I understand and they can keep telling me about it and I will support. But I have been told I seem like I’m trying to make it seem like I have it worse T-T. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut and nod along if it’s not someone I’m close close with who know my brain is goofy.
It's also a neurodivergent trait. This is how we portray we are actively listening
Okay this. I would try to mention a similar experience to show that I understand because I went through something similar. I don’t want to one-up, I want to make you feel less alone.
I just want to add neurodivergent people may accidentally sound like they are one upping you when they mean to be relating.
Yeah, like I have ADHD and I'll tell people related bad things that have happened to me because 1) my brain is constantly playing connect the dots and trying to link any new information to anything it can so it's gearing up to go "wow that's just like such and such" whether I want it to or not and 2) I'm trying to explain that I understand what you're going through and that you aren't alone without it sounding hollow and insincere - like I'm CITING MY SOURCES HERE.
I can understand if it's dismissing someone's trauma by saying that they shouldn't complain, but people should be careful with assuming negative things about, y'know, common neurodivergent symptoms.
@@moonbunny24yea this is me. I'm trying to learn to hold back the urge to share my similar experiences in certain situations to not come off as too rude.
Yeah I do that and I don't mean harm. I am trying to convey that I feel for them on a personal level 🙁
neurodivergent here to confirm 😔
@@moonbunny24Exactly I'm like this even though I try not to be😭
When she is hateful to lesbians &/or bi women. Yet she'll be sweet and polite to gay guys just to use them for hair/makeup/beauty & skincare advice not even being a real friend to him. But after finding out a lesbian or bi woman is in the friend group & out them to everyone else, call them gross & creepy, or accuse them of being a pervert. That's still homophobic but lesbian specific. I've dealt with it & I had to cut out 6 friends not just one.
Or she knows ur a bi/lesbian woman and calls/invites you to hang out but only if she can get something/needs something from you, im bi and I had to cut out my whole friend group bcs they would intentionally plan/leave me out of activities while I'm literally right there with them and just invite me when they need/want something from me, to give more context, I take care of ppls pets if they need to go overseas/work/vacation but can't bring their pets with themselves and I do custom chokers, at first it wasn't a problem but after some time I started to see how they were just using me(Im bad with social ques it took me quite a while 💀
@@eventhorizon2264 I hope you have a kinder friend group & things get better
PREACH!!! There are so many girls that want a gay best friend (of course in the high-fem stereotypical way) but would say the nastiest things to bi men or just gay masc men. Don't even get me started about lesbians and bisexual woman, just like you said 🤦🏻♀️
@@eventhorizon2264damn I'm so sorry this happened to you :( I hope you can find some nice friendships 🫶
Well honestly it's kind of relatively fresh that happened almost two years ago and I'm sure I will meet the right people, I don't want to rush those things, it took me some time to process and heal, and to learn to be alone and enjoy my own company/ to love my self, social anxiety is still here I'm still working on that bcs i want to have genuine friendships and I won't let social anxiety take that experience away from me✨@@rebel_chylde🌈🪻
The last one made me feel really bad about myself. I have adhd and autism, sharing similar stories is how i show that i am interested and that i can relate, i never intended to hurt anyone
dw, most people don't mind if you relate to something that happens to them. just don't be like "oh your grandma's sick? well my grandma died last week" because that can sound like you're trying to undermine their experiences because yours are 'worse.' if you want to relate, say something like "im sorry your grandma is sick, my grandma died last week, so i know how it feels" and let them have the floor. try not to take over the conversation and let them share what they need to.
@@raydar2877 well, mentioning the death of your grandmother then let them have the floor lmao it’s kinda hard like her grandmother literally died.
well now u know buddy
@@theycallmelanitaliterally what do you do then just sit there and nod
Don't feel bad, you learned it now so next time will be better.
sometimes i feel so bad because someone will be venting to me and i’ll be like “yeah i get it, _____ happened to me, i know it sucks” to be nice and try to make them realise i understand what they’re going through then later i realise it might’ve sounded like i was tryna one-up them 😭
I don’t think that counts as “one upping” that’s more of you trying to connect with similar experiences.
One upping would be more like “you don’t even have it that bad. That’s because of so and so that happened to me” or “it’s not that bad” or even “other people have it worse so I don’t know why you’re complaining.”
@@fishoutofwater-flop-flopfl7171 yeah i know but when your talking about something sensitive and they then talk about their situation it can seem like one-upping, especially when your being vulnerable:))
Are you ADHD? It’s a common adhd trait to try and relate to the person you are trying to comfort/ talk to in general
@@Rollypoly666That is one thing in my adhd that is so obvious to me, and so I thaught it was normal until i realized it looked like trauma dumping
@@Rollypoly666 Lol, I’m honestly in the middle of getting diagnosed right now. Had no idea this was a common trait
That last one made me feel so validated, I've come across so many girls that always would try to come up with something god awful whenever you talk about trauma, so demoralizing...
Fr 😭😭
Fr my bestfriend ones up random ass trauma I say for now apparent reason and when I tell another trusted friend about it she always butts in and tells her story but only when I tell someone new
The trauma one is hard for me. When I share my own experiences it's not to "one up" a person. It's too say, "i know what you're going through. This effing sucks."
Exactly, when people do that to me I find it comforting that they listened to what I said and relate to it.
Girl, "bestie" can just be part of a way someone speaks too lmao. It doesn't have to mean they're actually besties with everyone
fr
She probably already knows that but she is talking about another pacific group of people when saying "Bestie" and already explain those types of people in the video and how she feels about them.
Edit: This is probably the most likes and attention i got from a comment.
YES and also just what if someone doesn’t pick up social cues and considers everyone their best friend?
okay I get that but some people say that to make *everyone* like them like she will go around saying omggg bestie you look so cutee or omggg bestie you are so perfect and then she will talk bad about that very person to you as SOON as they leave.
@@natashafida3313 Exactly, Like what I was trying to say lol.
I just wanna give a little reminder that trying to one up trauma and replying with a similar experience to try and relate/give comfort is not the same thing. A lot of autistic/nd people do the second thing to try and better relate to the other person (for some it can help with empathizing) or to give some comfort to the other person by showing them that they aren’t alone. It isn’t trying to make everything about themselves
im besties with everyone because im . autistic
I mean you can call everyone your bestie but I hope you know that they don't see you as their bestie
same
Yippee🎉
Real
HOW DID YOU DO TYAT 😭
I simply call everyone my ' bestie ' or ' pookie ' cause that's the way pinterest taught me..
Hold up Pinterest taught you that? I thought that was an old TH-cam thing like calling everyone fam.
SAMEE
Omg same and I am thinking I am a bad person while watching this- What do I do? who's right? 💀
Same pookie😔
@@Jypapi7my personal opinion is call whoever your bestie or pookie just make sure your actual like "best best friends" know that they are your "best best friend"
So the one upping this i got accused of once. I have severe adhd and it's how we process information. We aren't one upping but more like trying to express our understanding of the situation. Once i was accused of it, it made me self reflect hard and pull away from everyone. It broke me a little because the person who said that to me was a close friend that i did everything for. I was always there for them, and it hurt hearing that. I learned how to mask better but made a conscious effort to befriend people who also have adhd because its easier to be myself with them instead of having to mask all the time to be polite. Idk i agree with everything but the one upping thing because what you may consider one upping someone could consider it as getting closer or vibing. It's more about intentions behind the act than the act itself.
Same T^T
I couldn’t have worded this better, I’m in the same boat. I was in a friend group where I was the only person who was neurodivergent (also severe ADHD) I was just trying to show them that I understand and that I care about what they are saying! I’m trying to explain my story to show them they aren’t alone and if they ever need someone who understands to talk to they can talk to me. There were multiple times where they accused me of trying to belittle them to get all the attention. It does hurt a lot because it’s not my intention and I tried to explain that and they didn’t get it. Nowadays I just mimic what everyone else is saying to avoid conflict!
I didn't see your comment, I just commented something similar. This is exactly it. It's our way of saying hey I understand what you're going through actually, I not only feel sympathy for you, I feel true empathy because I've been through something similar.
Like you said, this is exactly why my entire circle of friends now is people who are neurodivergent, or actually understand what I'm doing.
I do not want to have to mask in front of anyone ever again.
i don’t have ADHD (well i might but idk) and i do this a lot and always feel so bad after 😭😭 i’ve never been directly accused but i accuse myself
@Elinaaaaaaaaaaaa yes! It's easier for me to be friends with other adhd people now because when we are talking, we bounce off of each other. Idk I got tired of always masking.
I sometimes call multiple ppl bestie or pookie bc I don't wanna make them feel any less than other ppl I call that,,,I basicaly overthink-
Same! I don’t mean it in a rude way when I call everyone “bestie” I just don’t want anyone left out!
I just call them girlie or chika, it kinda works if you don't want to call everyone bestie or you don't want to overuse the word
A lot of abusive relationships involve being isolated from friends, being convinced by your partner that everyone else is against you or bad for you, or not having independence from your partner, so if it seems like someone you know is suddenly not talking to anyone but their partner and isnt seen without them, check in on them
Well, my friend blocked everyone for her boyfriend, we tried to convince her. But well she didn't listen and moved towns. So...
Hopefully, she stays well is all I can hope.
i don’t think that’s what she’s referring to. she’s talking abt girls who use their friends as ‘placeholders’ until they get a boyfriend
@@whosslivv of course, Im just saying that it looks very similar from the outside and you should always look out for your friends and make sure they are safe physically and emotionally
ex👏🏻act👏🏻ly👏🏻 Also if you’re deep into an abusive relationship it can get to a point where you’re not PERMITED to go anywhere without them and it’s not like they say “you can’t do that you have to listen to me” but they can be sooooo brilliant at making you believe that good and loving partner would never make their loved one feel left behind by going anywhere by yourself. It’s really f-ing scary
THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY YES
I just wanted to note, of course there are people who do try to one up people. But neurodivergent people, when we're relating to people, we will sometimes say a similar story of what we've gone through, in an effort to relate to you.
It's our way of saying hey I understand what you're going through, I've been through the same exact thing.
Of course there will be people who try to one-up you, but it's not always that if somebody is sharing a similar experience.
i call everyone bestie but mainly strangers LMFAAOOO
My “friend” dropped all of us the second she got a boyfriend. And the funny thing? We where friends with him before they dated, in-fact I was the one who introduced them. I felt really used.
I even asked him if she was mad at me and he had no idea why she dropped me.
She would ask me where “my friends where” if I wanted to hang out with them,
she’d point out things about my physically appearance in front of our guy friends, (not like calling me names, but like pointing out my chin or my acne
Or my lips)
And what’s worse? She started making “that’s so gay” jokes Un-ironically to my face to make herself seem like “one of the boys” despite the fact I had been open with her about struggling with my sexuality for over a year. Don’t get me wrong I can handle a joke, but she’d make really stereotypical and hurtful jokes that went past dumb humour and genuinely felt homophobic.
Hey, I'm really sorry that happened to you.. You really don't deserve that.
Saying stuff like "That's so gay" r whatever to seem like 'the boys' isn't really... Look, I know plenty of guys who are silly like what you'd think of when one says 'the boys', but they don't say stuff like that. Being gay is not bad. It's not humour, it's just weird to say 'that's so gay' - that's what we've been taught at least.
I'd say just try to distance yourself from them for now, okay? I had a racist friend who'd make comments like "that's so [enter my ethnicity] of you." that hurt, it definitely did, especially because she knows how insecure I'm of my ethnicity. After I started to distance myself from her, I felt better. I still check up on her time-to-time because she has told me very person things and I don't want her to feel like I just left and might spread that information (I would never.. But for me if I am very close to someone, I tell them very personal things, and then we drift apart.. It makes me nervous and scared.. I don't want anyone to feel like that that's why I check up on her) but I'm much better now.
Try to surround yourself with better people, okay? Everything will be alright
(if you're sad about how things have changed, then I totally understand that too.. Unfortunately, there's not much one can do about that so I'd just say accept and continue living the best life you possibly can.)
Much love,
(whatever my username is I forgot)
A tip to the neurodivergent people here as a fellow ND: don't be afraid to straight up telling the person "hey, I say this not to one up you but to show that I understand and care, but if you don't like that tell me and I'll stop". 99% of the time it works, because either they understand and won't be too upset, or they'll tell you not to say anything or what they want from you. We can't learn if others don't show, and others won't show if we don't ask/explain. It might sound weird and childish, but that's just how it works.
I do call a lot of people my “besties” or best friends but that’s because I have like so many small friend groups. There’s my swiftie friends, my childhood friends, my school friends, and my irl friend + an internet bsf.
Overall seems like a lot but probably around 10, and I’m close to very few. I do however hold grudges, so if you do me dirty (or any of my friends) you best believe I’m blocking and dropping that person 😭
Not everyone of those matching my ex best friend 😭 when we met I noticed that she was only friends with guys and for some reason had no girlfriends, when I asked her about it she said she only gets along with guys because girls are “too much drama,” (Before meeting her. I had friends that were majority women that acted nothing like her so I assumed this was like the opposite personality of the girls that that I was used to and this it was perfectly normal…I WAS SO WRONG.)
I soon learned why she was only friends with guys and it wasn’t because girls were too much drama, they just didn’t have the right equipment for sampling. 🤷🏽♀️ The way she would speak about other women when guys were around The things she would do to embarrass women to make herself look better in the eyes of a man. Even though it wasn’t my business after a year or 2 of her dining and whining over 7-8 guys I told her that she should stop the things she’s doing because she might end up getting really hurt and she should try focusing on herself because of the multiple times she’d called me crying over scumbags…and she told me “Are you serious? This is the reason why I’m only friends with guys.” And never spoke to me again. At first, I didn’t understand what she meant by that but overtime I thought over our last conversations and it was me giving her advice on a healthy relationships/focusing on herself instead of guys and her calling me a hater/lonely.
I told an old friend I was going to probably die from a disease I got from my mom that she died of (I was in grade 6-7) She made a joke and laughed and walked away. I still have the disease but i am still currently alive, Scotia if your reading this, I hope you’ve became a better person.
It really just depends on what kind of person it is if they're one-upping you or if they're trying to relate to you in some way, I will try to relate to someone by also showing that I am going through the same thing as them and sometimes it can seem like one upping someone
I call everyone bestie tho but that’s bc I love everyone
My best friend whom I believed was my soulmate ghosted me because she got into a relationship and apparently her girlfriend has something against me. She showed signs before that she would just dump me as she got insanely mad at me as I didn't approve of one of her crushes: "You are my best friend how can you be so cruel and ruin it for me by not giving your approval!" Mind you her crush back then literally ignored her existence and lied to her and none of her friends liked him.
Well if her relationship ends one day there is no coming back. Doors are closed
Yeah you DEFINITELY deserve better friends, they both suck and if you were friends before the relationship and she dropped you for a girlfriend then she clearly doesn't care enough about you. And when the relationship ends she'll probably come crawling back and blame her partner for her choosing to drop you
Not a friend but a relative often told me that I should cut my hair, when I was younger my cousin once cut off my hair (waist length) all the way up to my ears. Because a child had done it my hair looked very choppy and rough and I had to go to a hair salon to cut it even shorter to make sure the hair grew out evenly. One of my relatives knew this and they knew I hated getting a haircut ever since so they would always threaten me with one. I was sick of it so I decided to get one, and they didn’t believe me at first but I got it cut short and while I liked my haircut they kept on telling me it looked bad. I was pleasantly surprised when I told them I was being complimented by others and the look of shock on their face was hilarious
Just to clear things up, one upping isn’t always bad. Its common in neurodivergent people as we want to comfort or relate to someone by sharing a similar experience. I feel like while these videos are helpful they tend to only apply to neurotypical people and make neurodivergent people who mean well look bad. (Ofc neurodivergent people can be bad ppl too, this is just a broad statement)
I disagree in the sense that when neurodivergent people do what you're saying their not trying to one up though they're just trying to bond. Umless you are intentionally trying to compete with the other person you're not will ome upping.
I do this.. I just want them to feel like they are not alone.
Real. So many of these stuff may be different for neurodivergent people.
"One upping isn't bad" lmao be so fr rn 💀😭 yes it's a common trait among neurodivergents but just coz it's common doesn't mean it's good.
@@grapesarepurple2636 its not even one upping, just relating. sorry you have no empathy ableist weirdo
I used to call everyone my "bestie" bc i js thought everyone was my friend till i realized we were "acquaintances" 😭 but it was in elementary so 😮💨
I was talking to this girl about how it was wrong to make fun of disabled people in a group chat (which she was doing) and she ended up hating me and bullying me after that for embarrassing her. I told my best friend who was in charge of the group chat and she just laughed it off and said she’s actually super sweet what are you talking about it? So I left 🤷🏻♀️
Neurodivergents unite on that last one
We don’t do it to try to “one up” your trauma. We think that by bringing something similar that has happened to us you’ll feel like you’re not alone. A lot of neurodivergent people have a hard time comforting others or being in that kind of social situation. Personally sometimes I start making jokes, it’s just my way to cope with things and I tend to think that other people will appreciate it as much as I do. Trying to work on that but yeah, who relates?
frfrfr
My old best friend was basically my therapist because she was the only person I trusted, I told her how my dad’s emotionally abusive, my mother always screams at us, I’m being bullied and so on and she tried to one up me and said, “Well at least you didn’t grow up in a toxic family where you have chores 🙄” like um… girl? Are you okay?
Were you also her therapist friend?
@@butnamjoongunshot2510 sorry I didn’t respond for forever, I was everyone else’s but she didn’t trust me
my ex bsf did all of that
ONE-UPPING TRAUMA AAAAAUGHHHHH SO REAL
The “well, they didn’t bully me, so…” is too true. I told my (ex) friend that she shouldn’t be friends with this girl I fought a lot with, but when she had a little beef with somebody, I was expected to drop everything I had with them. Anyways now the girl I fought with a lot of and I are besties, because we both share a hatred for this “friend.”
My so called best friend did this to me with my abusive ex. She was fully on the hate train with me until we both moved back to the city and they hung out once and she was like "sorry i dont hate them anymore" and later had a threesome with them on my birthday in our house
The last one Is so real like I have these two friends and one of them was talking to us because she has an eating disorder and it’s a really bad case. and I feel so bad for her anyway, she was talking to us about it right and then my other friend was like my dad hit me with the belt like OK?🤨girl show some empathy
I call alot of people my bestie because most of my friends im super close with and i love them so much
the last one is so relatable
one of my close friends just got a boyfriend who I SET HER UP WITH and now shes ghosting me and legit leaving me but like her loss
Unforgivable
Everything you said is literally so real!❤
the boyfriend ones made me feel so validated bc i was called jealous for bringing that up 🥲
I’m a dude but I’m an aromantic dude and that one about dropping all your friends for a partner is SO FUCKING TRUE. If you get a partner and you stop talking to me I’ll block you on everything
my friend had started crushing on this guy a year ago and i kid you not she almost always started talking about him. i don't know a thing about relationships and i alos feel like somewhere on aro spectrum so it felt super uncomfortable and tbh i felt betrayed because she'd never ask about me and she'd start hanging out with him much more, talking about him and generally we now spend less time together. and I'm not even talking about the fact that i have some family issues and I would vent about it in my blog and she'd never ever reach out to me even though I'd always try to listen to her. sigh. i hate it all.
the boyfriend one, we went to get our nails done tg and he was there 💀
Im autistic and i had no idea about the first one i just have alot of friends that mean alot to me, i even call this to my favourite teachers 😢
the one upping has got to be the most irritating thing ever like why you gotta make everything a competition?? 😭😭
my best friend i feel tries to one up my trauma. idk if it’s intentional or if it’s just her trying to show she relates but i don’t vibe with it. i’m planning on talking with her about it but im nervous tbh
especially because our experiences in life in the past and currently are so different. like it feels insulting to have her one up my trauma and then in the same day talk about how happy she is and how much she loves herself and all that while i’m drowning
Sending you hugs, I kind of understand and whatever ur going through isn't easy and honestly that's so self centered of her , my honest advice is for you to focus on yourself and getting better/dealing with whatever you're going through and talking with her ab it, but she will always find a way to make it about herself probably. And her talking about how much she loves herself/happy she is in the same day when u told her ur struggles is just not genuine especially when she knows ur drowning, I think she is maybe mirroring you,not trying to relate to similar experiences or trauma, but I don't know her so take what I said with a grain of salt
"i know you're just trying to relate to what I'm struggling with, but it's hard for me to feel heard unless I can speak my situation.
To be honest it just feels to me that I am not being truly listened to when different topics are talked about inbetween me talking about my struggles.
Again I appreciate how helpful you are for me in this situation, and I would still love to continue to seek your shoulder to confide about stuff that is hard for me"
Is she neurodivergent? She might just be trying to relate to you. It's often how neurodivergent people relate. It is our way of showing, not only do we our way of showing, not only do we fell sympathy for you, but we feel empathy too as we have gone through something similar.
It just depends on how she's doing it.
Lake is she starting it in a way where she's like oh I've had the same thing happen to me, or I went through something similar, or is she actually saying the words, oh well it was so much worse for me when XYZ situation occurred. She's saying that XYZ situation was worse for her, then that is one upping.
Also, when it comes to trauma people can present differently, some people present very happy, and can have ups and downs. Especially if she has a comorbid condition, which is often the case with people who have adhd, if she happens to have adhd.
i seem like i’m accidently one-upping people sometimes, even though i’m not so here’s what i would reccomend you say to her because i understand feeling like that sucks 🫶🏼🫶🏼
so smth along the lines of “so you know when i was talking about _________ to you, it was something really personal and when you talked about ________ it made me feels like you didn’t really care and tried to shift everything on to you, i don’t know if you meant to but please don’t do it again. it made me feel horrible”
i call alot of people "bestie" but thats just like a nick name because i actually dont have alot of friends lmao
a girl I was best friends with for 10 years bestied up with a girl that had been nonstop bullying and harassing me for months.. told me that "I just don't understand her. shes actually been through a lot!" kinda broke my heart ngl. Was 9 years ago but still haven't let it go
i feel bad lol, i kinda bring my bf anywhere bc he helps with my bad anxiety, not to say my friends don’t yet they’re really loud and fun and filled with energy.. and sometimes that overstimulation gets to me and i need him.. 😭😭😭
I call everyone my bestie even those who do me wrong or my friends wrong, not actually “bestie” but I am still a friend
A person might have done you wrong, ok. Forgiveness is freeing and i will stay with you through the whole thing and separate myself from that person but at the end of the day everyone needs a friend and some people get along with different people. It's a matter of maturity and knowing who's in the right and wrong
Dude ik it’s unrelated but I could listen to her talk for hours I love her voice
You’re so underrated holy crap, i can tell your channel is gonna grow like crazy 😭
the bestie one is so reallll!
Only thing i do is call people bestie LMAO ill die on that grave its like sister to me and i call everyone that 😂 its the queer in me fr i call men and women thatt
Actually so real for the boyfriend bullshit, I've had multiple friends drop me after they got a boyfriend 😕
I kinda js realized that my “bestie” is the WALKING ICK 😭😭😭
my favorite person on earth calls everyone bestie, but that’s because she really is besties with most everyone. she is incredible sweet and makes everyone feel special ❤❤❤
here’s the difference between one upping and relating for anyone that’s freaking out:)
i have a friend i’ve been friends w for YRS and i told her abt my SA experience w my boyfriend at the time and i only told her and one other cousin and this was her response
“yeah i understand that.. i lost my best friend of ten yrs and it was rlly hard.. honestly i think best friend breakups are worse than relationship breakups. also remember that time i got jumped? (shes a HUGE liar) i felt hands all over me it was much worse than sexual assault.
a few weeks ago me and my friend were sharing our very similar experiences w SA and when i told her abt mine she responded like this.
“oh my word that’s horrible (her SAers name) was like that too.. i’m so sorry you had to go through that you didnt deserve that”
if you’re worried abt one upping someone’s trauma you probably didnt bc these type of ppl aren’t always self aware
I call my enemies my bestie right in front of them just to piss them off and it’s so fun
The bestie one might not be true for a lot of people but it is for me, last year i got harrassed for 4 weeks by girls that were one year younger than me and they kept calling me their bestie and it was really disgusting, i dont know how to explain it but its worse than what i said
Tbh, I have one up people before, some on purpose, but most of them was an accident. Like we could be talking and they just say about one time they experienced something bad and got trauma from it and I just say like something nice and then talk about my only trauma story that someone people could think it is worse then theirs, but it depends. And sometimes they get mad at me and I don’t understand. I just stand/sit there confused and then later on get insecure so I don’t really talk about it that much anymore when someone tells me about their trauma story, and now I know why they looked at me weird or something and I didn’t even mean it. And also those time I meant it was get back on that one girl who thought she was better and even started lying to get attention and even get mad and say something super dramatic, and after you just want to jump off a cliff.
Love your vids they helped me understand how many fake friends I have tysm just subscribed
i call everyone my bestie but not if they're bullies and when someone is venting to me, i tell them my experiences too and it's not because im trying to one-up them, i js want them to know that they're not alone.
This was theraputic for me tyyy
One of my friends called my ex (at the time my bf) her “bestie” they don’t go to school together, and they barely even talk at youth, I quickly pulled her aside at told her that he was mine, she hasn’t called him that since
THE PPL WHO ”one up” WHEN SOMEONE TELLS THEM ABOUT A PROBLEM THEY HAVE OR SOMETHING MAKE ME SO ANNOYED
I actually had a friend who ignored me to be with her girlfriend. I tried talking to them about it but they kept ignoring me and saying that I was just jealous and being controlling. After I was almost late to class because I was walking with them, I stopped walking with them. They dropped me the next day
THE LAST ONE!!!
I call all my friend's besties sometimes cuz its too hard to decide
I'm commenting on every video I see of yours that you're GORGEOUS
Once I was in a shooting, so I called my friend in a panic and she said oh my gosh it’s so bad I’ve had such a bad day too. My dad got a fireworks thrown at him(it was a firecracker)😒😒 like girl stop trying to one up me geez! I was literally just running for my life
oh my god that’s honestly horrible 😭 hope ur ok!!
You are not a girls girl if your dont understand the concept of toxic relationships
Wait what does that mean ?
Guys I have questions 🙏
1) so, I’m friends with two friend groups that don’t like each other, no one was bullied, there was js arguments and their relationships were toxic, and they all fell out besides me, I stayed with both of them, since I was not involved in the arguments and there’s wasn’t this horrible bad blood between all the people. No one has said anything abt me being friends with the other and they don’t seem to care. Is that okay? Or should I only be friends with one side?
And 2) I’m in 8th grade so i understand relationships and I’m fine with them but my best friend got in a relationship earlier this year or late last year (I can’t remember). She had a boyfriend in 7th too, and he was my friend so it was all cool until she totally ghosted me and our other best friend, now don’t get me wrong she still talked to us, but she didn’t sit by us in class, or lunch, and rarely texted us, that annoyed us so we stepped away from trying to get her attention. Later they broke up and ofc we were by her side but she’s doing the same thing this year, but worse. She never replies to my messages but every time I see her, she’s texting her boyfriend. She also allowed him to have her instagram, which idc, but apparently he checks her messages, which again idc. But, I send her reels and I ask why she hasn’t seen them/replied and she says it’s cause he looks at them and so now there’s no notification that I sent her anything. I told her that made me uncomfortable, cause that means he can look at all of them(which we have talked abt private stuff before) and I told her that he shouldn’t be doing that and if she could tell him to stop, and apparently she “talked” to him, idk if I believe that tho, cause even today she said he does it. I deleted the recent reels I sent her and I’m not planning on sending her any, unless she breaks up with him or he logs out. And what’s worse is that she doesn’t have his, I found that weird but she trusts him…so that’s that. They also make everyone uncomfortable, in school (especially at lunch) they are always up on each other, kissing, hugging, etc. it’s honestly just gross. I mean there was even this one time at a dance they just sat at a table making out and hugging, while I was right. there… I mean even teachers saw, they have 0 shame. I even tried to do stuff with her and she didnt get up, but as soon as he wanted to get up she did, listen I love her but she js a total doormat and pushes away the people she “loves”. Idk it just makes me so mad. I don’t know if I’m over reacting, am I?
1. You should stay friends with both. The "dont be friends with them" thing is only valid if youre best friends with the person. If theyre just friends and you like and want to stay friends with both sides, you shouldnt drop one or the other. Even if anyone says anything, theres no valid reason for you to drop the others unless they did something rlly bad or bullied your other friends. If theres nothing like that, then you should keep being friends with both if you want
2. Tbh with people like that, even if you lay out the cons in their relationship very clearly in front of them, they still wont care. Your friend will probably say "oh i know its bad but i love him so its fine" as if hes not literally invading her privacy and boundaries that she is too scared to uphold. If you dont know the whole situation, you shouldnt interfere too much. Her bf might be holding something against her, or maybe she is just too blind to see the red flags. I know people that kinda ghost others for their boyfriends, one of my friends included, but theyre not that bad. But to me it seems like your friend is with the guy purely bc the guy wants to be possessive and have someone to make out with all the time. If shes flat out ghosting you (especially if youre a close friend of hers) then theres not much you can do except distance yourself from her until she realizes or breaks up with her bf. And i have to be straightforward here, but in all honesty if you have other good friends, you should just drop her. Someone who only sees you when she loses her (boy)friend and proceeds to ghost you afterwards isnt worth stressing over.
Also she said she never saw any notifcs from you, but she knows her bf checks her msgs so she should know that even if u sent a msg, it wouldn't appear. She still doesnt check ur chat tho, which just shows she doesnt think and care about you.
Mightve been a bit excessive but id be glad if i helped in some way
I only call my close male friends bestie. Theres only like 5 of them.
man, the friends i had that were friends with my bully said the same thing. "well they were nice to me" and everytime my bully would bully me, they wouldnt do anything and just stand by. it kind of hurt because no one at the time stood up for me. #stopbullying
I have too much love just to call one person my best friend and that’s okay 🫶🏽
Im autistic and I've learned to make sure any time someone vents to me and i wanna respond w a story (to show i get where they're coming from ykyk) i leave out just enough detail to soften the edges a bit and stay short enough to be background for whatever i say to comfort them,
Honestly it feels a bit strange in the beginning but people usually prefer it so im happy putting in a little extra work to be supportive
THE LAST ONE IS SO REAL
That last one hit me hard bc my uncle is currently losing a cancer battle and i was telling one of my “friends” that and she was like “yeah my grandma died bc of cancer” and i just had to walk away crying bc i was shook
The first one is so real!!!
The boyfriend part makes me sad, I just really like him around, he makes me feel pretty (because I am) and I get nervous to talk to my friends alone 😞
I have that same lipstick!!
I have this one friend that I kind of have to be friends with because she has had some really bad friends in the past (her best friend constantly tells her how ugly she is even though she is pretty and gets mad that she has other friends than her). She hasn’t ever had really good friends and I’m not very close with her because I don’t see her very often, but she is friends with this one girl who is nice to her, but has spread multiple rumors about me and my close friend group. We told her about the rumors,but when she confronted the girl about it she said we were lying. I don’t blame her because she is closer with the other girl and thinks she can trust her more, but I just need help in how to handle the situation.
That last one hit hard- I’m an oversharer and when I try to relate by saying I’ve been through something similar people always assume I’m tryna turn the convo onto me- dude no, I just want you to know you’re not alone in feeling that😭😭😭😭
I actually have so much besties, but they’re actually good people😊
I just wanna say to everyone that if your way of relating and understanding someone is through telling them your problems, you aren't doing anything wrong.
the way she said it is that if someone was venting and you purposefully try to one-up them or say something like "oh, well this happened to me so your vent is worthless, mine is more important" (or anything like that) then that is rude, and just straight up mean. But if someone is venting and you help them by saying a similar expierence of yours then that is kind cause you are reassuring that person and letting them know that you understand what they are going through and you will always be there for them.
Sometimes people might mistake it for you trying to one-up them but as long as you and your close friends know that you are being kind then that's all that matters.
What highlighter do you use?
Hear me out, what if im friends with amazing people so they all have earned the title of ‘bestie’ 😭
Also what if my friends were the ones who abandoned me after I got a boyfriend because they ASSUMED I didn’t want anything to do with them. Oh and also rejected all efforts I made to hang out with only them
I came to school in 3rd grade the week after my grandma and uncle died a day apart. I tell my “best friend” because I’m really sad and she says, “that’s nothing, both my dogs died in the same month last year.”
Like I get we were 3rd graders but like… 😭😭
I say everyone is my bestie cause we'll I only had two friends and they both complimented me with their personalities perfectly and honestly together they made me laugh and feel happy.
This girl tells it how it is and I respect that
Girl i literally hate when i tell my friend about my bad skin and THEN she's like "well i have good skin , i don't even try." And not comfort me or even give advice like is this toxic or what?
I had a friend that got a boyfriend and she told her boyfriend my crush, her boyfriend then went on and kept saying he would tell my crush that i liked him but he never would. When i would tell her to make him stop she would hit me with the "i can't control him, he is his own person" my crush ended up knowing that i like him 💀
I will choose hanging with my bf over a girls night, i can see my girl friends whenever, my man i barely see once a month
The first one is just you being insecure
My best friend was bullied by this one girl and one of my best friends other really close friends started being friends with the one who bullied her i was so damn mad MY BEST FRIEND STAYED FRIENDS WITH HER i was so close to stealing my besties phone and calling to tell her tf off
Same happened with me, but i close ties right after
A red flag in a girl is sharing a bunch of details you dont like about girls on the internet and make them feel insecure, like i get it, some of these make sense but like sometimes people like 'call everyone bestie' as a subconscious thing, like just tryna be nice?? No hate, i get your points just like, no ones perfect, and if they make a mistake they make a mistake 🤷♀️ i believe in forgiveness 🫶🌈
Im quiet when someone is talking about trauma i relate but i dont wanna say that because i feel like people would think im making about my self .
just know that these are just her OPINIONS the 1st and last one can be different for everyone u don’t have to get all worried abt what she’s saying and what she THINKS is right
SHE'S SPEAKING FAXXX RIGHT!!!!
Omg that last one, most of my friends know this about me- when someone tells me about their trama and experiences, i will ABSOLUTELY be there for them. And sometimes if I relate to the trauma, I will say “hey i relate, I understand where your coming from” and thats it i wont talk about my experiences. One time i told a girl who i was comforting that i understand the feeling of dealing with abusive siblings and she was like “Oh, well did your brother throw you out a window??”
No. But he has thrown me at a wall.
Regardless, Im fine with relating to pain, but when you undermine… damn. Goodbye
I was droppes by my one friend in highschool after i got bf. It was maybe 4 months into the relationship and she stopped being mt friend. We had sleep overs and everything, i brought her coffee every Friday. I started to include bringing my bf a coffee (along with hers) and she got really jelous. She told me she hopes my relationship was worth it and broke it off. I'm now engaged to that highschool bf and we're in college
Hows it going with ur bf?