All I know is I'm an extraordinary woman who was highly secure that bumped into a man that try to mask his insecurities which caused me to get both anxious and avoidant. Ego is a protective mechanism I heard. Well I'm 10 weeks post break up, in radio silence to ensure I never get thus "ex" back. If he could not see my value and mature up to ensure he wouldn't lose me, then I am very proud of my ego for pushing me to deal with reality. People can change your "attachment styles". I don't believe in the theory of them. I believe when someone shows you who they are believe them and act accordingly.
YES!! Very important topic! I found from myself already with the help of my psychologist and only after finding this can we change. Many times - as with us - both myself and the ex can be in the same category...but one of us needs to heal and develop to have a change later to unite on a higher relationship level (also the ex needs after that to develop).
I believe it is at least partially true for anxious attachers. If you think about it, the perspective of "please don't leave me, give me more attention, etc." is selfish at it's core. The difference may be whether or not you are truly meeting the needs of the avoidant partner while asking for these things from them.
In my experience, the anxious/avoidant dynamic becomes a dance of being hyper reactive towards each other. I had a very healthy and connected relationship go down in flames in a few months because of a slight shift in behaviours, that inconsistency triggered a snowball effect with our clashing insecure attachments - we had no idea we had these insecure triggers, feeling secure for years.
Maybe it doesn't always come from the "please don't leave me, give me more attention, etc." attitude when you do something nice for your partner. But avoidants tend to interpret it that way based on their fears and not always on the partner's intention
I think this is a good way to frame anxious attachment if you’re looking to change and be more secure (or at least for me personally). I understand when and how my anxiety affected the relationship, and it’s easy to just say “don’t be that way again,” but looking at it as egocentrism by proxy is a good way of pulling back and seeing the bigger picture of what was happening, what needs to change, and how to try and do it.
I reflect on my last relationship and struggle to know if I sabotaged it with anxious behaviours or if my avoidant partner’s behaviour shifts triggered my anxious patterns… it’s most likely both. More and more I see the behaviours she exhibited that helped with the breakup, initially I put all the blame on myself, classic anxious move.
Another idea is that perhaps most people rely on others to compensate & correct for deficiencies within as a direct result of imbalances during childhood & the developmental process.
There is another problem. If a man has invested into relationship a lot, then after being dumped, he is really abused, robbed, beaten, humiliated. If someone is robbed or abused then if he turns into police or court, is egicentric activity?
All I know is I'm an extraordinary woman who was highly secure that bumped into a man that try to mask his insecurities which caused me to get both anxious and avoidant. Ego is a protective mechanism I heard. Well I'm 10 weeks post break up, in radio silence to ensure I never get thus "ex" back. If he could not see my value and mature up to ensure he wouldn't lose me, then I am very proud of my ego for pushing me to deal with reality. People can change your "attachment styles". I don't believe in the theory of them. I believe when someone shows you who they are believe them and act accordingly.
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
I'll will leave his info below this comment He will definitely help you and put a smile on your face.
On what's App👍
Yup , well said. Diving into my Anxious attachment unearthed a lot of subtle selfish intentions. Shadow work for sure. Thanks Alexis !
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
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@@Elizabeth-o8m9v yes I've worked with Alexis a bit . But I will reach out ! Thank you
Keep going AF, I’m not sure where you are going but your constructiveness is most clear
YES!! Very important topic! I found from myself already with the help of my psychologist and only after finding this can we change. Many times - as with us - both myself and the ex can be in the same category...but one of us needs to heal and develop to have a change later to unite on a higher relationship level (also the ex needs after that to develop).
I believe it is at least partially true for anxious attachers. If you think about it, the perspective of "please don't leave me, give me more attention, etc." is selfish at it's core. The difference may be whether or not you are truly meeting the needs of the avoidant partner while asking for these things from them.
In my experience, the anxious/avoidant dynamic becomes a dance of being hyper reactive towards each other. I had a very healthy and connected relationship go down in flames in a few months because of a slight shift in behaviours, that inconsistency triggered a snowball effect with our clashing insecure attachments - we had no idea we had these insecure triggers, feeling secure for years.
The unlimited need for space though :/
That kills it for me
Maybe it doesn't always come from the "please don't leave me, give me more attention, etc." attitude when you do something nice for your partner. But avoidants tend to interpret it that way based on their fears and not always on the partner's intention
@ ugh and I hate it. We agonize or at least I do over not looking that way. But the timing of my last gift couldn’t have been worse.
@@taylorbee4010 A gift can be triggering for an avoidant
I think this is a good way to frame anxious attachment if you’re looking to change and be more secure (or at least for me personally). I understand when and how my anxiety affected the relationship, and it’s easy to just say “don’t be that way again,” but looking at it as egocentrism by proxy is a good way of pulling back and seeing the bigger picture of what was happening, what needs to change, and how to try and do it.
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
I'll will leave his info below this comment He will definitely help you and put a smile on your face.
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
I just want to add that I truly appreciate the way you dissect this situation so that I can understand my anxious obsessive habits ...
Despite I'm an AP, I totally agree.....
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
@@Elizabeth-o8m9v No thnx....my relationship is wonderful and I'm working on it for the last 2 years...
"What it means for them to love you -- that's what matters to you. And that's very much egocentric".
This hits home for me. Thank you
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
I'll will leave his info below this comment He will definitely help you and put a smile on your face.
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
This is spot on.
I reflect on my last relationship and struggle to know if I sabotaged it with anxious behaviours or if my avoidant partner’s behaviour shifts triggered my anxious patterns… it’s most likely both. More and more I see the behaviours she exhibited that helped with the breakup, initially I put all the blame on myself, classic anxious move.
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
I'll will leave his info below this comment He will definitely help you and put a smile on your face.
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
The Inner Child needs to started to be healed.
Another idea is that perhaps most people rely on others to compensate & correct for deficiencies within as a direct result of imbalances during childhood & the developmental process.
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
I'll will leave his info below this comment He will definitely help you and put a smile on your face.
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
Neither, I'm happy as I am. Shalom
There is another problem. If a man has invested into relationship a lot, then after being dumped, he is really abused, robbed, beaten, humiliated. If someone is robbed or abused then if he turns into police or court, is egicentric activity?
Do you need help to restore the relationship or cure the illness?
I'll will leave his info below this comment He will definitely help you and put a smile on your face.
*@✛2347025934857👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
@@Elizabeth-o8m9v I live in Estonia, Europe...