I was a teacher for thirty years and yes, I could tell when students were lying, but that's because young kids and teenagers tend to have more "tells" than adults. Practice makes a good liar and a lot of young people just don't have the experience to do it right. If someone has no sense of shame and is a practiced liar, they're going to be very convincing. And then they'll run for public office.
They can’t remember their own lies and it’s always general statements. What you do is change the subject then jump back to the subject of lies. They can’t keep it straight. 🤪
Thank you for mentioning gaze aversion as not being an indicator of a liar. In some cultures, it is considered aggressive to look someone in the eye. I really appreciate how your assessments are very thorough.
Dr. Grande, it's "incredibly amazing" that so many people have the audacity to ask how they can lie more credibly. It says a lot about the decline of integrity in our society.
The ole: "You can trust me" is a dead giveaway of a liar. "I'm such an honest person" is another. I lived believing those 2 lies for 22 years. Now I'm discovering the person I thought I knew and loved lied about everything using those 2 statements. Thank you Dr Grande
@@charlisparkles that means you're too self-conscious. If you have confidence in your message and openness, you have nothing to fear. You have no control over someone's reaction!
@@charlisparkles omg, ive just commented that and then i saw your comment here 😁 same!!! I hate that feeling! Or when crossing the boarder, when police stop me etc. i feel like i always seem suspicious 😁
This is 100% true which is why I rely more on audio than visual for determining whether someone's lying to me. I often appear to be lying because I'm very nervous but I honestly so seldomly lie that I would have to say that I'm probably at least 95% truthful. I have a gigantic problem with lies I despise them. I only lie when absolutely necessary (and I think that anybody who's ever gone through anything knows when it's absolutely necessary).
I think what makes a good liar are the charming people, it’s like you know they are lying but u brush it off because they’re so damn good at being likeable
You’re so articulate, it is a pleasure to listen to you. A lot of the time, I listen to one of your videos before bed so I can simultaneously educate myself and drift off to the melodious sound :)
I think the best way to figure out who is a liar is by looking at their past. If this issue of lying has happened in the past it is most likely to happen again in the future. Great video as always Dr. Grande!
Liars had rather lie to your face so that they can read your reaction as they are telling it so that they can modify or adjust the lie to keep it believable. I think what makes a great liar is knowing who to tell what lie to and to be able to know who you have fooled and who is on to you. You then modify your behavior accordingly and continue.
My ex grandma-in-law, who was the sweetest woman ever. She lived in Cedar Creek, North Carolina, and would say it like this.... " that boy would climb a tree to tell a lie rather than stand on the ground and tell the truth". Amen gramma Mellie! Miss your wisdom.
Yep, exactly right -- if they lie over text or email then there is the anxiety of not knowing whether you believed them or not, if they can see your face they know immediately
@Robert Ellison Well, be careful if he keeps certain people away from each other. That probably means he told them one thing and you another and he doesn't want you guys to actually talk to compare stories (lies).
If you know the liar in question and have had time to observe their patterns, it becomes much easier to tell when they are trying to con you. It's also easier to catch them. "Oh, you say that you will pay this back off the credit card if I allow you to charge it? All right, let's draft a repayment schedule and you will just sign and date it right here." .... And then the narc goes from 0 to 60 and throws a tantrum, because he never intended to pay, and then you deny him the use of the credit card.
Never intended to pay. That is something that will eventually come out in the end. The more people he cons the less 'padding' he'll have to fall back on later. But I suppose he'll just move on to another group of victims then.
@@LisaMaryification He ended up fleeing the entire state after he burned through the entire goth scene in two cities and the law started looking for him.
Yup!! Once you make them sign anything their true colors show. This method is a great way to filter out people with low integrity. Saves you a headache
People always think I'm a liar because eye contact makes me uncomfortable. All the way back to my parents screaming at me "I know you're lying cause you won't look at me!" Perhaps I didn't want to look at them because they were angry and accusing me of something I didn't do? I know I've lost out on jobs because in the interview I had a difficult time maintaining eye contact and they probably assumed I was dishonest. In reality I'm honest to a fault and regularly get accused of falsehoods. What a strange world we live in.
@@candacecasey5634 After researching Autism and Asperger's Syndrome I wondered if I was tested that I might be on the Autism spectrum. I also have issues with sensory overload (loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, etc.) as well as facial recognition.
The best thing about not telling lies is that you don't have to remember everything you say, allocating much more brain power for things like creative and pleasant thinking or simply worry free daydreaming rather than wasting all that energy making sure we don't get mixed up in the mental acrobatics we impose on our conscious thoughts... and that's why I never lie. Do you believe me? He he.
I had an ex who was a pathological liar. He seemed to have a traumatic childhood and definitely struggled w mental health issues, but he cheated on and manipulated all of his partners. He can’t really keep friends either. He lies to the point of that if you asked his favorite ice cream and it’s chocolate, he’ll tell you vanilla. My friend told me his sister lies for no reason in a similar aspect. As horrible as this was, it was fascinating to me that no one really knew who he was. Cool video!
Wow, what a wild phrase to consider - "credible liar." Can't say I'd expect to see those two words side-by-side. Thank you for sharing, Dr. Grande! As a writer, I also appreciate the attention you give to words and their various potential meanings. Cheers!
Yeah, it happened to me and the most abusive thing was the gaslighting. When he would get caught leaving something out, he would say, oh that's because I didn't think it was a big deal. Wtf, you left it out because you knew it was a big deal...🤬
I agree. Lies of omission are still lies and a coward's tactic. Had it happen to me recently by a "good friend." I will never view that friend the same way again ~ not to be trusted.
Dr. Grande, The evidence of your dedication to the study of human psychological behavior is really nothing short of obviously being stratospherically superior. The sharing of it all, with us here, is phenomenally nothing short of being the epitome of benevolence at its finest. No Lie.
AGREED! No offense, but, what a waste (not really, but I'm exaggerating to get my point across) that you are just on You Tube. You need your own show, Dr. Grande. In the spirit of this video, wouldn't it be hilarious if you weren't a doctor at all? What if it were all fabricated and you are lying? LOL!!!
The dedication and the energy that you put into your every video is amazing.. that topic has so many angles to it, it's branching into philosophy, physics, theology, psychology And into politics (😁), parenting, growing up, house keeping, on the fun side haha. Honestly, no kidding, i admire the volume of your knowledge
How about the differences between lies we tell ourselves we know to be lies. Lies we tell ourselves we suspect aren't true . Lies or false beliefs we act out unconsciously. Intentional and subconscious blocking of reality. Human endeavors are synonymous with this subject and as you said tie into many areas. Literally lies are the ties the bind us all together. Idk just my 2 cents.
Learning so much here. THANK YOU DR GRANDE! When consulting with clients in food manufacture, I try to remember: WHEN YOU ARE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO KNOW!
Dr Grande I've been watching your vids for over a year now. I'm based in England and I just want you to know that you have saved my life. I'm a single mom with 2 children and you have saved my life by keeping me scientifically informed. You are God blessed Sir and a true warrior for the truth. The Truth shall set us free, and you truly have. Hey I know you human too. Please don't ever feel discouraged you truly a blessed soul. You gave me the truth and clarity to the road to recovery. Strait questions straight answers. That's what people need. Peace be apon you 🙏🏼 you have saved many souls.
My narc ex actually lied that his both parents where dead in the beginning of our relationship. Noly for me to find out a year and a half later that they where both alive, he confessed. His lies are very convincing at the time but he's always easily caught out but shows no remorse. We are over now as I found out he's a prolific on line scammer, lieing on a daily basis to multiple women all over the world convincing them he loves them to get money. I have had a physical relationship with him for 3.5 years and have only just recently been manipulated into accepting what he does, I didn't know before recently. But now he feels he has me like that his mask has come off. I can't tolerate that grand scale of manipulating women and men by all accounts as I found evidence on his lap top that he's acyually been talking to a gay man, himself pretending to be gay to extort money from him. Diabolical. And a very big head bash for me finding out I've been dancing with the devil. I would love to go on social media to expose him but for a lot of reasons I can't. My own safety being one of them and for the very big reason that everyone seems to think he's great and a Saint. I'd look crazy like he tells me I am. 🙄. Looking forward to healthy relationships. Your informative videos prove to me everyday that this is a thing and that my realisation of reality is real, dispaletable as it is. Thank you
In my vast array of experience with hideous people...hideous shoes do look hideous on hideous people and i just move past them. After all, hideous people are hideous people...and generally a nightmare to be around. I am obviously talking about hideous characters to be around, in the true sense of the word "hideous"....... I see lots of them on buses in particular who are hideous individuals with their behaviour...especially towards the drivers who have a job to do...e.g. one hideous individual recently who spent 15 minutes swearing down her phone(really vile language..kids on board and elderly folk), then wondered why her boyfriend(mentioned in the LOUD conversation...ROSS) decided to take that very moment to "call it a day" of their obvious "relationsh*t" but worse, got up and ordered the driver to let her out of the bus which was on a red light about to turn in seconds to amber, then green. When the driver finally, safely opened the door, she kicked it and referred to him as a "complete tosser"....i heard an old lady mutter the words "..what a hideous woman"..... ......by the way, she was wearing hideous shoes...did anybody tell her?...NOPE. Shouting out "I LOVE YOUR SHOES" might have been ill-advised in that situation....although, sorely tempting.
Thank you for explaining the many facets of lies, Dr. Grande!! It's harder to spot for those who don't understand the reason for doing it. The harder to spot is the subtle lies and the coordinated effort to silence the truth, that suddenly you just already trapped in the web of lies. It's a serious situation that is hard to solve at the later stages, especially when nobody cares for the victim. Again, thank you, and God bless!!
As far as research and reporting goes, I think it would be interesting if there could be a separation between telling lies out of malice or for ill-gotten gains versus lies to protect someone's privacy or save face. I suspect that information would be fascinating.
@J R Acceptable subjects may vary culturally, of course, but in my opinion the person being questioned should always assess their own comfort level in whether or not to answer another's question ~ particularly if a deeply personal and private question is being asked by a complete stranger. Erika has the right to be cautious, IMO.
I just finished watching your video about Lie Detector Reliability and then I got the notification for this video, that was a nice continuity:) I am very bad at telling lies and also detecting lies hah. The only way I can detect a lie is if someone changes the story the second time because I normally remember stories well. Another time is obviously when there is a pattern/history of lies, although in this case it may not be detecting a lie but rather just being suspicious overall. Great video Dr. Grande!!
Rejane Oliveira I’m the same way! I actually tend to trust people even after they’ve lied to me sometimes, depending if I think the person has a motivation to be honest or have shown honest behavior after the initial lie. I’m also a horrible liar and just can never go through with it.
great video! I get so tired of lying when the truth is close enough to smack you in the face. Literally, you have icing on your face and you did not eat the cake? years and years of liars. I agree with your statement that they probably believe their own lies, there is no other explanation.
One clue I've picked up on is when people report a very distressing event and make the audible sounds/noises/facial expressions of crying -- but there are no tears. I've seen news footage of people whose children were allegedly "kidnapped," spouses whose partners have "disappeared," etc. It's amazing how often -- when there's this "dearth of tears" -- it turns out that the "grieving" parent or spouse actually was responsible for a crime involving the "disappearance."
It's very difficult to furrow your eyebrows exactly at the same level while faking crying. There's always one eyebrow a bit off and that's what gives it away.
As someone who has been lied to a lot in their life here is some of my advice: 1. ANYONE can lie. just because someone looks cute, sounds innocent, is your friend/family, doesn't mean they can't lie. always just assume everyone is lying and go from there. 2. trust your GUT INSTINCT. if you don't trust a person or a situation there is a reason for that. if i had listened to my gut instinct more i would've never fallen for any of the lies people told me. you can keep a journal: write down whenever you have "a feeling" (gut instinct) and then come back to it later to see if you were right. 3. a good liar will know how to lie. all the things dr. grande mentioned will be something the liar is aware of. most good liars believe their own lies (as he said) or create an entire made-up persona around a certain lie/lies. 4. if you have a feeling there is something "iffy" about a person or their story, just assume they are lying. only change your mind when they come with concrete bulletproof evidence of the contrary. bonus: 5. if you are a highly paranoid person, like myself, because of your past or other reasons, you can easily find out whether new people in your life are lying. all you have to do is just observe them and see how they move, what their speech pattern is, if they stammer a lot, their choice of words etc. when you are casually hanging out. then accuse them of something ridiculous like "you stole my green sweater". they did not steal your green sweater, but their reaction will show you how they will react when they are innocent. if they get angry at you for accusing them of something so ridiculous, then that is probably your baseline to go off.
I second this great idea! I have some psychology textbooks but most of the other books dealing with this subject matter come in the form of self-help or ....recovery (idk exactly how to identify them;) The author hasnsurvived an experience or been helped by therapy, whatever, it's largely therapeutic and I appreciate them sharing their Journey but it doesn't give actual diagnosis or traits of the disorders so much as sitting incidents +how certain behaviors and /or incidents affected (effected?) them. Again, this is a great suggestion and I hope 1) that Dr. Grande reads and replies to your comment 2) my quick summation made sense and is recieved in the vain I intended
@Timothy McCaskey yeah...? I know. How does that apply? What is your line of reasoning in regards to the comment? I'm aware of action and reaction, so....?
My parents bullied my siblings and I, one way was to ridicule us as if we had lied to them. As a child I came up with a method to boost what I then thought was my credibility problem with them. I would tell the truth about unlikely but easily verifiable things in a weak way so as to trigger their suspicions where I later would be vindicated. I've since come to realize that method can still boost my credibility with doubting acquaintances in my circles. Fast forward to recently where I've heard the advice from a couple sketchy? people to 'Lie like it's the truth but tell the truth like it's a lie.'
This is such a fascinating channel --many thanks for posting! Some people I know get very simplistic when it comes to spotting a lie. For example, they will say that any response to a question that starts with the word, "Look", is a clear signal that a lie will be forthcoming. Very interesting topic --thanks again.
It seems to me that analyzing lying is complicated by the differing motivations for lying. I had a family member who developed a habit of lying. In the beginning, the fibs were almost always characterized by a tendency to greatly embellish the positive qualities or deeds of those he loved. This habit grew to the point that he began confabulating stories that were totally untruthful. It was sad and embarrassing. Years later, I had to work with a person who turned out to be a pathological liar. This person was a cunning master of manipulation, who played to what people wanted to see. It took us years to figure out that she was a shameless, con artist. Since motivations for lying can be so radically different - from lying to please to lying to cheat - I find it hard to generalize beyond this: It seem to me that lying is a form of theft - an attempt to rob others of their right to the truth.
Thanks for yet another interesting video! As a language and communication expert, I always appreciate it when someone sets the stage well at the beginning of a talk/video, which you seem to do consistently. Love the way in which you cover the meaning of notions/concepts first, and then continue by mentioning how you understand something and/or what your opinion is for the purpose of achieving clarity of speech. This focus on accuracy of language use is unique here in my opinion. Like I said, I really enjoy watching your videos. Thanks again!
My ex was an oxy addict. He started with 30 pills and eventually convinced doctors to give him 210 pills/month. They NEVER suspected his addiction, even with numerous red flags in his medical file. (ETA: Even with a DUI for DRINKING while driving, on top of the pills he was taking!!) On the other hand, I go in to the ER with my back out, can't walk on my own, and have considered buying adult diapers because it's so painful to get to the bathroom from the couch, and doctors look at me sternly and give me 10 pills and a prescription for PT, and I'm probably lucky to get the 10 pills because clearly I have an addictive personality. It pains me to no end that people who need oxy are sabotaged by liars like my ex (who was a sociopath, btw, could sell ice to eskimos). I have also found that being honest to a fault is a surefire way to make people believe you are a liar who will always betray them. I dunno, maybe people have become so used to lies they don't know what the truth looks like anymore.
YOU ARE CORRECT ABOUT THE TRUTH.I BASE MY LIFE ON IT.I ENDURED 15YEARS WITH A WOMAN I WOULD HAVD DONE ANYTHING FOR.I EARN GREAT $$ALL SHE DID WAS TAKA,TAKE,TAKE.AND HER BLATANT LIES,CHEATING DECEIT&DISRESPECT WERE WAAAAY TOO MUCH FOR ME.I THOUGHT I COULD HELP HER.LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT ONLY GOD,AND THE NARCISSIST CAN HELP THEMSELVES.NEARLY 2 MONTHS NO CONTACT.MY HOME HASN'T SEEN THIS TYPE OF PEACE IN MORE THAN A DECADE.GETTING STRONGER BY THE DAY!
JusticeForNichole nobody needs OxyContin besides cancer patients 🙄. I’m a recovering Opiod addict and if your in pain take kratom. Opiod addiction is why heroin addiction is an epidemic. I assume he was getting this prescription when big pharma lied and said they were non addictive. They are getting sued left m right now.
JusticeForNichole - Liars are extremely frightened of people who mostly tell the truth. The problem is we can’t know by immediate impression who is one and who isn’t
Some interesting points here! I have an undiagnosed condition which has affected my muscles for twelve years, and after six years of being prescribed nothing that gave me any relief, I was given a prescription for tablets similar to those that you describe (on realising that a short course that were given to me to treat a strained ligament in my lower back, also helped greatly with my symptoms.) My doctor then retired however, and, following a difficult experience with her replacement, I changed surgery. As one might expect, my new doctor recommended that I stop taking these pills as soon as possible due to their addictive nature. Fast forward a few years, and I had to ask for this doctor's help on an unrelated matter, and I was struck dumb when she spoke up for my honest character - despite admonishing me with a "they always say that" some years before when I protested that nothing else but those drugs gave me relief. What makes me more annoyed about this, is that many of my colleagues are prescribed these tablets on repeat, when only one of them in my opinion has a condition that warrants the use of these drugs. I don't know what these people are telling their doctors, but I tried to be honest about what was happening, only to be left high and dry with a somewhat diminished quality of life some four years on. I should say that I'm not claiming to have never told a lie in life, by the way!
I have a concern about "inconsistencies" in stories being an indication of lying. Malcolm Gladwell made a few podcasts about the nature of memory. As I recall, researchers asked people just after 9-11 to describe their experience of it. Then those same people were contacted a few years later and asked the same thing. In a very large percentage, the stories were completely incompatible. In some cases, when participants were played back their earlier accounts, they insisted that those earlier accounts were not correct. These people were not lying, they were just misremembering. One theory is that each time we recall something, we re-remember it, which opens up the possibility (even the likelihood) of distortion.
I think lying is part of human nature and we must remember that some people believe their own lies. I think what everybody says with a grain of salt but the truth of the matter is if it’s a crucial matter that has important to my life. Excellent video!
Thank you so much for your kind reminder of this type of people Dr. Grande. I personally tend to believe absolutely everything that people tell me. I got to learn to be more careful because sadly people like to lie. I just find it to be a very dark and sad world to live in a world of lies, amazing but is true. Thanks for another great video Dr. Grande.💖 😉👍👋
@@zanyme53123 Yay, it's really good to have a good support system, glad for you. I have gotten a lot of experience from proving people's lies, these videos though , help me to accelerate my awareness process to detect people's lies and I find it to be a really good reminder. 👍
@Chad Larson I shouldn't invest a second on this but, nop, I can proudly say I don't lie even 2 times a day, this is really not my issue at all, I really feel free of this burden, sorry about ppl who have to carry that burden though. Just so you know, people who don't lie at all do exist too 😮, I guess is a matter of values and habits. Thanks for asking and not assuring anything about me because you can not assure anything you dont know, like you can not assure I lie two times a day because that would be a lie, it would be your lie #1 for the day, I would suggest you to use your two lies for the day in a more profitable way, I guess that's the matter about lying?. So,yes, I feel absolutely free of guilt. 🎊🎉👍 Have a nice day. 🙂👍
@Bilingual I once joined a project that started out funded by crowdfunding. It became apparent that how they said they were spending the money didn't coincide with what they were saying. Being a fairly honest person, I said 'Hey, maybe you should fix that claim you're making on the crowdfunding page since you didn't do what it says you did' They got so upset with me. I couldn't figure why they were so upset. I was doing them a favour by pointing it out. Then I later realised that they thought that I was on to them so they got defensive. Of course, it didn't even occur to me at that point that they were exaggerating their achievements to people. Later, I would find out that other people found some of their claims suspicious. I guess they just take advantage of people's good nature. When they started blaming stuff on me is when I left the project.
@@LisaMaryification Hi!. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I do understand you completely. I am so glad to know there still exist such honest people like you. I am sure you could administrate a project like that in an honest way. So sorry ppl like them had to be in charge. Yes!, they absolutely take advantage of people's good nature. So gald you got out of that toxic environment, when ppl start to shift the blame is definitely time to leave. I have also been in similar situations, that's how I understand what you mean. But after all, the good thing is all the gained experience, I can now recognize those kinds of people in an easier way when I see them starting to act up. Best wishes for you. 🙂👍
Being in law enforcement and going through multiple Trainings on interview and interrogation. I agree with Dr. Grande's analysis by far than any other so called expert I've listened to. Way too many times officers are being told "guaranteed" cues of lying. My approach to interviews was very open to the suspect telling some truths and some lies during the course of the interview. Wish more officers could watch this explanation of lie detection and successful liars. Completely agree with personality traits which match up to the explanations!
I believe Lying is closely associated with our Ego, in the sense of "what's in it for me?" Or "what do I loose?". How safe or comfortable do we feel with the consequences of being truthful or honest.
It would be wonderful if Dr. Grande collaborated with the Behavior Panel. His perspective is fair, his knowledge vast. We always learn from you. Thank You Dr. Grande!
One thing I've found that often aids in lying is self-incrimination, I guess by the dark triad that would be something that a psychopath would not care about, a narcissist would not even think of doing, but a machiavellian would definitely do. Within my own lies, which is usually to get out of incrimination I'm not looking forward to, can't explain rationally, or honestly don't see as a fault but I know the other does, I'll tend to fabricate a lesser, more agreeable offense which I think will placate whoever is accusing me into dropping the issue. Say for instance I shared a secret someone confided in me, I will say I shared something that might -lead- someone to draw the correct conclusion which I can then chalk up to stupidity, which is still egrecious, but not as bad as sharing that I got drunk and entirely spilled the beans. The horrible part of that method is that it unduly places part of the blame with the person who held the secret, implying they let loose too many clues and my one screw-up was just the catalyst, while they were actually victims of my inherent lack of trustworthiness instead.
I'm so pleased you clarified this, as not so longvago a family member said of a person we suspect of being narcissistic in the family that they beleive their own liezs
This is how I figured out who was lying. after observing them for awhile I noticed they would stammer, mumble, or even give an answer that had little to do with what was being asked... or they’d simply redirect the conversation/accusation. The deflections, vagueness in their language, and sudden inability to recall things that should have been documented in their case notes were also huge red flags. I was hurt that others bought into it with ease, since they worked alongside this individual and imo should have been able to detect the lies, but after listening to this... I realize that I placed too much value onto their [job] titles.
@@AfterAFashionASMR Go ahead and tell the lie that you don't lie.. You'd be a fool to think anyone would believe you. And if they cosign your lie with a like They're lying to you, you just found a home and echo chamber for your lies. Doesn't make you any less of a liar.
@@Peakfreud I don't always "like" comments that follow my beliefs, I do however want people to feel heard especially if I am not able to and or willing to respond to each induvial that participates in a thread. I am not high fiving the potently implosion of someone's relationship. I am acknowledging the fact that someone voiced their thoughts in relationship to mine.
Recently became aware of numerous concepts and words related to narcissism, including 'confabulation', 'sacrificing the real self', 'creating a false self', 'engaging in shared fantasies', 'gaslighting', etc. - all in opposition to true reality/real truth.
I’m a criminal defense lawyer. I encounter lies everyday. It’s really not possible to tell when someone is a liar. That’s why experienced professionals only consider verifiable facts.
This was a much better than average talk on lying. There are a lot of articles and videos on detecting liars that assume any sign of emotion is automatic proof that people are lying. Some people are very emotional when telling the truth some are very emotional when they are lying. There are some people that are very unemotional when they are lying and some people are very unemotional when telling the truth. You really do have to see how off the wall the story sounds.
When you‘re raised by pathological liars not only can you see through them and some other people, but you become disagreeable and it becomes natural to maintain longer eye contact with everyone you meet.
From my experience, I find that if you just keep em talking, or spend enough time with em, you'll start to spot the holes in their stories, or just the constant need to one-up everyone else's statements. Cheers from the 2022 Quarantine!
7:45 I knew it about narcissism: they believe their own lies. And I believe they prefer lying in person because they are so reliant upon and attached to their charismatic ways. They think, "How can she not believe me when I flash her this smile?"
About every 6 months or so I seem to get hit with so called 'expert' ex CIA/FBI agents talking about how to spot liars, they drone on about one case or another but fail, to cite supporting literature. Great job Dr Grande.
Dude, I haven't seen anyone else saying it, so I just wanted to throw some praise on that intro. I liked the humor in the irony of the words "incredible" and "unbelievable." And, as always, really good stuff man! 🤙🤙
My brother is a lifetime salesman. Details is how you catch them. If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said. A Mexican told me she was Portuguese and kept up the lie for years. Never give a sociopath a second chance.
Dr. Grande, I liked your incredible/unbelievable side comments in the beginning. I thought I was rare when it comes to people who stop to think "what are you really saying"? Of course, I go with the most likely thing, but I find it so fascinating how language is so... Twisted? Malleable? Misleading? Misused? I don't even know! Thanks for that.
As an Autistic person who is definitely not great at lying, this information is fascinating. I've had to learn to not be super truthful with just anyone, in order to be polite or to have healthy boundaries for my own self-dignity. Like, if a stranger or minor acquaintance asks how I am, I probably should just say a generic positive response and then ask how they are. Because it's just a greeting, not a literal question. I should definitely refrain from telling them, say, all about my bladder infection or stomach troubles in great detail 😂 It only took me about 35 years to figure that out 🤦♀️ Also, thank you SO much for pointing out that body language/gaze aversion has nothing to do with lying. I've been accused so many times throughout my life of being "shady" or "deceptive", I'm guessing because of my odd body language. Being Autistic and having social anxiety, I guess my nonverbal communication is noticeably not typical. I hope one day our society can get to a point where most people will know that these ideas regarding body language are false. These ridiculous myths are so harmful to so many people who aren't lying, being "shady", etc.
You see, a 54% lie detection is from human to another human. I think there is no doubt that humans have evolved over the years to be good at telling lies as well as detecting them. Also, the lie builder has(usually) all the power to take his time to make that lie as plausible as possible. The fact that the percentage is above 50% in lie detection is already really surprising to me. Great video, keep it up!
You can tell when someone is lying, when you guts go off and you can hear the little bell ringing in your head, but not everyone has these things. Also, time and place of saying something, reasons for saying things, you have to have a reasonable and open mind as well, make sure you aren't biased.
my father tell lies just to win a arguing or to seem right, even distorting facts and gaslighting. no matter the topic, for no reason…. i think he is pathologic
Once you have a very close long term relationship with a liar, you will start to detect them. I think the closer you are to a person the more you can tell.
Thanks for the great vids, Doc! Not sure if it's enough for a whole vid, but it'd be great to hear more in depth about people who struggle to tell the truth convincingly - appearing to be lying when telling the truth. Asking for a friend :D
The lying by omission is always the one I find harder to detect from someone else. Just based on the fact that I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle. Until it becomes a pattern with the person, and then I always start in the mindset that they're not telling fully the truth anyway.
I think a good way of detecting this omissions is making a lot of open questions, like: "Why did you do that? How exactly this thing happened? Who was there?" But as you said, we only start to worry about this when it becomes a pattern with the person.
@Chad Larson I usually have to detect the lying for work. Depending on how many people check in at my hotel, the price of the city tax is different. And lying to me about being here alone, when they're here to meet another woman than the one they married is actually to their financial disadvantage. They pay a higher fee when they claim they're alone than when they're honest about it. Because the price of the stay would be split in two for the calculation of the tax, and so the cheapest tax fee would be due.
Dr. G, that was excellent. Could you do an analysis of the habit of confabulation? For decades, I wondered if my mother-in-law, considered above reproach, was making things up, telling whoppers, inflating, aggrandizing, etc. Nothing really problematic, except to my low agreeableness. At the onset of, sadly, her dementia, it became ever clearer to the rest of the family. She even told everyone that she had caught Lyme disease, which gave her memory problems (some people have trouble admitting to having a condition with internal…another video?). It became apparent when her memory diminished her ability to avoid detection. She’s really cute and sweet, and we take good care of her, but we manage her pills and provide her meals even though she says she has already taken them. But the tendency to confabulation seems to run in the family, too. One fish story after another. It doesn’t seem at all malignant, but it’s definitely rife with a wish to control what the listener thinks about various people or an issue. You can perhaps imagine the strain on my low agreeableness during the Trump years. I am agreeable by nature, except when being lied to. Another possible video: Factors that affect agreeableness. I can almost hear you saying, “Encountering a scorpion in your shoe…”. Actually, I have found that pointing out discrepancies or correcting someone who is confabulating tends to negatively impact their agreeableness, as well. Better to remain silent and do meditative breathing. So: Confabulation in Relationships. Or any topic you might draw from this. Btw, I like her more than I did back when her facade was perfect. She is much more authentic with me, until her mind takes her for a spin. At Thanksgiving 2019, we sat her on a loveseat with a woman she had not met, who also has dementia. They sat there for several hours, happily telling each other the same lovely stories about their families on repeat. But I do go on….
I have six kids. The most extroverted among them is easily the one most prone to lying (he also craves novel and extreme experiences). If I love you I want to believe you, but my son has lied so often that if he tells me something I have to get verification from others before I believe it. I hate this, because good relationships need trust, and I want to have a good relationship with him. He’s turning thirteen this coming month. He’s been like this for as long as he’s been talking (only with ever increasing skill- he’s easily one of my smartest kids).
I have a 13 year old and she struggles with this issue also. I have observed this behavior in most of her peers, as well. I have talked with my daughter and her friends about this. The one common denominator I have heard, is the fear of getting in trouble or having their parents, teachers and friends get angry with them. The other big issue is their fear of embarrassment, and rightly so. Between cyber bullying and cyber blackmail, which is often done by their own “friends”, these kids are stressed out beyond belief! They are dealing with situations that most of us have never faced at their age and they aren’t equipped to handle it properly. That kind of stress at an early age is incredibly damaging, in so many ways. My daughter has a big fear of loss and abandonment. She also has ADHD, as do I. People with ADHD tend to engage in risk associated activities (including lying) because it provides a rush of dopamine and norepinephrine, which is out of balance in the brain. ADHD seems to go hand in hand with bipolar disorder, which can also cause this behavior. These conditions worsen with stress. Additionally, research has been done on the use of mobile devices and social media, in children. So far, the conclusions are not at all positive. Sound familiar? I hope this helps and came off the way I intended...without judgement and in the hopes that it somehow helps your son.
To me the greatest red flag of the expert and cunning liar is when you confront them on their deception, state valid evidence and facts and there is absolutely no acknowledgement or defense on their part..except of course them bringing up some other issue or problem they presented to you in which your sole intent was to advise or help them with. This is unimaginably painful when you are the target of an adult child .
.....Yes... because it's difficult to " defend the indefensible ".... SO. They turn to Gaslighting. It's so prevalent in the Poltical Realm that it's becoming normalized. Sad.
This video teaches me how to lie and get away with it. Do it strategically. Do it only when necessary ( like if you need a job) . Plan it out. Practice it. Dont take the lir too far. Keep it believable. Dont forget what you lied about so take notes. Thanks Doc!
Thank you for putting to rest body language. Also, you're video reminded of a comment I made to a boss once... I looked at him as he was talking (we were returning from an airport), and I looked at him and said "....you lie about things that don't even matter". I can't even remember what the topic was, I was just astonished. We remained friends to this day, despite now living on different continents.
The environment and current situation plays a major factor in the frequency, type, size and scope of lies regardless of if the person frequently lies or not
James, earlier I was like same , now I use intuition. Sometimes it's true what they are saying and it helps. And here are two great statements made at me My bro: we can never take you to any party because you are honest. And as I write it I recollect a statement by my mentor: you got an honesty bug.
Mamta N - Nice. Being too honest with my whole being around certain types of people has sometimes left me exploited. That’s why I hold pieces of myself back, when I’m around those types of people✌️
it's sad because I actually had to ask a family member for a copy of her cancer diagnosis because I plum didn't believe her. I know it sounds like a jerky thing to do but she's told such fantastical lies, even to border control, that she's not credible.
Thank you once again for your amazing videos Dr. Grande. I especially enjoyed it when you said how useless lie detector tests can be. I once had to take one before going to work for a local police dept as a civilian. I was terrified by being strapped to a chair and having all these leads placed on me. I was shaking and breathing too fast, I was so scared. When the detectives came back into the room to tell me the results of the test, they were both laughing their heads off, as the test showed that I had lied about every single question they had asked me, including my own name!They said I passed because nobody can lie that badly. LOL Now that is funny, I don't care who you are!
Loved listening to this! I remember reading somewhere that psychopaths can beat lie detector tests because of their lack of emotions. I know these tests cannot be used in court, but it surprises me how often suspects are eliminated from an inquiry and makes me wonder how many have escaped prosecution? Personally, a few individuals in my life actually insulted me when they lied, mainly because I know them so well, so it was very obvious to me. It was strange to watch them lie, as if I didn't know the truth! It looked like they almost believed the lie themselves.
I know when I'm being lied to. Having said that, I have to wonder how pathological liars function in daily life. If they lie like a rug all the time, eventually people catch on.
I served many capacities in a prison for 30 years. From officer to supervisor to manager. Being lied to was a daily occurrence and eventually I became a very good judge of the truth. I could very easily interrogate an inmate and know within a sentence or two whether I was going to be lied to in the line of questioning. I do believe people who are lied to on a continuous basis by different people CAN be a better judge of deception. I've come upon some VERY good habitual liars though and even they have fooled me so no one's perfect for sure! I often employed what I called the "Hunt and peck" method of ferreting out a story. I'd have the person tell me the story start to finish but then go back and ask about something in the middle, then the beginning, then the ending etc...back and forth...to see not only that the details remained consistent but HOW they answered. Oh, I'm also a good poker player as well!lol!
I was a teacher for thirty years and yes, I could tell when students were lying, but that's because young kids and teenagers tend to have more "tells" than adults. Practice makes a good liar and a lot of young people just don't have the experience to do it right. If someone has no sense of shame and is a practiced liar, they're going to be very convincing. And then they'll run for public office.
100% Just look at the state of the world.
and the Neanderthals will believe their bull $hit
Like donald trump.
Like politicians that have been in office for decades
HOOYAH!!
GREAT comment!
btw: A politician's job description requires 100% dishonesty.
People with no moral compass can lie easily, and it will seem like they are telling the truth, because in their mind, it is the same thing.
They may have "versions of the truth". I am not joking.
That gave me a giant laugh. I needed it so much today. Thank-you !! And source/God bless you.
@@octoberskye1049 Sounds just like my dad.He believes he did no wrong and shifts the blame on others.He really believes in his own stories.
I know someone that lies no matter what and they adapt to their situations by lying about different stuff.
Anarcho Frills they may be compulsive liars.. still a lie but have convinced self it’s true!
17:15 "So, narcissists believe they are more effective at lying than other people." This is hysterical. Thank you.
They can’t remember their own lies and it’s always general statements. What you do is change the subject then jump back to the subject of lies. They can’t keep it straight. 🤪
Dr. Grande is incredible, and I ain't lyin'!
Lol. " and I ain't lying" that made me laugh. Dr. Grande for 2020 , on a serious note - Dr. Grande is one of my favorites on TH-cam. 🤩
That is a true story!!!
@@yourenough3 same!! Thank you Dr. Grande 🙂
😂🤣😂🤣
You’re an incredible truth teller.
Thank you for mentioning gaze aversion as not being an indicator of a liar. In some cultures, it is considered aggressive to look someone in the eye. I really appreciate how your assessments are very thorough.
In some cultures if you are a woman and you are looking into a man's eyes he thinks you are coming on to him 😉
Exactly. In US society, gaze aversion can mean "shifty" to some, but in another society, it could mean the speaker is being polite and respectful.
Lisa A. Exactly! Thank you Lisa for making that point.
@@KatKitty777 You're welcome.
Agree. Gaze aversion can simply mean the person doesn't want to come off as confrontational or aggressive.
Dr. Grande, it's "incredibly amazing" that so many people have the audacity to ask how they can lie more credibly. It says a lot about the decline of integrity in our society.
The ole:
"You can trust me" is a dead giveaway of a liar.
"I'm such an honest person" is another.
I lived believing those 2 lies for 22 years. Now I'm discovering the person I thought I knew and loved lied about everything using those 2 statements.
Thank you Dr Grande
What were the 2 lies? What was the reasoning for why you told them?
I get this too well! I am living it!
The liar (dad) expects me to back up this garbage; I refuse to do so! I blocked his phone number; I have a small measure of peace.
By far the most serious type of lie is false accusations. It has significantly greater damaging effect than fabrications.
Dr. Grande: “Some people look like they’re lying even when they’re telling the truth.”
Me: *sweats unconvincingly*
@@charlisparkles yup
@@charlisparkles that means you're too self-conscious. If you have confidence in your message and openness, you have nothing to fear. You have no control over someone's reaction!
@@charlisparkles omg, ive just commented that and then i saw your comment here 😁 same!!! I hate that feeling! Or when crossing the boarder, when police stop me etc. i feel like i always seem suspicious 😁
This is 100% true which is why I rely more on audio than visual for determining whether someone's lying to me. I often appear to be lying because I'm very nervous but I honestly so seldomly lie that I would have to say that I'm probably at least 95% truthful. I have a gigantic problem with lies I despise them. I only lie when absolutely necessary (and I think that anybody who's ever gone through anything knows when it's absolutely necessary).
Some people can tell a lie better than I can tell the truth
I think what makes a good liar are the charming people, it’s like you know they are lying but u brush it off because they’re so damn good at being likeable
You’re so articulate, it is a pleasure to listen to you. A lot of the time, I listen to one of your videos before bed so I can simultaneously educate myself and drift off to the melodious sound :)
Dr.G, it is true that you have a very soothing voice we enjoy to listen too not only before bedtime.
Same! 🤓🥱😴
@Wonder Woman. Yes, Dr.G definitely has an incredibly calming voice.
Agree! I also love his sense of humor.
Lately I’ve been doing the same thing when I can’t sleep. Dr G’s voice is very soothing.
I think the best way to figure out who is a liar is by looking at their past. If this issue of lying has happened in the past it is most likely to happen again in the future. Great video as always Dr. Grande!
Liars had rather lie to your face so that they can read your reaction as they are telling it so that they can modify or adjust the lie to keep it believable. I think what makes a great liar is knowing who to tell what lie to and to be able to know who you have fooled and who is on to you. You then modify your behavior accordingly and continue.
My ex grandma-in-law, who was the sweetest woman ever. She lived in Cedar Creek, North Carolina, and would say it like this....
" that boy would climb a tree to tell a lie rather than stand on the ground and tell the truth".
Amen gramma Mellie! Miss your wisdom.
@@funsizeboyce9196
Gramma Mellie had home grown wisdom.
I used to hear this one; " that boy and the truth haven't seen each other in a long time. "
Robert Ellison Sooo true! Its why they need facetime to manipulate and they hoover until they get it
Yep, exactly right -- if they lie over text or email then there is the anxiety of not knowing whether you believed them or not, if they can see your face they know immediately
@Robert Ellison Well, be careful if he keeps certain people away from each other. That probably means he told them one thing and you another and he doesn't want you guys to actually talk to compare stories (lies).
If you know the liar in question and have had time to observe their patterns, it becomes much easier to tell when they are trying to con you. It's also easier to catch them. "Oh, you say that you will pay this back off the credit card if I allow you to charge it? All right, let's draft a repayment schedule and you will just sign and date it right here." .... And then the narc goes from 0 to 60 and throws a tantrum, because he never intended to pay, and then you deny him the use of the credit card.
@Xyre154this person was my partner at the time. Needless to say, when i finally clocked him as a narc, i left.
Never intended to pay. That is something that will eventually come out in the end. The more people he cons the less 'padding' he'll have to fall back on later. But I suppose he'll just move on to another group of victims then.
@@LisaMaryification He ended up fleeing the entire state after he burned through the entire goth scene in two cities and the law started looking for him.
Oh yeah, I'll pay you back... HA HA HA HA...
Yup!! Once you make them sign anything their true colors show. This method is a great way to filter out people with low integrity. Saves you a headache
People always think I'm a liar because eye contact makes me uncomfortable. All the way back to my parents screaming at me "I know you're lying cause you won't look at me!" Perhaps I didn't want to look at them because they were angry and accusing me of something I didn't do? I know I've lost out on jobs because in the interview I had a difficult time maintaining eye contact and they probably assumed I was dishonest. In reality I'm honest to a fault and regularly get accused of falsehoods. What a strange world we live in.
People who are shy or are on the Autism spectrum also avoid eye contact so this " tell " isn't exactly accurate.
I find that the most honest people are often accused of being dishonest because they don't tell people what they want to hear.
@@candacecasey5634 After researching Autism and Asperger's Syndrome I wondered if I was tested that I might be on the Autism spectrum. I also have issues with sensory overload (loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, etc.) as well as facial recognition.
@@sahamal_savu I'm the same. I think there are quite a few of us undiagnosed.
I struggle with making eye contact during conversation as well........ and am almost always telling the truth 🙄🙄lol !
The best thing about not telling lies is that you don't have to remember everything you say, allocating much more brain power for things like creative and pleasant thinking or simply worry free daydreaming rather than wasting all that energy making sure we don't get mixed up in the mental acrobatics we impose on our conscious thoughts... and that's why I never lie. Do you believe me? He he.
I had an ex who was a pathological liar. He seemed to have a traumatic childhood and definitely struggled w mental health issues, but he cheated on and manipulated all of his partners. He can’t really keep friends either. He lies to the point of that if you asked his favorite ice cream and it’s chocolate, he’ll tell you vanilla. My friend told me his sister lies for no reason in a similar aspect. As horrible as this was, it was fascinating to me that no one really knew who he was. Cool video!
Wow, what a wild phrase to consider - "credible liar." Can't say I'd expect to see those two words side-by-side. Thank you for sharing, Dr. Grande! As a writer, I also appreciate the attention you give to words and their various potential meanings. Cheers!
Doctor, will you ever make a video about self-forgiveness? would love to hear you speak about that. 💗
@@LuciaInman TY. 🙂
If he did, he may never forgive himself for doing so.
Great suggestion. I’d love this as well.
Yes I need this....also maybe how to forgive others that aren't even sorry. To be able to move on.
People have told me I am honest to a fault. But I know that isn't true.
I believe most people struggle with deception about their motives.
Self-deception is an extremely dangerous form of deception
What about lying by omission. This is a snaky way of still being able to say you never lie.
Good point
@deb sabatino I was wondering about lies of omission too. Lies of omission always seemed extra slick/sneaky to me.
Yeah, it happened to me and the most abusive thing was the gaslighting. When he would get caught leaving something out, he would say, oh that's because I didn't think it was a big deal. Wtf, you left it out because you knew it was a big deal...🤬
I agree. Lies of omission are still lies and a coward's tactic. Had it happen to me recently by a "good friend." I will never view that friend the same way again ~ not to be trusted.
i know tonnes of people who do this
Dr. Grande,
The evidence of your dedication to the study of human psychological behavior is really nothing short of obviously being stratospherically superior. The sharing of it all, with us here, is phenomenally nothing short of being the epitome of benevolence at its finest.
No Lie.
AGREED! No offense, but, what a waste (not really, but I'm exaggerating to get my point across) that you are just on You Tube. You need your own show, Dr. Grande. In the spirit of this video, wouldn't it be hilarious if you weren't a doctor at all? What if it were all fabricated and you are lying? LOL!!!
@@SHEDEVILWASHERE d x..... d3³
0
FedEx f
The dedication and the energy that you put into your every video is amazing.. that topic has so many angles to it, it's branching into philosophy, physics, theology, psychology And into politics (😁), parenting, growing up, house keeping, on the fun side haha. Honestly, no kidding, i admire the volume of your knowledge
Ditto
How about the differences between lies we tell ourselves we know to be lies. Lies we tell ourselves we suspect aren't true . Lies or false beliefs we act out unconsciously. Intentional and subconscious blocking of reality. Human endeavors are synonymous with this subject and as you said tie into many areas. Literally lies are the ties the bind us all together. Idk just my 2 cents.
Learning so much here. THANK YOU DR GRANDE!
When consulting with clients in food manufacture, I try to remember:
WHEN YOU ARE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO KNOW!
Dr. Grande is the only human I’ve heard speak like a book without using cue cards or teleprompter. Impressive 💯
Dr Grande I've been watching your vids for over a year now. I'm based in England and I just want you to know that you have saved my life. I'm a single mom with 2 children and you have saved my life by keeping me scientifically informed. You are God blessed Sir and a true warrior for the truth. The Truth shall set us free, and you truly have. Hey I know you human too. Please don't ever feel discouraged you truly a blessed soul. You gave me the truth and clarity to the road to recovery. Strait questions straight answers. That's what people need. Peace be apon you 🙏🏼 you have saved many souls.
My narc ex actually lied that his both parents where dead in the beginning of our relationship. Noly for me to find out a year and a half later that they where both alive, he confessed. His lies are very convincing at the time but he's always easily caught out but shows no remorse. We are over now as I found out he's a prolific on line scammer, lieing on a daily basis to multiple women all over the world convincing them he loves them to get money. I have had a physical relationship with him for 3.5 years and have only just recently been manipulated into accepting what he does, I didn't know before recently. But now he feels he has me like that his mask has come off. I can't tolerate that grand scale of manipulating women and men by all accounts as I found evidence on his lap top that he's acyually been talking to a gay man, himself pretending to be gay to extort money from him. Diabolical. And a very big head bash for me finding out I've been dancing with the devil. I would love to go on social media to expose him but for a lot of reasons I can't. My own safety being one of them and for the very big reason that everyone seems to think he's great and a Saint. I'd look crazy like he tells me I am. 🙄. Looking forward to healthy relationships. Your informative videos prove to me everyday that this is a thing and that my realisation of reality is real, dispaletable as it is. Thank you
Part of my Dr. Grande binge watching program today!
" ... like telling someone their hideous shoes look good on them." Dying.
JusticeForNichole rethinking my footwear.
😂😂It isn’t helping anyone either.
I feel so damn guilty now. rofl.
That was some A-grade deadpan delivery
In my vast array of experience with hideous people...hideous shoes do look hideous on hideous people and i just move past them. After all, hideous people are hideous people...and generally a nightmare to be around. I am obviously talking about hideous characters to be around, in the true sense of the word "hideous".......
I see lots of them on buses in particular who are hideous individuals with their behaviour...especially towards the drivers who have a job to do...e.g. one hideous individual recently who spent 15 minutes swearing down her phone(really vile language..kids on board and elderly folk), then wondered why her boyfriend(mentioned in the LOUD conversation...ROSS) decided to take that very moment to "call it a day" of their obvious "relationsh*t" but worse, got up and ordered the driver to let her out of the bus which was on a red light about to turn in seconds to amber, then green. When the driver finally, safely opened the door, she kicked it and referred to him as a "complete tosser"....i heard an old lady mutter the words "..what a hideous woman".....
......by the way, she was wearing hideous shoes...did anybody tell her?...NOPE. Shouting out "I LOVE YOUR SHOES" might have been ill-advised in that situation....although, sorely tempting.
Thank you for explaining the many facets of lies, Dr. Grande!! It's harder to spot for those who don't understand the reason for doing it. The harder to spot is the subtle lies and the coordinated effort to silence the truth, that suddenly you just already trapped in the web of lies. It's a serious situation that is hard to solve at the later stages, especially when nobody cares for the victim. Again, thank you, and God bless!!
As far as research and reporting goes, I think it would be interesting if there could be a separation between telling lies out of malice or for ill-gotten gains versus lies to protect someone's privacy or save face. I suspect that information would be fascinating.
@J R Acceptable subjects may vary culturally, of course, but in my opinion the person being questioned should always assess their own comfort level in whether or not to answer another's question ~ particularly if a deeply personal and private question is being asked by a complete stranger. Erika has the right to be cautious, IMO.
I just finished watching your video about Lie Detector Reliability and then I got the notification for this video, that was a nice continuity:)
I am very bad at telling lies and also detecting lies hah. The only way I can detect a lie is if someone changes the story the second time because I normally remember stories well. Another time is obviously when there is a pattern/history of lies, although in this case it may not be detecting a lie but rather just being suspicious overall.
Great video Dr. Grande!!
Rejane Oliveira I’m the same way! I actually tend to trust people even after they’ve lied to me sometimes, depending if I think the person has a motivation to be honest or have shown honest behavior after the initial lie. I’m also a horrible liar and just can never go through with it.
I’m the same way. Sigh.
@Lucia Completely relate to what you are saying Lucia😉
I love the semantic analysis of incredible, at the beginning.
great video! I get so tired of lying when the truth is close enough to smack you in the face. Literally, you have icing on your face and you did not eat the cake? years and years of liars. I agree with your statement that they probably believe their own lies, there is no other explanation.
Seems to make sense that highly agreeable people are more susceptible to believe lies. Thank you
One clue I've picked up on is when people report a very distressing event and make the audible sounds/noises/facial expressions of crying -- but there are no tears. I've seen news footage of people whose children were allegedly "kidnapped," spouses whose partners have "disappeared," etc. It's amazing how often -- when there's this "dearth of tears" -- it turns out that the "grieving" parent or spouse actually was responsible for a crime involving the "disappearance."
It's very difficult to furrow your eyebrows exactly at the same level while faking crying. There's always one eyebrow a bit off and that's what gives it away.
@@LisaMaryification LOL! Never noticed that. But those totally dry eyes? Those are a dead (sometimes literally) giveaway.
If you've been crying non stop for 3/4 days it can happen
As someone who has been lied to a lot in their life here is some of my advice:
1. ANYONE can lie. just because someone looks cute, sounds innocent, is your friend/family, doesn't mean they can't lie. always just assume everyone is lying and go from there.
2. trust your GUT INSTINCT. if you don't trust a person or a situation there is a reason for that. if i had listened to my gut instinct more i would've never fallen for any of the lies people told me. you can keep a journal: write down whenever you have "a feeling" (gut instinct) and then come back to it later to see if you were right.
3. a good liar will know how to lie. all the things dr. grande mentioned will be something the liar is aware of. most good liars believe their own lies (as he said) or create an entire made-up persona around a certain lie/lies.
4. if you have a feeling there is something "iffy" about a person or their story, just assume they are lying. only change your mind when they come with concrete bulletproof evidence of the contrary.
bonus:
5. if you are a highly paranoid person, like myself, because of your past or other reasons, you can easily find out whether new people in your life are lying. all you have to do is just observe them and see how they move, what their speech pattern is, if they stammer a lot, their choice of words etc. when you are casually hanging out. then accuse them of something ridiculous like "you stole my green sweater". they did not steal your green sweater, but their reaction will show you how they will react when they are innocent. if they get angry at you for accusing them of something so ridiculous, then that is probably your baseline to go off.
Dr. Grande, have you ever thought about creating a recommended literature list?
I second this great idea! I have some psychology textbooks but most of the other books dealing with this subject matter come in the form of self-help or ....recovery (idk exactly how to identify them;)
The author hasnsurvived an experience or been helped by therapy, whatever, it's largely therapeutic and I appreciate them sharing their Journey but it doesn't give actual diagnosis or traits of the disorders so much as sitting incidents +how certain behaviors and /or incidents affected (effected?) them.
Again, this is a great suggestion and I hope
1) that Dr. Grande reads and replies to your comment
2) my quick summation made sense and is recieved in the vain I intended
Ariel Cheyenne Thank you Ariel! Your comment is written very well.
I'd also like a video or response to this.
Yes please, a reading list!
@Timothy McCaskey yeah...? I know. How does that apply? What is your line of reasoning in regards to the comment? I'm aware of action and reaction, so....?
My parents bullied my siblings and I, one way was to ridicule us as if we had lied to them. As a child I came up with a method to boost what I then thought was my credibility problem with them. I would tell the truth about unlikely but easily verifiable things in a weak way so as to trigger their suspicions where I later would be vindicated. I've since come to realize that method can still boost my credibility with doubting acquaintances in my circles. Fast forward to recently where I've heard the advice from a couple sketchy? people to 'Lie like it's the truth but tell the truth like it's a lie.'
This is such a fascinating channel --many thanks for posting! Some people I know get very simplistic when it comes to spotting a lie. For example, they will say that any response to a question that starts with the word, "Look", is a clear signal that a lie will be forthcoming. Very interesting topic --thanks again.
Thank you Dr. Grande! ❤️🌹❤️
So interesting.... I think those who lie easily do so because they actually believe their own lies.
It seems to me that analyzing lying is complicated by the differing motivations for lying. I had a family member who developed a habit of lying. In the beginning, the fibs were almost always characterized by a tendency to greatly embellish the positive qualities or deeds of those he loved. This habit grew to the point that he began confabulating stories that were totally untruthful. It was sad and embarrassing. Years later, I had to work with a person who turned out to be a pathological liar. This person was a cunning master of manipulation, who played to what people wanted to see. It took us years to figure out that she was a shameless, con artist. Since motivations for lying can be so radically different - from lying to please to lying to cheat - I find it hard to generalize beyond this: It seem to me that lying is a form of theft - an attempt to rob others of their right to the truth.
(Like him so much. Can't lie about that.) Thank you for this fascinating topic. Have a great day. 🌻
Thanks for yet another interesting video! As a language and communication expert, I always appreciate it when someone sets the stage well at the beginning of a talk/video, which you seem to do consistently. Love the way in which you cover the meaning of notions/concepts first, and then continue by mentioning how you understand something and/or what your opinion is for the purpose of achieving clarity of speech. This focus on accuracy of language use is unique here in my opinion. Like I said, I really enjoy watching your videos. Thanks again!
My ex was an oxy addict. He started with 30 pills and eventually convinced doctors to give him 210 pills/month. They NEVER suspected his addiction, even with numerous red flags in his medical file. (ETA: Even with a DUI for DRINKING while driving, on top of the pills he was taking!!) On the other hand, I go in to the ER with my back out, can't walk on my own, and have considered buying adult diapers because it's so painful to get to the bathroom from the couch, and doctors look at me sternly and give me 10 pills and a prescription for PT, and I'm probably lucky to get the 10 pills because clearly I have an addictive personality. It pains me to no end that people who need oxy are sabotaged by liars like my ex (who was a sociopath, btw, could sell ice to eskimos).
I have also found that being honest to a fault is a surefire way to make people believe you are a liar who will always betray them. I dunno, maybe people have become so used to lies they don't know what the truth looks like anymore.
He is likely still an oxy addict and it won't end well.
YOU ARE CORRECT ABOUT THE TRUTH.I BASE MY LIFE ON IT.I ENDURED 15YEARS WITH A WOMAN I WOULD HAVD DONE ANYTHING FOR.I EARN GREAT $$ALL SHE DID WAS TAKA,TAKE,TAKE.AND HER BLATANT LIES,CHEATING DECEIT&DISRESPECT WERE WAAAAY TOO MUCH FOR ME.I THOUGHT I COULD HELP HER.LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT ONLY GOD,AND THE NARCISSIST CAN HELP THEMSELVES.NEARLY 2 MONTHS NO CONTACT.MY HOME HASN'T SEEN THIS TYPE OF PEACE IN MORE THAN A DECADE.GETTING STRONGER BY THE DAY!
JusticeForNichole nobody needs OxyContin besides cancer patients 🙄. I’m a recovering Opiod addict and if your in pain take kratom. Opiod addiction is why heroin addiction is an epidemic. I assume he was getting this prescription when big pharma lied and said they were non addictive. They are getting sued left m right now.
JusticeForNichole - Liars are extremely frightened of people who mostly tell the truth. The problem is we can’t know by immediate impression who is one and who isn’t
Some interesting points here! I have an undiagnosed condition which has affected my muscles for twelve years, and after six years of being prescribed nothing that gave me any relief, I was given a prescription for tablets similar to those that you describe (on realising that a short course that were given to me to treat a strained ligament in my lower back, also helped greatly with my symptoms.)
My doctor then retired however, and, following a difficult experience with her replacement, I changed surgery. As one might expect, my new doctor recommended that I stop taking these pills as soon as possible due to their addictive nature.
Fast forward a few years, and I had to ask for this doctor's help on an unrelated matter, and I was struck dumb when she spoke up for my honest character - despite admonishing me with a "they always say that" some years before when I protested that nothing else but those drugs gave me relief. What makes me more annoyed about this, is that many of my colleagues are prescribed these tablets on repeat, when only one of them in my opinion has a condition that warrants the use of these drugs.
I don't know what these people are telling their doctors, but I tried to be honest about what was happening, only to be left high and dry with a somewhat diminished quality of life some four years on. I should say that I'm not claiming to have never told a lie in life, by the way!
I have a concern about "inconsistencies" in stories being an indication of lying. Malcolm Gladwell made a few podcasts about the nature of memory. As I recall, researchers asked people just after 9-11 to describe their experience of it. Then those same people were contacted a few years later and asked the same thing. In a very large percentage, the stories were completely incompatible. In some cases, when participants were played back their earlier accounts, they insisted that those earlier accounts were not correct. These people were not lying, they were just misremembering. One theory is that each time we recall something, we re-remember it, which opens up the possibility (even the likelihood) of distortion.
I think lying is part of human nature and we must remember that some people believe their own lies. I think what everybody says with a grain of salt but the truth of the matter is if it’s a crucial matter that has important to my life. Excellent video!
Very much enjoy your lectures. Always precisely informative & clear. Thank-you you for sharing your expertise. Gloria
Not gonna lie loved this one!!😉 Hope you have a nice day, and as always thank you Dr.G
Thank you so much for your kind reminder of this type of people Dr. Grande. I personally tend to believe absolutely everything that people tell me. I got to learn to be more careful because sadly people like to lie. I just find it to be a very dark and sad world to live in a world of lies, amazing but is true. Thanks for another great video Dr. Grande.💖 😉👍👋
I tend to believe people too. I am fortunate in that most of my family members are my "bs" detectors and can set me straight.
@@zanyme53123 Yay, it's really good to have a good support system, glad for you. I have gotten a lot of experience from proving people's lies, these videos though , help me to accelerate my awareness process to detect people's lies and I find it to be a really good reminder. 👍
@Chad Larson I shouldn't invest a second on this but, nop, I can proudly say I don't lie even 2 times a day, this is really not my issue at all, I really feel free of this burden, sorry about ppl who have to carry that burden though. Just so you know, people who don't lie at all do exist too 😮, I guess is a matter of values and habits. Thanks for asking and not assuring anything about me because you can not assure anything you dont know, like you can not assure I lie two times a day because that would be a lie, it would be your lie #1 for the day, I would suggest you to use your two lies for the day in a more profitable way, I guess that's the matter about lying?. So,yes, I feel absolutely free of guilt. 🎊🎉👍 Have a nice day. 🙂👍
@Bilingual I once joined a project that started out funded by crowdfunding. It became apparent that how they said they were spending the money didn't coincide with what they were saying. Being a fairly honest person, I said 'Hey, maybe you should fix that claim you're making on the crowdfunding page since you didn't do what it says you did' They got so upset with me. I couldn't figure why they were so upset. I was doing them a favour by pointing it out. Then I later realised that they thought that I was on to them so they got defensive. Of course, it didn't even occur to me at that point that they were exaggerating their achievements to people. Later, I would find out that other people found some of their claims suspicious. I guess they just take advantage of people's good nature. When they started blaming stuff on me is when I left the project.
@@LisaMaryification Hi!. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I do understand you completely. I am so glad to know there still exist such honest people like you. I am sure you could administrate a project like that in an honest way. So sorry ppl like them had to be in charge. Yes!, they absolutely take advantage of people's good nature. So gald you got out of that toxic environment, when ppl start to shift the blame is definitely time to leave. I have also been in similar situations, that's how I understand what you mean. But after all, the good thing is all the gained experience, I can now recognize those kinds of people in an easier way when I see them starting to act up. Best wishes for you. 🙂👍
Being in law enforcement and going through multiple Trainings on interview and interrogation. I agree with Dr. Grande's analysis by far than any other so called expert I've listened to. Way too many times officers are being told "guaranteed" cues of lying.
My approach to interviews was very open to the suspect telling some truths and some lies during the course of the interview.
Wish more officers could watch this explanation of lie detection and successful liars. Completely agree with personality traits which match up to the explanations!
I believe Lying is closely associated with our Ego, in the sense of "what's in it for me?" Or "what do I loose?". How safe or comfortable do we feel with the consequences of being truthful or honest.
It would be wonderful if Dr. Grande collaborated with the Behavior Panel. His perspective is fair, his knowledge vast. We always learn from you. Thank You Dr. Grande!
One thing I've found that often aids in lying is self-incrimination, I guess by the dark triad that would be something that a psychopath would not care about, a narcissist would not even think of doing, but a machiavellian would definitely do.
Within my own lies, which is usually to get out of incrimination I'm not looking forward to, can't explain rationally, or honestly don't see as a fault but I know the other does, I'll tend to fabricate a lesser, more agreeable offense which I think will placate whoever is accusing me into dropping the issue. Say for instance I shared a secret someone confided in me, I will say I shared something that might -lead- someone to draw the correct conclusion which I can then chalk up to stupidity, which is still egrecious, but not as bad as sharing that I got drunk and entirely spilled the beans.
The horrible part of that method is that it unduly places part of the blame with the person who held the secret, implying they let loose too many clues and my one screw-up was just the catalyst, while they were actually victims of my inherent lack of trustworthiness instead.
I'm so pleased you clarified this, as not so longvago a family member said of a person we suspect of being narcissistic in the family that they beleive their own liezs
This is how I figured out who was lying. after observing them for awhile I noticed they would stammer, mumble, or even give an answer that had little to do with what was being asked... or they’d simply redirect the conversation/accusation. The deflections, vagueness in their language, and sudden inability to recall things that should have been documented in their case notes were also huge red flags. I was hurt that others bought into it with ease, since they worked alongside this individual and imo should have been able to detect the lies, but after listening to this... I realize that I placed too much value onto their [job] titles.
Yes. As my one of my best friends liked to say. If he starts with ummm you know he’s lying and I have found this to be true tbh.
The only person who is an expert on lying is person with experience in lying..
@@AfterAFashionASMR Go ahead and tell the lie that you don't lie..
You'd be a fool to think anyone would believe you.
And if they cosign your lie with a like
They're lying to you, you just found a home and echo chamber for your lies.
Doesn't make you any less of a liar.
@@Peakfreud I don't always "like" comments that follow my beliefs, I do however want people to feel heard especially if I am not able to and or willing to respond to each induvial that participates in a thread. I am not high fiving the potently implosion of someone's relationship. I am acknowledging the fact that someone voiced their thoughts in relationship to mine.
@@DreamingInTechnicolor That's Fair enough, understandable and respectable,
But understand that's the exception not the rule.
You are an anomaly.
Recently became aware of numerous concepts and words related to narcissism, including 'confabulation', 'sacrificing the real self', 'creating a false self', 'engaging in shared fantasies', 'gaslighting', etc. - all in opposition to true reality/real truth.
I’m a criminal defense lawyer. I encounter lies everyday. It’s really not possible to tell when someone is a liar. That’s why experienced professionals only consider verifiable facts.
This was a much better
than average talk on lying.
There are a lot of articles
and videos on detecting
liars that assume any sign
of emotion is automatic
proof that people are lying.
Some people are very
emotional when telling the
truth some are very emotional
when they are lying. There are
some people that are very
unemotional when they are
lying and some people are
very unemotional when telling
the truth. You really do have to
see how off the wall the story
sounds.
Some people lie when it would be easier to tell the truth! Another Grande video, Doc 🙌👏👏👏
When you‘re raised by pathological liars not only can you see through them and some other people, but you become disagreeable and it becomes natural to maintain longer eye contact with everyone you meet.
Interesting.
From my experience, I find that if you just keep em talking, or spend enough time with em, you'll start to spot the holes in their stories, or just the constant need to one-up everyone else's statements.
Cheers from the 2022 Quarantine!
It’s unbelievable how incredible Dr. Grande is.
I found this useful. There's a lot of "common knowledge" on how to spot liars. This video cleared up some misconceptions I had.
7:45 I knew it about narcissism: they believe their own lies. And I believe they prefer lying in person because they are so reliant upon and attached to their charismatic ways. They think, "How can she not believe me when I flash her this smile?"
About every 6 months or so I seem to get hit with so called 'expert' ex CIA/FBI agents talking about how to spot liars, they drone on about one case or another but fail, to cite supporting literature. Great job Dr Grande.
Dude, I haven't seen anyone else saying it, so I just wanted to throw some praise on that intro. I liked the humor in the irony of the words "incredible" and "unbelievable." And, as always, really good stuff man! 🤙🤙
My brother is a lifetime salesman. Details is how you catch them. If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said. A Mexican told me she was Portuguese and kept up the lie for years. Never give a sociopath a second chance.
What an odd thing to lie about...why would it matter either way?
Dr. Grande, I liked your incredible/unbelievable side comments in the beginning. I thought I was rare when it comes to people who stop to think "what are you really saying"? Of course, I go with the most likely thing, but I find it so fascinating how language is so... Twisted? Malleable? Misleading? Misused? I don't even know! Thanks for that.
This will be interesting...
Thank you again!
Ellen I love your picture
of mr. Spock!
I think it is amazing that some people contacted you for tips on being a better liar.
everything you said here is so accurate. great vid. thanks. please do a video on why you feel the polygraph is inaccurate.
As an Autistic person who is definitely not great at lying, this information is fascinating.
I've had to learn to not be super truthful with just anyone, in order to be polite or to have healthy boundaries for my own self-dignity.
Like, if a stranger or minor acquaintance asks how I am, I probably should just say a generic positive response and then ask how they are. Because it's just a greeting, not a literal question. I should definitely refrain from telling them, say, all about my bladder infection or stomach troubles in great detail 😂
It only took me about 35 years to figure that out 🤦♀️
Also, thank you SO much for pointing out that body language/gaze aversion has nothing to do with lying. I've been accused so many times throughout my life of being "shady" or "deceptive", I'm guessing because of my odd body language. Being Autistic and having social anxiety, I guess my nonverbal communication is noticeably not typical.
I hope one day our society can get to a point where most people will know that these ideas regarding body language are false. These ridiculous myths are so harmful to so many people who aren't lying, being "shady", etc.
I've found that when someone's "story" doesnt make any sense, usually it's a lie lol
You see, a 54% lie detection is from human to another human. I think there is no doubt that humans have evolved over the years to be good at telling lies as well as detecting them. Also, the lie builder has(usually) all the power to take his time to make that lie as plausible as possible. The fact that the percentage is above 50% in lie detection is already really surprising to me. Great video, keep it up!
You can tell when someone is lying, when you guts go off and you can hear the little bell ringing in your head, but not everyone has these things. Also, time and place of saying something, reasons for saying things, you have to have a reasonable and open mind as well, make sure you aren't biased.
my father tell lies just to win a arguing or to seem right, even distorting facts and gaslighting. no matter the topic, for no reason…. i think he is pathologic
Sad sounds like my dad and ex
Sounds narcissistic.
you're not alone my friend
Narcissism 😑
Once you have a very close long term relationship with a liar, you will start to detect them.
I think the closer you are to a person the more you can tell.
Thanks for the great vids, Doc! Not sure if it's enough for a whole vid, but it'd be great to hear more in depth about people who struggle to tell the truth convincingly - appearing to be lying when telling the truth. Asking for a friend :D
I believe your analysis proves the adage: “It takes one to know one.”
Lois Hendricks which is why he’s teaching us non malicious liars
Dr. Grande, your ability to spot equivocation must be outstanding. Can you even stomach political speak?
Looking forward to watching this. 🏴🇬🇧
Always learn a ton of information from your videos. Thank you for this content, Dr. Grande. Greatly appreciated.
The lying by omission is always the one I find harder to detect from someone else. Just based on the fact that I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle.
Until it becomes a pattern with the person, and then I always start in the mindset that they're not telling fully the truth anyway.
I think a good way of detecting this omissions is making a lot of open questions, like: "Why did you do that? How exactly this thing happened? Who was there?" But as you said, we only start to worry about this when it becomes a pattern with the person.
@Chad Larson I usually have to detect the lying for work. Depending on how many people check in at my hotel, the price of the city tax is different.
And lying to me about being here alone, when they're here to meet another woman than the one they married is actually to their financial disadvantage. They pay a higher fee when they claim they're alone than when they're honest about it. Because the price of the stay would be split in two for the calculation of the tax, and so the cheapest tax fee would be due.
You sure are impressive, you sound very intelligent, well prepared and you speak clearly. Thank you
Dr. G, that was excellent. Could you do an analysis of the habit of confabulation? For decades, I wondered if my mother-in-law, considered above reproach, was making things up, telling whoppers, inflating, aggrandizing, etc. Nothing really problematic, except to my low agreeableness. At the onset of, sadly, her dementia, it became ever clearer to the rest of the family. She even told everyone that she had caught Lyme disease, which gave her memory problems (some people have trouble admitting to having a condition with internal…another video?). It became apparent when her memory diminished her ability to avoid detection. She’s really cute and sweet, and we take good care of her, but we manage her pills and provide her meals even though she says she has already taken them.
But the tendency to confabulation seems to run in the family, too. One fish story after another. It doesn’t seem at all malignant, but it’s definitely rife with a wish to control what the listener thinks about various people or an issue. You can perhaps imagine the strain on my low agreeableness during the Trump years. I am agreeable by nature, except when being lied to. Another possible video: Factors that affect agreeableness. I can almost hear you saying, “Encountering a scorpion in your shoe…”. Actually, I have found that pointing out discrepancies or correcting someone who is confabulating tends to negatively impact their agreeableness, as well. Better to remain silent and do meditative breathing. So: Confabulation in Relationships.
Or any topic you might draw from this.
Btw, I like her more than I did back when her facade was perfect. She is much more authentic with me, until her mind takes her for a spin.
At Thanksgiving 2019, we sat her on a loveseat with a woman she had not met, who also has dementia. They sat there for several hours, happily telling each other the same lovely stories about their families on repeat. But I do go on….
I have six kids. The most extroverted among them is easily the one most prone to lying (he also craves novel and extreme experiences). If I love you I want to believe you, but my son has lied so often that if he tells me something I have to get verification from others before I believe it. I hate this, because good relationships need trust, and I want to have a good relationship with him. He’s turning thirteen this coming month. He’s been like this for as long as he’s been talking (only with ever increasing skill- he’s easily one of my smartest kids).
I have a 13 year old and she struggles with this issue also. I have observed this behavior in most of her peers, as well. I have talked with my daughter and her friends about this. The one common denominator I have heard, is the fear of getting in trouble or having their parents, teachers and friends get angry with them. The other big issue is their fear of embarrassment, and rightly so. Between cyber bullying and cyber blackmail, which is often done by their own “friends”, these kids are stressed out beyond belief! They are dealing with situations that most of us have never faced at their age and they aren’t equipped to handle it properly. That kind of stress at an early age is incredibly damaging, in so many ways.
My daughter has a big fear of loss and abandonment. She also has ADHD, as do I. People with ADHD tend to engage in risk associated activities (including lying) because it provides a rush of dopamine and norepinephrine, which is out of balance in the brain. ADHD seems to go hand in hand with bipolar disorder, which can also cause this behavior. These conditions worsen with stress.
Additionally, research has been done on the use of mobile devices and social media, in children. So far, the conclusions are not at all positive.
Sound familiar?
I hope this helps and came off the way I intended...without judgement and in the hopes that it somehow helps your son.
To me the greatest red flag of the expert and cunning liar is when you confront them on their deception, state valid evidence and facts and there is absolutely no acknowledgement or defense on their part..except of course them bringing up some other issue or problem they presented to you in which your sole intent was to advise or help them with.
This is unimaginably painful when you are the target of an adult child .
.....Yes... because it's difficult to " defend the indefensible ".... SO.
They turn to Gaslighting. It's so prevalent in the Poltical Realm that it's becoming normalized. Sad.
Also trying to change the topic or trying to get your mind on something else.
This video teaches me how to lie and get away with it. Do it strategically. Do it only when necessary ( like if you need a job) . Plan it out. Practice it. Dont take the lir too far. Keep it believable. Dont forget what you lied about so take notes. Thanks Doc!
Very interesting topic as always Dr.Todd Grande !
@How Come ?
@How Come Good Eminem Classic 👍!
Thank you for putting to rest body language. Also, you're video reminded of a comment I made to a boss once... I looked at him as he was talking (we were returning from an airport), and I looked at him and said "....you lie about things that don't even matter". I can't even remember what the topic was, I was just astonished. We remained friends to this day, despite now living on different continents.
Thank you Dr. Grande for this very informative video. You present material in a way I can understand!
The environment and current situation plays a major factor in the frequency, type, size and scope of lies regardless of if the person frequently lies or not
I never know when one of my specific family members is telling the truth; therefore I never believe anything he says.
Sounds sensible.
James, earlier I was like same , now I use intuition. Sometimes it's true what they are saying and it helps.
And here are two great statements made at me
My bro: we can never take you to any party because you are honest.
And as I write it I recollect a statement by my mentor: you got an honesty bug.
Mamta N - Nice. Being too honest with my whole being around certain types of people has sometimes left me exploited.
That’s why I hold pieces of myself back, when I’m around those types of people✌️
it's sad because I actually had to ask a family member for a copy of her cancer diagnosis because I plum didn't believe her. I know it sounds like a jerky thing to do but she's told such fantastical lies, even to border control, that she's not credible.
@@tottenhamhotspurish Agreed James. I do the same now. Being authentic is more imp than bring honest.
Good ol doc. Teaching people the subtle ways of language.
Thank you once again for your amazing videos Dr. Grande. I especially enjoyed it when you said how useless lie detector tests can be. I once had to take one before going to work for a local police dept as a civilian. I was terrified by being strapped to a chair and having all these leads placed on me. I was shaking and breathing too fast, I was so scared. When the detectives came back into the room to tell me the results of the test, they were both laughing their heads off, as the test showed that I had lied about every single question they had asked me, including my own name!They said I passed because nobody can lie that badly. LOL Now that is funny, I don't care who you are!
Yes, Dr. Grande is incredible! Impressed how easy it is to listen to your voice tell us good stuff..thank you😊
Loved listening to this! I remember reading somewhere that psychopaths can beat lie detector tests because of their lack of emotions. I know these tests cannot be used in court, but it surprises me how often suspects are eliminated from an inquiry and makes me wonder how many have escaped prosecution? Personally, a few individuals in my life actually insulted me when they lied, mainly because I know them so well, so it was very obvious to me. It was strange to watch them lie, as if I didn't know the truth! It looked like they almost believed the lie themselves.
I know when I'm being lied to. Having said that, I have to wonder how pathological liars function in daily life. If they lie like a rug all the time, eventually people catch on.
@@adriennedouke1880 "lie like a rug" has got to be the best analogy/descriptor I have ever heard. Thank you for that. Sincerely
Tom Hopkins speaks in his sales trainings about what to say when someone asks how their life is going: UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Crikey! To my best recollection, I've told 1 lie in the past 4 months.
I served many capacities in a prison for 30 years. From officer to supervisor to manager. Being lied to was a daily occurrence and eventually I became a very good judge of the truth. I could very easily interrogate an inmate and know within a sentence or two whether I was going to be lied to in the line of questioning. I do believe people who are lied to on a continuous basis by different people CAN be a better judge of deception. I've come upon some VERY good habitual liars though and even they have fooled me so no one's perfect for sure! I often employed what I called the "Hunt and peck" method of ferreting out a story. I'd have the person tell me the story start to finish but then go back and ask about something in the middle, then the beginning, then the ending etc...back and forth...to see not only that the details remained consistent but HOW they answered. Oh, I'm also a good poker player as well!lol!