One statement changed my world. "If you are expecting good, because you are doing good to them is like expecting a tiger not to eat you because you are not eating the tiger."
Geez this has been me. I was raised without a dad, pretty much by women. I told myself I didn't want to be a "pig." I became a nice guy, not wanting to ever rock the boat. As I look back I realize this mentality has robbed me of the mindset needed to attain the life I've always wanted. I'm done. RIP nice guy
Emil Rodriguez I have a similar experience of being raised with no dad purely women, Women who were victims of sexual abuse and rampant infidelity, as a boy seeing this I went out of my way try to be a positive male influence in my world, this has led to me being confused, angry, alone and depressed as I watch others flourish and prosper in life and reflect on the mess my life has become. I now wonder what is the point of living if I can't engage with life?
Late to reply but yep, this was me as well up until I figured it out in my late twenties. Wish I would have just known how to be a man from the start, but without a consistent male authority figure in the home, boys are destined to be treated as defective girls.
35 years in a mediocre career even as a college grad. Didn't marry till I was 45. No kids and of course will never have grand kids. I had a hard time keeping friends. I don't know how to explain but its something I just couldn't figure out. I learned about the nice guys syndrome and read some things and noticed many (not all) of the characteristics were me. My self worth was solely based on what other people thought of me. I couldn't stand criticism because it pointed out flaws I refused to accept. I wasn't living for me, I was living to please other people. And that is the tip of the iceberg. I will be studying Dr Glover and others going forward. Maybe I can get some feeling of success late in the game.
This is super helpful for me since I've realized I'm living by my anxiety- afraid of displeasing my parents, afraid to go against the norm and most importantly afraid to be myself because of how I think others will react. Thank you! I'm a girl btw- just saying that to reinforce that this is super helpful for women as well. I've met plenty of other women who also seem to fall into the "being too nice" hole, and I think this could really help them too.
From always being the peacemaker in the family to putting woman on a pedestal to meeting everybody else's needs, but never my known and accepting to being treated like a doormat and not pushing back, I've been through it all. I am so glad to see an explanation for this and that I am not the only one. Being able to solve a problem you need to identify it first and the problem of the nice guy is spelled out crystal clear here. Do yourself and the world a favour and let go off this - you might think you are a better and more considerate man than others. Most likely you are more intelligent and more sensitive than other men, because you actually put some thought into how you come across to others unlike jerks who live their lives without any sense of reflection, but do not betray yourself by succumbing to the Nice guy syndrome, it will only make you miserable. That you are watching this is a good sign you are on the way - When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
I've always been a f-ing PUSH-OVER NICE GUY-especially with my wife-and it is time for me to grow a pair. I'm not sure how all of this is going to work in real life, but I'm done with it-NO MORE MR NICE GUY!!! This may save my marriage, or end it.
Being the nice guy isn't managing anxiety it's bottling it all up and confusing ourselves even more. I am a grade A nice guy which is almost an oxymoron because I'm actually a total passive aggressive dick and a dishonest friend. This is my greatest weakness and I assumed it would go away as I grew older but unfortunately it's stuck with me (not for long tho!). On the bright side, I look forward to battling this every day and it feels great to have a community who feels the same about themselves and are looking to improve their Nice Guy Syndrome. I'm with you if you feel the same way and I'm ready to kick this mentalities ass and become the dominant, authentic, and integrity filled male or female we want to be. MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED AN ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDY!
Admitting to this behavior is embarrassing, but I think most men have at least gone through a nice guy "phase" at some point. Half the fight is realizing you have a problem. In my case, I never meant to deceive my female friends when I was being "nice"; I was just terrified of making a move and it went south 100% of the time. The cure is to be absolutely clear in your intentions if she wants to "hang out" - saves both people the pain.
So happy to have come across this info. Most of what and honestly just about all of what was said was me to a tee. I will be working "passionately" on all these tips. Thank You
It's better to live your own Destiny imperfectly, than to live an imitation of someone else life with perfect...... be yourself everyone eles is taken.
I'm just waking up to this as well. Thank you for your noble work Dr. Glover as that's what it is. There's nothing we need more than the guidance of brilliant, strong and empathetic men and I'm working on becoming one of those as well. So many women I've hidden my sexuality from, so many I consider "friends" who don't really respect me.
Now that I am "woke", I feel like I'm in zombieland. I've gotten to the point were if a person don't want to get on the book, I don't want to be around them, because I already know what's going to happen. It's like I can see inside them. They are "sleep", but they say "you're" not happy and "you're" fake, and I've learned that when "they" accuse you of something, "they" are really snitching on themselves. It's like Dr. Glover woke me up and showed me that I've been in hell this whole time, even I was a daemon, but I'm proud of myself because even when I had that daemon riding my brain I still had a big heart. Those are the people I try to wake up, and it's like you are "woke" walking amongst "sleep" people. The game is soo deep.
I just stumbled upon this video & I must say that this video has my attention. If there is anyone that can direct me to videos or books please inform me.
@the new man i was aggressive earlier in my life moving ahead with dreams to accomplish, being 14 yrs old i got severe OCD, you can imagine bathing in 9h ppl making fun of you for your walk and anyways OCD is ego destructive disease, then i went through depression and nervous shocks to found my self on the other side of the river, giving over respect to ppl, humilating my self apologizing when ppl tread on me, dreaming of the utopic world where everyone is making the other happy, zero by the all meaning of word zero, zero dignity, no dreams to fulfill, even masturbating the way Dr. Glover said, i got the highest degree in his MR. NICE GUY TEST 😔 it's for me part of disease or disease, and i dont know what some words of encouragement will do with it, dont know what to say,
so it has come to this..we have failed so bad in raising men, we actually need a "men's coach" to do the job of a father, no offense, I'm wholly grateful for people who do not abandon our ideals, to satisfy what is expected of us as men, but it's saddening how families fail to raise men nowadays, how we have failed our sons
The major issue I'm personally struggling with is showing sexual interest and taking initiative when a girl/woman is not giving clear signals that she likes me or not. When there's a clear interaction with sexually open girls/women it just flows naturally. I've thought about it, and I think it has to do with 1. I am a bit insecure and not 100% comfortable to show my sexual interest in action, and 2. I have some deeprooted fears that acting upon my sexual desires (even with a small step in touch or verbally expressing interest) will make me feel like I'll impose myself on her, domineering her and going beyond her limits, even though I'm a considerate guy. Rationally I can understand my psychological barrieres, but I'm finding it hard to break free from those beliefs about myself and about women. Anyone here who has some helpful advice concerning my issue?
This hits too close to home for me. I’m a person who extends courtesy to others without expecting compensation. I was raised to treat others with kindness even when they don’t do the same. I feel that this has gotten me nowhere in life. I would sit back and watch others that don’t have those same qualities prosper in life. It made me second guess myself, evaluate and wonder what I was doing wrong. Nice guys get little to no respect from their peers, they’re just easier to take advantage of. This book has given me a whole new perspective on life. The nice guy persona is so overrated.
Be a good guy, a kind guy, and not a nice guy! There is a difference. I read something somewhere that said "nice is a burden, good is a blessing". I understand what you mean, sometimes it is difficult to do good when others who don't even care are excelling in life, but you don't really know. They might be miserable inside. I used to be like that, I tried to be nice but it was draining, I would feel unhappy and burdened all the time. then I made a decision to say NO when I didn't want to do something. I also figured that not caring about people's opinion has helped me a great deal. I'm still a good person, but with more wisdom.
I know this unwritten contract thing very well mine was never with people per say I always believed that if I lived as my faith said then things would change do unto others as you want done but it's not a very good way to live life as you become a door mat for others.
Find what you want, and do it...what if what someone wants is to be a violent sociopath and the only thing keeping them in check is worrying what others will think?
The nice guy is an inauthentic half-person. The half he reveals is the disguise of the half he wouldn't dare reveal. He uses dishonesty like a bag of dope. He won't tell you how he truly feels or what he truly wants, partly because he doesn't really know how he feels or what he wants. One the other hand, even when he does know his feelings and wants, he can't be honest about these things lest he lose something of value in some relationship, if not the entire relationship altogether. Thus his entire life becomes a deception founded on fear. He does not live in any authentic sense, is not a full and complete person; rather, he "exists" somewhere between terror and polite disguises. It would be great if we could say that his diminished consciousness were the cause of all his troubles, but I suspect that his low consciousness is just one of many tactics he uses to guard himself from fear. His motto is :"What I don't know can't kill me" and he projects this thought onto everyone he encounters. We're it not for this belief, he wouldn't go through life so confident in his ability to use dishonesty and deception to manage his life. His own ignorance is willful and so is his presumption that everyone else is so ignorant as to be easily duped. No wonder everyone walks away from him!
As a recovering "nice guy" I think you have some really solid points. For me the biggest thing I hid from myself/others is my anger/rage towards my mother - because I felt this made me a bad person. Nice guys are so lame and come with their own bag of tricks - realness is hard though but if you have good relationships with people men/women that get a solid foundation of trust you can move to the next level.
One saying just to adequately the nice guy syndrome actually isn't only restricted to guys. I'll be at far more rare and even less talked about women have the same problem
great podcast but hey stay grounded You can t file your taxes and staf with passion ;p cut the bullshit things like that are fucking boring and will always be it s just shit that have to be done. but great point i mean living life as possible through that place of power and joy is great , the trap i believe is that we tend to analyze more this ''place'' inside of us than embracing it! thank you doc for all your work that helped me make positive changes in my life
Female: we should hang out Me:text her Female: text with response next day with “thought I texted you back sorry” Me: no worries We haven’t messaged since. I Don’t want to get ghosted Gosh I phucking hate modernity back when no cell phones I had no problem. Any other guys having trouble in the modern day?
Really? I find it throroughly informational. Yes, it's "just talking" - beause it's a podcast. 35:48 for a recap - it's a lot of information in a nutshell. Pay attention, young man! In any case, Dr. Glover's book is all real meat. Warmly recommended.
One statement changed my world. "If you are expecting good, because you are doing good to them is like expecting a tiger not to eat you because you are not eating the tiger."
Geez this has been me. I was raised without a dad, pretty much by women. I told myself I didn't want to be a "pig." I became a nice guy, not wanting to ever rock the boat. As I look back I realize this mentality has robbed me of the mindset needed to attain the life I've always wanted. I'm done. RIP nice guy
Emil Rodriguez I have a similar experience of being raised with no dad purely women, Women who were victims of sexual abuse and rampant infidelity, as a boy seeing this I went out of my way try to be a positive male influence in my world, this has led to me being confused, angry, alone and depressed as I watch others flourish and prosper in life and reflect on the mess my life has become. I now wonder what is the point of living if I can't engage with life?
Emil Rodriguez how’s it going now?
Best bit of advice I have ever read. Pity I didn't hear that years ago. I'd be a millionaire now.
Sorry I replied to the wrong comment.
Late to reply but yep, this was me as well up until I figured it out in my late twenties. Wish I would have just known how to be a man from the start, but without a consistent male authority figure in the home, boys are destined to be treated as defective girls.
"They either tend to avoid relationships or the ones they get into tend to be frustrating" ...Man, I can totally relate with that statement
To be honest this book talking totally about me
35 years in a mediocre career even as a college grad. Didn't marry till I was 45. No kids and of course will never have grand kids. I had a hard time keeping friends. I don't know how to explain but its something I just couldn't figure out. I learned about the nice guys syndrome and read some things and noticed many (not all) of the characteristics were me. My self worth was solely based on what other people thought of me. I couldn't stand criticism because it pointed out flaws I refused to accept. I wasn't living for me, I was living to please other people. And that is the tip of the iceberg.
I will be studying Dr Glover and others going forward. Maybe I can get some feeling of success late in the game.
This is super helpful for me since I've realized I'm living by my anxiety- afraid of displeasing my parents, afraid to go against the norm and most importantly afraid to be myself because of how I think others will react. Thank you!
I'm a girl btw- just saying that to reinforce that this is super helpful for women as well. I've met plenty of other women who also seem to fall into the "being too nice" hole, and I think this could really help them too.
His book is changing my life and my relationship with my woman.
Me too....miracle.
From always being the peacemaker in the family to putting woman on a pedestal to meeting everybody else's needs, but never my known and accepting to being treated like a doormat and not pushing back, I've been through it all. I am so glad to see an explanation for this and that I am not the only one. Being able to solve a problem you need to identify it first and the problem of the nice guy is spelled out crystal clear here. Do yourself and the world a favour and let go off this - you might think you are a better and more considerate man than others. Most likely you are more intelligent and more sensitive than other men, because you actually put some thought into how you come across to others unlike jerks who live their lives without any sense of reflection, but do not betray yourself by succumbing to the Nice guy syndrome, it will only make you miserable. That you are watching this is a good sign you are on the way - When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
This is WAAAAY better than the book.
I've always been a f-ing PUSH-OVER NICE GUY-especially with my wife-and it is time for me to grow a pair. I'm not sure how all of this is going to work in real life, but I'm done with it-NO MORE MR NICE GUY!!! This may save my marriage, or end it.
Either way you'll be better off.
If it ends it then that is the right outcome.
Update?
I was a nice guy but it's the time to change
did you?
This podcast just opened a whole new world.
Love this!Thanks for the upload.I love listening to Robert Glover
Being the nice guy isn't managing anxiety it's bottling it all up and confusing ourselves even more. I am a grade A nice guy which is almost an oxymoron because I'm actually a total passive aggressive dick and a dishonest friend. This is my greatest weakness and I assumed it would go away as I grew older but unfortunately it's stuck with me (not for long tho!). On the bright side, I look forward to battling this every day and it feels great to have a community who feels the same about themselves and are looking to improve their Nice Guy Syndrome. I'm with you if you feel the same way and I'm ready to kick this mentalities ass and become the dominant, authentic, and integrity filled male or female we want to be. MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED AN ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDY!
Caleb Ransom hey lets be buddies
Admitting to this behavior is embarrassing, but I think most men have at least gone through a nice guy "phase" at some point. Half the fight is realizing you have a problem. In my case, I never meant to deceive my female friends when I was being "nice"; I was just terrified of making a move and it went south 100% of the time. The cure is to be absolutely clear in your intentions if she wants to "hang out" - saves both people the pain.
So happy to have come across this info. Most of what and honestly just about all of what was said was me to a tee. I will be working "passionately" on all these tips. Thank You
It's better to live your own Destiny imperfectly, than to live an imitation of someone else life with perfect...... be yourself everyone eles is taken.
Thank you for the podcast, it was helpful and inspiring to say the least.
You are welcome. I'm glad to hear this was helpful and inspiring to you.
I'm just waking up to this as well. Thank you for your noble work Dr. Glover as that's what it is. There's nothing we need more than the guidance of brilliant, strong and empathetic men and I'm working on becoming one of those as well. So many women I've hidden my sexuality from, so many I consider "friends" who don't really respect me.
good information here. i know a few dudes like this
Now that I am "woke", I feel like I'm in zombieland. I've gotten to the point were if a person don't want to get on the book, I don't want to be around them, because I already know what's going to happen. It's like I can see inside them. They are "sleep", but they say "you're" not happy and "you're" fake, and I've learned that when "they" accuse you of something, "they" are really snitching on themselves. It's like Dr. Glover woke me up and showed me that I've been in hell this whole time, even I was a daemon, but I'm proud of myself because even when I had that daemon riding my brain I still had a big heart. Those are the people I try to wake up, and it's like you are "woke" walking amongst "sleep" people. The game is soo deep.
Awsome Teaching !!!
I'm glad you got something from this interview!
I can tell you used garage band drum loops at the end! Great podcast!
Awesome advice
Thanks Terry!
I just stumbled upon this video & I must say that this video has my attention. If there is anyone that can direct me to videos or books please inform me.
This is describing me perfectly. I definitely gotta figure out how to make it better.
thank u,BIG story short in two words...thank u
You're welcome Prince!
@the new man
i was aggressive earlier in my life moving ahead with dreams to accomplish, being 14 yrs old i got severe OCD, you can imagine bathing in 9h ppl making fun of you for your walk and anyways OCD is ego destructive disease, then i went through depression and nervous shocks to found my self on the other side of the river, giving over respect to ppl, humilating my self apologizing when ppl tread on me, dreaming of the utopic world where everyone is making the other happy, zero by the all meaning of word zero, zero dignity, no dreams to fulfill, even masturbating the way Dr. Glover said, i got the highest degree in his MR. NICE GUY TEST 😔 it's for me part of disease or disease, and i dont know what some words of encouragement will do with it,
dont know what to say,
You are talking about me sooo bad. I have been looking all my life why im so feeling bad all the time.
Nice
This is good! Lol because I realize I still have some tendencies.
so it has come to this..we have failed so bad in raising men, we actually need a "men's coach" to do the job of a father,
no offense, I'm wholly grateful for people who do not abandon our ideals, to satisfy what is expected of us as men, but it's saddening how families fail to raise men nowadays, how we have failed our sons
His book was originally published in 1973
Hell yeah RIP nice guy
Robert Glover is a beauty and so are you it sounds like. Two Thumbs up
great talk, i would class my self as a mr nice guy, lots to think about, evaluate and redirect.
The major issue I'm personally struggling with is showing sexual interest and taking initiative when a girl/woman is not giving clear signals that she likes me or not. When there's a clear interaction with sexually open girls/women it just flows naturally. I've thought about it, and I think it has to do with 1. I am a bit insecure and not 100% comfortable to show my sexual interest in action, and 2. I have some deeprooted fears that acting upon my sexual desires (even with a small step in touch or verbally expressing interest) will make me feel like I'll impose myself on her, domineering her and going beyond her limits, even though I'm a considerate guy. Rationally I can understand my psychological barrieres, but I'm finding it hard to break free from those beliefs about myself and about women.
Anyone here who has some helpful advice concerning my issue?
This hits too close to home for me. I’m a person who extends courtesy to others without expecting compensation. I was raised to treat others with kindness even when they don’t do the same. I feel that this has gotten me nowhere in life. I would sit back and watch others that don’t have those same qualities prosper in life. It made me second guess myself, evaluate and wonder what I was doing wrong. Nice guys get little to no respect from their peers, they’re just easier to take advantage of. This book has given me a whole new perspective on life. The nice guy persona is so overrated.
Be a good guy, a kind guy, and not a nice guy! There is a difference. I read something somewhere that said "nice is a burden, good is a blessing". I understand what you mean, sometimes it is difficult to do good when others who don't even care are excelling in life, but you don't really know. They might be miserable inside. I used to be like that, I tried to be nice but it was draining, I would feel unhappy and burdened all the time. then I made a decision to say NO when I didn't want to do something. I also figured that not caring about people's opinion has helped me a great deal. I'm still a good person, but with more wisdom.
I know this unwritten contract thing very well mine was never with people per say I always believed that if I lived as my faith said then things would change do unto others as you want done but it's not a very good way to live life as you become a door mat for others.
Find what you want, and do it...what if what someone wants is to be a violent sociopath and the only thing keeping them in check is worrying what others will think?
Sociopaths dont care what people think, thats what makes them sociopaths
Ur really talking about me for sure
Updalla VibMLK m6. 9
I'm..
I can 8
9
Bum3. mmms a. guy
It's hard me to be social
It's nice to know that I rally am the low down piece of shit I always assumed I was, thanks....
No more Mr Nice guy... only Mr Clean
What's the background music from the beginning
"I Can't Wait" by Screaming Witness
The nice guy is an inauthentic half-person. The half he reveals is the disguise of the half he wouldn't dare reveal. He uses dishonesty like a bag of dope. He won't tell you how he truly feels or what he truly wants, partly because he doesn't really know how he feels or what he wants. One the other hand, even when he does know his feelings and wants, he can't be honest about these things lest he lose something of value in some relationship, if not the entire relationship altogether. Thus his entire life becomes a deception founded on fear. He does not live in any authentic sense, is not a full and complete person; rather, he "exists" somewhere between terror and polite disguises. It would be great if we could say that his diminished consciousness were the cause of all his troubles, but I suspect that his low consciousness is just one of many tactics he uses to guard himself from fear. His motto is :"What I don't know can't kill me" and he projects this thought onto everyone he encounters. We're it not for this belief, he wouldn't go through life so confident in his ability to use dishonesty and deception to manage his life. His own ignorance is willful and so is his presumption that everyone else is so ignorant as to be easily duped. No wonder everyone walks away from him!
As a recovering "nice guy" I think you have some really solid points. For me the biggest thing I hid from myself/others is my anger/rage towards my mother - because I felt this made me a bad person.
Nice guys are so lame and come with their own bag of tricks - realness is hard though but if you have good relationships with people men/women that get a solid foundation of trust you can move to the next level.
Oh bullshit.
im taking this
Feels so good to finally be able to get out of that mentality, at least to some degree.
Bruce Kern thanks I get it
Jerk (narcissist) nice guy (codependant) - irrespective of gender
Nice guys are narcissists as well, nothing they do is truly selfless. They’re always looking for a kickback
One saying just to adequately the nice guy syndrome actually isn't only restricted to guys. I'll be at far more rare and even less talked about women have the same problem
I feel awkward when people talk me harsh while I talk to them so soft
hey, check out Michael Sealey on youtube> he has a lot of great videos (hypnosis) including one that helps with this kind of thing!
Match their intensity then bring the level of intensity down and they will follow :-)
Does the saying "he would give you the shirt off his back" qualify as a Mr NG?
It depends on whether or not he expects something in return
an honest question tho, what if pleasing other people is what feels right?
Somebody you don't need to know That's nice guy syndrome , you can't go around pleasing others and truly be happy
You think you were put on this earth as a man , to go around pleasing other men like some kind of servant ?
The second thing I can't defend myself by talking
I have a question if you don't mind me asking what is your mother mean to you by any chance
Oh, this must be from some time ago. Glover's address is drglover.com nowadays.
Apart from that, such a great interview!
Thank you!
In Morita Therapy, this is called self-specializing....
It s actually about codependency.
23:00
great podcast but hey stay grounded You can t file your taxes and staf with passion ;p cut the bullshit things like that are fucking boring and will always be it s just shit that have to be done. but great point i mean living life as possible through that place of power and joy is great , the trap i believe is that we tend to analyze more this ''place'' inside of us than embracing it! thank you doc for all your work that helped me make positive changes in my life
Female: we should hang out
Me:text her
Female: text with response next day with “thought I texted you back sorry”
Me: no worries
We haven’t messaged since. I Don’t want to get ghosted Gosh I phucking hate modernity back when no cell phones I had no problem. Any other guys having trouble in the modern day?
I think I'm a nice guy and I'm a girl!
You are a nice girl
Is this really a radio station interview. The host is silly,.....
this is just talking no info no real meat. if their was there anything useful I got sidetracked by too much useless talking.
Really? I find it throroughly informational. Yes, it's "just talking" - beause it's a podcast. 35:48 for a recap - it's a lot of information in a nutshell. Pay attention, young man!
In any case, Dr. Glover's book is all real meat. Warmly recommended.