I'm Amish and in my family hugs have always been a big part of my family😊 I find it hard to believe that this was not the case for her, I feel bad for her and am wondering if she was raised schwartentruber as I've heard they don't do hugs
@@emmanuelalviola4112 I'm Amish and I have never heard such a thing as not being allowed to hug. We hug all the time. This lady grew up shwartzentruber and they live a totally different lifestyle than the rest of us Amish. I wish she would say that in her videos because it makes all of us Amish look stupid when most of us have nothing in common with schwartentrubers
@@LillianGraceWerger I believe you Lilian. By the way, since you are here on social media, have you left the Amish community since Amish supposedly don’t like the modern way of living?
@@emmanuelalviola4112 no I am still Amish and in my church we are allowed cell phones for business and I guess I'm just a little bad as I use social media as well lol what they don't know won't hurt them😉 I love my Amish lifestyle but have found it shocking to see all the hate and assumptions about us since I've been on social media.
I am a twin and I totally get what you are saying. My twin was absolute best friend and other half until drugs became a way of life for him. We lost touch for almost 18 years. I got to a place that I didn't miss him because I no longer knew him. He has been clean for several years and I have my best friend and brother back. ❤️ There is always hope!
I’m also a twin. No sad story for me really, but we have grown apart a lot. I see him on holidays and that’s about it. I still love him and enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve grown up. I don’t really miss him either because I’m too busy living my life. We were together until college and I was in touch very frequently through college, but don’t really message him all too often now. I’m not a fan of online tbh. No social media and I will not focus on relationships that aren’t in-person.
that is amazing❤ my brother is my best friend and was a recovering addict but recently relapsed. I am heartbroken and haven’t spoken to him since. this gives me hope☀️
I have identical twin and for 12 years I didn't see my twin because her abusive husband took her to Israel. She made it back alive but moved clear across the country from me with him..until there was a break and she went into hiding. She came to me. Earned her nursing degree. She wasn't Amish but I know the pain of grief that hits you sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this with us. There are a lot of Amish people where I live but we only interact if they’re a customer at my work or if I’m buying from an Amish stand or something. I did not know the Amish didn’t do hugs! That’s insane… I absolutely adore hugs and would be so sad if I couldn’t hug anyone!
@@that.neurodivergentThat is very true, although I think that English life has enough mentally harmful characteristics nowadays (social isolation, for example) that the effect may equal out.
@@nazimk7477the Amish are a fundamentalist Christian (I believe anabaptist) sect that live in small, isolated communities and largely reject modern culture. They also speak a form of German that’s been passed down through the generations.
I’m so sorry for your loss of contact with your loved ones, especially your twin. I know you knew what would happen when you left, but it still seems harsh.
Its the only way to curb people excepting the mind bending rules of the cult. Its hard to say its a religion because so many of those rules are not based on the Bible. Its sad.
That is sad. I do have to say though, it's better than some cultures that insist that you can't leave, and intimidate, threaten, or track down those that do. They respected her decision, and she respects theirs. It's not perfect, but it could be worse.
@MinnieRat seems kinda ass backwards to me, for whom platonic and familial hugs are second nature and cuddles are at least a third date thing if not a few months, but if that's their culture then that's their culture I guess
@@80sCanadian My guess, any kind of physical affection in public is not ok. But that also means that dating (aka cuddling) for these touch starved people is more likely to lead to young people getting married and making children sooner, which is probably important for such communities. And why else make cuddling in the bed a part of dating, even first dates, if quick pairing isn't your goal?
@vagafuega I'm Amish and far from touched starved😉my family had always been big on hugs and I think Lizzie might have been raised schwartzentruber or similar to them as that's the only group of people that I know of in the Amish communities who don't do hugs
That really broke my heart that something as simple and loving as a hug between sisters is not allowed. Very sad. I am glad that you are happy and thriving and who knows, maybe you two will reconnect sometime in the future.
If fear and oppression are what keeps someone tied to their faith community, it sounds like they are pretty insecure. I am glad you are able to pursue your own life and beliefs, but am sorry that there isn't more tolerance for you to have contact with your twin sister. They are all missing out on having you in their lives. Hugs.
The twin may have wanted to see her sister, and probably enjoyed her visits very much. But the husband may have unfairly spoken for her as “the head of household.” He might even have told the twin that her sister no longer wants to visit, or that the shunned sister might prevent their children from a spiritual afterlife. I would imagine she feels trapped. With 10 kids, sadly now she is certain to never leave.
@@Cherries2249 from what i know, Amish are allowed to marry someone they wish to marry. Of course, the church must approve of this marriage, but yes.... unless of course theres some family pressure that is "the exception, not the rule" kind of situation... then you get to marry whoever you choose to so long as they too are of the same faith. So i would assume that she stayed because she choose to, just like she choose to marry that man. Yez, pf course, as i said, ita very possible that guilt played a prt, but honestly its no different than nay other family with any other atrong religious backing. Guilt tripping is a normal occurrence no matter that details surrounding the people... The difference is mostly in the total shunning. Then again, that also happens elsewhere too. Moreover, in the Amish world, it can be said that the shunning is at least already anticipated and therefore informed decisions veing made that know this is going to haopen are at least the miat common. Whi h doenst help the pain but is still better thn not seeing it coming. On top of this, they are already accustomed to shunning the outside world, so its also sometimes easier to convince themselves its okay.
I’m sorry. I have 4 girls, when we retired we moved from their hometown. I have grieved not seeing my girls everyday. No more… my front door opening up and one of them was visiting. Now I’m 2 hours away. I just could not imagine to let them go for good. This grief is real.
It kinda breaks my heart for you and her. But I totally get it. I hope she's happy and I hope you are, too. You seem happy, so that's good. I can't imagine being happy with 10 kids, but I know very little about religions that encourage women to be baby makers and nothing else.
@@katie7748her comment had nothing to do with hating children, you are being exactly the thing you're accusing her of being with this comment 🤦♀️ all she pointed out was that the mother is very likely to be unhappy with that many children, because thats a lot of responsibility and work children are a LOT of work, babies are a LOT of work, not to mention back to back pregnancies and hormones it doesnt have anything to do with liking children or not, just that caring for children is hard and understandably so
@Cocobutt290 thank you. You are exactly right. I do not hate children and have 2 of my own. I was surprised to see the angry and accusatory replies to my comment. I bet the channel's content creator gets comments like that _all the time_ from people who misinterpret why she left and what she says and does now. I really appreciate you standing up for me.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I was super close to my brother (huge age difference) and we spent every minute together outside of school and other obligations. One day, he decided to just sign up for the military and left when I was in 1st grade. Barely had any phone time with him and saw him maybe once a year until about 4th grade. I think by 3rd grade, I "forgot" him. Then I saw him once in 7th or 8th grade and then no contact until I was 18. I think about him from time to time, but I forget I have a second brother until I'm asked how many siblings I have. And when I do think of him/talk about him, it's the same way I would view a neighbor not as a sibling. I don't miss him because I have no relationship with him. We know nothing about each other so when we would talk those few times, it felt and went the same way any interaction with a new person goes.
I can relate a lot. In Indian families too - hugs are not allowed, dating not allowed, a lot of things. Wherein Indian culture is so liberating but People with high Ego have made it worse for their children to survive properly. Even if you cut off from them - they try to emotionally blackmail in the name of Love - when there is only control.
Agree to everything except, wait, what, hugs? I've seen Indians everywhere hugging. Yes, hugging with other genders is less, yes, but I've never seen same gender not hugging. Which culture do you belong to?
I don't know if you actually live in India or not , but not being allowed to hug has never been a thing in Indian culture. It's weird to hug people who are not close to you or are strangers, that's why the concept of Namaste exists , the same as bowing in east asian countries . Hugs aren't forbidden here lol
That's not an Indian thing. Maybe u have actually never lived here or maybe your family is really orthodox but no, hugs aren't a problem, ESPECIALLY between families.
As someone who is Indian, I don’t know where you’re from, but hugging is perfectly fine, and dating is ok depending on where you live and your family. But, yeah, I’m not sure where you’re getting this from…
Kudos to you for following your own heart. Hard it is for a lot of us that have to do that at the expense of losing people we love cause they cannot accept our journeys. We are all evolving. All people, all nations, all communities.
Same here. I left an abusive home and I still miss my brothers because they mean the world to me but it's been so long and so much has happened, I wouldn't know even what to talk about. But people don't understand that when you tell them. They think it's easier than it actually is.
@@VaeMhairithat's why I avoid talking about my brother Although my situation is different bc he got some abuse and then took it out emotionally on me so I'm more NC bc he doesn't realise he lashed out (very badly) at me. But yeah, I just don't bring my brother up to people irl usually bc most don't get it. They think bc family is family that people should be in contact when.. things are much more complicated than that. Note: he's 8 years older so most of his lashing out I was very young or older but still a minor too. Edit2: LC with my Aunt for a similar reason.
@@ginathecookie @ginathecookie I'm so sorry you went through this as well. I get you completely, I used to say that my family is dead, because in a way they are. Dead to me. Everyone understands how tragic that kind of loss is, but somehow they don't understand that just because you walked away it doesn't mean the goodbye wasn't permanent as well. No one cuts ties just because and it was a painful decision but also one that needed to be made.
Thank you for sharing this. It can't be easy. I'm thrilled that you had resolve enough to know when something wasn't working for you ..and that you were able to overcome the emotional blackmail to get to a place where you are able to breathe freely. God Bless.
This is so sad. I understand that cultures are different and there is something beautiful in Amish culture, but...disconnecting people and families just because they do not believe the same things than them...? That is just....Wrong! And I understand what you say about your twin...the canyon between your lives is huge. And you can reach to her, but if she is not reaching out to you...there is nothing that you can do than send her a christmas card and wish her well. If Amish celebrate christmas? At all? I do not know 🤔 So strange. It is like she lives in the backside of the Moon and you can not reach her. 💔 But you needed to save your life and soul. There was no option. I am so deeply glad that you made the leap and got out to life that you actually choose to have.
Initially I thought that if they can't meet at her home, they could meet outside, like at the edge of the town or something, but with 10 kids I can see how that's not likely.
"There is something beautiful about amish culture" What? What's beautiful? The rampant misogyny? The s3xual ab/use? The chiId ab/use that goes unchecked? Or is it the social alienation? The abandonment of family at the slightest "betrayal" or breaking of a rule? Do tell me when I'm getting warmer, please. This is just a cult.
I can imagine this custom stems from the time they didn't had good antibiotics and giving hugs could spread deadly bacteria and virusses. Traveling back then was also way harder. I read in biblical times if you were new you had to live outside the city untill 40 days passed and they knew you didn't carry infectious diseases.
I'm sorry I know where your coming from though I'm not amish but I had actually a very similar experience with my siblings so it's crazy to hear you story and see how much I have in common.
I respect your decision. If I was in the same situation, I would likely have done the same. About what you said about your brother in law and his kids I have to say, he is correct. Without a connection to this world, they would be less likely to ditch Amish life. For example, you had your cousin who gave you insight and a taste of non-Amish life. Even though it sucks that he forbade you from visiting again, I get his reasoning because of this and it's not that they would make that choice whether or not you were in their lives
Being the "black sheep" of the family is hard on me, so if being shunned is anything like that (I'm guessing that it is), I understand and I'm sorry that you don't get to see your twin.
I have seen many of your videos that touch on how and when you left, but I've never heard why you wanted to leave. What was it about Amish culture (or just your reality at the time) that made you decide it wasn't for you?
If you watch literally any of her videos it may become obvious how controlling the people in the religion she was in specifically were and how less her autonomy was given consideration
I understand not wanting someone around your kids who is living a life style you do want your kids exposed to and is not respecting your wishes on what to wear in their house, not in general but just in their home. But at the same time that is a conversation that needs to be had with everyone together and you can then decide to respect their rules in their house and still be in their family or not. Yes children do often follow who they look up to like an aunt or uncle. My daughter never wanted piercings until she seen her aunt with them for example. She can get them when she is a bit older as she is only six right now 😂.
I appreciate your frankness and that you don't seem critical or judegmental of your twin or other members of your family who have made the choice to remain Amish.
Being the widow of an identical twin and being the mom of fraternal twins, that makes me so sad, I can't even fathom thinking hugs are bad, especially among family members.
So i work with the amish for a living. She doesnt sound like the amish i have been around for the last 11 years and SMH i dont understand the hug thing. My clients hug eachother all the timem i have a specific weekly client that greet me with a hug. So just so you all are very aware, every sect of Amish is different. And not all Amish are exactly alike
@@faerietoast we hug!!!!!! She comes from a very different group of Amish called schwartentrubers and me being Amish, does not agree with the way they operate but keep in mind we are not ALL alike and most of us do hugs🤦
I came from a family of 15, 9 boys and 6 girls, life on a farm is hard. I can remember times when my didn’t even eat dinner because there wasn’t enough for her. She always made sure all us kids ate first.
It's sad that they are sooo strict! You should be able to see your family !! I didn't know that being Amish, was that bad, it's like a prison! I thought that it was all about friendship, helping each others, like a big family !! 😞
@@c.daoust1502 I'm Amish and definitely don't feel like I live in prison. Your comment saddens me as so many of you don't realize how we as a HUGE group of Amish people are FAR from all alike and Lizzie grew up in a VERY different group of Amish then most which are called schwartentrubers and I do not agree with the way they operate when a family member leaves but I'm thankful a majority of the Amish don't operate that way. Y'all keep throwing us in one basket
@@c.daoust1502 even the stricter communities wouldn't feel like they are in prison. They choose to live that way and are free to move to a more liberal Amish church if they please. Even the strict ones seem to be very happy and content with their lives. To compare any Amish group to living in a prison is just irrelevant
Im sorry to hear about your twin sister , twins have a special bond that is so unique and your being denied that and it's hard no to take it personal, I hope she realizes that she is missing something that is priceless and her husband well he's just a smelly jerk !
@@melb2734 it's cute that you think there's ANY love in a marriage within this misogynistic cult, and not just rampant s3xual abuse and marital r4pe of women...
I really appreciate how you're still very respectful to the Amish culture. I feel like many denigrate it as this cultish lifestyle, and I'm always like, you wouldn't like it if someone said that about your lifestyle. But you, you simply admit that it wasn't for you and you needed to leave. I really respect that ❤
Cultures that encourage misogyny and abuse need to be criticized, especially from people who escaped or survived these groups. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate the criticism, but that’s irrelevant. It’s harmful and needs to be talked about. Women are more than baby incubators and it is not a woman’s duty to birth children.
@@cneale9431 ""cultures"" that are just misogyny and ab/use don't deserve respect. Just because you go "it's their culture!" Doesn't mean they are above criticism. I don't care what you call your cult, misogyny does not deserve respect. The fact that you think it does is quite concerning. "You wouldn't like it if someone said that about your lifestyle" well my "lifestyle" isn't dictated by a cult built on generations of misogyny and ab/use (particularly toward women and firls) so if anyone said that about my lifestyle, I can feel secure in knowing that they are wrong lmao The pig that squeals is the one that was hit.
Honestly, my friend is Catholic and his family doesn't hug if they are opposite sexes. Mothers don't hug their sons, and fathers don't hug their daughters because it teaches them that touch outside of marriage is okay. Yet, they put my friend in advanced mixed martial arts, been there too, but I had my Grandfather for bear hugs. The most common physical contact he got was violent. I couldn't live that way.
Just because the Amish have been around for over 300 years doesn’t mean they aren’t a cult. This is cult behavior; treating human beings like ants in an ant colony, not separate individuals. I always thought the Amish were just funny, old-timey people, clinging to the past nostalgically. The more I learn about them, the more they creep me out. The way the older men can basically just do whatever they want and own the women and children… it’s not cool… 😕
omg thats so sad..... so sad.... and they dont even hug ppl? i know ppl in US tend to not do that but if ure saying like this i can only imagine wtf it is there
Depends on the part of the US and the existing cultures. Some people also defy the norms! I'm in California and pretty much everyone I know is a hugger or physically affectionate.
@@Mothman_In_a_T-PoseYes, I've been in these areas so much but I really prefer the non-hugging areas. So many hugs with people I did not want to hug! People just do it without asking.
I didn’t realize that the Amish way of life was so matter of fact. No hugging, or saying I love you. I couldn’t be that way with my family. It seems like it would be difficult for you to not see your sister. Seeing you, it is clear you and your sister are beautiful women, I wish the best for both of you.
It sad that this is the reality of your situation. But sadly so many act like it a Amish (or religious or etc ) thing, but division because differences is personality or dynamics or preferences things. Most normal health people have boundaries!😅
Wow. I watch a lot of your stories. This one hit me on just how profound it is to leave the Amish community. The fact that it's understood that you can't see your own twin sister nor converse with her due to life differences is sad.
You should look up Andy Weaver, West Salem Mission is his church. Amish and English fellowship together. I went to a retreat they had and it was so amazing.
I was a bit surprised to hear about the phone conversation from one place to another. I was under the impression that the Amish didn’t have phones due to the electrical connections necessary to have phones work. Their cousin has a tv and a phone as well? I was always under the impression the Amish do NOT use electricity and or electrical appliances and tools… sounds like some Amish aren’t very strict on some levels and it’s for each individual to choose how deep they want to live in the Amish ways…
It can't be discrimination if I'm being informed by a former Amish about something I never knew was a thing before. I'm from South Africa, I doubt we even have any Amish white people here. So, I was just responding to what this lady was saying and not discriminating against anyone. I think you're just being defensive because you maybe don't like that she is speaking about these things publicly. But she has every right to share her story. 🤷🏽♀️
@@MóTee1 oh I'm glad she's speaking about these things publicly as I don't agree with the way the schwartzentruber Amish operate either but my point is, there are many of us Amish out there who are nothing like the small group she grew up in. I'm a fan of hers and love her sense of humor. The only thing I wish she would do differently is let her audience know when she speaks of these things she should voice how these things only occur within her group of people she grew up with but she probably assumes y'all know that much but seems most of you just assume it's all the Amish which is just a naive way of thinking so that's where I step in to defend my group of people 🙃
N.H.A. Non-Huggers Anonymous. I too grew up in a non-hugger household. I was not Amish. I had my first real girlfriend when I was 16-17. I had never hugged a girl before - except for slow dances in high school. She was from a hugger-family. That's when I first learned to hug - from her. Even after I had been married for many years, hugging women or men, was awkward for me, but I enjoyed it. I had no problem hugging my wife. But I only hugged my father maybe ONCE in my adult life, not long before he died at 90. I had issues with my mother, and did not have a desire to hug her, although I'm sure I hugged her when I was a pre-teen. My father came from a non-hugging family. My wife's family are big-time huggers. I totally enjoy hugging now that I'm much older, and beyond the awkwardness from years ago (almost).
I AM CATHOLIC. WE ARE TAUGHT TO LOVE OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND SHOW IT. I THINK SOME OF THE AMISH MEN JUST LOOK AT THEIR WIVES OR OTHER WOMEN AS JUST USEFUL PROPERTY AND SOME WOULD SPEND MORE ON TRYING TO KEEP A BULL OR COW ALIVE AND HEALTHY INSTEAD.
Regret is a terrible thing to live with; go and see your sister and tell her what is in your heart. You will feel so much better if you do. I'm sure deep down your sister would like to see you.
May I ask, do you believe in Jesus? I was not raised as a Christian, but by desperate prayer alone it was Jesus who answered me at 30yrs old, He changed my heart and my life. The not hugging seems extreme to me. Can an Amish mom not hug her children, or siblings not hug each other? Or could you only not hug bc you were considered separated fm the family? I appreciate your insight.
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Hugs are instinctive acts of endearment and I can’t fathom the idea that they are not allowed. Even toddlers hug each other.
I'm Amish and in my family hugs have always been a big part of my family😊 I find it hard to believe that this was not the case for her, I feel bad for her and am wondering if she was raised schwartentruber as I've heard they don't do hugs
@@LillianGraceWerger you're right! in her video about amish dating, she said she was raised schwartentruber
@@emmanuelalviola4112 I'm Amish and I have never heard such a thing as not being allowed to hug. We hug all the time. This lady grew up shwartzentruber and they live a totally different lifestyle than the rest of us Amish. I wish she would say that in her videos because it makes all of us Amish look stupid when most of us have nothing in common with schwartentrubers
@@LillianGraceWerger I believe you Lilian. By the way, since you are here on social media, have you left the Amish community since Amish supposedly don’t like the modern way of living?
@@emmanuelalviola4112 no I am still Amish and in my church we are allowed cell phones for business and I guess I'm just a little bad as I use social media as well lol what they don't know won't hurt them😉 I love my Amish lifestyle but have found it shocking to see all the hate and assumptions about us since I've been on social media.
I am a twin and I totally get what you are saying. My twin was absolute best friend and other half until drugs became a way of life for him. We lost touch for almost 18 years. I got to a place that I didn't miss him because I no longer knew him. He has been clean for several years and I have my best friend and brother back. ❤️ There is always hope!
Aaaw.😢 yall bout to make me cry over here. So happy God got him out of that and ur reunited. Sad but joyful. 💔💖
I’m also a twin. No sad story for me really, but we have grown apart a lot. I see him on holidays and that’s about it. I still love him and enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve grown up. I don’t really miss him either because I’m too busy living my life. We were together until college and I was in touch very frequently through college, but don’t really message him all too often now. I’m not a fan of online tbh. No social media and I will not focus on relationships that aren’t in-person.
that is amazing❤ my brother is my best friend and was a recovering addict but recently relapsed. I am heartbroken and haven’t spoken to him since. this gives me hope☀️
@@annieboyle4434 call on Jesus on his behalf.
Oh so glad he got sober and you guys are close again.sadly I lost my sister.. hold him close
I have identical twin and for 12 years I didn't see my twin because her abusive husband took her to Israel. She made it back alive but moved clear across the country from me with him..until there was a break and she went into hiding. She came to me. Earned her nursing degree. She wasn't Amish but I know the pain of grief that hits you sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this with us. There are a lot of Amish people where I live but we only interact if they’re a customer at my work or if I’m buying from an Amish stand or something. I did not know the Amish didn’t do hugs! That’s insane… I absolutely adore hugs and would be so sad if I couldn’t hug anyone!
Not only that but from a psychological standpoint, hugs are really really important for mental health! Ugh
@@that.neurodivergentThat is very true, although I think that English life has enough mentally harmful characteristics nowadays (social isolation, for example) that the effect may equal out.
Who and what is an Amish community
Or Amish person?
@@nazimk7477the Amish are a fundamentalist Christian (I believe anabaptist) sect that live in small, isolated communities and largely reject modern culture. They also speak a form of German that’s been passed down through the generations.
Not all Amish go without hugs,,, but I believe there are Amish communities that don't allow that.
I’m so sorry for your loss of contact with your loved ones, especially your twin. I know you knew what would happen when you left, but it still seems harsh.
I don't feel sorry for her. Time to learn " it's not all about Me".
I’m sorry Amish culture is to shut others out, even family. I hope you enjoy your life to the fullest now though. 😊
She shut them out.
not every single amish human is exactly the same, not all amish refuse to hug their parents or siblings.
Its the only way to curb people excepting the mind bending rules of the cult. Its hard to say its a religion because so many of those rules are not based on the Bible. Its sad.
That is sad. I do have to say though, it's better than some cultures that insist that you can't leave, and intimidate, threaten, or track down those that do. They respected her decision, and she respects theirs. It's not perfect, but it could be worse.
Um not true we weren't shunned, I still talk to my family and they still talk to me , ya know that not every order is the same thing right ?
Thanks for sharing. Fascinating that hugs are forbidden - Amish people must be so touch-starved. I guess it makes people easier to control, in a way.
@MinnieRat seems kinda ass backwards to me, for whom platonic and familial hugs are second nature and cuddles are at least a third date thing if not a few months, but if that's their culture then that's their culture I guess
Absolutely the weirdest thing @@polidon1577
@@80sCanadianShe also mentioned that you aren't to be seen in public (daylight) together. It's bizarre, for sure.
@@80sCanadian My guess, any kind of physical affection in public is not ok. But that also means that dating (aka cuddling) for these touch starved people is more likely to lead to young people getting married and making children sooner, which is probably important for such communities. And why else make cuddling in the bed a part of dating, even first dates, if quick pairing isn't your goal?
@vagafuega I'm Amish and far from touched starved😉my family had always been big on hugs and I think Lizzie might have been raised schwartzentruber or similar to them as that's the only group of people that I know of in the Amish communities who don't do hugs
That really broke my heart that something as simple and loving as a hug between sisters is not allowed. Very sad. I am glad that you are happy and thriving and who knows, maybe you two will reconnect sometime in the future.
If fear and oppression are what keeps someone tied to their faith community, it sounds like they are pretty insecure. I am glad you are able to pursue your own life and beliefs, but am sorry that there isn't more tolerance for you to have contact with your twin sister. They are all missing out on having you in their lives. Hugs.
The twin may have wanted to see her sister, and probably enjoyed her visits very much. But the husband may have unfairly spoken for her as “the head of household.” He might even have told the twin that her sister no longer wants to visit, or that the shunned sister might prevent their children from a spiritual afterlife. I would imagine she feels trapped. With 10 kids, sadly now she is certain to never leave.
10 kids?
@@MonicaEavey yes, she said her Amish twin sister currently has 10 kids.
Don't know why she agreed to stayand marry this guy in the first place.
@@Cherries2249 from what i know, Amish are allowed to marry someone they wish to marry. Of course, the church must approve of this marriage, but yes.... unless of course theres some family pressure that is "the exception, not the rule" kind of situation... then you get to marry whoever you choose to so long as they too are of the same faith. So i would assume that she stayed because she choose to, just like she choose to marry that man. Yez, pf course, as i said, ita very possible that guilt played a prt, but honestly its no different than nay other family with any other atrong religious backing. Guilt tripping is a normal occurrence no matter that details surrounding the people... The difference is mostly in the total shunning. Then again, that also happens elsewhere too. Moreover, in the Amish world, it can be said that the shunning is at least already anticipated and therefore informed decisions veing made that know this is going to haopen are at least the miat common. Whi h doenst help the pain but is still better thn not seeing it coming. On top of this, they are already accustomed to shunning the outside world, so its also sometimes easier to convince themselves its okay.
@@MonicaEavey did you not watch the video?
I couldn't imagine never seeing my twin again. I know you have moved on, but I am still so sorry.
As another twin, I can't even imagine something like this. Thank you for telling this story! You are so strong, and you explained it so well.
I’m sorry. I have 4 girls, when we retired we moved from their hometown. I have grieved not seeing my girls everyday. No more… my front door opening up and one of them was visiting. Now I’m 2 hours away. I just could not imagine to let them go for good. This grief is real.
You are such a strong person and should be so very proud of yourself. Your story and sense of self is very inspiring.
It kinda breaks my heart for you and her. But I totally get it. I hope she's happy and I hope you are, too. You seem happy, so that's good. I can't imagine being happy with 10 kids, but I know very little about religions that encourage women to be baby makers and nothing else.
She shouldn’t have shared the detail of how many kids she has for the exact reason of your comment.
@@amjz77Agreed. So many judgemental child-haters in this world. No wonder the world is the way it is SMH
@@katie7748her comment had nothing to do with hating children, you are being exactly the thing you're accusing her of being with this comment 🤦♀️
all she pointed out was that the mother is very likely to be unhappy with that many children, because thats a lot of responsibility and work
children are a LOT of work, babies are a LOT of work, not to mention back to back pregnancies and hormones
it doesnt have anything to do with liking children or not, just that caring for children is hard and understandably so
it’s a misogynistic religion/culture. the people above trying to make this about “hAtiNg KiDs” are turds
@Cocobutt290 thank you. You are exactly right. I do not hate children and have 2 of my own. I was surprised to see the angry and accusatory replies to my comment. I bet the channel's content creator gets comments like that _all the time_ from people who misinterpret why she left and what she says and does now. I really appreciate you standing up for me.
I feel like when shunning occurs it crosses a barrier from strict religion to cult.
Your not always shunned
I think your recognition of how different your two lives are is a wise approach.
Also, just received your book yesterday! 👍👍👍
I completely understand where you're coming from. I was super close to my brother (huge age difference) and we spent every minute together outside of school and other obligations. One day, he decided to just sign up for the military and left when I was in 1st grade. Barely had any phone time with him and saw him maybe once a year until about 4th grade. I think by 3rd grade, I "forgot" him. Then I saw him once in 7th or 8th grade and then no contact until I was 18. I think about him from time to time, but I forget I have a second brother until I'm asked how many siblings I have. And when I do think of him/talk about him, it's the same way I would view a neighbor not as a sibling. I don't miss him because I have no relationship with him. We know nothing about each other so when we would talk those few times, it felt and went the same way any interaction with a new person goes.
I can relate a lot. In Indian families too - hugs are not allowed, dating not allowed, a lot of things.
Wherein Indian culture is so liberating but People with high Ego have made it worse for their children to survive properly.
Even if you cut off from them - they try to emotionally blackmail in the name of Love - when there is only control.
Agree to everything except, wait, what, hugs? I've seen Indians everywhere hugging. Yes, hugging with other genders is less, yes, but I've never seen same gender not hugging. Which culture do you belong to?
I don't know if you actually live in India or not , but not being allowed to hug has never been a thing in Indian culture. It's weird to hug people who are not close to you or are strangers, that's why the concept of Namaste exists , the same as bowing in east asian countries . Hugs aren't forbidden here lol
I've seen straight indian guys holding hands walking down the street. You guys are uber gay and affectionate. I think your family is just weird.
That's not an Indian thing. Maybe u have actually never lived here or maybe your family is really orthodox but no, hugs aren't a problem, ESPECIALLY between families.
As someone who is Indian, I don’t know where you’re from, but hugging is perfectly fine, and dating is ok depending on where you live and your family. But, yeah, I’m not sure where you’re getting this from…
Kudos to you for following your own heart. Hard it is for a lot of us that have to do that at the expense of losing people we love cause they cannot accept our journeys. We are all evolving. All people, all nations, all communities.
Not Amish, but I'm your age and have a similar dynamic. You really do just move on.
Same here. I left an abusive home and I still miss my brothers because they mean the world to me but it's been so long and so much has happened, I wouldn't know even what to talk about. But people don't understand that when you tell them. They think it's easier than it actually is.
@@VaeMhairithat's why I avoid talking about my brother
Although my situation is different bc he got some abuse and then took it out emotionally on me so I'm more NC bc he doesn't realise he lashed out (very badly) at me.
But yeah, I just don't bring my brother up to people irl usually bc most don't get it. They think bc family is family that people should be in contact when.. things are much more complicated than that.
Note: he's 8 years older so most of his lashing out I was very young or older but still a minor too.
Edit2: LC with my Aunt for a similar reason.
@@ginathecookie @ginathecookie I'm so sorry you went through this as well. I get you completely, I used to say that my family is dead, because in a way they are. Dead to me.
Everyone understands how tragic that kind of loss is, but somehow they don't understand that just because you walked away it doesn't mean the goodbye wasn't permanent as well. No one cuts ties just because and it was a painful decision but also one that needed to be made.
Thank you for sharing this. It can't be easy. I'm thrilled that you had resolve enough to know when something wasn't working for you ..and that you were able to overcome the emotional blackmail to get to a place where you are able to breathe freely. God Bless.
Thank you for sharing your stories with us. I'm very sorry you got shut out. I hope you're happy with your new life, and continue to be happy 😊
This is so sad. I understand that cultures are different and there is something beautiful in Amish culture, but...disconnecting people and families just because they do not believe the same things than them...? That is just....Wrong!
And I understand what you say about your twin...the canyon between your lives is huge. And you can reach to her, but if she is not reaching out to you...there is nothing that you can do than send her a christmas card and wish her well.
If Amish celebrate christmas? At all? I do not know 🤔 So strange. It is like she lives in the backside of the Moon and you can not reach her. 💔
But you needed to save your life and soul. There was no option. I am so deeply glad that you made the leap and got out to life that you actually choose to have.
Initially I thought that if they can't meet at her home, they could meet outside, like at the edge of the town or something, but with 10 kids I can see how that's not likely.
"There is something beautiful about amish culture"
What? What's beautiful? The rampant misogyny? The s3xual ab/use? The chiId ab/use that goes unchecked? Or is it the social alienation? The abandonment of family at the slightest "betrayal" or breaking of a rule? Do tell me when I'm getting warmer, please.
This is just a cult.
Hugs being illegal? 😮💨that is so terrible
I can imagine this custom stems from the time they didn't had good antibiotics and giving hugs could spread deadly bacteria and virusses.
Traveling back then was also way harder. I read in biblical times if you were new you had to live outside the city untill 40 days passed and they knew you didn't carry infectious diseases.
@@theyarnycaterpillarI doubt it. There are older religions like Judaism where hugs are allowed. You won’t catch anything from a hug.
I'm Amish and hugs are not illegal lol my family had always been big on hugs, it all depends on the family, just like with any group of people:)
@@LillianGraceWerger what are you doing on the internet?
@@mirzaahmed6589 possibly the same thing you are? I'm not on the internet a lot but I do go on TH-cam
That is heartbreaking that they don’t do hugs. Hugs are primary to survival.
I'm sorry I know where your coming from though I'm not amish but I had actually a very similar experience with my siblings so it's crazy to hear you story and see how much I have in common.
I respect your decision. If I was in the same situation, I would likely have done the same. About what you said about your brother in law and his kids I have to say, he is correct. Without a connection to this world, they would be less likely to ditch Amish life. For example, you had your cousin who gave you insight and a taste of non-Amish life. Even though it sucks that he forbade you from visiting again, I get his reasoning because of this and it's not that they would make that choice whether or not you were in their lives
I'm a 58yo fraternal twin and can't imagine not being able to see or talk to her. 😞
How sad not to hug. I love getting and giving hugs.
Lizzie, when and if you talk to your sis, tell her about your life, and ask her about hers. Catching up is always a great time together
Being the "black sheep" of the family is hard on me, so if being shunned is anything like that (I'm guessing that it is), I understand and I'm sorry that you don't get to see your twin.
That’s so sad. I’m a twin, and we live across the country from each other. But we talk all the time, and I miss her so much.
That's sad. But I guess it's worth it for getting out of this community that is so restrictive and clearly not the right thing for you. Still, sad.
I have seen many of your videos that touch on how and when you left, but I've never heard why you wanted to leave. What was it about Amish culture (or just your reality at the time) that made you decide it wasn't for you?
Maybe you already covered it in another video I haven't seen?
the amish is a cult. It's extremely strict and every single aspect of your life is controlled.
Some of them decide that they want FREEDOM and some sort of normalcy!
@@staycool163but what she has done is not “normalcy” to them. What she has done is very abnormal to their way of life.
If you watch literally any of her videos it may become obvious how controlling the people in the religion she was in specifically were and how less her autonomy was given consideration
Did your sister marry for love, or because it was just expected of her? Was your sisters marriage arranged?
She explained in another video that they didn't do arranged marriages, but their dating practices are very different.
Thanks for the insights.
When you're done, you're done. I had a similar experience when I left my husband.
19 years ago? You look barely 27.
She does look young
That's good breeding them Amish are doing.
😊
Isn't she beautiful? It's the love of God!!!
It's heartbreaking ❤
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing.
I understand not wanting someone around your kids who is living a life style you do want your kids exposed to and is not respecting your wishes on what to wear in their house, not in general but just in their home. But at the same time that is a conversation that needs to be had with everyone together and you can then decide to respect their rules in their house and still be in their family or not. Yes children do often follow who they look up to like an aunt or uncle. My daughter never wanted piercings until she seen her aunt with them for example. She can get them when she is a bit older as she is only six right now 😂.
That has to be hard. I have an identical twin and I can't imagine life without her or knowing that she was in this world and I can't see her.
I appreciate your frankness and that you don't seem critical or judegmental of your twin or other members of your family who have made the choice to remain Amish.
This hurts to hear. I pray one day this relationship can be rekindled.
I wonder what changed for your twin to go from wanting to leave to getting married. Was that her choice or forced?
Being the widow of an identical twin and being the mom of fraternal twins, that makes me so sad, I can't even fathom thinking hugs are bad, especially among family members.
I was so relieved to hear a "no"😅
Wait- Amish aren't allowed to HUG? Why?
That’s just sad and disturbing. 😞
coz they are a cult of creeps who must control every aspect of their fellow cultists lives
Ascetic moralism. It's a tenant in their religion. I'm not saying I'd like it.
thank you for sharing your story and your truth....many cultures don't honor God's true code which is "Godly Love"💗🙏☺️
So i work with the amish for a living. She doesnt sound like the amish i have been around for the last 11 years and SMH i dont understand the hug thing. My clients hug eachother all the timem i have a specific weekly client that greet me with a hug. So just so you all are very aware, every sect of Amish is different. And not all Amish are exactly alike
No hugs is the most evil thing I've heard :(
@@faerietoast we hug!!!!!! She comes from a very different group of Amish called schwartentrubers and me being Amish, does not agree with the way they operate but keep in mind we are not ALL alike and most of us do hugs🤦
I came from a family of 15, 9 boys and 6 girls, life on a farm is hard. I can remember times when my didn’t even eat dinner because there wasn’t enough for her. She always made sure all us kids ate first.
It's sad that they are sooo strict! You should be able to see your family !! I didn't know that being Amish, was that bad, it's like a prison!
I thought that it was all about friendship, helping each others, like a big family !! 😞
@@c.daoust1502 I'm Amish and definitely don't feel like I live in prison. Your comment saddens me as so many of you don't realize how we as a HUGE group of Amish people are FAR from all alike and Lizzie grew up in a VERY different group of Amish then most which are called schwartentrubers and I do not agree with the way they operate when a family member leaves but I'm thankful a majority of the Amish don't operate that way. Y'all keep throwing us in one basket
@@LillianGraceWerger sorry if you felt like that! I meant, the very strict communities !
@@c.daoust1502 even the stricter communities wouldn't feel like they are in prison. They choose to live that way and are free to move to a more liberal Amish church if they please. Even the strict ones seem to be very happy and content with their lives. To compare any Amish group to living in a prison is just irrelevant
3rd vid i watched and this is so fascinating. Just 🤯 by these stories
Does that mean they don't hug or cuddle their babies?
Hugs is illegal🥺
@@mrs.g7795
We can overlook that. We know what the person is saying.
@@mrs.g7795actually I agree with the understanding and overlooking part. So 'we' still applies.
Im sorry to hear about your twin sister , twins have a special bond that is so unique and your being denied that and it's hard no to take it personal, I hope she realizes that she is missing something that is priceless and her husband well he's just a smelly jerk !
What do you do instead of hugs ?
Deprived people of affection in order to control them.
Instead, they probably need to get married and have lots of sex to get affection. Then lots of babies get born...
@@melb2734 it's cute that you think there's ANY love in a marriage within this misogynistic cult, and not just rampant s3xual abuse and marital r4pe of women...
So sad and unnecessary.
I really appreciate how you're still very respectful to the Amish culture. I feel like many denigrate it as this cultish lifestyle, and I'm always like, you wouldn't like it if someone said that about your lifestyle. But you, you simply admit that it wasn't for you and you needed to leave. I really respect that ❤
Cultures that encourage misogyny and abuse need to be criticized, especially from people who escaped or survived these groups. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate the criticism, but that’s irrelevant. It’s harmful and needs to be talked about. Women are more than baby incubators and it is not a woman’s duty to birth children.
@@haroldharold9042 Harold, respect costs nothing
@@cneale9431some things don't deserve respect, and his comment wasn't disrespectful
@@cneale9431 ""cultures"" that are just misogyny and ab/use don't deserve respect.
Just because you go "it's their culture!" Doesn't mean they are above criticism. I don't care what you call your cult, misogyny does not deserve respect. The fact that you think it does is quite concerning.
"You wouldn't like it if someone said that about your lifestyle" well my "lifestyle" isn't dictated by a cult built on generations of misogyny and ab/use (particularly toward women and firls) so if anyone said that about my lifestyle, I can feel secure in knowing that they are wrong lmao
The pig that squeals is the one that was hit.
Honestly, my friend is Catholic and his family doesn't hug if they are opposite sexes. Mothers don't hug their sons, and fathers don't hug their daughters because it teaches them that touch outside of marriage is okay. Yet, they put my friend in advanced mixed martial arts, been there too, but I had my Grandfather for bear hugs. The most common physical contact he got was violent. I couldn't live that way.
No hugs is not a remotely catholic teaching or belief. It might be their family tradition but it is not a Catholic one.
It is sad that you have to be separated from your family. I hope you have peace and enjoyment in your current life. I hope you didn’t give up on God.
Your Life Sounds Like Mine. I grew Up very religious and i left too.
Just because the Amish have been around for over 300 years doesn’t mean they aren’t a cult. This is cult behavior; treating human beings like ants in an ant colony, not separate individuals. I always thought the Amish were just funny, old-timey people, clinging to the past nostalgically. The more I learn about them, the more they creep me out. The way the older men can basically just do whatever they want and own the women and children… it’s not cool… 😕
omg thats so sad..... so sad.... and they dont even hug ppl? i know ppl in US tend to not do that but if ure saying like this i can only imagine wtf it is there
Depends on the part of the US and the existing cultures. Some people also defy the norms!
I'm in California and pretty much everyone I know is a hugger or physically affectionate.
What are you talking about? Most of us are huggers, we're just selective who we hug
@@Mothman_In_a_T-PoseYes, I've been in these areas so much but I really prefer the non-hugging areas. So many hugs with people I did not want to hug! People just do it without asking.
I didn’t realize that the Amish way of life was so matter of fact. No hugging, or saying I love you. I couldn’t be that way with my family. It seems like it would be difficult for you to not see your sister. Seeing you, it is clear you and your sister are beautiful women, I wish the best for both of you.
Its sad they dont allow sisters to hug 💔
Sad but siblings tend to grow up and all move their own way. Some leave to never be seen again.
It sad that this is the reality of your situation. But sadly so many act like it a Amish (or religious or etc ) thing, but division because differences is personality or dynamics or preferences things. Most normal health people have boundaries!😅
I respect everybody’s ideas, but good for you. You have a better life free like all of us. Enjoy.
Wow. I watch a lot of your stories. This one hit me on just how profound it is to leave the Amish community. The fact that it's understood that you can't see your own twin sister nor converse with her due to life differences is sad.
I couldn't imagine a world where I couldn't hug my mother. I'm a Mama's boy, and I love to hug and kiss my mama, and that world would suck.
It would really behoove this channel to add some references to Amish in your video title and don’t forget to add some hashtags.
You should look up Andy Weaver, West Salem Mission is his church. Amish and English fellowship together. I went to a retreat they had and it was so amazing.
Lizzie, are parents not allowed to even hug their young children? If not, why is hugging considered illegal between family members even?
Did u graduate for high school y or n
Gosh I can’t imagine not seeing my twin for 11 years
I have a twin brother… I don’t know how I would ever deal with something like this
I was a bit surprised to hear about the phone conversation from one place to another. I was under the impression that the Amish didn’t have phones due to the electrical connections necessary to have phones work. Their cousin has a tv and a phone as well? I was always under the impression the Amish do NOT use electricity and or electrical appliances and tools… sounds like some Amish aren’t very strict on some levels and it’s for each individual to choose how deep they want to live in the Amish ways…
Hugs are illegal?😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣 I could never survive why would they not wanna hug others? Hugs are good for our nervous system😭
@@MóTee1 hugs aren't illegal 🤣 I'm Amish and we hug. Y'all need to stop throwing us in one basket and quit with the discrimination
It can't be discrimination if I'm being informed by a former Amish about something I never knew was a thing before. I'm from South Africa, I doubt we even have any Amish white people here. So, I was just responding to what this lady was saying and not discriminating against anyone. I think you're just being defensive because you maybe don't like that she is speaking about these things publicly. But she has every right to share her story. 🤷🏽♀️
@@MóTee1 oh I'm glad she's speaking about these things publicly as I don't agree with the way the schwartzentruber Amish operate either but my point is, there are many of us Amish out there who are nothing like the small group she grew up in. I'm a fan of hers and love her sense of humor. The only thing I wish she would do differently is let her audience know when she speaks of these things she should voice how these things only occur within her group of people she grew up with but she probably assumes y'all know that much but seems most of you just assume it's all the Amish which is just a naive way of thinking so that's where I step in to defend my group of people 🙃
N.H.A. Non-Huggers Anonymous. I too grew up in a non-hugger household. I was not Amish. I had my first real girlfriend when I was 16-17. I had never hugged a girl before - except for slow dances in high school. She was from a hugger-family. That's when I first learned to hug - from her. Even after I had been married for many years, hugging women or men, was awkward for me, but I enjoyed it. I had no problem hugging my wife. But I only hugged my father maybe ONCE in my adult life, not long before he died at 90. I had issues with my mother, and did not have a desire to hug her, although I'm sure I hugged her when I was a pre-teen. My father came from a non-hugging family. My wife's family are big-time huggers. I totally enjoy hugging now that I'm much older, and beyond the awkwardness from years ago (almost).
I didn't care. You can't beat hugs
This is truly heartbreaking… Being born into a cult is so unfair in so many ways. I’m so glad you left 🥺
I AM CATHOLIC. WE ARE TAUGHT TO LOVE OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND SHOW IT. I THINK SOME OF THE AMISH MEN JUST LOOK AT THEIR WIVES OR OTHER WOMEN AS JUST USEFUL PROPERTY AND SOME WOULD SPEND MORE ON TRYING TO KEEP A BULL OR COW ALIVE AND HEALTHY INSTEAD.
What is the auction?
Would you be allowed to attend funerals? Maybe you would briefly see her at one
Regret is a terrible thing to live with; go and see your sister and tell her what is in your heart. You will feel so much better if you do. I'm sure deep down your sister would like to see you.
how can you leave without family is what I do not get, I would stay just to be with my family, is it so bad to have rules to have your family.
If you just gave away your age, 38, you absolutely do not look it!!! That would explain your sister's ten children
love ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
If I had to straight pin my clothes… I’d look like a screen door!
This sounds so very difficult.
My heart hurts for you 😢
I mean I understand her husband , even tough kids can do bad thing without you influencing them from him it is better to be safe.
May I ask, do you believe in Jesus? I was not raised as a Christian, but by desperate prayer alone it was Jesus who answered me at 30yrs old, He changed my heart and my life. The not hugging seems extreme to me. Can an Amish mom not hug her children, or siblings not hug each other? Or could you only not hug bc you were considered separated fm the family? I appreciate your insight.
Sad story, sorry for you.
Wow 10 kids. This story made me sad, no hugs....
A hug isn’t allowed! Nah I’d leave too
Sad what family doesnt hug each other