I think it's safe to assume that he meant the mundane work associated with house chores and taking care of children, etc.. This is not universally true, of course, but it generally is.
Hell no! For many women, nerdy guys are the only guys worth dating. People tend to be more attracted to people who are closely matched in intelligence. Men who aren't intellectual become boring very quickly. Since scholarly people socialize in scholarly circles, it's no more of a problem than for anyone else to find a good match. They have the added benefit of good problem solving skills to work through relationship issues.
I find it a juxtopositon that basically monogamy wins the argument but the Hugh Heffner robe says that multiple partners are better so I think that visually the message is that a monogamous relationship keeps you grounded but a muse or two if even in a song and in your imagination isn't so bad. Now is that then disatisfaction? Also no wedding ring? Hmmmm interesting. Sumi I would have a lovely discussion with your man. I disagree that women get the worse deal. My spouse puts up with an absolute out of the box out of that box, broke the mold and blew up the factory kind of person who is rather "out there" so truly I am getting the better deal.
The camera looks like it was placed on a table, although it was shaking all the time ...couldn't get over this thought the whole video......🌚 Other than that this was as fun and useful as expected from this guy! 😀
Dont you think Dan that marriage improves the people's daily decsissin making by deminission both risk averssion and ris k affection that are tipical to single person way of decission.Of course one can use lawyers or therapists-that would cost/
If you get the right woman, and if you are mentally stable, then you are in heaven. Believe me, I'm just 21 but I know what it takes to get married even though I'm not married.
You raise an interesting challenge to marriage. "Mentally stable." Let's assume that this can be flexible enough to include lapse in judgment and moments that are uncharacteristic of either party. Instability is going to be a part of marriage. Seven years in, there are a few areas that I think a healthy marriage needs as stability and expectations shift. 1) A strong understanding of what you and your partner are looking to get out of life and your relationship. 2) Your ability to communicate honestly while also asserting your needs and showing compassion to your spouse will be at odds. That doesn't mean you won't work it out but these three qualities are both necessary and must be balanced. The better you exercise it the better your relationship should be. 3) Showing genuine affection, out of love, even when you might not require it. This might sound easy. It isn't. The "start mechanism" for passion, warmth and desire for connection will not only be compromised, but also unevenly for both parties. The desire to desire one anothers happiness and protect their needs for affection become almost as important as the need for desire itself. And often reignites that need when very little may be present in the moment. 4) Protecting your energy levels. So in spite of all of this, you only have so much energy and patience in life. Whether you are the Dalai Lama or an unhinged MMA fighter with a porn star ex girlfriend. There has to be enough energy left over for just you or you will start to make mistakes and irrational decision making will soon follow. 5) And with all of that in mind, the relationships thst survive do so not because they are hard but because when they are hard you have to commit to someone you aren't liking "right now." You shouldn't have to work to know somebody. But when you struggle with your spouse, the goal of an argument for both parties shouldn't be to "beat your opponent" but to come to an understanding on how both can live as happily as possible and put to bed their disagreements. This might happen in an hour or it can string out well beyond what seems rational. Some people call this "compromise" and I hate that word. It implies that both parties have to lose instead of both parties winning. But no win you will ever receive in life is effortless. And it is part of what makes them rewarding. The order of these is important. Because they build on the understanding necessary to start arriving at positive outcomes. It doesn't matter so much that you fight, but how you come out of your awkward moments, disagreements or even -hatred. Every human being on this earth experiences these. They are not only common but entirely natural. But in the case of the Dalai Lama and Warmachine, neither win at love. Because you need both the strength of your resolve and your willingness to concede to the happiness of the lives around you. I hope that if you are struggling eight years into marriage and run across this, that it offers you some perspective. Because the men who spoke here knew already your views would change given time. And it'll be up to you what you do with your evolution in understanding your marriage.
I already know what it takes to get married, a contract and 2 signatures. But do you know what it takes to sustain that relationship once you've signed the dotted line? Doubtful. Everything I thought I knew changed as I grew older. Wisdom doesn't come with age, it comes with experience. I wouldn't boast about knowing something that you had yet to even personally engage in. It's also interesting that you claimed you knew what it takes, but decided not to share your insights. As if just saying "I know all" somehow is enough. You haven't earned the credibility to make your statement, so why make it? Why not elaborate? Were you afraid that upon explaining what you "know", that it would be challenged? I think you knew it would, I'm almost positive that you're not ACTUALLY confident about what you know, bc you'd have shared your perspective in depth without hesitation.
Long term relationships are shot even if you involve yourself in them for pragmatic reasons because the pragmatic reason of having children who then look after you is gone. It's a thing of the past. 2) If going through a wedding was a good cementer of a permanent relationship, then divorce wouldn't be at 50%. 3) If speed dating was so great there would be a fair number of married couples with the story of meeting their significant other through speed dating. Frankly, there aren't many. So few in fact that I haven't heard of any.
No, he said that on average men are happier when married (because usually it's the women who have to take care of the kids). But I bet divorce is much better for women because they get... well... everything :)
You're both wrong. Here's why: Trevor - the idea that people would marry and have children (even in part) so that their children would look after them in their old age died in the very early 20th century. Very few households have generational family units any more (unless you consider boomerang adult children who simply can't find jobs) so that point is moot. Plus, the actual divorce rate isn't 50% here in the US. In reality, first marriages fail at a rate of only about 32%. It's adding in the "serial marriage" individuals who marry 3 and 4 times (with a failure rate of 72%) that skews the divorce numbers that are so commonly bandied about. More importantly, study after study shows that married people are consistently healthier, wealthier and in general, happier than their single or divorced counterparts. And their kids turn out to be better contributors to society as a whole. Meaning children of successful two parent families are far less likely to be involved in gangs and criminal activity, less likely to be drug and/or alcohol abusers and generally do far better in school than children or divorced parents or unwed mothers. And dmike3507, Ohio State did a study that showed that on average, people lose 77% of their total net wealth as a result of divorce, so the idea of "it's cheaper to keep her" is indeed valid. However, women actually don't fare as well as men following divorce. Another study shows that here in the US, 44% of women go below the poverty line after divorce and many never recover financially, especially if they are the custodial parent. The reality is guys, that you and I as taxpayers help foot a bill of more than $112 BILLION dollars a year in Federal, State and local taxes to help support divorced families, so finding ways to reduce the divorce rate is in everyone's best interest.
@John Logan. Children don't look after their parents anymore, so that's why people don't need to marry. And you agreed. So m point isn't moot. You backed it up. Secondly, people aren't wealthier because they got married. Women marry men because those men were wealthier from the start. You have the cart before the horse. So that argument is debunked.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
I am actually a bit worried he has that Hugh Heffner robe lying around, lol!
"Let me first get dressed properly". That was hilarious.
Phenomenal!! Such a refreshing perspective on the topic - thanks for posting this!
I enjoy any talk with Dan , his approach on topics blended with mild humor is always very entertaining and informative
in a marriage typically the woman has the honour of teaching the children their first word........
I think it's safe to assume that he meant the mundane work associated with house chores and taking care of children, etc.. This is not universally true, of course, but it generally is.
I loved this! Very informative. Thank you for posting!
love these ideas proposed by Dan Ariely!
Hell no! For many women, nerdy guys are the only guys worth dating. People tend to be more attracted to people who are closely matched in intelligence. Men who aren't intellectual become boring very quickly. Since scholarly people socialize in scholarly circles, it's no more of a problem than for anyone else to find a good match. They have the added benefit of good problem solving skills to work through relationship issues.
"Some reflection of Spousonomics...." Awesome! :-D
And... he is now divorced. The irony!
Seriously??
I find it a juxtopositon that basically monogamy wins the argument but the Hugh Heffner robe says that multiple partners are better so I think that visually the message is that a monogamous relationship keeps you grounded but a muse or two if even in a song and in your imagination isn't so bad. Now is that then disatisfaction? Also no wedding ring? Hmmmm interesting. Sumi I would have a lovely discussion with your man. I disagree that women get the worse deal. My spouse puts up with an absolute out of the box out of that box, broke the mold and blew up the factory kind of person who is rather "out there" so truly I am getting the better deal.
The camera looks like it was placed on a table, although it was shaking all the time ...couldn't get over this thought the whole video......🌚
Other than that this was as fun and useful as expected from this guy! 😀
Seems like the whole setup is in transit, Train/Bus/Car something
maybe the table was cold
I love this guy
There's a shake weight in the background
Excellent attention to detail! 😆
Dont you think Dan that marriage improves the people's daily decsissin making by deminission both risk averssion and ris k affection that are tipical to single person way of decission.Of course one can use lawyers or therapists-that would cost/
If you get the right woman, and if you are mentally stable, then you are in heaven. Believe me, I'm just 21 but I know what it takes to get married even though I'm not married.
You must be at least 25 by now. Have your views changed?
still waiting, can you tell us?
You raise an interesting challenge to marriage. "Mentally stable." Let's assume that this can be flexible enough to include lapse in judgment and moments that are uncharacteristic of either party.
Instability is going to be a part of marriage. Seven years in, there are a few areas that I think a healthy marriage needs as stability and expectations shift.
1) A strong understanding of what you and your partner are looking to get out of life and your relationship.
2) Your ability to communicate honestly while also asserting your needs and showing compassion to your spouse will be at odds. That doesn't mean you won't work it out but these three qualities are both necessary and must be balanced. The better you exercise it the better your relationship should be.
3) Showing genuine affection, out of love, even when you might not require it. This might sound easy. It isn't. The "start mechanism" for passion, warmth and desire for connection will not only be compromised, but also unevenly for both parties. The desire to desire one anothers happiness and protect their needs for affection become almost as important as the need for desire itself. And often reignites that need when very little may be present in the moment.
4) Protecting your energy levels. So in spite of all of this, you only have so much energy and patience in life. Whether you are the Dalai Lama or an unhinged MMA fighter with a porn star ex girlfriend. There has to be enough energy left over for just you or you will start to make mistakes and irrational decision making will soon follow.
5) And with all of that in mind, the relationships thst survive do so not because they are hard but because when they are hard you have to commit to someone you aren't liking "right now."
You shouldn't have to work to know somebody. But when you struggle with your spouse, the goal of an argument for both parties shouldn't be to "beat your opponent" but to come to an understanding on how both can live as happily as possible and put to bed their disagreements. This might happen in an hour or it can string out well beyond what seems rational. Some people call this "compromise" and I hate that word. It implies that both parties have to lose instead of both parties winning. But no win you will ever receive in life is effortless. And it is part of what makes them rewarding.
The order of these is important. Because they build on the understanding necessary to start arriving at positive outcomes. It doesn't matter so much that you fight, but how you come out of your awkward moments, disagreements or even -hatred. Every human being on this earth experiences these.
They are not only common but entirely natural. But in the case of the Dalai Lama and Warmachine, neither win at love. Because you need both the strength of your resolve and your willingness to concede to the happiness of the lives around you.
I hope that if you are struggling eight years into marriage and run across this, that it offers you some perspective. Because the men who spoke here knew already your views would change given time. And it'll be up to you what you do with your evolution in understanding your marriage.
I already know what it takes to get married, a contract and 2 signatures. But do you know what it takes to sustain that relationship once you've signed the dotted line? Doubtful. Everything I thought I knew changed as I grew older. Wisdom doesn't come with age, it comes with experience. I wouldn't boast about knowing something that you had yet to even personally engage in. It's also interesting that you claimed you knew what it takes, but decided not to share your insights. As if just saying "I know all" somehow is enough. You haven't earned the credibility to make your statement, so why make it? Why not elaborate? Were you afraid that upon explaining what you "know", that it would be challenged? I think you knew it would, I'm almost positive that you're not ACTUALLY confident about what you know, bc you'd have shared your perspective in depth without hesitation.
Speed dating still exists??
Yep
My "full of shit" meter is reaching 11.
@ Trevor Cormier, Why is it reaching that level? The only thing I disagree with is that marriage is better for men?
Long term relationships are shot even if you involve yourself in them for pragmatic reasons because the pragmatic reason of having children who then look after you is gone.
It's a thing of the past.
2) If going through a wedding was a good cementer of a permanent relationship, then divorce wouldn't be at 50%.
3) If speed dating was so great there would be a fair number of married couples with the story of meeting their significant other through speed dating.
Frankly, there aren't many. So few in fact that I haven't heard of any.
No, he said that on average men are happier when married (because usually it's the women who have to take care of the kids). But I bet divorce is much better for women because they get... well... everything :)
You're both wrong. Here's why:
Trevor - the idea that people would marry and have children (even in part) so that their children would look after them in their old age died in the very early 20th century. Very few households have generational family units any more (unless you consider boomerang adult children who simply can't find jobs) so that point is moot. Plus, the actual divorce rate isn't 50% here in the US. In reality, first marriages fail at a rate of only about 32%. It's adding in the "serial marriage" individuals who marry 3 and 4 times (with a failure rate of 72%) that skews the divorce numbers that are so commonly bandied about.
More importantly, study after study shows that married people are consistently healthier, wealthier and in general, happier than their single or divorced counterparts. And their kids turn out to be better contributors to society as a whole. Meaning children of successful two parent families are far less likely to be involved in gangs and criminal activity, less likely to be drug and/or alcohol abusers and generally do far better in school than children or divorced parents or unwed mothers.
And dmike3507, Ohio State did a study that showed that on average, people lose 77% of their total net wealth as a result of divorce, so the idea of "it's cheaper to keep her" is indeed valid. However, women actually don't fare as well as men following divorce. Another study shows that here in the US, 44% of women go below the poverty line after divorce and many never recover financially, especially if they are the custodial parent.
The reality is guys, that you and I as taxpayers help foot a bill of more than $112 BILLION dollars a year in Federal, State and local taxes to help support divorced families, so finding ways to reduce the divorce rate is in everyone's best interest.
@John Logan. Children don't look after their parents anymore, so that's why people don't need to marry. And you agreed. So m point isn't moot. You backed it up. Secondly, people aren't wealthier because they got married. Women marry men because those men were wealthier from the start. You have the cart before the horse. So that argument is debunked.
You are still posing like Niki
shakeweight FTW
placebo effect?