Jeff: "No one has gotten to this point." Me: "I've listened to all of these episodes!" My ExMo friends think I'm obsessed with Mormonism...but the truth is that Mormon Stories are human stories. Entertaining, informative, and enlightening. And thats what keeps me listening!
This brutal honesty is admirable. So many marriages would be made stronger if we all strip down our feelings with our significant others. Thank you for sharing Larissa and Jeff! ❤
Also, as a former LDS mom who adopted my three children, this series has been so great. Thank you to the Kindreds for your vulnerability in sharing your story. ❤❤
My late wife was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 37. Stage IV. People were saying the same thing...too young, no family history, and likely not cancer... cancer doesn't care how old you are or about statistics. Get all lumps or anything unusual checked. Insurance companies use the statistics, etc. to minimize their responsibilities and costs.
I loved Margi's comment about hierarchy disappearing from parent/child relationships too. I would say the biggest change for me post church is the way I parented. I stopped trying to make little Mormon robots and now I just try to be helpful and supportive in whatever they are interested in. Food in the fridge, money to make things happen and a listening ear when things are going good and bad. Much more fun for me and better for my kids for sure!
I was called as the gospel doctrine teacher during my search for truth! I'm laughing so hard at Larissa's experience because I was assigned the Doctrine and Covenants and used other sources instead such as the Bhagavad Gita or other Buddhist texts. 😂😂 I never revealed my sources because I knew it could potentially get me in trouble. However, many comments came my way about how spiritual and heartfelt the lessons were, even by visiting stake representatives. Obviously, my truth was found elsewhere. This was a great interview. Good work, Jeff and Larissa!
today is October 29, 2023 and I just finished watching/listening to all three episodes and I am so grateful to both Larissa and Jeff. Opening up and sharing such vulnerability, kudos to you both. I am a 62-year-old woman who has been an ex Mormon for just over two years. I left or rather put a pause at going to church almost 8 years ago. It's been a very difficult road and I find myself without community. I don't regret stepping away and pausing and eventually removing my membership from the church. Thanks again.
When she read the letter from Golden's birth mother about the shaming that she had received from the church when she got pregnant, it left me with a deep pain for the hurt she must have been feeling. The church should be a place for healing of the spirit and the humility should have been felt on both sides. The church can learn from this example but the healing cannot happen unless the church changes policies and attitudes. The time is now for change.
I left the church in 1998 at age 29 and I'm sad to hear that all the problems then are still problems now. You would think that over two decades the church might have tackled some of the major social issues and done better. I'm so relieved I didn't choose to stay and be patient and change the church from within.
Masturbation also teaches people (mainly women because of socialization) that masturbation does not and will not make their spouse a sexual deviant, addict or predator. It teaches women that masturbation doesn’t mean men are sex monsters.
Thanks so much to all four of you! My mission and church experience is almost identical to Jeff's. My faith transition has been such an amazing experience. Life and relationships are so much better now. These three episodes are brilliant. My wife and I checked all the boxes, met at BYU and my suffering from cognitive dissonance that started on my mission in Japan has finally come to an end.
I've listened to many of these and this is one of the ones that resonated the most. I really appreciate the discussion on how it affected the parenting aspects.
I cried listening to the letter from the birth mother. I really really appreciate these people. I connect so much with Jeff when he says that feeling of the spirit was just the warmth and power of human connection, and love and compassion. I'm getting that feeling so strongly right now, about the three of them. Good, good people. And I get a comfort and peace from it. Sending love
I’m a biracial Korean living in the greater Nashville area. I was adopted and was raised in So California in Mormonism (now ex) with a closeted alcoholic father. These three episodes spoke to me in so many ways. Thanks so much to Larissa and Jeff for telling their Mormon story. Living in the south is interesting when it comes to meeting new people and not being affiliated with any religion. Where do you go to church- is often the first thing I’ve been asked. When I say I don’t there is usually an invitation to theirs! 😕 The Kindreds are absolutely wonderful human beings. Insightful, curious, open, vulnerable, authentic. I so appreciated getting to know their story. Thanks again!
Oh my goodness how fun! I feel honored! I tried replying twice before but neither got thru. I’m wondering if it’s because I included my email address. At least I’m not seeing my replies on my end. If you see both replies and this is the third I apologize!😬 Anyway give me a date and place and I will make it happen. And maybe another way to contact you? I’m so happy at the prospect of meeting you both in person! Keeping fingers crossed that this reply goes thru and stays put!🤞
@@ginafrancis4950 it won’t let me put any contact info. Why don’t you look Larissa or I up on fb or instagram and send us a message there and we can plan something
My grandma got breast cancer when she wasn't that much older than Larissa, and no risk factors. It was awful of course, but she survived and is cancer-free 20+ years counting! Sometimes getting cancer is just bad luck. I'm sorry that happened to Larissa on top of all the other difficult stuff she was dealing with :(. Here's to her happiness and health the rest of her life! I left the church >10 years ago, and I still found all nine hours of this podcast helpful. I didn't pay that much attention to the church for a while, but my experiences leaving as a teenager shaped what mattered to me as an adult. I've had a whole new set of feelings and realizations since I finished my PhD earlier this year, and this podcast is helping me process. Many thanks to John and Margie for the excellent hosting!
I absolutely loved when Larissa acknowledged at 2:28:20 about how their birth moms were so Christ-like to go through the shame of the pregnancy and then give over their babies to the Kindreds. That brought big tears to me. Larissa so empathized with these Mothers in a deeper way than could be imagined. ❤ Adoption takes so much courage and trust both ways!
Really appreciate Jeff and Larissa’s is honesty and openness regarding these sensitive subjects. Having been married for 42 years myself, I feel that these kinds of discussions are essential to a happy and healthy marriage. The church is toxic when you really take time to think about it.
This is one of the best podcasts! It conveys ideas I have been trying to spread for a long time. - Now I hope it is OK to stay in the church where I can buffer some of the negative culture that is so injurious to most people. At age 80 I have good defenses (very thick skin) and don’t need validation for anything from others. Maybe I can spread that kind of strength to people who seriously need it. My last testimony to the congregation was “I am here because this is where we help each other.” Nothing about the church needs to be true for me to be nice to the people in it who count on my constructive, cheerful collaboration. If the church were to shut down today, I would keep my healthy Word of Wisdom and still serve my dear friends. We are a peculiar people, and they accept that I am a peculiar-peculiar person. Without needing scriptural support, I use Plato’s cave to describe my escape into the bright light of humanism. I do not believe in scripture (nobody ever asks me) or fallen man, and I realize the historical lies. That does not stop me from using Plato’s Form of the Good to REASON that I will be growing and learning at an accelerating pace for ALL eternity. PS: In my ward, the Relief Society president takes her turns conducting Sacrament Meeting. I suspect we are a pilot program. Back in 1967 when I was Sunday School president, I told the people without objection that the Junior Sunday School coordinator, a mother, was my third counselor. There will be more progress with me IN than with me OUT.
I love Margi s Co host I think because she’s so comfortable speaking into conversation with John. I think other cop hosts sometimes didn’t speak quite as much but her Anna John know how to be in conversation with others with each other.
Wow I loved this whole 3 part story, thanks for having Larissa and Jeff on! The Word of Wisdom lesson cracked me up and Golden's birth mom's letter broke my heart
Pornography in the church at 30:06. I had two bishops and a stake president tell me porn use among both men and women LDS is common. The stake president told me in one year they rejected about one third of applicants for missions because they had a porn addiction which meant a failure to moral worthiness.
@@deebee2603 There are 4662 members currently on the rolls. Maybe 15% activity rate at best. But of those 15%, only a fraction hold temple recommends. So the number that would use the temple is low.
I live in a small, western Colorado town, with quite a few Mormons. I LOVE FORMANS! The local brach black-listed me after one of the many missionaries, I've spoken with over the years, left the church, left their mission early, and spends most of his time on the Dine Rez. these days.
The Thrive Stories series are my absolute favorite. So healing. I recommend the Thrive Stories all over the place. This series is helping me to "graduate" from the ex-mo identity and redefine myself.
Women might find out that their husbands, watch, porn and masturbation and it’s simply because there’s something missing in the marriage. And because the wife would be completely sexually repressed because of what the church pushes about sexuality, the man doesn’t feel close to his wife. Sexually repressed meaning that she lays there motionless and doesn’t make a sound. This is what the church has done to couples.
Been watching your show for quite some time now and I just want to thank you for all you do and bring to the table. I was a faithful member too for my entire 45 year life until the last couple of years of becoming inactive and having stripped with things for years prior to this. I can so relate to this beautiful couple and I appreciate the candid honesty in this because so many of us have gone through or are going through similar experiences. I thought I was pretty open and knowledgeable sexually etc all my life and didn’t realize until leaving just how repressed I actually was because of the shame and guilt and misconceptions surrounding sex and anything sexual.
yall - leaving mormonism doesnt cure anxiety but it allows you to be able to address mental health challenges with complete freedom and personalization
I have to say, such a sweet couple and as a never mo I’m jealous of the way couples who have left the mormon church have learned to communicate. They go to therapy and learn so much about each other. Most couples never get to go through this growth. They just push it down and go on day after day with their lives. As a ex Mormon or even the current Mormons you try to work through this trauma. Faith transitions allow you to talk about this. It’s a weird feeling to have jealousy but I always do. Also no one really has education about any of this truly. I don’t recall ever as a child and even as an adult who worked at planned parenthood that we ever normalized or talked about erotica or having open communication with your partner.
Same thing happened to me… a breast cancer diagnosis while I was in the middle of my belief and faith deconstructing. I TOTALLY relate to the shift in how you see yourself. I would look in the mirror and not see a healthy person anymore. The fact that I didn’t know what happened with death anymore, so I didn’t have the comfort from that. So much panic. I was extra mad about a the time I had lived for the future instead of for today… not even the future in this life, I had live exclusively for the future of the next life. I had been learning to take time for myself and validating my own opinions. I had started doing something I loved and taking lessons for that when Covid hit and then cancer hit and I just felt like everything was in this holding pattern which was deeply frustrating, and the cancer made me feel like my time could run out before I got to do what I had been working for. I felt the passing of time very keenly. The positive side of this is that it put me on a faster track of learning how speaking up for myself
I absolutely agree with John that leaving the church IS 100% easier if your parents are no longer living. This is where I have to remind myself to be kind to my friends who stay in the church even when they know better because they have parents/family to consider. Their journey, in that respect, is more difficult or complicated than mine. Also, it bears repeating…Margi is just phenomenal. I might have a girl crush. 😉
Hearing Golden's birth mom's story stabbed my heart. I hope she can heal. It's crazy how damaging religions (not just LDS) can be to the females of our species.
Wow, what a great interview! I'm only at 43:00, but I have to comment on how beautifully open, honest, and vulnerable this couple is! Sexual purity in the church is such a "emperor's new clothes" thing. It's mind-blowing how everyone struggles but everyone thinks they are the only one.
Jeff and his sexual purity bit is SOOOO spot on. It is the hidden damage that the church cause that very few can comprehend or see. I hope to raise my kids in a far better and healthier way sexually than what I went through.
Never-Mo, but watched all three. Incredible story! I remember you both saying you had siblings who had left the church. I would have liked to hear about your relationship with them since you have left the church. Love your new Sunday walks and breakfast routine. It sounds lovely. The best to you both.
Whoo. What an uplifting couple. The amount of work they've been willing to do for themselves, their family and each other is so inspiring. I feel like this is the Letting Go of Shame to Thrive series. Great job on all your parts!
Thank you John for bringing up the important point that women masturbate/use stimulation too. It adds to the shame association for women when this topic is treated like not only is it evil but it’s something only males do.
Regarding the story of the man whose wife goes to all of his business meetings in order to police his sexuality, this story makes me recall the case of former Vice President Mike Pence, who has said that he never goes to any meeting in which he is alone with any woman.
Larissa's story was so inspirational to me. She didn't complete school right off the bat but she talks as if she did! She has so much experiential knowledge and i know she will use it to better the lives of so many. These two are a power couple, thanks for sharing their story!
I've had very similar experiences, where I say something as if it's simply the way things are and should be, only to have the therapist say, "But is it? What makes you think that?" 🤯 It's taken awhile; but the scales of darkness are coming off my eyes.
I have watched several of these Mormon stories and something that strikes me deep in the heart is that everyone that I watched people of the story became atheist and that is just so hard for me to believe and it is sad! Do they even realize that there are so many Protestant churches where you do not confess your sins to the pastor or to any clergy, but only to God... let me put that in another way.... God already knows our sins and as former Christians we know when we do wrong so Protestants usually just ask God to forgive them if they slip up some way during the day and do something that is morally wrong. These churches do not tell you what to do or how to dress or restrict you from anyting.... I don't understand why they just don't join the little corner Protestant church because all the Protestant churches love Jesus Christ!
Love this podcast! Watch all of them & love the courageous folk you & Margy so kindly provide for! I left RLDS 40 years ago but am interested to see what John Hamer & his peeps are providing out of Toronto, Ontario! Thankyou for your kind service !
I feel moved to say that it’s ok for women to be not ok with porn in their marriage. There are some us who are feminists & see porn as yet another form of misogyny where men exploit women for profit. So this is a thing that women need to be able to voice to their partner and not stay quiet about it.
@@mormonstories it needs to be discussed but women don’t just have to ok with it because of mens sex drive. We have an industry which exploits women & perpetuates their sexual objectification. And a culture that tells us it isn’t enlightened for progressive women to speak out against the damage porn does to women. Men fuel this exploitation with their clicks & dollars. In my walk to better understand where misogyny & patriarchy come into a marriage, porn is one of those places.
I'm a feminist as well, and I sure don't think that all porn is necessarily misogynistic or exploitive. There's plenty of ethical porn out there now and quite a bit that is female driven. Exactly how do you think dictating your partner's personal sexual needs and behaviors based on your flavor of feminist doctrine is any better than or morally superior to the Church trying to regulate a person's sexual thoughts and behavior based on Church Doctrine? Do you think your partner has a right to dictate your sexual thought and behavior? As a feminist, would you tolerate that? Bc it goes both ways, you know. You're trying to own what doesn't belong to you.
I'm shocked we are trying to justify porn here. You talk to any therapist, pschyciatrist or counselor that deals with porn addiction, and it's harder to leave than any drug on the market. It destroys marriages/relationships. My Dad was introduced to it at age 7 down in the south. His dad had it in the house. And being introduced to it that young actually changes your whole brain chemistry. It's worse than finding it as a teen. It is something he will fight for the rest of his life.
What a beautiful example of vulnerable truth-seeking. Thanks, to each of you, for providing the missing observations of those leaving the Church who don't fit into the too-convenient narratives believing members paint of those who leave to keep those that remain from following suit. A retention strategy that relies on information control makes the decison to leave easier, imo, but the prospect of Thanksgiving dinner with still-active and orthodox family members remains... complex. Such powerful experiences. Thank you!
I would like to hear from an instructor who teaches the Unitarian Church curriculum on sex education to teen members. I think other churches could look into this course to reduce sexual and body shaming and guilt over sexual desire. Maybe that could be a future Mormon Stories episode.
I wish this pod cast had be made years ago when I first found my ex mastubating I was so shocked and wondered what was wrong with me then 20 years later I discovered homosexual porn on the computer so I told him he had Togo and see the bishop biggest mistake ever our bishop was useless my ex finally came out as gay so we split immediately. I hate how the church more or less brainwashed me all my life telling me what is excepted and what’s not
@@deebee2603 thanks I found out that he had been to the bishop in our first ward before we got married he was told go on a mission then get married in the temple and everything would be alright his feelings would go away. The bishop and stake president both failed to tell me he had problems and I thought right from the very start there was something wrong with me we never had sex on our wedding night he wouldn’t even touch me. But now I’m out of the church I realise just how brainwashed I was. I am so much happier now and my ex and I are good friends now it took some work but at least now I’m happy for him.
Thank you for this podcast. This was an aha moment and answered many questions I’ve had for years. Thank you Larissa and Jeff for being so honest and helping all of us.
I think the actions on the part of the church regarding sexuality is definitely intentional. Not only is it intentional, it is also hypocritical on the part of church leasers. Why? It is because of the history of the church regarding polygamy. Why else would JS and BY get so many wives, especially young ones. And do so behind their first wives’ backs. Not only was this practice not frowned upon nut it was and to some degree or other, it was enshrined into a sacrament, necessary for exhalation. Further, for those men who have received the second anointing. Are they not absolved from every sexual sin they have ever committed and ever will commit? The ultimate hypocrisy.
I really relate to Larissa’s experience of finding her voice through her breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. I had a similar experience after getting meningitis, and realising how important it is to prioritise ME. And I’d already been out of the church for 10 years, but it still took that long for me to overcome the conditioning that mormon women experience, in taking up as little space as possible, to give to everyone else and leave your own needs last.
“The spirit” is a thing for the church and who the hell do they think they are in telling me what my spiritual feelings are and are not? In fact the only time I ever felt the spirit was the time I played a Bach Prelude on the chapel’s beautiful Bösendorfer grand piano and I can tell you that with the music I spoke, I prayed to that congregation. I bared my soul through that music and that was the only time I ever fel “the spirit” in or in connection with the church.
Powerful. The church would be a better place if everyone listened to the segment about sexuality. Thank you Larissa and Jeff for speaking so openly about the harms most of us have experienced as part of purity culture, and the harmful beliefs about sexuality and "worthiness." This is the kind of exposure of harms that brings about pressure for change.
Hey Jeff & Larissa from a fellow (never mo) Nashville area listener! We have so many things in common, I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other yet. Great story, I related so much to a lot of this! Thanks for coming on the show. I really enjoyed learning about you both.
I'm so glad they are healthy and mature enough to talk about these things. All marriages cool. Restructuring your understanding around that is so important. So many marriages end at the 20-25 year mark because of the resentments and lack of acceptance of change.
After watching Mormons stories have made me realize that the church is absolutely sexually repressing the teenagers, as well as the husbands and wives with extreme doses on shame. I feel like it’s not helpful that the majority of time they more than likely don’t realize anything is wrong with the teaching because they are always in that Mormon bubble. The other thing that is extremely toxic is the perfection culture, and the unbelievable shame that comes with not being perfect. No one is perfect, no matter how religious they are!!! The higher ups in the church more than likely do all the things they tell others not to do. I feel like whomever made these rules are somewhat psychopathic. Basically, what it looks like to me is the people are wearing themselves so thin doing everything for the church for free while the church has billions of dollars. It seems like more than a full time job without getting paid whatsoever. The people that all that time in shouldn’t have to pay the monthly or weekly pay. These people are double paying with the precious time and money. Time is something you can never get back, your time is precious.
@@mormonstories well, as a person in a Catholic family (& a currently non-practicing Catholic mom) I find A LOT of personal value in this podcast. I recently became aware and have since consumed several episodes and sent to some of my siblings and family. It’s helpful and relevant across many religions. Thank you all ❤️
Women are now Presidents of major universities, including right now here in California the Presidents of two of the powerhouse athletic universities, UCLA and USC are women. Boards of directors, C Suite executives, foundation leaders, are all women.
Hardship and pain can lead to such beautiful awakening, and these two are a great example of that. I’m not Mormon or very religious at all, at least in an organized way, I’m just so inspired by all these stories ❤
Being a new "Ex-Mormon", I am craving connection with like-minded people near me. What suggestions does anyone have to guide me to connect those other people experiencing the same issues at this point in their lives.
I've joined a few different Facebook groups which have been awesome. Faith journey meetups, and ex-mormon women are my favorites and people usually post where they live to meet others near them.
She could be a spokesperson for many causes. I think that the church could have benefitted from her voice. It will be their loss that she is not in the church to help them bridge the gaps in health and social awareness issues.
this. is. AMAZING! I never even thought about my own sexuality, likes and dislikes until i was 38!! LEt's just say......we have a COMPLETLY different sex life now and it is SO SO fulfilling!!
Amazing stories, amazing people! I not a Mormon, but I stumbled across this channel yesterday and just love listening and yes I have watched all the 3 parts within a day😊 Thanks for sharing your experiences!
Mormon church needs Tk get on board….it is healthy to masturbate. It shouldn’t be considered as an “issue.” So weird this purity culture is outright wrong and damaging.
Wow I can relate so much to this. I have felt the “spirit” so strongly while having deep conversations with people abt these same issues and while watching these videos.
Not sure why there is so much guilt out there in the Church. I believe guilt is from Satan and should be extinquished. Gospel laws can be seen within the cost-benefit analysis of actions. If a couple talks about what sex they are into prior to marriage, but don't engage in it, they will probably much happier after they are married.
Ubiquitous nature of porn at 32:54. I had a stake president tell me the all-present nature of porn on the internet, it often being viewed for free, and it not being something you have to rent or pay for makes it not such a big deal initially for LDS members aged 13-29.
I want to make it clear that women look at porn too….there is safe normal porn and nothing to be ashamed about. I wonder if Mormon women even know about orgasms and their sexuality is just as important as a man’s.
Teaching Sunday school and seeing how the church whitewashed the lessons helped me leave the church. I had 5 lessons I taught that was part of breaking my shelf.
I'm not mormon but listening to this.I cannot even tell you how bizarre this sounds. It's like this religion is designed to cause issues. Remember when my boy started having trouble with the coal masterbate more?. The realm of reality that I'm listening to that you are being indoctrinated with is something I can't even get my head wrapped around. Anyway, good luck with your journey. We all struggle through life. And I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing.
I feel it is none of the churches business what goes on between a husband and wife sexually if the husband and wife are both happy with it. I cannot believe so many people belong to such a controlling denomination.
Jeff: "No one has gotten to this point."
Me: "I've listened to all of these episodes!"
My ExMo friends think I'm obsessed with Mormonism...but the truth is that Mormon Stories are human stories.
Entertaining, informative, and enlightening. And thats what keeps me listening!
I listened to all the episodes … the6 are truly human stories .. thank you to all,of you! ❤️🇨🇦
Am not even mormorn and can relate! Also obsessed!
This brutal honesty is admirable. So many marriages would be made stronger if we all strip down our feelings with our significant others. Thank you for sharing Larissa and Jeff! ❤
Also, as a former LDS mom who adopted my three children, this series has been so great. Thank you to the Kindreds for your vulnerability in sharing your story. ❤❤
My late wife was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 37. Stage IV. People were saying the same thing...too young, no family history, and likely not cancer... cancer doesn't care how old you are or about statistics. Get all lumps or anything unusual checked. Insurance companies use the statistics, etc. to minimize their responsibilities and costs.
I love these episodes but I really love Margi as cohost. She’s so compassionate and asks really great questions. 💕💕
I loved Margi's comment about hierarchy disappearing from parent/child relationships too. I would say the biggest change for me post church is the way I parented. I stopped trying to make little Mormon robots and now I just try to be helpful and supportive in whatever they are interested in. Food in the fridge, money to make things happen and a listening ear when things are going good and bad. Much more fun for me and better for my kids for sure!
This channel/podcast has been absolutely invaluable to me. Thank you for healing so many of us who are still processing the faith trauma we have.
Larissa is so well spoken and so relatable and compassionate/ intelligent
I was called as the gospel doctrine teacher during my search for truth! I'm laughing so hard at Larissa's experience because I was assigned the Doctrine and Covenants and used other sources instead such as the Bhagavad Gita or other Buddhist texts. 😂😂 I never revealed my sources because I knew it could potentially get me in trouble. However, many comments came my way about how spiritual and heartfelt the lessons were, even by visiting stake representatives. Obviously, my truth was found elsewhere. This was a great interview. Good work, Jeff and Larissa!
today is October 29, 2023 and I just finished watching/listening to all three episodes and I am so grateful to both Larissa and Jeff. Opening up and sharing such vulnerability, kudos to you both. I am a 62-year-old woman who has been an ex Mormon for just over two years. I left or rather put a pause at going to church almost 8 years ago. It's been a very difficult road and I find myself without community. I don't regret stepping away and pausing and eventually removing my membership from the church. Thanks again.
Well said! I’m 67 and appalled by how many members are so sad because of the church control. 😮
When she read the letter from Golden's birth mother about the shaming that she had received from the church when she got pregnant, it left me with a deep pain for the hurt she must have been feeling. The church should be a place for healing of the spirit and the humility should have been felt on both sides. The church can learn from this example but the healing cannot happen unless the church changes policies and attitudes. The time is now for change.
I left the church in 1998 at age 29 and I'm sad to hear that all the problems then are still problems now. You would think that over two decades the church might have tackled some of the major social issues and done better. I'm so relieved I didn't choose to stay and be patient and change the church from within.
PS..I must also reiterate to Margi...Your sensitivity and depth awards us all!
So often in these stories I see people who have lost their faith but gained their humanity. ❤
Masturbation also teaches people (mainly women because of socialization) that masturbation does not and will not make their spouse a sexual deviant, addict or predator. It teaches women that masturbation doesn’t mean men are sex monsters.
Thanks so much to all four of you!
My mission and church experience is almost identical to Jeff's. My faith transition has been such an amazing experience. Life and relationships are so much better now. These three episodes are brilliant.
My wife and I checked all the boxes, met at BYU and my suffering from cognitive dissonance that started on my mission in Japan has finally come to an end.
I've listened to many of these and this is one of the ones that resonated the most. I really appreciate the discussion on how it affected the parenting aspects.
I cried listening to the letter from the birth mother. I really really appreciate these people. I connect so much with Jeff when he says that feeling of the spirit was just the warmth and power of human connection, and love and compassion. I'm getting that feeling so strongly right now, about the three of them. Good, good people. And I get a comfort and peace from it. Sending love
I love listening to intelligent people. Im so glad that you all 3 shared your experience and insights. Thank you so much!❤
I’m a biracial Korean living in the greater Nashville area. I was adopted and was raised in So California in Mormonism (now ex) with a closeted alcoholic father. These three episodes spoke to me in so many ways.
Thanks so much to Larissa and Jeff for telling their Mormon story.
Living in the south is interesting when it comes to meeting new people and not being affiliated with any religion. Where do you go to church- is often the first thing I’ve been asked. When I say I don’t there is usually an invitation to theirs! 😕
The Kindreds are absolutely wonderful human beings. Insightful, curious, open, vulnerable, authentic. I so appreciated getting to know their story. Thanks again!
Gina, Larissa and I would love to get together and here your story! Let’s set something up
Oh my goodness how fun! I feel honored!
I tried replying twice before but neither got thru. I’m wondering if it’s because I included my email address. At least I’m not seeing my replies on my end. If you see both replies and this is the third I apologize!😬
Anyway give me a date and place and I will make it happen. And maybe another way to contact you?
I’m so happy at the prospect of meeting you both in person!
Keeping fingers crossed that this reply goes thru and stays put!🤞
@@ginafrancis4950 it won’t let me put any contact info. Why don’t you look Larissa or I up on fb or instagram and send us a message there and we can plan something
@@jeffkindred
I just sent message to Larissa on her Instagram. 👍
My grandma got breast cancer when she wasn't that much older than Larissa, and no risk factors. It was awful of course, but she survived and is cancer-free 20+ years counting! Sometimes getting cancer is just bad luck. I'm sorry that happened to Larissa on top of all the other difficult stuff she was dealing with :(. Here's to her happiness and health the rest of her life!
I left the church >10 years ago, and I still found all nine hours of this podcast helpful. I didn't pay that much attention to the church for a while, but my experiences leaving as a teenager shaped what mattered to me as an adult. I've had a whole new set of feelings and realizations since I finished my PhD earlier this year, and this podcast is helping me process. Many thanks to John and Margie for the excellent hosting!
I for one watched all 3 parts! Always a pleasure to watch John and Margi work in tandem.
As a deconstructed fundamental Baptist, I really appreciate this episode. Thank you for your vulnerability, wisdom and articulation of the journey.
I absolutely loved when Larissa acknowledged at 2:28:20 about how their birth moms were so Christ-like to go through the shame of the pregnancy and then give over their babies to the Kindreds. That brought big tears to me. Larissa so empathized with these Mothers in a deeper way than could be imagined. ❤ Adoption takes so much courage and trust both ways!
Really appreciate Jeff and Larissa’s is honesty and openness regarding these sensitive subjects. Having been married for 42 years myself, I feel that these kinds of discussions are essential to a happy and healthy marriage. The church is toxic when you really take time to think about it.
This is one of the best podcasts! It conveys ideas I have been trying to spread for a long time. - Now I hope it is OK to stay in the church where I can buffer some of the negative culture that is so injurious to most people. At age 80 I have good defenses (very thick skin) and don’t need validation for anything from others. Maybe I can spread that kind of strength to people who seriously need it. My last testimony to the congregation was “I am here because this is where we help each other.” Nothing about the church needs to be true for me to be nice to the people in it who count on my constructive, cheerful collaboration. If the church were to shut down today, I would keep my healthy Word of Wisdom and still serve my dear friends. We are a peculiar people, and they accept that I am a peculiar-peculiar person. Without needing scriptural support, I use Plato’s cave to describe my escape into the bright light of humanism. I do not believe in scripture (nobody ever asks me) or fallen man, and I realize the historical lies. That does not stop me from using Plato’s Form of the Good to REASON that I will be growing and learning at an accelerating pace for ALL eternity. PS: In my ward, the Relief Society president takes her turns conducting Sacrament Meeting. I suspect we are a pilot program. Back in 1967 when I was Sunday School president, I told the people without objection that the Junior Sunday School coordinator, a mother, was my third counselor. There will be more progress with me IN than with me OUT.
Very interesting.
I love Margi s Co host I think because she’s so comfortable speaking into conversation with John. I think other cop hosts sometimes didn’t speak quite as much but her Anna John know how to be in conversation with others with each other.
When you’re Hear Jeff talking is like I can see myself, he answer, explain and express himself like I would answer. I just loved this interview.
Wow I loved this whole 3 part story, thanks for having Larissa and Jeff on!
The Word of Wisdom lesson cracked me up and Golden's birth mom's letter broke my heart
💯 I was listening while driving & getting so choked up at that letter!
Great people, great program. Thank-you!
Pornography in the church at 30:06. I had two bishops and a stake president tell me porn use among both men and women LDS is common. The stake president told me in one year they rejected about one third of applicants for missions because they had a porn addiction which meant a failure to moral worthiness.
And the other 2/3 lied?
@@deebee2603 There are 4662 members currently on the rolls. Maybe 15% activity rate at best. But of those 15%, only a fraction hold temple recommends. So the number that would use the temple is low.
I live in a small, western Colorado town, with quite a few Mormons. I LOVE FORMANS! The local brach black-listed me after one of the many missionaries, I've spoken with over the years, left the church, left their mission early, and spends most of his time on the Dine Rez. these days.
The Thrive Stories series are my absolute favorite. So healing. I recommend the Thrive Stories all over the place. This series is helping me to "graduate" from the ex-mo identity and redefine myself.
Women might find out that their husbands, watch, porn and masturbation and it’s simply because there’s something missing in the marriage. And because the wife would be completely sexually repressed because of what the church pushes about sexuality, the man doesn’t feel close to his wife. Sexually repressed meaning that she lays there motionless and doesn’t make a sound. This is what the church has done to couples.
Been watching your show for quite some time now and I just want to thank you for all you do and bring to the table. I was a faithful member too for my entire 45 year life until the last couple of years of becoming inactive and having stripped with things for years prior to this. I can so relate to this beautiful couple and I appreciate the candid honesty in this because so many of us have gone through or are going through similar experiences. I thought I was pretty open and knowledgeable sexually etc all my life and didn’t realize until leaving just how repressed I actually was because of the shame and guilt and misconceptions surrounding sex and anything sexual.
yall - leaving mormonism doesnt cure anxiety but it allows you to be able to address mental health challenges with complete freedom and personalization
I have to say, such a sweet couple and as a never mo I’m jealous of the way couples who have left the mormon church have learned to communicate. They go to therapy and learn so much about each other. Most couples never get to go through this growth. They just push it down and go on day after day with their lives. As a ex Mormon or even the current Mormons you try to work through this trauma. Faith transitions allow you to talk about this. It’s a weird feeling to have jealousy but I always do. Also no one really has education about any of this truly. I don’t recall ever as a child and even as an adult who worked at planned parenthood that we ever normalized or talked about erotica or having open communication with your partner.
Same thing happened to me… a breast cancer diagnosis while I was in the middle of my belief and faith deconstructing. I TOTALLY relate to the shift in how you see yourself. I would look in the mirror and not see a healthy person anymore. The fact that I didn’t know what happened with death anymore, so I didn’t have the comfort from that. So much panic. I was extra mad about a the time I had lived for the future instead of for today… not even the future in this life, I had live exclusively for the future of the next life.
I had been learning to take time for myself and validating my own opinions. I had started doing something I loved and taking lessons for that when Covid hit and then cancer hit and I just felt like everything was in this holding pattern which was deeply frustrating, and the cancer made me feel like my time could run out before I got to do what I had been working for. I felt the passing of time very keenly.
The positive side of this is that it put me on a faster track of learning how speaking up for myself
I absolutely agree with John that leaving the church IS 100% easier if your parents are no longer living. This is where I have to remind myself to be kind to my friends who stay in the church even when they know better because they have parents/family to consider. Their journey, in that respect, is more difficult or complicated than mine. Also, it bears repeating…Margi is just phenomenal. I might have a girl crush. 😉
This is an incredible episode and it’s so liberating. Thank you for sharing. Thanks John for the content.
Hearing Golden's birth mom's story stabbed my heart. I hope she can heal. It's crazy how damaging religions (not just LDS) can be to the females of our species.
Awesome episode! So so so important and so so so true! Very common experience within the church. And 100% true for myself and my husband.
Wow, what a great interview! I'm only at 43:00, but I have to comment on how beautifully open, honest, and vulnerable this couple is! Sexual purity in the church is such a "emperor's new clothes" thing. It's mind-blowing how everyone struggles but everyone thinks they are the only one.
Jeff and his sexual purity bit is SOOOO spot on. It is the hidden damage that the church cause that very few can comprehend or see. I hope to raise my kids in a far better and healthier way sexually than what I went through.
1:45:45 "So she's up there in her pants" 😂😂😂 I don't know why but this hit perfectly.
Never-Mo, but watched all three. Incredible story! I remember you both saying you had siblings who had left the church. I would have liked to hear about your relationship with them since you have left the church. Love your new Sunday walks and breakfast routine. It sounds lovely. The best to you both.
Petition to get time stamps on these long form interviews!
Whoo. What an uplifting couple. The amount of work they've been willing to do for themselves, their family and each other is so inspiring. I feel like this is the Letting Go of Shame to Thrive series. Great job on all your parts!
Thank you John for bringing up the important point that women masturbate/use stimulation too. It adds to the shame association for women when this topic is treated like not only is it evil but it’s something only males do.
Regarding the story of the man whose wife goes to all of his business meetings in order to police his sexuality, this story makes me recall the case of former Vice President Mike Pence, who has said that he never goes to any meeting in which he is alone with any woman.
so sad
such a great episode. these are great authentic conversations.
Larissa's story was so inspirational to me. She didn't complete school right off the bat but she talks as if she did! She has so much experiential knowledge and i know she will use it to better the lives of so many. These two are a power couple, thanks for sharing their story!
I've had very similar experiences, where I say something as if it's simply the way things are and should be, only to have the therapist say, "But is it? What makes you think that?" 🤯 It's taken awhile; but the scales of darkness are coming off my eyes.
I have watched several of these Mormon stories and something that strikes me deep in the heart is that everyone that I watched people of the story became atheist and that is just so hard for me to believe and it is sad! Do they even realize that there are so many Protestant churches where you do not confess your sins to the pastor or to any clergy, but only to God... let me put that in another way.... God already knows our sins and as former Christians we know when we do wrong so Protestants usually just ask God to forgive them if they slip up some way during the day and do something that is morally wrong. These churches do not tell you what to do or how to dress or restrict you from anyting.... I don't understand why they just don't join the little corner Protestant church because all the Protestant churches love Jesus Christ!
Love this podcast! Watch all of them & love the courageous folk you & Margy so kindly provide for! I left RLDS 40 years ago but am interested to see what John Hamer & his peeps are providing out of Toronto, Ontario! Thankyou for your kind service !
I feel moved to say that it’s ok for women to be not ok with porn in their marriage. There are some us who are feminists & see porn as yet another form of misogyny where men exploit women for profit. So this is a thing that women need to be able to voice to their partner and not stay quiet about it.
The question is…what’s the most effective way for a couple to deal with porn?
@@mormonstories it needs to be discussed but women don’t just have to ok with it because of mens sex drive. We have an industry which exploits women & perpetuates their sexual objectification. And a culture that tells us it isn’t enlightened for progressive women to speak out against the damage porn does to women. Men fuel this exploitation with their clicks & dollars. In my walk to better understand where misogyny & patriarchy come into a marriage, porn is one of those places.
I'm a feminist as well, and I sure don't think that all porn is necessarily misogynistic or exploitive. There's plenty of ethical porn out there now and quite a bit that is female driven. Exactly how do you think dictating your partner's personal sexual needs and behaviors based on your flavor of feminist doctrine is any better than or morally superior to the Church trying to regulate a person's sexual thoughts and behavior based on Church Doctrine? Do you think your partner has a right to dictate your sexual thought and behavior? As a feminist, would you tolerate that? Bc it goes both ways, you know. You're trying to own what doesn't belong to you.
I'm shocked we are trying to justify porn here. You talk to any therapist, pschyciatrist or counselor that deals with porn addiction, and it's harder to leave than any drug on the market. It destroys marriages/relationships. My Dad was introduced to it at age 7 down in the south. His dad had it in the house. And being introduced to it that young actually changes your whole brain chemistry. It's worse than finding it as a teen. It is something he will fight for the rest of his life.
Thank you for this comment!!!! Very very important.
I'm absolutely blown away by this wonderful couple! Thanks to everyone involved, this was amazing.
Such a great podcast! What an intelligent and insightful couple. All 3.5 hours was really interesting. Thank you sooooo much!
Thanks!
What a beautiful example of vulnerable truth-seeking. Thanks, to each of you, for providing the missing observations of those leaving the Church who don't fit into the too-convenient narratives believing members paint of those who leave to keep those that remain from following suit. A retention strategy that relies on information control makes the decison to leave easier, imo, but the prospect of Thanksgiving dinner with still-active and orthodox family members remains... complex. Such powerful experiences. Thank you!
I would like to hear from an instructor who teaches the Unitarian Church curriculum on sex education to teen members. I think other churches could look into this course to reduce sexual and body shaming and guilt over sexual desire. Maybe that could be a future Mormon Stories episode.
Ha!!! As if..
I wish this pod cast had be made years ago when I first found my ex mastubating I was so shocked and wondered what was wrong with me then 20 years later I discovered homosexual porn on the computer so I told him he had Togo and see the bishop biggest mistake ever our bishop was useless my ex finally came out as gay so we split immediately. I hate how the church more or less brainwashed me all my life telling me what is excepted and what’s not
@@deebee2603 thanks I found out that he had been to the bishop in our first ward before we got married he was told go on a mission then get married in the temple and everything would be alright his feelings would go away. The bishop and stake president both failed to tell me he had problems and I thought right from the very start there was something wrong with me we never had sex on our wedding night he wouldn’t even touch me. But now I’m out of the church I realise just how brainwashed I was. I am so much happier now and my ex and I are good friends now it took some work but at least now I’m happy for him.
Thank you for this podcast. This was an aha moment and answered many questions I’ve had for years. Thank you Larissa and Jeff for being so honest and helping all of us.
I think the actions on the part of the church regarding sexuality is definitely intentional. Not only is it intentional, it is also hypocritical on the part of church leasers. Why? It is because of the history of the church regarding polygamy. Why else would JS and BY get so many wives, especially young ones. And do so behind their first wives’ backs. Not only was this practice not frowned upon nut it was and to some degree or other, it was enshrined into a sacrament, necessary for exhalation. Further, for those men who have received the second anointing. Are they not absolved from every sexual sin they have ever committed and ever will commit? The ultimate hypocrisy.
I really relate to Larissa’s experience of finding her voice through her breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. I had a similar experience after getting meningitis, and realising how important it is to prioritise ME. And I’d already been out of the church for 10 years, but it still took that long for me to overcome the conditioning that mormon women experience, in taking up as little space as possible, to give to everyone else and leave your own needs last.
@Sarah My friends left the Mormon Church nearly 3 years ago. The wife has similar problems with putting herself first. She working on that.
“The spirit” is a thing for the church and who the hell do they think they are in telling me what my spiritual feelings are and are not? In fact the only time I ever felt the spirit was the time I played a Bach Prelude on the chapel’s beautiful Bösendorfer grand piano and I can tell you that with the music I spoke, I prayed to that congregation. I bared my soul through that music and that was the only time I ever fel “the spirit” in or in connection with the church.
Powerful. The church would be a better place if everyone listened to the segment about sexuality. Thank you Larissa and Jeff for speaking so openly about the harms most of us have experienced as part of purity culture, and the harmful beliefs about sexuality and "worthiness." This is the kind of exposure of harms that brings about pressure for change.
PLEASE put a link for the PREVIOUS related videos!
(TH-cam shuffles stuff)
WHY are the links for previous parts of multi-parters never in the description box?? 😢 YR KILLIN ME, JOHN
Hey Jeff & Larissa from a fellow (never mo) Nashville area listener! We have so many things in common, I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other yet. Great story, I related so much to a lot of this! Thanks for coming on the show. I really enjoyed learning about you both.
Larissa and Jeff are such beautiful people. Honest and vulnerable. I'm glad I got to hear their story.
I'm so glad they are healthy and mature enough to talk about these things. All marriages cool. Restructuring your understanding around that is so important. So many marriages end at the 20-25 year mark because of the resentments and lack of acceptance of change.
This episode is incredible. Everyone in the church needs to know these things
After watching Mormons stories have made me realize that the church is absolutely sexually repressing the teenagers, as well as the husbands and wives with extreme doses on shame. I feel like it’s not helpful that the majority of time they more than likely don’t realize anything is wrong with the teaching because they are always in that Mormon bubble. The other thing that is extremely toxic is the perfection culture, and the unbelievable shame that comes with not being perfect. No one is perfect, no matter how religious they are!!! The higher ups in the church more than likely do all the things they tell others not to do. I feel like whomever made these rules are somewhat psychopathic. Basically, what it looks like to me is the people are wearing themselves so thin doing everything for the church for free while the church has billions of dollars. It seems like more than a full time job without getting paid whatsoever. The people that all that time in shouldn’t have to pay the monthly or weekly pay. These people are double paying with the precious time and money. Time is something you can never get back, your time is precious.
You have figured out a LOT of the problems with cults by observation alone. It’s all absolutely wild stuff that only makes sense if you’re in it.
Wow, maybe best Mormon Stories ever! Jeff and Larissa are so brave for sharing their story. Thank you!
Does anyone know if there a podcast like this specifically about the Catholic Church?!
I wish!!!
@@mormonstories well, as a person in a Catholic family (& a currently non-practicing Catholic mom) I find A LOT of personal value in this podcast. I recently became aware and have since consumed several episodes and sent to some of my siblings and family. It’s helpful and relevant across many religions. Thank you all ❤️
Women are now Presidents of major universities, including right now here in California the Presidents of two of the powerhouse athletic universities, UCLA and USC are women. Boards of directors, C Suite executives, foundation leaders, are all women.
Hardship and pain can lead to such beautiful awakening, and these two are a great example of that. I’m not Mormon or very religious at all, at least in an organized way, I’m just so inspired by all these stories ❤
Women should do a garment burning protest
Being a new "Ex-Mormon", I am craving connection with like-minded people near me. What suggestions does anyone have to guide me to connect those other people experiencing the same issues at this point in their lives.
Where do you live at Cheryl?
See Faith Journey Meetups on TH-cam.
I've joined a few different Facebook groups which have been awesome. Faith journey meetups, and ex-mormon women are my favorites and people usually post where they live to meet others near them.
She could be a spokesperson for many causes. I think that the church could have benefitted from her voice. It will be their loss that she is not in the church to help them bridge the gaps in health and social awareness issues.
this. is. AMAZING! I never even thought about my own sexuality, likes and dislikes until i was 38!! LEt's just say......we have a COMPLETLY different sex life now and it is SO SO fulfilling!!
I love the part where she’s teaching Sunday school in “pants” challenging the WoW Hilarious!
Amazing stories, amazing people! I not a Mormon, but I stumbled across this channel yesterday and just love listening and yes I have watched all the 3 parts within a day😊 Thanks for sharing your experiences!
Mormon church needs Tk get on board….it is healthy to masturbate. It shouldn’t be considered as an “issue.” So weird this purity culture is outright wrong and damaging.
Listened to every hour! Thank you Jeff and Larissa!
Love this couple. What a ride.
I loooooooooooooooove long format!
If the The Book of Mormon was so special the whole world would be reading it! 😂
Wow I can relate so much to this. I have felt the “spirit” so strongly while having deep conversations with people abt these same issues and while watching these videos.
Not sure why there is so much guilt out there in the Church. I believe guilt is from Satan and should be extinquished. Gospel laws can be seen within the cost-benefit analysis of actions. If a couple talks about what sex they are into prior to marriage, but don't engage in it, they will probably much happier after they are married.
Measurement bias can make it really hard to make sense of the bigger picture.
Ubiquitous nature of porn at 32:54. I had a stake president tell me the all-present nature of porn on the internet, it often being viewed for free, and it not being something you have to rent or pay for makes it not such a big deal initially for LDS members aged 13-29.
I want to make it clear that women look at porn too….there is safe normal porn and nothing to be ashamed about. I wonder if Mormon women even know about orgasms and their sexuality is just as important as a man’s.
With my soulmate; just watching him mow the lawn or take time to wash my car -- was a turn on!
Teaching Sunday school and seeing how the church whitewashed the lessons helped me leave the church. I had 5 lessons I taught that was part of breaking my shelf.
I'm not mormon but listening to this.I cannot even tell you how bizarre this sounds. It's like this religion is designed to cause issues. Remember when my boy started having trouble with the coal masterbate more?. The realm of reality that I'm listening to that you are being indoctrinated with is something I can't even get my head wrapped around.
Anyway, good luck with your journey. We all struggle through life. And I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing.
Awesome couple! Great multipart interview!
I feel it is none of the churches business what goes on between a husband and wife sexually if the husband and wife are both happy with it. I cannot believe so many people belong to such a controlling denomination.
My shelf just fell off the wall. It got too heavy.