I am a seasoned hospice nurse.. My brother passed on hospice from cancer. When he was told he was not going to beat it, he made the decision to have one last good summer. He did, and he passed at sunset, on the last day of summer. mission complete.
At 4:30am, on 10/20/24, I was with my mom (92), and I told her I loved her and that it was okay for her to go. As I let go of her hand, I decided to try and get some sleep. When I came down at 8am, she was gone. I, along with our caregivers believe that my mother waited to die, until I left, so that it would not hurt me as much. She was really my best friend, but also told me many times when I was younger, that I was a strong enough person to make it. What an amazing life she had
Awe. So very sorry for your great loss. Ten yrs ago My Mom did the same thing. After days of not leaving her side - at her urging - she said to go home and get some rest - take a nap. So, I agreed and told her if she needed to go home to cut that cord and fly away to Heaven and that I’ll see her again when I get there. She patted my hand and said okay. So I left and a few hours later my Son phoned for me to come back quickly. Mom left on her own terms. My family believes I was keeping her here. She was my BFF. 10yrs and I still miss her every day! Blessings to you & your family.
@@eric_bee I’m so jealous. My mom wasn’t a nice person. I’d give everything I have to have the relationship you have with your mother. She was a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. She treated me like I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. I’m crying my eyes out because it was her choice. Be very grateful that you had a wonderful mother that loved and wanted and cared for you. I’ll always love her no matter what. Have a great rest of your life!! 😱😱😱❤️❤️❤️🩷🩷🩷🙏🙏🙏😭😭😭😭
My mother had a similar experience. She told my grandfather that she loved him and that if it was time for him to go, she'd be okay. She had my dad and my sister and me. We left the hospital to get a little sleep. He passed soon after. My mother says telling him it was okay for him to go was the most grown up thing she's ever done.
@@bekaharrell3885 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm not a professional therapist, but I guess if I could give out any advice, I would say that you can be the person you wished she would have been. Be a light to the world
On my husband's urn I put "The loss is immeasurable, but so is the love left behind." It's only been a year and a half. Feels like forever and only just yesterday that he was here.
@@nbrown8464 thanks! I came up with it in the 90s so that I would have something to say that included all religions as well as people not having a lot of good memories about a person, of course the latter don’t grieve as much save for the grief of the person never apologizing.
My mom didn’t want to be 75 & died 2 weeks before her 75th BDay. My dad died 5 weeks after turning 90 after saying “Next time I’m not going for this old age stuff.”
My father who had a great sense of humour. Lived in a house numbered 111 most of his life. He died in hospital on the 1st of November the 11th month at 11 minutes past 1pm with every one of his direct family by his bed side. I totally believe he is watching over me making my life work out for me. When I need help he seems to give it to me. It’s got to the point where I openly thank him (I live alone so it doesn’t freak any one out.)
I used to work in long term care. There was one resident I had a special connection with that I couldn't explain. One evening after doing HS care she said thanks and gave me a hug. A little while later, something (intuition) made me go back into her room and express my gratitude for all the wonderful talks, including that night's. She passed away just before the end of my shift. It's not just the person dying who "knows." Sometimes it's the caregiver.
My mother in law didn't eat or drink for 3 weeks, and then, suddenly decided she was hungry! A year later, she is still very much alive and on hospice.
When I was preteen (I’m 70 now) we had an elderly neighbor lady who boarded a couple of ladies where they shared expenses. I did most of their outside chores and got very close to them all. One, Miss Marion, was a nurse in WWI and was a very “proper” lady. Being in her late 90’s she always took pride in being very healthy, taking long walks every day. She would periodically check herself into the local hospital for a full physical to make sure everything was going well. The last time they reported to her that she had some blockage in her heart, that news hit her rather hard. One morning she put on makeup & a wig, something she never did, came downstairs & sat in “her” chair next to a window she like to look out and promptly died. Even at my young age, I believe I was 8 or so, I knew in my heart she just gave up and decided it was time to go. I look back at it now & remember I wasn’t sad about her passing even though all 3 of them were family to me, but I seemed to know she passed on her own terms since that’s the way she lived her entire life.
My mother recently died unexpectedly even though she was 95 years old. I live in Florida and happened to be "home" visiting her and my extended family. A few days prior to my scheduled departure she asked to attend the local high school football game. The stadium is close so we walked (mom, me, brother and his wife). She showed no signs of fatigue walking to or from the game. During the game a number of people stopped by to greet her and chat. You see, prior to the pandemic my mom had never missed a home football game in 50 years! She was well known in our small town and quite social. A little background: my dad was the high school football coach for many years and a plaque in his honor is displayed inside the stadium. She wanted to stay until the very end even though the game was rather lopsided. My brother and I felt this was a bit odd but granted her wish. That evening she went to bed after the 11 o'clock new as usual. Sometime in the night she got up and sat in her recliner in the living room. My sister found her dead in the morning covered by my dad's favorite quilt. She was still in her PJ's and her bed was unmade so we know it was sometime in the night when she relocated to the living room. My sister said she looked like she was asleep except when she touched her to wake her up it was obvious she was gone. I think she knew this was her time.
My mother was terminal-we don’t really know why. She was just old. 85. So we all rushed to her side from near and far. Once my last brother and I got there she calmed down. We all decided to remove the breathing tube and the hospice nurse expected it to be immediate. Two hours later she was still hanging on. Struggling to breathe. One sister in law said a hospice nurse told her that when her father was dying, that sometimes parents don’t want to die because it will disappoint their children. Hmmm… So finally the nurse said that she seemed to be strong and could last another couple days. She suggested we go home and get some sleep as it was 3am. So we left. We got the call 15 minutes later. She was gone. She didn’t want to disappoint us by dying front of us. Love you mom ♥️
My Mom was 93 and when she started having serious problems with her bowels and could no longer go to play bridge every day called all her friends and told them not to call her anymore because she was going to die. Then she called me to come and see her, I live overseas, and I booked a flight immediately and came to be by her side, . Two weeks later she died. She definitely decided she didn’t want to live anymore when she couldn’t be active any longer.
I just want to say how grateful I am for your videos. My mother passed last night. I flew in to see her because she was deathly ill and doctors didn't think she'd be long. She passed within one hour of my brother and I making it by her bedside. We told her it was okay to go at which point she passed. Your videos really helped me prepare myself for what death looks like and made it a little easier.
My Dad died while all the kids were en route. He was in boarding care on hospice and my mom left to go home for the night. It happened at the only time over the last couple days that he'd been alone. He was lucid, my mom had talked to him just minutes before. I believe he absolutely chose to go when he was alone.
I stopped by to see my elderly mom (79) every day. One day she was almost glowing and when I left, she gave me the biggest hug I ever had from her. We always said I love you and hugged at the end of each visit. but how she said I love you and how she hugged me that day was so different. I went home and told my husband how different it felt, how it was extra special and how she was really happy and feeling better that day. I went to visit the next day, and I found she had passed away sitting in her lazy boy chair and she looked at peace. Then I knew why the hug felt so different and when she said I love you it felt so special, it was the last.
My dad (76) was admitted into hospice and started actively dying from fighting FTD 12/18/19 I was the last one to see my dad on 12/19/19 and had a feeling that something was going to happen which made me stick around he didn’t have any breathing changes he did have some end of life visioning he was wide awake looking at me. I finally decide to leave around 10:30pm and at 5:05am 12/20/19 I got the call from the nursing home that my dad had died after only being on hospice for two days. It hurt more to know that he died alone even tho I know he didn’t want us there. His time of death was confirmed at 3:20 am 5 hours after I had left to go home. His hospice nurse said he gave no signs and she knew we were close but not that close. He went how he wanted in the end and that’s what’s matters the most. ❤
When my father was dying he was unconscious for 3 days. My brother felt like he needed to stay with him constantly, probably from guilt of not being a very helpful son. The night that he died I came back to the hospital. When I got there my brother said to me "Since you're here I'm going to go outside for a smoke." I said, okay, I had a feeling that this was the time that he would pass as my brother left the room. I was right, within minutes of my brother leaving the room, my father raised his arm to the ceiling and took his last breath. He didn't want my brother to be there when he died. I took care of my father for 7 years in my home before he went into the hospital. He wanted my husband and I to be there. The hospital room had a very peaceful, calm feeling as he left. I believe that it was his way of saying thank you for everything that we had done for him by allowing us to be there. It was also his way of letting us know that even though he was leaving this world, that he was moving onto a better place.
My father died the day before his birthday. But if you factor in that he was born in eastern Europe and died in eastern North America. He actually died on his birthday. He was a numbers fella, I'm sure he planned this.
It’s just so hard to say goodbye but I hope when it’s my time I’ll be at peace with it. I love my quiet life with my pets, husband and 2 adult children. I miss my grandparents and god I do really hope there is something on the other side and I get to see, hug and love them again!❤
If I were to wait until my entire "loving family" showed up before I'd take my last breath, I'd live forever. It must be incredible to have just one, let alone 30 family members (or even friends) who cared enough about me to actually show up to be with me when I pass on. I've been alone my entire life and I'm confident that I will die alone. Not crying about it. That's just my world.
Were never alone not if you know Jesus. And I'm not inquiring about that either I just know wherever I am i have a comfort in knowing when I pass into the shadow of death Jesus will be there with me .
I promise you you never die alone. Not sure what your faith is, but my faith tells me God and Jesus are they are for us and all of our loved ones who went before to welcome us into the kingdom of God ….God bless you.
My brother passed away from brain cancer on his 38th birthday of this year May 1st. He waited for me to get there. As soon as I got there and we all told him it was ok he passed about 10 minutes later. Love him and miss him so much 💚
One of our kids was born the same day my husband's grandmother died. My mother-in-law came to see me and the baby in the hospital and she told us that Great grandma had been told the baby was born. She died within a couple of hours of his birth.
When my father was dying of cancer he chose in home hospice. The last day I saw him I knew it would be the last time I saw him alive. I walked over to him and his eyes opened so wide and I can see him so attentive as I was talking to him. I told him I love him, kept kissing head and hugging him. Before I left his side I said “Dad it’s ok to rest, you can sleep now, we will all be ok, I will be ok I will always have you in my heart. I felt this peace come over me, I can’t describe the feeling as I left. He passed away that night and I remember calling my mom and telling her everything I told him and that it was ok for him to rest. She told me that he was waiting for me to tell him that it was ok for him to rest. She said he needed to hear it from me. He needed to know that I was going to be ok” she said sometimes they hold on for so many reasons. She passed away 15 months later. I lost both my parents in 15 month period. Love your videos
@@cavgrey8 You have to be alive on Election Day for your vote to count. Votes have been challenged for early voters who died before Election Day. Hopefully OPs mom will live past 11/5.
I just wanted you to know, that I have enjoyed your videos. It helped me through a very hard time. My husband did pass away this past Saturday morning at 3:15. I am so grateful that I was by his side when it happened. I still feel so numb, even though I knew this was coming. but again, I hope these videos help others that are in the same situation.
I TOTALLY get the need to have some privacy in death. I've heard it so many times, 'No one wants do die alone'. And yes, I think nearly no one wants to die *as a lonely person*, but I'm sure not everyone would like huge (or any) company in such a vulnerable and final moment. No one wants to die lonely, but I think there's nothing wrong in being alone in the moment of death.
I'm with my mom (70 yrs old) right now waiting for her to pass when she is ready... cancer... your videos are bringing me so much comfort right now. Thank you 💜
I have just lost my granddad to cancer. I have watched a 6month long hard fought battle I am proud of him. He showed incredible willpower but his age and the illness won. I am wishing your mom a comfortable passing and you the strength you need to understand, accept and grieve. Much love.
That happened with my mother. She had surgery for a broken hip and they were making arrangements to move her to a rehab facility. That day when her dr came to see her she told her that she was going to die. The Dr. said "no you aren't, you are fine". She told my son and daughter that day and she told me and my sister. She said "I'm going to go be with your father now". When we left the hospital room I told my sister that we were going to get a call. We did. She passed early the next morning.
My grandfather died this summer exactly at the day of his youngest grandson's 17th birthday. He was almost 88, he did not suffer any terminal illness, he in fact was still cycling and swimming on regular basis. He drowned while swimming... Maybe it was just a tragic coincidence, but maybe his old increasingly fragile body waited to see the birthday and then has given up fast. My grandpa was that type of athletic person who would absolutely hate to be bedridden.
My mother was fighting saying she didn't want to die. Then one morning in the hospital she said to the nurse "I'm going to eat my oatmeal then die." Mom ate her oatmeal and died .
Julie this is my story about my very good friend. She asked our hairdresser if she would fix her hair if she died. She told her mother “you know when I go I’m taking the kids”. She told her husband where a life insurance policy was at the bottom of a dresser drawer in a bedroom they didn’t use and he would have never found. About 3 weeks later she, her husband and the kids were out house hunting (1991 no use of internet at that time). A storm came through town, rain caused the leaves of the tree in the front of their house to kind of stick together. The week before, a contractor had been through the neighborhood and cut the roots of trees that were heaving up the sidewalks, one of which was the tree in their front yard between the sidewalk and the street. All of a sudden a huge wind came through and the leaves had stuck together almost creating a sail, the tree fell on their van which had just pulled into the driveway. My friend and her 2 children all passed in that accident. She clearly knew something but never told anyone she knew she was going to die, just the things I’ve related here. I mean at 38 who would think to ask the beautician to style your hair?? Anyway, we sometimes know things but don’t have a frank understanding of them. My .02$ worth.
My grandma was in her mid 70es and with my mom on her cousins birthday party, who she hadn’t seen for decades. They fought over my great-grandfathers love when they were children and never forgave eachother, but now her cousins daughter asked my grandma to be the special guest- and what a blast this two ladies had! Chatting over the old times, drinking wine and forgetting the world till both were really tired, and we have to meet again soon and so on.. my mom drove, grandma said she’s a little sick and her chest aches, nothing bad, maybe just the wine? My mother nonetheless drove to the hospital, asked if the coat was needed or just the handbag? Walked around the car, got the handbag from the backseat, closed the for and my grandmother was dead. On the passenger seat, legs already outside she just fell backwards and must have pressed her life out of her- so yes, I KNOW people decide! She would have hated to be in hospital, other people touching her and all the attention and so on, so she must have decided on the spot that the time is now- and had a heart attac. Up to that minute- healthy as a horse. Doing sports once a week, going on vacation with her girlfriends, living in her own without any assistance. She was our matriarch and everything fell apart without her, I miss her very much still after all these years- but also I am happy that her death was quick and painless and a little tipsy, so exactly as she would have wished for. See you in a few decades grandma 💜
When my grandfather died following a crippling stroke, we knew he was going to die because he was adamant that he would not be on life support of any kind. He was lying in bed and his vitals were stable, until his sister-in-law Ruth came in the room (he hated aunt Ruth), then his blood pressure spiked and he began to groan. He was unconscious, but knew she was there and was still annoyed 😂
Neither my older brothers, nor I, lived in the same state as our parents. I had barely been married a year when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1981. She was given a few months to live. We all gathered at their house for Thanksgiving, which she, of course, mostly wanted to do it all herself like always. She was happy as a clam having all of us there, and I was too because I was in complete denial. I was still young, immature and nothing like this had happened to me before so I was sure she’d get better, and since I live 800 miles away, I could pretend it wasn’t happening. Two months later my grandmother called me and told me I needed to come home. My middle brother had been with her for a week, so I went up the day he left and spent a week. She tried to talk to me about dying, and her one regret in life was not being here for me when I had children, and I was having none of it. (42 years later, I have so much regret about not wanting her to talk about dying. If I had a do over, I’d sit in the bed with her and hold her hand and have the heart to heart talks she wanted to have. Like the ones I can enjoy with my adult daughter, who is my best friend now that she’s grown.) The day I left, my oldest brother flew in. At the end of that week, he was with her when she passed. She waited until she’d had a week alone with each of us to say goodbye. She had chosen her time and I know she was ready to go, but I wasn’t ready to let her leave. Two years ago I had the opportunity to redeem myself when my dearest friend passed away. I spent a week with her in ICU. She wanted me there. I made the trip to San Antonio and knew when I got there and saw her, it would not be a happy ending for her family and me. I spent every day with her and her husband, giving him the opportunity to go get some much needed rest. It was one of the hardest but most precious times in my life, being there with her until the end. She would have done it for me.
I worked in a nursing home and I've seen all the things you talked about. I had a woman who was actively dying and her daughter was staying with her. She fell asleep and the resident died while she was sleeping. I had to wake her up to tell her that her mother died.
My grandparents had been in declining health for years, staying in the same nursing home. My grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep. Both of my grandparents had dementia pretty bad so we really felt like we lost them years ago. At her funeral I sat with my grandpa who was in a wheelchair and just staring blankly. I started to talk to him, I was the oldest grandchild and very close to them and I was their favourite grandchild (my grandma told me this herself). So, at one point as I talked to my grandpa I held his hand, looked him in the eyes, and told him that "grandma is with Jesus now". We come from a long line of Christians in our family. He looked at me and in that moment he became very lucid, I saw the recognition in his eyes. Grandpa smiled sadly and nodded and then when I said everything would be ok he winked at me. My grandpa always winked to give us reassurance. 3 weeks later he passed away peacefully in his sleep also. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had stuck around long enough to make sure my grandma was ok, when she passed he knew it was ok for him to go too. They both looked exactly the same when they passed, both very peaceful and same expressions, same body position. They were lifelong sweethearts that most couples would aspire to be like and they weren't apart for long before reuniting in spirit ❤
Thank you for normalizing this. For years and years my mom has been adamant that my grandfather (her dad) chose when to die, and at least half the family doesn’t believe her. Now I can tell everyone it’s an actual thing that happens and my mom has been right this whole time.
I will share both the deaths of husband #2 and #3, both passed on the same date 7 years apart. One was an army vet, the other a navy vet. Their day of crossing was nov11,2016 and nov 11, 2023. Both strong men who loved me and their country (befitting is that nov11 is vetrans day. Both were ill, but neither was expected to pass that day. Your hospice videos are a help so we can process stuff. I am grateful for all you share. Someday maybe someone can talk back and forth with the living and the dead. May God bless all of you and angels surround you
@deborahsanders3189 Mediumship is the practice of contacting loved ones on the other side of the veil for a sitter. There are organizations now with vetted amazing mediums to help those seeking...
My husband was in the ICU for 5 days, I think. We knew he was dying his last day for sure, but I think we all knew earlier than that he wouldn't be going home. He died from kidney failure brought on after 10 years with congestive heart failure. Our granddaughters birthday was the last full day my husband was alive. Our son asked him, "Please don't die on her birthday." He told my son I won't. He died 5 minutes after midnight the next day. Just happened to be Easter day. I'm blown away by this. First of all, he had gone through "air hunger" earlier in the evening. It was extremely difficult for me to watch. They had a full oxygen mask on him with high-pressure oxygen running. He would suck in air so hard his neck below his jaw line would expand in a way I didn't know was possible. He had 6 iv's going while on a dialysis machine. Later that night, he said, "Stop it." I asked him, and he repeated it. After that, I lost track of time. The doctor talked to him and determined he knew and understood what he was asking for. By now I'm sure it was very late. He was disconnected from everything. They gave him something to calm him and Morphine. We watched him closely. I turned my head to speak to my son, turned back to look at my husband, and he had died while I wasn't looking at 5 minutes after midnight. He had no way of 7:26 knowing what time it was, yet he knew.
My sister Trish died 2 weeks ago. I was told get to the hospital I got there. I went into her room she had tubes running through her body. Everything you have said in your videos where spot on. They made the discion with the help of Hospice 2 in a half later she was gone. The Hospice nurses were great they did there job with respect of family. I said goodbye. I came home feeling numb So she died peaceful.
Thank you for your content. I wish I had heard many of your messages before my mom died four years ago. It would have helped me get through her death process. I also love that people can decide. I always thought that family should be there and the one dying should be surrounded by loving members of the family. My remaining family is small and not particularly close. It seems likely that I may die alone when the time comes if my two kids aren't there. You have helped me understand that there are many ways and none of them are wrong.
My mom died on Halloween, and she took her last breath the very moment I arrived for the day with my brother and my daughter (my sister and another brother were already there). We thought she might wait until November 1st so that her social security check would cover the rent (2 of my brothers were unemployed and living with her). Later I realized she probably chose to die the day before so that the siblings that were working could help the two that were unemployed, thereby causing us to come together as a family and help one another where there was some animosity.
My dad was in Hospice and we got the call to go be with him. The whole family was there, my aunts (dad's sisters) and my mom, my cousin and me and my sister. We sat with him for hours, watching his laboured breathing. My sister told me to get some food from the kitchen and offered to go with me. As soon as we got to the kitchen my aunt came running to tell us to return to the room and as we got there we realized he was gone. I was so devastated, felt like maybe he thought we left him in his final hour. I was inconsolable but the hospice nurse hugged me and told me he chose to go that way. That he wouldn't have wanted me and my sister to see him take his last breath. It made me feel better and I could see it in a different light. I'm sure my dad spared us and that he was still there in spirit, watching us grieve over him.
This is really amazing to know. My sister was in hospice care from a stomach cancer. I was there as fhe only family since the rest of the family lived overseas. Me my best friend and my bro in law is there 24/7 taking turns taking care of her. When me and my best friend left to quickly visit a friend , we told her while she was asleep that we would have to leave and be back very soon. That was 10:30am. We went back at 12:30 noon, and we were devastated to know she has passed away. She also passed away 2days after her 40th birthday ( July 3 is her birthday) and July 5th was the day she died the day after the 4th of July celebration, which was those 2 big days the reason why she invited us to visit her . We were so devastated and so sad. She was the best sister, loving daughter and a best friend to everyone, let alone the bread winner in the family. We missed her so much. It was 9urs ago. 😢
I just adore you HNJulie! My mom is 86 and my (step) dad turns 98 10/31/24. I can see their frailty and decline, but I still cannot fathom they will ever not be here! And I just don't want them to ever suffer being bed-ridden and not having proper care and/or having dementia. Yet I know people deal with and go thru this every single day. They are still active and take care of one another. They also still argue and fight! Your words and experience are such a comfort. It's the not knowing that is so difficult. Ah...trial period of hospice! See, I did not know. xoxo
My wife said 6 months before she passed that she wouldn't be around for our birthdays and anniversary (all 3 were on the same day), she passed exactly a week before that. Told me that morning she was tired and ready to go and passed 14 hours later and was completely conscious, talking etc. throughout the whole day.
My husband is on hospice with COPD and CHF. He has had many exacerbations and he indicated to me that he is not ready to go because he wants to know that the granddaughter we raised will be taken care of. She has mental health and addiction issues that have been ongoing for over 15 years. He has not had a very good quality of life the past few months and I can only hope that he can accept that he really has no control over decisions people will make when he is gone. We are currently getting some wonderful guidance from the hospice grief coordinator. Prayers to all the people on hospice along with their families.
I had been caring for my Dad for a few months when his already poor health suddenly declined rapidly. He didn’t want to die, but he’d had enough. He also knew how afraid I was to lose him. The night he died, a day after he rallied, he was agitated and in pain. I gave him more medication at 1.15am as per the hospice nurse advice and said “it’s okay to go Dad, I love you”. I found him gone at 2.40am. I didn’t want to see him take his last breath and I know he wouldn’t have wanted that for me. He was at home, in his own bed next to Mum just like he had been for almost 70 years. I have no doubt that he chose his time.
Two days before my beautiful Mum passed away in the hospital (after 8 awful weeks in there), she kept saying to me "I'm dead already. I'm dead already". She knew her life was coming to an end even if we didn't believe it. It broke my heart to hear her say those words and it made me angry with her because it sounded like she was giving up when she had no need too (she also had terrible hospital delirium). She didn't want us to be there and told us as much. I know she was trying to protect us from further pain from seeing her so poorly - she always wanted to protect us. She passed suddenly in the early hours of the morning when we were home asleep. I wish with all my heart that I could have been with her in those last moments of her life.
I still struggle with the fact my beloved brother died when I placed my hand on his forehead to not surprise him as I said his name and that I was there. The hospice nurse said he waited for me but I think she was just being nice. I did have a visitation in a dream from him a year later when my sister passed. But I still struggle with the memory.
I just lost my Dad at 96 years of age. He had a terrible fall in the bathroom at home, (the last of at least 3), and had fractures in his vertebrae, clavicle, scapula, and multiple ribs. He had been in the hospital or the assisted living facility for at least 6 months when he was finally released to come Home on hospice. He had declined there quite a bit. He was not eating or drinking much at all. He wanted to get home, and he spoke of it all the time. Three days after being released to go on Hospice, he passed at 5:15 am on 22 October, 2024. He knew he was home, and passed quietly as the Hospice Nurse watched him take a deep breath, and die. I believe he did what nurse Julie mentioned, choosing a moment to pass even though he was unresponsive at the time. The Memorial Service was wonderful, and I learned about so many things my Dad had done in hos long life to help others. What a blessing. Enjoy Heaven, Dad... Cannot wait until we meet again..
What you describe is so beautiful and fills me with peace. And I'm sorry that your Dad transitioned but it sounds like possibly you'll keep him close by since you believe in heaven....I certainly do. Thank you for sharing your story, please know how much it's helped me to read about it! Blessings to you....
My dad said his "line" when he didnt want to live any longer was when he was confined to a bed, because 70 years before he had TB and spent a year and a half in a sanatorium confined to a bed (they had no real treatment then) while all around him people were dying. One night, he got out of his bed at home and had fallen, so ended up being checked over by a doctor in ER who told him he was fine to go back home, but he should really be confined to his bed from now on. The dr left the room, my dad stood up, then almost instantly sat back down and died. We were grateful that he never had to be reminded of that traumatic experience when he was a young man and he died on his own terms.
I talked to a sociology professor, he told me he had taught a class on death and dying. He said to choose a date and live fully up to that date. It took a minute but I come to like that idea. I think about our conversation quite a lot.
So sorry for your recent loss. List my mom 4 years ago and dad almost exactly 4 years after that, last month. Still processing all of that. Losing Mom was harder because we were close, but my dad was sadder in many ways because I was the only local kid, and none of his friends cared anymore. He was very alone most of the time.
@@lynnebucher6537 I'm 46 years old and today was the first time I saw him cry. He kept saying that she could be around for another year. My son and I kept telling him that she was close. We finally convinced him to call my brother so he could say goodbye.
Hi, Julie😊, Jimmy Carter wanted to live long enough to make it to 100 and to be able to vote early. He accomplished both. We'll see what happens now🫡🙏 😉🐦🇨🇦
My grandfather, the man of my life always said he wanted to die on the golf course (he played everyday)……I heard it many times. Then suddenly at 82 years old he fell out on the golf course from a massive heart attack. He had been declared a clean bill of health the week before by his dr. Of course it broke my heart but he went his way.
My dad died a week after what would have been my parents 65 wedding anniversary. My dad went on a trip to NY he died alone in his hotel room..My mom.had died 5 months earlier.
My dad knew. I won't go into specifics but he absolutely without a doubt knew. We just didn't know until we discovered a few things afterwards in planning for his funeral. My FIL knew too. He showed his wife what suit he wanted to be buried in and within a couple weeks he passed.
My father asked my mother what she was going to do when he left her. Not long after this, he waited for my mother and I to leave his room, and when we returned later he was gone. BTW, Jimmy Carter did vote a week or so ago.
My grandfather turned his face to the wall while my grandmother was in the hospital. That was Sunday. When hospice came to do the paperwork on Wednesday so he could die at home, they said it would be soon and his out of state daughter was on her way but he passed as soon as the paperwork was done.
Interesting. I mentioned on your live that my Dad (96yr old with LBD) saw his departed sister a few days ago and she told him it was time to go home - that he had nothing to loose. So, every morning he groans and says uuuggghh I'm still here! lol But, yesterday we had a visit from his 94yr old brother and they face-timed with their 90yr old sister who has late stage ALS - and they all said goodbye see you in Heaven to each other. And then, this morning Dad tells me "I'll be gone in a few days" I said "where are you going Dad" and he said "I'm gonna die that's where-time to go!" And yes, Dad has been the Solid Rock Patriarch of our family - always in charge - always giving orders - to the bitter end! I believe he is going out on his own terms - Picking his time! We shall see!
Dad is still hanging on - 10 days ago telling me he'll be gone soon and now he's calling out to his mom and can't find her but he really doesn't want to go now he'd rather stay here! He has not had any solid food for 8 days now only sips of his favorite coffee, and then today he asked what's for dinner? I was shocked. every day refusing anything - so I gave him a little bit of chicken soup broth. Hospice tells me it won't be long now, but I'm not too sure. Back in August I thought he was leaving - didn't eat anything just slept through for three days straight - then boom woke up hungry and came back to life until now! At first I thought it was a rally - but no. Now I'm wondering again if today might be a rally - he's back to sleep again. The Lorazepam/Ativan that Hospice gave us seems to be increasing his hallucinations, and the ABH only seems to help him for about 4 hrs then I have to wait 2 more hours to give him more - so I'll have to speak with the Hospice nurse tomorrow to see if we can adjust. Yesterday, while I was asleep he got up and took all of his bedding off looking for his pillows which he through off his bed ? So this type of delirium goes on all night long. I'm hoping for some good help for him. Lewy Body Dementia is horrible! Thanks for all you do to keep us informed!
My grandmother passed on the 12th anniversary of her husband's-my grandfather's-passing. They were married 57 years, 6 children, 12 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren by the time she passed. She had been diagnosed with a terminal illness a few months prior to her death, but even though she was 88, her docs anticipated 8-12 months or maybe more. She did relatively well for a few months, then started talking about seeing her deceased parents and siblings. She was sharp enough to think it strange that they were there and she could talk to them but was surprised the rest of us didn't see them too. That began a rapid and unexpected 2-week decline. She was unconscious the last few days, children and grandchildren taking turns sitting with her. Then she passed around 9:30 AM, a few days after Mother's Day, 12 years to the day after my grandfather. Coincidence? I figure there is a 0.3% chance that'd happen randomly. Many of us in the family have wondered.
My sister in law waited until my brother and their kids were out of the house. The dogs were being walked too. I was the only one with her. It’s was minutes after we were alone that she died. I’m glad I could be there for her to transition.
I flew up to Maryland to see a very close lifelong friend who had fought ovarian cancer for six years (she was given six months when diagnosed and I told her she wasn't going anywhere). I got the call that it was time and that I needed to come, so I did. I was there for a few days, helping as I could (we were close enough that I recognized some of her coping mechanisms that made her relatively new husband freak out), but I had to fly home to Texas because of responsibilities here. As I went to her bed to say goodbye to her, she suddenly regained energy and clung to me, until I whispered in her ear, "Remember, no matter where we are, we're together." (We could not see each other or speak for five years and just take up where we left off.) She relaxed at that. The hospice worker who was sitting in a chair in the room had tears in her eyes. My friend passed on the next day.
My grandmother told us she was going to die on Christmas day. She never spoke but said that and sure enough she passed Christmas morning. We were so shocked
My Mom had been hospitalized for 7 months when my Dad died unexpectedly. He had been living with end stage COPD for a few years. His health declined after my Mom was hospitalized but he didn’t seem that bad. Even the doctors were surprised. My Dad died exactly one month before my wedding. When I told my Mom that my Dad was gone (the hardest thing I have ever had to do), she made me promise not to cancel/postpone the wedding no matter what happened. After my Dad died my Mom didn’t want to fight anymore. She had gone through so much in those 7 months to be able to go home and be with him. She was put on comfort care only. The doctors told me that once they withdrew the medications that were keeping her alive, it would be a matter of hours before she passed. Two weeks went by and although she was now comatose/unresponsive, she was still alive. One of her nurses told me that she thought that my Mom was waiting for my wedding. Throughout the seven and a half months that she had been in the hospital, my Mom had had a number of very bad days and said that she wanted to die. At those times I held her hand and told her that if she needed to go that it would be ok. I would be alright and I would take care of my Dad. I told her that I would miss her every day of my life, but I didn’t want her to suffer anymore. I think she held on for my Dad’s sake. Now, I took my Mom’s hand and looked into her (vacant) eyes. I told her that I loved her and would miss her. I asked her not to wait for my wedding. I told her that if she was still alive I would come to the hospital in my wedding gown, but I couldn’t tell if she could even see me now. I asked her to go and be with my Dad. I told her that I would save the front pew in church for them. I asked her to go be in peace. I stayed with her until ~10pm that night. When I went to bed hoping that the phone would not ring. At 4 am the nurse called and told me to come back. I lived right across the street from the hospital (I am an RN and worked at that hospital). I asked her to tell my Mom that I was coming! I got to my Mom’s room within 10 minutes. The nurse met me at the door and said “She’s gone”. I was shocked! The many times that she had told me that she wanted to die, I said that I wanted to be with her at that moment. I had asked her if that would be okay and she always said yes. I couldn’t believe she hadn’t waited for me to get there! I was an oncology nurse at the time (she was not an oncology patient). I had attended many deaths. I felt bad that I was not there for her, but accepted that she probably didn’t want me to be there. I was happy to see, that after 7.5 months of pain and suffering, she looked peaceful and even had a smile on her face. My husband and I married exactly two weeks later. The front pew in the church was left empty in memory of my beloved parents. I carried two white roses, separate from my bouquet, and placed them on the pew when I walked down the aisle. My parents had been married almost 52 years when they died. They were a great example of what marriage could and should be.
My grandma didn't time her last breath, but she timed when she advanced to the next stage of dying. All day while the family had been present, she'd frequently responded to conversation by making faces, even though she couldn't open her eyes or close her mouth. Then, over less than an hour when most people had gone home and the rest of us were out to get dinner, she lost all movement and responsiveness, her breathing changed, etc., and she passed within 6 hours of that. She may well have still been able to hear us at that point, so she may have heard our goodbyes and reassurances that it was okay to go, but we at least know she heard us while we had everyone there laughing and telling stories, and frankly that's better anyway.
Today my Father died. He was on hospice for 3 months. He had a massive stroke a week ago, unresponsive, not eating or drinking, no longer walking or sitting, on morphine every 8 hours, and today he passed away.
I worry about this. My Mom is 104 (105 in Dec). I have not been to see her for 5 or so years because it will be so difficult to say goodbye- I'm in CA, she is in OH. She is still of sound mind and I talk to her often. My siblings and her grandkids and gr-grandkids live nearby. I'm afraid if I go to visit her she will go. I'd feel guilty forever
RN here, most recently worked in SNF, where it was normal to hear all types of claims & stories from patients. One lady walked up to nurses station to invite everyone to her funeral on a certain date. We all just kinda said, thanks, we’ll be there, & didn’t think more of it. Well, sure enough, she died totally unexpectedly on the specific date she had invited us to. Sounds crazy, but true.
My partner would pretend to forget birthdays for everyone. He insisted my birthday was 6/21 when it's 5/21. He died 6/21 and at the exact time I woke up the first night after I moved in with him. It was a magical moment and I am blessed he chose to go when he did.
I know for an absolute fact that my grandmother waited to spend time with me. I was home from college for Christmas break. She lived with my immediate family. I was due to go back the following day. I slept in really late and 5 minutes after I got up she passed. She was not actively dying at the time.
My mom was actively dying and my husband, myself and our kids went out to dinner because it was my birthday. My mom and I were not close but I still went to see her and had chosen to forgive her for reasons I will not get into. After dinner I had a nagging feeling to go see her even though I had just seen her recently. My husband had planned a party for me at home but I just knew I had to go to the hospital to see her. I got there at 7:00 PM and mom was doing the same as she was for the past weeks no changes. I went to her bed and took her hand. I told her once again that I had forgiven her and that I wished her peace. We out some music on and I sat with her.She passed 23 mins. after I got there. The nurse told me she was waiting for me to get there before she passed. She died on my 41st birthday.
3 stories about timing where I was close at hand. A son would not pass on Mother's day so he passed the following day on Mom's wedding anniversary. A friend was told by his wife, "I am not telling people we were married 33 years and 364 days!" He passed on their wedding anniversary and his overnight meds were still in his mouth when he was removed from the residence. A friend would not die in the presence of his wife. She left with friends to go get supper and he passed 5 minutes after she left. I do believe people can choose. I have heard the phrase "I want to go home." when death was not imminent but a hospice nurse told me that when they have uttered those words, the patient can go anytime regardless of their healthy vital signs.
My mom died in the morning, just like my dad, 21 years after he did. She also died on the same exact day he did. The next day was their wedding anniversary.
My mom bedridden for last December and eating very little and her blood pressure dropped 55/50 and very weak plus and she has survived three times the doctor’s prediction of her dying in few weeks. Even she had a visions of her death relatives and her funeral. She had GI infection and septicemia twice and Kennedy ulcer so many times and still she is going on ….
I had been sitting with my mom holding her hand all morning. Then I realized she messed herself pretty bad (she had colon cancer and bad c-diff). I called hospice to come help me clean her up. She was very much actively dying for several days at that point. The nurse got there and so did a friend of the family. We were cleaning her up and I walked out to put some stuff in the washing machine and to start a load of laundry. They were still cleaning her up and that's when she died. So it was like she waited until I was out of the room. I didn't even get that washing machine on when I turned around to our friend standing there telling me that she was gone. I made her repeat it because it unreal to me. I hate that she died while being cleaned up though, but she was in no pain and was not suffering at least.
My mother was told by the nursing staff to hang on because her granddaughter was coming to see her. She was gone in 10 minutes, before family could get there!
My mom was actively dying in a hospital room. I was a young teen and stayed with her all night. By morning I noticed her breathing significantly change and her breaths were few and far between. Her legs were blue and cold. I panicked and call my dad. He came to the hospital about an hour later and went into the room. He stepped out into the hallway with the dr for just a moment and she was gone when he went back in. I think she waited for him.
My mother was very independent for 90 of her 91 years. I believe she chose to die after my brother and I were asked to step into the hallway while medical staff attended to her. I miss her.
Thank you for all you do!!! We love you Julie! My Mom...(we were very best friends)...waiting until everyone left and it was just her and I...and then she died. She wanted it to be with only me. OX
My dad died four days ago. He had been in hospice for about 5 weeks due to end stage congestive heart failure. The first few weeks it almost felt like it was going to be months before he passed, then he started to decline. At the end, my brother and our wives were with him and my mom went upstairs to nap. A few minutes later, I was sitting next to him (he was in bed) and he raised his right arm up and was staring at the ceiling. He had been nonverbal for about 36 hours, and he said ( loud and clear) "Get mom!". Once my mom was at his side, he took two deep breaths, closed his eyes and slipped away. He knew and someone was there to guide him.
My dad passed on Jan 2. Then I thought "even he did that for us, so we would enjoy the holidays". My mother in law imparted instructions about her coffin, clothes and funeral. Asked for comunion and final oils, and then lost consciousness and passed away like 3 days later.
My two sisters and I lost our mother, and only brother within three weeks in 2013. My Dad seemed to have died inside when they passed away. In 2016, he held on until the evening before my brothers birthday of April 2nd. Because the hospice nurse did not get to my Dad's home until 1:30 am, he was pronounced deceased on on April 2, 2016.
My Dad was in hospice in the hospital. It was Covid so we had to switch out so there was only three in the room. I never left him. I was holding his hand. Everyone left to switch out & he took his last breath with me in the room. I told him it was ok to go to heaven. I will never forget that. I miss him so much it hurts. 😔
When my “father” was passing, it was my older sister who was around him. While I never wanted it, I was always his & his mama’s favorite. She & I went to the hospital where he was being treated for multiple concerns. I sat quietly in the corner of the hospital room while my sister was playing drama queen & garnering a lot of attention to herself. She tried to push me to make some dramatic declaration in front of all those people. I refused. Shortly before we left the hospital, she left me to have a few alone moments to “make peace.” That wasn’t needed. I made that peace many yrs ago. When she stepped out, I went over to him & whispered in his ear: “ It’s okay. Stay as long you want. Go whenever you’re ready. We’re gonna be okay.” He passed a few hours later.
I am a seasoned hospice nurse.. My brother passed on hospice from cancer. When he was told he was not going to beat it, he made the decision to have one last good summer. He did, and he passed at sunset, on the last day of summer. mission complete.
At 4:30am, on 10/20/24, I was with my mom (92), and I told her I loved her and that it was okay for her to go. As I let go of her hand, I decided to try and get some sleep. When I came down at 8am, she was gone. I, along with our caregivers believe that my mother waited to die, until I left, so that it would not hurt me as much. She was really my best friend, but also told me many times when I was younger, that I was a strong enough person to make it. What an amazing life she had
Awe. So very sorry for your great loss. Ten yrs ago My Mom did the same thing. After days of not leaving her side - at her urging - she said to go home and get some rest - take a nap. So, I agreed and told her if she needed to go home to cut that cord and fly away to Heaven and that I’ll see her again when I get there. She patted my hand and said okay. So I left and a few hours later my Son phoned for me to come back quickly. Mom left on her own terms. My family believes I was keeping her here. She was my BFF. 10yrs and I still miss her every day! Blessings to you & your family.
@@mothercrow333 And blessings to you and yours as well. Thank you so much.
@@eric_bee I’m so jealous. My mom wasn’t a nice person. I’d give everything I have to have the relationship you have with your mother. She was a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. She treated me like I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. I’m crying my eyes out because it was her choice. Be very grateful that you had a wonderful mother that loved and wanted and cared for you. I’ll always love her no matter what. Have a great rest of your life!! 😱😱😱❤️❤️❤️🩷🩷🩷🙏🙏🙏😭😭😭😭
My mother had a similar experience. She told my grandfather that she loved him and that if it was time for him to go, she'd be okay. She had my dad and my sister and me. We left the hospital to get a little sleep. He passed soon after. My mother says telling him it was okay for him to go was the most grown up thing she's ever done.
@@bekaharrell3885 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm not a professional therapist, but I guess if I could give out any advice, I would say that you can be the person you wished she would have been. Be a light to the world
May the memories of love outweigh the grief of loss.
What a beautiful sentiment ❤️💙❤️
On my husband's urn I put "The loss is immeasurable, but so is the love left behind." It's only been a year and a half. Feels like forever and only just yesterday that he was here.
@@nbrown8464 thanks! I came up with it in the 90s so that I would have something to say that included all religions as well as people not having a lot of good memories about a person, of course the latter don’t grieve as much save for the grief of the person never apologizing.
My mom didn’t want to be 75 & died 2 weeks before her 75th BDay. My dad died 5 weeks after turning 90 after saying “Next time I’m not going for this old age stuff.”
💕💕💕💕
My father who had a great sense of humour. Lived in a house numbered 111 most of his life. He died in hospital on the 1st of November the 11th month at 11 minutes past 1pm with every one of his direct family by his bed side. I totally believe he is watching over me making my life work out for me. When I need help he seems to give it to me. It’s got to the point where I openly thank him (I live alone so it doesn’t freak any one out.)
I used to work in long term care. There was one resident I had a special connection with that I couldn't explain. One evening after doing HS care she said thanks and gave me a hug. A little while later, something (intuition) made me go back into her room and express my gratitude for all the wonderful talks, including that night's. She passed away just before the end of my shift. It's not just the person dying who "knows." Sometimes it's the caregiver.
What a gift she loves you
My mother in law didn't eat or drink for 3 weeks, and then, suddenly decided she was hungry! A year later, she is still very much alive and on hospice.
Wow
Wow, respectively that is shocking.
A hospice worker recently told me a similar story. Occasionally they do a 180 and thrive again. So odd, but a gift for their loved ones.
Same happened with my mum. She lasted another 14 months❤
When I was preteen (I’m 70 now) we had an elderly neighbor lady who boarded a couple of ladies where they shared expenses. I did most of their outside chores and got very close to them all. One, Miss Marion, was a nurse in WWI and was a very “proper” lady. Being in her late 90’s she always took pride in being very healthy, taking long walks every day. She would periodically check herself into the local hospital for a full physical to make sure everything was going well. The last time they reported to her that she had some blockage in her heart, that news hit her rather hard. One morning she put on makeup & a wig, something she never did, came downstairs & sat in “her” chair next to a window she like to look out and promptly died. Even at my young age, I believe I was 8 or so, I knew in my heart she just gave up and decided it was time to go. I look back at it now & remember I wasn’t sad about her passing even though all 3 of them were family to me, but I seemed to know she passed on her own terms since that’s the way she lived her entire life.
My mother recently died unexpectedly even though she was 95 years old.
I live in Florida and happened to be "home" visiting her and my extended family. A few days prior to my scheduled departure she asked to attend the local high school football game. The stadium is close so we walked (mom, me, brother and his wife). She showed no signs of fatigue walking to or from the game. During the game a number of people stopped by to greet her and chat. You see, prior to the pandemic my mom had never missed a home football game in 50 years! She was well known in our small town and quite social.
A little background: my dad was the high school football coach for many years and a plaque in his honor is displayed inside the stadium. She wanted to stay until the very end even though the game was rather lopsided. My brother and I felt this was a bit odd but granted her wish.
That evening she went to bed after the 11 o'clock new as usual. Sometime in the night she got up and sat in her recliner in the living room. My sister found her dead in the morning covered by my dad's favorite quilt. She was still in her PJ's and her bed was unmade so we know it was sometime in the night when she relocated to the living room. My sister said she looked like she was asleep except when she touched her to wake her up it was obvious she was gone. I think she knew this was her time.
Awww, May God bless her sweet soul. I’m sure your Dad welcomed her “Home.” ❤️🙏🏼❤️
My mother was terminal-we don’t really know why. She was just old. 85. So we all rushed to her side from near and far. Once my last brother and I got there she calmed down. We all decided to remove the breathing tube and the hospice nurse expected it to be immediate. Two hours later she was still hanging on. Struggling to breathe. One sister in law said a hospice nurse told her that when her father was dying, that sometimes parents don’t want to die because it will disappoint their children.
Hmmm…
So finally the nurse said that she seemed to be strong and could last another couple days. She suggested we go home and get some sleep as it was 3am. So we left. We got the call 15 minutes later. She was gone.
She didn’t want to disappoint us by dying front of us.
Love you mom ♥️
My Mom was 93 and when she started having serious problems with her bowels and could no longer go to play bridge every day called all her friends and told them not to call her anymore because she was going to die. Then she called me to come and see her, I live overseas, and I booked a flight immediately and came to be by her side,
. Two weeks later she died. She definitely decided she didn’t want to live anymore when she couldn’t be active any longer.
Oh wow- and I'm so happy you were able to be there
I just want to say how grateful I am for your videos. My mother passed last night. I flew in to see her because she was deathly ill and doctors didn't think she'd be long. She passed within one hour of my brother and I making it by her bedside. We told her it was okay to go at which point she passed. Your videos really helped me prepare myself for what death looks like and made it a little easier.
My Dad died while all the kids were en route. He was in boarding care on hospice and my mom left to go home for the night. It happened at the only time over the last couple days that he'd been alone. He was lucid, my mom had talked to him just minutes before. I believe he absolutely chose to go when he was alone.
I stopped by to see my elderly mom (79) every day. One day she was almost glowing and when I left, she gave me the biggest hug I ever had from her. We always said I love you and hugged at the end of each visit. but how she said I love you and how she hugged me that day was so different. I went home and told my husband how different it felt, how it was extra special and how she was really happy and feeling better that day. I went to visit the next day, and I found she had passed away sitting in her lazy boy chair and she looked at peace. Then I knew why the hug felt so different and when she said I love you it felt so special, it was the last.
My dad (76) was admitted into hospice and started actively dying from fighting FTD 12/18/19 I was the last one to see my dad on 12/19/19 and had a feeling that something was going to happen which made me stick around he didn’t have any breathing changes he did have some end of life visioning he was wide awake looking at me. I finally decide to leave around 10:30pm and at 5:05am 12/20/19 I got the call from the nursing home that my dad had died after only being on hospice for two days. It hurt more to know that he died alone even tho I know he didn’t want us there. His time of death was confirmed at 3:20 am 5 hours after I had left to go home. His hospice nurse said he gave no signs and she knew we were close but not that close. He went how he wanted in the end and that’s what’s matters the most. ❤
When my father was dying he was unconscious for 3 days. My brother felt like he needed to stay with him constantly, probably from guilt of not being a very helpful son. The night that he died I came back to the hospital. When I got there my brother said to me "Since you're here I'm going to go outside for a smoke." I said, okay, I had a feeling that this was the time that he would pass as my brother left the room. I was right, within minutes of my brother leaving the room, my father raised his arm to the ceiling and took his last breath. He didn't want my brother to be there when he died. I took care of my father for 7 years in my home before he went into the hospital. He wanted my husband and I to be there. The hospital room had a very peaceful, calm feeling as he left. I believe that it was his way of saying thank you for everything that we had done for him by allowing us to be there. It was also his way of letting us know that even though he was leaving this world, that he was moving onto a better place.
Thanks for sharing. I had a very similar experience.
My father died the day before his birthday. But if you factor in that he was born in eastern Europe and died in eastern North America. He actually died on his birthday. He was a numbers fella, I'm sure he planned this.
Wow.
It’s just so hard to say goodbye but I hope when it’s my time I’ll be at peace with it. I love my quiet life with my pets, husband and 2 adult children. I miss my grandparents and god I do really hope there is something on the other side and I get to see, hug and love them again!❤
If I were to wait until my entire "loving family" showed up before I'd take my last breath, I'd live forever. It must be incredible to have just one, let alone 30 family members (or even friends) who cared enough about me to actually show up to be with me when I pass on. I've been alone my entire life and I'm confident that I will die alone. Not crying about it. That's just my world.
I'm sure you will have plenty of people around you..please God
Were never alone not if you know Jesus. And I'm not inquiring about that either I just know wherever I am i have a comfort in knowing when I pass into the shadow of death Jesus will be there with me .
I promise you you never die alone. Not sure what your faith is, but my faith tells me God and Jesus are they are for us and all of our loved ones who went before to welcome us into the kingdom of God ….God bless you.
My brother passed away from brain cancer on his 38th birthday of this year May 1st. He waited for me to get there. As soon as I got there and we all told him it was ok he passed about 10 minutes later. Love him and miss him so much 💚
One of our kids was born the same day my husband's grandmother died. My mother-in-law came to see me and the baby in the hospital and she told us that Great grandma had been told the baby was born. She died within a couple of hours of his birth.
When my father was dying of cancer he chose in home hospice. The last day I saw him I knew it would be the last time I saw him alive. I walked over to him and his eyes opened so wide and I can see him so attentive as I was talking to him. I told him I love him, kept kissing head and hugging him. Before I left his side I said “Dad it’s ok to rest, you can sleep now, we will all be ok, I will be ok I will always have you in my heart. I felt this peace come over me, I can’t describe the feeling as I left. He passed away that night and I remember calling my mom and telling her everything I told him and that it was ok for him to rest. She told me that he was waiting for me to tell him that it was ok for him to rest. She said he needed to hear it from me. He needed to know that I was going to be ok” she said sometimes they hold on for so many reasons. She passed away 15 months later. I lost both my parents in 15 month period. Love your videos
My mom is on hospice and also says her goal is to wait until after Nov. 5 so her vote will count.
Hopefully its for pro life…
Her vote will count too if she votes early. If you early vote and succumb before Nov 5th the vote still counts.
Bless her, and get her to an early voting location!
@@cavgrey8 You have to be alive on Election Day for your vote to count. Votes have been challenged for early voters who died before Election Day. Hopefully OPs mom will live past 11/5.
Thats great!
My sister passed on my nephew's birthday. All he wanted was for her to live till his birthday, she waited for him and then she left peacefully.
I just wanted you to know, that I have enjoyed your videos. It helped me through a very hard time. My husband did pass away this past Saturday morning at 3:15. I am so grateful that I was by his side when it happened. I still feel so numb, even though I knew this was coming. but again, I hope these videos help others that are in the same situation.
I TOTALLY get the need to have some privacy in death. I've heard it so many times, 'No one wants do die alone'. And yes, I think nearly no one wants to die *as a lonely person*, but I'm sure not everyone would like huge (or any) company in such a vulnerable and final moment. No one wants to die lonely, but I think there's nothing wrong in being alone in the moment of death.
The will to live is a powerful force....when we're ready to go on...an equally powerful force. Saw it with both my parents
💕💕💕💕
I'm with my mom (70 yrs old) right now waiting for her to pass when she is ready... cancer... your videos are bringing me so much comfort right now. Thank you 💜
I have just lost my granddad to cancer. I have watched a 6month long hard fought battle
I am proud of him. He showed incredible willpower but his age and the illness won. I am wishing your mom a comfortable passing and you the strength you need to understand, accept and grieve. Much love.
That happened with my mother. She had surgery for a broken hip and they were making arrangements to move her to a rehab facility. That day when her dr came to see her she told her that she was going to die. The Dr. said "no you aren't, you are fine". She told my son and daughter that day and she told me and my sister. She said "I'm going to go be with your father now". When we left the hospital room I told my sister that we were going to get a call. We did. She passed early the next morning.
My grandfather died this summer exactly at the day of his youngest grandson's 17th birthday. He was almost 88, he did not suffer any terminal illness, he in fact was still cycling and swimming on regular basis. He drowned while swimming... Maybe it was just a tragic coincidence, but maybe his old increasingly fragile body waited to see the birthday and then has given up fast. My grandpa was that type of athletic person who would absolutely hate to be bedridden.
My mother was fighting saying she didn't want to die. Then one morning in the hospital she said to the nurse "I'm going to eat my oatmeal then die." Mom ate her oatmeal and died .
Julie this is my story about my very good friend. She asked our hairdresser if she would fix her hair if she died. She told her mother “you know when I go I’m taking the kids”. She told her husband where a life insurance policy was at the bottom of a dresser drawer in a bedroom they didn’t use and he would have never found. About 3 weeks later she, her husband and the kids were out house hunting (1991 no use of internet at that time). A storm came through town, rain caused the leaves of the tree in the front of their house to kind of stick together. The week before, a contractor had been through the neighborhood and cut the roots of trees that were heaving up the sidewalks, one of which was the tree in their front yard between the sidewalk and the street. All of a sudden a huge wind came through and the leaves had stuck together almost creating a sail, the tree fell on their van which had just pulled into the driveway. My friend and her 2 children all passed in that accident. She clearly knew something but never told anyone she knew she was going to die, just the things I’ve related here. I mean at 38 who would think to ask the beautician to style your hair?? Anyway, we sometimes know things but don’t have a frank understanding of them. My .02$ worth.
Thank you so much for sharing - and being here 🥰🥰🥰
She definitely had a premonition. I used to get them a lot until I was about 16-17. Since then it's only occasionally.
My grandma was in her mid 70es and with my mom on her cousins birthday party, who she hadn’t seen for decades. They fought over my great-grandfathers love when they were children and never forgave eachother, but now her cousins daughter asked my grandma to be the special guest- and what a blast this two ladies had! Chatting over the old times, drinking wine and forgetting the world till both were really tired, and we have to meet again soon and so on.. my mom drove, grandma said she’s a little sick and her chest aches, nothing bad, maybe just the wine?
My mother nonetheless drove to the hospital, asked if the coat was needed or just the handbag? Walked around the car, got the handbag from the backseat, closed the for and my grandmother was dead.
On the passenger seat, legs already outside she just fell backwards and must have pressed her life out of her- so yes, I KNOW people decide!
She would have hated to be in hospital, other people touching her and all the attention and so on, so she must have decided on the spot that the time is now- and had a heart attac. Up to that minute- healthy as a horse. Doing sports once a week, going on vacation with her girlfriends, living in her own without any assistance.
She was our matriarch and everything fell apart without her, I miss her very much still after all these years- but also I am happy that her death was quick and painless and a little tipsy, so exactly as she would have wished for.
See you in a few decades grandma 💜
When my grandfather died following a crippling stroke, we knew he was going to die because he was adamant that he would not be on life support of any kind. He was lying in bed and his vitals were stable, until his sister-in-law Ruth came in the room (he hated aunt Ruth), then his blood pressure spiked and he began to groan. He was unconscious, but knew she was there and was still annoyed 😂
Neither my older brothers, nor I, lived in the same state as our parents. I had barely been married a year when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1981. She was given a few months to live. We all gathered at their house for Thanksgiving, which she, of course, mostly wanted to do it all herself like always. She was happy as a clam having all of us there, and I was too because I was in complete denial. I was still young, immature and nothing like this had happened to me before so I was sure she’d get better, and since I live 800 miles away, I could pretend it wasn’t happening. Two months later my grandmother called me and told me I needed to come home. My middle brother had been with her for a week, so I went up the day he left and spent a week. She tried to talk to me about dying, and her one regret in life was not being here for me when I had children, and I was having none of it. (42 years later, I have so much regret about not wanting her to talk about dying. If I had a do over, I’d sit in the bed with her and hold her hand and have the heart to heart talks she wanted to have. Like the ones I can enjoy with my adult daughter, who is my best friend now that she’s grown.) The day I left, my oldest brother flew in. At the end of that week, he was with her when she passed. She waited until she’d had a week alone with each of us to say goodbye. She had chosen her time and I know she was ready to go, but I wasn’t ready to let her leave. Two years ago I had the opportunity to redeem myself when my dearest friend passed away. I spent a week with her in ICU. She wanted me there. I made the trip to San Antonio and knew when I got there and saw her, it would not be a happy ending for her family and me. I spent every day with her and her husband, giving him the opportunity to go get some much needed rest. It was one of the hardest but most precious times in my life, being there with her until the end. She would have done it for me.
I worked in a nursing home and I've seen all the things you talked about. I had a woman who was actively dying and her daughter was staying with her. She fell asleep and the resident died while she was sleeping. I had to wake her up to tell her that her mother died.
My grandparents had been in declining health for years, staying in the same nursing home. My grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep. Both of my grandparents had dementia pretty bad so we really felt like we lost them years ago. At her funeral I sat with my grandpa who was in a wheelchair and just staring blankly. I started to talk to him, I was the oldest grandchild and very close to them and I was their favourite grandchild (my grandma told me this herself). So, at one point as I talked to my grandpa I held his hand, looked him in the eyes, and told him that "grandma is with Jesus now". We come from a long line of Christians in our family. He looked at me and in that moment he became very lucid, I saw the recognition in his eyes. Grandpa smiled sadly and nodded and then when I said everything would be ok he winked at me. My grandpa always winked to give us reassurance. 3 weeks later he passed away peacefully in his sleep also. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had stuck around long enough to make sure my grandma was ok, when she passed he knew it was ok for him to go too. They both looked exactly the same when they passed, both very peaceful and same expressions, same body position. They were lifelong sweethearts that most couples would aspire to be like and they weren't apart for long before reuniting in spirit ❤
Beautiful 🌹
Thank you for normalizing this. For years and years my mom has been adamant that my grandfather (her dad) chose when to die, and at least half the family doesn’t believe her. Now I can tell everyone it’s an actual thing that happens and my mom has been right this whole time.
I will share both the deaths of husband #2 and #3, both passed on the same date 7 years apart. One was an army vet, the other a navy vet. Their day of crossing was nov11,2016 and nov 11, 2023. Both strong men who loved me and their country (befitting is that nov11 is vetrans day. Both were ill, but neither was expected to pass that day.
Your hospice videos are a help so we can process stuff. I am grateful for all you share. Someday maybe someone can talk back and forth with the living and the dead. May God bless all of you and angels surround you
@deborahsanders3189 Mediumship is the practice of contacting loved ones on the other side of the veil for a sitter. There are organizations now with vetted amazing mediums to help those seeking...
My husband was in the ICU for 5 days, I think. We knew he was dying his last day for sure, but I think we all knew earlier than that he wouldn't be going home. He died from kidney failure brought on after 10 years with congestive heart failure. Our granddaughters birthday was the last full day my husband was alive. Our son asked him, "Please don't die on her birthday." He told my son I won't. He died 5 minutes after midnight the next day. Just happened to be Easter day. I'm blown away by this. First of all, he had gone through "air hunger" earlier in the evening. It was extremely difficult for me to watch. They had a full oxygen mask on him with high-pressure oxygen running. He would suck in air so hard his neck below his jaw line would expand in a way I didn't know was possible. He had 6 iv's going while on a dialysis machine. Later that night, he said, "Stop it." I asked him, and he repeated it. After that, I lost track of time. The doctor talked to him and determined he knew and understood what he was asking for. By now I'm sure it was very late. He was disconnected from everything. They gave him something to calm him and Morphine. We watched him closely. I turned my head to speak to my son, turned back to look at my husband, and he had died while I wasn't looking at 5 minutes after midnight. He had no way of 7:26 knowing what time it was, yet he knew.
Sorry for your loss, I don't know why,yes I do sorry. Your story touched me.❤
My sister Trish died 2 weeks ago. I was told get to the hospital I got there. I went into her room she had tubes running through her body. Everything you have said in your videos where spot on. They made the discion with the help of Hospice 2 in a half later she was gone. The Hospice nurses were great they did there job with respect of family. I said goodbye. I came home feeling numb So she died peaceful.
Thank you for your content. I wish I had heard many of your messages before my mom died four years ago. It would have helped me get through her death process. I also love that people can decide. I always thought that family should be there and the one dying should be surrounded by loving members of the family. My remaining family is small and not particularly close. It seems likely that I may die alone when the time comes if my two kids aren't there. You have helped me understand that there are many ways and none of them are wrong.
My mom died on Halloween, and she took her last breath the very moment I arrived for the day with my brother and my daughter (my sister and another brother were already there). We thought she might wait until November 1st so that her social security check would cover the rent (2 of my brothers were unemployed and living with her). Later I realized she probably chose to die the day before so that the siblings that were working could help the two that were unemployed, thereby causing us to come together as a family and help one another where there was some animosity.
My dad was in Hospice and we got the call to go be with him. The whole family was there, my aunts (dad's sisters) and my mom, my cousin and me and my sister. We sat with him for hours, watching his laboured breathing. My sister told me to get some food from the kitchen and offered to go with me. As soon as we got to the kitchen my aunt came running to tell us to return to the room and as we got there we realized he was gone. I was so devastated, felt like maybe he thought we left him in his final hour. I was inconsolable but the hospice nurse hugged me and told me he chose to go that way. That he wouldn't have wanted me and my sister to see him take his last breath. It made me feel better and I could see it in a different light. I'm sure my dad spared us and that he was still there in spirit, watching us grieve over him.
Thanks so Much Julie.. Thanks for sharing your experiences and helping so many to deal with the hardest moments.
We LOVE you. 🙏🏼💐❤️🕯️🙏🏼
This is really amazing to know. My sister was in hospice care from a stomach cancer. I was there as fhe only family since the rest of the family lived overseas. Me my best friend and my bro in law is there 24/7 taking turns taking care of her. When me and my best friend left to quickly visit a friend , we told her while she was asleep that we would have to leave and be back very soon. That was 10:30am. We went back at 12:30 noon, and we were devastated to know she has passed away. She also passed away 2days after her 40th birthday ( July 3 is her birthday) and July 5th was the day she died the day after the 4th of July celebration, which was those 2 big days the reason why she invited us to visit her . We were so devastated and so sad. She was the best sister, loving daughter and a best friend to everyone, let alone the bread winner in the family. We missed her so much. It was 9urs ago. 😢
I just adore you HNJulie! My mom is 86 and my (step) dad turns 98 10/31/24. I can see their frailty and decline, but I still cannot fathom they will ever not be here! And I just don't want them to ever suffer being bed-ridden and not having proper care and/or having dementia. Yet I know people deal with and go thru this every single day. They are still active and take care of one another. They also still argue and fight! Your words and experience are such a comfort. It's the not knowing that is so difficult. Ah...trial period of hospice! See, I did not know. xoxo
My wife said 6 months before she passed that she wouldn't be around for our birthdays and anniversary (all 3 were on the same day), she passed exactly a week before that. Told me that morning she was tired and ready to go and passed 14 hours later and was completely conscious, talking etc. throughout the whole day.
My husband is on hospice with COPD and CHF. He has had many exacerbations and he indicated to me that he is not ready to go because he wants to know that the granddaughter we raised will be taken care of. She has mental health and addiction issues that have been ongoing for over 15 years. He has not had a very good quality of life the past few months and I can only hope that he can accept that he really has no control over decisions people will make when he is gone. We are currently getting some wonderful guidance from the hospice grief coordinator. Prayers to all the people on hospice along with their families.
I had been caring for my Dad for a few months when his already poor health suddenly declined rapidly. He didn’t want to die, but he’d had enough. He also knew how afraid I was to lose him. The night he died, a day after he rallied, he was agitated and in pain. I gave him more medication at 1.15am as per the hospice nurse advice and said “it’s okay to go Dad, I love you”. I found him gone at 2.40am. I didn’t want to see him take his last breath and I know he wouldn’t have wanted that for me. He was at home, in his own bed next to Mum just like he had been for almost 70 years. I have no doubt that he chose his time.
Two days before my beautiful Mum passed away in the hospital (after 8 awful weeks in there), she kept saying to me "I'm dead already. I'm dead already". She knew her life was coming to an end even if we didn't believe it. It broke my heart to hear her say those words and it made me angry with her because it sounded like she was giving up when she had no need too (she also had terrible hospital delirium). She didn't want us to be there and told us as much. I know she was trying to protect us from further pain from seeing her so poorly - she always wanted to protect us. She passed suddenly in the early hours of the morning when we were home asleep. I wish with all my heart that I could have been with her in those last moments of her life.
I still struggle with the fact my beloved brother died when I placed my hand on his forehead to not surprise him as I said his name and that I was there. The hospice nurse said he waited for me but I think she was just being nice. I did have a visitation in a dream from him a year later when my sister passed. But I still struggle with the memory.
I just lost my Dad at 96 years of age. He had a terrible fall in the bathroom at home, (the last of at least 3), and had fractures in his vertebrae, clavicle, scapula, and multiple ribs.
He had been in the hospital or the assisted living facility for at least 6 months when he was finally released to come Home on hospice. He had declined there quite a bit. He was not eating or drinking much at all. He wanted to get home, and he spoke of it all the time.
Three days after being released to go on Hospice, he passed at 5:15 am on 22 October, 2024.
He knew he was home, and passed quietly as the Hospice Nurse watched him take a deep breath, and die.
I believe he did what nurse Julie mentioned, choosing a moment to pass even though he was unresponsive at the time.
The Memorial Service was wonderful, and I learned about so many things my Dad had done in hos long life to help others.
What a blessing. Enjoy Heaven, Dad... Cannot wait until we meet again..
What you describe is so beautiful and fills me with peace. And I'm sorry that your Dad transitioned but it sounds like possibly you'll keep him close by since you believe in heaven....I certainly do. Thank you for sharing your story, please know how much it's helped me to read about it! Blessings to you....
My dad said his "line" when he didnt want to live any longer was when he was confined to a bed, because 70 years before he had TB and spent a year and a half in a sanatorium confined to a bed (they had no real treatment then) while all around him people were dying. One night, he got out of his bed at home and had fallen, so ended up being checked over by a doctor in ER who told him he was fine to go back home, but he should really be confined to his bed from now on. The dr left the room, my dad stood up, then almost instantly sat back down and died. We were grateful that he never had to be reminded of that traumatic experience when he was a young man and he died on his own terms.
I talked to a sociology professor, he told me he had taught a class on death and dying. He said to choose a date and live fully up to that date. It took a minute but I come to like that idea. I think about our conversation quite a lot.
Yep. My Dad wanted to be alone. He didn't want his children to watch him take his last breathe.
Mom passed away this morning. Last night, my brother (her favorite before dementia) flew in to say goodbye.
So sorry for your recent loss. List my mom 4 years ago and dad almost exactly 4 years after that, last month. Still processing all of that. Losing Mom was harder because we were close, but my dad was sadder in many ways because I was the only local kid, and none of his friends cared anymore. He was very alone most of the time.
@@lynnebucher6537 I'm 46 years old and today was the first time I saw him cry. He kept saying that she could be around for another year. My son and I kept telling him that she was close. We finally convinced him to call my brother so he could say goodbye.
Hi, Julie😊, Jimmy Carter wanted to live long enough to make it to 100 and to be able to vote early. He accomplished both. We'll see what happens now🫡🙏 😉🐦🇨🇦
My grandfather, the man of my life always said he wanted to die on the golf course (he played everyday)……I heard it many times. Then suddenly at 82 years old he fell out on the golf course from a massive heart attack. He had been declared a clean bill of health the week before by his dr. Of course it broke my heart but he went his way.
My dad died a week after what would have been my parents 65 wedding anniversary. My dad went on a trip to NY he died alone in his hotel room..My mom.had died 5 months earlier.
My dad knew. I won't go into specifics but he absolutely without a doubt knew. We just didn't know until we discovered a few things afterwards in planning for his funeral. My FIL knew too. He showed his wife what suit he wanted to be buried in and within a couple weeks he passed.
My father asked my mother what she was going to do when he left her. Not long after this, he waited for my mother and I to leave his room, and when we returned later he was gone. BTW, Jimmy Carter did vote a week or so ago.
President Carter, may be waiting for the votes to be tallied, and hear that Kamala Haris is president-elect.
@@susanweiss1439 that’s what I’m waiting for. I’m waiting to find out which way the election goes. 😢
@@susanweiss1439either way it would be a good time to go. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to live in a world where Trump is re-elected.
My grandfather turned his face to the wall while my grandmother was in the hospital. That was Sunday. When hospice came to do the paperwork on Wednesday so he could die at home, they said it would be soon and his out of state daughter was on her way but he passed as soon as the paperwork was done.
This channel is amazing! Thank you.
Thank you!
Interesting. I mentioned on your live that my Dad (96yr old with LBD) saw his departed sister a few days ago and she told him it was time to go home - that he had nothing to loose. So, every morning he groans and says uuuggghh I'm still here! lol But, yesterday we had a visit from his 94yr old brother and they face-timed with their 90yr old sister who has late stage ALS - and they all said goodbye see you in Heaven to each other. And then, this morning Dad tells me "I'll be gone in a few days" I said "where are you going Dad" and he said "I'm gonna die that's where-time to go!" And yes, Dad has been the Solid Rock Patriarch of our family - always in charge - always giving orders - to the bitter end! I believe he is going out on his own terms - Picking his time! We shall see!
Dad is still hanging on - 10 days ago telling me he'll be gone soon and now he's calling out to his mom and can't find her but he really doesn't want to go now he'd rather stay here! He has not had any solid food for 8 days now only sips of his favorite coffee, and then today he asked what's for dinner? I was shocked. every day refusing anything - so I gave him a little bit of chicken soup broth. Hospice tells me it won't be long now, but I'm not too sure. Back in August I thought he was leaving - didn't eat anything just slept through for three days straight - then boom woke up hungry and came back to life until now! At first I thought it was a rally - but no. Now I'm wondering again if today might be a rally - he's back to sleep again. The Lorazepam/Ativan that Hospice gave us seems to be increasing his hallucinations, and the ABH only seems to help him for about 4 hrs then I have to wait 2 more hours to give him more - so I'll have to speak with the Hospice nurse tomorrow to see if we can adjust. Yesterday, while I was asleep he got up and took all of his bedding off looking for his pillows which he through off his bed ? So this type of delirium goes on all night long. I'm hoping for some good help for him. Lewy Body Dementia is horrible! Thanks for all you do to keep us informed!
Julie, my mother was in a coma for 3 weeks with no heroic efforts. She lasted all that time and the Saturday of our last visit that night she passed
My grandmother passed on the 12th anniversary of her husband's-my grandfather's-passing. They were married 57 years, 6 children, 12 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren by the time she passed. She had been diagnosed with a terminal illness a few months prior to her death, but even though she was 88, her docs anticipated 8-12 months or maybe more. She did relatively well for a few months, then started talking about seeing her deceased parents and siblings. She was sharp enough to think it strange that they were there and she could talk to them but was surprised the rest of us didn't see them too. That began a rapid and unexpected 2-week decline. She was unconscious the last few days, children and grandchildren taking turns sitting with her. Then she passed around 9:30 AM, a few days after Mother's Day, 12 years to the day after my grandfather. Coincidence? I figure there is a 0.3% chance that'd happen randomly. Many of us in the family have wondered.
My sister in law waited until my brother and their kids were out of the house. The dogs were being walked too. I was the only one with her. It’s was minutes after we were alone that she died. I’m glad I could be there for her to transition.
I flew up to Maryland to see a very close lifelong friend who had fought ovarian cancer for six years (she was given six months when diagnosed and I told her she wasn't going anywhere). I got the call that it was time and that I needed to come, so I did. I was there for a few days, helping as I could (we were close enough that I recognized some of her coping mechanisms that made her relatively new husband freak out), but I had to fly home to Texas because of responsibilities here. As I went to her bed to say goodbye to her, she suddenly regained energy and clung to me, until I whispered in her ear, "Remember, no matter where we are, we're together." (We could not see each other or speak for five years and just take up where we left off.) She relaxed at that. The hospice worker who was sitting in a chair in the room had tears in her eyes. My friend passed on the next day.
Thanks Julie for the valuable information ❤
My grandmother told us she was going to die on Christmas day. She never spoke but said that and sure enough she passed Christmas morning. We were so shocked
My Mom had been hospitalized for 7 months when my Dad died unexpectedly. He had been living with end stage COPD for a few years. His health declined after my Mom was hospitalized but he didn’t seem that bad. Even the doctors were surprised.
My Dad died exactly one month before my wedding. When I told my Mom that my Dad was gone (the hardest thing I have ever had to do), she made me promise not to cancel/postpone the wedding no matter what happened.
After my Dad died my Mom didn’t want to fight anymore. She had gone through so much in those 7 months to be able to go home and be with him. She was put on comfort care only. The doctors told me that once they withdrew the medications that were keeping her alive, it would be a matter of hours before she passed. Two weeks went by and although she was now comatose/unresponsive, she was still alive.
One of her nurses told me that she thought that my Mom was waiting for my wedding. Throughout the seven and a half months that she had been in the hospital, my Mom had had a number of very bad days and said that she wanted to die. At those times I held her hand and told her that if she needed to go that it would be ok. I would be alright and I would take care of my Dad. I told her that I would miss her every day of my life, but I didn’t want her to suffer anymore. I think she held on for my Dad’s sake.
Now, I took my Mom’s hand and looked into her (vacant) eyes. I told her that I loved her and would miss her. I asked her not to wait for my wedding. I told her that if she was still alive I would come to the hospital in my wedding gown, but I couldn’t tell if she could even see me now. I asked her to go and be with my Dad. I told her that I would save the front pew in church for them. I asked her to go be in peace.
I stayed with her until ~10pm that night. When I went to bed hoping that the phone would not ring. At 4 am the nurse called and told me to come back. I lived right across the street from the hospital (I am an RN and worked at that hospital). I asked her to tell my Mom that I was coming!
I got to my Mom’s room within 10 minutes. The nurse met me at the door and said “She’s gone”. I was shocked! The many times that she had told me that she wanted to die, I said that I wanted to be with her at that moment. I had asked her if that would be okay and she always said yes. I couldn’t believe she hadn’t waited for me to get there! I was an oncology nurse at the time (she was not an oncology patient). I had attended many deaths. I felt bad that I was not there for her, but accepted that she probably didn’t want me to be there. I was happy to see, that after 7.5 months of pain and suffering, she looked peaceful and even had a smile on her face.
My husband and I married exactly two weeks later. The front pew in the church was left empty in memory of my beloved parents. I carried two white roses, separate from my bouquet, and placed them on the pew when I walked down the aisle. My parents had been married almost 52 years when they died. They were a great example of what marriage could and should be.
My grandma didn't time her last breath, but she timed when she advanced to the next stage of dying. All day while the family had been present, she'd frequently responded to conversation by making faces, even though she couldn't open her eyes or close her mouth. Then, over less than an hour when most people had gone home and the rest of us were out to get dinner, she lost all movement and responsiveness, her breathing changed, etc., and she passed within 6 hours of that. She may well have still been able to hear us at that point, so she may have heard our goodbyes and reassurances that it was okay to go, but we at least know she heard us while we had everyone there laughing and telling stories, and frankly that's better anyway.
Maybe its the last bit of control we can exercise. I find that a very positive thought.
Today my Father died. He was on hospice for 3 months. He had a massive stroke a week ago, unresponsive, not eating or drinking, no longer walking or sitting, on morphine every 8 hours, and today he passed away.
I'm sorry. Lost my dad 5 weeks ago. He was on hospice less than two days. Just slowed down gradually until he stopped.
Thanks!
I worry about this. My Mom is 104 (105 in Dec). I have not been to see her for 5 or so years because it will be so difficult to say goodbye- I'm in CA, she is in OH. She is still of sound mind and I talk to her often. My siblings and her grandkids and gr-grandkids live nearby. I'm afraid if I go to visit her she will go. I'd feel guilty forever
Go see her and give her hugs and tell her you love her. Trust me, the guilt of NOT going is huge.
RN here, most recently worked in SNF, where it was normal to hear all types of claims & stories from patients. One lady walked up to nurses station to invite everyone to her funeral on a certain date. We all just kinda said, thanks, we’ll be there, & didn’t think more of it. Well, sure enough, she died totally unexpectedly on the specific date she had invited us to. Sounds crazy, but true.
My partner would pretend to forget birthdays for everyone. He insisted my birthday was 6/21 when it's 5/21. He died 6/21 and at the exact time I woke up the first night after I moved in with him. It was a magical moment and I am blessed he chose to go when he did.
I know for an absolute fact that my grandmother waited to spend time with me. I was home from college for Christmas break. She lived with my immediate family. I was due to go back the following day. I slept in really late and 5 minutes after I got up she passed. She was not actively dying at the time.
Thank you Julie❤
My mom was actively dying and my husband, myself and our kids went out to dinner because it was my birthday. My mom and I were not close but I still went to see her and had chosen to forgive her for reasons I will not get into. After dinner I had a nagging feeling to go see her even though I had just seen her recently. My husband had planned a party for me at home but I just knew I had to go to the hospital to see her. I got there at 7:00 PM and mom was doing the same as she was for the past weeks no changes. I went to her bed and took her hand. I told her once again that I had forgiven her and that I wished her peace. We out some music on and I sat with her.She passed 23 mins. after I got there. The nurse told me she was waiting for me to get there before she passed. She died on my 41st birthday.
Yep. Still baffled that Dad waited to die until everyone left the room. So weird.
3 stories about timing where I was close at hand. A son would not pass on Mother's day so he passed the following day on Mom's wedding anniversary. A friend was told by his wife, "I am not telling people we were married 33 years and 364 days!" He passed on their wedding anniversary and his overnight meds were still in his mouth when he was removed from the residence. A friend would not die in the presence of his wife. She left with friends to go get supper and he passed 5 minutes after she left. I do believe people can choose. I have heard the phrase "I want to go home." when death was not imminent but a hospice nurse told me that when they have uttered those words, the patient can go anytime regardless of their healthy vital signs.
My mom died in the morning, just like my dad, 21 years after he did. She also died on the same exact day he did. The next day was their wedding anniversary.
My mom bedridden for last December and eating very little and her blood pressure dropped 55/50 and very weak plus and she has survived three times the doctor’s prediction of her dying in few weeks. Even she had a visions of her death relatives and her funeral. She had GI infection and septicemia twice and Kennedy ulcer so many times and still she is going on ….
I had been sitting with my mom holding her hand all morning. Then I realized she messed herself pretty bad (she had colon cancer and bad c-diff). I called hospice to come help me clean her up. She was very much actively dying for several days at that point. The nurse got there and so did a friend of the family. We were cleaning her up and I walked out to put some stuff in the washing machine and to start a load of laundry. They were still cleaning her up and that's when she died. So it was like she waited until I was out of the room. I didn't even get that washing machine on when I turned around to our friend standing there telling me that she was gone. I made her repeat it because it unreal to me. I hate that she died while being cleaned up though, but she was in no pain and was not suffering at least.
My mother was told by the nursing staff to hang on because her granddaughter was coming to see her. She was gone in 10 minutes, before family could get there!
Jimmy Carter did get to vote!
My mom was actively dying in a hospital room. I was a young teen and stayed with her all night. By morning I noticed her breathing significantly change and her breaths were few and far between. Her legs were blue and cold. I panicked and call my dad. He came to the hospital about an hour later and went into the room. He stepped out into the hallway with the dr for just a moment and she was gone when he went back in. I think she waited for him.
My mother was very independent for 90 of her 91 years. I believe she chose to die after my brother and I were asked to step into the hallway while medical staff attended to her. I miss her.
Thank you for all you do!!! We love you Julie! My Mom...(we were very best friends)...waiting until everyone left and it was just her and I...and then she died. She wanted it to be with only me. OX
My dad died four days ago. He had been in hospice for about 5 weeks due to end stage congestive heart failure. The first few weeks it almost felt like it was going to be months before he passed, then he started to decline. At the end, my brother and our wives were with him and my mom went upstairs to nap. A few minutes later, I was sitting next to him (he was in bed) and he raised his right arm up and was staring at the ceiling. He had been nonverbal for about 36 hours, and he said ( loud and clear) "Get mom!". Once my mom was at his side, he took two deep breaths, closed his eyes and slipped away. He knew and someone was there to guide him.
Client, living with Alzheimer's, aide said " I will see you Monday". Client responds'i won't see you again, goodbye'. She died that night.
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My husband said I've had enough, Im done. He passed the next morning.
My dad told me he would die in 3 weeks, he was spot on.
My dad passed on Jan 2. Then I thought "even he did that for us, so we would enjoy the holidays".
My mother in law imparted instructions about her coffin, clothes and funeral. Asked for comunion and final oils, and then lost consciousness and passed away like 3 days later.
My two sisters and I lost our mother, and only brother within three weeks in 2013. My Dad seemed to have died inside when they passed away. In 2016, he held on until the evening before my brothers birthday of April 2nd. Because the hospice nurse did not get to my Dad's home until 1:30 am, he was pronounced deceased on on April 2, 2016.
My Dad was in hospice in the hospital. It was Covid so we had to switch out so there was only three in the room. I never left him. I was holding his hand. Everyone left to switch out & he took his last breath with me in the room. I told him it was ok to go to heaven. I will never forget that. I miss him so much it hurts. 😔
When my “father” was passing, it was my older sister who was around him. While I never wanted it, I was always his & his mama’s favorite. She & I went to the hospital where he was being treated for multiple concerns. I sat quietly in the corner of the hospital room while my sister was playing drama queen & garnering a lot of attention to herself. She tried to push me to make some dramatic declaration in front of all those people. I refused. Shortly before we left the hospital, she left me to have a few alone moments to “make peace.” That wasn’t needed. I made that peace many yrs ago. When she stepped out, I went over to him & whispered in his ear: “ It’s okay. Stay as long you want. Go whenever you’re ready. We’re gonna be okay.” He passed a few hours later.
I saw this happen with family members, this should be a serious educational opportunity! Thank you for sharing ❤
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