Turkey Dinner Series 3 Episode 63

we present arthur lowe, john le measurer and clive dunn in dad's armor turkey, dinner featuring john larry, arnold ridley and ian lavender with this week's guests bill pertwee, frank williams, larry, martin, pearl hackney and harold bennett. Here is the news, and this is john snag - reading it.
It is september 1942 general alexander has been appointed Commander in chief middle east and general montgomery, put in charge of the eighth army in the house of commons. Mr churchill has made a stirring speech revealing the war situation down at warmington on sea in the headquarters of the local home guard unit. Captain mannering is rehearsing an equally sterling speech for a forthcoming function and, furthermore, gentlemen, As commanding officer of our local home guard unit, I am very conscious of the safety of the good people of warmington on sea rests in my hand in shore, if hitler ever attempts To set foot in this part of our green and pleasant land we will unhesitately say come in.
The men are all lined up ready for your inspection, sir. I think it wasn't i'll finish this off later, all right. It's my speech for the rotary club, i'm the guest speaker, you know, are you indeed how exciting for you? Oh, not really.
I find that speech-making tends to become rather bore when you've been doing it for a long time. Oh, I do agree. So, yes, I remember thinking just that towards the end of Last year's annual bank dinner.
How are the men tonight wilson morale? Actually, so they seem to be rather dumb this evening. Oh, I shouldn't put that right. I've just finished reading a book called great leaders of men.
They all seem to have had one thing in common before going into battle, they would tell their man a joke. I thought i'd. Try that, but we're not going into battle are we we Are in the front line every minute of our lives.
Wilson. Follow me all right. What's happened as we have a long night ahead of us, I thought i'd lighten the proceedings by cheering you up with a little anecdote.
Hey joe, I thought that was what they gave you when you've been bitten by a snake. That's an antidote idiot! Sorry! Now, when I finish this little story, you have my permission to laugh in the ranks. How nicer don't anticipate godfrey? Oh, oh, i'm sorry, captain mary! Now it appears that there were three british soldiers welshman an englishman and a scotsman.
I hope this is not going to be another of those stupid jokes about the kilt. There's a scotland secondary being used as a butt for silly personal jokes. After all, a scots don't make jokes about polar hearts because fraser, would you be quiet? Nothing to do with kills at all.
Where was I was. I was an englishman and a scot spencer right now these three thomas were sitting in the mess hall and suddenly the scotsman said to the englishman past the semolina pudding said no, I won't So. The scotsman said why not to which the englishman replied, because king's regulations specifically state never help another soldier to desert.
Well, it's all right. You can laugh if you don't. Allow me, sir.
Alright man, that's the end of captain. Mannering is a joke. I thought you'd all enjoy that see.
Wilson, that's probably been a good mood, oh yeah, So yes, cheered them up, no end, nothing like a joke. No! So no! Nothing! For mr speaker, yes jones. I hope we don't think, because we didn't laugh very much.
We was casting nasturtiums on your joke, telling sir wasn't that at all sir? No, no, you told it quite well, sir yeah i'm gon na write it down after parade and send it to radio fun. They give you half a crown for a joke like that. Five bother it's a good one.
He says just at the moment we're not much in the mood for moment in horseplay. Oh, come come jones, that's not like an old soldier. Tommy atkins was always one for a laugh, even when he was up to his neck in mud.
Oh you're, right there, so we did a lot of laughing in the mud in the last wall. We were doing it nearly all the time, except when we got shot. Yeah, it's all right jones Now I want to start we're not able to laugh tonight, sir, because of an incident.
What happened last night, in consequence of which me and my section, would like to go with you into a private place and reveal something, let's see well. Uh, i'm sure that, after parade over soon enough, quite right, i'd like to see here and now that corporal jones is making a flag pole out of a matchstick over this affair and bringing you into It's only going to make things ten times worse. Well, whatever it is, we'll sort it out later.
Now I don't agree with you, mr fraser. It's only fair that captain mannering should be told. I mean, after all, he's the one that we call marshall right jones.