Projecting "psychological toxins" stopped me in my tracks. Both of my parents did their best, but came from neglectful and abusive childhoods and, with unresponsive parents who often didn't care, projected the need for shame and always putting other people's needs first onto their children. I suppose we were raised to be the opposite of their parents. "I'm ashamed of you," or "You should be ashamed of yourself" guarantied a response from the child, unlike their own parents. Hearts of gold, but very neurotic! I remember sometimes apologizing for things I didn't even do just to try to keep the peace! Yes, I feel ashamed. I won't do it again. I can laugh about it now. They did their messed up best. Thank you for your videos; they're very insightful and well presented.
I had the same thing with my mom. I lost my dad young, therefore my mom was my main caretaker. While she was loving and caring, she was very neurotic, and borderline paranoid (ofc, understandly so). As the years went on, she worked on some stuff, but the remnants remain…and it sucks when i realise how many stuff i have problems with today are actually from or influenced by her. A compassionate view is definetly more useful when undergoing the healing process.
Dr. Ana thanks for the vid.. I just wanna share that as a Middle Eastern.. we have an idiom in our culture saying that every person look to others by his perception of him self, and now I heard that from you.. it confirms my understanding.
My mother always told me how I am not good enough, compared me to my cousins and made sure I understood how I don't measure up to them. She also used and emotionally abused me. I have done so much work on myself but this deep, toxic shame I have about who I am and what I want is still so hard to shake off. I am not sure at this point I can even change that inner dialoge I have with myself because it's so brutal, no matter what I do, deep down I have always felt worthless.
It can all become ok. These days therapy has become very advanced and there are many treatment options on how to deal with these sorts of identity issues. When I started with mine, I doubted that I would be able to heal. But in the years that followed, I noticed that the bounds of the trauma have lessened and it has become easier and easier to let the light in. It can get better.
Fear of change is a very real motivation. It is also the law of Nature. Everything changes. Your cells within your body change. Let go of toxic relationships. Vote with your feet. Move away from toxic things by leaving them behind. We can change our minds.
You are stronger than you think. The voice of inner critic is actually not yours. This is a part grown inside you by others. Yeah it is also part of you but there would be none if there would be no other people who wanted you to fail somehow. You are strong enough to silence your IC and amplify your authentic voice.
Dr.Ana, I am so thankful for such a mind who is kind putting their content on TH-cam. It is amazing to hear how to heal without being told nonsense and you are really inspiring. Thank you.
I’m pregnant with my first baby, it’s the second time I’m watching this video! Taking notes! I’ll rewatch it again to be sure that I understand everything. Thank you Dr Ana! Such a good video! ❤
Hey Doc! Just wanted to take the time to share. I remember a time where I really needed advice but I didn’t know where I could go until I stumbled across one of your videos on my page. I want to thank you! Your insight really helped me through some rough times. It especially helped because I live in Chicago and at the time it was nice to know that there are some incredible people here that are doing meaningful work! Congratulations Dr. Ana and thank you so much 🙏🏽
I *highly* *value* *this* *clearly* *articulated* *video.* I suffer AvPD and have issues balancing self-esteem and becoming less adsorptive. I am starting to recognize when others are/have projected onto me and rejecting/reflecting those traits back to the sender rather than introjecting as I did in my youth.
I like this video. My mom and I have an enmeshed relationship. As a result, I find myself projecting and especially internalizing frequently in my other relationships. I am in therapy and my awareness has improved a lot. I set boundaries for myself but still find myself subconsciously internalizing. It takes me a while to overcome this. I wish it was easy to just 'reflect like a mirror'. Thanks Dr. Ana. 😊
Hi ! First congratulations for graduating! And I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed the video, it felt like a class but not in a boring way. Everything was well explained with definitions and examples so that’s easy to understand and visualize. Thanks
Great video Dr Ana- thank you for the explanation. I actually experienced this today with my mum when she asked a big favour, but I didn't want to help because it would be too burdensome for me. As usual she resorted to manipulation, saying things like 'well I've done XYZ in the past', which are of course completely irrelevant to the favour she asked me. She does this a lot, but whenever I confront her about it and 'mirror' instead of absorbing, she just denies doing it. Thankfully mirroring does help negate some internalising, but it's still tricky to not feel a level of shame/guilt for not giving in.
The past 2 years have been difficult for me because I realized that me being around my mother brings out one of the worst most sad things about me and the way I think and talk to myself. I've been feeling ashamed of the fact that I don't prefer to talk to her, because through self-reflection I've been able to see that the more I am spending time with her, the more bitter and depressed a person I become. It's hard because I am sure of her love towards me and I don't want to cause her pain by avoiding her, but it's the better thing I can do - to care about my well being and the well being of those around me.
I hope you heal. I can relate each words and what you are going through. Atleast you are self aware of what someone presence does to you. I think this is the first step of healing. This shall pass too. 🙂
Been there. Never doubted her love for me, but as I grew up I became ever more reactive to her. The best I could do was isolate myself as much as possible from her, even under the same roof. Even as a young adult I stayed stuck in that emotional state around her, we never could get along. She passed away before I could heal, and sometimes I wish our story had been different. But I did the best I could with what I had at the time. You’re doing the best you can with what you have at this time. You’ll be alright.
Your videos have helped me so much. I have been to psychologists, but I can rationalize everything and they usually dismiss me. But the anxiety lingers.
I am glad that I found this video in my algorithm. I have been watching a lot of Ana''s videos over the past months and have been learning a lot about myself and other people in a conscious way. I believe I have just dodged myself a bullet from a whole bunch of shaming and manipulation. Overly praised boosts your self-esteem like a skyrocket but it can drop down drastically if absorbed incorrectly, now this person made a significant value into my life then I got to a point where I had to question myself and what is going in in my surroundings. I am not blaming the other person, but I am just being realistic as to what I have observed because I would like to take accountability & responsibility for my own actions too. I've learned how to empathize with other people through kindness, love, and compassion but after watching this, I have realized that I have been a one hell of a big sponge myself where I have been absorbing a lot and giving a lot of safe space for other people to be vulnerable. I may be wrong, but I believe I can learn from this experience and bring the balance to being less of a sponge while at the same time being more kind, loving, and compassionate person.
I see now one more benefit of being aware of your inner experiences. Not only to avoid projection, but also stop projecting myself. Being in touch and aware of ourselves is crucial
I just watched your video on projection which was very informative, and now I'm seeing so much things related to projection/internalizing on my twitter feed which is interesting
this video is probably super relatable for those who have a close person with BPD (like me), but I think the mirroring tactic is not exactly how one should act in that situation while talking with someone with BPD. Of course is important to acknowledge the projection.
Really been enjoying the uploads lately, gonna put the bell on to stay on track with 'em. Thank you for all the insight and psychological knowledge you share, and keep it up! :)
my nature: ☺️🫶🏽💃🏽🧚🏾♀️✨ my mother’s: 😡🔪🌩️🖤😱 my sister’s: 🤬😫👼🏽😈🕷️ guess who got projected on and scapegoated? the only reason i have any empathy for myself is because even as a child being abused and shamed, i still tried to protect my little sister from it. i know i am good no matter what ppl tell me. i am no contact with everyone who tried to tell me im a naturally bad person. just proves that they never knew me.
Greetings! Could you kindly provide recommendations for books or authors specializing in the fields of narcissism, dark triad personalities and human psychology? Additionally, I would greatly appreciate any insights into books that captured your interest during your doctoral studies.
At the top of my head, Heinz Kohut and Otto Kernberg are huge experts in the field of narcissistic personalities. I also really loved "Self and Others" by Hamilton which has chapters on NPD and other personality styles. I need to reflect a bit more before I think about my recommendations on human psychology in general :)
@@AnaPsychology Thanks a lot for sharing. It would be great if you can make a video dedicated only on books recommendation, articles and maybe if possible you can make a video on the NPD and it's connected topics with a completely new perspective. I have watched your older videos and I learned a lot from it. 🙏🏻 Thanks again for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
Hello Ana, I find this "reflecting back" technique very interesting, is there any article/book/etc that takes a deep look into that? It would be very helpful thank you :D
I have a few videos that touch on that: -why we get so triggered over celebrities -using shadow work to manage self-righteousness But I definitely want to go deeper into this in the future!
I don't know what to add to this except, that, most people are very toxic and put people around them at risk due to their toxicity. Most of the time toxic (sick) people are not even aware of of messed up they are. I don't know I guess I am just allergic to toxic people.
Any resources to know more about how society pushes this separatist, individualistic narrative? I've had it in the background of my mind for a few years now but haven't read anything about it of volume - books, articles, etc.?
so one question i have regarding this. You suggest to reflect it back like a mirror, but I find that nowadays, I do reflect projections back really well, but I still internalize some of their projection despite me trying to consciously not to. What kind of dynamic/suggestion do you see/have?
It’s always the guys insecure about how much they make who tell you that you won’t amount to anything, or the ones who flirt with women and accuse you of cheating.
Why so much shame in our cultures? I was driving home last night and I noticed men taking their wife's( cows) out for a walk. The women are wrapped in black and he holds her arm so she doesn't escape. Creepy people we invited to Canada. I dont have a cow to take for a walk. Maybe I should get one _ I like milk too. Moo Moo Moo I married a COW because I am a COW.
If you say to someone "I feel controlled" and they answer "that's how you feel" is that a way to mirror you or deflect? It was weird because I took care in formulating a sentence that wouldn't be too offensive and they still took it as offensive. I thought speaking of my feelings and not about them would be a good option. In that case it seemed that it wasn't a good. But they kept on questioning me more and got more upset as I was answering. I'm still not sure who was the one projecting onto the other
"Dr. Ana" congratulations!
WAS GONNA SAY THAT,I GOT GOOSEBUMPS THAT IS SO COOL, CONGRATS DR.ANA!!
Projecting "psychological toxins" stopped me in my tracks. Both of my parents did their best, but came from neglectful and abusive childhoods and, with unresponsive parents who often didn't care, projected the need for shame and always putting other people's needs first onto their children. I suppose we were raised to be the opposite of their parents. "I'm ashamed of you," or "You should be ashamed of yourself" guarantied a response from the child, unlike their own parents. Hearts of gold, but very neurotic! I remember sometimes apologizing for things I didn't even do just to try to keep the peace! Yes, I feel ashamed. I won't do it again. I can laugh about it now. They did their messed up best. Thank you for your videos; they're very insightful and well presented.
I really appreciate the compassion with which you talk about your parents!
Projecting "psychological toxins" was a very lucid description. 👍
I had the same thing with my mom. I lost my dad young, therefore my mom was my main caretaker. While she was loving and caring, she was very neurotic, and borderline paranoid (ofc, understandly so). As the years went on, she worked on some stuff, but the remnants remain…and it sucks when i realise how many stuff i have problems with today are actually from or influenced by her. A compassionate view is definetly more useful when undergoing the healing process.
I also love the compassionate angle you have come to !
@@rachaellouise2666 ❤
Dr. Ana thanks for the vid.. I just wanna share that as a Middle Eastern.. we have an idiom in our culture saying that every person look to others by his perception of him self, and now I heard that from you.. it confirms my understanding.
My mother always told me how I am not good enough, compared me to my cousins and made sure I understood how I don't measure up to them. She also used and emotionally abused me. I have done so much work on myself but this deep, toxic shame I have about who I am and what I want is still so hard to shake off. I am not sure at this point I can even change that inner dialoge I have with myself because it's so brutal, no matter what I do, deep down I have always felt worthless.
It can all become ok. These days therapy has become very advanced and there are many treatment options on how to deal with these sorts of identity issues. When I started with mine, I doubted that I would be able to heal. But in the years that followed, I noticed that the bounds of the trauma have lessened and it has become easier and easier to let the light in.
It can get better.
Fear of change is a very real motivation. It is also the law of Nature. Everything changes. Your cells within your body change. Let go of toxic relationships. Vote with your feet. Move away from toxic things by leaving them behind. We can change our minds.
You are stronger than you think. The voice of inner critic is actually not yours. This is a part grown inside you by others. Yeah it is also part of you but there would be none if there would be no other people who wanted you to fail somehow. You are strong enough to silence your IC and amplify your authentic voice.
Dr.Ana, I am so thankful for such a mind who is kind putting their content on TH-cam. It is amazing to hear how to heal without being told nonsense and you are really inspiring. Thank you.
When I am rich I will absolutely be donating to this channel. You play a very important role in helping society.
I’m pregnant with my first baby, it’s the second time I’m watching this video! Taking notes! I’ll rewatch it again to be sure that I understand everything. Thank you Dr Ana! Such a good video! ❤
Hey Doc! Just wanted to take the time to share.
I remember a time where I really needed advice but I didn’t know where I could go until I stumbled across one of your videos on my page. I want to thank you! Your insight really helped me through some rough times. It especially helped because I live in Chicago and at the time it was nice to know that there are some incredible people here that are doing meaningful work!
Congratulations Dr. Ana and thank you so much 🙏🏽
I'm so happy to hear that, thank you! Although I no longer live in Chicago, it's a place that will always be near and dear to my heart :')
I *highly* *value* *this* *clearly* *articulated* *video.* I suffer AvPD and have issues balancing self-esteem and becoming less adsorptive. I am starting to recognize when others are/have projected onto me and rejecting/reflecting those traits back to the sender rather than introjecting as I did in my youth.
Whoa, this has just helped me realized soooo much that I've been trying to understand about myself. Thanks for this video!!
Thank you! This video will help when my daughters wants to learn on the why. This will be much more helpful than my tripping over my tongue version.
i wish my inner critic sounded like Dr Ana
I like this video. My mom and I have an enmeshed relationship. As a result, I find myself projecting and especially internalizing frequently in my other relationships. I am in therapy and my awareness has improved a lot. I set boundaries for myself but still find myself subconsciously internalizing. It takes me a while to overcome this. I wish it was easy to just 'reflect like a mirror'. Thanks Dr. Ana. 😊
Hi ! First congratulations for graduating! And I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed the video, it felt like a class but not in a boring way. Everything was well explained with definitions and examples so that’s easy to understand and visualize. Thanks
Dr. Ana congratulations 🎉🎉 My eyes and mind with soul got pleasure to see this❤
Great video Dr Ana- thank you for the explanation. I actually experienced this today with my mum when she asked a big favour, but I didn't want to help because it would be too burdensome for me. As usual she resorted to manipulation, saying things like 'well I've done XYZ in the past', which are of course completely irrelevant to the favour she asked me. She does this a lot, but whenever I confront her about it and 'mirror' instead of absorbing, she just denies doing it. Thankfully mirroring does help negate some internalising, but it's still tricky to not feel a level of shame/guilt for not giving in.
I just watched the andrew huberman podcast talk about this!!! Something about how you explain it makes it hit harder tho!!! Good job 👍
The past 2 years have been difficult for me because I realized that me being around my mother brings out one of the worst most sad things about me and the way I think and talk to myself. I've been feeling ashamed of the fact that I don't prefer to talk to her, because through self-reflection I've been able to see that the more I am spending time with her, the more bitter and depressed a person I become. It's hard because I am sure of her love towards me and I don't want to cause her pain by avoiding her, but it's the better thing I can do - to care about my well being and the well being of those around me.
I hope you heal. I can relate each words and what you are going through. Atleast you are self aware of what someone presence does to you. I think this is the first step of healing.
This shall pass too. 🙂
Been there. Never doubted her love for me, but as I grew up I became ever more reactive to her. The best I could do was isolate myself as much as possible from her, even under the same roof. Even as a young adult I stayed stuck in that emotional state around her, we never could get along. She passed away before I could heal, and sometimes I wish our story had been different. But I did the best I could with what I had at the time.
You’re doing the best you can with what you have at this time. You’ll be alright.
This sounds kind of like me. It feels so messed up and I wish I could get past it.
Your videos have helped me so much. I have been to psychologists, but I can rationalize everything and they usually dismiss me. But the anxiety lingers.
These are very good insights, thank you!
you’re doing such an important and impactful work here on this channel, Ana. congratulations and thank you ❤
I am glad that I found this video in my algorithm. I have been watching a lot of Ana''s videos over the past months and have been learning a lot about myself and other people in a conscious way. I believe I have just dodged myself a bullet from a whole bunch of shaming and manipulation. Overly praised boosts your self-esteem like a skyrocket but it can drop down drastically if absorbed incorrectly, now this person made a significant value into my life then I got to a point where I had to question myself and what is going in in my surroundings. I am not blaming the other person, but I am just being realistic as to what I have observed because I would like to take accountability & responsibility for my own actions too. I've learned how to empathize with other people through kindness, love, and compassion but after watching this, I have realized that I have been a one hell of a big sponge myself where I have been absorbing a lot and giving a lot of safe space for other people to be vulnerable. I may be wrong, but I believe I can learn from this experience and bring the balance to being less of a sponge while at the same time being more kind, loving, and compassionate person.
I see now one more benefit of being aware of your inner experiences. Not only to avoid projection, but also stop projecting myself. Being in touch and aware of ourselves is crucial
Your simplicty and beauty of delivery is so refreshing and a beautiful gift , 🎁 , thank you for doing this channel
Well this explains the relationship with my ex a lot. Thank you Ana!
I just watched your video on projection which was very informative, and now I'm seeing so much things related to projection/internalizing on my twitter feed which is interesting
Unfortunately this is common letting other people problems or emotions effect ourselves especially with ptsd which this is very common
With ADHD too, and you often do the idealization/devaluation cycle without malice, just because we get bored of people quickly :(
Very well done and thoroughly articulated
Heart-breaking information I learned through this video.
This is a very unique take on this topic. Thank you for sharing.
Your videos are always packed with information, so the summary at the end was super helpful!
Ana, thank you so much for your content! This video has helped me in so many ways. I hope you keep making these 😄
Rocket League has been my therapy recently. Really revealing when it comes to shame, it's crazy how much I self sabotage
what rank are u??
Omg you're Dr. Ana now many many congratulations! 🌼🌼🌼
this video is probably super relatable for those who have a close person with BPD (like me), but I think the mirroring tactic is not exactly how one should act in that situation while talking with someone with BPD. Of course is important to acknowledge the projection.
Congratulations Dr. Ana!!!!
ooh congratulations!! Thanks for sharing your learnings with us all this time
Great lesson Dr. Ana!
Holy crap I was just thinking about this all day today.
Really been enjoying the uploads lately, gonna put the bell on to stay on track with 'em. Thank you for all the insight and psychological knowledge you share, and keep it up! :)
my nature: ☺️🫶🏽💃🏽🧚🏾♀️✨
my mother’s: 😡🔪🌩️🖤😱
my sister’s: 🤬😫👼🏽😈🕷️
guess who got projected on and scapegoated? the only reason i have any empathy for myself is because even as a child being abused and shamed, i still tried to protect my little sister from it. i know i am good no matter what ppl tell me. i am no contact with everyone who tried to tell me im a naturally bad person. just proves that they never knew me.
Congratulations Dr. Ana 😊
Greetings! Could you kindly provide recommendations for books or authors specializing in the fields of narcissism, dark triad personalities and human psychology? Additionally, I would greatly appreciate any insights into books that captured your interest during your doctoral studies.
At the top of my head, Heinz Kohut and Otto Kernberg are huge experts in the field of narcissistic personalities. I also really loved "Self and Others" by Hamilton which has chapters on NPD and other personality styles. I need to reflect a bit more before I think about my recommendations on human psychology in general :)
@@AnaPsychology Thanks a lot for sharing. It would be great if you can make a video dedicated only on books recommendation, articles and maybe if possible you can make a video on the NPD and it's connected topics with a completely new perspective. I have watched your older videos and I learned a lot from it. 🙏🏻 Thanks again for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
This was so well explained!
Your awesome I been thinking about this lately.
This has helped me understand my social activist (undiagnosed but suspected) convert narcissistic personality disordered mother. Wow.
Very useful. Thank you ✌️
Hello Ana, I find this "reflecting back" technique very interesting, is there any article/book/etc that takes a deep look into that? It would be very helpful thank you :D
This is very helpful.
Thank you for this video. It was interesting.
Could you make a video trying to help people project less?
I have a few videos that touch on that:
-why we get so triggered over celebrities
-using shadow work to manage self-righteousness
But I definitely want to go deeper into this in the future!
@@AnaPsychology also your book is perfect💖
thanks for this video ❤
I love your videos
thanks dr ana!!!
Very interesting topic area. Food for thought. Could you talk about how to spot healthy behaviour? Or what they are?
Congrats re PhD!
This is really a cool topic! That's dr. Ana
I love the thumbnail
I don't know what to add to this except, that, most people are very toxic and put people around them at risk due to their toxicity.
Most of the time toxic (sick) people are not even aware of of messed up they are.
I don't know I guess I am just allergic to toxic people.
Any resources to know more about how society pushes this separatist, individualistic narrative? I've had it in the background of my mind for a few years now but haven't read anything about it of volume - books, articles, etc.?
I see this in the effects of slavery on some communitys. I see idealized ethnic groups like Asians feeling really valued. Very confusing.
Thx
so one question i have regarding this. You suggest to reflect it back like a mirror, but I find that nowadays, I do reflect projections back really well, but I still internalize some of their projection despite me trying to consciously not to. What kind of dynamic/suggestion do you see/have?
Is the mental health journal available outside the USA? When I try to open the link, it does not work in the UK. Thank you!
David getting called out! Goddamn
Omg David!!
❤
how can i order the journal in romania without having to pay the fees?
👍
What if I'm the one projecting my shame or toxins onto others?
Awesome summary _ are you an Avatar or Real person _ ? Your missing normal facial expressions xpressions
🤔
✅
Why are people not absorbers? What makes a person like that ?
It’s always the guys insecure about how much they make who tell you that you won’t amount to anything, or the ones who flirt with women and accuse you of cheating.
We need to use psychology to stop gun violence
I'm ya the opposite of an absorber I just tend to assume that people say shit to me to attack me
the black hair and turtleneck make u look like just a head and that’s funny (i’m incredibly high)
Why so much shame in our cultures?
I was driving home last night and I noticed men taking their wife's( cows) out for a walk. The women are wrapped in black and he holds her arm so she doesn't escape. Creepy people we invited to Canada.
I dont have a cow to take for a walk.
Maybe I should get one _ I like milk too. Moo Moo Moo I married a COW because I am a COW.
It’s always the mother’s fault? Ughh
This topic is amazing. I have already watched it twice.I found it very guiding for my life. Really like the content.👍
Your ocd video helped me out sooo much I’m grateful for you
Amazing video. Can we have more of these, with examples of revelations you are having on a daily basis? I'd love to hear more of that. 🤍
If you say to someone "I feel controlled" and they answer "that's how you feel" is that a way to mirror you or deflect? It was weird because I took care in formulating a sentence that wouldn't be too offensive and they still took it as offensive. I thought speaking of my feelings and not about them would be a good option. In that case it seemed that it wasn't a good. But they kept on questioning me more and got more upset as I was answering. I'm still not sure who was the one projecting onto the other