I understand about children catastrophizing with emotions, but after a lifetime of bullying, teasing, sexual assaults, physical assaults and exploitation, it is necessary to check that older Aspie's are not just suffering from genuine PTSD and that the catastrophes have happened so often, that it is not unreasonable to fear appalling consequences. One possible approach is to use Asperger's logic and consider all possible outcomes. For example, I may get another job, I may not get another job. I may get a relationship, I may not get a relationship. I may have friends, I may never have friends. The future is unknown. Someone said that it was important to leave room for uncertainty in any calculation of likelihood. Uncertainty isn't very comfortable as a position and attitude, but it may feel slightly better than depression.
I love Dr Tony Attwood. I find him a joy to listen to, and I'm so glad he continues to champion the plight of those whose voices would otherwise go unheard.
mama and heaven hike I went 20+ years without having a diagnosis. I was 23 when diagnosed now 38. There are some people especially women who get misdiagnosed or aren’t diagnosed until they are 60,70 or 80 years old
They tried saying it was A D D. Gave me Ritalin and added as an early teen and sent me on my way. I'm 40 now and I have ruined every relationship I've ever been in. Have attendance issues at work. Its a struggle
I can't tell you how much we need the wisdom of our elders. I once asked one of my coworkers who was in his mid 20s if he would rather get life advice from a 10 year old or a 60 year old, and without hesitation he said the 10 year old.
I have atypical autism with ADHD. Didn't get my diagnose before I was 21 years old. Before then my family and I thought I had Aspergers. When looking at the old picture of me as a kid maybe 5 or something. I had a helmet always on my head. My parent told me that I could get so angry that I hit my head on the floor so that was why I had it. Played a lot on my own and only play with one friend. If we were more then, I didn't get along so good with the rest. Now I am 29 soon to be 30 years and life became so much easier after I got my diagnose. There was a time in my life where if it was not for my family and the few friends. I would not be here today. Getting my diagnose was a lifesaver and my parent had to struggle to get the specialist to even do the test for me to see if I had Aspergers or anything like it. I guess I have Tony Attwood to thank for making the progress in the study of Autism! Or I might never have goten my diagnose and sorry for my english! I am Swedish and funny inuf I also have dylexia! XD
I’m 60 and just found out. When I think of the coping strategies I have made...I was suicidal, now I know I’m made different, those thoughts have diminished considerably.
alys Freeman yes you intuitively know you’re different the diagnosis enables you to understand you’re biologically wired differently and that’s why you experience the world in the way that you do. However you’re not alone 1 in every 60 people in the world are on the ASD Spectrum and the ratio is 1:1 males and females and with the power of the internet and social media it’s a great way to connect with the Neurodiverse community for support. So many resources are out there now to improve life for us. Despite our deficits each of us have amazing individual talents we need to discover and tap into. Also another positive is that all the advances in society are down to people like us because we think outside the box and have a unique way of looking at the world. Another plus is that we look younger for our years longer than the Neurotypical population. Also the good news is we can find strategies and learn the skills we find challenging over time even if it takes a bit longer to function more efficiently in this neuro typical world
As an undiagnosed aspie myself, the thing I've found most helpful over the years is being determined not to give up. I throw myself headlong into challenges (going to a party alone; facing someone who is critical; sleeping with my pjs bunched up) for as long as I can handle them and then retreating to recover. Knowing I have the 'out' gives me strength to push through a bit further, and the sense of accomplishment I feel is indescribable! And then I just focus on my strengths (attention to detail, being helpful, smelling trees as I walk past) and remember that I'm not just different, I'm special :)
So weird listening to Tony and understanding why my emotions go to the extremes so quickly, its kind of nice as well since he gets it and others will to.
Thank you for speaking so openly about the suicidal feelings / ideations. It is exactly what is needed. As an 58 year old undiagnosed autistic person I have learned that when I feel suicidal, I am actually simply exhausted. Allowing myself more transition and processing time and taking more rest, keeps these feelings at bay.
Jo Coleman yes he is the guru in the field has been studying for over fifty years and also has a son on the spectrum. He wife and daughter also work with people on the spectrum.
My mother didn't like me telling her she was enthralled by her church, there was not a lot of love for her aspie child, as well wishing as she ultimately was. She just didn't know how to care for a child who saw their mother as complex as she saw the childhood characters she read to me only a few years prior. As a child with emotional problems, that caused a festering problem that I continue to try and climb out of to this day. Some emotional reactions to his advice for parents to be passively supportive hit deep. I can remember flipping out a few times at church because I hated their efforts to program me. They didn't like my moral objections to corralling children into a classroom to sing praise to imaginary beings and teach them the explicitly "undeniable facts" like noahs arc. Things we weren't allowed to question and where just true, according to the bible, therefor shut up and sit there while I shove it down your throat. I have trust issues now.
I learn by videos for sure I’m an Aspergers girl with an Aspergers son, husband, sister, father, mother in law, cousins uncles aunts etc we neeeeeeed videos. Thank you for what you are doing I’m collecting it all as my “Special interest” and also as a love letter to my children and grandchildren 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕.
GetReadyWithMeMamma it definitely has a genetic component. If a woman on the spectrum has children there is quite a high probability that her children will too.
I fear my emotional blow-ups even more than the things that trigger them. Now, however, I look at them as an extreme warning that I need to change something in my life, which in itself is stressful as I’m not good with major changes. Sometimes it is just unavoidable though. It feels like I’m a pressure-cooker, and if the steam isn’t released early it will build up and the consequences will be much worse - such as depression or a break down. This is particularly mortifying as I find other people’s emotions hard to deal with, so it makes me feel even worse creating an unpleasant atmosphere myself. I’ve pretty much given up talking to people close to me, and now I just cry when I’m alone or contact the Samaritans, so that I can talk it through with someone professional, who is non-judgemental. The strange thing is that I do recover extremely quickly from these episodes, but I never remember that when I am going through one.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 44. When I was 12, I took an overdose of my aunt's muscle relaxers after I got into trouble at school. (Thankfully, I regurgitated it all and no permanent damage was done.) I wasn't truly suicidal, but I knew that I was extremely unhappy and wanted to escape. The autism diagnosis helps better explain to me why exactly I did what I did.
Now i know my father was Aspie .. so beautiful comforting compassionate words here and he did not get a chance - through me - to hear them. He died 20 years ago .
Discovered at 59 that my mom, 83, probably has Asperger’s. Makes a lot of puzzle pieces fit. Doesn’t take away the struggle of giving care to her with a level of dementia, but definitely helps to know the why of her behavior.
I am guilty of catastrophizing my emotions which is embarrassing because I am an intelligent woman. My daughter is worse and my son catastrophizes less while I'm in the middle.
I was diagnosed at 66. None of the men close to me believe it! It answers EVERYTHING. My goal is to help younger women not make the same mistakes and struggle as I did. I have one daughter who has divorced me and one who is polite when I reach out. I’m on my third husband, my shelf life seems to be about 10years.🤷🏻♀️ How can I help others, can you point me in the right direction? Mental health sucks here in NV, will you ever be speaking in LV? Thanks for your work, you helped save me Dr. Atwood!
Sometimes its hard to come out of the cotastrophizing (yeah i spelled that wrong.) The reason is because you acted like a child and its so embarrassing that it takes a lot of courage to now face the person you acted like that in front of. :P
My son said that to me and I took him to a psychologist they said he was a very intelligent young man, he was angry and seemed like a manic depressive, it ended that keeping him away from his dad , caused anxiety.
From what I understand, many employers will not hire someone if they are diagnosed with Asperger's. Is this true? I would think if this is the case, then I don't see why anyone would have to live with a label that could potentially make him/her unable to get a job and be forced to live on the streets, especially if one lacks any formal familial support.
RB902050 sometimes you’re damned if you do disclose and sometimes you’re damned if you don’t. However anti discrimination laws should protect you. Lots of wonderful work is being done around the world to educate neuro typicals and make the workplace more welcoming for the neuro diverse
Also, getting a diagnosis is something for you. Then you get to decide to who you disclose it or not. At least, knowing one has/is Asperger and having good help for related to what they need in particular is the goal. What each person needs is different. Some may actually find they will have more advantages than inconvenients in telling it while looking for an employment or at their current workplace, some Don't or won't... The choice is your's/their's.
I'm glad I was older when I found out! Life would have been so much harder. I would not have accomplished what I did. I pushed my to improve. I did everything I could. 🤗
with the wisdom of elders, discovering very late that their struggle carry a name, i would now say That the passion for a set of special interests have been very supportive and nourishing in my life as well as my great sensitivity and my skills for analyzing people but my biggest mistake was to have taken criticisms for granted, to give ignorant and limited people the right to talk like that to me, so losing my selfesteem And to have desperately forced myself to adapt and perform things that I CANNOT. Self-love was painfully missing.. self-doubt and shame were nagging at me. and i had fear in front of my self. My self-diagnosis has been healing me... I have gain the ability to become compassionate for others
@@edwigcarol4888 I share your feelings exactly 💯😩!! I gave way too many people way too much power in my life. The thing is, me personally, I would not have pushed myself nearly as hard to prove them all wrong. I DID!! AND I SHUT THEM UP!! MADE THEM EAT THEIR WORDS THROUGH MY SUCCESS 🙏!! If I knew all along, I REALLY would have believed them and not try hardly at all!! To God be all the glory ❤!! I'm glad you found healing and grown to have compassion towards others! We all must gain that ability/quality. And we MUST forgive, something I am still working on! ❤
Today I freaked out and my mother kept calling me but I couldnt answer because my emotions were too strong and I couldnt think straight. When I was calm enough to call and talk to her she was at my door. Good thing I was calm because I would have been very upset at her. She needs to respect that when I dont answer it"s because I dont want to talk and showing up is the worst thing to do because it makes me feel trapped. I need my space. I love my mother and her heart is in the right place. I just dont think that she understands me because her world works different from mine and Im the autistic one lol
The funny thing is my mum is like this, and in researching autism and realising that I have it, I also realised my mother has it and she struggles with respecting boundaries and letting go of control. She is working on it 🙂
I am Seventy-four and only realized I have Asperger’s. I am sure my daughter and three grandsons do too, but my daughter just thinks I see it in everyone and so isn’t concerned. In fact my great nephew and nephew have been diagnosed and I think it is pretty much the norm in my family. For example my sisters husband at seventy just realized he has it too, though it is obvious to whomever he meets. I just feel sad that my daughter never listens to anything I have to say because her sons would benefit from help.
after a horrific assault upon myself and my aspergers son the police turned up with guns and proceeded to continue to traumatise my son at gunpoint for a further 26 hours they would not let me calm him and treated our situation as a gun exercise,the behaviour of the police was so shocking including assault that i put in a complaint to ippc this was 2 years ago i am still waiting for justice the whole situation has traumatised us and my faith in the uk pembrokeshire police force and the lack of support from social services his last social worker wasnt paid enough to help immediatly after we were first assaulted his exact words. thankyou for your videos hopefully there will be a better understanding .
As a 57-year-old female on the spectrum who suffers from over-the-top emotions, I can tell you that it feels very dismissive of the intensity of my distress to have someone say, "Don't worry, it will be over in half an hour." Are you kidding me? That's so condescending and dismissive! I think it would enrage me even more. Telling me to tell myself I'm capable of handling this without having such a grandiose and emotional outburst only tells me that you think I'm acting in an immature manner and that I need to grow up. It does nothing to validate the emotional suffering I'm going through when I have those reactions. Do you even understand how distressing those moments are? The only thing that gets me through those moments are the outbursts, anything less only leaves me more angry and frustrated. Yes, it will be over in a half an hour and I will feel better, so I would say to you, "Chill out, my tantrum will be over in half an hour."
I am a 32 year old adult who was diagnosed when I was 21. Every time something negative happens I have the tendency to think the worst. Why is catastrophizing so easy to do and how do I avoid doing it? Is there a way to help me calm down and look at the situation clearly instead of blowing it way out of proportion? Are there steps that I can take to ensure this doesn't keep happening?
Question to attwood: could non-verbal autists have a combination of sensory overload and pain threshold exceeded. Read, should the patients be okay given doses of migraine meds and a sensory deprivation chamber?
THANKYOU FOR YOUR HONESTY - MY FAMILY AUtISM SPECTRUM TRAITS - MY BROTHER GERRY DOYLE MICROBIOGIST had {PTSD ) DIED IN SALIBURY 2002 - AFTER POLICE HAD DETAINED HIM 2 DAYS BEFORE - WORKED EVERYWHERE - CHEMICALS - UP DOWN - SOME OF US FEEL THESE INTENSE EMOTIONS- and suicidal thoughts ( HE WAS CREATIVE GENESIS WHO INFLUENCED MANY PEOPLE - )thank you for your honesty regarding your son my brother/ brother was suing police for previous assault - also broke law after listening to crimnals saying better to be arrested than to be on streets freezing to death - RAN OUT COPING MECHANISM WAS IN GRIEF _ We are trying to cope I cant believe ignorance of police and agencies - people do self medicate with alcohol and drugs it gets them through but chemicals are low men especially need ask for support . I'm on spectrum myself with Avoidance all aspects when get emotionally overwhelmed cannot express myself - I tend to rejuvenate mybrain and CNS by sitting down lot - ive also worked extremely hard lot careers but was brutalized by people who think this is LAZINESS - !!!! I PRAY - CHRISTIAN BELIEFS I will try get your book to read to get help with coping techinques myself and others. WE THINK WERE NORMAL - BUT WE ARE DIFFERENT .
I never said "I'll kill myself" but at about 10 years old, maybe 8 (don't really remember specifically) I did have a razor blade to my wrist and I'd seen on TV how to do it properly. What stopped me which to me was funny even then was I just thought it won't hurt like hell. It was funny because I did want my life to end but I was afraid of pain. And yeah, then that was over. Like a switch. Once that solution wasn't viable I had to move on to figuring out how to live. Childhood was tough. I'm 64 years old now and my life from about 16 years old on has been better and better and has just been a blast for me. I just needed to figure out the world. The world isn't everything I wish, but that's OK. There's plenty I love.
Healthy autistic highly plant based keto can make a difference, avoid sugar, gluten, dairy, ....exercise, go to nature, do fasting, try to do moe what you enjoy and avoid human interaction as much as possible, or be very selective
Acquaintances and loved ones of ASD folk suffer also ~~ maybe more! It is most difficult loving someone autistic, wanting to love them fully, but never quit crossing into their trust zone or allowed to know their inner person. Indeed, the same could be said of how Autistic people view themselves dealing with themselves, never knowing "why" they are.
Sorry for being obtuse, autistics suffer from this. My point is ~~> autistics whine on and on about their social problems, but rarely consider the feelings of those effected by them. For instance, an autistic person might agonize over why a new friend is no longer calling them. When in reality the new friend is hurt even more from their feeling of not being able to connect with this difficult moody unpredictable distant autistic person. I sometimes feel wrongly, that I am doing people a favor by pushing them away! It is a shame because they would benefit from my company, especially if they have a curious mind ~~ but alas social anxiety is no small thing, it is very real for us, and the non-autistic person needs to bridge this disability to know us better. More understandable?
Comparing different examples of true suffering -- with the purpose of discounting one, to somehow try to show the depth of the other -- is never a good idea, no one is helped, and someone is always hurt who shouldn't be hurt more. If you have a compound fracture in a leg, and someone else has chronic severe back pain, does it help either of you to say the other is "whining"? Trying to learn to be compassionate is possible for NTs and people with AS conditions. Both groups can be compassionate, both can be terrible to people. Both can suffer terribly.
There is a movement worldwide to equalize everything ~~> no racial divides, equal pay and opportunity, no sexual divisions, no gradient of ability--all equal. So now we have to treat all disorders, disease, disabilities as the same?? A fractured leg will heal dear, as will a broken arm and heal even stronger. A person with chronic back pain is just that chronic, long lasting and maybe forever in pain or agony!! If you had a choice which ailment would you choose dear. Compassion comes from the heart and not a textbook or a liberal lecture on empathy.
You seem to be making so many assumptions! You know nothing about me, and talking about my speaking style like that is ignoring other possibilities that seem obvious to me, given the topic of this TH-cam. This is how I express what's in my heart. Dr. Tony has lots of great videos on Aspie women, by the way, who generally both suffer and talk differently from the males. Maybe you don't know any personally. I wouldn't let either condition sit in pain, if I could help it, and I wouldn't laugh at the broken leg and tell them to buck up, it could be worse, it could be chronic back pain... untreated, laughed at, ignored, they might just bleed out, and will likely be permanently disabled and in chronic pain if they survive. I would try to value all equally, even knowing I'll fail, but it is an ideal I value.
The Respected Lex Those with ASD or who are neuro divergent deal with anxiety and severe depression along with other co morbid conditions eg.. sensory sensitivity etc as a by product of being on the spectrum, they are often relentlessly bullied and rejected and yes consider suicide at a very young age
This seems very obviously navel gazing. Have you met the family members of most people who have the condition? Not everyone's capable of this sort of considerate behaviour, sadly. A lot of people with 'Asperger's' have long since learned to be alone. They often prefer it.
I understand about children catastrophizing with emotions, but after a lifetime of bullying, teasing, sexual assaults, physical assaults and exploitation, it is necessary to check that older Aspie's are not just suffering from genuine PTSD and that the catastrophes have happened so often, that it is not unreasonable to fear appalling consequences.
One possible approach is to use Asperger's logic and consider all possible outcomes. For example, I may get another job, I may not get another job. I may get a relationship, I may not get a relationship. I may have friends, I may never have friends. The future is unknown. Someone said that it was important to leave room for uncertainty in any calculation of likelihood. Uncertainty isn't very comfortable as a position and attitude, but it may feel slightly better than depression.
I love Dr Tony Attwood. I find him a joy to listen to, and I'm so glad he continues to champion the plight of those whose voices would otherwise go unheard.
I always "knew" there was something "wrong" with me, what would have helped me would have been to "know" what "it" was
Omg! I feel the same!!!!!!
mama and heaven hike I went 20+ years without having a diagnosis. I was 23 when diagnosed now 38. There are some people especially women who get misdiagnosed or aren’t diagnosed until they are 60,70 or 80 years old
Absolutely!
They tried saying it was A D D. Gave me Ritalin and added as an early teen and sent me on my way. I'm 40 now and I have ruined every relationship I've ever been in. Have attendance issues at work. Its a struggle
I can't tell you how much we need the wisdom of our elders. I once asked one of my coworkers who was in his mid 20s if he would rather get life advice from a 10 year old or a 60 year old, and without hesitation he said the 10 year old.
I have autism and what works for me is patience, listening, compassion, love.......and deep breaths! Lots of deep, slow breaths!
I have atypical autism with ADHD. Didn't get my diagnose before I was 21 years old. Before then my family and I thought I had Aspergers. When looking at the old picture of me as a kid maybe 5 or something. I had a helmet always on my head. My parent told me that I could get so angry that I hit my head on the floor so that was why I had it.
Played a lot on my own and only play with one friend. If we were more then, I didn't get along so good with the rest. Now I am 29 soon to be 30 years and life became so much easier after I got my diagnose.
There was a time in my life where if it was not for my family and the few friends. I would not be here today. Getting my diagnose was a lifesaver and my parent had to struggle to get the specialist to even do the test for me to see if I had Aspergers or anything like it.
I guess I have Tony Attwood to thank for making the progress in the study of Autism! Or I might never have goten my diagnose and sorry for my english! I am Swedish and funny inuf I also have dylexia! XD
I’m 60 and just found out. When I think of the coping strategies I have made...I was suicidal, now I know I’m made different, those thoughts have diminished considerably.
alys Freeman yes you intuitively know you’re different the diagnosis enables you to understand you’re biologically wired differently and that’s why you experience the world in the way that you do. However you’re not alone 1 in every 60 people in the world are on the ASD Spectrum and the ratio is 1:1 males and females and with the power of the internet and social media it’s a great way to connect with the Neurodiverse community for support. So many resources are out there now to improve life for us. Despite our deficits each of us have amazing individual talents we need to discover and tap into. Also another positive is that all the advances in society are down to people like us because we think outside the box and have a unique way of looking at the world. Another plus is that we look younger for our years longer than the Neurotypical population. Also the good news is we can find strategies and learn the skills we find challenging over time even if it takes a bit longer to function more efficiently in this neuro typical world
As an undiagnosed aspie myself, the thing I've found most helpful over the years is being determined not to give up. I throw myself headlong into challenges (going to a party alone; facing someone who is critical; sleeping with my pjs bunched up) for as long as I can handle them and then retreating to recover. Knowing I have the 'out' gives me strength to push through a bit further, and the sense of accomplishment I feel is indescribable! And then I just focus on my strengths (attention to detail, being helpful, smelling trees as I walk past) and remember that I'm not just different, I'm special :)
Amen!! That's what I have done!! And will continue to do AFTER diagnosis!! Keep going..... keep overcoming!! We must NOT ever give up!! ❤️🙌
Honestly Doctor Tony helped me so much more to understand myself than anyone and anything else. He is a saint.
Me too, such as in ‘The Complete Guide...’. But they might not be right and true.
So weird listening to Tony and understanding why my emotions go to the extremes so quickly, its kind of nice as well since he gets it and others will to.
Thank you for speaking so openly about the suicidal feelings / ideations. It is exactly what is needed. As an 58 year old undiagnosed autistic person I have learned that when I feel suicidal, I am actually simply exhausted. Allowing myself more transition and processing time and taking more rest, keeps these feelings at bay.
Sounds like executive dysfunction to me. I've never attempted and only contemplated too so I relate
This man is a lifesaver and a hero.
I'm so grateful for Dr.Tony
Jo Coleman yes he is the guru in the field has been studying for over fifty years and also has a son on the spectrum. He wife and daughter also work with people on the spectrum.
Dr. Tony gives good clarity. Thanks for uploading this.
Thank you for posting this and thank you to Tony Attwood... You are giving me hope of figuring this all out finally at 36yrs old. Thank you all!
My mother didn't like me telling her she was enthralled by her church, there was not a lot of love for her aspie child, as well wishing as she ultimately was. She just didn't know how to care for a child who saw their mother as complex as she saw the childhood characters she read to me only a few years prior. As a child with emotional problems, that caused a festering problem that I continue to try and climb out of to this day. Some emotional reactions to his advice for parents to be passively supportive hit deep.
I can remember flipping out a few times at church because I hated their efforts to program me. They didn't like my moral objections to corralling children into a classroom to sing praise to imaginary beings and teach them the explicitly "undeniable facts" like noahs arc. Things we weren't allowed to question and where just true, according to the bible, therefor shut up and sit there while I shove it down your throat. I have trust issues now.
We don't have trust issues, the world has a "dealing with reality" issue. Our non-magic world has lots more losers than winners.
I learn by videos for sure I’m an Aspergers girl with an Aspergers son, husband, sister, father, mother in law, cousins uncles aunts etc we neeeeeeed videos. Thank you for what you are doing I’m collecting it all as my “Special interest” and also as a love letter to my children and grandchildren 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕.
GetReadyWithMeMamma it definitely has a genetic component. If a woman on the spectrum has children there is quite a high probability that her children will too.
I can go from perfectly happy to "I hate my life" in a minute
Outstanding video for Aspies.
Thank you gentleman!
I fear my emotional blow-ups even more than the things that trigger them. Now, however, I look at them as an extreme warning that I need to change something in my life, which in itself is stressful as I’m not good with major changes. Sometimes it is just unavoidable though.
It feels like I’m a pressure-cooker, and if the steam isn’t released early it will build up and the consequences will be much worse - such as depression or a break down. This is particularly mortifying as I find other people’s emotions hard to deal with, so it makes me feel even worse creating an unpleasant atmosphere myself. I’ve pretty much given up talking to people close to me, and now I just cry when I’m alone or contact the Samaritans, so that I can talk it through with someone professional, who is non-judgemental.
The strange thing is that I do recover extremely quickly from these episodes, but I never remember that when I am going through one.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 44. When I was 12, I took an overdose of my aunt's muscle relaxers after I got into trouble at school. (Thankfully, I regurgitated it all and no permanent damage was done.) I wasn't truly suicidal, but I knew that I was extremely unhappy and wanted to escape. The autism diagnosis helps better explain to me why exactly I did what I did.
Now i know my father was Aspie .. so beautiful comforting compassionate words here and he did not get a chance - through me - to hear them. He died 20 years ago .
Discovered at 59 that my mom, 83, probably has Asperger’s. Makes a lot of puzzle pieces fit. Doesn’t take away the struggle of giving care to her with a level of dementia, but definitely helps to know the why of her behavior.
I am guilty of catastrophizing my emotions which is embarrassing because I am an intelligent woman. My daughter is worse and my son catastrophizes less while I'm in the middle.
I was diagnosed at 66. None of the men close to me believe it! It answers EVERYTHING. My goal is to help younger women not make the same mistakes and struggle as I did. I have one daughter who has divorced me and one who is polite when I reach out. I’m on my third husband, my shelf life seems to be about 10years.🤷🏻♀️ How can I help others, can you point me in the right direction? Mental health sucks here in NV, will you ever be speaking in LV? Thanks for your work, you helped save me Dr. Atwood!
Sometimes its hard to come out of the cotastrophizing (yeah i spelled that wrong.) The reason is because you acted like a child and its so embarrassing that it takes a lot of courage to now face the person you acted like that in front of. :P
You’re both wise, warm and brilliant. Thank you.
My son said that to me and I took him to a psychologist they said he was a very intelligent young man, he was angry and seemed like a manic depressive, it ended that keeping him away from his dad , caused anxiety.
Thank you. Both of you, for these videos.
That’s why a lot of people were misdiagnosed as BPD
From what I understand, many employers will not hire someone if they are diagnosed with Asperger's. Is this true? I would think if this is the case, then I don't see why anyone would have to live with a label that could potentially make him/her unable to get a job and be forced to live on the streets, especially if one lacks any formal familial support.
RB902050 sometimes you’re damned if you do disclose and sometimes you’re damned if you don’t. However anti discrimination laws should protect you. Lots of wonderful work is being done around the world to educate neuro typicals and make the workplace more welcoming for the neuro diverse
Also, getting a diagnosis is something for you. Then you get to decide to who you disclose it or not.
At least, knowing one has/is Asperger and having good help for related to what they need in particular is the goal.
What each person needs is different. Some may actually find they will have more advantages than inconvenients in telling it while looking for an employment or at their current workplace, some Don't or won't... The choice is your's/their's.
I'm glad I was older when I found out! Life would have been so much harder. I would not have accomplished what I did. I pushed my to improve. I did everything I could. 🤗
You are inspiring! Thank you for that!
with the wisdom of elders, discovering very late that their struggle carry a name, i would now say
That the passion for a set of special interests have been very supportive and nourishing in my life as well as my great sensitivity and my skills for analyzing people but
my biggest mistake was to have taken criticisms for granted, to give ignorant and limited people the right to talk like that to me, so losing my selfesteem
And to have desperately forced myself to adapt and perform things that I CANNOT.
Self-love was painfully missing.. self-doubt and shame were nagging at me.
and i had fear in front of my self.
My self-diagnosis has been healing me... I have gain the ability to become compassionate for others
@@edwigcarol4888 I share your feelings exactly 💯😩!! I gave way too many people way too much power in my life. The thing is, me personally, I would not have pushed myself nearly as hard to prove them all wrong. I DID!! AND I SHUT THEM UP!! MADE THEM EAT THEIR WORDS THROUGH MY SUCCESS 🙏!! If I knew all along, I REALLY would have believed them and not try hardly at all!! To God be all the glory ❤!! I'm glad you found healing and grown to have compassion towards others! We all must gain that ability/quality. And we MUST forgive, something I am still working on! ❤
Today I freaked out and my mother kept calling me but I couldnt answer because my emotions were too strong and I couldnt think straight. When I was calm enough to call and talk to her she was at my door. Good thing I was calm because I would have been very upset at her. She needs to respect that when I dont answer it"s because I dont want to talk and showing up is the worst thing to do because it makes me feel trapped. I need my space. I love my mother and her heart is in the right place. I just dont think that she understands me because her world works different from mine and Im the autistic one lol
The funny thing is my mum is like this, and in researching autism and realising that I have it, I also realised my mother has it and she struggles with respecting boundaries and letting go of control. She is working on it 🙂
I am Seventy-four and only realized I have Asperger’s. I am sure my daughter and three grandsons do too, but my daughter just thinks I see it in everyone and so isn’t concerned. In fact my great nephew and nephew have been diagnosed and I think it is pretty much the norm in my family. For example my sisters husband at seventy just realized he has it too, though it is obvious to whomever he meets. I just feel sad that my daughter never listens to anything I have to say because her sons would benefit from help.
after a horrific assault upon myself and my aspergers son the police turned up with guns and proceeded to continue to traumatise my son at gunpoint for a further 26 hours they would not let me calm him and treated our situation as a gun exercise,the behaviour of the police was so shocking including assault that i put in a complaint to ippc this was 2 years ago i am still waiting for justice the whole situation has traumatised us and my faith in the uk pembrokeshire police force and the lack of support from social services his last social worker wasnt paid enough to help immediatly after we were first assaulted his exact words. thankyou for your videos hopefully there will be a better understanding .
Thank you sir.
As a 57-year-old female on the spectrum who suffers from over-the-top emotions, I can tell you that it feels very dismissive of the intensity of my distress to have someone say, "Don't worry, it will be over in half an hour." Are you kidding me? That's so condescending and dismissive! I think it would enrage me even more. Telling me to tell myself I'm capable of handling this without having such a grandiose and emotional outburst only tells me that you think I'm acting in an immature manner and that I need to grow up. It does nothing to validate the emotional suffering I'm going through when I have those reactions. Do you even understand how distressing those moments are? The only thing that gets me through those moments are the outbursts, anything less only leaves me more angry and frustrated. Yes, it will be over in a half an hour and I will feel better, so I would say to you, "Chill out, my tantrum will be over in half an hour."
I would love to participate in this survey.
I am a 32 year old adult who was diagnosed when I was 21. Every time something negative happens I have the tendency to think the worst. Why is catastrophizing so easy to do and how do I avoid doing it? Is there a way to help me calm down and look at the situation clearly instead of blowing it way out of proportion? Are there steps that I can take to ensure this doesn't keep happening?
Question to attwood: could non-verbal autists have a combination of sensory overload and pain threshold exceeded. Read, should the patients be okay given doses of migraine meds and a sensory deprivation chamber?
Thank you so much for this
Very impressive
Thank you
OMG! I do this all the time.
@DemonaLlama EXCELLENT! Thank you!!
THANKYOU FOR YOUR HONESTY - MY FAMILY AUtISM SPECTRUM TRAITS - MY BROTHER GERRY DOYLE MICROBIOGIST had {PTSD ) DIED IN SALIBURY 2002 - AFTER POLICE HAD DETAINED HIM 2 DAYS BEFORE - WORKED EVERYWHERE - CHEMICALS - UP DOWN - SOME OF US FEEL THESE INTENSE EMOTIONS- and suicidal thoughts ( HE WAS CREATIVE GENESIS WHO INFLUENCED MANY PEOPLE - )thank you for your honesty regarding your son my brother/ brother was suing police for previous assault - also broke law after listening to crimnals saying better to be arrested than to be on streets freezing to death - RAN OUT COPING MECHANISM WAS IN GRIEF _ We are trying to cope I cant believe ignorance of police and agencies - people do self medicate with alcohol and drugs it gets them through but chemicals are low men especially need ask for support . I'm on spectrum myself with Avoidance all aspects when get emotionally overwhelmed cannot express myself - I tend to rejuvenate mybrain and CNS by sitting down lot - ive also worked extremely hard lot careers but was brutalized by people who think this is LAZINESS - !!!! I PRAY - CHRISTIAN BELIEFS I will try get your book to read to get help with coping techinques myself and others. WE THINK WERE NORMAL - BUT WE ARE DIFFERENT .
I never said "I'll kill myself" but at about 10 years old, maybe 8 (don't really remember specifically) I did have a razor blade to my wrist and I'd seen on TV how to do it properly. What stopped me which to me was funny even then was I just thought it won't hurt like hell. It was funny because I did want my life to end but I was afraid of pain. And yeah, then that was over. Like a switch. Once that solution wasn't viable I had to move on to figuring out how to live.
Childhood was tough. I'm 64 years old now and my life from about 16 years old on has been better and better and has just been a blast for me. I just needed to figure out the world. The world isn't everything I wish, but that's OK. There's plenty I love.
Healthy autistic highly plant based keto can make a difference, avoid sugar, gluten, dairy, ....exercise, go to nature, do fasting, try to do moe what you enjoy and avoid human interaction as much as possible, or be very selective
Acquaintances and loved ones of ASD folk suffer also ~~ maybe more! It is most difficult loving someone autistic, wanting to love them fully, but never quit crossing into their trust zone or allowed to know their inner person. Indeed, the same could be said of how Autistic people view themselves dealing with themselves, never knowing "why" they are.
Sorry for being obtuse, autistics suffer from this. My point is ~~> autistics whine on and on about their social problems, but rarely consider the feelings of those effected by them. For instance, an autistic person might agonize over why a new friend is no longer calling them. When in reality the new friend is hurt even more from their feeling of not being able to connect with this difficult moody unpredictable distant autistic person. I sometimes feel wrongly, that I am doing people a favor by pushing them away! It is a shame because they would benefit from my company, especially if they have a curious mind ~~ but alas social anxiety is no small thing, it is very real for us, and the non-autistic person needs to bridge this disability to know us better. More understandable?
Comparing different examples of true suffering -- with the purpose of discounting one, to somehow try to show the depth of the other -- is never a good idea, no one is helped, and someone is always hurt who shouldn't be hurt more.
If you have a compound fracture in a leg, and someone else has chronic severe back pain, does it help either of you to say the other is "whining"? Trying to learn to be compassionate is possible for NTs and people with AS conditions. Both groups can be compassionate, both can be terrible to people. Both can suffer terribly.
There is a movement worldwide to equalize everything ~~> no racial divides, equal pay and opportunity, no sexual divisions, no gradient of ability--all equal. So now we have to treat all disorders, disease, disabilities as the same?? A fractured leg will heal dear, as will a broken arm and heal even stronger. A person with chronic back pain is just that chronic, long lasting and maybe forever in pain or agony!! If you had a choice which ailment would you choose dear. Compassion comes from the heart and not a textbook or a liberal lecture on empathy.
You seem to be making so many assumptions! You know nothing about me, and talking about my speaking style like that is ignoring other possibilities that seem obvious to me, given the topic of this TH-cam. This is how I express what's in my heart.
Dr. Tony has lots of great videos on Aspie women, by the way, who generally both suffer and talk differently from the males. Maybe you don't know any personally.
I wouldn't let either condition sit in pain, if I could help it, and I wouldn't laugh at the broken leg and tell them to buck up, it could be worse, it could be chronic back pain... untreated, laughed at, ignored, they might just bleed out, and will likely be permanently disabled and in chronic pain if they survive. I would try to value all equally, even knowing I'll fail, but it is an ideal I value.
I'm never going to get any better. I might as well die
Feeling that way is really difficult. There is a possibility you will get better, too, because sometimes really unexpected things happen
I know it sounds stupid, but things can always get better - it's not going to be that bad forever
i wish we had someone like that here where i live who deal's with ASD with an IQ above 100. but i guess that's just wishful thinking thinking.
Jay Carlson 😂😂 why you wish that?
This is me
secretaspie is blogging about being a "wise aspie elder" as you've put it - at wordpress. :>
When did kids start to know all about suicide? What happened to just sobbing in your room?
The Respected Lex Those with ASD or who are neuro divergent deal with anxiety and severe depression along with other co morbid conditions eg.. sensory sensitivity etc as a by product of being on the spectrum, they are often relentlessly bullied and rejected and yes consider suicide at a very young age
Autistic people are more aware of the world that neurotypical people realise.
I’ve been a bit flippant there, sorry. You are probably right.
Humans have always known how to end their suffering.
@@Biosafetylevel4 Or possible inhuman. Suicide is after all a sin and a crime. I could never bring myself to do it (optional past tense).
Pity this trait stays till they are adults. It's hard when the person is a spouse.
This seems very obviously navel gazing. Have you met the family members of most people who have the condition? Not everyone's capable of this sort of considerate behaviour, sadly. A lot of people with 'Asperger's' have long since learned to be alone. They often prefer it.
Even if we prefer being alone a lot we rarely want to be alone all the time.
@@Catlily5 I think that's true to varying degrees.