Enjoying this episode? Check out Doug's audiobook, "How to Exasperate Your Wife and Other Short Essays for Men" canonpress.com/products/how-to-exasperate-your-wife/
As a woman, can confirm all of this is spot on. There have been many occasions where my husband put his foot down and stood up to me. I got angry, because women are indeed ruled by emotion. In the moment, I thought he was mean and unfair. Shortly afterwards, when the emotion faded, I respected him more and was more attracted to him.
Wish my ex-wife had the same reaction. She just got more mad and then said I was "controlling" then eventually left me. Then proceeded to sleep with a bunch of weak men. Doesn't always work out.
@@waakow Many women can't. They're dealing with unresolved trauma, they're brainwashed by feminism, they're self delusional... Tons of other factors. However, everything Doug said in the video is still true.
@@lacey2906 certainly what he said is true. But it won't necessarily lead to a good marriage. What I guess I'm getting at is, as a Christian man you have to decide if you are going to follow God or follow your wife.
All people are lead by emotion. Imagine a man telling his manager what he thought was best and the manager disagreed. The man and his boss discuss it and eventually the boss puts his foot down. The man will probably be angry if he feels that his boss hasn't listened or respected his opinion. I don't think it's accurate to say women are these irrational beings anymore than men are.
And I'm a man and your channel is refreshing. There's not a lot of young Christian women who display zeal outwardly. There seems to be a conventional attitude that if she's vocal about theology or witnessing publicly, that she's failing to excel in domesticity or being feminine. But that's for you to know, and your suitor to find out. This, at least, gets you noticed, much more than being silent in and outside of church.
I'm 26 and being calm but stern usually comes across as controlling to women. I think this only works if a woman is excited to grow in virtue and accepts the Biblical model of headship. A few Christian girls I went on dates with we discussed gender roles and their perspective was basically that male "headship" is an honorific title and that if the woman disagrees she can veto at any time. Though they don't say it in as many words. That has just been my experience, our culture is deeply sick and women are very sensitive to cultural messaging. That being said I'm not even angry at women. I feel sorry for them because I see them acting out all these self destructive behaviors, but usually if you try to gently correct them it is perceived as an affront on their worth as a human being. Hats off to the social engineers, they really created a tangle, making it nearly impossible to get and stay married anymore, which has been their goal since the 60s. The crows of the sexual revolution are coming home to roost, and just like the debt bubble, the cleaning up of the mess is in the hands of the generation born after the selfish decisions were made. I salute all men and women who are in Christian and respectful marriages, you are a beacon of hope.
I used to be a jerk when I was not a Christian, I hurt people and I felt guilty. Later, I became a Christian, I think I was making up for my previous sins and mistakes by trying my best to avoid being a jerk, surpassing my own needs, abdicating, and being nice. But it is not the correct way to repent and make up. I was making the opposite mistake by being a nice guy and ignoring God's law again. Humans are created by God, the best way to use a machine is to follow the maker's Product Specification, therefore, the best way for us to live an abundant life is to follow our creator's Product Specification which is Bible. I am not regretting anything, He uses all the things to work together for our good, I learned from my sins, my horrible previous life. What I pray for more, is humility and obedience. The earlier obedient we are, the lesser pain we will suffer. Love is not give whatever she wants, love is to love and lead her in God's way. You love yourself by forcing yourself to exercise, eat healthy food you don't like, study, restrain yourself from dangerous activities, you are commanded to love your wife in the same way, you say no to yourself, you should say no to her. Give a person whatever he wants is the best way to destroy that person.
Been newly married for three months. My wife can be fiery and I’m getting sick of the bickering. I’m struggling to find that “draw the line in the sand” instead of appeasing to her all the time because I’m sick of the bickering. I can tell everyone to shove off but I have such a soft spot for my wife that it’s difficult. Even when I do stand up for biblical truth the fighting ratchets up 😆. I just keep praying for wisdom in how to behave.
Please read Boundaries by McCloud and Townsend. Undoubtedly, you are enabling her to be petulant. It feels like love but isn’t. Learned this the life-experience way. 😍
Hey Cap, Hang in there dude. Marriage is awesome if we are yielded to Jesus, but many times the first year is the most difficult. You are taking two different and independent lives and making them into one. I adore my wife, as I should. My wife is fiery as well, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, in order to give sound Biblical counsel, I would need to know all the aspects of your relationship. I would need to see why she is bickering at all and why you are as well. I'd put money on it that it is not at all what you think it is. Doug's mini conversation is giving Biblical GENERAL rules, not specific. Let me give you an example... My wife's father was almost non-existent in her life. She felt abandoned for years...by many men, including her 4 or 5 step fathers. As a result, she projected onto me her feelings for her father and men. When we would argue, my first line of defense is "get away and calm down", which she took as abandonment. If I was being the "man", I might say..."I'm not leaving her and I know that. She needs to "get over it", and I could take off in the car. That is not what I did. Instead, I sought to heal her wounds. Wounds are illogical, that is, they don't follow objective reasoning, especially with woman. All we understand is that wounds hurt and we need to protect them. Women are emotional, and that's good...when it isn't controlling US (men are emotional as well, just different emotions). So I chose only to leave the room and not the premises...hear that. "I" chose. Eph 5 is one of the only places that defines love, and it does so not from a strictly positive argument, but first from a negative. "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church" Eph 5:29 From this verse, we can gather that the contrast of hate ("but" love) is to nourish and cherish. Study those two words for a bit. This is what you are supposed to do for your wife. Provide what your wife needs to grow, then guard it and protect her. Those things will be different for every woman, so a GOOD pastor or old HAPPY Godly married couple is a must to read between the "flesh" lines, and hear from the Spirit of God what is really going on. I would be happy to answer anything you'd like. Let me re assure you once more, marriage is AWESOME. It can be horrible as well if you plant the wrong seeds, including what you think you are supposed to do as a "man". Walk with Jesus. I can't imagine a wife that isn't firey. I don't have to imagine, actually, as I dated a yes girl. It was horrible and haunts me to this day. My wife is what I wanted and needed. We have been married 19 years, almost half my life and boy oh boy, do I adore that girl. Yes, she's been overbearing at times and has had to learn to submit, as I had to learn to lead (Gen 3). I'm still learning and she is as well. But it's been an amazing ride. I'd marry her again today...and tomorrow, if she'd have me :) and she'd do the same. 1. Accept the challenge of your first year/s of marriage. You aren't alone. Good marriage is not only possible, it is Godly. Is Godly possible? Is she in love with Jesus? Are you? 2. Continue to search out what the Bible has to say concerning marriage. There's a lot, so keep reading...keep seeking and asking. 3. Find a GODLY HAPPY couple and seek from them a BIBLICAL reason why they love God and each other. Be a disciple of Jesus with regard to marriage. 4. Prov 5:18 - Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She's a gift from your loving Father so treat her like one. Praying for you Cap, John
@@jjmonty8090 thank you for the encouraging words! I 100% agree that marriage is awesome, it’s Gods design. I will be forever grateful to God for blessing me with such a women. We just struggle to communicate effectively and we both acknowledge this. Probably normal first year stuff 😄.
One thing a lot of gen Z guys fail to realize is we have the leverage when it comes to relationships. A women's prime is short and ends around 30. Men on the other hand can be patient and wait a long time for God to lead us to the right woman. Never settle or lower your standards as a man. Always measure a potential wife based on the kind of mother she will be. Don't buy into the feminist crap, you are the head, and God literally made you to be a leader so master good leadership.
This comment was funny and so sad to read. WE men have the leverage? God has any leverage, we are servants, marriage is a gift which we don't deserve, especially as sinners. A woman's prime ends at 30? LOL, women who put their faith in God will live forever!!! It seems the feminists have already conquered your mind, since you sound so combative. It is deeply wrong to measure yourself by comparing yourself to women, or by how much you resist feminists. If women misbehave, is it only their fault? Whose example are they following? Yes man are the leaders, when a platoon is in disarray is it not the captain that is questioned? So then whose fault is the current state of the culture? Do you think women will be judged as strictly as men? Stop making excuses. This is evolutionary garbage you've been learning from youtube and possibly pick-up-artists, I can't believe christians upvoted this crap!!! Human beings are made in the likeness of God, God created the world in six, yes 6, DAYS. Not 6 billion years or whatever the number is up to now. My advice to you would be to repent of your ignorant anger to yourself and let the love of Christ guide you, if you are a christian. Christian men are called to created a home for their families, to be shields to the women around them. Rather than criticizing the sins of others, we should be cultivating christlikeness in ourselves. Please reflect on this.
@@Lethargo226 I think he is just describing the reality and encourage the brothers who have this tendency to be abdicated to be a nice guy, and I do think its an encouragement for brothers to have more patience and more trust in God, rather than lower their standards to abdicate.
@@Dk7423 Maybe, but the content of his comment suggests otherwise, too many guys hear a criticism of women and jump on it to justify ungodly views of women.
I have been a victim of bad “Christian counsel” in the past which taught me that loving your wife like Christ loved the church practically looked like what you described in this video as “manning up”. Additionally, I was taught that the wife’s sanctifying and cleansing was dependent upon me loving her, that is, “manning up” The result is a lack of respect for the husband which unfortunately doesn’t seem to be a teaching focus in any popular women’s Bible Studies, conferences, etc
If the feminists were right, it’s like Christ catering to all the whims and fancies of the church. Zero submission, the fallen church don’t submit, we don’t have to wonder why the wives don’t submit. They live out their carnal and fallen theology.
the 'nice guy' in today's world is code for sucker, chump or pet wallet. Don't be a 'nice guy'. Be a Man. It is ok for you to say NO to her. It is ok for you decide sh is not worth pursuing. It is ok for you expect her to contribute to a relationship. It is RIGHT for you to take the lead in the relationship. Until such time as you meet this wmn. Read your Bible, pray and when all that is done, pray some more.
This type of extremely basic, fundamental life wisdom is what is lost on multiple generations of men who were brought up on the mantra "RESPECT WOMEN, RESPECT WOMEN, RESPECT WOMEN" chanted into their ears ad nauseam.
He could have been talking to me, a man in his Twenties in the Eighties, in love with a hot girl in my church who was too much for me to handle. Looking back I think I dodged a bullet. I ended up marrying a much softer woman who could handle my eagerness to please. My beta-maleness came into its own when she got terminal cancer, and I did everything I could for her. A jerk might have jumped ship (I know of such stories). Her cancer humbled her enough to be grateful for my catering to her every wish. It worked out as a marriage, but I lost her in a different way in the end of course
I was the weak guy, learned to be a bad guy, stood up to her, she called me a jerk and left with the kids. No, it wasn't all my fault, but there is wisdom in Doug's words, and sometimes it might be a fine line, but I say find some one who can be humble and isn't afraid of responsibility, and don't you be afraid of it either, and make sure you can negotiate. You're going to have disagreements, but can you work through it?
To every SBC church south of the Mason Dixon line: Watch this video, let it sink in deeper. Stop preaching to the “lost boys and girls “ of your church but preach to the men who read their bibles daily , provide for their families and say “ no” even after hearing everyone out. If your church is suffering , its because the unfinished man , has left your church and the men left are needing a pastor leader to stop wetting his finger and checking where the culture is blowing. Want to start a good fight worth fighting for ? Strike a Blow for the church on Sunday? Dare you to dust off a kjv, or a NASB or even grandma’s NKJV and preach from it and then ask everyone to take up a hymnal and sing from page on page 8. “ A Mighty Fortress is Our God”- Men will sing and not a “ Jesus is my boyfriend” nauseous praise chorus. Men can come back, but that’s for the pencil necks from SBC to fix.
This is crucial, and a lot of this stuff doesn’t come naturally to men these days. Thank God for these videos, I think my relationship with my girlfriend will be strengthened with this wisdom
Thank you. I've been doing some pondering recently on how much of what a typical women looks for in the character of a man was determined by the original creation and how much is an affect of the fall. Genesis 3:16 ("To the woman he said, ... 'Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." - NIV) seems to indicate that there is a warping of these desires as part of the curse, but it isn't particularly clear on how it was warped. What's your take on what happened?
Desire means to want something you cant have. So what would the woman desire of the man? Answer, his leadership, his authority, to be in charge, to be the man. Look at the whole world, what do you see in the feminist movement? Women wanting to be in the position of the man. Just carefully watch what women say and what they do to usurp the man.
Yep. I regredt not tossing my wife out of the home when we were having fights. She disrespected me for years and I put up with it because I thought I was doing the right thing. We went to marriage counseling with the church and it was good for a while but then it pivited quickly. I think that if i would have thrown her out for a week or so she would have woken up to her foolishness. We are currently divorced after 21 years and she has started to date and talk about getting married again. it's a bit shocking becase I thought her faith and knowledge was stronger. We made rules to NEVER even say the word divorse and other things. She went back on each commitment nd hear we are.
Thats because woman lie. Like habitually, especially to themselves, because decisions are based off emotion and she doesn't know how she will feel once fronted with decisions. She feels she will know, but she doesn't actually. It makes her sound like a good person when she says it, so she says it. Then when having to do it, it makes her feel bad and doing the other thing feels like it will make her happier, so she does that. Solopsism. You cant listen to a woman...you have to watch what they do. Thats how you learn who they are. Thats most people. But men tend to honor their word more because, well, men tend to have honor and want people to know my word means something.
I believe that as the lies of Feminism propagates and is take up by more and more, more as more will be blessed with Singleness to serve God; as we approach the last days. So don’t fret if young men cannot find women to marry. Time to give our selves to the Lord.
1. Check out Doug's video called "Singleness is an Affliction" will give a better perspective on this. 2. The Last Days started in the 1st century. There is no "approaching" them.
I feel this is a hard thing to do. I was raised in a super macho culture which wasn't biblical and toxic. I try to be nice to ward off that evil that imprinted in me. But I don't understand biblically how I can be humble while being a leader to a future spouse. Without putting my foot down or responding to arguments with anger or mean with my words/tone.
Women don’t like nice guys who are below average looking but if he’s attractive and matches the ideals of beauty standards him being nice is a unicorn 🦄 in reality most attractive guys are jerks at least in my opinion and it motivates women to try to change him and soften his heart it’s like a challenge for us, I blame Hollywood flicks and romance novels…yes the world is very very shallow…I feel gross saying this. I used to believe and live that motto. I’m married now and will give advice to my daughter and other young women in the church that Prince Charming is a facade a deception of the serpent. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be attracted to the man but you can’t expect Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect died on the cross for you. Everyone has flaws including yourselves.
Uncle Doug, Amen and agree, but this is for cases when the woman pitches and idea and the man doesn't go with it. What should a husband do if he plans something and she doesn't follow?
1. Ask yourself if your leadership skills are as good as they should be. Are you leading by example and showing her why your plan will work? Are you being respectful of her and kind even in your sternness? 2. It could be an issue of submission that she has, which is entirely her problem, not yours.
I became part of a fellowship over 6 years ago because the preaching there appeared solid and for the most part I think it was and still is. Nevertheless, the church leadership subscribes to the whole "servant leadership" paradigm. There is a whole lot of smacking around of the men but little admonishment for the women. Additionally, the women's ministry appears to be virtually independent of the eldership with study subjects, materials, and books sometimes seeming questionable. Sometime seeming to have a soft feminist air to them. In fact, some woman's books have been removed from the church book store shelves due to both the author and their books' contents being revealed as sub-Biblical. Adding to this is the apparent secretive nature of the eldership, being somewhat unapproachable. Those that have complained about some aspect of the church often receive a sort of passive aggressive response. I have seriously considered seeking another church and fellowship...but there do not seem to be any better in a 50-mile radius. This is simply the nature of the church militant in the West and especially America. Nevertheless, Christ Lives and Rules Forever! Maranatha!
I don't know what you chose to do (stay or go) but I hope that either you have found a biblical church with true masculine leadership or have reformed your church with firm, Spirit-led love!
This same thing could be said about parents and their children. I cannot believe the behavior that ai see in young children toward their mothers and even their fathers. This letting children do what ever they want whenever they want is ridiculous. Sometimes To the point of neglect and abuse. Children need and want guidance and they need and want to be made to behave. My momma not only made us behave, but she made any kid at her house behave, just like she did us. And our friends that did not get that at their house, wanted to be at our house. Sounds crazy, but it is true.
While I don't disagree with Doug that the guy needed to be stern and show more leadership with her... How do we know it was purely because the guy was "too nice" and not because this particular girl was extremely shallow and left him for a more physically attractive guy? Dating in the Y and Z generations has become infinitely more shallow than it was when boomers were younger... And I think a lot of boomers fail to realize the severity of it.
@@falconiustallon continue to follow God and He will show you the Woman to pursue. Our culture is going through a time of affliction in this area, so yes, it is going to be bad.
One thing a lot of gen Z guys fail to realize is we have the leverage when it comes to relationships. A women's prime is short and ends around 30. Men on the other hand can be patient and wait a long time for God to lead us to the right woman. Never settle or lower your standards as a man. Always measure a potential wife based on the kind of mother she will be. Don't buy into the feminist crap, you are the head, and God literally made you to be a leader so master good leadership.
@@ThomLately I appreciate the encouragement, however I believe God did show me who to pursue (I believe confirmed as well). She said no, and up and moved to another country. God can do anything. But I'm pretty much outta time. The enemy has my head on the chopping block on this one. I'd appreciate prayer, if possible. Thanks.
So women only respect men that put them in their place? I want to marry a woman. An adult. Not a child. This was super discouraging to hear. I want my future marriage to be a place a respite from the world not another battlefield.
Most feminists are deceived (Eve's original sin) and think that there aren't any godly men who would guide without lording it over them. So they don't look for men to provide, they think that by relying on themselves they'll avoid hurt. Also not true, so when their worldview keeps getting wrecked by reality, yeah, they might throw some cinder blocks. It's God they're mad at though. How can they believe it's they haven't heard? Boldly proclaim cinder-hurling truths to screaming mad, wounded, sinful feminists and watch the power of the Gospel subdue and submit even the most fierce among them. Soli Deo Gloria 🙏
@@laurenshannon2703 How 'bout both? A generation or two ago (before the feminazis got power) a lot of this would've been understood such that it would mostly go without saying.
In most cases the Scriptures say don’t test God, maybe it’s good if women don’t test men? Instead of encouraging a potential mate and being submissive they are giving into base desires - tearing another persons house down to see if they can live in it. I’m not denying the underlying thesis of this video, but maybe women should take responsibility for how they are sinfully acting rather than just saying - well, they will test you whether they know it or not. Isn’t that a result of the fall? Isn’t that sinful?
I couldn't agree more. It's incredibly annoying how Christians will preach/teach that you need to shape and mold your "natural fleshly desires", or to do whatever possible to eradicate them entirely if they are purely sinful (such as homosexual attraction for example). However, when it comes to "what women want", many of these same people seem to think that women's natural desires for what they want in men have remained totally (or mostly) untouched by the curse of sin. Funny, because I've seen little to nothing about our natural desires that hasn't been largely or mostly perverted by the fall. As others have said in the comments of this video, I think most men want a woman that won't play childish mind games. They (and I) want to be married to an adult, not to a child.
This is indeed a tricky situation. Women like a challenge as much as a man does. Or I should say certain women. If you fawn too much over them, it can be a turn off. But if you back off a little bit, maybe don't give her all that much attention and then you do, then they want you even more. It's like this stupid game, which I wish we didn't always have to play, but unfortunately love is a game. Hopefully you can meet someone where the game is played less often than you can just be real with each other.
@@DavidLeeNCSU that’s your opinion dude, obviously if she doesn’t respect her significant other then she won’t respect the next guy she dates. She’s gonna have to learn there are compromises she has to make in life. Lest she ends up sad and alone.
When people learn how to play the power and authority game life gets a different meaning. Jurisdiction belongs to Christ to the glory of Lord God Almighty the Father of all living. Mathew 22:32 When your government issued ID will have a legal resurection, you'll understand Genesis 3:20 and the difference between: ...working WITH a legaly dead entity (corporation).... compared to..... working UNDER (submitted to) legaly dead entity (corporation). Is your name registered in Lamb's book of life, under God's jurisdiction? Who has the AUTHORITY to erase it? Revelation 3:5-6
Men are dictated by logic. Women are controlled by emotions. Both need each other to grow. Men to learn compassion and empathy through the observation of a Godly woman, while women need to learn that self pity can be the greatest form of pride and that focusing on your ultimate mission is the most important thing as God created you to fulfill His purpose. To quote a Hawiian pastor, "if you want to find out how selfish you are get married."
There are exceptions however... a percentage of men and women are reverse in their mental drives. I was formed by logic against emotional extremes and rule (thanks to a strong Dad)... and if a man hasn't learned to rule his emotions, all the best advice falls terribly short.
@@greenghost6416 yes, but women can help inspire us to visually cue us in on God's tender mercies. As with everything in His creation it is meant to inspire us to think, thank, and worship Him. Yes, you're right 100%, but again, I think God gave us kids so we could remember to remain humble before Him as he tolerates us like His own children and still is patient and loving towards us.
@@amelajay again, 100% agree and the rearing by your father helped mold that within you which is wonderful and a strength that can only empower a marriage to be stronger because of your background you have greater insights and compassion for the man you marry.
Quote; Adam was taught by God himself. Adam named our animals as God supplied them. Eve came after Adams teaching raising up. keep the record Strait 👷 God made eve so Adam had help meat Adam was to become her teacher to pass on the law of God.
My advice: Dedicate your tongue to serving God. Memorize the verse about how the tongue is like a flame, and read/listen to the weight of glory by CS Lewis. Should help you get a natural respect and love for others.
Please do some rebuttals to L Flowers he is a nightmare constantly attacking grace, with awful exegesis and strawmen galore, he is heading toward open theism.
Enjoying this episode? Check out Doug's audiobook, "How to Exasperate Your Wife and Other Short Essays for Men"
canonpress.com/products/how-to-exasperate-your-wife/
Shiba Inu coin
Is this giving women permission to shit test their men? To treat them like trash to test the men.
@@aaronwind67no
Doug Wilson is that stern father figure that so many need.
The church so desperately needs this teaching
Amen, agree 100%
As a woman, can confirm all of this is spot on. There have been many occasions where my husband put his foot down and stood up to me. I got angry, because women are indeed ruled by emotion. In the moment, I thought he was mean and unfair. Shortly afterwards, when the emotion faded, I respected him more and was more attracted to him.
Wish my ex-wife had the same reaction. She just got more mad and then said I was "controlling" then eventually left me. Then proceeded to sleep with a bunch of weak men. Doesn't always work out.
@@waakow Many women can't. They're dealing with unresolved trauma, they're brainwashed by feminism, they're self delusional... Tons of other factors. However, everything Doug said in the video is still true.
@@lacey2906 certainly what he said is true. But it won't necessarily lead to a good marriage. What I guess I'm getting at is, as a Christian man you have to decide if you are going to follow God or follow your wife.
Lacey- you’re so right-on!!
All people are lead by emotion. Imagine a man telling his manager what he thought was best and the manager disagreed. The man and his boss discuss it and eventually the boss puts his foot down. The man will probably be angry if he feels that his boss hasn't listened or respected his opinion. I don't think it's accurate to say women are these irrational beings anymore than men are.
I wish I had been smart enough to seek out and hear this kind of teaching as a younger man.
I’m a woman and this was incredibly refreshing
And I'm a man and your channel is refreshing. There's not a lot of young Christian women who display zeal outwardly. There seems to be a conventional attitude that if she's vocal about theology or witnessing publicly, that she's failing to excel in domesticity or being feminine. But that's for you to know, and your suitor to find out. This, at least, gets you noticed, much more than being silent in and outside of church.
This is the stuff that needs to go viral.
I'm 26 and being calm but stern usually comes across as controlling to women. I think this only works if a woman is excited to grow in virtue and accepts the Biblical model of headship. A few Christian girls I went on dates with we discussed gender roles and their perspective was basically that male "headship" is an honorific title and that if the woman disagrees she can veto at any time. Though they don't say it in as many words.
That has just been my experience, our culture is deeply sick and women are very sensitive to cultural messaging.
That being said I'm not even angry at women. I feel sorry for them because I see them acting out all these self destructive behaviors, but usually if you try to gently correct them it is perceived as an affront on their worth as a human being. Hats off to the social engineers, they really created a tangle, making it nearly impossible to get and stay married anymore, which has been their goal since the 60s. The crows of the sexual revolution are coming home to roost, and just like the debt bubble, the cleaning up of the mess is in the hands of the generation born after the selfish decisions were made.
I salute all men and women who are in Christian and respectful marriages, you are a beacon of hope.
"A woman knows that a man that has difficulty standing up to her, will have difficulty standing up for her".
Man. Forever printed on my brain.
This is scrupulously well spoken.
Thank YOU uncle Doug! 'MABLOG' is a pleasure! :D ~ Vancouver BC ~ Blizzard STILL!
Love my uncle Doug. God bless. From a Christian brother from Mongolia.
I used to be a jerk when I was not a Christian, I hurt people and I felt guilty. Later, I became a Christian, I think I was making up for my previous sins and mistakes by trying my best to avoid being a jerk, surpassing my own needs, abdicating, and being nice. But it is not the correct way to repent and make up. I was making the opposite mistake by being a nice guy and ignoring God's law again.
Humans are created by God, the best way to use a machine is to follow the maker's Product Specification, therefore, the best way for us to live an abundant life is to follow our creator's Product Specification which is Bible. I am not regretting anything, He uses all the things to work together for our good, I learned from my sins, my horrible previous life. What I pray for more, is humility and obedience. The earlier obedient we are, the lesser pain we will suffer.
Love is not give whatever she wants, love is to love and lead her in God's way. You love yourself by forcing yourself to exercise, eat healthy food you don't like, study, restrain yourself from dangerous activities, you are commanded to love your wife in the same way, you say no to yourself, you should say no to her. Give a person whatever he wants is the best way to destroy that person.
Been newly married for three months. My wife can be fiery and I’m getting sick of the bickering. I’m struggling to find that “draw the line in the sand” instead of appeasing to her all the time because I’m sick of the bickering. I can tell everyone to shove off but I have such a soft spot for my wife that it’s difficult. Even when I do stand up for biblical truth the fighting ratchets up 😆. I just keep praying for wisdom in how to behave.
Please read Boundaries by McCloud and Townsend. Undoubtedly, you are enabling her to be petulant. It feels like love but isn’t. Learned this the life-experience way. 😍
big oof
Hey Cap,
Hang in there dude. Marriage is awesome if we are yielded to Jesus, but many times the first year is the most difficult. You are taking two different and independent lives and making them into one. I adore my wife, as I should. My wife is fiery as well, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Of course, in order to give sound Biblical counsel, I would need to know all the aspects of your relationship. I would need to see why she is bickering at all and why you are as well. I'd put money on it that it is not at all what you think it is. Doug's mini conversation is giving Biblical GENERAL rules, not specific. Let me give you an example...
My wife's father was almost non-existent in her life. She felt abandoned for years...by many men, including her 4 or 5 step fathers. As a result, she projected onto me her feelings for her father and men. When we would argue, my first line of defense is "get away and calm down", which she took as abandonment. If I was being the "man", I might say..."I'm not leaving her and I know that. She needs to "get over it", and I could take off in the car. That is not what I did. Instead, I sought to heal her wounds. Wounds are illogical, that is, they don't follow objective reasoning, especially with woman. All we understand is that wounds hurt and we need to protect them. Women are emotional, and that's good...when it isn't controlling US (men are emotional as well, just different emotions). So I chose only to leave the room and not the premises...hear that. "I" chose.
Eph 5 is one of the only places that defines love, and it does so not from a strictly positive argument, but first from a negative.
"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church" Eph 5:29
From this verse, we can gather that the contrast of hate ("but" love) is to nourish and cherish. Study those two words for a bit. This is what you are supposed to do for your wife. Provide what your wife needs to grow, then guard it and protect her. Those things will be different for every woman, so a GOOD pastor or old HAPPY Godly married couple is a must to read between the "flesh" lines, and hear from the Spirit of God what is really going on.
I would be happy to answer anything you'd like. Let me re assure you once more, marriage is AWESOME. It can be horrible as well if you plant the wrong seeds, including what you think you are supposed to do as a "man". Walk with Jesus.
I can't imagine a wife that isn't firey. I don't have to imagine, actually, as I dated a yes girl. It was horrible and haunts me to this day. My wife is what I wanted and needed. We have been married 19 years, almost half my life and boy oh boy, do I adore that girl. Yes, she's been overbearing at times and has had to learn to submit, as I had to learn to lead (Gen 3). I'm still learning and she is as well. But it's been an amazing ride. I'd marry her again today...and tomorrow, if she'd have me :) and she'd do the same.
1. Accept the challenge of your first year/s of marriage. You aren't alone. Good marriage is not only possible, it is Godly. Is Godly possible? Is she in love with Jesus? Are you?
2. Continue to search out what the Bible has to say concerning marriage. There's a lot, so keep reading...keep seeking and asking.
3. Find a GODLY HAPPY couple and seek from them a BIBLICAL reason why they love God and each other. Be a disciple of Jesus with regard to marriage.
4. Prov 5:18 - Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She's a gift from your loving Father so treat her like one.
Praying for you Cap,
John
@@jjmonty8090 thank you for the encouraging words! I 100% agree that marriage is awesome, it’s Gods design. I will be forever grateful to God for blessing me with such a women. We just struggle to communicate effectively and we both acknowledge this. Probably normal first year stuff 😄.
@@LauraDickenson thanks. Didn't know about that book, but might be an interesting to read. Since I'm also struggling with the same issues.
One thing a lot of gen Z guys fail to realize is we have the leverage when it comes to relationships. A women's prime is short and ends around 30. Men on the other hand can be patient and wait a long time for God to lead us to the right woman. Never settle or lower your standards as a man. Always measure a potential wife based on the kind of mother she will be. Don't buy into the feminist crap, you are the head, and God literally made you to be a leader so master good leadership.
Yes!! 100%!!
This comment was funny and so sad to read. WE men have the leverage? God has any leverage, we are servants, marriage is a gift which we don't deserve, especially as sinners.
A woman's prime ends at 30? LOL, women who put their faith in God will live forever!!!
It seems the feminists have already conquered your mind, since you sound so combative. It is deeply wrong to measure yourself by comparing yourself to women, or by how much you resist feminists. If women misbehave, is it only their fault? Whose example are they following? Yes man are the leaders, when a platoon is in disarray is it not the captain that is questioned? So then whose fault is the current state of the culture?
Do you think women will be judged as strictly as men? Stop making excuses.
This is evolutionary garbage you've been learning from youtube and possibly pick-up-artists, I can't believe christians upvoted this crap!!!
Human beings are made in the likeness of God, God created the world in six, yes 6, DAYS. Not 6 billion years or whatever the number is up to now. My advice to you would be to repent of your ignorant anger to yourself and let the love of Christ guide you, if you are a christian.
Christian men are called to created a home for their families, to be shields to the women around them. Rather than criticizing the sins of others, we should be cultivating christlikeness in ourselves. Please reflect on this.
@@Lethargo226 I think he is just describing the reality and encourage the brothers who have this tendency to be abdicated to be a nice guy, and I do think its an encouragement for brothers to have more patience and more trust in God, rather than lower their standards to abdicate.
Its a good reminder for both men and women, women are tended to be picky, while men are tended to be impatient and impulsive.
@@Dk7423 Maybe, but the content of his comment suggests otherwise, too many guys hear a criticism of women and jump on it to justify ungodly views of women.
There is an excellent book by Paul Coughlin called :
No more Christian nice guy.
It’s excellent
There's a better one called It's Good to be a Man, recently published by Canon Press :)
@@gracefool thanks. I’ll look for it.
It’s good although I found “ No more mr. Nice guy” by Robert Glover to be more impactful
I have been a victim of bad “Christian counsel” in the past which taught me that loving your wife like Christ loved the church practically looked like what you described in this video as “manning up”. Additionally, I was taught that the wife’s sanctifying and cleansing was dependent upon me loving her, that is, “manning up”
The result is a lack of respect for the husband which unfortunately doesn’t seem to be a teaching focus in any popular women’s Bible Studies, conferences, etc
If the feminists were right, it’s like Christ catering to all the whims and fancies of the church. Zero submission, the fallen church don’t submit, we don’t have to wonder why the wives don’t submit. They live out their carnal and fallen theology.
the 'nice guy' in today's world is code for sucker, chump or pet wallet. Don't be a 'nice guy'. Be a Man. It is ok for you to say NO to her. It is ok for you decide sh is not worth pursuing. It is ok for you expect her to contribute to a relationship. It is RIGHT for you to take the lead in the relationship. Until such time as you meet this wmn. Read your Bible, pray and when all that is done, pray some more.
This type of extremely basic, fundamental life wisdom is what is lost on multiple generations of men who were brought up on the mantra "RESPECT WOMEN, RESPECT WOMEN, RESPECT WOMEN" chanted into their ears ad nauseam.
I respect all my most valuable property.
He could have been talking to me, a man in his Twenties in the Eighties, in love with a hot girl in my church who was too much for me to handle. Looking back I think I dodged a bullet.
I ended up marrying a much softer woman who could handle my eagerness to please. My beta-maleness came into its own when she got terminal cancer, and I did everything I could for her. A jerk might have jumped ship (I know of such stories).
Her cancer humbled her enough to be grateful for my catering to her every wish. It worked out as a marriage, but I lost her in a different way in the end of course
Very similar to me, my wife died at 33 and I certainly did everything to try to save her.
This is exactly what I need. Thank you,Doug.
This would have helped in my marriage immensely, and no the pastor never said anything in counseling about this
I was the weak guy, learned to be a bad guy, stood up to her, she called me a jerk and left with the kids.
No, it wasn't all my fault, but there is wisdom in Doug's words, and sometimes it might be a fine line, but I say find some one who can be humble and isn't afraid of responsibility, and don't you be afraid of it either, and make sure you can negotiate. You're going to have disagreements, but can you work through it?
Just be smart and dont get into that situation.
@@AnarchoPunkChad You're right
To every SBC church south of the Mason Dixon line: Watch this video, let it sink in deeper.
Stop preaching to the “lost boys and girls “ of your church but preach to the men who read their bibles daily , provide for their families and say “ no” even after hearing everyone out.
If your church is suffering , its because the unfinished man , has left your church and the men left are needing a pastor leader to stop wetting his finger and checking where the culture is blowing. Want to start a good fight worth fighting for ? Strike a Blow for the church on Sunday? Dare you to dust off a kjv, or a NASB or even grandma’s NKJV and preach from it and then ask everyone to take up a hymnal and sing from page on page 8. “ A Mighty Fortress is Our God”- Men will sing and not a “ Jesus is my boyfriend” nauseous praise chorus. Men can come back, but that’s for the pencil necks from SBC to fix.
Thanks uncle. Very affectionate.
Great advice, I wish I had heard this 10 years ago. Thank you for sharing
This is crucial, and a lot of this stuff doesn’t come naturally to men these days. Thank God for these videos, I think my relationship with my girlfriend will be strengthened with this wisdom
I really needed to hear this right now.
Your a legend mate keep up the good work 👍
Amen, this is gold!
Truth… hopefully young men will listen
Thank you. I've been doing some pondering recently on how much of what a typical women looks for in the character of a man was determined by the original creation and how much is an affect of the fall. Genesis 3:16 ("To the woman he said, ... 'Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." - NIV) seems to indicate that there is a warping of these desires as part of the curse, but it isn't particularly clear on how it was warped. What's your take on what happened?
Desire means to want something you cant have. So what would the woman desire of the man? Answer, his leadership, his authority, to be in charge, to be the man. Look at the whole world, what do you see in the feminist movement? Women wanting to be in the position of the man. Just carefully watch what women say and what they do to usurp the man.
Yep. I regredt not tossing my wife out of the home when we were having fights. She disrespected me for years and I put up with it because I thought I was doing the right thing. We went to marriage counseling with the church and it was good for a while but then it pivited quickly. I think that if i would have thrown her out for a week or so she would have woken up to her foolishness. We are currently divorced after 21 years and she has started to date and talk about getting married again. it's a bit shocking becase I thought her faith and knowledge was stronger. We made rules to NEVER even say the word divorse and other things. She went back on each commitment nd hear we are.
Thats because woman lie. Like habitually, especially to themselves, because decisions are based off emotion and she doesn't know how she will feel once fronted with decisions. She feels she will know, but she doesn't actually. It makes her sound like a good person when she says it, so she says it. Then when having to do it, it makes her feel bad and doing the other thing feels like it will make her happier, so she does that. Solopsism. You cant listen to a woman...you have to watch what they do. Thats how you learn who they are. Thats most people. But men tend to honor their word more because, well, men tend to have honor and want people to know my word means something.
I'd probably be married by now if a man in my life explained this to me when I was younger.
Ditto brother
Can this series with Dawson & Darla be made into a book? Please!
This is based on the book in the pinned comment
Sometimes the best thing to tell your gal is...no. Flat footed and firm.
This would work wonderfully if both people in the marriage were redeemed. If they weren’t/aren’t this is absolute disaster.
Everything is if they weren't/aren't lol
I believe that as the lies of Feminism propagates and is take up by more and more, more as more will be blessed with Singleness to serve God; as we approach the last days.
So don’t fret if young men cannot find women to marry. Time to give our selves to the Lord.
Problem is that not all of these men were given the gift of self-control to remain single without constantly being tempted to sin sexually.
1. Check out Doug's video called "Singleness is an Affliction" will give a better perspective on this.
2. The Last Days started in the 1st century. There is no "approaching" them.
A man must be able to tell his wife how the cow ate the cabbage
I feel this is a hard thing to do. I was raised in a super macho culture which wasn't biblical and toxic. I try to be nice to ward off that evil that imprinted in me. But I don't understand biblically how I can be humble while being a leader to a future spouse. Without putting my foot down or responding to arguments with anger or mean with my words/tone.
So good
Are you going to another series giving advice to a young woman?
This guy scares me sometimes
Women don’t like nice guys who are below average looking but if he’s attractive and matches the ideals of beauty standards him being nice is a unicorn 🦄 in reality most attractive guys are jerks at least in my opinion and it motivates women to try to change him and soften his heart it’s like a challenge for us, I blame Hollywood flicks and romance novels…yes the world is very very shallow…I feel gross saying this. I used to believe and live that motto. I’m married now and will give advice to my daughter and other young women in the church that Prince Charming is a facade a deception of the serpent. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be attracted to the man but you can’t expect Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect died on the cross for you. Everyone has flaws including yourselves.
Uncle Doug,
Amen and agree, but this is for cases when the woman pitches and idea and the man doesn't go with it. What should a husband do if he plans something and she doesn't follow?
1. Ask yourself if your leadership skills are as good as they should be. Are you leading by example and showing her why your plan will work? Are you being respectful of her and kind even in your sternness? 2. It could be an issue of submission that she has, which is entirely her problem, not yours.
@@djnathaniel2699 Just hold frame bro! xDD
I became part of a fellowship over 6 years ago because the preaching there appeared solid and for the most part I think it was and still is. Nevertheless, the church leadership subscribes to the whole "servant leadership" paradigm. There is a whole lot of smacking around of the men but little admonishment for the women. Additionally, the women's ministry appears to be virtually independent of the eldership with study subjects, materials, and books sometimes seeming questionable. Sometime seeming to have a soft feminist air to them. In fact, some woman's books have been removed from the church book store shelves due to both the author and their books' contents being revealed as sub-Biblical. Adding to this is the apparent secretive nature of the eldership, being somewhat unapproachable. Those that have complained about some aspect of the church often receive a sort of passive aggressive response. I have seriously considered seeking another church and fellowship...but there do not seem to be any better in a 50-mile radius. This is simply the nature of the church militant in the West and especially America. Nevertheless, Christ Lives and Rules Forever! Maranatha!
I don't know what you chose to do (stay or go) but I hope that either you have found a biblical church with true masculine leadership or have reformed your church with firm, Spirit-led love!
excellent!
Doug: "One of these days Nancy straight to the Moon". POW ! - Honeymooner's.
This same thing could be said about parents and their children. I cannot believe the behavior that ai see in young children toward their mothers and even their fathers. This letting children do what ever they want whenever they want is ridiculous. Sometimes To the point of neglect and abuse. Children need and want guidance and they need and want to be made to behave. My momma not only made us behave, but she made any kid at her house behave, just like she did us. And our friends that did not get that at their house, wanted to be at our house. Sounds crazy, but it is true.
Truth bombs dropping
While I don't disagree with Doug that the guy needed to be stern and show more leadership with her... How do we know it was purely because the guy was "too nice" and not because this particular girl was extremely shallow and left him for a more physically attractive guy? Dating in the Y and Z generations has become infinitely more shallow than it was when boomers were younger... And I think a lot of boomers fail to realize the severity of it.
my experience (or lack thereof) as a man, you say no, and they walk away forever. pure and simple.
@@falconiustallon continue to follow God and He will show you the Woman to pursue. Our culture is going through a time of affliction in this area, so yes, it is going to be bad.
One thing a lot of gen Z guys fail to realize is we have the leverage when it comes to relationships. A women's prime is short and ends around 30. Men on the other hand can be patient and wait a long time for God to lead us to the right woman. Never settle or lower your standards as a man. Always measure a potential wife based on the kind of mother she will be. Don't buy into the feminist crap, you are the head, and God literally made you to be a leader so master good leadership.
@@j.m7555 not too long your sperm start aging at 35+
@@ThomLately I appreciate the encouragement, however I believe God did show me who to pursue (I believe confirmed as well). She said no, and up and moved to another country. God can do anything. But I'm pretty much outta time. The enemy has my head on the chopping block on this one. I'd appreciate prayer, if possible. Thanks.
All true
Succinctly spot-on.
So women only respect men that put them in their place? I want to marry a woman. An adult. Not a child. This was super discouraging to hear. I want my future marriage to be a place a respite from the world not another battlefield.
I wonder what a feminist would make of this?.. Probably to throw cinder blocks.
feminists are why this video is necessary
@@jamesc7526 Men trying to honor God without standing up for what's right is why this is spoken.
Most feminists are deceived (Eve's original sin) and think that there aren't any godly men who would guide without lording it over them. So they don't look for men to provide, they think that by relying on themselves they'll avoid hurt. Also not true, so when their worldview keeps getting wrecked by reality, yeah, they might throw some cinder blocks. It's God they're mad at though. How can they believe it's they haven't heard? Boldly proclaim cinder-hurling truths to screaming mad, wounded, sinful feminists and watch the power of the Gospel subdue and submit even the most fierce among them. Soli Deo Gloria 🙏
@@laurenshannon2703 How 'bout both? A generation or two ago (before the feminazis got power) a lot of this would've been understood such that it would mostly go without saying.
In most cases the Scriptures say don’t test God, maybe it’s good if women don’t test men? Instead of encouraging a potential mate and being submissive they are giving into base desires - tearing another persons house down to see if they can live in it.
I’m not denying the underlying thesis of this video, but maybe women should take responsibility for how they are sinfully acting rather than just saying - well, they will test you whether they know it or not. Isn’t that a result of the fall? Isn’t that sinful?
I couldn't agree more. It's incredibly annoying how Christians will preach/teach that you need to shape and mold your "natural fleshly desires", or to do whatever possible to eradicate them entirely if they are purely sinful (such as homosexual attraction for example).
However, when it comes to "what women want", many of these same people seem to think that women's natural desires for what they want in men have remained totally (or mostly) untouched by the curse of sin. Funny, because I've seen little to nothing about our natural desires that hasn't been largely or mostly perverted by the fall.
As others have said in the comments of this video, I think most men want a woman that won't play childish mind games. They (and I) want to be married to an adult, not to a child.
This is indeed a tricky situation. Women like a challenge as much as a man does. Or I should say certain women. If you fawn too much over them, it can be a turn off. But if you back off a little bit, maybe don't give her all that much attention and then you do, then they want you even more. It's like this stupid game, which I wish we didn't always have to play, but unfortunately love is a game. Hopefully you can meet someone where the game is played less often than you can just be real with each other.
Accurate
wow.
He was a Bata male .....
If her rebound treats her like crap then it’s a good thing y’all broke up.
Nonsensical
@@DavidLeeNCSU that’s your opinion dude, obviously if she doesn’t respect her significant other then she won’t respect the next guy she dates. She’s gonna have to learn there are compromises she has to make in life. Lest she ends up sad and alone.
Coolest Unc'
New Year Resolution! Hear the gospel message! Jesus is our only hope for freedom and Salvation!
How did the "poor chump" take this?
Well in my opinion they were not in love. Love leads and works things out. Where is love today. You cheat your obviously not in love.
When people learn how to play the power and authority game life gets a different meaning.
Jurisdiction belongs to Christ to the glory of Lord God Almighty the Father of all living.
Mathew 22:32
When your government issued ID will have a legal resurection, you'll understand Genesis 3:20 and the difference between: ...working WITH a legaly dead entity (corporation).... compared to..... working UNDER (submitted to) legaly dead entity (corporation).
Is your name registered in Lamb's book of life, under God's jurisdiction?
Who has the AUTHORITY to erase it?
Revelation 3:5-6
Cinderblocks sounds like tantrum.
So submit to your husband as unto the Lord means discussing and deciding together??? I suggest you rethink that.
its called a sh_t test.
Men are dictated by logic.
Women are controlled by emotions.
Both need each other to grow. Men to learn compassion and empathy through the observation of a Godly woman, while women need to learn that self pity can be the greatest form of pride and that focusing on your ultimate mission is the most important thing as God created you to fulfill His purpose.
To quote a Hawiian pastor, "if you want to find out how selfish you are get married."
Men learn compassion through Christ not from women.
There are exceptions however... a percentage of men and women are reverse in their mental drives. I was formed by logic against emotional extremes and rule (thanks to a strong Dad)... and if a man hasn't learned to rule his emotions, all the best advice falls terribly short.
@@greenghost6416 yes, but women can help inspire us to visually cue us in on God's tender mercies. As with everything in His creation it is meant to inspire us to think, thank, and worship Him. Yes, you're right 100%, but again, I think God gave us kids so we could remember to remain humble before Him as he tolerates us like His own children and still is patient and loving towards us.
@@amelajay again, 100% agree and the rearing by your father helped mold that within you which is wonderful and a strength that can only empower a marriage to be stronger because of your background you have greater insights and compassion for the man you marry.
Quote; Adam was taught by God himself. Adam named our animals as God supplied them. Eve came after Adams teaching raising up. keep the record Strait 👷 God made eve so Adam had help meat Adam was to become her teacher to pass on the law of God.
I guess It cannot be said that I struggle with nice guy syndrome, most would say I’m a natural jerk.
My advice: Dedicate your tongue to serving God. Memorize the verse about how the tongue is like a flame, and read/listen to the weight of glory by CS Lewis. Should help you get a natural respect and love for others.
Get a spine men
Gotta pass them shit tests, boys.
Poor choice of thumbnail.
Why, the finger? Have you ever even read the Bible? It’s filthy, children should be protected from it. It’s worse than Tom Sawyer
Yeah, I agree, I didn’t care for their choice of the “jerk” photo.
I agree,,poor judgement on Doug's part.Thank you for pointing that out.
Ah, where would man be without woman?
BACK IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN!!!!!
And alone
@@cosmictreason2242 Nope! God would be there!
@@johndisalvo6283 then how was Adam alone in Genesis 2? Was God not there?
@@cosmictreason2242 Yes He was!!😵💫
@@johndisalvo6283 so Adam was alone even though God was there
I don’t think it’s necessary to flex on a woman just because. That also is insecurity 💪🏼
How is that insecurity?
@@rockycomet4587 because it’s postering and uncalled for. A leader can control themselves before others. It’s a heart issue.
@@vol.9543 I flex on women because I can, not because I'm insecure. 💪
Alpha seed; Beta need.
Please do some rebuttals to L Flowers he is a nightmare constantly attacking grace, with awful exegesis and strawmen galore, he is heading toward open theism.
James White has that covered.