To receive 10% off your first month of customized online therapy with a license counselor, visit www.betterhelp.com/amandawebster 💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we break the mental health stigma. 💖
My dear sweet Amanda, I really needed this video this evening. People watching this please listen, like subscribe and most importantly share with friends and acquaintances of yours who start to change their behavior in a peculiar way. Amanda is not a mental health professional, and I thank my higher power for that. She has been as low as I have, she has been as low as many of have been and by some miracle she was interrupted by a song prior to turning of her life. When I found Amanda I was done, I could not stand the pain, the insecurity the useless feelings for one more second. I partook of my favorite substance and for whatever reason I needed to hear some songs to set the tone for the final exit. I was done, finished and convinced nobody would miss me…… I found the song I wanted, relatable and full of pain, a quick listen and no more pain. I pushed the play button and I swear it was the play button, Amanda’s reaction to the song came up. I immediately sent her a message and joined up on Patreon. All of my plans were like cinders when a gust of wind unexpectedly arrives and blows all of the dust we wallow in Away. I listened 3 or more times to Amanda’s analysis and finally realized I was not alone. Because of Amanda and the pack I am in a better place and instead of dreading every day I am getting up and facing things’ learning to accept that I do have skills and yes there are rough days still, when those arrive I find a quiet place and study some rections from the UNIVERSITY OF AMANDA. i can truly say that I love Amanda and all the pack members. I have grown more in 6 weeks than I managed to grow in 60 plus years! I can honestly say I love my pack mother and my pack mates!
Amanda I'm sorry but I had to drop my patreon for now. School starting back up and all. I'll be back though. It sucks because I was going to request Save your Story next. I'll be back on patreon soon.
@@cliffordbarnes1631 the biggest thing I'm dealing with now is feeling worthy of love. The girl I've been talking to has been nothing but caring and understanding. I think I may be falling for her but don't understand why she would want me. I don't want to mess up but I question why she would want me. I don't know how to proceed. I feel so ugly and she wants to be with me. I mean, what?
Thanks for dropping by and I'm honored that you enjoy my content as much as I enjoy yours. You absolutely will see more! Would you consider coming on the channel sometimes and having a mental health chat with me? I've chatted with Billy Bob Thornton, John Corabi, Matthew Santoro, Eric Bischoff and Christian Burns just to name a few 💖
You guys have saved my life- and I mean that literally. The first time I heard one of your songs was "If These Scars Could Speak"- which I heard blaring from somebody's car in a parking lot while I was laying down in the middle of traffic lanes at night on a highway I knew semi trucks drove down at speeds that they would keep them from being able to avoid running me over. I had realized I could not commit suicide by myself, and the only thing I could think of was just trying to get run over. The only reason my son has a father is because I heard your music. So, on his behalf, thank you. In all honesty, I am still not sure whether I am thankful to y'all for saving me or not. I'm still going through hell, and it's gotten worse since then. BUT! You guys have given me the strength to try and make it out of this hell. And that, I am grateful for.
Citizen Soldier has a way to get to you with their music when you're at a low where nothing else can reach you. You guys keep on doing it too. I've been familiar with quite a few songs when I first heard "ICU" and it had me refused to a crying mess immediately, especially when it sounds like "I see you", when not being seen is something I struggle with all my life it feels like. Great song, great band.❤
You covered something that has annoyed me for so long now about how people perceive someone who takes their own life. If I was to die from cancer, people would say "after a brave battle" If I was to take my own life, people would say " he gave in" 😢😢 Ironically, more men my age die from suicide than die from cancer
@@jmorris7934 ah yes, they 'gave in" to something they had no control of just as those with incurable diseases or cancer. apparently you need to pick up a book, go to church. Do something because your thinking is fucked up. And i can guarantee you you have never experienced anything like this because no one who has would ever agree with your thinking
@@jmorris7934 5:36 Amanda said it well, it ain't selfish, though I can kind of see why someone would think so. But a lot of us feel like the people around us wouldn't even feel sad if we died and we're just a burden to them and they would genuinely be better off without us.
I go with my wife to see the mental health team next week to help her with all the bad things in her mind I hope she gets the help she needs because I love her with all my heart ❤. I told her I will not let go but love her till end of time.❤❤❤❤
Love them! Their songs are always spot on. I love your explanation of how people are so ignorant to mental health/addiction etc. that it’s easier for them to avoid you/the situation and shrug it off when people are actually verbalizing that they are screaming for help. It’s very easy for people to pass judgement just because they haven’t been there. I’m guilty of that myself Pre-addiction. If you didn’t care about me when I was alive, please don’t cry for me when I’m not. Thanks for another great reaction👌🏻
Stumbled across your channel accidentally but I adore it already. Thank you for all the wisdom, empathy, outreach and compassion you've shown for others. Citizen soldier is an insanely powerful band. I found them through their song "weight of the world" , and that one hit me like a truck. Listened on repeat for hours and then binged more songs. I very rarely find bands that are spot-on in expressing the turmoil of anxiety and depression and struggle, but CS manages it somehow. Watching their music hit you just as hard felt like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for sharing!
This song speaks to how I feel alot. The first time I played this for my daughter she cried and wouldn't stop hugging me. She kept saying she'll never let go.
George I am so pleased with your choice to share as I have those questions in my life often. I know that you and I interacted a while back and listening and chatting with you helped me enormously! Take care with your beautiful daughter my friend!
@@cliffordbarnes1631 I'm so glad you're still here my friend. Yes this song is how I feel often. My daughter and the girl I've been talking to refuse to let me go. If I help anyone then cool. These girls won't let me go then I guess I should help someone. Maybe my pain can help someone else deal with there's.
This was a great reaction! If you want to hear another side of Citizen Soldier, react to "Monster Made Of Memories" and "Runaway From Myself" by them! 🔥
Would love to see reactions to These Citizen Soldier songs if possible cause they have a great positive message; Stronger than my storm Still breathing You are not your past Irreplaceable This is your sign
just to let you know on Christmas Day I had the best smile from my wife and I told her I will help get the bad feelings from her mind ,and I told her I will love her till we both pass away at a very old age..
Hi Amanda, I have been listening to Citizen Soldier for quite awhile, My youngest daughter Michelle just committed suicide a couple of weeks ago, We had her listening to CS, She also had a baby who turned 1 the day after she did it and an 8 year old son that miss her so much. My grandson thought it was his fault. and she knew that we were all here for her. I miss my baby girl so much
I am so sorry for your loss. We're here to help you through the grief and to keep Michelle's memory alive. You can share your favorite memories of her here or you can come join us on Discord if you need to talk: discord.gg/zwVmVgmj
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to share your favorite memories of him so we can help keep his spirit alive. May he find peace and may you find strength.
Oh my god amanda i just listened to elsas SHOW YOURSELF and cried for it.. Its not because of the song Its because i empathize with elsas feeling out of place in this world I felt her depression and i felt her emptiness and i was so happy she got to be free And the let it go song of hers was also on repeat alot of times.. its not because of the song but the meaning behind it and her story.. I love her story and her past snd i love every scar of hers and it hurts me too see her so scared everyday. After watching the show i wantrd to see reaction videos of my favourite band and here you are and oh my gosh i cant believe im not the only one who understood elsa So far all i noticed is nobody really..like not all of us focuses on elsas shoes here and its sad that shes such an underatted character but if you ask me she might be the most realistic Disney character i FINALLY know.... You are one true angel Im glad you know this!
Between this song and Would anyone care song from them these hit the hardest for myself and others I served with years ago, the only thing that changes is the days get longer. Thank you Amanda
love your reactions, I know the feelings portrayed by the songs, and I found the last few months have been the hardest, and I found my person to keep me going even tho they dont feel the same towards me as me to them. But i know its not healthy but it can keep me going till I find myself And ill keep going for them cause, I know even though they don't feel the same it would hurt them if I surrendered, but Otherwise I don't know what to do
I had my first tour, 1st medical in a mixed unit - americans, english, french, candadians - made a lot buddies, every one want's to be friends with the meds. One was this american kid, Eric, funny dude, kinda not really getting used to being a grown up yet, and one of our drivers. He'd crack fart jokes and other kid pranks, all around good guy. We were out on area patrol, him driving on point and an IED blow his humvee, 3-4 meters to side into a ditch, bunch of others, who didn't wear their eyes got hit, so me and the 2nd med go to them first thinking nothing of Eric, cause it didn't look like anything at first, maybe he was concused from the blast - who knew?. I get done with my first guy, 2nd takes over, and I run to check on Eric, had to pry to door open. He was gone. IED was right under him, big hole in the floor. I still have nightmares of that moment i realized he was just.. gone. Like a bubble burst. Thank you for helping me, by talking about it. You know who you are. I am doing a lot better know because of you
I've often had these thoughts and when ive told someone who I thought could help even a little even if its as simple as a hug the response i got was that I was just being stupid or they brush it off. Just ecause someone in that dark place hasn't gone through with ending their time on earth due to simply not having the courage to let go doesnt mean they aren't in danger in fact thats when they need the most help to fight and win its terrifying being at that point
I'm chronically ill and have been since 3rd grade and am now twenty, but my illness isn't visible and has a large psychological component. I have migraines and if I am exposed to the wrong thing mood swings (due to Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), I have other things on top of these (partly because Mast cell Activation syndrome has a large range of symptoms) acid reflux and ADHD and Autism. I have spent most of my life in both physical and mental pain, part of me wishes for people to understand what it feels like in my head from the combination but I would never wish that on my worst enemy the agony of that pain or the feeling like someone else is in control of your thoughts and actions. It's struggle that feeds on itself but lately I've been much better emotionally and physically. It is still a constant struggle, and one that feels very isolating, but I met someone a few months ago who also has an 'invisible' disability around my age and feel so validated by our conversations. I am constantly hiding how bad things are or parts of myself around people, I've been watching some of your reactions to songs I love today and in one of them you mentioned the feeling of wanting to go back to being innocent and that really resonates with me. I can't go back to being the innocent kid, but I am finally starting to get out of the shell I put myself in to protect myself from others. I'm starting to be more positive again though I am still scared to talk to and meet new people. Today is the first time I saw your channel but thank you for being a source of validation along with the music itself. I am very open about the physical part of my condition but I feel the pressure to keep the mental/emotional part under lock and key sometimes still (despite being in settings that encourage talking about it). My first Citizen Soldier song was Would Anyone Care a year or three ago and I've loved most of the songs I've listened to by them. I highly recommend 'Pretend My Pain Away', 'Waiting on the Sun', 'Wanted', and 'Words That Don't Exist' if you haven't listened to them before if you want more Citizen Soldier songs. 'Missing' by Evanescence is also amazing if you haven't already heard it. Part of me feels like apologizing for commenting😅
Its definitely not selfish when you are in the darkness of depression,you dont have the insight to think clearly, all your decisions are based on making it easier for others, Your thought process is scewed Thanks for the emotion and truth. 🙏
"Without the honor or admiration"............Not sure that's what I would call it, being told I fought for corporations or for oil, or for a lie. Being told that the nurse in a hospital dealing with COVID is more of a hero, or I chose to do what I did. I'm not a hero, I did my job, but at the same time I didn't ask for my brothers to die in front of me, or wasting away from an unknown ailment after we returned to a foreign world that was once home. I didn't ask for the nightmares, depression losing the last of my brothers a year ago to suicide. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE LOST IN A WORLD THAT LEFT ME BEHIND!!!!! This song speaks volumes!!! I've stared down that barrel so many times thinking "Why not? No one cares anyway" Every day is a struggle not to give in when you are shunned, not understood when you cry out, thought of as a monster, etc. Sometimes, that's what we need most is that ONE person to say "You Matter to me!"
as someone who attempted but survived it i do know the pain it leaves behind. That being the reason i dont attempt again no matter how much my depression fights me. It sadly though is still costing me my life it was overdose that did massive damage to my liver leading down the route of liver failure within a few years time. Honestly i do understand the pain being on the other side of it but at this point i feel like im only going on for others and not even myself. I feel like i would let everyone down if i give in and just let it go. I saw the pain on my mothers face as i laid in the bed with iv's and having to take medicine to reduce the acetaminophen level in my system. I know how hard it is to keep going every single day.
I just discovered your channel this evening. If you haven't heard Hallelujah (I'm Not Dead) by Citizen Soldier it is another strong one (well, all their songs are strong).
Those of us who can't afford to pay for therapy have no hope. I have tried for decades to get help. I had someone wonderful to help me merge my'selves'. She retired as soon as I merged. I felt like a surgeon took that ten year old girl and left her wide open on the table and just walked away. I had been screaming for help since. Last week it took all of my courage to tell my doctor that I think I am committing slow suicide my neglecting my health. He shrugged his shoulders and said' Well then I guess you're going to die'. And I agree with him. I think it's time.
Have you considered online therapy? It's far more affordable. Remember though that therapy is a TOOL, but there are many other tools as well. You deserve the treatment that works for you! Please don't give up. You found healing once and you can do it again! That doctor deserves to have his license stripped and I would report him in a heartbeat. He is wrong. You are going to fly my love!
I think these are the songs you should listen to next Stronger than my storm Still breathing Still frame Face to face My own miracle Broken like me Afterlife Through hell This is your sign Always December Gunshot lullabies Wanted Run away from myself Pretend my pain away Let it burn Buried alive First blood Scarecrow Tattoos Limit Never ending nightmare
you should do more reactions by them. some songs are words that don't exist, runaway (from myself), who i am, waiting on the sun and irreplaceable. also save your story and let it burn.
Honestly the way I see it you need to be very brave to take your life, everything in us everything that's programed in our DNA to keep us alive so to be able to go against our instinct to survive and live is very brave. I never believe anyone who's committed suicide a coward or weak.
Something that I wrestle with a lot, is that I feel like I don't even have the right to feel depressed...so many people have gone through things so much worse than I have, that it doesn't seem like I'm justified in the feelings that I have. Part of me feels like when feel depressed, it's not fair to all the people who have suffered through struggles/circumstances harder than mine...
When this happens for me, I always remind myself that there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse. When Anne Frank was starving in her Annex, Jews were being murdered in concentration camps. That doesn't mean she wasn't suffering. We all have the right to our feelings. They are real and valid. 💖
My lovely, beautiful Amanda thought maybe you would like this saying.... Pain is acceptable Blood is acceptable Crawling is acceptable Crying is acceptable Puking is acceptable Falling is acceptable QUITTING IS NOT
I'm crying as I write this. I have spent almost 30 years being suicidal and self-harming. The last 8 months have been the lowest rock bottom I've ever hit, as for the first time ever, I was able to complete a goodbye letter to my kids. 7 months ago I had a plan to commit suicide, but at the last minute my little boy came to spend the night and I couldn't do it. But things have still been extremely bad, at that same time 7 months ago I started to isolate myself. I haven't spoken to anyone in months because I had been hoping that not having me around would make it easier when I left for good. I have no self worth or desire to live. I know that what holds me prisoner like this is trauma I never dealt with and as I live in a small area it has been difficult to find mental healthcare workers who are equipped to deal with Complex PTSD. But I have decided that if I am to survive at all, to start being completely honest. No more just telling the doctors I'm fine, no more hiding the scars I painted on my skin, and hardest of all no longer fleeing the traumas of the past but facing them(which still terrifies me). I have a mental health appointment next week because I ran from the last appointment when a panic attack hit. Even though the unknown scares me and there is a very strong chance I will be placed on a mental heath hold(be locked up for at least 72 hours in a mental health facility), I am forcing myself to go. I have been trying to find coping techniques so I don't panic this time, such as sucking on a sucker and headphones for while I wait. I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do. I helps so much just to feel seen. While watching your reaction video I had a thought that I had never had in almost 30 years. I am not weak for the effects of my abusive childhood, I am a soldier who survived 10 years of daily Hell.
WOOHOO! I am so proud of you for deciding to be your true self! It's so difficult but you can't heal if you aren't real! It's also incredibly powerful that you know what is causing your struggles because that gives you insight on how to address them! Having faced down some terrifying traumas myself, yes, it's scary, but you can do this! Let us know how your appointment went!
@@MentalAmanda The appointment went well, but it was just an intake appointment. At least I wasn't deemed at risk and was free to go home after. The true test of my mental fortitude will come in 2 weeks when I meet my new psychiatrist and have to actually talk through(and therefore revisit) my past trauma. I truly appreciate your encouragement and emotional support. Thank You!!!
Serious question: What does one do when the thought of reaching out for help (help that might *really* be needed), makes it feel like something is crawling inside their skin, makes feel like a hand is clamped over their throat so they can't breathe... What does someone do then? Just hypothetically.
One asks themselves whose invisible hand it is over their mouth. One holds ice or grounds themselves in some other way and asks themselves what is causing the fear that manifests as those bugs. I've had those feelings and it can feel CRIPPLING, but the more you let those feelings dictate your actions, the stronger they become. Fight back!
Would you react to Twisted Humanity by Gold Frankincense and Myrr ?(GFM) I think you would like that one and Graveyard Of Identities also by GFM.such a great reaction! And such a good song. CS is incredible! Wishing everyone that sees this has a great day/night! Sending hugs to anyone that wants/needs them!
I honestly don’t think anyone could even begin to understand losing to women I loved with all my heart I found my first fiancée face down in the bathtub and the second one actually took her own life March 1st and I don’t think I can make it back to who I once was
You're right. You'll never be the person that you once were. I'll never be the person I was before I lost my mom. But that doesn't mean we can't find peace and meaning after unspeakable losses.
today I told her I would be there to get the bad things out of her mind and get her back to the girl I first fell for back in 1978 because she was the first girl i went with ever in my life and i wanted to live together till we are over 100 years old.so could pray that we make that number,
I didn't know where else to post this. Where else can I contact you? I don't have Instagram or Facebook. I would like to share my story with you. I feel you are one of the very few who would understand.
@@cliffordbarnes1631 it's fairly long. I emailed Amanda. Short version ive been through a lot for a 38 year old in my life. And I'm still fighting back by be thankful to wake up each day.
@@mandibobbitt1595 Thank you for the reply Mandi. I can relate in a way as I am 65 and in the same situation you are. If you ever need to reach out I am usually here and will help any way I can. Be strong and take care Mandi!
I get this song so much. I think about letting go everyday. And I am that person that would try to talk someone out of it. And have. All the while wanting to do it myself. I just wish I had the courage to do it. If I knew for a fact I wouldn’t go to hell I would probably already found a way to do it. I don’t want to go to hell although I am not looking forward to go to heaven either. I just want to not exist. I really want to never existed. Even though I do know lives would change it I never existed. At 50 years old a lot of lives. But oh I get it.
Ironically the ones helping others are often the ones hurting the most. We help because we want to protect others from the things we feel like we can't protect ourselves from. I can tell you care deeply about how your existence has impacted others, and that matters. I know it feels heavy, but you deserve support too. You don’t have to go through this alone. If you need to vent, you can join our small community Discord: discord.gg/aMvvcB8m I promise that there is another side to the pain and it's NEVER too late to get to it. You deserve to feel happy for YOU.
I used to work for Better Health until I was in the hospital for 2 weeks they took all my patients gave them to other people and never gave me any patients after that. I'm now seeking disability and trying to get my SSI just because they decided that after I was in the hospital and had no way to reach my clients via text or Skype I was unfit to have new clients which is ridiculous fuk better help
It's not about our outer world, it's about our inner world. You aren't selfish. I used to hate myself too and I still work on it daily, but I promise that healing is possible.
Amanda, I had never heard Citizen Soldier before. If this song was available to me when I was suicidal, it would have driven me over the edge. I still, to this day do not understand how the train did not hit me. I do not understand how a brand new knife would not got past my intercostal muscles. I do not understand why my .22 magnum rifle did not fire when I pulled the trigger (this was the only misfire I had with that gun). You'll be happy to know that I no longer own, or have access to firearms. I do understand how pharmaceuticals are not suitable for suicide, as the body will reject most of the overdose. It is those people who find you unconscious on the floor, who, through the goodness in their hearts will take you to hospital. Yes, I have been hospitalized for depression and suicide attempts. But at the end of the day, there is always tomorrow whether we like it or not. That Sun persists on rising. Every morning of every day...like clockwork, it always is there. And so am I. Whether I like it or not. Some days are harder to find a reason for. But I just soldier on... That's all I can do. In my broken shell of a body. It's all I can do.
You should listen to these Citizen Soldier songs They may help; This is your sign Still breathing Irreplaceable You are not your past And Stronger than my Storm
I wonder if you'd want to react to songs in a different landuage? I'll be happy to write a transcript of the lyrics for this one th-cam.com/video/jvSpwN5aioo/w-d-xo.html It translates to 'shitty relationships' Let me know And i'll send you the translated version. It's danish rock
Not Alone I know people are out there, I know I'm not alone. I know there are people at the other end of the phone. I also have my wife, the love of my life. But that doesn't stop me from feeling strife. Depression is tricky, makes you feel all alone. The trick with depression is not to believe what you're shown. It lies to your mind, it'll ruin your life. Makes you look past the good, So you can only see strife. Please hold on my friend for just one more day, Life is too precious to just throw it away. People do love you, I know this is true. This storm is just temporary, hold on you'll make it through. I know you're lost but you'll find your way, The answer is out there if you hold on just one more day. 988 is the new hotline. Please ask for help. From the mind of G 7/23/22
To receive 10% off your first month of customized online therapy with a license counselor, visit www.betterhelp.com/amandawebster
💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we break the mental health stigma. 💖
My dear sweet Amanda, I really needed this video this evening. People watching this please listen, like subscribe and most importantly share with friends and acquaintances of yours who start to change their behavior in a peculiar way.
Amanda is not a mental health professional, and I thank my higher power for that. She has been as low as I have, she has been as low as many of have been and by some miracle she was interrupted by a song prior to turning of her life.
When I found Amanda I was done, I could not stand the pain, the insecurity the useless feelings for one more second. I partook of my favorite substance and for whatever reason I needed to hear some songs to set the tone for the final exit. I was done, finished and convinced nobody would miss me……
I found the song I wanted, relatable and full of pain, a quick listen and no more pain. I pushed the play button and I swear it was the play button, Amanda’s reaction to the song came up. I immediately sent her a message and joined up on Patreon.
All of my plans were like cinders when a gust of wind unexpectedly arrives and blows all of the dust we wallow in Away. I listened 3 or more times to Amanda’s analysis and finally realized I was not alone.
Because of Amanda and the pack I am in a better place and instead of dreading every day I am getting up and facing things’ learning to accept that I do have skills and yes there are rough days still, when those arrive I find a quiet place and study some rections from the UNIVERSITY OF AMANDA.
i can truly say that I love Amanda and all the pack members. I have grown more in 6 weeks than I managed to grow in 60 plus years!
I can honestly say I love my pack mother and my pack mates!
Can you react to a citizen soldier song called unsaid please
Amanda I'm sorry but I had to drop my patreon for now. School starting back up and all. I'll be back though. It sucks because I was going to request Save your Story next. I'll be back on patreon soon.
@@GDWC78 George my friend if you ever need someone to chat or share with feel free to message me anytime
@@cliffordbarnes1631 the biggest thing I'm dealing with now is feeling worthy of love. The girl I've been talking to has been nothing but caring and understanding. I think I may be falling for her but don't understand why she would want me. I don't want to mess up but I question why she would want me. I don't know how to proceed. I feel so ugly and she wants to be with me. I mean, what?
Thanks George! Great seeing another reaction from you Amanda! Hope we see some more in the future. Love what you're doing with your channel! 🧡
Thanks for dropping by and I'm honored that you enjoy my content as much as I enjoy yours. You absolutely will see more! Would you consider coming on the channel sometimes and having a mental health chat with me? I've chatted with Billy Bob Thornton, John Corabi, Matthew Santoro, Eric Bischoff and Christian Burns just to name a few 💖
You guys are seriously incredible. To come here to her channel and see her connection through your song. This puts a smile on my face.
You guys have saved my life- and I mean that literally. The first time I heard one of your songs was "If These Scars Could Speak"- which I heard blaring from somebody's car in a parking lot while I was laying down in the middle of traffic lanes at night on a highway I knew semi trucks drove down at speeds that they would keep them from being able to avoid running me over. I had realized I could not commit suicide by myself, and the only thing I could think of was just trying to get run over.
The only reason my son has a father is because I heard your music. So, on his behalf, thank you. In all honesty, I am still not sure whether I am thankful to y'all for saving me or not. I'm still going through hell, and it's gotten worse since then. BUT! You guys have given me the strength to try and make it out of this hell. And that, I am grateful for.
Citizen Soldier has a way to get to you with their music when you're at a low where nothing else can reach you. You guys keep on doing it too. I've been familiar with quite a few songs when I first heard "ICU" and it had me refused to a crying mess immediately, especially when it sounds like "I see you", when not being seen is something I struggle with all my life it feels like. Great song, great band.❤
Please more CS reactions! I think some other ones that you’ll enjoy is “Words That Don’t Exist” and “Monster Made of Memories”
Who I am is good too!! And still breathing!
Those are good too!
Monster Made of Memories is absolute gold my favourite song they have made so far!
I also would say "I'm not okay". That one is my favorite
YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY WATCH "WANTED" CAUSE IT MAKES ME CRY EVERYTIME
You covered something that has annoyed me for so long now about how people perceive someone who takes their own life.
If I was to die from cancer, people would say "after a brave battle"
If I was to take my own life, people would say " he gave in"
😢😢
Ironically, more men my age die from suicide than die from cancer
its true.. They did give in and obviously didn't really care about the loved ones they left behind. Suicide is for the selfish 100%
@@jmorris7934 In what way is it selfish? Do you say the same thing to people with cancer or ms?
@@jmorris7934 ah yes, they 'gave in" to something they had no control of just as those with incurable diseases or cancer. apparently you need to pick up a book, go to church. Do something because your thinking is fucked up. And i can guarantee you you have never experienced anything like this because no one who has would ever agree with your thinking
@@jmorris7934that’s a very selfish and disgusting thing to say.
@@jmorris7934 5:36 Amanda said it well, it ain't selfish, though I can kind of see why someone would think so. But a lot of us feel like the people around us wouldn't even feel sad if we died and we're just a burden to them and they would genuinely be better off without us.
I go with my wife to see the mental health team next week to help her with all the bad things in her mind I hope she gets the help she needs because I love her with all my heart ❤. I told her I will not let go but love her till end of time.❤❤❤❤
Love them! Their songs are always spot on. I love your explanation of how people are so ignorant to mental health/addiction etc. that it’s easier for them to avoid
you/the situation and shrug it off when people are actually verbalizing that they are screaming for help. It’s very easy for people to pass judgement just because they haven’t been there. I’m guilty of that myself Pre-addiction. If you didn’t care about me when I was alive, please don’t cry for me when I’m not.
Thanks for another great reaction👌🏻
Stumbled across your channel accidentally but I adore it already. Thank you for all the wisdom, empathy, outreach and compassion you've shown for others.
Citizen soldier is an insanely powerful band. I found them through their song "weight of the world" , and that one hit me like a truck. Listened on repeat for hours and then binged more songs. I very rarely find bands that are spot-on in expressing the turmoil of anxiety and depression and struggle, but CS manages it somehow. Watching their music hit you just as hard felt like a breath of fresh air.
Thanks for sharing!
This song speaks to how I feel alot. The first time I played this for my daughter she cried and wouldn't stop hugging me. She kept saying she'll never let go.
George I am so pleased with your choice to share as I have those questions in my life often.
I know that you and I interacted a while back and listening and chatting with you helped me enormously!
Take care with your beautiful daughter my friend!
@@cliffordbarnes1631 I'm so glad you're still here my friend. Yes this song is how I feel often. My daughter and the girl I've been talking to refuse to let me go. If I help anyone then cool. These girls won't let me go then I guess I should help someone. Maybe my pain can help someone else deal with there's.
George trust me my friend; you help and touch more people than you can imagine.
You have a place in my heart George!
@@cliffordbarnes1631 who's helping who now? Thank you my friend. I needed that more than you know today.
This was a great reaction! If you want to hear another side of Citizen Soldier, react to "Monster Made Of Memories" and "Runaway From Myself" by them! 🔥
Who I Am by Citizen Soldier is really good. Had my crying the first time I heard it
Would love to see reactions to
These Citizen Soldier songs if possible cause they have a great positive message;
Stronger than my storm
Still breathing
You are not your past
Irreplaceable
This is your sign
In a really low place lately, thank you for doing what you do it means so much to feel understood instead of judged
We're here for you!
just to let you know on Christmas Day I had the best smile from my wife and I told her I will help get the bad feelings from her mind ,and I told her I will love her till we both pass away at a very old age..
Hi Amanda, I have been listening to Citizen Soldier for quite awhile, My youngest daughter Michelle just committed suicide a couple of weeks ago, We had her listening to CS, She also had a baby who turned 1 the day after she did it and an 8 year old son that miss her so much. My grandson thought it was his fault. and she knew that we were all here for her. I miss my baby girl so much
I am so sorry for your loss. We're here to help you through the grief and to keep Michelle's memory alive. You can share your favorite memories of her here or you can come join us on Discord if you need to talk:
discord.gg/zwVmVgmj
This song hit a little too close to home for me 😳 Thank you Amanda for showing me I'm not alone.
i think i found a new favorite channel :) love your reaction to my favorite band keep up the good work
I listen to this song every day people the soliders who died in the battlefield during the war this a good reaction
I was listening to this song today and it straight up made me cry. I just recently lost my brother to suicide and this song hit home
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to share your favorite memories of him so we can help keep his spirit alive. May he find peace and may you find strength.
Killer channel and excellent content. You’re truly helping many folks…more than you know! Keep up the good work
Oh my god amanda i just listened to elsas SHOW YOURSELF and cried for it..
Its not because of the song
Its because i empathize with elsas feeling out of place in this world
I felt her depression and i felt her emptiness and i was so happy she got to be free
And the let it go song of hers was also on repeat alot of times.. its not because of the song but the meaning behind it and her story..
I love her story and her past snd i love every scar of hers and it hurts me too see her so scared everyday.
After watching the show i wantrd to see reaction videos of my favourite band and here you are and oh my gosh i cant believe im not the only one who understood elsa
So far all i noticed is nobody really..like not all of us focuses on elsas shoes here and its sad that shes such an underatted character but if you ask me she might be the most realistic Disney character i FINALLY know....
You are one true angel
Im glad you know this!
Thank you for ur channel I’m struggling hardcore for the past 3 weeks
Hi Kimberly. If you need to talk, we are here. You're not alone! ♥
Between this song and Would anyone care song from them these hit the hardest for myself and others I served with years ago, the only thing that changes is the days get longer. Thank you Amanda
I've been there but I survived I was suicidal once I hurt myself and others hurt me so seeing your reaction is perfect ❤
love your reactions, I know the feelings portrayed by the songs, and I found the last few months have been the hardest, and I found my person to keep me going even tho they dont feel the same towards me as me to them. But i know its not healthy but it can keep me going till I find myself And ill keep going for them cause, I know even though they don't feel the same it would hurt them if I surrendered, but Otherwise I don't know what to do
I had my first tour, 1st medical in a mixed unit - americans, english, french, candadians - made a lot buddies, every one want's to be friends with the meds.
One was this american kid, Eric, funny dude, kinda not really getting used to being a grown up yet, and one of our drivers.
He'd crack fart jokes and other kid pranks, all around good guy.
We were out on area patrol, him driving on point and an IED blow his humvee, 3-4 meters to side into a ditch, bunch of others, who didn't wear their eyes got hit, so me and the 2nd med go to them first thinking nothing of Eric, cause it didn't look like anything at first, maybe he was concused from the blast - who knew?.
I get done with my first guy, 2nd takes over, and I run to check on Eric, had to pry to door open.
He was gone.
IED was right under him, big hole in the floor.
I still have nightmares of that moment i realized he was just.. gone. Like a bubble burst.
Thank you for helping me, by talking about it. You know who you are. I am doing a lot better know because of you
I am so happy you have someone to talk to. That is such a horrific thing to experience. may Eric find peace and may you find strength.
I've often had these thoughts and when ive told someone who I thought could help even a little even if its as simple as a hug the response i got was that I was just being stupid or they brush it off. Just ecause someone in that dark place hasn't gone through with ending their time on earth due to simply not having the courage to let go doesnt mean they aren't in danger in fact thats when they need the most help to fight and win its terrifying being at that point
I'm chronically ill and have been since 3rd grade and am now twenty, but my illness isn't visible and has a large psychological component. I have migraines and if I am exposed to the wrong thing mood swings (due to Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), I have other things on top of these (partly because Mast cell Activation syndrome has a large range of symptoms) acid reflux and ADHD and Autism. I have spent most of my life in both physical and mental pain, part of me wishes for people to understand what it feels like in my head from the combination but I would never wish that on my worst enemy the agony of that pain or the feeling like someone else is in control of your thoughts and actions. It's struggle that feeds on itself but lately I've been much better emotionally and physically. It is still a constant struggle, and one that feels very isolating, but I met someone a few months ago who also has an 'invisible' disability around my age and feel so validated by our conversations. I am constantly hiding how bad things are or parts of myself around people, I've been watching some of your reactions to songs I love today and in one of them you mentioned the feeling of wanting to go back to being innocent and that really resonates with me. I can't go back to being the innocent kid, but I am finally starting to get out of the shell I put myself in to protect myself from others. I'm starting to be more positive again though I am still scared to talk to and meet new people. Today is the first time I saw your channel but thank you for being a source of validation along with the music itself. I am very open about the physical part of my condition but I feel the pressure to keep the mental/emotional part under lock and key sometimes still (despite being in settings that encourage talking about it). My first Citizen Soldier song was Would Anyone Care a year or three ago and I've loved most of the songs I've listened to by them. I highly recommend 'Pretend My Pain Away', 'Waiting on the Sun', 'Wanted', and 'Words That Don't Exist' if you haven't listened to them before if you want more Citizen Soldier songs. 'Missing' by Evanescence is also amazing if you haven't already heard it. Part of me feels like apologizing for commenting😅
Its definitely not selfish when you are in the darkness of depression,you dont have the insight to think clearly, all your decisions are based on making it easier for others,
Your thought process is scewed
Thanks for the emotion and truth.
🙏
Im not so sure y I like your videos so much. But there's something about u that I can relate to. Just very soft and gentle. Exactly what I need. Ty
Thank you for sharing your views. Definitely recommend doing more Citizen Soldier reactions.
as someone who is an introverted person and lives alone it is a very real and very scary thought about losing my fight with mental health
"Without the honor or admiration"............Not sure that's what I would call it, being told I fought for corporations or for oil, or for a lie. Being told that the nurse in a hospital dealing with COVID is more of a hero, or I chose to do what I did. I'm not a hero, I did my job, but at the same time I didn't ask for my brothers to die in front of me, or wasting away from an unknown ailment after we returned to a foreign world that was once home. I didn't ask for the nightmares, depression losing the last of my brothers a year ago to suicide. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE LOST IN A WORLD THAT LEFT ME BEHIND!!!!! This song speaks volumes!!! I've stared down that barrel so many times thinking "Why not? No one cares anyway" Every day is a struggle not to give in when you are shunned, not understood when you cry out, thought of as a monster, etc. Sometimes, that's what we need most is that ONE person to say "You Matter to me!"
You're not a monster to me and I care if your light goes out.
Happy new year 🎉🎉❤
as someone who attempted but survived it i do know the pain it leaves behind. That being the reason i dont attempt again no matter how much my depression fights me. It sadly though is still costing me my life it was overdose that did massive damage to my liver leading down the route of liver failure within a few years time. Honestly i do understand the pain being on the other side of it but at this point i feel like im only going on for others and not even myself. I feel like i would let everyone down if i give in and just let it go. I saw the pain on my mothers face as i laid in the bed with iv's and having to take medicine to reduce the acetaminophen level in my system. I know how hard it is to keep going every single day.
Your happiness matters too. Hold your loved ones in your heart as you fight, but fight for you because YOU deserve to be happy!
I just discovered your channel this evening. If you haven't heard Hallelujah (I'm Not Dead) by Citizen Soldier it is another strong one (well, all their songs are strong).
Hi beautiful, great to see you. You and those cute headphones 🎧 always make me smile. Hope you are well
Those of us who can't afford to pay for therapy have no hope. I have tried for decades to get help. I had someone wonderful to help me merge my'selves'. She retired as soon as I merged. I felt like a surgeon took that ten year old girl and left her wide open on the table and just walked away. I had been screaming for help since. Last week it took all of my courage to tell my doctor that I think I am committing slow suicide my neglecting my health. He shrugged his shoulders and said' Well then I guess you're going to die'. And I agree with him. I think it's time.
Have you considered online therapy? It's far more affordable. Remember though that therapy is a TOOL, but there are many other tools as well. You deserve the treatment that works for you! Please don't give up. You found healing once and you can do it again! That doctor deserves to have his license stripped and I would report him in a heartbeat. He is wrong. You are going to fly my love!
I think these are the songs you should listen to next
Stronger than my storm
Still breathing
Still frame
Face to face
My own miracle
Broken like me
Afterlife
Through hell
This is your sign
Always December
Gunshot lullabies
Wanted
Run away from myself
Pretend my pain away
Let it burn
Buried alive
First blood
Scarecrow
Tattoos
Limit
Never ending nightmare
You should definitely give the song they just dropped deathbed a listen omfg it's honestly life changing
you should do more reactions by them. some songs are words that don't exist, runaway (from myself), who i am, waiting on the sun and irreplaceable. also save your story and let it burn.
Honestly the way I see it you need to be very brave to take your life, everything in us everything that's programed in our DNA to keep us alive so to be able to go against our instinct to survive and live is very brave. I never believe anyone who's committed suicide a coward or weak.
Something that I wrestle with a lot, is that I feel like I don't even have the right to feel depressed...so many people have gone through things so much worse than I have, that it doesn't seem like I'm justified in the feelings that I have. Part of me feels like when feel depressed, it's not fair to all the people who have suffered through struggles/circumstances harder than mine...
When this happens for me, I always remind myself that there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse. When Anne Frank was starving in her Annex, Jews were being murdered in concentration camps. That doesn't mean she wasn't suffering. We all have the right to our feelings. They are real and valid. 💖
The last time I saw my best friend I didn't realize he was saying goodbye. Didnt find him untill a year later. I miss him.
💔
I personally like “If I Surrender” it’s kind of a sad one but it’s similar to this song here
My lovely, beautiful Amanda thought maybe you would like this saying....
Pain is acceptable
Blood is acceptable
Crawling is acceptable
Crying is acceptable
Puking is acceptable
Falling is acceptable
QUITTING IS NOT
I'm crying as I write this. I have spent almost 30 years being suicidal and self-harming. The last 8 months have been the lowest rock bottom I've ever hit, as for the first time ever, I was able to complete a goodbye letter to my kids. 7 months ago I had a plan to commit suicide, but at the last minute my little boy came to spend the night and I couldn't do it. But things have still been extremely bad, at that same time 7 months ago I started to isolate myself. I haven't spoken to anyone in months because I had been hoping that not having me around would make it easier when I left for good. I have no self worth or desire to live. I know that what holds me prisoner like this is trauma I never dealt with and as I live in a small area it has been difficult to find mental healthcare workers who are equipped to deal with Complex PTSD. But I have decided that if I am to survive at all, to start being completely honest. No more just telling the doctors I'm fine, no more hiding the scars I painted on my skin, and hardest of all no longer fleeing the traumas of the past but facing them(which still terrifies me). I have a mental health appointment next week because I ran from the last appointment when a panic attack hit. Even though the unknown scares me and there is a very strong chance I will be placed on a mental heath hold(be locked up for at least 72 hours in a mental health facility), I am forcing myself to go. I have been trying to find coping techniques so I don't panic this time, such as sucking on a sucker and headphones for while I wait. I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do. I helps so much just to feel seen. While watching your reaction video I had a thought that I had never had in almost 30 years. I am not weak for the effects of my abusive childhood, I am a soldier who survived 10 years of daily Hell.
WOOHOO! I am so proud of you for deciding to be your true self! It's so difficult but you can't heal if you aren't real! It's also incredibly powerful that you know what is causing your struggles because that gives you insight on how to address them! Having faced down some terrifying traumas myself, yes, it's scary, but you can do this! Let us know how your appointment went!
@@MentalAmanda The appointment went well, but it was just an intake appointment. At least I wasn't deemed at risk and was free to go home after. The true test of my mental fortitude will come in 2 weeks when I meet my new psychiatrist and have to actually talk through(and therefore revisit) my past trauma. I truly appreciate your encouragement and emotional support. Thank You!!!
Serious question:
What does one do when the thought of reaching out for help (help that might *really* be needed), makes it feel like something is crawling inside their skin, makes feel like a hand is clamped over their throat so they can't breathe...
What does someone do then? Just hypothetically.
One asks themselves whose invisible hand it is over their mouth. One holds ice or grounds themselves in some other way and asks themselves what is causing the fear that manifests as those bugs. I've had those feelings and it can feel CRIPPLING, but the more you let those feelings dictate your actions, the stronger they become. Fight back!
Tattoos, a new song, probably one of the most beautiful songs ever written, if you react to that one I promise you would love that song.
Great reaction.👍🏼💕🔥
MORE CITIZEN SOLDIER, PLEASE... REACT TO “Words That Don’t Exist” and “Monster Made Of Memories" 💫
I recommend doing run away from myself and monster made of madness.
I love citizen soldier they just released a new song this morning..
Would you react to Twisted Humanity by Gold Frankincense and Myrr ?(GFM) I think you would like that one and Graveyard Of Identities also by GFM.such a great reaction! And such a good song. CS is incredible! Wishing everyone that sees this has a great day/night! Sending hugs to anyone that wants/needs them!
I honestly don’t think anyone could even begin to understand losing to women I loved with all my heart I found my first fiancée face down in the bathtub and the second one actually took her own life March 1st and I don’t think I can make it back to who I once was
You're right. You'll never be the person that you once were. I'll never be the person I was before I lost my mom. But that doesn't mean we can't find peace and meaning after unspeakable losses.
at this time my wife feel like ending her life ,but I will fight to help her and not let her go, because I love her so much 💗💗❤.
Let us know how we can support both of you!
I got the best Christmas present my wife smiled and I told her I love her so much ❤️❤️.
today I told her I would be there to get the bad things out of her mind and get her back to the girl I first fell for back in 1978 because she was the first girl i went with ever in my life and i wanted to live together till we are over 100 years old.so could pray that we make that number,
just to let you know she is getting help from the mental health team and from me and family members.
Thank you.
should listen to Stronger than my storm by citizen soldier.
I want you to hear your thoughts about comparison by citizen soldier
I didn't know where else to post this. Where else can I contact you? I don't have Instagram or Facebook. I would like to share my story with you. I feel you are one of the very few who would understand.
My email is in the video description
Mandy everyone in the pack is with you and willing to listen if that is what you need as well as sharing our experiences. Stay strong Mandi!
@@cliffordbarnes1631 it's fairly long. I emailed Amanda. Short version ive been through a lot for a 38 year old in my life. And I'm still fighting back by be thankful to wake up each day.
@@mandibobbitt1595 Thank you for the reply Mandi. I can relate in a way as I am 65 and in the same situation you are. If you ever need to reach out I am usually here and will help any way I can.
Be strong and take care Mandi!
I get this song so much. I think about letting go everyday. And I am that person that would try to talk someone out of it. And have. All the while wanting to do it myself. I just wish I had the courage to do it. If I knew for a fact I wouldn’t go to hell I would probably already found a way to do it. I don’t want to go to hell although I am not looking forward to go to heaven either. I just want to not exist. I really want to never existed. Even though I do know lives would change it I never existed. At 50 years old a lot of lives. But oh I get it.
Ironically the ones helping others are often the ones hurting the most. We help because we want to protect others from the things we feel like we can't protect ourselves from. I can tell you care deeply about how your existence has impacted others, and that matters. I know it feels heavy, but you deserve support too. You don’t have to go through this alone. If you need to vent, you can join our small community Discord: discord.gg/aMvvcB8m I promise that there is another side to the pain and it's NEVER too late to get to it. You deserve to feel happy for YOU.
I used to work for Better Health until I was in the hospital for 2 weeks they took all my patients gave them to other people and never gave me any patients after that. I'm now seeking disability and trying to get my SSI just because they decided that after I was in the hospital and had no way to reach my clients via text or Skype I was unfit to have new clients which is ridiculous fuk better help
Thank you so much for sharing this experience. This is definitely unacceptable and unethical. This is the first time I'm hearing a story like this.
I really want to see your reaction to Citizen Soldier - Words that don't exist
I would to see a reaction to Lupe Fiascos Beautiful Laser (2 ways).
Please do more Citizen Soldier reactions
you should react to the video Eden by the band Battle Beast as it depicts recovering from a bad state of mind
You need to do a reaction to citizen soldier never ending nightmare
Did you hear ICU. citizen soldier?
React to Just Be Happy by Citizen Soldier
Can you react to save your story from citizen soldier this same band
My story is to hard to tell, last time I did it hurt and I was given pills
We will never invalidate you or try to push meds 💖
Rock on girl 🤙🏻🍻😎🎸🎻🥁🎤🎥🎹💻
My best friend killed himself. His last goodbye to i didnt see, Im so tired]
💔
❤
Oh mah gawd that stuff animal
Sometimes I think I’m selfish for wanting to die because I don’t have a bad life it’s fun I have a loving family but I hate myself 😅😊❤
It's not about our outer world, it's about our inner world. You aren't selfish. I used to hate myself too and I still work on it daily, but I promise that healing is possible.
So sweet and beautiful
@Mental Amanda
311 beyond the grey sky
You must react,
🌻
face to face or monster made of memories by citizen soldier
Can you do a reaction videos of Tattoos by citizen soldier ❤❤❤ lt would be great
She screamed, she hurt. train
Didn't want anything. I did want to see if your better, after your dog passed.
i think you should react to 46&2 and sober by Tool
I did Sober and it got perma-blocked!
this reminds me of Three Days Grace - Never Too Late
:/
Amanda, I had never heard Citizen Soldier before. If this song was available to me when I was suicidal, it would have driven me over the edge.
I still, to this day do not understand how the train did not hit me. I do not understand how a brand new knife would not got past my intercostal muscles.
I do not understand why my .22 magnum rifle did not fire when I pulled the trigger (this was the only misfire I had with that gun). You'll be happy to know that I no longer own, or have access to firearms.
I do understand how pharmaceuticals are not suitable for suicide, as the body will reject most of the overdose. It is those people who find you unconscious on the floor, who, through the goodness in their hearts will take you to hospital.
Yes, I have been hospitalized for depression and suicide attempts.
But at the end of the day, there is always tomorrow whether we like it or not. That Sun persists on rising. Every morning of every day...like clockwork, it always is there. And so am I. Whether I like it or not.
Some days are harder to find a reason for. But I just soldier on...
That's all I can do.
In my broken shell of a body.
It's all I can do.
You should listen to these Citizen Soldier songs
They may help;
This is your sign
Still breathing
Irreplaceable
You are not your past
And Stronger than my Storm
You were clearly meant to be here
I wonder if you'd want to react to songs in a different landuage? I'll be happy to write a transcript of the lyrics for this one
th-cam.com/video/jvSpwN5aioo/w-d-xo.html
It translates to 'shitty relationships'
Let me know And i'll send you the translated version. It's danish rock
worst in me by citizen soldier
Not Alone
I know people are out there, I know I'm not alone.
I know there are people at the other end of the phone.
I also have my wife, the love of my life.
But that doesn't stop me from feeling strife.
Depression is tricky, makes you feel all alone.
The trick with depression is not to believe what you're shown.
It lies to your mind, it'll ruin your life.
Makes you look past the good,
So you can only see strife.
Please hold on my friend for just one more day,
Life is too precious to just throw it away.
People do love you, I know this is true.
This storm is just temporary, hold on you'll make it through.
I know you're lost but you'll find your way,
The answer is out there if you hold on just one more day.
988 is the new hotline. Please ask for help.
From the mind of G
7/23/22