It sounds complicated, but if you go back to dating ignoring this fact , it will explode in your face again 😅 compatibility was always the reason for all my break ups .. but the good news are if you know it , you really can save yourself a lot of time and heart aches for you and others ❤
I was thinking along those lines as well and I've never dated properly, even though I'm in my 60s, which is an extremely long story! It seems much easier to stay single and I'm certainly not the only one doing so nowadays. 😊
This isn’t complicated. It’s common sense when you get to a healthy place mentally and with your attachment styles (if you have an insecure one). Hes just breaking it down for people who are not there mentally yet.
1. Admiration. 2. Physical Attraction. 3. Emotional Attraction 4. Compatibility. Great idea to list 'Compatibility areas'. Would love to see 'Emotionial Attraction areas', too.
I mean...what tf you can do if a person fill all the boxes and your relationship have all those things that you said but the physical attraction is in another person (that you don`t have ANY compability)?
As an autistic person, your take on these issues are incredibly helpful. A nice list is much easier to follow, especially as I'm so easily manipulated. My ability to read people's intentions is completely missing. But focusing on specific actions is extremely beneficial. Thank you
This is the advice our parents should have taught us, but never did. Thank you, this is excellent! I’ve experienced so many of these issues in my relationships.
Yes I was thinking the same thing! Wish I knew this 15 years ago. There was talk about compatibility but it always seemed a bit like a joke as if people who said they weren't compatible enough were talking about very simple things that could've easily been resolved. Which made me push the more serious areas of compatibility aside aswell. Also I think it's important to actually see and experience the compatibility, not just talk about it. My husband always talked about wanting the same things but in reality was constantly putting them off.
@@hollyandstelladoodle8748 I think a lot of parents back then didn't have this knowledge either. My parents are learning alongside me and say the same thing as me that they wished they knew these things. I'm really blessed that they still want to learn at this age, it makes our bond stronger.
We should give our parents a little bit of a pass. I've learned that people do what they know. And people don't know a great many things. If they're trying their very best. I think they deserve a little pass. If they aren't trying at all. That's a different story.
Number 5 and 6 are almost too painful when you realise your marriage is failing because of this. Listen to this while you can still walk away without too much heartbreak!
@@cathylam344do you have children? But even if, there might be ways. Don't know about your situation and how complicated it is, but i really wish for you to find a way to not stay in a miserable situation and have the strength to change it if possible..! It's your life and you only got that one. Not saying to let your kids down if you have some, but maybe there is a way to combine theirs and your best interests together...all the best for you 🙏
@@Liluli13 my children are 23 yrs old and 28 yrs old! They are adults now. When they were young, my husband did not teach them any values, it was more like he was babysitting them. He drove them to places and drove them to schools in the morning. We fought over this, I wanted them to take school bus but they could not get up on time every morning…. And my husband would drive them every morning! He spoiled them by not emphasizing the importance of timeliness and responsibilities! My daughter would spend $10 for a bubble tea, I would tell her not to spend on unnecessary things… but my husband say when they grow up one day they will learn! He basically let them grow up by themselves without any discipline nor values! They are adults now and I can’t do much anymore!
i think its both, there's certain things we should compromise, maybe related to partner's personality that we cant change, then there's things both should sacrifice and change for the better
We have to differentiate between people who are truly incompatible and people who are different but make us better. I used to be super messy, bordering on slovenly. My bf said he loved me but could not live with me or commit to a future with me unless I because neatrr bc I drove him crazy lol. Being a pig was not some indelible part of my personality, it was a flaw that needed changing anyway. Thank god he came along. Now I have a man AND some organization and structure in my life (people who are messy superficially are usually really disorganized and undisciplined on a more macro level and that's generally what "neat freaks" have a problem with, not the sock left out
These are such insightful points. #6 resonated with me most. With a previous relationship, I could not fully articulate that my partner was not capable of meeting my needs, but that was exactly the issue.
1. Do our goals align? - Do you want the same things? (Marriage, children etc.) 2. Does the timeline of your goals align? - Do you want them at the same time give or take? Can you compromise on this or can't you? 3. Are our lifestyles compatible? - Are your differences a constant source of frustration, or an inspiration for growth? 4. Do we make a great team? - Do your argument standards match? - How do you show up in hard times, can you be a team? 5. Would you want this person to raise your children when you're not around anymore? - This REALLY highlights incompatibility - If you wouldn't subject an innocent child to your partner's way of being, then why would you subject yourself to it today? 6. Are they capable of loving you in the way you need to be loved? AND, are you capable of loving THEM in the way they need to be loved? - If you NEED something, and your partner has a fundamental incapability to give this to you, you have an unhappy road ahead of you, no matter how much you love them 7. Do you have the same vision of what commitment is? - And loyalty, monogamy, freedom? - Does being with them make you feel safe in the way you want to be, and free in the way you want to be, and does this also go for them? Don't ignore these points, this makes for a holistic overall view of compatibility that makes for a happy lifetime relationship! ❤ Timing is part of compatibility too There's no such thing as "right person, wrong time", because the wrong time MAKES them the wrong person! Thank you so much Matthew!! ❤❤❤ This helps SO much
Matthew...this video is a game changer! In two short months you have completely changed my life and outlook! I had been caught in some very toxic relationships with narcissist types. I have been working on healing from the brokenness and climbing my way up to a better life, and trying to find some peace. But I didn't know how to proceed relationally until I watched your videos. You are giving me confidence and practical wisdom that I was never taught by my family. I am indebted to you because you have changed my life and many lives, not only with great wisdom but with kindness and compassion. And you have a passion to share it and change many lives. I so appreciate that you are doing research in this area and your team. C.S. Lewis said you're never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream. I'm dreaming new dreams of a happy future with the right guy because of you and your team! God bless you all! 😇
That is the best video you made so far. I’m a psychologist and I love studying about relationships and helping my clients improve their love lives as well. Of course everything I studied contributed to my love life and I assessed all of those things when I was dating and choosing who were going to be my partner. Yes, I was VERY selective. Now I truly believe that I found my person and let me tell you: it was really worth it. Do not waste your time if one of these areas are not okay. Be really honest to yourself and to others, you WILL find your person eventually!
I don't have children but I have two cats living with me! But the question with the children also works with my pets, for I love them dearly and they are my family members and I would want them to be taken care of with the same love and respect I give them!🐈🐱💞 Thank you dear Matthew Hussey for this great advice and video👍🏼❣
Yes! I always played that game in my head--would I want this person treating my future child this way? Sometimes it's hard to hold standards for myself, but I go into mama bear mode picturing my future kids... I want them treated as gently and kindly and encouragingly as possible. So I want a man who treats everyone (incl me) this way 🤗
This is exactly what I‘ve been living by since my early dating years (17+) as my parents have raised us to look out for these pointers of compatibility. I have always been ridiculed by my generation for not putting attraction first and not “living in the moment” but taking sustainable decisions. Thank you so much for putting this into a video, and drawing attention - yet again - to the important things in life, Matt. I hope people start listening!
For 8 years I've been in a relationship with a woman 11 years older than me. I love her like crazy. Many years into being with her upon talking with my many transitory female workmates, I came to the realization that I love her like a daughter, despite the direction of the age difference. The behaviors I accept and allow from her have boggled the minds of many of the people i've spoken to as completely unacceptable of a partner. And while I agree intellectually I never _felt_ that way, neither before nor after talking. It only made sense if you look at it as if she were my daughter. (Well done to the one coworker who made me see that). I love her more like I were her Dad than her partner. After watching this video ,despite loving eachother so much, I realize we are incompatible in just about every single mentioned way. I have already thought that I don't really want her raising my potential kids but this video was just realisation after realisation that we are beyond incompatible. And the crazy thing is I still can't imagine breaking up with her.
My last ex, I loved him like a son. I was so happy whenever he was happy, and I loved doing things to make him happy. Unfortunately, he didn’t do the same for me
It makes sense! But then It’s hard enough to find someone u love. Harder yet - someone who loves u back. Applying all these compatibility criteria on top of that makes the final goal almost unattainable. There is only so many people u can meet in a lifetime, and only so much time in a day.. 🤔
The guy ended things after 3 months (two months of it we were in kind of a relationship) because he said we were not compatible, and Im afraid he was right. But we shared such connection, oue feelings were love or close to love, and it hurt immensely when we decided to cut it off (well, in the end he had the sense to do it, I felt so strongly about him I couldn't bring myself to do it, I wanted him). I understand there was a good chance we wouldn't work out but the "what ifs" and "could have beens" kill me. It was so short there were few arguments or anything negative so it's very hard for me to let this person go. We enjoyed such a deep connection and emotional intimacy, it's crazy. I miss him terribly still, even though we broke up almost a month ago now :( and I keep torturing myself with all sorts of thoughts that maybe if I did this or that differently, we would be very happy now together. But I wasn't completely sure about him all along (in terms of a long-term relationship) and in the end he felt unsure about me in that capacity and neither of us wanted just a fling so we called it off. Mostly by his initiative but I get it. But it hurts so much 😢
Happened the same. It was really sad to let someone you loved go but he was actually right, i was in “we are different but we will figure it out” mindset. But yet he did not want to figure out, or he thought that the differences were very fundamental. He said exactly the same, “love is not enough” :/
This has been completely pivotal for me in the way I date now. So sensible, yet so easily overlooked when in love. I recently walked away from someone I deeply loved because we weren't compatible in several of these areas. It doesn't make it any less painful, but I take comfort in having the knowledge to make better decisions. You have my sincere gratitude, Matthew 🙏
this breakdown of compatibility is a game-changer! It's eye-opening to realize how essential aligning on goals, lifestyles, and timelines is for long-term happiness. Love your practical approach to making relationships work. Everyone def needs this ..
Been reading the book and i am impressed..just 30 pages in and i recognize so many things ive done in the past and i am learning so much already. Cant wait to go through the whole thing❤
Wow! Your videos are always so helpful but this one was outstanding!! It’s so important to hear that love isn’t enough because we are so often sold on the idea that love conquers all. But the various compatibility factors are key and cannot be denied. I’m saying that after being in my first long-term relationship since my divorce and realizing that no matter how much the two of us love each other, we are not compatible and it needs to stop before it goes further. Thank you so much.
Wow, Matthew thank you for this video. This really explains why my previous relationships haven’t worked and I definitely am going to revert back to this video to ask myself these questions for compatibility in any future relationships.
I am very tidy and a messy person for me is a red flag. I lived with a messy flatmate. It created conflitcs all the time. I know for sure that I do not want a messy person
I agree with you 100% that you have to be compatible with a person for a long-term relationship to work, but I also feel that committed COMPROMISE is also paramount. Unfortunately, or fortunately, things change in our lives and as human beings, we continue to grow and evolve. It may come down to the old saying that “women think they can change men and men think women will never change.” You also mentioned dealing with hardship. This is huge, especially as we age and our long term health can become an issue. Life is hard. You have to commit to the ability to adapt and grow to keep LOVE alive.
i wanna thank you Matt, for creating this video, it gave me a huge lens in seeing the things i've been missing to see from a person i'm attracted to. Now i can already use these things to choose my person better 😊😊😊
I wish I had known this sooner. In my late 50’s and after 2 failed marriages, I can only hope to teach these lessons to my children. So this is the way things work 🤔. Tahnk you for sharing.
8:30 i am glad you mentioned this question, it was the eye opener for me to break my first relationship, but now i blame myself for this criteria because later in life i changed my mind about having children anyways !
Such a great and profound video! Should be seen by everyone because I believe it makes sense in every aspect! And your sense of humour is always appreciated! It is great to follow your work and to listen to so many important ideias for free! Thank you because it helps to clearly understand fundamental ideas and to make sure we can clearly think about them before we make any important step! Do continue with your work, you a your team, it is very different from so many perspectives that I have heard and it makes much more sense to me because It is positive, logical, loving.. I think you surely understand the dynamics of human relashionships, you explain very well, with maturity, depth and kindness. Thank you
This is great Matthew, thank you! ❤ These are very important questions! I'm happy to see that I can answer with a "yes" to amost all of these with confidence in, my relationship. Those that I'm still unsure of however, do lean towards a "yes", and we already have an open communication about them. Time will tell :)
My previous relationship.. we were in love with each other, but after watching this video I understand we had 0 compatibility in all of the aspects you list. We had attraction, and a lot of things in common. We loved the same movies, music, nature, cats. I am not even sure when thing started falling apart, but after 8 years of our relationship he broke up with me. I will be honest and say that I felt so relieved, because our relationship was getting harder and harder for both of us, yet even after one year of brake up it still feels quite painful.
Thank you Matthew, as always great food for thought. However, some days I feel I am on information overload, and cannot reconcile how I will ever remember to use any of the information in any intelligent manner. 🤷♀️😳
Question number 5 was the reason I left 3 of my previous long -term relationships (out of 5 total relationships). I realized I just couldn't raise my children with this man, I disagreed too much with what he would want to teach them.
Thank you so much Matthew ❤❤❤ Exactly when I needed to hear this... So true and so important... thanks again Sending you lots of love and positive vibes ❤❤❤ Stay blessed 🙌 And May God bless you with a happy and healthy life 🙏🙏🙏
I LOVE THIS!! What you said about how we need to be compatible in how we feel safe and how we feel free! this brings so much clarity to why we may be experiencing conflict. and it's so focussed and simple so that we can have conversations of resolution much more easily! Thank you so much!
We align with everything apart from the fact that I want something now and he simply isn’t ready, it’s too soon after his last relationship and I totally respect that, and he respects that I don’t want to continue to talk any more if that’s the case. I’ve left it open ended, he can text me when he is ready and pick up where we left off, but if I meet someone else in that time then sorry buddy
Great timing to hearing this. I was “seeing someone” I’m 26 and he’s 42 about to be 43 in July this year. He didn’t want anything serious, but because we were intimate with one another for at least 1.5 years , I caught some feelings and he said he liked me . But forgot to mention he’s an actor, so idk if his feelings were true at all cost and throughout this whole entire time I was seeing him. But anyways, I told him if he’ was ok, sometimes thru text msg it can come off as ,they might not be ok” anyways…. I said some stuff but the stuff I said wasn’t bad at all, at least in my case, he took it wrong. But the response he said was, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” he basically said that. Stuff that he’s already heard many times. But I’m just reminding him and I didn’t say remind. After that he blocked me. He’s a man child . I wa literally helping him tho whole entire time he helped me a few times . I think we are compatible . But in a sense, we didn’t talk much about our future as separate individuals. I hope this story makes sense. There’s more but this is how I can somewhat sum it up
Something I started looking at when I was in my first exclusive dating relationship was, how is he treating me? If he treated our future child this way, how would the little one feel? It's a great way to take a step back abd assess the relationship.
Where were you in 1972 when I was getting married?! I married an alcoholic, who I loved, but we were totally different and I was with him for 11yrs, not getting the kind of love I needed, and never working together as a team. He died of cancer and it's sad to say, but I'm happier by myself. I've been single for 41yrs. My marriage was not an experience I choose to relive!!
Dear Matt, thank you so much for everything you do ❤ Question please: is it a good idea to share this video with the guy, with whom I want to build a family
very important, common sense & caring message to share with us... Thank you Matthew for your clarity & delivery of this content using contrast, great examples. (very professorial.)
Such a great breakdown of compatibility! I feel the headline needs to reflect that tho, and say something about compatibility. I almost didnt click on this video. I could have definitely used this info back in 2003. But wow!! Thank you for sharing!! ❤
so true yet feels impossible to meet someone who I am attracted to and vice versa, we love each other and we are compatible in all the important areas. Recently dated someone and we split because he needed a lot of space and I need a lot of together time. My brother has been married to a woman for 20 years who isn't physically affectionate and it has been an ongoing source of misery in their relationship. I feel that my expectations of meeting someone that ticks all these important boxes is IMPOSSIBLE and I often ask myself if I being UNREALISTIC in my EXPECTATIONS.
I so appreciate your work Mathew, and recently enjoyed listening to your new book. I noticed during this video the zoom ins and zoom outs oscillated too quickly and repetitively to watch comfortably. May want to adjust that in future video edits.❤
So perfect video, Matt, and the best one you have ever made. Thanks ❤ All 7 is essential (no.5 seems to be most interesting as it is an easy indicator you can rely on). However, day by day, I am more and more desperate to be able to find compatible person... 😟
Compatibility is not the same as chemistry. I had red hot chemistry with my ex GF but after a year and what I thought was mutual love and respect, she started to figure out she wasn't compatible with me and started to pull away, pick fights, ect and we eventually weren't together five months later.
I will die alone looking for a person who works on every mentioned level …. Like seriously ! My fiancé died and I am not able to meet anyone for 9 years now 😮 it’s always something that is not matching and I just know I can’t sacrifice some of the aspects
great work! Matthew I suggest you talk to Geoffrey Setiawan his work and program can add more to what you teach.. you can learn from each other for sure
My God! Why does it have to be so complicated to have a healthy relationship? Just hearing this makes me feel daunted just to try and date again.
Perhaps if we focus more on loving ourselves … we’ll attract the right one effortlessly 🤷♀️🙂🍀
It sounds complicated, but if you go back to dating ignoring this fact , it will explode in your face again 😅 compatibility was always the reason for all my break ups .. but the good news are if you know it , you really can save yourself a lot of time and heart aches for you and others ❤
I was thinking along those lines as well and I've never dated properly, even though I'm in my 60s, which is an extremely long story!
It seems much easier to stay single and I'm certainly not the only one doing so nowadays. 😊
This isn’t complicated. It’s common sense when you get to a healthy place mentally and with your attachment styles (if you have an insecure one). Hes just breaking it down for people who are not there mentally yet.
I feel the same.
1. Admiration. 2. Physical Attraction. 3. Emotional Attraction 4. Compatibility. Great idea to list 'Compatibility areas'. Would love to see 'Emotionial Attraction areas', too.
I would love to see a video like this about admiration too! I think it would be very helpful
I mean...what tf you can do if a person fill all the boxes and your relationship have all those things that you said but the physical attraction is in another person (that you don`t have ANY compability)?
@@lauragoiabaneither is suitable
As an autistic person, your take on these issues are incredibly helpful. A nice list is much easier to follow, especially as I'm so easily manipulated. My ability to read people's intentions is completely missing. But focusing on specific actions is extremely beneficial. Thank you
This is the BEST VIDEO you have ever made. Clear. Concise. Comprehensive. And enduring. I’m in my 60’s. It’s relevant now. Wish I’d known this sooner.
This is the advice our parents should have taught us, but never did. Thank you, this is excellent! I’ve experienced so many of these issues in my relationships.
Yes I was thinking the same thing! Wish I knew this 15 years ago. There was talk about compatibility but it always seemed a bit like a joke as if people who said they weren't compatible enough were talking about very simple things that could've easily been resolved. Which made me push the more serious areas of compatibility aside aswell. Also I think it's important to actually see and experience the compatibility, not just talk about it. My husband always talked about wanting the same things but in reality was constantly putting them off.
Our parents really left us alone in the wild in this sense.
Thankfully, we parents have these amazing resources to help us guide our children.
Yes, there is so much we aren’t taught growing up about romantic relationships ❤️🔥
@@hollyandstelladoodle8748 I think a lot of parents back then didn't have this knowledge either. My parents are learning alongside me and say the same thing as me that they wished they knew these things. I'm really blessed that they still want to learn at this age, it makes our bond stronger.
We should give our parents a little bit of a pass. I've learned that people do what they know. And people don't know a great many things. If they're trying their very best. I think they deserve a little pass. If they aren't trying at all. That's a different story.
It takes a long time to discover the answers to these questions. By that time, you're attached
You just ask
@@rose-pz1isPeople lie or don‘t know themselves. Only actions speak truth
That sounds like your fault. Just be straightforward and ask.
Number 5 and 6 are almost too painful when you realise your marriage is failing because of this. Listen to this while you can still walk away without too much heartbreak!
I can totally understand that 😢
@@cathylam344Still happy to learn about it now. Better late then never. Hope you are doing okay😘
@@Lily_and_River Hi Lily, I think it is too late for me 😕
@@cathylam344do you have children? But even if, there might be ways. Don't know about your situation and how complicated it is, but i really wish for you to find a way to not stay in a miserable situation and have the strength to change it if possible..! It's your life and you only got that one. Not saying to let your kids down if you have some, but maybe there is a way to combine theirs and your best interests together...all the best for you 🙏
@@Liluli13 my children are 23 yrs old and 28 yrs old! They are adults now. When they were young, my husband did not teach them any values, it was more like he was babysitting them. He drove them to places and drove them to schools in the morning. We fought over this, I wanted them to take school bus but they could not get up on time every morning…. And my husband would drive them every morning! He spoiled them by not emphasizing the importance of timeliness and responsibilities! My daughter would spend $10 for a bubble tea, I would tell her not to spend on unnecessary things… but my husband say when they grow up one day they will learn! He basically let them grow up by themselves without any discipline nor values! They are adults now and I can’t do much anymore!
Compromise, not sacrifice, allows us to stay together. You're never going to meet the perfect person.
i think its both, there's certain things we should compromise, maybe related to partner's personality that we cant change, then there's things both should sacrifice and change for the better
We have to differentiate between people who are truly incompatible and people who are different but make us better. I used to be super messy, bordering on slovenly. My bf said he loved me but could not live with me or commit to a future with me unless I because neatrr bc I drove him crazy lol. Being a pig was not some indelible part of my personality, it was a flaw that needed changing anyway. Thank god he came along. Now I have a man AND some organization and structure in my life (people who are messy superficially are usually really disorganized and undisciplined on a more macro level and that's generally what "neat freaks" have a problem with, not the sock left out
I've never wanted to have children, BUT the children question you use in this video is a great one I will start asking myself to help me in my dating.
Wow, I’m in the middle of extreme heartbreak, and I’ve watched 143 other videos, this one hit home.
These are such insightful points. #6 resonated with me most. With a previous relationship, I could not fully articulate that my partner was not capable of meeting my needs, but that was exactly the issue.
No. 5 is the simplest, clearest, best piece of advice I've heard about dating/compatibility.
1. Do our goals align?
- Do you want the same things? (Marriage, children etc.)
2. Does the timeline of your goals align?
- Do you want them at the same time give or take? Can you compromise on this or can't you?
3. Are our lifestyles compatible?
- Are your differences a constant source of frustration, or an inspiration for growth?
4. Do we make a great team?
- Do your argument standards match?
- How do you show up in hard times, can you be a team?
5. Would you want this person to raise your children when you're not around anymore?
- This REALLY highlights incompatibility
- If you wouldn't subject an innocent child to your partner's way of being, then why would you subject yourself to it today?
6. Are they capable of loving you in the way you need to be loved?
AND, are you capable of loving THEM in the way they need to be loved?
- If you NEED something, and your partner has a fundamental incapability to give this to you, you have an unhappy road ahead of you, no matter how much you love them
7. Do you have the same vision of what commitment is?
- And loyalty, monogamy, freedom?
- Does being with them make you feel safe in the way you want to be, and free in the way you want to be, and does this also go for them?
Don't ignore these points, this makes for a holistic overall view of compatibility that makes for a happy lifetime relationship! ❤
Timing is part of compatibility too
There's no such thing as "right person, wrong time", because the wrong time MAKES them the wrong person!
Thank you so much Matthew!! ❤❤❤ This helps SO much
Thank you for creating this little summary - greatly appreciated 🥰
@cinderling5472 👍🙂
You just described my last relationship. I am devastated.
It’ll get better 🥺
Keep going, it will get better I promise ❤
You should be proud that you are speaking in past tense! 🫶🏼
Matthew...this video is a game changer! In two short months you have completely changed my life and outlook! I had been caught in some very toxic relationships with narcissist types. I have been working on healing from the brokenness and climbing my way up to a better life, and trying to find some peace. But I didn't know how to proceed relationally until I watched your videos. You are giving me confidence and practical wisdom that I was never taught by my family. I am indebted to you because you have changed my life and many lives, not only with great wisdom but with kindness and compassion. And you have a passion to share it and change many lives. I so appreciate that you are doing research in this area and your team. C.S. Lewis said you're never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream. I'm dreaming new dreams of a happy future with the right guy because of you and your team! God bless you all! 😇
That is the best video you made so far. I’m a psychologist and I love studying about relationships and helping my clients improve their love lives as well. Of course everything I studied contributed to my love life and I assessed all of those things when I was dating and choosing who were going to be my partner. Yes, I was VERY selective. Now I truly believe that I found my person and let me tell you: it was really worth it. Do not waste your time if one of these areas are not okay. Be really honest to yourself and to others, you WILL find your person eventually!
I don't have children but I have two cats living with me! But the question with the children also works with my pets, for I love them dearly and they are my family members and I would want them to be taken care of with the same love and respect I give them!🐈🐱💞
Thank you dear Matthew Hussey for this great advice and video👍🏼❣
Yes! I always played that game in my head--would I want this person treating my future child this way? Sometimes it's hard to hold standards for myself, but I go into mama bear mode picturing my future kids... I want them treated as gently and kindly and encouragingly as possible. So I want a man who treats everyone (incl me) this way 🤗
This is exactly what I‘ve been living by since my early dating years (17+) as my parents have raised us to look out for these pointers of compatibility. I have always been ridiculed by my generation for not putting attraction first and not “living in the moment” but taking sustainable decisions. Thank you so much for putting this into a video, and drawing attention - yet again - to the important things in life, Matt. I hope people start listening!
Why are you always nailing it and straight to the point Mattt!! 😍😍😍 you're just awesome☺️
For 8 years I've been in a relationship with a woman 11 years older than me. I love her like crazy. Many years into being with her upon talking with my many transitory female workmates, I came to the realization that I love her like a daughter, despite the direction of the age difference. The behaviors I accept and allow from her have boggled the minds of many of the people i've spoken to as completely unacceptable of a partner. And while I agree intellectually I never _felt_ that way, neither before nor after talking. It only made sense if you look at it as if she were my daughter. (Well done to the one coworker who made me see that). I love her more like I were her Dad than her partner.
After watching this video ,despite loving eachother so much, I realize we are incompatible in just about every single mentioned way. I have already thought that I don't really want her raising my potential kids but this video was just realisation after realisation that we are beyond incompatible. And the crazy thing is I still can't imagine breaking up with her.
I’m sorry whaaat lol you love your partner of 8 years, who you have sex with, like a daughter? That is a weird way to put it
Oh wow this is interesting! How did you guys meet and what kinds of unacceptable acts were done if you don’t mind me asking?
My last ex, I loved him like a son. I was so happy whenever he was happy, and I loved doing things to make him happy. Unfortunately, he didn’t do the same for me
@@MandyC88 And the crazy part is you still feel responsible for his feelings and guilty for breaking up huh
This video is so incredibly relevant to my current breakup, wow.
Resentment is so hard to come to terms with when youre invested
It makes sense!
But then It’s hard enough to find someone u love. Harder yet - someone who loves u back. Applying all these compatibility criteria on top of that makes the final goal almost unattainable. There is only so many people u can meet in a lifetime, and only so much time in a day.. 🤔
💯 doubt anyone has all of this checklist down :D
3 months NC, we had different goals. I listen to your book over and over. Thanks bro.
The guy ended things after 3 months (two months of it we were in kind of a relationship) because he said we were not compatible, and Im afraid he was right. But we shared such connection, oue feelings were love or close to love, and it hurt immensely when we decided to cut it off (well, in the end he had the sense to do it, I felt so strongly about him I couldn't bring myself to do it, I wanted him). I understand there was a good chance we wouldn't work out but the "what ifs" and "could have beens" kill me. It was so short there were few arguments or anything negative so it's very hard for me to let this person go. We enjoyed such a deep connection and emotional intimacy, it's crazy. I miss him terribly still, even though we broke up almost a month ago now :( and I keep torturing myself with all sorts of thoughts that maybe if I did this or that differently, we would be very happy now together. But I wasn't completely sure about him all along (in terms of a long-term relationship) and in the end he felt unsure about me in that capacity and neither of us wanted just a fling so we called it off. Mostly by his initiative but I get it. But it hurts so much 😢
It dawned on me why my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. He was like, loving isn't just enough. We are never compatible sadly. 😢
Happened the same. It was really sad to let someone you loved go but he was actually right, i was in “we are different but we will figure it out” mindset. But yet he did not want to figure out, or he thought that the differences were very fundamental. He said exactly the same, “love is not enough” :/
This has been completely pivotal for me in the way I date now. So sensible, yet so easily overlooked when in love. I recently walked away from someone I deeply loved because we weren't compatible in several of these areas. It doesn't make it any less painful, but I take comfort in having the knowledge to make better decisions. You have my sincere gratitude, Matthew 🙏
#5 is part of why I have found it so difficult to date after divorce.
this breakdown of compatibility is a game-changer! It's eye-opening to realize how essential aligning on goals, lifestyles, and timelines is for long-term happiness. Love your practical approach to making relationships work. Everyone def needs this ..
I usually don’t watch or listen to videos like these, or it’s been a while. This really helped. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
hearing this now... 8 months deep in the relationship. should've heard it 10 months ughhhhh crying
Goals.Timing.Compatibilty.Teamwork. Standards &Style. Morals. Emotional matching needs. Visions of commitment matches.
Now im gonna be alone forever
Been reading the book and i am impressed..just 30 pages in and i recognize so many things ive done in the past and i am learning so much already. Cant wait to go through the whole thing❤
most people don't love you they just love what you can do 4 them
@thematthewhussey.2 and take it where ?
Wow! Your videos are always so helpful but this one was outstanding!! It’s so important to hear that love isn’t enough because we are so often sold on the idea that love conquers all. But the various compatibility factors are key and cannot be denied. I’m saying that after being in my first long-term relationship since my divorce and realizing that no matter how much the two of us love each other, we are not compatible and it needs to stop before it goes further. Thank you so much.
Wow, Matthew thank you for this video. This really explains why my previous relationships haven’t worked and I definitely am going to revert back to this video to ask myself these questions for compatibility in any future relationships.
I am very tidy and a messy person for me is a red flag. I lived with a messy flatmate. It created conflitcs all the time. I know for sure that I do not want a messy person
I agree with you 100% that you have to be compatible with a person for a long-term relationship to work, but I also feel that committed COMPROMISE is also paramount. Unfortunately, or fortunately, things change in our lives and as human beings, we continue to grow and evolve. It may come down to the old saying that “women think they can change men and men think women will never change.” You also mentioned dealing with hardship. This is huge, especially as we age and our long term health can become an issue. Life is hard. You have to commit to the ability to adapt and grow to keep LOVE alive.
i wanna thank you Matt, for creating this video, it gave me a huge lens in seeing the things i've been missing to see from a person i'm attracted to. Now i can already use these things to choose my person better 😊😊😊
But love makes all these things easier. We learn do deal with things when we love
I wish I had known this sooner. In my late 50’s and after 2 failed marriages, I can only hope to teach these lessons to my children. So this is the way things work 🤔. Tahnk you for sharing.
8:30 i am glad you mentioned this question, it was the eye opener for me to break my first relationship, but now i blame myself for this criteria because later in life i changed my mind about having children anyways !
What if we are super compatible but I am missing a spark?
WOW what a thought provoking question 😳👌
Such a great and profound video! Should be seen by everyone because I believe it makes sense in every aspect! And your sense of humour is always appreciated! It is great to follow your work and to listen to so many important ideias for free! Thank you because it helps to clearly understand fundamental ideas and to make sure we can clearly think about them before we make any important step! Do continue with your work, you a your team, it is very different from so many perspectives that I have heard and it makes much more sense to me because It is positive, logical, loving.. I think you surely understand the dynamics of human relashionships, you explain very well, with maturity, depth and kindness. Thank you
This video could not have come at a better time!! I’ve literally been questioning if me and my partner are right for each other/compatible 8 months in
That's more than 3 but all really important to assess a relationship. Helps me right now.
This is great Matthew, thank you! ❤ These are very important questions!
I'm happy to see that I can answer with a "yes" to amost all of these with confidence in, my relationship. Those that I'm still unsure of however, do lean towards a "yes", and we already have an open communication about them. Time will tell :)
My previous relationship.. we were in love with each other, but after watching this video I understand we had 0 compatibility in all of the aspects you list. We had attraction, and a lot of things in common. We loved the same movies, music, nature, cats. I am not even sure when thing started falling apart, but after 8 years of our relationship he broke up with me. I will be honest and say that I felt so relieved, because our relationship was getting harder and harder for both of us, yet even after one year of brake up it still feels quite painful.
I really enjoyed this video and so many great points, though I do think the zoom ins were a bit too frequent and found it a bit difficult to watch.
Thank you Matthew, as always great food for thought. However, some days I feel I am on information overload, and cannot reconcile how I will ever remember to use any of the information in any intelligent manner. 🤷♀️😳
This video is much needed right now. Thank you !
Question number 5 was the reason I left 3 of my previous long -term relationships (out of 5 total relationships). I realized I just couldn't raise my children with this man, I disagreed too much with what he would want to teach them.
Thank you so much Matthew ❤❤❤
Exactly when I needed to hear this... So true and so important... thanks again
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes ❤❤❤
Stay blessed 🙌
And May God bless you with a happy and healthy life 🙏🙏🙏
I LOVE THIS!! What you said about how we need to be compatible in how we feel safe and how we feel free!
this brings so much clarity to why we may be experiencing conflict. and it's so focussed and simple so that we can have conversations of resolution much more easily! Thank you so much!
We align with everything apart from the fact that I want something now and he simply isn’t ready, it’s too soon after his last relationship and I totally respect that, and he respects that I don’t want to continue to talk any more if that’s the case. I’ve left it open ended, he can text me when he is ready and pick up where we left off, but if I meet someone else in that time then sorry buddy
This is where I’m at … though letting go has proven difficult for me
Brilliant! Thank you for your concise articulation!
Excellent content. I can see how much better your content has become, and this is great
Great timing to hearing this. I was “seeing someone” I’m 26 and he’s 42 about to be 43 in July this year. He didn’t want anything serious, but because we were intimate with one another for at least 1.5 years , I caught some feelings and he said he liked me . But forgot to mention he’s an actor, so idk if his feelings were true at all cost and throughout this whole entire time I was seeing him. But anyways, I told him if he’ was ok, sometimes thru text msg it can come off as ,they might not be ok” anyways…. I said some stuff but the stuff I said wasn’t bad at all, at least in my case, he took it wrong. But the response he said was, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” he basically said that. Stuff that he’s already heard many times. But I’m just reminding him and I didn’t say remind. After that he blocked me. He’s a man child . I wa literally helping him tho whole entire time he helped me a few times . I think we are compatible . But in a sense, we didn’t talk much about our future as separate individuals. I hope this story makes sense. There’s more but this is how I can somewhat sum it up
@@delaslight can you expand on reasons not to date someone that much older than you?
Something I started looking at when I was in my first exclusive dating relationship was, how is he treating me? If he treated our future child this way, how would the little one feel? It's a great way to take a step back abd assess the relationship.
Where were you in 1972 when I was getting married?! I married an alcoholic, who I loved, but we were totally different and I was with him for 11yrs, not getting the kind of love I needed, and never working together as a team. He died of cancer and it's sad to say, but I'm happier by myself. I've been single for 41yrs. My marriage was not an experience I choose to relive!!
Number 5 is a game changer question
Dear Matt, thank you so much for everything you do ❤
Question please: is it a good idea to share this video with the guy, with whom I want to build a family
Great video, Thanks ❤❤😊
very important, common sense & caring message to share with us... Thank you Matthew for your clarity & delivery of this content using contrast, great examples. (very professorial.)
Amazing video! Really helps people understand if they should be in their relationship or not! Love it! Thank you!
Wonderful video; I highly resonated with the content. The jumping in and out with the zoom was a little distracting/hard to watch for me.
Yes these are all true. I ended my 3 months relationship yesterday. He did not deserved someone like me.
Such a great breakdown of compatibility! I feel the headline needs to reflect that tho, and say something about compatibility. I almost didnt click on this video. I could have definitely used this info back in 2003. But wow!! Thank you for sharing!! ❤
Thank you Matt and Jams. This was super helpful.
so true yet feels impossible to meet someone who I am attracted to and vice versa, we love each other and we are compatible in all the important areas. Recently dated someone and we split because he needed a lot of space and I need a lot of together time. My brother has been married to a woman for 20 years who isn't physically affectionate and it has been an ongoing source of misery in their relationship. I feel that my expectations of meeting someone that ticks all these important boxes is IMPOSSIBLE and I often ask myself if I being UNREALISTIC in my EXPECTATIONS.
Thank you for this video 🙌❤️
I so appreciate your work Mathew, and recently enjoyed listening to your new book.
I noticed during this video the zoom ins and zoom outs oscillated too quickly and repetitively to watch comfortably. May want to adjust that in future video edits.❤
Good reality check, Matthew!
Wow! Number 5 is something I never thought about.
These are all helpful reminders! Thank you!
What if you want to feel alive rather than safe and free?
Thank you. Can love, ever, be enough? I'm 75 he's 47.
I know that with me, things can get pretty much 'ugly' & hard to deal with.
But why?
Your videos are always so appreciated. Thank you Matt
❤❤❤❤thank you sir for such video
Thank you, alternate universe Daniel Radcliffe.
Harry Pottery
Thank you for this Mathew! Well said!
Fabulously basically put for us, thank you Mathew
So perfect video, Matt, and the best one you have ever made. Thanks ❤ All 7 is essential (no.5 seems to be most interesting as it is an easy indicator you can rely on). However, day by day, I am more and more desperate to be able to find compatible person... 😟
Thanks for the clarity
An incredible video. Bravo!
Very important video to watch!
These are epic self question s!!!😮😮👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🤔 impressed !!!
Thanks for making this vidéo, it is extremly intresting! I totally agree on these opinions.
Compatibility is not the same as chemistry. I had red hot chemistry with my ex GF but after a year and what I thought was mutual love and respect, she started to figure out she wasn't compatible with me and started to pull away, pick fights, ect and we eventually weren't together five months later.
Awesome Video❤
What an excellent insightful video
I will die alone looking for a person who works on every mentioned level …. Like seriously ! My fiancé died and I am not able to meet anyone for 9 years now 😮 it’s always something that is not matching and I just know I can’t sacrifice some of the aspects
great work! Matthew I suggest you talk to Geoffrey Setiawan his work and program can add more to what you teach.. you can learn from each other for sure
Better than therapy or premarital counseling
Excellent content!
One of your best!!
Thank you for your insight and inspiration