hey hey! looking forward to reading what YOU wish you knew before getting married & if any of these surprised you! what topic should we tackle in episode 5?! lmk below 👇🏾♥
Hey Melody - I was unable to find your TH-cam page name on Faith Counseling site under referred. Not sure if that impacts your sponsorship but thought you should know. Once resolved let me know and I can go back in and show your page as referred. Thanks for sharing
Love your content! I'd say a vid for singles on key character traits to look for in a potential partner, specifically now you're married and know which traits matter most in marriage! What makes a husband? Thank you for this series!
The life of a Christian is not a walk in the park, neither is marriage. God will keep pruning and growing his children in every season they are in, and even though we may have misconceptions of marriage before going in, learning all these things in it, is all for his glory. 2 months in and I am so grateful for all the things I did not know. Marriage is so so so beautiful and is a gift from the Lord in his own perfect timing. I just have to say that if as a single woman you have been walking with Jesus and he has been your Lord and savior, (kindly) don’t contemplate marriage with someone who has not been living for Jesus. I can’t imagine how hard and impossible it would be to submit to someone who is not submitted to the Lord. Be blessed & be encouraged ♥️
I have only been married a little over 3 years, but it all takes time. Thank God I married a man that sincerely believes that he should help with whatever I'm doing. For example, I never cook alone. He'd either cut up all my vegetables for me or he'll help with actually cooking the meal. Or when I'm cleaning he gets up and cleans with me. I NEVER wash dishes alone. I'm the one that needs a more orderly home. Lol. So give yourselves some time.
Not married but I do agree about how glamorized marriage is that once you’re married all you problems vanish. That’s a narrative that Has been overly emphasized and it’s good to hear the truth from someone on the other side of the fence
I wish I would have known how to allow my husband to lead. What I mean by that is, I was so use to doing everything on my own and for myself ! Basically always defending myself. So when my husband came along, it was a challenge to just sit back and allow him to be that man and the provider while not overstepping what he was trying to get accomplished.
@@LynnHermione that’s your opinion, and I respect that. BUT no marriage is the same or lived the same. What works for me may not be for you! And in my marriage, I’m choosing to let my husband lead as I follow ..
Lolol. I've been married 24 years and I still haven't gotten it yet. Work in progress man!!!! But I'm very impressed with what you have acquired so far. Wow. There's something called" buyers beware". Unmarried person take careful note!!! What she's saying is no joke but absolutely reality. Them's the facts. And she said she wish she'd known before. Girl, you just can't know until after you're married. That's why I'm a firm believer of 1) praying seriously about who you're to marry and let God guide your choice. 2) get bible based marriage counseling and read read read up as much as you can, 3) Decide to be in it for the long haul. 4) stick close to Jesus to help you through it when you do get married. Finally, I'm going to sync our week and plan out connecting times to improve our marriage. That's a good idea. Notice guys after 24 years of marriage I'm still learning how to improve the relationship, no room for pride, we just got to keep on growing......
The whole concept of marriage being meant to make you holy as opposed to happy is definitely an insight I appreciate so much and one that I will internalize greatly in my single season. Thank you melody and thank you Jesus for this tip
As a Widow, some advice to give, is as I was married is 😇#1 Have a monthly meeting to talk about anything that may have been misunderstood or taken the wrong way. The Lord gave me that tip, head on in marriage & as years went by, the meetings became less & less because we learned each other & understood each other. I feel it's very important that when you try to explain something, ask the other, what did you hear me say. Because, believe it or not they can say something totally differently & you will find yourself asking" How in the world did you get that, that is not what I was trying to say" 😇🤣Trust me it happens.
What I have learned in my 13yrs of marriage that you have to be acceptable to change. You both are constantly growing as individuals and now your family is growing. Marriage have so many seasons but keeping God in the center will guide you through all seasons of your marriage.
Marriage is the one thing that makes you more like God. And that process is definitely not easy. Especially living in a society that it all about 'put yourself first'
God bless your family....Sis. I been married 10 years and still trying to get the hang of it...sometimes I'm still like why can't he understand me lol...it goes both ways..marriage is work..my prayer is that God continue strengthen marriages and we keep growing in patience 🙏🏽❤🙌🏽
Wow I am single but for me I thought marriage would be that big gift and blessing from God that will make up for everything that I have been through and that I can finally just chill, relax and watch someone else do all the work… lol listening to you I feel emotionally overwhelmed that marriage will just be a working process to a different level of strength. But I am not discouraged I understand the work to self preservation doesn’t stop just because you are married. Thanks for always sharing
I have been married & now a widow & I have to say, once as a married couple, we always prayed together & apart as well on whatever that needs to be Dealt with. Once we got a solution from the Lord & obeyed what was said, then we found out a lot of things were not such a Big deal. Once each other kinks etc & adjustments are made,, married life does become more easier, because you know each other now. Less figuring out & straight to just doing it. ONCE that is applied, More Love Kicks In. It's a beautiful marriage, that only the Lord makes it specially designed for the two.😇
Hey so I was with my now husband 9 years before getting married. I thought I was taking time to iron out differences, go to pre-marital counseling and be ready!!! I was so wrong 😑 I had an unsaid expectation of what marriage was going to be. 1 month in and I dread the question “so how are the newlyweds?” It is WORK! You could not have said it better. It is an act of dying to oneself and loving without conditions. It’s like mimicking Jesus and enduring the ups and downs. But SO WORTH IT! ❤️
Transparency Moment 🚨 I'm not married, and I always had SUCH a romanticized view of marriage. Like- I grew up obsessed with romance movies- type of ideas about it 😂 And now that I'm walking through adulthood I feel like I'm having a rude awakening lol. On one side, I'm holding on to this desire for marriage and on the other, I don't know if I wanna deal with it 😬 I feel like that sounds super selfish and lazy, but it's the truth. While being single for the rest of my life and getting married would both present struggles, I think it'd be more comfortable to be single. I think my biggest thing is that while I'm used to being collaborative, service oriented, helpful, heck even submissive, I'm also used to being alone and feeling the safety of just me & God. He is constantly working on me/ sanctifying me while single, and I think I'm coming to the conclusion that that's enough. I feel like there's so much more room for me to get hurt and also sin against someone I don't want to hurt. And I do not think I want to share my space/ life/ heart with a man 😲 Admittedly, I like having my time to myself & doing things my own way and at my own pace. Maybe God is teaching me all these things to change the desires of my heart. Or maybe this just fear/ insecurity, and He just wanted me to stop idolizing marriage. I mean growth with just me and God is both challenging and rewarding, so maybe I'm overthinking that process with a partner? I don't know, but I'm definitely seeing things differently thanks to transparent videos like this! I'm gonna keep praying on it, and I hope some saints will join me on that lol. I definitely just used this comment like a diary, but I am glad to at least get these thoughts out 😅
I agree that marriage is the starting line. We are 3 years married today and I have finally start being able to submit and not try to rule my man by being manipulative (having a attitude or throwing a fit if I don't get my way).
Love your realness, you speak in a way that never promotes fear but is open about the struggle of being human. I think we as woman need to be more realistic like this! A good marriage is not something you win, its something you have to earn over time. Bless you and your relationship 💜
I forgot to mention #1would be great to talk more about "There is no Switch to Flip..CHANGE and ADJUSTMENTS are gradual " I wish I would've known before marriage 😊 God bless
I am 53 years old and never been married so getting married at 29 is not late. You were right on time. Keep doing what God wants you to do with your life and family along with your TH-cam channel.. I enjoy watching you even as a much older woman than you.. 🎉
Wow this is so helpful!! Can you please talk about more about the transition to cooking more? Im very weak in this area. I eat out ALOT. Its so hard to make the change as im preparing myself to be a wife. I dont like cooking at all. Im also feel led to eat plant based foods. Its tough!!
Married for 12 years and still don't have it all together! 😆 What I wish I had known before is what we expected from each other. Being so young and starting a family immediately we were thrown into becoming parents first and now just getting back to realizing oh, wait...we in a whole marriage too! LOL Don't ever think you know everything about each other because each season you learn something about him and yourself. Also...I totally made this same HelloFresh meal this week! Kids and hubs loved it...Banging. 😁 You guys seem to be on a beautiful path led by the Holy Spirit and it is a treat to witness. God Bless you both and the little bun.
Cool Vid👍🏿! Been married 10 years and the one thing that I didn’t know but loved ASAP was the fact we as individuals evolve throughout the years. So basically certain things my wife liked when we were dating and first got married, she don’t like no more and vice versa. It’s a cool process/journey and it makes everyday of marriage fun to look forward too because you don’t know what to expect.
Thank you for this! I’ve been with my husband 11 years, married 6, and the second half of our relationship has been us navigating marriage in a way that truly honors God. I had zero representation of a healthy relationship, so God’s word and having a solid foundation in Christ has helped us tremendously in our marriage. I’m so happy you’re seeing these things early in your marriage, your content is so inspiring!
The whole gender roles has been the hardest for me. I lived with my husband and had a baby prior to ua getting married and we struggled alot because our roles were really not according to design. It's crazy because in the world we get the message that these rolea are up to us, and since starting to read the bible and actually getting married (6 months ago) the role has really taught us that we need to get according to plan. I've been working really hard on that and even though we are still in process, simply moving towards change has been so impactful.
I’m engaged and started following you a few months before I met my future husband. I’ll be praying for you to continue to have a healthy pregnancy. I’m finishing Med school and planning to pursue OB so my heart really went out to you on your last video. So happy to see you feeling better and the blessings in your life and learning so much as I get ready for marriage ❤️
“I’m here to report to you, false!” Had me laughing 😂😅 But I love how real you are!!! You make some vulnerable topics seem easy to talk about and I really appreciate it!
Between this video and the one about the fibroid last week… it’s changing my perspective & answering some of my questions. What got me was marriage isn’t to make you happy, that hit me like a ton of bricks & it was totally necessary. Even in a long season of singleness, I’m hopeful. Thank you for weeks of encouragement! ♥️
Did ya'll bless the food? Just curious? Lol 😊 Been married going on four years December 10th and we are still learning and growing. I have always been independent but it was easy giving up my independence (I'm a giver) but my hubby had to learn a different lifestyle as well as I. He's not as tidy as I am but he has slowly transitioned and I had to learn patience. This has made us grow in our marriage and even more in love because of those sacrifices. I'm blessed to have God as the third cord in our marriage. It's blessing to watch your marriage grow as well and in more ways than one.☝🏽❤
I'm not married yet, but yes all these points. I don't really like.cooking, I love doing things by myself and being by myself, etc. I know marriage is a ministry and will def help me be more like him😩. Pray for your girl
Appreciate your honesty so much. I'm on the other side of marriage - single/courting, and definitely marriage as the finish line, so appreciate you setting us straight on that! Love from a subbie in London!
Just discovered your channel. Not sure how it even showed up in my feed but enjoyed thoroughly! Thank you! Just shared with my engaged Christian friend. I am single, mostly by choice, but I really liked when you mentioned marriage not being the end goal. That was well spoken. It is so true that it seems to be a sentiment in the church culture. It will even, sometimes, subliminally insinuate that those who aren't married or are still waiting have not arrived & are less elite.
still young and navigating through my single season, but I am grateful for your tips and all of the stories shared in the comments. it’s definitely a reality check and allows me to be more equipped for when I do enter that season. I never had an example of a healthy God centered marriage in my life, so thank you. ❤️
I used to be Christian, but I'm not anymore. Regardless, I still respect Christianity and some of the values it teaches. I love how transparent you are in this video. I love that you don't sugarcoat anything. I love how practical you are. I love Christian content that balances religion and reality. So many people need to hear that some things don't just fall into place: you have to work at it.
I am in my early 30s and I have been single for the longest time like for about 10 years (not by choice though) before being in my current relationship, before this is studied, advance my career, travelled and worked so hard and all.. now I am have met a wonderful man and I am truly grateful for him and to God. Bottom line i have learned in life is that whether you are married or single or in a relationship, life is not easy but with God and by his Grace and living for his Glory whether single or Married, it’s much easier! Thus I agree with your points of things you wish you knew.
I believe I’m getting married soon. Haven’t met my husband yet but I know it will happen soon lol so I know I’m going to have to come back to this video coz these points are so good but I can feel that I’m not receiving them with a full revelation. Also I’m definitely getting that book coz I read some of the books you recommended in that book video and they are 🔥
I'm in your situation and I 100% recommend that book (Sacred Marriage). It's such an eye opener and necessary especially in this season of preparation. God bless your future union x
Your last point is so powerful. And I believe that many women that seek marriage don’t realize that there are times the wife has to serve her husband and vice versa. Wanda Mulzac touched on this briefly in The Everything is We podcast episode Our Pain Has Purpose featuring Wanda and Lorelco Mulzac. I enjoy these videos simply bc I don’t know what marriage will look like for me and my relationship but I know what I can expect and continue working on myself until that time arrives.
I have been married for 11 years, and It's still a learning process for us. It really is one thing I wouldn't change it has brought me so much closer to God and to really understand that we both are just very different in so many ways. Choosing every single day to make it work ❣️
Hello Melody, the last video I saw is the one you about not posting for a while. I'm sure by now God has blessed you and your husband with a beautiful baby girl. I started watching your channel a week ago and didn't know you been on for 5 years and I enjoyed every Christian journey. One of my favorite was the"twenty-one days"Daniel fast" and the way you explained it. May God continue to bless your family!!!
Thsnkyou Melody for sharing this journey with us! Having found u through my search for black girls teaching abroad, seeing your journey to marriage and motherhood is truly normalizing that next phase of life! I often cant imagine it for myself, so thankyou for being an example. Appreciate you!!!
Omg I love this, I’m staying with my fiancé and his family for 3 months and I’ve been going through some of these things even though we aren’t married, I’m not dirty but definitely not as clean as him and his family and I’ve felt so bad sometimes about it! I’m so happy I’m not the only one
Thank you for your helpful tips on things I need to work on during my single season. I definitely agree that the sanctification process is hard but it will be worth it with God’s help 🙏🏾
Melody, can you do a makeup tutorial or share some tips on how you learned how to do your makeup because I’m struggling and I really want to learn and look more put together
I will be married for 3 years in December and I’m still learning some of these things you mentioned. Even watching my parents some things that I believed they did weren’t true, I was on the outside looking in.. You truly don’t understand or learn somethings until you’re actually in a marriage. I’ve found out a lot about myself simply by being married and having to partner up with someone without an easy out.
That food looks delicious. Also writing down and taking heed to all these tips for my next season 🥰. I’m definitely going to look into hello fresh because I don’t like cooking at all 🤣. Unless it’s breakfast and even that barely lol
I was recently talking about how there's this amazing vlogger (you😉) that I've just grown to love, that we've shared such extremely similar experiences and share such similar perspectives on life in various ways. I can relate so much to your experiences and perspectives on both singlehood and relationships (mistakes, lessons learnt as we grew in a deeper relationship with Christ, views) and I feel it's the Holy Spirit that guided me to your page (I'm a new'ish subscriber☺️). Your content always touches my heart😊. Know that your content and you as a person are very much appreciated and God bless you so so much 🙏🏾
Great video learning a lot one think I’m still struggling with is my temper and submissive to my dear husband there has been a lot of spiritual attacks on my marriage I come from a family where most our my female family members are divorced and anti-marriage spirit has been destroying our family for decays and I thank God that I managed to know that something isn’t right so with that being said advice us on how to overcome all the temptation s that the accuser of the brethren might throw our way how we can handle them Etc? Thank you for being obedient to what the Lord wanted you to do through this channel I’m humbled
I started with the fruits of the Spirit. Not to be all religious but that’s what helps me with areas I struggle in. Self-control and patience are areas I struggle with . Also I learned to become understanding, but to speak up if it affects our well-being.
If you need it, there are TH-cam videos on deliverance and even self-deliverance. Deliverance seems to usually include generational curses as well. Look it up if you need/want it...even if you're curious.
@@je.suis.eva. thanks Been through deliverance even though it now I think someone mentioned at the top about the fruit of the spirit that I should pay attention to my husband is a pastor we have a deliverance ministry sometimes what I struggle with I do get people that I pray for and they get full deliverance after I pray for them and than at some point whenever I get angry I open doors again so I need to totally let the Holy Spirit do it’s course with the Fruit of the spirit of God thanks for all this answers much appreciate it
this is a timely video for me as i recently (2 weeks ago) got married and also waited until marriage. extremely open to all the lessons to be learnt as i begin this blissful journey. thank you!
Hey Melody I really enjoyed this video it's so informative although I'm not yet married. I kind of saw my relationship in it as in what is required of me because being in partnership its so not an easy road. And thank you for bringing awareness about the reality of it all because like for real I always thought if I get married it will solve half of my problems.
thank you for watching! my husband and i were super open in terms of finances while dating & engaged. we actually opened up a joint account after getting engaged to start save for the wedding. i think every couple is different but being as transparent, open, and honest in this area, especially if marriage is the goal, is always helpful and productive!
@@MelodyAlisa thanks for replying! 😊 My husband and I have been married for 7 months and we have been discussing this. But I wanted to hear from different married couples. Thanks for sharing.. 😊 God bless.
I would like to tap in on advice in regards to the joint account. I was once married & now a widow & my husband & I talked about this before getting married along with what responsibilities that we would take care of & do. And because I spoke of doing things, that caused a lot more actions on my part, that we agreeded to have separate accts. He too was an engineer & organized, balancing check books etc. I was the opposite & just looked at my balance. So it worked out perfectly, that way, neither of us would be shopping & see that it would not be enough. We loved each other, but we had to be wise/ realistic as well. Hope that helps.
12:40 yes as a independent woman my husband consistently remind me I’m married now stop moving in a single way so now I intentionally stop what I’m doing when he wants to do something together. I pull myself from working. It’s been 5months, it truly is more work than I forecasted but I KNOW our love is Devine. I even question that at times but I know I have to submit and continue to let my ego die this is all truthful and I will definitely be looking into reading the books you talked about.
Thank you for the part about marriage not being the solution to all life’s problems because truly subconsciously as a single I think that mentality is there, thank you for that eye opener 😅 and being sincere that having to submit and do things differently in as much as it’s good ain’t fun. I pray for God’s Grace to guide me on the reality of things when I get married 🙏🏽
I’m 22 and have met someone. He’s 28 and looks forward to be getting married soon (like the next 2-3 years). I definitely feel I’m not ready for marriage, I still want to go to med school and have a lot of personal growth ahead of me. He thinks it’s fine and I can be able to study whilst in the marriage. I heard you speak about dying to yourself and surrendering to your partner, What advice do you have for getting married young without accomplishing your career goals, as I think it would be difficult to fully surrender whilst I’m still figuring myself out ?
Hi Panashe 😊Pertaining to the personal growth side of your question …I think it’d be wise to figure yourself out first before getting married . You’ve recognized within yourself that you aren’t ready for marriage that there’s still some growing/maturing that has to take place before you’re ready to take the next step & I think you should do just that . He may say it’s fine and really mean that but why try to do things that should’ve been done in your single season in a marriage?? In a Marriage the focus is no longer ourselves it’d be kinda hard to try to find yourself & at the same time submit yourself to somebody this could cause problems in the marriage that could’ve been easily avoided if you dealt with finding yourself before getting married
I keep hearing a lot about Hello Fresh. I think I will try it soon because I don’t care for cooking that much. I’m sure my husband will appreciate meals more often lol
is it ok to pray for 1-5mins?? im finding it so hard to pray for longer whereas before i used to pray 30mins and 1hr. im feeling depressed and distant from God
It’s not about the length of the prayer but the posture of your heart sometimes a 5min prayer is all you have in you and God knows your heart so that’s ok
Saying you were single for quite a while is quite insensitive to the bulk of black women who may be watching and are waiting and in their early to late 40s. Black women are the highest demographic of unmarried women.
I wish more people talked about sex and what to expect once you’re marriage. It’s different for everyone, but things to remember (things I wish I had known): *The first night usually/often isn’t good. In fact, it’s often quite bad. Yes, it can hurt, but don’t be afraid. *It takes a while to get to figure things out. This is good! It means you get to grow and explore over the course of your marriage. *You can start by doing other stuff. Hand stuff, oral, just other stuff to explore each others’ bodies. This can help you loosen up. You don’t have to go zero to hundred on the first night. Honestly, you’ll be tired, you can just sleep if you want 😂 *Unfortunately, physical desires don’t always match up. Certain positions can make him orgasm but not her, certain positions can make her orgasm but not him. And that’s ok! Just communicate your desires and your boundaries. *boundaries - make sure you communicate what you DONT like as well as what you do. Sometimes you both do things the other doesn’t like, but you might not know that until it’s done. Just stay calm and let it be known. *You’re not always in the mood at the same time. Just be clear and honest about what you want. Sexual abuse is still abuse even if you’re married, so remember nothing should be done by force OR coercion. *There are different kinds of sex. Romantic sex, passionate sex, silly or joyful sex, rough sex, cozy sex…the list goes on! It’s not just like the movies :) *you can want sex but not want to orgasm. You don’t always always have to orgasm. Orgasming can be one-sided God bless!
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hey hey! looking forward to reading what YOU wish you knew before getting married & if any of these surprised you! what topic should we tackle in episode 5?! lmk below 👇🏾♥
love your content so much. love from South Africa🇿🇦♥️
I'd love for sexuality to be tackled. It's not always easy breezy to go from waiting to engaging in sex.
Hey Melody - I was unable to find your TH-cam page name on Faith Counseling site under referred. Not sure if that impacts your sponsorship but thought you should know. Once resolved let me know and I can go back in and show your page as referred. Thanks for sharing
@@taskit11 I had the same problem.
Love your content! I'd say a vid for singles on key character traits to look for in a potential partner, specifically now you're married and know which traits matter most in marriage! What makes a husband?
Thank you for this series!
The life of a Christian is not a walk in the park, neither is marriage. God will keep pruning and growing his children in every season they are in, and even though we may have misconceptions of marriage before going in, learning all these things in it, is all for his glory. 2 months in and I am so grateful for all the things I did not know. Marriage is so so so beautiful and is a gift from the Lord in his own perfect timing. I just have to say that if as a single woman you have been walking with Jesus and he has been your Lord and savior, (kindly) don’t contemplate marriage with someone who has not been living for Jesus. I can’t imagine how hard and impossible it would be to submit to someone who is not submitted to the Lord. Be blessed & be encouraged ♥️
Beautiful insight God Bless you
I have only been married a little over 3 years, but it all takes time. Thank God I married a man that sincerely believes that he should help with whatever I'm doing. For example, I never cook alone. He'd either cut up all my vegetables for me or he'll help with actually cooking the meal. Or when I'm cleaning he gets up and cleans with me. I NEVER wash dishes alone. I'm the one that needs a more orderly home. Lol. So give yourselves some time.
That's a game charger.
Not married but I do agree about how glamorized marriage is that once you’re married all you problems vanish. That’s a narrative that Has been overly emphasized and it’s good to hear the truth from someone on the other side of the fence
I wish I would have known how to allow my husband to lead. What I mean by that is, I was so use to doing everything on my own and for myself ! Basically always defending myself. So when my husband came along, it was a challenge to just sit back and allow him to be that man and the provider while not overstepping what he was trying to get accomplished.
That’s powerful!
That's so mysoginistic.
@@LynnHermione that’s your opinion, and I respect that. BUT no marriage is the same or lived the same. What works for me may not be for you! And in my marriage, I’m choosing to let my husband lead as I follow ..
Ain't that the truth😇🤣🤣That was me as well. Patience definitely had 2 kick in!
I can understand that, it’s hard for me to do this in a relationship. It’s a struggle to fall back sometimes.
Lolol. I've been married 24 years and I still haven't gotten it yet. Work in progress man!!!! But I'm very impressed with what you have acquired so far. Wow. There's something called" buyers beware". Unmarried person take careful note!!! What she's saying is no joke but absolutely reality. Them's the facts. And she said she wish she'd known before. Girl, you just can't know until after you're married. That's why I'm a firm believer of 1) praying seriously about who you're to marry and let God guide your choice. 2) get bible based marriage counseling and read read read up as much as you can, 3) Decide to be in it for the long haul. 4) stick close to Jesus to help you through it when you do get married.
Finally, I'm going to sync our week and plan out connecting times to improve our marriage. That's a good idea. Notice guys after 24 years of marriage I'm still learning how to improve the relationship, no room for pride, we just got to keep on growing......
Beautiful 👏🏽
The whole concept of marriage being meant to make you holy as opposed to happy is definitely an insight I appreciate so much and one that I will internalize greatly in my single season. Thank you melody and thank you Jesus for this tip
As a Widow, some advice to give, is as I was married is 😇#1 Have a monthly meeting to talk about anything that may have been misunderstood or taken the wrong way. The Lord gave me that tip, head on in marriage & as years went by, the meetings became less & less because we learned each other & understood each other. I feel it's very important that when you try to explain something, ask the other, what did you hear me say. Because, believe it or not they can say something totally differently & you will find yourself asking" How in the world did you get that, that is not what I was trying to say" 😇🤣Trust me it happens.
What I have learned in my 13yrs of marriage that you have to be acceptable to change. You both are constantly growing as individuals and now your family is growing. Marriage have so many seasons but keeping God in the center will guide you through all seasons of your marriage.
Amen
Marriage is the one thing that makes you more like God.
And that process is definitely not easy. Especially living in a society that it all about 'put yourself first'
Yep, so true! Sanctification is great & the point of it all (marriage) but it is definitely is not “fun”!! Lol
God bless your family....Sis. I been married 10 years and still trying to get the hang of it...sometimes I'm still like why can't he understand me lol...it goes both ways..marriage is work..my prayer is that God continue strengthen marriages and we keep growing in patience 🙏🏽❤🙌🏽
Wow I am single but for me I thought marriage would be that big gift and blessing from God that will make up for everything that I have been through and that I can finally just chill, relax and watch someone else do all the work… lol listening to you I feel emotionally overwhelmed that marriage will just be a working process to a different level of strength. But I am not discouraged I understand the work to self preservation doesn’t stop just because you are married. Thanks for always sharing
I have been married & now a widow & I have to say, once as a married couple, we always prayed together & apart as well on whatever that needs to be Dealt with. Once we got a solution from the Lord & obeyed what was said, then we found out a lot of things were not such a Big deal. Once each other kinks etc & adjustments are made,, married life does become more easier, because you know each other now. Less figuring out & straight to just doing it. ONCE that is applied, More Love Kicks In. It's a beautiful marriage, that only the Lord makes it specially designed for the two.😇
Hey so I was with my now husband 9 years before getting married. I thought I was taking time to iron out differences, go to pre-marital counseling and be ready!!! I was so wrong 😑 I had an unsaid expectation of what marriage was going to be. 1 month in and I dread the question “so how are the newlyweds?” It is WORK! You could not have said it better. It is an act of dying to oneself and loving without conditions. It’s like mimicking Jesus and enduring the ups and downs. But SO WORTH IT! ❤️
Transparency Moment 🚨
I'm not married, and I always had SUCH a romanticized view of marriage. Like- I grew up obsessed with romance movies- type of ideas about it 😂 And now that I'm walking through adulthood I feel like I'm having a rude awakening lol. On one side, I'm holding on to this desire for marriage and on the other, I don't know if I wanna deal with it 😬 I feel like that sounds super selfish and lazy, but it's the truth. While being single for the rest of my life and getting married would both present struggles, I think it'd be more comfortable to be single. I think my biggest thing is that while I'm used to being collaborative, service oriented, helpful, heck even submissive, I'm also used to being alone and feeling the safety of just me & God. He is constantly working on me/ sanctifying me while single, and I think I'm coming to the conclusion that that's enough. I feel like there's so much more room for me to get hurt and also sin against someone I don't want to hurt. And I do not think I want to share my space/ life/ heart with a man 😲 Admittedly, I like having my time to myself & doing things my own way and at my own pace. Maybe God is teaching me all these things to change the desires of my heart. Or maybe this just fear/ insecurity, and He just wanted me to stop idolizing marriage. I mean growth with just me and God is both challenging and rewarding, so maybe I'm overthinking that process with a partner? I don't know, but I'm definitely seeing things differently thanks to transparent videos like this! I'm gonna keep praying on it, and I hope some saints will join me on that lol.
I definitely just used this comment like a diary, but I am glad to at least get these thoughts out 😅
I agree that marriage is the starting line. We are 3 years married today and I have finally start being able to submit and not try to rule my man by being manipulative (having a attitude or throwing a fit if I don't get my way).
I’m not married yet, but this was extremely helpful to me because those are some of my same concerns 😩🙏🏾😌
so glad you found it helpful!!
Love your realness, you speak in a way that never promotes fear but is open about the struggle of being human. I think we as woman need to be more realistic like this! A good marriage is not something you win, its something you have to earn over time. Bless you and your relationship 💜
I forgot to mention #1would be great to talk more about "There is no Switch to Flip..CHANGE and ADJUSTMENTS are gradual " I wish I would've known before marriage 😊 God bless
I am 53 years old and never been married so getting married at 29 is not late. You were right on time. Keep doing what God wants you to do with your life and family along with your TH-cam channel.. I enjoy watching you even as a much older woman than you.. 🎉
Wow this is so helpful!! Can you please talk about more about the transition to cooking more? Im very weak in this area. I eat out ALOT. Its so hard to make the change as im preparing myself to be a wife. I dont like cooking at all. Im also feel led to eat plant based foods. Its tough!!
Married for 12 years and still don't have it all together! 😆 What I wish I had known before is what we expected from each other. Being so young and starting a family immediately we were thrown into becoming parents first and now just getting back to realizing oh, wait...we in a whole marriage too! LOL Don't ever think you know everything about each other because each season you learn something about him and yourself.
Also...I totally made this same HelloFresh meal this week! Kids and hubs loved it...Banging. 😁 You guys seem to be on a beautiful path led by the Holy Spirit and it is a treat to witness. God Bless you both and the little bun.
Wow. We're about to be 6 months into our marriage and I relate to this so much! We only recently gotten into our own routine.
Hey Maryonn! Lol funny I saw your comment. I see we both follow her. I loooove her! ❤
@@indigomanning wow 😅 that's really funny. I'm glad to see you here lol. It's a small world.
Cool Vid👍🏿! Been married 10 years and the one thing that I didn’t know but loved ASAP was the fact we as individuals evolve throughout the years. So basically certain things my wife liked when we were dating and first got married, she don’t like no more and vice versa. It’s a cool process/journey and it makes everyday of marriage fun to look forward too because you don’t know what to expect.
Thank you for this! I’ve been with my husband 11 years, married 6, and the second half of our relationship has been us navigating marriage in a way that truly honors God. I had zero representation of a healthy relationship, so God’s word and having a solid foundation in Christ has helped us tremendously in our marriage. I’m so happy you’re seeing these things early in your marriage, your content is so inspiring!
I’m a newly wed and millennial as well so I really love and appreciate your videos Bc they’re so relatable lol
The whole gender roles has been the hardest for me. I lived with my husband and had a baby prior to ua getting married and we struggled alot because our roles were really not according to design. It's crazy because in the world we get the message that these rolea are up to us, and since starting to read the bible and actually getting married (6 months ago) the role has really taught us that we need to get according to plan. I've been working really hard on that and even though we are still in process, simply moving towards change has been so impactful.
I’m engaged and started following you a few months before I met my future husband. I’ll be praying for you to continue to have a healthy pregnancy. I’m finishing Med school and planning to pursue OB so my heart really went out to you on your last video. So happy to see you feeling better and the blessings in your life and learning so much as I get ready for marriage ❤️
“I’m here to report to you, false!” Had me laughing 😂😅
But I love how real you are!!! You make some vulnerable topics seem easy to talk about and I really appreciate it!
Between this video and the one about the fibroid last week… it’s changing my perspective & answering some of my questions. What got me was marriage isn’t to make you happy, that hit me like a ton of bricks & it was totally necessary. Even in a long season of singleness, I’m hopeful. Thank you for weeks of encouragement! ♥️
Did ya'll bless the food? Just curious? Lol 😊 Been married going on four years December 10th and we are still learning and growing. I have always been independent but it was easy giving up my independence (I'm a giver) but my hubby had to learn a different lifestyle as well as I. He's not as tidy as I am but he has slowly transitioned and I had to learn patience. This has made us grow in our marriage and even more in love because of those sacrifices. I'm blessed to have God as the third cord in our marriage. It's blessing to watch your marriage grow as well and in more ways than one.☝🏽❤
I'm not married yet, but yes all these points. I don't really like.cooking, I love doing things by myself and being by myself, etc. I know marriage is a ministry and will def help me be more like him😩. Pray for your girl
Appreciate your honesty so much. I'm on the other side of marriage - single/courting, and definitely marriage as the finish line, so appreciate you setting us straight on that! Love from a subbie in London!
My husband and I are 9 months into our marriage and every pointer was spot on. Learning and growing!
🙌🏾♥️ slowly but surely!!
Just discovered your channel. Not sure how it even showed up in my feed but enjoyed thoroughly! Thank you! Just shared with my engaged Christian friend. I am single, mostly by choice, but I really liked when you mentioned marriage not being the end goal. That was well spoken. It is so true that it seems to be a sentiment in the church culture. It will even, sometimes, subliminally insinuate that those who aren't married or are still waiting have not arrived & are less elite.
still young and navigating through my single season, but I am grateful for your tips and all of the stories shared in the comments. it’s definitely a reality check and allows me to be more equipped for when I do enter that season. I never had an example of a healthy God centered marriage in my life, so thank you. ❤️
I used to be Christian, but I'm not anymore. Regardless, I still respect Christianity and some of the values it teaches. I love how transparent you are in this video. I love that you don't sugarcoat anything. I love how practical you are. I love Christian content that balances religion and reality. So many people need to hear that some things don't just fall into place: you have to work at it.
I am in my early 30s and I have been single for the longest time like for about 10 years (not by choice though) before being in my current relationship, before this is studied, advance my career, travelled and worked so hard and all.. now I am have met a wonderful man and I am truly grateful for him and to God.
Bottom line i have learned in life is that whether you are married or single or in a relationship, life is not easy but with God and by his Grace and living for his Glory whether single or Married, it’s much easier!
Thus I agree with your points of things you wish you knew.
This was so good! A great reminder, I pray I can recall this video when it’s time for me to enter my season of marriage 🙏🏾
I believe I’m getting married soon. Haven’t met my husband yet but I know it will happen soon lol so I know I’m going to have to come back to this video coz these points are so good but I can feel that I’m not receiving them with a full revelation. Also I’m definitely getting that book coz I read some of the books you recommended in that book video and they are 🔥
I'm in your situation and I 100% recommend that book (Sacred Marriage). It's such an eye opener and necessary especially in this season of preparation.
God bless your future union x
@@j.j2846 thank you so much, I receive that blessing! I’ll definitely get my hands on it. 🙌🏾
Your page is so wholesome.. looking good mama 🥰
thank you!
Your last point is so powerful. And I believe that many women that seek marriage don’t realize that there are times the wife has to serve her husband and vice versa. Wanda Mulzac touched on this briefly in The Everything is We podcast episode Our Pain Has Purpose featuring Wanda and Lorelco Mulzac. I enjoy these videos simply bc I don’t know what marriage will look like for me and my relationship but I know what I can expect and continue working on myself until that time arrives.
I have been married for 11 years, and It's still a learning process for us. It really is one thing I wouldn't change it has brought me so much closer to God and to really understand that we both are just very different in so many ways. Choosing every single day to make it work ❣️
Hello Melody, the last video I saw is the one you about not posting for a while. I'm sure by now God has blessed you and your husband with a beautiful baby girl. I started watching your channel a week ago and didn't know you been on for 5 years and I enjoyed every Christian journey. One of my favorite was the"twenty-one days"Daniel fast" and the way you explained it. May God continue to bless your family!!!
Oh gosh, you two have been married 8 months already? Wow.
yep, time truly flies!
Thsnkyou Melody for sharing this journey with us! Having found u through my search for black girls teaching abroad, seeing your journey to marriage and motherhood is truly normalizing that next phase of life! I often cant imagine it for myself, so thankyou for being an example. Appreciate you!!!
Omg I love this, I’m staying with my fiancé and his family for 3 months and I’ve been going through some of these things even though we aren’t married, I’m not dirty but definitely not as clean as him and his family and I’ve felt so bad sometimes about it! I’m so happy I’m not the only one
Thank you for your helpful tips on things I need to work on during my single season. I definitely agree that the sanctification process is hard but it will be worth it with God’s help 🙏🏾
Melody, can you do a makeup tutorial or share some tips on how you learned how to do your makeup because I’m struggling and I really want to learn and look more put together
This is so good, Melody. Help the people. 😊👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙏🏾
Give yourself time to grow
I am coming up on 8 years in January and I am still learning.
I will be married for 3 years in December and I’m still learning some of these things you mentioned. Even watching my parents some things that I believed they did weren’t true, I was on the outside looking in.. You truly don’t understand or learn somethings until you’re actually in a marriage. I’ve found out a lot about myself simply by being married and having to partner up with someone without an easy out.
Woah this was an amazing reality check I needed to hear again while the Lord prepares me for marriage!
That food looks delicious. Also writing down and taking heed to all these tips for my next season 🥰. I’m definitely going to look into hello fresh because I don’t like cooking at all 🤣. Unless it’s breakfast and even that barely lol
Marriage is looking more like the ghetto each day 😅 "selfless, submit, die to self" ?? Jk jk. Love the advice Melody!! 🥰
Right!?!?! 🤣🤣
For real!!!💀
I was recently talking about how there's this amazing vlogger (you😉) that I've just grown to love, that we've shared such extremely similar experiences and share such similar perspectives on life in various ways. I can relate so much to your experiences and perspectives on both singlehood and relationships (mistakes, lessons learnt as we grew in a deeper relationship with Christ, views) and I feel it's the Holy Spirit that guided me to your page (I'm a new'ish subscriber☺️). Your content always touches my heart😊. Know that your content and you as a person are very much appreciated and God bless you so so much 🙏🏾
Great video learning a lot one think I’m still struggling with is my temper and submissive to my dear husband there has been a lot of spiritual attacks on my marriage I come from a family where most our my female family members are divorced and anti-marriage spirit has been destroying our family for decays and I thank God that I managed to know that something isn’t right so with that being said advice us on how to overcome all the temptation s that the accuser of the brethren might throw our way how we can handle them
Etc? Thank you for being obedient to what the Lord wanted you to do through this channel I’m humbled
I’ll be praying for your union and for that generational curse to be broken and destroyed off of your life in the name of Jesus! Prayers for you!
I started with the fruits of the Spirit. Not to be all religious but that’s what helps me with areas I struggle in. Self-control and patience are areas I struggle with . Also I learned to become understanding, but to speak up if it affects our well-being.
If you need it, there are TH-cam videos on deliverance and even self-deliverance. Deliverance seems to usually include generational curses as well. Look it up if you need/want it...even if you're curious.
@@je.suis.eva. thanks Been through deliverance even though it now I think someone mentioned at the top about the fruit of the spirit that I should pay attention to my husband is a pastor we have a deliverance ministry sometimes what I struggle with I do get people that I pray for and they get full deliverance after I pray for them and than at some point whenever I get angry I open doors again so I need to totally let the Holy Spirit do it’s course with the Fruit of the spirit of God thanks for all this answers much appreciate it
@@renishaporter Amen
I absolutely love your videos. God bless you Melody💕
I really enjoy your channel. I love when you are transparent!
Ladies check out sermons by Voddie Baucham on Biblical manhood and womanhood..and marriage.
@The Graceful Storyteller, excellent suggestion!
Such a good video, thank you melody!
this is a timely video for me as i recently (2 weeks ago) got married and also waited until marriage. extremely open to all the lessons to be learnt as i begin this blissful journey.
thank you!
Thank you Melody❤❤. You out here preparing me for 👫
Build your house and marraiges on the rock which is Jesus. Put God first not your partner and your marraige will be fine.
Hey Melody I really enjoyed this video it's so informative although I'm not yet married. I kind of saw my relationship in it as in what is required of me because being in partnership its so not an easy road. And thank you for bringing awareness about the reality of it all because like for real I always thought if I get married it will solve half of my problems.
How to serve you” profound statement
This is really so good and helpful Melody. God bless you and thanks for sharing
The baby bump☺☺☺
Loved this! not married yet, but i think i could relate to your assumptions about marriage 🤍🥲
Great Tips!! I will be referring to them once hubby comes along. can we talk about this lip combo I'm loving it details please 🙏🏽💜
Hey sis. Thanks for sharing. Can you please speak about your thoughts on a joint account or merging both finances together?
thank you for watching! my husband and i were super open in terms of finances while dating & engaged. we actually opened up a joint account after getting engaged to start save for the wedding. i think every couple is different but being as transparent, open, and honest in this area, especially if marriage is the goal, is always helpful and productive!
@@MelodyAlisa thanks for replying! 😊 My husband and I have been married for 7 months and we have been discussing this. But I wanted to hear from different married couples. Thanks for sharing.. 😊 God bless.
I would like to tap in on advice in regards to the joint account. I was once married & now a widow & my husband & I talked about this before getting married along with what responsibilities that we would take care of & do. And because I spoke of doing things, that caused a lot more actions on my part, that we agreeded to have separate accts. He too was an engineer & organized, balancing check books etc. I was the opposite & just looked at my balance. So it worked out perfectly, that way, neither of us would be shopping & see that it would not be enough. We loved each other, but we had to be wise/ realistic as well. Hope that helps.
12:40 yes as a independent woman my husband consistently remind me I’m married now stop moving in a single way so now I intentionally stop what I’m doing when he wants to do something together. I pull myself from working. It’s been 5months, it truly is more work than I forecasted but I KNOW our love is Devine. I even question that at times but I know I have to submit and continue to let my ego die this is all truthful and I will definitely be looking into reading the books you talked about.
Thank you for the part about marriage not being the solution to all life’s problems because truly subconsciously as a single I think that mentality is there, thank you for that eye opener 😅 and being sincere that having to submit and do things differently in as much as it’s good ain’t fun.
I pray for God’s Grace to guide me on the reality of things when I get married 🙏🏽
Your last point had me laughing so hard. Girl I am opening myself to be ready for the sanctification phase in marriage 😂😂😂
Be ready!!! 😂🙏🏾🙏🏾 it will come FAST!
This video was super helpful thanks girl ☺️
I’m 22 and have met someone. He’s 28 and looks forward to be getting married soon (like the next 2-3 years). I definitely feel I’m not ready for marriage, I still want to go to med school and have a lot of personal growth ahead of me. He thinks it’s fine and I can be able to study whilst in the marriage. I heard you speak about dying to yourself and surrendering to your partner, What advice do you have for getting married young without accomplishing your career goals, as I think it would be difficult to fully surrender whilst I’m still figuring myself out ?
Hi Panashe 😊Pertaining to the personal growth side of your question …I think it’d be wise to figure yourself out first before getting married . You’ve recognized within yourself that you aren’t ready for marriage that there’s still some growing/maturing that has to take place before you’re ready to take the next step & I think you should do just that . He may say it’s fine and really mean that but why try to do things that should’ve been done in your single season in a marriage?? In a Marriage the focus is no longer ourselves it’d be kinda hard to try to find yourself & at the same time submit yourself to somebody this could cause problems in the marriage that could’ve been easily avoided if you dealt with finding yourself before getting married
I keep hearing a lot about Hello Fresh. I think I will try it soon because I don’t care for cooking that much. I’m sure my husband will appreciate meals more often lol
Great vid! Awww my daughter name is Alisa♥️ did you know it means “Great happiness “ I picked her name out of a baby name book :)
Awesome video 😊❤️
I am here to report to you 😂😭 thank you so much for the words of wisdom ❤️
This is awesome God bless 💕
*Gosh but thank you for the advice!
thxz for sharing
is it ok to pray for 1-5mins?? im finding it so hard to pray for longer whereas before i used to pray 30mins and 1hr. im feeling depressed and distant from God
It’s not about the length of the prayer but the posture of your heart sometimes a 5min prayer is all you have in you and God knows your heart so that’s ok
So I just got married two Saturdays ago. So this video was really helpful.
Hey Mamaaaaaa!!!
hey hey!!
Saying you were single for quite a while is quite insensitive to the bulk of black women who may be watching and are waiting and in their early to late 40s. Black women are the highest demographic of unmarried women.
I wish more people talked about sex and what to expect once you’re marriage. It’s different for everyone, but things to remember (things I wish I had known):
*The first night usually/often isn’t good. In fact, it’s often quite bad. Yes, it can hurt, but don’t be afraid.
*It takes a while to get to figure things out. This is good! It means you get to grow and explore over the course of your marriage.
*You can start by doing other stuff. Hand stuff, oral, just other stuff to explore each others’ bodies. This can help you loosen up. You don’t have to go zero to hundred on the first night. Honestly, you’ll be tired, you can just sleep if you want 😂
*Unfortunately, physical desires don’t always match up. Certain positions can make him orgasm but not her, certain positions can make her orgasm but not him. And that’s ok! Just communicate your desires and your boundaries.
*boundaries - make sure you communicate what you DONT like as well as what you do. Sometimes you both do things the other doesn’t like, but you might not know that until it’s done. Just stay calm and let it be known.
*You’re not always in the mood at the same time. Just be clear and honest about what you want. Sexual abuse is still abuse even if you’re married, so remember nothing should be done by force OR coercion.
*There are different kinds of sex. Romantic sex, passionate sex, silly or joyful sex, rough sex, cozy sex…the list goes on! It’s not just like the movies :)
*you can want sex but not want to orgasm. You don’t always always have to orgasm. Orgasming can be one-sided
God bless!