How to Overcome Internalized Homophobia
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 มิ.ย. 2024
- How do you go about life when you think you might be queer, but you don't want to be? There might be different reasons for this, but chances are you are experiencing internalized homophobia.
While we can't help you to stop being gay - and you shouldn't ;) - we can share some words of advice of what helped us and how we ultimately became confident and proud in who we are and who we want.
Please share your words of advice and encouragement around internalized homphobia as well - have you dealt with it and how did you overcome it? Or what is preventing you from overcoming it?
We hope this video is helpful, be gentle and patient with yourself.
Lots of Love,
A + L
/ one99four
/ lilianmbrilliant - บันเทิง
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We hope this video will help some of you out there that may be struggling with these feelings. For those of you who have experienced internalized homophobia in the past, how did you overcome it? We'd love to hear your own advice and experiences as well 💛
I'm 69. I came out as a lesbian at 17 when it was really a difficult time for LGBT+ people. I was never ashamed of being a lesbian - I knew it was right for me since I was 14. BUT I did not feel I could express myself publicly. Coming Out was a real battle every day, every time. Despite all my political activism, I still find it difficult to express PDAs or be very openly lesbian out in the world when I am alone. Now, I don't feel that this is homonegativity. I think it's how the processes of oppression work on people's self-esteem just as it does with racism and sexism. It is much better now - but then again, that depends on where you live and your family's attitude.
I'm 72 and completely understand what you are talking about. I was very tomboyish, although small, quiet, and slight of build (I'm 5'1"). Even around the 5th and 6th grade
with long hair down to my waist, I was somehow "detectable" as a "queer." I was repeatedly asked how I liked Cherry Grove on Fire Island! That sounds hilarious now but I really had absolutely NO idea what the Hell they were talking about, which was actually wonderful because what other kid's said to me didn't bother me. What my mother said did. She kept accusing me of being a Lesbian, which I couldn't even find in the dictionary at that time and saying "You know what I'm talking about!" which I didn't.
For some reason I suspect that I refer to myself as "gay" because of the Fire and Brimstone nonsense that came out of my mother and her use of the "L" word.
Good advice all around! I would say finding gay friends was the thing that helped me most. Just having normal conversations and not having to change the words I used or censor myself was so freeing. Plus, Listening to and seeing real people live happy, gay lives made a huge impact on me. It made it seem like, I can be like that too.
i feel like this would help me a lot also.
I grew up Christian, with a lot of taught guilt and self hate for who I was. Now I'm a fully deconverted gay atheist, and although I might not need this video now, I'm SURE that if had seen this video back then, it would've saved my life. Positive queer role models, specially women and afab people in relationships, healthy loving relationships like yours, definitely saved my life and made me hopeful. Thank you! Edit: much love from Latin America!
“Internalised homophobia” is just pretty wording to make you feel good about what your doing. We asked the men of the world to love only the women so that a singular order of peace could be agreed upon.
@@binghamguevara6814 I see a lot of claims and no evidence. But I genuinely wish you a good path of deconversion and reevaluation of ideas.
Growing up Christian is soul-crushing. it implements enormous amounts of self-hate and self-destruction onto a person, disguised as 'selfless love'. It's fully pathological, gives so much pain and not only to people who are lgbt. It finds an incurable faults in anyone and seeks their total submission rooted in guilt and suffering.
I am still very much struggle with my Catholic Faith and my queerness. :(
Growing up hispanic and in an extremely christian household and family in general it was very hard for me to accept myself and as other comment said if i had seen this earlier in my life it wouldve extremely helped me so thank you for the content, i didnt want to be queer for such a long time bc i really thought it was so wrong until i decided to be happy, i still believe in god(dont feel comfortable at church tho), but i believe that he loves me/us just how we are and not the version that religious ppl give us.
Me? At age 9, I was an affectionate child. My parents told me point blank that boys never hugged other boys or kissed them. It was bad and don't do it. I did that to my step dad because I loved him. My sisters got hugs and I never did.
So to realize that I was queer in the 80's? Ouch.
I have moments of internalized homophobia and shame even now. Family history of anxiety and Depression mixed with PTSD. Diagnoses explain a lot, but are not the whole me.
I am a music nerd and I grew up as a Judas Priest fan. So when lead singer Rob Halford came out on MTV 25 years ago? Biggest act of validation ever for me. As a gay guy and a metal head? Hell yeah.
Internalised homophobia is one of the main reasons why I came out soo late, I was 18. It was a long journey to get rid of those toxic patterns that are taught to us (especially by Church, I grew up Catholic).
I love you guys, as a parent of a gay son I have seen his progress and am so proud of his pride in being himself. This is great to watch
I've been struggling with internalized homophobia for months, this video is very helpful, thank you so much for this content
This is just what I needed! Thank you and hope you all are having a great weekend! xoxo
Such a comforting video and it's soo good to finally see you as wives!💘 Btw, I'd really recommend watching "Heartstopper", it's a wonderful thoughtful show with not only queer guys, but also with lesbian couple and trans character as well. Thank you for all the hard work around lgbtq+ topics, it really means a lot!! Lots of love from Russia🏳️🌈
Hy
I grew up Christian, though my mom was always pretty liberal and ended up accepting me when I came out. It wasn’t until my best friend came out to me as bi in college that I started to acknowledge my own feelings for women. I thought I was bi for five years until I stumbled onto Alayna Joy’s coming out video. It sent me into an identity crisis in which I eventually realized I am a lesbian. That was a year ago, so I’m finally happy knowing who I truly am.
thank you for this content. i am a pansexual woman, i had to come out to myself first. then i had to find a safe space and person/people to share with. this has been such a long process for me almost 25 years and i'm still looking for my safe space and safe people. however i would NEVER have come out to myself without a therapist. my local lgbtq center helped me find a lgbtq therapist.
I needed to hear this video today. You two are my chosen You Tube family. Much love from Minnesota!
Always an inspiration Alexa and Lilian, even if you/ me never knew which category you fit into. Be kind and open minded! Love is love 🥰 ✌️💕
Luv the 'do' ( hair 😉) was raised in racist midwestern United States where coming out as in many geographical locals was deadly. Thus we mimicked those around us to blend in! Sadly though I proclaim "we're all pink inside," I watch for the clues that the racism & homophobia all around me as a child is part of me. I am vigilant, my favorite pronoun is ZEE‼️‼️ For you, me & everybody 🤗. Ownership of our beliefs and where they came from is key. Went back to Illinois for a 50th class reunion. I could have shown up in complete 🌈rainbow and I hope we're past the age of concern over someone else's lifestyle.
You make lovely newly weds💁🏼♀️❤️
Aw, this was a great video idea! I have a supportive family, but sometimes the societal pressures get to me.
YES to the new Tegan & Sara show "Highschool"!! I've only watched a few episodes, but it's really good so far. I did read their book, so I know what's coming and I can't wait. If you wanted to review it Alexis, I'd totally watch! And yes Lillian, a Phoebe Bridgers video is an awesome idea too :D
Such helpful advice, this is gonna help so many people. I really love the point: be gentle and kind with yourself. Thank youuu! 💖
You guys should start a podcast!!😍 I could listen to you two talk all day
Hello
This video was healing and I’m happy to find your guys’ inspiring channel 😊
Hey Alexis and Lilian, speaking of consume queer positive media, I would like to highly recommend y’all to watch Warrior Nun, a really amazing sapphic show released the second season on Netflix few days ago. The place they filmed was in Europe, every frame of sight was stunning, of course they speak multiple languages, and it involved lots of elements, the conflict of science and religion, the quantum mechanics , multi-dimension, the costumes of characters also cool, MORE IMPORTANTLY, the storyline of two characters(of course I mean the sapphic ones) is a beautiful slowburn, which is exactly I recall Lilian is very obsessed with! Hope y’all will enjoy it. 😌
a shame nflix dropped it for season 3 :,(
love this topic so much. you two are always so inspiring and helpful. thank you. 😌🙏🏽
je suis tellement heureux de vous avoir = I'm so happy to have you in my life ! Thanks, sincerely
Lush video just what I needed! Tegan and Sara's new series is so so cute and special you should defo give it a watch xx
I don't have ANY queer friends and I'm only beginning to understand how damaging that has been to my self-acceptance journey and my overall happiness. But I have no clue as to how to start making queer friends. I live in a small town and there aren't any lgbtq+ spaces here. Pls someone help me out 🙏🏼
I'm the same as you. I don't have any queer friends either & I live in a small town too. I think there's "LGBTQ+ Chatroom" websites & apps where we can talk to other LGBTQ+ people online. I was thinking about joining a Lesbian Chatroom website where I can talk to other lesbians like me online so I don't feel so alone. I'm not sure if it'll help, but it's worth a try maybe.
Dear Alexis and Lilian! Absolutely true! Well done. Good job. As for the "role models" sometimes one empathizes with another so deeply that you absolutely love her. It is this deep connection that makes her so attractive. However, I would say that in this case, the attraction is beyond gender. You can be attracted to a person simply because you understand her (or him) very well. But when we allow the mind to define us as being this or that -- gay/lesbian or straight person -- unconsciously, the mind will filter who we get attracted to and reject those it finds unacceptable. That is why I personally don't like any of these labels. I think that labels limit us and define us in such a way... because all of a sudden, we need to fit into a certain group of people or social category. And we become a victim of their acceptance just as much as we are victims of the acceptance of family, friends, and society as a whole -- if we only allow ourselves to be. I remember one day Lilian said that she was afraid of saying that she was bisexual in the lesbian community because of reactions like, "no man is allowed here." Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance... The question is, do we really need other people's acceptance when our relationships overall are so superficial ... even with family, even with friends, co-workers and so forth? No, we don't! YOU HAVE EACH OTHER, my dear friends! YOU ARE RIGHT STARTING WITH THAT AND BECAUSE OF THAT! You are examples of good people, YES, BECAUSE OF THAT! You are no fakes, no hypocrites. Of course, you have other qualities, but I think you get the idea. We hear these phony creatures on the radio, for instance, using "the name of Jesus" to justify the lawlessness that "they think" has been serving them. Idiots hide behind their own crimes and use women as scapegoats. Have a beautiful Sunday. 💕💕💌💌
Thank you for this video and all your videos!! ☺ They are helping so much!🧡
this video is such a healthy reminder of how to handle everything coming at us
Lilian you look amazing with your new (not so new) look! Love you both
I’m honestly intrigued by the title
Thank you so much. I'm still coming out as lesbian but I'm going through a lot of stuff, and my self-confidence is basically non existing right now. This helped so much. Hope you girls are doing okay! ❤️
I feel like this is great for Allies as well who may not know they deal with internalized homophobia.
I know for me, that early on in my experience living authentically, and as a queer person that it's hard to admit something like this. But the sooner I did and opened myself to learning more, the sooner that hard feeling passed.
Both of my parents were very homophobic and judgemental. I never internalized these rude comments. Regardless of anyone's dirty looks and negative opinions. I'm sexually attracted to soft masculine presenting transmen and lesbians. I'm determined to live a happy, peaceful, meaningful life on my own terms. 🏳️🌈
Hi :) I'm 19 and have felt confused about my sexuality for maybe 5 years now and i feel the main reason why I haven't explored my attraction to girls is the imposter syndrome i feel with imposing in the gay community as I have a voice in my head saying i'm a straight girl who's going through a phase, despite knowing i feel as attracted to girls as i do boys, I'm just not familiar with it. The insecurity i feel makes me worried that If i explored that side of myself I could hurt or offend any girl i want to get to know when I'm still uncertain. I feel pretty alone with feeling like this and I dont know how normal it is. Aside from that though haha I find so much comfort in your videos and learn so much about myself and others. Thank you❤
I cannot find a LGBT community in my area, or maybe I'm not that out out yet! love watching your videos, feels like someone understand me.
thank you so much! I just love you
Don’t listen to those haters. You don’t deserve hatred but ultimate love. I support your togetherness!🏳️🌈♥️♥️
Sending good vibes to everyone!
Both of you guys very soft skin and gorgeous ✨❤
Omg i want to tell you a story !
My sexuality's story.
I'm 22 and i live in a little city in Italy, in all of my teenager life i heard -lesbian- such as an insult and offence word, i've started to hate calling and imagine myself as a lesbian, with time i was convicing my own self that maybe i was trans! so a boy could love girls and it's okay and beautiful aka normal.
When i went to therapy, because i wanted to make clear who i was, (trans, girl, non binary and so on) my doctor said that i have some internalized homophobia
and now i'm working on this... but is scary how i can perceive different my identity just because i strongly like girls and i fear that, like oh my god.. of course identy and sexuality are strongly different but they're united by something.. is important to understand and accept who u are in order to become who u wanna be
Oh wow just when I was thinking about this today... I've been struggling a little. Especially getting in a stable relationship.
Congratulations again lover lunatics! ...Its an awesome ancient Latin word you will love.... you too Lillian...hehe.... Its Amante` : meaning lovers and lunatics.... one in the same. See knew you girls would like it. ... Watching your video again. The Brilliants are AMAZING....✨✨🧩🧩💎💎👑👑🤎🤎
I had to distance myself from my father and sisters after I came out to them as being both trans and bi. I'd been living with my father but closeted; after I was forced to come out to him, I told him I was moving to another state to marry a man as a woman. Although that marriage was a bust, I felt good about being myself and being open about it with everyone, even though I got hate in return from my former family.
Could u do a hair journey:) Lilian is talking about her hair so much and i really would like to see pictures with different hair styles, could be a nice video :) thank uuu
you ARE queer role models
I believe that my ex best friend has internalized homophobia because of her mother's religious beliefs, morals and values.
Thank you so much!!!!
You're awesome and enough. Adore you girls 👭 ....
Thank you thank you thank you
I totally can relate but in regard to transphobia.
You two are my Tegan and Sara :)
THANX! EH!
But there are a lot of lesbian story lines in Netflix shows: Sex Education, Atypical, Heartbreak High, Do Revenge, but yeah, we need more primary stories about lesbians.
Thanks!
You guys remind me of Kiki and Yara from
The German movie bonnie and bonnie 😘
I recommend you Gentlemanjack 😊
❤️❤️
There is another thing I would like to point out to you, Alexis, and Lilian. Actually, it's more of a question. Why is it that all of a sudden, it's more important for people to be able to "change" the views and behavior of others than to understand why they are the way they are, especially nowadays, when people are free to date and marry whomever they want? Why is it that one's sexual choices or preferences, for instance, should be more relevant than the fact that her (or his) privacy is being violated and as a consequence, she (or he) is unprotected against personal attacks? Why do you think that the world population has been desensitized so much about true crime? We don't intentionally change anyone as you probably know. However, confusion as far as the "scale of importance" or priorities was created for a reason. The LGBTQ movement is supposed to represent people's rights, I understand, but, in my view, it has also been used to cover up a crime against people themselves.
👏
Try The L word series. Older series, but made well. Think they have a current version.
Gday from sydney
Nice hair
Serious question. Couldn't someone have externalized heterophobia?
Yummy! Pumpkin pie😋
How can we stop being what we are ☹️
Did you even watch the video?
@@Volcanic_Activity yes ☹️
I was just expressing my feelings
What about internalized queerophobia?
Exactly
😎😃😊😜😍😘💖🌹
🌈🌹I Love🌹 uoy🌹 girls 🌹🏳️🌈👭🏻🏳️🌈🌹🌹🌹
I need someone’s help / advice.
I am a transgender man who likes men. The thing is, I hate being trans. It took me forever to accept it and eventhiugh im pre-T I have worked my voice and appearance enough that I pass 99% of the time (which is amazing and I’m thankful for)
The problem is, I’m pretty sure ( I hate saying this) I’m gay.
I say I’m unlabeled or sometimes maybe bi but I’m pretty sure my internalized homophobia is trying to make me like women.
I hate that part of myself. I wish j was “normal” I wish I wasn’t trans. I wish I liked women atleast!
I desperately need help trying to accept myself.
Please if there is another guy out there who is in the same boat as me… give me help :(
Thank you
No one knows I was a lesbian，I meam it's difficulty in China
I was dating my ex gf she came out as gay person she was so beautiful and talented gorgeous but she cheated on me with the girl we went so I was dating my ex boyfriend he cheated on me too so I'm done with him I'm just lonely stressed I'm cool
what about Internalized Transphobia? I lost my job from it, and my parents, and aunt keeps using the male pronouns around me.
Tip infinity GET AWAY FROM YOUR PARENTS!
It would be amazing if you make an episode with @ashleygavin
Chuurs
adore
soon
Amstel Swans
sincerely yours,
Charlemagne
🤎🤎💎💎🧩🧩
💜💜