When I was first learning about the Enneagram, I would say things like, "I can't possibly be a 1, because I'm not good enough at controlling my emotions." Now I see that's exactly what a 1 would say.
For all types the anger and forgiveness is an issue. It is hard to forgive especially if the person doesn't apologize or doesn't stop the bad behavior. Great advice. Thank you for sharing!
As a sx 9w1 I never thought I would say this but I love arguing with my sp 1w9 husband! Everything is so respectful and controlled from both sides! I honestly wouldn't wanna change nothing about it! ❤
The anger stems from other people not doing their share of the work, taking their share of responsibility etc. Then you're standing there again as the one who's gotta do it all, or let things crumble while the other people are enjoying themselves. As 1 you always get the short end of the stick. I think you can either accept this and enjoy the fruit of your labor, or harbor resentment forever.
The anger of trying to do the right thing against your preconceived notions is what creates the anger. Maybe not even creating it but shinning a light on it. As a four you feel and that's your life. You tend to feel mostly bad negative emotions because that is your way to guide ship but really you're angry at the lack you created in yourself by not ever standing up correctly. Having to explain oneself( after oneself has suffered so much) is the catalyst for the anger. If you were "allowed" to be the good self you imagine you as, or not contested by the shameless misunderstandings of others, then there would be peace. No reason for upset. You are not only upset at oneself for not creating the lack of things to be upset about but upset that you can't make yourself understood by others. Further chasing your tail
_"Would you judge people for being cry-babies, princesses or idiots?"_ -Yes. I'd say you are X. Don't be an x, don't make this mistake. _"Would you judge yourself for the same?": -Yes. I'd say you are x, this was your mistake. -This is fine, isn't it? If you can be an impartial judge that's great, ignoring shortcomings is a disaster waiting to happen. No need to beat yourself up over it or get into a depression, but that's a different animal. I always say that I judge everyone at fault, every party. Sometimes though, I may get blinded by emotions and sentence someone who wasn't at fault.
If someone will express their emotions in a dramatic way would you look down on them? Sx 9w1 YES! my mum is a sp 2w3 and very over expressing her emotions mosly: panic (for small things) anger, crying (to manipulate - look how you make me feel), dissapointment, etc. Etc. I always think: whyyyyyyy? Why can't you just control yourself. Especially anger in my opinion is nothing else than showing you have lost control... sorry mum still love you! ❤
Damn, this was just what I needed and I wasn't looking for it, saw this video and did a deep dive into enneagram - such a nice understanding to now have of myself and others, thanks Tom!
He does a video on the health levels of enneagram ones. I found it quite insightful. We CAN move into healthier spaces where we are not control freaks. ❤
When spiraling, I’ve thought accepting something as is was a sign of being “weak, lazy, or something similar”. I really disliked the statement of “it is what it is” so I would feel inclined to well “I want what I want and it ain’t changing so get better, NOW!! Aargh!” I try not to think like this but it’s challenging without feeling like I’m failing somewhow
As well as that much of my life I looked down on emotional people and when I was that way I wished very deeply that I could’ve removed that/undone that experience and correct myself and try harder to do better.
I have a question- why is it that I’ve imagined a partner for myself who is playful, explorative, and uninhibited (presumably type 7) as a voice in my head trying to tempt me but I consistently refuse it but feel very sad for doing so?
This confuses me because I feel and express everything SO deeply, and I cannot control my emotions or my ability to feel what others are feeling. Could be my ADHD/ASD rather than just my 1 type, but the emotions aspect doesn't resonate at all.
When a type 1 disintegrates your emotions and feelings becomes your primary source of self and they start to take precedence over you instead of being based in reality (how a healthy 1 operates)
Thx for posting this. Some good content. But also... Dude, you sound like you have been irritated by a One. 😅 Breathe, man. Let's all smile and breathe. Then employ Radical Acceptance😊
When I was first learning about the Enneagram, I would say things like, "I can't possibly be a 1, because I'm not good enough at controlling my emotions."
Now I see that's exactly what a 1 would say.
For all types the anger and forgiveness is an issue. It is hard to forgive especially if the person doesn't apologize or doesn't stop the bad behavior. Great advice. Thank you for sharing!
this to be honest hahaha
Dude you’re living in my head.. how did you know I needed this??!
As a sx 9w1 I never thought I would say this but I love arguing with my sp 1w9 husband! Everything is so respectful and controlled from both sides! I honestly wouldn't wanna change nothing about it! ❤
The anger stems from other people not doing their share of the work, taking their share of responsibility etc. Then you're standing there again as the one who's gotta do it all, or let things crumble while the other people are enjoying themselves. As 1 you always get the short end of the stick. I think you can either accept this and enjoy the fruit of your labor, or harbor resentment forever.
I find joy in it as a way to serve others. I lean into that two wing of being helpful!
The anger of trying to do the right thing against your preconceived notions is what creates the anger. Maybe not even creating it but shinning a light on it. As a four you feel and that's your life. You tend to feel mostly bad negative emotions because that is your way to guide ship but really you're angry at the lack you created in yourself by not ever standing up correctly. Having to explain oneself( after oneself has suffered so much) is the catalyst for the anger. If you were "allowed" to be the good self you imagine you as, or not contested by the shameless misunderstandings of others, then there would be peace. No reason for upset. You are not only upset at oneself for not creating the lack of things to be upset about but upset that you can't make yourself understood by others. Further chasing your tail
Truly incredible talk. I'm an enneagram 1 and found this video to be healing. Thank you. I needed to hear these things.
_"Would you judge people for being cry-babies, princesses or idiots?"_ -Yes. I'd say you are X. Don't be an x, don't make this mistake.
_"Would you judge yourself for the same?": -Yes. I'd say you are x, this was your mistake.
-This is fine, isn't it? If you can be an impartial judge that's great, ignoring shortcomings is a disaster waiting to happen. No need to beat yourself up over it or get into a depression, but that's a different animal. I always say that I judge everyone at fault, every party. Sometimes though, I may get blinded by emotions and sentence someone who wasn't at fault.
If someone will express their emotions in a dramatic way would you look down on them? Sx 9w1 YES! my mum is a sp 2w3 and very over expressing her emotions mosly: panic (for small things) anger, crying (to manipulate - look how you make me feel), dissapointment, etc. Etc. I always think: whyyyyyyy? Why can't you just control yourself. Especially anger in my opinion is nothing else than showing you have lost control... sorry mum still love you! ❤
This guy gets Ones. 🤗
Thanks
Damn, this was just what I needed and I wasn't looking for it, saw this video and did a deep dive into enneagram - such a nice understanding to now have of myself and others, thanks Tom!
Sounds like my Mum! Enneagram 1s are annoying, but I'm an enneagram 4, so how can I talk. Hehehehe
He does a video on the health levels of enneagram ones. I found it quite insightful. We CAN move into healthier spaces where we are not control freaks. ❤
Disappointment is a big word for 1s 😯
Forgiveness not because they don’t deserve it, but because I don’t want the tension in my head anymore.
Judges emotion as unproductive and inappropriate
Acknowledge, process, release emotion
When spiraling, I’ve thought accepting something as is was a sign of being “weak, lazy, or something similar”. I really disliked the statement of “it is what it is” so I would feel inclined to well “I want what I want and it ain’t changing so get better, NOW!! Aargh!”
I try not to think like this but it’s challenging without feeling like I’m failing somewhow
As well as that much of my life I looked down on emotional people and when I was that way I wished very deeply that I could’ve removed that/undone that experience and correct myself and try harder to do better.
I have a question- why is it that I’ve imagined a partner for myself who is playful, explorative, and uninhibited (presumably type 7) as a voice in my head trying to tempt me but I consistently refuse it but feel very sad for doing so?
It's totally normal to struggle with acceptance. Remember, it's not about weakness, it's about understanding and growth.
Great info for us 1’s🙏🙏🙏
Enjoy your videos. Thank You. As a E 3.
Do you offer online therapy sessions?
This confuses me because I feel and express everything SO deeply, and I cannot control my emotions or my ability to feel what others are feeling. Could be my ADHD/ASD rather than just my 1 type, but the emotions aspect doesn't resonate at all.
When a type 1 disintegrates your emotions and feelings becomes your primary source of self and they start to take precedence over you instead of being based in reality (how a healthy 1 operates)
13:12
Maybe consider just keeping your glasses on? 😉
Thx for posting this. Some good content.
But also... Dude, you sound like you have been irritated by a One. 😅
Breathe, man. Let's all smile and breathe.
Then employ Radical Acceptance😊