In most of Jennette interviews for this press run I’ve noticed that she somehow naturally becomes the interviewer and always has the best questions. I think this book unlocked a talent
@@rilesfomiles8662 first of all im not your buddy so dont be cute. you clicked on this video and watched it so you had to have seen the title. spelling her name is wrong is not just disrespectful, its just plain hateful and you should be ashamed
@@godisjihyo3615 I am so sorry that you are really taking me accidentally misspelling a name while paying a compliment so personally. I hope you feel better, sending you love and light
I like watching rich famous people talking about their therapy sessions because I feel like I got a therapy session for free with a professional therapist I couldn’t afford.
I actually really love how Jeannette was excited that this wasn't just another interview, that she was talking and getting to converse with someone who actually has lived through the same thing and was able to put it into words so she gained some pieces to her own puzzle towards recovery, answers and views. great episode.
I agree! She felt like that w her Drew Barrymore interview too. I think it’s additional therapy to talk to other women who have been through similar situations!
Absolutely. It's such a vulnerable thing to admit especially when you've been through it in life people expect you to have empathy and compassion and when you've conditioned yourself to not feel those things towards yourself, how in the fuck do you do that for another person?
Together you guys articulated some of the most difficult mental health concepts in the simplest and easiest to understand ways. Truly beneficial to listen to. Thank you!
this is what therapy does to you. its so so helpful, before i went i struggled with putting thoughts into words. if you can get a therapist, DO ITTTT!!
She raised us 18-26 year olds and the whole time she was hurting surrounded by abuse. I hope she keeps healing. It's so sad that when people go through trauma they second guess and care too much about what others think than just being in the moment for themselves.
I disagree, I wish she had trusted her guest and their ability to communicate and feel the feelings that come with discussing a book like the phenomenal one Jeannette wrote. It was selfish, and unnecessary, despite her intentions. She came off as obnoxious during the interview because I wanted to hear the authors voice more, not Whitney. It made listening so much more unenjoyable because it was annoying her relating everything back to her life when it was not about her.
@@adeneden5674 yes i somewhat agree with this. i can see where it could be annoying and come across as obnoxious when she kept rambling about her experiences but i also agree with thinking jeanette enjoyed this interview because talking to someone whos been through a very similar situation can be very helpful especially with their specific traumas, it makes you feel way more valid and understood. and also j kept asking her questions and bringing it back to her too. its a conversation, not a normal interview we may be used to. but yes like i said she did ramble on but it’s because shes so passionate about these conversations about mental health and childhood trauma. i understand both sides for sure
25:35 When Whitney talks about not going to her mom for basic needs because it would stress her out echoed my childhood almost in it’s entirety. As an adult I now struggle with asking for help from anyone cause I’ve been taught since such an early age to keep quiet about what I need and want. This whole podcast was so healing!❤
Same @bekylou4jc - it doesn't help that I have a husband that acts similarly. I'm working through all of it in therapy so I could relate to so much of this entire podcast, having grown up in an alcoholic family and having dealt with an eating disorder most of my life. Hugs to you, fellow struggler 😉
@@barbrasmerz3846 hopefully you can break free from that situation if it doesn’t make you happy, and help you grow. You only have one life. Don’t waste it being in a miserable marriage. Ditched mine 5 years ago and have had an amazing time ever since
You know my child hood was exactly the same. I just realized I sometimes do the same thing to my son. I don’t mean to I’m just stressed out and overwhelmed. Also it’s all I know I don’t want him to feel that way.
Man Jennette did a great job interviewing Whitney here. She gave her so much time to talk about her traumas, therapy and lessons she learned. One day I hope Jennette can go on a podcast and get to tell her story. That would be cool.
41:27 “I was so much more mad at the people who knew about it and didn’t do anything than at the abusers.” THIS. I recently discovered an old family Christmas video that captured an abusive moment between my father and a 3-year-old me. My entire family witnessed it and ignored it, which was such a gut punch because from what I remembered, he had always hidden the abuse so well. But here it was, and they didn’t advocate for me. That was worse than anything he ever did to me.
This. I think this is why I'm so much more angry with my father than with my stepmother, who tormented and tortured me every day of my childhood. My dad abused me too, but not to the extent she did, and almost could be considered on the high end of the corporal punishment scale. A lot of the time, he only beat me because stepmom told him to. I think I'm angry with him because he didn't advocate for me, he didn't stop her or tell her no. I was his first child, his little girl, and he never protected me. I knew who stepmom was. She was evil. But this was my daddy, and him allowing this to happen was so much worse than anything she ever did.
This is wild! I went through this exactly thing. I saw a family Christmas video from when I was 12, and it was so obvious to me, watching that everyone saw or was aware and did nothing. Poor young me didn't deserve that and neither did you.
I love that Whitney actually listened to the other interviews of Jennette! I was getting exhausted of hearing people ask her the same damn questions when she's clearly such a deep thinker and interesting person! Jennette is amazing and so strong, and Whitney is so knowledgeable. Perfect interview! Now I lowkey want to hear what Miranda Cosgrove would be like in this mix... would she lighten the mood or help both of them by listening and caring?
I love this dynamic between women 10 years apart both having suffered childhood abuse and unpacking it as well as learning from each other, it is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. This podcast episode will help many young people I think.
Absolutely agree with everyone here. Talk as much as you want Mamma Whitney. Jeanette McCurdy is a slam dunk of a guest and I'm just so happy to be alive for this one.
Also, talking about purpose…Jennette is clearly helping thousands of current and past abuse survivors, and Whitney, the portion of your story you shared here was very insightful and helped me and I’m sure others here a ton…. More of this type of content please!!!
As someone who has really bad anxiety like Jennette, I actually really like when someone else dominates the conversation. I feel like I never know what to say. If you don't carry the conversation with me there probably won't be one. It makes me feel so much better when I'm not having to stress about what to say because they keep it going for me.
Totally agree!!! I feel like it takes the pressure off me so I can actually become more comfortable and open. I am able to better articulate my thoughts because I am focused on our conversation instead of the stress and pressure to carry the conversation.
I have loads of trauma, CPTSD, GAD, ADHD and ASD and for me, it's WAY easier to control the convo bc I'm just genuinely interested in people and their stories, they love to share and feel like someone is actually interested in them/what they have to say, and I also have no desire to rehash my horrific life so I just keep directing it back to them and we both always love it! Lol
The thing about everyone complaining about Whitney only talking about herself is strange because Jennette seemed to REALLY enjoy the conversation and get a lot out of it. So maybe that's the point of the podcast, for the host and guest to have a good time, not everyone wanting to watch. I enjoyed it :)
Sometimes when Whit talks too much it bothers me, however this time around i felt that it was obvious how seen and understood she was making Jenette feel. J was asking W questions, and they were relating and seeing eachother. It wasnt an interview, it was just watching two people vent and relate and validate eachothers deep feelings. It was very healing.
This interview left me so f*ng breathless and speechless... when Jennette started talking about her experience with hypervigilance I was like... damn, she's describing the exact same dynamic that I've had with my family and friends since I was a teenager, and I always wondered why so many things that my family or friends ignore are so obvious to me. I didn't even know that it had a name, let alone that it was correlated to my anxiety disorder... Now I know what I want to discuss with my therapist next time 😅 I'm really glad that I watched this interview. 💛
I’m so glad someone commented this! I struggle with hypervigilance so much and recently in therapy began deconstructing how it can cause anxious-preoccupied attachment as an adult in friendships and romantic relationships, even in our workplaces or when working with people in positions of power. And I hope in the last few weeks you’re having good therapy chats!
The fact that she wrote a book with that title already tells me she's done a shit load of healing the trauma from her mother even before reading it. Respect.
I personally love hearing what you have to say. I don’t come because you’re the internet’s master interviewer, I watch because I want to hang with you and see the dynamic with these other fascinating people. There’s always room for improvement with anything! I certainly get excitable in conversations and can dominate a convo, but ultimately I’m here to be a comment that appreciates you and your passion in a conversation, and also appreciate your self awareness and desire to modify depending on the circumstance :) Great podcast. LOOOVEEE Jeanette.
@@matthewbernier9587 She also uses validating and reaffirming language to whom she’s talking. She connects to people through her own experiences but doesn’t take away theirs. She has proven herself to be extremely compassionate in many conversations and you can tell Jeanette feels heard in this podcast. Again, “podcast”. Free podcast created by an individual who has guests. Other than that there are no rules.
Never tuned in before, but I’m a narc abuse survivor and love Jennette. This has been immeasurably validating and enlightening and I want more of this beautiful nuance in my life. It is clear how much work you two have done to heal and that is so admirable. Thank you thank you thank you.
34:30 "I'm into the triumphant effects of trauma because it's, honestly, the only thing we can control at this point. And, just because I've lived a lot of my life as a victim, doesn't mean I have to identify as that for the rest of my life." - Whitney
i found that this applies to most mental illnesses not just trauma/ptsd. when you say “my life with depression” or just if you CLAIM it, when are you going to get better?? like jennette said, people try not to get help because they don’t feel they need to. mental illness is a very real issue, but it’s not *good.* that’s why we need to get help, because it works towards self destructive behavior. i hope that moving forward in mental health awareness, we stop viewing mental illness as something to be proud of, or affirming the feelings while you’re ill. that’s one way them illnesses stick around
What's crazy is Jennette being open about enjoying the conversation they're having and how Whitney isn't talking too much, yet the comments are saying the complete opposite. I loved seeing Jennette be able to have a conversation with someone she is able to relate to. Her comfort should be making us happy. She's been telling her story over and over and over; it's understandable she's happy to hand over the baton every once in a while.
Whitney is a genius, truly. Her ability to fluidly articulate some of the most astounding, accurate, and witty concepts... is unparalleled. She needs to stop doubting her audience's willingness to listen to her. Anyone sane would love to listen to her prolongedly!! She is a fucking gem. Also, this episode in particular has helped me immensely, and I haven't even finished yet. I'm smack-dab in the middle of navigating lifelong trauma and extreme self-neglect from abuse... and I needed this more than anything. I want to care about myself, and I can't get the encouragement from anyone else right now. I'm hoping this will help encourage me to get into therapy, as I've been meaning to for a while. Thank you!!
@@islascout8651 Nah. It's not just her wisdom in psychological concepts; it's the way she formulates her sentences and captures her thoughts so pinpoint effortlessly. She's a bit of a wordsmith without realizing it.
thank you for recognizing that the balance was off during the interview. I was getting excited when you mentioned how much research you did for this and how much knowledge you had on the subjects. I thought this would, as you said, inspire better questions that hadn't been asked multiple time and it was disapointing when JC barely got to speak for almsot 2 hours.
Something I really like about this is that this is one of the only cover photos for a Jennette McCurdy Interview that doesn't show her looking outright scared or troubled. She's smiling. And so beautifully. And it's a great representation of what to expect. Loved this!
I would love an episode where Jennette is interviewing Whitney. Because I’m thinking yes, in this episode I wanted to hear Jeannettes story but when she asked Whitney about her parents strokes and her mom it’s so interesting and I feel like she’s such a good interviewer (asked question exactly at the right point), and Whitney’s life is so interesting to me. So maybe another episode, one more interviewing jennette and one more of her interviewing you :) Edit: also then maybe Whitney gets it out the system and we can get to know jennette a little more ;)
I was thinking the same thing!! Probably like a year ago I binged jennettes videos on her TH-cam channel too she’s such an engaged listener I think it makes for really good interviews I hope she does a lot more
I watched the Red Table Talk with Jeanette and she was asking the hosts very thoughtful questions and seemed legitimately interested in their answers. She would make a great group therapist.
That being said, to watch a really nice in depth interview with jennette the red table talk and „q on cbc“ was amazing and you actually get to see HER as a person. I disagree with Whitney that all press so far has been „superficial“ there are some great interviews out there that dig a lot deeper than this one
Imagine feeling so completely alone in your traumatic experiences and then finally getting to have an in depth conversation with someone who can truly relate to your trauma? This was great and it seems like both of them benefited from this conversation.
I’ve learned more from this episode about myself and my family than I ever have from therapy. This is one of the most honest & cerebral conversations about self criticism, reflection, & healing . Unfiltered & insightful.
I have finished listening to Jennette's book. I am a 60 year old woman who has never been in show business & with not much in common with her family circumstances but cannot believe how much her book resonated with me. Amazing story & an amazing woman. Thank you for writing it. 💗
I went to comment how much I loved this conversation but I'm actually at a loss for words on how to express my gratitude. Thank you is all that comes to mind. Thank you for talking about things only I thought existed in my world. This was so validating and what I needed to hear.
There were things in this conversation that nailed the roots of my coping mechanisms so hard…I had to press pause and regroup. Can’t articulate how grateful I am hearing the words out loud.
With regards to the BPD discussion, I believe we’re so misunderstood because we really do feel these emotions. I have people in my life who watch me have breakdowns, and they’ll often say I’m being manipulative, I’m exaggerating, or “being a baby”… and it’s so frustrating because we understand that we’re acting irrationally (especially after the fact), but in the moment it’s almost unstoppable. And the pain can be inescapable. Of course therapy (especially DBT) helps, but it’s literally the way we are wired. We feel everything x10. And it hurts to know that my personal pain affects others, and that through my actions I may be unintentionally passing on the trauma. I know I’m trying to heal, and hopefully one day I can recover enough to the point where I’ll feel confident enough in my emotional regulation to one day have a family and not traumatize them the way my parents did.
I completely agree and I get the same way. I feel so incredibly embarrassed after I flip out and just want to run away and go live in a hole somewhere, away from the world so I won't be a problem for anyone, anymore. I've been trying to focus on staying kind and calm and finding other ways to cope with my chaotic emotions. The best I've found so far is to have the people I care about just give me a minute to be alone to try to calm myself down so that I don't say or do anything hurtful to them that I don't mean and it gives me space to try to make some sense of my feelings and a lot of times, it stops it from escalating so maybe it could help for you too? I am a 36 yr old physically disabled, mentally ill female and I'm happy to report that I am the mother to an amazing, creative, sensitive, caring and kind 13 year old human and in just 5 short months, the love of my life and I will be celebrating 20 years together!! I am in a very happy marriage with the love of my life and best friend.. He is understanding and supportive and all I could ask for in a partner! I'm not saying its perfect but I am saying that it's definitely possible to have a very stable, secure, long-term, loving relationship and happy family with bpd but its not easy and I fail at it every single day in AT LEAST one way or another but I never stop trying to get better for myself, my daughter and my husband. Find a partner who knows all of your crazy and loves you for it and through it anyway. Find a partner who is down for the ride, because it is going to be a wild one, but it'll be worth it! Don't ever lower your self-worth because you think your mental issues make you a lot to deal with or less desirable. If they can't handle you, they just aren't right for you but thats ok, keep looking because there is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve and who will make you feel calm and at peace and it'll be amazing. Just never ever stop trying to be better than you were yesterday. That's why I think you're going to do just fine! Just the fact that you're diagnosed with bpd, getting help and are aware of how your mental health affects you and those around you and the fact that you are bothered by that, shows that you care and I don't know your parents but I'm pretty confident in saying that you're already doing 💯 more than they did, just in preparation and care for a kid, alone. I wish you all the happiness this crazy world has to offer! The best thing you can do for everyone is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF so they don't have to take care of you and so that you can help and care for other people. You can't give if you have nothing left to give. Be kind to yourself, you're simply human 💛
Jennette's mom never tried to get help. Not for herself, not for her family. "will I pass on puzzles or traumas to my kids?" puzzles are like "ohhhh.. I became a nurse because it felt so wonderful to help mom out when she had migraines (or "migraines")! "or like "oooo... I find men mysterious and fascinating and always out of reach because my dad worked so much we never got to see him". We all pass puzzles onto our kids. If you do the work you'll give them only puzzles, not also deep traumas
I loved this. I’m someone who is also in later stages of healing through developmental trauma and I’m often thinking about trauma and seeing it everywhere. So even though sometimes I feel like with Whitney many roads lead to talking about trauma, I come listen to her for the solidarity. She is one of the best people to interview Jennette and have a great conversation about their experiences because mainstream media/public are not quite there yet with understanding of trauma, eating disorders, addiction, and recovery in my opinion. I was really hoping this interview would happen and am so glad it did. No worries for talking about yourself, Whitney, I could feel the authenticity and the excitement in you two sharing each others’ company and resonating with each others’ experiences!
Just an informational aside: the reason some people say "disordered eating" is because they don't actually have an eating disorder diagnosis. This could be for a number of reasons, but the one I most commonly encounter is with other people like me--I'm technically too overweight to meet the diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder. Until very recently, you could only have an eating disorder if you were underweight. So the same behaviors and negative physiological consequences weren't considered a disorder unless you were successful at losing weight. While that weight requirement is no longer strictly there in the DSM, it's still often difficult to get an appropriate diagnosis or treatment if your weight is higher. The short version: "eating disorder" is a diagnosis, "disordered eating" is a pattern of behavior.
I'd just like to say, if you truly watch the episode without the pre conceived mentality that "Whitney is going to talk too much" you'll see that Jennette actually asks Whitney a lot of questions, and even when Whitney asks her a question, sometimes instead of fully answering it she asks for Whitney's opinion, or for her to elaborate on her feelings. Maybe it's because I've heard interviews with Jennette and am familiar with her life struggles, but she genuinely seemed to enjoy talking with Whitney and gained some validation and insight instead of just feeling she had to regurgitate taking about her trauma again. She herself said she was looking forward to it for that reason.. if you're wanting to learn specifics all about Jennette's story, this isn't for you.. but if you're familiar with her and want to see her just have an interesting conversation without expectation, this episode is great! I loved seeing her in what felt like such a natural conversation, so thank you for providing the space for that experience. 🖤
Yes! It's OK to have an episode for those of us who are already familiar with the guest and have read her book! Jennette absolutely asked Whitney lots of great questions.
In about 23 to 25 minutes Whitney talking about her home life when she was younger. It had me stop whatever I was doing, & even replayed. Whitney put into words , about her home life growing up, that I could never do. I have been into therapy for the past 7 yrs. My psychologist retired, & so I have not seen anyone in awhile.(should of been a lot sooner, but couldn't afford it. Ugh the cost of mental health care, is ridiculous) This gives me incentive to stop procrastinating and find myself a new therapist. Because now I have the Vocabulary to explain my childhood. Just the process of finding the right therapist for yourself, is work. Then to have to explain everything over again is Exhausting. Now thought I have words to get where I wanted to go , much faster now. Thanks Whitney 😁👍 Side-note- I never ask for help, because I will feel like a burden, so to avoid that feeling I don't ask. Now sometimes it can be a good thing, because It forces me to learn on my own. Then there are times where, I have given my 110%, & I am just stuck. That is when I should be able to ask for help. When I was younger, I was told asking for help, is me just being to lazy to do something & want others to do it for me. I didn't learn until a few years ago, that it only has that meaning, if you let it. Asking for help, is just asking for someone to teach me, so I can do it myself. I am still working on that. Ha, I missed out on alot of teaching & learning. Another Side-note- this is therapy in it self, lol. My mother was the abuser, but where my guilt hits hard, is my grandmother was hard on my mother. I remember picking up for my mom(it didn't help my mom in being extra nice to me at those moments) I think I let my abuse go on to long, because I would justify her bad behavior to me , because she was treated badly. When my dad passed, & my mom Was married to him since she was a teen & very co- dependent on him. So went he passed, let's just say that it was very obvious, she went off the deep end. All I said to my grandmother, "I think mom needes someone to talk to" I remember my grandmother getting angry & saying that "their" family do not have mental illness & never will need a psychologist. I stood there in silence. I was thinking, huh, that explains a lot. I caught the way she said their family, which I am family. What she meant was , I was in therapy, & that is not because of my mother's side , it is my father's side, is the reason I am in therapy, therefore something wrong with me. I do not necessarily believe in God, but I have to say - THANK YOU TO WHATEVER HIGHER POWER THERE IS, FOR PROVIDING US WITH THERAPY ❣️❣️
I've been watching several interviews of Jennette since I finished reading her book, and I am glad that someone finally asked about the history of her mom and grandma. So, great interview! She seems a very sweet person and it's lovely to see someone thriving after such an intense experience.
Ugh I’m so glad to hear Whitney talk about how she was more upset with everyone else who knew about her abuse than her abusers themselves. I’ve always felt the same way but felt really bad about feeling that way. It was so validating to hear her talk about that.
as someone with bpd it made me feel better hearing you guys talk about it because you didnt instantly demonize it. for me its hard to find people talk about the people around them that had/has bpd without demonizing the illness itself.
this is the podcast i have been begging the universe for - Jennette and Whitney PLEASE MAKE THIS A REGULAR THING!!!! Please please please if you can and want to so mote it be
I have never seen a Whitney podcast. I came because I deeply appreciated Jeanette's book and have found myself wanting more. This interview was so deep, so interesting. Very different from the standard press, breath of fresh air Not going to lie it was a bit intense but in a good way. Especially as someone without any close people to talk about this stuff with. I have ordered Whitney's audiobook now as well.
As someone with BPD, but also have suffered from childhood SA, c-ptsd, narcisistic abuse, domestic violence, etc... what I can say is that BPD CAN be treated. In fact, getting years of codependency counseling (also al-anon), my symptoms have lessoned tenfold. I relate SO MUCH to Jennette, not from the same life circumstances, but very similar parallels. The "I hate that person" when you don't actually hate that person. The struggling with forgiveness. And absolutely the hyperventilance of anticipating everyones needs around me. It's why my reactions have often been so over the top. This is a fantastic podcast interview. What I can say with BPD, once I learned how to break free of the people who had control over me, and being open about these "taboo" concepts like allowing yourself to be angry and "be glad" that someone whos supposed to be important in your life culturally is actually out of your life....its so freeing. I still have my triggers, but I am not the same person I was when I was untreated/not self aware. Im so glad this discussion is happening, and has been happening since child actors, nickelodeon or disney etc, come forward (who are my age), be so raw....it has helped me tremendously. It has helped me have more acceptance for how my behavior was maladaptive, but how I can also move forward. Moving forward. I regret for the ramifications of my past behavior (weather it was my responsibility or not), but I am also honestly comforted by knowing that my process is ongoing and there will be some leftover things from my past that I don't necessarily feel okay with, but that I'm not alone, and that being open also means that sharing our imperfections can lead to so much healing. We are all human. It's okay to suffer and be unwell. But what conversations can we have that help us move forward? Such great content. Im a huge fan of both of them.
I can appreciate that my childhood trauma stems from generational traumas that my parents were ill equipped to endure, but I have been able to find healing in still allowing myself to feel (feel*, not project back) the anger about how my parents failed me. Two things can be true at the same time.
i had to stop this so many times because you said so many things that made me have ah ha moments about my own parents narcissism and emotional neglect. thank you for sharing this and for sharing your story and talking with jennette. y'all are some of my favorite people.
REALLY appreciate the nuanced and compassionate discussion about personality disorders!! I suspect my mom is a narcissist but it took me soooo long to realize bc she’s so insecure. And I have borderline personality disorder and I’m in recovery for it and a huge part of that for me has been seeing it as a super power! I’m capable of such intense empathy now and have gained so many tools other people don’t have in healing my shit!
As someone who just started therapy a couple months ago, this is connecting the dots of all the trauma that leads to our behavior. I don’t tune in to this podcast very much, but this is the most human that I’ve seen Whitney be
Same, I normally don't like Whitney's podcast because she seemed so Adderall insane before, but this particular episode offered me tons of valuable advice
I need 5 more hours of this. I love these conversations!!! 10/10 chemistry between these two and it's awesome to hear different stories between people who have gone through similar things.
i love how much this interview felt like, not therapy per say but like, someone mentoring a younger person with their own life experiences and giving them tools that they worked hard to learn themselves. like therapy is great and i stand by the healing power of professional help. but theres something special about talking to someone older than you, who has gone thru what you have gone thru, and can tell you that these are the things that have helped me understand and heal myself and because i understand exactly what you are going thru i know these will help you. and thats what this podcast with whitney and jennette
I didn’t know how much I needed to see this. I experienced child abuse from my mom as a kid, and I’ve been dealing with it for two years now in therapy, and so many things that were said here really resonated with me. I never realized how I have the exact same hyper vigilant skill, I couldn’t put into words what that was. Both women have such incredible stories and such interesting outlooks. The book is amazing btw.
As someone also on a long, intense healing journey, I cried through this entire podcast. This conversation unlocked some things for me. And validated other things for me. Wow.
just turned this on for something to listen to while doing dishes and i walked away with so many lessons learned and so many mottos to get me through the days this was beautiful and eloquent
Same. I think hearing Jeanette read the book in her own voice really adds to the story. It was really emotional and touching and heartbreaking. All the things. 👏🏼
A great conversation about abusive parents and coping mechanisms. Very helpful. I didn't mind that Jennette McCurdy wouldn't talk as much. She can always come for a second interview
I have seen so many interviews of Jennette's and this has been one of my favorites! I like how you're not just asking her questions Whitney, but you're relating to her with your own experiences and I think that's what makes a great interview!
I honestly needed this so much. I am someone who has very similar childhood trauma to the both of you and I really appreciate Whitney breaking things down like that. The family trauma to see where the ones who hurt you got hurt is another layer I truly needed to think about. Thank you Whitney and Janette for speaking out about this 🥲💕
As someone who has healed so much from childhood trauma and have felt like my complex ptsd doesn’t suffocate me, I really appreciate this conversation. Whitney has healed a lot herself and I too see my parents as my greatest teachers. I’m such a strong person with so many skills because of my trauma.
I cannot recommend Jeanette’s book enough, especially if you have experience with narcissistic abuse, or eating disorders. Whitney’s own book is pretty great, too.
I finally committed to a mental health journey last year and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a year ago, at the age of 28. I’ve spent every moment since then, piecing together the “ideal” environment, medication, and grounding exercises in order to be better for myself and the world around me. The way you described BPD at 45 minutes in, Whitney, made me feel the most validated I ever have in my entire life. Between that, their explanations of generational/“good enough” parenting, and challenges that occur as a result of OCD - WOW. What an invaluable gift to feel so seen. Thank you ❤
I was half way thru the episode and i had to pause it to call my mom. Amazing conversation between two people who have so much wisdom to share. Actually loved the fact that Whitney talked a lot because it felt like a way to connect deeply with the guest and not shine the spotlight directly at them, especially because Jennette said that she was nervous about the interview.
I really like the moment when Whitney is like “wait why am i talking so much?” Because she does get a lot of criticism for talking over guests, but this shows that it comes really from a place of being genuinely passionate-because Whitney read the book and watched so many interviews that now she has a lot of thoughts about that content she just wants to share. And Jennette is so used to being interviewed with the same shallow questions, she really appreciates someone who can deeply engage with her work.
Honestly this was the best interview ever. Whitney was truly acting like a therapist to Jannette and I’ve learned so much from both of their experiences.
Shoutout to all the comments letting me know that Whitney talks the whole time. I came here to hear about Jennette since I have like 153 other episodes to hear Whitney talk about herself the whole time.
Started to watch an interview with Jennette and and two male interviewers and immediately left to watch this, so much better. She deserves an interviewer who has actually done research on her, and is actually able to talk on her level.
I also grew up mormon and my mother really, really, really pushed all of my siblings and I to pursue music. Like, we were practicing an hour before school in elementary with her usually screaming at us. It came with lots of complicated feelings. It felt good to be really, good at something at such a young age but I also never really chose to pursue music myself. Plus, all the screaming and fighting during practice or after lessons(when it didn't go so well) wasn't worth it. Jeanette's book really helped me process some of these complex feeling. My mom didn't die, but much like Jeanette I wasn't able to process much of what I went through until after my mom wasn't in my life anymore.
Jenette is absolutely a healer and I'm so happy that she has come into herself the way she has she's such an inspiration to me and I'm so glad that she was interviewed on this channel cause now I found this pod 🥰
Found myself talking with the girls like I was at the table with them. Really funny looking with my earbuds in and no one knowing what I was listening to. As a survivor of Narcissistic abuse, by my mother and father, as well as a mom with untreated bipolar, totally connected to everyone here. Thank you for allowing me to take part in the best therapy I have found yet.
Whitney was out here describing me to a T. Shinning through chaos but suffering anxiety when things are calm, always being prepared, being organized, being thoughtful, being hyervigilant and then checking out when things are calm
I loved jennette so much growing up and hearing her story only broke my heart. Love her so much for her bravery and her resilience, she’s definitely one of my hero’s!
This is, without a doubt, the most engaging, informative and insightful, and nuanced discussion of mental health I have seen on TH-cam. In stark contrast to the popular discourse around trauma and victimhood, this conversation takes on the nuance in mental health which is very much needed to properly take sense of it in a full manner.
Whitney’s rant at 20:00 was the description of my childhood. Ive never felt someone describe it so specifically. I think it saved me months of therapy of trying to put into words how she thoroughly did.
Love that Jennette has cherry picked where she feels comfortable ❤ it’s important, to see the light in her eyes when she’s being understood. mainstream is cool for sales but it’s more important she speaks with people who have the ‘sensitivities’ to understand her and move the conversation forward
The best book I’ve read in a long time. The way it was written was just phenomenal, and the content was of course completely shocking. I have never been more intensely fond of a person I’ve never met. I want to be Jeanette’s friend so bad! A truly amazing human being.
This episode single handedly made me realize I have mental issues and I need to put forth all my efforts to be a better mother. Watching them express all the intricate aspects of behavior, is like the free version of going to therapy, thank you because I can't afford it lol
There are low cost or free therapy options in most places, even if you live in the dessert, there's low cost phone therapy options. Usually it means working with students but it can still be helpful. Let them know you want to be challenged
Regardless of talking a lot, this was a great interview from Whitney - she did a lot to connect and build out interesting ideas to have Jeanette comment on, rather than just throwing huge, open ended questions which give little direction to her.
Favorite podcast episode to date, loved the conversation! Everything said had real value and real wisdom. So much resonated. Whitney if you see this I think you did an excellent job and it was delightful! I could've watched 2 more hours! I really want to check out the book now!
Can Jennette and you make this a regular thing please? This was such a good conversation. I could listen to you for at least 5 more hours. And yes, I would have loved to hear more from Jennette, but she asked you so many questions. I understand why the conversation went that way. It just felt very natural. And the conversation was so deep. I could really relate. More of this please!
I listened in awe at how much Whitney Cummings made this conversation completely about her and her trauma. Like she did 90 percent of the talking. Whoa... The narcissist conversation blew my mind... How did Whitney not recognize she was describing herself. Poor Janette, I felt uncomfortable for her . This interview could have been really good if each question wasn't immediately answered by the person asking it. Felt like a constant one up.
@@rsps16 right!? She even cut her off a couple times while she was responding! It's a shame bc she actually asked several really great questions I hadn't heard any other host ask Janette about her book or experience but once she asked the question she would immediately answer it from her own experience and Janette would weigh in on that instead of getting to the question from her own experience. 🙄
C-PTSD and BPD here (everything bad you can think of - and probably more! 🎉) I'm over a decade into healing. At the beginning I went to group therapy and online groups trying to find a mentor, but everyone seemed stuck in victimhood. I saw no one else grinding on self-improvement. I got "oh I wish I was as strong as you," which honestly just annoyed me. I had no time for that poor-me, pity party, circle jerk BS. I didn't have a "weak" option, that meant death. What helped me most was real talk with women who I looked up to and considered successful in life. Even though they went through different traumas and struggles than me -- hearing the stories of them clawing their way out and rebuilding and reinventing themselves -- evolving -- that was the inspiration that I needed: seeing people living full and happy lives after trauma. Sharing what worked, what didn't. Joking around. Not letting the trauma win or define them. I think that's why I find this so refreshing. It's the next level stuff I was praying for back then. I think it'll help a lot of people who are ready for the same but have no peers or mentors IRL. Passing success stories on is the best thing any of us can do for the world, I think. It offers an alternative that I'd bet a LOT of people need.
Love u Jeannette!!! Your definitely deserving of all the good in the world ! Thank you for sharing your life so far with us and all tho it was a lot you were able to not let it take your shine bravo love and thankfully you have alot more life to live I’m excited to see what you do with it I’m definitely pulling for you!
Hypervigilance is my superpower too 😊 I grew up with a narcissistic stepdad and was ready for him to pop off at any moment. I knew precisely when the energy shifted in a room and when I should start distancing myself. I knew to clean up after my siblings (his bio children but they only stayed with us every other weekend so they weren't as used to his moods as I was) and I could coach them through situations like "I know you hate tuna salad, but you have to eat at least half of it. Remember how he smashed your plate into pieces last time you asked what the ingredients were? You just half to eat it. I promise I'll sneak you some snacks later". Now as an adult I am still hyper aware of everyone's moods. Some people say I'm an empath, but it's truly just learned survival from years of trauma. I can type a person within the first sentence they speak to me. But it really is such a useful tool. It's also made me really good at modifying my behavior and my mood very quickly to fit the situation.
This is where Whitney shines the most. Being able to blend comedic relief with trauma and tragedy while delivering beautiful wisdom that clearly comes from years of therapy and self work is truly a joy to witness. Loved her energy with Jeannette so much. I was raised by a mother with BPD / CPTSD / generalized anxiety / depression, and a touch of OCD. It’s such a trip.
You can really tell Jennette enjoyed this conversation... Talking to people who actually understand your struggles is so healing.
100%
Thissss!!!
She was Whitney's psychiatrist for free. And so were you. She described narcissism while describing herself
@@BD-kg4kn really?? how? isn't she too self-aware to be a narcissist?
all the while u can tell how deeply unhappy she is
In most of Jennette interviews for this press run I’ve noticed that she somehow naturally becomes the interviewer and always has the best questions. I think this book unlocked a talent
She has her own podcast!
her name is in the title spell it right
@@godisjihyo3615 settle down buddy honest mistake
@@rilesfomiles8662 first of all im not your buddy so dont be cute. you clicked on this video and watched it so you had to have seen the title. spelling her name is wrong is not just disrespectful, its just plain hateful and you should be ashamed
@@godisjihyo3615 I am so sorry that you are really taking me accidentally misspelling a name while paying a compliment so personally. I hope you feel better, sending you love and light
I like watching rich famous people talking about their therapy sessions because I feel like I got a therapy session for free with a professional therapist I couldn’t afford.
I was just thinking the same! Trying to take it all in lol
Haha that’s such an interesting way of viewing it, I’ve never thought of it that way!
Lol
💯
Awwe
I actually really love how Jeannette was excited that this wasn't just another interview, that she was talking and getting to converse with someone who actually has lived through the same thing and was able to put it into words so she gained some pieces to her own puzzle towards recovery, answers and views. great episode.
I agree! She felt like that w her Drew Barrymore interview too. I think it’s additional therapy to talk to other women who have been through similar situations!
its refreshing to hear someone admit they're not always the most compassionate person
You referring to Jennette? Her mother abused her.
@@zeke7515 and what is your point?
@@zeke7515 they aren’t criticising it omg they’re saying it’s honest to admit that
Absolutely. It's such a vulnerable thing to admit especially when you've been through it in life people expect you to have empathy and compassion and when you've conditioned yourself to not feel those things towards yourself, how in the fuck do you do that for another person?
@@sheinakinn2936 codependency. Lol.
Together you guys articulated some of the most difficult mental health concepts in the simplest and easiest to understand ways. Truly beneficial to listen to. Thank you!
Yes. Can they start a show? This is the cutting edge trauma healing ❤️🩹😅
this is what therapy does to you. its so so helpful, before i went i struggled with putting thoughts into words. if you can get a therapist, DO ITTTT!!
So true , I gained a lot from this episode !
@@yayo0🦸♂️👉👉😮🤐😮😮🥦🦓👉
@@yayo0.
Hmm.
😚😚📱😚😚😀😚😚📱
She raised us 18-26 year olds and the whole time she was hurting surrounded by abuse. I hope she keeps healing. It's so sad that when people go through trauma they second guess and care too much about what others think than just being in the moment for themselves.
Why specify that exact age range? I’m 27 and adored iCarly back in the day 😝
I just turned 30 and I remember loving the show back in like 08 lol
Yeah ok she raised you. 🙄
I’m 27 and she raised me. Your comment is strange. Jennette herself is 30!
I don’t think the age range is the important part of the comment.
Whitney carrying the conversation so Jennette would feel less anxious is actually incredibly kind of her.
Totally! Sp perspective of W. She wanted J to feel seen and understood in a way that she hasn’t in other interviews.
I disagree, I wish she had trusted her guest and their ability to communicate and feel the feelings that come with discussing a book like the phenomenal one Jeannette wrote. It was selfish, and unnecessary, despite her intentions. She came off as obnoxious during the interview because I wanted to hear the authors voice more, not Whitney. It made listening so much more unenjoyable because it was annoying her relating everything back to her life when it was not about her.
@@adeneden5674 yes i somewhat agree with this. i can see where it could be annoying and come across as obnoxious when she kept rambling about her experiences but i also agree with thinking jeanette enjoyed this interview because talking to someone whos been through a very similar situation can be very helpful especially with their specific traumas, it makes you feel way more valid and understood. and also j kept asking her questions and bringing it back to her too. its a conversation, not a normal interview we may be used to. but yes like i said she did ramble on but it’s because shes so passionate about these conversations about mental health and childhood trauma. i understand both sides for sure
@@adeneden5674 Thats every interview iv seen with Whitney lmao i dont think she reads the comments
I think I prefer interviews lead in this style. It was such a comfortable conversation. Honestly a breathe of fresh air
25:35 When Whitney talks about not going to her mom for basic needs because it would stress her out echoed my childhood almost in it’s entirety. As an adult I now struggle with asking for help from anyone cause I’ve been taught since such an early age to keep quiet about what I need and want. This whole podcast was so healing!❤
Same @bekylou4jc - it doesn't help that I have a husband that acts similarly. I'm working through all of it in therapy so I could relate to so much of this entire podcast, having grown up in an alcoholic family and having dealt with an eating disorder most of my life. Hugs to you, fellow struggler 😉
@@barbrasmerz3846 hopefully you can break free from that situation if it doesn’t make you happy, and help you grow. You only have one life. Don’t waste it being in a miserable marriage. Ditched mine 5 years ago and have had an amazing time ever since
You know my child hood was exactly the same. I just realized I sometimes do the same thing to my son. I don’t mean to I’m just stressed out and overwhelmed. Also it’s all I know I don’t want him to feel that way.
YES. Would have to rehearse in my head how I was going to say it. “Maybe you’ll get it for Christmas”.
I think Jennette was happy to hear Whitney talk about her experiences because it validated how she feels and has dealt with her own experiences.
Wrong. Whitney went off on another tangent everytime it wasn't about her
Man Jennette did a great job interviewing Whitney here. She gave her so much time to talk about her traumas, therapy and lessons she learned. One day I hope Jennette can go on a podcast and get to tell her story. That would be cool.
LOL
I know right. Lol
yep
I know! She kept interrupting her..
The Red Table Talk was pretty great check it out
41:27 “I was so much more mad at the people who knew about it and didn’t do anything than at the abusers.”
THIS. I recently discovered an old family Christmas video that captured an abusive moment between my father and a 3-year-old me. My entire family witnessed it and ignored it, which was such a gut punch because from what I remembered, he had always hidden the abuse so well. But here it was, and they didn’t advocate for me. That was worse than anything he ever did to me.
oh my god I'm so sorry
Yes. Soo frustrating people were afraid to overstep.
This. I think this is why I'm so much more angry with my father than with my stepmother, who tormented and tortured me every day of my childhood. My dad abused me too, but not to the extent she did, and almost could be considered on the high end of the corporal punishment scale. A lot of the time, he only beat me because stepmom told him to. I think I'm angry with him because he didn't advocate for me, he didn't stop her or tell her no. I was his first child, his little girl, and he never protected me. I knew who stepmom was. She was evil. But this was my daddy, and him allowing this to happen was so much worse than anything she ever did.
This is wild! I went through this exactly thing. I saw a family Christmas video from when I was 12, and it was so obvious to me, watching that everyone saw or was aware and did nothing. Poor young me didn't deserve that and neither did you.
I love that Whitney actually listened to the other interviews of Jennette! I was getting exhausted of hearing people ask her the same damn questions when she's clearly such a deep thinker and interesting person! Jennette is amazing and so strong, and Whitney is so knowledgeable. Perfect interview! Now I lowkey want to hear what Miranda Cosgrove would be like in this mix... would she lighten the mood or help both of them by listening and caring?
I love this dynamic between women 10 years apart both having suffered childhood abuse and unpacking it as well as learning from each other, it is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. This podcast episode will help many young people I think.
Absolutely agree with everyone here. Talk as much as you want Mamma Whitney. Jeanette McCurdy is a slam dunk of a guest and I'm just so happy to be alive for this one.
Disclaimer: dont actually jump off a bridge* 😉😉 wink wink
blu
cc
Therapy for the weak minded.🤣
Also, talking about purpose…Jennette is clearly helping thousands of current and past abuse survivors, and Whitney, the portion of your story you shared here was very insightful and helped me and I’m sure others here a ton…. More of this type of content please!!!
"There was so little self care going on, that they were always at Capacity " girl preach. That one struck me.
As someone who has really bad anxiety like Jennette, I actually really like when someone else dominates the conversation. I feel like I never know what to say. If you don't carry the conversation with me there probably won't be one. It makes me feel so much better when I'm not having to stress about what to say because they keep it going for me.
Totally agree!!! I feel like it takes the pressure off me so I can actually become more comfortable and open. I am able to better articulate my thoughts because I am focused on our conversation instead of the stress and pressure to carry the conversation.
My son has anxiety and has said the same thing. It’s such a relief for him when someone else Carrie’s the conversation.
I have loads of trauma, CPTSD, GAD, ADHD and ASD and for me, it's WAY easier to control the convo bc I'm just genuinely interested in people and their stories, they love to share and feel like someone is actually interested in them/what they have to say, and I also have no desire to rehash my horrific life so I just keep directing it back to them and we both always love it! Lol
The thing about everyone complaining about Whitney only talking about herself is strange because Jennette seemed to REALLY enjoy the conversation and get a lot out of it. So maybe that's the point of the podcast, for the host and guest to have a good time, not everyone wanting to watch. I enjoyed it :)
Ok Karen
Couldn't agree more
(not you Haterade)
@@aaronwesley286 lol ok Karen
Then why the pre apology before the actual podcast? She even caught herself then proceeded to double down.
Completely agree. I don't need it to be an interview; I LIKE that it's a natural conversation instead. And Jeanette said several times she enjoyed it.
Sometimes when Whit talks too much it bothers me, however this time around i felt that it was obvious how seen and understood she was making Jenette feel. J was asking W questions, and they were relating and seeing eachother. It wasnt an interview, it was just watching two people vent and relate and validate eachothers deep feelings. It was very healing.
This interview left me so f*ng breathless and speechless... when Jennette started talking about her experience with hypervigilance I was like... damn, she's describing the exact same dynamic that I've had with my family and friends since I was a teenager, and I always wondered why so many things that my family or friends ignore are so obvious to me. I didn't even know that it had a name, let alone that it was correlated to my anxiety disorder... Now I know what I want to discuss with my therapist next time 😅 I'm really glad that I watched this interview. 💛
I’m so glad someone commented this! I struggle with hypervigilance so much and recently in therapy began deconstructing how it can cause anxious-preoccupied attachment as an adult in friendships and romantic relationships, even in our workplaces or when working with people in positions of power. And I hope in the last few weeks you’re having good therapy chats!
The fact that she wrote a book with that title already tells me she's done a shit load of healing the trauma from her mother even before reading it. Respect.
I personally love hearing what you have to say. I don’t come because you’re the internet’s master interviewer, I watch because I want to hang with you and see the dynamic with these other fascinating people. There’s always room for improvement with anything! I certainly get excitable in conversations and can dominate a convo, but ultimately I’m here to be a comment that appreciates you and your passion in a conversation, and also appreciate your self awareness and desire to modify depending on the circumstance :) Great podcast. LOOOVEEE Jeanette.
I don't think anyone watches because she's the internets master interviewer
AGREED
She uses ‘I’ quite a bit , classic Whitney 🤣
@@matthewbernier9587 She also uses validating and reaffirming language to whom she’s talking. She connects to people through her own experiences but doesn’t take away theirs. She has proven herself to be extremely compassionate in many conversations and you can tell Jeanette feels heard in this podcast. Again, “podcast”. Free podcast created by an individual who has guests. Other than that there are no rules.
Filling in a lot of blanks with your opinion to justify a piss interview
Never tuned in before, but I’m a narc abuse survivor and love Jennette. This has been immeasurably validating and enlightening and I want more of this beautiful nuance in my life. It is clear how much work you two have done to heal and that is so admirable. Thank you thank you thank you.
I've not listened before either. I'm here for Jennette. This convo is real and I have a lot of respect for her and Whitney.
34:30 "I'm into the triumphant effects of trauma because it's, honestly, the only thing we can control at this point. And, just because I've lived a lot of my life as a victim, doesn't mean I have to identify as that for the rest of my life." - Whitney
Except that every time she talks it is about her trauma or trauma responses.
@@emmacallil3580 That's fine with me!
i found that this applies to most mental illnesses not just trauma/ptsd. when you say “my life with depression” or just if you CLAIM it, when are you going to get better?? like jennette said, people try not to get help because they don’t feel they need to. mental illness is a very real issue, but it’s not *good.* that’s why we need to get help, because it works towards self destructive behavior. i hope that moving forward in mental health awareness, we stop viewing mental illness as something to be proud of, or affirming the feelings while you’re ill. that’s one way them illnesses stick around
What's crazy is Jennette being open about enjoying the conversation they're having and how Whitney isn't talking too much, yet the comments are saying the complete opposite. I loved seeing Jennette be able to have a conversation with someone she is able to relate to. Her comfort should be making us happy. She's been telling her story over and over and over; it's understandable she's happy to hand over the baton every once in a while.
spell her name right its literally in the title
She talked too much.
Whitney is a genius, truly. Her ability to fluidly articulate some of the most astounding, accurate, and witty concepts... is unparalleled. She needs to stop doubting her audience's willingness to listen to her. Anyone sane would love to listen to her prolongedly!! She is a fucking gem.
Also, this episode in particular has helped me immensely, and I haven't even finished yet. I'm smack-dab in the middle of navigating lifelong trauma and extreme self-neglect from abuse... and I needed this more than anything. I want to care about myself, and I can't get the encouragement from anyone else right now. I'm hoping this will help encourage me to get into therapy, as I've been meaning to for a while. Thank you!!
I must be insane , lol. She is only good with male comics. Anyone else she just destroys.
It's not being a genius. It's called going to therapy. She is spouting the same thing anyone will learn in therapy.
Wishing you the best with your journey
Amen
@@islascout8651 Nah. It's not just her wisdom in psychological concepts; it's the way she formulates her sentences and captures her thoughts so pinpoint effortlessly. She's a bit of a wordsmith without realizing it.
thank you for recognizing that the balance was off during the interview. I was getting excited when you mentioned how much research you did for this and how much knowledge you had on the subjects. I thought this would, as you said, inspire better questions that hadn't been asked multiple time and it was disapointing when JC barely got to speak for almsot 2 hours.
This conversation is so healing. Similar upbringing dealing with narcissist parent as an adult. Love this transparency!
Something I really like about this is that this is one of the only cover photos for a Jennette McCurdy Interview that doesn't show her looking outright scared or troubled. She's smiling. And so beautifully. And it's a great representation of what to expect. Loved this!
I would love an episode where Jennette is interviewing Whitney. Because I’m thinking yes, in this episode I wanted to hear Jeannettes story but when she asked Whitney about her parents strokes and her mom it’s so interesting and I feel like she’s such a good interviewer (asked question exactly at the right point), and Whitney’s life is so interesting to me. So maybe another episode, one more interviewing jennette and one more of her interviewing you :)
Edit: also then maybe Whitney gets it out the system and we can get to know jennette a little more ;)
I was thinking the same thing!! Probably like a year ago I binged jennettes videos on her TH-cam channel too she’s such an engaged listener I think it makes for really good interviews I hope she does a lot more
I watched the Red Table Talk with Jeanette and she was asking the hosts very thoughtful questions and seemed legitimately interested in their answers. She would make a great group therapist.
I love this idea
That being said, to watch a really nice in depth interview with jennette the red table talk and „q on cbc“ was amazing and you actually get to see HER as a person. I disagree with Whitney that all press so far has been „superficial“ there are some great interviews out there that dig a lot deeper than this one
Imagine feeling so completely alone in your traumatic experiences and then finally getting to have an in depth conversation with someone who can truly relate to your trauma? This was great and it seems like both of them benefited from this conversation.
with c ptsd, sometimes i think my therapist does not like me and not gonna wanna work with me
I’ve learned more from this episode about myself and my family than I ever have from therapy. This is one of the most honest & cerebral conversations about self criticism, reflection, & healing . Unfiltered & insightful.
that’s horrible. change therapists!
I have finished listening to Jennette's book. I am a 60 year old woman who has never been in show business & with not much in common with her family circumstances but cannot believe how much her book resonated with me. Amazing story & an amazing woman. Thank you for writing it. 💗
I went to comment how much I loved this conversation but I'm actually at a loss for words on how to express my gratitude. Thank you is all that comes to mind. Thank you for talking about things only I thought existed in my world. This was so validating and what I needed to hear.
There were things in this conversation that nailed the roots of my coping mechanisms so hard…I had to press pause and regroup. Can’t articulate how grateful I am hearing the words out loud.
With regards to the BPD discussion, I believe we’re so misunderstood because we really do feel these emotions. I have people in my life who watch me have breakdowns, and they’ll often say I’m being manipulative, I’m exaggerating, or “being a baby”… and it’s so frustrating because we understand that we’re acting irrationally (especially after the fact), but in the moment it’s almost unstoppable. And the pain can be inescapable. Of course therapy (especially DBT) helps, but it’s literally the way we are wired. We feel everything x10. And it hurts to know that my personal pain affects others, and that through my actions I may be unintentionally passing on the trauma. I know I’m trying to heal, and hopefully one day I can recover enough to the point where I’ll feel confident enough in my emotional regulation to one day have a family and not traumatize them the way my parents did.
I completely agree and I get the same way. I feel so incredibly embarrassed after I flip out and just want to run away and go live in a hole somewhere, away from the world so I won't be a problem for anyone, anymore. I've been trying to focus on staying kind and calm and finding other ways to cope with my chaotic emotions. The best I've found so far is to have the people I care about just give me a minute to be alone to try to calm myself down so that I don't say or do anything hurtful to them that I don't mean and it gives me space to try to make some sense of my feelings and a lot of times, it stops it from escalating so maybe it could help for you too? I am a 36 yr old physically disabled, mentally ill female and I'm happy to report that I am the mother to an amazing, creative, sensitive, caring and kind 13 year old human and in just 5 short months, the love of my life and I will be celebrating 20 years together!! I am in a very happy marriage with the love of my life and best friend.. He is understanding and supportive and all I could ask for in a partner! I'm not saying its perfect but I am saying that it's definitely possible to have a very stable, secure, long-term, loving relationship and happy family with bpd but its not easy and I fail at it every single day in AT LEAST one way or another but I never stop trying to get better for myself, my daughter and my husband. Find a partner who knows all of your crazy and loves you for it and through it anyway. Find a partner who is down for the ride, because it is going to be a wild one, but it'll be worth it! Don't ever lower your self-worth because you think your mental issues make you a lot to deal with or less desirable. If they can't handle you, they just aren't right for you but thats ok, keep looking because there is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve and who will make you feel calm and at peace and it'll be amazing. Just never ever stop trying to be better than you were yesterday. That's why I think you're going to do just fine! Just the fact that you're diagnosed with bpd, getting help and are aware of how your mental health affects you and those around you and the fact that you are bothered by that, shows that you care and I don't know your parents but I'm pretty confident in saying that you're already doing 💯 more than they did, just in preparation and care for a kid, alone. I wish you all the happiness this crazy world has to offer! The best thing you can do for everyone is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF so they don't have to take care of you and so that you can help and care for other people. You can't give if you have nothing left to give. Be kind to yourself, you're simply human 💛
Aw that's horrible for you I'm sorry. My friend has bpd so I know how intense those feelings are for you guys.
Borderline as well, thank you for saying this
Jennette's mom never tried to get help. Not for herself, not for her family. "will I pass on puzzles or traumas to my kids?" puzzles are like "ohhhh.. I became a nurse because it felt so wonderful to help mom out when she had migraines (or "migraines")! "or like "oooo... I find men mysterious and fascinating and always out of reach because my dad worked so much we never got to see him". We all pass puzzles onto our kids. If you do the work you'll give them only puzzles, not also deep traumas
I loved this. I’m someone who is also in later stages of healing through developmental trauma and I’m often thinking about trauma and seeing it everywhere. So even though sometimes I feel like with Whitney many roads lead to talking about trauma, I come listen to her for the solidarity. She is one of the best people to interview Jennette and have a great conversation about their experiences because mainstream media/public are not quite there yet with understanding of trauma, eating disorders, addiction, and recovery in my opinion. I was really hoping this interview would happen and am so glad it did. No worries for talking about yourself, Whitney, I could feel the authenticity and the excitement in you two sharing each others’ company and resonating with each others’ experiences!
Just an informational aside: the reason some people say "disordered eating" is because they don't actually have an eating disorder diagnosis. This could be for a number of reasons, but the one I most commonly encounter is with other people like me--I'm technically too overweight to meet the diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder. Until very recently, you could only have an eating disorder if you were underweight. So the same behaviors and negative physiological consequences weren't considered a disorder unless you were successful at losing weight. While that weight requirement is no longer strictly there in the DSM, it's still often difficult to get an appropriate diagnosis or treatment if your weight is higher.
The short version: "eating disorder" is a diagnosis, "disordered eating" is a pattern of behavior.
i got disordered eating
I'd just like to say, if you truly watch the episode without the pre conceived mentality that "Whitney is going to talk too much" you'll see that Jennette actually asks Whitney a lot of questions, and even when Whitney asks her a question, sometimes instead of fully answering it she asks for Whitney's opinion, or for her to elaborate on her feelings. Maybe it's because I've heard interviews with Jennette and am familiar with her life struggles, but she genuinely seemed to enjoy talking with Whitney and gained some validation and insight instead of just feeling she had to regurgitate taking about her trauma again. She herself said she was looking forward to it for that reason.. if you're wanting to learn specifics all about Jennette's story, this isn't for you.. but if you're familiar with her and want to see her just have an interesting conversation without expectation, this episode is great! I loved seeing her in what felt like such a natural conversation, so thank you for providing the space for that experience. 🖤
Yes! It's OK to have an episode for those of us who are already familiar with the guest and have read her book! Jennette absolutely asked Whitney lots of great questions.
Yes, she enjoyed it. Yes, she asked questions. YES, Whitney still talked too much and made the interview about herself. Bad interview.
@@islascout8651 lol if the people involved liked it but you still claim it's bad, you're putting too much importance on your own opinion
@@snoozyq9576 💯 BOOM! *mic drop* 🙌🏻
@@islascout8651 Bad interview IN YOUR OPINION, you mean. That last part's important.
In about 23 to 25 minutes Whitney talking about her home life when she was younger.
It had me stop whatever I was doing, & even replayed. Whitney put into words , about her home life growing up, that I could never do.
I have been into therapy for the past 7 yrs.
My psychologist retired, & so I have not seen anyone in awhile.(should of been a lot sooner, but couldn't afford it. Ugh the cost of mental health care, is ridiculous)
This gives me incentive to stop procrastinating and find myself a new therapist. Because now I have the Vocabulary to explain my childhood.
Just the process of finding the right therapist for yourself, is work. Then to have to explain everything over again is Exhausting. Now thought I have words to get where I wanted to go , much faster now.
Thanks Whitney 😁👍
Side-note- I never ask for help, because I will feel like a burden, so to avoid that feeling I don't ask. Now sometimes it can be a good thing, because It forces me to learn on my own. Then there are times where, I have given my 110%, & I am just stuck. That is when I should be able to ask for help.
When I was younger, I was told asking for help, is me just being to lazy to do something & want others to do it for me.
I didn't learn until a few years ago, that it only has that meaning, if you let it. Asking for help, is just asking for someone to teach me, so I can do it myself.
I am still working on that. Ha, I missed out on alot of teaching & learning.
Another Side-note- this is therapy in it self, lol.
My mother was the abuser, but where my guilt hits hard, is my grandmother was hard on my mother. I remember picking up for my mom(it didn't help my mom in being extra nice to me at those moments)
I think I let my abuse go on to long, because I would justify her bad behavior to me , because she was treated badly.
When my dad passed, & my mom
Was married to him since she was a teen & very co- dependent on him.
So went he passed, let's just say that it was very obvious, she went off the deep end.
All I said to my grandmother, "I think mom needes someone to talk to"
I remember my grandmother getting angry & saying that "their" family do not have mental illness & never will need a psychologist.
I stood there in silence. I was thinking, huh, that explains a lot. I caught the way she said their family, which I am family. What she meant was , I was in therapy, & that is not because of my mother's side , it is my father's side, is the reason I am in therapy, therefore something wrong with me.
I do not necessarily believe in God, but I have to say - THANK YOU TO WHATEVER HIGHER POWER THERE IS, FOR PROVIDING US WITH THERAPY ❣️❣️
As someone who has never really dug into my trauma too much...I appreciate the chaos in my head being laid on the table through you lovely ladies
I've been watching several interviews of Jennette since I finished reading her book, and I am glad that someone finally asked about the history of her mom and grandma. So, great interview! She seems a very sweet person and it's lovely to see someone thriving after such an intense experience.
Um Jeanette needs to be a host of her own show… like a therapy/trauma informed podcast. She’s wonderful at empathizing and listening and responding ❤
She had one! I don't know if it's on break or permanently ended but it's called Empty Inside!
Ugh I’m so glad to hear Whitney talk about how she was more upset with everyone else who knew about her abuse than her abusers themselves. I’ve always felt the same way but felt really bad about feeling that way. It was so validating to hear her talk about that.
aww thank you
as someone with bpd it made me feel better hearing you guys talk about it because you didnt instantly demonize it. for me its hard to find people talk about the people around them that had/has bpd without demonizing the illness itself.
This is the most open I've seen Whitney, particularly about the death of her dad. Please have Jennette back on! This was so good. So so good.
this is the podcast i have been begging the universe for - Jennette and Whitney PLEASE MAKE THIS A REGULAR THING!!!! Please please please if you can and want to so mote it be
I have never seen a Whitney podcast. I came because I deeply appreciated Jeanette's book and have found myself wanting more. This interview was so deep, so interesting. Very different from the standard press, breath of fresh air Not going to lie it was a bit intense but in a good way. Especially as someone without any close people to talk about this stuff with. I have ordered Whitney's audiobook now as well.
As someone with BPD, but also have suffered from childhood SA, c-ptsd, narcisistic abuse, domestic violence, etc... what I can say is that BPD CAN be treated. In fact, getting years of codependency counseling (also al-anon), my symptoms have lessoned tenfold. I relate SO MUCH to Jennette, not from the same life circumstances, but very similar parallels. The "I hate that person" when you don't actually hate that person. The struggling with forgiveness. And absolutely the hyperventilance of anticipating everyones needs around me. It's why my reactions have often been so over the top.
This is a fantastic podcast interview.
What I can say with BPD, once I learned how to break free of the people who had control over me, and being open about these "taboo" concepts like allowing yourself to be angry and "be glad" that someone whos supposed to be important in your life culturally is actually out of your life....its so freeing.
I still have my triggers, but I am not the same person I was when I was untreated/not self aware.
Im so glad this discussion is happening, and has been happening since child actors, nickelodeon or disney etc, come forward (who are my age), be so raw....it has helped me tremendously. It has helped me have more acceptance for how my behavior was maladaptive, but how I can also move forward.
Moving forward.
I regret for the ramifications of my past behavior (weather it was my responsibility or not), but I am also honestly comforted by knowing that my process is ongoing and there will be some leftover things from my past that I don't necessarily feel okay with, but that I'm not alone, and that being open also means that sharing our imperfections can lead to so much healing. We are all human. It's okay to suffer and be unwell.
But what conversations can we have that help us move forward?
Such great content. Im a huge fan of both of them.
I can appreciate that my childhood trauma stems from generational traumas that my parents were ill equipped to endure, but I have been able to find healing in still allowing myself to feel (feel*, not project back) the anger about how my parents failed me. Two things can be true at the same time.
i had to stop this so many times because you said so many things that made me have ah ha moments about my own parents narcissism and emotional neglect. thank you for sharing this and for sharing your story and talking with jennette. y'all are some of my favorite people.
REALLY appreciate the nuanced and compassionate discussion about personality disorders!! I suspect my mom is a narcissist but it took me soooo long to realize bc she’s so insecure. And I have borderline personality disorder and I’m in recovery for it and a huge part of that for me has been seeing it as a super power! I’m capable of such intense empathy now and have gained so many tools other people don’t have in healing my shit!
As someone who just started therapy a couple months ago, this is connecting the dots of all the trauma that leads to our behavior. I don’t tune in to this podcast very much, but this is the most human that I’ve seen Whitney be
Same, I normally don't like Whitney's podcast because she seemed so Adderall insane before, but this particular episode offered me tons of valuable advice
I need 5 more hours of this. I love these conversations!!! 10/10 chemistry between these two and it's awesome to hear different stories between people who have gone through similar things.
i love how much this interview felt like, not therapy per say but like, someone mentoring a younger person with their own life experiences and giving them tools that they worked hard to learn themselves. like therapy is great and i stand by the healing power of professional help. but theres something special about talking to someone older than you, who has gone thru what you have gone thru, and can tell you that these are the things that have helped me understand and heal myself and because i understand exactly what you are going thru i know these will help you. and thats what this podcast with whitney and jennette
I would have liked to see Jennette get a chance to say something in this interview 😂
She did.
I didn’t know how much I needed to see this. I experienced child abuse from my mom as a kid, and I’ve been dealing with it for two years now in therapy, and so many things that were said here really resonated with me. I never realized how I have the exact same hyper vigilant skill, I couldn’t put into words what that was. Both women have such incredible stories and such interesting outlooks. The book is amazing btw.
As someone also on a long, intense healing journey, I cried through this entire podcast. This conversation unlocked some things for me. And validated other things for me. Wow.
Same here😢
I loved this ep! I was verbally, mentally and phisically abused as a child and I feel so connected to this conversation. Thank you both
just turned this on for something to listen to while doing dishes and i walked away with so many lessons learned and so many mottos to get me through the days this was beautiful and eloquent
I listened to the audiobook and loved it. Tragic, hilarious and inspiring
omg, gonna now be my next audiobook. thanks for the reminder.
That book is hardcore.
@@krikeydial3430 I had to stop listening to it at work because I didn't want anyone to ask why I was crying and laughing every few minutes
Same. I think hearing Jeanette read the book in her own voice really adds to the story. It was really emotional and touching and heartbreaking. All the things. 👏🏼
I love when the interviewer relates to the guest. I feel like Whitney needed this. 💜 I love Jennette. I always admired her maturity.
A great conversation about abusive parents and coping mechanisms. Very helpful.
I didn't mind that Jennette McCurdy wouldn't talk as much. She can always come for a second interview
I have seen so many interviews of Jennette's and this has been one of my favorites! I like how you're not just asking her questions Whitney, but you're relating to her with your own experiences and I think that's what makes a great interview!
I honestly needed this so much. I am someone who has very similar childhood trauma to the both of you and I really appreciate Whitney breaking things down like that. The family trauma to see where the ones who hurt you got hurt is another layer I truly needed to think about. Thank you Whitney and Janette for speaking out about this 🥲💕
As someone who has healed so much from childhood trauma and have felt like my complex ptsd doesn’t suffocate me, I really appreciate this conversation. Whitney has healed a lot herself and I too see my parents as my greatest teachers. I’m such a strong person with so many skills because of my trauma.
I cannot recommend Jeanette’s book enough, especially if you have experience with narcissistic abuse, or eating disorders. Whitney’s own book is pretty great, too.
I finally committed to a mental health journey last year and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a year ago, at the age of 28. I’ve spent every moment since then, piecing together the “ideal” environment, medication, and grounding exercises in order to be better for myself and the world around me. The way you described BPD at 45 minutes in, Whitney, made me feel the most validated I ever have in my entire life. Between that, their explanations of generational/“good enough” parenting, and challenges that occur as a result of OCD - WOW. What an invaluable gift to feel so seen. Thank you ❤
This is one of my favorite podcasts I’ve ever listened to.
As someone who loves watching both of these girls and has BPD, I loved this podcast.
I was half way thru the episode and i had to pause it to call my mom. Amazing conversation between two people who have so much wisdom to share. Actually loved the fact that Whitney talked a lot because it felt like a way to connect deeply with the guest and not shine the spotlight directly at them, especially because Jennette said that she was nervous about the interview.
This was the best interview with Jenette by far. So so good. They understood each other
I really like the moment when Whitney is like “wait why am i talking so much?”
Because she does get a lot of criticism for talking over guests, but this shows that it comes really from a place of being genuinely passionate-because Whitney read the book and watched so many interviews that now she has a lot of thoughts about that content she just wants to share.
And Jennette is so used to being interviewed with the same shallow questions, she really appreciates someone who can deeply engage with her work.
Honestly this was the best interview ever. Whitney was truly acting like a therapist to Jannette and I’ve learned so much from both of their experiences.
ugh I talked too much!
@@whitneycummings omg you replied! I love you so much! ❤️
Shoutout to all the comments letting me know that Whitney talks the whole time. I came here to hear about Jennette since I have like 153 other episodes to hear Whitney talk about herself the whole time.
Started to watch an interview with Jennette and and two male interviewers and immediately left to watch this, so much better. She deserves an interviewer who has actually done research on her, and is actually able to talk on her level.
I also grew up mormon and my mother really, really, really pushed all of my siblings and I to pursue music. Like, we were practicing an hour before school in elementary with her usually screaming at us. It came with lots of complicated feelings. It felt good to be really, good at something at such a young age but I also never really chose to pursue music myself. Plus, all the screaming and fighting during practice or after lessons(when it didn't go so well) wasn't worth it.
Jeanette's book really helped me process some of these complex feeling. My mom didn't die, but much like Jeanette I wasn't able to process much of what I went through until after my mom wasn't in my life anymore.
Jenette is absolutely a healer and I'm so happy that she has come into herself the way she has she's such an inspiration to me and I'm so glad that she was interviewed on this channel cause now I found this pod 🥰
Found myself talking with the girls like I was at the table with them. Really funny looking with my earbuds in and no one knowing what I was listening to. As a survivor of Narcissistic abuse, by my mother and father, as well as a mom with untreated bipolar, totally connected to everyone here. Thank you for allowing me to take part in the best therapy I have found yet.
Whitney was out here describing me to a T. Shinning through chaos but suffering anxiety when things are calm, always being prepared, being organized, being thoughtful, being hyervigilant and then checking out when things are calm
I loved jennette so much growing up and hearing her story only broke my heart. Love her so much for her bravery and her resilience, she’s definitely one of my hero’s!
This is, without a doubt, the most engaging, informative and insightful, and nuanced discussion of mental health I have seen on TH-cam. In stark contrast to the popular discourse around trauma and victimhood, this conversation takes on the nuance in mental health which is very much needed to properly take sense of it in a full manner.
Whitney’s rant at 20:00 was the description of my childhood. Ive never felt someone describe it so specifically. I think it saved me months of therapy of trying to put into words how she thoroughly did.
Love that Jennette has cherry picked where she feels comfortable ❤ it’s important, to see the light in her eyes when she’s being understood. mainstream is cool for sales but it’s more important she speaks with people who have the ‘sensitivities’ to understand her and move the conversation forward
The best book I’ve read in a long time. The way it was written was just phenomenal, and the content was of course completely shocking. I have never been more intensely fond of a person I’ve never met. I want to be Jeanette’s friend so bad! A truly amazing human being.
This episode single handedly made me realize I have mental issues and I need to put forth all my efforts to be a better mother. Watching them express all the intricate aspects of behavior, is like the free version of going to therapy, thank you because I can't afford it lol
There are low cost or free therapy options in most places, even if you live in the dessert, there's low cost phone therapy options. Usually it means working with students but it can still be helpful. Let them know you want to be challenged
Regardless of talking a lot, this was a great interview from Whitney - she did a lot to connect and build out interesting ideas to have Jeanette comment on, rather than just throwing huge, open ended questions which give little direction to her.
Whitney brought her experience to the table. Enlightening and helpful free therapy!
I discovered Whitney through this podcast. Out of all the episodes I've listened to, this one is the one I find most informative.
Jeanette is so sweet ❤️ always listening carefully and intently to what others are saying, and asking questions back
Two very intelligent, aware women! So refreshing.
Favorite podcast episode to date, loved the conversation! Everything said had real value and real wisdom. So much resonated. Whitney if you see this I think you did an excellent job and it was delightful! I could've watched 2 more hours! I really want to check out the book now!
Can Jennette and you make this a regular thing please? This was such a good conversation. I could listen to you for at least 5 more hours. And yes, I would have loved to hear more from Jennette, but she asked you so many questions. I understand why the conversation went that way. It just felt very natural. And the conversation was so deep. I could really relate. More of this please!
This one hit my heart. It made me cry for my inner child and for the mother I never want to be.
Going to listen to this one twice. Lots to absorb. Please have her back!
I listened in awe at how much Whitney Cummings made this conversation completely about her and her trauma. Like she did 90 percent of the talking. Whoa... The narcissist conversation blew my mind... How did Whitney not recognize she was describing herself. Poor Janette, I felt uncomfortable for her . This interview could have been really good if each question wasn't immediately answered by the person asking it. Felt like a constant one up.
Agreed, every question she asked, she (host) brought it back to herself and her own experience ...
@@rsps16 right!? She even cut her off a couple times while she was responding! It's a shame bc she actually asked several really great questions I hadn't heard any other host ask Janette about her book or experience but once she asked the question she would immediately answer it from her own experience and Janette would weigh in on that instead of getting to the question from her own experience. 🙄
C-PTSD and BPD here (everything bad you can think of - and probably more! 🎉)
I'm over a decade into healing.
At the beginning I went to group therapy and online groups trying to find a mentor, but everyone seemed stuck in victimhood. I saw no one else grinding on self-improvement. I got "oh I wish I was as strong as you," which honestly just annoyed me. I had no time for that poor-me, pity party, circle jerk BS. I didn't have a "weak" option, that meant death.
What helped me most was real talk with women who I looked up to and considered successful in life. Even though they went through different traumas and struggles than me -- hearing the stories of them clawing their way out and rebuilding and reinventing themselves -- evolving -- that was the inspiration that I needed: seeing people living full and happy lives after trauma. Sharing what worked, what didn't. Joking around. Not letting the trauma win or define them.
I think that's why I find this so refreshing. It's the next level stuff I was praying for back then. I think it'll help a lot of people who are ready for the same but have no peers or mentors IRL. Passing success stories on is the best thing any of us can do for the world, I think. It offers an alternative that I'd bet a LOT of people need.
Love u Jeannette!!! Your definitely deserving of all the good in the world ! Thank you for sharing your life so far with us and all tho it was a lot you were able to not let it take your shine bravo love and thankfully you have alot more life to live I’m excited to see what you do with it I’m definitely pulling for you!
Whitney alot of the stuff you talk about they teach in recovery & i love how genuine your words of wisdom are.
Hypervigilance is my superpower too 😊 I grew up with a narcissistic stepdad and was ready for him to pop off at any moment. I knew precisely when the energy shifted in a room and when I should start distancing myself. I knew to clean up after my siblings (his bio children but they only stayed with us every other weekend so they weren't as used to his moods as I was) and I could coach them through situations like "I know you hate tuna salad, but you have to eat at least half of it. Remember how he smashed your plate into pieces last time you asked what the ingredients were? You just half to eat it. I promise I'll sneak you some snacks later".
Now as an adult I am still hyper aware of everyone's moods. Some people say I'm an empath, but it's truly just learned survival from years of trauma. I can type a person within the first sentence they speak to me. But it really is such a useful tool. It's also made me really good at modifying my behavior and my mood very quickly to fit the situation.
This is where Whitney shines the most. Being able to blend comedic relief with trauma and tragedy while delivering beautiful wisdom that clearly comes from years of therapy and self work is truly a joy to witness. Loved her energy with Jeannette so much. I was raised by a mother with BPD / CPTSD / generalized anxiety / depression, and a touch of OCD. It’s such a trip.