"Focusing on your own needs can feel very troubling as a 2, because if you're focused on your own needs, your own wants and desires you might not be so focused on helping other people all the time." 😱 So true. I can't make time for my own success or I'd have to cut into all the time I spend being there for others 🥺
I'm my first 3-4 months of studying the Enneagram, I was convinced I was a 7w8. Three different tests confirmed it although my 2 score was usually second highest. But in listening to your videos, every time I heard you talk about type 2 I cringed! Type 2s embodied attributes I considered weak and manipulative. As I continued studying I was hearing that our true type can make us feel exposed and uncomfortable. So I considered the possibility of being a type 2 and my whole world was blown apart! I considered myself as self aware but thinking of myself as a 2 was like seeing myself through the eyes of others for the very first time. Who the heck was I??? I went from denial to acceptance and am now trying to move forward to embodying the strength of being a 2. The 8 im me also made sense, since 2 goes to 8 in stress and I get angry and blunt when stressed. I still had a hard time accepting myself as a 2 until further research revealed I'm Self preservation which explained why I give a lot but also hold back and second guess. I now know beyond a doubt that I am a 2 although I still struggle seeing strength as a 2 but I'm working through it. You're videos are so helpful. Thank you for your teaching. Blessings to you Dr Tom 🙏 ❤
Yes, Dr. Tom! A few years ago I heard someone speaking about not always having to do something in every situation and it gave me 'permission' to let some things go. I started saying out loud to myself "I don't have to take care of that" when I would feel sucked into assuming I needed to fix something or take care of someone or a situation. I have to fight the feeling that if I have recognized a need someone has, it is my responsibility to fix that need.
Dash Oh yea, that’s something I fight on a daily basis! I hear ya! And it can get me in the middle of situations that I never intended to be in in the first place.
Thank You So Much!!! You have helped me to see that by being a 2 I shouldn’t feel like it is chore or obligation to be helpful. Rather it should feel like an honor & privilege to be of assistance where needed. That, in and of itself, shall bring great joy and gratification to my soul:). AKA “Healthy Pride”
Great video, lots of insight and understanding and presented with truth and compassion. Your videos are really helping me to identify and understand more fully my shadows and blind spots. Thank you
This does a way better job than some type 2 videos... But I think the enneagram community needs to get away from associating twos with "helper" stereotypes.... it causes some danger in mistyping I think. Most of the type twos that I know and love in my life are I guess fairly helpful but that isn't the main quality for them. I think the quality that is associated with that,is all twos have is the focus on social economy, emotional economy, action economy. Most of the twos that I know aren't super giving and are in fact very stingy, until you give to them enough times that they become loyal to you.
18:00 😂 this is exactly why I thought I was a 7 when I first did the Enneagram.. then I just realized that I looove 7s and do my best to be like them cause I know others love them too 🙈 I'm a twoo 😭😭
I apparently work with unhealthy sx/two, and I am uncomfortable when I see a type 2 is gossiping, judging and criticizing about people, and I avoid to be around. I am uncomfortable when I am getting involved in personal conversations with two, and I’m uncomfortable when I know the 2 colleague is criticizing me badly out of jealousy because my boss values me over the type2 colleague. (I don’t need to be liked by my boss and I want to hide from attention, so I can be peaceful in my personal space) I am uncomfortable when I notice a 2 is emotionally dramatic and somewhat manipulative to make how other people see a person. I’m uncomfortable when I see the 2 emotionally goes “I don’t need your help, you need my help” syndrome, I don’t like it when the 2 comes too close to my personal space looking for personal connections with me and if I end up with opening up a little bit of sharing about myself, afterwards 2 is gossiping about it to other colleagues. I’m avoiding the 2 colleague as much as possible. I cannot leave my job just because of uncomfortable feelings around unhealthy 2s. I want to meet healthy twos. Please make your video talking about how I can be comfortable around 2s and how to see 2s in positive ways.
I listened to the one for my number and now for a sibling. A fellow student of the enneagram, I would actually say a student of personal growth. Imagine, the two is telling herself- “ Show up honestly and create space for the right kind of 8 power, and the withdrawing stance emotionally. The four , in their head says to themselves. “I’m learning it’s okay to lament and be weak. I’m not going to stay here, but I realize I am not going to be strong all the time, but uh oh, that praise about showing up as a two with action and serving is currently grieving, my serving listening skills are low/ ebbing. I know it , I’m going into this moment and I’m going to blow it, and they categorically do. So blind spots and weaknesses traveling towards growth, a lot of shifting in wonderful relationships full of valid seasons and humanity. Could you do a video about what that growing looks like especially 4,2,1. My SIL is that. But regard both as dear soul sisters. How can we look inward and recognize one another even in low places?
I’m 9w1 and I know a 2 friend he likes art so much like he is so much into appreciating art and singers and know about them while I’m more in creating it as individual as i like to draw .
The big question is how do you get your needs met as a 2?🤔 When I expressed them clearly, they were not acknowledged, allowed, fulfilled. From needy to being considered too much or simply too direct. So how do I get my needs met without being 'mabipulative' or covert? 🤔 I don't want to manipulate anyone but I do want to be loved.
If the people in your life are unwilling to meet you halfway in meeting some needs when expressed in a healthy way, then maybe it's time to reconsider the role these people have in your life. Sadly learning how to communicate my needs opened my eyes to who was really my friend. It's still worth it.
I now recognize I am a Type 2. For the past several days, I have been engrossed in your videos and purchasing the kindle books on the Type 2 topic, but I do have some comment to address, both positive and negative. My past experiences have taught me, I am a Type 2 and always have been. In my 20, I didn't know better on how I treated people and how I was manipulated...a lot. In my friendships and in my personal relationships with others. I gave and gave to anyone and everyone...assuming that would be same in return. I was sadly mistaken. It taught me, that not everyone has the same interest as your own, which personally sucks. I'm a good person, with a great heart and have integrity NOT to disrespect and manipulate people. For me it wasn't about helping it was about the respect on give and take. Now in my 40s, I am still the same, but I realize the difference in giving and receiving and put forth my energy in selective people, who recognize what I have to offer. I also get that maybe people can't give me feedback not right away...but later on, which is OK in my book. The negative aspect of a Type 2, IMO it feels like projecting my behaviors as needy/creepy to anyone I addressed. Wanting to have people attention/energy and sharing past experience in hopes to help guide others ...to be part of something much bigger than myself. I didn't get it at first, but I see it now. Now I have to be mindful on the self-reflection and now put people in unfriendly situations. Will I change, I don't think I will, because I'm content with my Type 2 status. Im just going to learn to grow with it. I would like to know the type of relationships, I should look for or avoid, since Im learning about the Enneagram Personality test myself...Thoughts?
My boyfriend & I share 5 & 9 in our tritype, but I think where I have a 4 for heart type, he has a 2. The not needing/accepting help rang major bells as I listened.
That is exactly me, I did it last year to go and see my aunt that was about to die, I gave her a false reason, well I am glad I did it she died shortly after that
Also, the 2 as a parent, might want children to help at the house as part of their contribution to the family or living at the home. Its not always control or to get something selfish. The roommate not responding to the 2 would not bother me. Who understands young adults or what is going on with them these days?!
Thank you so much... for me as a 2w3 sx....it do hurt to let this truth inside but it is also very helpful to release some of the pressures... working my way on to more 4 in my life 🤗 I wonder what number could be a good relationship partner for me...🤔
![[#2024MAMA] BIGBANG (빅뱅) - 뱅뱅뱅 (BANG BANG BANG) + FANTASTIC BABY | Mnet 241123 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EQsYfiPR9uM/mqdefault.jpg)
"Focusing on your own needs can feel very troubling as a 2, because if you're focused on your own needs, your own wants and desires you might not be so focused on helping other people all the time." 😱 So true. I can't make time for my own success or I'd have to cut into all the time I spend being there for others 🥺
I'm my first 3-4 months of studying the Enneagram, I was convinced I was a 7w8. Three different tests confirmed it although my 2 score was usually second highest. But in listening to your videos, every time I heard you talk about type 2 I cringed! Type 2s embodied attributes I considered weak and manipulative. As I continued studying I was hearing that our true type can make us feel exposed and uncomfortable. So I considered the possibility of being a type 2 and my whole world was blown apart! I considered myself as self aware but thinking of myself as a 2 was like seeing myself through the eyes of others for the very first time. Who the heck was I??? I went from denial to acceptance and am now trying to move forward to embodying the strength of being a 2. The 8 im me also made sense, since 2 goes to 8 in stress and I get angry and blunt when stressed. I still had a hard time accepting myself as a 2 until further research revealed I'm Self preservation which explained why I give a lot but also hold back and second guess. I now know beyond a doubt that I am a 2 although I still struggle seeing strength as a 2 but I'm working through it. You're videos are so helpful. Thank you for your teaching. Blessings to you Dr Tom 🙏 ❤
Yes, Dr. Tom! A few years ago I heard someone speaking about not always having to do something in every situation and it gave me 'permission' to let some things go. I started saying out loud to myself "I don't have to take care of that" when I would feel sucked into assuming I needed to fix something or take care of someone or a situation. I have to fight the feeling that if I have recognized a need someone has, it is my responsibility to fix that need.
Dash Oh yea, that’s something I fight on a daily basis! I hear ya! And it can get me in the middle of situations that I never intended to be in in the first place.
Rejection when sharing needs is devastating to me as a 2. Because is so extraordinarily hard for me to ask for anything.
Right? I am terrified of rejection!
Appreciate your type 2 focus. They can be a challenge.
How can somebody know me so well with out knowing me
Thank You So Much!!! You have helped me to see that by being a 2 I shouldn’t feel like it is chore or obligation to be helpful. Rather it should feel like an honor & privilege to be of assistance where needed. That, in and of itself, shall bring great joy and gratification to my soul:). AKA “Healthy Pride”
Thank you! God is very good. The older I get the easier it is to accept my imperfections and even laugh about it.
Great video, lots of insight and understanding and presented with truth and compassion. Your videos are really helping me to identify and understand more fully my shadows and blind spots. Thank you
This does a way better job than some type 2 videos... But I think the enneagram community needs to get away from associating twos with "helper" stereotypes.... it causes some danger in mistyping I think.
Most of the type twos that I know and love in my life are I guess fairly helpful but that isn't the main quality for them. I think the quality that is associated with that,is all twos have is the focus on social economy, emotional economy, action economy. Most of the twos that I know aren't super giving and are in fact very stingy, until you give to them enough times that they become loyal to you.
18:00 😂 this is exactly why I thought I was a 7 when I first did the Enneagram.. then I just realized that I looove 7s and do my best to be like them cause I know others love them too 🙈 I'm a twoo 😭😭
I apparently work with unhealthy sx/two, and I am uncomfortable when I see a type 2 is gossiping, judging and criticizing about people, and I avoid to be around. I am uncomfortable when I am getting involved in personal conversations with two, and I’m uncomfortable when I know the 2 colleague is criticizing me badly out of jealousy because my boss values me over the type2 colleague. (I don’t need to be liked by my boss and I want to hide from attention, so I can be peaceful in my personal space) I am uncomfortable when I notice a 2 is emotionally dramatic and somewhat manipulative to make how other people see a person. I’m uncomfortable when I see the 2 emotionally goes “I don’t need your help, you need my help” syndrome, I don’t like it when the 2 comes too close to my personal space looking for personal connections with me and if I end up with opening up a little bit of sharing about myself, afterwards 2 is gossiping about it to other colleagues. I’m avoiding the 2 colleague as much as possible. I cannot leave my job just because of uncomfortable feelings around unhealthy 2s. I want to meet healthy twos. Please make your video talking about how I can be comfortable around 2s and how to see 2s in positive ways.
Gossiping is never acceptable. I don’t think this is a characteristic inherent to 2’s.
I listened to the one for my number and now for a sibling. A fellow student of the enneagram, I would actually say a student of personal growth. Imagine, the two is telling herself- “ Show up honestly and create space for the right kind of 8 power, and the withdrawing stance emotionally. The four , in their head says to themselves. “I’m learning it’s okay to lament and be weak. I’m not going to stay here, but I realize I am not going to be strong all the time, but uh oh, that praise about showing up as a two with action and serving is currently grieving, my serving listening skills are low/ ebbing. I know it , I’m going into this moment and I’m going to blow it, and they categorically do. So blind spots and weaknesses traveling towards growth, a lot of shifting in wonderful relationships full of valid seasons and humanity. Could you do a video about what that growing looks like especially 4,2,1. My SIL is that. But regard both as dear soul sisters. How can we look inward and recognize one another even in low places?
I’m 9w1 and I know a 2 friend he likes art so much like he is so much into appreciating art and singers and know about them while I’m more in creating it as individual as i like to draw .
Very good insights. I have a son in law and my 2nd Mom (former mother in law) that are type 2. Great information about them. Thank you!
Ha ha ha the Aunt Gladys story...I'd just go on my own!
The big question is how do you get your needs met as a 2?🤔 When I expressed them clearly, they were not acknowledged, allowed, fulfilled. From needy to being considered too much or simply too direct. So how do I get my needs met without being 'mabipulative' or covert? 🤔 I don't want to manipulate anyone but I do want to be loved.
If the people in your life are unwilling to meet you halfway in meeting some needs when expressed in a healthy way, then maybe it's time to reconsider the role these people have in your life.
Sadly learning how to communicate my needs opened my eyes to who was really my friend. It's still worth it.
28:24 Exactly my thoughts. It's so true it hurts.
I now recognize I am a Type 2. For the past several days, I have been engrossed in your videos and purchasing the kindle books on the Type 2 topic, but I do have some comment to address, both positive and negative.
My past experiences have taught me, I am a Type 2 and always have been. In my 20, I didn't know better on how I treated people and how I was manipulated...a lot. In my friendships and in my personal relationships with others. I gave and gave to anyone and everyone...assuming that would be same in return. I was sadly mistaken. It taught me, that not everyone has the same interest as your own, which personally sucks. I'm a good person, with a great heart and have integrity NOT to disrespect and manipulate people. For me it wasn't about helping it was about the respect on give and take.
Now in my 40s, I am still the same, but I realize the difference in giving and receiving and put forth my energy in selective people, who recognize what I have to offer. I also get that maybe people can't give me feedback not right away...but later on, which is OK in my book.
The negative aspect of a Type 2, IMO it feels like projecting my behaviors as needy/creepy to anyone I addressed. Wanting to have people attention/energy and sharing past experience in hopes to help guide others ...to be part of something much bigger than myself. I didn't get it at first, but I see it now. Now I have to be mindful on the self-reflection and now put people in unfriendly situations. Will I change, I don't think I will, because I'm content with my Type 2 status. Im just going to learn to grow with it.
I would like to know the type of relationships, I should look for or avoid, since Im learning about the Enneagram Personality test myself...Thoughts?
My boyfriend & I share 5 & 9 in our tritype, but I think where I have a 4 for heart type, he has a 2. The not needing/accepting help rang major bells as I listened.
That is exactly me, I did it last year to go and see my aunt that was about to die, I gave her a false reason, well I am glad I did it she died shortly after that
Also, the 2 as a parent, might want children to help at the house as part of their contribution to the family or living at the home. Its not always control or to get something selfish. The roommate not responding to the 2 would not bother me. Who understands young adults or what is going on with them these days?!
Thank you so much... for me as a 2w3 sx....it do hurt to let this truth inside but it is also very helpful to release some of the pressures... working my way on to more 4 in my life 🤗 I wonder what number could be a good relationship partner for me...🤔
2s can give to get control
Do you need appreciation
Guilt - It’s a shame you won’t go…
Negotiation - Give little, get little
Withdraw attention until you do
Feels compelled/impulses to help to prove worth, even if doesn’t want to actually
Wants to attract others
Resentment comes out as passive-aggressive
2: Give, help, please
Gives to get
Can’t state needs so needs to indirectly ask by helping others
Gives to get for control
Others resist help bc don’t want to feel obliged
Doesn’t feel appreciated
Thank you for this!!
2s can give to get control