"My dad dropped the kids off last night and while I was giving the youngest a bath I started to get dizzy and nauseous so I called my fiance to get her out of the bath and in bed. He got her out of the bath and gave her a towel then focused on me. That set her off so she started her hitting/kicking/pushing and when my fiance let go of me to grab her, she was able to push me over and I cracked my head on the edge of the bathtub. It was a mess. My fiance called 911 on his phone while using mine to call my dad to get the kids. I hurt my head and neck and will be in the hospital for the next few days. My when my dad picked the kids up my fiance told him we won’t be watching them anymore unless we become their guardians." This was a comment from OP. You missed a lot of them where she was clarifying. This is NOT normal 5 year old behaviour.
She definitely needs therapy..not just bc of the wedding and for the sake of the bride, but to really get to the root cause of this behavior for the health of the child. It’s alarming.
In case anyone is curious, the abbreviation Jamie didn't recognize, "dx'd", means diagnosed, eg. 'diagnosed with attachment disorder'. It's a medical abbreviation really common in doctor's notes and the like.
I have to say gentle parenting does not mean a child can run wild and do whatever they want. There are still rules, there are things like causing harm to others that are just not ok. There is a difference between gentle parenting and just not parenting.
This.. i hate the name of gentle parenting. All it is is authoritative parenting which is the best form of parenting. Boundaries and natural consequences. So many people confuse it with permissive which is neglectful. Even people who are "gentle parents"
This is exactly what I came to the comments to say. She seems to say at 3:29 that gentle parenting means hitting is ok, which is not right--all feelings are ok, some behaviors are not.
I heard this story from another channel, and there's an update after this where OP and her fiance said they were going to push the parents to make give OP legal guardianship over the kids. There aren't any further updates after that, so we can only guess how that went, but I hope the kids are in a safer position now
You can't take a child to the doctor if you're not their legal guardian. The best thing OP could do is talk to the sister's school and see if they can do some sort of counseling with her.
Kids are insanely smart. I would straight up tell my 5 year old little sister “I love you but if you continue to behave like this you will not be able to come to our wedding.” Period. If you’ve set boundaries with this child they will listen. If they know they can pull one on you, they will. And that’s on you.
The big flaw in your advice to 0P, is that she cannot by law take the child for therapy without parental consent/participation. ETA- I am the adoptive parent of 3 psychologically damaged children. (The dx's ranged from ADHD, PTSD, RAD, ODD, PAD, PDDNOS , and those are just the highlights.
This! I was about to say the same thing-any qualified therapist will not allow a sibling to bring a child in for therapy. It’s not just a question of payment.
Yes, very important to point out! I'm guessing what Jamie possibly meant (but forgot to explicitly state) is to ask dad/ parents, "If I find the therapist and take her to the appointments, would you give the necessary permission for me to do that?" Basically, offer to make it as easy for them as possible (if OP is willing to do that to make it happen).
Be careful about not haviing the little girl at the wedding. It will make holidays and family events awkward for years, maybe forever. Pull her out ot the wedding ceremony and sit her on an outside aisle. If she starts to act up she can be removed quickly. Srraight home afterward. Don't even tell lher about the reception 🙄 Best of luck. I pray you have an awesome wedding and better marriage.
If OP really needs to get married ASAP: Marry first, and have the wedding later. This little girl is floundering in a sea of perceived rejection. She needs to witness that OP being married doesn’t mean her own life has to change, and hopefully she will have processed that and learned to behave better by the time the party comes about. That way she wouldn’t have to be excluded from the social event everyone else is invited to. Of course the wedding shouldn’t be postponed indefinitely, but up to a couple of years isn’t excessive, imo, especially if having it right now-by excluding her - risks worsening the girl’s state. A festivity doesn’t take precedence over a child’s serious troubles. Future husband should probably keep the “I love you”s out of his language; adults understand polysemy, 5 year-olds don’t. “I care for you” would be more appropriate until she matures out of this phase.
In the "four parenting styles" model, gentle parenting is *authoritative* parenting, not permissive parenting. I think the name (and some way too lenient parents online) makes it sound a lot more permissive than it really is. There are VERY firm boundaries, but with open communication. Here are all four styles: Demand = discipline & rules, Responsiveness = communication, involvement Authoritative = high demand, high responsiveness Authoritarian = high demand, low responsiveness Permissive = low demand, high responsiveness Neglectful = low demand, low responsiveness
I have been married for many years & watch because I enjoy Jamie's videos. She is so insightful & caring with her advice to brides & grooms (especially those on a budget). Her advice is applicable to non wedding related social gatherings too.
My first thoughts after hearing the first edit, she's a five yo, high emotions are acceptable to a point. But the parents really need to get it together and pull her into line in an approrpiate way.
The dad needs the therapy, not the kid. Five year olds don't make sustainable changes w/out parental participation and buy-in. This is a parenting issue, not a child issue.
The really long comment around the 10 minute mark - I don’t think it’s wrong to unpack the situation further than OP already had. It’s really really odd that OP is taking care of her siblings up to 4 days a week (more than half the time). AITA is not always just about the actual post question, it’s about figuring out the whole situation that OP lives in.
But the thing is your doing alot of guessing... is it different yeah, but you still don't actually know the full context. Sometimes there is a logical situation, but you don't have enough sold on it to make a diagnosis or charge
@@CearaElizabethI agree, we don’t have enough information. That is why the questions in the long comment are great ones. There are signs that this is more than a just a child crush and there is more going on with these children’s situation - children spending so much time with the 24 year of sister (even if she loves them, 3 small kids is a lot of someone of that age), OP commenting about the parents being neglectful. It doesn’t sound like the 5 year old is just being naughty. Of course we could be reading too much into it, but asking questions to figure out if the children have the environment and care they deserve is not wrong. If it turns out there is no issue and it just a 5 year old misbehaving after having a crush, that’s good.
Op made an insane update post. I hope they make another one about how the wedding went and if the 5 yo was there. But I think kid definitely needs therapy. It’s one thing if it happened a couple times at the beginning and then was disciplined and learnt better. But she hasn’t and won’t unless someone else steps in. And that’s not going to be the dad
I saw this story a while ago it is in best of Redditor updates and honestly there is some scary stuff. Nothing else about the wedding but yeah OP tries their best.
I agree with the commenters: the five year old seems to be really attached to her sister’s fiancé, as if he’s the father figure she wants, but isn’t getting in her life. I hope she gets the help she needs and that her and her siblings get a lot more attention from their actual parents, not their older sister-in-a-mother role.
I adore you Jamie 💖 I'm subscribed to both of your channels, & I've been married for 2 years now (watched your videos while we were planning!) & I can’t bring myself to unsubscribe because I love you so much. 🥰
If not therapy this little girl needs a grown up to sit her down and explain why this is not acceptable behavior. When I was kid if this was a situation my mother( I know the op’s mom is kinda absent from it all) would have straight up told me how it is and I need to get over it. And guess what I would have! but like a grand mom one of the other siblings who’s not a kid( if there are any) an aunt some adult in her life that can just be like “honey this needs to stop…” therapy is a very good idea but this specific situation can be quieted if handled properly
My two youngest brothers are so much younger than me that i am halfway a sister and halfway a second mother. I paid for chiropractic appointments for one of them when my parents didn't think it was a big deal, I thought it was. My mom is not neglectful, but she has a messed up perspective on pain. She thinks you shouldn't spend money on it when you could just put up with it for free. Sometimes you spend money on children who aren't your children bc you love them that much, and their well-being is that important.
She is 5, so probably in kindergarten. Tell the school what is going on with the child's behavior. The big sis is on the approved pickup list, but does not have the ability to make medical decisions aside from driving her to the emergency room. The school has counselors in some capacity. Even if it is just a watch and see/ be aware of situation. It is the only thing that the sister can do that is outside of her normal sister/ parenting. And also the school staff are mandatory reporters. So if the situation needs to be escalated, they know how to contact cps.
She needs therapy. Had a family member with serious mental health issues who acted like this as a child. Actually tried to poison her mom once so she could be with the dad (was under 8 years old). Crushes on family are normal at this age, violence and crying and freaking out are not.
I HATE to say this, but we live in such a sick world that I can’t rule it out…is O.P. certain that the relationship between her sister and Fiancé is entirely appropriate?
As a childhood SA survivor I was thinking this as well. Why is the fiance involved in bathing the children etc? Why does this child have such a fixation on the fiance? I'd be getting a therapist to ensure that all avenues are explored for the sake of this child.
Depending on the situation, this could be a very bad idea and actually hurt the children more in the long term. Can OP and the fiancé ensure that the children will continue to spend time with them? Is there some kind of legal part-time custody or guardianship arrangement? It sounds like that parental and home situation of these children is not great and potentially not stable, which makes me wonder of there is a risk that the parents may at some point not allow OP and her fiancé to spend as much time with the 3 children anymore, or child services could even get involved. Promising young children that you will always be there for them, and then not doing that (even if it’s out of one’s control) can feel like abandonment to the children, which is not great as is but even worse if they already experienced unreliable parental / care figures and could already have difficulties forming strong attachment, feeling secure, feeling loved and valued, etc.
I have lots of feelings about this whole situation but will stick the point. Perhaps she could have her attend the wedding with the understanding that these behaviors will not be tolerated. If she starts to display these behaviors at the wedding she will be removed. She will need to have an adult who is responsible for her and removing her from the situation if needed. And definitely also needs therapy at the very least.
She also still has a few months to go so hopefully this is just a phase and won’t continue for too much longer. Although there are clearly more deep rooted issues present that need to be addressed or she might suffer long term consequences.
I will say a lot of these kinda extreme comments I feel like doesn't come from people who have or work with or dealt with kids. There are a lot of people that are not around kids these days.
![SAFEPLANET - ดาวเคราะห์ [ THE PLANET ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4X1XL3I_k3c/mqdefault.jpg)
"My dad dropped the kids off last night and while I was giving the youngest a bath I started to get dizzy and nauseous so I called my fiance to get her out of the bath and in bed. He got her out of the bath and gave her a towel then focused on me. That set her off so she started her hitting/kicking/pushing and when my fiance let go of me to grab her, she was able to push me over and I cracked my head on the edge of the bathtub. It was a mess. My fiance called 911 on his phone while using mine to call my dad to get the kids. I hurt my head and neck and will be in the hospital for the next few days. My when my dad picked the kids up my fiance told him we won’t be watching them anymore unless we become their guardians."
This was a comment from OP. You missed a lot of them where she was clarifying. This is NOT normal 5 year old behaviour.
She definitely needs therapy..not just bc of the wedding and for the sake of the bride, but to really get to the root cause of this behavior for the health of the child. It’s alarming.
In case anyone is curious, the abbreviation Jamie didn't recognize, "dx'd", means diagnosed, eg. 'diagnosed with attachment disorder'. It's a medical abbreviation really common in doctor's notes and the like.
I have to say gentle parenting does not mean a child can run wild and do whatever they want. There are still rules, there are things like causing harm to others that are just not ok. There is a difference between gentle parenting and just not parenting.
This.. i hate the name of gentle parenting. All it is is authoritative parenting which is the best form of parenting. Boundaries and natural consequences.
So many people confuse it with permissive which is neglectful. Even people who are "gentle parents"
This is exactly what I came to the comments to say. She seems to say at 3:29 that gentle parenting means hitting is ok, which is not right--all feelings are ok, some behaviors are not.
I heard this story from another channel, and there's an update after this where OP and her fiance said they were going to push the parents to make give OP legal guardianship over the kids. There aren't any further updates after that, so we can only guess how that went, but I hope the kids are in a safer position now
You can't take a child to the doctor if you're not their legal guardian. The best thing OP could do is talk to the sister's school and see if they can do some sort of counseling with her.
Kids are insanely smart. I would straight up tell my 5 year old little sister “I love you but if you continue to behave like this you will not be able to come to our wedding.” Period. If you’ve set boundaries with this child they will listen. If they know they can pull one on you, they will. And that’s on you.
The big flaw in your advice to 0P, is that she cannot by law take the child for therapy without parental consent/participation.
ETA- I am the adoptive parent of 3 psychologically damaged children. (The dx's ranged from ADHD, PTSD, RAD, ODD, PAD, PDDNOS , and those are just the highlights.
This! Even as a parent with full custody of my child i had to get dad to sign off on therapy for grief.
This! I was about to say the same thing-any qualified therapist will not allow a sibling to bring a child in for therapy. It’s not just a question of payment.
Yes, very important to point out! I'm guessing what Jamie possibly meant (but forgot to explicitly state) is to ask dad/ parents, "If I find the therapist and take her to the appointments, would you give the necessary permission for me to do that?" Basically, offer to make it as easy for them as possible (if OP is willing to do that to make it happen).
The adult sibling is not going to be able to consent for her to be in therapy. The parent would have to sign the consent form with the therapist.
Be careful about not haviing the little girl at the wedding. It will make holidays and family events awkward for years, maybe forever. Pull her out ot the wedding ceremony and sit her on an outside aisle. If she starts to act up she can be removed quickly.
Srraight home afterward. Don't even tell lher about the reception 🙄
Best of luck. I pray you have an awesome wedding and better marriage.
Yeah that sadly is a possibility. Even though OP is right about the girl needing therapy.
There’s an update post too. It’s not very long but sounds like CPS needs to be involved
Omg please share (I am not familiar with reddit)
If OP really needs to get married ASAP: Marry first, and have the wedding later.
This little girl is floundering in a sea of perceived rejection. She needs to witness that OP being married doesn’t mean her own life has to change, and hopefully she will have processed that and learned to behave better by the time the party comes about. That way she wouldn’t have to be excluded from the social event everyone else is invited to. Of course the wedding shouldn’t be postponed indefinitely, but up to a couple of years isn’t excessive, imo, especially if having it right now-by excluding her - risks worsening the girl’s state. A festivity doesn’t take precedence over a child’s serious troubles.
Future husband should probably keep the “I love you”s out of his language; adults understand polysemy, 5 year-olds don’t. “I care for you” would be more appropriate until she matures out of this phase.
In the "four parenting styles" model, gentle parenting is *authoritative* parenting, not permissive parenting. I think the name (and some way too lenient parents online) makes it sound a lot more permissive than it really is. There are VERY firm boundaries, but with open communication.
Here are all four styles:
Demand = discipline & rules, Responsiveness = communication, involvement
Authoritative = high demand, high responsiveness
Authoritarian = high demand, low responsiveness
Permissive = low demand, high responsiveness
Neglectful = low demand, low responsiveness
I thought I would stop watching these after I got married in July but nope, still here!
I'm not married or headed in that direction and I still love her videos.
Ya I feel that...
I got married few years ago when I see something new posted i smile
I watched more of Jamie’s videos when I was planning my wedding in 2022 (got married in September), but I enjoy watching these non-planning videos 😊
I have been married for many years & watch because I enjoy Jamie's videos. She is so insightful & caring with her advice to brides & grooms (especially those on a budget). Her advice is applicable to non wedding related social gatherings too.
Jamie is such a treasure
My first thoughts after hearing the first edit, she's a five yo, high emotions are acceptable to a point. But the parents really need to get it together and pull her into line in an approrpiate way.
That growlery comment is so cute!
The dad needs the therapy, not the kid. Five year olds don't make sustainable changes w/out parental participation and buy-in. This is a parenting issue, not a child issue.
The really long comment around the 10 minute mark - I don’t think it’s wrong to unpack the situation further than OP already had. It’s really really odd that OP is taking care of her siblings up to 4 days a week (more than half the time). AITA is not always just about the actual post question, it’s about figuring out the whole situation that OP lives in.
But the thing is your doing alot of guessing... is it different yeah, but you still don't actually know the full context. Sometimes there is a logical situation, but you don't have enough sold on it to make a diagnosis or charge
@@CearaElizabethI agree, we don’t have enough information. That is why the questions in the long comment are great ones. There are signs that this is more than a just a child crush and there is more going on with these children’s situation - children spending so much time with the 24 year of sister (even if she loves them, 3 small kids is a lot of someone of that age), OP commenting about the parents being neglectful. It doesn’t sound like the 5 year old is just being naughty. Of course we could be reading too much into it, but asking questions to figure out if the children have the environment and care they deserve is not wrong. If it turns out there is no issue and it just a 5 year old misbehaving after having a crush, that’s good.
The kid knows that her sister is going to have her own kids and is going to ditch them.
Op made an insane update post. I hope they make another one about how the wedding went and if the 5 yo was there. But I think kid definitely needs therapy. It’s one thing if it happened a couple times at the beginning and then was disciplined and learnt better. But she hasn’t and won’t unless someone else steps in. And that’s not going to be the dad
Spicy red lip for spicy content thats a good one. Also that red lipstick is absolutely gorgeous on you!!
I saw this story a while ago it is in best of Redditor updates and honestly there is some scary stuff. Nothing else about the wedding but yeah OP tries their best.
I agree with the commenters: the five year old seems to be really attached to her sister’s fiancé, as if he’s the father figure she wants, but isn’t getting in her life. I hope she gets the help she needs and that her and her siblings get a lot more attention from their actual parents, not their older sister-in-a-mother role.
I adore you Jamie 💖 I'm subscribed to both of your channels, & I've been married for 2 years now (watched your videos while we were planning!) & I can’t bring myself to unsubscribe because I love you so much. 🥰
She likely can't get the kid therapy without the parent's ok. It depends on the laws where she lives.
If not therapy this little girl needs a grown up to sit her down and explain why this is not acceptable behavior. When I was kid if this was a situation my mother( I know the op’s mom is kinda absent from it all) would have straight up told me how it is and I need to get over it. And guess what I would have! but like a grand mom one of the other siblings who’s not a kid( if there are any) an aunt some adult in her life that can just be like “honey this needs to stop…” therapy is a very good idea but this specific situation can be quieted if handled properly
My two youngest brothers are so much younger than me that i am halfway a sister and halfway a second mother. I paid for chiropractic appointments for one of them when my parents didn't think it was a big deal, I thought it was. My mom is not neglectful, but she has a messed up perspective on pain. She thinks you shouldn't spend money on it when you could just put up with it for free.
Sometimes you spend money on children who aren't your children bc you love them that much, and their well-being is that important.
She is 5, so probably in kindergarten. Tell the school what is going on with the child's behavior. The big sis is on the approved pickup list, but does not have the ability to make medical decisions aside from driving her to the emergency room. The school has counselors in some capacity. Even if it is just a watch and see/ be aware of situation. It is the only thing that the sister can do that is outside of her normal sister/ parenting. And also the school staff are mandatory reporters. So if the situation needs to be escalated, they know how to contact cps.
Can you react to AITA for charging a bride more for make up when the og price we agreed on was lower?
She needs therapy. Had a family member with serious mental health issues who acted like this as a child. Actually tried to poison her mom once so she could be with the dad (was under 8 years old). Crushes on family are normal at this age, violence and crying and freaking out are not.
I HATE to say this, but we live in such a sick world that I can’t rule it out…is O.P. certain that the relationship between her sister and Fiancé is entirely appropriate?
As a childhood SA survivor I was thinking this as well. Why is the fiance involved in bathing the children etc? Why does this child have such a fixation on the fiance? I'd be getting a therapist to ensure that all avenues are explored for the sake of this child.
exactly why i was thinking ugh :(
commenting at 7min mark. i wonder if fiance doing a kid proposal to the 3 children would help the relationship, esp with the 5yr old?
Depending on the situation, this could be a very bad idea and actually hurt the children more in the long term. Can OP and the fiancé ensure that the children will continue to spend time with them? Is there some kind of legal part-time custody or guardianship arrangement? It sounds like that parental and home situation of these children is not great and potentially not stable, which makes me wonder of there is a risk that the parents may at some point not allow OP and her fiancé to spend as much time with the 3 children anymore, or child services could even get involved. Promising young children that you will always be there for them, and then not doing that (even if it’s out of one’s control) can feel like abandonment to the children, which is not great as is but even worse if they already experienced unreliable parental / care figures and could already have difficulties forming strong attachment, feeling secure, feeling loved and valued, etc.
I think that would make the kid feel even more betrayed. That he’d be willing to “propose” to her but still marry op
You should like at my post in AITA for not allowing my future MIL to our marriage proposal
I have lots of feelings about this whole situation but will stick the point. Perhaps she could have her attend the wedding with the understanding that these behaviors will not be tolerated. If she starts to display these behaviors at the wedding she will be removed. She will need to have an adult who is responsible for her and removing her from the situation if needed. And definitely also needs therapy at the very least.
She also still has a few months to go so hopefully this is just a phase and won’t continue for too much longer. Although there are clearly more deep rooted issues present that need to be addressed or she might suffer long term consequences.
Those kids are abandoned the op is their parents
I will say a lot of these kinda extreme comments I feel like doesn't come from people who have or work with or dealt with kids. There are a lot of people that are not around kids these days.
Which comments are you refering to? Genuine question
The comments she reads from Reddit.