Thanks for this series of videos Mark. I am not a practitioner, but a mother. Moms wear lots of hats, including that of counselor. Without any proper training, and not a lot of personal history to draw from myself, I am finding these videos very helpful in terms of parenting, and how to gently advise my sons. I have been watching a lot of videos on your channel, and am feeling more effective as a parent. I wish I had found them sooner. Thanks again. :)
This video is very pertinent to a situation with my sis-in-law that (after several decades) is something I just cannot tolerate any longer. No one in my family has said much of anything (to her face) because they don't want to hurt my brother's (her husband's) feelings. Adding to that, my brother is a big conflict avoider, so he has helped to create this monster. I especially thank you for #2 because even though had come to that realization, I needed to hear a professional confirm it and to do so eloquently. 8:19 Realize that forgiveness can make it worse: "A bit of forgiveness here and there is wonderful. But if we continually forgive someone, we DENY THEM the OPPORTUNITY to DEVELOP DECENCY. Always forgiving others, making allowances for their bad behavior, ENABLES them to be a WORSE human being." "People do what other people sanction, explicitly or otherwise." "The fact is, any form of human behavior can come to seem okay if it is endorsed through forgiveness. The BUCK NEEDS TO STOP somewhere." And I recently heard a religious scholar state that Jesus' "turn the other cheek" is meant only for the little irritations. It's not meant to be a catch all for everything, especially chronic damaging behavior.
May I also add a book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J Smith. The first book I've read on the topic last summer and have since written down all the "assertive rights" on index cards and implemented them in my life. There's a lot of great examples in it as well as techniques, "Broken Record" being my favorite one that aid in helping people set boundaries, or get their point across without getting into a downward spiral of emotions.
Excellent. I'm a confident person but also a people pleaser, I don't like confrontation with family members though as they can't be avoided. I have anxiety issues because of this. You help in so many ways, thank you.
This was very helpful! I've been conditioned to be passive. We often view assertiveness as negative and controlling, so we rarely have these boundary-setting conversations. We're taught to avoid conflict so that emotions eventually overwhelm us and people "snap" to violence. I see it over and over again.
Hello Mark, What when professional help providers act deceptively, lying, cheating, stealing, withholding vital information, tiring an exhausted, disabled client out - for years, doing many instances of harm, ganging up abusing their power, treating one like air despite one working much to prepare and being assertive, fair, kind and clear, machiavellianly spinning a net, setting a trap without any way out, violating the law and human customs of consideration, honour and decency, lying to one's face, behaving as though they or you are stupid or a small child, ignoring, violating human rights, consent and basic needs? Using cognitive dissonance, narcissistic, machiavellian and pychopathic methods including vicious, pretense benevolence. Withholding open, honest counsil and proper meetings, but treat one ans though one had no rights or hardly even exist? Then take one's home, honour, money/ income, legal rights and break down the remaining, fragile health , increase dangerous stress burnout, severe insomnis, fear, insecurity, depression, anxiety and factual learned helplessness? Hindering one from getting help by police, the free legal help available for troubled people, psychiatry withholding (any help) trauma/crisis/stress/ sleep therapy. Please answer if possible, I really should appreciate some helpful assessment and suggestions. Thanks
I am so grateful and honoured to knowing you Mark! For my entire life, I’ve been struggling with the issues you are addressing in your channel. I cannot thank you enough! God bless you✝️🙏
The respective stories woven into this video and the one regarding perfectionism are spot on. Thank you for sharing your insight and powerful solutions.
Thanks for this series of videos Mark. I am not a practitioner, but a mother. Moms wear lots of hats, including that of counselor. Without any proper training, and not a lot of personal history to draw from myself, I am finding these videos very helpful in terms of parenting, and how to gently advise my sons. I have been watching a lot of videos on your channel, and am feeling more effective as a parent. I wish I had found them sooner. Thanks again. :)
Me too xx
This video is very pertinent to a situation with my sis-in-law that (after several decades) is something I just cannot tolerate any longer. No one in my family has said much of anything (to her face) because they don't want to hurt my brother's (her husband's) feelings. Adding to that, my brother is a big conflict avoider, so he has helped to create this monster.
I especially thank you for #2 because even though had come to that realization, I needed to hear a professional confirm it and to do so eloquently.
8:19 Realize that forgiveness can make it worse:
"A bit of forgiveness here and there is wonderful.
But if we continually forgive someone, we DENY THEM the OPPORTUNITY to DEVELOP DECENCY.
Always forgiving others, making allowances for their bad behavior, ENABLES them to be a WORSE human being."
"People do what other people sanction, explicitly or otherwise."
"The fact is, any form of human behavior can come to seem okay if it is endorsed through forgiveness. The BUCK NEEDS TO STOP somewhere."
And I recently heard a religious scholar state that Jesus' "turn the other cheek" is meant only for the little irritations. It's not meant to be a catch all for everything, especially chronic damaging behavior.
May I also add a book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J Smith. The first book I've read on the topic last summer and have since written down all the "assertive rights" on index cards and implemented them in my life. There's a lot of great examples in it as well as techniques, "Broken Record" being my favorite one that aid in helping people set boundaries, or get their point across without getting into a downward spiral of emotions.
What if the person crosses the line again and again like close family members touching and using your stuff
Excellent. I'm a confident person but also a people pleaser, I don't like confrontation with family members though as they can't be avoided. I have anxiety issues because of this. You help in so many ways, thank you.
very inspiring
Thank you very much for.tayyalr for the advice I am impatiently waiting your videos
Does this work with a malignant narcissist?
Re Listen to the part about others having "good Intentions". How this is a fallacy and the Narcissist Intentions are not good for anyone but Them.
Love your work!
I don't work overtime or weekends, period.
This was very helpful! I've been conditioned to be passive. We often view assertiveness as negative and controlling, so we rarely have these boundary-setting conversations. We're taught to avoid conflict so that emotions eventually overwhelm us and people "snap" to violence. I see it over and over again.
Hello Mark, What when professional help providers act deceptively, lying, cheating, stealing, withholding vital information, tiring an exhausted, disabled client out - for years, doing many instances of harm, ganging up abusing their power, treating one like air despite one working much to prepare and being assertive, fair, kind and clear, machiavellianly spinning a net, setting a trap without any way out, violating the law and human customs of consideration, honour and decency, lying to one's face, behaving as though they or you are stupid or a small child, ignoring, violating human rights, consent and basic needs? Using cognitive dissonance, narcissistic, machiavellian and pychopathic methods including vicious, pretense benevolence. Withholding open, honest counsil and proper meetings, but treat one ans though one had no rights or hardly even exist? Then take one's home, honour, money/ income, legal rights and break down the remaining, fragile health , increase dangerous stress burnout, severe insomnis, fear, insecurity, depression, anxiety and factual learned helplessness? Hindering one from getting help by police, the free legal help available for troubled people, psychiatry withholding (any help) trauma/crisis/stress/ sleep therapy.
Please answer if possible, I really should appreciate some helpful assessment and suggestions. Thanks
I am so grateful and honoured to knowing you Mark! For my entire life, I’ve been struggling with the issues you are addressing in your channel. I cannot thank you enough! God bless you✝️🙏
Amazing, thank you so much!
The respective stories woven into this video and the one regarding perfectionism are spot on. Thank you for sharing your insight and powerful solutions.
Your videos are incredibly good. It seems as if you're talking about my issues. I hope you make more videos. You're truly inimitable!
Iffat Abbas: Don't exaggerate, he is trained, experienced and probably prepares his videos. Giving a talk is much easier than reality.
Oh at that point I remove them from my life. Because murder death kill don't seem like the intelligent choices.
Brilliantly clear, concise, yet rich.
I feel like I'm a barbara
Really helpful Mark. Thank you
Super helpful thank you.
Darn, he's good.
Excellent!